As a recently out pansexual I'm really thankful for this video. Its a tough process. I hope to feel good and normal as soon as I can. Thanks for covering this
This video really spoke to me. I’m a girl and I’ve known I’m attracted to other women for around 5 years now. I’ve only ever told my ex girlfriend (obviously) and a friend. I’m struggling more than ever with my mental health and I think a lot of it is because of internalized homophobia. I was raised christian (I’m 17 btw) and I never wanted to be a lesbian. I’ve cried myself to sleep so many times but I can’t change it. I am starting therapy soon and I really want to talk about this but I still struggle to say the word ”lesbian” out loud because it feels ”dirty” and ”wrong”. Sorry this is so long I was just really moved by your video. Please, if you know, how can I open up and trust my therapist more and bring this up? I still have these thoughts in the back of my head that I’ll make them uncomfortable, and I feel guilty for struggling with this because how far we’ve come with lgbt+ acceptable in my country
Ok first of all, you are so brave, and thank you for sharing your journey. The best thing I can tell you is that when you see the therapist, be clear and honest about your concerns, and only disclose things as you feel comfortable. If you are afraid you will make them I comfortable, then tell them that. Then they will know how to handle what you disclose in the most helpful way possible, therapeutically. Also you never have to use ANY label you don't want to use. Ever. You don't even have to have a "good" reason for not using it, if it make you uncomfortable, don't use it. Next week's video is about labels, I hope you'll swing by and check that one out! ❤️❤️❤️
Nor role model we didn't really have years ago (i'm 48)... im so proud to live these days with such opened community that help me to finally creep out of the damn closet ☀🤷🏻♂
It's a process in understanding yourself for who you really are and not being afraid of the society. But there is also the problem with the society that thinks being your true self is too much or you just want some attention , and I think that is so ignorant .
Yes! I think so many people can relate to feeling like their true selves are "too much" or attention seeking, and that usually comes from people who are out of touch with their OWN selves. Great point! 💙
Hey Kelly, i have only recently come to terms with my sexuality to a large extent despite experimenting with guys for many years, although in a mixed orientation marriage with a somewhat homophobic partner and their family. I believe that one day in the future my life will change and once on my own, i will come out as gay to more people (i started this process gradually with a few trusted people about eighteen months ago, having had secret online counselling for more than a year and realising and accepting my homosexual desires). However, despite having had a few secret relationships, mainly short-term and one of about a year's length, and enjoying them a lot together with the sex and intimacy, i was always anxious about being visible and constantly made excuses about showing any form of affection towards my boyfriend in safe public LGBTQ+ friendly areas. I have suffered from a lot of internalised homophobia and have always been overly concerned about how i am perceived by others. My fear is that in the future when i am single again, i will still struggle to fully come out, and i know that any guy that i meet who is already out will find it difficult to want to have a relationship with me unless i can overcome this. I also resonate with the shame part you mentioned about not recognising my sexuality earlier.
@@idh9395 just that I really hear and feel this comment. You sharing your story is relatable, and also brave. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share it here 🧡
Just wanted to say thank you for your videos. Everything you’ve talked about in your religious trauma series explains me to a T. Was in an evangelical church until I was 18 and went to bible college for 2 years and am pretty scarred from it. I identify as lesbian and can’t help but still feel internalized guilt and shame because of my upbringing (I used to be a worship leader and my dad was a leader in the church). These videos really help me put words to everything I’ve felt. One step closer to recovery.
I am so sorry that this is the place in which you find yourself right now. I am REALLY glad you are finding validation here for your journey, because the guilt and shame is very present during that process. It does get better, keep up the good (and hard) work! 💚💙💜
Such a great video with some really helpful examples! Honestly, despite a very positive Christian upbringing in a pro-gay church, the internalized homophobia STILL got me, I think bc I heard what people said about sapphic women behind their backs in school. However, the internalized biphobia has been MUCH more prevalent for me. Would love to hear your take on internalized biphobia sometime! Thanks so much for the safe, affirming, informative content. 💕
Happy Pride Month! I'm doing all of this! (Including the self process taking about 3-5 years)I'm quick bonding and attracted to more masculine girls, oopsie! I needed to hear this because I've been heart breaking myself with the fast connections. Thank you.
Lockdown was definitely a time of things changing in my life, int erms of my own labels and identity and relationships. But that years wait before coming out? It was more like weeks. It took me years to figure it out, I didn't wait very long once I did.
That freedom can be so liberating! I don't blame you for wanting to get out there as soon as you DID figure it out. I know for some people it takes a while to get to a place where they are not dependent on others. I am glad that wasn't the case for you!!!
I can personally attest to it being really good to figure things out and come out much later in life given the world we have now. I came out around the time I figured myself out very quickly (14-16) as trans and bi and was out in the bible belt. It kinda helped that I already didn't fit in anyways, had some stored up pride from being a 'straight A' student, and had been a militant atheist, though weirdly enough I faced some of the worst transphobia from a couple of my other atheist friends back then, but a story for another day I guess. Even so, I never actually disposed of my self-hate and this fear that who I am was going to crack, that I was crazy and had to prove myself. I was scared of other people too, worried about if there was any possible way in which I could fit into the "those darn unreasonable and doomed LGBTs" everyone around me wanted to put me in. I was always stressed out and constantly had to explain myself, or I'd get made fun of if I actually did point out a peer or teacher's homophobic & transphobic assumptions and deconstruct them. A 5+ year timeline for coming to terms with myself was much more true in terms of my internal development. I'm still working on it, I have lasting emotional scars even though everyone from my high school probably thinks I'm proud and fine, maybe even arrogant. That's including some who might have just come to terms with themselves over lockdown 6 years later who are better off than me but might regret not having been out like me. There's no shame in self preservation, actually being out in your teens or younger can be a traumatizing thing to go through, and you don't always come out the other side stronger. In fact most of the time I feel horribly guilty about who I am even when I don't want to, and I find it hard to relate to people my age who are just figuring themselves out in college and have a lot more self-love. I came out young but I feel so bitter and old because of everything I've been through. Just take care of yourselves you wonderful people, you've still got all kinds of time to grow and discover yourselves, and thank you Kelly for a wonderful video! I'd been looking for more talking about internalized homophobia on here since your other one and this was what I'd been waiting for. Happy pride month!
Thank you for sharing your story! I know those hurts are fresh in so many ways, and maybe even more fresh when you interact with people who are in a different space as far as their self discovery. I am so impressed at your willingness to share here, and I KNOW someone is finding wisdom and comfort in your sharing. I know I did! Thank you for being here, for being you, and for sharing your journey! ❤️❤️❤️
my internalized homophobia is being disgusted by bottoming as it is "more gay" than topping, and i'm working on it because my relationship has suffered from this. I love my man so much, i want to spend the rest of our lives together, but my reaction when we tried was so harsh that he was shocked, he felt as if he raped me. And since then he tried to avoid any sexual intercourse with me... He was not able to communicate it and i did not understand that my behavior shocked him to that point, his avoidance frustrated me, and we ended up having a time out in our relationship, it's almost been a month now, and we have been able to reflect on our flaws, and what we have to change. I am ready to work on all of what I've discovered was wrong and change for the better. But i don't really know how to change my toxic view on homosexuality... So thank you for this video ❤
Unlearning this can be so complex. You have made a HUGE move in realizing you need to unlearn it. Have you thought about therapy? Either way, I'm so glad you found this video! 💙💙
It didn't take me 4 or 5 years to come out once I understood my sexuality (less than 1 year), but I didn't come out till my 30s after leaving Christianity. Due to my religious upbringing, I had a lot of internalized homophobia and would suppress or explain away certain feelings. After I deconstructed and left religion, I finally stopped suppressing that side and accepted the fact that I was bi. Not sure if it's cause I'm neurodivergent and sick of masking and just ready to finally be myself, but it didn't take me long to "come out" about several things/labels (being atheist, bisexual, ADHD--was just diagnosed with this last year).
This is awesome to hear! Isn't it interesting how self actualzing in any way (for you, deconstructing) opens the floodgates for us to begin the process of accepting ourselves fully? Keep it up! 💚💚
your videos are always so good! i was just wondering, would you consider making a video that expands on this concept of 'unrealistic intimacy' that you mentioned? it really interests me because i feel like it might be something i've experienced, so would be cool to hear you speak more in depth about it :)
I came to terms with the fact that I'm bisexual this February and I'm from India so the situation is the worse now and we're not getting out any time soon
The first time I knew was three years ago and I just decided to procrastinate it for some reason. I just decided not to think about my sexuality and I was forced to do it in lockdown cause I couldn't push it away anymore
As a recently out pansexual I'm really thankful for this video. Its a tough process. I hope to feel good and normal as soon as I can. Thanks for covering this
Thanks for watching! 💚💚
This video really spoke to me. I’m a girl and I’ve known I’m attracted to other women for around 5 years now. I’ve only ever told my ex girlfriend (obviously) and a friend. I’m struggling more than ever with my mental health and I think a lot of it is because of internalized homophobia. I was raised christian (I’m 17 btw) and I never wanted to be a lesbian. I’ve cried myself to sleep so many times but I can’t change it. I am starting therapy soon and I really want to talk about this but I still struggle to say the word ”lesbian” out loud because it feels ”dirty” and ”wrong”. Sorry this is so long I was just really moved by your video. Please, if you know, how can I open up and trust my therapist more and bring this up? I still have these thoughts in the back of my head that I’ll make them uncomfortable, and I feel guilty for struggling with this because how far we’ve come with lgbt+ acceptable in my country
Ok first of all, you are so brave, and thank you for sharing your journey. The best thing I can tell you is that when you see the therapist, be clear and honest about your concerns, and only disclose things as you feel comfortable. If you are afraid you will make them I comfortable, then tell them that. Then they will know how to handle what you disclose in the most helpful way possible, therapeutically.
Also you never have to use ANY label you don't want to use. Ever. You don't even have to have a "good" reason for not using it, if it make you uncomfortable, don't use it. Next week's video is about labels, I hope you'll swing by and check that one out! ❤️❤️❤️
Nor role model we didn't really have years ago (i'm 48)... im so proud to live these days with such opened community that help me to finally creep out of the damn closet ☀🤷🏻♂
I'm so glad you are finding community and know that you don't have to hide, ever, if you don't want to! 🧡🧡
It's a process in understanding yourself for who you really are and not being afraid of the society. But there is also the problem with the society that thinks being your true self is too much or you just want some attention , and I think that is so ignorant .
Yes! I think so many people can relate to feeling like their true selves are "too much" or attention seeking, and that usually comes from people who are out of touch with their OWN selves. Great point! 💙
@@KellyRMinter 💙🤗
Hey Kelly, i have only recently come to terms with my sexuality to a large extent despite experimenting with guys for many years, although in a mixed orientation marriage with a somewhat homophobic partner and their family. I believe that one day in the future my life will change and once on my own, i will come out as gay to more people (i started this process gradually with a few trusted people about eighteen months ago, having had secret online counselling for more than a year and realising and accepting my homosexual desires). However, despite having had a few secret relationships, mainly short-term and one of about a year's length, and enjoying them a lot together with the sex and intimacy, i was always anxious about being visible and constantly made excuses about showing any form of affection towards my boyfriend in safe public LGBTQ+ friendly areas. I have suffered from a lot of internalised homophobia and have always been overly concerned about how i am perceived by others. My fear is that in the future when i am single again, i will still struggle to fully come out, and i know that any guy that i meet who is already out will find it difficult to want to have a relationship with me unless i can overcome this.
I also resonate with the shame part you mentioned about not recognising my sexuality earlier.
🩵🩵🩵
@@KellyRMinter sorry Kelly, what did this reply mean?
@@idh9395 just that I really hear and feel this comment. You sharing your story is relatable, and also brave. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share it here 🧡
@@KellyRMinter hi Kelly, OK thanks. I did not see your heart emojis, just three rectangles with crosses in them 🤣
Just wanted to say thank you for your videos. Everything you’ve talked about in your religious trauma series explains me to a T. Was in an evangelical church until I was 18 and went to bible college for 2 years and am pretty scarred from it. I identify as lesbian and can’t help but still feel internalized guilt and shame because of my upbringing (I used to be a worship leader and my dad was a leader in the church). These videos really help me put words to everything I’ve felt. One step closer to recovery.
I am so sorry that this is the place in which you find yourself right now. I am REALLY glad you are finding validation here for your journey, because the guilt and shame is very present during that process. It does get better, keep up the good (and hard) work! 💚💙💜
This video is edited so well. It's all so colourful and happy I love the new style :)))
I also love your shirt ! 🏳️🌈
Thank you so much! I love using colors, so pride month gives me a great excuse haha! And that shirt is one of my FAV pride apparel I own!!
Such a great video with some really helpful examples! Honestly, despite a very positive Christian upbringing in a pro-gay church, the internalized homophobia STILL got me, I think bc I heard what people said about sapphic women behind their backs in school. However, the internalized biphobia has been MUCH more prevalent for me. Would love to hear your take on internalized biphobia sometime! Thanks so much for the safe, affirming, informative content. 💕
Happy Pride Month! I'm doing all of this! (Including the self process taking about 3-5 years)I'm quick bonding and attracted to more masculine girls, oopsie! I needed to hear this because I've been heart breaking myself with the fast connections. Thank you.
You are not alone in that! Good for you for recognizing your patterns, and working for the whole and happy YOU that you deserve to be!
Lockdown was definitely a time of things changing in my life, int erms of my own labels and identity and relationships. But that years wait before coming out? It was more like weeks. It took me years to figure it out, I didn't wait very long once I did.
That freedom can be so liberating! I don't blame you for wanting to get out there as soon as you DID figure it out. I know for some people it takes a while to get to a place where they are not dependent on others. I am glad that wasn't the case for you!!!
@@KellyRMinter Thanks. :) It might also help that I was in my 40s when all this happened.
I can personally attest to it being really good to figure things out and come out much later in life given the world we have now. I came out around the time I figured myself out very quickly (14-16) as trans and bi and was out in the bible belt. It kinda helped that I already didn't fit in anyways, had some stored up pride from being a 'straight A' student, and had been a militant atheist, though weirdly enough I faced some of the worst transphobia from a couple of my other atheist friends back then, but a story for another day I guess. Even so, I never actually disposed of my self-hate and this fear that who I am was going to crack, that I was crazy and had to prove myself. I was scared of other people too, worried about if there was any possible way in which I could fit into the "those darn unreasonable and doomed LGBTs" everyone around me wanted to put me in. I was always stressed out and constantly had to explain myself, or I'd get made fun of if I actually did point out a peer or teacher's homophobic & transphobic assumptions and deconstruct them. A 5+ year timeline for coming to terms with myself was much more true in terms of my internal development.
I'm still working on it, I have lasting emotional scars even though everyone from my high school probably thinks I'm proud and fine, maybe even arrogant. That's including some who might have just come to terms with themselves over lockdown 6 years later who are better off than me but might regret not having been out like me. There's no shame in self preservation, actually being out in your teens or younger can be a traumatizing thing to go through, and you don't always come out the other side stronger. In fact most of the time I feel horribly guilty about who I am even when I don't want to, and I find it hard to relate to people my age who are just figuring themselves out in college and have a lot more self-love. I came out young but I feel so bitter and old because of everything I've been through.
Just take care of yourselves you wonderful people, you've still got all kinds of time to grow and discover yourselves, and thank you Kelly for a wonderful video! I'd been looking for more talking about internalized homophobia on here since your other one and this was what I'd been waiting for. Happy pride month!
Thank you for sharing your story! I know those hurts are fresh in so many ways, and maybe even more fresh when you interact with people who are in a different space as far as their self discovery. I am so impressed at your willingness to share here, and I KNOW someone is finding wisdom and comfort in your sharing. I know I did! Thank you for being here, for being you, and for sharing your journey! ❤️❤️❤️
my internalized homophobia is being disgusted by bottoming as it is "more gay" than topping, and i'm working on it because my relationship has suffered from this. I love my man so much, i want to spend the rest of our lives together, but my reaction when we tried was so harsh that he was shocked, he felt as if he raped me. And since then he tried to avoid any sexual intercourse with me... He was not able to communicate it and i did not understand that my behavior shocked him to that point, his avoidance frustrated me, and we ended up having a time out in our relationship, it's almost been a month now, and we have been able to reflect on our flaws, and what we have to change. I am ready to work on all of what I've discovered was wrong and change for the better. But i don't really know how to change my toxic view on homosexuality... So thank you for this video ❤
Unlearning this can be so complex. You have made a HUGE move in realizing you need to unlearn it. Have you thought about therapy? Either way, I'm so glad you found this video! 💙💙
This video couldn’t have come at a better time in my life ❤️ Thank you so much!! I really need this!
I'm go glad to hear that!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
It didn't take me 4 or 5 years to come out once I understood my sexuality (less than 1 year), but I didn't come out till my 30s after leaving Christianity. Due to my religious upbringing, I had a lot of internalized homophobia and would suppress or explain away certain feelings. After I deconstructed and left religion, I finally stopped suppressing that side and accepted the fact that I was bi. Not sure if it's cause I'm neurodivergent and sick of masking and just ready to finally be myself, but it didn't take me long to "come out" about several things/labels (being atheist, bisexual, ADHD--was just diagnosed with this last year).
This is awesome to hear! Isn't it interesting how self actualzing in any way (for you, deconstructing) opens the floodgates for us to begin the process of accepting ourselves fully? Keep it up! 💚💚
@@KellyRMinter Yeah, leaving Christianity relieved a lot of pressure I think. I can just be myself now. 😊
your videos are always so good! i was just wondering, would you consider making a video that expands on this concept of 'unrealistic intimacy' that you mentioned? it really interests me because i feel like it might be something i've experienced, so would be cool to hear you speak more in depth about it :)
That's a great idea for a topic! I can definitely do that!
I always love your videos, thank you Kelly for doing what you do!
Thank you 💕💕
Happy pride month!💜🏳️🌈 thank you for these videos 🙏🏼
Happy Pride month!! Thank you for watching! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Love your approach to this topic. Thank you for putting this out there.
Glad you enjoyed it! It needs to be talked about more!
Yay pride month
Thanks
You are welcome! Thanks for watching! 💚
I love your videos/ contents...it helps me a lot as a lesbian
I'm so glad! Thank you for watching 🩷🩷
I came to terms with the fact that I'm bisexual this February and I'm from India so the situation is the worse now and we're not getting out any time soon
The first time I knew was three years ago and I just decided to procrastinate it for some reason. I just decided not to think about my sexuality and I was forced to do it in lockdown cause I couldn't push it away anymore
@@pretty948 Lockdown did that to people BIG TIME!
Ugh I can't imagine how much of a toll this is taking on people. Please take care of yourself, in whatever way you need to!!!
Already in a relationship? *laughs in sexual repression*
I mean 😒
❤️❤️❤️❤️