@@edwinchung6420 What do you mean? Are you saying that people in certain neighborhoods would want an abusive two parent home instead of a non-abusive one parent home? Hmmm.... Have you lived with an abusive parent?
I co-lived with my husband for five years before we got married, and it does feel different. We both didn’t feel a pressure to get married right away because we both felt very secure in our relationship. After being married, I have noticed that I feel more comfortable making long term decisions and it feels like we are building a life together instead of just being roommates that are in a relationship.
I'm glad that you beat the statistic, but cohabitation is associated with so many failed long-term relations that they've dubbed it the 'cohabitation effect.' It's not good to suggest it across the board.
@@dianaquill9969 haha, they didn’t suggest anything though. They just gave their experience of living together before and after getting married and how marriage positively changed their relationship/long term security.
Im married with a child on the way, but if i hadn't found a partner who respects me and does his fair share it never would have happened. Men arent adjusting to the reality of gender equality, and until they do women will continue to avoid marrying them.
Women who can attract quality men will want to get married and have kids. Women who can't attract quality men don't want to because they know that having kids and starting a family with a low quality partner is hell.
@@crimson6172not true I've attracted only good men in my life. 3 good relationship during my life time. But every time in the end they want kids. Even if we agreed in the beginning not to have any. And I simply do not. I'm 30 now and my desire to have kids are lower now then in my 20ies...
32:05 "But my last thought on the matter being that if we live in a society that will potentially collapse if not enough people get married, maybe we have more of a problem with the way we're running things and less of a problem with peoples' choices in their love lives."
I am frustrated by the narrative that marriage is merely an option that anyone can choose to pursue. As a single woman in my mid-30s, I would very much prefer to be married right now. I have been searching for the right partner for almost a decade and so far no luck. I often find myself thinking that the man I am looking for just doesn't exist and time is running out. None of this was my choice.
I think we as a society are failing young women by telling them to go out and live it up and to not consider marriage. Many women are in similar situation to yours😔❤
@@ramona8807okay but we are not all the same and marriage is an OPTION not a a necessity. Society has failed y’all by making it seem like the be all and end all, which is sad
I feel like it's not possible to find the perfect partner because no one is perfect. Make a list of realistic minimum requirements. Agreement on religion and kids for example. Not a rich guy with a masters or above, 6'2"+, and worships the ground you walk on and votes the same as you
@@Enriquez2222 Majority of women will want a husband and kids at some point. People are created different for sure but you are using the minority to excuse teaching young women to prioritise everything else than what will most likely matter the most to them in the end. Of course marriage should stay an option and other things should matter in life too. There is no need to get triggered.
Marriage is absolutely not a necessity for happiness, personal fulfilment or physical and financial security. It can absolutely cause the opposite of all these, nor is the western and modern idea for marriage necessary for societal functions as there are many documented cultures where marriage and kinship are very different from the western modern forms of marriage and kinship. THAT BEING SAID, the anti marriage trend is not an indicator for the improvement of any of the parameters mentioned above either, as it comes from a place of extreme individualistic ideology. I absolutely agree with you that being a part of any long term, tight knit social dinamic (i.e, also non marriage type long term partnership, coliving with family etc) leads to significantly more empathetic, cooperative, communal behaviours, as it really forces the individual to learn and adapt to be cosiderate of other's needs. The rejection of marriage just feels like it's coming from a place of "always put yourself first". Which is great until it isn't. It just feels very much like throwing the baby with the bathwater kind of philosophy. The rejection of marriage came as a rejection of a societal norm for the sake of societal normality. But at the same time it fails to recognise the benefits that norm had, and does not seem to give much consideration to what can replace it without discarding those benefits. Great video as always!!!
The way I see this talked about in the media, they frame it as a cause, and not an effect. This is 100% an effect of a different cause. It’s really problematic when people frame peoples’ choices as a cause of the issues in society rather than as a response to the larger issues present in the society
I was raised in a true single parent household. My mom had a greater community when I was an infant, but as I got older her circle grew smaller and smaller... by the time I was a teenager we were extremely isolated. It made growing up with her extremely difficult, not to mention she was also working through her own traumas from childhood and adulthood. I don't really blame anyone, nor am I angry. It just sucks because I have no friends that understand my situation, at all. However, I do feel strong, and I am unlearning a lot of things. I hope I can do better for my community, whether that's a biological family or something else.
"I don't have friends that understand" This is a big one for me too. My family history is as unstandard as can be and I think it causes trouble in my relationships with people. But as I grow older I realise it can be a blessing too, since I have less biases and see some things more clearly, if that makes sense
even in a two parent home, with today's economy a lot of parents have to work more/longer hours just to survive, taking further time away from being with their child
Honestly, I think the biggest issue is the cultural aspect of marriage. We've been conditioned to believe that the ONLY socially and culturally acceptable relationship status is a heterosexual marriage. Anything else is automatically deemed "bad," "irresponsible," and "selfish." Meanwhile, our culture is also drowning in a kind of toxic selfishness where helping others for any reason is often labeled as "enabling." Here in the US, people actively fight against community-strengthening measures like publically-funded daycare and healthcare. As a single parent, I was told that both me and my child deserved to suffer because people automatically assumed I had made bad choices that resulted in my single parent status. As a married parent, I was told to stop being irresponsible with money and stop expecting someone else to pay for my choice to have kids. Even as a single, childless person, I was often told things like, you shouldn't have gone to college if you couldn't pay for it, or it's your own fault that you can't find a good-paying job. All of these narratives are incredibly toxic and unhelpful, and they lead to a larger issue of people just not being willing to help other people at all under any circumstances. When the world is so unapologetically selfish, how is anyone even remotely surprised that fertility rates are dropping, the rates of single parents are rising, and communities overall feel less welcoming and stable than they once were?
@@chickenman6308 That's true, but I find it ironic that we are willing to do things like fund foreign wars and give billions in tax breaks and bailouts to large corporations, but the idea of helping someone pay off their student loans is utterly unacceptable. You can make the argument that helping our allies in war or allowing a corporation to continue with business as usual (even if their business practices are wasteful and unethical) benefits us all, but I feel like it really doesn't. The result has been a culture that idolizes big business and consumerism; one that justifies war and conflict as a necessary evil, but has no empathy for the person who lives next door. The average person has seen no benefit at all from corporate tax breaks or wars overseas. We as a society have no problem spending someone else's money. We've been doing that for centuries. Who we spend it on matters, though, and I would argue that the people getting the benefit of having money spent on them are not the ones who need it.
22:07 husband and I had a short engagement (like 3 months) because we decided to buy a house together - had both been saving and getting engaged triggered the 'lets just have a look' conversation. A friend of mine was with her partner for 15 years (teenagers to 30s) and they owned a house but never married and no kids, when he died she was in a very difficult situation not knowing what she would get and what his family would get. I voiced it while we were dating that I'd never buy a house with someone I wasn't married to, he agreed and we followed through with a microwedding a couple of weeks after we got the keys. Other than security and legalities there aren't many reasons to marry these days
I pretty much agree. The only reason I would care to be married is to *legally* deincentivize bad behaviour and to make sure me and my future partner are *legally* taken care of in any situations. There is a religious aspect I *should* care about... but meh lol
Wills should always be updated to match the current situation. Even when me and my partner weren't married, if I had died my apartment would have gone to him thanks to my will.
In Australia if you are in a relationship for 5 years or more you become the “defacto” partner. Unless stated in the will of the deceased, automatically it would go to your friend. That’s in Australia so I’m not sure about other countries!
As far as the giving back to the community aspect, married couples have more time to give back or participate because they are splitting the household work. Separated families have to do twice the work since there are now 2 households… Plus, as a married couple we are being more active in our community to set a good example for our kid, as well as getting to know the members of our town more closely to gauge who our kid will be around. That part of it is a safety matter.
I would have much rather grown up with just my mom than my dad being included in that situation. My dad got into drugs and alcohol because he slowly started realizing that the married life wasn’t for him.. Later on, he started physically abusing my mother and my brothers. I’m super proud of my mother leaving. So, no, having both parents in the household isn’t always a good thing. But I do agree if beneficial when you’re in a good household. Just wanted to chime in.
I'll address the decreasing community aspect. I feel like the US has two major "cults" I'll call them but they're more like society-wide behaviors and ways of thinking: 1. The cult of the individual: Its me first, my mental health, my well-being, my financial success, my status, my sense of belonging in society, my friends so on and so forth. We put ourselves first and actively encourage everyone to do the same whereas building strong community literally REQUIRES you to put other people first, and to put them first often. 2. The cult of convenience: This one is the very American idea of not going out of the way for literally anyone than maybe your family and your most close friends. Even when it comes down to hanging out with people in order to participate in community. There are people who I know who decided not to go to an event because it means they had to walk 5 extra minutes off of the metro. People who won't go out because they want to "bed rot" or whatever. Then these people complain about being lonely despite rejecting every invitation and deciding to literally talk to no one in their work, school or whatever network they are organically a part of. Being a part of and maintaining community IS inconvenient most of the time. I feel like there are other aspects to these things that I am not mentioning but this is what I thought of off the top of my head!
Compelling video & thoughts. I really appreciate how you unpack the data about everything, digging into what different claims might mean. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the hesitancy around getting married has also come out of the divorce rates being so high - and I really wonder if the divorce rates will drop because people who are choosing to get married are taking it more seriously (like most of the children of divorced parents have told me they would never want to get divorced)? That's a TOTAL guess and of course I know that plenty of people took marriages seriously before and still got divorced. Just curious how the institution of marriage will continue to shift in the coming years. Personally as a Christian, I've always been shocked at how the divorce rate of Christians is basically equal to that of non-Christian folks. And I really wonder if the church has / will start talking about and treating marriage more seriously (better support for it, counseling, supporting couples who are struggling) and if that will have an impact specifically on the divorce rates for Christian marriages specifically. Thanks again for a thoughtful video. I recently discovered your channel and have been watching through lots of your older stuff! Loving it all.
Listening to your video essay brought a new light to a highlighted issue in a book I'm reading called "Bringing Up Girls" (2010), which examines the need for girls to have the expectations, placed upon them by their parents, to make wise decisions about boys/men as they surpass puberty and enter adulthood. Your video makes me wonder what North America and other developed countries would look like if we (not just girls) took our decisions related to dating, partners, and sex very seriously, beginning as early as middle school. Perhaps there would be a higher percentage of married couples, or even kids living with two biological parents, which could have a positive effect on poverty, crime, and academic rates even one or two generations down the line.
I feel like this issue is so complex. I was raised in a religion that pushed marriage and children on girls from a young age, often without also educating them on the more important details of dating, consent, or even what to look for in a good partner. A good partner to them was religiously devout, and little else about them mattered. This created an environment where girls felt pressured to marry young, and often felt like they couldn't choose something different without being shunned. I also think we need to have a conversation about how fatherhood is largely viewed as "optional." Historically, all that was asked of men was to provide financially. Anything beyond that was considered "extra." It's really not surprising that men are just noping out of fatherhood altogether when society has historically put all of the responsibility for child rearing on women. And women almost always get the blame when dead beat dads refuse to help out instead of holing men to higher standards too. Even involved fathers are often limited in what they are willing to contribute towards raising their kids or helping out. It's really hard for a girl to find a good partner when the overall culture of parenting and marriage emphasizes the completely wrong things for the completely wrong reasons.
I think parents should absolutely talk about romantic relationships, expectations and what to look for in a spouse early and often. We discuss this stuff all the time with our kids. One thing I think is important is to encourage a culture of respect in a household. Siblings should respect each other, spouses should respect each other and parents should respect the kids and vice versa. Many families allow outright boundary violations and I don’t think that’s good for teaching kids how to find good partners. When families demonstrate kind, loving, respectful communication, and respecting each others need for space, personal belongings etc, it should help them discern who is worth their time and who isn’t! Unfortunately, I am a people pleaser and so is my teenage daughter. We’ve had to have a lot of discussions about being a doormat etc. She is so kind and sweet and I really have to help guide her friendships etc. I think some parents would be more hands off, but I’ve been burned by so many bad relationships and friendships that I refuse to allow her to navigate that world by herself. These are just my thoughts
5:02 women used to rely on men for economic reasons but men also relied on women for homemaking reasons. A wife meant they didn't have to clean, cook or anything else 'feminine' which were skills those men just didn't have. Neither gender is as reliant, we get to pick and have that flexibility. I see a lot of women say that women have learnt to 'mens' skills but men haven't necessarily learnt the 'womens' side. Or expect women to do most of the 'womens' role and half the mens, leaving things unbalanced. Progress isn't always synced up, I'm sure when mens skills catch up the numbers will go back up, and people's social skills will catch up to more community based
@@acuerdox nah I suck at that, so do a lot of women/people. My neurodiverse brain forgets people exist for months at a time, thinks I'm bothering them or reads too much into things. The less personal relationships the better
Women are factually doing it all. They have data about the majority of women doing the majority of housework, regardless of employment. It’s not equal at all, it is a fantasy to believe women are dropping the ball here, it is 100% men
While it’s good that people don’t feel compelled to marry young and have kids as a matter of course, I do think it’s a pretty grim that so many people just never do and actively don’t want to. Or maybe they want to but there are no good partners to choose from. The atomization of human relationships and community rolls along. Does it seem like a great society if so few people have any hope for or interest in its future?
I think marriage has been painted in a bad light. People see a contract that can have negative financial and tax implications, legal implications, and is associated with religious institution. But we forget what marriage is symbolism for. For me it is a promise to love your partner unconditionally and support them emotionally, financially become one, and treat your lives as one. And when you invest your life so much in another person and they pour that much energy back into you your lives become better, you find emotional stability, financial stability, and a sense of community. It's no wonder to me that folks who believe in marriage as a promise of love create a strong sense of community, since they practice that everyday 💚
Haven't check in in over a year and wow! Your channel has changed! So exciting to see your channel thrive. I've been around before you were pregnant. So it's nice to see you succeed.
Men want to be married more than women and have higher happiness in marriage whereas time and again single women are happier than married counterparts. Yet men constantly complain about their wives and culturally we have normalized humor around men hating being married and craving freedom (take my wife, please!) which drives me nuts!! So is it any wonder this is happening? But I’m just a single 24 year old 🤷♀️
And women then complain of wanting a partner and kids, but complain because "can't find a worthy men". Seriously, this is not a "men only issue". Women has part on it, and is not a small part either.
@@Jamhael1 can't find 1 because they were lied to about needing 1 for happiness. If that's the life that she chooses that's fine, but plzz stop thinking we all want to take care of a man and his kids my love. It's a new time 😘
With marriage being so unpopular I stayed single longer than I wanted to simply because nobody around me wanted to commit. People my age wanted to party, they wanted to "live", they wanted to go through their "hoe phase" and whatnot. There was a pressure not to commit. Even if you were in a relationship, commiting wasn't cool. It's still hard to persuade my 28 year old boyfriend to get engaged. None of our friends are and we're not the oldest couple amng them...
Marriage only works when you have TWO emotionally mature people who don't have a desire to be selfish. I would never willingly choose co-living over marriage. If you are not ready to make the move then you're just with the wrong person and deep inside you know that.
I think the biggest problem is a lack of community. People are lonely isolated and struggling to survive with little or no backup. Some marriages are great but the bad ones can destabilize ones life. Kids are unaffordable and prices up (more symptoms of weak community and no backup). Who wants to.bring kids into that? Making life more affordable and less financially destitute would make marriage and kids seem more feasible.
I married my husband after spending my 20s with men who I essentially mothered- all domestic, career, and social labors eventually fell on me at various points. I feel lucky to have found my husband after that, right at the end of my 20s, but if I needed to continue dating instead I think it would have taken me well into my 30s before I settled down. I think this is a lot of women's realities. He is the breadwinner and I work from home, but we have a 2 year old together and cohabitate with his parents. I feel like my child's familial privilege was doubled because he basically has 4 parents. I have zero idea how this will impact his development, but you're spot on when you call it a privilege to cohabitate. Despite this, it's still a difficult adjustment to work full time and care for him at home with my MIL, so having more is a scary idea. I don't know how single mothers do it.
Maybe... just maybe... marriage doesn't prevent poverty, and its just that poor people can't afford to get married 🤷🏻♀️ Marriage and economic status are correlated, but I think there's some flaws in a lot of these studies. It's the same with the conclusion that children with married parents tend to be better off in many ways. Yes, married parents tend to be more financially well-off, and can afford to invest in their children's development. This would jot be the case for unmarried, cohabitating parents who live in poverty.
Also I think the whole expenditure of weddings has become insane. Seriously spending thousands of pounds on one day, outfits you’re never going to wear again to meet societal expectations and make family and friends happy is insane especially when couples cannot afford a mortgage. If you really want to get married you can do it for very little money with just a couple of witnesses you don’t need all the extra nonsense. Each to their own and if you can afford it and a big wedding makes you happy fine but personally I’d rather invest in a house be able to take maternity leave, not be in debt for a wedding. Whether it’s a million dollar ring or a £30 one it’s just metal and a stone at the end of the day you can’t take it with you. Life experience, memories and happy simple life is what makes folks happy materialism is bs imo.
I would suggest taking a close look at your sources. Heritage Foundation, the people behind Project 2025, isn't a great source and quoting from them detracts from your video.
Hey! Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I had no idea who was behind the Heritage Foundation. Thankfully, the general consensus on the relationship between marriage and poverty is still the same, but either way, I won't be sourcing them again. Being Canadian, some of these things just go over my head. Sorry for the bad source!
Community is more than socializing with neighbours. A lot of married people with small kids socialize with neighbours because that is attainable when a child is in bad or in smaller chunks of free time. Single parents may have difficulty socializing because it requires a sitter and there is even less free time. Single childfree people socialize with friends, who may live in another part of town. "Recent studies show that singles have more friends and are better at maintaining their friendships than married people. In contrast, married couples tend to spend a majority of their time with their partner, and often leave friendships behind." If you want a strong community that single parents can participate, why not organise events with childcare on site?
There are a lot of "married single moms" where I live. Men are still not doing enough, so I don't know. Is it better? To have married parents but your dad is basically a child too?
You suggested that separated parents would have double the household responsibilities, taking time away from the child(ren). This may not be true for both partners within the context of unequal sharing of household duties, especially in heteronormative marriages, in which women bare the burden of the majority of household tasks, childcare AND caring for their spouse. Just a thought.
I am extremely lucky with my partner and I absolutely love my children, but sometimes I feel a bit jealous of my child-free friends. There is so much extra work and stress that comes with raising children. Not to mention the lack of proper sleep...
Another possible factor for married people being more likely to engage with/support community services: some of them may have more time/energy available for community events & volunteer work due to shared income & domestic labor. The only time in my life I've been able to even _consider_ volunteering (let alone do it) is when I've been able to reduce my hours to part-time & rely more on my partner's income. He gets more free time out of the deal too, since I can do a lot more of the housework during my increased hours at home. The main downside is that our budget is tighter since we're splitting 1.5 incomes instead of 2, but as you mentioned, this also encourages community engagement via a greater need for community services. (Obviously this isn't exclusive to married couples, we aren't married, but married people seem more likely to lean on each other in this way.)
But i also believe depending on the political or religious or ideological background of married couples also plays a factor in communities' success. And sometimes it backfires and creates all those thing marriage is supposed to prevent. In my area most married couples do not support community services for individuals, families, or state funded community programs. And actively work to remove those services while they promote services through religious institutions. I would say most married couples in my area are more individualistic and withdraw from the community turning to their families and churches, and avoiding people of different denominations, faiths, and or ideologies, etc. In my hometown... Married couples and traditional families actively speak out against those not conforming to the traditional life path and aren't very open to non traditional families. So many young people and individuals in my area have a somewhat negative view of marriage.
I've been with my partner over 9 years and co habiting for 6. Only reason we aren't married is because we bought a house together and now don't have the spare income to get married. We're 36 and 39 and a blended family with 4 kids. We'll get married eventually but
So....if you don't have the nuclear families building up a community there ain't going to be anything for the single people to engage with. Seems like a pretty straightforward reason to you know want nuclear families. Also in a lot of countries the average woman can't work and support herself. Those controlling the economy have seen that more efficiency can be squeezed out of workers if both women and men contribute. They've created a situation where you can only afford to live if you are partners with someone else who also works full time; and because most women have to work full time having children is harder so disposable income is spent on entertainment instead, enriching specific business interests.
I have the most amazing fiancé! He treats me so well! We’re getting married this February and I honestly cannot wait. We’re both 21 and can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together, such a shame people don’t believe in marriage
Also, "less marriage results in less children" - correlation doesn't mean causation. Maybe both factors are sriven by a third factor (or more likely, factors).
i wanna live in a community not a corporate society, the fact that ai is thriving in a part of this epidemic of loneliness is terrible. we all watch 'Her' no? its sad and a place i wish i didnt live in but we do, im glad im married. i wish more people can see that being single isnt all that, you can still be independent in a marriage. why are we so selfish, people complain when their cats dont like to be pet but then go on tangents about how much they love being single. you are your cat. nothing is wrong with wanting alone time and a good marriage will give you that. im glad i have someone but yes. parasocial relationships are making it more difficult to dig out of the hole we are in etc etc
3:40 true but marriage and nuclear families alone can’t be the only factor! There are cultures out there in the world, such as the Mosuo in southern China, that have no concept of marriage or nuclear families but still have a great sense of community and where people know each other. Size I think plays a great factor in this as well as perhaps how going to work has changed as well as internet and smartphone use. When I commute to and from Hamburg, I see everyone being buried in their phones (including myself 😬), something which only 10-14 years ago was a lot less common. We are alienating and atomizing ourselves in an increasing rate. I’m sure that there are modern communities of millennials and Gen Z people out there who aren’t married and still know their neighbors well and have a stable community.
2:29 okay but may that only be true because nuclear families in our society is almost worshipped (especially by conservatives) while other forms of families, especially queer families, are marginalized and not supported as much?
The nuclear family is isolating but leaving the nuclear family is hard because it has destroyed the community that existed before it. That community has to be built again to reach the levels of social fulfillment we had before the nuclear family
When you did your research, did you come across any findings from Quebec? Common law couples are very normal (I’m tempted to say favoured) here for the last few decades, specifically as a rejection of Catholicism
From what I have read, wealthier people are more likely to get married and stay married. Working class people are less likely to marry these days so some of your statistics might just be from who is marrying and not because marriage does those things. I have also recently seen a study that shows a big chunk of the birth rate drop is from the drop in teen pregnancies. Those would have been unplanned pregnancies in the past and women don’t go on to have those children later in life. They have the children they would have had in their 20’s and 30’s.
I’m curious about that data about married people being more connected to their community. I feel like in your first part you were heavily implying that being married = being a family and therefore having children. I don’t know what the overlap in that data is between those married with or without children. Obviously if you have children you would rely upon community resources more. I don’t have any evidence against it but I feel like that data point might be inflated due to that lack of differentiation.
I've been with my hs sweetheart for 9 years/ homeowners for 3 of those years & engaged for 2. We finally have our 10acres the way we want to host our families for our wedding next year. We've gone through so much ups, downs, & general growth together. We literally scoff & laugh at the idea of throwing away this extremely mature & beautiful relationship to just start over & try again with someone else. Ive been able to stay home, work on the property & my art because he has a salary stay at home job. We're both college dropouts but clearly, as far as the American Dream set of standards, im 24 & feel really good about where we are. We're building something we both want to pass on to our children & its genuinely made our lives more full having commitment & something beyond ourselves to care about.
I recognize the obvious advantages of having a whole family but rather than guilting the child by calling it a privilege we should be guilting the deadbeat parent.
I don't think it's guilting the child, it's simply an acknowledgement that what you may perceive as the "norm" actually provides you a great advantage over a good chunk of people who grew up in single parent homes. They shouldn't feel guilty - that's a self-centered feeling - they should feel grateful.
It's not a "guilt" issue, it's just reality. Having two (functional) parents is a huge privilege and gives you a leg-up over many other family situations
I do agree that its more accurate to say children without a fathernor mother are disadvantaged rather than those with both are privileged. Two parents is the default biologically.Anything less is a disadvantage and anything more is privilege.
@daughter_of_yeshua That's just being pedantic. Privilege is relative. That's like saying that being born in a developed country isn't a privilege because our standard of living is the norm. A nuclear two parent household is not the norm, it's a recent, and primarily western phenomenon. Pre-industrial revolution kids around the world were raised by communities and multigenerational households as opposed to isolated nuclear environments.
20:16 that’s not an argument for marriage though - just for living together without this contract, this symbolism. To me, marriage is chaining you to another person and to bloody bureaucracy if you wanna get divorced. The only advantage of marriage is that you get financially benefited (at least in Germany, not sure about the US) because marriage and the cishet nuclear family are still seen as the „normal“ way. Heck, even being cis lesbian can be hard as a marriage without a mother and a father still isn’t benefited as much, not to mention families where one or both or more are trans. And families of more than two caregivers aren’t recognized either! Sure, you can legally get married in Germany as a gay couple but the bureaucracy has yet to catch up…which it isn’t designed to do in analogue Germany.
FAIR SHARE, in marriage it's never equal. Never fair, at various times one, either or both give more, give less, give same, problems hit only with lack of money and sex and respect.
Id rather be married, whether young or in 60s its security in love, companionship, and money, two can weather storms better. People dont sacrifice themselves enough to make marriage work.
No pleasant video essay for people who are divorced or decided to raise children alone… no success for you guys, or your children… it sounds like you must have man for a successful happy life
I would abolish marriage completely if I where a president or a "dictator", it’s something so stupid and unnecessary that do more harm that good. I’m 22 and i will never in my life going to get married or making kids, for a lot of reasons.
You'd "abolish" marriage because it's "stupid" and "unnecesary". You sound very inmature to be 22. And it's not because you don't want to get married and have kids, it's because if it was up to you nobody would be able to get married or have kids.
Two physical bodies in a household does not make efficiency does not make emotional well-being…. What about people who are in marriages were a spouse is abusive or they’re just a complete waste of space where they end up eating more time and resources from their partner or they are executing awful behaviours by being a neglectful spouse, intern teaching their child that that’s how you treat another person you’re supposed to love. So other than just two paycheques coming in which at the end of the day is really the bare minimum and that’s not me saying that people don’t deserve to eat, but when it comes to creating a good human being, having two physical adults in a house does not equal success. Sidestepping the fact that more times than not the male in the relationship does not do as many of the household task or carry the mental load the same way that the female partners do isn’t doing anybody of service. Because somebody could get divorced and have to work extra hours to get a paycheque but still fine 10 more hours in the week that was taken away from them by their spouse, not being an adult.
Our perception of marriage as a society is overrated. The idea of marriage being happily ever after as in you never experience conflict again isnt true. Its the expectation that it will be happily ever after that causes us disappointment when we realize that marriage has conflict just like any other relationship. So many people as children werent given a model of healthy conflict resolution as children and therefore missed a crucial lesson in how to do this themselves as adults. People today tend to throw in the towel when it gets hard because they just dont know how to resolve conflict. People today also tend toward more selfish behaviors, which adds to the conflict. Love and respect for one another is what is needed for a healthy marriage and relationships. People really dont know how anymore, but we can learn. We can break cycles and love each other as much as ourselves.
@@daughter_of_yeshua The problem is the idea of any kind of 'ever-happy'. Happiness is a crescendo. Can you ever-orgasm? Nope. Peace, contentment, and general gladness can be striven for. Happiness is more fast, sharp, and rare.
@@falsificationismmarriage makes men more happy than women, it is a trap for women. She’ll have to look after him for the rest of her life whilst getting little to nothing in return
Interesting to hear the perspective of married couples and births…I feel like society still isn’t always supportive of couples having babies without marriage (archaic, but honest) so I’m not surprised by this. I will say been newly married it really is a different relationship dynamic, even from a long term relationship. You’re tied up as one, for the good and the bad.
I'll say what nobody else wants to say. Marriages are on the decline, and it all comes down to sex. It doesn't matter what women say about marriage because a man has to propose, so the only perspective that really matters is from men. Chastity in women was never to oppress them. It was to try and set them up so that a man could be confident in his choice when selecting a wife. Men are no longer confident when thinking about committing, providing and protecting, and working hard for a woman who has been "living her life on her terms" for such a long time, and just think the men who say that a womans sexual past is not important to him and he does get married. He now has a 60% chance of now getting divorced in the future. it is such a bad deal for men all the way around.
Nope, the true reason is that the majority of coupled women continue to do the majority of housework regardless of whether she works as much or more and brings in more money than her male partner. Men are just getting lazier, and that is why single women are overwhelmingly more happy and live longer than married women, who are burnt out and depressed and die sooner while their married husbands reap all the benefits and longer life. Women doing more work, women are happier single, women die sooner coupled - these are the facts and facts don’t care about your feelings
I asked my now husband to be my boyfriend and asked him to marry me. I also told him he would work and I would stay home. We are perfectly happy with a second child on the way. I don't like how you act like women are to be "selected" if anything women are more initiative than men now since men are becoming mostly submissive.
This is so dumb on so many levels also my parents are sixty been married for 35 years and my moms the one who got the rings and proposed. Stop being stupid. woman are selective these days because they don’t have to get married for money or freedoms they could not have when single in the past so now they actually get to choose good quality men. Problem is most men suck as have no desire to improve themselves yet still want a woman to devote herself to him. You are not worth a woman’s time she will not give it too you improve yourself then many women would be happy to have you be worthy of her choice. Stop whining woman don’t want men that’s not true for most part they just want a man who’s actually a decent human being. Once again the problem isn’t women it’s men yet they blame women like always.
Of course being single and not having kids when you’re young is fun but when you get older and lonely and men don’t look at you anymore, you’re gonna regret it lol
Actually studies show that that the happiest people who live the longest are single women. Also even if you don't have a partner doesn't mean you have to be lonely. I've been single for 4 years and never felt alone. I'm still out having fun with friends and family. Not all love has to be romantic. Platonic love is just as important.
Perhaps that's part of the problem. The fact that men don't look at older women the same is a toxic social and cultural construct that we created, and too many men and women subscribe to it. Many older women are drop-dead gorgeous, but our society has been conditioned to reject them because they're too old. It's a statistical fact that female actors and performers have fewer opportunities compared to men as they age, regardless of how good-looking or talented they are. It's quite sad, and it's a sentiment that really does need to change.
@@ElinWinbladShe said they ate happiest which I would assume equates to quality of life. It’s a sociological thing. Women have more social networks and do not receive the same benefits as men when they are married. Married men are in better health because they are taken care of
One thing that she didn't mention is that alot of these single moms are single moms BY CHOICE. They have unprotected sex with guys they know don't want them long term and then cry about struggling. These women should not be celebrated or embraced, but shamed for being a burden on society and setting up their child(ren) for failure.
And this is why most men won’t be having kids moving forward. Women are tired of being the ones to do everything and men don’t get blamed for anything. Men are the victims actually. So women NEED to leave that whole gender alone
Once again blaming women for men being dead beats she didn’t get pregnant on her own yet she stayed and raised a child while he ran away like the coward he is.
![NOSFERATU - Official Trailer [HD] - Only In Theaters December 25](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nulvWqYUM8k/mqdefault.jpg)
Thanks for acknowledging that a two parent household with one abusive parent is always worse than a single parent home. That is very true.
I mean a whole generation of the Hood would say otherwise lol....
@@edwinchung6420 What do you mean? Are you saying that people in certain neighborhoods would want an abusive two parent home instead of a non-abusive one parent home? Hmmm.... Have you lived with an abusive parent?
🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️
How common are abusive parents?
@@MarioMario-vy4bi Pretty common. I don't know, My dad was abusive and I grew up wishing they would get a divorce.
I co-lived with my husband for five years before we got married, and it does feel different. We both didn’t feel a pressure to get married right away because we both felt very secure in our relationship. After being married, I have noticed that I feel more comfortable making long term decisions and it feels like we are building a life together instead of just being roommates that are in a relationship.
I totally relate and agree.
I'm glad that you beat the statistic, but cohabitation is associated with so many failed long-term relations that they've dubbed it the 'cohabitation effect.' It's not good to suggest it across the board.
@@dianaquill9969 haha, they didn’t suggest anything though. They just gave their experience of living together before and after getting married and how marriage positively changed their relationship/long term security.
@@sophiej1987 You should read about how to influence people. Social proofing is a common and easily spotted method of convincing people.
I don’t think cohabitation is the cause of failed relationships but it’s correlated with failed relationships.
Im married with a child on the way, but if i hadn't found a partner who respects me and does his fair share it never would have happened. Men arent adjusting to the reality of gender equality, and until they do women will continue to avoid marrying them.
I am not so sure its solely a "men" issue. To attribute it to blameless women is not productive to the issue.
Women who can attract quality men will want to get married and have kids. Women who can't attract quality men don't want to because they know that having kids and starting a family with a low quality partner is hell.
@@crimson6172not true I've attracted only good men in my life. 3 good relationship during my life time. But every time in the end they want kids. Even if we agreed in the beginning not to have any. And I simply do not. I'm 30 now and my desire to have kids are lower now then in my 20ies...
well said
I hope he continues to do his fair share once the baby gets here. Odds are against it, so get ready.
32:05 "But my last thought on the matter being that if we live in a society that will potentially collapse if not enough people get married, maybe we have more of a problem with the way we're running things and less of a problem with peoples' choices in their love lives."
I am frustrated by the narrative that marriage is merely an option that anyone can choose to pursue. As a single woman in my mid-30s, I would very much prefer to be married right now. I have been searching for the right partner for almost a decade and so far no luck. I often find myself thinking that the man I am looking for just doesn't exist and time is running out. None of this was my choice.
Don’t give up hope ❤
I think we as a society are failing young women by telling them to go out and live it up and to not consider marriage. Many women are in similar situation to yours😔❤
@@ramona8807okay but we are not all the same and marriage is an OPTION not a a necessity. Society has failed y’all by making it seem like the be all and end all, which is sad
I feel like it's not possible to find the perfect partner because no one is perfect. Make a list of realistic minimum requirements. Agreement on religion and kids for example. Not a rich guy with a masters or above, 6'2"+, and worships the ground you walk on and votes the same as you
@@Enriquez2222 Majority of women will want a husband and kids at some point. People are created different for sure but you are using the minority to excuse teaching young women to prioritise everything else than what will most likely matter the most to them in the end. Of course marriage should stay an option and other things should matter in life too. There is no need to get triggered.
Marriage is absolutely not a necessity for happiness, personal fulfilment or physical and financial security. It can absolutely cause the opposite of all these, nor is the western and modern idea for marriage necessary for societal functions as there are many documented cultures where marriage and kinship are very different from the western modern forms of marriage and kinship.
THAT BEING SAID, the anti marriage trend is not an indicator for the improvement of any of the parameters mentioned above either, as it comes from a place of extreme individualistic ideology. I absolutely agree with you that being a part of any long term, tight knit social dinamic (i.e, also non marriage type long term partnership, coliving with family etc) leads to significantly more empathetic, cooperative, communal behaviours, as it really forces the individual to learn and adapt to be cosiderate of other's needs. The rejection of marriage just feels like it's coming from a place of "always put yourself first". Which is great until it isn't.
It just feels very much like throwing the baby with the bathwater kind of philosophy. The rejection of marriage came as a rejection of a societal norm for the sake of societal normality. But at the same time it fails to recognise the benefits that norm had, and does not seem to give much consideration to what can replace it without discarding those benefits.
Great video as always!!!
The way I see this talked about in the media, they frame it as a cause, and not an effect. This is 100% an effect of a different cause. It’s really problematic when people frame peoples’ choices as a cause of the issues in society rather than as a response to the larger issues present in the society
I was raised in a true single parent household. My mom had a greater community when I was an infant, but as I got older her circle grew smaller and smaller... by the time I was a teenager we were extremely isolated. It made growing up with her extremely difficult, not to mention she was also working through her own traumas from childhood and adulthood. I don't really blame anyone, nor am I angry. It just sucks because I have no friends that understand my situation, at all. However, I do feel strong, and I am unlearning a lot of things. I hope I can do better for my community, whether that's a biological family or something else.
"I don't have friends that understand"
This is a big one for me too. My family history is as unstandard as can be and I think it causes trouble in my relationships with people. But as I grow older I realise it can be a blessing too, since I have less biases and see some things more clearly, if that makes sense
even in a two parent home, with today's economy a lot of parents have to work more/longer hours just to survive, taking further time away from being with their child
Honestly, I think the biggest issue is the cultural aspect of marriage. We've been conditioned to believe that the ONLY socially and culturally acceptable relationship status is a heterosexual marriage. Anything else is automatically deemed "bad," "irresponsible," and "selfish." Meanwhile, our culture is also drowning in a kind of toxic selfishness where helping others for any reason is often labeled as "enabling." Here in the US, people actively fight against community-strengthening measures like publically-funded daycare and healthcare. As a single parent, I was told that both me and my child deserved to suffer because people automatically assumed I had made bad choices that resulted in my single parent status. As a married parent, I was told to stop being irresponsible with money and stop expecting someone else to pay for my choice to have kids. Even as a single, childless person, I was often told things like, you shouldn't have gone to college if you couldn't pay for it, or it's your own fault that you can't find a good-paying job. All of these narratives are incredibly toxic and unhelpful, and they lead to a larger issue of people just not being willing to help other people at all under any circumstances. When the world is so unapologetically selfish, how is anyone even remotely surprised that fertility rates are dropping, the rates of single parents are rising, and communities overall feel less welcoming and stable than they once were?
Everyone’s generous when it’s someone else’s money.
@@chickenman6308 That's true, but I find it ironic that we are willing to do things like fund foreign wars and give billions in tax breaks and bailouts to large corporations, but the idea of helping someone pay off their student loans is utterly unacceptable. You can make the argument that helping our allies in war or allowing a corporation to continue with business as usual (even if their business practices are wasteful and unethical) benefits us all, but I feel like it really doesn't. The result has been a culture that idolizes big business and consumerism; one that justifies war and conflict as a necessary evil, but has no empathy for the person who lives next door. The average person has seen no benefit at all from corporate tax breaks or wars overseas. We as a society have no problem spending someone else's money. We've been doing that for centuries. Who we spend it on matters, though, and I would argue that the people getting the benefit of having money spent on them are not the ones who need it.
@@fairywingsonroses I agree. A good society starts with "the person next door."
Also note that many disabled folks in USA risk access to needed benefits if they marry. Super frustrating and unjust
Totally
22:07 husband and I had a short engagement (like 3 months) because we decided to buy a house together - had both been saving and getting engaged triggered the 'lets just have a look' conversation. A friend of mine was with her partner for 15 years (teenagers to 30s) and they owned a house but never married and no kids, when he died she was in a very difficult situation not knowing what she would get and what his family would get. I voiced it while we were dating that I'd never buy a house with someone I wasn't married to, he agreed and we followed through with a microwedding a couple of weeks after we got the keys. Other than security and legalities there aren't many reasons to marry these days
Do you think married without kids have a better social life/community?
I pretty much agree. The only reason I would care to be married is to *legally* deincentivize bad behaviour and to make sure me and my future partner are *legally* taken care of in any situations. There is a religious aspect I *should* care about... but meh lol
Wills should always be updated to match the current situation. Even when me and my partner weren't married, if I had died my apartment would have gone to him thanks to my will.
In Australia if you are in a relationship for 5 years or more you become the “defacto” partner. Unless stated in the will of the deceased, automatically it would go to your friend. That’s in Australia so I’m not sure about other countries!
If you ask me, lower rates of marriage is not the cause, it's one of the symptoms of a less connected community/society and greater loneliness.
As far as the giving back to the community aspect, married couples have more time to give back or participate because they are splitting the household work. Separated families have to do twice the work since there are now 2 households…
Plus, as a married couple we are being more active in our community to set a good example for our kid, as well as getting to know the members of our town more closely to gauge who our kid will be around. That part of it is a safety matter.
Being married brings on a lot more responsibilities to the relationship it's just different.
Marriage made my mother so depressed it’s insane
I would have much rather grown up with just my mom than my dad being included in that situation. My dad got into drugs and alcohol because he slowly started realizing that the married life wasn’t for him.. Later on, he started physically abusing my mother and my brothers.
I’m super proud of my mother leaving. So, no, having both parents in the household isn’t always a good thing. But I do agree if beneficial when you’re in a good household. Just wanted to chime in.
I'll address the decreasing community aspect. I feel like the US has two major "cults" I'll call them but they're more like society-wide behaviors and ways of thinking:
1. The cult of the individual: Its me first, my mental health, my well-being, my financial success, my status, my sense of belonging in society, my friends so on and so forth. We put ourselves first and actively encourage everyone to do the same whereas building strong community literally REQUIRES you to put other people first, and to put them first often.
2. The cult of convenience: This one is the very American idea of not going out of the way for literally anyone than maybe your family and your most close friends. Even when it comes down to hanging out with people in order to participate in community. There are people who I know who decided not to go to an event because it means they had to walk 5 extra minutes off of the metro. People who won't go out because they want to "bed rot" or whatever. Then these people complain about being lonely despite rejecting every invitation and deciding to literally talk to no one in their work, school or whatever network they are organically a part of. Being a part of and maintaining community IS inconvenient most of the time.
I feel like there are other aspects to these things that I am not mentioning but this is what I thought of off the top of my head!
Compelling video & thoughts. I really appreciate how you unpack the data about everything, digging into what different claims might mean. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the hesitancy around getting married has also come out of the divorce rates being so high - and I really wonder if the divorce rates will drop because people who are choosing to get married are taking it more seriously (like most of the children of divorced parents have told me they would never want to get divorced)? That's a TOTAL guess and of course I know that plenty of people took marriages seriously before and still got divorced. Just curious how the institution of marriage will continue to shift in the coming years.
Personally as a Christian, I've always been shocked at how the divorce rate of Christians is basically equal to that of non-Christian folks. And I really wonder if the church has / will start talking about and treating marriage more seriously (better support for it, counseling, supporting couples who are struggling) and if that will have an impact specifically on the divorce rates for Christian marriages specifically.
Thanks again for a thoughtful video. I recently discovered your channel and have been watching through lots of your older stuff! Loving it all.
Listening to your video essay brought a new light to a highlighted issue in a book I'm reading called "Bringing Up Girls" (2010), which examines the need for girls to have the expectations, placed upon them by their parents, to make wise decisions about boys/men as they surpass puberty and enter adulthood. Your video makes me wonder what North America and other developed countries would look like if we (not just girls) took our decisions related to dating, partners, and sex very seriously, beginning as early as middle school. Perhaps there would be a higher percentage of married couples, or even kids living with two biological parents, which could have a positive effect on poverty, crime, and academic rates even one or two generations down the line.
I feel like this issue is so complex. I was raised in a religion that pushed marriage and children on girls from a young age, often without also educating them on the more important details of dating, consent, or even what to look for in a good partner. A good partner to them was religiously devout, and little else about them mattered. This created an environment where girls felt pressured to marry young, and often felt like they couldn't choose something different without being shunned. I also think we need to have a conversation about how fatherhood is largely viewed as "optional." Historically, all that was asked of men was to provide financially. Anything beyond that was considered "extra." It's really not surprising that men are just noping out of fatherhood altogether when society has historically put all of the responsibility for child rearing on women. And women almost always get the blame when dead beat dads refuse to help out instead of holing men to higher standards too. Even involved fathers are often limited in what they are willing to contribute towards raising their kids or helping out. It's really hard for a girl to find a good partner when the overall culture of parenting and marriage emphasizes the completely wrong things for the completely wrong reasons.
I think parents should absolutely talk about romantic relationships, expectations and what to look for in a spouse early and often. We discuss this stuff all the time with our kids. One thing I think is important is to encourage a culture of respect in a household. Siblings should respect each other, spouses should respect each other and parents should respect the kids and vice versa. Many families allow outright boundary violations and I don’t think that’s good for teaching kids how to find good partners. When families demonstrate kind, loving, respectful communication, and respecting each others need for space, personal belongings etc, it should help them discern who is worth their time and who isn’t!
Unfortunately, I am a people pleaser and so is my teenage daughter. We’ve had to have a lot of discussions about being a doormat etc. She is so kind and sweet and I really have to help guide her friendships etc. I think some parents would be more hands off, but I’ve been burned by so many bad relationships and friendships that I refuse to allow her to navigate that world by herself.
These are just my thoughts
5:02 women used to rely on men for economic reasons but men also relied on women for homemaking reasons. A wife meant they didn't have to clean, cook or anything else 'feminine' which were skills those men just didn't have. Neither gender is as reliant, we get to pick and have that flexibility. I see a lot of women say that women have learnt to 'mens' skills but men haven't necessarily learnt the 'womens' side. Or expect women to do most of the 'womens' role and half the mens, leaving things unbalanced. Progress isn't always synced up, I'm sure when mens skills catch up the numbers will go back up, and people's social skills will catch up to more community based
women's skill isn't in cooking or cleaning, any man can do that, not that hard, it's the managing of many personal relationships that woman excel at.
@@acuerdox nah I suck at that, so do a lot of women/people. My neurodiverse brain forgets people exist for months at a time, thinks I'm bothering them or reads too much into things. The less personal relationships the better
Women are factually doing it all. They have data about the majority of women doing the majority of housework, regardless of employment. It’s not equal at all, it is a fantasy to believe women are dropping the ball here, it is 100% men
@@acuerdox with the chronic narcisism in women today, your claim is proven to be another symptom: that only "your" side is "blameless".
While it’s good that people don’t feel compelled to marry young and have kids as a matter of course, I do think it’s a pretty grim that so many people just never do and actively don’t want to. Or maybe they want to but there are no good partners to choose from. The atomization of human relationships and community rolls along. Does it seem like a great society if so few people have any hope for or interest in its future?
I think marriage has been painted in a bad light. People see a contract that can have negative financial and tax implications, legal implications, and is associated with religious institution. But we forget what marriage is symbolism for.
For me it is a promise to love your partner unconditionally and support them emotionally, financially become one, and treat your lives as one. And when you invest your life so much in another person and they pour that much energy back into you your lives become better, you find emotional stability, financial stability, and a sense of community.
It's no wonder to me that folks who believe in marriage as a promise of love create a strong sense of community, since they practice that everyday 💚
Haven't check in in over a year and wow! Your channel has changed! So exciting to see your channel thrive. I've been around before you were pregnant. So it's nice to see you succeed.
Men want to be married more than women and have higher happiness in marriage whereas time and again single women are happier than married counterparts. Yet men constantly complain about their wives and culturally we have normalized humor around men hating being married and craving freedom (take my wife, please!) which drives me nuts!! So is it any wonder this is happening? But I’m just a single 24 year old 🤷♀️
Cap women want marriage more than men cuz women benefit waaaaay more
Same, 24 and single with no plans of getting married. Would hate to be the ball and chain at the end of those jokes
They don’t like marriage per say they just want a woman around to fulfill their needs.
And women then complain of wanting a partner and kids, but complain because "can't find a worthy men".
Seriously, this is not a "men only issue". Women has part on it, and is not a small part either.
@@Jamhael1 can't find 1 because they were lied to about needing 1 for happiness. If that's the life that she chooses that's fine, but plzz stop thinking we all want to take care of a man and his kids my love. It's a new time 😘
I want to be a rich single mom by adoption
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
With marriage being so unpopular I stayed single longer than I wanted to simply because nobody around me wanted to commit. People my age wanted to party, they wanted to "live", they wanted to go through their "hoe phase" and whatnot.
There was a pressure not to commit. Even if you were in a relationship, commiting wasn't cool.
It's still hard to persuade my 28 year old boyfriend to get engaged. None of our friends are and we're not the oldest couple amng them...
so true
Damn where are you from? Everyone I knew was married by 20
Marriage only works when you have TWO emotionally mature people who don't have a desire to be selfish.
I would never willingly choose co-living over marriage. If you are not ready to make the move then you're just with the wrong person and deep inside you know that.
I think the biggest problem is a lack of community. People are lonely isolated and struggling to survive with little or no backup. Some marriages are great but the bad ones can destabilize ones life. Kids are unaffordable and prices up (more symptoms of weak community and no backup). Who wants to.bring kids into that? Making life more affordable and less financially destitute would make marriage and kids seem more feasible.
I married my husband after spending my 20s with men who I essentially mothered- all domestic, career, and social labors eventually fell on me at various points. I feel lucky to have found my husband after that, right at the end of my 20s, but if I needed to continue dating instead I think it would have taken me well into my 30s before I settled down. I think this is a lot of women's realities. He is the breadwinner and I work from home, but we have a 2 year old together and cohabitate with his parents. I feel like my child's familial privilege was doubled because he basically has 4 parents. I have zero idea how this will impact his development, but you're spot on when you call it a privilege to cohabitate. Despite this, it's still a difficult adjustment to work full time and care for him at home with my MIL, so having more is a scary idea. I don't know how single mothers do it.
Maybe... just maybe... marriage doesn't prevent poverty, and its just that poor people can't afford to get married 🤷🏻♀️
Marriage and economic status are correlated, but I think there's some flaws in a lot of these studies. It's the same with the conclusion that children with married parents tend to be better off in many ways. Yes, married parents tend to be more financially well-off, and can afford to invest in their children's development. This would jot be the case for unmarried, cohabitating parents who live in poverty.
Also I think the whole expenditure of weddings has become insane. Seriously spending thousands of pounds on one day, outfits you’re never going to wear again to meet societal expectations and make family and friends happy is insane especially when couples cannot afford a mortgage. If you really want to get married you can do it for very little money with just a couple of witnesses you don’t need all the extra nonsense. Each to their own and if you can afford it and a big wedding makes you happy fine but personally I’d rather invest in a house be able to take maternity leave, not be in debt for a wedding. Whether it’s a million dollar ring or a £30 one it’s just metal and a stone at the end of the day you can’t take it with you. Life experience, memories and happy simple life is what makes folks happy materialism is bs imo.
Love your hair, it looks amazing. Just started this video, it will probably be great!
Needs to be shown that being alone does not equal being lonely
I would suggest taking a close look at your sources. Heritage Foundation, the people behind Project 2025, isn't a great source and quoting from them detracts from your video.
That part
Oof I missed that. Not a good look to be quoting them
Hey! Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I had no idea who was behind the Heritage Foundation. Thankfully, the general consensus on the relationship between marriage and poverty is still the same, but either way, I won't be sourcing them again. Being Canadian, some of these things just go over my head. Sorry for the bad source!
it's a great source for disinformation and confused bullshit with no relation to reality.
Why?
Community is more than socializing with neighbours. A lot of married people with small kids socialize with neighbours because that is attainable when a child is in bad or in smaller chunks of free time. Single parents may have difficulty socializing because it requires a sitter and there is even less free time. Single childfree people socialize with friends, who may live in another part of town. "Recent studies show that singles have more friends and are better at maintaining their friendships than married people. In contrast, married couples tend to spend a majority of their time with their partner, and often leave friendships behind." If you want a strong community that single parents can participate, why not organise events with childcare on site?
The Institute for Family is also a conservative think tank, similar to the heritage foundation. Please check your sources and vet them for biases.
There are a lot of "married single moms" where I live. Men are still not doing enough, so I don't know. Is it better? To have married parents but your dad is basically a child too?
You suggested that separated parents would have double the household responsibilities, taking time away from the child(ren). This may not be true for both partners within the context of unequal sharing of household duties, especially in heteronormative marriages, in which women bare the burden of the majority of household tasks, childcare AND caring for their spouse. Just a thought.
I am extremely lucky with my partner and I absolutely love my children, but sometimes I feel a bit jealous of my child-free friends. There is so much extra work and stress that comes with raising children. Not to mention the lack of proper sleep...
Another possible factor for married people being more likely to engage with/support community services: some of them may have more time/energy available for community events & volunteer work due to shared income & domestic labor. The only time in my life I've been able to even _consider_ volunteering (let alone do it) is when I've been able to reduce my hours to part-time & rely more on my partner's income. He gets more free time out of the deal too, since I can do a lot more of the housework during my increased hours at home.
The main downside is that our budget is tighter since we're splitting 1.5 incomes instead of 2, but as you mentioned, this also encourages community engagement via a greater need for community services. (Obviously this isn't exclusive to married couples, we aren't married, but married people seem more likely to lean on each other in this way.)
But i also believe depending on the political or religious or ideological background of married couples also plays a factor in communities' success. And sometimes it backfires and creates all those thing marriage is supposed to prevent.
In my area most married couples do not support community services for individuals, families, or state funded community programs. And actively work to remove those services while they promote services through religious institutions. I would say most married couples in my area are more individualistic and withdraw from the community turning to their families and churches, and avoiding people of different denominations, faiths, and or ideologies, etc.
In my hometown... Married couples and traditional families actively speak out against those not conforming to the traditional life path and aren't very open to non traditional families. So many young people and individuals in my area have a somewhat negative view of marriage.
I've been with my partner over 9 years and co habiting for 6. Only reason we aren't married is because we bought a house together and now don't have the spare income to get married. We're 36 and 39 and a blended family with 4 kids. We'll get married eventually but
So....if you don't have the nuclear families building up a community there ain't going to be anything for the single people to engage with. Seems like a pretty straightforward reason to you know want nuclear families.
Also in a lot of countries the average woman can't work and support herself. Those controlling the economy have seen that more efficiency can be squeezed out of workers if both women and men contribute.
They've created a situation where you can only afford to live if you are partners with someone else who also works full time; and because most women have to work full time having children is harder so disposable income is spent on entertainment instead, enriching specific business interests.
I have the most amazing fiancé! He treats me so well! We’re getting married this February and I honestly cannot wait. We’re both 21 and can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together, such a shame people don’t believe in marriage
Lovey u are 21....enough said 😂
Also, "less marriage results in less children" - correlation doesn't mean causation. Maybe both factors are sriven by a third factor (or more likely, factors).
i wanna live in a community not a corporate society, the fact that ai is thriving in a part of this epidemic of loneliness is terrible. we all watch 'Her' no? its sad and a place i wish i didnt live in but we do, im glad im married. i wish more people can see that being single isnt all that, you can still be independent in a marriage. why are we so selfish, people complain when their cats dont like to be pet but then go on tangents about how much they love being single. you are your cat. nothing is wrong with wanting alone time and a good marriage will give you that. im glad i have someone but yes. parasocial relationships are making it more difficult to dig out of the hole we are in etc etc
I’ve always knew I wanted be a mother but I’ve never felt the same way about a relationship or marriage regardless of the gender who I marry
3:40 true but marriage and nuclear families alone can’t be the only factor! There are cultures out there in the world, such as the Mosuo in southern China, that have no concept of marriage or nuclear families but still have a great sense of community and where people know each other.
Size I think plays a great factor in this as well as perhaps how going to work has changed as well as internet and smartphone use. When I commute to and from Hamburg, I see everyone being buried in their phones (including myself 😬), something which only 10-14 years ago was a lot less common.
We are alienating and atomizing ourselves in an increasing rate.
I’m sure that there are modern communities of millennials and Gen Z people out there who aren’t married and still know their neighbors well and have a stable community.
2:29 okay but may that only be true because nuclear families in our society is almost worshipped (especially by conservatives) while other forms of families, especially queer families, are marginalized and not supported as much?
If people want women to get married more then men need to work on being better people worth marrying
The nuclear family is isolating but leaving the nuclear family is hard because it has destroyed the community that existed before it. That community has to be built again to reach the levels of social fulfillment we had before the nuclear family
When you did your research, did you come across any findings from Quebec? Common law couples are very normal (I’m tempted to say favoured) here for the last few decades, specifically as a rejection of Catholicism
Whenever I see a quote from the heritage foundation it makes me question the whole video… tbh
From what I have read, wealthier people are more likely to get married and stay married. Working class people are less likely to marry these days so some of your statistics might just be from who is marrying and not because marriage does those things.
I have also recently seen a study that shows a big chunk of the birth rate drop is from the drop in teen pregnancies. Those would have been unplanned pregnancies in the past and women don’t go on to have those children later in life. They have the children they would have had in their 20’s and 30’s.
I’m curious about that data about married people being more connected to their community. I feel like in your first part you were heavily implying that being married = being a family and therefore having children. I don’t know what the overlap in that data is between those married with or without children. Obviously if you have children you would rely upon community resources more. I don’t have any evidence against it but I feel like that data point might be inflated due to that lack of differentiation.
Social Media has some impact, I imagine.
I've been with my hs sweetheart for 9 years/ homeowners for 3 of those years & engaged for 2. We finally have our 10acres the way we want to host our families for our wedding next year. We've gone through so much ups, downs, & general growth together. We literally scoff & laugh at the idea of throwing away this extremely mature & beautiful relationship to just start over & try again with someone else. Ive been able to stay home, work on the property & my art because he has a salary stay at home job. We're both college dropouts but clearly, as far as the American Dream set of standards, im 24 & feel really good about where we are. We're building something we both want to pass on to our children & its genuinely made our lives more full having commitment & something beyond ourselves to care about.
But sure "mawage is aw twap" 😂 I wouldn't be half the person I am today without my fiancé
Happy for you.
Girl, you quoted the Heritage Foundation. I'm out.
context??
@@NauticalTurtle This is the organization that authored Project 2025.
I recognize the obvious advantages of having a whole family but rather than guilting the child by calling it a privilege we should be guilting the deadbeat parent.
I don't think it's guilting the child, it's simply an acknowledgement that what you may perceive as the "norm" actually provides you a great advantage over a good chunk of people who grew up in single parent homes. They shouldn't feel guilty - that's a self-centered feeling - they should feel grateful.
It's not a "guilt" issue, it's just reality. Having two (functional) parents is a huge privilege and gives you a leg-up over many other family situations
I do agree that its more accurate to say children without a fathernor mother are disadvantaged rather than those with both are privileged. Two parents is the default biologically.Anything less is a disadvantage and anything more is privilege.
@daughter_of_yeshua That's just being pedantic. Privilege is relative. That's like saying that being born in a developed country isn't a privilege because our standard of living is the norm. A nuclear two parent household is not the norm, it's a recent, and primarily western phenomenon. Pre-industrial revolution kids around the world were raised by communities and multigenerational households as opposed to isolated nuclear environments.
20:16 that’s not an argument for marriage though - just for living together without this contract, this symbolism.
To me, marriage is chaining you to another person and to bloody bureaucracy if you wanna get divorced.
The only advantage of marriage is that you get financially benefited (at least in Germany, not sure about the US) because marriage and the cishet nuclear family are still seen as the „normal“ way.
Heck, even being cis lesbian can be hard as a marriage without a mother and a father still isn’t benefited as much, not to mention families where one or both or more are trans. And families of more than two caregivers aren’t recognized either!
Sure, you can legally get married in Germany as a gay couple but the bureaucracy has yet to catch up…which it isn’t designed to do in analogue Germany.
FAIR SHARE, in marriage it's never equal. Never fair, at various times one, either or both give more, give less, give same, problems hit only with lack of money and sex and respect.
How do u have half a kid?
First time I’m so early to a RUclips video
I'm not sure the causality runs the direction you're suggesting. Marriage itself has become something more and more limited to affluence.
Id rather be married, whether young or in 60s its security in love, companionship, and money, two can weather storms better. People dont sacrifice themselves enough to make marriage work.
For men...life's different for women love we have options outside of men lolz
Men CONTROL who gets married. Patriarchy in control lol
9:18 parasocial relationships
Simple. No marriage, i got money problems and no partner i this lifetime.
Sooooo many ads, dude. Made this unwatchable
Children lose the most when marriage becomes obsolete. Then, the women. Then, the men.
No pleasant video essay for people who are divorced or decided to raise children alone… no success for you guys, or your children… it sounds like you must have man for a successful happy life
Actually women tend to be more successful when they are not in a relationship with a man whilst it is the opposite for men
I would abolish marriage completely if I where a president or a "dictator", it’s something so stupid and unnecessary that do more harm that good.
I’m 22 and i will never in my life going to get married or making kids, for a lot of reasons.
You'd "abolish" marriage because it's "stupid" and "unnecesary". You sound very inmature to be 22. And it's not because you don't want to get married and have kids, it's because if it was up to you nobody would be able to get married or have kids.
Two physical bodies in a household does not make efficiency does not make emotional well-being….
What about people who are in marriages were a spouse is abusive or they’re just a complete waste of space where they end up eating more time and resources from their partner or they are executing awful behaviours by being a neglectful spouse, intern teaching their child that that’s how you treat another person you’re supposed to love.
So other than just two paycheques coming in which at the end of the day is really the bare minimum and that’s not me saying that people don’t deserve to eat, but when it comes to creating a good human being, having two physical adults in a house does not equal success. Sidestepping the fact that more times than not the male in the relationship does not do as many of the household task or carry the mental load the same way that the female partners do isn’t doing anybody of service.
Because somebody could get divorced and have to work extra hours to get a paycheque but still fine 10 more hours in the week that was taken away from them by their spouse, not being an adult.
Happily ever after has nothing to do with marriage. Marriage is way overrated
That sounds like an overgeneralization to me. I know many married couples who don't think marriage is "overrated." It's different for every pairing.
Our perception of marriage as a society is overrated. The idea of marriage being happily ever after as in you never experience conflict again isnt true. Its the expectation that it will be happily ever after that causes us disappointment when we realize that marriage has conflict just like any other relationship. So many people as children werent given a model of healthy conflict resolution as children and therefore missed a crucial lesson in how to do this themselves as adults. People today tend to throw in the towel when it gets hard because they just dont know how to resolve conflict. People today also tend toward more selfish behaviors, which adds to the conflict. Love and respect for one another is what is needed for a healthy marriage and relationships. People really dont know how anymore, but we can learn. We can break cycles and love each other as much as ourselves.
@@daughter_of_yeshua The problem is the idea of any kind of 'ever-happy'. Happiness is a crescendo. Can you ever-orgasm? Nope. Peace, contentment, and general gladness can be striven for. Happiness is more fast, sharp, and rare.
@@KatallinaVT yes, thats what i am saying. A lie too many were sold. There will always be trials and tribulations here on earth.
Marriage is just a certificate. People can co-habitate just fine.
Children are a luxury good
They are needed to keep humans species going
@@ElinWinbladThis is another example of inherent contradiction in capitalism.
Jesus in our homes would make a HUGE difference.
Amen
In previous videos, were you sitting on the floor?
What country are these statistics from?
Just read her references in this videos bio
I understand why men would say this, but it's surprising to hear (young) women also assert things like "marriage is a trap." Wow!
lol. I understand why *women* would say this in the first place. are you a man? :)
Definitely
Marriage has always been an institution that was better for men than for women.
@@mehtarelingolien Define "always" and "better."
@@falsificationismmarriage makes men more happy than women, it is a trap for women. She’ll have to look after him for the rest of her life whilst getting little to nothing in return
Interesting to hear the perspective of married couples and births…I feel like society still isn’t always supportive of couples having babies without marriage (archaic, but honest) so I’m not surprised by this.
I will say been newly married it really is a different relationship dynamic, even from a long term relationship. You’re tied up as one, for the good and the bad.
I'll say what nobody else wants to say. Marriages are on the decline, and it all comes down to sex. It doesn't matter what women say about marriage because a man has to propose, so the only perspective that really matters is from men.
Chastity in women was never to oppress them. It was to try and set them up so that a man could be confident in his choice when selecting a wife. Men are no longer confident when thinking about committing, providing and protecting, and working hard for a woman who has been "living her life on her terms" for such a long time, and just think the men who say that a womans sexual past is not important to him and he does get married. He now has a 60% chance of now getting divorced in the future. it is such a bad deal for men all the way around.
Nope, the true reason is that the majority of coupled women continue to do the majority of housework regardless of whether she works as much or more and brings in more money than her male partner. Men are just getting lazier, and that is why single women are overwhelmingly more happy and live longer than married women, who are burnt out and depressed and die sooner while their married husbands reap all the benefits and longer life. Women doing more work, women are happier single, women die sooner coupled - these are the facts and facts don’t care about your feelings
I asked my now husband to be my boyfriend and asked him to marry me. I also told him he would work and I would stay home. We are perfectly happy with a second child on the way. I don't like how you act like women are to be "selected" if anything women are more initiative than men now since men are becoming mostly submissive.
This is so dumb on so many levels also my parents are sixty been married for 35 years and my moms the one who got the rings and proposed. Stop being stupid. woman are selective these days because they don’t have to get married for money or freedoms they could not have when single in the past so now they actually get to choose good quality men. Problem is most men suck as have no desire to improve themselves yet still want a woman to devote herself to him. You are not worth a woman’s time she will not give it too you improve yourself then many women would be happy to have you be worthy of her choice. Stop whining woman don’t want men that’s not true for most part they just want a man who’s actually a decent human being. Once again the problem isn’t women it’s men yet they blame women like always.
The opposite of not getting married is career, taxes and getting old and retiring and dying alone.
Not necessarily as many people who married are also dying alone as they were poor parents or didn’t prioritise friendships
Everyone dies alone. I’m going to need y’all to stop saying that.
Most the time the men die first so ya they get to die in the loving wife’s arms but she’s then left to deal with the aftermath and die alone anyway
Of course being single and not having kids when you’re young is fun but when you get older and lonely and men don’t look at you anymore, you’re gonna regret it lol
Actually studies show that that the happiest people who live the longest are single women. Also even if you don't have a partner doesn't mean you have to be lonely. I've been single for 4 years and never felt alone. I'm still out having fun with friends and family. Not all love has to be romantic. Platonic love is just as important.
@@taryndancer29 source? If older single women are so happy why are they the highest demographic to take anti depressants .look it up
Perhaps that's part of the problem. The fact that men don't look at older women the same is a toxic social and cultural construct that we created, and too many men and women subscribe to it. Many older women are drop-dead gorgeous, but our society has been conditioned to reject them because they're too old. It's a statistical fact that female actors and performers have fewer opportunities compared to men as they age, regardless of how good-looking or talented they are. It's quite sad, and it's a sentiment that really does need to change.
@@taryndancer29 living longer is not the same as quality of life
@@ElinWinbladShe said they ate happiest which I would assume equates to quality of life. It’s a sociological thing. Women have more social networks and do not receive the same benefits as men when they are married. Married men are in better health because they are taken care of
One thing that she didn't mention is that alot of these single moms are single moms BY CHOICE. They have unprotected sex with guys they know don't want them long term and then cry about struggling. These women should not be celebrated or embraced, but shamed for being a burden on society and setting up their child(ren) for failure.
You don't hold back. And facts. Being smart in who you choose is important.
And this is why most men won’t be having kids moving forward. Women are tired of being the ones to do everything and men don’t get blamed for anything. Men are the victims actually. So women NEED to leave that whole gender alone
I agree. Women have to start being more strict with who they give their bodies to.
you let him hit it raw, now your a single mom.
*you're
Shouldn’t he hold himself accountable for where he puts his sperm? Isn’t that what leaders do?
Once again blaming women for men being dead beats she didn’t get pregnant on her own yet she stayed and raised a child while he ran away like the coward he is.
Abortion definitely has to do with the lowered birth rate and lowered number of marriages.
Abortion has always existed, no one wants kids because they are too expensive and there’s no reason to have them