My grandmother was extremely introverted, my grandfather extremely extroverted. They were married over 70 years, he died in the same bed beside her. They were in love with each other until the day death separated them. One of the best marriages I have ever seen.
@@Tim666-o5n it can work on the others too. It is just a question of how you suit together in solving your problems. Everything can work to some extent it just won't work for most people or even nearly all people.
@@Ojas9750s and 60s relationships weren’t boomers. Boomers were born from 1946 to 1964. I believe people have less intimacy now. I am a mother of 14 and my husband and I have time for conversation, outside of procreation, so yeah.
@@Tim666-o5nno being different in general is quite good It allows you to learn the other person and you can teach each other things… Life is all about compromises, and having to compromise with your partner to learn things or do things you normally wouldn’t enjoy doing is the most beautiful part of a relationship… It adds nothing to your life if you marry yourself
This video really hit me hard, just a few weeks ago, my partner, whom I’ve been with for five years, decided to leave me for someone else. I love him so much, and I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. I’ve tried everything to forget about him, but it feels impossible. I’ve even tried to get him back, but nothing seems to work. I feel so lost and frustrated, and I can’t get him out of my mind. I don’t even know why I’m sharing this here, but I really miss him and can’t stop thinking about him.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Letting go of someone you love deeply is incredibly hard. I was in a similar situation-my 12-year relationship ended, and it was devastating. Like you, I couldn’t just let go, and I did everything I could to get him back. Eventually, I sought help from a spiritual counselor, and he helped me get my partner back.
@@TheThiaminBlog Not necessairly. It has a similair structure, but Narcissism is a Mental disorder and Arrogance is an Egoistic Urge, often expressed out of insecurity. Arrogance may be a stone in the Wall of the house of Narcissism, but its not the whole of it.
Totally agree- 34 years on, arrogance contempt disrespect killed the relationship, getting out of the marriage going to find someone better. I left it too long. But hopefully find a better partner.
My wife simply refuses to talk about organising/planning things and if I even mention feelings or emotions she literally has to be somewhere else. No communication is a big issue.
As a woman high in neuroticism (but aware of it), I think my partner being so agreeable is a big reason we work well together. He doesn't get upset when I have a panic attack or get overstimulated. Someone who was more disagreeable would get tired of me fast.
Well said. I have the same proclivities. My husband can seem to be un-emotional but it's what I need as he is non- reactive. This counters my high reactivity.
As a chemist, I have argued for compatibility for years despite the fact that students claim that "opposites attract". Different types of people, like different types of chemicals, do not tend to mix. Incompatible properties do not make solutions.
I remember a MAD magazine "The Lighter Side" layout. A son asks Dad the best woman to date. The Dad says, "you want someone who agrees with you as much as possible/has the same beliefs as much as possible." When asked about opposites attracting, Dad asked, "You're a boy and she's a girl?" The son affirms. I always thought the father's reply was wisdom, not witticism: "That's all the opposite you need!"
I’m an introvert, and in my younger days easy going, agreeable until they touch my core values, which I didn’t know at the time. Much older now and I’m no longer agreeable and easy going. Although, I like to think I still have a sense of humor. Life can certainly do a number on you when you are agreeable.
My exact experience. I’m even quite aggressive when protecting my individuality with strong willed individuals who attempt to intimidate or manipulate me. Pain resulting from self sacrifice to my own detriment, led me to this point.
All i will say is “Love covers a multitude of sins “ and each person in the marriage must lay down their life for their mate and when that happens the various LARGE and small differences are insignificant but when that does NOT happen even small differences become very significant and even to the point of destroying the marriage/relationship. God Bless you and your family Dr Peterson.
Yeah. If two people are willing to make a relationship work, and are following God together, they can withstand anything and have a great relationship that otherwise might not work for some other people.
This is what’s missing in big companies. If you identify introverts you put a list of shit to do for the day on their desk and leave it at that. Don’t include them in a team. That’s what you do with extroverts
This is why I went self employed. It's genuinely exhausting having to force extroversion day in day out because you work in an open plan office and have to be a "team player".
This is such an accurate comment! I'm an ENFP - the most introverted of the extroverts. My strengths lie in managing an office, communicating/interacting with people, dealing with difficult ppl and circumstances, creativity, thinking on my feet, things that involve action, communication, and pressure. Other ppl are better suited for other things. I've had positions that involved with both introverted and extroverted tasks. In one instance, the person that had the job before me was an introvert and a numbers person. She would actually hide from people in her cubicle (a large part of the job was greeting and assisting ppl). I was the opposite. I liked and was good at working with people and hated the computer/ paperwork introverted stuff. She absolutely was not capable of the "people part". Perhaps there should have been two separate positions. Companies are going to be left in the dust if they don't start adjusting to this reality.
Op there was actually a good book "surrounded by idots" Which applied the 4 humors (so basically just a simplification of myers briggs) to corporate management strategy ans actually had some good advice. One point was that if you put all of one humor together they're going to fail to accomplish the objective, just in different ways. Melancholics Over plan and don't execute, phlegmatics get too stressed out with responsibility and without leadership, sanguines have a roaring good time but what they produce won't be what you asked for, and cholerics just act without thinking and they get things done but what gets done may be actively detrimental rather than helpful. The basic wisdom i took away was don't expect too much from phlegmatics and don't change up their routine, make cholerics the leads but require them to take advice from the melancholics who must be given very specific instruction permitting them to not care about efficiency outside of certain bounds, and keep the sanguines together so they don't go stir crazy but watch them closely and get them back on track when they stray, let it be fun for them
I think the extrovert / introvert issue can be managed or overcome depending on how long of a "leash" you can give each other. If you understand each other enough to appreciate how your introversion and extroversion drive you, and if you can trust each other enough to be apart, the extrovert can go off and socialize and the introvert can go sit in a corner or at home and both people can be happy. But if you're in a situation where you both want the other person to be with you all the time, then you'll have trouble because someone will have to be acting counter to their nature.
I really wish I had known all of this before getting married. My conscience is clear and I think my wife and I have done extremely well considering our vastly different world views and personalities, but it seems likely we could have saved each other a lot of stress and heartache of we had stayed just friends and pursued other people more compatible with ourselves. Still, five years in and a lot of compromises and healthy boundaries and lessons learned the hard way, we're still married with a new baby and no intention of stopping.
from my observations industrious people need to be doing something to feel "normal", that is "settled" the tension of doing nothing quickly becomes unbearable for them
Good point one of the other comments mentioned: Jordan didnt write the title to this video. He's not actually coming to that conclusion, that's just what the uploader took from it. I think he's just listing potential difficulties in relationships.
Ah, we just did this big 5 thing and my partner and I are both similarly low in extraversion, neuroticism, and agreeableness and high in contentiousness and openness. We don’t have the exact same scores. We get along great.
@@rufaiajala the one we did is from the book Personality by Daniel Nettle. I recommend the book. It gives a very balanced view on how the traits can be either beneficial or detrimental depending on the situation. It makes it clear that there’s no one best way to be.
@@MichaelDamianPHD perhaps, but I have read that tests such as the MBTI simply measure more nuance within a single trait. That’s not to say they don’t have value, but for a barebones view of one’s personality without all the extra (and possibly unnecessary) details that can sometimes confuse people, the big 5 is great, and in my opinion, the best place to start. Just like it’s better to understand whole numbers before trying to understand decimals, if that makes sense.
That last part about your parter being "just like you" was exactly what I went through with my last ex partner: we were so damn alike that I would constantly see in her the same flaws that I have... and that really drove me crazy. I just couldn't stand her because it was like having a huge mirror in front of me every day showing me the aspects of me that I cannot tolerate.
It's a misleading statement. You need to be very similar on beliefs, character, values, life goals. After that, you can be different in personality, hobbies, etc
Im a introvert, Given up on finding a partner so i dont really know whats it like being in a realtionship with an introvert or extrovert, What i look for most in a person is their kindness.
The Bible says "yoke evenly" it is about faith, willingness to grow, learn, change, communicate, spend time together🙏 Rev.M There are MANY people who suffer with undiagnosed learning weakness or even disability who are emotionally hurt and often ill...who selfmedicate on top of this condition..they are unfit to love and create lasting healthy relationship until THEY decide to participate in their own healing process. I work with such people and their families..it is possible to heal (self) in many cases❤ with hope Rev.M
My first advice is to stay away from mind control CULT bullshit like churches mosques imams bibles etc. It is literal brain rot made to make people easy to control. It is a fake life.
@kristicalz Hello Kristi, ty for your question and being honest about your situation. I work virtually (via email/zoom) to ensure comfort and privacy of the parties. Often, it is easier to speak openly on merits of anonymity than with someone in person.🙏
You don't have to be a perfect match but you need to be a good enough match. Not wanting exactly the same all the time, and having to adjust some can be fine
Relateable. Partner wants to chill together whilst I want to get stuff done. I don't mind being the hardest working or a provider, but I'm expected to achieve that whilst simultaneously repeatedly interrupting my work and productivity to share non urgent discussions. Partner has never run a business and can't empathise with how valuable my time and focus is
Oof I feel you on this one. Running a business myself and some days it’s hard to even reply to casual texts during the day. I‘ve toned down my expectations toward easily finding a matching partner because very few women I meet have the drive and competency to make something out of their home and family. Where are those old school women that you could actually trust to have your back?
@@xAudiolith 'old school' was probably before the popularity of mobile phones. Most young people nowadays are addicted to their phones and will deprioritise what's happening in front of them to respond to notifications. Not me, I need to get in the zone distraction free.
Why don't you tell her to not bother you when you work? You're losing money when your partner interrupts so it's necessary to create a system around this. I don't think it's a compatibility issue, but a lack of communication and negotiation. You lack the ability to set boundaries and/or your partner can't respect them. Should be fixable.
This needs to be taught in high school. You have to know yourself very well to understand with whom you are compatible. I went from being a housewife to a career woman in a highly competitive, male dominated field. My priorities and traits have changed along the journey. Adding a quite short fertility window for women is a game changer. It takes time to find the right partner, and sometimes, you are running out of time and settling for the best you can get at the time.
I believe the compatibility is the ability to find the right way to get along without being frustrated. You need to let go of your ego, be mature and patient.
I keep hearing that women are more orderly than men but all 4 of the women I’ve lived with have been absolute slobs and I became resentful and dumped them for it.
I'm a professional house cleaner, I can tell you that most women are slobs, I noticed that older women from 40+ are more orderly. The newer generation are extremely messy. Most men are bums too. I don't take jobs from males, but when I do they seem to be more grateful and appreciate the help.
@@christinajose285 I had to pick up after them. I’m very organized and clean. Women I’ve lived with, or even not lived with (except for one), would have overflowing trash cans, shoes and clothes scattered all over the house, hair all over the bathtub, never washed their dishes, cars with garbage thrown in the back, etc. It could be I’m the unlucky guy who unintentionally found these rare women 🤷♂️
You can REALLY tell by the comments who listened to the whole video and who got triggered and rushed to the comments to complain about whatever triggered them and ignored the rest of the video.
How true….and what a pitty because I love him dearly… but it shows me that love is not everything… it must match and most of all, the spiritual world you both live must be the same…
I think even chronic sources of conflict can be handled in health relationships with proper support, communication, sacrifice and appreciation on both partner’s ends. Just because people may have strong differences doesn’t automatically mean they cannot work or even thrive together, it just might be more work in some ways than for some other couples.
I think sometimes insight or advice about these things that is non-specific to a particular couple can cause people to fear their marriage is incompatible when it may not be the case.
I'd be interested to hear about the kinds of conflicts that could arise when there is a disparity in the domains of openness and of neuroticism. My suspicion is that these might be concealed by other kinds of disagreements, but act as drivers of difference in communication style.
Interesting that JP didn't mention neuroticism, which I thought had been identified by a study as the strongest of the Big Five personality traits as far as predicting relationship breakdown goes. He also didn't mention openness, which can be a factor in what kinds of holidays each prefers, and which is related to intelligence.
Just realized me and my boyfriend are COMPLETELY opposite. Explains a lot. We don’t fight, but I’m the disagreeable, industrious, conscientious, orderly one and he’s the agreeable, relaxed, unconscientious, disorderly one. You can imagine I’m quite annoyed a lot of the time and my boyfriend is sick of me asking him to do things a certain way, or do more. Somehow though, we get along. We both have a super high amount of patience, so there’s that.
Same exact thing here. Problem was it lasted about 3 and a half years and I just started to get more and more tired and neither of us were changing on a fundamental level. I broke it off, essentially because of this, we were opposite in these fundamentals, but fuck we were so patient with each other and never argued. And I loved some of the opposite because it got me out of my comfort zone and taught him so much. But the thought of an eternity of disparity on these fundamentals? I don't know. I'm still hurting. Thought I'd share.
@@mariatorres9789 Less uptight in my relationship would mean the responsibility levels would drop. I’m the more responsible one. Try not assuming things about people you don’t know!
@Mirro6112 I'm the responsible one, too. I wasn't being judgemental, I know you 'hold it all together'. I'm just saying, for peace & harmony, try presenting things that you need help with or delegate for others, in a less confrontational way. That way, they'll hopefully feel better at home etc, & be more inclined to contribute when asked. I wasn't trying to be harsh, that's how I changed my home.
@@mariatorres9789 I already do that. I already digest everything before I spit it out. It doesn’t fix the problem that my BF is almost completely unopen and I’m constantly learning and curious. It’s causing a maturity gap. That’s a big issue for me.
The worst combo is a productive person with a non-productive person. I think other difference in the 5 can work out if both have good communication skills.
The only character difference that really makes longevity impossible are different degrees of willingness to communicate and willingness (or ability) to put new behaviors into action. All of these other problems can be avoided with good communication, strong effort, goodwill (which includes a dose of patience).
So, there's always going to be conflict or incompatibility. The thing is how both of you face and solve the conflict. Empathy, communication, understanding, finding the common ground...
I'm introverted and hes extroverted. I hate when he tries to put me in the spotlight but I like that he does all the socializing for me in a public context. I'm messy and he loves to clean but we don't live together atm so well see how that works. Everything else is good thankfully lol.
That was how my marriage. I am more or less a fairly agreeable person and my ex-wife was extremely disagreeable. She didn’t really show it until after we got married
While I understand the importance of the general concept, this is over analyzing the issue. The main thing when it comes to differences in a relationship is being able to humbly communicate to one another and learn to make sacrifices for each other. My mother is extremely extroverted and my father is extremely introverted. My mom has friends that she’ll spend time with while my dad stays home to spend time with his kids. Sometimes my mom will forgo an event and spend time at home and other times my dad will go with my mom to social events. The issue is that everyone believes that compatibility is the same the as being comfortable all the time. That’s a lie. Marriage and relationships in general are not always comfortable. Sometimes you sacrifice your comfort for the sake of others. A good indicator of compatibility is being able to humbly work through differences and learn how to compromise.
He mentions 5 dimensions at the beginning but I believe the video only covers 3? I heard: 1. Introversion/Extroversion 2. Agreeableness/Disagreeableness 3. Industriousness/Non-Industriousness (Conscientiousness?) 4. ??? 5. ???
Yea the clip is missing openness (inclined to think abstractly/intellectually and appreciate aesthetics) and neuroticism (inclined to feel anxious toward unknown and volatile with emotions). My gf is high in both and she’s highly educated, loves art museums, and is afraid of walking in the dark or seeing big animals like deer nearby. The fearful feeling is like walking in a dark alley way alone and that sense of terror. I’m low in neuroticism and don’t feel that easily.
Maybe it would be possible to help and teach them to gradually become more emotionally available and they just dont quite know how. But that at least requires both are willing to work on it
I’m a big Dr. Jordan Peterson fan. And though I hesitate to challenge much of anything he says I question whether women are really more organized than men. In my experience with having several relatives who’ve a lot of income property across the board they all prefer renting to men over women (as opposed to couples married or not). The why is single men are cleaner, more organized and do less damage than single women. Now perhaps when a women is involved in a relationship (married or not) she ‘ups-her-game’ and better nests, I don’t know. With one exception I have been more organized, neater and cleaner than any of the women I’ve been involved with or known for that matter. The one exception was a girlfriend who loved to clean. She used to say that cleaning was her super-power. She wasn’t anal per say just super efficient and really well organized. All the other women I’ve known had mediocre organizational skills at best and a couple were down right slovenly...
My brother rented to a travel nurse as his first endeavor and everything seemed great, they were paying above the mortgage amount, but at the end the one thing i remember him repeating was "i don't know how people can live like this," dog shit ground into the carpet everywhere. Traumatized him. Talked to another gentleman the other day and he says he exclusively rents to single men in their 40s cause no noise, no pets, no bs. I'm keeping that in mind as i contemplate getting into that myself
Single men work a lot so aren’t home much. They also tend to go out for drinks with their workmates etc. I can see that renting property to them would be easier as they aren’t home much. Women in general are more home bodies.
Where are women supposed to live then? Holes in the ground? Lolol. Sounds like a bunch of sexists. Not all men are neat and not all women are slovenly. That's ridiculous. One incident does not make a study. Women usually take care of all the chores in a household even if she works full time too. How hard is it to clean up after just yourself? Get real.
@@archibaldevans2251 in some part it's because women have more stuff, products, hair dryers, straighteners and curlers, more clothes and shoes, kitchen appliances... men have four pairs of shoes, one 6 in 1 shower gel, pc or a playstation and a big screen.
People who aren't happy with their partners tells me everything I ever need to know tells me everything man that marriage going to be a real splendid success....
My husband and I are incompatible like how Jordan describes… in every way he said, dis/agreeableness non/conscientiousness, ex/introversion what do we DO!?!? We are literally opposites in every category :( whattttt to dooooo
laugh about the occasional amusing situations this causes together and take breaks from being around each other, and even short ones from communicating with each other, but not caring about each other
Use the opposites to grow. Conflict is good. Marriage is supposed to help each other grow. Successfully resolving conflicts is actually a form of pleasure.
Om gosh he nailed it for me. Was seeing a disagreeable guy, gruff misery-seeker. He called me wishy-washy whereas I had been adaptable -and weary from it. Ok I get it now. Next time I will be gruff right back at him. 1:03
I don’t think you grasped the message being delivered. You are too interested in using this video to prove to yourself that you were not the party that was at fault for the decay of the relationship. Examine yourself.
How true. But there are other dimensions as well, namely intelligence (surrogated by openness and IQ), political inclinations, religious beliefs (or non-beliefs), income and social background, not to mention the need for a *mutual* physical attraction, that make it almost impossible to find the ideal partner. I've had several long-term relationships (10 years or so) and one or other of the incompatibilities Jordan mentions has always ended them.
It's not incompatibility that is the issue. It is the inability to manage it, to turn differences into features that serve the relationship rather than bugs that destroy it.
I think you need to look at you then! You are the common factory in all the relationships also there is no such thing as ideal people are not easy. Working with your partner from the beginning to make things better and work is important!
@@MrSamurai137 when they say take a look at you, it seems to be meant in a negative way. Perhaps he has clear boundaries and after 10 years, the boundary needed enforced. Take a look at me and see that I’m proud of upholding my boundaries even if it means being single? Okay, thanks lad!
@@nickthompson1812 if you take a look at yourself and see that you are happy being single your boundaries are upheld then that fine. Is there no benefits for being on a relationship for you also. You fully ready to undertake the boundaries of your perfect partner when you find them and express yours with grace!
My recent partner of 8 months was not easy to please. She is older than me and comes from a long marriage of extreme difficulties and has two kids… I tried my best to do everything to show her how serious i am about her and her family, though her European views on how men should be have skewed her and her daughters opinions on how their partners should treat them. I shouldn’t have to give flowers and gifts, and time and focus for her young son and do all this and 10 fold just to be told that so many men want her and would be happy to be with her. To take any issue or discrepancy we have and blow it up, instead of sit down and try to understand each other. To allow my words and actions to have so much power to hurt you, and not be hurt by anyone or anything else.. to leave me or threaten to leave me when times get hard.. I tried so hard to love her right and I messed up in the end like she always put out there that I would.. I’m going to take time to heal from this as in the past I jumped almost immediately out there to fill the void.. now I just want to be alone, and I don’t want go give my heart and soul for a long time
Idk how accurate this is, because I'm an introvert who has typically dated extroverts. I have noticed if I date my mirror image the relationship just stays the same. My extrovert relationships brought me out of my comfort zone. As for agreeableness, I'm just chill but I still have boundaries even though I'm chill and agreeable. I'm have high consciousness in regards to what I see, I have dated people who just waste time on vices and nonsense etc, so yes it disgusts me, so that's correct. Honestly are men and women even compatible ? The longer I live the more I wonder if men and women are inherently so different that it's almost impossible to have a "normal" relationship! It's become so obvious how different we are since the creation of the internet.
@@winsie_w-m6l the end of your comment is a little ridiculous. Men & women lived together for thousands of years before the internet. But for the vast majority of these years, people stuck to more strict gender norms. I believe that can be blamed the issues our society is facing now.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_ I wasn't talking about historically in the past at the end of my comment, I'm referring current time hence the reference to the internet. Relationships are not working anymore, or should I say the lack of relationships is the problem. Far to many men and women are staying single longer then they ever have before! The internet has leveraged that result. The world wide web has provided instant gratification, which allows people to go on dating apps and social media to find a partner. It's a virtual buffet of choice so why do people need to commit/invest anymore when you can just go get another human subscriber. The lack of investment is also the problem, not being committed to something stunts growth, people who don't invest long term are psychologically infantile. When a person doesn't have a close friend or relationships that person eventually seeks fantasy, seeks pleasure, checks out of really living authentically.
Of course the situation becomes clouded when/if a person's preferences and likes are driven by their internal personal issues . Because the reality of this society is that most people do not take the time or have the time to get to know themselves deeply .
I don’t have that many experiences, but after four relationships I start to think that it’s impossible to say why some relationships fail and why some don’t. It’s not a neat package you can explain away with extraversion levels or with orderliness and agreeableness. It’s chemistry. It’s in God’s hands; in short, we know nothing. There is this girl I should love very much. But I can’t. And there is this other one who is totally incompatible with me on the surface, but some occult force makes me love her utterly. Go figure
Ask yourself a basic question, do you want to have sex with the girl you can’t love? Obviously not. She isn’t attractive physically to you. The other one is. We look at many factors but fail to recognize the most obvious, physical attraction. Ask yourself if it’s love or lust. Lust can make a good man think he’s in love if he doesn’t know the difference. Caught me off guard just a year ago. It was never love. We also want what we can’t have as if to prove why we should be able to have it.
Less about God or the occult. Try looking at this woman you like, who you're not compatable with and see what characteristics/traits she has that you may subconsciously be looking for/want and what similarities she shares with prehaps your parents or whichever parental relationship you've seen as a child. It's worth exploring. Only unseen forces that exist are our past experiences and childhood experiences that pave the ways for our relationship dynamics. Less mysterious than we think.
I think there's a whole other dimension of relating that this video neglects. What traits do we value in a partner and what traits do we WISH we had more of in our lives that we don't. Latent personality charactistics that are brought out by our environment. The end of the video mentions sometimes opposites can be good for each other. The dimension of relating I refer to is partially telling of when that will be true. Conflict is guarnteed when we differ strongly on these dimensions, but not necessarily compatiblity.
If opposites attract each other, What's the reason for? One being like an open window One just like a closing door - John Denver "Two Different Directions"
After 49 years on earth, I truly believe that the best equation for a lasting relationship is to find someone that is as close to your personality as possible. Every little difference between you and your partner creates a rift of constant compromise and it becomes absolutely exhausting to deal with after a while.
i came to the same explanation about industrious people in my own head. And to be honest, i am somewhat the opposite of that, and it drives me crazy that they just cannot seem to stop, even if it hurts other things which i consider more valuable. Also, i dont think they are productive most of the time, its another issue. They think they are, but its almost compulsory and thats what annoys me the most.
So what you are saying is if we observe differences in potential mates and identify areas we will compromise and areas we won’t compromise then we will be happier? I also think the degree of flexibility between the 2 individuals helps ease some of the burden between the differences. Is it easier to live with a person who normally wants it their way, do it this way, we need to do this first or the person who will listen to partner and then propose the idea that is best for both in respectful manner (either agreeing with partners idea, compromising, or offering new suggestion based of situation)? I think there is some truth in this video but I also think it depends on individuality and degree of compromise from individual that won’t sacrifice happiness.
I have a shorter social battery than my girlfriend but she tells me that there’s too much noise in her life, and she wants some peace and quiet to focus on her responsibilities, so I think it’s something we can work out
_”Those two were just too sharp for each other. They’d sit, they’d listen, they’d write. But when they noticed each other it was like alpha waves kicked in and desks locked into collision courses.”_
I am an introvert my husband is an extrovert.We have been married 59 years.We love each other very much.My problem is when we go shopping he wants to stand around and talk a lot.I have 2 different kinds of arthritis and fibromyalgia and I need his help and I cant stand and walk.Im a very neat and clean person and hes a slob.I feel like Im his mother cleaning up after him.But I stay with him because Ive always loved him since I married him at 15 years old.I guess Ill stay until I die.
okay but if you constantly seek social interactions but when you go to a big social event it takes so much energy out of you that you need a week to recharge your batteries, what are you ? and does that mean you match with neither introverts nor extroverts ? or you match with both ? i'm confused
Well me and my husband are both messy and a place is always messy and it’s not good either. I wish one of us would be different and would push the other. Same we both like to chill at home so we don’t go out much. I wish we would be different so we would push each other to do things more inside and outside the house.
I find this pretty difficult. I am not an orderly person. I like to clean my room once a week and do the dishes daily but I'll always have clutter. I met women who were okay with that some were more orderly some less. And I got the feeling or the fear that this could be a red flag... But on the other hand I believe that the/a right person will understand and see beyond that. I do have a lot of interests in different sports and Music so I got stuff around...
Ha. My partner and I are still only married freshly..1 year and some but have lived together for about 5 years. And definitely have most of those differences but I can laugh about it this far and so can he happily..so it doesn't sting yet. I can make fun of it. The only part where we really clash is orderliness where I demand things faster that seem like inane details to him and he feels mistrusted (I'll do it later vs please do it now) vibes. But that's ok. I really get to relax thanks to him and see a different way of life. Hopefully my mental health and sense of self responsibility won't degrade to hell and back and I'll be able to rise above it in ten years as well, because I do believe it gets harder unless we are responsible for ourselves mentally primarily to fix what we can to not lash out in time at the other. Ah well.
My ex partner was very disagreeable, there were times when i had to defend my opinion at all cost because he was never convinced...and if i ever slightly disagree with him he would say to me i was too obstinate If i wanted to connect with him emptionally it felt like climbing a wall at times
I am not perfect and will not be in this world. I only would like to be in a loveable relationship/marriage and help each other grow in God. It should not be that complicated. I am exhausted by complicated dating stuff.
You need some difference in personality traits, but not too much. I am very disorderly, while my partner is industrious, but she puts up with me because we're both introverted and agreeable, and have a happy life otherwise. We don't share the same interests, but we share the same lifestyle which is way more important.
interesting .. iMO Peterson conflates conscientious with industrious somewhat .. being conscientious is doing the right thing completing tasks, doing what you say you will do ... not just being"busy" or appearing "busy" ...🤔
But arent the Big Five a bit superficial? For example, a person who scores high on neuroticism, but did get to learn to regulate his emotions. Secondly, wouldnt it be helpful to differentiate between two kinds of affect (positive/negative) that can occur independently from each other? And what about a functional analysis of those different personalities, or action- vs. state-orientation and several partnership outcomes correlated to that?
The 'women are more agreeable than men' is true, but my (I am male) ex (she is female) and I did NOT get along in this way, rather she was the disagreeable person. If she asked for my OPINON or ADVICE, or anyone for that matter, she was disagree quickly and trash it (a clear sign of a narcissist). It's like a student coming to a professor and saying "I don't know about this professor, could you teach me?" and after the teacher teaches, the student goes "wrong, your explaining wrong. It's all wrong" hahaha
@DivestedConfessions A lot of people suffer from childhood trauma, which they haven't proper healed from and bring ( carry) that burden in their relationship.
I’m guessing that wasn’t really so. Think about how much you may have diminished yourself within the relationship. As they say, there’s three side to every story…. yours, mine, and the truth.
Every one of his points is my husband and I. Opposites. We have been together 40 years. So I think it is the amount of + or - is on a scale - If you are extreme + and a -, it probably will drive you nuts.
Women are more agreeable? I’d beg to differ. About compatibilities, I think “opposites attract” is one of the worst beliefs in dating. It may be true for some people but is immature and short sighted. Differences in a marriage cause problems. But of course, none of us are clones so couples will inevitably have some differences. It’s been said that differences are debts that you owe and similarities are money in the bank. Which do you want more of?
Fighting all the time? Had to divorce my wife couldn’t figure out what’s wrong half the time and wouldn’t talk but she’d rather check my messages and see what if I talk about the situation with friends.
@@Loth-n1v Half the battle with BPD it's the other person admiting she needs help and commiting to therapy. If that doesnt happen, then it's a lost battle. Thank god my girlfriend is really aware of her condition and is going to therapy, yet still is hard as hell
@@thekramer1097 congrats bro that’s a person that’s trying. For me it’s a lost cause. She’d rather be right than be married. It’s tough post divorce do your best to keep her :) but take care of yourself also.
They can but id assume that if you’re introvert/quiet like me you’d want someone like you but maybe if you’re a little more extroverted then your partner so you can communicate with them lol
You will mesh fine in most cases as long as youre both commited to the truth and pleasing the almighty. the only struggles will be the sheets and who is less content with their salvation until youre too old to care.
My grandmother was extremely introverted, my grandfather extremely extroverted. They were married over 70 years, he died in the same bed beside her. They were in love with each other until the day death separated them. One of the best marriages I have ever seen.
Introversion and Extroversion is the one dimension where it is actually OKAY to be different. It kinda balances itself out.
@@Tim666-o5n it can work on the others too. It is just a question of how you suit together in solving your problems.
Everything can work to some extent it just won't work for most people or even nearly all people.
@@Ojas9750s and 60s relationships weren’t boomers. Boomers were born from 1946 to 1964. I believe people have less intimacy now. I am a mother of 14 and my husband and I have time for conversation, outside of procreation, so yeah.
@@Tim666-o5nno being different in general is quite good
It allows you to learn the other person and you can teach each other things… Life is all about compromises, and having to compromise with your partner to learn things or do things you normally wouldn’t enjoy doing is the most beautiful part of a relationship…
It adds nothing to your life if you marry yourself
They probably had other overlapping personality traits and were able to compensate.
This video really hit me hard, just a few weeks ago, my partner, whom I’ve been with for five years, decided to leave me for someone else. I love him so much, and I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. I’ve tried everything to forget about him, but it feels impossible. I’ve even tried to get him back, but nothing seems to work. I feel so lost and frustrated, and I can’t get him out of my mind. I don’t even know why I’m sharing this here, but I really miss him and can’t stop thinking about him.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Letting go of someone you love deeply is incredibly hard. I was in a similar situation-my 12-year relationship ended, and it was devastating. Like you, I couldn’t just let go, and I did everything I could to get him back. Eventually, I sought help from a spiritual counselor, and he helped me get my partner back.
That’s amazing. How did you find a spiritual counselor? How can I reach him?
His name is FatherAkabu . He’s a great spiritual counselor and he helped me bring back my partner.
Thank you so much. You’ve just given me hope. I’ll look him up right away.
Spam
In my experience, arrogance is the relationship killer. There's no working with it and it takes a very humbling experience to get there.
Arrogance = narcissism
@@TheThiaminBlog Not necessairly. It has a similair structure, but Narcissism is a Mental disorder and Arrogance is an Egoistic Urge, often expressed out of insecurity. Arrogance may be a stone in the Wall of the house of Narcissism, but its not the whole of it.
Disrespect also...
Totally agree- 34 years on, arrogance contempt disrespect killed the relationship, getting out of the marriage going to find someone better. I left it too long. But hopefully find a better partner.
@@univerz1175 take your time. I remarried and he was worse. Just find peace
Sitting down and creating a plan to address how the home and socializing will be managed is often missing.
Great idea!
also finances, future planning, holidays, parenting, sex life.............
Maybe people aren’t orderly enough!
And that's why conflicts appear
My wife simply refuses to talk about organising/planning things and if I even mention feelings or emotions she literally has to be somewhere else. No communication is a big issue.
I like how he credited his student when he spoke about industrious people 👍😊 such an authentic person ❤
Yes, very true.
As a woman high in neuroticism (but aware of it), I think my partner being so agreeable is a big reason we work well together. He doesn't get upset when I have a panic attack or get overstimulated. Someone who was more disagreeable would get tired of me fast.
Give him more time....he will tire of your crap eventually 😅not being mean, just realistic 😊🎉
Well said. I have the same proclivities. My husband can seem to be un-emotional but it's what I need as he is non- reactive. This counters my high reactivity.
Work on that lmao. Uncontrolled emotions from either side, spread out over the whole relationship will kill any positive emotions one has.
Umm…. Is that healthy? So his patience is just greater than the previous persons?
I think I lost my patience with my wife after years. I want peace now. There's so much I can take.
As a chemist, I have argued for compatibility for years despite the fact that students claim that "opposites attract". Different types of people, like different types of chemicals, do not tend to mix. Incompatible properties do not make solutions.
Agreed being more similar with a minor amount of differences is probably best
As a chemical engineer I greatly appreciate this analogy ✊🏼
I remember a MAD magazine "The Lighter Side" layout. A son asks Dad the best woman to date. The Dad says, "you want someone who agrees with you as much as possible/has the same beliefs as much as possible." When asked about opposites attracting, Dad asked, "You're a boy and she's a girl?" The son affirms. I always thought the father's reply was wisdom, not witticism:
"That's all the opposite you need!"
Thank you. Tried to get my mate to understand this
There’s. I such damn thing as someone who is “exactlly” like you
I’m an introvert, and in my younger days easy going, agreeable until they touch my core values, which I didn’t know at the time. Much older now and I’m no longer agreeable and easy going. Although, I like to think I still have a sense of humor. Life can certainly do a number on you when you are agreeable.
Ditto. I started off agreeable and idealistic, and then got crushed, repeatedly. So much for being agreeable and easy-going.
Same here... Never again, I swore to myself
My exact experience. I’m even quite aggressive when protecting my individuality with strong willed individuals who attempt to intimidate or manipulate me. Pain resulting from self sacrifice to my own detriment, led me to this point.
What age? Same path but I am 27, I wish I could go back to the old me.
@@joshuamueller3206 I’m 37
All i will say is “Love covers a multitude of sins “ and each person in the marriage must lay down their life for their mate and when that happens the various LARGE and small differences are insignificant but when that does NOT happen even small differences become very significant and even to the point of destroying the marriage/relationship. God Bless you and your family Dr Peterson.
Yeah. If two people are willing to make a relationship work, and are following God together, they can withstand anything and have a great relationship that otherwise might not work for some other people.
This is what’s missing in big companies.
If you identify introverts you put a list of shit to do for the day on their desk and leave it at that. Don’t include them in a team. That’s what you do with extroverts
This is why I went self employed. It's genuinely exhausting having to force extroversion day in day out because you work in an open plan office and have to be a "team player".
This is such an accurate comment! I'm an ENFP - the most introverted of the extroverts. My strengths lie in managing an office, communicating/interacting with people, dealing with difficult ppl and circumstances, creativity, thinking on my feet, things that involve action, communication, and pressure. Other ppl are better suited for other things.
I've had positions that involved with both introverted and extroverted tasks. In one instance, the person that had the job before me was an introvert and a numbers person. She would actually hide from people in her cubicle (a large part of the job was greeting and assisting ppl).
I was the opposite. I liked and was good at working with people and hated the computer/ paperwork introverted stuff. She absolutely was not capable of the "people part".
Perhaps there should have been two separate positions. Companies are going to be left in the dust if they don't start adjusting to this reality.
@@kv2723mbti is office astrology
Op there was actually a good book "surrounded by idots" Which applied the 4 humors (so basically just a simplification of myers briggs) to corporate management strategy ans actually had some good advice. One point was that if you put all of one humor together they're going to fail to accomplish the objective, just in different ways. Melancholics Over plan and don't execute, phlegmatics get too stressed out with responsibility and without leadership, sanguines have a roaring good time but what they produce won't be what you asked for, and cholerics just act without thinking and they get things done but what gets done may be actively detrimental rather than helpful. The basic wisdom i took away was don't expect too much from phlegmatics and don't change up their routine, make cholerics the leads but require them to take advice from the melancholics who must be given very specific instruction permitting them to not care about efficiency outside of certain bounds, and keep the sanguines together so they don't go stir crazy but watch them closely and get them back on track when they stray, let it be fun for them
Forcing extroversion ruined my mental health tbh
I think the extrovert / introvert issue can be managed or overcome depending on how long of a "leash" you can give each other. If you understand each other enough to appreciate how your introversion and extroversion drive you, and if you can trust each other enough to be apart, the extrovert can go off and socialize and the introvert can go sit in a corner or at home and both people can be happy. But if you're in a situation where you both want the other person to be with you all the time, then you'll have trouble because someone will have to be acting counter to their nature.
This finally hit why I am so unhappy in marriage. We are incompatible on every level by extremes
I feel you! 🫂 You are not alone!
Ditto
Hubby and i have nothing in common. When i disagree with something he gets mad and defensive.
@@kimberlyedgett3592That's rough. Sounds worse than my wife, and I'm losing patience.
I really wish I had known all of this before getting married. My conscience is clear and I think my wife and I have done extremely well considering our vastly different world views and personalities, but it seems likely we could have saved each other a lot of stress and heartache of we had stayed just friends and pursued other people more compatible with ourselves. Still, five years in and a lot of compromises and healthy boundaries and lessons learned the hard way, we're still married with a new baby and no intention of stopping.
Good luck to you sir.
I can totally relate. Right now, im no longer sure if my husband and I can keep this kind of situation. It gets very exhausting.
I can relate.
I was way idealistic unfortunately. He started off unfaithful.
From two parts of the country. It’s been tough.
Yo, I freaking love this comment
Go! Keep your promises. Good job! Inspiring!
from my observations industrious people need to be doing something to feel "normal", that is "settled" the tension of doing nothing quickly becomes unbearable for them
My ex was a slob and I was neat and all we did was fight. I never dated a messy person again. I'm now married to someone OCD and we are happy 😂😂
@mariegagliardi 😂 I love this comment !!
Lucky you.. i like neat coz i am messy😂 by nature i cant help it.😊
😂
That is goals right there!
Tell me about it
Good point one of the other comments mentioned: Jordan didnt write the title to this video. He's not actually coming to that conclusion, that's just what the uploader took from it. I think he's just listing potential difficulties in relationships.
Ah, we just did this big 5 thing and my partner and I are both similarly low in extraversion, neuroticism, and agreeableness and high in contentiousness and openness. We don’t have the exact same scores. We get along great.
Do you have a link to the big 5 questionnaire you did?
@@rufaiajala Google Understand Myself by Jordan Peterson
@@rufaiajala the one we did is from the book Personality by Daniel Nettle. I recommend the book. It gives a very balanced view on how the traits can be either beneficial or detrimental depending on the situation. It makes it clear that there’s no one best way to be.
You may find the MBTI explains a lot more than the Big 5
@@MichaelDamianPHD perhaps, but I have read that tests such as the MBTI simply measure more nuance within a single trait. That’s not to say they don’t have value, but for a barebones view of one’s personality without all the extra (and possibly unnecessary) details that can sometimes confuse people, the big 5 is great, and in my opinion, the best place to start. Just like it’s better to understand whole numbers before trying to understand decimals, if that makes sense.
Well in my experience, we both shifted. He become a lil more chill and i got to explore being a bit extroverted. Tbh i kinda enjoy it
Disrespecting me = end of relation for me
Family disrespect of me = end of relationship
You have to earn respect.
Respect must be mutual, otherwise the relationship is narcissistic.
@@BackLookingI think if you're already in a relationship, you've earned that respect a long time ago
End of relationships for me = Disrespecting me
That last part about your parter being "just like you" was exactly what I went through with my last ex partner: we were so damn alike that I would constantly see in her the same flaws that I have... and that really drove me crazy. I just couldn't stand her because it was like having a huge mirror in front of me every day showing me the aspects of me that I cannot tolerate.
Close to impossible to match On all things - opposites attract and for good reason because you can lift each others weaknesses
Attract, yes. But statistics show they don’t last.
It's a misleading statement. You need to be very similar on beliefs, character, values, life goals. After that, you can be different in personality, hobbies, etc
@@jasonmiradoli8900 And neither do people with everything in common
@@cosmictreason2242 agree
There needs to be a balance of having things in common and having opposite traits. Too much of either is not good.
Im a introvert, Given up on finding a partner so i dont really know whats it like being in a realtionship with an introvert or extrovert, What i look for most in a person is their kindness.
The Bible says "yoke evenly" it is about faith, willingness to grow, learn, change, communicate, spend time together🙏 Rev.M
There are MANY people who suffer with undiagnosed learning weakness or even disability who are emotionally hurt and often ill...who selfmedicate on top of this condition..they are unfit to love and create lasting healthy relationship until THEY decide to participate in their own healing process. I work with such people and their families..it is possible to heal (self) in many cases❤ with hope Rev.M
My first advice is to stay away from mind control CULT bullshit like churches mosques imams bibles etc.
It is literal brain rot made to make people easy to control.
It is a fake life.
Hi Rev. M - what area do you work out of? My husband and I are in need of this exact assistance and don’t even know where to begin. Thank you much
@kristicalz Hello Kristi, ty for your question and being honest about your situation. I work virtually (via email/zoom) to ensure comfort and privacy of the parties. Often, it is easier to speak openly on merits of anonymity than with someone in person.🙏
@@mmoro143thank you! I would love to email you and set something up if possible. Thank you for your time
@@kristicalzbe careful you dont get scammed
You don't have to be a perfect match but you need to be a good enough match. Not wanting exactly the same all the time, and having to adjust some can be fine
I love that he gave credit to his student’s work. Jordan is a legend!!
This applies to family and friendships as well.
Relateable. Partner wants to chill together whilst I want to get stuff done. I don't mind being the hardest working or a provider, but I'm expected to achieve that whilst simultaneously repeatedly interrupting my work and productivity to share non urgent discussions. Partner has never run a business and can't empathise with how valuable my time and focus is
Oof I feel you on this one. Running a business myself and some days it’s hard to even reply to casual texts during the day. I‘ve toned down my expectations toward easily finding a matching partner because very few women I meet have the drive and competency to make something out of their home and family. Where are those old school women that you could actually trust to have your back?
@@xAudiolith 'old school' was probably before the popularity of mobile phones. Most young people nowadays are addicted to their phones and will deprioritise what's happening in front of them to respond to notifications. Not me, I need to get in the zone distraction free.
@@xAudiolith When you say competency, competency at what exactly?
Why don't you tell her to not bother you when you work? You're losing money when your partner interrupts so it's necessary to create a system around this. I don't think it's a compatibility issue, but a lack of communication and negotiation. You lack the ability to set boundaries and/or your partner can't respect them. Should be fixable.
Yuck. "How valuable my time is". I'm on the partner's side in this. Chill out.
This needs to be taught in high school. You have to know yourself very well to understand with whom you are compatible. I went from being a housewife to a career woman in a highly competitive, male dominated field. My priorities and traits have changed along the journey. Adding a quite short fertility window for women is a game changer. It takes time to find the right partner, and sometimes, you are running out of time and settling for the best you can get at the time.
I believe the compatibility is the ability to find the right way to get along without being frustrated. You need to let go of your ego, be mature and patient.
I keep hearing that women are more orderly than men but all 4 of the women I’ve lived with have been absolute slobs and I became resentful and dumped them for it.
I'm a professional house cleaner, I can tell you that most women are slobs, I noticed that older women from 40+ are more orderly. The newer generation are extremely messy.
Most men are bums too. I don't take jobs from males, but when I do they seem to be more grateful and appreciate the help.
Generalizations you proved untrue. 👏🏼
Or did they just not pick up after you?😂
@@christinajose285 I had to pick up after them. I’m very organized and clean. Women I’ve lived with, or even not lived with (except for one), would have overflowing trash cans, shoes and clothes scattered all over the house, hair all over the bathtub, never washed their dishes, cars with garbage thrown in the back, etc. It could be I’m the unlucky guy who unintentionally found these rare women 🤷♂️
@@rizzamaeong my point was I must be unlucky. I would love to find one of these clean women so we can help each other have a nice home.
You can REALLY tell by the comments who listened to the whole video and who got triggered and rushed to the comments to complain about whatever triggered them and ignored the rest of the video.
How true….and what a pitty because I love him dearly…
but it shows me that love is not everything… it must match and most of all, the spiritual world you both live must be the same…
My husband is introverted. He doesn't enjoy talking to much of anyone even me.
OMG, I am one of those conscientious introverted persons that feels like I need to be doing something all the time. It's exhausting!
I think even chronic sources of conflict can be handled in health relationships with proper support, communication, sacrifice and appreciation on both partner’s ends. Just because people may have strong differences doesn’t automatically mean they cannot work or even thrive together, it just might be more work in some ways than for some other couples.
I think sometimes insight or advice about these things that is non-specific to a particular couple can cause people to fear their marriage is incompatible when it may not be the case.
seems to me, the key is not to be an extreme but instead, balanced.
I'd be interested to hear about the kinds of conflicts that could arise when there is a disparity in the domains of openness and of neuroticism. My suspicion is that these might be concealed by other kinds of disagreements, but act as drivers of difference in communication style.
Interesting that JP didn't mention neuroticism, which I thought had been identified by a study as the strongest of the Big Five personality traits as far as predicting relationship breakdown goes. He also didn't mention openness, which can be a factor in what kinds of holidays each prefers, and which is related to intelligence.
I think this is just a clip of a longer speech.
He has mentioned that. This video seems to cut that out
How is openness related to intelligence?
@@saraz9017 Apparently there's quite a high positive correlation between the two measures.
Theres a couple of people who say to me that that person is not right for me 🤬. Those people aren't in my life anymore, amen.
Just realized me and my boyfriend are COMPLETELY opposite. Explains a lot. We don’t fight, but I’m the disagreeable, industrious, conscientious, orderly one and he’s the agreeable, relaxed, unconscientious, disorderly one. You can imagine I’m quite annoyed a lot of the time and my boyfriend is sick of me asking him to do things a certain way, or do more. Somehow though, we get along. We both have a super high amount of patience, so there’s that.
Same exact thing here. Problem was it lasted about 3 and a half years and I just started to get more and more tired and neither of us were changing on a fundamental level.
I broke it off, essentially because of this, we were opposite in these fundamentals, but fuck we were so patient with each other and never argued. And I loved some of the opposite because it got me out of my comfort zone and taught him so much.
But the thought of an eternity of disparity on these fundamentals? I don't know. I'm still hurting. Thought I'd share.
Try being less uptight.
@@mariatorres9789 Less uptight in my relationship would mean the responsibility levels would drop. I’m the more responsible one. Try not assuming things about people you don’t know!
@Mirro6112 I'm the responsible one, too. I wasn't being judgemental, I know you 'hold it all together'. I'm just saying, for peace & harmony, try presenting things that you need help with or delegate for others, in a less confrontational way. That way, they'll hopefully feel better at home etc, & be more inclined to contribute when asked. I wasn't trying to be harsh, that's how I changed my home.
@@mariatorres9789 I already do that. I already digest everything before I spit it out. It doesn’t fix the problem that my BF is almost completely unopen and I’m constantly learning and curious. It’s causing a maturity gap. That’s a big issue for me.
Please could you link to the original video? this an incredible lecture
The worst combo is a productive person with a non-productive person. I think other difference in the 5 can work out if both have good communication skills.
The only character difference that really makes longevity impossible are different degrees of willingness to communicate and willingness (or ability) to put new behaviors into action. All of these other problems can be avoided with good communication, strong effort, goodwill (which includes a dose of patience).
So, there's always going to be conflict or incompatibility. The thing is how both of you face and solve the conflict. Empathy, communication, understanding, finding the common ground...
When there's too much incompatibility you won't be able to solve the conflict and find common ground. The conflicts will keep coming.
I'm introverted and hes extroverted. I hate when he tries to put me in the spotlight but I like that he does all the socializing for me in a public context. I'm messy and he loves to clean but we don't live together atm so well see how that works. Everything else is good thankfully lol.
That was how my marriage. I am more or less a fairly agreeable person and my ex-wife was extremely disagreeable. She didn’t really show it until after we got married
While I understand the importance of the general concept, this is over analyzing the issue. The main thing when it comes to differences in a relationship is being able to humbly communicate to one another and learn to make sacrifices for each other. My mother is extremely extroverted and my father is extremely introverted. My mom has friends that she’ll spend time with while my dad stays home to spend time with his kids. Sometimes my mom will forgo an event and spend time at home and other times my dad will go with my mom to social events.
The issue is that everyone believes that compatibility is the same the as being comfortable all the time. That’s a lie. Marriage and relationships in general are not always comfortable. Sometimes you sacrifice your comfort for the sake of others. A good indicator of compatibility is being able to humbly work through differences and learn how to compromise.
He mentions 5 dimensions at the beginning but I believe the video only covers 3? I heard:
1. Introversion/Extroversion
2. Agreeableness/Disagreeableness
3. Industriousness/Non-Industriousness (Conscientiousness?)
4. ???
5. ???
Yea the clip is missing openness (inclined to think abstractly/intellectually and appreciate aesthetics) and neuroticism (inclined to feel anxious toward unknown and volatile with emotions). My gf is high in both and she’s highly educated, loves art museums, and is afraid of walking in the dark or seeing big animals like deer nearby. The fearful feeling is like walking in a dark alley way alone and that sense of terror. I’m low in neuroticism and don’t feel that easily.
Big five personality traits, Acronym OCEAN
1.) Openness
2.) Conscientiousness
3.) Extroversion
4.) Agreeableness
5.) Neuroticism
Another thing is when one partner is emotionally unavailable to the other one. Know from experience 😢
Maybe it would be possible to help and teach them to gradually become more emotionally available and they just dont quite know how. But that at least requires both are willing to work on it
Nailed it. ❤
at the same time I remember him saying that two people equally high on the neuroticism spectrum aren't a match either..
I’m a big Dr. Jordan Peterson fan. And though I hesitate to challenge much of anything he says I question whether women are really more organized than men. In my experience with having several relatives who’ve a lot of income property across the board they all prefer renting to men over women (as opposed to couples married or not). The why is single men are cleaner, more organized and do less damage than single women. Now perhaps when a women is involved in a relationship (married or not) she ‘ups-her-game’ and better nests, I don’t know.
With one exception I have been more organized, neater and cleaner than any of the women I’ve been involved with or known for that matter. The one exception was a girlfriend who loved to clean. She used to say that cleaning was her super-power. She wasn’t anal per say just super efficient and really well organized. All the other women I’ve known had mediocre organizational skills at best and a couple were down right slovenly...
My brother rented to a travel nurse as his first endeavor and everything seemed great, they were paying above the mortgage amount, but at the end the one thing i remember him repeating was "i don't know how people can live like this," dog shit ground into the carpet everywhere. Traumatized him. Talked to another gentleman the other day and he says he exclusively rents to single men in their 40s cause no noise, no pets, no bs. I'm keeping that in mind as i contemplate getting into that myself
Single men work a lot so aren’t home much. They also tend to go out for drinks with their workmates etc. I can see that renting property to them would be easier as they aren’t home much. Women in general are more home bodies.
Where are women supposed to live then? Holes in the ground? Lolol. Sounds like a bunch of sexists. Not all men are neat and not all women are slovenly. That's ridiculous. One incident does not make a study. Women usually take care of all the chores in a household even if she works full time too. How hard is it to clean up after just yourself? Get real.
@@archibaldevans2251 in some part it's because women have more stuff, products, hair dryers, straighteners and curlers, more clothes and shoes, kitchen appliances... men have four pairs of shoes, one 6 in 1 shower gel, pc or a playstation and a big screen.
So in other words, similarity is key and it's ok to be different, but being too different causes unhealthy amounts of conflict.
People who aren't happy with their partners tells me everything I ever need to know tells me everything man that marriage going to be a real splendid success....
My husband and I are incompatible like how Jordan describes… in every way he said, dis/agreeableness non/conscientiousness, ex/introversion what do we DO!?!? We are literally opposites in every category
:( whattttt to dooooo
Um maybe not post that on the Internet? Poor bastard. Hope you at least tried to convey this to him
Do you feel like its affecting your mental health or taking a toll on your relationship? I would focus in on your guy's strengths
laugh about the occasional amusing situations this causes together and take breaks from being around each other, and even short ones from communicating with each other, but not caring about each other
Use the opposites to grow. Conflict is good. Marriage is supposed to help each other grow. Successfully resolving conflicts is actually a form of pleasure.
Cheat
Om gosh he nailed it for me. Was seeing a disagreeable guy, gruff misery-seeker. He called me wishy-washy whereas I had been adaptable -and weary from it. Ok I get it now. Next time I will be gruff right back at him. 1:03
You are right! It always Mens Fault. .....Now Shooooo !!
@@modernman1240 😆
I don’t think you grasped the message being delivered. You are too interested in using this video to prove to yourself that you were not the party that was at fault for the decay of the relationship. Examine yourself.
How true. But there are other dimensions as well, namely intelligence (surrogated by openness and IQ), political inclinations, religious beliefs (or non-beliefs), income and social background, not to mention the need for a *mutual* physical attraction, that make it almost impossible to find the ideal partner. I've had several long-term relationships (10 years or so) and one or other of the incompatibilities Jordan mentions has always ended them.
It's not incompatibility that is the issue. It is the inability to manage it, to turn differences into features that serve the relationship rather than bugs that destroy it.
I think you need to look at you then!
You are the common factory in all the relationships also there is no such thing as ideal people are not easy.
Working with your partner from the beginning to make things better and work is important!
@@MrSamurai137 when they say take a look at you, it seems to be meant in a negative way. Perhaps he has clear boundaries and after 10 years, the boundary needed enforced. Take a look at me and see that I’m proud of upholding my boundaries even if it means being single? Okay, thanks lad!
@@nickthompson1812 if you take a look at yourself and see that you are happy being single your boundaries are upheld then that fine.
Is there no benefits for being on a relationship for you also.
You fully ready to undertake the boundaries of your perfect partner when you find them and express yours with grace!
My recent partner of 8 months was not easy to please. She is older than me and comes from a long marriage of extreme difficulties and has two kids… I tried my best to do everything to show her how serious i am about her and her family, though her European views on how men should be have skewed her and her daughters opinions on how their partners should treat them. I shouldn’t have to give flowers and gifts, and time and focus for her young son and do all this and 10 fold just to be told that so many men want her and would be happy to be with her. To take any issue or discrepancy we have and blow it up, instead of sit down and try to understand each other. To allow my words and actions to have so much power to hurt you, and not be hurt by anyone or anything else.. to leave me or threaten to leave me when times get hard.. I tried so hard to love her right and I messed up in the end like she always put out there that I would.. I’m going to take time to heal from this as in the past I jumped almost immediately out there to fill the void.. now I just want to be alone, and I don’t want go give my heart and soul for a long time
Idk how accurate this is, because I'm an introvert who has typically dated extroverts. I have noticed if I date my mirror image the relationship just stays the same. My extrovert relationships brought me out of my comfort zone.
As for agreeableness, I'm just chill but I still have boundaries even though I'm chill and agreeable.
I'm have high consciousness in regards to what I see, I have dated people who just waste time on vices and nonsense etc, so yes it disgusts me, so that's correct.
Honestly are men and women even compatible ? The longer I live the more I wonder if men and women are inherently so different that it's almost impossible to have a "normal" relationship! It's become so obvious how different we are since the creation of the internet.
@@winsie_w-m6l the end of your comment is a little ridiculous. Men & women lived together for thousands of years before the internet. But for the vast majority of these years, people stuck to more strict gender norms. I believe that can be blamed the issues our society is facing now.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_ I wasn't talking about historically in the past at the end of my comment, I'm referring current time hence the reference to the internet.
Relationships are not working anymore, or should I say the lack of relationships is the problem.
Far to many men and women are staying single longer then they ever have before! The internet has leveraged that result.
The world wide web has provided instant gratification, which allows people to go on dating apps and social media to find a partner. It's a virtual buffet of choice so why do people need to commit/invest anymore when you can just go get another human subscriber.
The lack of investment is also the problem, not being committed to something stunts growth, people who don't invest long term are psychologically infantile. When a person doesn't have a close friend or relationships that person eventually seeks fantasy, seeks pleasure, checks out of really living authentically.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_women also historically used to have a lot less agency and opportunities to disagree and cause conflicts.
Of course the situation becomes clouded when/if a person's preferences and likes are driven by their internal personal issues . Because the reality of this society is that most people do not take the time or have the time to get to know themselves deeply .
I don’t have that many experiences, but after four relationships I start to think that it’s impossible to say why some relationships fail and why some don’t.
It’s not a neat package you can explain away with extraversion levels or with orderliness and agreeableness.
It’s chemistry. It’s in God’s hands; in short, we know nothing.
There is this girl I should love very much. But I can’t. And there is this other one who is totally incompatible with me on the surface, but some occult force makes me love her utterly. Go figure
Ask yourself a basic question, do you want to have sex with the girl you can’t love? Obviously not. She isn’t attractive physically to you. The other one is.
We look at many factors but fail to recognize the most obvious, physical attraction. Ask yourself if it’s love or lust. Lust can make a good man think he’s in love if he doesn’t know the difference. Caught me off guard just a year ago. It was never love.
We also want what we can’t have as if to prove why we should be able to have it.
Less about God or the occult.
Try looking at this woman you like, who you're not compatable with and see what characteristics/traits she has that you may subconsciously be looking for/want and what similarities she shares with prehaps your parents or whichever parental relationship you've seen as a child. It's worth exploring.
Only unseen forces that exist are our past experiences and childhood experiences that pave the ways for our relationship dynamics. Less mysterious than we think.
I think there's a whole other dimension of relating that this video neglects. What traits do we value in a partner and what traits do we WISH we had more of in our lives that we don't. Latent personality charactistics that are brought out by our environment.
The end of the video mentions sometimes opposites can be good for each other. The dimension of relating I refer to is partially telling of when that will be true.
Conflict is guarnteed when we differ strongly on these dimensions, but not necessarily compatiblity.
If opposites attract each other,
What's the reason for?
One being like an open window
One just like a closing door
- John Denver "Two Different Directions"
What are the 5 categories Dr. Peterson mentioned?
I think Jordan Peterson should bring out some matchmaking business. I would absolutely give it a shot if he did that.
After 49 years on earth, I truly believe that the best equation for a lasting relationship is to find someone that is as close to your personality as possible. Every little difference between you and your partner creates a rift of constant compromise and it becomes absolutely exhausting to deal with after a while.
My ex husband was extremely needy both emotionally and socially. Was really disturbing. Very paranoid and manipulative. Ugh
Divorce is the best answer for many dysfunctional relationships. Incompatibility and deceitfulness is a disaster!!
i came to the same explanation about industrious people in my own head. And to be honest, i am somewhat the opposite of that, and it drives me crazy that they just cannot seem to stop, even if it hurts other things which i consider more valuable. Also, i dont think they are productive most of the time, its another issue. They think they are, but its almost compulsory and thats what annoys me the most.
So what you are saying is if we observe differences in potential mates and identify areas we will compromise and areas we won’t compromise then we will be happier? I also think the degree of flexibility between the 2 individuals helps ease some of the burden between the differences. Is it easier to live with a person who normally wants it their way, do it this way, we need to do this first or the person who will listen to partner and then propose the idea that is best for both in respectful manner (either agreeing with partners idea, compromising, or offering new suggestion based of situation)? I think there is some truth in this video but I also think it depends on individuality and degree of compromise from individual that won’t sacrifice happiness.
I have a shorter social battery than my girlfriend but she tells me that there’s too much noise in her life, and she wants some peace and quiet to focus on her responsibilities, so I think it’s something we can work out
_”Those two were just too sharp for each other. They’d sit, they’d listen, they’d write. But when they noticed each other it was like alpha waves kicked in and desks locked into collision courses.”_
I am an introvert my husband is an extrovert.We have been married 59 years.We love each other very much.My problem is when we go shopping he wants to stand around and talk a lot.I have 2 different kinds of arthritis and fibromyalgia and I need his help and I cant stand and walk.Im a very neat and clean person and hes a slob.I feel like Im his mother cleaning up after him.But I stay with him because Ive always loved him since I married him at 15 years old.I guess Ill stay until I die.
okay but if you constantly seek social interactions but when you go to a big social event it takes so much energy out of you that you need a week to recharge your batteries, what are you ? and does that mean you match with neither introverts nor extroverts ? or you match with both ? i'm confused
Well me and my husband are both messy and a place is always messy and it’s not good either. I wish one of us would be different and would push the other. Same we both like to chill at home so we don’t go out much. I wish we would be different so we would push each other to do things more inside and outside the house.
I find this pretty difficult. I am not an orderly person. I like to clean my room once a week and do the dishes daily but I'll always have clutter. I met women who were okay with that some were more orderly some less. And I got the feeling or the fear that this could be a red flag... But on the other hand I believe that the/a right person will understand and see beyond that. I do have a lot of interests in different sports and Music so I got stuff around...
These are salient points but there are gray areas. Maybe that's why relationships that seem promising expire after years.
😂 25-second rebound, love it
Ha. My partner and I are still only married freshly..1 year and some but have lived together for about 5 years. And definitely have most of those differences but I can laugh about it this far and so can he happily..so it doesn't sting yet. I can make fun of it. The only part where we really clash is orderliness where I demand things faster that seem like inane details to him and he feels mistrusted (I'll do it later vs please do it now) vibes. But that's ok. I really get to relax thanks to him and see a different way of life. Hopefully my mental health and sense of self responsibility won't degrade to hell and back and I'll be able to rise above it in ten years as well, because I do believe it gets harder unless we are responsible for ourselves mentally primarily to fix what we can to not lash out in time at the other. Ah well.
My ex partner was very disagreeable, there were times when i had to defend my opinion at all cost because he was never convinced...and if i ever slightly disagree with him he would say to me i was too obstinate
If i wanted to connect with him emptionally it felt like climbing a wall at times
Jordon doesn't deal with the higher female neuroticism problem. It's at least as relevant as the other personality markers.
I am not perfect and will not be in this world. I only would like to be in a loveable relationship/marriage and help each other grow in God. It should not be that complicated. I am exhausted by complicated dating stuff.
You need some difference in personality traits, but not too much. I am very disorderly, while my partner is industrious, but she puts up with me because we're both introverted and agreeable, and have a happy life otherwise. We don't share the same interests, but we share the same lifestyle which is way more important.
what if im not compatible with anyone, what about that
I have home in Bolivia with alot more closet space.
interesting .. iMO Peterson conflates conscientious with industrious somewhat .. being conscientious is doing the right thing completing tasks, doing what you say you will do ... not just being"busy" or appearing "busy" ...🤔
But arent the Big Five a bit superficial? For example, a person who scores high on neuroticism, but did get to learn to regulate his emotions.
Secondly, wouldnt it be helpful to differentiate between two kinds of affect (positive/negative) that can occur independently from each other?
And what about a functional analysis of those different personalities, or action- vs. state-orientation and several partnership outcomes correlated to that?
The 'women are more agreeable than men' is true, but my (I am male) ex (she is female) and I did NOT get along in this way, rather she was the disagreeable person. If she asked for my OPINON or ADVICE, or anyone for that matter, she was disagree quickly and trash it (a clear sign of a narcissist). It's like a student coming to a professor and saying "I don't know about this professor, could you teach me?" and after the teacher teaches, the student goes "wrong, your explaining wrong. It's all wrong" hahaha
haha disagreeable and stupid
Me and my ex-husband were wildly different in every dimension mentioned here.
We had everything in common. I never knew what mood he would be in. We went to therapist but didnt help. Sosad!
You didn’t have everything in common if you didn’t know what mood he was in!
I understood it fine, "everything in common" would include other stuff
.... Harsh.... 😂
@DivestedConfessions A lot of people suffer from childhood trauma, which they haven't proper healed from and bring ( carry) that burden in their relationship.
I’m guessing that wasn’t really so. Think about how much you may have diminished yourself within the relationship. As they say, there’s three side to every story…. yours, mine, and the truth.
Every one of his points is my husband and I. Opposites. We have been together 40 years. So I think it is the amount of + or - is on a scale - If you are extreme + and a -, it probably will drive you nuts.
Women are more agreeable? I’d beg to differ. About compatibilities, I think “opposites attract” is one of the worst beliefs in dating. It may be true for some people but is immature and short sighted. Differences in a marriage cause problems. But of course, none of us are clones so couples will inevitably have some differences. It’s been said that differences are debts that you owe and similarities are money in the bank. Which do you want more of?
MR. Know It All now with the relationship advise... another painkiller .
She has BPD. I love her so much, with all my life. It's hard, way too much
Fighting all the time? Had to divorce my wife couldn’t figure out what’s wrong half the time and wouldn’t talk but she’d rather check my messages and see what if I talk about the situation with friends.
@@Loth-n1v Half the battle with BPD it's the other person admiting she needs help and commiting to therapy. If that doesnt happen, then it's a lost battle. Thank god my girlfriend is really aware of her condition and is going to therapy, yet still is hard as hell
@@thekramer1097 congrats bro that’s a person that’s trying. For me it’s a lost cause. She’d rather be right than be married. It’s tough post divorce do your best to keep her :) but take care of yourself also.
Don’t opposites attract?
They can but id assume that if you’re introvert/quiet like me you’d want someone like you but maybe if you’re a little more extroverted then your partner so you can communicate with them lol
Only three things matter: Self-respect, loyalty, and telling the truth. The rest don’t mean shit.
Surprisingly good.
What do you want in a stable partner...some who does what they say they will do most of the time and is stable.
You will mesh fine in most cases as long as youre both commited to the truth and pleasing the almighty. the only struggles will be the sheets and who is less content with their salvation until youre too old to care.
Which of the 5 traits determines to be TRUTHFUL? In my humble opinion, that's the most important trait to have.
Opposites attract, to a point.