Girl I feel you. I'm a military wife and I find myself doing everything alone the majority of the time. And I would bottle up my feelings and how much help I really needed all the time. But I've learned to communicate with my husband to let him know all the help that I do need. And he's been amazing. I'm so glad that you are in a much better place now. I know the struggle is real and we always tend to put ourself last.But that's what great moms do. So keep up the good work My Girl Amber.
My heart & prayers go out to you. Glad all is better now. That's right Amber, "You... are the most important person in the world, because, YOU are a MOTHER". That needs to be acknowledged & respected. Pure Facts. If you haven't already... Please get a ton of Raw Bîtter Veg in you. (Smoothie / veg juice / salad). Then add hydrating fruits to vegetable juice and or smoothies. 🍇🥝🍉🍈🍓🫐🍍🍒🍋 Key lime & lemon juice squeezed into every smoothie and veg juice. Blood building BEETS, alone and with matching colored veg,.. then other veg that blend well with it, taste wise. The DARKEST GREEN LEAFY VEG (mustard greens (raw only please), turnip greens (raw only please), long kale, collard greens, Swiss Chard), rhubarb is too fibrous for smoothies, so blending it first, for a longer period of time, is helpful. I love to blend the entire beet plant, root, stems and leaves. 🥬🧅 purple onion, 🍠 sweet potatoes for his hormone balancing minerals, (baked, boiled, or raw in a smoothie). I'm sure you are on top of this already, however, in case not, I made this quick list for you. You got this. We both do. Like you said, we can't pour into other's cups, if ours is empty. You made many excellent points - good of you to share this - countless others are secretly enduring the same issue. I pray this reaches them all, so they will take heed. 🙏🏼🌷
Life is a journey. Girls and women have historically been victims of misinformation and disinformation when it comes to how we fit into the world. We are raised either explicitly or by model to believe we should sacrifice ourselves for the good of ALL, with no expectations that others will come to our rescue. We are vilified when we cry, complain or make demands. An American politician running for Vice President actually stated out loud that childless cat women shouldn't have say over the running of their government! I've been called a "spinster" (basically a useless unmarried and childless woman). I was in a similar position as you years ago when I became caregiver to my father, grandmother and then mother (AND her cat) over 10 years time, all while working a full time job! My one sibling never responded to my asks for help. So I did it alone. After the death of my mother, it all came crashing down and I literally had a mental breakdown and entered into a period of severe depression. It was my counselor who offered the suggestion of "self care". A notion I had never entertained before. That was over 20 years ago, and I still follow those instructions. Put the oxygen mask on oneself first before attempting to help anyone else.
Men all over the world are perplexed why some women are choosing not to have children or get married. Or women requesting a divorce. They are so confused. They all claim they want children and to be fathers and to be respected as the leader of the family. But they want to do the bare minimum. They expect their girlfriend/wife to take on the entire responsibility of raising the children and running the household along with paying half of the bills. It is just too much. And then they want to be waited on hand and foot. Like for real, how long do you think any women can keep running on that hamster wheel? But they just can’t understand when women leave them. When they complain. I feel for every woman who is raising their kids alone. A job that never ends. A job that will never ever end. I chose as a very young woman not to have children. I knew it would be too much for me. I had dated men that would have been good providers but minimal involvement. No. Did not want to be a single mother that was married. I am happy with my choice. No regrets. I beg women who want children to ask the really hard questions of their men. What jobs will be done by whom. So there are no disappointments later on. Amber you are a survivor. You have no choice. You will jump over every hurdle presented to you. I am glad you set boundaries. You are important. You are worthy. Good luck!
If a woman is expected to have children, be the main caretaker for said children, take care of all housework, and keep her man happy, she shouldn't have to work outside of the home. All of those things are already a full-time job. Before women were in the workforce, they were able to be "super wives/moms" because they weren't expected to work outside the home. However, some present-day men (not all) expect women to be super wives/moms and ALSO work full-time. Meanwhile, all the men do is work outside the home and then expect to chill when they are home. Pick a man who shares in the "HOMEwork". They exist.
THIS…. I saw this behavior at 16 and decided to never get married or have children. The funny thing is they biologically have more energy and would do all this better than we ever could. Cheers to you too for refusing to be a married single mom 🥂
Absolutely, I am childfree. I could not imagine being the only one responsible for my children. I recognize this in the men I dated, they wanted to have fun but not be responsible. I'm glad I chose me!
The amount of mothers who are neglected by their partners and for themselves breaks my heart. Suffering alone even in relationships. I'm glad you managed to improve the situation. This conversation was so honest, thank you for it girl. We are so back, I am loving the new content ! Sorry for the bad english. Love from Brazil
My husband and I had a LONG conversation before we had our son. I think because our pregnancy was rough he was already aware that he'd need to pull his weight even more after, but he was surprisingly attentive without my asking. He also saw how 2 of his friends are great dads and did not want to be a dead beat like the 3rd. We came up with a care schedule before baby and we actually stuck to it - he did all overnight cares and I did daytime cares so we could both sleep. We usually go to all docs appts together unless one of us is really busy with work or something. Every now and again he complains about being tired which like, of course we're both tired, but if I ask he will take the baby from me longer if needed. I think we just need to vet these men as best we can before we have kids with them (of course you can always miss something), but when they're not acting right SPEAK UP!
@@okaycola2 I think in our case we're just not afraid to call the other person out. In the beginning of course I would beat around the bush about what I needed because it was new, but now I am very vocal. I told him recently the schedule we came up with wasn't working anymore because baby is older and more active so he traded with me so I could get things done during work hours where before baby would sleep all day; husband was also struggling starting to struggle with overnight cares so since I'm the better sleeper I told him I would do those so he takes baby in the AM instead - it worked out for both of us, but we'd still be struggling if I didn't speak up.
Listen, girl, you not "showing up for yourself" isn't the reason why you were the default parent. Unfortunately, your partner didn't value you or the things you were doing. He should have been more hands-on, period. I don't have to tell my husband that I'm stressed or need help with something. He does what needs to be done without me asking, as he should. That's what a true partnership is.
My hubby works all day and the first thing he asks when he gets home is if I want him to cook or should he get take out. Our daughter is 6 months old and he always makes sure I am fed especially because I am breastfeeding. I only cook if I really feel like it. He also has our daughter for most of the day on Saturday, I only have her when I'm feeding her.
Ladies, let's choose better. If you allow a man to do nothing he will do nothing. If your seeing these red flags early on just take them for that they are. LET THE DAD DO things, don't try to take on everything, if you do you will suffer. Love y'all 💕
Asking for help is so hard and not normal and I don’t know why! I was the same way. I stayed home with my kids and I never talked to my husband about how I was feeling cuz I didn’t want to stress him out. When I was overwhelmed I felt like I just needed to push through it and just deal with it on my own and he never knew what I was going through until I talked with him about it. He was so shocked at how much I bottled up and didn’t tell him. We are in a better place now too
Before having a child with someone, find out if BOTH their parents played an active role in the household and childrearing. As much as we hate it, we often fall into our birth family dynamics as adults.
That doesn’t work. I’ve been with a guy whose parents are supportive of each other, great parenting and everything and he was trash. And I’ve been with a guy whose dad was absent and he is an amazing present father sooooo this is not a good rule
It seems like you have been through a lot finding your voice, learning how to set boundaries, and advocating for yourself. But your partner being there the whole time and not seeing you struggling is very concerning, regardless of whether he works long hours. I wish you all the very best ❤.
A lot of them do what she described intentionally. Their partners ask for something then they do nothing waiting for her to do it herself. A lot of women are a bit stuck with such chaos
That’s what makes me mad of most men, they expect 50/50 financially but they are not willing to give 50/50 with the kids and the house!!! Like yah, I’ll give 50% but you move your ass and give 50% with the kids work and house work! What makes me even more mad is that women find excuses for that behavior. 🥴 I’m no longer giving the extra mile for those who are not willing to give the extra mile for me cause at the end, I die or get sick and he will keep going..
Men do not expect 50/50 financially. At least not all of them. But I’ve observed that most of them do not pull their weight around the house and with the childcare routines
@@imansstories depends on the salary. If the salaries are not equal expecting 50% is not fair to the person who earns less money, regardless of whether it is the husband or wife
@@abbeyna01 which is understandable. Different couples can figure how to make things work but men have a definite idea of what they CANNOT do regardless of circumstances which is where the problem is
Exactly 💯! Everyone says things like relationships are supposed to be 50/50 but I think it's 100/100 if I have a relationship I want all they can give me, and I will give them all I can of me but 100% not 50%. And I ask how can I best love you today cause from day to day is different ❤ also you can end up sitting right next to each other but a million miles apart. But you're Exactly right! You have to tell your partner what you need
That "I'm important" hit me hard; so hard that I started tearing up. Being a mom and a partner is hard and you don't realise how much you are giving and doing until you are knocked down completely. Cudos to you for standing up for yourself.
@@jennifercooljeo6552 my dear, don’t let a man impregnate you without wifing you up, no sex before marriage are so simple things that any man who really wants you is going to respect your boundaries. I started talking to this guy last year April, and became official in November, I told him my expectations and other than the men I talked to who usually break up contact at this stage, he started looking up rings in December! If a man really wants you, he would move heaven and earth for you. Don’t ever lower your standards because you’re desperate for a man.
I saw this coming years ago - when she had a child with the dude outside of marriage - I knew she was out of order - the Bible says flee fornication for a reason
@@jennifercooljeo6552 being abstinent- weeds out users looser & abusers & squatters in a persons life / one of the reasons I stopped watching this channel is because these folks were living together unmarried & started having children - which is a recipe for disaster
I’m sorry this happened to you! You deserve to be heard and respected. I’ve never been married and I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way but are you still married? I know it’s not simple but this just doesn’t seem healthy.
You did what a lot of women have to do, especially in the early years (it is all about babies) and our bodies are healing. The fact partners/husbands don't notice is something for them to think about, alongside setting boundaries. I've raised my son with Autism singlehandedly (no family) I couldn't have survived without routine.
I can DEFINITELY relate with the no help/support of no family when it comes to the kids.... I'm a Mom to 2 autistic teens, 17 & 15. My 17 year old is autistic non verbal and my 15 year old is autistic verbal.... Some days are DEFINITELY BETTER than others.... I'm also a Special Ed Aide....So yeah, it's understandably a LOT...😢😢
@@lakeshaRR3945 Omg...Super mum...Well done you . I know the challenges. I hope you're able to get some rest now the children are older. My son is 11 now and much easier than it was was in his younger years. Nobody understands the next level of exhaustion with special needs children unless they have walked it. Much love.
@@sinceresong9907 Thanks!! What is rest?? Lol. But seriously, it has gotten easier, now that My girls are both in high school... They help me around the house as well... I get my rest after I get them squared away. They're still on their school schedule, meaning they go to bed by 7:45pm every night, even on weekends. They catch the bus for school, at 6:45am and are usually home by 3:30pm. I'm usually in the car waiting for them. 😁😁.
@lakeshaRR3945 🧡🧡❤️🔥 You are doing God's work right there. Someone said to me once, there is a special place in God's heart for those who care for anyone with disability, it was a Muslim man. Thank you for sharing.
I'm am so happy for you. It was written all over your face, but some people get defensive when you I tell them what I can see. But if the stress is visible to me I understand. I got a trophy and wrote a book! But where you stand NOW! STAND STRONG STAND FIRM MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!
Man, one of the reasons I'm single is because it's hard work and takes effort on both parts. One might be committed, and the other, not so much. There's nothing wrong with having a partner if that's what you want. Stay strong, Amber. You are. :)
You are so strong. And thanks for sharing this. I feel this on a another level as I've been going through the same thing. Hearing you speak about helps, it's like a girl chat, because sometimes friends won't get it.
@@AmberAnsahGood of you to share this, so many are suffering in silence, biting their tongues, while the guy gets away with offering no effort at all. No More. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🌷🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
This is a great video 😊! In premarital counseling, something invaluable was brought up. The counselor has been married for 30 years (highly recommend that kind). Nothing surprised her 😂. She said, 'so because of how you were raised your opinion was discarded. You need to be HEARD in a relationship. Do not hold your feelings and thoughts back. Say it ALL to your husband' (when you are calm, of course). It helped me to avoid being quiet about my needs, wants, feelings, etc. He can't ever say he 'did not know', because I directly tell him. Even he says that I've matured and I handle things well now.
Thank you for sharing. I'm sure you're helping others in the same boat who may feel alone. I'm glad you're no longer going through that. Before filing for divorce, I handled 99% of the parental responsibility. I bathed, fed, purchased clothes, diapers and necessities, etc., for our baby. At the time, I just figured women and the nurturers. It's what we do. On household bills, we went 50/50. Also, I made more than him. At my big ol' age of 53, with a marriage and a few relationshiTs under my belt, I've realized that I'm much happier single. When friends talk of fixing me up with someone, all I hear is, "you look happy. Let's throw a monkey wrench into that!" Nah, I'm good. Especially when all they do is complain about their own relationships! Call me cat lady all day! My cats make me happy. They don't get on my nerves. We GOOD!
Thankfully, I have the support of my husband, but I am learning to get back to taking care of me which has been another journey in itself with healing. Thank you for sharing your story and the importance of taking care of ourselves in every way! Cheers to better health (physically, mentally, and spiritually).
Amber I'm happy for you girl! It is a tough conversation to have especially for us girls who've always been able to get things done on our own and have developed the habit of controlling the process. As a mother myself, I've learnt to take a step back and let my partner do his part, however different his methods are from mine. As long as our objective is the same, no harm done.
Thanks for the insight, sis. I enjoyed the video. I am pregnant with my first, am married, but I'm also an orphan. My expectation is that I won't have the support I will need. I'm trying to fortify my mind against that time. Please make more videos like these. 😊
My favorite part was definitely about SAHM finding help and seeking it from family, friends, etc if you can't afford (or have a hard time trusting) a babysitter
I remember a friend of mine who has children, told me if I choose to have children I should do so because I am ready to have them unfortunately men will leave you high and dry with very little/no support. You're doing an amazing job Amber ❤❤ thank you for this transparency ...keep going girl
I could see your stress about a year ago on one of your videos, cannot recall which video. But I questioned where is your man to help? I missed sleep as well for two years, I finally had to let him go and think about my sanity.
Hey sis, I hope you are doing well now. A lot of women go through this I hope you don’t feel like you are alone. Can I ask are you still with your partner and is he now paying the bills? Well done for being honest in this video, I’m rooting for you.
😢😢 sorry to hear that Amber that you went through that. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve been through it too. And yeah I’ve finally learnt to put myself first, I put myself last for a long time.
Ok so I can’t tell you how much I relate to this! I wasn’t married to the father of my children but it is always me who is the default parent. Parenting is always up to me. I’m supposed to take care of home and work. And his excuse wa always he has work. But he doesn’t even pay the bills or take care of us or treat us right. And as much as I want him to step up and be responsible like I had to he refuses to. It’s so freaking hard some days. Like I feel like I’m drowning and have no clue if I’m doing the right thing. I care so much about doing the right thing by my kids and i don’t go out. I don’t gamble. I don’t drink. I don’t date. I don’t do anything. I can’t even work bc I can’t get childcare so I work and bring my kids. Like I just want a partner who respects me and can step up and care as much as I do. Even pregnant I was going thru it alone. I do the routines and bed time bath time toys diapers clothes shoes whatever it’s always me. He picks and chooses when he wants to do something and then wants me to celebrate it! Like I barely have time for me. And when I do I do things like I got to eat after the kids went to bed or I got to take a shower. Or I can volunteer at church or take an online course at church. But i don’t go out or get my nails done. Or buy myself some new clothes or work on my health etc. it’s crazy!!!
Amber, I relate so much to your situation. My son just turned 3 & I’m still suffering in silence and don’t want to reach complete exhaustion before I can have resolution in my household. Thank you for your transparency & honesty with us mamas. It’s hard to even take care of myself most days with the weight of all the other things I carry. Thanks for the reminder that I am important 💗
I never leave a comment but girlll, I can relate so much with putting myself last. And your right we do it to ourselves as well. Such a difficult cycle to break. Am trying😅 to
Listening to what you were going through made me cry😢 because I'm going through something similar. I can relate to not asking for help and just doing everything myself. I kinda had to because my childs father hasn't been around since she was born and I didnt have any family or friends around to help. But after being honest with myself that I can't do this alone anymore, I'm moving closer to family so that I can get the support I need. The first year has been sooo hard especially when going through postpartum depression
Mom of two, oldest just turned 7, and youngest will be 3 end of September. I'm a SAHM, but just started earning income on a part time basis recently. I also am a part time photographer as a self made business and struggled with being the main parent for the kids. I can say I'm a default parent as well. Most things kid related fell on me. Paying the bills, managing the home, grocery shopping, etc. When kids were sick, I took care of them. Anything the animals needed, home needed, I handled. Car maintenance and earning main amount of money does fall on my spouse. I just made sure to pay the bills with the money he earns. We talk constantly about finances and all the things. One thing I had to make sure he understood was my self care was a need, not a luxury. I don't do much for it, and I usually always waited until I was about to have a nervous breakdown but realized I needed to do my stuff sooner. So like doing my hair became part of my self care, my nails (diy, we on a budget 😆), I got a massage for my back pain, and then finding my workout routine which I know have made into a job. I had to truly find my balance. And that has done wonders. And it truly has helped balance my marriage with my husband. My self care has helped everyone. Not sure which friend helped me see the light, but I owe them everything lol. They spoke into me and now I'm taking there advice and taking me time and making sure I'm forefront with my needs. I'm happy for this series. I also am in a few mom clubs in my local area and one we talk about vulnerable topics like this and that also helped. I can unload and get helpful tips. Motherhood is so hard. So I look forward to next mommy talk video and am glad to hear you were able to talk to your partner and get some change for the good hopefully. Many prayers to you and your family. ❤
Yeah I got my hubby a MASK no excuses change the diapers I didn't have this baby by myself. I'm NOT raising her by herself. Sometimes woman want to feel like their not the BEST Mother if their Not doing it all. Noone else can do it like they can. No u have to delgate the tasks. We are NOT superwoman. Also if u breast feed even harder. My mother said get a bottle and get some sleep. I gave in slept throught the night. Same with my boys. Its half his kids he has to do it as well. Ugh. I dont know how my Mother did it as a single Mother. Its friggan hard. Im married 20 years and now theyre grown so were FREE NOW. WE ENJOY EACH OTHER NOW.
Imm a default parent as well and I kept telling my sons dad that our son will blame me if you aren't around.. and now he's 3 (lil baby) and he blames me for having to drop his dad off back his own house or having to leave at night to go back to our home after a visit
I'm late. Loved this honesty. I had a kid with my partner in december 2022. My partner was lovely though, we are equal when concerning our daughter. So sorry sis. Glad to hear you're in a better place❤.
Unfortunately... Sometimes men react in a standoffish manner once the baby is actually out of the womb. The reality hits some of them differently, might start dwelling on life without the responsibilities, feel like they're losing the "fun life". We as women usually mature much more drastically than men and this happens while pregnant. (Just reiterating that I'm saying "usually", "sometimes", etc.) My husband, in my opinion, didn't really get the picture until our 4th child (4 kids in 6 yrs 😅)...; it's not fair at all... But this is the reality so often. And it wasn't until after having 5 kids and entering my 30s that i realized that self care is VITAL. I finally love myself, feel confident, set more boundaries, listen to my body as much as possible, and sometimes i don't feel guilty about it 😂
I am so glad that finally you got the support you needed so that you can rest and be yourself again. Not gonna lie it was painful to see you tired in your videos for so long. I hope that you keep showing for yourself. Take care ❤
Hopes to becoming a mother one day while still having zero confidence in myself whether I will ever be able to provide for my little ones adequately one day, besides self care, I have huge respect for all the strong Mama's out there. Thinking that one day I will be in that position as someone who might be looked up to, I cannot imagine
The funny thing is, is that we don't even require that much (well the reasonable (regular) women don't)! We'd be glad for a few hours alone a couple/few days out of the week and we good!
Ladies, if you have kids, plan to raising them alone, even if married. Patriarchy and gender roles do call for males to learn domestic duties, nor show empathy towards mother.
Hi my love, this is awful that you had to reach your breaking point before you could get help and prospective. The dad truth is that your story isn’t new or an exception. Women have been going thru this since time began. The sad truth is the moment you become a mother or wife YOU the person, the individual goes out the window because your life revolves around looking after everyone and everything else and you’re the last person to get any consideration. And society is still pushing the narrative that women should want to have children and get married and do it by the time you’re 30. I hope you are healing and creating a happy and healthy investment for you and your girls. I have got to say though that when I started watching you in your apartment in one video you were cooking vegetable spaghetti and keeping house with him. I know that you were giving way too much of yourself up. I remember commenting on one of your videos when your first was born and saying “I hope he’s pulling his weight” you were going through it back then and it was very obvious. Keep your chin up because things are going to get better and better each day. Sending you love and positivity.
Yes this is very true. Women have been going through this ever since. But it gets better as the children get older and are able to do things for themselves, including preparing meals, laundry and cleaning! And sleeping straight through the night!
I have no problem equalizing responsibilities with my husband. Kids have this thing of making mothers the default parent. If i dont feel like doing something, and I do a lot, i will tell the boys to get their Dad to do it. Dad does a lot as well. Im not stressing myself out.
Amber, I did the same thing, I was totally unaware that I running on empty for many years until it was too late. It was only upon reflection years later, I recognised that I had neglected myself. Your situation is different as you have a partner but I was a lone parent but like yourself I put my children needs first. I looked after my children as well as helping my sisters with my three nephews with after school care. My mum did provide physical support but emotional support was missing. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was extremely overwhelmed & stressed. It was all systems go from morning until night. When school breaks came around I would get ill. My body was in constant fight or flight mode. This continued until my children finished primary school. It eased somewhat when my children started secondary school but as a single/lone parent the pressure was still there. As a result, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2013, whilst my children were still at secondary school. I wouldn’t wish MS on anyone. I’m pleased that you’ve addressed this issue although, your situation is slightly different as you have a partner. Thank God that you woke up & dealt with the issues before it impacted your health detrimentally.
@@wavesonswim8738 Hi! I'd say it's something you can only learn through communication. Also, bringing that dude around family/friend's/associates who are parents. Watch how he moves when kids are there. I knew my husband was a 'kid person' early on. He helped raise his niece and nephew when they were small. He watched them while his older sister and her now ex-husband were working. He's hands on. Asking questions like: if both parents work, who is on kid duty? What if one of us works from home, does that change your answer? What was your childhood like? Find out if there was a nuclear or single parent family. His parents were more hands off, actually! He wanted to be the parents he needed. He's not perfect, but he tries and cares. Learn if that guy is willing to assist without you begging or falling apart (in general). Being with someone who would let me drown is cause to walk away 😭!!! Being stuck with kids while having the flu all alone every month is wild to me.
My heart & prayers go out to you. Glad all is better now. That's right Amber, "You... are the most important person in the world, because, YOU are a MOTHER". That needs to be acknowledged & respected. Pure Facts. If you haven't already... Please get a ton of Raw Bîtter Veg in you. (Smoothie / veg juice / salad). Then add hydrating fruits to vegetable juice and or smoothies. 🍇🥝🍉🍈🍓🫐🍍🍒🍋 Key lime & lemon juice squeezed into every smoothie and veg juice. Blood building BEETS, alone and with matching colored veg,.. then other veg that blend well with it, taste wise. The DARKEST GREEN LEAFY VEG (mustard greens (raw only please), turnip greens (raw only please), long kale, collard greens, Swiss Chard), rhubarb is too fibrous for smoothies, so blending it first, for a longer period of time, is helpful. I love to blend the entire beet plant, root, stems and leaves. 🥬🧅 purple onion, 🍠 sweet potatoes for his hormone balancing minerals, (baked, boiled, or raw in a smoothie). I'm sure you are on top of this already, however, in case not, I made this quick list for you. You got this. We both do. Like you said, we can't pour into other's cups, if ours is empty. You made many excellent points - good of you to share this - countless others are secretly enduring the same issue. I pray this reaches them all, so they will take heed. 🙏🏼🌷
Love you Amber! I’ve been watching you for many years now and I feel like you’re a friend in my head 😅. Always remember the loved ones around you who have your back always. African guys can be a problem ngl 😅 us African women have had experiences 😂
When are you gonna stop saying “partner” as oppose to husband? Are you for or against marriage? Sometimes we do not show up for ourselves. Thanks for sharing.
Men nowadays are threatened by women empowerment hence the many podcast they do telling women that their role is in the kit hen being mothers and a good wife. AND ITS FUNNY ACOZ I usually see most of the women in the podcast are so young.But one thing I would like to tell women is they are powerful....making a human for 9 months.Periods 5 days and still alive.We make babies can be 3or 4.body changes hormones hair shedding mood change...taking care of a life.I have met men who understand all these but some are soooooo mean so bad they will say but its your role....I dont blame women now having power to divorce some women have taken advantage of empowerment in a negative way but I fight for the genuine empowerment.One thing my friend's mom told me and her was she regrets giving her whole life for a man only for him to want to leave.So if you can leave a toxic relationship leave whether man or woman.if you don't want kids coz men nowadays are tricky its all up to you but I will never ever judge.
When you say mommy talk, let’s chat. I grab my Kleenex. But I’m so proud of you that you didn’t tear up. You look very happy. I was very worried about you for your first pregnancy. I prayed for you. You were not the same. So Happy you look happy❤❤😘
We love and support you❤ we are praying for you and your success. I have 4 kids 3 under 18 years old, a spouse and a small business. Everyday is not perfect but you will survive take Gods Grace and Love one day at a time ❤
Why would you have another baby for someone that wasn’t helping out the first go round! You keep having babies for a boyfriend and not a husband. He showed you who he was the first time and you didn’t believe it. That’s where women go wrong continuing to stay in situations that never served them from the start! To be honest sounds like your “boyfriend” is sabotaging your success deliberately. Men trap when too with babies.
FYI, this was my reality a while back but now we’re at a much better place! 🙏🏽😊
Girl I feel you. I'm a military wife and I find myself doing everything alone the majority of the time. And I would bottle up my feelings and how much help I really needed all the time. But I've learned to communicate with my husband to let him know all the help that I do need. And he's been amazing. I'm so glad that you are in a much better place now. I know the struggle is real and we always tend to put ourself last.But that's what great moms do. So keep up the good work My Girl Amber.
My heart & prayers go out to you. Glad all is better now.
That's right Amber, "You... are the most important person in the world, because, YOU are a MOTHER". That needs to be acknowledged & respected. Pure Facts.
If you haven't already... Please get a ton of Raw Bîtter Veg in you. (Smoothie / veg juice / salad). Then add hydrating fruits to vegetable juice and or smoothies. 🍇🥝🍉🍈🍓🫐🍍🍒🍋 Key lime & lemon juice squeezed into every smoothie and veg juice. Blood building BEETS, alone and with matching colored veg,.. then other veg that blend well with it, taste wise. The DARKEST GREEN LEAFY VEG (mustard greens (raw only please), turnip greens (raw only please), long kale, collard greens, Swiss Chard), rhubarb is too fibrous for smoothies, so blending it first, for a longer period of time, is helpful. I love to blend the entire beet plant, root, stems and leaves. 🥬🧅 purple onion, 🍠 sweet potatoes for his hormone balancing minerals, (baked, boiled, or raw in a smoothie).
I'm sure you are on top of this already, however, in case not, I made this quick list for you. You got this. We both do. Like you said, we can't pour into other's cups, if ours is empty. You made many excellent points - good of you to share this - countless others are secretly enduring the same issue. I pray this reaches them all, so they will take heed. 🙏🏼🌷
I could tell. Been there too
What is the point of being married if you have Noone to take care of you and share the responsibilities? My heart goes out to you.
Life is a journey. Girls and women have historically been victims of misinformation and disinformation when it comes to how we fit into the world. We are raised either explicitly or by model to believe we should sacrifice ourselves for the good of ALL, with no expectations that others will come to our rescue. We are vilified when we cry, complain or make demands. An American politician running for Vice President actually stated out loud that childless cat women shouldn't have say over the running of their government! I've been called a "spinster" (basically a useless unmarried and childless woman). I was in a similar position as you years ago when I became caregiver to my father, grandmother and then mother (AND her cat) over 10 years time, all while working a full time job! My one sibling never responded to my asks for help. So I did it alone. After the death of my mother, it all came crashing down and I literally had a mental breakdown and entered into a period of severe depression. It was my counselor who offered the suggestion of "self care". A notion I had never entertained before. That was over 20 years ago, and I still follow those instructions. Put the oxygen mask on oneself first before attempting to help anyone else.
Men all over the world are perplexed why some women are choosing not to have children or get married. Or women requesting a divorce. They are so confused.
They all claim they want children and to be fathers and to be respected as the leader of the family. But they want to do the bare minimum. They expect their girlfriend/wife to take on the entire responsibility of raising the children and running the household along with paying half of the bills. It is just too much. And then they want to be waited on hand and foot. Like for real, how long do you think any women can keep running on that hamster wheel?
But they just can’t understand when women leave them. When they complain. I feel for every woman who is raising their kids alone. A job that never ends. A job that will never ever end.
I chose as a very young woman not to have children. I knew it would be too much for me. I had dated men that would have been good providers but minimal involvement. No. Did not want to be a single mother that was married. I am happy with my choice. No regrets.
I beg women who want children to ask the really hard questions of their men. What jobs will be done by whom. So there are no disappointments later on.
Amber you are a survivor. You have no choice. You will jump over every hurdle presented to you. I am glad you set boundaries. You are important. You are worthy. Good luck!
If a woman is expected to have children, be the main caretaker for said children, take care of all housework, and keep her man happy, she shouldn't have to work outside of the home. All of those things are already a full-time job. Before women were in the workforce, they were able to be "super wives/moms" because they weren't expected to work outside the home. However, some present-day men (not all) expect women to be super wives/moms and ALSO work full-time. Meanwhile, all the men do is work outside the home and then expect to chill when they are home. Pick a man who shares in the "HOMEwork". They exist.
This is why would would choose the bear. Because we know a bear is going to be a bear. Men pretend until they think they got you
THIS…. I saw this behavior at 16 and decided to never get married or have children. The funny thing is they biologically have more energy and would do all this better than we ever could. Cheers to you too for refusing to be a married single mom 🥂
@@imansstories 😉😁
Absolutely, I am childfree. I could not imagine being the only one responsible for my children. I recognize this in the men I dated, they wanted to have fun but not be responsible. I'm glad I chose me!
The fact you have to make your partner realize that you're human. A human being. Says a lot about them.
Sure does
The amount of mothers who are neglected by their partners and for themselves breaks my heart. Suffering alone even in relationships. I'm glad you managed to improve the situation. This conversation was so honest, thank you for it girl.
We are so back, I am loving the new content !
Sorry for the bad english. Love from Brazil
Native speaker. You are fluent!!
Fend* for themselves is your only error & many Americans would make the same mistake. Congratulations!!
My husband and I had a LONG conversation before we had our son. I think because our pregnancy was rough he was already aware that he'd need to pull his weight even more after, but he was surprisingly attentive without my asking. He also saw how 2 of his friends are great dads and did not want to be a dead beat like the 3rd. We came up with a care schedule before baby and we actually stuck to it - he did all overnight cares and I did daytime cares so we could both sleep. We usually go to all docs appts together unless one of us is really busy with work or something. Every now and again he complains about being tired which like, of course we're both tired, but if I ask he will take the baby from me longer if needed. I think we just need to vet these men as best we can before we have kids with them (of course you can always miss something), but when they're not acting right SPEAK UP!
Sounds romantic
@@okaycola2 I think in our case we're just not afraid to call the other person out. In the beginning of course I would beat around the bush about what I needed because it was new, but now I am very vocal. I told him recently the schedule we came up with wasn't working anymore because baby is older and more active so he traded with me so I could get things done during work hours where before baby would sleep all day; husband was also struggling starting to struggle with overnight cares so since I'm the better sleeper I told him I would do those so he takes baby in the AM instead - it worked out for both of us, but we'd still be struggling if I didn't speak up.
Listen, girl, you not "showing up for yourself" isn't the reason why you were the default parent. Unfortunately, your partner didn't value you or the things you were doing. He should have been more hands-on, period. I don't have to tell my husband that I'm stressed or need help with something. He does what needs to be done without me asking, as he should. That's what a true partnership is.
😍😍
My hubby works all day and the first thing he asks when he gets home is if I want him to cook or should he get take out. Our daughter is 6 months old and he always makes sure I am fed especially because I am breastfeeding. I only cook if I really feel like it. He also has our daughter for most of the day on Saturday, I only have her when I'm feeding her.
Ladies, let's choose better. If you allow a man to do nothing he will do nothing. If your seeing these red flags early on just take them for that they are. LET THE DAD DO things, don't try to take on everything, if you do you will suffer. Love y'all 💕
My whole comment!! Ppl will only do what you let them.
Asking for help is so hard and not normal and I don’t know why! I was the same way. I stayed home with my kids and I never talked to my husband about how I was feeling cuz I didn’t want to stress him out. When I was overwhelmed I felt like I just needed to push through it and just deal with it on my own and he never knew what I was going through until I talked with him about it. He was so shocked at how much I bottled up and didn’t tell him. We are in a better place now too
Before having a child with someone, find out if BOTH their parents played an active role in the household and childrearing. As much as we hate it, we often fall into our birth family dynamics as adults.
That doesn’t work. I’ve been with a guy whose parents are supportive of each other, great parenting and everything and he was trash. And I’ve been with a guy whose dad was absent and he is an amazing present father sooooo this is not a good rule
@@unapologeticallyhuman exceptions don't make the rule.
It seems like you have been through a lot finding your voice, learning how to set boundaries, and advocating for yourself. But your partner being there the whole time and not seeing you struggling is very concerning, regardless of whether he works long hours. I wish you all the very best ❤.
Single married woman, this term described her experience(in my opinion) but I’m so happy that things are better now for her .
A lot of them do what she described intentionally. Their partners ask for something then they do nothing waiting for her to do it herself. A lot of women are a bit stuck with such chaos
@@imansstories Weaponized incompetence,I learned about that term last week. A lot of men do that .
@@itshaitian_dollz4153 too true
That’s what makes me mad of most men, they expect 50/50 financially but they are not willing to give 50/50 with the kids and the house!!! Like yah, I’ll give 50% but you move your ass and give 50% with the kids work and house work! What makes me even more mad is that women find excuses for that behavior. 🥴 I’m no longer giving the extra mile for those who are not willing to give the extra mile for me cause at the end, I die or get sick and he will keep going..
Men do not expect 50/50 financially. At least not all of them. But I’ve observed that most of them do not pull their weight around the house and with the childcare routines
@@abbeyna01in this economy more and more are expecting 50%
@@imansstories depends on the salary. If the salaries are not equal expecting 50% is not fair to the person who earns less money, regardless of whether it is the husband or wife
@@abbeyna01 which is understandable. Different couples can figure how to make things work but men have a definite idea of what they CANNOT do regardless of circumstances which is where the problem is
Exactly 💯! Everyone says things like relationships are supposed to be 50/50 but I think it's 100/100 if I have a relationship I want all they can give me, and I will give them all I can of me but 100% not 50%. And I ask how can I best love you today cause from day to day is different ❤ also you can end up sitting right next to each other but a million miles apart. But you're Exactly right! You have to tell your partner what you need
Exactly!! 🙌🏽🩷
That "I'm important" hit me hard; so hard that I started tearing up. Being a mom and a partner is hard and you don't realise how much you are giving and doing until you are knocked down completely. Cudos to you for standing up for yourself.
Never be a wife to a boyfriend, or a husband to a girlfriend
Easier said than done, you won’t know until you know
@@jennifercooljeo6552 my dear, don’t let a man impregnate you without wifing you up, no sex before marriage are so simple things that any man who really wants you is going to respect your boundaries. I started talking to this guy last year April, and became official in November, I told him my expectations and other than the men I talked to who usually break up contact at this stage, he started looking up rings in December! If a man really wants you, he would move heaven and earth for you. Don’t ever lower your standards because you’re desperate for a man.
I saw this coming years ago - when she had a child with the dude outside of marriage - I knew she was out of order - the Bible says flee fornication for a reason
I agree.
@@jennifercooljeo6552 being abstinent- weeds out users looser & abusers & squatters in a persons life / one of the reasons I stopped watching this channel is because these folks were living together unmarried & started having children - which is a recipe for disaster
Sometimes, they realize they messed up when they have to clean up their own mess.
Exactly my situation and my marriage I ended up rebelling against him and resenting him. He just don’t care
I’m sorry this happened to you! You deserve to be heard and respected. I’ve never been married and I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way but are you still married? I know it’s not simple but this just doesn’t seem healthy.
@@Thatonegirl989U definitely deserve to be heard and respected, PERIOD.
You did what a lot of women have to do, especially in the early years (it is all about babies) and our bodies are healing. The fact partners/husbands don't notice is something for them to think about, alongside setting boundaries. I've raised my son with Autism singlehandedly (no family) I couldn't have survived without routine.
I can DEFINITELY relate with the no help/support of no family when it comes to the kids.... I'm a Mom to 2 autistic teens, 17 & 15. My 17 year old is autistic non verbal and my 15 year old is autistic verbal.... Some days are DEFINITELY BETTER than others.... I'm also a Special Ed Aide....So yeah, it's understandably a LOT...😢😢
@@lakeshaRR3945 Omg...Super mum...Well done you . I know the challenges. I hope you're able to get some rest now the children are older. My son is 11 now and much easier than it was was in his younger years. Nobody understands the next level of exhaustion with special needs children unless they have walked it. Much love.
@@sinceresong9907 Thanks!! What is rest?? Lol. But seriously, it has gotten easier, now that My girls are both in high school... They help me around the house as well... I get my rest after I get them squared away. They're still on their school schedule, meaning they go to bed by 7:45pm every night, even on weekends. They catch the bus for school, at 6:45am and are usually home by 3:30pm. I'm usually in the car waiting for them. 😁😁.
@lakeshaRR3945 🧡🧡❤️🔥 You are doing God's work right there. Someone said to me once, there is a special place in God's heart for those who care for anyone with disability, it was a Muslim man. Thank you for sharing.
@@sinceresong9907 🤗🤗🤗
I love that you're getting vulnerable and that this situation has improved for you. Keep shining bright like the diamond you are! 😄🙌🏾
I'm am so happy for you. It was written all over your face, but some people get defensive when you I tell them what I can see. But if the stress is visible to me I understand. I got a trophy and wrote a book!
But where you stand NOW!
STAND STRONG
STAND FIRM
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!
Man, one of the reasons I'm single is because it's hard work and takes effort on both parts. One might be committed, and the other, not so much. There's nothing wrong with having a partner if that's what you want. Stay strong, Amber. You are. :)
This is such a common story for women. I send so much love and understanding to all the overwhelmed moms out there.
You are so strong. And thanks for sharing this. I feel this on a another level as I've been going through the same thing. Hearing you speak about helps, it's like a girl chat, because sometimes friends won't get it.
Exactly, not everyone will understand! That’s why I felt the need to share this 🩷
@@AmberAnsahGood of you to share this, so many are suffering in silence, biting their tongues, while the guy gets away with offering no effort at all.
No More. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🌷🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
hey amber l can relate with the fatigue . It's good to hear that you are prioritising self-care. Stay blessed x
This is a great video 😊! In premarital counseling, something invaluable was brought up. The counselor has been married for 30 years (highly recommend that kind). Nothing surprised her 😂. She said, 'so because of how you were raised your opinion was discarded. You need to be HEARD in a relationship. Do not hold your feelings and thoughts back. Say it ALL to your husband' (when you are calm, of course). It helped me to avoid being quiet about my needs, wants, feelings, etc. He can't ever say he 'did not know', because I directly tell him. Even he says that I've matured and I handle things well now.
Thank you for sharing. I'm sure you're helping others in the same boat who may feel alone. I'm glad you're no longer going through that.
Before filing for divorce, I handled 99% of the parental responsibility. I bathed, fed, purchased clothes, diapers and necessities, etc., for our baby. At the time, I just figured women and the nurturers. It's what we do. On household bills, we went 50/50. Also, I made more than him.
At my big ol' age of 53, with a marriage and a few relationshiTs under my belt, I've realized that I'm much happier single. When friends talk of fixing me up with someone, all I hear is, "you look happy. Let's throw a monkey wrench into that!" Nah, I'm good. Especially when all they do is complain about their own relationships!
Call me cat lady all day! My cats make me happy. They don't get on my nerves. We GOOD!
I commend you on being the best mom that you are! Definitely take care of yourself!
Thankfully, I have the support of my husband, but I am learning to get back to taking care of me which has been another journey in itself with healing. Thank you for sharing your story and the importance of taking care of ourselves in every way! Cheers to better health (physically, mentally, and spiritually).
Thank you for being open and honest ❤❤
Glad things have gotten better for you... sending hugs and prayers your way 🙏🏾🤗❤️
Amber I'm happy for you girl! It is a tough conversation to have especially for us girls who've always been able to get things done on our own and have developed the habit of controlling the process.
As a mother myself, I've learnt to take a step back and let my partner do his part, however different his methods are from mine. As long as our objective is the same, no harm done.
Thanks for the insight, sis. I enjoyed the video. I am pregnant with my first, am married, but I'm also an orphan. My expectation is that I won't have the support I will need. I'm trying to fortify my mind against that time. Please make more videos like these. 😊
My favorite part was definitely about SAHM finding help and seeking it from family, friends, etc if you can't afford (or have a hard time trusting) a babysitter
I remember a friend of mine who has children, told me if I choose to have children I should do so because I am ready to have them unfortunately men will leave you high and dry with very little/no support.
You're doing an amazing job Amber ❤❤ thank you for this transparency ...keep going girl
Me too…friends with kids have told me to only do so if I’m certain I can take care of my kids single handedly at a moment’s notice
@imansstories exactly... it's crazy when you think of it, really !
I could see your stress about a year ago on one of your videos, cannot recall which video. But I questioned where is your man to help? I missed sleep as well for two years, I finally had to let him go and think about my sanity.
I appreciate you for reminding me to put myself first. ❤
I'm not a mum yet but this was super useful! You're doing well Amber and we appreciate you ❤
Hey sis, I hope you are doing well now. A lot of women go through this I hope you don’t feel like you are alone. Can I ask are you still with your partner and is he now paying the bills? Well done for being honest in this video, I’m rooting for you.
😢😢 sorry to hear that Amber that you went through that. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve been through it too. And yeah I’ve finally learnt to put myself first, I put myself last for a long time.
Ok so I can’t tell you how much I relate to this! I wasn’t married to the father of my children but it is always me who is the default parent. Parenting is always up to me. I’m supposed to take care of home and work. And his excuse wa always he has work. But he doesn’t even pay the bills or take care of us or treat us right. And as much as I want him to step up and be responsible like I had to he refuses to. It’s so freaking hard some days. Like I feel like I’m drowning and have no clue if I’m doing the right thing. I care so much about doing the right thing by my kids and i don’t go out. I don’t gamble. I don’t drink. I don’t date. I don’t do anything. I can’t even work bc I can’t get childcare so I work and bring my kids. Like I just want a partner who respects me and can step up and care as much as I do. Even pregnant I was going thru it alone. I do the routines and bed time bath time toys diapers clothes shoes whatever it’s always me. He picks and chooses when he wants to do something and then wants me to celebrate it! Like I barely have time for me. And when I do I do things like I got to eat after the kids went to bed or I got to take a shower. Or I can volunteer at church or take an online course at church. But i don’t go out or get my nails done. Or buy myself some new clothes or work on my health etc. it’s crazy!!!
Parenting is not for the weak. Plus, working a full time job and then coming home to another full time job.
Amber, I relate so much to your situation. My son just turned 3 & I’m still suffering in silence and don’t want to reach complete exhaustion before I can have resolution in my household. Thank you for your transparency & honesty with us mamas. It’s hard to even take care of myself most days with the weight of all the other things I carry. Thanks for the reminder that I am important 💗
I never leave a comment but girlll, I can relate so much with putting myself last. And your right we do it to ourselves as well. Such a difficult cycle to break. Am trying😅 to
Listening to what you were going through made me cry😢 because I'm going through something similar. I can relate to not asking for help and just doing everything myself. I kinda had to because my childs father hasn't been around since she was born and I didnt have any family or friends around to help. But after being honest with myself that I can't do this alone anymore, I'm moving closer to family so that I can get the support I need. The first year has been sooo hard especially when going through postpartum depression
Mom of two, oldest just turned 7, and youngest will be 3 end of September. I'm a SAHM, but just started earning income on a part time basis recently. I also am a part time photographer as a self made business and struggled with being the main parent for the kids. I can say I'm a default parent as well. Most things kid related fell on me. Paying the bills, managing the home, grocery shopping, etc. When kids were sick, I took care of them. Anything the animals needed, home needed, I handled. Car maintenance and earning main amount of money does fall on my spouse. I just made sure to pay the bills with the money he earns. We talk constantly about finances and all the things. One thing I had to make sure he understood was my self care was a need, not a luxury. I don't do much for it, and I usually always waited until I was about to have a nervous breakdown but realized I needed to do my stuff sooner. So like doing my hair became part of my self care, my nails (diy, we on a budget 😆), I got a massage for my back pain, and then finding my workout routine which I know have made into a job. I had to truly find my balance. And that has done wonders. And it truly has helped balance my marriage with my husband. My self care has helped everyone. Not sure which friend helped me see the light, but I owe them everything lol. They spoke into me and now I'm taking there advice and taking me time and making sure I'm forefront with my needs. I'm happy for this series. I also am in a few mom clubs in my local area and one we talk about vulnerable topics like this and that also helped. I can unload and get helpful tips. Motherhood is so hard. So I look forward to next mommy talk video and am glad to hear you were able to talk to your partner and get some change for the good hopefully. Many prayers to you and your family. ❤
Yeah I got my hubby a MASK no excuses change the diapers I didn't have this baby by myself. I'm NOT raising her by herself. Sometimes woman want to feel like their not the BEST Mother if their Not doing it all. Noone else can do it like they can. No u have to delgate the tasks. We are NOT superwoman. Also if u breast feed even harder. My mother said get a bottle and get some sleep. I gave in slept throught the night. Same with my boys. Its half his kids he has to do it as well. Ugh. I dont know how my Mother did it as a single Mother. Its friggan hard. Im married 20 years and now theyre grown so were FREE NOW. WE ENJOY EACH OTHER NOW.
Imm a default parent as well and I kept telling my sons dad that our son will blame me if you aren't around.. and now he's 3 (lil baby) and he blames me for having to drop his dad off back his own house or having to leave at night to go back to our home after a visit
I'm late. Loved this honesty. I had a kid with my partner in december 2022. My partner was lovely though, we are equal when concerning our daughter. So sorry sis. Glad to hear you're in a better place❤.
Unfortunately... Sometimes men react in a standoffish manner once the baby is actually out of the womb. The reality hits some of them differently, might start dwelling on life without the responsibilities, feel like they're losing the "fun life". We as women usually mature much more drastically than men and this happens while pregnant. (Just reiterating that I'm saying "usually", "sometimes", etc.) My husband, in my opinion, didn't really get the picture until our 4th child (4 kids in 6 yrs 😅)...; it's not fair at all... But this is the reality so often. And it wasn't until after having 5 kids and entering my 30s that i realized that self care is VITAL. I finally love myself, feel confident, set more boundaries, listen to my body as much as possible, and sometimes i don't feel guilty about it 😂
I am so glad that finally you got the support you needed so that you can rest and be yourself again. Not gonna lie it was painful to see you tired in your videos for so long. I hope that you keep showing for yourself. Take care ❤
Hopes to becoming a mother one day while still having zero confidence in myself whether I will ever be able to provide for my little ones adequately one day, besides self care, I have huge respect for all the strong Mama's out there. Thinking that one day I will be in that position as someone who might be looked up to, I cannot imagine
Thank you so much for sharing ❤️ im now 6 months postpartum . As a mom u definitely need help to get that much needed selfcare .
The funny thing is, is that we don't even require that much (well the reasonable (regular) women don't)! We'd be glad for a few hours alone a couple/few days out of the week and we good!
Hey , I'm new here. This is my first time seeing Belgium based RUclipsr , i have 2 girls too and i can totally relate to this!
I’m so sorry that happened but I’m proud of you 👏🏽 you’re a strong beautiful woman ❤
Ladies, if you have kids, plan to raising them alone, even if married. Patriarchy and gender roles do call for males to learn domestic duties, nor show empathy towards mother.
Hi my love, this is awful that you had to reach your breaking point before you could get help and prospective. The dad truth is that your story isn’t new or an exception. Women have been going thru this since time began. The sad truth is the moment you become a mother or wife YOU the person, the individual goes out the window because your life revolves around looking after everyone and everything else and you’re the last person to get any consideration. And society is still pushing the narrative that women should want to have children and get married and do it by the time you’re 30. I hope you are healing and creating a happy and healthy investment for you and your girls. I have got to say though that when I started watching you in your apartment in one video you were cooking vegetable spaghetti and keeping house with him. I know that you were giving way too much of yourself up. I remember commenting on one of your videos when your first was born and saying “I hope he’s pulling his weight” you were going through it back then and it was very obvious. Keep your chin up because things are going to get better and better each day. Sending you love and positivity.
Yes this is very true. Women have been going through this ever since. But it gets better as the children get older and are able to do things for themselves, including preparing meals, laundry and cleaning! And sleeping straight through the night!
I love this new Amber for you
I have no problem equalizing responsibilities with my husband. Kids have this thing of making mothers the default parent. If i dont feel like doing something, and I do a lot, i will tell the boys to get their Dad to do it. Dad does a lot as well. Im not stressing myself out.
Thank you for sharing i needed this.❤
Same! I wasn’t standing on business! But now I am ready to fight for me. Life is crazy
I had to wait until my daughter graduated from high school to get a good night's sleep, and I had to wait until the same daughter turned 21 to travel.
That’s normal. I didn’t feel myself until the babies could walk and tell me a little of what they needed.
New sub I was in this place years ago but thankfully things got better glad they are getting better for you too ❤
Love the new segment and the name mom chat.
Amber, I did the same thing, I was totally unaware that I running on empty for many years until it was too late. It was only upon reflection years later, I recognised that I had neglected myself. Your situation is different as you have a partner but I was a lone parent but like yourself I put my children needs first. I looked after my children as well as helping my sisters with my three nephews with after school care. My mum did provide physical support but emotional support was missing. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was extremely overwhelmed & stressed. It was all systems go from morning until night. When school breaks came around I would get ill. My body was in constant fight or flight mode. This continued until my children finished primary school. It eased somewhat when my children started secondary school but as a single/lone parent the pressure was still there. As a result, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2013, whilst my children were still at secondary school. I wouldn’t wish MS on anyone. I’m pleased that you’ve addressed this issue although, your situation is slightly different as you have a partner. Thank God that you woke up & dealt with the issues before it impacted your health detrimentally.
It was pretty obvious that you were suffering with nearly no partner assistance.
Giving an ultimatum is not being toxic. Not securing one’s mental and physical health is toxic. Women are conditioned to put themselves last.
What are the tell tale signs of this behaviour while dating?
@@wavesonswim8738 Hi! I'd say it's something you can only learn through communication. Also, bringing that dude around family/friend's/associates who are parents. Watch how he moves when kids are there. I knew my husband was a 'kid person' early on. He helped raise his niece and nephew when they were small. He watched them while his older sister and her now ex-husband were working. He's hands on.
Asking questions like: if both parents work, who is on kid duty? What if one of us works from home, does that change your answer? What was your childhood like? Find out if there was a nuclear or single parent family. His parents were more hands off, actually! He wanted to be the parents he needed. He's not perfect, but he tries and cares. Learn if that guy is willing to assist without you begging or falling apart (in general). Being with someone who would let me drown is cause to walk away 😭!!! Being stuck with kids while having the flu all alone every month is wild to me.
It would be difficult to predict that behavior because in the early stages of dating both parties will say anything due to infatuation
My heart & prayers go out to you. Glad all is better now.
That's right Amber, "You... are the most important person in the world, because, YOU are a MOTHER". That needs to be acknowledged & respected. Pure Facts.
If you haven't already... Please get a ton of Raw Bîtter Veg in you. (Smoothie / veg juice / salad). Then add hydrating fruits to vegetable juice and or smoothies. 🍇🥝🍉🍈🍓🫐🍍🍒🍋 Key lime & lemon juice squeezed into every smoothie and veg juice. Blood building BEETS, alone and with matching colored veg,.. then other veg that blend well with it, taste wise. The DARKEST GREEN LEAFY VEG (mustard greens (raw only please), turnip greens (raw only please), long kale, collard greens, Swiss Chard), rhubarb is too fibrous for smoothies, so blending it first, for a longer period of time, is helpful. I love to blend the entire beet plant, root, stems and leaves. 🥬🧅 purple onion, 🍠 sweet potatoes for his hormone balancing minerals, (baked, boiled, or raw in a smoothie).
I'm sure you are on top of this already, however, in case not, I made this quick list for you. You got this. We both do. Like you said, we can't pour into other's cups, if ours is empty. You made many excellent points - good of you to share this - countless others are secretly enduring the same issue. I pray this reaches them all, so they will take heed. 🙏🏼🌷
Love you Amber! I’ve been watching you for many years now and I feel like you’re a friend in my head 😅. Always remember the loved ones around you who have your back always. African guys can be a problem ngl 😅 us African women have had experiences 😂
I still find it hard to ask for help.
When are you gonna stop saying “partner” as oppose to husband? Are you for or against marriage?
Sometimes we do not show up for ourselves. Thanks for sharing.
❤❤❤❤ we understand, oh yes we understand
Men nowadays are threatened by women empowerment hence the many podcast they do telling women that their role is in the kit hen being mothers and a good wife. AND ITS FUNNY ACOZ I usually see most of the women in the podcast are so young.But one thing I would like to tell women is they are powerful....making a human for 9 months.Periods 5 days and still alive.We make babies can be 3or 4.body changes hormones hair shedding mood change...taking care of a life.I have met men who understand all these but some are soooooo mean so bad they will say but its your role....I dont blame women now having power to divorce some women have taken advantage of empowerment in a negative way but I fight for the genuine empowerment.One thing my friend's mom told me and her was she regrets giving her whole life for a man only for him to want to leave.So if you can leave a toxic relationship leave whether man or woman.if you don't want kids coz men nowadays are tricky its all up to you but I will never ever judge.
Good for you Amber for demanding what you need. Women try to be Superwoman as a default.
I love this and yes girl we been waiting for you to spill the tea on the private life 😆
This video helped me alot
When you say mommy talk, let’s chat. I grab my Kleenex. But I’m so proud of you that you didn’t tear up. You look very happy. I was very worried about you for your first pregnancy. I prayed for you. You were not the same. So Happy you look happy❤❤😘
ohh meid. Ik vind het erg voor je.. Ik dacht dat je getrouwd was. Ik mis veel informatie ;)
Hey boo!!! ❤❤❤❤❤😊😊😊😊
We love and support you❤ we are praying for you and your success. I have 4 kids 3 under 18 years old, a spouse and a small business. Everyday is not perfect but you will survive take Gods Grace and Love one day at a time ❤
girl you are so strong and I know you have to be raising some strong little girls as well!
Heyyyyyy❤
Why would you have another baby for someone that wasn’t helping out the first go round! You keep having babies for a boyfriend and not a husband. He showed you who he was the first time and you didn’t believe it. That’s where women go wrong continuing to stay in situations that never served them from the start! To be honest sounds like your “boyfriend” is sabotaging your success deliberately. Men trap when too with babies.