@janelleg597 He said not to quit or get fired right now. It was in a response text after she texted him. Can't explain everything in text. Nor in a 15 minute call. But he isn't why she's dissatisfied with life. She's dissatisfied with everything. I think she should get her hormone levels checked. I GUARANTEE menopause is the culprit at her age
The advice should also be go see a good financial adviser, 51 years old, two good jobs for the last 20 years and still what sounds like a significant mortgage is a concern.
So they are both in a sucky job situation and both jobs are ending soon. However, if he sticks with his job the final few weeks, they receive a "substantial amount of money" and will be free from both sucky jobs. He just needs her to help keep them afloat for a few weeks. It's about working as a team towards shared goals. In that sense, it's OK to ask your partner to endure for just a bit longer. The shared goal and effort should be enough to make her feel it's worthwhile. It's also OK for her to say she doesn't have the will and strength to power through and ask him to make a different plan. It is not OK to declare unilelateral decisions or ultimatums. That would make him feel blindsided and betrayed.
I've been married 21 years and going through the same exact thing. I over think to the point I procrastinate and then avoid the issue all together. Then become miserable and eventually explode when it could've been avoided in a 10 minute convo but wanted to keep the peace since he seems content. I think its time to have a deep convosation with not only myself but him. Thank you sooo much for the video as i needed this Dr Delony.
If it was a man this call would’ve been 3 minutes long. “I want to quit my job even though if would stress out my spouse and financially damage the family” “you’re a loser, goto work”
The call and the caller was looking for definite advice, yes or no The show doesn’t do that, all he does in all episodes is reframe their own questions and make the person answer it themselves (the most prevalent method of therapy). Since there is a time restriction, and because the caller seemed to be so secretive, John started to poke holes anywhere and everywhere, especially ramping it up around the 10 minute mark and even suggesting that she was a cheater for a brief moment.
I’d love to hear his side. Why is it when he works it’s supposed to be in service for the family but the same rule doesn’t apply for her working. They should both do what is best for the family not the individual.
Big time! I was thinking this too. If the guy doesn't want to work he is labeled lazy and a coward by Dr d. When it's a women it's oh the man should threaten people and do anything to please you.
Probably because his job is much more stressful and he is the higher earner. A distribution in his salary would mean the family couldn't sustain itself and fall apart. Her job and income is just general support income.
That’s because most modern women today want the authority of men without any of the accountability. She wanted to be strong and empowered but cannot handle the responsibility of that.
Ok but like John, you just made millions on a book. Not invalidating your hard work but some people like caller and her husband don’t have the luxury of quitting or just leaping to another job
Well she didn’t give much in the beginning so he had to throw spaghetti up against the wall and see if something stuck. As he started getting closer to it she pushed back a little but he still did give good practical advice!
He locked in on “husband isn’t behaving exactly how I want him to so he must be the bad guy” instead of asking why a woman with kids who are at the age of being self sufficient is considering being a stay at home mom.
@@angryox3102 So, people are only worthwhile in a marriage if they financially contribute? The woman can put that off until "the kids are self-sufficient"?
Dont really understand the comments on this. This is about her not having her husband to talk to and be close to because hes brushing her off. Its the loneliest place in the world. This isnt about their jobs
@huydang813 I think if she had felt she could've spoke up and taken some decisions that were right for her and her family this situation wouldn't have even happened. For whatever reason she hasn't spoken up and advocated for herself and that's probably partly feeling unheard by those in her life
Everytime i heard this type of call in, i think these ladies are just looking for validation of 'yes your husband is bad, you should be able to do whatever you want regardless of what he or the family needs are, forsake everything for a quick gain of not working or doing this tough part of life'
Yup, John puts females on a pedestal and wants men to be servile/sacrificial. She isn't fulfilled at this job, or the last one, and won't in the next. (She uses the word "career".) Husband is facing job instability and she SHOULD pull on those bootstraps and girl boss up. She's selfish and wants John's validation and permission.
She didn’t disparage her husband. He said he’s very stressed. Changing jobs is different from partying, cheating or “whatever you want.” She called in looking for guidance on how to navigate this WITH HER HUSBAND who didn’t seem to want to discuss it all, and she’s in a pattern of pleasing him. You just sound bitter. Honestly it sounds like they both would be happier if they changed jobs.
Sounds like the husband is worried he will lose his job, and needs her to hang tough in case she needs to be sole provider for a while till he finds a new job.
This 100%. She can't change jobs till his job transition is resolved. Which could be 6 months or 2 years. And she's trapped. Strange how she want to change jobs, but people here selectively deciding she just wants to be a SAHM and put 100% financial burden on her.
No. Not every job has politics, gossup and drama. It's not all or nothing. If her job environment sucks she should absolutely pursue a heathier opportunity to enjoy in her 50's even if the marriage is another issue. She'll be much happier and I doubt she wakes up every morning counting the days before her kids leave the roost.
Instead of saying to her husband “we need to talk about this”, she should be honest and say “I have a demand and you need to shut up and agree with me”.
@@wyganter Listen to yourself...Crazy talk You think people can just "demand stuff on others without any discussion and negotiations"... Absolutely immature crazy talk
Her responses sound like she shut down and stopped arguing with him. I've spoken with people like this, and they sound confident and stern, but then they give up, and it's just "yep. Okay. Yeah. Right. Sure."
Am I the only one concerned that his company is about to declare bankruptcy and will find a way to legally avoid following through on their promise to hand him a big bunch of money if he just hangs in there till the end?
Really... based on 5 seconds quoted by her you are putting a disgusting thought of black and white thinking that the husband thinks the mortgage is more important than her sanity. Personally ive had to tell gfs the hard truth when they want 3 vacations a year or the big house but want to sit at home til tok'ing
Dear momma, get a local counselor to help you work on boundaries and speaking your wants and needs and insisting on value and respect from your family. Force yourself to ask for and accept help in organizing your home. Even just a 1 time house cleaning or someone to help you organize just 1 room can make a huge difference in INSPIRING you and giving you some peace. You sound completely overwhelmed. Been there done that. You are worth it! And btw you can model for your family how to love you better.
really disappointing comment section. this has nothing to do with her job or finances. She could be 100% financially free and would still feel this level of anxiety. Something else is causing this.
Sounds like maybe shes the issue not him... If they entered into a mortgage together and new they had to work their jobs to afford it, then yeah, she kinda needs to suck it up for a while and work... Unless something is really wrong. Though it mostly feels like shes just not wanting to work a full job
No, it sounds like she wants to change jobs and husband wants her to stay because his job is uncertain. Where you getting she wants to be unemployed/work part time/be a SAHM?
Ladies…you wanted to be strong empowered boss babes that don’t need no man. This is what men go through all the time working a job they hate to provide for the household. He said to not quit before finding something else which is a VERY reasonable request. You wanted authority now you have to deal with the responsibility of it.
And men whine and complain about their jobs all the time, especially when they belly up to the bar on the way home from work. Women have the same experiences with working at a jobs they are merely tolerating, while also coming home and doing all the household chores. The husband in this situation may have a valid point about not quitting before finding another job, but it sounded like it was an order, not a request. And if he is like you and would just blow off his wife's unhappiness with her job as being "weak and whiny", he would deserve to be told to go jump in a lake.
Some of us didn't ask for authority/empowerment. Our men wanted/demanded us to take high-pressured jobs and leave the kids in daycare because of the financial gain. Then they got angry/frustrated with us because it's hard for us to shift from masculine energy/thinking patterns (which is required when you work outside of the home) to feminine energy/thinking patterns (which is what they want when we are at home). It is not easy to switch back and forth between the two energies/thinking patterns. It requires a lot of mental and emotional effort. Men only have to operate with one type of energy (masculine) whether they are at work or at home, so it is easier (not easy, but easier) for them to deal with stress. Women were not designed to do this, so we get out of balance (either too dominate/aggressive or too cold [build emotional walls] as a way to compensate). If the woman is allowed to operate in the feminine like she is designed to do, then that relieves her stress which means she is more balanced which means she can be a comfort for her man which means he is more able to deal with the stress of being the leader. He doesn't have to use "drinking and Adderall" to handle his stress. Her feminine energy (softness, optimism, trust, adoration, calmness, affection, loyalty, orderliness, creativity) can help soothe him.
Men don’t go through working a job they hate AND pregnancies, childbirths and also be expected to take most of the household. Men only go through working a job they hate and only if they hate their job.
Men don’t go through working a job they hate AND pregnancies, childbirths and also be expected to take most of the household. Men only go through working a job they hate and only if they hate their job.
How many guys work jobs that they don't like & don't find "fulfilling" but they soldier thru b/c of their families? But when a woman is unhappy in her job situation, she considers herself to be "stuffing it down" & sacrificing for other people & just generally being the martyr.
And? The whole show is how we as human beings can do things differently, more organically, more in synch with our basic needs. You just gave an example of a toxic situation. Because there's no way that he, his wife, his family are not paying the price of this violence he does to himself every day. Because 100% they are .
@@rheinhartsilvento2576 "more organically", "toxic"...lol, you sound like you just swallowed a whole load of psycho babble. The fact is she decided to have those kids so perhaps she does not get to do exactly what she wants or "needs" right now. When the kids are up & out then she can quit the job & go on a backpacking tour of Europe or something.
She sounds impulsive and avoidant. When things get tough she bails. She’s already switched careers once. He sees she’s not thinking through the long term and focused too much on the short term. They are both good people, I think, just in a hard place. She needs to find a healthy way to deal with her stress and issues rather than being impulsive and running.
Ive lived my whole life on very little purposely. Simplified and don't follow what is considered the norm. Ive learned to lean on the Lord for everything. Work fails. Family fails. But the Lord has never failed me. The system is a trap to ensnare souls. The Lord is always trustworthy and good. Nothing else matters. Everything is illusion and deception. You come into this life with nothing and you leave with nothing. She's 50. She doesn't know how much time she has on this earth. Neither does her husband.
This woman is awesome. Her blinders are about to come off and she is assertive under the tone of her spoken words. She has worked in male dominated industries and she's still standing. No mean feat. Do what you know is right for you and your family. Sometimes you have to lead from the back to come out front.
@emilyh6293 wow, 7 minutes. Grow up and stop pulling people down. People call in for a reason. Maybe you watch to feel superior. I get the impression this is a very christian based audience and also those that call in. Men are always put at the front and she's realising that she deserves better than to take scraps.
The problem is that her timing is horrible and she knows that. Her husband told her that before he was offered to deal with the transition because he was uncertain about their financial well-being. Wish she didn't telk the story in bits and pieces
She’s weak and whiny. She had a bad day at work and cries to quit and put the entire financial burden on her husband with zero questions asked. She wanted to be “strong and empowered” but doesn’t want the accountability that comes with that.
why shouldn't he bear the entire financial burden? that's sensible so she can focus on the household, and he's clearly making enough for them to live on. Both of them have had aspired to live larger at the expense of her well-being and her children's care.
She said a) she has been feeling the same for a while B) she doesn't want to put the full financial burden on him. C) husband is in a stressful job where he's drinking and taking adderall, and she can't leave her job till his end s. And then he has to find a new job. FrankS111, stop womanhating for a moment.
Notice the “I” on her sentences “I can sell the house and downsize?” Busted. This lady has made many unwise decisions that have been piling of for years and avoiding to confront it
@ he’s not the one calling in playing the victim. She wants to take a break from working and wants the host to validate that thought….she also never mentioned anything about him having bad behaviour, just that he doesn’t want her to up and quit.
There was times I push my girlfriend to better herself and there’s been times I have asked her to just stick it out a little longer because I was pushing for something for myself. I couldn’t handle the stress of both of us upturning our lives. We took one journey at a time then start the next. But what do I know we’re not together now anyways
This is why I want to work from home I do not want to work for people that disrespect me and I do not want to work at a job that I hate I want to work at home I want to do my own thing I really want to continue my music and restart my record label
My grandfather was in WW2. He would send money back over to my grandmother (they had 11 children total) she also continued working. My grandmother was taken the money and buying land and building them a new home. Her sister told her one day, "why don't you save that money so Lee won't have to work hard like a slave when he come home". My grandmother responded, " I don't want him to slave, I want him to come home and rest, then get his black ass up and go to work like everybody else"! People back then worked! They didn't sit around crying. And a few yrs later he passed away leaving her with 11 children. Was she tired? Yes but she got her "black ass up" and worked 💯 you get no sympathy from me.
Okay, I’ve never felt this way on one of these videos and I hate to even say it… but I feel like he is grasping for straws here? I don’t feel like she’s hiding anything, I feel like she’s said everything in truth and reality. It seems like he’s looking for something deeper rather than sticking to her question. I mean yeah, some people are being evading or hiding things while expecting good advice and he needs to question them, but this just seems different.
I think you're completely wrong here. I actually think his side of the story was revealed a bit and since she's the caller, you're only wanting to focus on her side only, but what it sounds like is she needs to be strong for a season. She literally said he cares about her feelings for the most part but not for this, and she is emotional and vulnerable right now so she's agreeing with everything you're saying. This is actually kinda misleading.
Dr John, I think you’re spot on. I think she’s in freeze mode, her body is going to move into fight or flight pretty soon, probably to do something stupid. Source: past experience 😂
So he doesn't need rest? How about she waits until he finishes this merger then they can work out the next steps. When my husband is stressed, I don't try to throw new challenges his direction. Timing is important.
@ true. I guess I just feel like women need to rest more than men 😂 Adam’s curse is to work by the sweat of his brow and eves was pain during childbirth. When women feel forced to work and provide I personally feel like it’s out of Gods order.
I dont get why a moment in time of a few seconds she is talking he labels it as you dont have a good marriage. Its one moment of time..... jeez i dont think theres a good marriage out there by that standard.
@@GGLee1010Unfortunately in the good ol' U.S.A you get whatever job you can get. You also have to work until you're 67 I believe to earn your retirement benefits. This country sucks lol
Never? Seriously? Few people arrive at a job the latest be without proving themselves in difficult jobs. Your thinking is so upper middle class or trust fund kid. Most people have to work before or through college. Very few will love starter jobs. And yet they build character and resumes. If everyone took your advice, probably half of Americans would be unemployed collecting government checks.
@ I’m not upper middle class or trust fund. I’m a full time college student who works 40 hour weeks at a fast food restaurant to pay for my disability. I’m 21 years old but I hope by the time I’m age 50 I’m not working a job I don’t enjoy.
My dad did a job he hated for 40 years. He sucked it up and did it every day for his family. This lady cant bear to hang in there for another 12 months? Stay single gentlemen. You can only count on yourself. Everyone else will disappoint you.
As a woman, it's good to hear her side of things but we shouldn't forget there's another side, her husband's. I'm not going to call her a liar but people, in general, tend to word their side of their stories in a way that softens their role in said stories. I'd be very curious to hear her husband's version of events, which could be quite different.
My wife wanted a house in an expensive area My wife wanted a new car My wife wants to take care of all her siblings and also travel and celebrate every holiday My wife wanted an expensive school for the kid My wife doesn’t believe in cooking nor do laundry for husband My wife decided to get a job to “help” some of these and no wants to quit and get a less paying job with more flexibility 🤦♂️
People aim too high. Seems like most people are housepoor. Putting on a brave face for the kids but secretly dying on the inside of anxiety. I told my husband I didn’t want kids after we got married because I knew he would put it all on me. Like, working is enough of him and he would come home and "Relax" all evening and I'd be cooking, cleaning, raising the kids. Yeah, he'd play with them and all or smack them when they got on his nerves and that's about it. So, I told him all of this and gave him an exit. He didn't want to and now we're happy DINKS and able to retire in our 50s. Had the other set up taken place, I'd be in Prison. I totally get it when I see those crime shows I'm like, "He drove her to it!" 😂 Not all, of course!
downsizing and staying at home was the right choice 5yrs ago. 10yrs ago. you never should have entered the workforce. it wasn't right for you, and you know it wasn't right to leave your kids, and at 11 and 15 they still need you.
@@philwill0123 the irony of saying that to me in response is that supporting a woman who's with you massively improves the odds that you won't be celibate. so what you said just sounds like projection.
She sounds so anxiety ridden. What a wonderful woman. She needs help. I can tell you from what she said, she lives with a narcissist and he will never care or let her express any emotions. She desperately needed to talk to you. She needs a hug. She needs another woman to talk to and hang out with that understands. It sounds like if she actually hermits down, she will be stuck at home with him more and even more depressed. As a woman, we are FORCED to do things all the time that we don't want. He could also be talking to other women/using corn. Because a lot of men who don't value what their women says, are usually looking elsewhere.
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First: buy as much Bitcoin as possible! Stand for yourself and your needs! Put yourself first! Otherwise you will become bitter towards your husband and, as a result, your love to him will die...... He needs to change, as well. Make it clear to him, very very clear! If he is not willing, get a divorce!
I think he's saying to not quit or get fired until she finds something else. That's fair.
If he meant that he didn't say it
@janelleg597 He said not to quit or get fired right now. It was in a response text after she texted him. Can't explain everything in text. Nor in a 15 minute call. But he isn't why she's dissatisfied with life. She's dissatisfied with everything. I think she should get her hormone levels checked. I GUARANTEE menopause is the culprit at her age
@@janelleg597Every story has 3 sides.
The advice should also be go see a good financial adviser, 51 years old, two good jobs for the last 20 years and still what sounds like a significant mortgage is a concern.
So they are both in a sucky job situation and both jobs are ending soon. However, if he sticks with his job the final few weeks, they receive a "substantial amount of money" and will be free from both sucky jobs. He just needs her to help keep them afloat for a few weeks. It's about working as a team towards shared goals. In that sense, it's OK to ask your partner to endure for just a bit longer. The shared goal and effort should be enough to make her feel it's worthwhile.
It's also OK for her to say she doesn't have the will and strength to power through and ask him to make a different plan. It is not OK to declare unilelateral decisions or ultimatums. That would make him feel blindsided and betrayed.
I've been married 21 years and going through the same exact thing. I over think to the point I procrastinate and then avoid the issue all together. Then become miserable and eventually explode when it could've been avoided in a 10 minute convo but wanted to keep the peace since he seems content. I think its time to have a deep convosation with not only myself but him. Thank you sooo much for the video as i needed this Dr Delony.
That sounds a lot like ADHD. It's often overlooked in women who are great at masking.
If it was a man this call would’ve been 3 minutes long. “I want to quit my job even though if would stress out my spouse and financially damage the family” “you’re a loser, goto work”
If that's what you think, then you haven't been listening very well.
Have you?
X3 facts
@@rheinhartsilvento2576shut up you’re either a blithering idiot or being disingenuous
BINGO!!!!
@DBS472 big time
Probably add about 5 negative connotations and label him a coward/lazy.
Because she’s a person pleaser to her husband and it’s very stressful for people pleasers to stir the pot.
3:24 I hate how John talks so poorly about her husband from the beginning of the video while knowing nothing about him or the situation.
@@EngineeringNS that’s pretty typical of John.
Typical on his show. He seems to have something out against men, idk why. Very obvious implicit bias against men.
The call and the caller was looking for definite advice, yes or no
The show doesn’t do that, all he does in all episodes is reframe their own questions and make the person answer it themselves (the most prevalent method of therapy). Since there is a time restriction, and because the caller seemed to be so secretive, John started to poke holes anywhere and everywhere, especially ramping it up around the 10 minute mark and even suggesting that she was a cheater for a brief moment.
I like it, people don’t need to shoulder all the blame all the time
I’d love to hear his side. Why is it when he works it’s supposed to be in service for the family but the same rule doesn’t apply for her working. They should both do what is best for the family not the individual.
Big time! I was thinking this too. If the guy doesn't want to work he is labeled lazy and a coward by Dr d. When it's a women it's oh the man should threaten people and do anything to please you.
Probably because his job is much more stressful and he is the higher earner. A distribution in his salary would mean the family couldn't sustain itself and fall apart. Her job and income is just general support income.
That’s because most modern women today want the authority of men without any of the accountability. She wanted to be strong and empowered but cannot handle the responsibility of that.
Few of us love our jobs. We suck it up and go to work because that's what adults do.
Because she has ovaries, that’s why.
Ok but like John, you just made millions on a book. Not invalidating your hard work but some people like caller and her husband don’t have the luxury of quitting or just leaping to another job
If you're in a house that's burdening you to the jobs, her idea to sell and downsize is a good idea.
The only catch is don’t complain later when it’s not as nice as the other house
@@xclusive40 and rates are up so she may not be in a great position to get a new place
This is where you look at expenses and micro-expenses. Wants vs. needs and perspective on some near future things
Initially thought he was talking through her too much.
Then the breakthrough came. True insight.
John missed this caller's needs and issues entirely.
Well she didn’t give much in the beginning so he had to throw spaghetti up against the wall and see if something stuck. As he started getting closer to it she pushed back a little but he still did give good practical advice!
He locked in on “husband isn’t behaving exactly how I want him to so he must be the bad guy” instead of asking why a woman with kids who are at the age of being self sufficient is considering being a stay at home mom.
Really, what exactly are they?
@@angryox3102 So, people are only worthwhile in a marriage if they financially contribute? The woman can put that off until "the kids are self-sufficient"?
Enlighten us. What is it?
Find a better job while working. Problem solved. Also, downsize if you're living over your budget.
Dont really understand the comments on this. This is about her not having her husband to talk to and be close to because hes brushing her off. Its the loneliest place in the world.
This isnt about their jobs
it has everything to do with their jobs . I encourage you to watch the whole thing again
@huydang813 I think if she had felt she could've spoke up and taken some decisions that were right for her and her family this situation wouldn't have even happened.
For whatever reason she hasn't spoken up and advocated for herself and that's probably partly feeling unheard by those in her life
Everytime i heard this type of call in, i think these ladies are just looking for validation of 'yes your husband is bad, you should be able to do whatever you want regardless of what he or the family needs are, forsake everything for a quick gain of not working or doing this tough part of life'
That’s exactly what they’re looking for
Yup, John puts females on a pedestal and wants men to be servile/sacrificial. She isn't fulfilled at this job, or the last one, and won't in the next. (She uses the word "career".) Husband is facing job instability and she SHOULD pull on those bootstraps and girl boss up. She's selfish and wants John's validation and permission.
She didn’t disparage her husband. He said he’s very stressed. Changing jobs is different from partying, cheating or “whatever you want.” She called in looking for guidance on how to navigate this WITH HER HUSBAND who didn’t seem to want to discuss it all, and she’s in a pattern of pleasing him. You just sound bitter.
Honestly it sounds like they both would be happier if they changed jobs.
That's pretty much 90% of all female callers on this program.
This is pretty easier if her question was honest. Keep working and put out resumés. Find another job before quitting your first job
Sounds like the husband is worried he will lose his job, and needs her to hang tough in case she needs to be sole provider for a while till he finds a new job.
This 100%. She can't change jobs till his job transition is resolved. Which could be 6 months or 2 years. And she's trapped. Strange how she want to change jobs, but people here selectively deciding she just wants to be a SAHM and put 100% financial burden on her.
Exactly
No. Not every job has politics, gossup and drama. It's not all or nothing. If her job environment sucks she should absolutely pursue a heathier opportunity to enjoy in her 50's even if the marriage is another issue. She'll be much happier and I doubt she wakes up every morning counting the days before her kids leave the roost.
Part of her dissatisfaction could be her kids don't need her as much.
She's mentioned a lot of things. She's also 50. Could it be menopause/hormone levels causing her dissatisfaction with life?
If she can't talk to her husband, it's not a healthy marriage. He can listen and help her explore options but she's responsible for her decisions.
Instead of saying to her husband “we need to talk about this”, she should be honest and say “I have a demand and you need to shut up and agree with me”.
@@wyganter Listen to yourself...Crazy talk
You think people can just "demand stuff on others without any discussion and negotiations"... Absolutely immature crazy talk
@@orion9k You weren’t married to my first wife! 😅
Hey, I’ve become quite the hermit and it’s actually really nice!
Her responses sound like she shut down and stopped arguing with him.
I've spoken with people like this, and they sound confident and stern, but then they give up, and it's just "yep. Okay. Yeah. Right. Sure."
When I say yeah right sure I'm agreeing with you she's probably agreeing with him I also say that when I'm listening to you
funny how the husband isn't about to quit his much more stressful job. I wouldnt want to rely on a woman for support in this situation.
Am I the only one concerned that his company is about to declare bankruptcy and will find a way to legally avoid following through on their promise to hand him a big bunch of money if he just hangs in there till the end?
Really... based on 5 seconds quoted by her you are putting a disgusting thought of black and white thinking that the husband thinks the mortgage is more important than her sanity.
Personally ive had to tell gfs the hard truth when they want 3 vacations a year or the big house but want to sit at home til tok'ing
Needing to work to cover bills is not golden handcuffs.
Dear momma, get a local counselor to help you work on boundaries and speaking your wants and needs and insisting on value and respect from your family. Force yourself to ask for and accept help in organizing your home. Even just a 1 time house cleaning or someone to help you organize just 1 room can make a huge difference in INSPIRING you and giving you some peace. You sound completely overwhelmed. Been there done that. You are worth it! And btw you can model for your family how to love you better.
This. I’ve been there too!!!!
@@charlotteboyett-napper4780 she needs to grow up. This isn't a season you switch careers.
really disappointing comment section. this has nothing to do with her job or finances. She could be 100% financially free and would still feel this level of anxiety. Something else is causing this.
Sounds like maybe shes the issue not him... If they entered into a mortgage together and new they had to work their jobs to afford it, then yeah, she kinda needs to suck it up for a while and work... Unless something is really wrong. Though it mostly feels like shes just not wanting to work a full job
No, it sounds like she wants to change jobs and husband wants her to stay because his job is uncertain. Where you getting she wants to be unemployed/work part time/be a SAHM?
Ladies…you wanted to be strong empowered boss babes that don’t need no man. This is what men go through all the time working a job they hate to provide for the household. He said to not quit before finding something else which is a VERY reasonable request. You wanted authority now you have to deal with the responsibility of it.
Bang on comment.
And men whine and complain about their jobs all the time, especially when they belly up to the bar on the way home from work.
Women have the same experiences with working at a jobs they are merely tolerating, while also coming home and doing all the household chores. The husband in this situation may have a valid point about not quitting before finding another job, but it sounded like it was an order, not a request. And if he is like you and would just blow off his wife's unhappiness with her job as being "weak and whiny", he would deserve to be told to go jump in a lake.
Some of us didn't ask for authority/empowerment. Our men wanted/demanded us to take high-pressured jobs and leave the kids in daycare because of the financial gain. Then they got angry/frustrated with us because it's hard for us to shift from masculine energy/thinking patterns (which is required when you work outside of the home) to feminine energy/thinking patterns (which is what they want when we are at home). It is not easy to switch back and forth between the two energies/thinking patterns. It requires a lot of mental and emotional effort. Men only have to operate with one type of energy (masculine) whether they are at work or at home, so it is easier (not easy, but easier) for them to deal with stress. Women were not designed to do this, so we get out of balance (either too dominate/aggressive or too cold [build emotional walls] as a way to compensate). If the woman is allowed to operate in the feminine like she is designed to do, then that relieves her stress which means she is more balanced which means she can be a comfort for her man which means he is more able to deal with the stress of being the leader. He doesn't have to use "drinking and Adderall" to handle his stress. Her feminine energy (softness, optimism, trust, adoration, calmness, affection, loyalty, orderliness, creativity) can help soothe him.
Men don’t go through working a job they hate AND pregnancies, childbirths and also be expected to take most of the household.
Men only go through working a job they hate and only if they hate their job.
Men don’t go through working a job they hate AND pregnancies, childbirths and also be expected to take most of the household.
Men only go through working a job they hate and only if they hate their job.
She is a teacher.
@heatheryfeathery1 - I don't think so. Teachers in Nebraska have been back in class for years at this point. Might be a government worker.
I feel like the caller was ready to get off the phone towards the end.
How many guys work jobs that they don't like & don't find "fulfilling" but they soldier thru b/c of their families? But when a woman is unhappy in her job situation, she considers herself to be "stuffing it down" & sacrificing for other people & just generally being the martyr.
Most men live lives of quiet desperation. Men hear “do what’s right” women hear “do what’s right FOR YOU”
And?
The whole show is how we as human beings can do things differently, more organically, more in synch with our basic needs.
You just gave an example of a toxic situation.
Because there's no way that he, his wife, his family are not paying the price of this violence he does to himself every day.
Because 100% they are .
@@rheinhartsilvento2576 "more organically", "toxic"...lol, you sound like you just swallowed a whole load of psycho babble. The fact is she decided to have those kids so perhaps she does not get to do exactly what she wants or "needs" right now. When the kids are up & out then she can quit the job & go on a backpacking tour of Europe or something.
Women need to be held to the same standards as responsible adult men. She needs an attitude adjustment.
I sense that you object to capitalism. Perhaps we should chuck it all and go back to hunting and gathering.
Should he stay in a crappy job for his wife?!
She sounds impulsive and avoidant. When things get tough she bails. She’s already switched careers once. He sees she’s not thinking through the long term and focused too much on the short term. They are both good people, I think, just in a hard place. She needs to find a healthy way to deal with her stress and issues rather than being impulsive and running.
Ive lived my whole life on very little purposely. Simplified and don't follow what is considered the norm. Ive learned to lean on the Lord for everything. Work fails. Family fails. But the Lord has never failed me. The system is a trap to ensnare souls. The Lord is always trustworthy and good. Nothing else matters. Everything is illusion and deception. You come into this life with nothing and you leave with nothing. She's 50. She doesn't know how much time she has on this earth. Neither does her husband.
She sounds a person that just doesn’t know where to start. Feel bad for her
This woman is awesome. Her blinders are about to come off and she is assertive under the tone of her spoken words. She has worked in male dominated industries and she's still standing. No mean feat. Do what you know is right for you and your family. Sometimes you have to lead from the back to come out front.
Eh, it took 7 minutes for her to get to key info. She’s not leading in this conversation or work life.
Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Wrong. She’s a whiny baby who wanted to be a strong empowered wahman but doesnt like the accountability with the authority.
@emilyh6293 wow, 7 minutes. Grow up and stop pulling people down. People call in for a reason. Maybe you watch to feel superior. I get the impression this is a very christian based audience and also those that call in. Men are always put at the front and she's realising that she deserves better than to take scraps.
DUDE, let her finish a sentence. You do it all the time. It has to be so frustrating for the callers.
Yes, and stop saying, "No, No, No..." This is a RUclips podcast, not years of therapeutic relationship.
She calling in to ask a dude full of tattoos on what to do with important life decisions... Just absolutely crazy
Be vulnerable girl!
This is great for helping women avoid getting married. Oh my God I'm so glad I never got married and I don't have these kind of problems!
ABSOLUTELY
!!!!!
If she has the option of being a SAHM after the husband moves on to a new job, that sounds like a great opportunity.
The problem is that her timing is horrible and she knows that. Her husband told her that before he was offered to deal with the transition because he was uncertain about their financial well-being. Wish she didn't telk the story in bits and pieces
She’s weak and whiny. She had a bad day at work and cries to quit and put the entire financial burden on her husband with zero questions asked. She wanted to be “strong and empowered” but doesn’t want the accountability that comes with that.
@FrankS111 - to be fair, she clearly said that it wasn't _just_ a bad day. Problems have been ongoing.
why shouldn't he bear the entire financial burden? that's sensible so she can focus on the household, and he's clearly making enough for them to live on. Both of them have had aspired to live larger at the expense of her well-being and her children's care.
Do you know her outside of an edited 20 minute RUclips clip?
She said a) she has been feeling the same for a while
B) she doesn't want to put the full financial burden on him.
C) husband is in a stressful job where he's drinking and taking adderall, and she can't leave her job till his end s. And then he has to find a new job. FrankS111, stop womanhating for a moment.
It was deeper than a bad day at work. Listen to the rest of the call.
Notice the “I” on her sentences
“I can sell the house and downsize?” Busted.
This lady has made many unwise decisions that have been piling of for years and avoiding to confront it
Julia, you aren't going to get a job in coding. You've clearly _not_ been paying attention to the tech worker layoffs.
💯 Only senior developers are getting jobs since AI can outcode new developers.
This woman is not reliable and let me guess, she has anxiety lol
She discussed the husband drinks and takes adderall with his buddies. Let me guess, he has zero issues....
@ he’s not the one calling in playing the victim. She wants to take a break from working and wants the host to validate that thought….she also never mentioned anything about him having bad behaviour, just that he doesn’t want her to up and quit.
There was times I push my girlfriend to better herself and there’s been times I have asked her to just stick it out a little longer because I was pushing for something for myself. I couldn’t handle the stress of both of us upturning our lives. We took one journey at a time then start the next. But what do I know we’re not together now anyways
This is why I want to work from home I do not want to work for people that disrespect me and I do not want to work at a job that I hate I want to work at home I want to do my own thing I really want to continue my music and restart my record label
Ridiculous, all she has to do is wait a little while before she gets to pivot. Be patient ffs
Not really. Because she has to wait till his job situation resolves itself before she can even think of changing jobs.
@@philwill0123 The merger has an end date. I think it is fair to discuss changes after that date.
My grandfather was in WW2. He would send money back over to my grandmother (they had 11 children total) she also continued working. My grandmother was taken the money and buying land and building them a new home. Her sister told her one day, "why don't you save that money so Lee won't have to work hard like a slave when he come home". My grandmother responded, " I don't want him to slave, I want him to come home and rest, then get his black ass up and go to work like everybody else"!
People back then worked! They didn't sit around crying. And a few yrs later he passed away leaving her with 11 children. Was she tired? Yes but she got her "black ass up" and worked 💯 you get no sympathy from me.
Okay, I’ve never felt this way on one of these videos and I hate to even say it… but I feel like he is grasping for straws here? I don’t feel like she’s hiding anything, I feel like she’s said everything in truth and reality. It seems like he’s looking for something deeper rather than sticking to her question.
I mean yeah, some people are being evading or hiding things while expecting good advice and he needs to question them, but this just seems different.
I think you're completely wrong here. I actually think his side of the story was revealed a bit and since she's the caller, you're only wanting to focus on her side only, but what it sounds like is she needs to be strong for a season. She literally said he cares about her feelings for the most part but not for this, and she is emotional and vulnerable right now so she's agreeing with everything you're saying. This is actually kinda misleading.
Sorry John, you don't grasp this situation. That's why your caller got quiet on you. She literally just gave up and started agreeing with you.
Dr John, I think you’re spot on. I think she’s in freeze mode, her body is going to move into fight or flight pretty soon, probably to do something stupid. Source: past experience 😂
This lady needs REST! And her husband should be able to provide her that by any means! Women need rest to flourish!
💯💯
this reads like a caricature.
Women need to empower themselves by quitting.
Men need to empower women by suffering so women can quit.
So he doesn't need rest? How about she waits until he finishes this merger then they can work out the next steps. When my husband is stressed, I don't try to throw new challenges his direction. Timing is important.
So, a man is supposed to work himself to death so his wife can lay on the couch all day long?
@ true. I guess I just feel like women need to rest more than men 😂 Adam’s curse is to work by the sweat of his brow and eves was pain during childbirth. When women feel forced to work and provide I personally feel like it’s out of Gods order.
Eh... Delony is assuming there are lots of other options.
I noticed that as well
She is just tired! She needs a break. She only has 9 years left. Just leave girl!!
I normally like these clips but he seems confused
I dont get why a moment in time of a few seconds she is talking he labels it as you dont have a good marriage. Its one moment of time..... jeez i dont think theres a good marriage out there by that standard.
Because the communication is bad. If you can't or feel restricted in speaking up for yourself, you are hiding your true feelings. That's not healthy.
Never work a job you don’t enjoy. You’re already 50.
😂 you think people enjoy cleaning carpets and picking up trash? They don't pay people to do easy and fun things.
@ It doesn’t have to be fun, just not as mentally draining.
@@GGLee1010Unfortunately in the good ol' U.S.A you get whatever job you can get. You also have to work until you're 67 I believe to earn your retirement benefits. This country sucks lol
Never? Seriously? Few people arrive at a job the latest be without proving themselves in difficult jobs. Your thinking is so upper middle class or trust fund kid. Most people have to work before or through college. Very few will love starter jobs. And yet they build character and resumes. If everyone took your advice, probably half of Americans would be unemployed collecting government checks.
@ I’m not upper middle class or trust fund. I’m a full time college student who works 40 hour weeks at a fast food restaurant to pay for my disability. I’m 21 years old but I hope by the time I’m age 50 I’m not working a job I don’t enjoy.
My dad did a job he hated for 40 years. He sucked it up and did it every day for his family. This lady cant bear to hang in there for another 12 months?
Stay single gentlemen. You can only count on yourself. Everyone else will disappoint you.
As a woman, it's good to hear her side of things but we shouldn't forget there's another side, her husband's. I'm not going to call her a liar but people, in general, tend to word their side of their stories in a way that softens their role in said stories. I'd be very curious to hear her husband's version of events, which could be quite different.
What if the husband wants to reduce his hours or quit?!
My wife wanted a house in an expensive area
My wife wanted a new car
My wife wants to take care of all her siblings and also travel and celebrate every holiday
My wife wanted an expensive school for the kid
My wife doesn’t believe in cooking nor do laundry for husband
My wife decided to get a job to “help” some of these and no wants to quit and get a less paying job with more flexibility
🤦♂️
My god woman, get to the point.
People aim too high. Seems like most people are housepoor. Putting on a brave face for the kids but secretly dying on the inside of anxiety.
I told my husband I didn’t want kids after we got married because I knew he would put it all on me. Like, working is enough of him and he would come home and "Relax" all evening and I'd be cooking, cleaning, raising the kids. Yeah, he'd play with them and all or smack them when they got on his nerves and that's about it. So, I told him all of this and gave him an exit. He didn't want to and now we're happy DINKS and able to retire in our 50s. Had the other set up taken place, I'd be in Prison. I totally get it when I see those crime shows I'm like, "He drove her to it!" 😂
Not all, of course!
She loves to be the martyr.
"I please people...blah blah blah".
She's trying to blame others for her wanting to quit.
Love the show except this one thing….One thing that is really off putting :the talk-over… interruptions… loooong pause then both start talking.
Really hard to talk over phone, isn't it? :(
Just get a new job? Not trolling just get a new one
Because it is a change in dynamic, circumstance, hours and money. And it needs to be discussed openly with your partner, not hidden
downsizing and staying at home was the right choice 5yrs ago. 10yrs ago.
you never should have entered the workforce. it wasn't right for you, and you know it wasn't right to leave your kids, and at 11 and 15 they still need you.
OK incel.
She should be able to tough it out through the merger then they can discuss her desire for a lifestyle change.
@ there's no reason she can't quit now. he's paid well, she says.
@@philwill0123 the irony of saying that to me in response is that supporting a woman who's with you massively improves the odds that you won't be celibate.
so what you said just sounds like projection.
We're talking about 8 hours a day she isn't working overseas. They're at school most of the time anyways.
You have a mortgage and debt and you want to quit your job? She sounds nuts
You should help s brother out
She sounds so anxiety ridden. What a wonderful woman. She needs help. I can tell you from what she said, she lives with a narcissist and he will never care or let her express any emotions. She desperately needed to talk to you. She needs a hug. She needs another woman to talk to and hang out with that understands. It sounds like if she actually hermits down, she will be stuck at home with him more and even more depressed. As a woman, we are FORCED to do things all the time that we don't want. He could also be talking to other women/using corn. Because a lot of men who don't value what their women says, are usually looking elsewhere.
I will never understand why she cares to shield him and help him so much. He’s a grown man. N E X T!
anyone who has to call john ab their relationship should take a second to realize that the answer is right infront of them.
I honestly wish I didn't listen to this one. Definitely lost some trust in you ability to perceive and help folks with their problems.
No
She doesn't sound 51, I sound 58
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First: buy as much Bitcoin as possible! Stand for yourself and your needs! Put yourself first! Otherwise you will become bitter towards your husband and, as a result, your love to him will die......
He needs to change, as well. Make it clear to him, very very clear! If he is not willing, get a divorce!
They are married bruh
Fake news.