Super relatable as a queer person. There’s so many things that we go through as queer people and I personally tend to just normalize it an deal with it - but hearing others talking about it and note similar perspectives and experiences gives comfort and reassurance. Appreciate you both. Very impactful. This is the first video I’ve watched on this channel and I am ready for more !
Thank you so much for watching and commenting! We're so happy this video is resonating with people. We strongly believe in sharing our experiences and telling our stories as a community in order to help each other be seen and heard, and know that you are not alone 💖
My ex gf has internalized homophobia it’s a psychological illness. Sadly she was influenced by her homophobic mother who said she would die if her daughter was a lesbian-For 14 years I suffered at the hands of my ex pushing me away, yelling at me whenever I even just took her hand in public. I stayed in the abusive relationship like many do because I loved her and was afraid to leave. Please get help if you are suffering yourself or your partner.
I think the family , that you didn't choose of course , can make you act in a certain way if they are homophobic , or just make disappointing comments , and you feel more alone and completely foreign to them , which of course doesn't help , and you just suppress your identity more . It feels hard to let go of your family, if they won't understand who you are . But you have to choose what is right ;)
As someone who is notable queer, I think it's important to acknowledge the amount of privilege that some queer folks hold to be able to jump back into a “straight” role for safety. I can't jump back and forth between the lines. I have short hair and I feel most comfortable in masc clothing. Not all folks have the ability to pick what they want to be for the day.
And it the other way around too... As a femme lesbian or masculine gay a queer person is rejected as a queer from the community and mistrusted... They judge us... And straight people don't believe us too that we are queer...they try to hot on us .. get agitated if we reject their advances saying we are queer... Neither queer community believe us being queer... Neither straight people leave us alone... As a femme lesbian I know how unprivileged we are to avoid comphet that "noticeable" queries are quite privileged of
Thank you, you both! I'm a 27 years-old woman and have just heard about internalized homophobia and got shocked. Because this might be me... the one marrying one of the other sex to fit in?! It nearly hat happend two years ago... right after I came out crying to my parents... now I feel trapped inside these back-and-forth movement between wanting to love another woman and fitting in. I'm really going crazy right know, because I fell in love with my best friend while I'm still in a heterosexual relationship. I don't know which voice to trust... Well, might be the internalized homophobia. Long story short: I just wanted to thank you and being open about my current Situation.
Thank you so much for sharing. We are glad this resonated with you and you are not alone! It's challenging to figure out who we are as human beings and who we are within our sexuality, especially when it goes against the norm and what you see around you. You are not wrong to question your emotions or to feel what you feel. Be assured that there is no right or wrong feeling, but rather, it's important to figure out what feels right FOR YOU. It's that feeling of "okay, this feels like home, this feels like what I keep inside me, this feels authentic". If you can find that feeling, or at least get closer to it, You're doing well for yourself 💞
I fell in love with my friend too I am shocked as well I am gay brand new I don’t know if she loves me back I have her number by the way plus I just act straight when I’m not anymore
I'm relatively out, maybe even "robustly" out compared to some, but lately the duality of how straight-acting and even straight *living* I am has me questioning what it even means to be "out" so this video was extremely relevant to me at this delicate time in my life, thank you.
im a gay male, and im just discovering how deep my internalized homophobia is. i thought it was great to hear how you were trying to be more open about your self and about who youre dating etc. i have struggled with this for years and have acted straight even being out. will see if i can put to action
I grew up in the 90's, and compared to how it was for me, it's noticeably easier for the gay youth of this day's generation to be open about their queerness.
i came out at 40 years old. one of my coworkers said I was going to hell then spent the night crying in the bathroom. next day I went back to shielding and acting straight like i have been doing for 40 years. As a gay man working with all straight men I was very uncomfortable but then I said the next day a room full of people I'm gay and if you don't like it too bad because I'm not leaving. honestly I've been out for 6 months and I know the process will take time I mean I've been in denial for 40 years. love this channel much respect
I will usually act straight around new people. I never lie about it, but I don't broadcast it either. When people know you're gay from the beginning, that tends to be the first thing they think about you, but if you let them get to know you as a person first, I have found that it tends to be a non issue in most cases. I like to test people out and find out what their true feeling are before I let them into that part of my life.
My thing is that being gay shouldn’t stop someone from getting to know you. It’s similar to saying someone won’t get to know you bc of your race or height or bc you have tattoos. I totally understand and resonate with the fear of being judged for how I present myself and it personally held me back for a long time; but there’s a bigger part of me now that wants to be audaciously queer and not give a damn and just live authentically. With that being said, your approach is also very valid.
This helped me be more aware of what actions are internalized homophobia I am a nonbinary person that still isn’t fully out too all my family and this makes me think why I still haven’t told them.
Due to western societal norms we unfortunately all fall into how we think we should behave. It’s an individual journey and you will express your truest most authentic self in your own time 💕
I though this video was great and very insightful, I only recently started breaking down my internalized homophobia as some circumstances have changed in my life that have kind of forced me too. I'm honestly glad i've been "forced" too process it, i feel as though queer people have such a better grasp on who they are than cis hetero people that have never needed to explore themselves on a deeper level because they've always just been accepted no questions asked (obviously not a dig on cis hetero homies)
I worked at Chick-fil-a for a year and it was awful. Anybody who acted different was immediately marked. I had short hair at the time, so I let it grow out and I made sure to paint my nails and wear earrings to make myself appear more acceptable.
Wow, powerful podcast topic. As a queer person, this made me emotional bc unfortunately this has become second nature and I’ve never really reflected until now on why exactly I do it and how much it truly impacts my psyche and my relationships. I’ve normalized it and it clearly stems from trauma. Plan to do more on breaking out of this and remembering that it’s the other person’s problem if they’re homophobic, not mine🌈 New subscriber👍🏼
Thank you for sharing!! Glad we were able to provide something if value. We all have a bit of internalized homophobia due to how we were raised in society and breaking out of that is daily work! 💕
Yeah....out of fear I've spent my whole life pretending to be straight. Even though I'm a not. To point that I'm currently stuck in an abusive marriage to a man. Even though I'm a lesbian. Currently working on an escape plan. So I can be safe and free to come out finally. So much of my life has been wasted and pain.
I don’t know what is… better? The internalized homophobia or “usual” like hate speech from other people. It’s connected. I have been identify myself as a lesbian for 7 years but still can go on a date with a straight man. Once a year. For what? I don’t know. Honestly maybe I wanna feel something (but I don’t). Cause in my country it’s more EASIER being straight. I’m from Russia 🤦🏻♀️
So intense all the different coping mechanisms of internalized Homophobia and wanting to belong to heteronormativity :'( I have it in other ways that for example sometimes I think I shouldn't look TOO much like a lesbian (whatever that means), so that I look 'still acceptable' aka heteronormative enough... I wish you all the best! Thank you for sharing!
I know how hard it is to be Colombian and queer. I hope this video helps put things into perspective and hope you can further explore and express your truest self 💕
First time listener, I love you girls, it was an entertaining vid. I'm just out of the closet recently (Gay guy here, 44). Only to my mother and sister. My dad... it will come, and he will not like it, but I just don't care about his opinion anymore. But +30 years in the closet is a heavy weight, I still act straight, and, out of my house, It's extremely difficult for me to admit I'm gay. There's a thing in my thoughts, the idea of "Everyone is an homophobe until proven otherwise" that makes me suspicious of everyone. While in the closet, I pushed away many friends because of this. I also share Karbon's views about the south american culture, I live in Venezuela, and here is even worse than Colombia (so much for the socialist lie). It's... a process, a process I must go through if I intend to find a partner someday.
I've struggled with acting straight from a trans perspective, I recently started saying "I'm a guy but I'm a gay guy!" 😂 gotta affirm just cause I'm out as a man doesn't mean I should restrict femininity to hope people accept me as a man. I was born a girl so it gives people a way to discount me, sadly.
You are SEEN. Know that there is not one way to be a guy or a girl or just a human being. You are YOU and how you present or what genitalia you have doesn’t change your authentic self 💕
For some people it can be culture. I never talk about my partners independently if its a man or a woman. Im not the pda type equally. But i can be misinterpreted. Because when its necessary i had no problem in doing or saying something that outed me.
I'm a very straight passing bi guy and I know my internalized homophobia. Most of the time I'm not correcting straight people when they do their nomative tricks on me
Religion is the main reason why people suffer from internalized homophobia and if the person has gender dysphoria it's not that they don't accept their sexuality I think it's more like they don't accept the genitals they were given when it come to sex because just imagine this most straight men would feel violated if they had a vagina it would feel weird to try have sex with their girlfriends with having a vagina so as a lesbian myself who doesn't like having a vagina either I feel the same way I've had to learn to accept what I have and realize of I am in a relationship with my partner they will just have to understand what I like and don't like
And also all these societal norms that have been pushed down our throats of what a woman and a man should be, instead of considering ourselves as just human beings with genitalia
Thank you for sharing this!! I think I also put a lot of pressure on me and my homophobic ass, but I try to be more out and proud and indeed see ignorant and homophobic Ppl not as my problem. I just had a new job were I wore a t-shirt with a rainbow flag on it in the 2nd week. It was intense and actually kinda painful to see how these things in these contexts are still a statement. But also I tried to have fun seeing some shocked faces and just laugh about their loss 😂 Was also good in a sense that I also saw who's faces were supportive, so I just right away saw whom I might like without having to find it out bit by bit 😂 😅
Thank you so much for listening! Just know that where you’re at is perfectly okay and you don’t have to come out to please anyone. Everything at your own pace 💕
This video is saving my life right now. It’s exactly what I needed. You didn’t even get past the title. Of course someone like you can’t see the value in this.
instead of writing annoying comments, YOU should just go do something productive If you would have listened to this podcast you wouldn't write this. Just go away please, no-one wants to hear from you here
It’s the internalized homophobia and pressure of societal norms that make it difficult to find your truest self. It’s been a journey of a lot of inner work to finally feel comfortable enough to fully be our most authentic selves
Super relatable as a queer person. There’s so many things that we go through as queer people and I personally tend to just normalize it an deal with it - but hearing others talking about it and note similar perspectives and experiences gives comfort and reassurance. Appreciate you both. Very impactful. This is the first video I’ve watched on this channel and I am ready for more !
Thank you so much for watching and commenting! We're so happy this video is resonating with people. We strongly believe in sharing our experiences and telling our stories as a community in order to help each other be seen and heard, and know that you are not alone 💖
My ex gf has internalized homophobia it’s a psychological illness. Sadly she was influenced by her homophobic mother who said she would die if her daughter was a lesbian-For 14 years I suffered at the hands of my ex pushing me away, yelling at me whenever I even just took her hand in public. I stayed in the abusive relationship like many do because I loved her and was afraid to leave. Please get help if you are suffering yourself or your partner.
I think the family , that you didn't choose of course , can make you act in a certain way if they are homophobic , or just make disappointing comments , and you feel more alone and completely foreign to them , which of course doesn't help , and you just suppress your identity more . It feels hard to let go of your family, if they won't understand who you are . But you have to choose what is right ;)
As someone who is notable queer, I think it's important to acknowledge the amount of privilege that some queer folks hold to be able to jump back into a “straight” role for safety. I can't jump back and forth between the lines. I have short hair and I feel most comfortable in masc clothing. Not all folks have the ability to pick what they want to be for the day.
Same here! Public bathrooms are such a thing! I relate to you.
As an femme presenting AMAB enby I agree with you so much ….
i guess but i don't feel comfortable in feminine clothing, i don't feel confortable with the way i act. I know it's a costume even when other don't.
And it the other way around too... As a femme lesbian or masculine gay a queer person is rejected as a queer from the community and mistrusted... They judge us... And straight people don't believe us too that we are queer...they try to hot on us .. get agitated if we reject their advances saying we are queer...
Neither queer community believe us being queer... Neither straight people leave us alone... As a femme lesbian I know how unprivileged we are to avoid comphet that "noticeable" queries are quite privileged of
Thank you, you both! I'm a 27 years-old woman and have just heard about internalized homophobia and got shocked. Because this might be me... the one marrying one of the other sex to fit in?! It nearly hat happend two years ago... right after I came out crying to my parents... now I feel trapped inside these back-and-forth movement between wanting to love another woman and fitting in. I'm really going crazy right know, because I fell in love with my best friend while I'm still in a heterosexual relationship.
I don't know which voice to trust... Well, might be the internalized homophobia.
Long story short: I just wanted to thank you and being open about my current Situation.
Thank you so much for sharing. We are glad this resonated with you and you are not alone! It's challenging to figure out who we are as human beings and who we are within our sexuality, especially when it goes against the norm and what you see around you. You are not wrong to question your emotions or to feel what you feel. Be assured that there is no right or wrong feeling, but rather, it's important to figure out what feels right FOR YOU. It's that feeling of "okay, this feels like home, this feels like what I keep inside me, this feels authentic". If you can find that feeling, or at least get closer to it, You're doing well for yourself 💞
I fell in love with my friend too I am shocked as well I am gay brand new I don’t know if she loves me back I have her number by the way plus I just act straight when I’m not anymore
@@zeldasunandmoonsystem8649what happened? Im bi.
I'm relatively out, maybe even "robustly" out compared to some, but lately the duality of how straight-acting and even straight *living* I am has me questioning what it even means to be "out" so this video was extremely relevant to me at this delicate time in my life, thank you.
im a gay male, and im just discovering how deep my internalized homophobia is. i thought it was great to hear how you were trying to be more open about your self and about who youre dating etc. i have struggled with this for years and have acted straight even being out. will see if i can put to action
so happy this resonates and you can walk away with an actionable step. Warms our hearts!
I grew up in the 90's, and compared to how it was for me, it's noticeably easier for the gay youth of this day's generation to be open about their queerness.
@@Brandon-os1db still not easy unfortunately 🙁
i came out at 40 years old. one of my coworkers said I was going to hell then spent the night crying in the bathroom. next day I went back to shielding and acting straight like i have been doing for 40 years. As a gay man working with all straight men I was very uncomfortable but then I said the next day a room full of people I'm gay and if you don't like it too bad because I'm not leaving. honestly I've been out for 6 months and I know the process will take time I mean I've been in denial for 40 years. love this channel much respect
I’m so sorry that happened. You are loved and seen!! 💕💕💕
I will usually act straight around new people. I never lie about it, but I don't broadcast it either. When people know you're gay from the beginning, that tends to be the first thing they think about you, but if you let them get to know you as a person first, I have found that it tends to be a non issue in most cases. I like to test people out and find out what their true feeling are before I let them into that part of my life.
My thing is that being gay shouldn’t stop someone from getting to know you. It’s similar to saying someone won’t get to know you bc of your race or height or bc you have tattoos. I totally understand and resonate with the fear of being judged for how I present myself and it personally held me back for a long time; but there’s a bigger part of me now that wants to be audaciously queer and not give a damn and just live authentically. With that being said, your approach is also very valid.
@@QueerCollective
it should not. but it does completely.
This helped me be more aware of what actions are internalized homophobia I am a nonbinary person that still isn’t fully out too all my family and this makes me think why I still haven’t told them.
Due to western societal norms we unfortunately all fall into how we think we should behave. It’s an individual journey and you will express your truest most authentic self in your own time 💕
Being gay doesn't have anything to do with nonbinary gender identity.
It’s horrible that people can’t be there selves still now to this day
I though this video was great and very insightful, I only recently started breaking down my internalized homophobia as some circumstances have changed in my life that have kind of forced me too. I'm honestly glad i've been "forced" too process it, i feel as though queer people have such a better grasp on who they are than cis hetero people that have never needed to explore themselves on a deeper level because they've always just been accepted no questions asked (obviously not a dig on cis hetero homies)
thank you this episode has helped me so much I'm a young queer person trying to navigate that .
I worked at Chick-fil-a for a year and it was awful. Anybody who acted different was immediately marked. I had short hair at the time, so I let it grow out and I made sure to paint my nails and wear earrings to make myself appear more acceptable.
Sorry you had to go through that. Hope you’re in a place now where you’re able to more authentically express yourself
Wow, powerful podcast topic. As a queer person, this made me emotional bc unfortunately this has become second nature and I’ve never really reflected until now on why exactly I do it and how much it truly impacts my psyche and my relationships. I’ve normalized it and it clearly stems from trauma. Plan to do more on breaking out of this and remembering that it’s the other person’s problem if they’re homophobic, not mine🌈
New subscriber👍🏼
Thank you for sharing!! Glad we were able to provide something if value. We all have a bit of internalized homophobia due to how we were raised in society and breaking out of that is daily work! 💕
Yeah....out of fear I've spent my whole life pretending to be straight. Even though I'm a not. To point that I'm currently stuck in an abusive marriage to a man. Even though I'm a lesbian. Currently working on an escape plan. So I can be safe and free to come out finally. So much of my life has been wasted and pain.
Hope you find peace and safety friend 🫶🏻💕
@QueerCollective thank you, I'm trying....it's just taking a while. Trying to not give up hope.
Such a conscious and positive conversation
I don’t know what is… better? The internalized homophobia or “usual” like hate speech from other people. It’s connected. I have been identify myself as a lesbian for 7 years but still can go on a date with a straight man. Once a year. For what? I don’t know. Honestly maybe I wanna feel something (but I don’t). Cause in my country it’s more EASIER being straight. I’m from Russia 🤦🏻♀️
Sending love and light x it makes sense…sorry you have to go through that x
I remember when I was going through that. Now I’ve got an amazing wife. ❤❤
Telling people I have a wife though is a wholeeee other thing though.
So intense all the different coping mechanisms of internalized Homophobia and wanting to belong to heteronormativity :'(
I have it in other ways that for example sometimes I think I shouldn't look TOO much like a lesbian (whatever that means), so that I look 'still acceptable' aka heteronormative enough...
I wish you all the best! Thank you for sharing!
@@jjcake93 that’s true. it’s so supportive for me, thank you ❤️🩹 wish you well too
me, a bisexual colombian living in colombia while listening to this: 👁👄👁
I know how hard it is to be Colombian and queer. I hope this video helps put things into perspective and hope you can further explore and express your truest self 💕
First time listener, I love you girls, it was an entertaining vid.
I'm just out of the closet recently (Gay guy here, 44). Only to my mother and sister. My dad... it will come, and he will not like it, but I just don't care about his opinion anymore.
But +30 years in the closet is a heavy weight, I still act straight, and, out of my house, It's extremely difficult for me to admit I'm gay. There's a thing in my thoughts, the idea of "Everyone is an homophobe until proven otherwise" that makes me suspicious of everyone. While in the closet, I pushed away many friends because of this. I also share Karbon's views about the south american culture, I live in Venezuela, and here is even worse than Colombia (so much for the socialist lie).
It's... a process, a process I must go through if I intend to find a partner someday.
You are amazing. Very relatable!
Thank you for watching ☺️
I've struggled with acting straight from a trans perspective, I recently started saying "I'm a guy but I'm a gay guy!" 😂 gotta affirm just cause I'm out as a man doesn't mean I should restrict femininity to hope people accept me as a man. I was born a girl so it gives people a way to discount me, sadly.
You are SEEN. Know that there is not one way to be a guy or a girl or just a human being. You are YOU and how you present or what genitalia you have doesn’t change your authentic self 💕
Gay trans guy doesn't make any sense. Whatever...
Loved it !! i subscribed !! and to the podcast ! tho i noticed 11 months since the last podcast ? Am i right ?? any chances to hear you back ?
so glad you found us! we have new episodes recorded & we'll be back soon
I'm not going to ANY country that I cannot be MYSELF
For some people it can be culture. I never talk about my partners independently if its a man or a woman. Im not the pda type equally. But i can be misinterpreted. Because when its necessary i had no problem in doing or saying something that outed me.
I'm a very straight passing bi guy and I know my internalized homophobia. Most of the time I'm not correcting straight people when they do their nomative tricks on me
Should we do an episode on bi men?
Yes, please!
Religion is the main reason why people suffer from internalized homophobia and if the person has gender dysphoria it's not that they don't accept their sexuality I think it's more like they don't accept the genitals they were given when it come to sex because just imagine this most straight men would feel violated if they had a vagina it would feel weird to try have sex with their girlfriends with having a vagina so as a lesbian myself who doesn't like having a vagina either I feel the same way I've had to learn to accept what I have and realize of I am in a relationship with my partner they will just have to understand what I like and don't like
And also all these societal norms that have been pushed down our throats of what a woman and a man should be, instead of considering ourselves as just human beings with genitalia
Thank you for sharing this!!
I think I also put a lot of pressure on me and my homophobic ass, but I try to be more out and proud and indeed see ignorant and homophobic Ppl not as my problem.
I just had a new job were I wore a t-shirt with a rainbow flag on it in the 2nd week. It was intense and actually kinda painful to see how these things in these contexts are still a statement. But also I tried to have fun seeing some shocked faces and just laugh about their loss 😂
Was also good in a sense that I also saw who's faces were supportive, so I just right away saw whom I might like without having to find it out bit by bit 😂 😅
Thank you so much for listening! Just know that where you’re at is perfectly okay and you don’t have to come out to please anyone. Everything at your own pace 💕
@@QueerCollective thank you for these words ❤️
My friend has acted like he's straight at least twice now. I'm getting really frustrated atp.
why does tthat even mean tho?
This just sounds like what anyone does in a new situations to be honest.
Homosexual
By
No one is asking you to 'act straight.'
Go do something productive.
That doesn't sound very relaxing to me.
This video is saving my life right now. It’s exactly what I needed. You didn’t even get past the title. Of course someone like you can’t see the value in this.
This video helped me so I'd say it was a productive use of their time.
instead of writing annoying comments, YOU should just go do something productive
If you would have listened to this podcast you wouldn't write this. Just go away please, no-one wants to hear from you here
No one is asking for your opinion. Go crawl back under your rock.
Am jot nasty bout that's not nice why would u act stight when u gwy a lesbain women
It’s the internalized homophobia and pressure of societal norms that make it difficult to find your truest self. It’s been a journey of a lot of inner work to finally feel comfortable enough to fully be our most authentic selves