Mom told me she wanted me as a 3rd child, as a competition with Dad's Sister, who only had 2. She was drunk when she said this. Growing up with an alcoholic parent is tough. My Sister & I had to pick Mom up, off the bathroom floor passed out, put her on the couch, to sleep it off! She was a highly educated RN with 6 yrs of college & nursing school. Marriage, kids and a career are exhausting! Her first drink was at age 21.
If having children is a scam in this era, then Boomers, Gen X, and early Gen Y are to blame. Boomers and Gen X had a meeting, and it seems the responsibility falls on early Gen Y. Why did we bother having them when they consistently mess things up, as seen with Gen Z and Gen Alpha? Want to grab a beer, Boomer? 🍺🍻🍺🍻
Quite the opposite, the wolves are very happy because the sheep is not maturing, so they have a more easy to control sheeps. They only need the most immature sheep to breed, which are just this kind of sheeps. For when the ice age comes, the wolves want an easy to control herd, which can be manteined with much less food
the folks who are not choosing too are usually of the worker Beas. Plenty of folks who are having lots of kids are the off grid types or have inheritance and or choosing not to work and teaching their kids to do the same. The government worries there’s not going to be enough workers to keep the wheels turning in industries and keep Society going.
I think a lot of parents regret having children. Yes they love them and adore their children, but if they knew back then what they know now, they probably would’ve made different choices.
@@afriendabroad2083 I've had this experience; i have about 10 older cousins with children and whenever we go out, they all tell me not to have children. I totally understand it's not a lack of love for their kids, it's just that they now realize the cost of the decision.
I would do it all over again. But I would have gotten my life on track before having them. Going to school& living with your parents while being a single parent of twins has by far been the toughest shit ever. Also, would have been in therapy before having them& especially after birth.
I don't think some people in the comments understands that regreting having children doesn't mean you want to kill your children; it just means that the experience did not meet your expectations, it doesn't negate the love you have for your kids, you simply wouldn't recommend it, there's nothing wrong with that.
I have some understanding on those comments though. It's hard to know your parents regret your existance and would wish you didn't exist. I chased my dad for love for years but had to realize he regretted having me and wanted to live his own life without me. That shit hurts. So while I have empathy for overworked, exhausted, disappointed parents, I feel more for the kids who can pick up that their parents wish they hadn't been born. Kids can tell.
@@AidaKittyBoyI agree completely. I have so much empathy for regretful parents but they made their choice and there’s no way out for them now. It’s not the kid’s fault. But that’s exactly why it’s important to speak about it and fight the narrative that having a child will automatically make you happy and fulfilled and you will definitely love it. You may not. And that will be devastating for you AND the vulnerable child. People need to know all of that before making this decision so that we have less unwanted children.
Knew since I was 10 years old that I never wanted children. Now at 34, I'm so glad that I haven't changed my mind, especially in this economy. I love enjoying my hobbies, career, and just living life the way I want. And people who consciously know this should never be shamed, insulted, pressured, or gas-lighted into changing their minds. ✌🏻
Same here. Im 32 and no regrets. I think I decided around 20 though that i definitely didn't want to go through motherhood. Doesn't seem enjoyable at all.
I know this sounds bad, but growing up, my parents blamed most of their problems on the fact that they had kids. And they weren’t shy about expressing this in front of their kids. Now they’re wondering why I won’t have any
I was told, by my own mom, how hard it was going to be physically and mentally (in order to scare me out of teen pregnancy) and it worked too well because I decided to never have kids lol. Turning 37 in October and my husband and I are living our best lives and never plan to be parents. We are free. And we love kids, we have both had long careers as k-12 educators and I currently work in social services as a service coordinator for children with disabilities and their families. I adore my nieces and nephews. I love kids! I just don’t want to be a mom and it isn’t illegal to make that choice (currently where I live, anyway). I’m lucky to be alive now where I can consciously choose how to live my life.
This is how I feel. That one day and maybe soon our country may make it illegal to be born a female and not produce children. Anything is Possible. It just reconfirms my decision not to have kids because I wouldn't want my child to live in that world! I don't want my child to live in this world. S***, I don't even want to be here half the time I'm literally just making the best of it!
Well, thank you to you and your husband for your contributions as educators. To continue helping children with disabilities is very caring and thoughtful of you. I'm sure you've both helped so many children. Some people think it's selfish not to have children which always blows my mind. Some of the most caring, thoughtful, empathetic, and considerate people I know are childless. Just an appreciation post. Enjoy your day! 😊
You’re parenting in a different way 🤍 People sometimes forget that you can still contribute to society and other creatures’ lives even if you don’t have a kid of your own.
I actually think there’s a lot of truth in this as there was a huge teen pregnancy scare when I was a teen with lots of fear mongering, and I think that’s had a bigger impact than was expected at the time. The message wasn’t “having kids is great when you’re old enough etc”, it was “don’t have kids, it will ruin your life” and I think a lot of girls took that to heart and decided never to do it. I’m 36 and it still feels like I would be being “naughty” if I got pregnant even though I’ve been with my partner 9 years 😂
I can't buy into the "No one talks about how hard it is to be a parent" rhetoric. People have been discussing the trials and tribulations of parenthood for centuries and have documented it in letters and essays. People who are childfree have access to the same info that people who want kids (or who THINK they want kids) have access to. I think what happens is people don't do their research or go out of their way to look up this info BEFORE they conceive. They just figure "Well everyone has kids, so how bad can it be?" It's not that people aren't talking about this stuff, it's that people don't want to seek out the truth on their own.
I agree that lack of research before conception on the child is what lead some parents to be regretting parenthood. That’s a good point! Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
It's not a narrative, we've always known childbirth hurts, we all knew the cost, but we were always told that it was worth it, that it was the best experience, that your life would not be complete if you didn't do it and that you could only understand after you did... and because you couldn't offer proof to the contrary without having your own children, lots of people grew up under this brelief that somehow you were not complete without one and only after having it realized it wasn't true. The costs of childbearing were known, what has changed is the narrative about how rewarding it actually is.
Yip I agree nothing is new information here ppl been talking about the good and bad about parenting children for decades in fact I always heard don't rush to have children by my elders 😂
I think it’s the promotion of false miracles like that a baby is going to fix a relationship, or that you’d automatically love a biological child in a way you couldn’t love any other, or that you’re going to suddenly have some incredible amount of motivation you didn’t have before (in order to take care of the kid)
Normalize actually putting hard and deep thought into having kids because it seems like alot of people don’t. If anything I recommend a pros and cons list and whatever that decision ends up being stand on business and hold your boundaries.
More people need to talk about regretting kids. Way too many people end up having kids simply because they thought it was expected, and they become terrible parents. Parenting is a job that should be reserved for the people who understand the challenge and accept the challenge. Trying to hide the challenge and lying to people about how easy parenting is doesn't help anyone.
@ How can you vet somebody when they’ve been faking the whole time? Stop gaslighting people and victim blaming. Accountability needs to be held with the other party. The “ Choose better” Comments are not being accepted anymore by people.
@@tynaangelici3023 my dear a fruit never fall far away from it tree. The truth is that they are always red flags but we choose to either ignore it or refuse to see it. That is the Truth women need to also be hold accountable for their choices. Men are not the only one to be blame women too are to be blame
@ you’re wrong there sometimes there are no red flags. Men don’t show their true colors until women are pregnant or after they had their child that’s how they trapped them. Then they turn around and not wanna help support the child end up being a married single mother.
Getting a vasectomy for my ex was the greatest money I've ever spent. We got together in high school, married shortly after, and were both always adamant about never wanting kids. We had to wait until he turned 21 to get the procedure, and he got so many lectures from so many doctors first. Most refused us, because we didn't have children and were under 25, so everyone was SO SURE we'd change our minds. For the next 10+ years of marriage, every time we were around an annoying, loud, messy/stinky/sick, or tantruming child, we'd give each other a high five, or 'vasectomy five'. Now that we're apart and I'm still (blessedly) childfree in my late 30s, I give myself mental vasectomy fives very often. Zero regrets. No part of me wants a child. I would be a terrible parent, and would have had to sacrifice a lot of work I have put in over the years as a family caretaker, teacher, and mental health professional.
I feel very fortunate that my husband and I were both raised in harsh/un-normal childhood conditions. It showed us both how much our parents struggled and suffered. But also showed us the immense sacrifices and love our parents have for us. It wasn't easy for them. It was HARD. And we both saw that. We both want children. But we refuse to have them until we're in a stable financial place first. In addition to that, we want to do everything we want first. We want to enjoy our quiet and travel before having kids. So we use protection. The day will come when we have kids, and we acknowledge that NO ONE is EVER truly ready to have kids. But we at least want financial and emotional stability before the fact. And we want to feel like we've lived solo first before needing to dedicate our lives to someone else. I can't wait to have a child. And love and sacrifice for them. I know there will be days where I'll hate being a mother. It happens. But that's why I'm picking and choosing when to start. Because my child deserves stability and love. And for my well being as a mother, I deserve stability and emotional support.
I love your comment!! I feel you so much on this! Yes!! Be picky on when you start, build your stability, enjoy your quiet, all that is an excellent way of getting ready to conceive while having prepared as much as possible for this event! I wish you to have a beautiful and blessed family ☺️Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
@darbat Jesus, what happened to you to make you feel like it's acceptable to say that to someone? Are you ok? Have you seen a therapist? Also, by the way, adoption does exist 😅 so if I need to acknowledge your insanely inappropriate and cruel statement... yeah, adoption exists? And adopted kids are still kids?
I truly believe my parents would've had such a good life if they didn't have kids. The kicker is I would rather have that too. Life kinda sucks and is way too long and tiresome. Think long and hard about whether having kids is the right decision for you and don't get bullied into it. That singular decision will effect many lives and multiple generations.
Thank you so much for this comment, this is really interesting that as a child you are able to sy that about your parents! I appreciate you saying as well that people should not get bullied into having kids if they are not ready for it! Thank you! :)
Who told people that having kids was easy? I think the problem is that people had kids without putting thought into it. If you have any hesitation about having kids, don’t have them. In this day and age, why is anyone having kids because it’s “expected”?
Have them or don’t. We women know exactly what load we taking on (no pun) if we choose to have a child. But don’t be saying you regret having children in front of ur kids.
I had my baby in 29. Before that I didn't want any children near me. Then suddenly I was ready for one. And I don't have regrets, bc I did my research and I literally knew what to expect step by step from giving birth to raising the baby. I didn't love him immediately, but since I did my research I knew about that and didn't freak out. Everything is great now. And I will never understand my mother who was blaming me for things she was responsible of, like not having career, or having babies (mostly me) or that she is not living her dream life. That f'ed my life for a long time. A 4 year old doesn't need to know this stuff, but the therapist should. I was convinced that I couldn't have a career or life, my horror role model was my mother, but than I understood that everything is in my hands, I don't have to repeat my mom :D I have a life, a career and a baby now, with no regrets (baby is 1 y o) :D
You had the kid for selfish reasons. You want the kid to look after you in old age,you want something to do. you want a kid just because it is your culture, you want something to control ie religion, hobbies, their sexuality, you chose to give the kid the experience of suffering and death. Most parents don't actually care about kids, they want a thing to control
@@beaulieuc8910you must not have a life to be bashing on every mother in this comment section :) I also don’t have a life mind me because I’m wasting my time answering you ahah But let me say this on behalf of all the people reading you stupid opinions: YOU SUUUUCK , dear sir or mam If you don’t want to reproduce GOOD! I mean PLEASE DONT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS, but STOP being a bully and making people feel bad for something that is ENTIRELY NOT YOUR CONCERN Go find a hobbie with all the childfree time you have ffs
@@beaulieuc8910 Woaaah slown down there, how did you get that from their statement. They made no mention of wanting the kid to look after them in their old age, no mention of culture, religion, etc. Sounds like you're just imposing your own hangups?
I have absolutely no problem with people who choose to remain child free. Being a parent and regreting your child, however, is different and rubs me the wrong way. Raising children is incredibly difficult, exhausting, expensive and requires way more from you then you should ever expect to get back. But those are all pretty universal truths that people should understand long before they ever have children. Kids dont choose to come into this life. My sympathy is with the kids being raised by parents who didnt understand what they were getting themselves in to.
Realize how your life is about to change and whether you have the resources to be a parent. If not get an abortion. But life isn’t perfect so everything is a lesson in some instances.
I say they are too lazy to do research and then after they find out their romantic false fairytale is a lie throwing out the biggest hissy fit about having their freedoms destroyed because they have children. I feel NO Sympathy for them they made their Beds 🛏️ now sleep down in them and suffer the consequences of your actions!!!
@@notesfrommateriality7572 Exactly. Just another way parents expect everyone to cater to them and their kids. A couple months is fine but a year is ridiculous.
One thing I’m a little annoyed about is the, “no one tells you this,” rhetoric. I’m sorry it doesn’t take much critical thought or behind the scenes knowledge to know that any of this stuff can and will happen when you have children. Women have been dying in childbirth since the dawn of time. Postpartum depression is a well known issue. Kids are annoying. You don’t get sleep. You’ll be spending a ton of money and the economy sucks. Also like back to the kids are annoying thing. How is this a surprise to anyone? Have you ever babysat? Developmentally you can’t have a real conversation with a child until they’re like 7 at the very earliest. That’s like a non sentient, needy, loud, constantly demanding being that has nothing to add to a conversation for 7 years. But like none of this is a scam. You just have to think about it critically for one second.
I agree, future parents need to do their research! All those information are out there, it just require to be a bit more curious about the subject, especially if the person really wants to be a parent, then it would help to make an accurate decision! Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
There's plenty of people who have memories from before they are 7. Toddlers are sentient, what you do and say to them matters. They are just selfish, so they don't see _you_ as a person yet... I think even when people are doing their own research, they prioritize the view of their immediate family and community. I had to get to where I am despite my surroundings though, and I'm pretty sure that's the main factor in me deciding and staying child-free: practice in ignoring people 😊
@@vulpixelful yeah admittedly non sentient was a bit hyperbolic I think I’m describing more someone who has formed opinions, empathy, with, knowledge on a few things. I really meant someone who can provide a little back and forth. I have memories from before I was seven but not a whole lot and none of them were conversational. Though I’m positive I had many “conversations” before then
I feel you 100% - it does sound odd to me. How much does anyone need to tell anyone about breeding a whole entire human being who has no capacity to care for him/herself ? I feel like people should know full well as to whether or not they are cut out for parenthood. To make such a decision so careless/recklessly is just foolish
As a childfree man, I appreciate parents like that parents are being honest and telling the cold hard truth. It is not all the skittles and rainbows that it has always been portrayed to be.
I don’t regret my baby but he was a surprise at 37 and man.. I would not recommend . He’s wild. These new kids are different . I have 3. The other two weren’t like this 😢😂 also daycare is a house note these days. It was 400 a month back then lol but 1200 now . Make it make sense. Make sure you are married and able to stay home with your child ❤
My mom uses that proverb too... even if I almost died 3 trimes before reaching my first birthday. I never had serious problems after that. xD So yeah, a child is a life-long problem, but the age doesn't indicate how big the problems can be.
I am a man and I don’t want kids. I am 30 years old and I was a parent to my siblings and a parent to my own parents. I also use to work with kids as well. I am burnt out and need my freedom.
I would love to have kids but without the guarantee support of a partner, family, or government (USA), I’m struggling with the risk. I know the stress would cause me to regret the kind of life I would provide with that stress. I work with kids 12hrs a day and know it’s different because I get to clock out and regroup in a way that parents don’t have. I know those working with kids and having their own kids are emotionally, mentally, and financially drained.
I have three children. One of my children has autism and cerebral palsy. This could be a reason why if I had to do it again I would never do it again. I would love my life travel have fun forever until I die. With no responsibilities other than myself.
COMPLETELY TOTALLY agree. They don't tell you about the perinium cut, the post pregnancy psych trauma, the lactation pain, the vaginal bleeding, the possibility of post partum infection in genitals, the inability to walk due to stitches between vagina and anus, possible anal fissure, extreme pain when passing stool post partum... It was your mother's duty to tell you. But she didn't!
I'm sorry but you do realize there are tons and tons of research out there for you, you see that?!, it's called the Internet use it tons and tons of research at your finger tips amazing isn't it?!
i was told i was infertile. with my husband for twelve years, didn't get pregnant until last year. that was difficult because we had years to mourn the idea of not having kids (three different specialists told us that i couldn't), but we've changed and adapted to our situation.we were content with just each other with the possibility of becoming foster parents. when we got pregnant, it was a shock. it was hard to change our mindset from babies! to sad childless to happy childless to... having a full baby. that was hard. had a traumatizing birth experience and hubby and my families were not involved until it came to barking orders at us. i love my child. i hate this world though. the world is full of awful people. i know my child won't have what my husband and i have. we're trying our best to give our child everything we can. would i change anything? like that one guy in the beginning. yes and no. I love my child. perhaps its selfishness. but i regret that my child will be born into hard times. they didn't ask to be here.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I appreciate you so much! Congratulations on having your beautiful child after so many years! I agree with you the world is not the best place to grow a child right now, but if you curate as much as possible a peaceful and healthy environnement as much as you can for him, you will feel a bit better for him. We do not know what hols the future but we can do our maximum for the present moment to be manageable. Thank you for your comment!
At time I regret having my kids, but it's something that happens when life gets particularly difficult. If you're life is hard, having kids make it harder. I don't in the over all regret having kids, but they definitely are a lifetime commitment and it never stops, it changes, but that kid never stops being your kid.
If you are on the fence regarding having children or not, give it more time. Don't allow other people to influence or push you into a commitment that you are unsure about. On the other side, if you are a responsible nurturing person and you've always known that you desire children, nothing on this earth will fully prepare you for parenthood. You learn as you go. Every child is different and they change over time. The bond I have with my daughter is unlike anything I've ever felt in my life. She was the sweetest little girl. She would pull some shit on occasion. Oh the embarrassment of having to meet with the teacher because your kid is acting up in class.😅 As a teenager she was testing me... Thinking she was grown. I had to put the smack down so to say. 😆 She's an adult now, and we are very close. There will be highs and lows. But through it all, has been a journey that I have never regretted.
I love being a mom and it's so heartbreaking to hear that so many parents are regretting having children. I have to wonder how much of that is the lack of a village. My husband and I talk about how we want to be there for our kids if they choose to have their own children. I want to be a village. To lessen the burden on our kids. Being a parent should be a thing of joy, but more and more parents are physically, emotionally and financially stressed. It's more important now than ever to be intentional about bringing a soul into the world because more often than not we will be doing it alone.
Both me and my sister don’t plan to have kids. I think it’s unfair for the child to be forced into existence because they don’t have a conscious say if they want to be born or not! Personally I would rather not exist than experience existence. Im really glad people are waking up and not following the trend. Just like the saying goes, “just because someone tells you to jump over fire doesn’t mean you should!” It’s the same with having kids think long and hard before you even consider them. I am actually much happier without the idea of not having kids. I don’t have to worry much about my salary and if I can’t find a high paying job I’m still able to get by since I’m only supporting myself and can adjust it would be a different story if I had kids involved. I’m also able to spend my money on myself and enjoy it the way I want to!
I always wanted kids, at least 1 child. But realizing I have ADHD and autism complicates things. I was a difficult child and if I have kids they will likely be the same
First girl is spot on and also one of the many reasons why I love my husband to death. We wanted kids as a creation of our love for each other and because we are big on self love and personal development BUT! When I told him what changes my body will go through and what the reality of pregnancy is on a woman's body. He did not wish that on anyone, especially the woman he loves. Defo knew from that day he is the one :)
The concept of having children is a belief system-some people embrace it, while others do not. It's similar to how some individuals find solace, happiness, and guidance in having faith in God, while others feel that not having God in their lives helps them remain logical, fair, and unbiased towards people of all backgrounds. The real issue arises when people try to impose their personal beliefs onto others, not the beliefs themselves. Your choices, like what you decide to put in your mouth, are yours to make. We all face pressure to conform to various expectations, and while some people comply, others resist. Parents who regret having children often speak out and are sometimes bullied for it, just as people who leave religions are. Both groups are often accused of being influenced by trauma, lack of support, or other factors. The truth is, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to life. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we can respect and support each other rather than shifting blame and engaging in meaningless chatter. Life is an experience, and if you have a child and regret it, remember that adoption is an option, and many children who are abandoned still manage to thrive. Do they have a difficult life? Yes, but so do children who are pampered. Let go of the idea that life has to be perfect-there will always be choices, no matter what.
@@eagle162 Having children can certainly be seen as part of a belief system, especially when viewed through the lens of cultural, religious, or personal values. For many people, the decision to have children is deeply rooted in their beliefs about family, legacy, and the purpose of life. Some might view it as a natural or even divine responsibility to continue their lineage, while others might see it as a way to contribute to society or fulfill personal desires for companionship, love, or purpose. In some cultures and religions, having children is encouraged or even expected as part of fulfilling one's role in life. This expectation can be so ingrained that it becomes a norm or belief system in itself, shaping people's life choices and values. On the other hand, choosing not to have children can also be part of a belief system, where individuals might prioritize personal freedom, environmental concerns, or other values over traditional expectations. In this way, the decision to have or not have children can be deeply tied to one's worldview, making it a reflection of their broader belief system.
I say they are too lazy to do research and then after they find out their romantic false fairytale is a lie throwing out the biggest hissy fit about having their freedoms destroyed because they have children. I feel NO Sympathy for them they made their Beds 🛏️ now sleep down in them and suffer the consequences of your actions!!!
It's not a belief system stop trying to justify breeders fucking for no reason and then regretting it later at their offsprings because their freedoms are destroyed.
I say they are too lazy to do research and then after they find out their romantic false fairytale is a lie throwing out the biggest hissy fit about having their freedoms destroyed because they have children. I feel NO Sympathy for them they made their Beds 🛏️ now sleep down in them and suffer the consequences of your actions!!!
I think young woman should have a completely developed brain first (25 or older) also educate themselves on male psychology, male history and male biology before making such a sacrifice for the patriarchal system, true needs to be told so woman can make the right decision and not be harmed, statistics say men are not providers or protectors anymore, more predators.
There's a book by Orna Donath, that did a very comprehensive study on this topic and interviewed regretful mothers. As a somewhat regretful mom myself I can say that I would absolutely 100% do anything for my kid, she deservs the best from me. This is a 'me' problem that has nothing to do with her. She's magnificent, I just don't enjoy being a mom. I also know that this will change as she gets older and we will hopefuly become closer. Regretful parents can still be very good at parenting even if they don't like it.
@@beaulieuc8910stfu and realize that some people truly believe they are ready to deal with the consequences and then find themselves having POST PARTUM DEPRESSION and other mental illness If you have not experienced what is to have such an dramatic life change please abstain for being a snob
@@RandomAussieGuy87because it will help those kids to make better decisions in the future, regarding having kids or not. Now those kids understand that it's possible to regret having children
Our problem is we are raising selfish people. So when they have kids they can’t get over themselves to care for someone else. Having kids is putting others before you in every way.
True! It’s not everybody but a lot of people don’t understand then what it is to have the responsibility of a whole human being supposed to function in the society because you raised them! 😮💨 Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
This reeks of “you’re selfish for not giving me what I want, I am your parent! You should have given me grandkids by now!” Lol I mean yeah people whose children feel like their entire life was never about themselves but about their parents wants and needs instead don’t really want to prolong that into adulthood lol
See I can get behind a mother regretting having a child with a deadbeat father or bf .. but for them to regret their child.. that just sounds like selfishness.. they should’ve thought about it for a hot second on if they really want this
Yea it's a waste. That's why young people are refusing to reproduce. So the government just replace American-born with immigrants. Rich people gotta make money one way
And yet, when people learn we don't want children, we are called selfish and told we most have them even if we don't want to. Huh... Funny... It doesn't seem like this ended very well for these regretful parents and the children feeling rejected. But sure, the true monstruous people are the childfree.
I am waiting to have a baby because there is no rush for me. I am 25 and I want to be financially stable, married and have a house first. I don’t want to bring a child into the world for them to suffer because I don’t have enough $ to provide for them. I want to give them everything I did not have. Kids are so expensive: medical, food, clothes, schooling and so much more! Especially childcare!!! Sooooo expensive!!!!
That right there is the most fair and balance perspective in regards to having children. Being stable most definitely financially yet moreso mentally and emotionally. Especially if you don't want to project all your stored up trauma or overlooked issues unto that child.
I'm almost 37 and I can't imagine affording kids. But I also used to assume I wanted them. Like of course I did, right, because that's what you just assume is going to happen. But it didn't happen for me for various reasons and then a few years ago I finally started to even question whether that's what I wanted or not. And it turns out I don't. Because as much as I love kids and the children in my life (and have spent years working with children), I don't want that LIFESTYLE. I don't want to have to sacrifice my time or interests or energy. And if I'm being honest, I don't know one parent who isn't miserable. They love their children and they don't regret them (to my knowledge) but they just seem miserable from an outside view. And is it worth it? Probably. But I don't want that. Biologically we are wired to have children to keep our line alive, but that has nothing to do with happiness. Look at people who have kids and people who don't. Who is usually happier? Not fulfilled, not grateful, no impacted. But happier. There is no right or wrong, but know what you're getting into and why.
Lines are pointless when we are all 99% genetically the same. Maybe if the line includes a unique trait not seen in human dna before that enhances life.. otherwise, pointless
I’m 22 and still single and I used to think I wanna have kids but then I started seeing a lot of the choices that certain people make in this world like celebrities that you know live like to the floor like John Cena he doesn’t seem to worry about having kids, he just wants to live his life and the benefits of not having kids you get to enjoy your life without worrying about Something going wrong
If I ever change my mind about having children, I’ll try to adopt or foster. I’d rather help kids that are here already anyway. But I’m not the best with kids.
As a woman, I'm expected to ve naturally good with children. I. AM. NOT. I thoufh about fostering, but I would just make more emotional damage because of my social awkawrdess: I'm totally unable to notice when someone needs help.
My dad always yelled money and he was angry everyday for having 4 kids as a wife. He always said if I wasn’t for you all, I could had, as had a life. My life was ruined for a 10 minute ride on a woman that traded my good life for nothin. But as a consequence, I had hard sweat to care for someone else. I was stupid. Parent have no life. He told me never have a kid. Don’t do it. You will mess up your life. So males had vasectomy’s to insure we didn’t $&@& up our life.
I have three kids and this is my last year of my twenties I do t regret any of them for any reason and I would do it all over again. I loved being pregnant I actually think post partum was a bit rougher for me but I don’t hold any bitterness towards it or anything. It has made me a stronger MUCH more SELF-LESS person. I didn’t have all my stuff figured out before hand either the first diaper I changed was in the hospital after I had my son. I do t think every women should be a mother but I think a lot of women also DONT know how much they would love being a mom and HOW much it would fulfill them either. I was TERRIFIED of kids before I had mine and would go out of my way to not hold others babies and not change them or whatever when we would baby sit in highschool. I didn’t truly understand how precious and innocent they were I didn’t understand that they ARE the future. I thought maybe when I was more grown up in my thirties then maybe I would have them. I thought the mom stuff was wierd and embarrassing and gross. I was wrong I was so WRONG 😂😂😂 society has taught a lot of this!! I’ve been a sahm and wife since 2021 now. This comment isn’t for ALL women but it’s for the younger ones who just dont know yet. Is it a lot of work yes, is it easy NO but NOTHING in life worth doing is easy. Children are NOT a burden they are precious. But if you think you would regret it and u find the idea of it burdensome or you KNOW you have severe childhood trauma from younger ciblings being pushed on you or horrible relashionship with your parents or whatever just don’t have them. Or HEAL seek professional help and council before u have them. EVERY child deserves a loving parents/s but not EVERY parent deserves their sweet innocent child who did nothing to be here or conceived in the first place. If you do NOT want babies close your legs. If you want to help a child but do t want your own become a foster parent. But don’t force yourself to do something just bc you “should,” and if it makes you HIGHLY uncomfortable for some reason and you know deep down that might want children some day (some really don’t,) like how I was maybe u need to examine lies taught to you or refocus your priorities. I think ALOT more people want families than will admit but also ALOT of ppl have ALOT of trauma and have never seen proper parenting and are worried about financial stuff etc. IF you want something in life as sacred as family you should go for it. If you have an inkling you wouldn’t enjoy parenthood do t do it. I’m sorry but I’m tired of hearing how ppl regret their babies. I feel like that’s an excuse for unfelt with trauma or not wanting to face the reality of your responsibilities. I been and done a lot of crap in my life and have had a lot of things that I “regret..” but my children NEVER. This is insanity. If you feel like that you CAN receive help and work through those emotions because staying regretful and bitter will get you nowhere in life and NEWSFLASH your children can and will sense that you don’t like them. If you do t deal with your problems in life not be surprised when you have a rocky relashionshio with your grown child someday.
Definitely a scam. No matter what the mother is stuck with the child. The fathers don't have to stick around if they dont want to. There are no consequences if the other parent abandons the child.
The pressure to have kids in families, religions, and cultures is ridiculous. It's like if you don't have a child by 30 there's a problem with you. It's sad really.
I can only speak for myself, but I prefer to be an old maid. I don't hate babies/kids( unless the kids are bad and not an asset to society when they get older) I am willing to learn to help take care of babies/toddlers just to help out a parent who needs a break. But children is not what I want. These people are blatant in saying these things online should be between the therapist, not for everyone in the world to see!😡
Father of a 2 year old . Fully regret it and ruined our entire existence and finaces. Went from 4-5 trips a year around the country, debt free, time to relax, time to build life, time to express ourselves. Now we are working slaves to our jobs and then our home, then on top to be stuck home with a monster 14hours a day. I constantly consider suicide. If your on the fence just remember you will have no life outside of kids and if you do itll be a small sliver you had to "sacrifice and plan to make"
Maybe because by the time the kids are adult they already forgot how hard it was and think that is not that big of a deal. but the life, economy and way of living have completely changed meanwhile. Thank you for your comment :)
I don't regret having my sons, the only thing i regret is staying after i told the father. My sons are amazing, my older sister has no children and is happy w/her life. It's definitely something to think about before jumping in, if you're able. All three were suprises.
We made a huge mistake thinking that when we have children they'll support us in our old age. But today, those children we laboured for do not care about us at all. It's quite unfortunate to face such disappointment without regrets.
The unconditional love parents like to go on and on about means that you should be happy and full of love for them even if they hate you and don’t want to look after you in old age.
All we are saying is that children should care and love their parents in old age. It's because of love they brought them to this life. They spent they hard earn money to send them to school so that they can become successful. Imagine a world without the future generation if we continue to encourage childlessness.
The trick of the entire situation is; Are you going to be able to get along with that adult child? That’s the hard part. They get mouthy, disrespectful and know it all. They want to become they moral authority, forgetting you were here doing just fine before they came. Don’t get me wrong, I love my child, they just forget about respect and knowing they need to stay in their place.😒
Though it's true on average adolescents are rebellious during that stage of their lives its also the most important time for their adult development, I recommend self reflecting and being 100% honest with yourself that there were things you failed to teach your child due to lack of insight and misunderstandings. ;/
That is the hard part of becoming a parent, you do not know what type of child you will bring to the world. It’s a gamble! But you can just do as good as you can on their education and then let it be and be at peace knowing you did your maximum. Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
I barely taking care of myself , added to that the stress that kids bring, they money that you went to spend on them( foods, health, school etc... i would rather use that money on something else, as soon as you bring a child in this world you do not live for yourself anymore, AND too much responsability, too much stress, too much worry, too much problems. Moroever this world is already fucked up, we live in a crazy world HAVING A CHILD IS A CHOICE, NOT AN OBLIGATION.
People saying "stories are our there" like it isnt strongly encouraged by government, media, religions and our own families to the extent of guilt tripling and promising misery if you choose not to. Tons of pressure to have kids and sure there are stories but a lot of stories go "oh but it's worth it!", and they're vague I remember asking friends for details they all said it's worth it. Want the bad stuff? You gotta look it up. How do you even know where to start? It isn't like sex ed or "the talk"
The more we know about pregnancy and child birth, the greater the number of women that will opt out. So they will never educate young women. Has anyone ever watched a documentary showing actual childbirth? Disgusting, it's disgusting. It's why father's faint in the delivery room. It's blood and guts being forced out of your private parts with multiple people looking at your vagina. I'm a woman I knew I didn't want my husband to see that. Men aren't allowed to say it turns their stomach. But truthfully it's not pleasant. Women aren't allowed to say taking care of a baby is hard, but truth is some babies are stressful, not all. Mine wasn't, thank God. They want us to say childbirth is beautiful, babies are cute, and having children is the most important thing a woman can do with her life. Those are the talking points. That being said, I knew the risks and wanted my child, I had family support, I was financially OK, so I'm very happy with my decision. Watching a child grow up and become their own person is fulfilling. If you get blindsided by all the negatives, you will regret having a child.
people don’t understand the commitment that is parenthood. what it takes to parent and be present and an active parent. it’s hard! easier for some not so much for others. this is why it’s so important to educate people and share experiences and realities with community honestly and openly, but governments who push birth rate conversations without disclosing everything and sugarcoating know people will regret or wouldn’t want to have kids if they knew better . honestly i think we’d be such a happier society and perfectly happy to have children if we were all educated about the risks and requirements and had parenting lessons etc. financial stability as well as mental and emotional stability. attending therapy sessions and working through generational trauma if you have it. etc because when you’re not prepared it’s traumatizing. not just for you as a parent but for the poor kids. and then there’s no where for the parents or kids to fall back on when they desperately need the support and guidance. things like this are what we need to be taught in public school systems. there has to be conscious effort in our social development. there’s too much focus on our capabilities in being a cog in the machine like the first woman said. until that motive changes we can’t have kids in this type of system.
I sorta feel bad for them because a lot of them were brainwashed into thinking they don’t have a choice. I woke up at just 10, and I’ve been stuck there since then. I raised kids before I could have any, didn’t like it.
I love being a mother, the moment my first was born is the first day I felt the greatest love I have ever known. Went on to have 4 and no matter how hard I always fall to my knees and thank God for them. I can't imagine ever not having them. The love you feel for your child is just, there are no words 🖤
I am the same way. To openly say you wish your children was never born is evil and terrible and rather sickening. My mother is like that and I won't let her in my life or my children's lives. My children were surprise gifts from God. I could never imagine ever even thinking about regretting having them. I was 18 and homeless when I got pregnant with my first and now I am a business owner and homeschool my children. I wish I could have more. I imagine a soul is waiting to be born and wonder what personality they would have.
@@Rose-db5dg no such thing as god. You had unprotected sex. Why do you home school your kids do you want them to under your control? do you force feed them christianity when there are other religions and many people don't even believe in god. do you just want them to mix with christians
Having kids is hard, hard work, 100%. If you go into having kids expecting it to be a walk in the park, that says more about you 😅. Having kids is like life, it has ups and down, but in general it is ultimately a beautiful experience. Come to think about it, most beautiful long term experiences require a lot of hard work. Think of the person that built a business, climbed up to the top of their career, etc. Those experiences also have a lot of difficulty and sacrifice, but the experience is worth it. I get it and respect that some people don't want kids, but to blame other people because you messed up on your life decision, calling it a scam, that's just nuts. At the end of the day, this is your life choose how you live it and don't blame others. And yes, the first 2 years are difficult, but wonderful experiences take work. Personally, I would not have had such a fulfilling life without kids.
It depends on the temperament of the child. Some kids are easy to raise, while others are not. Please be empathetic. I do agree, though… it is a person’s decision
I never liked kids. Now I'm 40 and I want my own genetic material in a child and I want to love. I can afford children; I have money. So I miss it. I regret the decision not to have children. BUT, I don't want to go through gestation, birthing and lactation. What's the solution? Don't want to adopt. (I already have a neglected nephew so I can care for him and leave him my legacy)
Amen!!!! I am a child of a narcissistic father. He is a prime of someone who definitely should not have been a father. Only cared about himself and left my family financially strained.
Ironically, narcissists are more likely to have children because they are obsessed with themselves, and view their children as extensions of themselves.
Time to start growing kids in labs to replenish the work force. I definitely am never having kids. This lineage ends with me. I can't justify bringing more life into this insanity. Feels like most are under some sort of collective delusion convincing themselves everything is great and life is worth it in the end. I just don't see it, none of this seems worth the pain and suffering over the course of a life time. All that time and energy and for what? To die suffering in pain at the end of it all and to be forgotten not long after you're gone.
I think having children is selfish. I mean what the hell kind of world are you bringing them into? What future do they have? Some people have children for their own selfish reasons without considering how those children will inevitably suffer as we all do in this world
@@KassyelevenI used to wonder why my parent had to bring me into this world. I was mad at them for having kids. My whole childhood I was miserable. But I dealt with my stuff. It took some time. But still, I thought I never wanted kids. Then I got pregnant at 21 with twins. I didn't want my kids miserable like I was so I worked on myself, my partner and I had counseling to figure out our relationship problems, so our kids could have 2 parents. We moved into a small town, surrounded by the sea and nature. With family. These have been the three happiest years of my life. And all that 21 years of struggle were worth every minute of it. I don't wish to be dead anymore, I don't wonder why my parents brought me into this world anymore. I just live. I want to savour every moment of this life.
You get to choose what kind of life you want to live as you get older. You get to find your purpose, your joy. But that takes sacrifice. Planning. If you choose to live in a town that makes you miserable, surrounded by people who make you miserable, cultivating bad habits, not nourishing your body properly, you are going to be miserable. And it is not your parent's fault. But that doesn't mean that giving life is inherently selfish. Those little feet, those big curious eyes, this precious laugh are pure, not a result of selfishness. I wish you to find your happiness.
@@Kassyeleven it isn't normal to feel that miserable. If you haven't already, I'd look into seeking counseling to help you make some lifestyle changes. Most of us are happy to be alive.
Motherhood is not a scam. 😅 You don't know biology or didn't use protection. I didn't want kids in my early 20s and changed my mind at 29. I have a 5, 4 and almost 2 yr old. They are the biggest blessings and made me think about others instead of myself. I'm humbled, exhausted and abundantly blessed.
Motherhood is the biggest scam u cheap trash, delusional, used up, struggling, backwards no accomplishments clown. Having kids only benefits the man and the government. The biggest blessing is freedom, peace, growth, and financial abundance. Which u can’t have with kids. Kids and money are the biggest reasons for divorce.
😂😅😂. I admit as someone who still goes back n forth if I want kids I still can't help but call a spade a spade. Many folks are in this situation because they like to f more than be responsible and now they have to live with the consequences of 5 minutes of pleasure. I do not think all of these parents are simply people who planned to have kids just to have kids and then regret them. Sure the guy in the video was more planned. But more than not it is because folks find themselves in the situation and you basically subconsciously accept that kids come with the territory of wanting to have sex sometimes.
Your feelings only apply to you. If other people regret it, their feelings are valid. It's also weird that it took having children to get you to care about others.
But I do realize that some people had children because of society pressures and were not fully aware that it wasn’t all butterflies and roses. Many only had children for social and religious validation. But I’ve always told people they want you to have babies to fill up the workforce and to collect more taxes and make more profit. You are just cattle to them. But let me be very clear, children are truly the deepest love you will ever feel. And if society did not turn it into a money making scheme… it would indeed be everything people say it is. But no one should feel pressured to have children or get married in order to be socially accepted.. it should always be a sound choice where everyone knows what it fully requires and the sacrifice it takes to be successful at it. It should not be used to gain a higher social status!
I’m scared of having kids. I don’t think enough people think about when a kid grows up and they become teens to. When they start straying from home anything can happen and when I look around in today’s world all I see is kids with guns, grown women that’s children, drug users and brain washed social media kids. These kids different today wear jackets in 100 degree weather. It doesn’t matter how you raise them, they’ll still grow up to be whatever it is they want. I just look at the teens today and understands that will be our kids tomorrow. It’s just to scary for me, I can afford a house full of kids financially but I’m afraid of the worry some sleepless nights that’s comes from being a parent after the toddler and elementary years.
The Korean girl mentioned she heard about the perineum getting cut during childbirth but I just want to say that is not always the case. I had my first child and my own body tore my perineum and ripped on its own. My Doctor felt bad for me because my own body caused the tear. It was second degree tear and the doctor stitched it up. I don’t regret my decision to have a baby but it is not easy. Everyone will have a different experience.
I feel like people who are pro kids weren't busy enough in their lives before having kids. My productivity and joy for life dropped too zero after my son was born. If all your desire in this would is to purchase a dwelling and feed mouths then so be it. But its 2024 and the world has way more substance then procreation.
It depends on the people. My mom always wanted children. She had to wait her 32yo in order to have me (her first born), and she felt blessed. On the other hand, I'm 34yo and don't want children.
I think in American. Like some of our phispophers had different ideas about the meaning of life and its purpose. I think more individuals believe that life is meant for fun and happiness primarily and if you do not feel this then something is drastically wrong with your life and you will have a miseable existence ect. Some people believe life is meant as a test. You have ups and downs, amd maybe your life is meant to serve others. Maybe between the two and many other theories. You go to college....knowing...life will be harder for 3-5, sometimes more years. You decide to grind and learn a skill that might take 2-3 years. I can go on. I just am a little baffled, that people want their lives to go well at every srcond of the day. And because children are not essy, and are a commitment it is not worth it. Now. I am not saying have a child or dont have a child. I just think this stems from todays understanding of the meaning of life that is influencing this movement to more not having children. Let alone climate change, more cazy people seem to be popping up everyday, and all the other society craziness.
You do raise a bit of a point. Personally idc if people have kids or not. I do think it's something that shouldn't be pushed on women especially. And I personally debated if I wanted them or not, very much aware of the reasons why I would not. But I still don't understand this trend with wanting parents to talk more about regretting to have kids. It seems one of the few issues we are overhyping the word and feeling regret. And I can't help but feel at least half of these people will still feel regret if they chose a different path. And when you look into these stories, the regret is stemming from a lack of something. I hardly hear any stories from parents who actually regret the idea of having a child. It's due to them feeling like they missed out on xyz, they lack x y z, their kid turned out to be different than their ideals, their relationship doesn't end up being as strong as they thought, etc... nothing to do with the actual idea of the kid itself. It's ironic because if we take the same amount of stock in regret with other stuff that people are taking to parenthood, nobody will be doing anything. There are many careers, jobs, education and schools and relationships/marriages that people regret and it's typically because their life didn't end up like they wanted. Regret is part of life.
A quick Google search will reveal it costs an average of 350k to raise a child from 0-18, and 500k to raise a child from 0-college graduate. Hard pass for me LOL.
I have met less than tell men and women that loved their kids. And I mean they woke up every day stoked and fulfilled beyond words to have their kids. The kind of women that do want them and even being single mothers or whatever hardships still would choose their kids. Ones that wake up and excitedly go wake their kids so they can play and hangout. Men that don’t hate their families. That don’t just tolerate them or feel a sense of duty. That excitedly show you pictures and stores of their family when and when not asked. Men that have a pep in their step as they get ready to go home. I’ve met maybe ten. But most likely less. Most tolerate their choices. That’s it.
Even if parents don’t tell their kids they regret them, the kids can sense it.
Trust me, they do!
Yeah I can tell my parents only had kids because it was expected of them, not because they actually wanted some.
So true. I can imagine kid's pain😭😭😭
Mom told me she wanted me as a 3rd child, as a competition with Dad's Sister, who only had 2. She was drunk when she said this. Growing up with an alcoholic parent is tough. My Sister & I had to pick Mom up, off the bathroom floor passed out, put her on the couch, to sleep it off! She was a highly educated RN with 6 yrs of college & nursing school. Marriage, kids and a career are exhausting! Her first drink was at age 21.
I think my dad does, but mom doesn't regret
The wolves are angry because the sheep aren't breeding
If having children is a scam in this era, then Boomers, Gen X, and early Gen Y are to blame. Boomers and Gen X had a meeting, and it seems the responsibility falls on early Gen Y. Why did we bother having them when they consistently mess things up, as seen with Gen Z and Gen Alpha? Want to grab a beer, Boomer? 🍺🍻🍺🍻
You can say that, dont be surprised when your country is taken over by the next BRIC.
Quite the opposite, the wolves are very happy because the sheep is not maturing, so they have a more easy to control sheeps. They only need the most immature sheep to breed, which are just this kind of sheeps. For when the ice age comes, the wolves want an easy to control herd, which can be manteined with much less food
the folks who are not choosing too are usually of the worker Beas. Plenty of folks who are having lots of kids are the off grid types or have inheritance and or choosing not to work and teaching their kids to do the same. The government worries there’s not going to be enough workers to keep the wheels turning in industries and keep Society going.
Very true. We sheep got the Big Bad Wolves crying. 🤣
#CHILDFREEBYCHOICE
I think a lot of parents regret having children. Yes they love them and adore their children, but if they knew back then what they know now, they probably would’ve made different choices.
No way
My cousin has two kids and he polled his fellow parent friends and found that half of them would not have kids if they can do it all over again
@@afriendabroad2083that is so interesting that they would not want to have the people that are currently in their lives
@@afriendabroad2083 I've had this experience; i have about 10 older cousins with children and whenever we go out, they all tell me not to have children. I totally understand it's not a lack of love for their kids, it's just that they now realize the cost of the decision.
I would do it all over again. But I would have gotten my life on track before having them. Going to school& living with your parents while being a single parent of twins has by far been the toughest shit ever. Also, would have been in therapy before having them& especially after birth.
I don't think some people in the comments understands that regreting having children doesn't mean you want to kill your children; it just means that the experience did not meet your expectations, it doesn't negate the love you have for your kids, you simply wouldn't recommend it, there's nothing wrong with that.
I have some understanding on those comments though. It's hard to know your parents regret your existance and would wish you didn't exist. I chased my dad for love for years but had to realize he regretted having me and wanted to live his own life without me. That shit hurts.
So while I have empathy for overworked, exhausted, disappointed parents, I feel more for the kids who can pick up that their parents wish they hadn't been born. Kids can tell.
@@AidaKittyBoyI agree completely. I have so much empathy for regretful parents but they made their choice and there’s no way out for them now. It’s not the kid’s fault. But that’s exactly why it’s important to speak about it and fight the narrative that having a child will automatically make you happy and fulfilled and you will definitely love it. You may not. And that will be devastating for you AND the vulnerable child. People need to know all of that before making this decision so that we have less unwanted children.
some parents do kill their kids
I’m glad i didn’t get stuck with a mistake for 18 years
Tell them... some just don't understand ‼️‼️
Knew since I was 10 years old that I never wanted children. Now at 34, I'm so glad that I haven't changed my mind, especially in this economy. I love enjoying my hobbies, career, and just living life the way I want. And people who consciously know this should never be shamed, insulted, pressured, or gas-lighted into changing their minds. ✌🏻
Can ask you what your career is?
I miss having my own life
Same here. Im 32 and no regrets. I think I decided around 20 though that i definitely didn't want to go through motherhood. Doesn't seem enjoyable at all.
@saras.1912 she didn't answer but im in the same boat, and I've been a medical assistant for 11 years , and I just started nursing school in August
Maybe you are a narcissist 😢
I know this sounds bad, but growing up, my parents blamed most of their problems on the fact that they had kids. And they weren’t shy about expressing this in front of their kids.
Now they’re wondering why I won’t have any
how I understand....
😂
I don't know what country are you from, but I have seen exact same
I don’t blame you on this one.
people have kids cause they get horny. It has nothing to do with the logical decision of having kids and planning on how to raise them correctly
I was told, by my own mom, how hard it was going to be physically and mentally (in order to scare me out of teen pregnancy) and it worked too well because I decided to never have kids lol. Turning 37 in October and my husband and I are living our best lives and never plan to be parents. We are free. And we love kids, we have both had long careers as k-12 educators and I currently work in social services as a service coordinator for children with disabilities and their families. I adore my nieces and nephews. I love kids! I just don’t want to be a mom and it isn’t illegal to make that choice (currently where I live, anyway). I’m lucky to be alive now where I can consciously choose how to live my life.
This is how I feel. That one day and maybe soon our country may make it illegal to be born a female and not produce children. Anything is Possible. It just reconfirms my decision not to have kids because I wouldn't want my child to live in that world! I don't want my child to live in this world. S***, I don't even want to be here half the time I'm literally just making the best of it!
Well, thank you to you and your husband for your contributions as educators. To continue helping children with disabilities is very caring and thoughtful of you. I'm sure you've both helped so many children. Some people think it's selfish not to have children which always blows my mind. Some of the most caring, thoughtful, empathetic, and considerate people I know are childless. Just an appreciation post. Enjoy your day! 😊
You’re parenting in a different way 🤍
People sometimes forget that you can still contribute to society and other creatures’ lives even if you don’t have a kid of your own.
I actually think there’s a lot of truth in this as there was a huge teen pregnancy scare when I was a teen with lots of fear mongering, and I think that’s had a bigger impact than was expected at the time. The message wasn’t “having kids is great when you’re old enough etc”, it was “don’t have kids, it will ruin your life” and I think a lot of girls took that to heart and decided never to do it. I’m 36 and it still feels like I would be being “naughty” if I got pregnant even though I’ve been with my partner 9 years 😂
illegal
🤣 Why would you say that?!
I can't buy into the "No one talks about how hard it is to be a parent" rhetoric. People have been discussing the trials and tribulations of parenthood for centuries and have documented it in letters and essays. People who are childfree have access to the same info that people who want kids (or who THINK they want kids) have access to.
I think what happens is people don't do their research or go out of their way to look up this info BEFORE they conceive. They just figure "Well everyone has kids, so how bad can it be?"
It's not that people aren't talking about this stuff, it's that people don't want to seek out the truth on their own.
I agree that lack of research before conception on the child is what lead some parents to be regretting parenthood. That’s a good point! Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
It's not a narrative, we've always known childbirth hurts, we all knew the cost, but we were always told that it was worth it, that it was the best experience, that your life would not be complete if you didn't do it and that you could only understand after you did... and because you couldn't offer proof to the contrary without having your own children, lots of people grew up under this brelief that somehow you were not complete without one and only after having it realized it wasn't true. The costs of childbearing were known, what has changed is the narrative about how rewarding it actually is.
Yip I agree nothing is new information here ppl been talking about the good and bad about parenting children for decades in fact I always heard don't rush to have children by my elders 😂
I think it’s the promotion of false miracles like that a baby is going to fix a relationship, or that you’d automatically love a biological child in a way you couldn’t love any other, or that you’re going to suddenly have some incredible amount of motivation you didn’t have before (in order to take care of the kid)
Such a good point. The movie “parenthood” definitely kept me from romanticizing family life. Oh yeah - not to mention my own childhood trauma.
Normalize actually putting hard and deep thought into having kids because it seems like alot of people don’t. If anything I recommend a pros and cons list and whatever that decision ends up being stand on business and hold your boundaries.
More people need to talk about regretting kids. Way too many people end up having kids simply because they thought it was expected, and they become terrible parents. Parenting is a job that should be reserved for the people who understand the challenge and accept the challenge. Trying to hide the challenge and lying to people about how easy parenting is doesn't help anyone.
Exactly,thank you!
No, they have kids for attention or financial advantage and when they don’t get the validation they want, they make the kids pay for it.
It’s 10x harder when the child’s father is a deadbeat and you’re paying for everything yourself.
I'm sure you slipped on his lap
That is why you must choose well your man or the man you choose to sleep with. Nobody force you to do that
@ How can you vet somebody when they’ve been faking the whole time? Stop gaslighting people and victim blaming. Accountability needs to be held with the other party. The “ Choose better” Comments are not being accepted anymore by people.
@@tynaangelici3023 my dear a fruit never fall far away from it tree. The truth is that they are always red flags but we choose to either ignore it or refuse to see it. That is the Truth women need to also be hold accountable for their choices. Men are not the only one to be blame women too are to be blame
@ you’re wrong there sometimes there are no red flags. Men don’t show their true colors until women are pregnant or after they had their child that’s how they trapped them. Then they turn around and not wanna help support the child end up being a married single mother.
Getting a vasectomy for my ex was the greatest money I've ever spent.
We got together in high school, married shortly after, and were both always adamant about never wanting kids. We had to wait until he turned 21 to get the procedure, and he got so many lectures from so many doctors first. Most refused us, because we didn't have children and were under 25, so everyone was SO SURE we'd change our minds.
For the next 10+ years of marriage, every time we were around an annoying, loud, messy/stinky/sick, or tantruming child, we'd give each other a high five, or 'vasectomy five'. Now that we're apart and I'm still (blessedly) childfree in my late 30s, I give myself mental vasectomy fives very often.
Zero regrets. No part of me wants a child. I would be a terrible parent, and would have had to sacrifice a lot of work I have put in over the years as a family caretaker, teacher, and mental health professional.
Haha when we see kids misbehaving, me and my partner look at each other and say "reason 1,000 not to have kids"
I need to get one but i think my doctor will say no. Instead she pushes birth control. Insaneness.
I'm so happy to be childfree! Thank you Jesus! lol!
I feel very fortunate that my husband and I were both raised in harsh/un-normal childhood conditions. It showed us both how much our parents struggled and suffered. But also showed us the immense sacrifices and love our parents have for us. It wasn't easy for them. It was HARD. And we both saw that.
We both want children. But we refuse to have them until we're in a stable financial place first. In addition to that, we want to do everything we want first. We want to enjoy our quiet and travel before having kids. So we use protection.
The day will come when we have kids, and we acknowledge that NO ONE is EVER truly ready to have kids. But we at least want financial and emotional stability before the fact. And we want to feel like we've lived solo first before needing to dedicate our lives to someone else.
I can't wait to have a child. And love and sacrifice for them. I know there will be days where I'll hate being a mother. It happens. But that's why I'm picking and choosing when to start. Because my child deserves stability and love. And for my well being as a mother, I deserve stability and emotional support.
I love your comment!! I feel you so much on this! Yes!! Be picky on when you start, build your stability, enjoy your quiet, all that is an excellent way of getting ready to conceive while having prepared as much as possible for this event! I wish you to have a beautiful and blessed family ☺️Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
Just don't wait toooo LONG!!!!
Watch you struggle with conception and pregnancy then ultimately be barren and childless. 😂
@darbat Jesus, what happened to you to make you feel like it's acceptable to say that to someone? Are you ok? Have you seen a therapist?
Also, by the way, adoption does exist 😅 so if I need to acknowledge your insanely inappropriate and cruel statement... yeah, adoption exists? And adopted kids are still kids?
@@MS-fb4vs Deserved. Trauma dumper. Ofc youre going to adopt some poor child to make yourself feel better.
I truly believe my parents would've had such a good life if they didn't have kids. The kicker is I would rather have that too. Life kinda sucks and is way too long and tiresome. Think long and hard about whether having kids is the right decision for you and don't get bullied into it. That singular decision will effect many lives and multiple generations.
Thank you so much for this comment, this is really interesting that as a child you are able to sy that about your parents! I appreciate you saying as well that people should not get bullied into having kids if they are not ready for it! Thank you! :)
Who told people that having kids was easy? I think the problem is that people had kids without putting thought into it. If you have any hesitation about having kids, don’t have them. In this day and age, why is anyone having kids because it’s “expected”?
exactly zero thought
Have them or don’t. We women know exactly what load we taking on (no pun) if we choose to have a child. But don’t be saying you regret having children in front of ur kids.
I had my baby in 29. Before that I didn't want any children near me. Then suddenly I was ready for one. And I don't have regrets, bc I did my research and I literally knew what to expect step by step from giving birth to raising the baby. I didn't love him immediately, but since I did my research I knew about that and didn't freak out. Everything is great now. And I will never understand my mother who was blaming me for things she was responsible of, like not having career, or having babies (mostly me) or that she is not living her dream life. That f'ed my life for a long time. A 4 year old doesn't need to know this stuff, but the therapist should. I was convinced that I couldn't have a career or life, my horror role model was my mother, but than I understood that everything is in my hands, I don't have to repeat my mom :D I have a life, a career and a baby now, with no regrets (baby is 1 y o) :D
You had the kid for selfish reasons. You want the kid to look after you in old age,you want something to do. you want a kid just because it is your culture, you want something to control ie religion, hobbies, their sexuality, you chose to give the kid the experience of suffering and death. Most parents don't actually care about kids, they want a thing to control
@@beaulieuc8910you must not have a life to be bashing on every mother in this comment section :) I also don’t have a life mind me because I’m wasting my time answering you ahah
But let me say this on behalf of all the people reading you stupid opinions: YOU SUUUUCK , dear sir or mam
If you don’t want to reproduce GOOD! I mean PLEASE DONT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS, but STOP being a bully and making people feel bad for something that is ENTIRELY NOT YOUR CONCERN
Go find a hobbie with all the childfree time you have ffs
@@beaulieuc8910 Woaaah slown down there, how did you get that from their statement. They made no mention of wanting the kid to look after them in their old age, no mention of culture, religion, etc. Sounds like you're just imposing your own hangups?
I have absolutely no problem with people who choose to remain child free. Being a parent and regreting your child, however, is different and rubs me the wrong way. Raising children is incredibly difficult, exhausting, expensive and requires way more from you then you should ever expect to get back. But those are all pretty universal truths that people should understand long before they ever have children. Kids dont choose to come into this life. My sympathy is with the kids being raised by parents who didnt understand what they were getting themselves in to.
and what advice would you give to those parents?
Realize how your life is about to change and whether you have the resources to be a parent. If not get an abortion. But life isn’t perfect so everything is a lesson in some instances.
I say they are too lazy to do research and then after they find out their romantic false fairytale is a lie throwing out the biggest hissy fit about having their freedoms destroyed because they have children.
I feel NO Sympathy for them they made their Beds 🛏️ now sleep down in them and suffer the consequences of your actions!!!
A year long maternity and paternity leave is really needed in the US.
don't have kids if you can't afford it. parents should NOT be given any more perks. they shouldn't be encouraged.
@@notesfrommateriality7572 Exactly. Just another way parents expect everyone to cater to them and their kids. A couple months is fine but a year is ridiculous.
I really respect the mothers and fathers who are honest about regretting having kids. Parenthood is not a Disney fairytale
One thing I’m a little annoyed about is the, “no one tells you this,” rhetoric.
I’m sorry it doesn’t take much critical thought or behind the scenes knowledge to know that any of this stuff can and will happen when you have children. Women have been dying in childbirth since the dawn of time. Postpartum depression is a well known issue. Kids are annoying. You don’t get sleep. You’ll be spending a ton of money and the economy sucks.
Also like back to the kids are annoying thing. How is this a surprise to anyone? Have you ever babysat? Developmentally you can’t have a real conversation with a child until they’re like 7 at the very earliest. That’s like a non sentient, needy, loud, constantly demanding being that has nothing to add to a conversation for 7 years.
But like none of this is a scam. You just have to think about it critically for one second.
They are exposing themselves at this point. “No one told me about this” = “I lack critical thinking and good decision making skills”
I agree, future parents need to do their research! All those information are out there, it just require to be a bit more curious about the subject, especially if the person really wants to be a parent, then it would help to make an accurate decision! Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
There's plenty of people who have memories from before they are 7. Toddlers are sentient, what you do and say to them matters. They are just selfish, so they don't see _you_ as a person yet...
I think even when people are doing their own research, they prioritize the view of their immediate family and community. I had to get to where I am despite my surroundings though, and I'm pretty sure that's the main factor in me deciding and staying child-free: practice in ignoring people 😊
@@vulpixelful yeah admittedly non sentient was a bit hyperbolic I think I’m describing more someone who has formed opinions, empathy, with, knowledge on a few things. I really meant someone who can provide a little back and forth.
I have memories from before I was seven but not a whole lot and none of them were conversational. Though I’m positive I had many “conversations” before then
I feel you 100% - it does sound odd to me. How much does anyone need to tell anyone about breeding a whole entire human being who has no capacity to care for him/herself ?
I feel like people should know full well as to whether or not they are cut out for parenthood. To make such a decision so careless/recklessly is just foolish
As a childfree man, I appreciate parents like that parents are being honest and telling the cold hard truth. It is not all the skittles and rainbows that it has always been portrayed to be.
I don’t regret my baby but he was a surprise at 37 and man.. I would not recommend . He’s wild. These new kids are different . I have 3. The other two weren’t like this 😢😂 also daycare is a house note these days. It was 400 a month back then lol but 1200 now . Make it make sense. Make sure you are married and able to stay home with your child ❤
@@weekendnomad5038 stay home only in the first years, I love to work
These new children are definitely a new breed.
It's not the children. It's the parenting and all the narcisstic parents that don't want kids so they aren't raising them.
Good advice on childcare
have fun teaching them how to be a slave
“Parenting has become far more complex and difficult than nature intended it” Gabor Mate
10:55 no, it's ALL hard. Every age and every stage. My grandmother put it perfectly: "Small kids small problems. Big kids big problems. "
My mom uses that proverb too... even if I almost died 3 trimes before reaching my first birthday. I never had serious problems after that. xD
So yeah, a child is a life-long problem, but the age doesn't indicate how big the problems can be.
I am a man and I don’t want kids. I am 30 years old and I was a parent to my siblings and a parent to my own parents. I also use to work with kids as well. I am burnt out and need my freedom.
When ur single and no kids. Thank you lord lol
why bring religion into this
@@beaulieuc8910why not?? They're grateful for the Lord giving this to them. It's something to be thankful for.
@@beaulieuc8910why bring your anti-religion comments? After all anybody can comment what they want.. if you want to bring some name on here you can.
Yes me too. thank you lord Jesus!!
@@beaulieuc8910I thank the almighty Lord everyday for my childfree freedom! The lord baby!! The lord!!
I would love to have kids but without the guarantee support of a partner, family, or government (USA), I’m struggling with the risk. I know the stress would cause me to regret the kind of life I would provide with that stress. I work with kids 12hrs a day and know it’s different because I get to clock out and regroup in a way that parents don’t have. I know those working with kids and having their own kids are emotionally, mentally, and financially drained.
I have three children. One of my children has autism and cerebral palsy. This could be a reason why if I had to do it again I would never do it again. I would love my life travel have fun forever until I die. With no responsibilities other than myself.
but you knew there would be a risk but chose to gohead with it
that will always be a risk, as a childfree person, I certainly did not want to take that risk
@@beaulieuc8910 intelligent💪
COMPLETELY TOTALLY agree. They don't tell you about the perinium cut, the post pregnancy psych trauma, the lactation pain, the vaginal bleeding, the possibility of post partum infection in genitals, the inability to walk due to stitches between vagina and anus, possible anal fissure, extreme pain when passing stool post partum...
It was your mother's duty to tell you. But she didn't!
I'm sorry but you do realize there are tons and tons of research out there for you, you see that?!, it's called the Internet use it tons and tons of research at your finger tips amazing isn't it?!
“Sometimes everything just feels so dystopian for women”….god is that ever true! Childfree for life 🙌
Society has also changed. Parenting has never been this difficult. If you had your kids in the 90s, you had a lot less to worry about.
How is it less worrying in the 90s when we have better technology in this era????
That’s not true it was just more normalized to neglect them
Talk to some older people about the way things were. Go back beyond the 90s. 80s, 70s, 40s… old people will tell you some crazy stories
It is amazing how many parents never think that having a kid or kid will ruin their lives, cognitive dissidence
i was told i was infertile. with my husband for twelve years, didn't get pregnant until last year. that was difficult because we had years to mourn the idea of not having kids (three different specialists told us that i couldn't), but we've changed and adapted to our situation.we were content with just each other with the possibility of becoming foster parents. when we got pregnant, it was a shock. it was hard to change our mindset from babies! to sad childless to happy childless to... having a full baby. that was hard. had a traumatizing birth experience and hubby and my families were not involved until it came to barking orders at us. i love my child. i hate this world though. the world is full of awful people. i know my child won't have what my husband and i have. we're trying our best to give our child everything we can. would i change anything? like that one guy in the beginning. yes and no. I love my child. perhaps its selfishness. but i regret that my child will be born into hard times. they didn't ask to be here.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I appreciate you so much! Congratulations on having your beautiful child after so many years! I agree with you the world is not the best place to grow a child right now, but if you curate as much as possible a peaceful and healthy environnement as much as you can for him, you will feel a bit better for him. We do not know what hols the future but we can do our maximum for the present moment to be manageable. Thank you for your comment!
At time I regret having my kids, but it's something that happens when life gets particularly difficult. If you're life is hard, having kids make it harder. I don't in the over all regret having kids, but they definitely are a lifetime commitment and it never stops, it changes, but that kid never stops being your kid.
If you are on the fence regarding having children or not, give it more time. Don't allow other people to influence or push you into a commitment that you are unsure about. On the other side, if you are a responsible nurturing person and you've always known that you desire children, nothing on this earth will fully prepare you for parenthood. You learn as you go. Every child is different and they change over time. The bond I have with my daughter is unlike anything I've ever felt in my life. She was the sweetest little girl. She would pull some shit on occasion. Oh the embarrassment of having to meet with the teacher because your kid is acting up in class.😅 As a teenager she was testing me... Thinking she was grown. I had to put the smack down so to say. 😆 She's an adult now, and we are very close. There will be highs and lows. But through it all, has been a journey that I have never regretted.
I love being a mom and it's so heartbreaking to hear that so many parents are regretting having children. I have to wonder how much of that is the lack of a village. My husband and I talk about how we want to be there for our kids if they choose to have their own children. I want to be a village. To lessen the burden on our kids. Being a parent should be a thing of joy, but more and more parents are physically, emotionally and financially stressed. It's more important now than ever to be intentional about bringing a soul into the world because more often than not we will be doing it alone.
The kids themselves have been saying they regret being born. It's been one elephant of numerous this room has been full of elephants for generations
😂😂...yep definitely regret being born myself growing up with a narcissistic mother - hectic mother wound.
@@INFJ_9 wtf same AND I'm an INFJ lmfaooo
@@glowinthedarkzombie really? What a coincidence! 😅
@@INFJ_9Same. Currently homeless at 30 since 18 as a consequence to my narcissistic mother and generational curse
@@danniellejohnson448 that must be tough but I guess not being around that toxic energy is a bit better
Yeah I was one of those regretted kids who was constantly reminded how hard it was to raise me. So forgive me for not having any sympathy.
Both me and my sister don’t plan to have kids. I think it’s unfair for the child to be forced into existence because they don’t have a conscious say if they want to be born or not! Personally I would rather not exist than experience existence. Im really glad people are waking up and not following the trend. Just like the saying goes, “just because someone tells you to jump over fire doesn’t mean you should!” It’s the same with having kids think long and hard before you even consider them. I am actually much happier without the idea of not having kids. I don’t have to worry much about my salary and if I can’t find a high paying job I’m still able to get by since I’m only supporting myself and can adjust it would be a different story if I had kids involved. I’m also able to spend my money on myself and enjoy it the way I want to!
well said. I wish I could sue my mother for having me
@@beaulieuc8910 women just be havin kids all willy nilly in poverty 🙄
Nothing makes poverty more comfortable than pumping out more kids. Share the misery.. that’s love right?
I always wanted kids, at least 1 child. But realizing I have ADHD and autism complicates things. I was a difficult child and if I have kids they will likely be the same
but you give no thought that to bring kids into the world they will experience death, suffering, murder etc.
I’m so glad I haven’t had kids, I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but I’d rather help someone get adopted before they age out onto the street
I love being childfree 😊
First girl is spot on and also one of the many reasons why I love my husband to death. We wanted kids as a creation of our love for each other and because we are big on self love and personal development BUT! When I told him what changes my body will go through and what the reality of pregnancy is on a woman's body. He did not wish that on anyone, especially the woman he loves. Defo knew from that day he is the one :)
This whole video was amazing and full of invaluable insight, but the lady at 11:58 understood the assignment.
The concept of having children is a belief system-some people embrace it, while others do not. It's similar to how some individuals find solace, happiness, and guidance in having faith in God, while others feel that not having God in their lives helps them remain logical, fair, and unbiased towards people of all backgrounds. The real issue arises when people try to impose their personal beliefs onto others, not the beliefs themselves. Your choices, like what you decide to put in your mouth, are yours to make. We all face pressure to conform to various expectations, and while some people comply, others resist.
Parents who regret having children often speak out and are sometimes bullied for it, just as people who leave religions are. Both groups are often accused of being influenced by trauma, lack of support, or other factors. The truth is, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to life. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we can respect and support each other rather than shifting blame and engaging in meaningless chatter. Life is an experience, and if you have a child and regret it, remember that adoption is an option, and many children who are abandoned still manage to thrive. Do they have a difficult life? Yes, but so do children who are pampered. Let go of the idea that life has to be perfect-there will always be choices, no matter what.
It's not a belief system that's just ridiculous.
@@eagle162 Having children can certainly be seen as part of a belief system, especially when viewed through the lens of cultural, religious, or personal values. For many people, the decision to have children is deeply rooted in their beliefs about family, legacy, and the purpose of life. Some might view it as a natural or even divine responsibility to continue their lineage, while others might see it as a way to contribute to society or fulfill personal desires for companionship, love, or purpose.
In some cultures and religions, having children is encouraged or even expected as part of fulfilling one's role in life. This expectation can be so ingrained that it becomes a norm or belief system in itself, shaping people's life choices and values.
On the other hand, choosing not to have children can also be part of a belief system, where individuals might prioritize personal freedom, environmental concerns, or other values over traditional expectations.
In this way, the decision to have or not have children can be deeply tied to one's worldview, making it a reflection of their broader belief system.
I say they are too lazy to do research and then after they find out their romantic false fairytale is a lie throwing out the biggest hissy fit about having their freedoms destroyed because they have children.
I feel NO Sympathy for them they made their Beds 🛏️ now sleep down in them and suffer the consequences of your actions!!!
It's not a belief system stop trying to justify breeders fucking for no reason and then regretting it later at their offsprings because their freedoms are destroyed.
I say they are too lazy to do research and then after they find out their romantic false fairytale is a lie throwing out the biggest hissy fit about having their freedoms destroyed because they have children.
I feel NO Sympathy for them they made their Beds 🛏️ now sleep down in them and suffer the consequences of your actions!!!
Having kids is awesome as long as the parents stay together
Amen to that!
And as long as there is financial, mental n emotional stability.
That’s true that having parents staying together does help the process in a world that is already so though! Thank you for your comment ☺️
I think young woman should have a completely developed brain first (25 or older) also educate themselves on male psychology, male history and male biology before making such a sacrifice for the patriarchal system, true needs to be told so woman can make the right decision and not be harmed, statistics say men are not providers or protectors anymore, more predators.
Daycare is 1200 a month or MORE . I wouldn’t recommend 😵💫
There's a book by Orna Donath, that did a very comprehensive study on this topic and interviewed regretful mothers.
As a somewhat regretful mom myself I can say that I would absolutely 100% do anything for my kid, she deservs the best from me. This is a 'me' problem that has nothing to do with her. She's magnificent, I just don't enjoy being a mom. I also know that this will change as she gets older and we will hopefuly become closer.
Regretful parents can still be very good at parenting even if they don't like it.
I would argue that parents that openly admit to being a regretful parent tend to be the best parents!
why did you not think about the consequences?
@@beaulieuc8910stfu and realize that some people truly believe they are ready to deal with the consequences and then find themselves having POST PARTUM DEPRESSION and other mental illness
If you have not experienced what is to have such an dramatic life change please abstain for being a snob
@@Jae-by3hfthis made my day ❤ thank you for being kind and a good human being
@@Jae-by3hfI would like to hear your argument
Imagine your child finding the tiktoks about how their parents regret having them and it ruined their lives... 😢
good, kids needs to see this
@@beaulieuc8910Why?
Those kids need to toughen up.
@@RandomAussieGuy87because it will help those kids to make better decisions in the future, regarding having kids or not. Now those kids understand that it's possible to regret having children
@@Ri57490toughen up?? You’re wrong for that. Think about it more.
Our problem is we are raising selfish people. So when they have kids they can’t get over themselves to care for someone else. Having kids is putting others before you in every way.
True! It’s not everybody but a lot of people don’t understand then what it is to have the responsibility of a whole human being supposed to function in the society because you raised them! 😮💨 Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
How much do I have to sacrifice? I want to be a mother, but I don't want to give up what I love
@@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4kethen dont be a mother
Having kids is imposing your desire to perpetuate yourself onto a newly made human being... it doesn't get more selfish than that.
This reeks of “you’re selfish for not giving me what I want, I am your parent! You should have given me grandkids by now!” Lol
I mean yeah people whose children feel like their entire life was never about themselves but about their parents wants and needs instead don’t really want to prolong that into adulthood lol
Don’t have kids they will bring you down
I don't think it is a regret having the child, but the father of the child. Especially if your child is good.
See I can get behind a mother regretting having a child with a deadbeat father or bf .. but for them to regret their child.. that just sounds like selfishness.. they should’ve thought about it for a hot second on if they really want this
In the USA, "your" children belong to the State more than they belong to you. In other words, your kids....aren't your kids in this country.
Yea it's a waste. That's why young people are refusing to reproduce. So the government just replace American-born with immigrants. Rich people gotta make money one way
Wtf are you even saying ?
Same in France. We re raising wage slaves for billionaires. It shouldn't be this way.
but china is better?
That's why your called a parent= pair that rents their children
And yet, when people learn we don't want children, we are called selfish and told we most have them even if we don't want to. Huh... Funny... It doesn't seem like this ended very well for these regretful parents and the children feeling rejected. But sure, the true monstruous people are the childfree.
Thank you for your comment! I believe no one should be pushed to do something they do no want to!
“CHILDLESS WOMEN” they could NEVER make me hate you!!!!
I am waiting to have a baby because there is no rush for me. I am 25 and I want to be financially stable, married and have a house first. I don’t want to bring a child into the world for them to suffer because I don’t have enough $ to provide for them. I want to give them everything I did not have. Kids are so expensive: medical, food, clothes, schooling and so much more! Especially childcare!!! Sooooo expensive!!!!
That right there is the most fair and balance perspective in regards to having children. Being stable most definitely financially yet moreso mentally and emotionally. Especially if you don't want to project all your stored up trauma or overlooked issues unto that child.
I'm almost 37 and I can't imagine affording kids. But I also used to assume I wanted them. Like of course I did, right, because that's what you just assume is going to happen. But it didn't happen for me for various reasons and then a few years ago I finally started to even question whether that's what I wanted or not. And it turns out I don't. Because as much as I love kids and the children in my life (and have spent years working with children), I don't want that LIFESTYLE. I don't want to have to sacrifice my time or interests or energy. And if I'm being honest, I don't know one parent who isn't miserable. They love their children and they don't regret them (to my knowledge) but they just seem miserable from an outside view. And is it worth it? Probably. But I don't want that. Biologically we are wired to have children to keep our line alive, but that has nothing to do with happiness. Look at people who have kids and people who don't. Who is usually happier? Not fulfilled, not grateful, no impacted. But happier. There is no right or wrong, but know what you're getting into and why.
To keep our line alive for what😒? U won't be here to see it💀.
Lines are pointless when we are all 99% genetically the same. Maybe if the line includes a unique trait not seen in human dna before that enhances life.. otherwise, pointless
I’m 22 and still single and I used to think I wanna have kids but then I started seeing a lot of the choices that certain people make in this world like celebrities that you know live like to the floor like John Cena he doesn’t seem to worry about having kids, he just wants to live his life and the benefits of not having kids you get to enjoy your life without worrying about Something going wrong
If I ever change my mind about having children, I’ll try to adopt or foster. I’d rather help kids that are here already anyway. But I’m not the best with kids.
As a woman, I'm expected to ve naturally good with children. I. AM. NOT.
I thoufh about fostering, but I would just make more emotional damage because of my social awkawrdess: I'm totally unable to notice when someone needs help.
As a mother who loves her son to death yes even in this day and age motherhood is a SCAM.
My dad always yelled money and he was angry everyday for having 4 kids as a wife. He always said if I wasn’t for you all, I could had, as had a life. My life was ruined for a 10 minute ride on a woman that traded my good life for nothin. But as a consequence, I had hard sweat to care for someone else. I was stupid. Parent have no life. He told me never have a kid. Don’t do it. You will mess up your life. So males had vasectomy’s to insure we didn’t $&@& up our life.
Can't wait until their kids see this when they're teens.😡
So what. F those kids
@philo441 Yeah but those f those kids will be f adults who will terrorize innocent people.
And those kids become adults who might need to take care of u.....don't cry when they ghost and throw u in the nursing home....
@@OddlyAmusedByAll007 Children are not a guaruntee of care in old age. Even if you do everything right, they do not owe you care.
@@MarlopolyGamingSure don’t. People have children for selfish reasons!
I have three kids and this is my last year of my twenties I do t regret any of them for any reason and I would do it all over again. I loved being pregnant I actually think post partum was a bit rougher for me but I don’t hold any bitterness towards it or anything. It has made me a stronger MUCH more SELF-LESS person. I didn’t have all my stuff figured out before hand either the first diaper I changed was in the hospital after I had my son. I do t think every women should be a mother but I think a lot of women also DONT know how much they would love being a mom and HOW much it would fulfill them either. I was TERRIFIED of kids before I had mine and would go out of my way to not hold others babies and not change them or whatever when we would baby sit in highschool. I didn’t truly understand how precious and innocent they were I didn’t understand that they ARE the future. I thought maybe when I was more grown up in my thirties then maybe I would have them. I thought the mom stuff was wierd and embarrassing and gross. I was wrong I was so WRONG 😂😂😂 society has taught a lot of this!! I’ve been a sahm and wife since 2021 now. This comment isn’t for ALL women but it’s for the younger ones who just dont know yet. Is it a lot of work yes, is it easy NO but NOTHING in life worth doing is easy. Children are NOT a burden they are precious. But if you think you would regret it and u find the idea of it burdensome or you KNOW you have severe childhood trauma from younger ciblings being pushed on you or horrible relashionship with your parents or whatever just don’t have them. Or HEAL seek professional help and council before u have them. EVERY child deserves a loving parents/s but not EVERY parent deserves their sweet innocent child who did nothing to be here or conceived in the first place. If you do NOT want babies close your legs. If you want to help a child but do t want your own become a foster parent. But don’t force yourself to do something just bc you “should,” and if it makes you HIGHLY uncomfortable for some reason and you know deep down that might want children some day (some really don’t,) like how I was maybe u need to examine lies taught to you or refocus your priorities. I think ALOT more people want families than will admit but also ALOT of ppl have ALOT of trauma and have never seen proper parenting and are worried about financial stuff etc. IF you want something in life as sacred as family you should go for it. If you have an inkling you wouldn’t enjoy parenthood do t do it. I’m sorry but I’m tired of hearing how ppl regret their babies. I feel like that’s an excuse for unfelt with trauma or not wanting to face the reality of your responsibilities. I been and done a lot of crap in my life and have had a lot of things that I “regret..” but my children NEVER. This is insanity. If you feel like that you CAN receive help and work through those emotions because staying regretful and bitter will get you nowhere in life and NEWSFLASH your children can and will sense that you don’t like them. If you do t deal with your problems in life not be surprised when you have a rocky relashionshio with your grown child someday.
Definitely a scam. No matter what the mother is stuck with the child. The fathers don't have to stick around if they dont want to. There are no consequences if the other parent abandons the child.
Women are the bearers of children so yes you are stuck with the child. Whats the issue? Yall want to be mothers so be mothers.
The pressure to have kids in families, religions, and cultures is ridiculous. It's like if you don't have a child by 30 there's a problem with you. It's sad really.
I can only speak for myself, but I prefer to be an old maid. I don't hate babies/kids( unless the kids are bad and not an asset to society when they get older)
I am willing to learn to help take care of babies/toddlers just to help out a parent who needs a break. But children is not what I want.
These people are blatant in saying these things online should be between the therapist, not for everyone in the world to see!😡
If they don't say it online, the rest of us will never know the truth. I'm glad they shared to educate the rest of us.
Father of a 2 year old . Fully regret it and ruined our entire existence and finaces. Went from 4-5 trips a year around the country, debt free, time to relax, time to build life, time to express ourselves. Now we are working slaves to our jobs and then our home, then on top to be stuck home with a monster 14hours a day. I constantly consider suicide. If your on the fence just remember you will have no life outside of kids and if you do itll be a small sliver you had to "sacrifice and plan to make"
I think parents forget about how hard it was to have kids, thus they act confused when their 20 yr old child says they don’t want to have children.
Maybe because by the time the kids are adult they already forgot how hard it was and think that is not that big of a deal. but the life, economy and way of living have completely changed meanwhile. Thank you for your comment :)
I don't regret having my sons, the only thing i regret is staying after i told the father. My sons are amazing, my older sister has no children and is happy w/her life. It's definitely something to think about before jumping in, if you're able. All three were suprises.
We made a huge mistake thinking that when we have children they'll support us in our old age. But today, those children we laboured for do not care about us at all. It's quite unfortunate to face such disappointment without regrets.
it was selfish to have kids to look after you in old age
@@beaulieuc8910exactly
The unconditional love parents like to go on and on about means that you should be happy and full of love for them even if they hate you and don’t want to look after you in old age.
All we are saying is that children should care and love their parents in old age. It's because of love they brought them to this life. They spent they hard earn money to send them to school so that they can become successful. Imagine a world without the future generation if we continue to encourage childlessness.
But those children didn't ask to be born 🤷🏻♀️ @@rabiafuwai6835
The trick of the entire situation is; Are you going to be able to get along with that adult child? That’s the hard part. They get mouthy, disrespectful and know it all. They want to become they moral authority, forgetting you were here doing just fine before they came. Don’t get me wrong, I love my child, they just forget about respect and knowing they need to stay in their place.😒
Though it's true on average adolescents are rebellious during that stage of their lives its also the most important time for their adult development, I recommend self reflecting and being 100% honest with yourself that there were things you failed to teach your child due to lack of insight and misunderstandings. ;/
That is the hard part of becoming a parent, you do not know what type of child you will bring to the world. It’s a gamble! But you can just do as good as you can on their education and then let it be and be at peace knowing you did your maximum. Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
Sounds like you are too young and immature
You created that mouthy child 🙄 I don’t know why parents love to blame everyone but themselves for their choices!
"They need to stay in thrir place". ADULT CHILDREN? Lady, you have a problem.
I barely taking care of myself , added to that the stress that kids bring, they money that you went to spend on them( foods, health, school etc... i would rather use that money on something else, as soon as you bring a child in this world you do not live for yourself anymore, AND too much responsability, too much stress, too much worry, too much problems. Moroever this world is already fucked up, we live in a crazy world
HAVING A CHILD IS A CHOICE, NOT AN OBLIGATION.
It is definitely a lot of responsibility and I agree with you!
Thanks for speaking out!❤ it is very important!
@@annimalasenko7326 thank you for watching the video! I appreciate you! ❤️
People saying "stories are our there" like it isnt strongly encouraged by government, media, religions and our own families to the extent of guilt tripling and promising misery if you choose not to.
Tons of pressure to have kids and sure there are stories but a lot of stories go "oh but it's worth it!", and they're vague
I remember asking friends for details they all said it's worth it. Want the bad stuff? You gotta look it up. How do you even know where to start? It isn't like sex ed or "the talk"
The more we know about pregnancy and child birth, the greater the number of women that will opt out. So they will never educate young women. Has anyone ever watched a documentary showing actual childbirth? Disgusting, it's disgusting. It's why father's faint in the delivery room. It's blood and guts being forced out of your private parts with multiple people looking at your vagina. I'm a woman I knew I didn't want my husband to see that. Men aren't allowed to say it turns their stomach. But truthfully it's not pleasant. Women aren't allowed to say taking care of a baby is hard, but truth is some babies are stressful, not all. Mine wasn't, thank God. They want us to say childbirth is beautiful, babies are cute, and having children is the most important thing a woman can do with her life. Those are the talking points. That being said, I knew the risks and wanted my child, I had family support, I was financially OK, so I'm very happy with my decision. Watching a child grow up and become their own person is fulfilling. If you get blindsided by all the negatives, you will regret having a child.
I dont think its from the lack of awarness of what parenthood is like i think its from lack of therapy and mental health issues.
people don’t understand the commitment that is parenthood. what it takes to parent and be present and an active parent. it’s hard! easier for some not so much for others. this is why it’s so important to educate people and share experiences and realities with community honestly and openly, but governments who push birth rate conversations without disclosing everything and sugarcoating know people will regret or wouldn’t want to have kids if they knew better . honestly i think we’d be such a happier society and perfectly happy to have children if we were all educated about the risks and requirements and had parenting lessons etc. financial stability as well as mental and emotional stability. attending therapy sessions and working through generational trauma if you have it. etc because when you’re not prepared it’s traumatizing. not just for you as a parent but for the poor kids. and then there’s no where for the parents or kids to fall back on when they desperately need the support and guidance. things like this are what we need to be taught in public school systems. there has to be conscious effort in our social development. there’s too much focus on our capabilities in being a cog in the machine like the first woman said. until that motive changes we can’t have kids in this type of system.
My choice to not have kids was 100% correct, for me. I made the decision when I got diagnosed with M.E/CFS 27 years ago.
Was definately for the best.
It's nice to see people who made that decision and are still happy with it years later! Thank you for your comment :)
9:00 🕘 looks like he’s about to cry
Now that you say so… hahaha kinda lol Thank you for your comment :) Welcome to my Channel! Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! ☺️
I sorta feel bad for them because a lot of them were brainwashed into thinking they don’t have a choice. I woke up at just 10, and I’ve been stuck there since then.
I raised kids before I could have any, didn’t like it.
I love being a mother, the moment my first was born is the first day I felt the greatest love I have ever known. Went on to have 4 and no matter how hard I always fall to my knees and thank God for them. I can't imagine ever not having them. The love you feel for your child is just, there are no words 🖤
I am the same way. To openly say you wish your children was never born is evil and terrible and rather sickening. My mother is like that and I won't let her in my life or my children's lives. My children were surprise gifts from God. I could never imagine ever even thinking about regretting having them. I was 18 and homeless when I got pregnant with my first and now I am a business owner and homeschool my children. I wish I could have more. I imagine a soul is waiting to be born and wonder what personality they would have.
@@Rose-db5dg no such thing as god. You had unprotected sex. Why do you home school your kids do you want them to under your control? do you force feed them christianity when there are other religions and many people don't even believe in god. do you just want them to mix with christians
@@Rose-db5dgyou could have more
@@Rose-db5dgyou have a great heart! Bless you and your kids :)
Having kids is hard, hard work, 100%. If you go into having kids expecting it to be a walk in the park, that says more about you 😅. Having kids is like life, it has ups and down, but in general it is ultimately a beautiful experience. Come to think about it, most beautiful long term experiences require a lot of hard work. Think of the person that built a business, climbed up to the top of their career, etc. Those experiences also have a lot of difficulty and sacrifice, but the experience is worth it. I get it and respect that some people don't want kids, but to blame other people because you messed up on your life decision, calling it a scam, that's just nuts. At the end of the day, this is your life choose how you live it and don't blame others. And yes, the first 2 years are difficult, but wonderful experiences take work. Personally, I would not have had such a fulfilling life without kids.
It is a very personal decision that should be made with consideration. Thank you for your comment! Please subscribe if you have not yet! ☺️
It depends on the temperament of the child. Some kids are easy to raise, while others are not. Please be empathetic. I do agree, though… it is a person’s decision
I never liked kids. Now I'm 40 and I want my own genetic material in a child and I want to love. I can afford children; I have money. So I miss it. I regret the decision not to have children. BUT, I don't want to go through gestation, birthing and lactation.
What's the solution?
Don't want to adopt. (I already have a neglected nephew so I can care for him and leave him my legacy)
I would feel so hurt if my parents posted this on the internet....
I can understand that...
it is important to talk about
Normalize ACCOUNTABILITY because humans don't seem to acknowledge "right" or "wrong" in this world.
Having children is not for narcissists
Lots of parents are narcissists....
Amen!!!! I am a child of a narcissistic father. He is a prime of someone who definitely should not have been a father. Only cared about himself and left my family financially strained.
@@beaulieuc8910the little ghost thinks he ate with that one 😂
@@luishp3😂😂😂
Ironically, narcissists are more likely to have children because they are obsessed with themselves, and view their children as extensions of themselves.
Time to start growing kids in labs to replenish the work force. I definitely am never having kids. This lineage ends with me. I can't justify bringing more life into this insanity. Feels like most are under some sort of collective delusion convincing themselves everything is great and life is worth it in the end. I just don't see it, none of this seems worth the pain and suffering over the course of a life time. All that time and energy and for what? To die suffering in pain at the end of it all and to be forgotten not long after you're gone.
They definitely already have these labs lol. That’s why they’ve been collecting your eggs and Sperm
I would easily give my life for my two boys. If you are a selfish person, parenting is NOT for you.
I think having children is selfish. I mean what the hell kind of world are you bringing them into? What future do they have? Some people have children for their own selfish reasons without considering how those children will inevitably suffer as we all do in this world
@@KassyelevenI used to wonder why my parent had to bring me into this world. I was mad at them for having kids. My whole childhood I was miserable.
But I dealt with my stuff. It took some time. But still, I thought I never wanted kids.
Then I got pregnant at 21 with twins. I didn't want my kids miserable like I was so I worked on myself, my partner and I had counseling to figure out our relationship problems, so our kids could have 2 parents. We moved into a small town, surrounded by the sea and nature. With family.
These have been the three happiest years of my life. And all that 21 years of struggle were worth every minute of it. I don't wish to be dead anymore, I don't wonder why my parents brought me into this world anymore. I just live. I want to savour every moment of this life.
You get to choose what kind of life you want to live as you get older. You get to find your purpose, your joy. But that takes sacrifice. Planning. If you choose to live in a town that makes you miserable, surrounded by people who make you miserable, cultivating bad habits, not nourishing your body properly, you are going to be miserable. And it is not your parent's fault. But that doesn't mean that giving life is inherently selfish. Those little feet, those big curious eyes, this precious laugh are pure, not a result of selfishness.
I wish you to find your happiness.
@@Kassyeleven it isn't normal to feel that miserable. If you haven't already, I'd look into seeking counseling to help you make some lifestyle changes. Most of us are happy to be alive.
Correct. Some people are selfish and utilize kids tho. But people in healthy relationships wanting to procreate is for sure not selfish.
Motherhood is not a scam. 😅 You don't know biology or didn't use protection. I didn't want kids in my early 20s and changed my mind at 29. I have a 5, 4 and almost 2 yr old. They are the biggest blessings and made me think about others instead of myself. I'm humbled, exhausted and abundantly blessed.
Motherhood is the biggest scam u cheap trash, delusional, used up, struggling, backwards no accomplishments clown. Having kids only benefits the man and the government. The biggest blessing is freedom, peace, growth, and financial abundance. Which u can’t have with kids. Kids and money are the biggest reasons for divorce.
What a cope.
😂😅😂. I admit as someone who still goes back n forth if I want kids I still can't help but call a spade a spade. Many folks are in this situation because they like to f more than be responsible and now they have to live with the consequences of 5 minutes of pleasure. I do not think all of these parents are simply people who planned to have kids just to have kids and then regret them. Sure the guy in the video was more planned. But more than not it is because folks find themselves in the situation and you basically subconsciously accept that kids come with the territory of wanting to have sex sometimes.
Loooool you had to birth humans to have empathy for others?! 😬 that is insane!
Your feelings only apply to you. If other people regret it, their feelings are valid.
It's also weird that it took having children to get you to care about others.
But I do realize that some people had children because of society pressures and were not fully aware that it wasn’t all butterflies and roses. Many only had children for social and religious validation. But I’ve always told people they want you to have babies to fill up the workforce and to collect more taxes and make more profit. You are just cattle to them. But let me be very clear, children are truly the deepest love you will ever feel. And if society did not turn it into a money making scheme… it would indeed be everything people say it is. But no one should feel pressured to have children or get married in order to be socially accepted.. it should always be a sound choice where everyone knows what it fully requires and the sacrifice it takes to be successful at it. It should not be used to gain a higher social status!
I’m scared of having kids. I don’t think enough people think about when a kid grows up and they become teens to. When they start straying from home anything can happen and when I look around in today’s world all I see is kids with guns, grown women that’s children, drug users and brain washed social media kids. These kids different today wear jackets in 100 degree weather. It doesn’t matter how you raise them, they’ll still grow up to be whatever it is they want. I just look at the teens today and understands that will be our kids tomorrow. It’s just to scary for me, I can afford a house full of kids financially but I’m afraid of the worry some sleepless nights that’s comes from being a parent after the toddler and elementary years.
me, who was shamed heavily for not having kids:
sips ☕️
This made me laugh lol, Thank you for your comment :)
The Korean girl mentioned she heard about the perineum getting cut during childbirth but I just want to say that is not always the case. I had my first child and my own body tore my perineum and ripped on its own. My Doctor felt bad for me because my own body caused the tear. It was second degree tear and the doctor stitched it up. I don’t regret my decision to have a baby but it is not easy. Everyone will have a different experience.
I feel like people who are pro kids weren't busy enough in their lives before having kids. My productivity and joy for life dropped too zero after my son was born. If all your desire in this would is to purchase a dwelling and feed mouths then so be it. But its 2024 and the world has way more substance then procreation.
It depends on the people. My mom always wanted children. She had to wait her 32yo in order to have me (her first born), and she felt blessed.
On the other hand, I'm 34yo and don't want children.
I think in American. Like some of our phispophers had different ideas about the meaning of life and its purpose.
I think more individuals believe that life is meant for fun and happiness primarily and if you do not feel this then something is drastically wrong with your life and you will have a miseable existence ect.
Some people believe life is meant as a test. You have ups and downs, amd maybe your life is meant to serve others.
Maybe between the two and many other theories.
You go to college....knowing...life will be harder for 3-5, sometimes more years. You decide to grind and learn a skill that might take 2-3 years. I can go on.
I just am a little baffled, that people want their lives to go well at every srcond of the day. And because children are not essy, and are a commitment it is not worth it.
Now. I am not saying have a child or dont have a child.
I just think this stems from todays understanding of the meaning of life that is influencing this movement to more not having children. Let alone climate change, more cazy people seem to be popping up everyday, and all the other society craziness.
You do raise a bit of a point. Personally idc if people have kids or not. I do think it's something that shouldn't be pushed on women especially. And I personally debated if I wanted them or not, very much aware of the reasons why I would not. But I still don't understand this trend with wanting parents to talk more about regretting to have kids. It seems one of the few issues we are overhyping the word and feeling regret. And I can't help but feel at least half of these people will still feel regret if they chose a different path. And when you look into these stories, the regret is stemming from a lack of something. I hardly hear any stories from parents who actually regret the idea of having a child. It's due to them feeling like they missed out on xyz, they lack x y z, their kid turned out to be different than their ideals, their relationship doesn't end up being as strong as they thought, etc... nothing to do with the actual idea of the kid itself.
It's ironic because if we take the same amount of stock in regret with other stuff that people are taking to parenthood, nobody will be doing anything. There are many careers, jobs, education and schools and relationships/marriages that people regret and it's typically because their life didn't end up like they wanted. Regret is part of life.
@luckybilly4 true! You make many great points as well. 😊 Regret is really apart of life.
A quick Google search will reveal it costs an average of 350k to raise a child from 0-18, and 500k to raise a child from 0-college graduate. Hard pass for me LOL.
That is extremely expensive! I can understand people for who that is a turn off!
I have met less than tell men and women that loved their kids. And I mean they woke up every day stoked and fulfilled beyond words to have their kids. The kind of women that do want them and even being single mothers or whatever hardships still would choose their kids. Ones that wake up and excitedly go wake their kids so they can play and hangout.
Men that don’t hate their families. That don’t just tolerate them or feel a sense of duty. That excitedly show you pictures and stores of their family when and when not asked. Men that have a pep in their step as they get ready to go home.
I’ve met maybe ten. But most likely less.
Most tolerate their choices. That’s it.
That shyt is pure drudgery especially when the warm fuzzies wear off.
@
Yep. Most barely tolerate their families. It’s easy to tell what ones actually love them.
44 and I have no kids. But I have regrets
Could you share some?
@@CamsyA Obviously not having kids, jesus connect the dots.
So go adopt one or make one or use a donor egg. You don’t have to live without kids. I know a couple having their first in their fifties
children are a gift you dont need a big reason to have kids - its your right as a human to want kids if you do
Children are just more people. They are not a gift.
Human beings are not a gift. You are objectifying people. Even animals should not be given as gifts.