Father Knows: Mama Drama 2 || Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 28 ноя 2022
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their thoughts.
This week's episode is all about some more mom-related drama. From mother-in-laws to these listeners' own moms, this episodes is a wild ride! Please add your advice in the comments!
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Story 1: why is the dad allowing this treatment of his daughter? Teens think parents kissing is gross, that’s normal. The dad needs to lay down the law with his wife make it an ultimatum and the wife will change her tune.
For story one: I'm just so frustrated at how childish the stepmom is. She is in her 50s, a whole adult, and she still did sloppy noisy tongue kiss in public? In front of her partner's kid even. That's awfully inappropriate and I would be disgusted to see that, too, worse if they were my parents.
The first story made me so mad
The dad is slacking harddd.. the issues they've been having with each other have been going on for years before his kid became 19 years old. He should've taken care of the step mom a long time ago. I wouldn't allow my partner to treat my kids in this way or to the point they hate my partner. Especially if it's not for nothing. Sounds like he stays on the bench lot and just watches the stuff unfold .. he needs to make way more effort. The step mom is so in the wrong and needs to act HER AGE.
Completely agree. I'm 23 and if my parents were tongue kissing in front of me and other people I would be extremely embarrassed and grossed out. They would fully expect a comment to be made too. This woman is immature and disrespecting her step daughter more than the other way round!
@@fionnualac4632 exactly I'm 24 and if my mom and her boyfriend did that my issues with him aside I'd hate it and be embarrassed
Story 2: Please don't have a child with this person. I disagree that this relationship is salvageable. He told his mom personal life experiences. Childhood trauma is not something he gets to share without your knowledge and permission. The mom will not ever respect you or see you as part of the family. I am sorry this has happened.
story one?
@@margaretsatterfield9519 Good catch. I edited it.
@@ivylovesrunning haha I had just about finished story one when I saw your comment and was like “did I miss something??” lmao
"In every resume of success, there is failure"- Jerry.
Wowwww.. I love this quote so much. As someone who has certain interests that can turn into a passion or even a form of income, I am terrified of failure. Even though I know and have heard of a quote that you can't be successful without having some failures. Something like that, I can't remember the exact words or who said it, I realize it makes sense and is true.
To that last story: my mother took it hard when I moved out- especially because in our culture kids usually don't if they have the choice.
I had to keep my elegance, not fight, and basically constantly reassured her while making my plans to leave. We actually ended up having an even better relationship once I was out. Is she still a little sad that I'm not there? Yeah. But at the end of the day she can see I'm happy, so she's happy too.
It's great that it all worked out in the end for you.
My husband was 25 when he moved in w me (I was 23) from his parents house. His mom had a meltdown because we weren’t married. I would NEVER marry someone who I didn’t live with so this was an important step to me. My husband was an only child and helped them with their business and chores so I’m sure it was a hard adjustment for them but dang let your kids grow up and learn how to pay bills before marriage 😳 We’ve been married 5 years now and everything is perfectly fine.
I'm currently living this. I'm trying to get my affairs in order to move in with my long distance partner, but the last time I tried to move out of my mom's house, it ended up with her hysterically crying and asking "how could you do this to me"... I'm nervous to say the least
Morgan and Taylor, thank you for sharing your dad with the internet. Jerry, THANK YOU for being our collective dad. I wish more than anything that I could’ve had a dad like you growing up, and I’m infinitely thankful to have your wisdom now. Better late than never. You’re doing an amazing service to the world ❤
For the story of the girl moving in with her boyfriend I have a similar life. It sucks that parents “HELP” kids and then made them pay them back. I’ve gone through that with my mom so many times, my opinion is pay them back and then leave with your boyfriend or even by yourself but do not stay with her because you will be stuck there forever and she will manipulate you in any way posible. It’s hard to stop toxicity, from family specially parents but that doesn’t give them the right to treat you like that.
For the last story, with how the mom is, I’m afraid that even after paying them back that they will still take the car back since it’s still in their name. I would write a contract stating that once the amount is paid back to them that they will transfer it into your name so that they cannot hold that over your head. But go live your life and don’t let your mom hold you back.
I love the relationship these two have
Time stamps
1st story 2:30
2nd story 19:00
3rd story 34:00
4th story 45:05
literal life saver, thank you 🙏
i love studying with these podcasts playing in the background, helps me conceptualize the theories i’m studying for social work 💗
This episode turned my terrible day around, thank y’all for always being so candidly genuine!
It would be so interesting if everyone involved in a single story would write up their points of view, and then read all the different angles…
The last one had me a lil misty eyed… I’m in a similar situation and still having a rough time with it. ❤️❤️ I wish my parents were supportive
Love your shows, Jerry, Justin and Morgan ❤ could you do one on LDRs?
Love you jerry morgan and justin and fam. Love tht and this podcast. My go to
for story 1 : i feel like stepmom is fully projecting her own immaturity onto the child-why is she complaining abt that kid when she’s the adult in the situation who CHOSE to marry someone w a child. i think she’s upset that she’s not the only woman in the fathers life-if he’s a pushover and she’s manipulative. relationship dynamic old as time. it’s the worst kind to put a child inbetween imo. i hope the step mom eats sh*t lol
Pie socks!! Watching this on pie day 3/14
JERRY!! Longer episodes please and thank you ❤
Jerry, whenever you do stories for patron do you let that person know that you did?
was also wondering this
Hello Jerry and Justin. If you have any time to read this, I’d appreciate any advice you can give. I’m conflicted on whether or not to drop charges on my MIL. It goes back to June when me and my husband got married. There were so many issues with her prior but I made it my top priority to try and make things work for my husbands sake. After we got back from our honeymoon(the whole family came with) she snooped through my husbands phone and saw my messages where I told her she tried to pressure me into smoking the night before my wedding and saying it made me uncomfortable. She said I only told him to drive a wedge in their relationship and she tried to physically attack me after reading. We “made up” and then a couple weeks later I came home from work(because we lived with them at the time until we could get a house) and she was angry because she had overheard us talking about WHEN we move out and she felt “betrayed” that how could we leave her and she expected us to live with them awhile. She told my husband she wanted a private conversation with me and when I went to talk to his parents about everything she got in my face, threatened to hit me with a wine bottle and said she was gonna force us to sign a postnup because she felt like I was using them. She then mushed me in the face. She eventually calmed down and I chose to let it go until we could move out and I tried to play it smart. The last straw I was at work when she accused me of telling his family about the things that had been going on between us. She kicked me and my husband out over it. Saying she would hit me if she ever saw me and when I told her I never did(all based on suspicion no evidence) I showed her my messages between his aunt and she said I must’ve deleted them. So after we left we went to stay with his brother at his apartment. So another couple weeks pass. They’re telling my husband they want to talk to me and I told him no because last time was an ambush and there was no talking just threats, screaming and she put her hands on me. So he tells them he doesn’t feel comfortable knowing what he knows putting me in that situation. She got angry and said we all needed to talk as a family and clear things up. When we got there, she was screaming at me and calling me names. I just stayed quiet because I knew there was no reasoning with these people. She got in my face shouting about how I lied to my husband because she never hit me. I calmly said “I did not lie, you did” and she said “then show me” and I said “I won’t put my hands on you.” And she said “we’ll you don’t have to put your hands on me for me to put my hands on you.” And I said “then that would be your choice,” she proceeded to physically attack me. Ripped my shirt, left bruises and scratches. My husband and his brother intervened and his dad tried to pull them off his mom. I reached for my phone to call the police when his father took my phone. I said I wouldn’t call the police and he gave it back. When me and my husband tried to leave she wouldn’t let us and said we needed to finish the conversation. I said absolutely not. We left. I called the police. Pressed charges and filed a restraining order. I’m sorry this is so long. That leads me to now. We moved into our apartment, and I just found out we’re expecting! His parents want to be involved and I’m not comfortable with it at all. My husband says he misses his family and wants to try and rebuild our relationship with them. I feel torn because I understand it’s his family but I feel my safety is in jeopardy because his mother is unwell. My trial is set December 8th, and I have no idea whether to drop the charges. She’s facing jail time. I know that if I press charges it would alter the way our relationship is with his family forever. I feel stuck. I only went to talk things out when I felt unsafe for him and I still ended up being attacked. She’s made it clear she doesn’t care who is around. She’s trying to make things right by sending gifts and saying apologies to my husband, I feel as tho that’s superficial and she’s one argument away from attacking me again. He says if anything happens in the future we’ll handle it accordingly but she’s already done the worst besides killing me and that wasn’t enough for him to cut them off. I don’t know what to do. My husband says he’s stuck in the middle but I feel as though I’m the one in the middle. Please give me any advice.
Girl you better run. Trust your instincts. Do not drop charges.
Toxic, abusive people do NOT change.
They manipulate to get what they want, and that’s exactly what she’s trying to do. It doesn’t solve what happened in the past.
She’ll drive a wedge between you, your child and husband. Protect yourself and your child. You don’t need them around, everyone deserves a peaceful life without a toxic MIL
I’d give your husband an ultimatum. You guys are starting a family, he needs to chose you or his mom. Your husband is an asshole for not wanting to protect you from his mother. :she literally attacked you. He can miss his family all he wants, why isn’t he taking your feelings into consideration? You both are ONE unit now.
You literally have charges against her and she can possibly go to jail. What is there to fix???
@@sarahb.3702 That’s what I say and he says he’ll set boundaries but what good does that do for someone who doesn’t respect them? I have kind of tried to give him an ultimatum but it’s hard. I moved to a different state with him and I have no friends here and on top of that my relationship with my family is rocky. They aren’t really involved in my life. So saying I’ll leave if you continue to speak to them isn’t gonna work but realistically I’m not in a position to leave rn. It’s hard because he says he supports me and if I don’t drop the charges that’s my decision and we’ll move forward accordingly however it’s not the same when you know they really don’t want you to. His mom caused serious issues that I feel either of us are going to resent each other for and ruin our marriage.
Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. My ex husband's mother was an absolute nightmare, and her and her extreme influence on him is a big reason he is so toxic himself. While I have a little sympathy since it's all he knows, it has caused extreme issues in my life and most importantly in our daughters life. She is 16, and her dad and I have been separated since she was under 2, and we are both remarried with more kids. But my ex treats my daughter like he used to treat me. He is manipulative and narcissistic and a pathological liar. I believe it all stems from his upbringing and his mother is 10 times worse than he is. She never put her hands on me, but she would call me "that girl" and called my daughter "her" or "the baby".... never referring to either of us by name. She would constantly spew bull shit about me to her son. She convinced him I was a slut and he needed a paternity test and said she refused to acknowledge her granddaughter until we got one. Then suddenly she flipped and expected me to just forget all of that and wanted to be involved. I let her.... wanted to just get along. But then she started deliberately going against very basic parenting choices I was making. She would bring my 5 month old baby candy when she hadn't even eaten baby food yet. She bought me a portable crib when though she knew we co slept and didn't need a crib for when we were "away from home". She bought me a ton of bottles and formula even though she knew I was exclusively breastfeeding and my baby had severe allergies and couldn't take much other than breast milk. It was constant backhanded bull shit. When we got together with her she would barely look at me, start some drama, get really weird with her son like she was claiming her territory. I only say all this to let you know that while I thought I had it bad, I could never imagine what I would do had she actually gotten violent with me. This sounds like an extremely toxic situation and I really don't think it will change. These kind of family dynamics are so deeply routed into their lives, it probably seems normal to them. It would take a willingness and extreme therapy to see a change. If I were you I'd keep the restraining order and either cut your losses with your relationship or make sure your significant other is 100% on your side and ready to go to battle for his family (AKA: you, him, and any future children you have). He seems torn, which is pretty normal.... but if he can't see how messed up his mom is acting that's kind of scary. You also have to keep in mind that he has probably been around this kind of violence his whole life. And I don't want to say he will do the same for sure, but you are for sure at a higher risk of become a victim of domestic violence.... especially if he can't see or understand how wrong and messed up this was. If you do decide to drop charges, I would only do it if you are completely confident in your ability to stand your ground and stay away completely. And FOR SURE start video or audio recording any interaction with her from here on out! Good luck. Stay safe!!!
@@MrsBoogie002 his mother is crazy and she’s pretending to be remorseful and wanting to move forward but I believe it’s all an act. She will switch at the slightest issue and I just know it. I don’t feel safe around them and if my husband wasn’t involved or didn’t have feelings and opinions I’d have kicked them to the curb and sent her to prison. I’m just torn on what to do because his family is toxic and I don’t know that even if she’s sorry that she’s capable of maintaining this “changed” behavior. Court is on Thursday and I’m thinking of asking for a continuance to have time to think.
Tierra- first of all, you are in an INCREDIBLY difficult situation so don’t worry about the amount of time and energy you need to put into making a decision, it will be hard either way and you deserve the grace to do so. Personally, I agree with the above comment that MIL sounds super manipulative and that nothing really has changed, so I would personally really urge you NOT to drop the charges. This is your best way of standing your ground. I also understand the different position your husband is in, you are his partner and this is his family and he probably has a lot of blinders up subconsciously. Because of that I’m sure to him it’s feeling a lot like “her side vs their side” because he can’t see it objectively and it’s really possible that what you say on it could to him appear biased and Vice versa on their side of things. I would probably seek out counseling, I think hearing from a third party that these behaviors are not okay and likely not changed could have a bigger impact than coming from you alone. Worse comes to worst just know that leaving is an option. I know it feels like it’s impossible to manage on your own but just think about you and your child. You know deep down that most situations you can create on your own will be healthier that having that woman (and her enablers) around you. You’re a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for. Stay safe!
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I’ll tell you what if my husband did not stop the kissing that would be the end for me, I know it seems extreme but RVS is not a joke babies die.