My daughter didn't had her own room till she was 7, yet I always played 1 hour every day and always read 1 story and say 3 lullaby. She was tells me I am the best mom all the time. Although I am not, I don't have any guilt no matter what ppl tell me. She used to be bored, we have no tv, and even with her babysitter she used to go anywhere, even appointments in office. Polite and happy go lucky
That’s pretty presumptuous of you to assume that because a child receives gifts they don’t get their parents attention. There is no correlation between the two just like how there are kids who get neither presents or presence from their parents, there are kids who can get both too.
That's the thing, we wouldn't be seeing 99% of these if they weren't being leveraged for social media. I don't run in these circles in real life, and I can tell you even the more affluent parents in our area who don't have social media presences pretty much just rent the event room at the science museum
THIS!!! 200% agree 👍🏻 These moms are "stuntin' and frontin'" for likes and digital "attagirls" from the 'Gram and the 'Tok.... and their children are merely accessories and afterthoughts to the equation. Surprised more aren't in agreement here with us on this, as it seems quite obvious that THIS is the true issue at hand!
I have extravagant parties for my child. I don’t post them or invite anyone outside of family. Your comment doesn’t apply to most parents who prioritize birthdays.
Friends of mine have a preschool kid. They spend a two month vacation on a tropical island as a family of three, doing all kind of amazing things (swimming with dolphins etc…). When they came back I asked the kid what his favorite moment was. Kid thought about it for a couple of minutes then told me “playing Uno with my parents” and proceeded to tell me all the cool variations of Uno they played. Now every time they try to do something unnecessarily special for him I remind them of this.
when i do holidays with my kids I do it for myself, I am creating MY memories, not necessarily theirs. I do not understand when people tell me how my kids won't remember these things? Like - and? I will! I want to spend time with them on a amazing tropical island doing cool stuff and enjoying them exploring the world. I do not care if they remember it after all. I will definitely remember that. And second of all, we are shaped by our experiences - consciously or unconsciously. And no, I am not talking about 'over-the-top' vacation focused solely on kid experiences. But i will definitely not take into account all the other 'they-won't-rememer-this' strangers' advices when I want to have cool memories about my kids in all the cool places in this world.
I remember for my first Valentine’s day in school my parents didn’t tell me about getting my classmates cards, and when people were passing them out I was sad that I didn’t have any to give. The next year, I was set on having cards but my parents wouldn’t get me the nice store bought ones that all the other kids had. So I printed a picture of a pug and a poodle and traced them on regular paper, around 24 times. Our school had a phonebook that I used to make sure I had a card for everyone. I wrote little messages to everyone and we got Jolly Ranchers that I taped to the card. The point of this long paragraph is that I LOVED it. I got home every day and went to tracing. Maybe it wasn’t perfect or aesthetic but it was so much fun.
This is awesome because it was also *your* idea as the kid. Last year, my 4yo made all her own Valentine's Day cards. They were not nearly as fancy as her classmates, but she was proud of them and they were clearly homemade. I thought they were pretty special.
I miss those V-day cards so much, I think there might’ve been candy attached sometimes & that’s it but it was the cute cards that were so special, one of my favorite things from childhood💘💌
lol in middle school I was known as the fun dip kid because I carried a plastic bag with around 1-2 boxes of fun dip to just hand them out on Valentines. Not too pricey and it was fun
The best part of my birthday every year was my mom snuggling me in bed the night before or the night of my birthday telling me “the story of the day I was born”. I do the same for my son.
Ok therapist here. In general, yes i agree with most of what you are saying. Boredom is essential for developing creativity. But quick point here.... the "dopamine is only released with dad" thing is absolute BS. Neurobiology it's far more individual and complex than a 30 second tik tok can explain. This pinterest parenting thing is also a function of wealth, privledge and social isolation. Far more often children aren't played with enough by their parents, parents are busy and unable to do this and children instead are over-entertained by screens. Provide safe environments for supervised individual exploration for young babies and toddlers. For older kids set firm boundaries around technology and instead of setting up aestheticly pleasing activities and buying tons of garbage, get down and play with your kids the way they want to. Support what they want to do. Good parenting is far less complex than most think. If you are worried you might be doing it wrong, you are probably doing a good job. Social media isn't reality.
Thank you so much for pointing this out. I’ve been looking through the comments trying to find someone criticizing that bit. Really weird misinformation. Other than that, there were some interesting perspectives shown.
Thank you for saying this! That part of the video caught me entirely off guard - I'm not a parent but I am a young adult, and I played much more with my mother than with my father [and I certainly didn't enjoy snuggling]. The bioessentialism honestly concerned me that this was some sort of tradwife-adjacent channel, although that doesn't seem reflected by the rest of the channel's videos. Honestly I feel like this video was lacking a lot of material analysis.
I was enjoying the video until she said that. I enjoy playing with my kid and he enjoys it. Next time when my little son asks me to play with him I will just give him a hug and tell him go play with your dad 😅
@@lonely_space_egg yeah. This video popped up in my feed and as soon as i saw that i was like wait what.....oh no. not only is it a fundamental misunderstanding of how dopamine works and how complex brain chemistry relates to behavior, it also completely ignored individual differences, situational differences, and how prior experience would alter things. I mean.... you do know some kids don't have moms. Some don't have dads. Some kids have parents that stay home all day, some have parents that are rarely their primary caregiver. I'm just like... your gonna leave that asinine tiktok in with no rebuttal as if it's true!? I don't understand how people think pulling a random video off tiktok is research or evidence. It worries me for the future generations media literacy sometimes. Never repeat a fact if your source is only "i heard somewhere...." yeesh. Sorry, as a therapist and parent i got a bit worked up on that one. Lol
Thank you! I thought that clip was so ridiculous given what I understand scientifically about dopamine. Especially cause growing up, my dad loved snuggles, he didn’t play with us much, and we wanted to snuggle him over playing.
My friends took their kids to Disney when their son was 16 (he’s developmentally disabled). I asked what he liked most at the park. His face lit up. “I liked the people mover!” he answered. The trip cost about $10K, and *his* favorite part was the shuttle.
@@llamasugar5478I mean this in the nicest way, I think you misunderstood him - The People Mover isn’t a shuttle, it’s a ride/train that’s elevated above the park with full narration and LED lights timed to music that goes on a trio around the park and then returns to one station. While in it you get this really fun and unique view of everything while in air conditioned comfort! It passes over/by so much, giving you unique views of everything as it does- the walkway to Fantasyland, the Tomorrowland Speedway, Main Street USA, the exterior of the Carousel of Progress, the old Galaxy Palace Theater, Tron Lightcycle Power Run, the WDW Railroad tracks, The Buzz Lightyear ride, The Monster Inc laugh floor and more! It also goes through show buildings like Space Mountain! A lot of people are very very passionate about it, including Offhand Disney, albeit maybe as an ongoing inside joke for his channel haha. It was built as the “transportation of the future “ as the future was a huge recurring theme, Walt Disney was very passionate about the idea of a futuristic utopia. It was briefly replaced in ‘95 then the general outcry brought it back from the dead! It also recently got reopened/refurbished after Covid to fanfare. I do agree that destination vacations for small children are a mixed bag, but are mostly for the parents. Kids don’t need much to be excited when you’re excited/ when they get time with you! I just wanted to defend the choice of The People Mover a bit.
@@llamasugar5478 the Peoplemover is an actual ride! It’s not a cute kid name for a bus- it’s a ride that acts as a tour around Tommorrowland in the Magic Kingdom! A valid answer, it’s a neat one as it’s one of the only ways you can potentially see Space Mountain with the lights on! (Which is utterly horrifying I might add- it looks like scaffolding)
I don't mind spoiling kids. I think part of the fun of having kids is spoiling them for good behavior and just 'cause you love them, but these 'birthday parties' and the like always felt like parents flexing than an actual celebration.
I'm glad you explain it well. I don't want parents scared into thinking spoiling their kids will doom them or guarantee mom guilt. I want my kids to have fun at their birthday party, not rub my financial success in front of everyone. Doing Pinterest activities on a rainy day is fine, but not all the time. Like anything under 5, they ain't gonna remember.
Yeah rich kids have always had these kids of event-coordinated parties but social media means we're seeing them + creating them is a lot of peoples' jobs
When I was a nanny the mother always thanked me so much for making sure the kids had fun. I was grateful for the pay but ultimately... broke! The park costs nothing, playing in rain puddles costs nothing, teaching them to make paper snowflakes costs nothing! I was literally just hanging out and talking to them and they spoke about our daily slice of life activities like it was a grand adventure. It's so very simple and I wish more people understood that.
EXACTLY. This is it. I also did not get why children wanted to come to visit me, I just talk to them and ask how they feel and what fun stuff they have been doing at school and with their friends...😮😮😮😮❤❤❤
I grew up with my younger sister and a single dad, he wouldn’t do all this extravagant magical stuff for us, he’d take us fishing on the local neighborhood dock, sometimes took us for donuts before school, those are memories I’ll remember
Agree, but the primary issue isn't so much the gestures themselves but that so many parents simply do this to lowkey flex online & receive digital praise, rather than TRULY for the benefit of their kids. Children can sense fakery, too! In fact, many will undoubtedly question their parents' motivations for such extravagant displays as they get older - leading to a high probability of a premature existential life crisis wherein they feel fundamentally unloved and commodified for online popularity.
Disclaimer- im not a mom. I’m a nanny for wealthy families and I’ve seen one family have an extravagant party. Most parents I know or have worked for do not do this kind of stuff. Even the wealthiest give their kids a few gifts, a homemade cake and rent a room at the pool or park. I’m really curious does this happen in real life? Or is our perception skewed because we’re all chronically online? The majority of parties we see are by scrolling and obviously we see a lot by being online.
I attended one party that was like this. We were not prepared for the extravagance of the party and were honestly uncomfortable. The host did not come across as wealthy, and definitely not wealthier than us. It was just a totally different parenting culture than the rest of my circles.
So, as with lots of materialistic cultural phenomenons, this sorta thing is sold specifically to the middle class. Influencers tend to use a "I'm just like you" marketing schtick, their audience is average folks, not the wealthy or super wealthy, so it's not surprising that higher income households don't partake.
I have three children and have been to quite a few parties. We're in a rural part of Ontario Canada. There's been one party where they'd rented bouncy castles and it was a huge crowd, but mostly it's been more low-key. The Pinterest/instagram influence seems to be limited to some of them having a beautiful display table, so there's one wall and table that's all fancy. Sometimes people have the party at a trampoline park or something, which is pricier for sure! I like throwing parties for my kids, so I do go all out, but my version of "all out" is very home made. Like, when my daughter turned 4 and wanted a cat party: making felt ears on hair clips, and painting whiskers on. I read "the three little kittens" and we played a game where they had to find mittens that were hidden around the house, and hang them on a rope tied between two chairs. And the cake was decorated (by me) like a cat. And we did a cat craft. They had a great time! I don't know if it was excessive. It took a lot of energy, but it wasn't expensive. And I enjoy that sort of thing. Sometimes we make piñatas. I find that involving the kids in planning the party and getting things ready is as enjoyable as the party itself, in a different way. (I also limit the number of guests to less than 6, as that way it's more like a really fun playdate vs madhouse)
@@_goblin-_-mode_ My son's school is in a lower to middle income area and he hasn't been to any extravagant parties either. It's been either cake and snacks at home, then a treasure hunt and some games outside or party packages at a trampoline park, a soft play, a petting zoo, a museum etc. So I think it's mostly a social media phenomenon.
I live in El salvador. The kids in my house draw pictures with pencils, ride their bikes, and run around in circles chasing each other. On a birthday they might get one or two gifts and a cake. Cousins come over for birthdays. Going to McDonald's is a treat for a special day, like a birthday. I think they're very happy. Yesterday two of them literally just Chase each other around in circles singing jingle Bell Rock for about 2 hours. Kids don't need $500 worth of plastic from Target for to have fun
One time, my in-laws asked me what my son would like as a Christmas present. He was 1 1/2 at the time. I told them, "He would love a paper bag or cardboard box." They gave me a look like I was crazy and bought him some toy that lights up and plays music. Guess what? He played with the gift bag for longer.
Yes! They do not care. My kid turned one in July and my mom had a party with dollar store decoration and his dad's mom did the next day we had a barbecue and a Spanish rice dish and we went in the pool she had little balloons hung up that's it, he won't remember any of either party
We finally live in a neighborhood with a bunch of young children and it's been incredible to see my children outside for HOURS playing without any phones. My children don't have phones but it's been difficult to find groups of children without them either.
Gosh, that's what I want to find for my kids. I take my kids out to the local playground since we live in an apartment and it's always deserted. I hardly ever see kids outside. Where is everyone?
@@EC-rd9ys I bet there's one playground in your town absolutely packed on Saturdays. It's like Halloween; not dead, but people don't stay in their own neighborhood anymore and just drive to a better location. (Ofc they used to put a park in every neighborhood because kids can't drive but what's the point if they can't walk alone unsupervised anymore?)
Sitting with my grandparents on their lazy boys on their laps. Listening to the grandfather clock while they rocked me is one of my most comforting memories.
Love this topic. On Monday I took my 2 year old to a kids museum and today we went to get groceries. In both cases he came home and said what a fun day it had been. Childhood in itself is really magical. I think I over complicate it at times 😂
My daughter absolutely loves riding the city bus. We don’t do it often, so it’s a magical experience whenever we do, and usually we’re going somewhere new and different (even if it’s just the downtown bank branch). She always points out the buses if one passes us and looks to see what route number it is (the number 1 bus is the one we usually take so she’s always on the lookout for that one). The larger grocery store we sometimes shop at for certain things has an escalator so she’s always thrilled when we go there. Last summer we were on a quest to visit every splash pad in our region…after a hitting up dozen by the end of the season, we were still only halfway through our list. Can’t beat free entertainment like a splash pad, park, or playground with friends or neighbourhood kids when you’re 3-4 yrs old! Those things are just as special as going to an event or paid attraction.
@@jessicapavilonis1324. I live in a rural area with no public transport. My kids rode a train only once in their life and they thought it was the best day ever 😂. It doesn’t have to be expensive …it just has to be something new. I wasn’t rich so I tried to keep my kids expectations low.😂
Yea! because it was! any outing was magical for us. just leaving the house honestly or staying home with toys. As long as we weren't doing school/ chores, I was happy as a kid. Found something fun to do😅
and the cake was maybe the most "extravagant" thing at the party, but only going as far as theming the cake to your favorite show. so simple but it was the best time
Yep. Some were spoiled with roller skate or bumper bowling or even hotel pool parties but most were literally just at their houses with pizza and cake. Nothing extravagant.
@@katie7748 my sister got the bumper bowling parties, but mostly because her birthday was in the Winter and mom didn’t like the idea of a bunch of children running around her house
...and we LOVED them! I have wonderful memories of my cheapo, small birthday parties at home. I got to have 5 friends over for games, I got to make and decorate a cake with my mom, what could be better! We used American Girl party ideas and it was so fun!
You guys didn't have birthday themed parties in America? I don't know about before, but in Venezuela themed birthday parties have been the norm since I was born (95). I'm from a working class background and mine were simple but ALWAYS had a theme (Barney, Powerpuff Girls, Barbie, etc) and same for my cousins and friends, so this "trend" is the most normal thing in the world to me.
@@mariakarolina7753we definitely did like even my parents generation like you had snoopy or fairies or whatever so idk what she’s talking about lol. Also I feel like valentines was cool cards and bonus points for candy
When I think back on my childhood, what i most fondly remember are the simple things. Riding along in the golf cart when my Dad went golfing, going fishing with my Dad and sisters, my Dad taking us to watch trains downtown, setting off bottle rockets, my Dad chasing us and throwing us around. I remember him reading us the same story every Christmas eve and always crying because he is so tender hearted. I remember how my mom always took me and my friends fun places like the park, the YMCA pool, a gymnastics center for open gym, dropping me snd my friends off at the mall when we were older. My mom several years in elementary decided to make heart shape cookies with each classmates name written in frosting to hand out. This was before social media and she did it because she wanted to. And i remember feeling so proud to hand those out. The thought that she gave to that and the time I know it took. My mom would make uo elaborate stories at bedtime where we were the majn characters. I never had a themed party, but i always had a homemade cake and had family over. Some years i did have parties but they weren't huge or elaborate. My mom would make us breakfast in bed on the morning of our birthdays, letting us choose whatever it was we wanted to eat. Almost every trip we ever took was to go and visit family. We never saw very many new places or did anything extraordinary, but we got to build close friendships with our cousins. This video is a great reminder. Almowt every day my kids will say its "the best day ever!" And maybe all we did was go to the grocery store or library or park. Kids enjoy sinple things, its adults who like the elaborate stuff
Here’s something I learned through trial and error: small kids find incredibly ordinary places magical. Public libraries (especially ones with good children’s sections), playgrounds, garden centers, hardware stores, grocery stores with fish tanks, train stations, all great places to bring kids who are under five and all are free. I’m definitely not opposed to spending a bit of money to do special things every few weeks, like going to the zoo or a cool indoor play center or the movie theater, but why not save money while you can still get away with it?
It's this weird pseudoscience thing that usually goes around about oxytocin, but this is the first time I've heard it about dopamine. It's based on nothing.
I thought so too, but maybe her point is that a mother shouldn't be the sole playmate in a child's life and that mothers can give a child joy by just sitting with them. That it's not always about the activities a parent and child are doing, but about the quality time in it. That's what I'm choosing to lean with... I highly doubt kids only experience dopamine surges while playing with dad and cuddling with mom lol
It is extremely unscientific..... if it's based on anything at all (which i doubt they actually did a study measuring dopamine release in young children playing with their parents), it would be assuming every household is a 2 parent, heterosexual dyad with mom as primary caregiver. Not to mention that neurotransmitter chemistry doesn't really work like that, and a thousands factors would influence individual differences..... it's just a big no. It just shouldn't have been included. Most of this video is decent commentary, but as a therapist i was a little horrified that that video made the final cut.
These parents forget that this will all just become stuff and their kids will remember how they cared more about the internet than them. Magical childhoods are built in small moments.The little things you do with them on a regular basis. My daughter was thrilled to help me save a pill bug. She didn't get shoes on and I didn't want her to walk on the outside ground without shoes. I lifted her in one arm with the pill bug in the other. She loved how I was able to hold her with one arm, and how she had to not touch the ground, and we saved a bug. This was a free experience.
Yup! I still remember the catapillar my mom and I took care of in a little bug hut when I was 4. Or when she glued the wing back on my little angel figurine when I broke it. I also remember how she would swing me around in a circle! She died when I was 5 and these little memories are what I treasure most. I couldn’t tell you a single thing she bought me, or toys I had.
the birthday party i remember the most growing up was the one my parents probably spent the least on. i wanted beach/ocean theme, so they got a themed cake, plastic tablecloth, and cardboard ‘snack shack’ that my brother ran. the living room we put down a blue blanket and all of the stuffed sea creatures we had, and i wore my swimsuit (my birthday is in february so this was a big deal for child me.). most of the fun was from stuff we already owned, and the only things bought were the cake and the few decorations.
And it’s all ending up in a landfill. How many times do we hint Miss trad wife “Snow White” making breakfast cereal wears that outfit or actually uses her silicone cough drop molds?
As a kid, only "rich" kids had parties st the roller rink or chuckie cheese. My bdays were at my house with all my friends, a DQ cake, and a sprinkler, and i loved it so much
Same 😊 My neighbors have an honest to God Slip-n-Slide on their front lawn in the sprinklers for their and the neighbor kids (right now), and I love them for it. I haven't seen one of those in years, good times.
I thought I had it made when mom having a job finally let us afford a party at the local pizza place. It wasn't even a pizza and games place. Just a pizza place.
My mom always made us a special birthday dinner of whatever we chose. We got to pick our favorite meals (our siblings had to suck it because it was our choice lol), there was love put into it, it was the only time my parents got together in the same place to celebrate me (divorced when I was 6 to the point of being too young to remember them ever together). We got to pick the activity, a favorite game or film or outdoor activity. The only time I ever had a big birthday “party” was my 18th birthday/graduation party. I just wanted to eat pizza with my friends in the basement, but my mom made a huge deal of it being a big party huge occasion invite everyone order buffet-style food to put out, rent a karaoke machine. And like, it was certainly fun. For a long time after my friends talked about how awesome it was. But I remember thinking: this is cool and all but it seems like an expensive waste when I’d be just as happy watching Harry Potter or playing scrabble. It was a cool enough party and I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to experience it, but it was really mostly for my mom. She had money for once, she wanted to spoil me in ways she thought were extravagant, and I was grateful that she cared and poured so much into it, but I felt like my own desires got a bit drowned out in it.
A few years ago, my family was sitting around the dinner table at thanksgiving, and my parents started reminiscing about their respective childhoods. My mom practically started crying because “you guys didn’t get that.” By “that,” she meant summers in a tiny cabin, crammed together with the family friends, and no electronics in sight. Christmases with oranges in the stocking instead of gift cards. Riding your bike to your friend’s house halfway across town when you were only 8. Etc. I grew up in the 90’s, so it’s not like I totally missed out on the simpler things that made genuine childhood memories, but I still see why she felt like that. When I was little, we had a neighbor that decided to throw a “beach party” one year. They bought a literal dump truck full of sand and had it put on their driveway. They rented a dunk tank. We had games and face paint and the entire neighborhood came. It was amazing. But you know what I think of when I think about the “magic” in my childhood? Not that beach party. I think of summer nights, playing manhunt and ghost in the graveyard with the neighbor kids. My mom taking me to get ice cream every week after my flute practice. My parents driving us around during Christmas to look at the lights. That time my best friend’s mom let us paint the inside of their shed because we wanted to make it a “clubhouse” and we ended up having a paint fight and had to wash off in the cold night under the hose. Don’t get me wrong. These over the top things are so much fun and something kids will remember… but that’s not where magic comes from. Magic comes from people making you feel special in a quiet, personal, and individual way. Magic comes from exploration and imagination. Magic comes from creating traditions as a family. Magic comes from being allowed to be messy, just for the fun of it, and not requiring Pinterest perfection. Real magic is an organic thing that happens when people you love want to spend time with you, just for you. Not for whoever is invited to the party. Or whoever is seeing it on Instagram.
Love this video. I feel this same way about every holiday, weddings, baby showers, graduation from every grade, all of it. I get called a grinch or party pooper, but I can’t tell you how many weddings and parties I’ve helped with where you get worked to death and can’t enjoy the company of the people working with you or the party because there’s too much to do.
Loved this so much. I recently saw a mom on social media basically apologizing because she threw a birthday party for her son where she “only” had Party City decorations and Costco pizza and cake. I just thought, “wow, this is sad.” So many of us have lost the plot. To all the moms out there worried about this, you’re doing fine.
that party honestly sounds perfect !!! time for her son to spend with friends and family, eat food, maybe play some games, and celebrate. wins all around in my book 🤷🏼♀️
My kids are use to Sam’s club cakes. We are setting them up for their future & I want to make sure my kids don’t go overboard when they become parents. We lead by example
We have 8 kids. The birthday formula is the birthday kid tells me what they want for dinner and dessert, a break from some chores, 3 gifts, and we read The Birthday Book by Dr. Seuss to everyone regardless of age. They know what to expect, and they love it. They talk about their birthdays all year. It’s so simple. They just need to know they are seen and loved.
Omg. We grew up not “celebrating” our birthdays for religious reasons, but- we knew that on our birthdays, our mom would tell our birth stories, and we looked forward to it every damn year 🥹
That is so beautiful! I hate how much of holidays are focused solely on gift giving! I'll be saving the "reading a book to the family" idea if I do decide to have a child.
Thats so cute especially the favorite dinner. My mom would do that a few years, make her bomb lasagna that usually only got made in December, but it wasnt a tradition.
I wish I had you as a parent :) hi, I'm the second oldest of six and just graduated. Looking back I've realized how neglected I've been in the birthday world and it's been hard coming to terms with that. Two of my siblings are twins and born three days before mine and recently my parents decided to celebrate all three of us on the same day to "reduce the cost" so I've never experienced a birthday of my own. You having a big family goes to show that their excuses they've been making to me over the years about living in a big family were false. Thank you!
My mother was one of these moms and it only did damage to the family. Her outlet was scrapbooks and family calendars rather than social media, but there was the same intense pressure to have the “correct” emotions for the cameras, regardless of how stressed you were-not just about her emotional state but also about the amount of time, effort, and money that she had poured into the “magical day”. Every birthday, holiday, trip, etc. was hell, because it was one unending, massive, exhausting performance from the time you woke up until you crawled into bed at the end of the day. Why? So that she got the emotional return on investment she needed for the amount of labor she had convinced herself was necessary to put in. If we didn’t perform, she was irate in the moment and fell into a horrible depressive state for days (or longer) afterwards. I’m a married woman now who hasn’t lived under her roof in years yet I still hate my birthday and get anxiety attacks during the holidays (even minor ones that are more excuses for Hallmark commercialization than actual holidays). She always felt like we didn’t appreciate the work and money and effort she had put in to the event(s) and day(s), and resented us for it. But the reality was that even when we were tiny kids, we understood that it was for her, not us. She needed to feel like the kind of mom who was loving enough to spend hours printing and hand-cutting painstakingly crafter cupcake toppers and banners. Because the culture around her had convinced her that *that’s* what it meant to be a good mother. And maybe if she had not have had that pressure imposed on her, she actually could have been one. I have a lot of sympathy for what she was put through, and for anyone who feels compelled to perform celebrations in this way to be a good mom, please know that all your kids really want is for you to hang out with them. No party is worth your sanity. No party is worth distancing yourself from your kids by putting on a false mask of what society tells you a “good mother” is. Because you are a good mother for wanting your kids to be celebrated and happy, and no amount of streamers or goodie bags are required to prove that-no matter what social media says. (Edited for a typo)
This comment really stuck out to me, you’re so aware and descriptive it’s brilliant! I don’t know if you described me 100%, but I never looked at it like this. I don’t post things or take photos much, so it’s not for the photos, it’s more for the memories (partly for myself.. probably trying to make up for what I wanted as a child and partly for my kids, so they can have fun times/memories) but I think I may still have the same problem as your mother. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. 😢 Thank you for sharing and being so transparent about your experience. ❤
I’ve had a similar experience My mother would always have the perfect picture of how something would go Gifts stress me out because I’m worried I won’t react the way I’m supposed to And like you said when I’m aware of the effort put into something I have to but in the energy to preform the way I’m expected to Even little things I remember my mom had to paint our rooms once And she had pictured playing music and painting and laughing and having fun But we were both tired and didn’t even want to paint I remember being upset that I had ruined the moment she wanted
My in laws think that celebrations (including birthdays) are to show off how well they and the children are doing. My FIL said that the wedding isn't about the bride but about the parents showing off how well the son is doing
This was like... every woman I grew around. Before social media girls were slave to the scrapbook. And before the scrapbook there was something else for my grandmother's gen as well. Humans haven't changed much all.
I was born in 1982. As a kid my Mom would bake me a birthday cake from a box mix. We'd get a couple of pizzas for dinner. I'd invite over a few friends who would bring maybe a $20 gift for me to enjoy and at that time the gift was basically seen by the parents as a way to "pay" for the FREE BABYSITTING service my MOM would be providing for the day (and sometimes overnight). We'd eat pizza and cake then afterwards we'd watch a movie sitting on our sleeping bags all over the living room floor. The biggest concern back then was making sure not to spill anything on the carpet so my Mom would lay down a couple old bed sheets and we'd put our sleeping bags on top. It probably cost my parents $100 MAX. We didn't do goody bags. Getting free food and cake WAS the goody.
To be fair, valentine's day always included a treat with the card when i was growing up in the 90s. But it was as simple as you buying a small back of assorted fun size candies with a box of cheap cards, and you'd tape one piece of candy to the back of the card.
Even into the 2010s, that was how it went. My mom would sit me down with a list of my classmates' names and I would write out every card and decide which flavor this person would get.
Mhm, that’s what we did for all of my elementary school years throughout the 2000s. It was always pretty fun. Sometimes we’d to craft projects to make our candy bags.
My mum never liked buying the premade cards or stuff. But I remember one year my dad helped me cut out red hearts from construction paper, and then together we thought of a little poem for each person. Every one was different and made for the classmate. I still remember how genuinely impressed the parents who would come help out in class were at them.
I remember a woman telling her friend, who’s a mom, to let her daughter be bored instead of just handing her a tablet to keep her entertained. For it was good for her development to be bored instead. And I honestly have to agree, for I remember when I got bored as a kid I would search for whatever would entertain me. Like reading, drawing, or even writing my own stories. Those are all things I still do today whenever I’m bored.
I watched TV when I was bored in the 90s. It’s not that different from a tablet, and I definitely don’t feel like I was neglected as a child or lack imagination. I think that as long as you’re interacting with your kid plenty and the media they have access to is age-appropriate, there’s not much wrong with allowing your kid to enjoy a movie, TV show, or a game while you have to get things done.
I never have screen to kids at restaurants. We only ate at food court when kids were smaller. Bit I think it is fine to show screen sometimes if it gives parents some time to enjoy meals without chaos. I dont always appreciate it when others tell you what to do(or not to do), especially coming from someone who do not live with you. Every family is different. You have no idea what they are through that day. People are so judgemental and lack imagination.😅
Personally, I have to disagree. When I was bored I sat in misery. I never "got creative". I had a lot of artistic talent but that never came out of boredom. That came out of wanting to create. When I was a kid and was bored, it was like watching paint dry for hours.
I think there’s a balance that’s lacking. My husband unfortunately grew up in a home where you “work hard to play hard” but the play hard was only ever things his parents enjoyed and activities that weren’t necessarily kid friendly. He holds some resentment over this and the neglect he feels is something he doesn’t want to pass on to our kids. I’ve seen some parents admit that those extravagant parties are for them, not their child and I wonder if it’s due to similar feelings of neglect or resentment that my husband feels. They’re projecting all the things they wish they’d had as a child onto their children. I personally love the cheap Hobby Lobby/Dollar Tree decorations and I specifically like to bake. It doesn’t need to be fancy and planning anything more than simple decorations and a cake burns me out just thinking about it.
I used to work at a casino where there was a steakhouse that was easily $300 for one meal for 2 people. The amount of times I made a reservation for a child's birthday part where they were like 3-12 was too many. Like I know this fancy steakhouse with literally nothing kid friendly in the menu or the atmosphere is not your kids favorite place. It's yours. This is for you. Stop playing.
I think you have a really good point. Personally, I was fortunate to have a good childhood and for the most part really enjoyed it. I grew up in a blue collar middle class house and we never had the latest and greatest stuff, probably went on like 2 family vacations my whole growing up, and birthdays were simple at home, just invite some friends over and have cake with the same decorations used every year. The most important part was just that my parents were both THERE for us, physically, mentally, and emotionally. They genuinely cared about us and our development and that was far more important than any consumeristic goods. Now that I am 27 and want to have kids of my own soon, it never even occurred to me to do all this silly “extra” stuff as mentioned in the video. I think this is what some people who did not have a happy childhood misguidedly think makes for a happy childhood.
the end part literally had me in tears because im just moving out of my childhood years (im in my late teens) and i realized that i did in fact have an amazing childhood BECAUSE i had alone time and BECAUSE i learned how to take care of myself. My creativity is my soul, and my soul is freer than ever because of my creativity.
I didn’t have much as a kid, I’d say I was closer to the emotionally neglected side of childhood but ignoring that I had an average childhood. One of my favorite memories I like looking back to is sitting down in school looking out the window at the outdoor classroom (garden), the sea off in the distance, watching as cars zoom by on the far off highway and a bee passes by the window. Then having my teacher remind me to focus on the test I was supposed to be taking. That memory makes life feel so calm.
All of these things are a very American/US problem. I live in Eastern Europe and no one does any of these things. I feel like consumerism is a very big problem in the US. For example we don't have rehearsal dinners, baby showers and gender reveals in my country. We don't buy presents and thank you bags for guests at weddings or other parties. We don't have save the dates (just invites) and we don't make gift baskets for bridesmaids etc. All of these things just generate a ton of plastic decorations and useless gag gifts that will never be used again. They are so useless. But I've heard that people feel pressured from society to get them. That is so maddening and unnecessary.
a big part of american culture is to just CELEBRATE. doesn’t matter how into something we are if at all, but if there’s a semi-important event it’s a big deal. i’m not a big fan of when it leads to overconsumption and spending money people don’t have, but a day off work or holiday pay is nice!
@@kailey_marler That is a nice perspective to hear. For me it sounds just exhausting but you are right. Life should be celebrated whenever we can, just maybe with less stuff to buy :)
@kailey_marler I think celebrating is a big part of every culture, and it's so beautiful how every country/culture does it differently. In my country, we also have very big celebrations, but they involve mostly a loot of food and alcohol, a life band for almost every happy occasion and that's about it. 😅
Wait no save the dates?? We have those because wedding venues generally book out at least a year so you send a save the date so your loved ones block off the date (or even several days if they know they’ll need to travel) so they don’t miss your wedding! They are usually sent out as soon as the venue is booked. The invites are after you maybe pick colors or a theme or a dress code etc. things that take a bit of time to decide. So imo they’re two separate but important things! The rest I agree with tho 😂
I literally heard other people say that they don't want to have a second child because they won't have enough money and energy for two birthdays and Christmas.... they also mentioned crazy parties and 10-15 gifts for both occasions. It honestly blows my mind. Magic does not come from consumerism. Ps. But then again, it is probably the same people who take on a loan to throw a wedding party 🤦♀️
that's really sad. my brother is a deeply irritating little twerp a lot of the time, but I love that twerp and I can't think of any other single thing that my parents could have chosen that would've had the impact on me that he has.
See, when I tell people I can't afford to have children right now because I can't afford to take care of myself, I am envisioning being unable to give them more than clothes for Christmas. My mom did make some magical birthday parties when I was in elementary school but she made the cake herself and back then, we could go to Goodwill and buy "costumes."
My children actually thank me all the time that they have each other and that we didn't have just one. We aren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination...and have been homeless thanks to c♤♤cer...but they're fed and clothed and, most importantly, wanted and LOVED.
10-15 gifts on EACH occasion?? What kinda Dudley level nonsense is that, give the kids ONE gift 😂 (but srsly, give them ONE good gift instead of 15 crappy ones, they will appreciate it so much more)
I wanted to cry at certain parts of this video and as I'm typing this out I can't even hold back the tears anymore. I have been going through a really rough bout of "modern motherhood guilt" and its so hard for my husband to watch and hear me talk about. He tells me I am genuinely such a good mom and that I am good enough all the time, but it is such a hard thing to accept or believe about myself. I feel sooooo bogged down by these guilty feelings of "why dont I enjoy just sitting with her and playing? And so much more... Like... I don't take her out enough. I dont spend enough time with her in x,y and z ways. And listening to different things in this video really hit home. Like when the gal shared how dopamine is released by PLAYING with their dads and being close and warm and affectionate with their moms. I LOVE snuggling with her, I LOVE holding her for long periods of time and just taking her precious little being in and when I get to carry her, I LOVE giving her kisses and I LOVE sitting with her at dinner where she can put her cute little legs on me while she enjoys her meal. I LOVE celebrating her when I see she's grown or developed in a certain area or skill in her life or personality. i really enjoy making nice meals for her everyday. I LOVE tucking her in at night and letting her know how loved she is (which lately has taken a turn for the complicated - we found a solution but its not my optimal preference, but hey if it brings peace to the home sooner and for longer, why not... I can get over myself I guess). BUT I just beat myself up soooo hard because I'm not devoting all this time to coming up with creative activities or sewing her all this cute stuff or just making her life more interesting in one way or another. I get soooooo frustrated with myself and question so much about my love for my child because it's hard for me to enjoy just sitting with her in her room while she plays. She is OBSESSED with asking me to sit down with her in her room, but sometimes I'm actually busy doing other things for the household, or I genuinely just want some time for myself or I want to catch up with the hubby or I just want to decompress cuz I'm pregnant and need a break. It's been so hard to break out of this. I've prayed for God to help me because I see impact this guilt has on my dynamic with her and myself and even my husband and yes even with God and I don't want this to continue.... So... I consider this video an answered prayer. Thank you.
Man I give my 4 year old a cool rock I found and shes good for like 30min lol. Kids don't need you to go bankrupt trying to entertain them/make them happy.
That’s so true. Kids will entertain themselves with whatever they’re given, or whatever they can find, but the things like we can see in this video completely destroy the child’s ability to be bored and entertain themselves. I have memories of spending hours digging holes in the local sandpit as a kid. Completely free and completely entertaining.
It's always the boxes. Cats and children love them. The box probably had something you spent too much money on for them, and all they really care about is the box. 🤷♀️
this is the thin that bothers me so much. kids under a certain age find almost everything entertaining and can really play with barely anything. why give them tons of expensive things when they're equally happy without it. the point where they will actually want expensive stuff comes soon enough
Thank you. I do let my children get bored sometimes because I need to tidy up or do something in the house. And now they can spend hours playing on their own and have fun doing so. We do have outings once in a while and have special days but most days are the same, nothing special but my children are happy and will gladly snuggle in bed with me during bedtime. Children can be happy with a cardboard box and crayons as long as they know that their parents are here for them and love them.
Them being bored is good for them. My parents were very intentional about allowing my brother and I to be bored. They would prompt us to knock on the doors of our neighborhood friends to play with us or prompt us to come up with a game ourselves. It really allowed a lot of freedom for me as a kid to create and be imaginative. That is really missing with a lot of kids now. Being bored is good for you. It opens the door to your creativity.
My mom let me keep our washing machine box and it took me 3 days to color it with crayons into a house with a spiral staircase 😂❤ My friend, the cat and I played in the box for another 8 days.
You know what my kids find magical? Big cardboard boxes, brush piles from trimming the trees and seeing friends. They really don’t need a lot. My kids played on a pile of brush for 4 days straight when we trimmed our tree outside. It was a spaceship and a boat! 😂
7:45 I’m still watching, we have two toddlers and we are 25/22yo. I posted on instagram our boys bedroom. We just got our own apartment and I keep thinking about how I see millennial parents who seem so picture perfect. (I am mostly surrounded by millennial parents- no judgement!!! My mom is 1981 millennial) we have all this media and forget to enjoy the simple. I’ve never been to Disney, but I got to go to universal a few years ago! My friend (25/26)who sadly had to move has a child in between the ages of my two. She really helped me enjoy the simplicity of life and to enjoy the little life. Trash truck is a great show to remind you to just play and imagine.
The extravagant birthday parties for children under the age of like 8 are just really for the parents. Honestly, a 4 or 5-year-old is not going to remember their birthday party. 🤷♀
That's not the reason I would say they're over the top. ANYTHING done with love will be well received, no matter what the age. I know you don't mean to say children under 5 don't matter, but imo saying 'it doesn't matter because they won't remember' to me is at least starting on that line. If you put love into something for your kid, they feel it, and it forms part of their secure attachment which is so vital when they're under 5. My point is there shouldn't be pressure to do something extravagant, but if done out of love, you absolutely can. Sure the finer details may not be absorbed, so I do agree some of it is more for the parents enjoying the aesthetics, but even then, young kid's minds are incredibly absorbent and they might have a sense of the artistry about it and learn something as a result. The problem is that when it's plastered on social media, it's not always done out of love, and it feels a bit out of touch/puts pressure on others.
I used to think the 1-3yr old parties were just for the parents too 3 yr old still lights up talking about his 2 yr old bday when we had a firetruck theme so that changed my mind. His 3rd birthday he was glowing he absolutely was thrilled for cake and piñata. I love kid birthday parties now more than any other celebration, love having families over and feeding them food and seeing the kids run around it’s chaos and so joyful.
My son turned 5 this year and this was the first year he wanted a birthday party with his friends, he asked for Chuck E. Cheese of all places! It was great, everyone had fun and it didn't cost me an exorbitant amount of money. I've already told my family next year we'll just have his friends over the house. Also when did every holiday become an opportunity to pile more crap into our houses?! I hate it, Valentine's day especially I feel has gotten so out of hand, give me little cards with a lollipop and call it a day.
When I was a kid, my mom would often have me and my older sisters’ bday parties at Peter Piper Pizza (I live in TX. I think it’s only in 4 states) and every year we did, it was so much fun! It’s easier on parents because places like that offer birthday party packs and the employees basically do everything for you, all you have to do is show up, tell them if any guest have allergies, and tell them your budget. That’s pretty much it lol
Since becoming a mother myself, I don't look at seemingly hype-competent mothers posting online and wonder "How does she do it all?" I wonder "What is she giving up?"
I think that sadly its often the childs emotions that are getting neglected. As sad as that is to say. Esp child focused content is less concerned for the autonomy, privacy and emotions of a child
I was thinking the same a few days ago. Bc you have to sacrifice something to be able to have that kinda time. I'd rather just be present with my kids.
it seems like these parents are out here having a mom-off to the point where they’re making parenthood about the parents, when really parenthood should be about the kids. the biggest antidote to mom-shame is to say “okay but are the kids happy and healthy?” because if they are, who CARES if you’re the only mom who didn’t dress their kids in matching christmas pj’s and have a photoshoot? (sidenote, i don’t come from a matching-outfit-family and the idea of matching with my family makes me feel like izzy in that scene from Little Fires Everywhere) my biggest gripe with the extravagant parties is that it’s this huge undertaking that the child actually has no creative say in aside from picking the theme. like, YES- go over the top with your theme, but make it something your kid gets to participate in and have FUN! have your kid be the one who picks out and helps make decorations, cakes, etc! yes, a child-made decoration is less pinterest-perfect, but your kid gets to feel proud of the cool stuff they get to show their friends at their party. plus, there are so many developmental and leadership skills children can gain from participating in things like throwing a party or preparing for the holidays. as a kid, i had themed parties and it was party city and construction paper cutouts. my mom and i had so much fun coming up with ideas together and planning party activities. we’d have to workshop ideas and change things based on what we could find at the store, or she’d ask me to pick my top 2-3 activities because we couldn’t do every single activity on my list. those experiences gave me practice with prioritization, decision making, and creative problem solving. as an adult, those are actually 3 things coworkers & classmates consistently say are things i’m good at, so i guess i got good practice. so, anyway, TLDR; let kids participate in their own childhoods. the magic of childhood is best when it’s created by kids.
This made me think about my childhood and I want to share a few of my favourite moments: I literally used to live in a village and every day all the children would gather and play together without supervision because we were always in sight of some neighbour we could trust. My mum used to read us a "dessert book" every day after lunch. Once my mum worked in her garden und we wanted to have one too, so she let me and my sister dig up some of the lawn and showed us how to garden. We did A LOT of unsupervised playing (the 90s were wild) but we always knew that if we really needed something our parents would be right around the corner to help.
The overconsumption of it all 😭 reminds me of a relative who threw these extravagant parties for her 2 year old, spending tons of money she didn’t have, but if you ask her kids if they remember the parties they say no lmao.
That’s a very American phenomenon. In France we’d never go that hard. The most I’ve seen a mom do is buy a birthday party pack from Amazon lol. I’ve never seen anything like it, even in super wealthy areas.
This was exactly what i was thinking (i’m from the Netherlands). My birthday parties were basically a crafting activity, a special snack like a cupcake cause i wasn’t big on birthday cakes, some games like hide and seek and presents. The most extravagant it would get was going to the pool, the movies or idk paintball. (I’m from 2005 and most of my friends were younger than me)
It's absolutely bizarre. I've never bought into it, but it seems like so many other Americans are fully engaged and plugged into hyper consumerism with an over abundance of material items & literal garbage. Our overall material conditions are fairly poor, none of our basic needs are provided for, so all of this other stuff is just a distraction that's ruining our health and Earth. Cultures centered around over-consumption are toxic.
I am in America and I am unfamiliar with this trend. And I have 4 kids ages 7-13 and upper middle class so if it was happening here i’d think i’d be in the demographic to see it. I think this is American content creators which is about has representative of Americans as the french peas from veggie tales are of the french
All this has one common thing..... People need to turn off/ delete social media and stop putting/ living your lives through it. Don't compare yourself to others and stop caring what other people think. Problem solved. You're welcome
Honestly I think it’s the opposite . People have these parties so they can show them off on social media…not because they have seen them there. I’ve seen tons of them…but no way am I wasting that type of money. My daughter recently turned 18 and I went all out ( by my standards) and spent $100 on her party 😂. Her and her friends had a great time at my house and her friends kept telling me I over catered and they couldn’t possibly eat all the food. They played UNO and Mario Cart and they were here for 5 hours instead of the planned 2 becuse they didn’t want to go home.
I agree! We literally tell young girls to not believe what they see online so why are the same moms believing everything they see online as well. These perfect moms online are just showing you what they want you to see! It’s the same thing models do! I think it’s time to take our own advice and not believe in everything we see online.
i think it’s more meaningful to have “special” birthday parties only a few times during your child’s life, it makes those moments more memorable when they aren’t extra every year. when i was 5 my parents rented a local rollar rink out for a few hours for a party for me, my brother had a birthday party at a bowling alley a few years later. then when we were teenagers my mom let us both invite a few friends to stay in a hotel room the night before our birthdays and have a giant sleepover essentially, ordered pizza, swam in the hotel pool and hot tub and hung out with our friends. this was more than enough for me and my brother and i look back on these parties very fondly. ❤️
I’m 15, absolutely didn’t grow up like this, and didn’t need to. My twin brother and myself had a birthday party every year in elementary school up until 3rd or 4th grade. All of them were at a gymnastics place where we would play in the foam bit, jump on the trampoline, etc. then we’d have pizza and a cake my mom made, which was usually a unicorn themed cake for me and a sport themed cake for my brother. We were happy. Then as a last banger of a party, my mom rented a pool at a hotel for a pool party, then there were no more birthday parties for friends unless we wanted to plan them ourselves. You know what? I’m happy. I have nothing but fond memories for those parties. My mom gave me a dollar for the tooth fairy, my valentines cards were simply little lollipops taped to cards, she simply moved the elf from the clock to the tree and other simple stuff like that, and only did a special craft box if she had free time, so maybe a few times a year.
Disclaimer, I'm not a mom, but I feel like a big part of this is the fragmentation of community as you mentioned in the video... kids can no longer rely on other kids for entertainment and parents can no longer rely on other adults for occasionally helping their children out with brand new experiences, so parents feel like they need to do more and more just to keep their kids happy
Parents also don't want to rely on other adults. When you tell a kid off for e.g. stealing candy at a store, the parents get angry 'because they can raise their kids themselves'. When I offered friends with kids to come help with e.g. folding laundry, they refused. Somehow people started believing raising kids is something you can and should be doing alone.
My most fond childhood memory is a rainy camping day in our tent. Almost everyone around us left and we sat in our tent trying to cook couscous on our little stove and we could have lunch in our bed playing boardgames. The next day the weather was great again and we went on a hike with our dog loose, because there was noone around. 😂
When I was growing up and was about 5-7 I had one of these “Pinterest mom, picturesque” birthday parties. It was CandyLand themed and it felt like stepping into the board game. It’s one of my favorite memories to date. That being said, another favorite birthday party of mine was when we did nothing. There was a cake and some rainbow balloons, sure, but there was no theme or real decorations. It was just a bunch of my extended family and parents friends. I loved letting all these new people, despite most of them being adults, and had so much fun just talking with them. There were no planned activities, no games, nothing, just me being a kid. In short, I think a mix of both is good. Obviously make your kid’s birthday special but in order to do that you don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars or even set anything up. If you’re going to make elaborate birthday parties that’s great, I’m sure the kids will have wonderful memories of them, but it’s not special if you’re doing stuff like this all year round.
Another therapist here. People talk about gentle parenting. But turns out, none of the people have read the book. Boundaries are important. Imagination is important. Teaching kids responsibility is important. This gentle parenting has been around since the 1920's. It doesn't back up so much of what people think is gentle parenting. Gentle parenting takes a lot of work, a lot of boundaries and teaching kids responsibility and consequences. As a therapist, who is experienced in EC and teen issues, bordom is important. Anyone truly educated in the field knows that kids need boredom in order to develop imagination.
My baby loves running around in the yard with the chickens, loves feeding the cow, and plays in the daisies with the cat. She has no idea she's missing all these toys and glitter
the "standard" seems in direct opposition to the complaint that everything is too expensive now and that our job compensation isn't keeping up with the cost of living.
Yes. It is the behavior of rich people, being adopted by increasingly poorer people. We all need to wake up, get back to what’s worked for thousands of years, and judge ourselves and others for the quality of company, not entertainment.
Wow, it's almost like people on social media whose product is their image are going to go overboard with visually interesting things to post! It's a business, not the normal person
Also the amount of waste this creates is astronomical. I won’t go against my morals in being as low waste as possible (I’m not perfect but I refuse to buy junk items or one time use items).
Having grown up in a Mexican household, the parties would be so fun with minimal focus on the decor or theme. They always had a lot of people because we have a large family, but the parties were always about celebrating our community with each other through music and food. While they might be "for the kids" sometimes, they were rarely ever actually for the kids, it was for everyone to have a good time. The adults would do their thing, and the kids would do their own thing playing in the dirt and old playsets. Those were some of my fondest memories while growing up and I cannot wait to share those kinds of memories with my kiddo one day. While some parents might want to go all out with these childhood parties, in actuality, kids don't need them. I'm sure they want them but celebrating whatever occasion it is with your family and community without Pinterest influence will do the trick in creating the same fond memories.
I miss my childhood birthdays because the memories and the love was just everything. My parents let me pick a color for a couple of balloons and streamers from party city, my family and friends would come to my house and we’d play and eat the food everyone made and then we’d sing happy birthday and eat some box made cupcakes at the same table and opened presents on the same couch every year til I moved out. I can’t express how I miss that feeling. Now, being in my own place and living a few hours from home, I miss the simple things like those birthday parties. It never had to be big, just genuine.
My best childhood birthdays - Go to Walmart with Dad to buy the basic decorations and cake - Set em up on my own - Call my friends on the landline - Have fun playing with the new toys I had been gifted and listening to kids music
my birthday was always huge every year but only bc our neighbors across the street owned blow up water slides and my birthday lined up with when they cleaned them every year. so they’d bring one over for free and we’d throw some dawn dishwashing liquid on it and go insane. cake was from walmart and the theme was “don’t you dare go near my hydrangeas”
@@FreyW-mb2dj oh they were def nice but they were very weird. the mom came over and gave my mom a candle bc it “smelled like her” whatever that means lol. the actual magic in my life def came from my other neighbors, two of the oldest people i remember being alive ever (like well into their 80s when i was this age but still fishing and cooking and watching me while my family couldn’t for whatever reason). i don’t remember their faces, or even the man’s name, (bc i just called him paw paw but wasn’t related to him) but i remember his aged spotted hands and his laugh and some of the stories he told me. i remember the way he taught me to fish with a cane pole and how he was there to help when i got caught on a hook. i remember one year we had an easter egg hunt at their house. like yea the water slide neighbors were cool but my childhood magic def came from this extra maw maw and paw paw who existed around me just to keep me safe and happy and for no other reason it seemed…seems still i guess. they’re long gone but ill always remember how nasty i thought their cabbage was and how paw paw always wore a button up shirt and overalls like some character from a louisiana letterkenny lol. sorry to ramble just feeling nostalgic about this. dude was really my neighbor totoro for me.
she’s also just told me they weren’t THAT old but still really old. both have passed but paw paw tj passed only a few years ago and maw maw shirley just passed not long ago. they both lived until 96 years old.
i’m not a parent but i work as a lifeguard and see a lot of kids. the kids who seem to have the most fun are the ones who are allowed to explore and interact with other kids. they come up with games and test how far they can push the rules. those are some of the most important parts of development (and the nice part is us lifeguards will make them stop doing things that are dangerous). some of my fondest childhood memories were made while my mom read a book in a lounge chair and i was left to figure out how to have fun at the pool by myself. it’s great to have parents there when the kids need them but those kids absolutely adore their independence.
I remember my parents always having massive birthdays like these for me, we had petting zoos, rented out the neighborhood pool, and massive waterslides. The other days would be normal, sometimes boring, and we just did random kids stuff.
I so needed to hear this. I don’t try to do big parties but I definitely try to keep my kids occupied all the time and hate seeing them bored. I thought I was doing something wrong if they were bored and it was draining me.
We lived in poverty growing up. I knew we were poor, but my mom was always trying to make or do something with scraps or what little we had. She provided wonderful meals out of few ingredients, made moments of us going without seem to be magical. Losing power meant pretending and playing while we had no TV or cable. A plain cardboard box could be anything in the world with imagination. It could be a rocket ship or a lemonade stand, a puppet theatre or flinstone car. We don't need to buy and consume to be happy. Though if I had kids I can see wanting to give them what I didn't always have. There can be a balance. But I dont have kids so I have NO IDEA how difficult it could be. Something a kid will never have enough of, is play. Just playing with your kid means more than anything. Looking back, all I had ever wanted from my mom was to play more. Just simple play.
I worked as a kids entertainer for a while, doing magic shows, balloon animals, that sort of thing. I’ve been hired to do some of the massive, insane parties, sone for kids as young as 1 who won’t even remember it. The parents and kids never really seemed to care as much when they also gave petting zoos and water slides. My favorite parties were the ones in someone backyard or a public park, where I was clearly the one big expense. I could tell they saved up to bring me in as a special treat that year, and the kids were always so happy. Magical moments are good, but they feel more special if you spread them out.
Crafts on only special occasions? So sad! Haha!!! As a little kid I crafted all day every day! But it was pulling toilet paper rolls out of the recycling and making my own creations. Again. Not the expensive craft kits. Or someone telling me where to put the googlie eyes 3:53
We have let our son choose what he wanted to do since he was old enough . Hes 9 and has chosen to go to the mall and Target shopping instead of having a party the last few years . He said he would rather spend money on toys and having a family fun day together than decorations and renting a bouncy house or an indoor pool . We usually end up inviting a bunch of kids from his class he doesn’t even really hang out with, but this way he gets to have a fun day with a few close friends, then usually the next day ,we take him shopping and spend the weekend doing fun stuff as a family . It’s way more fun and way cheaper !
I don’t usually comment but this video means so much to me. I’m so obsessed with trying to make everything magical that it takes away the magic. Thank you sincerely
I’m due to have my first baby next week, and I’m looking forward to celebrating the experience of her finding a really good stick in the woods. Or maybe the joy of being so dirty you have to be hosed off before being allowed in the house because the summertime mud puddles were just too good to pass up. Part of the magic of childhood is being bored enough to need the imagination, which is a powerful thing.
Who cares? My mom never gave a shit about that stupid magical stuff. Go and watch your kid play dirty I guess. I wasn't allowed to be a kid. Why are cruel previous generations suddenly acting nice?
Who cares!? You wanna neglect your baby? You wanna leave them alone forever. Childhood doesn't exist anymore thanks to people like you. Give birth to an animal why don't you?
I agree with everything you said besides the sensory crafts. Sensory crafts are actually extremely good for a toddlers development and I guess some women do go to far with these, but having a little sand box in your backyard with some toys for it and a little water table is actually a really great idea if you can afford to do that.
Watching the part about children not playing with their parents too much reminded me of my most fun childhood memories. Most of them were playing with my sister. My parents and caregivers usually watched us to make sure we were safe but they really didnt get involved in our play. My grandma always left a notebook and some markers in the back seat of her car so we could draw while she drove and it kept us entertained while we rode. I think simply having access to markers and paper is often better than a structured craft that they male with their parents. Its more creative and freeform. Children need that freedom. Children need to be able to be spontaneous.
Thanks for the content; there is a lot of great stuff here for me to think about. I’ve just subscribed! I think one big thing is, although we’ll feel mom guilt for soooo many things, we need to feel comfortable in the decisions we made. For instance with the Valentines example, I did the same where I found cute valentines from Target this year that were small snack bags of cookies, and I wrote my daughter’s name (who was 2yo) in the From section on the baggies so she could bring them to daycare. I was happy about that (and I got to eat the other leftover snack baggies haha!) When my daughter came home with lots of toys and sunglasses for Valentines, I thought “wow these moms are awesome!” But I also thought, I’m NOT doing that next year level of gifting just to compete. We will probably do the simple valentines or cookie snack bags again. Yet, I am happy and appreciative that now we have a free pair of sunglasses that were attached on one of the Valentines she received. 🤣
We had our sons 2 year old birthday party in January at our house. We got dino plates, some dino balloons, pizza, family brought food, we said no presents. We invited family and daycare friends. Nothing crazy, just playing inside (it was January). It was so fun and everyone had a good time. Don't need anything crazy, just food and toys.
Mother of a 5 && 7 year old this year. My 7yo had his 1st "big" birthday party, about $300, up to this point every year has been less than $50. Got my 5yo cake && ice cream. He still doesn't understand birthdays 100%😂 ur doing it right
One of my nieces recently turned 3 and my older sister requested that everybody not get her toys as presents but instead food items or gift cards to ice cream shops. My niece was so over the moon to be unwrapping a jar of pickles, or a box of Mac and cheese. My sister requested that because she hates seeing stuff pile up in the her house, especially toys. My niece is the type to only latch onto 3 toys that she’ll play with all the time, and then everything else just gets buried and left to collect dust
@@queenofcats9240I love this! It reminds me of my dad, lol. He is the easiest person in the world to get presents for, as all he wants is food. For Christmas I can get him a big ole bag filled with stuff he likes - unique mustards, pickles, sauerkraut, horseradish, tea, etc. for under $30. I am the same, I should tell people to get me food if they want to give me presents lol.
I see what y’all are saying in some ways but what’s great is motherhood is now in style again which is such a departure from the parents of MY generation who resented us and lived to work and party! I personally LOVE doing all this stuff but I grew up poor and can do all the glam for a fraction of the price. I saved formula cans and toilet paper rolls and make a insane fake castle cake that ppl thought I spent thousands on but literally was just waste and I also sold it for $150 and recouped most of the money I spent.
I’m 28, and as a kid, I had like maybe 2-3 ACTUAL birthday parties- the rest of the time my parents could say I could invite 3 (or 4 friends if they were generous) out for a dinner at my favourite restaurant, or 1 friend to a theme park. Those birthdays were 100% better than the ones where I had actual parties in my opinion
Oh my goodness, I NEEDED this. I am also going to share this with my kids and my partner, I am so grateful for your production of this also, they will get a lot from what you say and the video itself is not boring. Well done 👏
Instead of an Ipad, mostly because they didn’t exist I guess, but my mom would let me bring a notebook and a pencil to places and thanks to that I love writing and drawing now! :) kept me occupied while I learned helpful skills
My mom’s favorite phrase was “go get a book” to let us know “hey you’re pushing it, go settle down.” I ❤ it and when we did activities I didn’t like like shopping, she’d let me bring whatever book I wanted along to read all day. I actually read Roots when I was 10 in a single day at the mall, and often if I didn’t have a book that thick I’d have to reread books. My sister didn’t like to read as much (ADHD) so my mom let her draw and she got so good she made a good portion of the artwork we hung around the house as kids, and people really wanted to pay her to make them art as well. Now she’s a doctor 😂 but we still have all the artwork we both did hanging in the house and people think professionals did it.
Instagram and social media has people doing WAYYYY to much. The joy of childhood is that they find so much magic and joy in the little things, they appreciate everything so much more than adults do
I’ve always said social media has ruined us as a species, and in so many ways. 😓 Also, my kids had a structured school year. Why on earth would I structure their summer? They need a break as much as we do.
As a mum who was walking this path for my first child especially, I came to the realisation that I was going completely overboard with trying to create magic in my child's life. And it hasn't served her one bit. Thankfully I started coming to my senses after my second and third children and I started to reflect on what children genuinely need to do well and enjoy their lives. I realised it came from a fantasy about the kind of 'perfect childhood' I wanted to give my kids, as I'd only ever had two birthday parties my entire childhood, and partly from the mentality of 'keeping up with the Joneses'. And I didn't want my kids to feel they were missing out. I realised slowly with the intense baking and prepping though in the end, much of this stuff was for me, not my kids. These were my own projections from my own childhood where I didn't feel special or valued. Finally I realised how broke these standards were leaving me, and how exhausted I was after each birthday, and started paring back. As I did so, and my values changed, I started attracting more mums like me, that valued connection over 'stuff', It was like freeing myself from an addiction, and each birthday I challenged myself to make it simpler and simpler. And I realised these over the top birthdays were not what my kids genuinely benefitted from... Those parties were more about the parties than they were about celebrating the birthday-star. I noticed that the more I gave, the more entitled and demanding my kids became as they tapped into that 'never enough' energy I had been creating. The most important life skills we can teach our kids is how to appreciate. How to appreciate the moments, nature, hugs, laughter, friendship - and how to create these things in their own lives. We've all heard about the idea of toddlers being more interested in the box the toy came in - and it's up to us to build on this simple truth - and resist the urge to spoil our kids. It truly makes them perpetually dissatisfied as we're teaching them that having the best party is more important than being their best selves.
My childhood was climbing trees, making a shitty plywood tree house, going to the children's museum and getting a dollar from he tooth fairy, my birthday was at chucky cheese, and I shared with my bother and it was great
I love this video!! Bday parties have gotten ridiculous for little kids. I hate how much they cost and the party favour bags is just bunch of junk the kid will be bored with in a few mins. I wish people stop giving those out and make that standard go away. But recently my son attended a bday party where the parents did something different. They asked each child to bring 2 gently used toys. Especially shop your kids toys they don’t play with. There was no rules on the value of the toy etc. The idea was the bday child gets one toy and the other toy goes in a pile and each kid gets to take a toy home from the pile.I loved this alternative.
UNPOPULAR OPINION: I think you are spending too much time on social media. It’s not every day average parents doing this stuff. It is people who have money, and people who have money have always done extravagant events for their children. Take a look at balls from the Victorian era or 15th Birthday parties in Hispanic cultures. Ever seen the TV show “My Super Sweet 16?” These are millionaire vloggers you are seeing, and they have ALWAYS spoiled their children. There are still average people out here having average experiences. Millionaires are just in the spotlight, so you see them more. Of course they’re worried about getting photos and videos from these beautifully overdone events. Let these people spoil their kids. We can raise our kids how we see fit as long as no one is harmed and so can they.
Yeah, I think it depends on your social circle. Like there are people in a wealthy suburb near me that totally fall into this trap, but in my very middle-class neighborhood, no one would give a crap.
It depends on where you live. Sometimes it’s not just social media. I’ve had moms tell me where i live (france) that they have to make great birthday parties for their kids with themes and party favors. Not the ballon arch and the kardashian type birthdays but still! It takes a toll on them mentally and financially
Loved your point about it takes a village. When I hear about Sahm burnout I think a lot of it comes from not having a mom network. It's such a load off when your kid is off playing with another and you can swap notes with someone who's also in the trenches.
my birthday parties that i can remember were either roller rink, bowling, or a rented DVD movie night sleepover in the basement with my friends and i adored them. my family's little kid birthdays are really just an excuse to get together and take pictures, and the baby gets new toys and a cake to smash up.
I stopped getting a birthday cake for my kids because we would either have a bunch left over or not enough. Instead I do "decorate your own cookie." I make a bunch of different shaped sugar cookies, get the premade frosting decorating bags in every color and of course sprinkles! My kids love it! I also provide treat boxes so the kids can decorate as many as they want and take them home as their party favors. 😁
I think the happiest my 4 year old has ever been is playing in the rain and the mud in the spring and the summer. Costs nothing but the water in her bath to clean her up after lol
I’m not a mom, but I do babysit my 3 year old niece often. There was a time when I took her outside to play in the backyard. Normally she’ll just jump on their trampoline or want to play with her chalk, but there was one day when she got a bucket meant for building sand castles, and started to fill it up with dirt. I decided not to stop her because she wasn’t making much of a mess at first. In my head I just thought “Oop. I gotta get her to wash her hands when we get inside” but once she filled the bucket up about halfway with dirt, she picked it up and dunked the whole thing on her head. She was smiling and laughing afterwards but I just kind of sat their like “Uhhhhh” I freaked a little bit but then I remembered that I used to eat bugs and literally bury myself in mud when I was her age so I was like “Eh she’ll survive” I definitely had to give her a bath after that 😂
I have a very vivid memory of playing in the rain with a rain coat and wellies that were second hand from a family friend (and I thought made me really cool as she was a popular kid) with my nextdoor neighbour and having the absolute time of my life. Every time my kids go outside in coats and wellies to jump in puddles I remember it and see the same smiles on their faces
This was my first year buying school Valentine's cards and i literally couldn't find a set of JUST cards (at least that my kid liked). The ones we picked came with a themed pencil for each card, which i reluctantly attached to avoid having 16 extra pencils in my house. You can't even do the bare minimum in situations where you want to! I wonder how many of those pencils ended up in the trash...
They have pencils now?! I know I'm the odd one but I have an unsharpened pencil collection so I would have loved those. Pencils are very hard to find as a souvenir now and I don't know what I am going to do with my collection because I will never be able to use them all at this point (maybe turn them into an art piece? Still deciding.) I guess I am trying to say more of them might have been spared the bin than you think.
My favourite childhood is playing on my grandad's farm, spending time with him while he fixed fences, cut down a branch of a conifer tree to make a Christmas tree, watching Star Wars with him and my gran, and her letting me help her bake lemon meringue pie. There was a willow tree overlooking a pond, and when it dried up because of the drought, I was so sad that my grandad built a small swimming pool. But because it was still a drought, we couldn't put a lot of water in, and so frogs moved into the pool. 😂😂😂 Those times are my core memories, happier times I look back on. I think that if I hadn't been afforded such privilege growing up, I wouldn't have the deep love for nature that I now have. Most of my friends cannot go one day without technology or electricity without becoming hysterical. Especially my own husband. He grew up in front of video games and they are his obsession. I have a great variety of hobbies, but he has only a few. So I agree with giving your children variety, but also in giving them responsibilities, let them help out in daily chores, cooking, cleaning. Let them explore and learn to think for themselves. Don't supply everything for them on a silver platter. Let them ponder and think, read and dream. This fosters hope and encourages growth. We don't have a child yet, but when we do, I pray that they will dream, think, and explore, all without plugging themselves into screen. My grandma always said the best kind of screen is sunscreen.
Most of my favorite memories from my childhood are the walks we'd go on as a family. Now I do it with my kids. We go on a walk together everyday, weather permitting. My kids love it, and now other kids in the neighborhood join us most nights.
“Your children need your presence more than your presents.”
That quote is a keeper
I love this so much
My daughter didn't had her own room till she was 7, yet I always played 1 hour every day and always read 1 story and say 3 lullaby. She was tells me I am the best mom all the time. Although I am not, I don't have any guilt no matter what ppl tell me.
She used to be bored, we have no tv, and even with her babysitter she used to go anywhere, even appointments in office. Polite and happy go lucky
That’s pretty presumptuous of you to assume that because a child receives gifts they don’t get their parents attention.
There is no correlation between the two just like how there are kids who get neither presents or presence from their parents, there are kids who can get both too.
For real my mom thinks money and gifts can make up for the emotional and physical abuse while she expects us to serve her every whim 🙄
The thing is: its not for the kids its for the views and in a couple of years they will know it
That's the thing, we wouldn't be seeing 99% of these if they weren't being leveraged for social media. I don't run in these circles in real life, and I can tell you even the more affluent parents in our area who don't have social media presences pretty much just rent the event room at the science museum
THIS!!! 200% agree 👍🏻 These moms are "stuntin' and frontin'" for likes and digital "attagirls" from the 'Gram and the 'Tok.... and their children are merely accessories and afterthoughts to the equation. Surprised more aren't in agreement here with us on this, as it seems quite obvious that THIS is the true issue at hand!
@@ceeemm172ok, that sounds cute!
@@PlayerTenji95 It's perfect! You get a costco cake and the staff let you carefully hold a giant stick bug!
I have extravagant parties for my child. I don’t post them or invite anyone outside of family. Your comment doesn’t apply to most parents who prioritize birthdays.
Friends of mine have a preschool kid. They spend a two month vacation on a tropical island as a family of three, doing all kind of amazing things (swimming with dolphins etc…). When they came back I asked the kid what his favorite moment was. Kid thought about it for a couple of minutes then told me “playing Uno with my parents” and proceeded to tell me all the cool variations of Uno they played.
Now every time they try to do something unnecessarily special for him I remind them of this.
Just goes to show you, no matter how extravagant the activity, all kids remember is the time you spend with them
Oh my goodness - yes, yes, yes
They just take those to show off
@@Sincerely_SweetAestheteor for themselves lol it sounds like a nice time to me
when i do holidays with my kids I do it for myself, I am creating MY memories, not necessarily theirs. I do not understand when people tell me how my kids won't remember these things? Like - and? I will! I want to spend time with them on a amazing tropical island doing cool stuff and enjoying them exploring the world. I do not care if they remember it after all. I will definitely remember that. And second of all, we are shaped by our experiences - consciously or unconsciously. And no, I am not talking about 'over-the-top' vacation focused solely on kid experiences. But i will definitely not take into account all the other 'they-won't-rememer-this' strangers' advices when I want to have cool memories about my kids in all the cool places in this world.
I remember for my first Valentine’s day in school my parents didn’t tell me about getting my classmates cards, and when people were passing them out I was sad that I didn’t have any to give. The next year, I was set on having cards but my parents wouldn’t get me the nice store bought ones that all the other kids had. So I printed a picture of a pug and a poodle and traced them on regular paper, around 24 times. Our school had a phonebook that I used to make sure I had a card for everyone. I wrote little messages to everyone and we got Jolly Ranchers that I taped to the card. The point of this long paragraph is that I LOVED it. I got home every day and went to tracing. Maybe it wasn’t perfect or aesthetic but it was so much fun.
I love homemade birthday cards.
This is awesome because it was also *your* idea as the kid. Last year, my 4yo made all her own Valentine's Day cards. They were not nearly as fancy as her classmates, but she was proud of them and they were clearly homemade. I thought they were pretty special.
I still have a homemade Christmas card from a student in grade 5.
That's how much I appreciate it.
And I'm in my 30s
I miss those V-day cards so much, I think there might’ve been candy attached sometimes & that’s it but it was the cute cards that were so special, one of my favorite things from childhood💘💌
lol in middle school I was known as the fun dip kid because I carried a plastic bag with around 1-2 boxes of fun dip to just hand them out on Valentines. Not too pricey and it was fun
The best part of my birthday every year was my mom snuggling me in bed the night before or the night of my birthday telling me “the story of the day I was born”. I do the same for my son.
I love this! Thank you for sharing ❤
That’s part of the plot to the movie what a girl wants.
Oh I love this!
I LOVE this! I'm going to start doing this 🥰
Like Gilmore girls!
Ok therapist here. In general, yes i agree with most of what you are saying. Boredom is essential for developing creativity. But quick point here.... the "dopamine is only released with dad" thing is absolute BS. Neurobiology it's far more individual and complex than a 30 second tik tok can explain. This pinterest parenting thing is also a function of wealth, privledge and social isolation. Far more often children aren't played with enough by their parents, parents are busy and unable to do this and children instead are over-entertained by screens. Provide safe environments for supervised individual exploration for young babies and toddlers. For older kids set firm boundaries around technology and instead of setting up aestheticly pleasing activities and buying tons of garbage, get down and play with your kids the way they want to. Support what they want to do. Good parenting is far less complex than most think. If you are worried you might be doing it wrong, you are probably doing a good job. Social media isn't reality.
Thank you so much for pointing this out. I’ve been looking through the comments trying to find someone criticizing that bit. Really weird misinformation. Other than that, there were some interesting perspectives shown.
Thank you for saying this! That part of the video caught me entirely off guard - I'm not a parent but I am a young adult, and I played much more with my mother than with my father [and I certainly didn't enjoy snuggling]. The bioessentialism honestly concerned me that this was some sort of tradwife-adjacent channel, although that doesn't seem reflected by the rest of the channel's videos. Honestly I feel like this video was lacking a lot of material analysis.
I was enjoying the video until she said that. I enjoy playing with my kid and he enjoys it. Next time when my little son asks me to play with him I will just give him a hug and tell him go play with your dad 😅
@@lonely_space_egg yeah. This video popped up in my feed and as soon as i saw that i was like wait what.....oh no. not only is it a fundamental misunderstanding of how dopamine works and how complex brain chemistry relates to behavior, it also completely ignored individual differences, situational differences, and how prior experience would alter things. I mean.... you do know some kids don't have moms. Some don't have dads. Some kids have parents that stay home all day, some have parents that are rarely their primary caregiver. I'm just like... your gonna leave that asinine tiktok in with no rebuttal as if it's true!? I don't understand how people think pulling a random video off tiktok is research or evidence. It worries me for the future generations media literacy sometimes. Never repeat a fact if your source is only "i heard somewhere...." yeesh. Sorry, as a therapist and parent i got a bit worked up on that one. Lol
Thank you! I thought that clip was so ridiculous given what I understand scientifically about dopamine. Especially cause growing up, my dad loved snuggles, he didn’t play with us much, and we wanted to snuggle him over playing.
I'm a preschool teacher. I can't tell you how many kids have vacationed in Hawaii, and when they return, the part the kids remember is the hotel
My friends took their kids to Disney when their son was 16 (he’s developmentally disabled). I asked what he liked most at the park.
His face lit up. “I liked the people mover!” he answered. The trip cost about $10K, and *his* favorite part was the shuttle.
YESS I have a kid in my class who when to Niagara Falls and nyc and all they talked about is the hotel elevator and pool 😂
@@llamasugar5478I mean this in the nicest way, I think you misunderstood him - The People Mover isn’t a shuttle, it’s a ride/train that’s elevated above the park with full narration and LED lights timed to music that goes on a trio around the park and then returns to one station. While in it you get this really fun and unique view of everything while in air conditioned comfort!
It passes over/by so much, giving you unique views of everything as it does- the walkway to Fantasyland, the Tomorrowland Speedway, Main Street USA, the exterior of the Carousel of Progress, the old Galaxy Palace Theater, Tron Lightcycle Power Run, the WDW Railroad tracks, The Buzz Lightyear ride, The Monster Inc laugh floor and more! It also goes through show buildings like Space Mountain!
A lot of people are very very passionate about it, including Offhand Disney, albeit maybe as an ongoing inside joke for his channel haha. It was built as the “transportation of the future “ as the future was a huge recurring theme, Walt Disney was very passionate about the idea of a futuristic utopia. It was briefly replaced in ‘95 then the general outcry brought it back from the dead! It also recently got reopened/refurbished after Covid to fanfare.
I do agree that destination vacations for small children are a mixed bag, but are mostly for the parents. Kids don’t need much to be excited when you’re excited/ when they get time with you! I just wanted to defend the choice of The People Mover a bit.
@@llamasugar5478 the Peoplemover is an actual ride! It’s not a cute kid name for a bus- it’s a ride that acts as a tour around Tommorrowland in the Magic Kingdom! A valid answer, it’s a neat one as it’s one of the only ways you can potentially see Space Mountain with the lights on! (Which is utterly horrifying I might add- it looks like scaffolding)
THIS IS SO ACCURATE 😂
I don't mind spoiling kids. I think part of the fun of having kids is spoiling them for good behavior and just 'cause you love them, but these 'birthday parties' and the like always felt like parents flexing than an actual celebration.
that’s EXACTLY it!
I'm glad you explain it well. I don't want parents scared into thinking spoiling their kids will doom them or guarantee mom guilt. I want my kids to have fun at their birthday party, not rub my financial success in front of everyone. Doing Pinterest activities on a rainy day is fine, but not all the time. Like anything under 5, they ain't gonna remember.
Every year seems to be what normally would be reserved for a coming of age, if you come from a culture that does those at whichever age benchmark
Yeah rich kids have always had these kids of event-coordinated parties but social media means we're seeing them + creating them is a lot of peoples' jobs
@@ceeemm172 I agree. This was always a thing, we are just seeing it more often now.
When I was a nanny the mother always thanked me so much for making sure the kids had fun. I was grateful for the pay but ultimately... broke! The park costs nothing, playing in rain puddles costs nothing, teaching them to make paper snowflakes costs nothing! I was literally just hanging out and talking to them and they spoke about our daily slice of life activities like it was a grand adventure. It's so very simple and I wish more people understood that.
EXACTLY. This is it. I also did not get why children wanted to come to visit me, I just talk to them and ask how they feel and what fun stuff they have been doing at school and with their friends...😮😮😮😮❤❤❤
I grew up with my younger sister and a single dad, he wouldn’t do all this extravagant magical stuff for us, he’d take us fishing on the local neighborhood dock, sometimes took us for donuts before school, those are memories I’ll remember
I loved fishing as a kid! We sometimes used gummy worms as bait.
...
It worked.
Your dad brought you up right and now you have the best memories. Better than getting plastic and balloons at a pink party.
If everything is "magical", then nothing is.
Exactly! This lifestyle is also out of budget for most people on earth. How has this become the standard and how do they afford this?
Preserving magic without overindulging though. School is already magicless enough.
Agree, but the primary issue isn't so much the gestures themselves but that so many parents simply do this to lowkey flex online & receive digital praise, rather than TRULY for the benefit of their kids. Children can sense fakery, too! In fact, many will undoubtedly question their parents' motivations for such extravagant displays as they get older - leading to a high probability of a premature existential life crisis wherein they feel fundamentally unloved and commodified for online popularity.
BOOM
You do know that Syndrome was the bad guy and that he was wrong, right?
Disclaimer- im not a mom. I’m a nanny for wealthy families and I’ve seen one family have an extravagant party. Most parents I know or have worked for do not do this kind of stuff. Even the wealthiest give their kids a few gifts, a homemade cake and rent a room at the pool or park.
I’m really curious does this happen in real life? Or is our perception skewed because we’re all chronically online? The majority of parties we see are by scrolling and obviously we see a lot by being online.
I attended one party that was like this. We were not prepared for the extravagance of the party and were honestly uncomfortable. The host did not come across as wealthy, and definitely not wealthier than us. It was just a totally different parenting culture than the rest of my circles.
It's all just content that is generated by professional content generators. These aren't normal people.
So, as with lots of materialistic cultural phenomenons, this sorta thing is sold specifically to the middle class. Influencers tend to use a "I'm just like you" marketing schtick, their audience is average folks, not the wealthy or super wealthy, so it's not surprising that higher income households don't partake.
I have three children and have been to quite a few parties. We're in a rural part of Ontario Canada. There's been one party where they'd rented bouncy castles and it was a huge crowd, but mostly it's been more low-key. The Pinterest/instagram influence seems to be limited to some of them having a beautiful display table, so there's one wall and table that's all fancy. Sometimes people have the party at a trampoline park or something, which is pricier for sure!
I like throwing parties for my kids, so I do go all out, but my version of "all out" is very home made. Like, when my daughter turned 4 and wanted a cat party: making felt ears on hair clips, and painting whiskers on. I read "the three little kittens" and we played a game where they had to find mittens that were hidden around the house, and hang them on a rope tied between two chairs. And the cake was decorated (by me) like a cat. And we did a cat craft. They had a great time! I don't know if it was excessive. It took a lot of energy, but it wasn't expensive. And I enjoy that sort of thing.
Sometimes we make piñatas. I find that involving the kids in planning the party and getting things ready is as enjoyable as the party itself, in a different way.
(I also limit the number of guests to less than 6, as that way it's more like a really fun playdate vs madhouse)
@@_goblin-_-mode_ My son's school is in a lower to middle income area and he hasn't been to any extravagant parties either. It's been either cake and snacks at home, then a treasure hunt and some games outside or party packages at a trampoline park, a soft play, a petting zoo, a museum etc.
So I think it's mostly a social media phenomenon.
I live in El salvador. The kids in my house draw pictures with pencils, ride their bikes, and run around in circles chasing each other. On a birthday they might get one or two gifts and a cake. Cousins come over for birthdays. Going to McDonald's is a treat for a special day, like a birthday. I think they're very happy.
Yesterday two of them literally just Chase each other around in circles singing jingle Bell Rock for about 2 hours. Kids don't need $500 worth of plastic from Target for to have fun
me and my dad would get mcdonalds ice cream when mom had a night out with her friends. it’s one of my top childhood memories ever
I’ve lived in Paraguay and there birthdays are getting insane too, just like in the US.
One time, my in-laws asked me what my son would like as a Christmas present. He was 1 1/2 at the time. I told them, "He would love a paper bag or cardboard box." They gave me a look like I was crazy and bought him some toy that lights up and plays music. Guess what? He played with the gift bag for longer.
Sounds like your kids are having a wonderful childhood!!!❤️
Yes! They do not care. My kid turned one in July and my mom had a party with dollar store decoration and his dad's mom did the next day we had a barbecue and a Spanish rice dish and we went in the pool she had little balloons hung up that's it, he won't remember any of either party
We finally live in a neighborhood with a bunch of young children and it's been incredible to see my children outside for HOURS playing without any phones. My children don't have phones but it's been difficult to find groups of children without them either.
Gosh, that's what I want to find for my kids. I take my kids out to the local playground since we live in an apartment and it's always deserted. I hardly ever see kids outside. Where is everyone?
@@EC-rd9ys I bet there's one playground in your town absolutely packed on Saturdays. It's like Halloween; not dead, but people don't stay in their own neighborhood anymore and just drive to a better location. (Ofc they used to put a park in every neighborhood because kids can't drive but what's the point if they can't walk alone unsupervised anymore?)
Sitting with my grandparents on their lazy boys on their laps. Listening to the grandfather clock while they rocked me is one of my most comforting memories.
Love this topic. On Monday I took my 2 year old to a kids museum and today we went to get groceries. In both cases he came home and said what a fun day it had been. Childhood in itself is really magical. I think I over complicate it at times 😂
That’s too funny 😂
It's all new to them, and I think they just like hanging out with you.
My daughter absolutely loves riding the city bus. We don’t do it often, so it’s a magical experience whenever we do, and usually we’re going somewhere new and different (even if it’s just the downtown bank branch). She always points out the buses if one passes us and looks to see what route number it is (the number 1 bus is the one we usually take so she’s always on the lookout for that one). The larger grocery store we sometimes shop at for certain things has an escalator so she’s always thrilled when we go there. Last summer we were on a quest to visit every splash pad in our region…after a hitting up dozen by the end of the season, we were still only halfway through our list. Can’t beat free entertainment like a splash pad, park, or playground with friends or neighbourhood kids when you’re 3-4 yrs old! Those things are just as special as going to an event or paid attraction.
@@jessicapavilonis1324. I live in a rural area with no public transport. My kids rode a train only once in their life and they thought it was the best day ever 😂. It doesn’t have to be expensive …it just has to be something new. I wasn’t rich so I tried to keep my kids expectations low.😂
Yea! because it was! any outing was magical for us. just leaving the house honestly or staying home with toys. As long as we weren't doing school/ chores, I was happy as a kid. Found something fun to do😅
Man when I was a kid, my birthday parties were an old slip n slide, a piñata, and an ice cream cake
Mine were gifts in the living room (sometimes things to be shared between me and my brother like a video game), homemade cake, and favorite dinner
I usually went swimming
and the cake was maybe the most "extravagant" thing at the party, but only going as far as theming the cake to your favorite show. so simple but it was the best time
Yep. Some were spoiled with roller skate or bumper bowling or even hotel pool parties but most were literally just at their houses with pizza and cake. Nothing extravagant.
@@katie7748 my sister got the bumper bowling parties, but mostly because her birthday was in the Winter and mom didn’t like the idea of a bunch of children running around her house
"all the birthday parties had the theme of.. birthday party" lmao it's true though 😂
...and we LOVED them! I have wonderful memories of my cheapo, small birthday parties at home. I got to have 5 friends over for games, I got to make and decorate a cake with my mom, what could be better! We used American Girl party ideas and it was so fun!
You guys didn't have birthday themed parties in America? I don't know about before, but in Venezuela themed birthday parties have been the norm since I was born (95). I'm from a working class background and mine were simple but ALWAYS had a theme (Barney, Powerpuff Girls, Barbie, etc) and same for my cousins and friends, so this "trend" is the most normal thing in the world to me.
@@mariakarolina7753we definitely did like even my parents generation like you had snoopy or fairies or whatever so idk what she’s talking about lol. Also I feel like valentines was cool cards and bonus points for candy
@@panmoncada7257 yeah a lot of this stuff just seems like normal parenting stuff but exaggerated for social media
That was true for "90's
When I think back on my childhood, what i most fondly remember are the simple things. Riding along in the golf cart when my Dad went golfing, going fishing with my Dad and sisters, my Dad taking us to watch trains downtown, setting off bottle rockets, my Dad chasing us and throwing us around. I remember him reading us the same story every Christmas eve and always crying because he is so tender hearted.
I remember how my mom always took me and my friends fun places like the park, the YMCA pool, a gymnastics center for open gym, dropping me snd my friends off at the mall when we were older. My mom several years in elementary decided to make heart shape cookies with each classmates name written in frosting to hand out. This was before social media and she did it because she wanted to. And i remember feeling so proud to hand those out. The thought that she gave to that and the time I know it took. My mom would make uo elaborate stories at bedtime where we were the majn characters. I never had a themed party, but i always had a homemade cake and had family over. Some years i did have parties but they weren't huge or elaborate. My mom would make us breakfast in bed on the morning of our birthdays, letting us choose whatever it was we wanted to eat.
Almost every trip we ever took was to go and visit family. We never saw very many new places or did anything extraordinary, but we got to build close friendships with our cousins.
This video is a great reminder. Almowt every day my kids will say its "the best day ever!" And maybe all we did was go to the grocery store or library or park. Kids enjoy sinple things, its adults who like the elaborate stuff
Here’s something I learned through trial and error: small kids find incredibly ordinary places magical. Public libraries (especially ones with good children’s sections), playgrounds, garden centers, hardware stores, grocery stores with fish tanks, train stations, all great places to bring kids who are under five and all are free. I’m definitely not opposed to spending a bit of money to do special things every few weeks, like going to the zoo or a cool indoor play center or the movie theater, but why not save money while you can still get away with it?
that tiktok about releasing dopamine with dad vs mum seems extremely unscientific
It's this weird pseudoscience thing that usually goes around about oxytocin, but this is the first time I've heard it about dopamine. It's based on nothing.
I thought so too, but maybe her point is that a mother shouldn't be the sole playmate in a child's life and that mothers can give a child joy by just sitting with them. That it's not always about the activities a parent and child are doing, but about the quality time in it. That's what I'm choosing to lean with... I highly doubt kids only experience dopamine surges while playing with dad and cuddling with mom lol
came here to say this. like what?? having fun with a loved one releases dopamine. period.
It is extremely unscientific..... if it's based on anything at all (which i doubt they actually did a study measuring dopamine release in young children playing with their parents), it would be assuming every household is a 2 parent, heterosexual dyad with mom as primary caregiver. Not to mention that neurotransmitter chemistry doesn't really work like that, and a thousands factors would influence individual differences..... it's just a big no. It just shouldn't have been included. Most of this video is decent commentary, but as a therapist i was a little horrified that that video made the final cut.
@@hkandm4s23 completely agree
These parents forget that this will all just become stuff and their kids will remember how they cared more about the internet than them. Magical childhoods are built in small moments.The little things you do with them on a regular basis. My daughter was thrilled to help me save a pill bug. She didn't get shoes on and I didn't want her to walk on the outside ground without shoes. I lifted her in one arm with the pill bug in the other. She loved how I was able to hold her with one arm, and how she had to not touch the ground, and we saved a bug. This was a free experience.
Yes! Stuff doesn’t make things magical. You don’t need to buy your kid more stuff. Just spend time with your kids when you can and save some bugs
Yup! I still remember the catapillar my mom and I took care of in a little bug hut when I was 4. Or when she glued the wing back on my little angel figurine when I broke it. I also remember how she would swing me around in a circle! She died when I was 5 and these little memories are what I treasure most. I couldn’t tell you a single thing she bought me, or toys I had.
the birthday party i remember the most growing up was the one my parents probably spent the least on. i wanted beach/ocean theme, so they got a themed cake, plastic tablecloth, and cardboard ‘snack shack’ that my brother ran. the living room we put down a blue blanket and all of the stuffed sea creatures we had, and i wore my swimsuit (my birthday is in february so this was a big deal for child me.). most of the fun was from stuff we already owned, and the only things bought were the cake and the few decorations.
And it’s all ending up in a landfill. How many times do we hint Miss trad wife “Snow White” making breakfast cereal wears that outfit or actually uses her silicone cough drop molds?
That doesn’t have anything to do with how your child will want to be celebrated on her birthday when she’s able to have an opinion.
As a kid, only "rich" kids had parties st the roller rink or chuckie cheese. My bdays were at my house with all my friends, a DQ cake, and a sprinkler, and i loved it so much
Same 😊 My neighbors have an honest to God Slip-n-Slide on their front lawn in the sprinklers for their and the neighbor kids (right now), and I love them for it. I haven't seen one of those in years, good times.
My mom couldn’t afford Chuck E. Cheese but she’d take us to McDonald’s playland for our birthday and get us a happy meal. Best birthday everrrrrr
I thought I had it made when mom having a job finally let us afford a party at the local pizza place. It wasn't even a pizza and games place. Just a pizza place.
My mom always made us a special birthday dinner of whatever we chose. We got to pick our favorite meals (our siblings had to suck it because it was our choice lol), there was love put into it, it was the only time my parents got together in the same place to celebrate me (divorced when I was 6 to the point of being too young to remember them ever together). We got to pick the activity, a favorite game or film or outdoor activity.
The only time I ever had a big birthday “party” was my 18th birthday/graduation party. I just wanted to eat pizza with my friends in the basement, but my mom made a huge deal of it being a big party huge occasion invite everyone order buffet-style food to put out, rent a karaoke machine. And like, it was certainly fun. For a long time after my friends talked about how awesome it was. But I remember thinking: this is cool and all but it seems like an expensive waste when I’d be just as happy watching Harry Potter or playing scrabble. It was a cool enough party and I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to experience it, but it was really mostly for my mom. She had money for once, she wanted to spoil me in ways she thought were extravagant, and I was grateful that she cared and poured so much into it, but I felt like my own desires got a bit drowned out in it.
I know a lot of kids who weren't rich who had Chuck E cheese birthdays
A few years ago, my family was sitting around the dinner table at thanksgiving, and my parents started reminiscing about their respective childhoods. My mom practically started crying because “you guys didn’t get that.”
By “that,” she meant summers in a tiny cabin, crammed together with the family friends, and no electronics in sight. Christmases with oranges in the stocking instead of gift cards. Riding your bike to your friend’s house halfway across town when you were only 8. Etc.
I grew up in the 90’s, so it’s not like I totally missed out on the simpler things that made genuine childhood memories, but I still see why she felt like that.
When I was little, we had a neighbor that decided to throw a “beach party” one year. They bought a literal dump truck full of sand and had it put on their driveway. They rented a dunk tank. We had games and face paint and the entire neighborhood came. It was amazing.
But you know what I think of when I think about the “magic” in my childhood? Not that beach party.
I think of summer nights, playing manhunt and ghost in the graveyard with the neighbor kids. My mom taking me to get ice cream every week after my flute practice. My parents driving us around during Christmas to look at the lights. That time my best friend’s mom let us paint the inside of their shed because we wanted to make it a “clubhouse” and we ended up having a paint fight and had to wash off in the cold night under the hose.
Don’t get me wrong. These over the top things are so much fun and something kids will remember… but that’s not where magic comes from. Magic comes from people making you feel special in a quiet, personal, and individual way. Magic comes from exploration and imagination. Magic comes from creating traditions as a family. Magic comes from being allowed to be messy, just for the fun of it, and not requiring Pinterest perfection.
Real magic is an organic thing that happens when people you love want to spend time with you, just for you. Not for whoever is invited to the party. Or whoever is seeing it on Instagram.
Love this video. I feel this same way about every holiday, weddings, baby showers, graduation from every grade, all of it. I get called a grinch or party pooper, but I can’t tell you how many weddings and parties I’ve helped with where you get worked to death and can’t enjoy the company of the people working with you or the party because there’s too much to do.
I mean… weddings and new babies are pretty big life events and generally not something someone is doing multiple times a year…
Loved this so much. I recently saw a mom on social media basically apologizing because she threw a birthday party for her son where she “only” had Party City decorations and Costco pizza and cake. I just thought, “wow, this is sad.” So many of us have lost the plot. To all the moms out there worried about this, you’re doing fine.
that party honestly sounds perfect !!! time for her son to spend with friends and family, eat food, maybe play some games, and celebrate. wins all around in my book 🤷🏼♀️
That sounds delicious and fun!
My kids are use to Sam’s club cakes. We are setting them up for their future & I want to make sure my kids don’t go overboard when they become parents. We lead by example
What kind of cake?
i never got birthday "parties". i got cake and presents but we never really decorated or invited anyone
We have 8 kids. The birthday formula is the birthday kid tells me what they want for dinner and dessert, a break from some chores, 3 gifts, and we read The Birthday Book by Dr. Seuss to everyone regardless of age. They know what to expect, and they love it. They talk about their birthdays all year. It’s so simple. They just need to know they are seen and loved.
Omg. We grew up not “celebrating” our birthdays for religious reasons, but- we knew that on our birthdays, our mom would tell our birth stories, and we looked forward to it every damn year 🥹
That is so beautiful! I hate how much of holidays are focused solely on gift giving! I'll be saving the "reading a book to the family" idea if I do decide to have a child.
I love this ❤
Thats so cute especially the favorite dinner. My mom would do that a few years, make her bomb lasagna that usually only got made in December, but it wasnt a tradition.
I wish I had you as a parent :) hi, I'm the second oldest of six and just graduated. Looking back I've realized how neglected I've been in the birthday world and it's been hard coming to terms with that. Two of my siblings are twins and born three days before mine and recently my parents decided to celebrate all three of us on the same day to "reduce the cost" so I've never experienced a birthday of my own. You having a big family goes to show that their excuses they've been making to me over the years about living in a big family were false. Thank you!
My mother was one of these moms and it only did damage to the family. Her outlet was scrapbooks and family calendars rather than social media, but there was the same intense pressure to have the “correct” emotions for the cameras, regardless of how stressed you were-not just about her emotional state but also about the amount of time, effort, and money that she had poured into the “magical day”. Every birthday, holiday, trip, etc. was hell, because it was one unending, massive, exhausting performance from the time you woke up until you crawled into bed at the end of the day. Why? So that she got the emotional return on investment she needed for the amount of labor she had convinced herself was necessary to put in. If we didn’t perform, she was irate in the moment and fell into a horrible depressive state for days (or longer) afterwards. I’m a married woman now who hasn’t lived under her roof in years yet I still hate my birthday and get anxiety attacks during the holidays (even minor ones that are more excuses for Hallmark commercialization than actual holidays).
She always felt like we didn’t appreciate the work and money and effort she had put in to the event(s) and day(s), and resented us for it. But the reality was that even when we were tiny kids, we understood that it was for her, not us. She needed to feel like the kind of mom who was loving enough to spend hours printing and hand-cutting painstakingly crafter cupcake toppers and banners. Because the culture around her had convinced her that *that’s* what it meant to be a good mother. And maybe if she had not have had that pressure imposed on her, she actually could have been one.
I have a lot of sympathy for what she was put through, and for anyone who feels compelled to perform celebrations in this way to be a good mom, please know that all your kids really want is for you to hang out with them. No party is worth your sanity. No party is worth distancing yourself from your kids by putting on a false mask of what society tells you a “good mother” is. Because you are a good mother for wanting your kids to be celebrated and happy, and no amount of streamers or goodie bags are required to prove that-no matter what social media says.
(Edited for a typo)
This comment really stuck out to me, you’re so aware and descriptive it’s brilliant!
I don’t know if you described me 100%, but I never looked at it like this. I don’t post things or take photos much, so it’s not for the photos, it’s more for the memories (partly for myself.. probably trying to make up for what I wanted as a child and partly for my kids, so they can have fun times/memories) but I think I may still have the same problem as your mother. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. 😢
Thank you for sharing and being so transparent about your experience. ❤
I’ve had a similar experience
My mother would always have the perfect picture of how something would go
Gifts stress me out because I’m worried I won’t react the way I’m supposed to
And like you said when I’m aware of the effort put into something I have to but in the energy to preform the way I’m expected to
Even little things
I remember my mom had to paint our rooms once
And she had pictured playing music and painting and laughing and having fun
But we were both tired and didn’t even want to paint
I remember being upset that I had ruined the moment she wanted
My in laws think that celebrations (including birthdays) are to show off how well they and the children are doing. My FIL said that the wedding isn't about the bride but about the parents showing off how well the son is doing
This was like... every woman I grew around. Before social media girls were slave to the scrapbook. And before the scrapbook there was something else for my grandmother's gen as well. Humans haven't changed much all.
Very well said ❤
I was born in 1982. As a kid my Mom would bake me a birthday cake from a box mix. We'd get a couple of pizzas for dinner. I'd invite over a few friends who would bring maybe a $20 gift for me to enjoy and at that time the gift was basically seen by the parents as a way to "pay" for the FREE BABYSITTING service my MOM would be providing for the day (and sometimes overnight). We'd eat pizza and cake then afterwards we'd watch a movie sitting on our sleeping bags all over the living room floor. The biggest concern back then was making sure not to spill anything on the carpet so my Mom would lay down a couple old bed sheets and we'd put our sleeping bags on top. It probably cost my parents $100 MAX. We didn't do goody bags. Getting free food and cake WAS the goody.
I feel like most of this stuff is just for the parents to heal their inner child
Lol. Right.
To be fair, valentine's day always included a treat with the card when i was growing up in the 90s. But it was as simple as you buying a small back of assorted fun size candies with a box of cheap cards, and you'd tape one piece of candy to the back of the card.
Even into the 2010s, that was how it went. My mom would sit me down with a list of my classmates' names and I would write out every card and decide which flavor this person would get.
Mhm, that’s what we did for all of my elementary school years throughout the 2000s. It was always pretty fun. Sometimes we’d to craft projects to make our candy bags.
Yes! And decorating your paper bag "mailbox" for everyone to drop them in was so fun 😊
My mum never liked buying the premade cards or stuff. But I remember one year my dad helped me cut out red hearts from construction paper, and then together we thought of a little poem for each person. Every one was different and made for the classmate. I still remember how genuinely impressed the parents who would come help out in class were at them.
This I remember getting freddo chocolate and an flower from the garden. People just looking for Insta lokes
I remember a woman telling her friend, who’s a mom, to let her daughter be bored instead of just handing her a tablet to keep her entertained. For it was good for her development to be bored instead. And I honestly have to agree, for I remember when I got bored as a kid I would search for whatever would entertain me. Like reading, drawing, or even writing my own stories. Those are all things I still do today whenever I’m bored.
True. As an only child, my mom and I always got "but aren't you/isn't she bored?!?" No, no I wasn't. I'm an avid reader and writer now. Thanks mom!
I watched TV when I was bored in the 90s. It’s not that different from a tablet, and I definitely don’t feel like I was neglected as a child or lack imagination. I think that as long as you’re interacting with your kid plenty and the media they have access to is age-appropriate, there’s not much wrong with allowing your kid to enjoy a movie, TV show, or a game while you have to get things done.
Yes
I never have screen to kids at restaurants. We only ate at food court when kids were smaller. Bit I think it is fine to show screen sometimes if it gives parents some time to enjoy meals without chaos. I dont always appreciate it when others tell you what to do(or not to do), especially coming from someone who do not live with you. Every family is different. You have no idea what they are through that day. People are so judgemental and lack imagination.😅
Personally, I have to disagree. When I was bored I sat in misery. I never "got creative". I had a lot of artistic talent but that never came out of boredom. That came out of wanting to create. When I was a kid and was bored, it was like watching paint dry for hours.
I think there’s a balance that’s lacking. My husband unfortunately grew up in a home where you “work hard to play hard” but the play hard was only ever things his parents enjoyed and activities that weren’t necessarily kid friendly. He holds some resentment over this and the neglect he feels is something he doesn’t want to pass on to our kids. I’ve seen some parents admit that those extravagant parties are for them, not their child and I wonder if it’s due to similar feelings of neglect or resentment that my husband feels. They’re projecting all the things they wish they’d had as a child onto their children.
I personally love the cheap Hobby Lobby/Dollar Tree decorations and I specifically like to bake. It doesn’t need to be fancy and planning anything more than simple decorations and a cake burns me out just thinking about it.
I used to work at a casino where there was a steakhouse that was easily $300 for one meal for 2 people. The amount of times I made a reservation for a child's birthday part where they were like 3-12 was too many. Like I know this fancy steakhouse with literally nothing kid friendly in the menu or the atmosphere is not your kids favorite place. It's yours. This is for you. Stop playing.
I think you have a really good point. Personally, I was fortunate to have a good childhood and for the most part really enjoyed it. I grew up in a blue collar middle class house and we never had the latest and greatest stuff, probably went on like 2 family vacations my whole growing up, and birthdays were simple at home, just invite some friends over and have cake with the same decorations used every year. The most important part was just that my parents were both THERE for us, physically, mentally, and emotionally. They genuinely cared about us and our development and that was far more important than any consumeristic goods. Now that I am 27 and want to have kids of my own soon, it never even occurred to me to do all this silly “extra” stuff as mentioned in the video. I think this is what some people who did not have a happy childhood misguidedly think makes for a happy childhood.
the end part literally had me in tears because im just moving out of my childhood years (im in my late teens) and i realized that i did in fact have an amazing childhood BECAUSE i had alone time and BECAUSE i learned how to take care of myself. My creativity is my soul, and my soul is freer than ever because of my creativity.
I didn’t have much as a kid, I’d say I was closer to the emotionally neglected side of childhood but ignoring that I had an average childhood.
One of my favorite memories I like looking back to is sitting down in school looking out the window at the outdoor classroom (garden), the sea off in the distance, watching as cars zoom by on the far off highway and a bee passes by the window. Then having my teacher remind me to focus on the test I was supposed to be taking. That memory makes life feel so calm.
All of these things are a very American/US problem. I live in Eastern Europe and no one does any of these things. I feel like consumerism is a very big problem in the US. For example we don't have rehearsal dinners, baby showers and gender reveals in my country. We don't buy presents and thank you bags for guests at weddings or other parties. We don't have save the dates (just invites) and we don't make gift baskets for bridesmaids etc. All of these things just generate a ton of plastic decorations and useless gag gifts that will never be used again. They are so useless. But I've heard that people feel pressured from society to get them. That is so maddening and unnecessary.
Same in Germany. At least in my circles.
a big part of american culture is to just CELEBRATE. doesn’t matter how into something we are if at all, but if there’s a semi-important event it’s a big deal. i’m not a big fan of when it leads to overconsumption and spending money people don’t have, but a day off work or holiday pay is nice!
@@kailey_marler That is a nice perspective to hear. For me it sounds just exhausting but you are right. Life should be celebrated whenever we can, just maybe with less stuff to buy :)
@kailey_marler I think celebrating is a big part of every culture, and it's so beautiful how every country/culture does it differently. In my country, we also have very big celebrations, but they involve mostly a loot of food and alcohol, a life band for almost every happy occasion and that's about it. 😅
Wait no save the dates?? We have those because wedding venues generally book out at least a year so you send a save the date so your loved ones block off the date (or even several days if they know they’ll need to travel) so they don’t miss your wedding! They are usually sent out as soon as the venue is booked. The invites are after you maybe pick colors or a theme or a dress code etc. things that take a bit of time to decide. So imo they’re two separate but important things!
The rest I agree with tho 😂
I literally heard other people say that they don't want to have a second child because they won't have enough money and energy for two birthdays and Christmas.... they also mentioned crazy parties and 10-15 gifts for both occasions. It honestly blows my mind.
Magic does not come from consumerism.
Ps. But then again, it is probably the same people who take on a loan to throw a wedding party 🤦♀️
that's really sad.
my brother is a deeply irritating little twerp a lot of the time, but I love that twerp and I can't think of any other single thing that my parents could have chosen that would've had the impact on me that he has.
See, when I tell people I can't afford to have children right now because I can't afford to take care of myself, I am envisioning being unable to give them more than clothes for Christmas. My mom did make some magical birthday parties when I was in elementary school but she made the cake herself and back then, we could go to Goodwill and buy "costumes."
My children actually thank me all the time that they have each other and that we didn't have just one. We aren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination...and have been homeless thanks to c♤♤cer...but they're fed and clothed and, most importantly, wanted and LOVED.
10-15 gifts on EACH occasion?? What kinda Dudley level nonsense is that, give the kids ONE gift 😂 (but srsly, give them ONE good gift instead of 15 crappy ones, they will appreciate it so much more)
Did those other people also happen to be named like idk “Vernon” or “Petunia”?
"everything is magic until it becomes routine" is a very fitting quote for this
I wanted to cry at certain parts of this video and as I'm typing this out I can't even hold back the tears anymore. I have been going through a really rough bout of "modern motherhood guilt" and its so hard for my husband to watch and hear me talk about. He tells me I am genuinely such a good mom and that I am good enough all the time, but it is such a hard thing to accept or believe about myself. I feel sooooo bogged down by these guilty feelings of "why dont I enjoy just sitting with her and playing? And so much more... Like... I don't take her out enough. I dont spend enough time with her in x,y and z ways. And listening to different things in this video really hit home. Like when the gal shared how dopamine is released by PLAYING with their dads and being close and warm and affectionate with their moms. I LOVE snuggling with her, I LOVE holding her for long periods of time and just taking her precious little being in and when I get to carry her, I LOVE giving her kisses and I LOVE sitting with her at dinner where she can put her cute little legs on me while she enjoys her meal. I LOVE celebrating her when I see she's grown or developed in a certain area or skill in her life or personality. i really enjoy making nice meals for her everyday. I LOVE tucking her in at night and letting her know how loved she is (which lately has taken a turn for the complicated - we found a solution but its not my optimal preference, but hey if it brings peace to the home sooner and for longer, why not... I can get over myself I guess). BUT I just beat myself up soooo hard because I'm not devoting all this time to coming up with creative activities or sewing her all this cute stuff or just making her life more interesting in one way or another. I get soooooo frustrated with myself and question so much about my love for my child because it's hard for me to enjoy just sitting with her in her room while she plays. She is OBSESSED with asking me to sit down with her in her room, but sometimes I'm actually busy doing other things for the household, or I genuinely just want some time for myself or I want to catch up with the hubby or I just want to decompress cuz I'm pregnant and need a break. It's been so hard to break out of this. I've prayed for God to help me because I see impact this guilt has on my dynamic with her and myself and even my husband and yes even with God and I don't want this to continue.... So... I consider this video an answered prayer. Thank you.
I don't know if it's so much that parents are more "integrated" now than in the past, but rather the out of control consumerism 3:47
Man I give my 4 year old a cool rock I found and shes good for like 30min lol. Kids don't need you to go bankrupt trying to entertain them/make them happy.
That’s so true. Kids will entertain themselves with whatever they’re given, or whatever they can find, but the things like we can see in this video completely destroy the child’s ability to be bored and entertain themselves. I have memories of spending hours digging holes in the local sandpit as a kid. Completely free and completely entertaining.
It's always the boxes. Cats and children love them. The box probably had something you spent too much money on for them, and all they really care about is the box. 🤷♀️
this is the thin that bothers me so much. kids under a certain age find almost everything entertaining and can really play with barely anything. why give them tons of expensive things when they're equally happy without it. the point where they will actually want expensive stuff comes soon enough
Your child is 4. After 6, that rock won’t do it for them.
My 4 year old son is currently obsessed with some black walnuts he found in the backyard.
Thank you. I do let my children get bored sometimes because I need to tidy up or do something in the house. And now they can spend hours playing on their own and have fun doing so. We do have outings once in a while and have special days but most days are the same, nothing special but my children are happy and will gladly snuggle in bed with me during bedtime. Children can be happy with a cardboard box and crayons as long as they know that their parents are here for them and love them.
Oh my words I loved cardboard boxes and loads of pillows and blankets..built so many tunnels, mazes and houses 😅 fun times
Them being bored is good for them. My parents were very intentional about allowing my brother and I to be bored. They would prompt us to knock on the doors of our neighborhood friends to play with us or prompt us to come up with a game ourselves. It really allowed a lot of freedom for me as a kid to create and be imaginative. That is really missing with a lot of kids now. Being bored is good for you. It opens the door to your creativity.
My mom let me keep our washing machine box and it took me 3 days to color it with crayons into a house with a spiral staircase 😂❤
My friend, the cat and I played in the box for another 8 days.
You know what my kids find magical? Big cardboard boxes, brush piles from trimming the trees and seeing friends. They really don’t need a lot. My kids played on a pile of brush for 4 days straight when we trimmed our tree outside. It was a spaceship and a boat! 😂
I still remember vividly the fun of climbing a mountain of gravel and concrete sand in our neighborhood! THAT WAS MAGICAL.😊
7:45 I’m still watching, we have two toddlers and we are 25/22yo. I posted on instagram our boys bedroom. We just got our own apartment and I keep thinking about how I see millennial parents who seem so picture perfect. (I am mostly surrounded by millennial parents- no judgement!!! My mom is 1981 millennial) we have all this media and forget to enjoy the simple. I’ve never been to Disney, but I got to go to universal a few years ago! My friend (25/26)who sadly had to move has a child in between the ages of my two. She really helped me enjoy the simplicity of life and to enjoy the little life. Trash truck is a great show to remind you to just play and imagine.
Best comments section ever! I’m getting so many creative, affordable ideas for my daughter’s future birthdays!
The extravagant birthday parties for children under the age of like 8 are just really for the parents. Honestly, a 4 or 5-year-old is not going to remember their birthday party. 🤷♀
The worst ones are for the 1-2year old tbh
I think I would have remembered a birthday party at 5 years old, I remember I scar in my mouth due to eating a pretzel at 1.
That's not the reason I would say they're over the top. ANYTHING done with love will be well received, no matter what the age. I know you don't mean to say children under 5 don't matter, but imo saying 'it doesn't matter because they won't remember' to me is at least starting on that line. If you put love into something for your kid, they feel it, and it forms part of their secure attachment which is so vital when they're under 5. My point is there shouldn't be pressure to do something extravagant, but if done out of love, you absolutely can. Sure the finer details may not be absorbed, so I do agree some of it is more for the parents enjoying the aesthetics, but even then, young kid's minds are incredibly absorbent and they might have a sense of the artistry about it and learn something as a result. The problem is that when it's plastered on social media, it's not always done out of love, and it feels a bit out of touch/puts pressure on others.
I recall very little of my third birthday. It was at a local park, there were those chocolate foil coins… that’s all I can remember!
I used to think the 1-3yr old parties were just for the parents too 3 yr old still lights up talking about his 2 yr old bday when we had a firetruck theme so that changed my mind. His 3rd birthday he was glowing he absolutely was thrilled for cake and piñata. I love kid birthday parties now more than any other celebration, love having families over and feeding them food and seeing the kids run around it’s chaos and so joyful.
My son turned 5 this year and this was the first year he wanted a birthday party with his friends, he asked for Chuck E. Cheese of all places! It was great, everyone had fun and it didn't cost me an exorbitant amount of money. I've already told my family next year we'll just have his friends over the house. Also when did every holiday become an opportunity to pile more crap into our houses?! I hate it, Valentine's day especially I feel has gotten so out of hand, give me little cards with a lollipop and call it a day.
My son just had a chucked cheese birthday party. I haven’t been in years and it’s so updated lol but it was fun and not tooo expensive! 🫶🏾
When I was a kid, my mom would often have me and my older sisters’ bday parties at Peter Piper Pizza (I live in TX. I think it’s only in 4 states) and every year we did, it was so much fun! It’s easier on parents because places like that offer birthday party packs and the employees basically do everything for you, all you have to do is show up, tell them if any guest have allergies, and tell them your budget. That’s pretty much it lol
Since becoming a mother myself, I don't look at seemingly hype-competent mothers posting online and wonder "How does she do it all?" I wonder "What is she giving up?"
I think that sadly its often the childs emotions that are getting neglected. As sad as that is to say. Esp child focused content is less concerned for the autonomy, privacy and emotions of a child
Probably time she should have spend with the kind instead of "for the kid"
I was thinking the same a few days ago. Bc you have to sacrifice something to be able to have that kinda time. I'd rather just be present with my kids.
it seems like these parents are out here having a mom-off to the point where they’re making parenthood about the parents, when really parenthood should be about the kids. the biggest antidote to mom-shame is to say “okay but are the kids happy and healthy?” because if they are, who CARES if you’re the only mom who didn’t dress their kids in matching christmas pj’s and have a photoshoot? (sidenote, i don’t come from a matching-outfit-family and the idea of matching with my family makes me feel like izzy in that scene from Little Fires Everywhere)
my biggest gripe with the extravagant parties is that it’s this huge undertaking that the child actually has no creative say in aside from picking the theme. like, YES- go over the top with your theme, but make it something your kid gets to participate in and have FUN! have your kid be the one who picks out and helps make decorations, cakes, etc! yes, a child-made decoration is less pinterest-perfect, but your kid gets to feel proud of the cool stuff they get to show their friends at their party. plus, there are so many developmental and leadership skills children can gain from participating in things like throwing a party or preparing for the holidays.
as a kid, i had themed parties and it was party city and construction paper cutouts. my mom and i had so much fun coming up with ideas together and planning party activities. we’d have to workshop ideas and change things based on what we could find at the store, or she’d ask me to pick my top 2-3 activities because we couldn’t do every single activity on my list. those experiences gave me practice with prioritization, decision making, and creative problem solving. as an adult, those are actually 3 things coworkers & classmates consistently say are things i’m good at, so i guess i got good practice. so, anyway, TLDR; let kids participate in their own childhoods. the magic of childhood is best when it’s created by kids.
This made me think about my childhood and I want to share a few of my favourite moments: I literally used to live in a village and every day all the children would gather and play together without supervision because we were always in sight of some neighbour we could trust. My mum used to read us a "dessert book" every day after lunch. Once my mum worked in her garden und we wanted to have one too, so she let me and my sister dig up some of the lawn and showed us how to garden. We did A LOT of unsupervised playing (the 90s were wild) but we always knew that if we really needed something our parents would be right around the corner to help.
The overconsumption of it all 😭 reminds me of a relative who threw these extravagant parties for her 2 year old, spending tons of money she didn’t have, but if you ask her kids if they remember the parties they say no lmao.
That’s a very American phenomenon. In France we’d never go that hard. The most I’ve seen a mom do is buy a birthday party pack from Amazon lol. I’ve never seen anything like it, even in super wealthy areas.
This was exactly what i was thinking (i’m from the Netherlands). My birthday parties were basically a crafting activity, a special snack like a cupcake cause i wasn’t big on birthday cakes, some games like hide and seek and presents. The most extravagant it would get was going to the pool, the movies or idk paintball. (I’m from 2005 and most of my friends were younger than me)
I agree. In Australia the rich kids had a McDonald’s party 😂. The rest of us had cake and games at home.
It's absolutely bizarre. I've never bought into it, but it seems like so many other Americans are fully engaged and plugged into hyper consumerism with an over abundance of material items & literal garbage. Our overall material conditions are fairly poor, none of our basic needs are provided for, so all of this other stuff is just a distraction that's ruining our health and Earth. Cultures centered around over-consumption are toxic.
Very specifically wealthy white american, even more specifically influencers! It's all for creating content.
I am in America and I am unfamiliar with this trend. And I have 4 kids ages 7-13 and upper middle class so if it was happening here i’d think i’d be in the demographic to see it. I think this is American content creators which is about has representative of Americans as the french peas from veggie tales are of the french
All this has one common thing..... People need to turn off/ delete social media and stop putting/ living your lives through it.
Don't compare yourself to others and stop caring what other people think.
Problem solved.
You're welcome
Honestly I think it’s the opposite . People have these parties so they can show them off on social media…not because they have seen them there. I’ve seen tons of them…but no way am I wasting that type of money. My daughter recently turned 18 and I went all out ( by my standards) and spent $100 on her party 😂. Her and her friends had a great time at my house and her friends kept telling me I over catered and they couldn’t possibly eat all the food. They played UNO and Mario Cart and they were here for 5 hours instead of the planned 2 becuse they didn’t want to go home.
I agree! We literally tell young girls to not believe what they see online so why are the same moms believing everything they see online as well. These perfect moms online are just showing you what they want you to see! It’s the same thing models do! I think it’s time to take our own advice and not believe in everything we see online.
i think it’s more meaningful to have “special” birthday parties only a few times during your child’s life, it makes those moments more memorable when they aren’t extra every year.
when i was 5 my parents rented a local rollar rink out for a few hours for a party for me, my brother had a birthday party at a bowling alley a few years later.
then when we were teenagers my mom let us both invite a few friends to stay in a hotel room the night before our birthdays and have a giant sleepover essentially, ordered pizza, swam in the hotel pool and hot tub and hung out with our friends.
this was more than enough for me and my brother and i look back on these parties very fondly. ❤️
I’m 15, absolutely didn’t grow up like this, and didn’t need to. My twin brother and myself had a birthday party every year in elementary school up until 3rd or 4th grade. All of them were at a gymnastics place where we would play in the foam bit, jump on the trampoline, etc. then we’d have pizza and a cake my mom made, which was usually a unicorn themed cake for me and a sport themed cake for my brother. We were happy. Then as a last banger of a party, my mom rented a pool at a hotel for a pool party, then there were no more birthday parties for friends unless we wanted to plan them ourselves. You know what? I’m happy. I have nothing but fond memories for those parties. My mom gave me a dollar for the tooth fairy, my valentines cards were simply little lollipops taped to cards, she simply moved the elf from the clock to the tree and other simple stuff like that, and only did a special craft box if she had free time, so maybe a few times a year.
Disclaimer, I'm not a mom, but I feel like a big part of this is the fragmentation of community as you mentioned in the video... kids can no longer rely on other kids for entertainment and parents can no longer rely on other adults for occasionally helping their children out with brand new experiences, so parents feel like they need to do more and more just to keep their kids happy
Parents also don't want to rely on other adults. When you tell a kid off for e.g. stealing candy at a store, the parents get angry 'because they can raise their kids themselves'. When I offered friends with kids to come help with e.g. folding laundry, they refused. Somehow people started believing raising kids is something you can and should be doing alone.
@@0114855this is a major result of loosing trust. Our society has become low trust due to an abandonment of moral values.
I can't stress enough at how happy I am that I grew up during the days of roller skating pizza parties and simple sleepovers.
And no mommy vlogs
Yall say stuff like that as if those kinds parties went extinct or something
My most fond childhood memory is a rainy camping day in our tent. Almost everyone around us left and we sat in our tent trying to cook couscous on our little stove and we could have lunch in our bed playing boardgames. The next day the weather was great again and we went on a hike with our dog loose, because there was noone around. 😂
Love it
When I was growing up and was about 5-7 I had one of these “Pinterest mom, picturesque” birthday parties. It was CandyLand themed and it felt like stepping into the board game. It’s one of my favorite memories to date. That being said, another favorite birthday party of mine was when we did nothing. There was a cake and some rainbow balloons, sure, but there was no theme or real decorations. It was just a bunch of my extended family and parents friends. I loved letting all these new people, despite most of them being adults, and had so much fun just talking with them. There were no planned activities, no games, nothing, just me being a kid.
In short, I think a mix of both is good. Obviously make your kid’s birthday special but in order to do that you don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars or even set anything up. If you’re going to make elaborate birthday parties that’s great, I’m sure the kids will have wonderful memories of them, but it’s not special if you’re doing stuff like this all year round.
Another therapist here. People talk about gentle parenting. But turns out, none of the people have read the book. Boundaries are important. Imagination is important. Teaching kids responsibility is important. This gentle parenting has been around since the 1920's. It doesn't back up so much of what people think is gentle parenting. Gentle parenting takes a lot of work, a lot of boundaries and teaching kids responsibility and consequences.
As a therapist, who is experienced in EC and teen issues, bordom is important. Anyone truly educated in the field knows that kids need boredom in order to develop imagination.
My baby loves running around in the yard with the chickens, loves feeding the cow, and plays in the daisies with the cat. She has no idea she's missing all these toys and glitter
the "standard" seems in direct opposition to the complaint that everything is too expensive now and that our job compensation isn't keeping up with the cost of living.
This so-called “standard” only belongs to a small slice of the population who have partaken of the benefits of wealth.
….or who are grossly in debt
Yes. It is the behavior of rich people, being adopted by increasingly poorer people. We all need to wake up, get back to what’s worked for thousands of years, and judge ourselves and others for the quality of company, not entertainment.
Wow, it's almost like people on social media whose product is their image are going to go overboard with visually interesting things to post! It's a business, not the normal person
@@msjkramey lol. true.
Also the amount of waste this creates is astronomical. I won’t go against my morals in being as low waste as possible (I’m not perfect but I refuse to buy junk items or one time use items).
Having grown up in a Mexican household, the parties would be so fun with minimal focus on the decor or theme. They always had a lot of people because we have a large family, but the parties were always about celebrating our community with each other through music and food. While they might be "for the kids" sometimes, they were rarely ever actually for the kids, it was for everyone to have a good time. The adults would do their thing, and the kids would do their own thing playing in the dirt and old playsets. Those were some of my fondest memories while growing up and I cannot wait to share those kinds of memories with my kiddo one day. While some parents might want to go all out with these childhood parties, in actuality, kids don't need them. I'm sure they want them but celebrating whatever occasion it is with your family and community without Pinterest influence will do the trick in creating the same fond memories.
I miss my childhood birthdays because the memories and the love was just everything. My parents let me pick a color for a couple of balloons and streamers from party city, my family and friends would come to my house and we’d play and eat the food everyone made and then we’d sing happy birthday and eat some box made cupcakes at the same table and opened presents on the same couch every year til I moved out.
I can’t express how I miss that feeling. Now, being in my own place and living a few hours from home, I miss the simple things like those birthday parties. It never had to be big, just genuine.
My best childhood birthdays
- Go to Walmart with Dad to buy the basic decorations and cake
- Set em up on my own
- Call my friends on the landline
- Have fun playing with the new toys I had been gifted and listening to kids music
Musical chairs 😂😂
@@DrewReid-y8l Yeeeees!!! That last chair was always such a drama!!!
my birthday was always huge every year but only bc our neighbors across the street owned blow up water slides and my birthday lined up with when they cleaned them every year. so they’d bring one over for free and we’d throw some dawn dishwashing liquid on it and go insane. cake was from walmart and the theme was “don’t you dare go near my hydrangeas”
Those neighbors sound epic
@@FreyW-mb2dj oh they were def nice but they were very weird. the mom came over and gave my mom a candle bc it “smelled like her” whatever that means lol. the actual magic in my life def came from my other neighbors, two of the oldest people i remember being alive ever (like well into their 80s when i was this age but still fishing and cooking and watching me while my family couldn’t for whatever reason). i don’t remember their faces, or even the man’s name, (bc i just called him paw paw but wasn’t related to him) but i remember his aged spotted hands and his laugh and some of the stories he told me. i remember the way he taught me to fish with a cane pole and how he was there to help when i got caught on a hook. i remember one year we had an easter egg hunt at their house. like yea the water slide neighbors were cool but my childhood magic def came from this extra maw maw and paw paw who existed around me just to keep me safe and happy and for no other reason it seemed…seems still i guess. they’re long gone but ill always remember how nasty i thought their cabbage was and how paw paw always wore a button up shirt and overalls like some character from a louisiana letterkenny lol. sorry to ramble just feeling nostalgic about this. dude was really my neighbor totoro for me.
i just asked my mom and she said his name was paw paw tj. i like that. :)
she’s also just told me they weren’t THAT old but still really old. both have passed but paw paw tj passed only a few years ago and maw maw shirley just passed not long ago. they both lived until 96 years old.
i’m not a parent but i work as a lifeguard and see a lot of kids. the kids who seem to have the most fun are the ones who are allowed to explore and interact with other kids. they come up with games and test how far they can push the rules. those are some of the most important parts of development (and the nice part is us lifeguards will make them stop doing things that are dangerous). some of my fondest childhood memories were made while my mom read a book in a lounge chair and i was left to figure out how to have fun at the pool by myself. it’s great to have parents there when the kids need them but those kids absolutely adore their independence.
I remember my parents always having massive birthdays like these for me, we had petting zoos, rented out the neighborhood pool, and massive waterslides. The other days would be normal, sometimes boring, and we just did random kids stuff.
I so needed to hear this. I don’t try to do big parties but I definitely try to keep my kids occupied all the time and hate seeing them bored. I thought I was doing something wrong if they were bored and it was draining me.
We lived in poverty growing up. I knew we were poor, but my mom was always trying to make or do something with scraps or what little we had. She provided wonderful meals out of few ingredients, made moments of us going without seem to be magical. Losing power meant pretending and playing while we had no TV or cable. A plain cardboard box could be anything in the world with imagination. It could be a rocket ship or a lemonade stand, a puppet theatre or flinstone car. We don't need to buy and consume to be happy. Though if I had kids I can see wanting to give them what I didn't always have. There can be a balance. But I dont have kids so I have NO IDEA how difficult it could be. Something a kid will never have enough of, is play. Just playing with your kid means more than anything. Looking back, all I had ever wanted from my mom was to play more. Just simple play.
When my kids say they're bored i tell them "only you can solve that"
I always say “How exciting! Now you get to exercise your imagination!”
As a kid if I was bored my mom gave me chores to do so I never said I was bored even if I was
.....Mom???? Lmao but it worked! We would wander off to play or read or whatever.
My dad always says "only boring people get bored", which means go figure out something interesting to do
when i was a kid and i said i was bored my dad jokingly told me to "undress and watch the clothes"
I worked as a kids entertainer for a while, doing magic shows, balloon animals, that sort of thing. I’ve been hired to do some of the massive, insane parties, sone for kids as young as 1 who won’t even remember it. The parents and kids never really seemed to care as much when they also gave petting zoos and water slides. My favorite parties were the ones in someone backyard or a public park, where I was clearly the one big expense. I could tell they saved up to bring me in as a special treat that year, and the kids were always so happy. Magical moments are good, but they feel more special if you spread them out.
Crafts on only special occasions? So sad! Haha!!! As a little kid I crafted all day every day! But it was pulling toilet paper rolls out of the recycling and making my own creations.
Again. Not the expensive craft kits. Or someone telling me where to put the googlie eyes 3:53
We have let our son choose what he wanted to do since he was old enough . Hes 9 and has chosen to go to the mall and Target shopping instead of having a party the last few years . He said he would rather spend money on toys and having a family fun day together than decorations and renting a bouncy house or an indoor pool . We usually end up inviting a bunch of kids from his class he doesn’t even really hang out with, but this way he gets to have a fun day with a few close friends, then usually the next day ,we take him shopping and spend the weekend doing fun stuff as a family . It’s way more fun and way cheaper !
I don’t usually comment but this video means so much to me. I’m so obsessed with trying to make everything magical that it takes away the magic. Thank you sincerely
I’m due to have my first baby next week, and I’m looking forward to celebrating the experience of her finding a really good stick in the woods. Or maybe the joy of being so dirty you have to be hosed off before being allowed in the house because the summertime mud puddles were just too good to pass up.
Part of the magic of childhood is being bored enough to need the imagination, which is a powerful thing.
Who cares? My mom never gave a shit about that stupid magical stuff. Go and watch your kid play dirty I guess. I wasn't allowed to be a kid. Why are cruel previous generations suddenly acting nice?
Congrats and gl, hope everything goes well
Who cares!? Your dumb dreams are stupid.
My parents neglected me and hated me. All parents hate their children. You will too.
Who cares!? You wanna neglect your baby? You wanna leave them alone forever. Childhood doesn't exist anymore thanks to people like you. Give birth to an animal why don't you?
I agree with everything you said besides the sensory crafts. Sensory crafts are actually extremely good for a toddlers development and I guess some women do go to far with these, but having a little sand box in your backyard with some toys for it and a little water table is actually a really great idea if you can afford to do that.
My toddler sensory crafts is a tub with something in it and I clean up
Watching the part about children not playing with their parents too much reminded me of my most fun childhood memories. Most of them were playing with my sister. My parents and caregivers usually watched us to make sure we were safe but they really didnt get involved in our play.
My grandma always left a notebook and some markers in the back seat of her car so we could draw while she drove and it kept us entertained while we rode.
I think simply having access to markers and paper is often better than a structured craft that they male with their parents. Its more creative and freeform. Children need that freedom. Children need to be able to be spontaneous.
Thanks for the content; there is a lot of great stuff here for me to think about. I’ve just subscribed!
I think one big thing is, although we’ll feel mom guilt for soooo many things, we need to feel comfortable in the decisions we made.
For instance with the Valentines example, I did the same where I found cute valentines from Target this year that were small snack bags of cookies, and I wrote my daughter’s name (who was 2yo) in the From section on the baggies so she could bring them to daycare. I was happy about that (and I got to eat the other leftover snack baggies haha!) When my daughter came home with lots of toys and sunglasses for Valentines, I thought “wow these moms are awesome!” But I also thought, I’m NOT doing that next year level of gifting just to compete. We will probably do the simple valentines or cookie snack bags again. Yet, I am happy and appreciative that now we have a free pair of sunglasses that were attached on one of the Valentines she received. 🤣
We had our sons 2 year old birthday party in January at our house. We got dino plates, some dino balloons, pizza, family brought food, we said no presents. We invited family and daycare friends. Nothing crazy, just playing inside (it was January). It was so fun and everyone had a good time. Don't need anything crazy, just food and toys.
Well duh, he’s a baby. Come back when he’s five and give us any update lol.
Mother of a 5 && 7 year old this year. My 7yo had his 1st "big" birthday party, about $300, up to this point every year has been less than $50. Got my 5yo cake && ice cream. He still doesn't understand birthdays 100%😂 ur doing it right
One of my nieces recently turned 3 and my older sister requested that everybody not get her toys as presents but instead food items or gift cards to ice cream shops. My niece was so over the moon to be unwrapping a jar of pickles, or a box of Mac and cheese. My sister requested that because she hates seeing stuff pile up in the her house, especially toys. My niece is the type to only latch onto 3 toys that she’ll play with all the time, and then everything else just gets buried and left to collect dust
@@queenofcats9240I love this! It reminds me of my dad, lol. He is the easiest person in the world to get presents for, as all he wants is food. For Christmas I can get him a big ole bag filled with stuff he likes - unique mustards, pickles, sauerkraut, horseradish, tea, etc. for under $30. I am the same, I should tell people to get me food if they want to give me presents lol.
I see what y’all are saying in some ways but what’s great is motherhood is now in style again which is such a departure from the parents of MY generation who resented us and lived to work and party! I personally LOVE doing all this stuff but I grew up poor and can do all the glam for a fraction of the price. I saved formula cans and toilet paper rolls and make a insane fake castle cake that ppl thought I spent thousands on but literally was just waste and I also sold it for $150 and recouped most of the money I spent.
That’s Genius!
I’m 28, and as a kid, I had like maybe 2-3 ACTUAL birthday parties- the rest of the time my parents could say I could invite 3 (or 4 friends if they were generous) out for a dinner at my favourite restaurant, or 1 friend to a theme park. Those birthdays were 100% better than the ones where I had actual parties in my opinion
This is my goal for my kiddos. I even want to do a birthday trip some where like an amusement park
Taking two kids to a theme party is as expensive as a whole big party.
Am I a mom? no. DO I plan on being a mom in the next 10 years? no. Did I watch the whole thing? YES!
Oh my goodness, I NEEDED this. I am also going to share this with my kids and my partner, I am so grateful for your production of this also, they will get a lot from what you say and the video itself is not boring. Well done 👏
Instead of an Ipad, mostly because they didn’t exist I guess, but my mom would let me bring a notebook and a pencil to places and thanks to that I love writing and drawing now! :) kept me occupied while I learned helpful skills
We always have crayons and a pad of paper with us
My mom’s favorite phrase was “go get a book” to let us know “hey you’re pushing it, go settle down.” I ❤ it and when we did activities I didn’t like like shopping, she’d let me bring whatever book I wanted along to read all day. I actually read Roots when I was 10 in a single day at the mall, and often if I didn’t have a book that thick I’d have to reread books. My sister didn’t like to read as much (ADHD) so my mom let her draw and she got so good she made a good portion of the artwork we hung around the house as kids, and people really wanted to pay her to make them art as well. Now she’s a doctor 😂 but we still have all the artwork we both did hanging in the house and people think professionals did it.
Instagram and social media has people doing WAYYYY to much. The joy of childhood is that they find so much magic and joy in the little things, they appreciate everything so much more than adults do
I’ve always said social media has ruined us as a species, and in so many ways. 😓
Also, my kids had a structured school year. Why on earth would I structure their summer? They need a break as much as we do.
As a mum who was walking this path for my first child especially, I came to the realisation that I was going completely overboard with trying to create magic in my child's life. And it hasn't served her one bit. Thankfully I started coming to my senses after my second and third children and I started to reflect on what children genuinely need to do well and enjoy their lives. I realised it came from a fantasy about the kind of 'perfect childhood' I wanted to give my kids, as I'd only ever had two birthday parties my entire childhood, and partly from the mentality of 'keeping up with the Joneses'. And I didn't want my kids to feel they were missing out. I realised slowly with the intense baking and prepping though in the end, much of this stuff was for me, not my kids. These were my own projections from my own childhood where I didn't feel special or valued. Finally I realised how broke these standards were leaving me, and how exhausted I was after each birthday, and started paring back. As I did so, and my values changed, I started attracting more mums like me, that valued connection over 'stuff', It was like freeing myself from an addiction, and each birthday I challenged myself to make it simpler and simpler. And I realised these over the top birthdays were not what my kids genuinely benefitted from... Those parties were more about the parties than they were about celebrating the birthday-star. I noticed that the more I gave, the more entitled and demanding my kids became as they tapped into that 'never enough' energy I had been creating. The most important life skills we can teach our kids is how to appreciate. How to appreciate the moments, nature, hugs, laughter, friendship - and how to create these things in their own lives. We've all heard about the idea of toddlers being more interested in the box the toy came in - and it's up to us to build on this simple truth - and resist the urge to spoil our kids. It truly makes them perpetually dissatisfied as we're teaching them that having the best party is more important than being their best selves.
My childhood was climbing trees, making a shitty plywood tree house, going to the children's museum and getting a dollar from he tooth fairy, my birthday was at chucky cheese, and I shared with my bother and it was great
I love this video!! Bday parties have gotten ridiculous for little kids. I hate how much they cost and the party favour bags is just bunch of junk the kid will be bored with in a few mins. I wish people stop giving those out and make that standard go away. But recently my son attended a bday party where the parents did something different. They asked each child to bring 2 gently used toys. Especially shop your kids toys they don’t play with. There was no rules on the value of the toy etc. The idea was the bday child gets one toy and the other toy goes in a pile and each kid gets to take a toy home from the pile.I loved this alternative.
UNPOPULAR OPINION: I think you are spending too much time on social media. It’s not every day average parents doing this stuff. It is people who have money, and people who have money have always done extravagant events for their children. Take a look at balls from the Victorian era or 15th Birthday parties in Hispanic cultures. Ever seen the TV show “My Super Sweet 16?” These are millionaire vloggers you are seeing, and they have ALWAYS spoiled their children. There are still average people out here having average experiences. Millionaires are just in the spotlight, so you see them more. Of course they’re worried about getting photos and videos from these beautifully overdone events. Let these people spoil their kids. We can raise our kids how we see fit as long as no one is harmed and so can they.
Yeah, I think it depends on your social circle. Like there are people in a wealthy suburb near me that totally fall into this trap, but in my very middle-class neighborhood, no one would give a crap.
Lol I didn't mean to rhyme
It depends on where you live. Sometimes it’s not just social media. I’ve had moms tell me where i live (france) that they have to make great birthday parties for their kids with themes and party favors. Not the ballon arch and the kardashian type birthdays but still! It takes a toll on them mentally and financially
some wise words
Exactly. It's nothing new.
Loved your point about it takes a village. When I hear about Sahm burnout I think a lot of it comes from not having a mom network. It's such a load off when your kid is off playing with another and you can swap notes with someone who's also in the trenches.
20:30 mom will ruin child's play. Truer words have never been spoken. Mom will now control the blocks. The child is doing it wrong.
my birthday parties that i can remember were either roller rink, bowling, or a rented DVD movie night sleepover in the basement with my friends and i adored them. my family's little kid birthdays are really just an excuse to get together and take pictures, and the baby gets new toys and a cake to smash up.
I stopped getting a birthday cake for my kids because we would either have a bunch left over or not enough. Instead I do "decorate your own cookie." I make a bunch of different shaped sugar cookies, get the premade frosting decorating bags in every color and of course sprinkles! My kids love it! I also provide treat boxes so the kids can decorate as many as they want and take them home as their party favors. 😁
What a fantastic idea! Totally stealing that if I ever have children
I think the happiest my 4 year old has ever been is playing in the rain and the mud in the spring and the summer. Costs nothing but the water in her bath to clean her up after lol
I’m not a mom, but I do babysit my 3 year old niece often. There was a time when I took her outside to play in the backyard. Normally she’ll just jump on their trampoline or want to play with her chalk, but there was one day when she got a bucket meant for building sand castles, and started to fill it up with dirt. I decided not to stop her because she wasn’t making much of a mess at first. In my head I just thought “Oop. I gotta get her to wash her hands when we get inside” but once she filled the bucket up about halfway with dirt, she picked it up and dunked the whole thing on her head. She was smiling and laughing afterwards but I just kind of sat their like “Uhhhhh” I freaked a little bit but then I remembered that I used to eat bugs and literally bury myself in mud when I was her age so I was like “Eh she’ll survive” I definitely had to give her a bath after that 😂
I have a very vivid memory of playing in the rain with a rain coat and wellies that were second hand from a family friend (and I thought made me really cool as she was a popular kid) with my nextdoor neighbour and having the absolute time of my life. Every time my kids go outside in coats and wellies to jump in puddles I remember it and see the same smiles on their faces
This was my first year buying school Valentine's cards and i literally couldn't find a set of JUST cards (at least that my kid liked). The ones we picked came with a themed pencil for each card, which i reluctantly attached to avoid having 16 extra pencils in my house. You can't even do the bare minimum in situations where you want to!
I wonder how many of those pencils ended up in the trash...
At least a pencil is something you can use at school haha
No all of them end up in the trash
They have pencils now?! I know I'm the odd one but I have an unsharpened pencil collection so I would have loved those. Pencils are very hard to find as a souvenir now and I don't know what I am going to do with my collection because I will never be able to use them all at this point (maybe turn them into an art piece? Still deciding.)
I guess I am trying to say more of them might have been spared the bin than you think.
We know ALL the cards did....
also the cards were sad. i remember there was variety back in the day.
My favourite childhood is playing on my grandad's farm, spending time with him while he fixed fences, cut down a branch of a conifer tree to make a Christmas tree, watching Star Wars with him and my gran, and her letting me help her bake lemon meringue pie. There was a willow tree overlooking a pond, and when it dried up because of the drought, I was so sad that my grandad built a small swimming pool. But because it was still a drought, we couldn't put a lot of water in, and so frogs moved into the pool. 😂😂😂 Those times are my core memories, happier times I look back on. I think that if I hadn't been afforded such privilege growing up, I wouldn't have the deep love for nature that I now have. Most of my friends cannot go one day without technology or electricity without becoming hysterical. Especially my own husband. He grew up in front of video games and they are his obsession. I have a great variety of hobbies, but he has only a few. So I agree with giving your children variety, but also in giving them responsibilities, let them help out in daily chores, cooking, cleaning. Let them explore and learn to think for themselves. Don't supply everything for them on a silver platter. Let them ponder and think, read and dream. This fosters hope and encourages growth. We don't have a child yet, but when we do, I pray that they will dream, think, and explore, all without plugging themselves into screen.
My grandma always said the best kind of screen is sunscreen.
Most of my favorite memories from my childhood are the walks we'd go on as a family. Now I do it with my kids. We go on a walk together everyday, weather permitting. My kids love it, and now other kids in the neighborhood join us most nights.