The fact that you two are already talking about this means you will be great parents. I just want to say, Alia: it's completely normal to have the questions/concerns/fears you have in regards to having a baby and adjusting your life according to their needs. I think a huge part of it too, and this isn't a dig at Yoni because I could already see he's going to be a phenomenal dad, moms never stop thinking and worrying about their kids. So even when the baby is with Yoni, your mom, sister, etc, and you're getting work done/filming, you will be thinking about them. So the mental load is way more on mothers, usually. I will die on this hill: whoever you marry or have a baby with will determine the mental and physical load with your baby. Yoni will give his all and work as a team with you, you're already so so lucky to have each other to support one another with this new chapter. It makes all of the difference to have each other be so supportive. I had so many questions when I was thinking about having a baby and when I got pregnant, my mind went wild just imagining things and wanting to know how our lives will be. I feel like Alia and I are pretty type A, so we want things to be figured out -- being a "planner" will soon be centered around your family. But the truth is, no class or book will ever prepare you as much as the hands on experience you and Yoni will have with your baby. It'll be hard to adjust to at first, but it WILL get better. From my experience, having my in laws and my mom close to us, we have SO much support. If my husband and I want to go on date night or have to go to work, we have someone who will watch our daughter. If no one can, my husband or I will stay home with her. So it's great that you and Yoni are in the industry you're in because you get to stay home with your baby. Someone I really look up to is Lauren Giraldo (youtube.com/@laurengiraldo?si=CMMLiPznSe32t-IG). She had a baby last year and she's very open about how her baby has changed her life while being a content creator :) One last truth, having kids requires some sacrifice. My husband used to be super ambitious about his career and was very hesitant about having kids because he thought our baby would be "in the way" of his career. Now that she's here, he says, "all I want is to be her dad." Regardless, it's COMPLETELY normal to miss your old life. I promise it's okay, it doesn't make you a bad parent to think that. I highly recommend yall to be super open with each other through the entire process: from now, to pregnancy, to when you have your baby. All of your emotions about being a parent can be beautiful and complicated. You're not alone! You two will be amazing parents
As a parent you will work it out somehow. You do things simultaneously and wonder what you were doing with your time before. You do it all but not as efficiently as before in some cases. You have the feeling of inadequacy and you forget the spontaneity. But it’s another chapter of life. The chapter that your ego is limited in front of the miracle of creating and raising a new life. As the years go by, the child becomes more independent and you find balance again as a person and as a couple. It’s scary, but wonderful.
Omg there’s so much to say. But bottom line is: you will rise to your new reality & theres no amount of preparation that you can do that will adequately prepare you for it. You just gotta live it & sort it out-you got this💪🏼
It’s also important to know that everything is just a season. The newborn season changes. The baby season changes. The toddler season changes. You will find time and you will find routine with each season
I think the fact that both of you seem to be in it together, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s so important that you guys can actually talk about this and both are open to communicating and learning. I love this for you two and I’m excited for when that time comes for y’all!
Came here to have a listen because you mentioned the podcast in your last NY diaries video and I have to say - this seems to be such an universal experience. I’m almost thirty and this is a subject that’s on my mind all the time as well my husband’s and honestly my views are really similar to yours Alia. I feel like the woman would be the one and definitely is the one making more and bigger sacrifices when having kids, specifically when you are super career oriented (which I also struggle with) and being used to having the ability to decide to do or go whereever spontaneously. I guess what’s been helping me alot lately is the idea that the newborn stage and sleeplessness which will be probably the hardest part for at least the first few years is also not a permanent stage in new parents lives. I’m at the age where my friends are either having kids or already had one or two and I see firsthand how well they’ve adjusted and yeah it’s all a really subjective and unique experience but why not approach it with optimism, right? Can’t really have all the answers ever beforehand so…. A few experiences from my friends that I found comforting were that one of my friends decided to randomly do an exchange year abroad away from home and she just went and took her two kids with her and they had the most wonderful time. Her older kid was already learning to say a few phrases in italian when i went to visit them! Another one managed to get herself a second masters degree while raising two kids (under three). So what I’m saying is - i feel like doubt is natural and tbh necessary but that being said - it’s all doable and definitely a beautiful and one of a kind experience to do it with your best friend and partner who you trust and love. And you know … work will always be there and at the end of the day, loving what you do for a living is an amazing thing in itself and I know how you feel, but it’s really not all there is, right? Hope we’ll both get there and find the .. i dont know.. missing courage or certainty or clarity or whatever it is. Great podcast, I loved your seattle diaries and I love your ny diaries as well! Wishing you both the best and a happy holiday season ❄️🎄
Wow - new to the podcast (bc a friend sent me a link for a different episode), and wow, i jumped right into this episode. Me and my wife were right where y'all are about 3 years ago, and now we're sitting here with 2 kids. I'm going to hit y'all with a few key points to help put you at ease, and point you in the right direction: FIRST: There's no playbook, so don't feel like anything you're thinking or feeling is wrong. Every parent in the world is just wingin' it to see what works...because once you find what works, you stick with it. That being said, a lot of what will work for y'all, you're not going to figure out until you're in the middle of it. There's only so much planning that can be done, but once baby takes their first breaths, all of that is out the window, and you're learning on the fly. SECOND: You both spoke a lot about resources (i.e., your time, your work, nannies, day-care, etc.). The hardest part of parenting these days is that we're in a generation where the 'village' that many people had before is very dispersed, or non-existent. It takes a village to raise a child is true, and village can mean many different things. Think about ALL of the resources that are available to you both (through work, through your community, through friends, etc.), but most importantly, your time/energy. The kid feeds of you and your energy, so whatever you can put into it (either individually, or through the resources that you help provide), and think about what resources are missing that you need to fill the gap. Once again, you won't know it all until you get into it, but once you do, and realize there's only 24 hrs in the day, and you need X hrs for sleep, Y hours for breastfeeding, and Z hours for your personal sanity, you'll know how much of your own resources you have left to give towards other things. THIRD/FINAL: When you go to an amusement park and get on a roller coaster...you get on willingly without knowing all of the twists and turns, but with the intention of having fun. That's exactly what a kid is like, you're willingly getting on a ride that you have no idea how it will end...but since you chose to get on, you should try and have a good time, and be prepared for the unknown. Not everyone is built for dealing with the unknown (especially Type A personalities), but that's the fact of it, is you just don't know. So, if there's one thing to prepare yourself for, it's just preparing you and your personality for dealing with the unknown, and trying to find levity in the small moments of life. Seems like you two have a good chemistry to help balance each other out, which is a great first step into the unknown journey you two are preparing for. HAVE FUN!
I simply love this podcast. Your level of communication as a couple inspires me, and I don't know much about kids but I am sure that being able to share your thoughts and feelings and also to support each other will make parenting easier. Love from Uruguay, keep posting
As a nanny, must I say that 7-12m’s is my absolute favorite age! They need you in the sense that they’re your mini bestie. Bring them on a stroll to the park or coffee shop, come back and laugh and play (teach them independent play for short periods as well). Cuddle for nap times and then you have a few hrs to yourself.
Hiii, I usually am just a silent subscriber but this topic somewhat resonates with. I'm 26 and I got married earlier this year. This is also something that my husband and I talk about and the plan is also in 2-3 years. I can empathize with Alia and the feeling of mourning the person that you are now bc a lot of things will change. I think it's normal for our partners to be enthusiastic and excited about this chapter in life, but from a woman's perspective, there are more complex emotions surrounding that, but it doesn't really mean that we dread/hate it - the impact just hits us differently. I'm glad to see Yoni be supportive and assure Alia in her doubts and anxieties bc this what we need from a partner, but this goes beyond "I hear you and I get you", bc tbh I think men won't really fully get the conflicting emotions that we experience, it goes beyond logic. So having a partner that is supportive and understanding is good to have! I would say I am in the same boat but there's this youtuber, Sissel (she's also around our age and just gave birth), that really somehow helped me look at the whole journey of pregnancy and being a mother as something positive and a wonderful experience. She focuses on how amazed she is at what her body can do, shares her anxieties around pregancy/being a mom, while managing a career in content creation and being in touch with her sense of self. I followed her way before she was a mother and watching her evolve in life has been really inspiring as well. I like to think the person you are today will remain, and being a mother is just an addition to that! I am still me + me as a wife + me as a mom. Hope this helps!
Love this podcast! Thank you so much for sharing your opinions and for the refreshing view on having kids. Just found out I’m pregnant and it’s totally normal to freak out or questioning yourself if you’re going to be a good mum or not. The only things I’m coming across online are extreme views of being childfree or how woman who are pregnant being attacked. Would love to find some good influencers who love being mums! Thank you so much for your honest podcast and the lightness you brought to it. You made my pregnant day a little bit more entertaining 😂
This is so great and so valid and you guys will be great. I want you to know Alia that you guys WILL figure it out. It will be hard, and you will adjust. And you’ll be SHOCKED at how productive you become in 1 hour as mom. You learn to use your time wisely and prioritize and your priorities will change. You’ll find help for a few hours in the day and get all your work done
Alia’s all those questions are so normal. Having this kind of worries is already a sign of being a good mother. Yoni is a natural caregiver as a person. Of course, he’s worried too, but this trait of his personality makes easier to defeat all those worries. Alia’s got great qualities too. Her organization and planning skills will make easier their life when baby arrives. And let’s don’t forget how great she is at cooking. A mom who also cooks delicious meals. Sounds like a super mom.👩🏻🍳 You’re just a perfect match as a couple. You’ll be great parents one day. Love you guys ❤
Your over thinking all of it it’s something that you have no control over you go with the flow and everything else will fall into place one day at a time and two people that play together stay your smart both of you it will be great!!!
Alia, hi! Let me preface by saying that I absolutely adore you and the way you think, and especially the fighter strength you have in you! I can relate to you a lot. I don’t have a baby, or am not planning to. But tbh with you, our society is not there yet to understand and show compassion towards a mother’s hard work. I think you will have to deal with people being judgmental. Whatever you decide to do, don’t focus too much on society judgments. Trust me, you will be a bad mother to a lot of people when you know deep down you are true to yourself and your baby and your family. Trust me, those people don’t matter. You have to toughen up against those people and just do your thing.
Love that you both spoke on this topic cause you don’t see that often. There’s so much to figure out and feels like so much pressure to do so, but I really think you don’t ever truly figure it out till you are living the experience cause you also don’t know what type of baby you’ll have (I.e. temperament and sleep needs)coming from someone who tried to figure it out before 😅. To alia’s point it’s also so normal to be sad or afraid little apprehensive etc especially as a woman. I loved watching Jenn im during pregnancy and after. She talks about having a baby and parenthood in what feels like a more authentic way. Her videos are also just great in general
haha this episode feels so timely-- my husband and I are planning on starting to try for a baby in about a year and as of the last few months it's the only thing on my mind! 😗 I'm a nurse that works 12 hour night shifts and my husband is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts... pray for us lol idk how we're gonna do it
I usually don’t comment but this topic is dear to my heart because I am Alia’s age and had a baby last year 🫶🏼 Like you guys say it is super individual and completely up to your own situation and the person that you are, but I think Alia has a realistic view about the mental load especially as a mom!! Both of your lives will completely change and tbh when you are in the situation as new parents you will just be present. Honestly nothing can prepare you but just believe you are ready when it’s time 🤍
I agree with everyone else here. You already have a solid steady base as partners, and you ll be find your way around it when the baby 👶 comes. I believe you ll be great parents, and the baby or babies will be very lucky to have you as their parents. 🎉❤ We can't wait to witness that when the time comes 🙌 😍 we all will be happy for you !
Alia I honestly think what you’re saying is totally normal. People are afraid of future especially such changes as kids. I think there are some crucial things to keep in mind. 1) you’re never “ready ready” to have kids because you’re simply don’t know what’s that. And even when you try to imagine it while going out or drinking coffee - it won’t be the same. So don’t think like it’s something weird. It’s not. 2) before giving a birth it’s super helpful to read some psychology literature about kids but very important to choose properly because there is so much bullshit (as a psy student I know). Just to know more about how to treat your child, why it’s important to hold him/her when they’re crying not to leave them in bed and wait etc. 3)the fact that you’re working at home w Yoni is amazing! I know a lot of couples like you and it works perfectly. Your child won’t lack in attention and you can always combine it w babysitters or kindergarteners. I am sure u gonna be an amazing mom ❤️
BEST POD EVER!!! so much love to you guys! this was such a refreshing and vulnerable topic I loved seeing your guy's perspectives ❤ Love from Australia
I've been a big fan of your podcast & watch it every week! I also love Alia's channel & watch her videos every week! I usually don't comment but felt compelled to this time. I really resonated with your conversation. My husband and I own a wedding photo & video business together so we both work for ourselves and work from home (similar to you guys). We also just got married this past August and naturally, our families are asking us about when we'll have kids. I have the same feelings that Alia has - excited for what's to come, grateful for the life I already have, but also very scared. I'm trying to soak in every ounce of time I have where it's just my husband and I. Just know that you two have a great partnership and will be amazing parents! I'll be following along in your journey and we'll all get through this together!
Kids are a whole different world but a good one ❤️ They are literally a half of your husband and yourself. Not for the weak either 😅 Its a sweet time but challenging nevertheless. Cant wait to see you guys as parents one day ❤️🙏
Hi, this episode came at a weird time for me. I’ve been with my fiancé for 11.5 years now. He knew from the beginning that I didn’t want kids. Now we’re at a fork in the road of our relationship. I can’t open up to people and I don’t see myself being a motherly figure to anyone. Alia, your POV of having the time to do what you want whenever is basically one of my reasons for not having kids. I like my free time and do not want to mess with my routine. Not sure what to do. 😢 He still wants kids.
1st few mos are FAB but a lot. Give yourselves props for little tasks accomplished. Rally for each other. Trade off making or bringing meals. When baby gets to 11-12 lbs, little will start sleeping more consistently thru the night. Nap often when baby sleeps esp at beginning. You need the sleep! You will sleep at night, but choppy. Hire on an au pair so you have your work together time + your time together. Keep a date night scheduled as much as possible. Then allow each to have time alone or w/friends periodically while the other Parent has one on one time. My Dad was a Pediatrician & Teaching Prof at UCLA Med School. You will be even happier than you are now & more in love. But stay a team! ❤❤❤
I recommend you watch SISSEL's journey .. I myself never thought of having kids until I saw her journey. It's definitely not going to be the same for everyone. However, you must educate yourself well before having a child .
I second Sissel's videos! I've always wanted to have kids, but the thought of giving birth always terrified me. I learned so much from watching her journey and I felt like her videos gave me a whole new perspective on it. It feels wonderful to feel more positively about it all after hearing so many horror stories.
I‘ve never commented on RUclips before, but I felt I had to this time. I’m a mom to a 15-month-old girl, and she is truly the light of my life. My heart explodes every time I look at her. But I won’t lie-the first month was brutal. I mourned my old life so much and felt sad every single day. At the same time, I was overwhelmed with love for this little being who needed all of me. I thought giving birth would be the hardest part, but I hadn’t realized how much my life would change afterward. Especially breastfeeding. It hit me like a truck. If you are a breast feeding mom there is so much that the dad can do because they need the comfort of it. And they need the mom constantly. Honestly i have no idea how I managed to do it for a whole year. Here’s the thing: it does get better every day. You discover strength you never knew you had. Slowly, you’ll get pieces of your freedom back. And once you realize this phase won’t last forever, you’ll want to cherish every moment because time flies so fast. You will still be you, and your life will come back together. And especially with a supporting partner it will get so much easier. I won‘t say don‘t worry. It is a good sign that you think about this not everyone does. It is a permament decision as you said. Just wanted to say you got this both if you decide for a child or not ❤️
Julia and Hunter Havens on RUclips vlog their whole life and are both full time creators! They have a baby that's ~1.5 years old and have a 2nd on the way. It's been super interesting to see how they balance work and being parents on a day to day level!
I absolutely love y'all podcast! I totally understand how Alia is feeling, and I’ve been a little worried about her. I think she might really benefit from talking to a therapist about this sometimes. I actually know someone who felt a lot of resentment toward her husband and child because she had them so young and wasn’t ready. Just wanted to let you know I’m keeping you all in my thoughts. Sending love from the WTJ Patreon fam.
Heyyyyy Najma! Patreon fam! Thanks so much for watching, we appreciate your words. Having resentment sounds like a nightmare omg not a good situation to be in! We'll defffff make sure we're both ready ready haha and it's not right now lol See you on Sunday! :-)
I don’t think she needs a therapist or whoever. It’s totally normal to be worried about future things. Big things tbh as children. But once you’re on the way, you can’t understand how you lived before. Also, being a creator and working from home is amazing cause you can combine your life, it’s easier and ALSO you give your child attention needed to prevent his/her going to therapist at their 17th with a request to help with that lack of mother’s attention))
So the truth is -> your life will change! Lots of things will lose value, lots of things you will need to put on a side. If Alia decides to breast feed no matter who wakes up at night she will still wake up to feed a baby. The first 2-3 month you need to feed a baby every 2-3 hours, other time the baby will sleep so you will have your time time to eat, to take a shower, to edit video or record your podcast. Your memory can be odd. That’s how I remember my first 2 month. But in general from the moment you see your baby you will be so happy seeing your little copy other thing will not be so important any more. And who knows you may find some business ideas( e g Yoni can do photography of kids). Anyway, I’m thinking about 1 more child, but I know what I will need to go through again, so I’m doubting if I can do it again and if I’m ready to give up on some freedom right now 🤷♀️ Wishing you positive vibe ❤
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
The fact that you two are already talking about this means you will be great parents.
I just want to say, Alia: it's completely normal to have the questions/concerns/fears you have in regards to having a baby and adjusting your life according to their needs. I think a huge part of it too, and this isn't a dig at Yoni because I could already see he's going to be a phenomenal dad, moms never stop thinking and worrying about their kids. So even when the baby is with Yoni, your mom, sister, etc, and you're getting work done/filming, you will be thinking about them. So the mental load is way more on mothers, usually. I will die on this hill: whoever you marry or have a baby with will determine the mental and physical load with your baby. Yoni will give his all and work as a team with you, you're already so so lucky to have each other to support one another with this new chapter. It makes all of the difference to have each other be so supportive.
I had so many questions when I was thinking about having a baby and when I got pregnant, my mind went wild just imagining things and wanting to know how our lives will be. I feel like Alia and I are pretty type A, so we want things to be figured out -- being a "planner" will soon be centered around your family. But the truth is, no class or book will ever prepare you as much as the hands on experience you and Yoni will have with your baby. It'll be hard to adjust to at first, but it WILL get better.
From my experience, having my in laws and my mom close to us, we have SO much support. If my husband and I want to go on date night or have to go to work, we have someone who will watch our daughter. If no one can, my husband or I will stay home with her. So it's great that you and Yoni are in the industry you're in because you get to stay home with your baby. Someone I really look up to is Lauren Giraldo (youtube.com/@laurengiraldo?si=CMMLiPznSe32t-IG). She had a baby last year and she's very open about how her baby has changed her life while being a content creator :)
One last truth, having kids requires some sacrifice. My husband used to be super ambitious about his career and was very hesitant about having kids because he thought our baby would be "in the way" of his career. Now that she's here, he says, "all I want is to be her dad." Regardless, it's COMPLETELY normal to miss your old life. I promise it's okay, it doesn't make you a bad parent to think that.
I highly recommend yall to be super open with each other through the entire process: from now, to pregnancy, to when you have your baby. All of your emotions about being a parent can be beautiful and complicated. You're not alone!
You two will be amazing parents
As a parent you will work it out somehow. You do things simultaneously and wonder what you were doing with your time before. You do it all but not as efficiently as before in some cases. You have the feeling of inadequacy and you forget the spontaneity. But it’s another chapter of life. The chapter that your ego is limited in front of the miracle of creating and raising a new life. As the years go by, the child becomes more independent and you find balance again as a person and as a couple. It’s scary, but wonderful.
Omg there’s so much to say. But bottom line is: you will rise to your new reality & theres no amount of preparation that you can do that will adequately prepare you for it. You just gotta live it & sort it out-you got this💪🏼
It’s also important to know that everything is just a season. The newborn season changes. The baby season changes. The toddler season changes. You will find time and you will find routine with each season
I think the fact that both of you seem to be in it together, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s so important that you guys can actually talk about this and both are open to communicating and learning. I love this for you two and I’m excited for when that time comes for y’all!
Came here to have a listen because you mentioned the podcast in your last NY diaries video and I have to say - this seems to be such an universal experience. I’m almost thirty and this is a subject that’s on my mind all the time as well my husband’s and honestly my views are really similar to yours Alia. I feel like the woman would be the one and definitely is the one making more and bigger sacrifices when having kids, specifically when you are super career oriented (which I also struggle with) and being used to having the ability to decide to do or go whereever spontaneously. I guess what’s been helping me alot lately is the idea that the newborn stage and sleeplessness which will be probably the hardest part for at least the first few years is also not a permanent stage in new parents lives. I’m at the age where my friends are either having kids or already had one or two and I see firsthand how well they’ve adjusted and yeah it’s all a really subjective and unique experience but why not approach it with optimism, right? Can’t really have all the answers ever beforehand so…. A few experiences from my friends that I found comforting were that one of my friends decided to randomly do an exchange year abroad away from home and she just went and took her two kids with her and they had the most wonderful time. Her older kid was already learning to say a few phrases in italian when i went to visit them! Another one managed to get herself a second masters degree while raising two kids (under three). So what I’m saying is - i feel like doubt is natural and tbh necessary but that being said - it’s all doable and definitely a beautiful and one of a kind experience to do it with your best friend and partner who you trust and love. And you know … work will always be there and at the end of the day, loving what you do for a living is an amazing thing in itself and I know how you feel, but it’s really not all there is, right? Hope we’ll both get there and find the .. i dont know.. missing courage or certainty or clarity or whatever it is.
Great podcast, I loved your seattle diaries and I love your ny diaries as well!
Wishing you both the best and a happy holiday season ❄️🎄
Wow - new to the podcast (bc a friend sent me a link for a different episode), and wow, i jumped right into this episode.
Me and my wife were right where y'all are about 3 years ago, and now we're sitting here with 2 kids. I'm going to hit y'all with a few key points to help put you at ease, and point you in the right direction:
FIRST: There's no playbook, so don't feel like anything you're thinking or feeling is wrong. Every parent in the world is just wingin' it to see what works...because once you find what works, you stick with it. That being said, a lot of what will work for y'all, you're not going to figure out until you're in the middle of it. There's only so much planning that can be done, but once baby takes their first breaths, all of that is out the window, and you're learning on the fly.
SECOND: You both spoke a lot about resources (i.e., your time, your work, nannies, day-care, etc.). The hardest part of parenting these days is that we're in a generation where the 'village' that many people had before is very dispersed, or non-existent. It takes a village to raise a child is true, and village can mean many different things. Think about ALL of the resources that are available to you both (through work, through your community, through friends, etc.), but most importantly, your time/energy. The kid feeds of you and your energy, so whatever you can put into it (either individually, or through the resources that you help provide), and think about what resources are missing that you need to fill the gap. Once again, you won't know it all until you get into it, but once you do, and realize there's only 24 hrs in the day, and you need X hrs for sleep, Y hours for breastfeeding, and Z hours for your personal sanity, you'll know how much of your own resources you have left to give towards other things.
THIRD/FINAL: When you go to an amusement park and get on a roller coaster...you get on willingly without knowing all of the twists and turns, but with the intention of having fun. That's exactly what a kid is like, you're willingly getting on a ride that you have no idea how it will end...but since you chose to get on, you should try and have a good time, and be prepared for the unknown. Not everyone is built for dealing with the unknown (especially Type A personalities), but that's the fact of it, is you just don't know. So, if there's one thing to prepare yourself for, it's just preparing you and your personality for dealing with the unknown, and trying to find levity in the small moments of life.
Seems like you two have a good chemistry to help balance each other out, which is a great first step into the unknown journey you two are preparing for. HAVE FUN!
I simply love this podcast. Your level of communication as a couple inspires me, and I don't know much about kids but I am sure that being able to share your thoughts and feelings and also to support each other will make parenting easier. Love from Uruguay, keep posting
As a nanny, must I say that 7-12m’s is my absolute favorite age! They need you in the sense that they’re your mini bestie. Bring them on a stroll to the park or coffee shop, come back and laugh and play (teach them independent play for short periods as well). Cuddle for nap times and then you have a few hrs to yourself.
That’s gonna be so funnnnnnnnnnnnnn! 😭
Hiii, I usually am just a silent subscriber but this topic somewhat resonates with. I'm 26 and I got married earlier this year. This is also something that my husband and I talk about and the plan is also in 2-3 years. I can empathize with Alia and the feeling of mourning the person that you are now bc a lot of things will change. I think it's normal for our partners to be enthusiastic and excited about this chapter in life, but from a woman's perspective, there are more complex emotions surrounding that, but it doesn't really mean that we dread/hate it - the impact just hits us differently. I'm glad to see Yoni be supportive and assure Alia in her doubts and anxieties bc this what we need from a partner, but this goes beyond "I hear you and I get you", bc tbh I think men won't really fully get the conflicting emotions that we experience, it goes beyond logic. So having a partner that is supportive and understanding is good to have!
I would say I am in the same boat but there's this youtuber, Sissel (she's also around our age and just gave birth), that really somehow helped me look at the whole journey of pregnancy and being a mother as something positive and a wonderful experience. She focuses on how amazed she is at what her body can do, shares her anxieties around pregancy/being a mom, while managing a career in content creation and being in touch with her sense of self. I followed her way before she was a mother and watching her evolve in life has been really inspiring as well.
I like to think the person you are today will remain, and being a mother is just an addition to that! I am still me + me as a wife + me as a mom. Hope this helps!
Love this podcast! Thank you so much for sharing your opinions and for the refreshing view on having kids. Just found out I’m pregnant and it’s totally normal to freak out or questioning yourself if you’re going to be a good mum or not. The only things I’m coming across online are extreme views of being childfree or how woman who are pregnant being attacked. Would love to find some good influencers who love being mums! Thank you so much for your honest podcast and the lightness you brought to it. You made my pregnant day a little bit more entertaining 😂
This is so great and so valid and you guys will be great. I want you to know Alia that you guys WILL figure it out. It will be hard, and you will adjust. And you’ll be SHOCKED at how productive you become in 1 hour as mom. You learn to use your time wisely and prioritize and your priorities will change. You’ll find help for a few hours in the day and get all your work done
Alia’s all those questions are so normal. Having this kind of worries is already a sign of being a good mother. Yoni is a natural caregiver as a person. Of course, he’s worried too, but this trait of his personality makes easier to defeat all those worries. Alia’s got great qualities too. Her organization and planning skills will make easier their life when baby arrives. And let’s don’t forget how great she is at cooking. A mom who also cooks delicious meals. Sounds like a super mom.👩🏻🍳
You’re just a perfect match as a couple. You’ll be great parents one day. Love you guys ❤
Your over thinking all of it it’s something that you have no control over you go with the flow and everything else will fall into place one day at a time and two people that play together stay your smart both of you it will be great!!!
Don’t worry so much Alia! Your both gonna be great parents ❤ happy holidays 🎉
Honestly Yoni’s responses to you makes me so happy and I can tell he really is there for you. No need to worry Alia.
Alia, hi! Let me preface by saying that I absolutely adore you and the way you think, and especially the fighter strength you have in you! I can relate to you a lot.
I don’t have a baby, or am not planning to. But tbh with you, our society is not there yet to understand and show compassion towards a mother’s hard work. I think you will have to deal with people being judgmental. Whatever you decide to do, don’t focus too much on society judgments. Trust me, you will be a bad mother to a lot of people when you know deep down you are true to yourself and your baby and your family. Trust me, those people don’t matter. You have to toughen up against those people and just do your thing.
Laini Ozark is a youtuber that gave birth like a year ago. i’m not sure if her partner is also self employed but i’m sure she could help!
Love that you both spoke on this topic cause you don’t see that often. There’s so much to figure out and feels like so much pressure to do so, but I really think you don’t ever truly figure it out till you are living the experience cause you also don’t know what type of baby you’ll have (I.e. temperament and sleep needs)coming from someone who tried to figure it out before 😅. To alia’s point it’s also so normal to be sad or afraid little apprehensive etc especially as a woman. I loved watching Jenn im during pregnancy and after. She talks about having a baby and parenthood in what feels like a more authentic way. Her videos are also just great in general
haha this episode feels so timely-- my husband and I are planning on starting to try for a baby in about a year and as of the last few months it's the only thing on my mind! 😗 I'm a nurse that works 12 hour night shifts and my husband is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts... pray for us lol idk how we're gonna do it
I usually don’t comment but this topic is dear to my heart because I am Alia’s age and had a baby last year 🫶🏼
Like you guys say it is super individual and completely up to your own situation and the person that you are, but I think Alia has a realistic view about the mental load especially as a mom!! Both of your lives will completely change and tbh when you are in the situation as new parents you will just be present. Honestly nothing can prepare you but just believe you are ready when it’s time 🤍
I can't wait to see what that new chapter will look like for you two!! ❤
I agree with everyone else here. You already have a solid steady base as partners, and you ll be find your way around it when the baby 👶 comes. I believe you ll be great parents, and the baby or babies will be very lucky to have you as their parents. 🎉❤ We can't wait to witness that when the time comes 🙌 😍 we all will be happy for you !
Alia I honestly think what you’re saying is totally normal. People are afraid of future especially such changes as kids. I think there are some crucial things to keep in mind. 1) you’re never “ready ready” to have kids because you’re simply don’t know what’s that. And even when you try to imagine it while going out or drinking coffee - it won’t be the same. So don’t think like it’s something weird. It’s not. 2) before giving a birth it’s super helpful to read some psychology literature about kids but very important to choose properly because there is so much bullshit (as a psy student I know). Just to know more about how to treat your child, why it’s important to hold him/her when they’re crying not to leave them in bed and wait etc. 3)the fact that you’re working at home w Yoni is amazing! I know a lot of couples like you and it works perfectly. Your child won’t lack in attention and you can always combine it w babysitters or kindergarteners. I am sure u gonna be an amazing mom ❤️
This gonna be a good one you guys talk about having kids a lot in other episodes so makes sense to make it an actual full episode
Hey! Yes we thought it was a good conversation, hope you enjoy it! :-)
Love this
BEST POD EVER!!! so much love to you guys! this was such a refreshing and vulnerable topic I loved seeing your guy's perspectives ❤ Love from Australia
I've been a big fan of your podcast & watch it every week! I also love Alia's channel & watch her videos every week! I usually don't comment but felt compelled to this time. I really resonated with your conversation. My husband and I own a wedding photo & video business together so we both work for ourselves and work from home (similar to you guys). We also just got married this past August and naturally, our families are asking us about when we'll have kids. I have the same feelings that Alia has - excited for what's to come, grateful for the life I already have, but also very scared. I'm trying to soak in every ounce of time I have where it's just my husband and I. Just know that you two have a great partnership and will be amazing parents! I'll be following along in your journey and we'll all get through this together!
Kids are a whole different world but a good one ❤️ They are literally a half of your husband and yourself. Not for the weak either 😅 Its a sweet time but challenging nevertheless. Cant wait to see you guys as parents one day ❤️🙏
I've said it once and i'll say it again: you're going to be such cool parents 🖤
Yoni’s face said everything
Hi, this episode came at a weird time for me. I’ve been with my fiancé for 11.5 years now. He knew from the beginning that I didn’t want kids. Now we’re at a fork in the road of our relationship. I can’t open up to people and I don’t see myself being a motherly figure to anyone. Alia, your POV of having the time to do what you want whenever is basically one of my reasons for not having kids. I like my free time and do not want to mess with my routine.
Not sure what to do. 😢
He still wants kids.
Hiii!Love your podcast!!! Also, can you do one where you talk about tattoos? Sending a big hug
Loved it, love your unique way of communicate together and with us 🤍
Dude I just love both of you
❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰
1st few mos are FAB but a lot. Give yourselves props for little tasks accomplished. Rally for each other. Trade off making or bringing meals. When baby gets to 11-12 lbs, little will start sleeping more consistently thru the night. Nap often when baby sleeps esp at beginning. You need the sleep! You will sleep at night, but choppy. Hire on an au pair so you have your work together time + your time together. Keep a date night scheduled as much as possible. Then allow each to have time alone or w/friends periodically while the other Parent has one on one time. My Dad was a Pediatrician & Teaching Prof at UCLA Med School. You will be even happier than you are now & more in love. But stay a team! ❤❤❤
I recommend following Lauren Giraldo as she gave birth not that long ago and talks what it’s like in her videos☺️
I recommend you watch SISSEL's journey .. I myself never thought of having kids until I saw her journey. It's definitely not going to be the same for everyone. However, you must educate yourself well before having a child .
I second Sissel's videos! I've always wanted to have kids, but the thought of giving birth always terrified me. I learned so much from watching her journey and I felt like her videos gave me a whole new perspective on it. It feels wonderful to feel more positively about it all after hearing so many horror stories.
I‘ve never commented on RUclips before, but I felt I had to this time. I’m a mom to a 15-month-old girl, and she is truly the light of my life. My heart explodes every time I look at her. But I won’t lie-the first month was brutal. I mourned my old life so much and felt sad every single day. At the same time, I was overwhelmed with love for this little being who needed all of me.
I thought giving birth would be the hardest part, but I hadn’t realized how much my life would change afterward. Especially breastfeeding. It hit me like a truck. If you are a breast feeding mom there is so much that the dad can do because they need the comfort of it. And they need the mom constantly. Honestly i have no idea how I managed to do it for a whole year.
Here’s the thing: it does get better every day. You discover strength you never knew you had. Slowly, you’ll get pieces of your freedom back. And once you realize this phase won’t last forever, you’ll want to cherish every moment because time flies so fast.
You will still be you, and your life will come back together. And especially with a supporting partner it will get so much easier. I won‘t say don‘t worry. It is a good sign that you think about this not everyone does. It is a permament decision as you said. Just wanted to say you got this both if you decide for a child or not ❤️
wow thank you for this...I let out a deep breath out as I finished reading as I really appreciate you sharing your experience and wisdom
It does get better huh 😅
Id say newborn trenches take guts
Julia and Hunter Havens on RUclips vlog their whole life and are both full time creators! They have a baby that's ~1.5 years old and have a 2nd on the way. It's been super interesting to see how they balance work and being parents on a day to day level!
I absolutely love y'all podcast! I totally understand how Alia is feeling, and I’ve been a little worried about her. I think she might really benefit from talking to a therapist about this sometimes. I actually know someone who felt a lot of resentment toward her husband and child because she had them so young and wasn’t ready. Just wanted to let you know I’m keeping you all in my thoughts. Sending love from the WTJ Patreon fam.
Heyyyyy Najma! Patreon fam! Thanks so much for watching, we appreciate your words. Having resentment sounds like a nightmare omg not a good situation to be in! We'll defffff make sure we're both ready ready haha and it's not right now lol See you on Sunday! :-)
I don’t think she needs a therapist or whoever. It’s totally normal to be worried about future things. Big things tbh as children. But once you’re on the way, you can’t understand how you lived before. Also, being a creator and working from home is amazing cause you can combine your life, it’s easier and ALSO you give your child attention needed to prevent his/her going to therapist at their 17th with a request to help with that lack of mother’s attention))
@@rayfia.official when I say she’s would benefit from talking to a therapist isn’t just out of this episode alone is the other episodes as well.
Watch Julia and Hunter Havens Vlogs. Love you guys!! Happy Thanksgiving!!
So the truth is -> your life will change! Lots of things will lose value, lots of things you will need to put on a side. If Alia decides to breast feed no matter who wakes up at night she will still wake up to feed a baby. The first 2-3 month you need to feed a baby every 2-3 hours, other time the baby will sleep so you will have your time time to eat, to take a shower, to edit video or record your podcast. Your memory can be odd. That’s how I remember my first 2 month. But in general from the moment you see your baby you will be so happy seeing your little copy other thing will not be so important any more. And who knows you may find some business ideas( e g Yoni can do photography of kids). Anyway, I’m thinking about 1 more child, but I know what I will need to go through again, so I’m doubting if I can do it again and if I’m ready to give up on some freedom right now 🤷♀️
Wishing you positive vibe ❤