Thats a sad fact. I no longer trust people or believe in man’s good nature. The worst ones are the best liars and most charismatic. By the time you find out who they are it’s too late.
It all depends on the type of battle you choose to fight back with. One you can gravel and loose self respect and be humiliated. 2 you can stand up for yourself fight back using existing laws and regulations. Then be prepared for the retaliation and creative lies. I like the offensive move my self.
@youngblood8540, It's so painful to me to watch my brother "putting up and shutting up" with his wife. She doesn't deserve the good and gentle man I know him to be. I know he suffers inside, but he also has his pride. When I try to offer him support if in a weak moment, he reveals her behavior as a problem, he doesn't really accept my support. He wants me to think well of her, which is never going to happen. It's terribly uncomfortable, because he and I enjoy each other's company, but I refuse to be in her company. She also forbids him to spend much time with me. She monitors his every move, and he allows her to have far too much control and power over him.
Keeping the peace with a narcissist may save you from arguments or problems initially. But with time, they will begin to see you as a pushover. As someone they can walk all over. You have to be firm with narcissists. You can’t keep the peace with them. They don’t want peace.
No they don't want peace. They thrive off of confrontation and arguing etc. Sometimes during these times of chaos, I would look at them ranting and they would start something and complain I was playing a game. Because I chose not to join in on the argument. I began to look at them as if they in essence weren't even arguing w me at all. It was as if they were arguing with the persons from the past who caused their pain. They were beyond my ability to help nor did I want to.
Children have it the worst. Their very survival depends on keeping the peace with a Narc Parent. We are trained to gaslight ourselves from a very early age, and it changes the person you could have been. 💔
Boy oh boy, is that ever true and I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I’ve been asking myself what it is that causes me to feel so bad, and so scared having walked away from someone who was abusing me? I can’t put it into words, because I’m still processing this, but it’s definitely the gaslighting. It’s also the fact that so many of us as children had to put up with whatever we had no matter how bad it was to get whatever needs met we could. Why would you stay with somebody who’s treating you poorly? Why would it be hard to leave them. That just defies logic. But not if you’re survivor with CPTSD. It’s really agony to think about what was done to you and how it has affected you affected your life, affected your health. All you can do is make the best out of every moment that you still have while not being abused.
And what’s worse is when the other parent is the enabler. And the kids have to be kind. Understand them. And be strong. And they had it rough. And all but don’t fight or argue.
It's walking on egg-shells, constantly predicting in your head how something will go with the narc, it's feelings of Dread when you are near them or the home.
Exactly how I feel. I get that sense of dread every time I come home and/or walk down the hall to my room and hear the squatters' wicked, angry plotting as I pass my guestroom.
I lost almost 5 decades of my life due to this battle or game with my narc mother and that entire sick family unit. I took my power back on 11/14/2024. I packed my bags, took my daughter and dog and walked away in silence with my head held high! I may have lost every single battle but I won the freaking war! 💯❤️✌️🙏💪🌹
You’re beautiful! Thanks for being a hero for your own life and your children and for those of us in the comment section. Good for you good for you good for you.
My beloved, lovely, highly empathetic mother tried to do it for many years but unfortunately it costed her health and life😓😓 She fought many illnesses like asthma, hyper tension and rheumatoid arthritis. Her immune system collapsed and finally her sensitive heart and body couldn't stand up anymore😓😓😓
In the middle of this hell right now. It is like hell in the mind because of the conflict of empathy, self-deprecating, and depression. It is like being caught in a web.
@@TheTreeOctopusOk, calm your pants, Mr. Octopus. It is not that easy and it is understandable. Living with a narcissistic family is already hell. People here need support, not yelling or something like that.
I understand your pain. I am in the same spot. Depression alone can be really tough and when you add a narcissistic abuse in calculation, it is very hard. But know this, you are not alone and you can do this. Give yourself time and kindness, it will eventually work out. Nothing lasts forever. Hope I help you a lil bit. Sending you love❤
I'm currently the truth sayer in a friend group with a narc. After 40 odd years of covert narcissistic abuse, ain't no way I'm spending my leisure time with another one of these asshats.
@Ratgirl2 At this point I am going back to me, no backsliding now. I've gained enough ground in therapy in just having validation to return to where I was when we started. When we started I was getting my bachelor's, divorced, had a daughter, had a goal. I was very beaten down in spirit but I was becoming a survivor. Seeing myself in a situation again from someone who made me feel whole and then to be beaten down again in spirit. No, I have determination to stand up, call out the lies, and not play the game. I get not everyone can do it, but I have to. Nobody has my back but me!
Not worth it. Too much damage done. I blocked cell/ email. No more abusive / hateful responses/attacks lies or misrepresented comments. Still hurts but your videos give me insight to them ( i never knew such calculating behavior existed. Boy, where have i been) and to me. Thank you.
I liked when you contrasted how healthy people respond to your stated needs, because I forget what that sounds like. I've been in so many toxic relationships that denied my needs that I don't even have room inside for my own needs to exist. I don't even have language for expressing a need w/o also hearing the inner critic telling me, "That's selfish." Even my church has told me I'm being too self-absorbed and just "need" to die to myself when I ask for prayer and help getting the Christian squatters to stop abusing me and leave my house.
I realize so much more over the past years than when I was in it, since I didn’t even know about any of this way back then. Thankfully, I am out of those relationships except for the connection I have with my ex hubby since he and I have 3 kids together. It’s my duty as a Mom to teach my kids in a healthy way to understand the behavior they see in their father is not healthy and please don’t pick it up. I have to do this in a way to not bash him , just don’t pick up those traits. They have witnessed it and it makes them confused on why he does that. I deeply appreciate Dr. Ramani and all the podcasts which she shares all different angles of folks with narcissistic behaviors. Learned so much. Going forward, I would love to have no connection with my ex hubby. However, that’s impossible due to the kids. Minimal contact is key. In the end, it wasn’t Me. ❤❤❤ I am loving my new chapters!! ❤❤❤
Tread carefully when talking to kids about their Narc parent. I tried to step in and teach my 8 year old granddaughter how to make sense of her mother's raging at her in public for suggesting her mother needed to go to the gym. It backfired because she shared what I had said with her mom, and then I got raged at and thrown out of their house for lying about her to her daughter.
I appreciated this video so much. Saying "What can you do for your part?" to someone in this type of situation is like saying "Why don't you try twisting a little?" to a bag of pretzels. That was a real moment of clarity.
Love you, Dr. Ramani✋❤️🧚🙋🏼♀️☕️☀️Thank you forever for your work on this incidious subject. Unfortunately, narcissistic people will always be w/us. The thing is, how we, empaths, and Pollyanna people how to be aware, and navigate around these people. We must trust ourselves, and our own God-given protection mechanisms, and we must not ignore them. Self love❣️ 🧚🤝
A 'relationship' with a narcissist is not real, but a figment of their imagination. They lack internal peace and always will. You can't find true peace or common ground b/c they don't know what it means, therefore can't reciprocate it. Thank you, Dr. Ramani
Been there, done that! Detached two and a half years ago. Completely detached and totally indifferent to my husband! No contact, no service, no talking - nothing! If something needs maintenance at home- I write a note. He does what is needed! NEVER been like that before - I did everything and paid for almost everything. No more! Those people understand only: strength and indifference. It was the painful journey of intensive therapy
I noticed and often commented that the machiavellian Narcissist I was struggling to deal with had an uncanny way of manipulating or triangulatjng situations where I Constantly felt like I was in a NO Win situation. It used to baffle me and I struggled with it Constantly to try and figure it out, get to the bottom of it so I could Stop it !
Can you stop for a bathroom when we get across the state line? Three hours later, we arrived at our destination. Recently. Him: You know I've got your back, right? Me: *crickets *
The external world at large. The external world in my immediate day to day experience and my internal world. All these spaces are filled with narcissistic tendencies. I’m sure I’m unable to assess myself because of the milieu’s influence on my mental state. Yes. I’m gaslighting myself. And internally thinking that way along with voicing doubts to narcissistic folks is deadly. Don’t let them tell you what your plan should be Figure it out for yourself and tell them what you are doing. Don’t let yourself be dictated by others.
I just tried picking my battles but it escalated anyways. This problem will not go away unless I fight back and the perp gets tired of getting into trouble. We will see….
Dr. Romani, After years of dealing with a dangerous narc, I am really distracted by that dark window behind you. What’s lurking outside that can harm you! I can’t stand near a window myself without that thought. I improving but the fear is always there.
Oh my gosh! It will take time to fix the self-gaslighting, but I definitely don’t miss the constant “choosing my battles” (aka walking on eggshells) trying to keep the peace, the groaning when I ask for them to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher or picking up after themselves. I have to relearn how to know what I actually feel/want and how to express myself. The sacrifices and accommodations I made for 13 years due to their dietary issues. I thought that’s what partners did for each other. He refused to even respectfully gather his work clothes the night before so he could avoid disturbing the pets and me in the morning. He even tried to get me to dress differently (like his ex gf). I’m glad I stood my ground on that one because I can’t dress in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable physically and personally.
All of the above truth causes rage within them. I'm tired of it all. I see the same traits within his family. I'm better off talking to a brick wall. 😕😕😵💫😵💫
I had this with my former partner, I managed to get out of it somehow Part of this was having a go at a martial art and the death of my mother. I was then able to move out. Then there was the games over sorting out property. It still doesn't entirely leave you in some ways. I could even consider going back to another relationship now. I now enjoy my peace kn my own.
Have this situation with adult children . Their narc parent controls their college funds . They voice their “battles” & worry about the punishment in regards to managing their school finances . It’s so difficult to hear. But I validate as best I can & offer a safe place, for now.
Omg my narc is rigid!! He thinks there’s only one way of doing things and if I do something different than what he thinks he gets very agitated it’s actually funny to me anymore. It is sad though that I can’t let my needs known because he doesn’t understand anything I say. When I was working and had difficult situations arise at work ( I’m a nurse) and there were many going on , didn’t involve anything I was doing but situations that were just plain crazy like assistance falling asked or actually fighting with each other people not showing up to work etc and I tried talking to him about it he got really defensive and put me down saying things like so what are going to do? Quit? Or he’d get mad at me, personally I think he was afraid he’d lose out in my income because I did make great money. It was really sad because I couldn’t even talk to him about anything
Dr Ramini you should definitely listen to the dischorography of the band called sleep token. It seems as the story of each song and the progression of each album signifies a different point of a narcissistic victims journey through the relationship and the breakup. It definitely is helping me out through everything and the band is so sick!
When I voice a thought he always had another opinion or the last time said ,, What are you even talking about?" and looked like I was stupid and in disgust. Which made me insecure
@@elainalisasuain3024 I'm so sorry you have to go thru this too. I've moved on almost a week ago and hope I will be strong when he hoovers (even though I don't think he's the type for that)
I still think one should stand up for oneself. Because if you give in all the time you will be more and more down. Stand up for yourself but don’t extend the discussion. Have your boundaries. Be aware when you are right and don’t give in, even if your partner does not agree. Ok let him disagree but do not gaslight yourself and have your own opinions.
My dad was a narcissist. I don't ever remember him saying he was proud of me or that he loved me during my pre-teen or teen years and beyond. I was useful for the family business, but was not as good a my big sister or brother (both were many years older than me). I was always afraid of my dad's temper, but more afraid in my teenage years when my parents would argue and fight which would sometimes lead to my dad leaving and staying away overnight or a couple of days. I remember begging him to come back and promising I would be better. Somehow I felt that my parent's differences were partly my fault because I was not "good enough". Made for a very rough pre-teen and teenage years. I still carry the traits of an "oversensitive doormat" to this day.
It's a Tough Call when to 'give ' in and When to Push Back but I have learned, the hard way, when dealing with toxic or controlling, or overbearing people, peace at any price can sometimes be Way too Expensive in the long run. Best just to Walk Away , let Them figure it out
So well put. I withdraw. No more sharing feelings, thoughts, opinions, preferences, hurts, joys, anything. My vernacular has one word... mhm. That's it. If I express anything personal she shoots it down with smug snobbish faces & eye-rolling, argues against my opinions n ideas, rewords / restates MY thoughts, devalues, invalidates, mocks, ignores, talks over, on n on. It seems her goal is to erase me and prove to me I have no worth at all, like I'm a waste of space. And yet being an empath, I naturally offer support, love, care, concern, interest.... but none comes back to me. She's gotten worse as she's aged too. I'm 66, she's 71. I keep my distance to stay safe. ❤
Narcissist: Why don't you dress up to go to the grocery store with me? Don't you care what you look like? Also Narcissist: Why are you dressed up to go to the grocery store with me? Are you looking for someone behind my back?
I think that, whoever my narcissistic family thought I was, they were taken by surprise. Because, when I started seeing things start to get really crazy and abusive, the message they received was, “I am not about to keep any measure of peace, other than my own. I am, to a point, the only person here, who might be able to keep things functioning, at the expense of my very life and, for how you’re treating me, in contrast to that, I am going to drop the boulder and life is about to become verrry hard for you .” I knew I could do tremendous damage, by doing nothing at all and still likely inherit what I should, which turned out to be correct.
Gone full circle… appeasing the narcissist husband for 15 years - trying to keep a lid on the unpredictability has taken its toll. He is just so hateful - all the time. He enjoys conflict. I’ve accommodated to the point of completely losing myself.
What a perfect timing. I just ran away from my narc husband at night with our 5 years old. 2 days before the big Theater they throw at Christmas. I know clearly I did the right choice, but the fear I have of his revenge makes me already regret and wish to run back to him and apologize. And keep living the hell that is killing me just faking we are fine because I got used to this hell and everything else feels wrong and makes me insecure. I am right now battling inside myself, I am completely exhausted and can't see anything, any solution or choice that would make me really satisfied, safe or happy. It's such a nightmare that I just wish every single day of my life that I was dead. But than I feel guilty because I have a 5 years old son! How can I leave him being raised by a narc father and a narc grand mother? I am completely hurt right now, in thousand pieces and completely confused and exhausted.
My Emo-immature parent is also a super-narc... and to see the other elderly parent, I have to see them... I hate it. I see past their demonic veil... and as they age, they are STILL relentless... the whole family is blown to bits and they run to church and also make snide comments... the other parent was robbed... and should have run when we all grew up. They replied to me almost 5 years ago that they said vows... domestic violence and all... 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 and I am the one who may have to battle the narc-parent for what is left of the other parent's years. (He is almost 80😔😔😔😔😔) and she is not letting up on destroying him.. access to him and his $$ is her control. Even my teen niece hates being around emo-immature narc-parent (her grandma) She called cps, and other things to one of my siblings & I. Her demon is intergenerational 😢
For some reason I was always that forgetful and my words didn't made any sense in the middle or at the end of a sentence like I was acting ,,weird" when I was with a narcissist. I don't know why but as if my body wanted to tell me something with that
I like to mess with my narcissist lol!!! I can read him like a book! And already have come back ready!! He will get loud sometimes and I just get louder and then he calls me a stupid bi tch 😂😂 I lived with another ass hole for 18 years so I know how to handle him seeing how mean my ex was. Even at my job as a nurse the other nurses were scared of the ass holes but I wasn’t afraid and usually ended up being the one to take care of them lol
Been a while used to have a similar mate / friend for many years as well recently got involved with a different one after 8 years of social media friendship feel like I can handle it i am not exactly perfect but not sure if I should stay away I do actually care for her
Yeah I keep waiting to see his temper tantrum and my Christmas tree getting destroyed! We are going to his sons for Christmas Eve and I’ve noticed that whenever we have a function to go to he gets really anxious and hateful so we’ll see!! I’m ready though because this might be the straw that breaks!!!
Get away from the stupid and toxic narcs and never talk to them..its useless..they will never change because change will be too hurtful for them with all their emptiness, evil, rage, lying and stupidity being exposed
Unfortunately, there are more narcissistic people than empathetic or authentic. I dont know what else to call normal people. There are so many people who love being cruel, powerful, full of themselves.
As someone that used to have a dairy allergy, I remember someone making me out to be “picky” because I would get really sick if I ate anywhere that had cross contamination (most restaurants). They felt very inconvenienced by my stomach problems. Also cool side note, I was able to cure my lactose intolerance by consuming raw dairy products.
In fighting narcissism being an empath and damning someone else is damning yourself (because you’re an empath!). That is why the teaching of fighting narcissism has all the criteria for becoming a narcissist as its form of protections and boundaries like love yourself over others, don’t worry or concern yourself about or for others, me and my way and happiness is all that matters, etc, like an eco or a mirror image but without the necessary defiant backward function on the also becoming one with - do love and care about others more than yourself etc. to check the traps of the narcissism as Jesus Christ taught! If all your kind and their kind separate completely they destroy themselves and the empaths prosper just like the teaching of Jesus on satan casting out satan which by common sense we don’t want to do because we are all good and bad and flawed and wonderful and rotten mixed together and have to go through life together. We just get blinded to our own that even though may be much less than others are still vulnerable by relativity (small ones just as easy for the picking at as large ones depending on urgency and state of mind). No other choice! What is putting others in that urgent state of mind and the fixing of that, is then all thats left on the battle of the empaths and the narcissists. Caffeine and other even more chemically enhanced drugs? Ted and his Minuteman brand coffee keeps showing us right under our noses if you interpret all that kind of psychology right! RUclips Bugs Bunny Entertains The Doctors. If not for the comity it would be down right frightening! Ramstien - Due Hast Mitch /Golden Earring - When the Bullet hits the Bone.
I'm a narcissist so I used to feel like I shouldn't have children. But I think babies are cute and maybe I'm good with children (since I'm a teacher). I would like to know if I can have a child.
Hey Dr ramani! Good to see you again. My question here (or situation) is that every time I watch vedios related to similar topics and stuff I start to unconsciously embody them. Leading me to feel terribly about myself. I might be a narcissist. I don't know i keep spotting things about me that narcissists do. I've been abused my by narcissistic father. Still do. But now I'm fawning or let's say doing and watching vedios related to those topics to survive and thrive this in privet. I'll be in danger if he does discover it. But now I feel terrible because I feel like I'm a wolf in a sheep's clothes. I can't even feel very empathetic anymore. I feel better than others and sometimes I judge them a lot and it feels good. And my perception on narcissists is that they're confident (at least a bit). I sometimes or always put how others perceive me before how I perceive myself because my identity is lost. I think I have a fragile ego. The rest of the family including my father keeps feeding those thoughts onto me. All they care is about what people think and blah blah. I don't think that I deserve to love myself because I'm a narcissist. I feel like a manipulator even this feels like manipulation for reassurance or whatever. Could you please help me?
Is it gaslighting when the covert narcissist told her x boyfriend that his being too nice to her was not so attractive to her and he believed it and now kept blaming himself for losing her. Being nice in an early stages of a romantic relationship is normal. I felt that she was going this to make him think he is the one to be blamed for the failed relationship.
If you find them to be just sort of a pain, then maybe you can manage it. So many of us don’t find them just to be sort of a pain, they are absolutely destroying our souls. If someone is destroying your soul, then they’re alone, and they have no other friends, who is really at fault? You wonder why they don’t have any friends? If you’re having a good time then rock on
Opening a portal at this time of year is rather unnecessary if you ask me. Really odd such a videotitle i just saw. Why would there be a need for it? Or did the Devil finally get clearance on collecting his harvest of long testing his patience about the delay of some property. Wow that would make a spectacular plot twist any movie producer / novelist would be proud of. The Devil must be so angry for the delay 🥳🤬💥😱😁
Who ever said "It doesn't cost anything to be kind", was never involved with a narcissist.
Thats a sad fact. I no longer trust people or believe in man’s good nature. The worst ones are the best liars and most charismatic. By the time you find out who they are it’s too late.
... either that or they never experienced true kindness !😄
You nailed it!
So true!
@@youngblood8540 so true!!! Thanks for this perspective. I’ve never thought of it that way before.
Sometimes it's unavoidable, when you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war within yourself.
It all depends on the type of battle you choose to fight back with. One you can gravel and loose self respect and be humiliated. 2 you can stand up for yourself fight back using existing laws and regulations. Then be prepared for the retaliation and creative lies. I like the offensive move my self.
Facts
💯❤️
@youngblood8540, It's so painful to me to watch my brother "putting up and shutting up" with his wife. She doesn't deserve the good and gentle man I know him to be. I know he suffers inside, but he also has his pride. When I try to offer him support if in a weak moment, he reveals her behavior as a problem, he doesn't really accept my support. He wants me to think well of her, which is never going to happen. It's terribly uncomfortable, because he and I enjoy each other's company, but I refuse to be in her company. She also forbids him to spend much time with me. She monitors his every move, and he allows her to have far too much control and power over him.
Keeping the peace with a narcissist may save you from arguments or problems initially. But with time, they will begin to see you as a pushover. As someone they can walk all over. You have to be firm with narcissists. You can’t keep the peace with them. They don’t want peace.
To be authentic to yourself is necessary to get your life back.
True
No they don't want peace. They thrive off of confrontation and arguing etc. Sometimes during these times of chaos, I would look at them ranting and they would start something and complain I was playing a game. Because I chose not to join in on the argument. I began to look at them as if they in essence weren't even arguing w me at all. It was as if they were arguing with the persons from the past who caused their pain. They were beyond my ability to help nor did I want to.
They LIVE for and through the chaotic atmosphere gaslighting brings
@@SwiddulleeOh my gosh! This is the first time I've heard anyone articulate that feeling that they're fighting with someone else entirely
Children have it the worst. Their very survival depends on keeping the peace with a Narc Parent. We are trained to gaslight ourselves from a very early age, and it changes the person you could have been. 💔
Boy oh boy, is that ever true and I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I’ve been asking myself what it is that causes me to feel so bad, and so scared having walked away from someone who was abusing me? I can’t put it into words, because I’m still processing this, but it’s definitely the gaslighting. It’s also the fact that so many of us as children had to put up with whatever we had no matter how bad it was to get whatever needs met we could. Why would you stay with somebody who’s treating you poorly? Why would it be hard to leave them. That just defies logic. But not if you’re survivor with CPTSD. It’s really agony to think about what was done to you and how it has affected you affected your life, affected your health. All you can do is make the best out of every moment that you still have while not being abused.
And what’s worse is when the other parent is the enabler. And the kids have to be kind. Understand them. And be strong. And they had it rough. And all but don’t fight or argue.
It's walking on egg-shells, constantly predicting in your head how something will go with the narc, it's feelings of Dread when you are near them or the home.
Sounds like PTSD....
Exactly how I feel. I get that sense of dread every time I come home and/or walk down the hall to my room and hear the squatters' wicked, angry plotting as I pass my guestroom.
So true.
I lost almost 5 decades of my life due to this battle or game with my narc mother and that entire sick family unit. I took my power back on 11/14/2024. I packed my bags, took my daughter and dog and walked away in silence with my head held high! I may have lost every single battle but I won the freaking war! 💯❤️✌️🙏💪🌹
You’re beautiful! Thanks for being a hero for your own life and your children and for those of us in the comment section. Good for you good for you good for you.
Actual superhero moves, are what you just demonstrated for daughter. ❤
My beloved, lovely, highly empathetic mother tried to do it for many years but unfortunately it costed her health and life😓😓 She fought many illnesses like asthma, hyper tension and rheumatoid arthritis. Her immune system collapsed and finally her sensitive heart and body couldn't stand up anymore😓😓😓
In the middle of this hell right now. It is like hell in the mind because of the conflict of empathy, self-deprecating, and depression. It is like being caught in a web.
Only if you let it!!!! The only person responsible for your situation is you!!!
@@TheTreeOctopusOk, calm your pants, Mr. Octopus. It is not that easy and it is understandable. Living with a narcissistic family is already hell. People here need support, not yelling or something like that.
Me too 😢
@@TheTreeOctopusand here is a narcissist gaslighting a victim 😡
I understand your pain. I am in the same spot. Depression alone can be really tough and when you add a narcissistic abuse in calculation, it is very hard. But know this, you are not alone and you can do this. Give yourself time and kindness, it will eventually work out. Nothing lasts forever. Hope I help you a lil bit. Sending you love❤
Chaotic people love chaos. Choose not to feed into it. You are worth more than their insecurities and battles within. ❤ Hope everyone's healing.
I'm currently the truth sayer in a friend group with a narc. After 40 odd years of covert narcissistic abuse, ain't no way I'm spending my leisure time with another one of these asshats.
Big same
On a hoa with one. It's yuck.
Whatever you do it's a waste of time and effort. Keep them out of your mind to keep the peace.
Yes, but therein lies a problem. Not thinking about them is not dealing if you fall into another trap. It has to be dealt with to move forward.
@@well_weathered
Good luck with that I'm in a vicious circle.
@Ratgirl2 At this point I am going back to me, no backsliding now. I've gained enough ground in therapy in just having validation to return to where I was when we started.
When we started I was getting my bachelor's, divorced, had a daughter, had a goal. I was very beaten down in spirit but I was becoming a survivor. Seeing myself in a situation again from someone who made me feel whole and then to be beaten down again in spirit. No, I have determination to stand up, call out the lies, and not play the game.
I get not everyone can do it, but I have to. Nobody has my back but me!
Not worth it.
Too much damage done.
I blocked cell/ email. No more abusive / hateful responses/attacks lies or misrepresented comments. Still hurts but your videos give me insight to them ( i never knew such calculating behavior existed. Boy, where have i been) and to me. Thank you.
Thanks again Dr. Ramani for your help. It reminded me again, that I already did so much and couldn't probably do more without collapse.
Thank god for you!!! Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! Sanity!!!❤👍
I liked when you contrasted how healthy people respond to your stated needs, because I forget what that sounds like. I've been in so many toxic relationships that denied my needs that I don't even have room inside for my own needs to exist. I don't even have language for expressing a need w/o also hearing the inner critic telling me, "That's selfish." Even my church has told me I'm being too self-absorbed and just "need" to die to myself when I ask for prayer and help getting the Christian squatters to stop abusing me and leave my house.
Thank you for posting. 6 weeks since I left.
I realize so much more over the past years than when I was in it, since I didn’t even know about any of this way back then. Thankfully, I am out of those relationships except for the connection I have with my ex hubby since he and I have 3 kids together.
It’s my duty as a Mom to teach my kids in a healthy way to understand the behavior they see in their father is not healthy and please don’t pick it up. I have to do this in a way to not bash him , just don’t pick up those traits. They have witnessed it and it makes them confused on why he does that.
I deeply appreciate Dr. Ramani and all the podcasts which she shares all different angles of folks with narcissistic behaviors. Learned so much.
Going forward, I would love to have no connection with my ex hubby. However, that’s impossible due to the kids. Minimal contact is key.
In the end, it wasn’t Me. ❤❤❤
I am loving my new chapters!! ❤❤❤
Tread carefully when talking to kids about their Narc parent. I tried to step in and teach my 8 year old granddaughter how to make sense of her mother's raging at her in public for suggesting her mother needed to go to the gym. It backfired because she shared what I had said with her mom, and then I got raged at and thrown out of their house for lying about her to her daughter.
I appreciated this video so much. Saying "What can you do for your part?" to someone in this type of situation is like saying "Why don't you try twisting a little?" to a bag of pretzels. That was a real moment of clarity.
Love you, Dr. Ramani✋❤️🧚🙋🏼♀️☕️☀️Thank you forever for your work on this incidious subject. Unfortunately, narcissistic people will always be w/us. The thing is, how we, empaths, and Pollyanna people how to be aware, and navigate around these people. We must trust ourselves, and our own God-given protection mechanisms, and we must not ignore them. Self love❣️ 🧚🤝
The cost of peace with a narc is your self respect.
Yes. I've had to give up trying to protect myself from their vengeful threats, because they'll follow thru on them if I do.
A 'relationship' with a narcissist is not real, but a figment of their imagination. They lack internal peace and always will. You can't find true peace or common ground b/c they don't know what it means, therefore can't reciprocate it. Thank you, Dr. Ramani
Been there, done that! Detached two and a half years ago. Completely detached and totally indifferent to my husband! No contact, no service, no talking - nothing!
If something needs maintenance at home- I write a note. He does what is needed! NEVER been like that before - I did everything and paid for almost everything. No more!
Those people understand only: strength and indifference.
It was the painful journey of intensive therapy
Strength and indifference...you are on to something.
Changing our lives from what we have learned..
Thank you Dr Ramani...
I noticed and often commented that the machiavellian Narcissist I was struggling to deal with had an uncanny way of manipulating or triangulatjng situations where I Constantly felt like I was in a NO Win situation. It used to baffle me and I struggled with it Constantly to try and figure it out, get to the bottom of it so I could Stop it !
Did you ever finally get to the bottom of it and stop it?
Can you stop for a bathroom when we get across the state line?
Three hours later, we arrived at our destination.
Recently.
Him: You know I've got your back, right?
Me: *crickets *
The external world at large. The external world in my immediate day to day experience and my internal world. All these spaces are filled with narcissistic tendencies. I’m sure I’m unable to assess myself because of the milieu’s influence on my mental state. Yes. I’m gaslighting myself. And internally thinking that way along with voicing doubts to narcissistic folks is deadly. Don’t let them tell you what your plan should be Figure it out for yourself and tell them what you are doing. Don’t let yourself be dictated by others.
Oh lord, this couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you!
Wow! This was posted right on time, as I just made peace with my mum
You're absolutely right
I just tried picking my battles but it escalated anyways. This problem will not go away unless I fight back and the perp gets tired of getting into trouble. We will see….
Dr. Romani, After years of dealing with a dangerous narc, I am really distracted by that dark window behind you. What’s lurking outside that can harm you! I can’t stand near a window myself without that thought. I improving but the fear is always there.
Oh my gosh! It will take time to fix the self-gaslighting, but I definitely don’t miss the constant “choosing my battles” (aka walking on eggshells) trying to keep the peace, the groaning when I ask for them to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher or picking up after themselves. I have to relearn how to know what I actually feel/want and how to express myself. The sacrifices and accommodations I made for 13 years due to their dietary issues. I thought that’s what partners did for each other. He refused to even respectfully gather his work clothes the night before so he could avoid disturbing the pets and me in the morning. He even tried to get me to dress differently (like his ex gf). I’m glad I stood my ground on that one because I can’t dress in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable physically and personally.
Bravo
All of the above truth causes rage within them. I'm tired of it all. I see the same traits within his family. I'm better off talking to a brick wall. 😕😕😵💫😵💫
I had this with my former partner, I managed to get out of it somehow Part of this was having a go at a martial art and the death of my mother. I was then able to move out. Then there was the games over sorting out property. It still doesn't entirely leave you in some ways. I could even consider going back to another relationship now. I now enjoy my peace kn my own.
5:12
Thank You so much Dr Ramani ♥️
Have this situation with adult children . Their narc parent controls their college funds . They voice their “battles” & worry about the punishment in regards to managing their school finances . It’s so difficult to hear. But I validate as best I can & offer a safe place, for now.
these people are relentless and ridiculous. It’s all predictable and sad. It’s insanity lol
Omg my narc is rigid!! He thinks there’s only one way of doing things and if I do something different than what he thinks he gets very agitated it’s actually funny to me anymore. It is sad though that I can’t let my needs known because he doesn’t understand anything I say. When I was working and had difficult situations arise at work ( I’m a nurse) and there were many going on , didn’t involve anything I was doing but situations that were just plain crazy like assistance falling asked or actually fighting with each other people not showing up to work etc and I tried talking to him about it he got really defensive and put me down saying things like so what are going to do? Quit? Or he’d get mad at me, personally I think he was afraid he’d lose out in my income because I did make great money. It was really sad because I couldn’t even talk to him about anything
Dr Ramini you should definitely listen to the dischorography of the band called sleep token. It seems as the story of each song and the progression of each album signifies a different point of a narcissistic victims journey through the relationship and the breakup. It definitely is helping me out through everything and the band is so sick!
When I voice a thought he always had another opinion or the last time said ,, What are you even talking about?" and looked like I was stupid and in disgust. Which made me insecure
Do they all go to the same school? I deal with that exact reaction
@@elainalisasuain3024 I'm so sorry you have to go thru this too. I've moved on almost a week ago and hope I will be strong when he hoovers (even though I don't think he's the type for that)
@sth1399 i can seperate from her and feel at peace but my concern is for hee 2,7,11 year old children.
They aw sufferring
I still think one should stand up for oneself. Because if you give in all the time you will be more and more down. Stand up for yourself but don’t extend the discussion. Have your boundaries. Be aware when you are right and don’t give in, even if your partner does not agree. Ok let him disagree but do not gaslight yourself and have your own opinions.
My dad was a narcissist. I don't ever remember him saying he was proud of me or that he loved me during my pre-teen or teen years and beyond. I was useful for the family business, but was not as good a my big sister or brother (both were many years older than me). I was always afraid of my dad's temper, but more afraid in my teenage years when my parents would argue and fight which would sometimes lead to my dad leaving and staying away overnight or a couple of days. I remember begging him to come back and promising I would be better. Somehow I felt that my parent's differences were partly my fault because I was not "good enough". Made for a very rough pre-teen and teenage years. I still carry the traits of an "oversensitive doormat" to this day.
It's a Tough Call when to 'give ' in and When to Push Back but I have learned, the hard way, when dealing with toxic or controlling, or overbearing people, peace at any price can sometimes be Way too Expensive in the long run. Best just to Walk Away , let Them figure it out
You are 💯 correct: the price paid is too dear...Life & well-Being.
So well put. I withdraw. No more sharing feelings, thoughts, opinions, preferences, hurts, joys, anything. My vernacular has one word... mhm. That's it. If I express anything personal she shoots it down with smug snobbish faces & eye-rolling, argues against my opinions n ideas, rewords / restates MY thoughts, devalues, invalidates, mocks, ignores, talks over, on n on. It seems her goal is to erase me and prove to me I have no worth at all, like I'm a waste of space. And yet being an empath, I naturally offer support, love, care, concern, interest.... but none comes back to me. She's gotten worse as she's aged too. I'm 66, she's 71. I keep my distance to stay safe. ❤
Every1 that comments on these Types of vids is prolly an Empathy self doubting at somepoint if not what feels like the entire life
This right here describes my daughter and I.
Thank you so much dear ❤
The ( Are you Nostalgic ) class was very timely...
Wow, recent stuff that's happened..
To be free...... FREEDOM,,, YA baby...ya.
Very helpful, thank you
Love this content, so well put ❤
Another Home Run
Narcissist: Why don't you dress up to go to the grocery store with me? Don't you care what you look like?
Also Narcissist: Why are you dressed up to go to the grocery store with me? Are you looking for someone behind my back?
How exhausting.
@@beverlyadams7205 exactly
Whenever I expressed my needs and wants, he'd look at me as if to say "What the hell are you on about? Don't be daft." 🍒
I think that, whoever my narcissistic family thought I was, they were taken by surprise. Because, when I started seeing things start to get really crazy and abusive, the message they received was, “I am not about to keep any measure of peace, other than my own. I am, to a point, the only person here, who might be able to keep things functioning, at the expense of my very life and, for how you’re treating me, in contrast to that, I am going to drop the boulder and life is about to become verrry hard for you .” I knew I could do tremendous damage, by doing nothing at all and still likely inherit what I should, which turned out to be correct.
Disgusted is a good word. 😂😂😂
Ty Dr. Ramani
Gone full circle… appeasing the narcissist husband for 15 years - trying to keep a lid on the unpredictability has taken its toll. He is just so hateful - all the time. He enjoys conflict. I’ve accommodated to the point of completely losing myself.
Someone is messaging me on signal using Dr.Ramani's name and picture. Of course they are trying to separate me from my money. Just an FYI.
What a perfect timing. I just ran away from my narc husband at night with our 5 years old. 2 days before the big Theater they throw at Christmas. I know clearly I did the right choice, but the fear I have of his revenge makes me already regret and wish to run back to him and apologize. And keep living the hell that is killing me just faking we are fine because I got used to this hell and everything else feels wrong and makes me insecure. I am right now battling inside myself, I am completely exhausted and can't see anything, any solution or choice that would make me really satisfied, safe or happy.
It's such a nightmare that I just wish every single day of my life that I was dead. But than I feel guilty because I have a 5 years old son! How can I leave him being raised by a narc father and a narc grand mother?
I am completely hurt right now, in thousand pieces and completely confused and exhausted.
The cost of keeping peace doesnt compare to the cost of keeping PACE with a narcissist in legal battles.
😞Now time for silence and healing from Human Development Project. Breaking 5 year old not lifetime habits. Praise God!
My Emo-immature parent is also a super-narc... and to see the other elderly parent, I have to see them... I hate it. I see past their demonic veil... and as they age, they are STILL relentless... the whole family is blown to bits and they run to church and also make snide comments... the other parent was robbed... and should have run when we all grew up. They replied to me almost 5 years ago that they said vows... domestic violence and all... 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 and I am the one who may have to battle the narc-parent for what is left of the other parent's years. (He is almost 80😔😔😔😔😔) and she is not letting up on destroying him.. access to him and his $$ is her control. Even my teen niece hates being around emo-immature narc-parent (her grandma)
She called cps, and other things to one of my siblings & I. Her demon is intergenerational 😢
“Emo” No need to stereotype or label.
Glad i do not havd to do this anymore. However, it doesn't leave you entirely.
Thank you!!!
Thanks!
For some reason I was always that forgetful and my words didn't made any sense in the middle or at the end of a sentence like I was acting ,,weird" when I was with a narcissist. I don't know why but as if my body wanted to tell me something with that
Very interesting metaphor! Narcissism as scam!!
I like to mess with my narcissist lol!!! I can read him like a book! And already have come back ready!! He will get loud sometimes and I just get louder and then he calls me a stupid bi tch 😂😂 I lived with another ass hole for 18 years so I know how to handle him seeing how mean my ex was. Even at my job as a nurse the other nurses were scared of the ass holes but I wasn’t afraid and usually ended up being the one to take care of them lol
Been a while used to have a similar mate / friend for many years as well recently got involved with a different one after 8 years of social media friendship feel like I can handle it i am not exactly perfect but not sure if I should stay away I do actually care for her
Making there life perfect and the best
Warm thoughts to all those dealing with one or more narcissist right now especially, since holidays are typically worse. You can get through this. ❤
Yeah I keep waiting to see his temper tantrum and my Christmas tree getting destroyed! We are going to his sons for Christmas Eve and I’ve noticed that whenever we have a function to go to he gets really anxious and hateful so we’ll see!! I’m ready though because this might be the straw that breaks!!!
Thank you 💜
@@HilyBean my plan this holiday is to stay away. I’ve got my own issues than to deal with a narc
Get away from the stupid and toxic narcs and never talk to them..its useless..they will never change because change will be too hurtful for them with all their emptiness, evil, rage, lying and stupidity being exposed
Unfortunately, there are more narcissistic people than empathetic or authentic. I dont know what else to call normal people. There are so many people who love being cruel, powerful, full of themselves.
18:13 - 30:07 a whole word.
As someone that used to have a dairy allergy, I remember someone making me out to be “picky” because I would get really sick if I ate anywhere that had cross contamination (most restaurants). They felt very inconvenienced by my stomach problems. Also cool side note, I was able to cure my lactose intolerance by consuming raw dairy products.
Go figure.
I do Uber Eats to work around all their issues lol
In fighting narcissism being an empath and damning someone else is damning yourself (because you’re an empath!). That is why the teaching of fighting narcissism has all the criteria for becoming a narcissist as its form of protections and boundaries like love yourself over others, don’t worry or concern yourself about or for others, me and my way and happiness is all that matters, etc, like an eco or a mirror image but without the necessary defiant backward function on the also becoming one with - do love and care about others more than yourself etc. to check the traps of the narcissism as Jesus Christ taught! If all your kind and their kind separate completely they destroy themselves and the empaths prosper just like the teaching of Jesus on satan casting out satan which by common sense we don’t want to do because we are all good and bad and flawed and wonderful and rotten mixed together and have to go through life together. We just get blinded to our own that even though may be much less than others are still vulnerable by relativity (small ones just as easy for the picking at as large ones depending on urgency and state of mind). No other choice! What is putting others in that urgent state of mind and the fixing of that, is then all thats left on the battle of the empaths and the narcissists. Caffeine and other even more chemically enhanced drugs? Ted and his Minuteman brand coffee keeps showing us right under our noses if you interpret all that kind of psychology right! RUclips Bugs Bunny Entertains The Doctors. If not for the comity it would be down right frightening! Ramstien - Due Hast Mitch /Golden Earring - When the Bullet hits the Bone.
I'm a narcissist so I used to feel like I shouldn't have children. But I think babies are cute and maybe I'm good with children (since I'm a teacher). I would like to know if I can have a child.
Hey Dr ramani! Good to see you again. My question here (or situation) is that every time I watch vedios related to similar topics and stuff I start to unconsciously embody them. Leading me to feel terribly about myself. I might be a narcissist. I don't know i keep spotting things about me that narcissists do. I've been abused my by narcissistic father. Still do. But now I'm fawning or let's say doing and watching vedios related to those topics to survive and thrive this in privet. I'll be in danger if he does discover it. But now I feel terrible because I feel like I'm a wolf in a sheep's clothes. I can't even feel very empathetic anymore. I feel better than others and sometimes I judge them a lot and it feels good. And my perception on narcissists is that they're confident (at least a bit). I sometimes or always put how others perceive me before how I perceive myself because my identity is lost. I think I have a fragile ego. The rest of the family including my father keeps feeding those thoughts onto me. All they care is about what people think and blah blah. I don't think that I deserve to love myself because I'm a narcissist. I feel like a manipulator even this feels like manipulation for reassurance or whatever. Could you please help me?
Check out "Impostor Syndrome." It might shed light on what you're feeling.
Is it gaslighting when the covert narcissist told her x boyfriend that his being too nice to her was not so attractive to her and he believed it and now kept blaming himself for losing her. Being nice in an early stages of a romantic relationship is normal. I felt that she was going this to make him think he is the one to be blamed for the failed relationship.
Have you seen Bad Sisters… great show!!!
I’m scared to watch it. I have 3 sisters and all are psychopaths
Do you think one of them is narcissistic? I didn't get that when I watched the show.
What if you are the narcissists only friend? It’s very hard to dump someone who needs you and isn’t mean, they are just kind of a pain.
If you find them to be just sort of a pain, then maybe you can manage it. So many of us don’t find them just to be sort of a pain, they are absolutely destroying our souls. If someone is destroying your soul, then they’re alone, and they have no other friends, who is really at fault? You wonder why they don’t have any friends? If you’re having a good time then rock on
Καλησπλερα σας κυρία. Σας παρακαλώ θα μπορούσατε να βάλετε ελληνικούς υπότιτλους στα βιντεό σας; ευχαριστώ πολύ❤
Christine Albright
"BRILLIANT VIDIO "💖!...
"SPOT ON"💖!...
"THANK YOU "💖
"+"!..."💖"!...
So can the Narcissist be replaced with anyone with cluster B personality disorder?
Sure, if you like. They all share similar traits, so they're probably interchangeable.
✌️
❤🙏
49th, 22 December 2024
Opening a portal at this time of year is rather unnecessary if you ask me. Really odd such a videotitle i just saw. Why would there be a need for it? Or did the Devil finally get clearance on collecting his harvest of long testing his patience about the delay of some property. Wow that would make a spectacular plot twist any movie producer / novelist would be proud of. The Devil must be so angry for the delay 🥳🤬💥😱😁
What's the point of consulting a narcissism expert if you're a narcissist pretending not to be one?...Something I'm willing to stop remunating about.
💜
Thanks!
Thanks!
Thanks!