My FA ex discarded me twice (blocked her after #2) and she did it the exact same way, same time frame, same circumstances, and literally the same script both times. Each time, she spent a weekend at my place, woke up next to me on a Sunday morning. Kissed me viciously, touched my body up and down while telling me that no man had ever made her feel the way I did, that our connection was something out of a movie and that she felt we were put on this planet specifically for each other. She told me how safe and “seen” and protected she felt around me, how I was the most “masculine” man she had ever dated and it was such a relief compared to her exes, that days together felt like mere hours, and how she already couldn’t wait to wake up next me me again even though she hadn’t even left yet. Both times, we went on a long walk with a coffee, held hands, kissed, and she left my house around noon. Then would be really slow to contact me the rest of the day. Monday rolls around, sends me a text saying she has a “really busy work week and won’t be on her phone much.” Then she goes completely silent Tuesday and I sh*t you not, both times she texted me at 6am on a Wednesday morning saying she would be ending things and that she “didnt see a romantic future between us,” that she was “too busy with work for any sort of dating/relationships” and that she “just wasn’t emotionally available.” Both times she goes “let’s meet tonight and just talk about everything and close things out in person.” Then when evening rolls around, she just never shows and when I ask if she’s still coming, she goes “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Predictably, that call never came and eventually, she blocks my number. I should mention that we took three months NC the first time (not really by choice as she blocked me, but I took that as my sign and gave it to her, never tried to reach out to her any other way and I don’t have social media either). She eventually broke NC and unblocked me and then a month into seeing each other again, discard #2 came along. Again, only difference is this time, I blocked her first actually lol. She was always all about the “taking space” and then when I would give it to her and tell her to take all the time/space she needed and that we would talk again when she felt like it, suddenly that need for “space” would vanish and 8 hours after telling me she “needed to be alone for the weekend,” she’d be asking me to “grab a drink and make out.” I’m gonna give everyone a bit of advice here in that particularly with FA’s like my ex, I don’t see it really working out at all with them whether you’re anxious OR secure. Our first go around, i started as extremely secure, but having never dated a FA before, i felt my secure bending toward slightly anxious. After discard #1, I spent our 3 months of NC in therapy as well as TONS of journaling and reading and really just finding myself. When we started talking again, I was much more secure (though I have to say that I didn’t have much patience for the push-pull game playing) and the things she initially said the liked the most about me, IE my confidence, independence, success, etc were all the things she laid out the second discard as of “why there’s no long term future between us.” If they don’t go to therapy and work on themselves, you’re just gonna keep repeating the same cycle with them no matter how much work you do on your own self.
I'm no pigeon to survive on breadcrumbs miss. Avoid the avoidant and fly away, to someone that appreciate you for what you are and what you can offer. Don't settle down for someone that doesn't even know how to love themselves. Henceforth are incapable of loving you the way you need.
@@ogeidsamsora find that someone that appreciates you is the challenge. This why many people are stuck with avoidants because of the investment they've put there .
6 дней назад+1
Been six months not a word. She isn't gonna reach out
Are avoidants known to take space/push you away by insulting, calling names or by acting paranoid? Or is this behaviour entering the roam of personality disorders?
Thanks for the question. It really depends what they're paranoid about and how systemic it is. An avoidant can often have trust issues which can lead to paranoia but that might not mean that they have a personality disorder. Insults and name calling can mean a number of things; immaturity, low impulse control, low self reflection, narcissism, etc. I would need more context to answer this question. : )
Not really. Majority try to leave quietly not unless you're too pushy. They can respond with provocative statements like ' I don't remember us agreeing to be in a relationship ' Never met a verbal one
@@KatyaMorozova It happened after he told me he started caring more and more about me and we established we had chemistry. He said he wanted to take it slow to see where we could go but I/we never spoke about wanting a relationship. We didn’t speak after that. Then a few days later he told my friend he didnt want a relationship with me (I’m not his “type”) and needed to talk about it with me. Instead out of the blue I received an irritated text that I should reimburse him for cinema tickets he bought a few weeks earlier but we had to cancel because I had a headache and couldn’t go. He received the money back from the cinema but still called me a scrounger and an idiot after I let him know I didn’t like his tone and told him I would. I reimbursed him anyways and blocked him which infuriated him and he called me a scrounger again… And that was the end of our contact.
Hi Katya. My ex is a stubborn DA and told me she'll never make the first move out of fear and also pride. I'm not going to make it either and she knows that cause she broke it off abruptly and discarded me. I've been in strict NC (no stories, messages or likes), since October 16th where she just wished me happy bday and I asked how she was, which she replied and the chat ended there. She watches all my stories within 1-2 hours max! I'm quite AP not on the extreme side of it though and currently working on becoming secure! We broke up after 5 months of dating and only 2 weeks together cause she said she lost attraction and also got overwhelmed when I asked for more closeness. She doesn't know she's a DA but took accountability for the break up. She's scared of relationships (I was her second) but we had an amazing chemistry and she loved that. I know she needs to work on herself also, but I would like another chance with her. I want your opinion if you think there is a chance she will come back as she is stubborn to reach out? Also, how long on average do you think it takes for a DA to reach out? Thanks a lot
8 weeks or more… she reached out, I would have attempted to invite her to come over. When she does it again… invite her to come over and make dinner together. She’ll know what that means. If she declines, tell her to reach out if she changes her mind. Try it one more time if she reaches out again and never again. That’s how I’d do it.
@@KingRagnar-asad mine reaches out consistently enough that I don’t even worry anymore. She’s consistent… but probably not possible to move farther than this. Real good at friends with benefits is how I would describe. It is typically between 2-4 weeks… but I’ve pushed her farther away than that at times.
They are extremely addictive because they are so present and fun when with you… talk about the future… I feel if you even match and mirror the love that they show you, that will be enough to push her away. It’s so counterintuitive that it is difficult to comprehend. You have to move WAY slower than her. Almost resistant… it’s great training for your emotional muscles… I’m not sure that’s good?
@@MrKyleb21 yes they're very addictive indeed! They love bomb you and you think you finally found what you're looking for. Even if you're secured you'll still get anxious with them. 2-4 weeks she reached out? Wow!! Are you sure she's DA? Cause DAs take way longer than that normally.. Mine has been 5 weeks now and not a peep except from watching my stories! She's proud and a hardcore DA and she's afraid of rejection and vulnerability so I don't think she'll reach out soon! Maybe after the 2-3 month time.. I still want her and willing to work with her to get her become secure but unless she shows me that and comes around wanting to rekindle things I'm not making a move. Currently working on becoming secure again and moving on. Let's see what happens in the future...
Want to explore coaching? You can do that here: www.katyamorozova.me/services-2/
My FA ex discarded me twice (blocked her after #2) and she did it the exact same way, same time frame, same circumstances, and literally the same script both times.
Each time, she spent a weekend at my place, woke up next to me on a Sunday morning. Kissed me viciously, touched my body up and down while telling me that no man had ever made her feel the way I did, that our connection was something out of a movie and that she felt we were put on this planet specifically for each other. She told me how safe and “seen” and protected she felt around me, how I was the most “masculine” man she had ever dated and it was such a relief compared to her exes, that days together felt like mere hours, and how she already couldn’t wait to wake up next me me again even though she hadn’t even left yet.
Both times, we went on a long walk with a coffee, held hands, kissed, and she left my house around noon. Then would be really slow to contact me the rest of the day. Monday rolls around, sends me a text saying she has a “really busy work week and won’t be on her phone much.” Then she goes completely silent Tuesday and I sh*t you not, both times she texted me at 6am on a Wednesday morning saying she would be ending things and that she “didnt see a romantic future between us,” that she was “too busy with work for any sort of dating/relationships” and that she “just wasn’t emotionally available.”
Both times she goes “let’s meet tonight and just talk about everything and close things out in person.” Then when evening rolls around, she just never shows and when I ask if she’s still coming, she goes “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Predictably, that call never came and eventually, she blocks my number.
I should mention that we took three months NC the first time (not really by choice as she blocked me, but I took that as my sign and gave it to her, never tried to reach out to her any other way and I don’t have social media either). She eventually broke NC and unblocked me and then a month into seeing each other again, discard #2 came along. Again, only difference is this time, I blocked her first actually lol.
She was always all about the “taking space” and then when I would give it to her and tell her to take all the time/space she needed and that we would talk again when she felt like it, suddenly that need for “space” would vanish and 8 hours after telling me she “needed to be alone for the weekend,” she’d be asking me to “grab a drink and make out.”
I’m gonna give everyone a bit of advice here in that particularly with FA’s like my ex, I don’t see it really working out at all with them whether you’re anxious OR secure. Our first go around, i started as extremely secure, but having never dated a FA before, i felt my secure bending toward slightly anxious. After discard #1, I spent our 3 months of NC in therapy as well as TONS of journaling and reading and really just finding myself. When we started talking again, I was much more secure (though I have to say that I didn’t have much patience for the push-pull game playing) and the things she initially said the liked the most about me, IE my confidence, independence, success, etc were all the things she laid out the second discard as of “why there’s no long term future between us.”
If they don’t go to therapy and work on themselves, you’re just gonna keep repeating the same cycle with them no matter how much work you do on your own self.
Dont take her back and avoid the scarcity mindset.
I'm no pigeon to survive on breadcrumbs miss.
Avoid the avoidant and fly away, to someone that appreciate you for what you are and what you can offer.
Don't settle down for someone that doesn't even know how to love themselves. Henceforth are incapable of loving you the way you need.
@@ogeidsamsora find that someone that appreciates you is the challenge.
This why many people are stuck with avoidants because of the investment they've put there .
Been six months not a word. She isn't gonna reach out
Are avoidants known to take space/push you away by insulting, calling names or by acting paranoid? Or is this behaviour entering the roam of personality disorders?
Thanks for the question. It really depends what they're paranoid about and how systemic it is.
An avoidant can often have trust issues which can lead to paranoia but that might not mean that they have a personality disorder.
Insults and name calling can mean a number of things; immaturity, low impulse control, low self reflection, narcissism, etc.
I would need more context to answer this question. : )
Not really.
Majority try to leave quietly not unless you're too pushy. They can respond with provocative statements like ' I don't remember us agreeing to be in a relationship '
Never met a verbal one
Borderline personality disorder and/or ADHD. Possible prenatal wounds
They will make backhanded comments/ insult you as a way to devalue and detach
@@KatyaMorozova It happened after he told me he started caring more and more about me and we established we had chemistry. He said he wanted to take it slow to see where we could go but I/we never spoke about wanting a relationship. We didn’t speak after that. Then a few days later he told my friend he didnt want a relationship with me (I’m not his “type”) and needed to talk about it with me. Instead out of the blue I received an irritated text that I should reimburse him for cinema tickets he bought a few weeks earlier but we had to cancel because I had a headache and couldn’t go. He received the money back from the cinema but still called me a scrounger and an idiot after I let him know I didn’t like his tone and told him I would. I reimbursed him anyways and blocked him which infuriated him and he called me a scrounger again… And that was the end of our contact.
Hi Katya. My ex is a stubborn DA and told me she'll never make the first move out of fear and also pride. I'm not going to make it either and she knows that cause she broke it off abruptly and discarded me. I've been in strict NC (no stories, messages or likes), since October 16th where she just wished me happy bday and I asked how she was, which she replied and the chat ended there. She watches all my stories within 1-2 hours max! I'm quite AP not on the extreme side of it though and currently working on becoming secure! We broke up after 5 months of dating and only 2 weeks together cause she said she lost attraction and also got overwhelmed when I asked for more closeness.
She doesn't know she's a DA but took accountability for the break up. She's scared of relationships (I was her second) but we had an amazing chemistry and she loved that. I know she needs to work on herself also, but I would like another chance with her.
I want your opinion if you think there is a chance she will come back as she is stubborn to reach out? Also, how long on average do you think it takes for a DA to reach out?
Thanks a lot
8 weeks or more… she reached out, I would have attempted to invite her to come over. When she does it again… invite her to come over and make dinner together. She’ll know what that means. If she declines, tell her to reach out if she changes her mind. Try it one more time if she reaches out again and never again. That’s how I’d do it.
@MrKyleb21 when did your da reached out? And did you break NC in the entire time?
@@KingRagnar-asad mine reaches out consistently enough that I don’t even worry anymore. She’s consistent… but probably not possible to move farther than this. Real good at friends with benefits is how I would describe. It is typically between 2-4 weeks… but I’ve pushed her farther away than that at times.
They are extremely addictive because they are so present and fun when with you… talk about the future… I feel if you even match and mirror the love that they show you, that will be enough to push her away. It’s so counterintuitive that it is difficult to comprehend. You have to move WAY slower than her. Almost resistant… it’s great training for your emotional muscles… I’m not sure that’s good?
@@MrKyleb21 yes they're very addictive indeed! They love bomb you and you think you finally found what you're looking for. Even if you're secured you'll still get anxious with them. 2-4 weeks she reached out? Wow!! Are you sure she's DA? Cause DAs take way longer than that normally.. Mine has been 5 weeks now and not a peep except from watching my stories! She's proud and a hardcore DA and she's afraid of rejection and vulnerability so I don't think she'll reach out soon! Maybe after the 2-3 month time.. I still want her and willing to work with her to get her become secure but unless she shows me that and comes around wanting to rekindle things I'm not making a move. Currently working on becoming secure again and moving on. Let's see what happens in the future...