What to Do If Your Partner Blames You When Things Go Wrong and Is Gaslighting You, RME Ep. 162
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- Опубликовано: 14 окт 2024
- What to Do If Your Partner Blames You When Things Go Wrong and Is Gaslighting You, Relationships Made Easy Podcast with Dr. Abby Medcalf, Ep. 162 / What do you do if your partner (or someone else you love) gaslights and blames you for things not going their way? You listen to today’s episode of Ask Dr. Abby!
In this episode, a listener we’ll call Rachel writes in that her boyfriend blames her whenever things don’t go well between them. He blames her for making him late, argues with her that she takes too long getting ready and rolls his eyes if she so much as says she has to stop to pee! When she tries to confront him and tell him how she feels, he starts gaslighting her and turns things around on her. He then storms off and breaks up with her! What should Rachel do?
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#Blame #Gaslighting #AbbyMedcalf
Recently while discussing a hurt I felt because of the hurt and loneliness I feel at the estrangement of our son he hit me with something so painful I can't eat or sleep. He says I am the common denominator of family difficulties. He continued to detail his perception of family problems and blames me for all hurts, judgments, estrangement, anger. We have been married 43 years and I have not felt good enough for him even though I have tried to talk to him about my feelings. Now that he has voiced his true opinion of me I am so disillusioned about our relationship. The fears he has said are my imagination are solidified. I don't know how to deal with this judgment and hurt.
Great video! I think it was Jane Fonda who said in relationships we must feel SAFE, SEEN and CELEBRATED!
I love and appreciate SO MUCH that you break down how to go about these steps. And you are passionate about helping us. I can see a huge difference between you and others I’ve listened to…there’s ones that do this to just get a video/podcast made for the views, etc. and then there’s the rare handful of people like you where your main focus is to help us and share your knowledge and not be stingy with it!
Thank you for teaching us to be better people
I had a lover who would blame me for everything! If to many of his co workers found out we were involved he would blame me by saying I said to much, but he would flirt with me in front of everyone. He would call me names like hypocrite, and weird for different things. He even got mad at me because I didn’t give him sex in an instant. He got mad and said I don’t do what he tells me to do! That I play to much! I never heard him say something like that before. It’s like he thought he was my father! He was nice to me that day(for most part he was really good to me) but I was still sad because of how he talked to me and just avoided him for a day. The next day he called me weird and said I was the cause of the ups and downs. I finally told him he wasn’t making me happy lately and he said he would give me space but he didnt talk to me at all(only after he told me he wanted to talk).I felt like crap! I was mad at myself because I didn’t set boundaries. Looking back, I think he thought I was weak(and I was). It still hurts.
Great advice! Thank you so much!
This resonates SO much right now. My partner friend (I can’t call him my bf because of how much he does this ridiculous blame game to me), ends up mishearing my words, misinterprets them, or attaches different tones, voice inflections, non-existent eye rolling, etc. when I actually mean the exact opposite. It’s as if he is speaking to a completely different person, but gaslights me saying that he is 9 different people, as in alllll my exes, when I finally get to the point of anger. I rarely get angry, but being blamed for everything every day, it does spark anger in me. I first try to tell him I need a moment to myself, but that only turns into “You’re ignoring me.” I can’t even begin to explain his impatience when he knows I am doing any type of self care. All of a sudden, he cannot stand to wait, he must come into the bathroom and stare at me an inch from my face to get me to leave the house straight out of the shower, so I started doing my self-care late at night to try and reduce time “wasted”. I realized that I cannot continue with this level of stress and have started the uncoupling process, for lack of better word. Thank you for putting these questions and advice on YT. I do have a therapist, and I talk to her regularly, but I need more help apparently. This is my 2nd attempt at this process and I became very depressed during the first attempt a few weeks ago. I just have to get past that part. It made me believe I’m completely alone and nobody would understand, but that is not the case.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
You’re so strong for this💗 I hope you’re doing better and are in a better situation now
I get it! You are spot on
YES!!!! 🤩
This boyfriend is punishing her for things he decided to do. He gaslights her and the real red flag is that he breaks up with her each time. What's he going to do when you 2 are finally living together and happen to have a big fight? Cause you know it'll happen again. Is he always going to be pushing you out onto the street?
Is boundaries or setting expectations walking saying “doesn’t want to do this right now” and walking out of the room?
If I make any mistake he blames me for 30 yrs back mistake and he says he will do it
Hmmmm, let's see - "we haven't had physical intimacy, or even a kiss for years - I'm lonely and we need to get back to where we need to be.." - Response: "Always about you, making it so I have to walk on eggshells - this just set us back.." Can you say gaslighting combined with DARVO?
My husband’s car broke down and it was somehow my fault. 🥴 It’s exhausting!
Ugh...
I Love you Abby🎉
Love you too! 😍
Rachel needs to hurry up and get ready lol!
He is be7n defensive, manipulative , and blame shifting
How do I know?
Dido been through tge abdolute same
To add... you will always be set up to fail
I pray blessings over you, sister
It only takes one bad day to go insane.
My girlfriend blame me saying i never did anything to her where i have always been there for her give her time and try to support her but she make rumours saying i was never there for her when i say my point she say i am lying i have no manners with me always waste my time and gaslight me
I hate my relationship. I hate it more than anything, but I'm 38 and want a child and don't have money to freeze eggs
I hope you’ve found peace.
Time to move on.
Hmm. Sounds toxic all round. He seemingly arranged a date. She took overly long to get ready, knowing the date was arranged, so naturally he thinks she has done it deliberately. He got angry. They both claim victimhood.
Faults on both sides. They wind each other up. They shouldn't be together and hopefully aren't.
I think she is in a toxic relationship