You reminded me of how I've gone from being this "serious intellectual" girl to an open, fun, humorous and slightly flirty person. And the change started after I stopped looking for love outside of me and started pouring all that love into me. Learnt from my past mistakes, started working on my own self, feeling happy with myself and giving myself everything that I used to give others. When you realize that you are worthy of love and that others don't need to validate how good a soul you are, you'll become the person that anyone would love being around. You'll become a magnet without even trying.
Ugh, now i remember what it was like before her, everything i did was for me. I felt good doing things for me. But i stopped doing that when i met her because, "well i can't concentrate on 2 things at once now can i" I gotta pick it back up again Do things for me I should never have let that go, i should've kept doing things for me even if it's hard to divide attention I knew the stagnant feeling when i was with her was true, i wasn't progressing as fast
That is how I got the most recent woman's attention. I was not trying. Once I got nervous and overthought things, it all went downhill because I was trying too much, texting too much and wasn't being my masculine self. I got attached too much too fast after the first date. Now I am working on myself for myself and if we start dating again then I am all for it.
@@Tae_Grixis yes that's how it should be. Plus, now when I'm dating, I'm not keeping any expectations, I'm just enjoying every moment rather than thinking about tomorrow. Ps. You will attract the kind of person that you are now, so the more you work on yourself, the best your relationships will get
Indeed, don’t chase. Know your worth and know that you deserve to at least be met half way. If they won't match your effort, they don't want to be in your life ❤️
@dhimancini1162Ask her out. If she says no, she is an attention whore that you need to block. Don't call girls to have convos..only to ask them out. That might be what she was expecting since she gave you the number. Don't give them free attention.
@Dhi Mancini maybe she’s uncertain and trying to figure out what you want? Just be clear yourself and ask her out if you want to, we all get confused:)
I followed your advice from one of the great videos " no contact period " after 30 days I realized I don't want him in my life anymore. I really thank you from the bottom of my heart you are helping so many people here ❤️
He's just not that into you. If he wanted you, he'd persue you. Simple. Just move on to someone that likes you for you and don't waste time hoping for something that is not reciprocal.
Did you even watch the video? This is all about effective conversation tools. Attraction isn’t actually just as simple as “I’m perfect and if you don’t fall head over heels for me on our first date then you’re not for me.” That’s so unrealistic.
@@JuliaTaylorSoprano Lol no I just imagined a random MH video in my mind and randomly commented just so that you could comment back...wtf hahaha. This is about the guy not being into you AFTER communication has happened.
True, I won’t be sad at all because I already know men pull away to date other women at the same and keeping you last resort if things don’t work out. Lol
Can I just give a compliment about how your videos are scripted? Yes, there is very good advice but they are also entertaining with the comedy bits, great actress and the Jameson bit was gold. There’s just so much love and effort going into these videos, which is great. Hats off to you and your team.
My super power as a reporter is I start interviewing people on dates. Which makes the other person feel great and I learn a lot about them, but they don’t get to know much about me and at the end I don’t know if I actually like the other person because I focussed on how they feel instead of how I feel about them or if I like them. I have tried to stop doing that and leave room for awkward silence.
I tend to overwork my playful, flirtatious, very sincere muscle. I need to work my more mysterious, listening and reserved muscle. Thank you for this video Matthew.
Always be yourself. The right person will want to get to know you. Also your good communication skills are likely scaring away game players who are not at all worth your time or energy as a mate or as a “friend”. My suggestion over anything else to this woman would be to continue being herself and be patient. Don’t cave to the manipulation that society is trying to force on us women to get sexy before we know someone and play the games. IMO modern dating plays into most casual men’s hands instead of being empathetic to the fact that for most women to have a good relationship and sex life we need to feel safe and like we know the other person, because I believe flirtation comes naturally to most of us women when we develop a crush and feel safe.
💯 All of this!! She shouldn’t change who she is for anyone. She sounds like a very intelligent and emotionally secured person and that will repel all the players. The right person will find her traits really appealing.
Can't she still "be herself" while improving her conversational skills? It's not about being inauthentic, it's about learning how to show multiple sides of yourself in an interesting way.
So adorable, Matthew! It doesn't look awkward... :) It feels like talking to a good friend, someone who is on par with his viewers, not above them. So cozy and relatable!
in the end of the day watching videos aimed towards single woman and watching videos for single men all I can say is that we all seem to suffer from the same issues. Wanting someone who probably don't want us back, thinking whether or not we should chase, thinking whether or not the other person likes us, thinking whether or not to text them, thinking whether or not they are playing games. I think at times it's not mind games but people getting the same advice from video's from different people. Or people doing the same thing to each other like "oh no I look too needy, step back abit make them come to me" then when the other person doesn't initiate first it feels bad. not knowing that the other person is probably feeling the same and doing the same to try and not look too needy.
I don't think all of this advice is necessary, we have turned love into a commodity, its something that should come naturally, not a chess game. I don't believe in all of this psychology, but some have made an industry out of it, only confusing people more. Its become too strategic and analytical for me. I'm out.
totally agree, it looks more like manipulating.... and that strategies worked for me i was married 2 times but by the end of the day we couldn't make it .... i am two times divorced. what is good about all advices probably that we should keep boundaries and go for a slow openning, not to rush aaaaall od emotions putside to teh person.
You’re totally right. I didn’t need the video to make me understand that concept because I know I used to be that funny girl going from intelligent comments to stupid jokes to flirtatious compliments, and I felt good at that time. Work has taken over the most part of my life and I ain’t that girl anymore, which probably makes me less attractive to my boyfriend… and even boring at some point but your video gave me some hints on how to find that girl back. Thank you!
This was a really brilliant and well explained video. As someone who goes balls deep into the soul too quickly I can see that my intensity can be scary and balancing that out with other aspects of my personality is important to show early on.
Dude, don't discourage people from having excellent communication skills and deep conversations. Encourage people do do just that. Because it's much more rare than shallow talk, being flirtatious, and taking matters too lightly. It's like people in the western world are scared of diving in and being hard core. lol Do it, people. Go deep. If someone is scared of that, they are not for you. I am not saying you can't have fun and flirt, no, no, no. But reverse the scene, be authentic, be bold, be fearless, and let the weak run, they are doing you a favor. I have always connected with people and I don't do small talk. I know that sometimes I am intimidating, but I don't prefer people who are easily intimidated anyway, because I have to be who I am and if you are not into that, then go in peace.
Couldn't have said it better!!! Spot on as I'm the same way. People out there need to understand that the biggest problem in this day's "dating world" are the lame "rules" rooted in fear and false assumptions that one size fits all. It's tragic because this young generation has absolutely no clue what real dating is all about, what it requires/means, and what it entails. Back in the day, if/when 2 people like each other and are interested in each other, they get together and are automatically a couple dating! They're together and getting to know each other and get real with each other from the get-go. No BSing, no nonsense, no wondering, no "ghosting", no silent treatments...NONE of that immature nonsense. Because the internet, social media, and cell phones didn't exist, we communicated via phone calls and meeting up and TALKING FACE-TO-FACE. And yes, breaking up was done face-to-face or a phone call because we understood and were raised with manners & respect for others & their feelings!!! We kept shit REAL, we didn't waste precious time, disregard/disrespect our authentic, genuine selves to appease, or allay others' insecurities. Today, many are too soft and easily run or hide from others because in truth they're hiding from themselves. So forget all these nonsensical "games" and mindf*ckery of how you "should" be for others comfortability...BE YOU! BE YOUR TRUE, GENUINE, AUTHENTIC AND REAL SELF! Don't be another lame carbon fake & filtered copy like everyone else! STAND YOUR GROUND!! Claim your divine sovereign power and don't follow the followers!! Be proud of who you are and OWN IT YOU FINE SEXY ASS BITCHES 😝😎🤘👸🏻
@@babydoll.888 I guess it’s a new era, or new times, everything is about games today, me too I’m second tired with all this ghosting, or reschedule dates bcuz my mom have appointments all this bla , bla that makes no sense and trust me people that are over 40 doing this, wasting time, they don’t know what they want that’s the all true.
THIS. 100 MILLION PERCENT THIS. Empty, meaningless, endless small talk doesn’t get you knowing someone. And it’s repetitive and exhausting. It is blatantly apparent on dating apps, where people don’t even have the concept of carrying on a BASIC conversation- with reciprocal questions being asked back and forth- nevermind anything slightly more engaging. I’m done with boring, shitty, interchangeable conversations. If someone can’t light up my brain, it’s a hard pass for me.
@@nelsongoncalves5379 my point exactly...following what is trendy or what's deemed acceptable according to "societal trends", question is: is it working?? Or have people forgotten (because they're so lost and frustrated with all the external factors) that they've lost sight of their inner selves & their own authentic truth? It's always easy to point a finger and blame anything outside of ourselves, but truth is all the answers are already within you! People who make excuses (oh that's how the world is, how people/the Era, etc etc) don't take personal accountability for themselves...instead the follow and feed off it so they can't take responsibility afterwards. If someone is successful, they're quick to take credit and say they worked hard, listened to their gut, followed their intuition, etc...but when someone fails it's someone or somethings fault..?? Because they took advice/lessons/ideas from someone else and it failed. Go within! As above so below. Also. What works for one doesn't necessarily means it'll work for everyone. There is no one-size fits all. Just be yourself and all will be well because what's meant for you will never pass you by 😉💖
@@nelsongoncalves5379 additionally, just because someone does something, or a group follows to do something doesn't mean you or I have to do it too. People who know who they are (their values, principles morals, heart, etc) don't need to conform to what anyone says or does especially if it's not aligned with who they are. Like they saying goes "if your friends jumped off a cliff, doesn't mean you jump also" 😁
Always be yourself!!! Love the way your sitting, comfortable & being YOU! I am VERY analytical & LOVE conversations but I am also flirtatious & can mix it up. Men must feel comfortable especially with a confident, intelligent & attractive woman. If you can ease a man in to be himself & feel at ease with you, he will appreciate that!
All good points! I noticed that I'm already doing all these subtle things. With some people that playful side isn't coming out, because I just lose interest in them for some reason, which could be very very subtle sometimes. I never chase, so if someone can't take steps towards me, I let them go on their merry way. 😂
Such great advice “which quality has atrophied?” (Or something to that effect). I pondered upon my case. I often didn’t let my feminine vulnerability show. Men made comments to me to the effect of “you don’t need anyone in your life.” I know you, Matthew, will understand this. I’m still my super strong, leader self, but with my boyfriend (going on 3 years) I have worked on being more transparent and vulnerable and allowing him to help and take the lead on some things. We love relying on each others’ strong suits! He did tell me when he first moved in that it took him some time to adapt to my amount of “masculine energy.” I love that he’s able to express what he feels so eloquently. He was attracted to me from the beginning BECAUSE of my leadership qualities , but I still try to create a healthy balance between the feminine and masculine (which we ALL have).
I love this, because I think ultimately we should pursue self exploration, trying new things. In that open hearted mindset it's much more easy and fun to find like minded people and have natural chemistry. Put the fun back into dating and get to know and enjoy yourself more too 🤗
I was just browsing your videos to brush up on things since I'm dating again. I've spent A LOT of time connecting with myself and have a skill for getting into real & deep conversations. I felt like something was missing though, and realized this is it! I forgot to keep sprinkling in my funny and flirtatious side, so things have felt a little dull. This is perfect, thank you Matthew! 😁
Wow , this hits home. I'm very good at talking about serious stuff, 30 yrs in law enforcement, but flirting is hard, as I was raised in a religious cult where women were below men and we were always taught we need to be chaste and pure, and now to the man the church chose for us. It's been a long and painful journey to unlearn these toxic roles. Obviously I left the church, but law enforcement became my new passion. Heeeeeelp!!!!!!
I was in law enforcement for 35 years, so I know exactly what you mean. It is quite a different working environment. It can be very serious and very focused towards men (I am male) so I know the difficulty. The men still have the key roles but it is changing slowly. I don’t know what advice I can give you other than to feel your inner self and your worth. Women are great at law enforcement and I think you know that deep inside. I would keep following this channel for the excellent advice Matthew gives. 😊
I've been practicing these concepts on dating apps and it's been going really well. I'm not in a place I want to start really dating yet, but I DO want to practice being a bit more "available" (it's been a LONG time) And having some guidelines has really been so helpful. Thanks for giving advice that is helpful but also empowering and respectful to the person listening to it and the person it's being tried on :)
Why you are on dating apps if you aren't ready to date? that is kind of unfair to the guys on the app don't you think? I don't know, just sounds selfish to me. I think MH has actually called that a Red Flag before.
@@Htimez2 I agree if I was an open on both my profile and right off the bat when I talk to the person. There’s an option to just be there for friends and chatting and that’s the only thing I put. I don’t put for dating casual or long-term relationship. I’ve actually made some wonderful friends out of it and met some really nice people. The alternative is to just be a hermit and not meet anybody before I’m ready and that’s not fair to me so I think I’m being fair to myself into other people by being incredibly clear and open about what it is, I’m looking for.
As a woman you shouldn't 'chase' or need to 'chase' guys.... But you do need to show that you are interested too otherwise they will stop chasing or pursuing you.... I'm quite reserved and I've had lots of guys (that I do actually like) tell me later they thought I didn't like them / wasn't into them... so I do need to take some smalls steps to show interested/ reciprocate, otherwise they will give up! It's a balance! xx
Interesting, I supposedly get friend zone because I don't go deep enough or show enough interest when I'm actually interested and I think I'm showing it. It became a common complaint to the point that I had to look at myself. I just realized they weren't my person. I don't say too much too soon because not everyone deserves to know everything right away but I'm always honest. It's tough to date when you stop making the guys happiness the priority in the "relationship" even in the dating phase. I look for people that make me feel comfortable now instead of sparks or chemistry, those can be misleading.
MATTHEW! I AM LIKE THIS! Guys do call back! They even kiss me on dates but never invest afterwards in something more serious!! For example i went on a date with this guys and we had a deep conversation about our parents and how we both struggle with how toxic they are with us, later on he wrapped his arm around me and i said : can i hug you? He said yes and i said : don’t flatter yourself mister its just -5 in here! We also went to a museum and i discussed a painting i like with him and shared my passion of van gogh and how i know every painting made by him! We discuss movies and series like harry potter. I FEEL LIKE I AM EVERYTHING but i still don’t get the investment i want from a guy
I need to develop my flirting muscle. I forget or don't think about flirting with a woman I like and I just keep talking and it just leads to being a friendship.
Can totally relate to the lady writing in, I too love a deep dive conversation over tedious and painful small talk. Surely though the 'contrast' or variety will occur naturally as a result of being with someone whose energy compliments or matches yours?! There are certain ppl who won't bring the fun or playful side out, not necessarily that the fun muscle hasn't been flexed. That being said, I'm not entirely sure how to apply this advice in real terms 🤔. The song Dance Monkey comes to mind lol. As for the lady posing the question..Being friend-zoned for having deep conversations seems extremely odd to me. Firstly, we do seem to live in a world where superficiality rules and surface level bants and flirting seems to be how ppl generally operate whilst dating. This level of communication, however, is obviously not serving anyone in the long run. If it were, we wouldn't be watching your vids on RUclips. 😅. Second, it's not solely the role of one person to lead and steer the conversation. Why, if a conversation is getting a bit deep and meaningful early on, is it the responsibility of the woman to ensure she make it fun and playful? It takes 2 ppl to make it enjoyable.
Same happens to me. I've been told before that I am always sincere. My feelings don't hurt if someone isn't interested. I like to flirt the MORE I know someone, not all up front. But once someone I'm attracted to reciprocates the attraction I almost go uncontrollably limerent for a while. My real problem is when people are fake as hell and the limerence happens before they start showing their true colors. I don't care if you have trauma or freaky hobbies and interests, if your core value is being kind I'm pretty much on board. Respect my freaky stuff and I can respect yours. Be a jerk about anything and I'm not interested. Just be a jerk up front and we can go our separate ways. It seems simple... until you actually start dating, lol. I think I might be on the autistic spectrum and people don't realize it. They think all that sincerity is either stupidity or super sharp game playing.
We can't be something we are not. We do not all look for pairings, some people look for definite qualities, without any contradictions. But I guess what you are talking about is discovering a person on a different level. You will never know a colleague the same way as your lover. So, you just say we have to open ourselves to people. But then, you just mean change the context! You take your colleague to a bar, you will see them as a friend. That's it!
One thing i haven't been doing lately that i would like to do is get out of my comfort zone. do something random on a date. usually i play it safe and or do the same thing so doing something different or doing something he would like to do would be nice 😌
Matthew, I have been bingeing a lot lately on your videos because I'm currently giving time to dating. Im exactly in this mess where i use my unique pairings, but it seems as though it scaring them away or keeping me in the friend zone. I don't have time to waste on someone that just wants to go with the flow. Matt, I'm 38, intentional but a very witty person . I'm not interested in mind games anymore.
I truly hope that men your age and older and not scared away by a woman getting real with them. This is an interesting comment that you used the unique pairings and its still not working for you! What I am not is sexy on a date and it made me think what do I have to do? Take a strip tease dance class and do it on the first date?
I'd say the issue isn't you ladies, it's the men who aren't worth your time or effort and quite frankly have been far too accustomed to putting in very little effort for maximum ROI. You aren't performing monkeys for these bozos 🙄. It's a sad state of affairs and society has a lot to answer for. More so as no one holds these man-boys to account. I hope u all find decent, worthy and loving partners 💕
Trust me, even at 100, you're not gonna want to play mind games or do anything until you find someone you feel is worth it. There's no trick to getting her to accept u no matter what, but once you find someone who does, it'll be worth it for you to work.
@@juliaskagfjord6207 I agree with you, too many mind games, too much advice on how to be, its all become pscyhological warfare in the dating world. Who needs it, just be yourself and trust your gut its that simple.
@@FreePalestine123-b1x Agreed, there is an entire industry now around "love", how did it become so complicated? Swiping right and left to find a mate to begin with. Too easy not to go the distance when in an instant you can be replaced. Whatever happened to old fashioned courtship? I would like to know statistically after all of this psycho=babble whether people who take this advice are any more successful than people who don't. What are this guys credentials?
I've recently started seeing your videos and enjoying them. You're great to listen to and alot of truth to your discussions/content. Thank You from Florida!
Maybe for first dates, any date really, good communication is also about listening. It can help you to ask key questions to understand your date's point of view and maybe have a meaningful convo. Or it could help you understand that a deep convo wouldn't be welcomed. Better to save it for another time.
I’m great at the ‘real’ chat and asking them about themselves; not so good at talking about myself; and need to bring more fun and flirt to every occasion! 🤸🏼♀️
Say you’ve had the talk about what you’re needing to continue a relationship and go deeper, and the other person says they hear you and aren’t on the same page. But they keep coming back and your left feeling like a toy? I don’t have the words to say stop without hurting them.
Personally, i don't believe we should have to think this much into it. Society makes people feel that they have to "play games" like hard to get otherwise they will be friend zoned. I have a hard time with this but I truly think the right person will make things easy and natural without having to think too much into all of this.
I believe i have that contrast ... being both understanding having deep conversation etc.. also being flirty n building attraction n all but i still dont get the guys feel same way i do..they say i am too much 😢
I did communication, teasing, being playful with this one guy and he was the one that pursued me. He was willing to do everything for me.Then out of the blue he decided he did want the relationship anymore and wanted to focus on hos career. With no explanation
At first, I was in the same exact boat as the person who asked this question. I'm a very blunt and honest person, so I do go deep, fast. But what if I do show those contrasts and that fun and desirable side, and I still end up being left behind?
I met with a guy 1 year ago... He show that he is interested in me... I already have crush on him so I propose him and he didn't rejected not accept so I chase him in hope that maybe one day we get in relationship but he ignore me brutally yesterday... We are about to pass the college...he is distant...i feel like I never meet someone good as him...i can't take care of me..i decided to move along my life...he play with me...it's dumb of me It's hurtful... I never play with someone feeling ever it's feels bad
Maybe he lost interest, or maybe he played games. Maybe school or money or family stressed him and he didn't want to take it out on you, or maybe he's just not emotionally mature yet. Sometimes it's easy to see where someone's heart is and sometimes it's not. It's okay to not know where someone's heart is, it's okay to ask where, and it's to not ask where. If you want to know why someone is distant, it means you care, and if you ask, the other person will know you care. If you didn't want to know, then it wasn't meant to be. That's what I believe. Cheers
Good morning Matthew how are you today? I have been enjoying the love Club and I had a question about how to understand him. Thank you for your email. I'm little bit nervous about dating again. After I had a trauma in my life but I believe trusting God that this time will never fails me and he will be the one.
Yeah, I think online for a second you’re losing me until you talk about contrast, maybe instantly think about the super power and leaning into it even though I’m not having trouble getting the other person to be attracted and hooking up or going on a date, but I will say I do feel like I can improve
Ouff, This contrast principle... Was this supposed to be behind a pay wall? Ridiculously high quality knowledge. I'm not entirely sure where the atrophy is for me; I eventually will find out when I try to work a muscle in the moment and embarrass myself as a result.
You reminded me of how I've gone from being this "serious intellectual" girl to an open, fun, humorous and slightly flirty person. And the change started after I stopped looking for love outside of me and started pouring all that love into me. Learnt from my past mistakes, started working on my own self, feeling happy with myself and giving myself everything that I used to give others. When you realize that you are worthy of love and that others don't need to validate how good a soul you are, you'll become the person that anyone would love being around. You'll become a magnet without even trying.
exactly!!
Ugh, now i remember what it was like before her, everything i did was for me. I felt good doing things for me. But i stopped doing that when i met her because, "well i can't concentrate on 2 things at once now can i"
I gotta pick it back up again
Do things for me
I should never have let that go, i should've kept doing things for me even if it's hard to divide attention
I knew the stagnant feeling when i was with her was true, i wasn't progressing as fast
@@RENO_Koh we are in the same boat. It's unreal how fast they can drain the life from you.
That is how I got the most recent woman's attention. I was not trying. Once I got nervous and overthought things, it all went downhill because I was trying too much, texting too much and wasn't being my masculine self. I got attached too much too fast after the first date. Now I am working on myself for myself and if we start dating again then I am all for it.
@@Tae_Grixis yes that's how it should be. Plus, now when I'm dating, I'm not keeping any expectations, I'm just enjoying every moment rather than thinking about tomorrow. Ps. You will attract the kind of person that you are now, so the more you work on yourself, the best your relationships will get
Indeed, don’t chase. Know your worth and know that you deserve to at least be met half way. If they won't match your effort, they don't want to be in your life ❤️
@dhimancini1162Ask her out. If she says no, she is an attention whore that you need to block. Don't call girls to have convos..only to ask them out. That might be what she was expecting since she gave you the number. Don't give them free attention.
@Dhi Mancini maybe she’s uncertain and trying to figure out what you want? Just be clear yourself and ask her out if you want to, we all get confused:)
@Dhi Mancini What a BETCH! dont waste your calories overthinking & thinking
I stopped initiating contact and we've now gone a full day without talking, lol... confirmed my gut feeling that he's not as into it as I am.
I followed your advice from one of the great videos " no contact period " after 30 days I realized I don't want him in my life anymore.
I really thank you from the bottom of my heart you are helping so many people here ❤️
Wonderful!
That’s why teaching children about self-worth at a young age is extremely important.
He's just not that into you. If he wanted you, he'd persue you. Simple. Just move on to someone that likes you for you and don't waste time hoping for something that is not reciprocal.
Did you even watch the video? This is all about effective conversation tools. Attraction isn’t actually just as simple as “I’m perfect and if you don’t fall head over heels for me on our first date then you’re not for me.” That’s so unrealistic.
@@JuliaTaylorSoprano Lol no I just imagined a random MH video in my mind and randomly commented just so that you could comment back...wtf hahaha. This is about the guy not being into you AFTER communication has happened.
Amen to this 🔥🔥💯💯💯💯
Girl if that is what the person asking the question was looking for, she wouldn't have asked the question to him in the first place
True, I won’t be sad at all because I already know men pull away to date other women at the same and keeping you last resort if things don’t work out. Lol
Can I just give a compliment about how your videos are scripted? Yes, there is very good advice but they are also entertaining with the comedy bits, great actress and the Jameson bit was gold. There’s just so much love and effort going into these videos, which is great. Hats off to you and your team.
Wow, thanks! It really means a lot to me when you notice the details.
My super power as a reporter is I start interviewing people on dates. Which makes the other person feel great and I learn a lot about them, but they don’t get to know much about me and at the end I don’t know if I actually like the other person because I focussed on how they feel instead of how I feel about them or if I like them. I have tried to stop doing that and leave room for awkward silence.
I tend to overwork my playful, flirtatious, very sincere muscle. I need to work my more mysterious, listening and reserved muscle. Thank you for this video Matthew.
Always be yourself. The right person will want to get to know you. Also your good communication skills are likely scaring away game players who are not at all worth your time or energy as a mate or as a “friend”. My suggestion over anything else to this woman would be to continue being herself and be patient. Don’t cave to the manipulation that society is trying to force on us women to get sexy before we know someone and play the games. IMO modern dating plays into most casual men’s hands instead of being empathetic to the fact that for most women to have a good relationship and sex life we need to feel safe and like we know the other person, because I believe flirtation comes naturally to most of us women when we develop a crush and feel safe.
Thank you
💯 All of this!! She shouldn’t change who she is for anyone. She sounds like a very intelligent and emotionally secured person and that will repel all the players. The right person will find her traits really appealing.
AWOMEN 🙏
Can't she still "be herself" while improving her conversational skills? It's not about being inauthentic, it's about learning how to show multiple sides of yourself in an interesting way.
don't rush intimacy. actual knowledge of a partner makes it far better. that's what it means. intimacy.
I like that mindset. It keeps you guessing about the person in a good way.
So adorable, Matthew! It doesn't look awkward... :)
It feels like talking to a good friend, someone who is on par with his viewers, not above them. So cozy and relatable!
Tell Jameson that please 🙄
Jameson!!! It is not awkward for Matthew to be comfortable. It is cozy and meaningful.
So cute! ❤
Like a Sufi mentor 😅 also, an American woman miming a London accent is a bit funny 😅
in the end of the day watching videos aimed towards single woman and watching videos for single men all I can say is that we all seem to suffer from the same issues. Wanting someone who probably don't want us back, thinking whether or not we should chase, thinking whether or not the other person likes us, thinking whether or not to text them, thinking whether or not they are playing games.
I think at times it's not mind games but people getting the same advice from video's from different people. Or people doing the same thing to each other like "oh no I look too needy, step back abit make them come to me" then when the other person doesn't initiate first it feels bad. not knowing that the other person is probably feeling the same and doing the same to try and not look too needy.
I don't think all of this advice is necessary, we have turned love into a commodity, its something that should come naturally, not a chess game. I don't believe in all of this psychology, but some have made an industry out of it, only confusing people more. Its become too strategic and analytical for me. I'm out.
totally agree, it looks more like manipulating.... and that strategies worked for me i was married 2 times but by the end of the day we couldn't make it .... i am two times divorced. what is good about all advices probably that we should keep boundaries and go for a slow openning, not to rush aaaaall od emotions putside to teh person.
Great message. And the girl who synced to your voice did a fantastic job!
She did!
Is it an AI thingie? It was a tad creepy too lol
TIcTok Generation ❤
I remember the exact moment I decided I like so many of my friends, it is always a nice feeling to remember why we choose people.
You’re totally right. I didn’t need the video to make me understand that concept because I know I used to be that funny girl going from intelligent comments to stupid jokes to flirtatious compliments, and I felt good at that time. Work has taken over the most part of my life and I ain’t that girl anymore, which probably makes me less attractive to my boyfriend… and even boring at some point but your video gave me some hints on how to find that girl back. Thank you!
I like how you had someone reenact the asking of the question
Putting some extra love into these videos, I’m glad you’re feeling it 🙏
This was a really brilliant and well explained video. As someone who goes balls deep into the soul too quickly I can see that my intensity can be scary and balancing that out with other aspects of my personality is important to show early on.
Preach sis
Dude, don't discourage people from having excellent communication skills and deep conversations. Encourage people do do just that. Because it's much more rare than shallow talk, being flirtatious, and taking matters too lightly. It's like people in the western world are scared of diving in and being hard core. lol Do it, people. Go deep. If someone is scared of that, they are not for you. I am not saying you can't have fun and flirt, no, no, no. But reverse the scene, be authentic, be bold, be fearless, and let the weak run, they are doing you a favor. I have always connected with people and I don't do small talk. I know that sometimes I am intimidating, but I don't prefer people who are easily intimidated anyway, because I have to be who I am and if you are not into that, then go in peace.
Couldn't have said it better!!! Spot on as I'm the same way. People out there need to understand that the biggest problem in this day's "dating world" are the lame "rules" rooted in fear and false assumptions that one size fits all. It's tragic because this young generation has absolutely no clue what real dating is all about, what it requires/means, and what it entails. Back in the day, if/when 2 people like each other and are interested in each other, they get together and are automatically a couple dating! They're together and getting to know each other and get real with each other from the get-go. No BSing, no nonsense, no wondering, no "ghosting", no silent treatments...NONE of that immature nonsense. Because the internet, social media, and cell phones didn't exist, we communicated via phone calls and meeting up and TALKING FACE-TO-FACE. And yes, breaking up was done face-to-face or a phone call because we understood and were raised with manners & respect for others & their feelings!!! We kept shit REAL, we didn't waste precious time, disregard/disrespect our authentic, genuine selves to appease, or allay others' insecurities. Today, many are too soft and easily run or hide from others because in truth they're hiding from themselves. So forget all these nonsensical "games" and mindf*ckery of how you "should" be for others comfortability...BE YOU! BE YOUR TRUE, GENUINE, AUTHENTIC AND REAL SELF! Don't be another lame carbon fake & filtered copy like everyone else! STAND YOUR GROUND!! Claim your divine sovereign power and don't follow the followers!!
Be proud of who you are and OWN IT YOU FINE SEXY ASS BITCHES 😝😎🤘👸🏻
@@babydoll.888 I guess it’s a new era, or new times, everything is about games today, me too I’m second tired with all this ghosting, or reschedule dates bcuz my mom have appointments all this bla , bla that makes no sense and trust me people that are over 40 doing this, wasting time, they don’t know what they want that’s the all true.
THIS. 100 MILLION PERCENT THIS.
Empty, meaningless, endless small talk doesn’t get you knowing someone. And it’s repetitive and exhausting. It is blatantly apparent on dating apps, where people don’t even have the concept of carrying on a BASIC conversation- with reciprocal questions being asked back and forth- nevermind anything slightly more engaging.
I’m done with boring, shitty, interchangeable conversations. If someone can’t light up my brain, it’s a hard pass for me.
@@nelsongoncalves5379 my point exactly...following what is trendy or what's deemed acceptable according to "societal trends", question is: is it working?? Or have people forgotten (because they're so lost and frustrated with all the external factors) that they've lost sight of their inner selves & their own authentic truth? It's always easy to point a finger and blame anything outside of ourselves, but truth is all the answers are already within you! People who make excuses (oh that's how the world is, how people/the Era, etc etc) don't take personal accountability for themselves...instead the follow and feed off it so they can't take responsibility afterwards. If someone is successful, they're quick to take credit and say they worked hard, listened to their gut, followed their intuition, etc...but when someone fails it's someone or somethings fault..?? Because they took advice/lessons/ideas from someone else and it failed. Go within! As above so below. Also. What works for one doesn't necessarily means it'll work for everyone. There is no one-size fits all. Just be yourself and all will be well because what's meant for you will never pass you by 😉💖
@@nelsongoncalves5379 additionally, just because someone does something, or a group follows to do something doesn't mean you or I have to do it too. People who know who they are (their values, principles morals, heart, etc) don't need to conform to what anyone says or does especially if it's not aligned with who they are. Like they saying goes "if your friends jumped off a cliff, doesn't mean you jump also" 😁
Always be yourself!!! Love the way your sitting, comfortable & being YOU! I am VERY analytical & LOVE conversations but I am also flirtatious & can mix it up. Men must feel comfortable especially with a confident, intelligent & attractive woman. If you can ease a man in to be himself & feel at ease with you, he will appreciate that!
If you meet the right people you can do whatever be yourself and they will still stick around.
All good points! I noticed that I'm already doing all these subtle things. With some people that playful side isn't coming out, because I just lose interest in them for some reason, which could be very very subtle sometimes. I never chase, so if someone can't take steps towards me, I let them go on their merry way. 😂
I am really liking the way you are working with your videos, I have been following you since very long, and learned so much from you..😊Thanks alot...
Thank you!
good vid!-It's all about balance and developing confidence
The scenes with your voice as if she's talking are perfect and hilariously good story telling 10/10
Ive followed you for a few years and you just keep giving out gold at exactly the right timing! Well done
Never chase it, let it come to you 🤝
Right, and when they the same game mind set? 😂. It’s not this cut and dry. Called compromise.
Nothing will come to you dude
@@spotscorner6040 You can ask a woman out anytime, but if she declines and you continue asking her out that’s shame on you.
@@safwanshow It will come definitely. You just gotta set your priorities first and be better prepared when it comes to you.
I agree. Enjoy 😉 conversation and not get attached. They will come lol. Don't chase
I love the lipsync on these videos!
Such great advice “which quality has atrophied?” (Or something to that effect). I pondered upon my case. I often didn’t let my feminine vulnerability show. Men made comments to me to the effect of “you don’t need anyone in your life.” I know you, Matthew, will understand this. I’m still my super strong, leader self, but with my boyfriend (going on 3 years) I have worked on being more transparent and vulnerable and allowing him to help and take the lead on some things. We love relying on each others’ strong suits! He did tell me when he first moved in that it took him some time to adapt to my amount of “masculine energy.” I love that he’s able to express what he feels so eloquently. He was attracted to me from the beginning BECAUSE of my leadership qualities , but I still try to create a healthy balance between the feminine and masculine (which we ALL have).
unnique paring of Matthew hussey: highly productive videos yet highly quality , every sing one of video!
I love this, because I think ultimately we should pursue self exploration, trying new things. In that open hearted mindset it's much more easy and fun to find like minded people and have natural chemistry. Put the fun back into dating and get to know and enjoy yourself more too 🤗
I was just browsing your videos to brush up on things since I'm dating again. I've spent A LOT of time connecting with myself and have a skill for getting into real & deep conversations. I felt like something was missing though, and realized this is it! I forgot to keep sprinkling in my funny and flirtatious side, so things have felt a little dull. This is perfect, thank you Matthew! 😁
This is gods work. I was just pondering on it today.
Wow , this hits home. I'm very good at talking about serious stuff, 30 yrs in law enforcement, but flirting is hard, as I was raised in a religious cult where women were below men and we were always taught we need to be chaste and pure, and now to the man the church chose for us. It's been a long and painful journey to unlearn these toxic roles. Obviously I left the church, but law enforcement became my new passion. Heeeeeelp!!!!!!
I was in law enforcement for 35 years, so I know exactly what you mean. It is quite a different working environment. It can be very serious and very focused towards men (I am male) so I know the difficulty. The men still have the key roles but it is changing slowly. I don’t know what advice I can give you other than to feel your inner self and your worth. Women are great at law enforcement and I think you know that deep inside. I would keep following this channel for the excellent advice Matthew gives. 😊
Wow all my life I have really never underestimated the rights of women though we could get to know each other better if you want to dear
Sounds like a place I know lol. Bruders unite
Check out Adrienne Everhart and Helena Hart on feminine energy and communication/flirting. Good stuff.
I've been practicing these concepts on dating apps and it's been going really well. I'm not in a place I want to start really dating yet, but I DO want to practice being a bit more "available" (it's been a LONG time) And having some guidelines has really been so helpful. Thanks for giving advice that is helpful but also empowering and respectful to the person listening to it and the person it's being tried on :)
Why you are on dating apps if you aren't ready to date? that is kind of unfair to the guys on the app don't you think? I don't know, just sounds selfish to me. I think MH has actually called that a Red Flag before.
@@Htimez2 I agree if I was an open on both my profile and right off the bat when I talk to the person.
There’s an option to just be there for friends and chatting and that’s the only thing I put. I don’t put for dating casual or long-term relationship.
I’ve actually made some wonderful friends out of it and met some really nice people.
The alternative is to just be a hermit and not meet anybody before I’m ready and that’s not fair to me so I think I’m being fair to myself into other people by being incredibly clear and open about what it is, I’m looking for.
As a woman you shouldn't 'chase' or need to 'chase' guys.... But you do need to show that you are interested too otherwise they will stop chasing or pursuing you.... I'm quite reserved and I've had lots of guys (that I do actually like) tell me later they thought I didn't like them / wasn't into them... so I do need to take some smalls steps to show interested/ reciprocate, otherwise they will give up! It's a balance! xx
"Unique Pairings" that's why I love your show Matt! 😂😂
This video is so great, honest, and insightful.
The negative comments here are counter to the video Matt.
Videos like that are why people tend to overcomplicate relationships
Interesting, I supposedly get friend zone because I don't go deep enough or show enough interest when I'm actually interested and I think I'm showing it. It became a common complaint to the point that I had to look at myself. I just realized they weren't my person. I don't say too much too soon because not everyone deserves to know everything right away but I'm always honest. It's tough to date when you stop making the guys happiness the priority in the "relationship" even in the dating phase. I look for people that make me feel comfortable now instead of sparks or chemistry, those can be misleading.
When you go on a date, ask questions, be fun and flirty, tease, have a laugh. Ensure you don't give off a friend's only vibe. Have fun!
This is VERY good! I’ve found this personally to be true.
MATTHEW! I AM LIKE THIS! Guys do call back! They even kiss me on dates but never invest afterwards in something more serious!!
For example i went on a date with this guys and we had a deep conversation about our parents and how we both struggle with how toxic they are with us, later on he wrapped his arm around me and i said : can i hug you? He said yes and i said : don’t flatter yourself mister its just -5 in here!
We also went to a museum and i discussed a painting i like with him and shared my passion of van gogh and how i know every painting made by him!
We discuss movies and series like harry potter. I FEEL LIKE I AM EVERYTHING but i still don’t get the investment i want from a guy
The voiceover freaked me out when she started talking directly at the camera. I’d say keep the voiceover for them just in the conversation.
I need to develop my flirting muscle. I forget or don't think about flirting with a woman I like and I just keep talking and it just leads to being a friendship.
It takes time to open these qualities. Not everybody has it
I LOVE dividends
Can totally relate to the lady writing in, I too love a deep dive conversation over tedious and painful small talk. Surely though the 'contrast' or variety will occur naturally as a result of being with someone whose energy compliments or matches yours?! There are certain ppl who won't bring the fun or playful side out, not necessarily that the fun muscle hasn't been flexed. That being said, I'm not entirely sure how to apply this advice in real terms 🤔. The song Dance Monkey comes to mind lol.
As for the lady posing the question..Being friend-zoned for having deep conversations seems extremely odd to me. Firstly, we do seem to live in a world where superficiality rules and surface level bants and flirting seems to be how ppl generally operate whilst dating. This level of communication, however, is obviously not serving anyone in the long run. If it were, we wouldn't be watching your vids on RUclips. 😅. Second, it's not solely the role of one person to lead and steer the conversation. Why, if a conversation is getting a bit deep and meaningful early on, is it the responsibility of the woman to ensure she make it fun and playful? It takes 2 ppl to make it enjoyable.
Same happens to me. I've been told before that I am always sincere. My feelings don't hurt if someone isn't interested. I like to flirt the MORE I know someone, not all up front. But once someone I'm attracted to reciprocates the attraction I almost go uncontrollably limerent for a while. My real problem is when people are fake as hell and the limerence happens before they start showing their true colors. I don't care if you have trauma or freaky hobbies and interests, if your core value is being kind I'm pretty much on board. Respect my freaky stuff and I can respect yours. Be a jerk about anything and I'm not interested. Just be a jerk up front and we can go our separate ways. It seems simple... until you actually start dating, lol. I think I might be on the autistic spectrum and people don't realize it. They think all that sincerity is either stupidity or super sharp game playing.
Gifting is my superpower 🥰
We can't be something we are not. We do not all look for pairings, some people look for definite qualities, without any contradictions. But I guess what you are talking about is discovering a person on a different level. You will never know a colleague the same way as your lover. So, you just say we have to open ourselves to people. But then, you just mean change the context! You take your colleague to a bar, you will see them as a friend. That's it!
I laughed out really hard throughout the whole video hehehe
Great acting skills!
it doesn't looks awkward, it looks cool JASON!
One thing i haven't been doing lately that i would like to do is get out of my comfort zone. do something random on a date. usually i play it safe and or do the same thing so doing something different or doing something he would like to do would be nice 😌
I only know one person who has it all.. he also said that i am rare ‘unique pairings’🙂
I love the skits with the lip-syncing! It makes the videos more entertaining 😄💗
Matthew, I have been bingeing a lot lately on your videos because I'm currently giving time to dating. Im exactly in this mess where i use my unique pairings, but it seems as though it scaring them away or keeping me in the friend zone. I don't have time to waste on someone that just wants to go with the flow. Matt, I'm 38, intentional but a very witty person . I'm not interested in mind games anymore.
I truly hope that men your age and older and not scared away by a woman getting real with them. This is an interesting comment that you used the unique pairings and its still not working for you! What I am not is sexy on a date and it made me think what do I have to do? Take a strip tease dance class and do it on the first date?
I'd say the issue isn't you ladies, it's the men who aren't worth your time or effort and quite frankly have been far too accustomed to putting in very little effort for maximum ROI. You aren't performing monkeys for these bozos 🙄. It's a sad state of affairs and society has a lot to answer for. More so as no one holds these man-boys to account. I hope u all find decent, worthy and loving partners 💕
Trust me, even at 100, you're not gonna want to play mind games or do anything until you find someone you feel is worth it. There's no trick to getting her to accept u no matter what, but once you find someone who does, it'll be worth it for you to work.
@@juliaskagfjord6207 I agree with you, too many mind games, too much advice on how to be, its all become pscyhological warfare in the dating world. Who needs it, just be yourself and trust your gut its that simple.
@@FreePalestine123-b1x Agreed, there is an entire industry now around "love", how did it become so complicated? Swiping right and left to find a mate to begin with. Too easy not to go the distance when in an instant you can be replaced. Whatever happened to old fashioned courtship? I would like to know statistically after all of this psycho=babble whether people who take this advice are any more successful than people who don't. What are this guys credentials?
I've recently started seeing your videos and enjoying them. You're great to listen to and alot of truth to your discussions/content. Thank You from Florida!
I appreciate that!
Can we please all just give the actress a huge round of applause!
This can keep you from falling for someone on the Narcistic spectrum as well
I guess I've been blessed. I've never had to chase a man. I figured if they wanted me, they would come to me 🤔
Nothing will keep their attention. Thos who want to stay will stay. And how the world has been marketed to them. None of them will stay
Maybe for first dates, any date really, good communication is also about listening. It can help you to ask key questions to understand your date's point of view and maybe have a meaningful convo. Or it could help you understand that a deep convo wouldn't be welcomed. Better to save it for another time.
You don’t have to do all these when u have the right one..trust the process..wait for the right one
My overdeveloped muscle: my ability to ask questions about the other persons and show interest
My atrophied muscle: speaking about myself
I’m great at the ‘real’ chat and asking them about themselves; not so good at talking about myself; and need to bring more fun and flirt to every occasion! 🤸🏼♀️
Loved the concept and the actress!
I can do this... I've done this... I'm doing this... Along with giving space at times.
Say you’ve had the talk about what you’re needing to continue a relationship and go deeper, and the other person says they hear you and aren’t on the same page. But they keep coming back and your left feeling like a toy? I don’t have the words to say stop without hurting them.
Can we talk about the production quality of these videos
This is great advise👍 I just broke up after a 11year relationship…went through the bends BIG time, but getting to end of the tunnel. Cheers MH
Thank you for picking this question!! This was for me!!🙏🙏
It doesn't mean you shouldn't go for what you want sometimes dear
If you have to wonder, it’s not it. When you know, you know. Just went through this.
Very Disney - not always this simple.
It IS a great question!! Thank you for asking this.
Sounds exhausting.
This video is outstanding! I love the woman and the voiceover... great concept
Dude I gotta say the actors and actresses that you have in your “questions skits” are incredibly talented at mimicking sounds w their mouth haha
Thank you for your amazing videos!!
Helps a lot!!
Watching from Portugal!
Personally, i don't believe we should have to think this much into it. Society makes people feel that they have to "play games" like hard to get otherwise they will be friend zoned. I have a hard time with this but I truly think the right person will make things easy and natural without having to think too much into all of this.
I believe i have that contrast ... being both understanding having deep conversation etc.. also being flirty n building attraction n all but i still dont get the guys feel same way i do..they say i am too much 😢
What happens when we both have this mentallity of not chasing?
That is the question....
Like the cute redhaid. Looks like a lot of fun.
Thanks Matthew have a wonderful day 🦋
So insightful!
The actors are hilarious! 😂
It's called, Don't be boring
You look great!
I did communication, teasing, being playful with this one guy and he was the one that pursued me. He was willing to do everything for me.Then out of the blue he decided he did want the relationship anymore and wanted to focus on hos career. With no explanation
At first, I was in the same exact boat as the person who asked this question. I'm a very blunt and honest person, so I do go deep, fast.
But what if I do show those contrasts and that fun and desirable side, and I still end up being left behind?
Loving this new videos! It’s genius
Thank you 😊
Matthew your videos always come at the right time!!! I’m so happy I subscribed 😊
I met with a guy 1 year ago... He show that he is interested in me... I already have crush on him so I propose him and he didn't rejected not accept so I chase him in hope that maybe one day we get in relationship but he ignore me brutally yesterday... We are about to pass the college...he is distant...i feel like I never meet someone good as him...i can't take care of me..i decided to move along my life...he play with me...it's dumb of me It's hurtful... I never play with someone feeling ever it's feels bad
Maybe he lost interest, or maybe he played games.
Maybe school or money or family stressed him and he didn't want to take it out on you, or maybe he's just not emotionally mature yet.
Sometimes it's easy to see where someone's heart is and sometimes it's not. It's okay to not know where someone's heart is, it's okay to ask where, and it's to not ask where.
If you want to know why someone is distant, it means you care, and if you ask, the other person will know you care.
If you didn't want to know, then it wasn't meant to be. That's what I believe. Cheers
Good morning Matthew how are you today? I have been enjoying the love Club and I had a question about how to understand him. Thank you for your email. I'm little bit nervous about dating again. After I had a trauma in my life but I believe trusting God that this time will never fails me and he will be the one.
Good advice as always. And that actress lip syncs to Matthew's words even better than Britney or Mariah 🤣
I love the edits in the video hehe and the content!!
Love this concept of strengthening the weak muscle.❤
Sorry to infringe dear
Can we get to know each other please
Yeah, I think online for a second you’re losing me until you talk about contrast, maybe instantly think about the super power and leaning into it even though I’m not having trouble getting the other person to be attracted and hooking up or going on a date, but I will say I do feel like I can improve
Love your approach in this video! 🎉
I loved watching the funny voice overs. Great video!
Ouff,
This contrast principle...
Was this supposed to be behind a pay wall? Ridiculously high quality knowledge.
I'm not entirely sure where the atrophy is for me; I eventually will find out when I try to work a muscle in the moment and embarrass myself as a result.