@@cutetay71 Ugh, no. First he needs to be a husband to do things husbands are "supposed to do." Right now she is privately promising to someday make good on the promise she made publicly but privately failed to keep. That is not promising at all.
This is why it is soooooo important for a woman to marry a man who truly loves her. Love is patient and kind and this caller expresses that in the respectful and considerate way he handles the issue and talks about his wife. A lesser man would not only blame her and take it as a personal affront to his masculinity, but would either cheat on her or force himself on her, thereby increasing the trauma for her. Well done to you young man. Real strength doesn't lie in muscles and beards, but in character and virtue.
On the other hand, it’s critical for women to marry someone they’re attracted to. There is a 100% chance that if this guy looked like Brad Pitt in his prime, there would be no “vaginismus”. She married the safe, secure, good beta provider, and these are the consequences.
@@izealliaeldridge1441What projection are you talking about? Are you saying that commenter thinks he's a loser beta? For pointing out that when a situation like this happens it's usually a lack of physical attraction at the core?
Vaginismus is not caused by lack of sexual attraction. Often these women can’t have pelvic exams either for the same reason. It’s not because they’re not attracted to the gynecological instruments. It’s a real medical condition. Fortunately treatable.
@@cbtam4333 Depends. If she had it her whole life and always had issues and pain using tampons then you're definitely correct. It seems like she had no idea though, so it presumably started with attempted sex. If she isn't into the sex itself/ it hurts the first time, her body can start reacting negatively to any future attempts. If she has anxiety this becomes even more likely to occur. So saying it's because she ain't attracted is not correct, but for some women the truth is more in the middle than you're saying.
Sad thing is that all the times we reject our husband for sex men are told to jump through fiery hoops to see if they can convince us. If by any chance we happen to feel like doing it, which is rare, and he doesn’t then once again he has to jump through fiery hoops for us. They just can’t win.
@@laylalayla6630 But I heard from this show that a healthy woman who's attracted to her husband wants sex up to 2 times a day, and for that to be considered normal. Are you sure you're talking about most women?
@@Soulsphere001 Women can be sexual of course but in general we have lots of hangups. Most women won’t just jump their husband. The have to be in the mood, feel a certain way, feel that their man “deserves” it, and so on. Married women usually come up with excuses to not have sex. The typical “headache” excuse. Studies show how pretty much every woman masturbates, even though none admits it, but this shows we have sexual needs. What confuses me is why once married such desires disappear. Of course, there are exceptions.
I know right 😂😂😂😂 I can’t masturbate all my lifeeeee. Buddy your wife is full of crape … it’s time to man up and let her know how you feel or else you will suffer bro 😂😂😂😂😂
This condition is completely treatable, and it’s no one’s fault. For two people who love and respect each other, this would be a curveball, but not necessarily brutal. Married couples should expect difficulties, but love is patient and kind.
@@OtisFlint so if you are not religious you cannot love respect each other and you cannot be patient and kind to the person you clain you love? I am really confused about htis somment? love, pateince and understanding are exclusive to Christians?
I don’t, the guy seems super fun and sweet but women don’t respect that. I wonder if she would even have this issues with like a random Chad that is more of a man, I doubt it. She is probably not a virgin either.
@@Rainer125 Please move on from that girl that hurt your feelings. You didn't owe a relationship and sex to every sweet girl that was ever into you, just like that girl didn't owe it to you to give you anything.
What I find interesting is how when we don’t want it we should be respected and its a man’s fault. He should jump through fiery hoops to try to convince us. If he doesn’t want it then something is wrong with him and once again he should jump through fiery hoops for her.
My husband and I were both virgins when we got married. Reading the book "and they were not ashamed.," was a blessing. it helps women deal with good girl syndrome. Which is thinking sex is bad. It helped me finally relax enough to have a successful sexual experience.
This is true. Humans both male and female were innately shameless when completely nude. It is the way we were meant to be. Wasn't until eve ate from the tree of knowledge and convinced Adam to as well, that they learned what it meant to be embarrassed, ashamed, or humiliation of their own nakedness. When God asks his creation why do they hide from him on his return. Their answer to him is because they were naked. God asked who taught them that word "naked". He knew then and there that humans as he made us, are disobedient at times.
What CJ said about how in Christiandom it goes from 'No Sex before marriage' to 'Have a bunch of sex' when you're married is very true. Nobody prepares you for the mental switch you have to take. Heck, it's hard enough trying to know what is too much in the dating phase.
Facts! This happened to me. My husband wasn't a virgin...but he was my 1st. We had sex a hand full of times before we got married and he was always super supportive. I ALWAYS felt dirty and shameful. Then when we got married I felt "released" from the heaviness of it and was like "okay in ready to really do this thing" and he was completely taken off guard and confused. It completely threw everything off. We've had to do some work to rewire ourselves and our thoughts and Dr. DeLony is right. Me being a "good girl" was an identity thing. And I'm still unraveling it from being a "people pleaser". And I follow 2 other Christian women (who were virgins until marriage) who are ig influencers who married men who weren't virgins and both couples had major things to unravel. It's heavy. (Purity culture).
The fact that people have had bad experiences doesn’t mean being pure as a Christian is bad To the girl who is keeping yourself, don’t let some experiences change you. God loves you.
It really hit me when John spoke to him about spouses needing to be able to talk about difficult things and unment needs without judgement or taking offense, arguing, etc. Understanding this concept of spouses talking about EVERYTHING, with no topics off-limits, with both people controlling their emotions, is absolutely key to a healthy relationship. In my experience, this element is missing from most marriages I have come in contact with.
Have some sex before you jump the gun. If there are problems, you will have time to talk about them before you do something you'll regret. Maybe you can work things out before you take the plunge without knowing how deep is the pool. If sex is important, fix it before you move in together, before you take out a thirty-year mortgage.
I suffered from this when my husband and I first married. My husband was an absolute saint. So patient and kind. I’m super attracted to him and for sure wanted to have sex, but it was just sooo painful, like it was even painful to him because it was so clamped down. My GYM prescribed a medication that is a combo of a muscle relaxer and lidocaine. It is a thick cream injected into the vagina an hour before sex. It did make me very tired, due to the muscle relaxer, but it worked!! I also had to learn how to relax the pelvic floor because when the body expects pain it tenses up and everything closes. It’s a fear response. My husband was wonderful at being aware of my body and made me feel totally safe and relaxed, I knew he would never force anything so that really helped. Things are absolutely wonderful now!! I feel totally free with him and our love life is amazing. There is hope!
@@braddavid902I had all c-sections. I think other women can/do. Often the condition develops even after childbirth. It can be a fear response in anticipation of pain. It’s the body’s way of protecting itself.
I have so many questions. But they might sound disrespectful so I apologize for that but I have to ask about the mental aspects... What happened?? Please explain the mindset that causes this. My theory is toxic legalism in church culture causes this.
Honestly, this caller is the sweetest guy ever. I hope his wife knows and appreciates that and I hope the doctors can work with her to help her with her condition. I wish them both the very best. He deserves all the happiness. What a sweet soul. ❤
@@Hunter2847 You jump immediately to drug addict? Dafuq? Have you never met someone with naturally high energy before? I'm catching sheltered, home schooled vibes lol
Why you make it sound as if this is her fault and she is not trying to make an effort. She is and she is being considerate of him. She is not using this as a power play. I have vulvadonia, sex is not pleasurable if these things aren't dealth with properly...you can feel so much pain like your insides being torn to shreds painful.... I also feel like if you are going through something don't project your opinion or situation onto other peoples lives....
No she’s not. None of these people can fix this. She’s not seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist. No way this takes over a year to resolve. This is why you shouldn’t wait until marriage until sex.
@@Cwgrlup i strongly disagree. because if they had both of them would still be single. Sex is not a whole relationship and the fact that they have an actual foundation to work off of is far safer for her and him. These things can be navigated, its not the end of the world. Women have no emotional security when they have sex before marriage. We are built different and catch feelings. Don't apply the same thought process of a man to woman.
This is not only good for advice with husband's, but also wives who have never known what vaginismus is and have thought something was wrong with them. That's me. I am so grateful I clicked on this because I've never had a word that described what I'm going through as a wife. Brought tears to my eyes discovering that this is what I've actually been struggling with and I have a word for it now, this just changed my life! THANK YOU
Here's the deal tho. Is she trying or is she TRYING? Not having a hard timeline and a really chill husband is probably having her not put all the work its gonna require. Like a person w a bad back who never does PT
Pelvic floor therapy really does work wonders. It takes work, though. It isn't fun during the therapy(can be painful), but please stick with it. Also do research and learn what might feel good so that way when it does get better, you'll be able to pleasure each other. I literally used to scream because the pain was so bad when we tried. After the pelvic floor therapy, it's 1000 times better. And i am glad you're doing the research now, supporting her and she's trying to find the solution.
@@meowy4720- it can. Most people don’t understand how much pelvic floor therapy can help for a lot of things. It should be prescribed to women postpartum imo.
I’m surprised this is the first time I’ve heard of vaginismus on this show. It’s SOOOO COMMON. Just because people haven’t heard of it, that doesn’t mean its rare. I’m really grateful for his call. There are so many other men in his position. It feels so isolating because you feel like you can’t talk about it to anyone.
I had this for a couple months after my first child was born. I had a 3rd degree tear. I’m pretty sure it was 99% psychological. My husband was wonderful about it. I did a lot of self talk and prayer to overcome it.
Wow hit the nail on the head! I had this trouble with my wife and she didn't see a doctor. Took us like 3 years before we started enjoying sex and let me tell you! It was psycologically stressful on me and her and it definitely hurt our marriage at the time. Just steady the course. Be patient and kind. Once she gets out of it, it will be amazing. Continue to be open and there is actually a benefit to it in that you are delaying that honeymoon phase and when you get passed this stressful time it will be like fireworks! If you can make your marriage good in this season, when shes able to start having sex and enjoying it, your marriage will be AMAZING.
Yes! I am glad you were supportive. I know it was difficult. Because i can guarantee your wife felt broken and didn't envision her sex life being like that. And then, it also caused problems for you obviously because it also messed with you mentally. It seems crazy to say get medical/psychological help to have sex but, it does need to happen that way for some people. Glad y'all are better now.
Needed to see this. Same boat. 3 years in and it’s taken a toll. Been separated about 8 months now and still clinging to hope but there’s little to no connection. Your story gives me more hope. Happy to hear yall made it through
@@fairjordan We had our ups and downs man. I’d say staying close to my religion and praying made a huge impact. But there was definitely some bad moments. Thankfully her dedication and commitment to me and my commitment to her helped us get through but man my head was in some bad places sometimes. A lot of times I had the thought of leaving. Especially in the beginning. And you have that wondering like is this gonna be forever. Just be patient. Talk to her. Have open communication about sex and what she likes and what is helpful to her. Communication is key. Hype her up when she has even the smallest of wins and be truly happy that she’s making progress. It’s all a mental game man and don’t take anything personally. It has nothing to do with you. I know it’s hard!
I sobbed during this phone call because this was to a tee mine and my husbands situation. Problem was it was back in 2012 and so many doctors I talked do claimed they didn’t even know what vaginismus is. It was the most depressing and traumatic thing I ever went though. Everybody we talked to acted like this was unheard of and it wasn’t until 5 years later I found a doctor who listened to me and put me through the treatment I needed. We now have a beautiful son and married life is great. I’m so thankful that this topic is being discussed and normalized more because we suffered in silence for sooooo long.
I think the hardest part is suffering through it. I recently heard very private info that my brother and his wife have a similar issue. They didn’t admit it and try to get help until after 3 years of marriage.
@@AnitaSoler my PT said it is caused by a variety of reasons. From hormonal imbalances and lack of estrogen in the body to trauma issues like sexual assault or growing up in a fearful religious upbringing. It’s different for every woman.
@@AnitaSoler I have this condition and I really can't find the reason. It just hurts to insert things as if your vagina is small. Tried talking to a psychologist, working on it myself and have no idea what is The reason. I think, there is no particular one, just an anticipation of pain and negative experience of painful attempts. That's it, no past trauma, no bad parents, no religious background.
I was in the exact same situation. It took 3 years for us to have successful intercourse! There was definitely a psychological component (religious conservatism). Thank God that things got better! We’ve been married 10 years and going strong. 2 beautiful children.
It's so weird to me that otherwise godly people get hung up on "sex is dirty"...that's not scriptural, at all. God designed male & female bodies to be pleasurable to each other, specifically within marriage, not just for reproduction but for intimacy, that oneness mentioned first in Genesis.
@@evage99 Because the church is hung up on it- Marital debt, wifely duty, sex is for the husband. I read a christian marriage manual ( for the wife) from the 1920's and it had three paragraphs commiserating on why God would design reproduction (sex) this way. And if how and when your husband wants sex these are your step you need to do as a wife - and a lot these stigma's are still around to a degree. Look no farther than the purity culture - Some would argue they did some good ,but I think they did more bad.
John’s assessment is spot on. My heart was so sad listening to this young man’s “elevated” words. He is trying soooooo hard. I think John can help him.
This guys sounds really sweet! My boyfriend sometimes struggles with being honest with his emotions with me too and I try my best to create a space for them in our relationship free of judgment but it’s sad how often men are told to just ignore their emotions.
Men have no choice but to not show emotions, as the vast majority of women, even the ones who swear they like that stuff, don't really like it. The truth is, women find negative emotions, crying, sadness, extremely unnatractive. And at the end of the day, there's no point in putting your relationship at risk. Have a friend who cried in front of his gf of 5 years. A year later, she left him and admitted it was because she didn't see him as a man anymore. This was a girl who was raised right with no trauma.
@@CRose9205 A woman instinctively desires a male who can protect both her and her offspring. And she rejects a male who she determines is weak and unable to fulfill that role. It's a feature of human evolution that hasn't changed in thousands of years. A man who cries, reveals his insecurities, shares his fears, etc only diminishes himself in a woman's eyes.
Evolution is false. It doesn’t bring about any morality. Only God can do that. He gave us our desires for sex and we as humans twisted it and ruined His creation. Women look for strong men because that’s how God designed them. The question is, what makes a man strong? I’d say being slow to anger, able to deescalate situations, being able to be vulnerable to his spouse or closest friends, and discern what is wise in a situation. These are characteristics of a disciple of God. The more a man reflects God, the more attractive he is to the ladies. I’ve personally seen it.
Many religions require waiting until marriage to have sex. Understand. Fair enough. However, it is ridiculous, to ridicule people (women especially) that sex is so bad. The ultimate sin. Don’t have a single sexual thought until marriage Blah blah and then NOT expect people to struggle once they get married. It’s literally impossible.
@@domblack6288no, I didn’t mean that literally. I’m saying having been raised in Christian household & youth group myself, (I know Mormons & Muslims experience this too) sex before marriage is talked about AS IF it is the ultimate sin
Agreed, there's so much sexual shaming. There's a lot of radical religious thoughts and that's definitely one of them. I laugh at people that think a woman saving herself until marriage due to religion is a fool proof way to get a decent woman. I've been with women like that and it's a complete sexual nightmare.
I think the problem is unrealistic expectations, religious people tend to romanticize the wedding night and promising amazing sex after waiting until marriage but they don’t talk about the fact that for people who have never had sex or don’t have a lot of experience it is going to take some trial and error and some time before getting into the place where they can both experience great sex. Me personally I would rather figure things out with my husband because I know he cares and loves me instead of random guy or a man who is not committed to me
*I think the problem is unrealistic expectations.* Many people who wait until marriage- romanticize the idea of an amazing wedding and promise of great sex, intimacy for the rest of their lives. They never factor in the trial and error aspect since both parties are inexperienced that realm. That is where communication has to be top notch in order for both to experience mind blowing, great sex and intimacy.
Ive actually seen research that found that waiting until marriage can actually be pretty traumatic for women. I get that religious people want to be good Christians, but at the same time, the bible wasn't exactly written with womens rights in mind.
This is somewhat of extreme situation, it's one thing to have overall delusional expectations ( who doesn't - you certainly don't go into it with expecting the worst and hoping for the best attitude?) But their not having any intercouse, thats a lot of different? HJ- BJ, and oral sex for her is going wear thin after a while -and the reason his calling in. he's calling in about how better to support his wife but I think it was a bit of segway on how he can better cope with it. I mean sometime a wife will have a 10 top things on there list needs in a marriage and sex might be 9 or 10 on that list?
I wonder if it’s like atrophy.. like has she never had the tingles till her adult life? I remember getting them at 12. An ex admitted he was doing the solo dolo at age SEVEN. Religion is a scary tool… imagine if breathing were against the Bible
I have this condition. And I can say. I wouldn't wish it. On my worst enemy. It really takes a toll. On your mental health. And self worth, as a woman..
jeez apparently new york is the place to go…it’s not really. there are plenty of doctors and therapists in any state that can help with this condition and help someone with this condition go about getting dilators and teaching them pelvic floor exercises.
@@PrettyBrownEyes718 there are a lot of places, some ladies get therapy and it helps. However, some cases it's more hard to overcome this condition because it's not one condition, but un umbrella of conditions.
"I have my own wants and desires" PRAISE THIS MAN for not calling them "needs"! Such a great husand! I hope he and his wife both find satisfaction in the near future ❤
@@Spookyaki1needs implies they need to be provided for, and in the context of sex it sounds r*pey. Fact is, he can survive without intercourse. I don't know the details of the condition, but for intimacy I suppose they can do other things. Are they "needs"? In a broader sense, but one act isn't something you should demand from a woman. Being without pain or injury is a more urgent need than needing to get laid.
This is absolutely brutal. I was married in 2020 and while I wasn't a virgin, my wife was. We did not mess around during the 1.5 years of dating. We were not able to have intercourse for the 2 years of the marriage. From my perspective, we didn't know what it was and there was no interest on her part to figure it out. Here attitude was this is just me and I can't do anything about it, this is just how it is. Instead of talking about it, we both shut down completely. It led to a great deal of anger and frustration on my part and we working through a divorce now. This has been the most traumatic experience of my life with no help from the church or most counselors.
No, the church is not any help in a lot of things, including this. If it’s not a common thing within in a particular group, they don’t know what to do with it. I have a female relative who had this, and it is a real thing. Imagine approaching something is supposed to be glorious and it’s nothing but pain. All that to say, the woman should still seek medical treatment if it’s available. It is treatable, but the woman has to be willing and the husband has to be patient. Nevertheless, the church is really have no help and yes I’m a Christian.
I went through something VERY similar except for the divorce. We have two beautiful children now, but the first couple years was SOO hard. If you need any advice please let me know!
Read the book “the great sex rescue”. Religious women have vaginismus at higher rates due to bad conceptions that this book uncovers and works through. Very research heavy. I loved reading it.
Very true! Women who have been told sex is shameful or dirty or wrong or at least gotten this subliminal message, have a much higher rate of this condition.
And women who are sexually active have a higher risk of cervical cancer due to risk of HPV exposure. Neither group should be nananiboobooing the other to feel good about themselves.
I have yet to be in the company of averge Christians and hear them make sex as something shameful per-se, and not something wonderful to be celebrated inside the confines of the marriage. Was the study done on Medieval Catholic nuns that ran away from monasteries? Mothers should have "the talk" with their daughters, the same way fathers do. However, don't tell me the "fear of the new" today, due to a lack of information, when sex is everywhere, is the same as in Victorian England. I should probably take a look at that book - even n-th tier medical journals publish witg gusto "research" on FDA approved medications with us since the 70s, that supposedly castrate men. Written by people with "Dr" before their names. Until you take a look at who sponsored the study 🙂.
One thing that people don't consider is that sex doesn't have to be penetrative. They both have hands and mouths and she has thighs and breasts. There are so many ways you can give pleasure to your beloved without going into their body, but I won't list them here. (I'm trying not to be vulgar.) What I'm getting at is, just because there is no penetration right now, doesn't mean that there has to be no pleasure and intimacy while she works through this. This husband seems to be a very sweet man. I wish them both the best.
WTF is the point of marriage then, for a man? To just get jerked off? No. Sex is one of the few things women actually provide. Take that away, may as well be single. (Men generally provide: financial security, physical security, shelter, food, vehicles, retirement security, home repairs and traditional male tasks, emotional support, etc. Women provide sex, and sometimes children and house chores). Without sex men may as well stay single and just get a dog. If a man wants kids he can adopt.
yeah.... i'm strating to seeing a pattern too ahahahahaha. But let's give props to this guy, he is very sincere and understanding. He is not asking how he can make his wife wants to get intimate with him (like others). He is asking how can he support her in all of this so it's refreshing to see.
@Sasha-zl1xr sex is a need for men and how they connect with women, especially women they love. The biggest question is why don't you understand men well enough to care what they need?
The world would be a better place if people understood that men and women are not the same. What men value most is different from what women value most. It's not a good idea to shame people for what they value. Us men don't understand how painful periods are. Imagine if a man started saying to a woman going through period pains;"why are you so weak, can't you just be strong?" If you're really a loving person you have to pay attention to what your partner values. If your man values sex, give hi that if there are no health issues, or else go look for a man who doesn't value sex. If your woman values emotional intimacy give them that to the best of your ability, or else loog for a woman who does not value that. If you go into a relationship trying to change what your partner values, I'm sorry to tell you but you're a toxic person.
You have my respect. I had similar thing in my life. Things have changed and me and my wife are happy right now. Love your wife. It's not her fault . And in the future your bond will be stronger.
My husband and I struggle too with me having endometriosis. This is such an important conversation. So real and raw and definitely something that is not talked about but experienced by so many!
I really feel for him, as a Christian you hear sex is bad bad bad, then when I got married it was hard to switch my mindset now that I was married. But after 10 years married and 3 kids honestly my sex life has never been better with my husband. I belive this couple will make it, only if no one cheats waiting on the other one to catch along..
I don't blame you, marriage can either be the best or the worst thing to ever happen to you. And you can not always predict how it would turn out to be
@@georgemubanga1878if you rush into marriage with someone you don't know thoroughly that's true. Too many people get married too soon. I think people should live together for at least 5 years before committing to something like marriage. You can't truly know someone after only a year especially if you don't live together.
He’s a wonderful and loving, patient man. She’s lucky to have him. There’s something more going on than this condition she has because that’s a long damn time.
Christian identity for WOMEN, there's a whole other level. You're told that virginity is a massive part of WORTH as a human being. You're told it's your most precious thing, the part of you that holds the most value, and that when it's gone you'll never be the same again, and you can never get it back. There's waaaaaaaaay too much baggage attached to that.
@@NuffinEditedit's not. It is baggage. Difference of opinion. Don't position opinions as truth, it's exactly this sort of thing that's creating so much damage in people's relationships to sex.
I was waiting for a call like this. I have not been married but been with my boyfriend for two years. Almost a year ago I started having more pain with sex due to vulvodynia with no clue how it started. I still did things but it was more painful for me. Never did I not want to do things. Thankfully after MONTHS I feel better but am glad to have had someone supportive throughout it. It is amazing how common vulvar or vaginal pain is and it can take a while to get diagnosed or find treatment that works. It is a shame
Hey there, I'm glad you're feeling better! I was wondering if you were on HBC at all? I had vaginismus and vulvodynia which made me feel awful (luckily my bf was incredibly supportive) but when I came off of HBC it began to get better and now I don't have either
This is more common than we know. It is a shame this condition is not widely known so couples can get help without feeling shame or defeat. I hope the best for this couple. Both couples I know with this condition have healed and are married more than a decade with children!
This guy the love and respect he has for his wife is so sweet. Praying that things keep gettig better for them. Dr John you were amazing with the advice.
Oh my goodness... He's such a sweet, patient husband. His question was so respectful to his wife. I hope she can find the treatment that works soon. ❤❤❤
He clocked a huge problem with Christianity re: the whole "sex is bad your whole life and then suddenly it's supposed to be good". Hard to undo a lifetime of internalized hatred within a single night. It makes no sense and is harmful.
no sex is not seen as bad. it is for married couples. not to be having sex with random people. it serves as a protection and also its to have children and continue the human race. and children do better with both mom and dad compared to single parents. sex before marriage can lead to diseases and unwanted pregnancies etc.
@@lilpandanesegirlbut the most conservative Christian areas of nation have higher STD rates and teen pregnancies. So if this is the best way to live your life, why does it result in the worst outcomes? Religion absolutely teaches unhealthy attitudes about sex and it doesn’t even help society. Those are just the facts. Teens should be taught about safe sex, consent and have access to abortions if they need one
sorry, but no. you can't just teach kids, especially girls, that it's dirty and gross their whole lives and expect them to totally ditch the shame when it's suddenly time to enjoy it just because of the marriage loophole. you can practice safe sex without marriage. and you can also get married and not have kids, and be perfectly happy and satisfied. :) @@lilpandanesegirl
This is a good husband. He's doing everything he can and knows to do to support his wife and although this can be a tough conversation, asked for help. This is what being a man is. Keep it up! Sending positive thoughts to you and your wife. I hope everything goes smoothly for her treatment.
@@neechee5150 great question! I haven’t been in this situation but if this were my best friend, I would advise her to be communicative, praise her husband so he doesn’t start doubting his ability in bed, and try to be sexually involved in other ways that don’t involve penetration. A large majority of women don’t get an orgasm from penetration so this could be a great opportunity for this couple to explore other sexual activities like oral, tantric sex, and finding out what turns each of them on. Ultimately the wife in this situation should keep moving forward with her treatment and figure out together, how she and her husband can each be sexually satisfied without penetration in this season. Communication is key. My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years, together for 7 years. A great tool that we use is if I say something to him, he’ll tell me what he heard and vice versa. For example, if I said “Babe could you just please do the dishes?” And the way I said it came across to him like I was saying “Man, you’re so annoying. Why haven’t you done the dishes already?” Then I can understand how I come across to him and vice versa. 99% of the time we don’t realize that we’re coming across the way the other hears it and we’ve been able to communicate so much better. Hope that is helpful!
This guy is the sweetest person to have ever came on your show. I don't even know him that well at all, but the way he speaks about his wife makes him hot. 😂. I hope all works out for them. Some women have had this and they just needed physical therapy to help. Hope the doctors can guide her on what she needs to do so they both can enjoy s3x together. Best wishes. 💖
As a Christian man, I found the caller completely obnoxious. There's no way he is gonna Ned Flanders this for much longer and the doctor picked up on that.
@@thabulosAs a Christian man, maybe recognise that the way religion's approach to sex is causing all sorts of pain and perversions in actual human lives. Your judgment is your own, good thing you're not someone the caller ever got advice from. He's hurting enough as it is. Where's the compassion that your religion preaches now?
I’ve struggled with the same issue due to an assault, it took me two years to get better and I’m still recovering. It’s so important to date someone who understands like this guy and I’m so lucky to have someone who helped me through that and been patient. For some people they may heal in just a short time but for some people it’s harder and takes much much longer. If you feel pressured by your partner, you won’t fully heal.
My gf and I dealt with this for years but we eventually got through it. Believe me , it was more of a relief for her than it was for me when we finally figured it out. She carried a lot of guilt for not being able to do it. Just remember there are plenty of other fun healthy sexual things to do while you are working on solving the main issue. But at the same time, don’t put it off. The doc is right, this can definitely be treated if the time and effort and care is put into it.
My dad and stepmom have never had sex and she refused to ever get any help. Total sexless marriage and no emotional intimacy. Just two people who are afraid of being alone and extremely “religious”.
@BruceJC75... Any wife that doesn't feel compelled to get hep? Religious? Yes! Godly? Nope. Any wife who has a genuine relationship with Jesus would know that she CANNOT remain that way. She would/should be compelled to try and get help so as to be a blessing to her husband and be able to express herself in it's fullness. If no one is getting any help? I feel sorrow for them both. 😞 Personally? I would let him go and free him to marry someone else.
I found out i had this after I got married. My husband wasn't and still isnt supportive. We've been married for over 2 years now. He usually just gets mad and angry at me or avoids it completly and just touches himself. He doesn't believe what the doctors tell me and doesnt help me or encourage me with my therapy. He thinks I'm being overdramatic and that it should just work and might hurt for the first few times... He makes me feel like its all my fault or that i should just take the painfulness. But now instead of dealing with me he just pleases himself which hasn't helped the fact that he has a pornography addiction, which i also found out after getting married. It makes me happy to hear how supportive this guy was in the video. He seems like he really loves his wife. I admit I'm also jealous. I wish my husband loved me enough to even think for once about how I might feel too. Marry someone you can trust will take care of you when you really need it.
i'd say that everyone reacts differently to a situation like this although it's very positive that in this situation ur husband is always supportive, but a situation mike this it's very hard to deal or handle it hope everything went good for both of yall
Listening to this makes me glade I’m Catholic and have never been told sex is bad. We were taught it’s something good, holy, and sacred meant for marriage.
it doesn't necessarily mean she was told it was bad - it could be that she was told/heard that the first time can hurt...or that she's turned that part of her mind/body off for so long to avoid the temptation that it's hard to reprogram her thoughts/responses even if she wants to...
YES!! i was raised catholic and i have never been told that sex is bad or dirty. i am stunned by the number of people in the comments that were raised that way or somehow given that impression to internalize it as shameful.
Since you are Christian, you probably read the Bible. Hope you do! This is a spiritual problem. It's an attack from the devil against your marriage. Read Ephesians 6:12. " We do not wrestle against flesh & blood but against powers & principalities & spiritual wickedness in high places ". I say and the Bible says BIND this spirit .Whatever the diagnosis is, bind it in Jesus's name. Do you two have a pastor who can pray with you?
For anyone who has a relatively healthy to high sex drive, this can absolutely cause all kinds of issues and distractions. The wife might be feeling all kinds of things about herself that she shouldn't regardless of his support and reassurance. I agree, I hope they get relief soon.
Geez this man calling about his wife IS such a gem! What a respectable young man. We need more men like this! I hope things turn around quickly for both of them.
Wow. I am incredibly impressed with your quick thinking and advice. Keep doing good work. You're needed in this sick society. Hopefully I can step in your footprint one day.
My wife had this when we got married in 2017. We couldn’t have sex for a year but we worked on it and were patient and now 8 years later we have 2 kids and have a great sex life. It really is a pretty intense mental thing that I think we could prevent if parents weren’t so freaked out about talking to their kids about sex. Her mom was so strict about it she didn’t even let her attend sex ed in high school. We have talked about how to address and talk about sex with our children to prevent them from going through this themselves one day. You’ve got this man!
Exactly the same here. Never been in a relationship yet, but my family never ever discussed topic of sex. It was shameful unless with husband and even then isn't discussed outside of bedroom. "Your husband will tell you what to do when the time comes, just don't think about it until then". Also no sex ed in school (they signed me out of it, was relieved at the time cuz it's awkward to sit with classmates & discuss shameful acts like they are normal- just to realize later only that it Is Normal) our teachers hated sex ed cuz kids got weird all day and while I didn't have to attend the course I agree the kids got stupid and disruptive (bananas everywhere as jokes, other fruit jokes and they handed out condoms that became balloons or placed around school🙄 middle school idiocy) teachers simply said "since you can't take the course here's what you need to know: your body will change as you probably know (of course by then, yes) and when it comes to sex just don't do it's a bad idea, the rest you'll figure it out before marriage" and...that was it. Will say though there was a reason for opting me out of sex ed-my other siblings became active literally within only a couple months of taking the course at ages 12-14yrs so not for me too that's how I got the old fashioned explanation. It wasn't parent being stuffy they let the others do what school suggested & it didn't go well & like I said I didn't mind missing "the talk" at the time. As I get older I do hear something like the name of this condition and it's news to me, I'm like so many of my classmates have been doing the act since 7th grade so how bad can it be? But then there's all these new conditions and I have to Google it to know what it is, if it's this common why only hear about it now? Now I wonder if I'm going to have same issues if I get into a relationship? As of right now I do not think about the topic at all cuz im single (and can't miss doing what you've never done) but eventually I will have to cross that bridge and hope it all works out I guess. 🤷♀️
@@darylfoster7944 because if you don't warn them about sex like the risks of STDs, or how people manipulate/peer pressure then into it, or risks of pregnancy & how to be careful and then on top of not discussing it they deny teachers to teach you then you are left completely unprepared and uneducated on the subject which makes you either 1) dive in unprepared and make mistakes that can alter your life or others by having unplanned kids or 2) avoiding the act or subject altogether and feeling undecided about the whole topic do you never do it. The talk is awkward but important for kids to know
@@darylfoster7944 Because if parents don't, other people / kids will. It's important for parents to take the responsibility to teach children what it is, why people do it, how it works, how to be safe and how to say no. No shame, no awkwardness, just ordinary conversations to inform them correctly about it, and to let them know that they have a say in it. This way if they hear weird 'old wives tales' or myths about sex from their peers, or if anyone (adult or peer) tries to touch them inappropriately or engage them in any kind of sexual conduct or conversation, they aren't completely confused and blindsided, and they have a point of reference as to how to deal with it. ALSO - and this is the most important thing to me - if we make it so that they never have to feel embarrassed or ashamed to mention sex to their parents, then we'll be the ones they come to with questions, worries etc. I never want my daughter to think that she can't ask me about anything or tell me anything. We are their safety in all things, including this 💖💖 Btw - I am of course referring to broaching the subject in an age-appropriate way and at appropriate ages!! As soon as it starts getting mentioned in school, that's the moment for parents to get on board with the actual facts ✌🏼
The biggest issue I’m seeing today with relationships is a lot of people bond with someone and have similar values and interests but they’re not sexually attracted to the person. And the person they are sexually attracted to is not interested in them and on top of it they have completely different values and worldviews. I think it’s a reason so many people are choosing it be single today.
Its just normal. We wouldnt say a woman deserves a gold medal if she has patience with her husband when he suffers from erectile disfunction right? We would just expect her to treat him right. Youre supposed to love your partner enought and have patience and understanding and not just drop them when theres a problem.
@@xdaydreamerxa lot of men struggle to love and care for a woman properly unfortunately because of the commonality of multiple partners in most peoples dating history, our culture and how they push masculinity devoid of true love and also it doesnt come as naturally for men as it does for women due to hormonal differences…
This guy was right out the gate in the beginning 😳 then was absolutely amazing! I would love a man like this who shows self control, respectful honesty, and genuine care. Not perfection but a good heart ♥️
THIS is a good man, Savannah! This is a man of God! His wife is a lucky woman to have such a compassionate, loving man to support her through this difficult season in their marriage and in her life. Love this!
Every woman would be so lucky to have a husband who is this caring and understanding and speaking so well of his wife, and also so invested in her and her needs and her health.
Lots of people have this. In this world, no one wants to admit. It can be psychological because of abuse. One girl had this because gynecologist did exams that were painful. Docs should be mindful of this. Your pelvic muscles naturally tense up as a reflex from foreign objects of any kind. People can have it after childbirth, trauma. This can be helped with Botox injections. Sounds weird, but helps relax muscles. Read the book, “When Sex Seems Impossible” by Peter T. Pacik. He and others have clinics that can cure or help tremendously using Botox and some therapy. I have a friend’s daughter who did the Botox to relax the pelvic wall muscles and it worked. Has 3 children naturally.
I have primary V. I’m not exaggerating to say that before treatment any penetration/ insertion attempt was impossible and the pain was excruciating. When the attempt causes excruciating pain barely 1cm in, it at all, it’s a form of trauma that just compounds itself and the body becomes ruled by the unconscious mind. Incredibly frustrating condition and Dr John’s understanding of the condition is pretty superficial. He seemed surprised that she’s in treatment but it’s still not possible, when in fact this is something many women & girls struggle with for years. Botox may work as plaster as the muscles are paralysed (rather than relaxed) but unless the person is committed to having routine Botox, and the associated risks, there almost certainly needs to be psychosexual therapy in most cases.
I think there are varying degrees. I think you’re right about it compounding. My friend associated painful gynecological exams with penetration. The way I understand it is the body then protects itself by tightening up the muscles just as other body parts protect from invasions. I think the Botox could help some of the psychological effects because once it works, it may help the unconscious mind. Maybe depends on severity. The sooner the better for treatment. I think my friend only had one Botox treatment, but I’m not sure. Therapy would probably be needed in a lot of cases.
As Christians , God is with you through all this. This will pass . God bless you both and your marriage. God is faithful. Continue trusting Him. Blessings
There is hope. And healing. It takes work, therapy, patience, and extreme consistency. I went through it, and I'm doing very well, and much of that is owed to my awesome hubby. Tell your friend they're not alone!!
@michellekalski8823 It would be great to really dig down and find out how she/the wife treats him on a day to day basis. This man is so committed to not saying anything that could be seen as negative about his wife that he is not going to talk about any potential psychological abuse, domestic violence, and constantly accusing him of having an affair to make herself feel better about herself. He needs to speak in words based in reality about what this has put him through and how his wife actually treats him on a day to day basis in the midst of this mess.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
“How can I be the best husband?” Wow bless this young man
❤️
Isn't that what husbands are supposed to do?
@@cutetay71that is the ideal but men like these are unique and rare unfortunadely
@@cutetay71 Ugh, no. First he needs to be a husband to do things husbands are "supposed to do." Right now she is privately promising to someday make good on the promise she made publicly but privately failed to keep. That is not promising at all.
@@pippadawg7037 he said his vows in sick ness and in health she has a sickness so support her and shut up
I respect so much the way this guy is talking about his wife.
Me too ❤
Factz, I think it’s hard now but they will be ok. Both are trying hard so they will be fine. God bless them!
Where are men like this??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a hero. I call him an absolute hero.
He’s a great guy. I hope they work it out and she gets help.
@@donaldjohnson-it1kvhe’s a Christian man. He loves his wife
This is why it is soooooo important for a woman to marry a man who truly loves her. Love is patient and kind and this caller expresses that in the respectful and considerate way he handles the issue and talks about his wife. A lesser man would not only blame her and take it as a personal affront to his masculinity, but would either cheat on her or force himself on her, thereby increasing the trauma for her. Well done to you young man. Real strength doesn't lie in muscles and beards, but in character and virtue.
On the other hand, it’s critical for women to marry someone they’re attracted to. There is a 100% chance that if this guy looked like Brad Pitt in his prime, there would be no “vaginismus”. She married the safe, secure, good beta provider, and these are the consequences.
I don’t think anybody is really crazy enough to go that far with something. You sound insane. She was a vergin too and and has a disorder.
@@izealliaeldridge1441What projection are you talking about? Are you saying that commenter thinks he's a loser beta? For pointing out that when a situation like this happens it's usually a lack of physical attraction at the core?
Vaginismus is not caused by lack of sexual attraction. Often these women can’t have pelvic exams either for the same reason. It’s not because they’re not attracted to the gynecological instruments. It’s a real medical condition. Fortunately treatable.
@@cbtam4333 Depends. If she had it her whole life and always had issues and pain using tampons then you're definitely correct. It seems like she had no idea though, so it presumably started with attempted sex. If she isn't into the sex itself/ it hurts the first time, her body can start reacting negatively to any future attempts. If she has anxiety this becomes even more likely to occur. So saying it's because she ain't attracted is not correct, but for some women the truth is more in the middle than you're saying.
This guy is incredibly mature and supportive. Great husband
Sad thing is that all the times we reject our husband for sex men are told to jump through fiery hoops to see if they can convince us. If by any chance we happen to feel like doing it, which is rare, and he doesn’t then once again he has to jump through fiery hoops for us. They just can’t win.
@@laylalayla6630 But I heard from this show that a healthy woman who's attracted to her husband wants sex up to 2 times a day, and for that to be considered normal. Are you sure you're talking about most women?
@@laylalayla6630
I wouldn't say it's rare, but that all depends on the person. Women can be highly sexual, too.
@@Soulsphere001 Women can be sexual of course but in general we have lots of hangups. Most women won’t just jump their husband. The have to be in the mood, feel a certain way, feel that their man “deserves” it, and so on. Married women usually come up with excuses to not have sex. The typical “headache” excuse. Studies show how pretty much every woman masturbates, even though none admits it, but this shows we have sexual needs. What confuses me is why once married such desires disappear. Of course, there are exceptions.
Which is why people should factor in sex drives before moving forward.
Imagine waiting until marriage then this happens. Absolutely brutal.
I know right 😂😂😂😂 I can’t masturbate all my lifeeeee. Buddy your wife is full of crape … it’s time to man up and let her know how you feel or else you will suffer bro 😂😂😂😂😂
This condition is completely treatable, and it’s no one’s fault. For two people who love and respect each other, this would be a curveball, but not necessarily brutal. Married couples should expect difficulties, but love is patient and kind.
Lol @ religious people. At least their invisible friend is happy.
Yes. It hurts, and if you're religious like me, you feel like your stuck forever in this situation if your spouse chooses to not seek help.
@@OtisFlint so if you are not religious you cannot love respect each other and you cannot be patient and kind to the person you clain you love? I am really confused about htis somment? love, pateince and understanding are exclusive to Christians?
The way this man speaks of his wife brought tears to me eyes
Sex is dirty and disgusting and should be avoided at all costs
@@AC-LING666are you ok buddy?
@@denistaylor1782I think that’s a child. Probably using a grown ups account or something
@@denistaylor1782 has to be a troll
@ACXIAO666.... "Sex is dirty and disgusting and should be avoided at all costs"
Sounds like a personal problem to me.
Perhaps seek out some help?
I have faith in this couple. They seem so wholesome. Best of luck in their efforts.
Me too! I have a good feeling about them.
He is a beta simp.
I don’t, the guy seems super fun and sweet but women don’t respect that. I wonder if she would even have this issues with like a random Chad that is more of a man, I doubt it. She is probably not a virgin either.
She will bail and get ran thru like the tunnel at KC Chiefs stadium.@@Rainer125
@@Rainer125 Please move on from that girl that hurt your feelings. You didn't owe a relationship and sex to every sweet girl that was ever into you, just like that girl didn't owe it to you to give you anything.
What a man of God! He is beyond patient, understanding and loving for his wife. Hope they make it through
What I find interesting is how when we don’t want it we should be respected and its a man’s fault. He should jump through fiery hoops to try to convince us. If he doesn’t want it then something is wrong with him and once again he should jump through fiery hoops for her.
My husband and I were both virgins when we got married. Reading the book "and they were not ashamed.," was a blessing. it helps women deal with good girl syndrome. Which is thinking sex is bad. It helped me finally relax enough to have a successful sexual experience.
Good girl syndrome sounds kinky asf
This is true. Humans both male and female were innately shameless when completely nude. It is the way we were meant to be. Wasn't until eve ate from the tree of knowledge and convinced Adam to as well, that they learned what it meant to be embarrassed, ashamed, or humiliation of their own nakedness. When God asks his creation why do they hide from him on his return. Their answer to him is because they were naked. God asked who taught them that word "naked". He knew then and there that humans as he made us, are disobedient at times.
@@immortal_SONot Bible stories.....God isn't real. Grow up.
@@immortal_SO So did Adam and Eve's offspring just have sex with each other when they came of age and started their own families?
@@immortal_SOnone of this actually happened in real life
First time I’ve seen a caller bring more energy to the beginning of the call than John. 😂He was shocked 😂👍
Hahahahah😂 wasnt ready for that
Yeah. Tables turned😂😂
It was fake and cringy.
@@conservativeriot5939hes just a lively guy nothing cringey about it
What CJ said about how in Christiandom it goes from 'No Sex before marriage' to 'Have a bunch of sex' when you're married is very true. Nobody prepares you for the mental switch you have to take. Heck, it's hard enough trying to know what is too much in the dating phase.
Facts! This happened to me. My husband wasn't a virgin...but he was my 1st. We had sex a hand full of times before we got married and he was always super supportive. I ALWAYS felt dirty and shameful. Then when we got married I felt "released" from the heaviness of it and was like "okay in ready to really do this thing" and he was completely taken off guard and confused. It completely threw everything off. We've had to do some work to rewire ourselves and our thoughts and Dr. DeLony is right. Me being a "good girl" was an identity thing. And I'm still unraveling it from being a "people pleaser".
And I follow 2 other Christian women (who were virgins until marriage) who are ig influencers who married men who weren't virgins and both couples had major things to unravel. It's heavy. (Purity culture).
The fact that people have had bad experiences doesn’t mean being pure as a Christian is bad
To the girl who is keeping yourself, don’t let some experiences change you.
God loves you.
There is always a first time to have sex
For Jesus lovers, the first time is in marriage
@bernicehatsu3022 Nobody said it was.
But shame that effects you to the degree that you can't have sex with your spouse is absolutely a problem.
Had no problem switching 🙂
It really hit me when John spoke to him about spouses needing to be able to talk about difficult things and unment needs without judgement or taking offense, arguing, etc. Understanding this concept of spouses talking about EVERYTHING, with no topics off-limits, with both people controlling their emotions, is absolutely key to a healthy relationship. In my experience, this element is missing from most marriages I have come in contact with.
Have some sex before you jump the gun. If there are problems, you will have time to talk about them before you do something you'll regret. Maybe you can work things out before you take the plunge without knowing how deep is the pool. If sex is important, fix it before you move in together, before you take out a thirty-year mortgage.
@@JackMason-oq8lf Gosh that's horrible. I'm glad waiting until marriage would have scared off someone who thought of me as a thirty year mortgage.
I suffered from this when my husband and I first married. My husband was an absolute saint. So patient and kind. I’m super attracted to him and for sure wanted to have sex, but it was just sooo painful, like it was even painful to him because it was so clamped down. My GYM prescribed a medication that is a combo of a muscle relaxer and lidocaine. It is a thick cream injected into the vagina an hour before sex. It did make me very tired, due to the muscle relaxer, but it worked!! I also had to learn how to relax the pelvic floor because when the body expects pain it tenses up and everything closes. It’s a fear response. My husband was wonderful at being aware of my body and made me feel totally safe and relaxed, I knew he would never force anything so that really helped. Things are absolutely wonderful now!! I feel totally free with him and our love life is amazing. There is hope!
Can you have children with that condition? That must be seriously painful
@@braddavid902I had all c-sections. I think other women can/do. Often the condition develops even after childbirth. It can be a fear response in anticipation of pain. It’s the body’s way of protecting itself.
LADIES LISTEN UP! Trojan longer lasting spray. Put it on him and put it in for a minute. It is a life saver.
Thank you for sharing!
I have so many questions. But they might sound disrespectful so I apologize for that but I have to ask about the mental aspects...
What happened?? Please explain the mindset that causes this. My theory is toxic legalism in church culture causes this.
Honestly, this caller is the sweetest guy ever. I hope his wife knows and appreciates that and I hope the doctors can work with her to help her with her condition. I wish them both the very best. He deserves all the happiness. What a sweet soul. ❤
This caller is so so sweet! Prayers for them 🙏🏻
What a blessing to have a husband like this.
Dr. John wasnt prepared for this energy 😂😂
I was catching tweaker vibes, i hope im wrong
@@Hunter2847he was probably just very nervous
Bro waited his whole life to have sex and then this happened...so yeah...he's got some pent up energy😅
Exactly what I was thinking 😂..guy was ambushed
@@Hunter2847 You jump immediately to drug addict? Dafuq? Have you never met someone with naturally high energy before? I'm catching sheltered, home schooled vibes lol
This man is a real gem and a true husband
It sounds like he is being very supportive. And she is getting treated.
It also sounds like they are being responsible and considerate of each other which is unheard of nowadays
So supportive that she will end up taking advantage of him the rest of his life
Why you make it sound as if this is her fault and she is not trying to make an effort. She is and she is being considerate of him. She is not using this as a power play.
I have vulvadonia, sex is not pleasurable if these things aren't dealth with properly...you can feel so much pain like your insides being torn to shreds painful....
I also feel like if you are going through something don't project your opinion or situation onto other peoples lives....
No she’s not. None of these people can fix this. She’s not seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist.
No way this takes over a year to resolve. This is why you shouldn’t wait until marriage until sex.
@@Cwgrlup i strongly disagree. because if they had both of them would still be single. Sex is not a whole relationship and the fact that they have an actual foundation to work off of is far safer for her and him. These things can be navigated, its not the end of the world.
Women have no emotional security when they have sex before marriage. We are built different and catch feelings. Don't apply the same thought process of a man to woman.
This is not only good for advice with husband's, but also wives who have never known what vaginismus is and have thought something was wrong with them. That's me. I am so grateful I clicked on this because I've never had a word that described what I'm going through as a wife. Brought tears to my eyes discovering that this is what I've actually been struggling with and I have a word for it now, this just changed my life! THANK YOU
He clearly loves her. I hope things work out for this guy.
2:41 “yes, she’s been doing a great job”
Way to support your wife as she navigates this difficult challenge. Respect brotha
He’s definitely respecting his wife. But let’s be honest, she’s clearly not motivated to fix the situation if it’s already over a year.
@@flightTime123sometimes it just takes a really long time. happens to a lot of women
Here's the deal tho. Is she trying or is she TRYING? Not having a hard timeline and a really chill husband is probably having her not put all the work its gonna require. Like a person w a bad back who never does PT
@@yes9561exactly. It took me a year. Happens to lots of late bloomers and those who grew up religious.
Pelvic floor therapy really does work wonders. It takes work, though. It isn't fun during the therapy(can be painful), but please stick with it. Also do research and learn what might feel good so that way when it does get better, you'll be able to pleasure each other. I literally used to scream because the pain was so bad when we tried. After the pelvic floor therapy, it's 1000 times better. And i am glad you're doing the research now, supporting her and she's trying to find the solution.
Thanks for sharing. There are healthy options out there
YOGA is the answer
Pelvic floor exercises have nothing to do with this. What are you even talking about
@@meowy4720- it can. Most people don’t understand how much pelvic floor therapy can help for a lot of things. It should be prescribed to women postpartum imo.
@@francestaylor9156 It has nothing to do with so-called "vaginismus".
This guy on the phone is such a good man. His wife is a lucky lady. I wish them the best on their journey together :)
I’m surprised this is the first time I’ve heard of vaginismus on this show. It’s SOOOO COMMON. Just because people haven’t heard of it, that doesn’t mean its rare. I’m really grateful for his call. There are so many other men in his position. It feels so isolating because you feel like you can’t talk about it to anyone.
❤❤❤
I also never heard about it until I experienced it
It's been mentioned on the show, I don't think by a caller, but as a question from John to a caller.
I'm a woman in her 40s and this is the first time I heard the medical term and that it is common. I always thought it was rare.
Didn’t know it was common. I suffer from it and gave up.
Its not common, estimates 0.5% to 5% of women experience it so its not that shocking even women dont know about it
These shows are actively helping my marriage Dr. John Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Me too, as a woman it helps me out a lot with how to please my man mentally, physically and spiritually.
I had this for a couple months after my first child was born. I had a 3rd degree tear. I’m pretty sure it was 99% psychological. My husband was wonderful about it. I did a lot of self talk and prayer to overcome it.
it could be a combo psychological and physical.
You and your husband at least enjoyed a sex life before the birth of your child. This man doesn't have that intimate memory to rely on.
@@joshuamancarter That’s true. But my point is that it can go away. And they can go on to have a normal sex life.
Attending those appointments together is great advice!
Wow hit the nail on the head! I had this trouble with my wife and she didn't see a doctor. Took us like 3 years before we started enjoying sex and let me tell you! It was psycologically stressful on me and her and it definitely hurt our marriage at the time. Just steady the course. Be patient and kind. Once she gets out of it, it will be amazing. Continue to be open and there is actually a benefit to it in that you are delaying that honeymoon phase and when you get passed this stressful time it will be like fireworks! If you can make your marriage good in this season, when shes able to start having sex and enjoying it, your marriage will be AMAZING.
Yes! I am glad you were supportive. I know it was difficult. Because i can guarantee your wife felt broken and didn't envision her sex life being like that. And then, it also caused problems for you obviously because it also messed with you mentally. It seems crazy to say get medical/psychological help to have sex but, it does need to happen that way for some people. Glad y'all are better now.
AMEEEEEEEN YAYYYYYYY
Needed to see this. Same boat. 3 years in and it’s taken a toll. Been separated about 8 months now and still clinging to hope but there’s little to no connection. Your story gives me more hope. Happy to hear yall made it through
@@fairjordan We had our ups and downs man. I’d say staying close to my religion and praying made a huge impact. But there was definitely some bad moments. Thankfully her dedication and commitment to me and my commitment to her helped us get through but man my head was in some bad places sometimes. A lot of times I had the thought of leaving. Especially in the beginning. And you have that wondering like is this gonna be forever. Just be patient. Talk to her. Have open communication about sex and what she likes and what is helpful to her. Communication is key. Hype her up when she has even the smallest of wins and be truly happy that she’s making progress. It’s all a mental game man and don’t take anything personally. It has nothing to do with you. I know it’s hard!
@@benfontenot9896amen for couples truly devoting themselves to marriage!!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!
I sobbed during this phone call because this was to a tee mine and my husbands situation. Problem was it was back in 2012 and so many doctors I talked do claimed they didn’t even know what vaginismus is. It was the most depressing and traumatic thing I ever went though. Everybody we talked to acted like this was unheard of and it wasn’t until 5 years later I found a doctor who listened to me and put me through the treatment I needed. We now have a beautiful son and married life is great. I’m so thankful that this topic is being discussed and normalized more because we suffered in silence for sooooo long.
@malloreygarrett892 messaged you
But what was the CAUSE? Something caused your MIND to shut down your body. What was the issue, who caused that thinking?
I think the hardest part is suffering through it. I recently heard very private info that my brother and his wife have a similar issue. They didn’t admit it and try to get help until after 3 years of marriage.
@@AnitaSoler my PT said it is caused by a variety of reasons. From hormonal imbalances and lack of estrogen in the body to trauma issues like sexual assault or growing up in a fearful religious upbringing. It’s different for every woman.
@@AnitaSoler I have this condition and I really can't find the reason. It just hurts to insert things as if your vagina is small. Tried talking to a psychologist, working on it myself and have no idea what is The reason. I think, there is no particular one, just an anticipation of pain and negative experience of painful attempts. That's it, no past trauma, no bad parents, no religious background.
I was in the exact same situation. It took 3 years for us to have successful intercourse! There was definitely a psychological component (religious conservatism). Thank God that things got better! We’ve been married 10 years and going strong. 2 beautiful children.
Saaaame
It's so weird to me that otherwise godly people get hung up on "sex is dirty"...that's not scriptural, at all. God designed male & female bodies to be pleasurable to each other, specifically within marriage, not just for reproduction but for intimacy, that oneness mentioned first in Genesis.
@@evage99 Because the church is hung up on it- Marital debt, wifely duty, sex is for the husband. I read a christian marriage manual ( for the wife) from the 1920's and it had three paragraphs commiserating on why God would design reproduction (sex) this way. And if how and when your husband wants sex these are your step you need to do as a wife - and a lot these stigma's are still around to a degree. Look no farther than the purity culture - Some would argue they did some good ,but I think they did more bad.
religious conservatitis lol
@@sitka49maybe stop reading 1920s marriage pamphlets and read the actual Bible? Western culture's distortions of it arent what we go by.
Good for him and not blaming her, and him wanting to know the best way to help her through this. I wish them the best
I respect the hell out of this caller. Seems like a great dude and husband.
Yeah. It's nice to know that there are people like this out there. Bless his heart.
John’s assessment is spot on. My heart was so sad listening to this young man’s “elevated” words. He is trying soooooo hard. I think John can help him.
Aww this guy sounds so nice and honest
Man, the energy of this guy is off the charts! He sounds like someone that would make a great friend
She should ask for a referral for a pelvic floor therapist! They opened my eyes so so much.
I'm sure they opened something else too. 🤣🤣🤣
@@charlesbell5500Yeah that's the whole problem and solution you crass insensitive dumbass
@@charlesbell5500 Really?
@@charlesbell5500 That's the whole point 😂
This guys sounds really sweet! My boyfriend sometimes struggles with being honest with his emotions with me too and I try my best to create a space for them in our relationship free of judgment but it’s sad how often men are told to just ignore their emotions.
Men have no choice but to not show emotions, as the vast majority of women, even the ones who swear they like that stuff, don't really like it. The truth is, women find negative emotions, crying, sadness, extremely unnatractive. And at the end of the day, there's no point in putting your relationship at risk. Have a friend who cried in front of his gf of 5 years. A year later, she left him and admitted it was because she didn't see him as a man anymore. This was a girl who was raised right with no trauma.
@@CRose9205 i am telling you! You are right!!!! Women love to lie to themselves
@@CRose9205 A woman instinctively desires a male who can protect both her and her offspring. And she rejects a male who she determines is weak and unable to fulfill that role. It's a feature of human evolution that hasn't changed in thousands of years. A man who cries, reveals his insecurities, shares his fears, etc only diminishes himself in a woman's eyes.
Evolution is false. It doesn’t bring about any morality. Only God can do that. He gave us our desires for sex and we as humans twisted it and ruined His creation. Women look for strong men because that’s how God designed them. The question is, what makes a man strong? I’d say being slow to anger, able to deescalate situations, being able to be vulnerable to his spouse or closest friends, and discern what is wise in a situation. These are characteristics of a disciple of God. The more a man reflects God, the more attractive he is to the ladies. I’ve personally seen it.
@@two_point_0805 so true
Many religions require waiting until marriage to have sex. Understand. Fair enough. However, it is ridiculous, to ridicule people (women especially) that sex is so bad. The ultimate sin. Don’t have a single sexual thought until marriage Blah blah and then NOT expect people to struggle once they get married. It’s literally impossible.
Which religion says that sex is the ultimate sin?
@@domblack6288no, I didn’t mean that literally. I’m saying having been raised in Christian household & youth group myself, (I know Mormons & Muslims experience this too) sex before marriage is talked about AS IF it is the ultimate sin
Agreed, there's so much sexual shaming. There's a lot of radical religious thoughts and that's definitely one of them. I laugh at people that think a woman saving herself until marriage due to religion is a fool proof way to get a decent woman. I've been with women like that and it's a complete sexual nightmare.
I think the problem is unrealistic expectations, religious people tend to romanticize the wedding night and promising amazing sex after waiting until marriage but they don’t talk about the fact that for people who have never had sex or don’t have a lot of experience it is going to take some trial and error and some time before getting into the place where they can both experience great sex.
Me personally I would rather figure things out with my husband because I know he cares and loves me instead of random guy or a man who is not committed to me
@@bleudiamondbleuI agree. Purity culture definitely missed the mark there.
This caller is amazing. I have so much respect for him.
*I think the problem is unrealistic expectations.* Many people who wait until marriage- romanticize the idea of an amazing wedding and promise of great sex, intimacy for the rest of their lives. They never factor in the trial and error aspect since both parties are inexperienced that realm. That is where communication has to be top notch in order for both to experience mind blowing, great sex and intimacy.
Exactly. These people be going 10 years into marriage with no female orgasms
Ive actually seen research that found that waiting until marriage can actually be pretty traumatic for women. I get that religious people want to be good Christians, but at the same time, the bible wasn't exactly written with womens rights in mind.
This is somewhat of extreme situation, it's one thing to have overall delusional expectations ( who doesn't - you certainly don't go into it with expecting the worst and hoping for the best attitude?) But their not having any intercouse, thats a lot of different? HJ- BJ, and oral sex for her is going wear thin after a while -and the reason his calling in. he's calling in about how better to support his wife but I think it was a bit of segway on how he can better cope with it. I mean sometime a wife will have a 10 top things on there list needs in a marriage and sex might be 9 or 10 on that list?
I wonder if it’s like atrophy.. like has she never had the tingles till her adult life? I remember getting them at 12. An ex admitted he was doing the solo dolo at age SEVEN. Religion is a scary tool… imagine if breathing were against the Bible
@@alwaysyouramanda just holding their breath trying not to think about assassinating their meats 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I have this condition. And I can say. I wouldn't wish it. On my worst enemy. It really takes a toll. On your mental health. And self worth, as a woman..
It can be cured. There is a facility called The Women's Therapy Center in NY. It can be done. Good luck.
Yes go to the womens therapy center in Long Island New York. Me and my wife went and it worked!
What is this ad ??😂
jeez apparently new york is the place to go…it’s not really. there are plenty of doctors and therapists in any state that can help with this condition and help someone with this condition go about getting dilators and teaching them pelvic floor exercises.
@@PrettyBrownEyes718 there are a lot of places, some ladies get therapy and it helps. However, some cases it's more hard to overcome this condition because it's not one condition, but un umbrella of conditions.
Have so much respect for this caller
"I have my own wants and desires" PRAISE THIS MAN for not calling them "needs"! Such a great husand! I hope he and his wife both find satisfaction in the near future ❤
Is emotional intimacy and connection a need?
They are needs though
@@spencercorpuz she won’t answer
@@Spookyaki1needs implies they need to be provided for, and in the context of sex it sounds r*pey. Fact is, he can survive without intercourse. I don't know the details of the condition, but for intimacy I suppose they can do other things. Are they "needs"? In a broader sense, but one act isn't something you should demand from a woman. Being without pain or injury is a more urgent need than needing to get laid.
Sex is a need for most people.
This is absolutely brutal. I was married in 2020 and while I wasn't a virgin, my wife was. We did not mess around during the 1.5 years of dating. We were not able to have intercourse for the 2 years of the marriage. From my perspective, we didn't know what it was and there was no interest on her part to figure it out. Here attitude was this is just me and I can't do anything about it, this is just how it is. Instead of talking about it, we both shut down completely. It led to a great deal of anger and frustration on my part and we working through a divorce now. This has been the most traumatic experience of my life with no help from the church or most counselors.
😟😟😟...I'm so sorry.
No, the church is not any help in a lot of things, including this.
If it’s not a common thing within in a particular group, they don’t know what to do with it. I have a female relative who had this, and it is a real thing. Imagine approaching something is supposed to be glorious and it’s nothing but pain. All that to say, the woman should still seek medical treatment if it’s available. It is treatable, but the woman has to be willing and the husband has to be patient. Nevertheless, the church is really have no help and yes I’m a Christian.
She was living in shame hence she chose denial rather than figuring out. In her mind she feels less than a woman and it's a big pain to carry.
I went through something VERY similar except for the divorce. We have two beautiful children now, but the first couple years was SOO hard. If you need any advice please let me know!
I think you mean *ex-wife, she’s not yours anymore. You don’t own the woman. Good luck.
The caller has a golden retriever personality 😂
I'm SO sorry for this guy. I hope the wife isn't just lying to him about this whole situation. Wouldn't be the first time.
@@melissachartres3219
Most likely not. Vaginismus is extremely difficult to deal with mentally and physically. But it absolutely can be cured.
@@melissachartres3219I hope so too. Terrible thing for a man
😂
It’s so sweet❤
Read the book “the great sex rescue”. Religious women have vaginismus at higher rates due to bad conceptions that this book uncovers and works through. Very research heavy. I loved reading it.
Very true! Women who have been told sex is shameful or dirty or wrong or at least gotten this subliminal message, have a much higher rate of this condition.
And women who are sexually active have a higher risk of cervical cancer due to risk of HPV exposure. Neither group should be nananiboobooing the other to feel good about themselves.
Yesssss. 👏🏻
I have yet to be in the company of averge Christians and hear them make sex as something shameful per-se, and not something wonderful to be celebrated inside the confines of the marriage.
Was the study done on Medieval Catholic nuns that ran away from monasteries?
Mothers should have "the talk" with their daughters, the same way fathers do. However, don't tell me the "fear of the new" today, due to a lack of information, when sex is everywhere, is the same as in Victorian England.
I should probably take a look at that book - even n-th tier medical journals publish witg gusto "research" on FDA approved medications with us since the 70s, that supposedly castrate men.
Written by people with "Dr" before their names. Until you take a look at who sponsored the study 🙂.
@@SuperBettyxoxowhat does one have to do with the other in regards to a comment under this?
Fudge. im gonna cry. this man is so sweet. I love him for her so much. Hes so lovely [christian here]
One thing that people don't consider is that sex doesn't have to be penetrative. They both have hands and mouths and she has thighs and breasts. There are so many ways you can give pleasure to your beloved without going into their body, but I won't list them here. (I'm trying not to be vulgar.) What I'm getting at is, just because there is no penetration right now, doesn't mean that there has to be no pleasure and intimacy while she works through this. This husband seems to be a very sweet man. I wish them both the best.
He did say they're doing stuff besides that. So that's good. That means she is willing and trying to fix the issue and see what they enjoy
Vulgar? The word has negative connotations. Edit...add - explicit. 🎉
WTF is the point of marriage then, for a man? To just get jerked off? No. Sex is one of the few things women actually provide. Take that away, may as well be single. (Men generally provide: financial security, physical security, shelter, food, vehicles, retirement security, home repairs and traditional male tasks, emotional support, etc. Women provide sex, and sometimes children and house chores). Without sex men may as well stay single and just get a dog. If a man wants kids he can adopt.
Don’t forget the bum!
That's foreplay. Men want real sex
Men call when they are not getting laid. Women call about everything else.
yeah.... i'm strating to seeing a pattern too ahahahahaha. But let's give props to this guy, he is very sincere and understanding. He is not asking how he can make his wife wants to get intimate with him (like others). He is asking how can he support her in all of this so it's refreshing to see.
Why is sex the only thing men care about? Doesn't anything else matter?
@@Sasha-zl1xrit’s sad but that’s how they are. hornballs
@Sasha-zl1xr sex is a need for men and how they connect with women, especially women they love. The biggest question is why don't you understand men well enough to care what they need?
The world would be a better place if people understood that men and women are not the same. What men value most is different from what women value most. It's not a good idea to shame people for what they value. Us men don't understand how painful periods are. Imagine if a man started saying to a woman going through period pains;"why are you so weak, can't you just be strong?"
If you're really a loving person you have to pay attention to what your partner values. If your man values sex, give hi that if there are no health issues, or else go look for a man who doesn't value sex. If your woman values emotional intimacy give them that to the best of your ability, or else loog for a woman who does not value that.
If you go into a relationship trying to change what your partner values, I'm sorry to tell you but you're a toxic person.
Wow! What a ray of sunshine ☀️ All honor & love to this couple.
You have my respect. I had similar thing in my life. Things have changed and me and my wife are happy right now. Love your wife. It's not her fault . And in the future your bond will be stronger.
What a thoughtful and fantastic call
My husband and I struggle too with me having endometriosis. This is such an important conversation. So real and raw and definitely something that is not talked about but experienced by so many!
Prayers for this couple.
Amen!
I really feel for him, as a Christian you hear sex is bad bad bad, then when I got married it was hard to switch my mindset now that I was married. But after 10 years married and 3 kids honestly my sex life has never been better with my husband. I belive this couple will make it, only if no one cheats waiting on the other one to catch along..
That’s another reason I decided to be single. It made me feel very insecure and my arousal has disappeared.
I don't blame you, marriage can either be the best or the worst thing to ever happen to you. And you can not always predict how it would turn out to be
@@georgemubanga1878if you rush into marriage with someone you don't know thoroughly that's true. Too many people get married too soon. I think people should live together for at least 5 years before committing to something like marriage. You can't truly know someone after only a year especially if you don't live together.
That’s so sad
Wtf
Same for me but I'm a guy with a small pecker. I've rejected a few advances and the regret is palpable,
He’s a wonderful and loving, patient man. She’s lucky to have him. There’s something more going on than this condition she has because that’s a long damn time.
He's a simp
@@brianmcdonald7017 Incel🍼
There is so much more to life than sex.
@@sarahrobertson634spoken like a woman.
@@jo-eo9ld Yeah, that mental block is the terrible religion she belongs to. The one that shames the crap out of women who enjoy physical intimacy.
This is an amazing conversation! Respect
Christian identity for WOMEN, there's a whole other level. You're told that virginity is a massive part of WORTH as a human being. You're told it's your most precious thing, the part of you that holds the most value, and that when it's gone you'll never be the same again, and you can never get it back. There's waaaaaaaaay too much baggage attached to that.
Yup, purity culture really messed with a couple generations of Christian couples, piling shame where there shouldn’t have ever been any
Exactly.
Because it is. It's not baggage
@@NuffinEditedit's not. It is baggage.
Difference of opinion. Don't position opinions as truth, it's exactly this sort of thing that's creating so much damage in people's relationships to sex.
hey society shames virgins... we slut shame sex and celibacy. We abuse sex and we spiritually abuse people to celibacy... two extremes.
He needs to go to the doctor with her
I was waiting for a call like this. I have not been married but been with my boyfriend for two years. Almost a year ago I started having more pain with sex due to vulvodynia with no clue how it started. I still did things but it was more painful for me. Never did I not want to do things. Thankfully after MONTHS I feel better but am glad to have had someone supportive throughout it. It is amazing how common vulvar or vaginal pain is and it can take a while to get diagnosed or find treatment that works. It is a shame
Hey there, I'm glad you're feeling better! I was wondering if you were on HBC at all? I had vaginismus and vulvodynia which made me feel awful (luckily my bf was incredibly supportive) but when I came off of HBC it began to get better and now I don't have either
You might want to check out the low oxalate diet.
This is more common than we know. It is a shame this condition is not widely known so couples can get help without feeling shame or defeat. I hope the best for this couple. Both couples I know with this condition have healed and are married more than a decade with children!
Puritanism will mess women up pretty good.
This guy the love and respect he has for his wife is so sweet. Praying that things keep gettig better for them. Dr John you were amazing with the advice.
Shouldn't this guy have some respect for himself? Keep turning the other cheek so much....sooner or later you're going to get whiplash.
Oh my goodness... He's such a sweet, patient husband. His question was so respectful to his wife. I hope she can find the treatment that works soon. ❤❤❤
He clocked a huge problem with Christianity re: the whole "sex is bad your whole life and then suddenly it's supposed to be good". Hard to undo a lifetime of internalized hatred within a single night. It makes no sense and is harmful.
no sex is not seen as bad. it is for married couples. not to be having sex with random people. it serves as a protection and also its to have children and continue the human race. and children do better with both mom and dad
compared to single parents. sex before marriage can lead to diseases and unwanted pregnancies etc.
@@lilpandanesegirlbut the most conservative Christian areas of nation have higher STD rates and teen pregnancies. So if this is the best way to live your life, why does it result in the worst outcomes?
Religion absolutely teaches unhealthy attitudes about sex and it doesn’t even help society. Those are just the facts.
Teens should be taught about safe sex, consent and have access to abortions if they need one
It doesn't seem to be a problem for 99 percent of Christians. Don't take an exception and make it the rule.
I think the narrative needs to be said in truth. It is good, but bad at this time.
sorry, but no. you can't just teach kids, especially girls, that it's dirty and gross their whole lives and expect them to totally ditch the shame when it's suddenly time to enjoy it just because of the marriage loophole. you can practice safe sex without marriage. and you can also get married and not have kids, and be perfectly happy and satisfied. :) @@lilpandanesegirl
This is a good husband. He's doing everything he can and knows to do to support his wife and although this can be a tough conversation, asked for help. This is what being a man is. Keep it up! Sending positive thoughts to you and your wife. I hope everything goes smoothly for her treatment.
@jaclynkiszczak230 Out of curiosity what does she, the wife need, to be doing at this time to make sure that she is being a real woman?
@@neechee5150 great question! I haven’t been in this situation but if this were my best friend, I would advise her to be communicative, praise her husband so he doesn’t start doubting his ability in bed, and try to be sexually involved in other ways that don’t involve penetration. A large majority of women don’t get an orgasm from penetration so this could be a great opportunity for this couple to explore other sexual activities like oral, tantric sex, and finding out what turns each of them on. Ultimately the wife in this situation should keep moving forward with her treatment and figure out together, how she and her husband can each be sexually satisfied without penetration in this season. Communication is key. My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years, together for 7 years. A great tool that we use is if I say something to him, he’ll tell me what he heard and vice versa. For example, if I said “Babe could you just please do the dishes?” And the way I said it came across to him like I was saying “Man, you’re so annoying. Why haven’t you done the dishes already?” Then I can understand how I come across to him and vice versa. 99% of the time we don’t realize that we’re coming across the way the other hears it and we’ve been able to communicate so much better. Hope that is helpful!
Love is patient, Love is kind. 🙏🏽❤️ This will make your relationship stronger.
This guy is the sweetest person to have ever came on your show. I don't even know him that well at all, but the way he speaks about his wife makes him hot. 😂. I hope all works out for them. Some women have had this and they just needed physical therapy to help. Hope the doctors can guide her on what she needs to do so they both can enjoy s3x together. Best wishes. 💖
He's a hero, right??? This man's loyalty and devotion is true heroism.
As a Christian man, I found the caller completely obnoxious. There's no way he is gonna Ned Flanders this for much longer and the doctor picked up on that.
@@thabulosAs a Christian man, maybe recognise that the way religion's approach to sex is causing all sorts of pain and perversions in actual human lives. Your judgment is your own, good thing you're not someone the caller ever got advice from. He's hurting enough as it is. Where's the compassion that your religion preaches now?
really good man. strength comes in many forms. i salute you 🫡
This couple seriously need marriage counselling, relationship & health coaches for support. There’s hope.
I’ve struggled with the same issue due to an assault, it took me two years to get better and I’m still recovering. It’s so important to date someone who understands like this guy and I’m so lucky to have someone who helped me through that and been patient. For some people they may heal in just a short time but for some people it’s harder and takes much much longer. If you feel pressured by your partner, you won’t fully heal.
I highly recommend the book The Unveiled Wife. It addresses this exact issue.
Yes!
My gf and I dealt with this for years but we eventually got through it. Believe me , it was more of a relief for her than it was for me when we finally figured it out. She carried a lot of guilt for not being able to do it. Just remember there are plenty of other fun healthy sexual things to do while you are working on solving the main issue. But at the same time, don’t put it off. The doc is right, this can definitely be treated if the time and effort and care is put into it.
My dad and stepmom have never had sex and she refused to ever get any help. Total sexless marriage and no emotional intimacy. Just two people who are afraid of being alone and extremely “religious”.
Thats really sad.... was ur dad getting it elsewhere?
I couldn’t do that. Period.
@@sarahdoanpeace3623 you're not in the position. the dad is probably 40-50s, the fear of loneliness is real.
@BruceJC75... Any wife that doesn't feel compelled to get hep?
Religious?
Yes!
Godly?
Nope.
Any wife who has a genuine relationship with Jesus would know that she CANNOT remain that way. She would/should be compelled to try and get help so as to be a blessing to her husband and be able to express herself in it's fullness.
If no one is getting any help?
I feel sorrow for them both. 😞
Personally?
I would let him go and free him to marry someone else.
How do you know this? Gross
I found out i had this after I got married. My husband wasn't and still isnt supportive. We've been married for over 2 years now. He usually just gets mad and angry at me or avoids it completly and just touches himself. He doesn't believe what the doctors tell me and doesnt help me or encourage me with my therapy. He thinks I'm being overdramatic and that it should just work and might hurt for the first few times... He makes me feel like its all my fault or that i should just take the painfulness. But now instead of dealing with me he just pleases himself which hasn't helped the fact that he has a pornography addiction, which i also found out after getting married.
It makes me happy to hear how supportive this guy was in the video. He seems like he really loves his wife. I admit I'm also jealous. I wish my husband loved me enough to even think for once about how I might feel too.
Marry someone you can trust will take care of you when you really need it.
So what have you done to improve your condition?
Go become a nun or find a nice wife! Let this guy find a suitable partner.
i'd say that everyone reacts differently to a situation like this
although it's very positive that in this situation ur husband is always supportive, but a situation mike this it's very hard to deal or handle it
hope everything went good for both of yall
Hugs. Praying for you guys.
@@MrModamanReviews didn't you read she said she's in therapy?
Listening to this makes me glade I’m Catholic and have never been told sex is bad. We were taught it’s something good, holy, and sacred meant for marriage.
lol the Catholic Church is one of the champions of the motto: sex is bad.
I’m a Charismatic, and I was raised just like you 😊
it doesn't necessarily mean she was told it was bad - it could be that she was told/heard that the first time can hurt...or that she's turned that part of her mind/body off for so long to avoid the temptation that it's hard to reprogram her thoughts/responses even if she wants to...
YES!! i was raised catholic and i have never been told that sex is bad or dirty. i am stunned by the number of people in the comments that were raised that way or somehow given that impression to internalize it as shameful.
Since you are Christian, you probably read the Bible. Hope you do! This is a spiritual problem. It's an attack from the devil against your marriage. Read Ephesians 6:12. " We do not wrestle against flesh & blood but against powers & principalities & spiritual wickedness in high places ". I say and the Bible says BIND this spirit .Whatever the diagnosis is, bind it in Jesus's name. Do you two have a pastor who can pray with you?
I feel for them both. They are both suffering. I hope they are both able to get some relief….soon.
It’s sex. Not an illness. Calm down.
@@bleudiamondbleulol classic!!!
For anyone who has a relatively healthy to high sex drive, this can absolutely cause all kinds of issues and distractions. The wife might be feeling all kinds of things about herself that she shouldn't regardless of his support and reassurance. I agree, I hope they get relief soon.
He will get relief from another womam
@@Proud5050man is that what happend to you?
Geez this man calling about his wife IS such a gem! What a respectable young man. We need more men like this! I hope things turn around quickly for both of them.
This gent is so cool. So open and so keen to help his wife. So eager to learn. Im so proud of him. I can only hope for this level of maturity. 🎉
Wow. I am incredibly impressed with your quick thinking and advice.
Keep doing good work. You're needed in this sick society. Hopefully I can step in your footprint one day.
What an absolute gem of a man. Make sure she's following through on what she needs to do and just continue being amazing.
This young man is so inspiring, patient & loving. I pray things get better for them soon!
He married a closeted lesbian
Bare Marriage Podcast has a lot of information on this topic. Worth checking out as another resource.
My wife had this when we got married in 2017. We couldn’t have sex for a year but we worked on it and were patient and now 8 years later we have 2 kids and have a great sex life. It really is a pretty intense mental thing that I think we could prevent if parents weren’t so freaked out about talking to their kids about sex. Her mom was so strict about it she didn’t even let her attend sex ed in high school. We have talked about how to address and talk about sex with our children to prevent them from going through this themselves one day. You’ve got this man!
Exactly the same here. Never been in a relationship yet, but my family never ever discussed topic of sex. It was shameful unless with husband and even then isn't discussed outside of bedroom. "Your husband will tell you what to do when the time comes, just don't think about it until then". Also no sex ed in school (they signed me out of it, was relieved at the time cuz it's awkward to sit with classmates & discuss shameful acts like they are normal- just to realize later only that it Is Normal) our teachers hated sex ed cuz kids got weird all day and while I didn't have to attend the course I agree the kids got stupid and disruptive (bananas everywhere as jokes, other fruit jokes and they handed out condoms that became balloons or placed around school🙄 middle school idiocy) teachers simply said "since you can't take the course here's what you need to know: your body will change as you probably know (of course by then, yes) and when it comes to sex just don't do it's a bad idea, the rest you'll figure it out before marriage" and...that was it. Will say though there was a reason for opting me out of sex ed-my other siblings became active literally within only a couple months of taking the course at ages 12-14yrs so not for me too that's how I got the old fashioned explanation. It wasn't parent being stuffy they let the others do what school suggested & it didn't go well & like I said I didn't mind missing "the talk" at the time. As I get older I do hear something like the name of this condition and it's news to me, I'm like so many of my classmates have been doing the act since 7th grade so how bad can it be? But then there's all these new conditions and I have to Google it to know what it is, if it's this common why only hear about it now? Now I wonder if I'm going to have same issues if I get into a relationship? As of right now I do not think about the topic at all cuz im single (and can't miss doing what you've never done) but eventually I will have to cross that bridge and hope it all works out I guess. 🤷♀️
Why would you talk about sex with your kids? That's bizarre.
@@darylfoster7944 because if you don't warn them about sex like the risks of STDs, or how people manipulate/peer pressure then into it, or risks of pregnancy & how to be careful and then on top of not discussing it they deny teachers to teach you then you are left completely unprepared and uneducated on the subject which makes you either 1) dive in unprepared and make mistakes that can alter your life or others by having unplanned kids or 2) avoiding the act or subject altogether and feeling undecided about the whole topic do you never do it. The talk is awkward but important for kids to know
@@darylfoster7944 Because if parents don't, other people / kids will. It's important for parents to take the responsibility to teach children what it is, why people do it, how it works, how to be safe and how to say no. No shame, no awkwardness, just ordinary conversations to inform them correctly about it, and to let them know that they have a say in it. This way if they hear weird 'old wives tales' or myths about sex from their peers, or if anyone (adult or peer) tries to touch them inappropriately or engage them in any kind of sexual conduct or conversation, they aren't completely confused and blindsided, and they have a point of reference as to how to deal with it. ALSO - and this is the most important thing to me - if we make it so that they never have to feel embarrassed or ashamed to mention sex to their parents, then we'll be the ones they come to with questions, worries etc. I never want my daughter to think that she can't ask me about anything or tell me anything. We are their safety in all things, including this 💖💖
Btw - I am of course referring to broaching the subject in an age-appropriate way and at appropriate ages!! As soon as it starts getting mentioned in school, that's the moment for parents to get on board with the actual facts ✌🏼
@darylfoster7944 Your propose as a parent is to prepare your kids for all aspects of adult life, sex is included.
The biggest issue I’m seeing today with relationships is a lot of people bond with someone and have similar values and interests but they’re not sexually attracted to the person. And the person they are sexually attracted to is not interested in them and on top of it they have completely different values and worldviews. I think it’s a reason so many people are choosing it be single today.
This man needs a gold medel. Everyone needs a husband like this.
Most women do not deserve a good man.
A gold medal for being an actual partner instead of a selfish immature jerk who ONLY cares about sex? That’s a sad statement.
Its just normal. We wouldnt say a woman deserves a gold medal if she has patience with her husband when he suffers from erectile disfunction right? We would just expect her to treat him right. Youre supposed to love your partner enought and have patience and understanding and not just drop them when theres a problem.
@@xdaydreamerxa lot of men struggle to love and care for a woman properly unfortunately because of the commonality of multiple partners in most peoples dating history, our culture and how they push masculinity devoid of true love and also it doesnt come as naturally for men as it does for women due to hormonal differences…
No
This guy was right out the gate in the beginning 😳 then was absolutely amazing! I would love a man like this who shows self control, respectful honesty, and genuine care. Not perfection but a good heart ♥️
This guy is definitely a keeper
I'm sure his wife will let you have him.
@@BirdDogey1🤦♀️
THIS is a good man, Savannah! This is a man of God! His wife is a lucky woman to have such a compassionate, loving man to support her through this difficult season in their marriage and in her life. Love this!
Oh my goodness, sir, you are a very good man ❤ i hope you guys are able to get through this very painful and difficult time ❤
I wish these two the best! I’m glad they are still engaging in 4 play etc but I really hope they can find success with treatment
God bless this young man! What a shining example of sacrificial love. This is what true love is.
With God All Things Are Possible!
He said we were Christians perhaps now they aren’t Christians anymore from that phrase alone
@@daughteroftheking3220That's not what he meant, he was explaining
Every woman would be so lucky to have a husband who is this caring and understanding and speaking so well of his wife, and also so invested in her and her needs and her health.
Praying for this couple! 🙏🏻🤍
This guy is already making my day…
Lots of people have this. In this world, no one wants to admit. It can be psychological because of abuse. One girl had this because gynecologist did exams that were painful. Docs should be mindful of this. Your pelvic muscles naturally tense up as a reflex from foreign objects of any kind. People can have it after childbirth, trauma. This can be helped with Botox injections. Sounds weird, but helps relax muscles. Read the book, “When Sex Seems Impossible” by Peter T. Pacik. He and others have clinics that can cure or help tremendously using Botox and some therapy. I have a friend’s daughter who did the Botox to relax the pelvic wall muscles and it worked. Has 3 children naturally.
Thanks for the book and treatment recommendations.
I have primary V. I’m not exaggerating to say that before treatment any penetration/ insertion attempt was impossible and the pain was excruciating. When the attempt causes excruciating pain barely 1cm in, it at all, it’s a form of trauma that just compounds itself and the body becomes ruled by the unconscious mind. Incredibly frustrating condition and Dr John’s understanding of the condition is pretty superficial. He seemed surprised that she’s in treatment but it’s still not possible, when in fact this is something many women & girls struggle with for years. Botox may work as plaster as the muscles are paralysed (rather than relaxed) but unless the person is committed to having routine Botox, and the associated risks, there almost certainly needs to be psychosexual therapy in most cases.
I think there are varying degrees. I think you’re right about it compounding. My friend associated painful gynecological exams with penetration. The way I understand it is the body then protects itself by tightening up the muscles just as other body parts protect from invasions. I think the Botox could help some of the psychological effects because once it works, it may help the unconscious mind. Maybe depends on severity. The sooner the better for treatment. I think my friend only had one Botox treatment, but I’m not sure. Therapy would probably be needed in a lot of cases.
As Christians , God is with you through all this. This will pass . God bless you both and your marriage. God is faithful. Continue trusting Him. Blessings
I have a friend in a situation like this. I can’t imagine how painful it must be
There is hope. And healing. It takes work, therapy, patience, and extreme consistency. I went through it, and I'm doing very well, and much of that is owed to my awesome hubby. Tell your friend they're not alone!!
How did you help it ?@@janelleg597
He has a great attitude. He really is committed to his wife and loves & respects his wife
@michellekalski8823 It would be great to really dig down and find out how she/the wife treats him on a day to day basis. This man is so committed to not saying anything that could be seen as negative about his wife that he is not going to talk about any potential psychological abuse, domestic violence, and constantly accusing him of having an affair to make herself feel better about herself. He needs to speak in words based in reality about what this has put him through and how his wife actually treats him on a day to day basis in the midst of this mess.