It’s the cultural pendulum swing from one extreme to the other. Like a reoccurring pattern in pop culture trends. Most of us tend to live somewhere in the healthy medium.
Yes! This! It’s all about trends and rarely deeper than that. I think the girl boss capitalism trend became saturated. So now we’re doing the opposite.
The healthy medium doesn't get clicks though. Hate watchers alone are a bag. Add positive supporters, a few relatively popular video essayists and media critics, you'll end up with a feedback loop of extremes to one end or another.
It's also a generation benefitting from the work of those that came before it unable to see how they've benefitted. It's like people in the 2000s and 2010s not vaccinating their kids because they didn't know anyone with measles but they did know kids who were autistic. Then after being essentially eradicated, there was a measles outbreak in 2018 due to the reduced vaccinations. There is similarly faulty thinking behind the trad mom movement and sooooo much of it has to do with these young women having benefitted from growing up with the changes several waves of feminism have made.
I’m a homesteader and homemaker. I’m 50, it’s not an aesthetic for me, it’s what brings me joy but tbc, I handle the finances, our schedules, grow food, preserve it, tend to animals, make our medicine and delegate responsibilities to my family, including my husband. I respect him and of course we make important decisions together but managing the household means at home, I’m running the show and that’s fine by him. He works hard to provide for us and I wouldn’t want his job nor would I assume to try and run the show at his job. We are partners with our own set of responsibilities and skill sets that bring balance to our relationship and complement each others strengths.
Sounds good for you. It only helps if he views it as an interdependence. That's what's natural for women. Men tend to turn relationships into codependencies and want as to turn codependent with them, while they wield economic power over us.
That’s the rub, though. You wouldn’t be considered traditional because your husband answers to you. You’re in charge, not him. It makes a lot of sense because of set up you described, but that’s not what the tradwife influencer inspires to.
@@ForeverSwinging that’s funny to me because I assume they are basing their idea of “ traditional “ on tv shows. The reality is my lifestyle is more historically accurate. Women ran the household and the men provided for the household. Most men don’t want to carry that weight entirely on their shoulders and most women don’t want to be Stepford wives. There has to be balance or someone is going to be resentful in the long run but I’m not sure women doing it to influence or for the aesthetic are thinking that far ahead.
My problem with tradwives will always be what you articulated: they're selling a brand, not reality. If a tiktok star's marriage falls apart, she will use her experience and platform to provide for herself and her kids. An impressionable high schooler who listens to her may not have that option. But there's nothing wrong with being a homemaker in and of itself. It's just not represented correctly in a tradwife trend.
Yah my mom was a freelance journalist after she left her full time journalist career to stay home after my little sister was born (vs I went to daycare lol but I got better socialized than she did HA). Then mom pivoted to grant writing for nonprofits when my sister went to school. Always have options.
Personally, the terms “girl boss” and “boss babe” have always sounded incredibly condescending to me. Like boss lite. Not an actual boss, just the person we keep around and let them think they’re in charge.
Absolutely, the fact that a women would need to clarify she is a "girlboss" "bossbabe" etc means that the default "boss" is male. Sooo perpetuating stereotypes??
For so many women the question of whether to stay home and take care of their children or work is not a choice. I have a family history that goes back generations of women being forced to work because the man lost his job, committed murder and went to jail, abandoned their families, cheated and created a second family, disabled and couldn’t work, died or became disabled in war, etc. For the latter cases, the men felt the psychological weight of not being able to be the sole “provider” like a man is expected to be and they suffered with depression (and for the other cases, for those who say “choose better” the murderer was one of the most upstanding members and leaders of his community and was able to use his influence to eventually get a pardon from the governor so good luck predicting who will end up doing something like that). Going back in history so many women who weren’t in upper and what constituted middle classes of the time were compelled to work out of economic necessity. And there was a time where the economic output of the family was entirely or almost entirely centered on their homes. Leaving the home to work wasn’t even a concept for a lot of people - everyone in the family did backbreaking labor all day so they’d have enough to eat. And maybe do piecework at night for extra money. Clothing and textiles constituted an enormous portion of a household budget equivalent to a car or even a college education today so making clothes at home was a necessity. Everyone’s economic relationship to home-based labor was very different and often necessitated additional outside help in the form of domestic labor (paid or not paid). Some of the trad wife content comes off as cosplaying. And they don’t bring up the fact that influencing is a job. People trying to mimic their lifestyle without having their platform and without their extra money may find that they won’t see the same results.
I appreciate this comment, the housewive 50s aesthetic is MODERN. Capitalism (before it died) brought that luxury. Previously of course woman worked, but not in the same way man did. To this day in my country there are man miners and their woman work with them too, BUT not on the mines, they never did. They work outside selecting the metals. Same way woman always worked but not competing directly with man, and I'm not a 22 year snob who think she knows it all so I don't know if there was another point in history where woman compete with man, in man's games with man's rules. But I know in modern days that's what we were taught to do, compete compete compete, we don't know another way. From the moment we born we are just a number, we follow broken systems and shut up. It's truly bread and circus, performative political fight, polarization, etc. Is there a better way? I mean we used to belong and have large families, most important be self sufficient and interdependent, and all that we have now is state dependency, chains, I mean phones and we belong to a discord group yippie! This is where feminism will blame pathiarchy but a real male dominant society wouldn't have allowed this mistreatment of the most vulnerable, woman and children. Is a poster "patriarcal" society we live in, feminism was key to put those physchos in power (the russian revolution was led by woman not proletarian man) and to this day we're taught to hate the idea of a loving selfless man that is gonna take care of us, and embrace the corporative coldness of a job that will discard you after using you, just like Joe from Tinder after he cums. Sick. Sisters, we can do better, we should.
"Some of the trad wife content comes off as cosplaying" great point! I agree, especially with the influencers who make money with their 'trad" content. No traditional wife in history made a living by presenting her life via the internet, or even on historical forms of media. Writers did, actresses did, models did, but that immediately breaks out of the "traditional" definition.
When my Grandmothers talk to me about what life was like to be a woman as a 50's, 60's 70's house wife (in Canada) they despised it. The men in their lives were awful and they just had to suffer through the disrespect. They were essentially enslaved by their husbands and then told by society that they should be grateful because they're living the dream and that they had a "good man". My grandmas also had to work cash jobs like working in tobacco in the summertime and cleaning wealthy people's homes to have any money of their own because their husbands would only pay for the absolute bare minimum to keep a household running and half the time women would have to plead their case as to why the family needed certain things. This was more the norm for the time than the exception. Whoever is romanticizing those eras are clearly generations that had no idea what it was actually like to be a woman in those times.
100% Luckily, we have choices now and don't have to settle. These 'tradwives" are so phony in these videos & don't have a clue. People in general are so fake these days. It's hard to watch any of it anymore. . I don't do social media but have been hitting the youtube pretty hard lately. I can feel myself getting less happy and more irritated with every hour. I think it's time to unplug after this video.
so true! and this cycle continues to this day. The father has a big, expensive dinner every day with lots of meat, has a new car and immaculate clothes. But his son runs around with broken shoes and has no school materials. When the son grows up, he often does the same thing because he finally wants to have the good life he never had. He never knew respect for children and a woman. He never thought about the fact that it was bad to only give the children pasta to eat and so on. for him it is normal.
I had a defining moment in my marriage. I drove my husbands car and scratched it. Not even a big scratch, but when he saw it he got really mad. He shouted, “Can you pay to have my car fixed? “I was still a college student and we had 2 kids at the time. I don’t have a lot of money. So I couldn’t fix the scratch, he said. All you’ll do is say you’re sorry. It made me realize the only thing my husband respects is money. So I finished school. I got a good paying job and started stacking up cash. We have 1 joint account but keep most finances separate. Once he realized I had high 5 figures in my savings, things changed and he never pulled that shit again. He knows I can walk away easily and be just fine. AND I told him he can have 100% custody of the kids and I’ll pay child support. I’ll make a list of their allergies doctors appointments extra curricular and teachers names. Nothing terrifies a man more than having to step in and do what I do every damn day all while working a full time job.
Stay at home mom/wife set up only works well with certain men tbh. There’s some men out there that are too stupid to realize all the stuff their partner does on a daily basis.
Some of the biggest things that frustrate me about the growing tradwife ‘movement’ are things you touched on in this video. It’s ultimately just any other aesthetic - ALL influencer content, especially the stuff that gets popular, isn’t normal! These women might often be genuine and sincerely living that lifestyle, but notice that most of these tradwife influencers are (just like most influencers in general) very pretty, usually white, with great hair and a pleasant voice? Their videos are well-lit and show them being happy baking bread or vacuuming their (already clean) floor. They don’t show the average woman’s reality of homemaking - wearing comfy clothes, minimal makeup, hair up in a comfortable practical style, grumbling in frustration because the oven’s doing that thing again and she forgot to put the clothes on to wash. These influencers make videos that are pleasant to watch, and rarely show a realistic depiction of the ups and downs of any lifestyle, much less a job being done imperfectly or without a metric tonne of grace. It’s the same problem, where women are expected to do whatever job it is perfectly and with humility and grace, but with a different coat of paint. The other thing, which I know has been talked about to death, is that they’re rarely “traditional” things. At its core, yes it’s women taking care of the home, but I think a lot of the tradwife influencers would be shocked to know that for most of recorded history, WOMEN were the people who managed the accounts and finances for the household. Far cry from not needing to worry about complicated things like money and budgeting, lol.
My mother was a SAHM for decades. Didn't have any qualifications and only worked casual jobs here and there. Once her kids were grown, my Dad abandoned her, kicked her out of the family home, moved his much younger girlfriend in, changed the locks. Unfortunately before she could pursue anything legally, she got really sick. A year later she died of cancer. Married for 30 years. My siblings, extended family and I are still completely dumbfounded by my Dads actions. We don't speak to him anymore. My mother said to me in her final weeks she didn't regret being a SAHM but she deeply regretted not pursuing her passions and she felt like she gave up her whole identity to be a mother and that was it.
I’m a “trad wife” I stay home with my kids. We homeschool. I make a lot of our food from scratch. But I don’t wear dresses or do all the stuff the social media trad wives do. lol my hair isn’t perfectly done and my makeup isn’t perfectly done every day.. it’s just not realistic.. but we are saving up to get land and chickens and a bigger garden then the balcony one we have.
Indeed. Back in the 50s to the 70s trad wives were medicating with bex and getting high as kites just to get through another day. Kidney disease sky rocketed due to all the housewives getting wasted.
My mom was a housewife who could not drive a car and knew virtually nothing about finances other than managing the money my dad gave her weekly for groceries. My dad died a year ago, and she was absolutely clueless about life admin. She still can not drive, and i basically have to be her taxi and manage her finances for her. Very early in my childhood, i made the decision to never depend on a man for anything. Thank the Lord i have an amazing husband who celebrates my successes and encourages me in my career
That's so cool! I also have a husband who treats me as an equal and doesn't expect me to confirm to "traditional" gender roles. I love having my own money, my own car, and a job I love! And I get to do it all while still being a mother to delightful children who attend daycare and public school (gasp!)
After watching the whole video, I wanted to say thank you for the nonjudgmental tone and word choices you made throughout the entire essay! As a mom of two littles who works 3 days a week outside of the home, I get condescending remarks on both sides. Growing up in a culture that tries to pit women against each other, this video was very refreshing!
There is no winning, you just do what feels right for you and your family. I WISH I could work just 3 days a week, but im still hopeful that in the future things change.
this is what i thought of watching the video! life insurance will literally buy some time in case something happened. of course, we hope it doesn’t but it’s there as a backup.
Sadly it's often not enough. My partner has a life insurance, it just covers his half of our mortage. I didn't even get a life insurance because I've had a weightloss surgery. If one of us dies, the other one is basically forced to move out of our home despite us both working.
@@mandi3891 unfortunately thats true for many people. My husband being in the military taught us that everyone in the home should have life insurance. You should definitely consider getting life insurance for yourself and if possible a higher policy.
I don't know if this is even enough, but it is really important to not rely completely on the partner. My grandfather died at age 34 (by an accident) and my grandmother suddenly was alone with two little children and a half-built house in after-war Germany. She made it but it wasn't fun, and at least she had a job. And I know several women who became widows at a young age relatively shortly after the wedding. All are working and none of them has children, but life can take a very unexpected turn very suddenly.
Exactly! If we both pay bills we should also both do house chores.The home is a work place. We are co workers in this workplace. Don't get me started on men weaponizing incompetence. "I don't know how..." Most men can't pay all the bills on their own but want the house kept. Women work and... Men should be able to work and too.
Exactly! If i am paying half the bills and working just as much, why cant my husband help with chores once we get home from work? This is why women are burnt out. You cant do it all. And men know, this but they want to be lazy and not do their share at home but they are very happy to take half your paycheck.
Fr women went into the workplace and found they still had to the large majority of housework and childcare. If you're getting burned out doing that then when the other shoe drops somethings gona give. The choice is paying more for childcare and housework and going all in at work to pay for it or staying home full time. And because it's cost of living has gone up so much it's more sustainable to do the former. The problem here is men are not stepping up enough within the household
Agreed - he said “how important it is for women to JUST rock a cradle”… so he’s demeaning the work of the mother/woman while simultaneously telling us where we belong. We’ve been in that position for all of history, my man, and a lot of us are pretty annoyed with that setup.
Dude, whatever. I've busted my ass in a saw mill right next to men and I am really happy to hear this man being very passionate about how much more extremely difficult it is to rear a child than hold a job. Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. There are no smoke breaks. There is no clocking out. It's forever all the time every single day. We need men to understand that and make that plain to other men. It's hard. It's very hard. And it is the most important thing I will ever do. I am raising human beings. Granted, I also had an established career prior to having children. I had my first child at the age of 27. I had already had my own apartment, car, savings, education, skills and certification, and 10 years of solid work experience. The lesson here is, don't have kids and get married at 17. It makes life so much harder than it needs to be. Your kids only need you home full time until they are school aged. That's a few years. It's just a couple years. And the skills of homemaking are important. The skills of fostering love and trust and partnership within your marriage is important. It's not a Christian idea. Do you have kids?????? Seriously? It's not one job. It's TEN THOUSAND JOBS AT ONCE. BRUH. I can't watch this video anymore it's ridiculous. Just stop tearing other women down it's gross.
@@kimbolinarino9 I feel like your reply to my comment isn’t really relating to my comment but I just wanted to say I hear you 100% - yes I have kids - yes the person who made this video has kids - yes I agree being a mom is the freaking hardest thing in the world. It’s all consuming. I feel you. I’m sorry if you’re having a hard time right now ❤️ (please know I’m being sincere here)
I think he chose one action as opposed to naming every and I think he meant “ just “ as in not trying to parent and work outside the home at the same time. He clearly respects what it means to be a homemaker and mother and believes asking women to bare the children and work outside the home is asking a lot, especially when we tend to still take on a great deal of the responsibilities of homemaking even when working outside the home. I could be wrong but that’s how I understood his comment.
He has a lot of red flags. Demanding for women to just do one thing and one thing only. How about him? Can he equally care for his children? Can he participate to half the chores? Or is that too hard? Men want to push women in the kitchen, dependant of them, because they refuse to take care of their own home and take care of their own children.
I think a part you didn’t mention is the pandemic forced a lot of women to become stay at home moms because of lack of high quality childcare and lack of maternity leave. I left the workforce during the pandemic when my daughter was born.
Are you American? If so, that’s a real shame you had to leave the workforce. In Australia, that doesn’t happen. It is rare for women to have to forsake a career or job to raise kids. The Government pays maternity leave for five months and many people also get six or more months at full pay on top of that. For some, it works out at nearly a full year off fully paid. My workplace also supplements childcare fees for staff. The Government also subsidises child care costs so families don’t have to pay half their salary just to childcare.
Yeah, for real, women in the US should stand up to their politicians and demand what is common today in first world countries. It seems like they are second class citizens, just because they have a womb.
☝This. I wasn't forced to leave the workforce during the pandemic but I know a TON of women that were due to circumstances involving children (& none of it was voluntary for them). The ones amongst them who've seen & talked about the whole tradwife/cottage core BS are largely of the opinion that the whole tradwife thing is an exploitative coping mechanism. Tradwife influencers are pandering towards all those moms who were forced to stay at home during the pandemic (& adopt the lifestyle), romanticizing the idea & giving them false hope that it's ideal & that it'll work out for them. Pretty twisted when you think about it. Most of said women are looking for ways to get back into the workforce if they haven't already.
The "Well actually, feminists, I value motherhood" is so frustrating. Cause like, yeah, one of the great overarching aspects of the feminist movement is to recognise work in the home *as labour*. Childcare isn't all happy fun time, it's hard graft, even if you do greatly enjoy it. If a couple organises their family with one person full time at home, and the other full time in the workplace that's cool. But we need to recognise that does put the at home partner in a very vulnerable position. Couples really should be discussing measure like insurance and equitable divorce settlement ahead of anything going wrong.
Somebody in the video is saying that- you are a mom, you are raising a human and that’s the most important job in the world. Why is the father being excluded from this most important role in the world!
Because who takes care of the baby the first few months of life? It biologically makes sense. You birthed the baby, you breastfeed the baby, the baby has an emotional connection to you. They need the mom more than the dad as a baby. Nobody said the dad wasn’t around ever but someone has to work and someone has to take care of children and biologically women are better suited for it
@@marishapeters1647Thats the first few months, but dads are still excluded or not involved when the kids are older. Fathers actually has a greater impact on childrens mental and emotional well being than moms.
Why in the world do women think they must choose either of these 2 extremes? If social media & the internet have taught us anything it's that everyone can pursue and build the life they WANT. And then change their mind when they want to. That doesn't mean it's easy - but we are talking about our lives right? My husband & I started our business at 25 and owned it for 27 years for the sole purpose of having flexibility to raise our children. We took turns staying home with them for 10 years, And then took turns meeting the school bus for the next 10. We built the life we wanted. After the kids launched - we split up. Life is not a fairytale but you can create your own magic.
Side note: Éowyn is a strong female character in LOTR who I’ve always found inspiring to fight for what I want in life! She goes to war to fight for those she loves and is just as brave if not more brave than some of the male protagonists.
I was thinking the same thing. I would classify Arwen as strong in her own way too. It's not easy to choose to stick behind when your family is all leaving for the undying lands or to take on a group of wraiths to save Frodo.
Those are still male attributes and not feminine. The ultimate power lies in the Oracles and Alchemists and those are female traits where we use our minds, hearts, intuition to tap into everything that is the universe. We NEVER have to pick up a sword or ever go to war. Ever! In ancient theology the most feared warrior confided in the wisdom of the oracles and alchemists.
@@11nica5Not every feminine is an oracle, but lots of villages that were attacked, the helpless women were raped and killed, so were their children. They wouldnt dare do this to the Spartan village where the women knew how to fight. A real man who is secure in his manliness isnt afraid of a women who helps him in defense because at least he knows that if anything happens to him, he can rest assure his wife will care for his children long after he is gone. When a man and women marry, they become one flesh so what does that mean? People like to throw that scripture around and not truly understand what that entails. When man and women become one flesh, they understand each other and they mold into one another not just spiritually, but also mentally. Husbands are not arrogant enough to think housechores is only for feminine and women are not squeamish enough not to learn home self defense typically a male domain. They share qualities that makes them be a one parent team so they are both providers, protectors, and nurturers. Because God created man and woman in His image, parents represent the duo of disciplinary and merciful figure of God... if one leaves the earth, the other was molded enough from the deceased to be 2 in one!
@@11nica5 I understood it more like this, fighting for something you love can also be a feminine trait, making it a neutral trait. Like women fighting for their children to have the best possible life. I think it's rather about protecting something you love, something I wouldn't contribute more to men than to women. And I would say women are also brave for giving up big part of their identity as an individuum to become a mother with a second individuum constantly by her side, and conforming to the expectations people have for women, is also brave. I agree, mental power is underrated in our society in general, but I also think physically many women can do more than they maybe think of themselves. I mean, having to carry a baby and doing household chores also requires a lot of physical strength. And those are just the clichés. Having practiced Karate for several years and regularly helping my partner with bodily work, I am amazed at what our bodies can do. I mean traditionally these traits are rather seen as masculine, but there were a lot of cultures where women also were warriors and I don't think people back than asked themselves if this watch the feminine thing for a woman to do, but maybe to get another capable force to defend the village. Idk, just my thoughts, it all boils down to the person in the end. I have a female friend who can arm wrestle a lot of guys my age, I also know some who cannot hold themselves up for 5 seconds on a bar.
As a man, I had always seen the figures of Éowyn and Arwen as the two facets of the tragedy of war under a female lens: the Warrior, and the Maiden. The Warrior is the one who, seeing the danger coming closer and closer, are compelled to take arms and defend her land and people, but also because she do not want to be seen a "burden" - she is young, able, trained and willing to fight, and while she knows that many of the man request for her to stay behind in a desire to protect her, she feels anguished with the notion that people would die for her sake while she gets unscathed. She would gladly take arms, fight, bleed and die at the side of her brothers-in-arms because she wants to protect them, too. The Maiden is the one who, while not being a fighter per se, knows that war is raging, stays behind at home, and now counts the days to see it end - each ticking of the clock longer than the previous one. The wait for the news consumes her, and dreading the moment of the notice of the death of a loved one in the battlefield. The pain of the wait weights heavy in her heart, and no distraction is satisfactory. Even sleep brings no respite. Prayer and sacrifices to the gods offer little comfort. All you want is for the war to end, and to see your beloved to come back at home. And, as a man, I like Aragorn as a symbol of masculinity: yeah, the guy is a badass warrior. Yes, he is the heir of Isildur. Yes, he has the love of the princess as his. But he is FLAWED as any human - he is worried that maybe his skill in arms will not be enough, he is haunted by the shame of his ancestors being corrupted and believe himself to suffer of the same problem, and he is afraid that he would never be at the side of his beloved again. And it is this flaws that makes him so relatable to many man, because there are times that we man feel that even with skill, privilege and love in our hands, we do not feel ourselves WORTHY of them. And Théoden... Théoden is the way many man would glady die: fighting to defend what he loves, and doing so in a way to make their enemies ever remember to never dare to do so again. And in a goofy way, it kinda resembles the "dog meets death" comic strip: when we die, we want to meet our ancestors and ask "was I a good man?", and you would know what would be the answer we would love to hear...
That hustle culture is really toxic. I'm zillennial on the border of both and got the worst of that 9-5 bs. Jobs are not rewarding anymore..every employer is out to take advantage of you with low pay no stability temp jobs with no benefits replacing entire formerly white collar industries, so you go to college and into debt, do everything right, live like a pauper and deprive yourself, try to enter the job market, and get stonewalled with "temp jobs" where you work for a company for 6 months or so, do everything a real employee does, get 2/3 of their pay and 0 of their benefits, then get thrown on your ass before they are forced to pay you like a real employee. It's evil. Being a "contractor" is a trap, it's just a scheme for companies to not pay you the benefits you deserve like PTO. I get why people are getting fed up and looking elsewhere but tradwifery is a pipeline to poverty. And let me tell you that misogyny and gender discrimination is alive and well. If you're in an interview, a male candidate is BELIEVED and thought of as confident and smart, but a woman candidate is given disbelief and the spanish inquisition. Even if you do get the job you are paid less and might lose the job if someone decides to s!xually harass you. Just like in school zero tolerance, they punish the victim. The american corporate culture is nasty and vile. The answer isn't tradwifery--the answer is labor laws. Europe has it figured out. They get 35 hour workweeks, 5 weeks of PTO, and a job for life. They also have EASIER, SHORTER interviews, not this bs with 5+ interviews being put under a microscope and grilled for even shitty entry level jobs. I'm sick of it. LABOR LAWS. And gen X are just as bad as boomers in the workplace, if not worse. Tradwives have a grain of truth--they realize modern life is too stressful and our quality of life is garbage. But the issue is you can't trust men. The types of men who want tradwives are the types to either abuse you or divorce you for a younger woman and leave you high and dry toting around his kids with no career and no money. Tradwifery doesn't work because men are not held accountable by society. A man can ruin your life and still be welcomed with open arms by society no matter how deplorable his actions are.
I agree with everything you said here. I'm Xennial and older than you are, but I agree wholeheartedly that men have easier interviews, women face retaliation for reporting harassment, and gen X has a lot of workaholics who have no soul left. And I am very lucky that I came into adulthood when interest rates were low. If I had been born any later, I would have been in debt forever. I just wonder how long this will go on before a revolution happens. When are we really going to "eat the rich"?
Kinda a mean girl perspective on life and you assume your experience is true for all. My beloved late husband gave me the opportunity to that trad wife. I got to care for my elder father in law. I got to work in prison ministry with my husband all while not wondering how to feed the family and best of all my son got to experience a loving dad. Because his bio dad left us to chase drugs and skirts. I also had a flex schedule while I worked that corporate job and a single parent. Just Imagine if I put my experience as the truth for everyone in a post how roasted I would be.
@@lnsuvasquez2466 So you're saying 'Not everyone's experience is like that' (alluding to the part where men can't be trusted) and then in the same breath you state something in your own life that exemplifies exactly what @user-rc2yf8kt7i is talking about: "his bio dad left us to chase drugs and skirts?" I'm not sure this is the rebuttal you think it is....
So I feel like there is really such a difference between "Little House on The Prarie" and "50's Housewife" vibes when it comes to the structure of a family. And I think it's also something that a lot of conservatives today get wrong. I think if we look back to something like the Little House on the prairie or Parenthood back in the days of like westward expansion there wasn't like a breadwinner per se and the mother wasn't seen as solely there to cater to her husband. Sure mother and father had different chores but they played together as a team and had their own strengths. There was mutual respect for the two roles. Now maybe this wasnt exactly how it was at this point in history in every case, but if we're looking at the books at least and that model that people are looking up to, ma and pa worked together to build a homestead and keep their children alive. Pa was at home working and every bit involved with his children as ma was. The 50's american housewife thing, is so different. Dad leaves the house to work, mom is at home being the sole caretaker for everyone in the home and pretending everything was ok to not burden dad with anything home related. There's no teamwork there. I think one of the biggest difference here is the father working outside of the home vs the father working at home to keep the home functioning. Those are veryyyyy different roles and I think that changes marital and family dynamics significantly.
I disagree of the respect part. In several of the books it’s made clear that women were unequal and even beneath men, but Pa in particular respected Ma because she was a good wife and mother, and Ma respected Pa because he was a good husband and father. I’d say Little House on the Prairie was a more positive depiction of what life on the prairie was like because there are other portrayals and historical accounts of this time period and they were not usually this nice. Abuse and confining women to gender roles was prime during this period as the town folk liked to talk about anyone that deviated from the norm. Especially women.
Historically, most women have always worked in some capacity in and out of the home, unpaid labor and paid labor. Think maidservants in castles. Those are women who are working. Even the Bible had depictions of the entrepreneurial wife making things and selling them at market.
but also in little house on the prairie times women had to be home because they didn’t have machines to do anything for them like we do now. Even men who didn’t farm they had their work and women had theirs. I think the feminist movement was needed, yes, men weren’t respecting women properly, and now I think today men are realizing, whether they want to admit it or not, the value of having their wives at home
All of these trends are missing a key component….BALANCE. They always go from one extreme to the other. Young woman, get educated, go to school, give yourself the OPTION to have financial stability if need be. This does NOT mean you cannot choose to be a stay at home mother for your children in the future with your husband. Giving all of yourself to a job as a “girl boss” and giving all of your financial stability to your husband to become a “trad wife” is not your only option. Remember that nothing in life is stable, sometimes roles change. If your husband loses his job, you may have to step up and support the family. What you see on social media are not real, they are selling you a dream.
Historically, women had much more support from extended families and the community at large. This is barely existent nowadays. Everyone living as a separate nuclear family without community support is much more labor intensive and isolating.
I had to pause to reply to the guy talking about undermining the importance of women in the household. It amazes me how they come to realization that women can't do it all and their only solution is that women stay in the home. It doesn't even occur to them that maybe men and women can split responsibilities equally at home and in the work force. No it is one way or the other.
Yeah, some of them take it as a gotcha moment or try to scare women into following something they arenr completely honest about, if is what they want being a trad wife or not, ok, but it tend to be the woman takes more roles while the other part is not asked to ajust.
Yah my husband and I both clean around the house and both bring in income and both take care of the pets and would both care for kids, too. It’s a team effort!
Neither can do it all. They aren't saying men shouldn't help. But, kids go to moms for nurturing and that's normal, so moms will be in high demand of the children. And after working all day, giving kids the attention/nurturing they desire, and any other tasks that need to be done, most women don't even want to find time for their husband's. And that's disrespectful and where many issues start. It's the same when the man doesn't want to find time to do any yard work and/or house work. That's disrespectful and starts issues too. But, what I see much too often is the man doing all the yard work (mowing, tree/busb trimming, sidewalk maintenance, etc), most of the snow removal (if not all), car maintenance, and sometimes more but the woman is complaining because the man isn't helping with inside the house or isn't doing enough "emotional labor" even though he listens to his wife's stories without complaint and sometimes even asks her questions to seem more engaged. Plus, men are more likely to do labor jobs than women and still don't complain about all the yard work or other things they have to manage at home. Men get shit on so often even when they do a ton of work for the family. It's women that seem to shit on the men too. If you think your husband isn't doing enough, then go to him and say you want to switch roles for 3 months. You do EVERYTHING he does for 3 months (besides his job that is) and he does EVERYTHING you do for 3 months (besides your job). Afterwards, you two can discuss the disparities in your workloads. But, ladies, be warned. The men might enjoy being the house work too much and want you to take on some of the more laborious work.
we crunched out numbers, well before we had children & saved money to put aside to raise them with one parent home. we also lived well- below our means before we had kids and right up into when the youngest graduated from university tbh, we could only afford two kids, so we stopped at two. ii would have liked at least 3 kids, but we were priced out
Simply put sometimes it’s not so comfy, but I would never regret the penny pinching and financial stresses we had to endure because it’s what let me stay at home with my children everyday, I’d never trade that time with them for anything
I love being a mom to my one year old daughter but I don't think I would be as good as a mom if I wasn't also a career women. I am an engineer which took years of dedication and hard work which translates to what values I will teach my daughter. I miss out on hours in the day with my daughter but when I am with her I am able to enjoy every moment and pass along my love of learning to her. I struggled with PPD and I know with my personality I would struggle being a SAHM. I think the biggest issue is that we have to take finances into consideration when choosing whether or not to stay home with our children or to work. Even with insurance it cost us 15k just for me to have my daughter. Other countries don't seem to have this issue.
Stats prove kids education is directly informed by the formal education of their mom. I’m a lawyer and I feel that… I don’t regret my education even IF I become a stay at home mom /part time entrepreneur. I challenged myself to my full intellectual potential through that and I think you did too as an engineer. It’s really cool! And we can always return to good careers when kids are grown or if our partners want to stay home with kids or we can use those skills in different careers. Our knowledge and skills help us raise the next generation better if we do choose to have kids.
Every sahm I know is not making sourdough bread and whistling to the birds while they make TikToks about the joys of vacuuming. They are in desperate need of adult interactions. We love Bluey but there is only so much Bluey one can take. People need adult interactions. When she was young and had her first kids, my sister even took a minimum wage retail job primarily for the adult interaction, people have to get out of the house. The irony of these influencers is that they *are* working. They are making income by RUclips videos, blogs, TikToks, corporate sponsorships, etc. It's quite possible they make more than their husbands. (and with at least a certain milkmaid, it's not even clear she *has* a husband). It's basically just fetish content, selling a fantasy. I am also an engineer (EE) but I don't have kids. Even with a six-figure salary, paying bills for myself is hard enough. I couldn't imagine trying to raise kids and a spouse on a median income of like $40k. It wasn't even possible in the 50s when that was held up as the ideal on TV -- it was only a sliver of well-off white women actually living that life.
@@asongfromunderthefloorboards I agree with all of this! I think that's why that type of content annoys me so much. It's like when celebrities get a bunch of work done then claim to have gotten their body from genetics and doing crunches.
Im glad i was not influenced by social media / friends/ family ...when i was 39 i had unplanned twins pregnancy was quite awful & high risk for early labour had to stop work at 6 months ...i was an ICU nurse at the time ...the twins had issues awful colic, excems , one had lung issues ...i was so drained by the time mat leave was over i quit ti be a SAHM & made all the financisl sacrifices to do so ....15 years later im looking forward to restarting career but i now have breast cancer ....im so grateful i had that time as a SAHM it was priceless !! Now im totally at peace with whatever cancer deals me , i spent the past 15 years in the best way for me
25:25 The best solution to all these problems is to do as people traditionally did. The woman runs the finances, making sure to tuck away money for emergencies. She also runs some cottage industries from her home and if disaster struck, she would be able to ramp up into a decent income, ensure you have life insurance and share ownership of everything. Alimony agreements are not a bad idea as well, but they aren’t really necessary if you have true shared ownership of your life and finances. And lastly, don’t be so quick to divorce. That’s a big one. Even living separately is preferable to divorce if need be for a time, but don’t rip your family apart unless the situation is abusive. It’s bad for everyone involved.
I’m single and don’t have children. Both girl boss and tradwives are so foreign to me because it doesn’t relate to me at all. I’m just doing my own thing.
You hit sooooooo many good points in this video!! I especially love that you mention not every woman enjoys being a stay at home mom! I love my children and love being home to raise them, but it’s also really hard and I need to be fulfilled in my creative passions as well. I feel like I gained respect for you for talking about trad wives being a business! No one talks about the level of privilege the trad wife ascetic fails to mention. Because there are financial sacrifices (especially in today’s economy) that being a stay at home mom brings!
I work from home and take care of my kid. It's hard, but I love it. I had 6 month maternity leave and by the end I was going nuts just taking care of a kid and house. My job was a life-saver! There is a good healthy medium between the tradwife and girlboss!
Ooo the connection to girl boss 🤔. I’m here for this timeline! I can’t wait for the movement of “do whatever works for you.” There are risks to every decision. So often we raise our kids to be what WE want instead of supporting their temperaments and strengths. I try to stay curious with my students (and my own kids), helping them to uncover what puts them in a “state of flow,” while also reminding them that cultures vary, what is “normal” or “right” is mostly garbage, and we are literally existing on a floating rock 😆. You do such a nice job of pulling resources. Great, thought-provoking content!
I completely agree. I recently watched a video of a mom and her young teenage daughter, the mom supported her creativity by allowing her to express herself through her hairstyle (including dyeing, bleaching, braids, weaves, etc), makeup, eyelashes, and henna as an alternative to tattoos. This young girl did everything herself, looked incredibly unique, and everything she created appeared professional. By allowing her daughter to explore and develop these skills, the mother has set her up for a future where she can potentially earn a living from her talents. Kids have the time and creativity in spades to explore interests and hone their crafts. We should strive to give all children the same opportunity to explore their hands-on and creative abilities. These skills might become a source of income or hobbies that bring joy later in life. Knowing what they enjoy is invaluable, especially since we have less time to discover new passions as we grow older. Additionally, fostering these interests can provide a fulfilling "third place" beyond home and work-something many adults today lack, with the decline of community clubs and organizations. It’s far better to cultivate a meaningful outlet which can introduce them to a community than to rely on bars or nightclubs as the default alternative as so many do today.
I think the issue with both of these movements is that (when it comes to raising kids) we are so focused on the responsibilities of the mother and paying little attention to her support system. Even if you’re a trad wife, most/all of the childcare is on you and I don’t believe that’s healthy. It takes a village. The truth is our society doesn’t value women’s contributions in the home and doesn’t value the proper care of children which is why women go between these extremes of being a “girl boss” and feeling guilty about not being with your kids or being a “trad wife” and only focusing on raising kids. We need better resources for women and families so that doing both is more manageable. Also, what have the men been doing this whole time? 😅 Either way, idealizing a life where you have little interaction with society and little contribution to it, all while being financially dependent on someone else, seems risky and I agree with you that trad wife influencers need to be more honest about that.
Infact, the rise in female suicide is directly linked to lack of support and isolation of women from our interdependent set up with other women. While men are unable to give each other community, and need a woman to form their community for them, which leads to their loneliness and suicide.
@@ReneeDeane since when did a village ever consist of 2 people? A village is husband, grandma, aunt, uncle, cousins, etc. It's not just house holds that are broken, it's extended families as well.
I'm in this realm where I've realized I like to make financial contribution to the household and creating some disposable income for our family, but I also like taking care of my kids and home as my primary "role" if you will. I'm working part time now and it's really been what works for my family and marriage best.
I've been a fan of your videos for a long time, but I've been loving the shift your channel is making. This is a fascinating look at the culture phenomenon we've experienced - and a really well done documentary on the subject. If you enjoy making these types of films I think you have a real knack for investigative storytelling in a casual/approachable way :)
Really have enjoyed the That Awkward Mom channel for showing realistic strategies and showing an attainable life with a family that is not all about buying things
Well, if people don’t get out and vote for the Democrats, and I know not, everybody likes that option, but the other option is Republicans will force the trad wife lifestyle on women so get out there and vote.
Its almost like lifestyles that end up trending bring out the worst aspects of people. Like no matter how wholesome it is when it starts if it gains any amount of traction toxic influencers will ruin it for everyone.
I just discovered your content and love you neutral and no judgmental you are toward everyone! You’re very good at showing both sides and not making quick judgements or crazy over the top statements!
One key to the tradwife movement in my opinion is the state of the economy. Paying for daycare is as much or more than rent/mortgage for many families and if you have more than one young child at the same time with a low paying job/career prospect, many families decide to have one parent stay home. I think the tradwife movement helps those in that situation try to find some sense of purpose in that situation but it isnt a choice for many families. Thankfully i got into a high paying career before having kids so we can afford daycare but it’s still a challenge to balance everything. I think as the economy resettles the tradwife movement will become less popular
If people continue to procreate, then we gotta understand that homemaking and family life is paramount. How you do it matters. Do what works not just for today, but for multiple generations.
In Sweden, having been a stay-at-home mom is sthg you can put into your resume. It is valued as work experience. It is absolutely wrong that this is not the case everywhere in the world. I agree that a lot of skills are required to do this job well. I would not want to do it: too isolated, but, preceisely because I do not want to do it, I realise that it takes skills I do not have. Moreover: When are men going to sep up and give women what women have been giving men for so long? Also: if men are out to work, they grow in a certain dimension. If women stay at home: they grow in a different way. They both expand into completely differnt world, until they are not even on the same planet once the kids (the glue) have gone. They have nothing to say to each other. No wonder many of these marriages collapse.
I was also extremely burnout from corporate and decided that working part time while being able to still pick up my kids from school everyday was the best course for me.
My working part time worked for us. Highly recommend if you can. Fulltime turned me into an absolute Crab Apple. No matter how supportive a husband is- the house hold burden is almost always done by the wife.
A friend of mine became a Life Coach, and started telling women to lower their voices, and started lecturing everyone to stop apologizing. Then she cheated on her husband and claimed he was toxic for not being ok with that. Yeah, becoming toxic and pushy and mimicking men isn’t empowering. It’s just as gross as men acting that way. Instead we should be encouraging men to apologize.
The issue of whether to fully combine finances and give up earning potential is deeper than just being in it to win it. Life experiences, whether your parents are together, what happens in your social circle all influence whether you are even privileged enough to have this outlook. Growing up with a single parent or divorce likely influenced your choice. Sure it works for some people but for others it might not
As a child of divorced parents my mum had to start again from zero so I saw first hand how hard it is. While my husband I combine finances I have always chosen to work even after having children because being employable has always been important to me. I previously worked in family law and saw many wives/mothers who had been out of the workforce for decades raising children when at 50 they go through a separation and have no means to support themselves having been out of the workforce for so long. So yes, it's great if it works out to be a trad wife but I feel like it's "putting your eggs in one basket".
@@valerieborovik3885 Why not use that energy to create a family business that can be passed down to your children? A job can't be passed down. When you retire and pass away that job won't give two cents about you.
@@robinsonfamily222 Kids don’t always want to take over the family businesses, and it can be risky. In 2020 many family businesses closed down because of you know what. They couldn’t make rent during the shut down, and they couldn’t compete with the cheaper prices of take-out. The job may not give two-cents but the money you earn can provide for your family. Let’s not act like jobs are worthless. You need money in order to survive and if you save, you can give your kids money while you’re alive and in a will after you pass. That’s better than a family business that can sink at any moment imo.
Yes let’s just be real… some households can’t afford not to have dual incomes. Or at least some flexible income or overtime etc. especially in order to invest for the future, travel, raise multiple kids, buy a house. We “live” off of my husband’s income and we invest my income. That way we will have security now and in the future.
I had a breakdown at work recently because I couldn’t remember the last time I looked at the stars, and I just wanted to be with my son teaching him about birds and bugs and not sitting at a computer all day. 😂
You’d make a great reporter, I love watching these style videos you’ve been putting out lately. I’m a traditional wife and homemaker. For the last five years, since shortly after I married, I’ve stayed home and taken care of my home and family while my husband goes to work. I do have hobbies (sewing mainly) and I can make money with some of them but choose mainly to just keep them as entertainment. I don’t push for others to adopt my lifestyle but because I love it I do see it as the ideal!
@@rosabellavitaalvarez-calde5836 we’re scraping by. I learned to pinch pennies from my mom who was also a sahm. I make almost every meal from scratch, i cloth diapered, I even hand washed the diapers at one point because the apartment complex we were in charged too much for laundry. If I was wealthy it would be a blessing but money doesn’t make everything easy.
My mother was a tradwife (1950-1990 when my father died) and her life was a sorry waste. Had she been born a few decades later she could have used her sharp and ferocious intellect and been an excellent lawyer, negotiator or politician. Instead she was a sad and depressed "afternoon drinker" who became an alcoholic. She always encouraged me to focus on my studies, have a means of income and really think hard about raising a family.
This is the kind of thing I thought of when that dudebro was going on about if women both work and raise kids, they'll resent one or the other. My dude, women still resented their kids and husbands when they weren't allowed a 9-5 outside the home. It wasn't 9-5s that caused the Valium epidemic among housewives, or the hidden alcoholism like you mentioned. Traditional gender roles can't solve the malaise that is existence under capitalism.
It's sad that you call your mother's life a "sorry waste". She produced YOU and wasn't a money hungry bitch who aborts her babies in the quest for money and career. I'm sure she drank to numb her grief. At least she has a heart
Odd her options were only politician, lawyer, or drinker? Respectfully, I think you’re giving excuses for your mother’s alcoholism, she could have been a lawyer particularly into the 70s and 80s, as well as many other positions. Worked as a para legal prior to that and got a law degree if she wanted. But remember that actually all of this was allowed then and prior to the 70s and 80s, it just wasn’t as common. For example Margaret Thatcher was first elected to parliament in 1959. I’m not saying any of this to insult your mother, but it’s important for us to be honest and realistic particularly about the long term benefits of modern feminism…
I’m not trying to be rude but there were many job opportunities in that time period as well as many, many, hobbies and skill sets women learned so they could find fulfillment. My grandmother ran an entire mental hospital in that time frame, a famous one at that. Women were college professors, nurses, nurse practitioners, authors, activists, school teachers, artists, seamstresses, owned diners, worked in banks, libraries, grocery stores, etc. staying home or working outside the home are both personal choices but women have had a choice for many, many decades.
I’m a homesteading, homeschooling, traditional wife (of 25 years) with a college education. It is a sh&$ton of work. I manage the home in all aspects. Occasionally my husband cooks. He does a lot of the “muscle jobs” around the place and works full time plus away from home. I also teach online classes. I think it’s best for kids to have a full time caregiver. I realize that’s not possible for everyone. Homemaking is not an easy job, but I enjoy it. (I think the title homemaker needs to make a resurgence over trad wife). I also think a homemaker needs to have a side business (like the proverbs 31 woman). You never know what life will throw at you.
Honestly I’m so grateful that you created this. It’s so hard to meet the expectations when they’re shifting often and hard. It’s hard and miserable when social media is telling us this is the way to be happy… actually THIS is the way… better yet THIS is the way. And never catching up. But honestly it’s all bullshit. Because we’re all different and should follow our own hearts and paths. It’s not a one size fits all and will never be. We have to break free of the trap.
I want to hug you for making this video! ❤ you said everything I had on my mind lately. We need to talk about these extreme selling ideas/lifestyles more, because they really make women feel bad when they can’t achieve them.
"Trad wife" for 32 years. (I'm 53) I wear yoga pants and tee shirts, hair in a messy bun most of the time. I do cook from scratch and bake but we also LOVE take out. I don't wear make up or aprons. But, I don't judge those who do. I just keep a really good stain spray on hand for my clothes😊 Social media influencers are really capitalizing on an aesthetic. Life is real and everything is not perfect and calm all the time. I bet they are making sweet money promoting this lifestyle though. Its the best of both worlds...girl boss and trad wife all in one. 🌹
No it’s not. By making social media content they are working so they aren’t trad wives, and most of them do not act the way they do on camera when they are off camera. It’s an act to get money. They are girl bosses at the end of the day, and this is their hustle.
I’m a stay at home, homeschooling, bread baking, cooking, messy, piano teaching, ukulele playing, co-op teaching, wish the roomba knew how to navigate around the air fryer and grocery bags I left out because I was too tired to put them up last night…kind of woman. I’m 36…I never considered myself a boss girl when I was in the corporate world or a trad wife when I had my son and longed to stay home with him. I’m just me. We struggled financially at first but my husband has moved up in the corporate world so we do well now. This just worked for our family.
I am a “girl boss” with 2 corporate businesses that can allow my man to stay home all day. Before being a girl boss, I dreamed of being a home maker because it’s easier.. After i lost my child at 25 unexpectedly, I realized that there’s more to life than a man and kids, and I need to be happy and validate my life on my own in this unfair world. Other women are infertile and shamed by men and society. People who are baby-homemakers are very lucky and never seen the horrors the world has to offer. I guess.. girl boss just works for people like us too🫤I dislike such an argument to home life
I'm so glad that you pointed out that the trad-wife trend is selling you a lifestyle, not advocating for it. It's just a marketing strategy used by trad-influencers to help boost their brands and profits as they build up their equity.
watching this was very cathartic. I've struggled with full time work, littles, online school and taking care of myself. Now I want to work but had to quit a great full time position because my kid needed more support adjusting to school. It doesn't matter what I want, which is to work part time at this point. I'm wearing this ill fitting shirt until I can bring in another income again because I have no choice. I've always worked and I feel that it's just as much my responsibility as my husband to create financial security. Starting from square one every time is exhausting coming from a military fam, but I know I won't feel fulfilled until I can return to the workforce.
Currently pregnant and working but thanks to my husband. I am going to stop working the first day of my third trimester indefinitely and I definitely can feel that some people are resentful of that, kind of like a how dare you why can’t you work while you’re pregnant? Women have always worked while pregnant. What makes you special? I’m a teacher and while yes it’s not a physically laborious job. It’s extremely stressful and the burnout is real. I also work in special education as a case manager for context so unfortunately, I wear two hats. It’s not everyone though. There are a lot of women who are so happy for me and wish that they had been given the same opportunity and have expressed that they would love to be able to be at home with their children or just be at home and be a wife. I’m happy that women are feeling more comfortable saying that they do not want to be in the workforce in the traditional since. That was always me. I never had a dream job I never had career aspirations. I always kind of felt ashamed of that because we live in a culture that highly prioritizes money and grinding but that’s just never been me.
Are they resentful or are they cautioning you of the reality of relying on a man? If your husband divorces you, passes, or something else, you and your children could be severely affected, and you will have to go back to work which is harder when you have a large gap in your resume. It is foolish to rely on a man for finances, and I advise you to be aware of any changes in your husband. Men change when they become the sole provider, and when the baby comes. Don’t be surprised if he leverages money for necessities over you in exchange for sex. This happens to a lot of women, and many of them bragged like you and thought they’d never have anything bad happen to them. Just be aware is all anyone is saying.
Yes. I hate working and I am not ashamed to admit it! I don’t want to be a girl boss, and I am so grateful that my husband has always agreed. I have run into some very jealous and resentful women who are envious of my husband and I’s arrangement. Making snide and passive aggressive remarks about me not working and paranoid “cautionary tales”. I have come to understand & accept that they really just wish they had it the same but were swooned into girl boss culture and now they are stuck with an expensive mortgage, insane child care bills, a job they hate and a dead beat husband
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 what do you mean? You sound bitter and paranoid. In that mindset, money and jobs are just as unreliable. You can lose a job position very unexpectedly, then what? You can become disabled as well and be unable to work, then what? Savings can be blown through in one day, then what? Is it worth putting your kids in expensive daycare and not enjoying your life but rather working yourself to death just waiting for your husband to die or cheat on you? My husband didn’t change in those ways you say. He was always the sole provider and babies only made him more driven to provide. Young girls should be picky and find better men, tell them on the first date that you want marriage, a family and a provider; and go from there.
@@Rowanda7361wow do you hear how she spoke to you. The jealousy and venom and lies. Chile they are big mad. Trad wife here and Christian. God is the ultimate provider and I trust my husband as head of household.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 80% of divorces are initiated by women so…and in divorce courts women get half the shit of the men most times, plus alimony. Wtf are you whining about?😂
12:37 Who was actually told to have kids? *Having children was NEVER encouraged* ,spoken about, talked about, planned for etc. The cultural signals were exclusively about employment and possibly a relationship that might, maybe, end up in marriage. When was the last time a romantic comedy ended with a cheerful pregnancy announcement? Babies haven’t been part of the dream since the 90s. They stopped ending with a wedding well over a decade ago. Now they typically end with a sleepover or a real date, or perhaps as proposal for the very sappy ones. I am an older millennial and I am one of only two among my friends from the 3 states I grew up in that has kids. Out of my entire extended family of 20+ cousins only one other cousin has kids and she is a kindergarten teacher and only has one child. No one has been pushing for “having it all” they have been pushing for having a career, a hot and varied sex life and you happen to be weak and succumb to procreating, well don’t worry you can still make your job the top priority in your life and not feel any social guilt about tossing your progeny to the end of your priority list because you are a #WorkingMom and #GirlBoss
Loved this! 1. Both roles can be fulfilling and challenging. 2. Feminism is about choice! 3. Modern day workplaces still aren’t supportive of women, having flexibility, more part time and remote options, and honestly try to pay you as little as possible. 4. Coming from the US, I realllllly wish we had paid leave and subsidized childcare. Providing good little humans for the economy is a big and valuable job and well worth supporting. 5. I really wish the option of staying home as a dad was more talked about. 6. Unfortunately, surviving off of one income isn’t doable for everyone even though I wish it were. It can also complicate saving for retirement. 7. There are risks in every situation and I trust families to make their own choices.
I'd like to modify point 3 a bit: Society doesn't provide jobs that allow parents to properly parent. As long as we think only women need flexibility in jobs to be able to parent, implicitly we're claiming that men don't need to parent. But men need to parent.
You’ve done a phenomenal job creating the content for this video. The order in which you presented the material and how articulate you were in summarizing these topics with examples and quotes was absolutely fantastic. We’re all better for watching your content. Thank you and high five 🙌!
As someone who girl-bossed the last decade and straight into burnout, I am moving more toward Trad wife for my mental health's sake. I still work from home but my primary job is my kids and household. 08:05 is me 100% - that being said, these terms often point toward the worst version of the phrase. I am a work from home mom, and my husband and I have a lot of traditional gender roles but we are both fulfilled by them which is WHY we are doing them.
So you are working from home, and still doing your "traditional" gender roles too? so does he help clean? help cook? Help with the kids? Or does he let you keep your whole paycheck for yourself? Because if he is till making you pay for bills while you work from home AND do all the female traditional roles at home, well, you are being cheated. This is a mans dream...she stays at home, does all the child care and chores AND makes money to help with the budget. i mean if we are talking traditional, should you even be working from home? I thought he would/should be the bread winner. And the reason you burnt out was probably because you were working 9-5 and doing everything at home. What happened to men helping out with their own children and their home? Why is it that WE have to change but they cant? Burn out is because women cant do it all and they shoudn't. If women contribute financially to the bills , then men can help with the children and household chores.
I'm halfway through but that bro who was going off about motherhood and careers for women and how we can't do both...isn't that what men do? Oh wait, it's only possible on the back of women's (largely unpaid) domestic labour... ETA: it's not that we as women have to do it all, we can if we want (but it does sound exhausting and I think that's what these two extremes are showing us). What gets my back up is the implication that men can and women can't. Men CAN have a career AND family because he isn't the one doing the majority day in and day out childcare & household responsibilities and accompanying mental and emotional load/labour.
Exactly! I mean it’s exhausting that this is the main problem to women issues but we never talk about it. The problem is that women, whether they work or not, do prioritize their family. Men don’t. They just work. They don’t deserve a family with that kind of narcissism.
Yes and then there’s those of us who have a vocation that is fulfilling. I’m an artist - a musician, a writer/novelist. If I can flexibly have kids while doing what I love then I will. But if not, I’d rather just keep working my vocation.
I trained for a total of 8 years to become a mental health therapist and left my job after only a year to stay home with my kids. I still love therapy and dream to go back to it but that’s the thing. I CAN go back to my career later. I will only be 46 when my youngest graduates high school so I will have a good 20+ years to do that work that I also love. Because I have my degree, I can do both just not at the same time
I honestly love these videos so much. It gives me something to watch which isn’t mindless capitalist sponsorship or affiliate pushing. Obviously I appreciate that you have a sponsor, but the way you do it is in a tasteful way. Also, the perspectives you share are really refreshing and actually teach me to unlearn a lot of the judgemental tendencies I’ve picked up from mindless scrolling the last few years.
Women need to take a closer look at the type of men they are marrying these days. If you get married and you live terrified at the possibility of getting divorced in the future then you got a serious problem. You have to take the time to meet and study your prospective’s husband’s family. How does your future father in law treats his wife and viceversa. How did your father treated your mother? Was your mom and mother in law stay at home mothers in the pasts? People seriously need to learn about conflict resolution before bringing up the “D” word. Also stop getting into debt trying to impress people you don’t even like. It’s so freeing to live a debt free life and having a good amount of money in your emergency savings in case something happens. People these days are terrible at saving money , finding partners and conflict resolution. Every choice you make wether staying at home or being a working mom will have its risk but you cannot be living terrified about living life.
The person you marry is not the person you divorce. People should absolutely be worried about the potential consequences of being completely reliant on anyone. As an adult, you should never put the reins of your life in another person’s hands. People change all the time. They could be raised right and do you right the whole relationship, but end up wanting nothing to do with you through the end. I don’t know if you’ve ever started disliking a person before, but that builds resentment and causes you to not desire to care for them anymore. And the thing is it is better that people divorce rather than stay just because. Certain people simply are not compatible or they outgrow one another.
@@madlie2452 That is why is never a bad idea to invest your time or money in a career. I feel bad for women who marry young with only a high school diploma and very little experience in a job/career. They start having kids and then it’s too late to start a career from scratch. Then something happens in the marriage and they panic. My mother told me since I was young that is good to go to college and invest in a career just in case. You can always restart your career specially if you have a technical and practical career that is always hiring. Recruiters always send me emails and text messages looking for candidates like me so there is no job scarcity in health care. I am still taking continuing education courses to refresh my memory and keep my license up to date. Also is ok to seek help if you have conflict in your marriage. My marriage is doing well but I still talk to a therapist so I can learn to resolve any little conflict that gets in the way not only with my husband but with parents, in laws, extended relatives, friends etc. You will always be in conflict with people. It’s just part of life. Obviously never tolerate abuse but many people divorce for reasons that could have been resolved.
Heres a simple truth. We live in a world of spectrum that sits between polar opposite. Its never healthy to remain in any one extreme too long. Its ALWAYS about balance and YOUR authentic being.
Well-said! I’m a SAHM for this season of life by choice, but I’ve been unnerved by the trad wife movement. Thanks for breaking down the pendulum swing.
I am a housewife and my biggest issue with "tradwives" is the whole religious submissive aspect. Like I love my pinup/vintage wardrobe but plase don't talk to me about Jesus. I can lean into traditional gender roles where I take care of the home while hubby works while also being empowered in my own way. Also life insurance and equal access to assets! Really important to not leave yourself vulnerable. I live in Europe where I have good safety net, but it's still imporant to have options.
29:48 Come on now….you know that isn’t true. Individual women who call themselves feminists may also believe that women should so whatever makes them happy, but that is the not ideological underpinnings of the last couple waves of feminism, nor is it reflected in major feminist organizations, literature, propaganda, media, culture, feminist idols, books and media aimed at girls that are lauded as feminist….etc etc etc. which Barbie is “stay at home mom” Barbie? When was the last time any Hollywood movie idolized traditional motherhood? It has been decades.
I have a cousin who didn't work, or worked random jobs for about 6 weeks until they got sick of her. She got her husband to pay for her face skin care school. She also told me she was going to figure him, after she moved to Texas and got him to buy a house, she didn't work. She then got him to buy all kinds of skin care machines and pay rent on a skin studio, she works part time. He paid for everything and she sued him in the divorce for 3K a month. Her Instagram however looks like she owns her own business. Everything is in her name but he paid for it all. She isn't self made, she is funded.
The tradwife community seems a bit whitewashed. Also, I don’t really know any couples these days who can live off of one income. Seems like just another niche aesthetic.
Thank you! I had a "friend" that couldn't fathom me not wanting to be a sahm when i had literally graduated with a phd the day before. And with people openly saying being a sahm is the only way for a woman to be truly fulfilled in life it was really refreshing to hear you say all women are different and that may not be the case. I was raised by a sahm and she never seemed happy and I think it's so dangerous to push that narrative on women that if only they get there they will be fulfilled because it's not necessarily true and then you got kids in the mix and it's damaging to those kids more than i think a lot of people realize to constantly see their mom that unhappy doing what she was told would fulfill her (and i would say that can go for the girlboss mom too. Just my own experience was with an unhappy sahm). And I think what aggravated me most about my friend and the Catholic guy at the graduation saying that, is that Christians especially should realize that God has different callings for everyone and he has used women throughout history in many different roles so to hear Christians say that's the only way for a woman to be fulfilled is just wrong and not biblical either. If you're a Christian your fulfillment comes from God alone and fulfilling his purpose for your life. For some that is being a sahm but not for all women.
Domestic labor & raising children are still labor. Except I don't get paid for it. Also if I get "terminated" or "quit my job" as a tradwife (I.E. divorce) I won't get severance for it, let alone unemployment. Yeah no, a man is not a financial plan.
@@Rowanda7361greed? lol you need money to survive… housing cost money, food cost money, I can’t leave my house without spending money, my entire existence requires money…. This isn’t greed, this is basic survival, so yeah your entire life revolves around money 😂😂. Welcome to the real world
This was very well done! Well researched! Convincing! Should be written out as an article and pitched/published to something like the Walrus (Canadian pub). More videos like this, please!
You can be a SAHM and not wear prairy dresses, still buy butter and vote leftist and socialist and your husband can still doblaindry and your kids can go to public school.
I thing you have found a very appreciative way to talk about the different ways of living and showed the good AND negative sides. Well done, thank you!
Unfortunately in my experience, traditional wives just get cheated on and abandoned for younger versions. That's what happened to my mom and grandma. That's why I'd never give all the power to a man. Once they have all the power they can do whatever they want and babe, men can be really devilish
My thing with Trad Wives: the potential for abuse. Of course, abuse can happen in any relationship dynamic but when someone (usually the woman) decides to be a stay-at-home parent she doesn't have a source of income and this dependency can (again, not a guarantee but a risk) lead to isolation and feeling like you need to stick it out in an unhealthy/unhappy relationship because you don't have the means to free yourself and your children.
Annie I'm SO GRATEFUL I found you. It's perfect timing for me. I'm a mother of my beautiful 2 year old daughter and I've decided to pursue my dream of being a professional artist. I've started a RUclips channel & I'm finding courage to share my art. It's scary & exciting. I'm exhausted from taking on so much but i know the time is now. No more waiting. In excited to take my daughter along on this ride with me. And I'm excited to have find you as a guide!! You seem like such a lovely soul. You have a beautiful calming every l energy and in so happy for you success. Such an inspiration. See you again soon! ❤
Thanks for bringing that up. Exactly what i was thinking seeing that content online - but they are NOT traditional because i'm sure they are making enough money to stay independent from their content. It is not the same. Besides, we cannot disregard the fact that traditionally women were taking care of the kids and households NOT ALONE, there were generations and support groups, communities - unlike now. And also the fact that so many people cannot rely on just one income in the modern world, it simply isn't enough.
Not always. Plenty of traditional women were isolated and had “mommy’s little helper” (pills) and alcohol and cigs to help them deal with how depressing and stressful their lives were. The “women had a village and community” is a myth.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809You are talking about the 20th century. Before the industrialization most people worked in farming, including children, which had to help a lot in the household as well.
Interesting opinions on here. SAHM vs career woman vs splitting time trying to do both . . . hmm. I wonder what’s best for the majority of infants and children. What do they need? No doubt someone will say something like, “To have a happy/fulfilled mom.” But I’m curious what studies actually show.
My grandpa wanted my grandma to have a great life with no worries about work or paying the bills. My grandma took care of the children, cooked, cleaned, and did everything else. Both of my grandparents were in very good health, but then my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. It spread, and he ended up passing away. My grandma (70yrs old when he passed) didn't have to worry about money because they were financially stable. However, she didn't know how to manage finances. She is also extremely depressed and regrets not working outside the home. My grandma is 92 years old, and she keeps telling my sisters, nieces, nephews, and me not to make the same mistake and to make sure we work and are able to be self-sufficient because you never know what might happen. I showed her the traditional life trends, and she is extremely disgusted and doesn't understand why it's being romanticized as a goal to aspire to. It's also basically telling single parents that they are horrible parents and implying that households with dual incomes aren't good either. This is deeply saddening and sets such an unrealistic expectation for everyone about parenthood. It's not easy. All those so-called traditional moms have numerous people helping them take care of everything behind the scenes. It's all just a bunch of nonsense and another way to make people feel inadequate. It's basically parent shaming in a sense.
For me the desire to switch to being a stay at home mom that homeschools in the future isn’t about less work, it’s about work that I am PASSIONATE about. It’s tiring. It’s hard. But I care 100% more about my family than my job.
and then what? What do you do when your kids grow up? What do you do when your husband leaves you or you have to leave him? If you're focusing all your energy on hoping to spend a few years homeschooling your little kids, what are you going to do with the rest of your life? Are you going to go back to school and finally start working to save for retirement at 40? Any men wealthy enough to support a stay at home wife and kids will not hand over half of everything when they leave. If you get divorced and have no money of your own, you can't even hire a lawyer. You have to maintain your own income to be able to support yourself and your children. You can't rely on a man.
@@emilyp3150 How many years do you plan to not work? You need money in your own name and you need to keep your resume relevant. Unless you *plan* to go back to work at a minimum wage job, you are going to be very surprised of how hard it is to re-enter professional life after taking 5+ years off. That's just for one kid. People often end up having multiple and then you are taking a decade or two off from work during your prime earning years. Even if you marry a wealthy man, it may not last. Men leave all the time. In my 20s, I was envious of my friends getting married and having babies. Some even bought a house. You know what most were doing a few years later? Raising kids as a single mother. Then you have to work and raise kids with no one to help and no extra money. Wealthy men are often the most selfish men. They get a big ego, have a midlife crisis and decide they don't like being tied down with family life and replace you with a newer model who likes to party on his money. You can say this guy is different, he goes to church, so he wouldn't do that. Church men do it all the time. Even the *pastor* of the church I was in throughout my childhood did it. He had an affair with a woman that worked at the church, and abandoned his wife and kids. He was wealthy from the church grift and got a big ego. Go watch RUclips videos and TikToks about women who had to start over at age 40 or older. The YOLO decision of "It'll be fun for now, the hardships are a future me problem" will inevitably come back to bite you. This is how women end up homeless and begging their kids to send them money and house them. You *need* your own money and career. It's not realistic to just walk away and say you'll figure it out in 10-20 years.
@@emilyp3150 So instead of taking huge risks that could seriously harm children you want to bring into the world, make sure you mitigate those risks. Even if you think you're a good driver, you should still wear a seat belt because you're not the only one on the road and you're a smartCar in a world full of Escalades. I can guarantee you that every woman who ended up living in her car with her kids or in a shelter because her husband walked out or she had to run thought it would never happen to her. Even if you don't care what happens to you, care about what happens to your kids or don't have kids.
Has anyone stopped and thought what do the kids want or need? Research childhood development for an hour they need their moms at home. Atleast for the first 3 years. First have a large life insurance policy. Second know that you can jump back into a career. Have that plan in place. I have built such a great community they will help find me a job should I need it. Also you don't have to purchase anything they are selling. I for one don't have the income for such luxuries. But seeing motherhood being uplifted again is wonderful.
Love your discussion on the topic! The movie The Stepford Wives came across my mind 😅 In the current season of my life, my husband is currently the home maker with our two under two while I'm at work. In the future, he plans to go back to work full time and we are just going to have to eventually make that work for us🤞
A few weeks ago I was hanging out with a friend of mine who has a new girlfriend. She was very sweet, but I heard her say something along the lines of her not wanting to work or have a job, and she wanted to stay home all day. She proceeded to say that women in the past who were fighting for women’s rights and the right to work, didn’t really know what they were doing and they basically shouldn’t have fought for the right to work because working sucks. She is in college and has a job. I bit my tongue because I had just met her, but it really upset me. Because the thing these women were fighting for was *choice.* The right to decide what you want to do. You can stay home if you would like to, and you can work if you would like to. It doesn’t have to be the societal norm in order to make that decision for yourself. But she is in college right now because those women fought for her right to be there. And she is just disrespecting and discrediting the work these women put i for us to have that right. All because she doesn’t want to work; but the thing is, she doesn’t have to. She could drop out of college and stay home with her boyfriend and be a homemaker if she so chooses. I think people often forget that it is a *choice.* They fought for our right to choose the life that suits us. For some women, like me personally, that life involves working. I love my job and it gives me fulfillment. If what gives her fulfillment is to stay home and be a homemaker, she can and she should.
Hmm traditional as in only after the Industrial Revolution! Before that women were pulling their weight in the economy by processing the raw materials that men brought in! Milling grain, weaving cloth, preserving food, leather goods etc. Traditionally, men and women both worked and contributed to the economy. Edit: although the work available to women was of a kind that suited looking after kids at the same time.
Thank you for pointing this out. Even during the 50s, poor women worked. Women have always contributed, we were just kept out of fields that were make dominated .
I love this video!! Thank You. This is such a great conversation! I wish this country made it affordable for women to be home if they choose but in a large part of the US, a 2 income household is needed. I have been married to my husband for 29 years, and he is a great man, but we are both humans, and things can change in the blink of an eye. No matter how amazing he is , I could not put myself in a situation of such vulnerability. I have had too many friends struggle to enter the workforce after years of being at home. Some are trying to make a living working in a grocery store as well as having to sell the home they worked so hard to take care of. I would love for Moms to get the option to work part-time outside of the home and be compensated for the hard work they do at home to supplement their income. I have seen too many husbands decide that they didn't want to be married anymore, and their wives were devastated - left to rediscover themselves outside of homemaking and with the responsibility of building a new life for their children. It is heartbreaking to witness.
I agree that the modern world has failed us as a society. I agree that we need to live simpler, and more self sufficient lives. But its disingenuous to act like the majority women, traditionally, didn't work. Aristocratic women didn't work. The rest, children or no, worked. They worked in the fields and factories, in manors and castles and palaces, in the fish markets helping to sell their husbands catches of the day. They were embroiderers and seamstresses, nurses, teachers. They worked as assistants in their fathers or husbands print shops or bread or meat shops. These women following these trends are just jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Trading one lie for another. There is no soft life. There are fulfilling lives, as this creator alluded to.
It’s the cultural pendulum swing from one extreme to the other. Like a reoccurring pattern in pop culture trends. Most of us tend to live somewhere in the healthy medium.
Yes! This! It’s all about trends and rarely deeper than that. I think the girl boss capitalism trend became saturated. So now we’re doing the opposite.
@@sarahunt8795as lemmings a-leaping off the cliff!
Interesting
The healthy medium doesn't get clicks though. Hate watchers alone are a bag. Add positive supporters, a few relatively popular video essayists and media critics, you'll end up with a feedback loop of extremes to one end or another.
It's also a generation benefitting from the work of those that came before it unable to see how they've benefitted. It's like people in the 2000s and 2010s not vaccinating their kids because they didn't know anyone with measles but they did know kids who were autistic. Then after being essentially eradicated, there was a measles outbreak in 2018 due to the reduced vaccinations. There is similarly faulty thinking behind the trad mom movement and sooooo much of it has to do with these young women having benefitted from growing up with the changes several waves of feminism have made.
I’m a homesteader and homemaker. I’m 50, it’s not an aesthetic for me, it’s what brings me joy but tbc, I handle the finances, our schedules, grow food, preserve it, tend to animals, make our medicine and delegate responsibilities to my family, including my husband. I respect him and of course we make important decisions together but managing the household means at home, I’m running the show and that’s fine by him. He works hard to provide for us and I wouldn’t want his job nor would I assume to try and run the show at his job. We are partners with our own set of responsibilities and skill sets that bring balance to our relationship and complement each others strengths.
Sounds good for you.
It only helps if he views it as an interdependence. That's what's natural for women.
Men tend to turn relationships into codependencies and want as to turn codependent with them, while they wield economic power over us.
That’s the rub, though. You wouldn’t be considered traditional because your husband answers to you. You’re in charge, not him. It makes a lot of sense because of set up you described, but that’s not what the tradwife influencer inspires to.
I love that you shared some of the positives. ❤
@@ForeverSwinging that’s funny to me because I assume they are basing their idea of “ traditional “ on tv shows. The reality is my lifestyle is more historically accurate. Women ran the household and the men provided for the household. Most men don’t want to carry that weight entirely on their shoulders and most women don’t want to be Stepford wives. There has to be balance or someone is going to be resentful in the long run but I’m not sure women doing it to influence or for the aesthetic are thinking that far ahead.
@@nolegirl4god thank you.
My problem with tradwives will always be what you articulated: they're selling a brand, not reality. If a tiktok star's marriage falls apart, she will use her experience and platform to provide for herself and her kids. An impressionable high schooler who listens to her may not have that option. But there's nothing wrong with being a homemaker in and of itself. It's just not represented correctly in a tradwife trend.
Yah my mom was a freelance journalist after she left her full time journalist career to stay home after my little sister was born (vs I went to daycare lol but I got better socialized than she did HA). Then mom pivoted to grant writing for nonprofits when my sister went to school. Always have options.
That’s a character flaw of the individual nothing to do with the SAHM role.
Even I as a man see tradwives as a scam - if the house is OURS, then WE care for the house TOGETHER.
Personally, the terms “girl boss” and “boss babe” have always sounded incredibly condescending to me. Like boss lite. Not an actual boss, just the person we keep around and let them think they’re in charge.
imagine "boy boss"
Exactly!
Absolutely, the fact that a women would need to clarify she is a "girlboss" "bossbabe" etc means that the default "boss" is male. Sooo perpetuating stereotypes??
Yes! Reminds me of “HBIC”.. Head B**** In Charge. The one that thinks she’s got it, but everyone is waiting to see her downfall. Not good vibes lol.
I love the boss “light” concept!! Where can I find more on this topic??
For so many women the question of whether to stay home and take care of their children or work is not a choice. I have a family history that goes back generations of women being forced to work because the man lost his job, committed murder and went to jail, abandoned their families, cheated and created a second family, disabled and couldn’t work, died or became disabled in war, etc. For the latter cases, the men felt the psychological weight of not being able to be the sole “provider” like a man is expected to be and they suffered with depression (and for the other cases, for those who say “choose better” the murderer was one of the most upstanding members and leaders of his community and was able to use his influence to eventually get a pardon from the governor so good luck predicting who will end up doing something like that).
Going back in history so many women who weren’t in upper and what constituted middle classes of the time were compelled to work out of economic necessity. And there was a time where the economic output of the family was entirely or almost entirely centered on their homes. Leaving the home to work wasn’t even a concept for a lot of people - everyone in the family did backbreaking labor all day so they’d have enough to eat. And maybe do piecework at night for extra money. Clothing and textiles constituted an enormous portion of a household budget equivalent to a car or even a college education today so making clothes at home was a necessity. Everyone’s economic relationship to home-based labor was very different and often necessitated additional outside help in the form of domestic labor (paid or not paid). Some of the trad wife content comes off as cosplaying. And they don’t bring up the fact that influencing is a job. People trying to mimic their lifestyle without having their platform and without their extra money may find that they won’t see the same results.
I appreciate this comment, the housewive 50s aesthetic is MODERN. Capitalism (before it died) brought that luxury. Previously of course woman worked, but not in the same way man did. To this day in my country there are man miners and their woman work with them too, BUT not on the mines, they never did. They work outside selecting the metals. Same way woman always worked but not competing directly with man, and I'm not a 22 year snob who think she knows it all so I don't know if there was another point in history where woman compete with man, in man's games with man's rules.
But I know in modern days that's what we were taught to do, compete compete compete, we don't know another way. From the moment we born we are just a number, we follow broken systems and shut up. It's truly bread and circus, performative political fight, polarization, etc.
Is there a better way? I mean we used to belong and have large families, most important be self sufficient and interdependent, and all that we have now is state dependency, chains, I mean phones and we belong to a discord group yippie!
This is where feminism will blame pathiarchy but a real male dominant society wouldn't have allowed this mistreatment of the most vulnerable, woman and children. Is a poster "patriarcal" society we live in, feminism was key to put those physchos in power (the russian revolution was led by woman not proletarian man) and to this day we're taught to hate the idea of a loving selfless man that is gonna take care of us, and embrace the corporative coldness of a job that will discard you after using you, just like Joe from Tinder after he cums.
Sick.
Sisters, we can do better, we should.
"Some of the trad wife content comes off as cosplaying" great point! I agree, especially with the influencers who make money with their 'trad" content. No traditional wife in history made a living by presenting her life via the internet, or even on historical forms of media. Writers did, actresses did, models did, but that immediately breaks out of the "traditional" definition.
This is a very brilliant take. I didn't initially consider the angle of the cos playing concept
exactly if we want to achieve balance by being a tradwife we also need A TRADHUSBAND.
When my Grandmothers talk to me about what life was like to be a woman as a 50's, 60's 70's house wife (in Canada) they despised it. The men in their lives were awful and they just had to suffer through the disrespect. They were essentially enslaved by their husbands and then told by society that they should be grateful because they're living the dream and that they had a "good man". My grandmas also had to work cash jobs like working in tobacco in the summertime and cleaning wealthy people's homes to have any money of their own because their husbands would only pay for the absolute bare minimum to keep a household running and half the time women would have to plead their case as to why the family needed certain things. This was more the norm for the time than the exception. Whoever is romanticizing those eras are clearly generations that had no idea what it was actually like to be a woman in those times.
100% Luckily, we have choices now and don't have to settle. These 'tradwives" are so phony in these videos & don't have a clue. People in general are so fake these days. It's hard to watch any of it anymore. . I don't do social media but have been hitting the youtube pretty hard lately. I can feel myself getting less happy and more irritated with every hour. I think it's time to unplug after this video.
My granny had the same experience. When my grandad died she spent a whole decade spending all his money on herself.
It happens till these days in many places , where I live ( India)
so true! and this cycle continues to this day. The father has a big, expensive dinner every day with lots of meat, has a new car and immaculate clothes. But his son runs around with broken shoes and has no school materials. When the son grows up, he often does the same thing because he finally wants to have the good life he never had. He never knew respect for children and a woman. He never thought about the fact that it was bad to only give the children pasta to eat and so on. for him it is normal.
My grandmothers had different lives. They worked very, very hard. Their husbands did also.
I had a defining moment in my marriage. I drove my husbands car and scratched it. Not even a big scratch, but when he saw it he got really mad. He shouted, “Can you pay to have my car fixed? “I was still a college student and we had 2 kids at the time. I don’t have a lot of money. So I couldn’t fix the scratch, he said. All you’ll do is say you’re sorry. It made me realize the only thing my husband respects is money. So I finished school. I got a good paying job and started stacking up cash. We have 1 joint account but keep most finances separate. Once he realized I had high 5 figures in my savings, things changed and he never pulled that shit again. He knows I can walk away easily and be just fine. AND I told him he can have 100% custody of the kids and I’ll pay child support. I’ll make a list of their allergies doctors appointments extra curricular and teachers names. Nothing terrifies a man more than having to step in and do what I do every damn day all while working a full time job.
Boss move
Ohmygod get a divorce🫣
Good for you.
Stay at home mom/wife set up only works well with certain men tbh. There’s some men out there that are too stupid to realize all the stuff their partner does on a daily basis.
❤ Boss
Some of the biggest things that frustrate me about the growing tradwife ‘movement’ are things you touched on in this video. It’s ultimately just any other aesthetic - ALL influencer content, especially the stuff that gets popular, isn’t normal! These women might often be genuine and sincerely living that lifestyle, but notice that most of these tradwife influencers are (just like most influencers in general) very pretty, usually white, with great hair and a pleasant voice? Their videos are well-lit and show them being happy baking bread or vacuuming their (already clean) floor. They don’t show the average woman’s reality of homemaking - wearing comfy clothes, minimal makeup, hair up in a comfortable practical style, grumbling in frustration because the oven’s doing that thing again and she forgot to put the clothes on to wash. These influencers make videos that are pleasant to watch, and rarely show a realistic depiction of the ups and downs of any lifestyle, much less a job being done imperfectly or without a metric tonne of grace. It’s the same problem, where women are expected to do whatever job it is perfectly and with humility and grace, but with a different coat of paint.
The other thing, which I know has been talked about to death, is that they’re rarely “traditional” things. At its core, yes it’s women taking care of the home, but I think a lot of the tradwife influencers would be shocked to know that for most of recorded history, WOMEN were the people who managed the accounts and finances for the household. Far cry from not needing to worry about complicated things like money and budgeting, lol.
So well put!
Say more! Don’t just stop there 😂 I love how you spoke with a deeper approach.
So true! Thank you.
Not only that but only wealthy women had to only manage the household. Poor women always have and always will work. They never had the option not to.
The greatest scam is that those women are business owners. Nothing trad about that. But people swallow that .
My mother was a SAHM for decades. Didn't have any qualifications and only worked casual jobs here and there. Once her kids were grown, my Dad abandoned her, kicked her out of the family home, moved his much younger girlfriend in, changed the locks. Unfortunately before she could pursue anything legally, she got really sick. A year later she died of cancer. Married for 30 years. My siblings, extended family and I are still completely dumbfounded by my Dads actions. We don't speak to him anymore. My mother said to me in her final weeks she didn't regret being a SAHM but she deeply regretted not pursuing her passions and she felt like she gave up her whole identity to be a mother and that was it.
Rip ❤
I am so sorry ❤
I’m a “trad wife” I stay home with my kids. We homeschool. I make a lot of our food from scratch. But I don’t wear dresses or do all the stuff the social media trad wives do. lol my hair isn’t perfectly done and my makeup isn’t perfectly done every day.. it’s just not realistic.. but we are saving up to get land and chickens and a bigger garden then the balcony one we have.
Being a Tradwife/Stay at home Mom can burn you out just as much as being a Girl Boss 😂
Trad wife can burn more than girl boss lol being trad wife is 24 hour job ..
Indeed. Back in the 50s to the 70s trad wives were medicating with bex and getting high as kites just to get through another day. Kidney disease sky rocketed due to all the housewives getting wasted.
@@whitneyanders5945 isn't that exactly what the Rolling Stones Song "Mommys little helper" is about?
Underrated comment. Both are jobs
For sure. I've done both. You have to manage your time and your expectations well to avoid this burnout in both types of lifestyle.
My mom was a housewife who could not drive a car and knew virtually nothing about finances other than managing the money my dad gave her weekly for groceries. My dad died a year ago, and she was absolutely clueless about life admin. She still can not drive, and i basically have to be her taxi and manage her finances for her. Very early in my childhood, i made the decision to never depend on a man for anything. Thank the Lord i have an amazing husband who celebrates my successes and encourages me in my career
That's so cool! I also have a husband who treats me as an equal and doesn't expect me to confirm to "traditional" gender roles. I love having my own money, my own car, and a job I love! And I get to do it all while still being a mother to delightful children who attend daycare and public school (gasp!)
@@MayBlake_ChannelIts not your money if youre married . Shouldnt it be ' ours ' ?
Youve embarrassed yourself there petal
Never depend on a man ? You married one ffs !
@@parallaxview6770womp womp. My money, but his money is OUR money 😇💗
After watching the whole video, I wanted to say thank you for the nonjudgmental tone and word choices you made throughout the entire essay! As a mom of two littles who works 3 days a week outside of the home, I get condescending remarks on both sides. Growing up in a culture that tries to pit women against each other, this video was very refreshing!
There is no winning, you just do what feels right for you and your family. I WISH I could work just 3 days a week, but im still hopeful that in the future things change.
Thanks for the encouragement! At the end of the day, I feel extremely lucky with the balance. 3 days is so good for my mental health.@@nym2201
I'm SOOO sick of the " mommy wars"
Men seem to encourage this nonsense as well and its time we stopped feeding them.
Working 3 days a week while having 2 little kids is tough work. You're doing great mom. I hope you keep doing what works for you and your family !
I'm a father and I wish I could work 3 days a week, I rather spend more time with my daughter, watch her grow up but money doesn't grow on tree
Something that no one talks about is that there are safety measures like life insurance and a spousal IRA in case something does happen to your spouse
True!
this is what i thought of watching the video! life insurance will literally buy some time in case something happened. of course, we hope it doesn’t but it’s there as a backup.
Sadly it's often not enough. My partner has a life insurance, it just covers his half of our mortage. I didn't even get a life insurance because I've had a weightloss surgery. If one of us dies, the other one is basically forced to move out of our home despite us both working.
@@mandi3891 unfortunately thats true for many people. My husband being in the military taught us that everyone in the home should have life insurance. You should definitely consider getting life insurance for yourself and if possible a higher policy.
I don't know if this is even enough, but it is really important to not rely completely on the partner. My grandfather died at age 34 (by an accident) and my grandmother suddenly was alone with two little children and a half-built house in after-war Germany. She made it but it wasn't fun, and at least she had a job. And I know several women who became widows at a young age relatively shortly after the wedding. All are working and none of them has children, but life can take a very unexpected turn very suddenly.
We're not going to talk about the elephant in the room, men not stepping up to share household duties?
🔥🔥🔥
Yes!
Exactly! If we both pay bills we should also both do house chores.The home is a work place. We are co workers in this workplace. Don't get me started on men weaponizing incompetence. "I don't know how..." Most men can't pay all the bills on their own but want the house kept. Women work and... Men should be able to work and too.
Exactly! If i am paying half the bills and working just as much, why cant my husband help with chores once we get home from work? This is why women are burnt out. You cant do it all. And men know, this but they want to be lazy and not do their share at home but they are very happy to take half your paycheck.
Fr women went into the workplace and found they still had to the large majority of housework and childcare. If you're getting burned out doing that then when the other shoe drops somethings gona give. The choice is paying more for childcare and housework and going all in at work to pay for it or staying home full time. And because it's cost of living has gone up so much it's more sustainable to do the former. The problem here is men are not stepping up enough within the household
In Greek we have a phrase "Learn a skill and leave it, and if you go hungry pick it up" . In Greek it rhymes.
Once again, the Greeks proving that their wisdom is indeed eternal.
The clip of the guy getting all fired up about how women’s most important job is rocking the cradle is SCARY
Agreed - he said “how important it is for women to JUST rock a cradle”… so he’s demeaning the work of the mother/woman while simultaneously telling us where we belong. We’ve been in that position for all of history, my man, and a lot of us are pretty annoyed with that setup.
Dude, whatever. I've busted my ass in a saw mill right next to men and I am really happy to hear this man being very passionate about how much more extremely difficult it is to rear a child than hold a job. Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. There are no smoke breaks. There is no clocking out. It's forever all the time every single day. We need men to understand that and make that plain to other men. It's hard. It's very hard. And it is the most important thing I will ever do. I am raising human beings. Granted, I also had an established career prior to having children. I had my first child at the age of 27. I had already had my own apartment, car, savings, education, skills and certification, and 10 years of solid work experience.
The lesson here is, don't have kids and get married at 17. It makes life so much harder than it needs to be. Your kids only need you home full time until they are school aged. That's a few years. It's just a couple years. And the skills of homemaking are important. The skills of fostering love and trust and partnership within your marriage is important. It's not a Christian idea.
Do you have kids?????? Seriously? It's not one job. It's TEN THOUSAND JOBS AT ONCE. BRUH. I can't watch this video anymore it's ridiculous. Just stop tearing other women down it's gross.
@@kimbolinarino9 I feel like your reply to my comment isn’t really relating to my comment but I just wanted to say I hear you 100% - yes I have kids - yes the person who made this video has kids - yes I agree being a mom is the freaking hardest thing in the world. It’s all consuming. I feel you. I’m sorry if you’re having a hard time right now ❤️ (please know I’m being sincere here)
I think he chose one action as opposed to naming every and I think he meant “ just “ as in not trying to parent and work outside the home at the same time. He clearly respects what it means to be a homemaker and mother and believes asking women to bare the children and work outside the home is asking a lot, especially when we tend to still take on a great deal of the responsibilities of homemaking even when working outside the home. I could be wrong but that’s how I understood his comment.
He has a lot of red flags. Demanding for women to just do one thing and one thing only. How about him? Can he equally care for his children? Can he participate to half the chores? Or is that too hard? Men want to push women in the kitchen, dependant of them, because they refuse to take care of their own home and take care of their own children.
I think a part you didn’t mention is the pandemic forced a lot of women to become stay at home moms because of lack of high quality childcare and lack of maternity leave. I left the workforce during the pandemic when my daughter was born.
Are you American? If so, that’s a real shame you had to leave the workforce. In Australia, that doesn’t happen. It is rare for women to have to forsake a career or job to raise kids. The Government pays maternity leave for five months and many people also get six or more months at full pay on top of that. For some, it works out at nearly a full year off fully paid. My workplace also supplements childcare fees for staff. The Government also subsidises child care costs so families don’t have to pay half their salary just to childcare.
Yeah, for real, women in the US should stand up to their politicians and demand what is common today in first world countries. It seems like they are second class citizens, just because they have a womb.
Same!
☝This.
I wasn't forced to leave the workforce during the pandemic but I know a TON of women that were due to circumstances involving children (& none of it was voluntary for them). The ones amongst them who've seen & talked about the whole tradwife/cottage core BS are largely of the opinion that the whole tradwife thing is an exploitative coping mechanism. Tradwife influencers are pandering towards all those moms who were forced to stay at home during the pandemic (& adopt the lifestyle), romanticizing the idea & giving them false hope that it's ideal & that it'll work out for them. Pretty twisted when you think about it. Most of said women are looking for ways to get back into the workforce if they haven't already.
@@crem9607 I see a lot of the same from the "Girl Boss" perspective. Each side glamourizes its own.
The "Well actually, feminists, I value motherhood" is so frustrating. Cause like, yeah, one of the great overarching aspects of the feminist movement is to recognise work in the home *as labour*. Childcare isn't all happy fun time, it's hard graft, even if you do greatly enjoy it.
If a couple organises their family with one person full time at home, and the other full time in the workplace that's cool. But we need to recognise that does put the at home partner in a very vulnerable position. Couples really should be discussing measure like insurance and equitable divorce settlement ahead of anything going wrong.
Somebody in the video is saying that- you are a mom, you are raising a human and that’s the most important job in the world.
Why is the father being excluded from this most important role in the world!
Bcuz mostly men don't participate in fatherhood. They're too lazy and uncaring. Very few men are actually active fathers.
Because the vid is about women?
Because who takes care of the baby the first few months of life? It biologically makes sense. You birthed the baby, you breastfeed the baby, the baby has an emotional connection to you. They need the mom more than the dad as a baby. Nobody said the dad wasn’t around ever but someone has to work and someone has to take care of children and biologically women are better suited for it
@@marishapeters1647Thats the first few months, but dads are still excluded or not involved when the kids are older. Fathers actually has a greater impact on childrens mental and emotional well being than moms.
because raising a human isn't the most important job in the world. Idiots do it every day
Why in the world do women think they must choose either of these 2 extremes? If social media & the internet have taught us anything it's that everyone can pursue and build the life they WANT. And then change their mind when they want to. That doesn't mean it's easy - but we are talking about our lives right?
My husband & I started our business at 25 and owned it for 27 years for the sole purpose of having flexibility to raise our children. We took turns staying home with them for 10 years, And then took turns meeting the school bus for the next 10. We built the life we wanted.
After the kids launched - we split up. Life is not a fairytale but you can create your own magic.
Side note: Éowyn is a strong female character in LOTR who I’ve always found inspiring to fight for what I want in life! She goes to war to fight for those she loves and is just as brave if not more brave than some of the male protagonists.
I was thinking the same thing. I would classify Arwen as strong in her own way too. It's not easy to choose to stick behind when your family is all leaving for the undying lands or to take on a group of wraiths to save Frodo.
Those are still male attributes and not feminine. The ultimate power lies in the Oracles and Alchemists and those are female traits where we use our minds, hearts, intuition to tap into everything that is the universe. We NEVER have to pick up a sword or ever go to war. Ever! In ancient theology the most feared warrior confided in the wisdom of the oracles and alchemists.
@@11nica5Not every feminine is an oracle, but lots of villages that were attacked, the helpless women were raped and killed, so were their children. They wouldnt dare do this to the Spartan village where the women knew how to fight. A real man who is secure in his manliness isnt afraid of a women who helps him in defense because at least he knows that if anything happens to him, he can rest assure his wife will care for his children long after he is gone. When a man and women marry, they become one flesh so what does that mean? People like to throw that scripture around and not truly understand what that entails. When man and women become one flesh, they understand each other and they mold into one another not just spiritually, but also mentally. Husbands are not arrogant enough to think housechores is only for feminine and women are not squeamish enough not to learn home self defense typically a male domain. They share qualities that makes them be a one parent team so they are both providers, protectors, and nurturers. Because God created man and woman in His image, parents represent the duo of disciplinary and merciful figure of God... if one leaves the earth, the other was molded enough from the deceased to be 2 in one!
@@11nica5 I understood it more like this, fighting for something you love can also be a feminine trait, making it a neutral trait. Like women fighting for their children to have the best possible life. I think it's rather about protecting something you love, something I wouldn't contribute more to men than to women. And I would say women are also brave for giving up big part of their identity as an individuum to become a mother with a second individuum constantly by her side, and conforming to the expectations people have for women, is also brave. I agree, mental power is underrated in our society in general, but I also think physically many women can do more than they maybe think of themselves. I mean, having to carry a baby and doing household chores also requires a lot of physical strength. And those are just the clichés. Having practiced Karate for several years and regularly helping my partner with bodily work, I am amazed at what our bodies can do. I mean traditionally these traits are rather seen as masculine, but there were a lot of cultures where women also were warriors and I don't think people back than asked themselves if this watch the feminine thing for a woman to do, but maybe to get another capable force to defend the village. Idk, just my thoughts, it all boils down to the person in the end. I have a female friend who can arm wrestle a lot of guys my age, I also know some who cannot hold themselves up for 5 seconds on a bar.
As a man, I had always seen the figures of Éowyn and Arwen as the two facets of the tragedy of war under a female lens: the Warrior, and the Maiden.
The Warrior is the one who, seeing the danger coming closer and closer, are compelled to take arms and defend her land and people, but also because she do not want to be seen a "burden" - she is young, able, trained and willing to fight, and while she knows that many of the man request for her to stay behind in a desire to protect her, she feels anguished with the notion that people would die for her sake while she gets unscathed. She would gladly take arms, fight, bleed and die at the side of her brothers-in-arms because she wants to protect them, too.
The Maiden is the one who, while not being a fighter per se, knows that war is raging, stays behind at home, and now counts the days to see it end - each ticking of the clock longer than the previous one. The wait for the news consumes her, and dreading the moment of the notice of the death of a loved one in the battlefield. The pain of the wait weights heavy in her heart, and no distraction is satisfactory. Even sleep brings no respite. Prayer and sacrifices to the gods offer little comfort. All you want is for the war to end, and to see your beloved to come back at home.
And, as a man, I like Aragorn as a symbol of masculinity: yeah, the guy is a badass warrior. Yes, he is the heir of Isildur. Yes, he has the love of the princess as his. But he is FLAWED as any human - he is worried that maybe his skill in arms will not be enough, he is haunted by the shame of his ancestors being corrupted and believe himself to suffer of the same problem, and he is afraid that he would never be at the side of his beloved again. And it is this flaws that makes him so relatable to many man, because there are times that we man feel that even with skill, privilege and love in our hands, we do not feel ourselves WORTHY of them.
And Théoden... Théoden is the way many man would glady die: fighting to defend what he loves, and doing so in a way to make their enemies ever remember to never dare to do so again. And in a goofy way, it kinda resembles the "dog meets death" comic strip: when we die, we want to meet our ancestors and ask "was I a good man?", and you would know what would be the answer we would love to hear...
That hustle culture is really toxic. I'm zillennial on the border of both and got the worst of that 9-5 bs. Jobs are not rewarding anymore..every employer is out to take advantage of you with low pay no stability temp jobs with no benefits replacing entire formerly white collar industries, so you go to college and into debt, do everything right, live like a pauper and deprive yourself, try to enter the job market, and get stonewalled with "temp jobs" where you work for a company for 6 months or so, do everything a real employee does, get 2/3 of their pay and 0 of their benefits, then get thrown on your ass before they are forced to pay you like a real employee. It's evil. Being a "contractor" is a trap, it's just a scheme for companies to not pay you the benefits you deserve like PTO. I get why people are getting fed up and looking elsewhere but tradwifery is a pipeline to poverty. And let me tell you that misogyny and gender discrimination is alive and well. If you're in an interview, a male candidate is BELIEVED and thought of as confident and smart, but a woman candidate is given disbelief and the spanish inquisition. Even if you do get the job you are paid less and might lose the job if someone decides to s!xually harass you. Just like in school zero tolerance, they punish the victim. The american corporate culture is nasty and vile.
The answer isn't tradwifery--the answer is labor laws. Europe has it figured out. They get 35 hour workweeks, 5 weeks of PTO, and a job for life. They also have EASIER, SHORTER interviews, not this bs with 5+ interviews being put under a microscope and grilled for even shitty entry level jobs. I'm sick of it. LABOR LAWS. And gen X are just as bad as boomers in the workplace, if not worse.
Tradwives have a grain of truth--they realize modern life is too stressful and our quality of life is garbage. But the issue is you can't trust men. The types of men who want tradwives are the types to either abuse you or divorce you for a younger woman and leave you high and dry toting around his kids with no career and no money. Tradwifery doesn't work because men are not held accountable by society. A man can ruin your life and still be welcomed with open arms by society no matter how deplorable his actions are.
I agree with everything you said here. I'm Xennial and older than you are, but I agree wholeheartedly that men have easier interviews, women face retaliation for reporting harassment, and gen X has a lot of workaholics who have no soul left.
And I am very lucky that I came into adulthood when interest rates were low. If I had been born any later, I would have been in debt forever.
I just wonder how long this will go on before a revolution happens. When are we really going to "eat the rich"?
@@RJones-tn5vgIt'll happen when they take food stamps for oil subsidies or bombs, hopefully before.
Kinda a mean girl perspective on life and you assume your experience is true for all. My beloved late husband gave me the opportunity to that trad wife. I got to care for my elder father in law. I got to work in prison ministry with my husband all while not wondering how to feed the family and best of all my son got to experience a loving dad. Because his bio dad left us to chase drugs and skirts. I also had a flex schedule while I worked that corporate job and a single parent. Just Imagine if I put my experience as the truth for everyone in a post how roasted I would be.
@@lnsuvasquez2466 So you're saying 'Not everyone's experience is like that' (alluding to the part where men can't be trusted) and then in the same breath you state something in your own life that exemplifies exactly what @user-rc2yf8kt7i is talking about: "his bio dad left us to chase drugs and skirts?"
I'm not sure this is the rebuttal you think it is....
@@lnsuvasquez2466 you got really lucky with him, unfortunately men like him are quite a rare treasure
So I feel like there is really such a difference between "Little House on The Prarie" and "50's Housewife" vibes when it comes to the structure of a family. And I think it's also something that a lot of conservatives today get wrong. I think if we look back to something like the Little House on the prairie or Parenthood back in the days of like westward expansion there wasn't like a breadwinner per se and the mother wasn't seen as solely there to cater to her husband. Sure mother and father had different chores but they played together as a team and had their own strengths. There was mutual respect for the two roles. Now maybe this wasnt exactly how it was at this point in history in every case, but if we're looking at the books at least and that model that people are looking up to, ma and pa worked together to build a homestead and keep their children alive. Pa was at home working and every bit involved with his children as ma was. The 50's american housewife thing, is so different. Dad leaves the house to work, mom is at home being the sole caretaker for everyone in the home and pretending everything was ok to not burden dad with anything home related. There's no teamwork there. I think one of the biggest difference here is the father working outside of the home vs the father working at home to keep the home functioning. Those are veryyyyy different roles and I think that changes marital and family dynamics significantly.
This is an AMAZING point
I disagree of the respect part. In several of the books it’s made clear that women were unequal and even beneath men, but Pa in particular respected Ma because she was a good wife and mother, and Ma respected Pa because he was a good husband and father. I’d say Little House on the Prairie was a more positive depiction of what life on the prairie was like because there are other portrayals and historical accounts of this time period and they were not usually this nice. Abuse and confining women to gender roles was prime during this period as the town folk liked to talk about anyone that deviated from the norm. Especially women.
Historically, most women have always worked in some capacity in and out of the home, unpaid labor and paid labor. Think maidservants in castles. Those are women who are working. Even the Bible had depictions of the entrepreneurial wife making things and selling them at market.
but also in little house on the prairie times women had to be home because they didn’t have machines to do anything for them like we do now. Even men who didn’t farm they had their work and women had theirs.
I think the feminist movement was needed, yes, men weren’t respecting women properly, and now I think today men are realizing, whether they want to admit it or not, the value of having their wives at home
Also 50’s housewives were high as kites on meds or alcoholics and if not then getting lobotomies.
All of these trends are missing a key component….BALANCE. They always go from one extreme to the other. Young woman, get educated, go to school, give yourself the OPTION to have financial stability if need be. This does NOT mean you cannot choose to be a stay at home mother for your children in the future with your husband. Giving all of yourself to a job as a “girl boss” and giving all of your financial stability to your husband to become a “trad wife” is not your only option. Remember that nothing in life is stable, sometimes roles change. If your husband loses his job, you may have to step up and support the family. What you see on social media are not real, they are selling you a dream.
Plus many people meet their husbands either in uni or at their career job after university- pick a career that will attract good men too
Historically, women had much more support from extended families and the community at large. This is barely existent nowadays. Everyone living as a separate nuclear family without community support is much more labor intensive and isolating.
I had to pause to reply to the guy talking about undermining the importance of women in the household. It amazes me how they come to realization that women can't do it all and their only solution is that women stay in the home. It doesn't even occur to them that maybe men and women can split responsibilities equally at home and in the work force. No it is one way or the other.
Yeah, some of them take it as a gotcha moment or try to scare women into following something they arenr completely honest about, if is what they want being a trad wife or not, ok, but it tend to be the woman takes more roles while the other part is not asked to ajust.
Yah my husband and I both clean around the house and both bring in income and both take care of the pets and would both care for kids, too. It’s a team effort!
Neither can do it all. They aren't saying men shouldn't help. But, kids go to moms for nurturing and that's normal, so moms will be in high demand of the children. And after working all day, giving kids the attention/nurturing they desire, and any other tasks that need to be done, most women don't even want to find time for their husband's. And that's disrespectful and where many issues start. It's the same when the man doesn't want to find time to do any yard work and/or house work. That's disrespectful and starts issues too.
But, what I see much too often is the man doing all the yard work (mowing, tree/busb trimming, sidewalk maintenance, etc), most of the snow removal (if not all), car maintenance, and sometimes more but the woman is complaining because the man isn't helping with inside the house or isn't doing enough "emotional labor" even though he listens to his wife's stories without complaint and sometimes even asks her questions to seem more engaged. Plus, men are more likely to do labor jobs than women and still don't complain about all the yard work or other things they have to manage at home.
Men get shit on so often even when they do a ton of work for the family. It's women that seem to shit on the men too. If you think your husband isn't doing enough, then go to him and say you want to switch roles for 3 months. You do EVERYTHING he does for 3 months (besides his job that is) and he does EVERYTHING you do for 3 months (besides your job). Afterwards, you two can discuss the disparities in your workloads. But, ladies, be warned. The men might enjoy being the house work too much and want you to take on some of the more laborious work.
@@smania7575womp womp
How do people afford to live so comfortably without both adults working? That’s what I can’t wrap my mind around.
we crunched out numbers, well before we had children & saved money to put aside to raise them with one parent home.
we also lived well- below our means before we had kids and right up into when the youngest graduated from university
tbh, we could only afford two kids, so we stopped at two. ii would have liked at least 3 kids, but we were priced out
Simply put sometimes it’s not so comfy, but I would never regret the penny pinching and financial stresses we had to endure because it’s what let me stay at home with my children everyday, I’d never trade that time with them for anything
Rich
I love being a mom to my one year old daughter but I don't think I would be as good as a mom if I wasn't also a career women. I am an engineer which took years of dedication and hard work which translates to what values I will teach my daughter. I miss out on hours in the day with my daughter but when I am with her I am able to enjoy every moment and pass along my love of learning to her. I struggled with PPD and I know with my personality I would struggle being a SAHM. I think the biggest issue is that we have to take finances into consideration when choosing whether or not to stay home with our children or to work. Even with insurance it cost us 15k just for me to have my daughter. Other countries don't seem to have this issue.
Stats prove kids education is directly informed by the formal education of their mom. I’m a lawyer and I feel that… I don’t regret my education even IF I become a stay at home mom /part time entrepreneur. I challenged myself to my full intellectual potential through that and I think you did too as an engineer. It’s really cool! And we can always return to good careers when kids are grown or if our partners want to stay home with kids or we can use those skills in different careers. Our knowledge and skills help us raise the next generation better if we do choose to have kids.
Every sahm I know is not making sourdough bread and whistling to the birds while they make TikToks about the joys of vacuuming. They are in desperate need of adult interactions. We love Bluey but there is only so much Bluey one can take. People need adult interactions. When she was young and had her first kids, my sister even took a minimum wage retail job primarily for the adult interaction, people have to get out of the house.
The irony of these influencers is that they *are* working. They are making income by RUclips videos, blogs, TikToks, corporate sponsorships, etc. It's quite possible they make more than their husbands. (and with at least a certain milkmaid, it's not even clear she *has* a husband). It's basically just fetish content, selling a fantasy.
I am also an engineer (EE) but I don't have kids. Even with a six-figure salary, paying bills for myself is hard enough. I couldn't imagine trying to raise kids and a spouse on a median income of like $40k. It wasn't even possible in the 50s when that was held up as the ideal on TV -- it was only a sliver of well-off white women actually living that life.
@@asongfromunderthefloorboards I agree with all of this! I think that's why that type of content annoys me so much. It's like when celebrities get a bunch of work done then claim to have gotten their body from genetics and doing crunches.
Im glad i was not influenced by social media / friends/ family ...when i was 39 i had unplanned twins pregnancy was quite awful & high risk for early labour had to stop work at 6 months ...i was an ICU nurse at the time ...the twins had issues awful colic, excems , one had lung issues ...i was so drained by the time mat leave was over i quit ti be a SAHM & made all the financisl sacrifices to do so ....15 years later im looking forward to restarting career but i now have breast cancer ....im so grateful i had that time as a SAHM it was priceless !! Now im totally at peace with whatever cancer deals me , i spent the past 15 years in the best way for me
Sending healing prayers and healing hugs.
Sending healing prayers ❤ 🙏
@@SarawithnH 🙏Thanks so much !
@@lilianab4756 🙏Thanks so much!
25:25 The best solution to all these problems is to do as people traditionally did. The woman runs the finances, making sure to tuck away money for emergencies. She also runs some cottage industries from her home and if disaster struck, she would be able to ramp up into a decent income, ensure you have life insurance and share ownership of everything. Alimony agreements are not a bad idea as well, but they aren’t really necessary if you have true shared ownership of your life and finances. And lastly, don’t be so quick to divorce. That’s a big one. Even living separately is preferable to divorce if need be for a time, but don’t rip your family apart unless the situation is abusive. It’s bad for everyone involved.
Amazing how our social media loves extremes.
I’m single and don’t have children. Both girl boss and tradwives are so foreign to me because it doesn’t relate to me at all. I’m just doing my own thing.
You hit sooooooo many good points in this video!! I especially love that you mention not every woman enjoys being a stay at home mom! I love my children and love being home to raise them, but it’s also really hard and I need to be fulfilled in my creative passions as well. I feel like I gained respect for you for talking about trad wives being a business! No one talks about the level of privilege the trad wife ascetic fails to mention. Because there are financial sacrifices (especially in today’s economy) that being a stay at home mom brings!
I work from home and take care of my kid. It's hard, but I love it.
I had 6 month maternity leave and by the end I was going nuts just taking care of a kid and house.
My job was a life-saver!
There is a good healthy medium between the tradwife and girlboss!
Now you a single mom
Ooo the connection to girl boss 🤔. I’m here for this timeline! I can’t wait for the movement of “do whatever works for you.” There are risks to every decision.
So often we raise our kids to be what WE want instead of supporting their temperaments and strengths. I try to stay curious with my students (and my own kids), helping them to uncover what puts them in a “state of flow,” while also reminding them that cultures vary, what is “normal” or “right” is mostly garbage, and we are literally existing on a floating rock 😆.
You do such a nice job of pulling resources. Great, thought-provoking content!
"Do whatever works for you" I think is the REAL cultural goal! That to me is the essence of feminism, but I'm not sure everyone always agrees. 😅
@@jeanettekakareka😆❤️
I completely agree. I recently watched a video of a mom and her young teenage daughter, the mom supported her creativity by allowing her to express herself through her hairstyle (including dyeing, bleaching, braids, weaves, etc), makeup, eyelashes, and henna as an alternative to tattoos. This young girl did everything herself, looked incredibly unique, and everything she created appeared professional. By allowing her daughter to explore and develop these skills, the mother has set her up for a future where she can potentially earn a living from her talents.
Kids have the time and creativity in spades to explore interests and hone their crafts. We should strive to give all children the same opportunity to explore their hands-on and creative abilities. These skills might become a source of income or hobbies that bring joy later in life. Knowing what they enjoy is invaluable, especially since we have less time to discover new passions as we grow older. Additionally, fostering these interests can provide a fulfilling "third place" beyond home and work-something many adults today lack, with the decline of community clubs and organizations. It’s far better to cultivate a meaningful outlet which can introduce them to a community than to rely on bars or nightclubs as the default alternative as so many do today.
I think the issue with both of these movements is that (when it comes to raising kids) we are so focused on the responsibilities of the mother and paying little attention to her support system. Even if you’re a trad wife, most/all of the childcare is on you and I don’t believe that’s healthy. It takes a village. The truth is our society doesn’t value women’s contributions in the home and doesn’t value the proper care of children which is why women go between these extremes of being a “girl boss” and feeling guilty about not being with your kids or being a “trad wife” and only focusing on raising kids. We need better resources for women and families so that doing both is more manageable. Also, what have the men been doing this whole time? 😅
Either way, idealizing a life where you have little interaction with society and little contribution to it, all while being financially dependent on someone else, seems risky and I agree with you that trad wife influencers need to be more honest about that.
The village is the husband for 75 to 90 % of the work.
@@ReneeDeane The village are other women because women know their husband won’t step up to the plate and raise the family.
Infact, the rise in female suicide is directly linked to lack of support and isolation of women from our interdependent set up with other women.
While men are unable to give each other community, and need a woman to form their community for them, which leads to their loneliness and suicide.
It is in a womans biology to take care of kids. Women are better nurturers.
@@ReneeDeane since when did a village ever consist of 2 people? A village is husband, grandma, aunt, uncle, cousins, etc. It's not just house holds that are broken, it's extended families as well.
I'm in this realm where I've realized I like to make financial contribution to the household and creating some disposable income for our family, but I also like taking care of my kids and home as my primary "role" if you will. I'm working part time now and it's really been what works for my family and marriage best.
I've been a fan of your videos for a long time, but I've been loving the shift your channel is making. This is a fascinating look at the culture phenomenon we've experienced - and a really well done documentary on the subject. If you enjoy making these types of films I think you have a real knack for investigative storytelling in a casual/approachable way :)
Really have enjoyed the That Awkward Mom channel for showing realistic strategies and showing an attainable life with a family that is not all about buying things
I love her! I use her 10-minute task videos all the time!
Anybody else curious what the next trend and 'aesthetic' is going to be after the tradwife and homemaker fizzles out in another 5-10 years? 🙃
4b movement in korea
The mob wife aesthetic came out right after.
@@ReneeDeaneI am already right there with it
Well, if people don’t get out and vote for the Democrats, and I know not, everybody likes that option, but the other option is Republicans will force the trad wife lifestyle on women so get out there and vote.
Alien mom? AI mom?
Its almost like lifestyles that end up trending bring out the worst aspects of people. Like no matter how wholesome it is when it starts if it gains any amount of traction toxic influencers will ruin it for everyone.
I just discovered your content and love you neutral and no judgmental you are toward everyone! You’re very good at showing both sides and not making quick judgements or crazy over the top statements!
Thank you! I do have strong opinions on some things, I just know that most things aren’t black and white 😄
One key to the tradwife movement in my opinion is the state of the economy. Paying for daycare is as much or more than rent/mortgage for many families and if you have more than one young child at the same time with a low paying job/career prospect, many families decide to have one parent stay home. I think the tradwife movement helps those in that situation try to find some sense of purpose in that situation but it isnt a choice for many families. Thankfully i got into a high paying career before having kids so we can afford daycare but it’s still a challenge to balance everything. I think as the economy resettles the tradwife movement will become less popular
To read “I don’t have a dream job” is sooo liberating for me
If people continue to procreate, then we gotta understand that homemaking and family life is paramount. How you do it matters. Do what works not just for today, but for multiple generations.
In Sweden, having been a stay-at-home mom is sthg you can put into your resume. It is valued as work experience. It is absolutely wrong that this is not the case everywhere in the world. I agree that a lot of skills are required to do this job well. I would not want to do it: too isolated, but, preceisely because I do not want to do it, I realise that it takes skills I do not have.
Moreover: When are men going to sep up and give women what women have been giving men for so long?
Also: if men are out to work, they grow in a certain dimension. If women stay at home: they grow in a different way. They both expand into completely differnt world, until they are not even on the same planet once the kids (the glue) have gone. They have nothing to say to each other. No wonder many of these marriages collapse.
I was also extremely burnout from corporate and decided that working part time while being able to still pick up my kids from school everyday was the best course for me.
My working part time worked for us. Highly recommend if you can. Fulltime turned me into an absolute Crab Apple. No matter how supportive a husband is- the house hold burden is almost always done by the wife.
A friend of mine became a Life Coach, and started telling women to lower their voices, and started lecturing everyone to stop apologizing. Then she cheated on her husband and claimed he was toxic for not being ok with that. Yeah, becoming toxic and pushy and mimicking men isn’t empowering. It’s just as gross as men acting that way. Instead we should be encouraging men to apologize.
The issue of whether to fully combine finances and give up earning potential is deeper than just being in it to win it. Life experiences, whether your parents are together, what happens in your social circle all influence whether you are even privileged enough to have this outlook. Growing up with a single parent or divorce likely influenced your choice. Sure it works for some people but for others it might not
As a child of divorced parents my mum had to start again from zero so I saw first hand how hard it is. While my husband I combine finances I have always chosen to work even after having children because being employable has always been important to me. I previously worked in family law and saw many wives/mothers who had been out of the workforce for decades raising children when at 50 they go through a separation and have no means to support themselves having been out of the workforce for so long. So yes, it's great if it works out to be a trad wife but I feel like it's "putting your eggs in one basket".
@@valerieborovik3885 Why not use that energy to create a family business that can be passed down to your children? A job can't be passed down. When you retire and pass away that job won't give two cents about you.
@@robinsonfamily222 Kids don’t always want to take over the family businesses, and it can be risky. In 2020 many family businesses closed down because of you know what. They couldn’t make rent during the shut down, and they couldn’t compete with the cheaper prices of take-out. The job may not give two-cents but the money you earn can provide for your family. Let’s not act like jobs are worthless. You need money in order to survive and if you save, you can give your kids money while you’re alive and in a will after you pass. That’s better than a family business that can sink at any moment imo.
Yes let’s just be real… some households can’t afford not to have dual incomes. Or at least some flexible income or overtime etc. especially in order to invest for the future, travel, raise multiple kids, buy a house. We “live” off of my husband’s income and we invest my income. That way we will have security now and in the future.
I had a breakdown at work recently because I couldn’t remember the last time I looked at the stars, and I just wanted to be with my son teaching him about birds and bugs and not sitting at a computer all day. 😂
You’d make a great reporter, I love watching these style videos you’ve been putting out lately.
I’m a traditional wife and homemaker. For the last five years, since shortly after I married, I’ve stayed home and taken care of my home and family while my husband goes to work. I do have hobbies (sewing mainly) and I can make money with some of them but choose mainly to just keep them as entertainment.
I don’t push for others to adopt my lifestyle but because I love it I do see it as the ideal!
If you are wealthy, sure. Though everything is easier and you have more choices when you have wealth
@@rosabellavitaalvarez-calde5836 we’re scraping by. I learned to pinch pennies from my mom who was also a sahm. I make almost every meal from scratch, i cloth diapered, I even hand washed the diapers at one point because the apartment complex we were in charged too much for laundry. If I was wealthy it would be a blessing but money doesn’t make everything easy.
@@rosabellavitaalvarez-calde5836 please don’t assume wealth when you see contentment.
My mother was a tradwife (1950-1990 when my father died) and her life was a sorry waste. Had she been born a few decades later she could have used her sharp and ferocious intellect and been an excellent lawyer, negotiator or politician. Instead she was a sad and depressed "afternoon drinker" who became an alcoholic. She always encouraged me to focus on my studies, have a means of income and really think hard about raising a family.
This is the kind of thing I thought of when that dudebro was going on about if women both work and raise kids, they'll resent one or the other. My dude, women still resented their kids and husbands when they weren't allowed a 9-5 outside the home. It wasn't 9-5s that caused the Valium epidemic among housewives, or the hidden alcoholism like you mentioned. Traditional gender roles can't solve the malaise that is existence under capitalism.
It's sad that you call your mother's life a "sorry waste". She produced YOU and wasn't a money hungry bitch who aborts her babies in the quest for money and career. I'm sure she drank to numb her grief. At least she has a heart
Communism was much worse
Odd her options were only politician, lawyer, or drinker? Respectfully, I think you’re giving excuses for your mother’s alcoholism, she could have been a lawyer particularly into the 70s and 80s, as well as many other positions. Worked as a para legal prior to that and got a law degree if she wanted. But remember that actually all of this was allowed then and prior to the 70s and 80s, it just wasn’t as common. For example Margaret Thatcher was first elected to parliament in 1959. I’m not saying any of this to insult your mother, but it’s important for us to be honest and realistic particularly about the long term benefits of modern feminism…
I’m not trying to be rude but there were many job opportunities in that time period as well as many, many, hobbies and skill sets women learned so they could find fulfillment. My grandmother ran an entire mental hospital in that time frame, a famous one at that. Women were college professors, nurses, nurse practitioners, authors, activists, school teachers, artists, seamstresses, owned diners, worked in banks, libraries, grocery stores, etc. staying home or working outside the home are both personal choices but women have had a choice for many, many decades.
I can’t wait to retire next year and just be a cat mom. I’m going to make that the next thing.
That would be fun!
I just want more time to read. I already read a lot. But I want to read more! I'm worried I'll lose that as a mum
I’m a homesteading, homeschooling, traditional wife (of 25 years) with a college education. It is a sh&$ton of work. I manage the home in all aspects. Occasionally my husband cooks. He does a lot of the “muscle jobs” around the place and works full time plus away from home. I also teach online classes. I think it’s best for kids to have a full time caregiver. I realize that’s not possible for everyone. Homemaking is not an easy job, but I enjoy it. (I think the title homemaker needs to make a resurgence over trad wife).
I also think a homemaker needs to have a side business (like the proverbs 31 woman). You never know what life will throw at you.
Yes! Bring back "homemaker". It's more accurate and it's even gender-neutral, for those stay-at-home husbands out there.
Honestly I’m so grateful that you created this. It’s so hard to meet the expectations when they’re shifting often and hard. It’s hard and miserable when social media is telling us this is the way to be happy… actually THIS is the way… better yet THIS is the way. And never catching up. But honestly it’s all bullshit. Because we’re all different and should follow our own hearts and paths. It’s not a one size fits all and will never be. We have to break free of the trap.
I want to hug you for making this video! ❤ you said everything I had on my mind lately. We need to talk about these extreme selling ideas/lifestyles more, because they really make women feel bad when they can’t achieve them.
"Trad wife" for 32 years. (I'm 53) I wear yoga pants and tee shirts, hair in a messy bun most of the time. I do cook from scratch and bake but we also LOVE take out. I don't wear make up or aprons. But, I don't judge those who do. I just keep a really good stain spray on hand for my clothes😊 Social media influencers are really capitalizing on an aesthetic. Life is real and everything is not perfect and calm all the time. I bet they are making sweet money promoting this lifestyle though. Its the best of both worlds...girl boss and trad wife all in one. 🌹
No it’s not. By making social media content they are working so they aren’t trad wives, and most of them do not act the way they do on camera when they are off camera. It’s an act to get money. They are girl bosses at the end of the day, and this is their hustle.
AMEN!
I’m a stay at home, homeschooling, bread baking, cooking, messy, piano teaching, ukulele playing, co-op teaching, wish the roomba knew how to navigate around the air fryer and grocery bags I left out because I was too tired to put them up last night…kind of woman. I’m 36…I never considered myself a boss girl when I was in the corporate world or a trad wife when I had my son and longed to stay home with him. I’m just me. We struggled financially at first but my husband has moved up in the corporate world so we do well now. This just worked for our family.
I am a “girl boss” with 2 corporate businesses that can allow my man to stay home all day. Before being a girl boss, I dreamed of being a home maker because it’s easier.. After i lost my child at 25 unexpectedly, I realized that there’s more to life than a man and kids, and I need to be happy and validate my life on my own in this unfair world. Other women are infertile and shamed by men and society. People who are baby-homemakers are very lucky and never seen the horrors the world has to offer. I guess.. girl boss just works for people like us too🫤I dislike such an argument to home life
I'm so glad that you pointed out that the trad-wife trend is selling you a lifestyle, not advocating for it. It's just a marketing strategy used by trad-influencers to help boost their brands and profits as they build up their equity.
watching this was very cathartic. I've struggled with full time work, littles, online school and taking care of myself. Now I want to work but had to quit a great full time position because my kid needed more support adjusting to school. It doesn't matter what I want, which is to work part time at this point. I'm wearing this ill fitting shirt until I can bring in another income again because I have no choice. I've always worked and I feel that it's just as much my responsibility as my husband to create financial security. Starting from square one every time is exhausting coming from a military fam, but I know I won't feel fulfilled until I can return to the workforce.
My mom was a stay at home mom but she knew how to knit and actually used it to sell items at craft fairs
Currently pregnant and working but thanks to my husband. I am going to stop working the first day of my third trimester indefinitely and I definitely can feel that some people are resentful of that, kind of like a how dare you why can’t you work while you’re pregnant? Women have always worked while pregnant. What makes you special? I’m a teacher and while yes it’s not a physically laborious job. It’s extremely stressful and the burnout is real. I also work in special education as a case manager for context so unfortunately, I wear two hats. It’s not everyone though. There are a lot of women who are so happy for me and wish that they had been given the same opportunity and have expressed that they would love to be able to be at home with their children or just be at home and be a wife.
I’m happy that women are feeling more comfortable saying that they do not want to be in the workforce in the traditional since. That was always me. I never had a dream job I never had career aspirations. I always kind of felt ashamed of that because we live in a culture that highly prioritizes money and grinding but that’s just never been me.
Are they resentful or are they cautioning you of the reality of relying on a man? If your husband divorces you, passes, or something else, you and your children could be severely affected, and you will have to go back to work which is harder when you have a large gap in your resume. It is foolish to rely on a man for finances, and I advise you to be aware of any changes in your husband. Men change when they become the sole provider, and when the baby comes. Don’t be surprised if he leverages money for necessities over you in exchange for sex. This happens to a lot of women, and many of them bragged like you and thought they’d never have anything bad happen to them. Just be aware is all anyone is saying.
Yes. I hate working and I am not ashamed to admit it! I don’t want to be a girl boss, and I am so grateful that my husband has always agreed.
I have run into some very jealous and resentful women who are envious of my husband and I’s arrangement. Making snide and passive aggressive remarks about me not working and paranoid “cautionary tales”. I have come to understand & accept that they really just wish they had it the same but were swooned into girl boss culture and now they are stuck with an expensive mortgage, insane child care bills, a job they hate and a dead beat husband
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 what do you mean? You sound bitter and paranoid. In that mindset, money and jobs are just as unreliable. You can lose a job position very unexpectedly, then what? You can become disabled as well and be unable to work, then what? Savings can be blown through in one day, then what? Is it worth putting your kids in expensive daycare and not enjoying your life but rather working yourself to death just waiting for your husband to die or cheat on you?
My husband didn’t change in those ways you say. He was always the sole provider and babies only made him more driven to provide. Young girls should be picky and find better men, tell them on the first date that you want marriage, a family and a provider; and go from there.
@@Rowanda7361wow do you hear how she spoke to you. The jealousy and venom and lies. Chile they are big mad. Trad wife here and Christian. God is the ultimate provider and I trust my husband as head of household.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809
80% of divorces are initiated by women so…and in divorce courts women get half the shit of the men most times, plus alimony. Wtf are you whining about?😂
12:37 Who was actually told to have kids? *Having children was NEVER encouraged* ,spoken about, talked about, planned for etc. The cultural signals were exclusively about employment and possibly a relationship that might, maybe, end up in marriage. When was the last time a romantic comedy ended with a cheerful pregnancy announcement? Babies haven’t been part of the dream since the 90s. They stopped ending with a wedding well over a decade ago. Now they typically end with a sleepover or a real date, or perhaps as proposal for the very sappy ones. I am an older millennial and I am one of only two among my friends from the 3 states I grew up in that has kids. Out of my entire extended family of 20+ cousins only one other cousin has kids and she is a kindergarten teacher and only has one child. No one has been pushing for “having it all” they have been pushing for having a career, a hot and varied sex life and you happen to be weak and succumb to procreating, well don’t worry you can still make your job the top priority in your life and not feel any social guilt about tossing your progeny to the end of your priority list because you are a #WorkingMom and #GirlBoss
Loved this!
1. Both roles can be fulfilling and challenging.
2. Feminism is about choice!
3. Modern day workplaces still aren’t supportive of women, having flexibility, more part time and remote options, and honestly try to pay you as little as possible.
4. Coming from the US, I realllllly wish we had paid leave and subsidized childcare. Providing good little humans for the economy is a big and valuable job and well worth supporting.
5. I really wish the option of staying home as a dad was more talked about.
6. Unfortunately, surviving off of one income isn’t doable for everyone even though I wish it were. It can also complicate saving for retirement.
7. There are risks in every situation and I trust families to make their own choices.
I'd like to modify point 3 a bit:
Society doesn't provide jobs that allow parents to properly parent.
As long as we think only women need flexibility in jobs to be able to parent, implicitly we're claiming that men don't need to parent. But men need to parent.
You’ve done a phenomenal job creating the content for this video. The order in which you presented the material and how articulate you were in summarizing these topics with examples and quotes was absolutely fantastic. We’re all better for watching your content. Thank you and high five 🙌!
As someone who girl-bossed the last decade and straight into burnout, I am moving more toward Trad wife for my mental health's sake. I still work from home but my primary job is my kids and household. 08:05 is me 100% - that being said, these terms often point toward the worst version of the phrase. I am a work from home mom, and my husband and I have a lot of traditional gender roles but we are both fulfilled by them which is WHY we are doing them.
So you are working from home, and still doing your "traditional" gender roles too? so does he help clean? help cook? Help with the kids? Or does he let you keep your whole paycheck for yourself? Because if he is till making you pay for bills while you work from home AND do all the female traditional roles at home, well, you are being cheated. This is a mans dream...she stays at home, does all the child care and chores AND makes money to help with the budget. i mean if we are talking traditional, should you even be working from home? I thought he would/should be the bread winner. And the reason you burnt out was probably because you were working 9-5 and doing everything at home. What happened to men helping out with their own children and their home? Why is it that WE have to change but they cant? Burn out is because women cant do it all and they shoudn't. If women contribute financially to the bills , then men can help with the children and household chores.
If you work from home you are not a trad wife. You just work from home.
I'm halfway through but that bro who was going off about motherhood and careers for women and how we can't do both...isn't that what men do? Oh wait, it's only possible on the back of women's (largely unpaid) domestic labour...
ETA: it's not that we as women have to do it all, we can if we want (but it does sound exhausting and I think that's what these two extremes are showing us). What gets my back up is the implication that men can and women can't. Men CAN have a career AND family because he isn't the one doing the majority day in and day out childcare & household responsibilities and accompanying mental and emotional load/labour.
Exactly!
Exactly! I mean it’s exhausting that this is the main problem to women issues but we never talk about it. The problem is that women, whether they work or not, do prioritize their family. Men don’t. They just work. They don’t deserve a family with that kind of narcissism.
Yes and then there’s those of us who have a vocation that is fulfilling. I’m an artist - a musician, a writer/novelist. If I can flexibly have kids while doing what I love then I will. But if not, I’d rather just keep working my vocation.
I trained for a total of 8 years to become a mental health therapist and left my job after only a year to stay home with my kids. I still love therapy and dream to go back to it but that’s the thing. I CAN go back to my career later. I will only be 46 when my youngest graduates high school so I will have a good 20+ years to do that work that I also love. Because I have my degree, I can do both just not at the same time
This is what people don't understand. Women can go back to their profession at any time.
I honestly love these videos so much. It gives me something to watch which isn’t mindless capitalist sponsorship or affiliate pushing. Obviously I appreciate that you have a sponsor, but the way you do it is in a tasteful way. Also, the perspectives you share are really refreshing and actually teach me to unlearn a lot of the judgemental tendencies I’ve picked up from mindless scrolling the last few years.
Women need to take a closer look at the type of men they are marrying these days. If you get married and you live terrified at the possibility of getting divorced in the future then you got a serious problem.
You have to take the time to meet and study your prospective’s husband’s family. How does your future father in law treats his wife and viceversa. How did your father treated your mother? Was your mom and mother in law stay at home mothers in the pasts?
People seriously need to learn about conflict resolution before bringing up the “D” word. Also stop getting into debt trying to impress people you don’t even like. It’s so freeing to live a debt free life and having a good amount of money in your emergency savings in case something happens.
People these days are terrible at saving money , finding partners and conflict resolution. Every choice you make wether staying at home or being a working mom will have its risk but you cannot be living terrified about living life.
The person you marry is not the person you divorce. People should absolutely be worried about the potential consequences of being completely reliant on anyone. As an adult, you should never put the reins of your life in another person’s hands. People change all the time. They could be raised right and do you right the whole relationship, but end up wanting nothing to do with you through the end.
I don’t know if you’ve ever started disliking a person before, but that builds resentment and causes you to not desire to care for them anymore. And the thing is it is better that people divorce rather than stay just because. Certain people simply are not compatible or they outgrow one another.
@@madlie2452 That is why is never a bad idea to invest your time or money in a career. I feel bad for women who marry young with only a high school diploma and very little experience in a job/career. They start having kids and then it’s too late to start a career from scratch. Then something happens in the marriage and they panic.
My mother told me since I was young that is good to go to college and invest in a career just in case. You can always restart your career specially if you have a technical and practical career that is always hiring. Recruiters always send me emails and text messages looking for candidates like me so there is no job scarcity in health care. I am still taking continuing education courses to refresh my memory and keep my license up to date.
Also is ok to seek help if you have conflict in your marriage. My marriage is doing well but I still talk to a therapist so I can learn to resolve any little conflict that gets in the way not only with my husband but with parents, in laws, extended relatives, friends etc. You will always be in conflict with people. It’s just part of life. Obviously never tolerate abuse but many people divorce for reasons that could have been resolved.
Heres a simple truth. We live in a world of spectrum that sits between polar opposite. Its never healthy to remain in any one extreme too long. Its ALWAYS about balance and YOUR authentic being.
Well-said! I’m a SAHM for this season of life by choice, but I’ve been unnerved by the trad wife movement. Thanks for breaking down the pendulum swing.
Traditional housewives did the finances and household accounting as well. They didn't just play with their kids and bake bread.
I am a housewife and my biggest issue with "tradwives" is the whole religious submissive aspect.
Like I love my pinup/vintage wardrobe but plase don't talk to me about Jesus.
I can lean into traditional gender roles where I take care of the home while hubby works while also being empowered in my own way.
Also life insurance and equal access to assets! Really important to not leave yourself vulnerable. I live in Europe where I have good safety net, but it's still imporant to have options.
29:48 Come on now….you know that isn’t true. Individual women who call themselves feminists may also believe that women should so whatever makes them happy, but that is the not ideological underpinnings of the last couple waves of feminism, nor is it reflected in major feminist organizations, literature, propaganda, media, culture, feminist idols, books and media aimed at girls that are lauded as feminist….etc etc etc.
which Barbie is “stay at home mom” Barbie? When was the last time any Hollywood movie idolized traditional motherhood? It has been decades.
Really easy solution to this: don’t consume anti social media.
I have a cousin who didn't work, or worked random jobs for about 6 weeks until they got sick of her. She got her husband to pay for her face skin care school. She also told me she was going to figure him, after she moved to Texas and got him to buy a house, she didn't work. She then got him to buy all kinds of skin care machines and pay rent on a skin studio, she works part time. He paid for everything and she sued him in the divorce for 3K a month. Her Instagram however looks like she owns her own business. Everything is in her name but he paid for it all. She isn't self made, she is funded.
The tradwife community seems a bit whitewashed. Also, I don’t really know any couples these days who can live off of one income. Seems like just another niche aesthetic.
you can if you're not terminally consumist :)
Yeah that one video of the blonde woman with her kids felt cult-like
Thank you! I had a "friend" that couldn't fathom me not wanting to be a sahm when i had literally graduated with a phd the day before. And with people openly saying being a sahm is the only way for a woman to be truly fulfilled in life it was really refreshing to hear you say all women are different and that may not be the case. I was raised by a sahm and she never seemed happy and I think it's so dangerous to push that narrative on women that if only they get there they will be fulfilled because it's not necessarily true and then you got kids in the mix and it's damaging to those kids more than i think a lot of people realize to constantly see their mom that unhappy doing what she was told would fulfill her (and i would say that can go for the girlboss mom too. Just my own experience was with an unhappy sahm). And I think what aggravated me most about my friend and the Catholic guy at the graduation saying that, is that Christians especially should realize that God has different callings for everyone and he has used women throughout history in many different roles so to hear Christians say that's the only way for a woman to be fulfilled is just wrong and not biblical either. If you're a Christian your fulfillment comes from God alone and fulfilling his purpose for your life. For some that is being a sahm but not for all women.
Domestic labor & raising children are still labor. Except I don't get paid for it. Also if I get "terminated" or "quit my job" as a tradwife (I.E. divorce) I won't get severance for it, let alone unemployment. Yeah no, a man is not a financial plan.
Imagine planning your ENTIRE life and love life around money. Damn the greed and fear is real here
@@Rowanda7361 Welcome to the real world where money makes the world go round.
@@Rowanda7361greed? lol you need money to survive… housing cost money, food cost money, I can’t leave my house without spending money, my entire existence requires money…. This isn’t greed, this is basic survival, so yeah your entire life revolves around money 😂😂. Welcome to the real world
This was very well done! Well researched! Convincing! Should be written out as an article and pitched/published to something like the Walrus (Canadian pub). More videos like this, please!
You can be a SAHM and not wear prairy dresses, still buy butter and vote leftist and socialist and your husband can still doblaindry and your kids can go to public school.
Yes. Lol. Love your comment. There’s a middle ground.
I thing you have found a very appreciative way to talk about the different ways of living and showed the good AND negative sides. Well done, thank you!
Unfortunately in my experience, traditional wives just get cheated on and abandoned for younger versions. That's what happened to my mom and grandma. That's why I'd never give all the power to a man. Once they have all the power they can do whatever they want and babe, men can be really devilish
Love your balanced and honest take on these issues as always! We truly need to put down our pitchforks and stick together to improve things
My thing with Trad Wives: the potential for abuse. Of course, abuse can happen in any relationship dynamic but when someone (usually the woman) decides to be a stay-at-home parent she doesn't have a source of income and this dependency can (again, not a guarantee but a risk) lead to isolation and feeling like you need to stick it out in an unhealthy/unhappy relationship because you don't have the means to free yourself and your children.
Everything has a risk, choose wisely.
Annie I'm SO GRATEFUL I found you. It's perfect timing for me. I'm a mother of my beautiful 2 year old daughter and I've decided to pursue my dream of being a professional artist. I've started a RUclips channel & I'm finding courage to share my art. It's scary & exciting. I'm exhausted from taking on so much but i know the time is now. No more waiting. In excited to take my daughter along on this ride with me. And I'm excited to have find you as a guide!! You seem like such a lovely soul. You have a beautiful calming every l energy and in so happy for you success. Such an inspiration. See you again soon! ❤
Thanks for bringing that up.
Exactly what i was thinking seeing that content online - but they are NOT traditional because i'm sure they are making enough money to stay independent from their content. It is not the same.
Besides, we cannot disregard the fact that traditionally women were taking care of the kids and households NOT ALONE, there were generations and support groups, communities - unlike now. And also the fact that so many people cannot rely on just one income in the modern world, it simply isn't enough.
Not always. Plenty of traditional women were isolated and had “mommy’s little helper” (pills) and alcohol and cigs to help them deal with how depressing and stressful their lives were. The “women had a village and community” is a myth.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809You are talking about the 20th century. Before the industrialization most people worked in farming, including children, which had to help a lot in the household as well.
Interesting opinions on here. SAHM vs career woman vs splitting time trying to do both . . . hmm. I wonder what’s best for the majority of infants and children. What do they need? No doubt someone will say something like, “To have a happy/fulfilled mom.” But I’m curious what studies actually show.
A lot of women want a middle option between workoholic girl boss and trad wife.
My grandpa wanted my grandma to have a great life with no worries about work or paying the bills. My grandma took care of the children, cooked, cleaned, and did everything else. Both of my grandparents were in very good health, but then my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. It spread, and he ended up passing away. My grandma (70yrs old when he passed) didn't have to worry about money because they were financially stable. However, she didn't know how to manage finances. She is also extremely depressed and regrets not working outside the home. My grandma is 92 years old, and she keeps telling my sisters, nieces, nephews, and me not to make the same mistake and to make sure we work and are able to be self-sufficient because you never know what might happen.
I showed her the traditional life trends, and she is extremely disgusted and doesn't understand why it's being romanticized as a goal to aspire to. It's also basically telling single parents that they are horrible parents and implying that households with dual incomes aren't good either. This is deeply saddening and sets such an unrealistic expectation for everyone about parenthood. It's not easy. All those so-called traditional moms have numerous people helping them take care of everything behind the scenes. It's all just a bunch of nonsense and another way to make people feel inadequate. It's basically parent shaming in a sense.
For me the desire to switch to being a stay at home mom that homeschools in the future isn’t about less work, it’s about work that I am PASSIONATE about. It’s tiring. It’s hard. But I care 100% more about my family than my job.
and then what? What do you do when your kids grow up? What do you do when your husband leaves you or you have to leave him? If you're focusing all your energy on hoping to spend a few years homeschooling your little kids, what are you going to do with the rest of your life? Are you going to go back to school and finally start working to save for retirement at 40?
Any men wealthy enough to support a stay at home wife and kids will not hand over half of everything when they leave. If you get divorced and have no money of your own, you can't even hire a lawyer. You have to maintain your own income to be able to support yourself and your children. You can't rely on a man.
Of course there are risks with life. Anything can happen. However, we have our whole lives to work, and only a few years while our kids are little.
@@emilyp3150 How many years do you plan to not work? You need money in your own name and you need to keep your resume relevant.
Unless you *plan* to go back to work at a minimum wage job, you are going to be very surprised of how hard it is to re-enter professional life after taking 5+ years off. That's just for one kid. People often end up having multiple and then you are taking a decade or two off from work during your prime earning years.
Even if you marry a wealthy man, it may not last. Men leave all the time. In my 20s, I was envious of my friends getting married and having babies. Some even bought a house. You know what most were doing a few years later? Raising kids as a single mother. Then you have to work and raise kids with no one to help and no extra money.
Wealthy men are often the most selfish men. They get a big ego, have a midlife crisis and decide they don't like being tied down with family life and replace you with a newer model who likes to party on his money.
You can say this guy is different, he goes to church, so he wouldn't do that. Church men do it all the time. Even the *pastor* of the church I was in throughout my childhood did it. He had an affair with a woman that worked at the church, and abandoned his wife and kids. He was wealthy from the church grift and got a big ego.
Go watch RUclips videos and TikToks about women who had to start over at age 40 or older. The YOLO decision of "It'll be fun for now, the hardships are a future me problem" will inevitably come back to bite you. This is how women end up homeless and begging their kids to send them money and house them.
You *need* your own money and career. It's not realistic to just walk away and say you'll figure it out in 10-20 years.
@@emilyp3150 So instead of taking huge risks that could seriously harm children you want to bring into the world, make sure you mitigate those risks. Even if you think you're a good driver, you should still wear a seat belt because you're not the only one on the road and you're a smartCar in a world full of Escalades.
I can guarantee you that every woman who ended up living in her car with her kids or in a shelter because her husband walked out or she had to run thought it would never happen to her.
Even if you don't care what happens to you, care about what happens to your kids or don't have kids.
Has anyone stopped and thought what do the kids want or need? Research childhood development for an hour they need their moms at home. Atleast for the first 3 years.
First have a large life insurance policy.
Second know that you can jump back into a career. Have that plan in place. I have built such a great community they will help find me a job should I need it.
Also you don't have to purchase anything they are selling. I for one don't have the income for such luxuries. But seeing motherhood being uplifted again is wonderful.
Love your discussion on the topic! The movie The Stepford Wives came across my mind 😅 In the current season of my life, my husband is currently the home maker with our two under two while I'm at work. In the future, he plans to go back to work full time and we are just going to have to eventually make that work for us🤞
A few weeks ago I was hanging out with a friend of mine who has a new girlfriend. She was very sweet, but I heard her say something along the lines of her not wanting to work or have a job, and she wanted to stay home all day. She proceeded to say that women in the past who were fighting for women’s rights and the right to work, didn’t really know what they were doing and they basically shouldn’t have fought for the right to work because working sucks. She is in college and has a job. I bit my tongue because I had just met her, but it really upset me. Because the thing these women were fighting for was *choice.* The right to decide what you want to do. You can stay home if you would like to, and you can work if you would like to. It doesn’t have to be the societal norm in order to make that decision for yourself. But she is in college right now because those women fought for her right to be there. And she is just disrespecting and discrediting the work these women put i for us to have that right. All because she doesn’t want to work; but the thing is, she doesn’t have to. She could drop out of college and stay home with her boyfriend and be a homemaker if she so chooses.
I think people often forget that it is a *choice.* They fought for our right to choose the life that suits us. For some women, like me personally, that life involves working. I love my job and it gives me fulfillment. If what gives her fulfillment is to stay home and be a homemaker, she can and she should.
Hmm traditional as in only after the Industrial Revolution! Before that women were pulling their weight in the economy by processing the raw materials that men brought in! Milling grain, weaving cloth, preserving food, leather goods etc. Traditionally, men and women both worked and contributed to the economy.
Edit: although the work available to women was of a kind that suited looking after kids at the same time.
Thank you for pointing this out. Even during the 50s, poor women worked. Women have always contributed, we were just kept out of fields that were make dominated .
I love this video!! Thank You. This is such a great conversation! I wish this country made it affordable for women to be home if they choose but in a large part of the US, a 2 income household is needed. I have been married to my husband for 29 years, and he is a great man, but we are both humans, and things can change in the blink of an eye. No matter how amazing he is , I could not put myself in a situation of such vulnerability. I have had too many friends struggle to enter the workforce after years of being at home. Some are trying to make a living working in a grocery store as well as having to sell the home they worked so hard to take care of. I would love for Moms to get the option to work part-time outside of the home and be compensated for the hard work they do at home to supplement their income. I have seen too many husbands decide that they didn't want to be married anymore, and their wives were devastated - left to rediscover themselves outside of homemaking and with the responsibility of building a new life for their children. It is heartbreaking to witness.
After a long day of cleaning and cooking he comes home and accuses me of doing nothing all day..
Done.
I agree that the modern world has failed us as a society. I agree that we need to live simpler, and more self sufficient lives. But its disingenuous to act like the majority women, traditionally, didn't work. Aristocratic women didn't work. The rest, children or no, worked. They worked in the fields and factories, in manors and castles and palaces, in the fish markets helping to sell their husbands catches of the day. They were embroiderers and seamstresses, nurses, teachers. They worked as assistants in their fathers or husbands print shops or bread or meat shops.
These women following these trends are just jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Trading one lie for another. There is no soft life. There are fulfilling lives, as this creator alluded to.