happiness 101
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- Опубликовано: 6 май 2024
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FAQs
- How old are you? - 38
- Where do you live? - Cape Town, South Africa & Dorset, UK.
- What do you do for a living? - I create, I coach, I work with brands, I sell merch with my own designs.
- What editing program do you use? - DaVinci Resolve
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Love this bro! refreshing to hear 🥰
Hey broski 🩵😁
“They don’t teach you that in school do they?” 😂
I reckon we should keep in mind that only 2 generations ago there was no internet - there was a row of hardback "encyclopedia" books on a shelf in the village library that you would physically visit (on your bicycle) and write notes from 🙈- the paradigm was that people thought knowledge was static enough to commit to encyclopedias 🙃 - it infers "knowing most things" is doable - 15 books A-Z right ? the reason I am saying this is it was those "grown ups" who at the time thought they knew everything that hatched the concept of having your grown up shit together - people who are "receivers" for new ideas and form part of the enlightenment have always been pressured to fit themselves to the expectations of elders - but if we had all behaved ourselves and conformed no one would have left their village- we would still be using flints maybe - so many different models of how to live a life now - Fantastic colour expressions you have been making btw
I hope one day there will be no internet. Just set back on your environment where your needed.
But on the other hand.. it makes life easier with internet. But easier isn't always better. It's a learning process 😅
@@sugartoet I hope you can access the joy and nourishment 🤝🙏there are a lot of positives too - never before have humans had such a tool to build a collective coordinated conscience to care for the planet 🌍💚 and hopefully PEACE 🧗👫👬🧑🤝🧑 I have had so much more access and exchange with eg oceancleanup and other action groups - my daughter is doing an online degree with the freedom to be wherever she wants and talking to other students on her course that are all over the world, single parents in Africa able to do her course ( software coding) and my 85 year old Dad with limited mobility get so much joy taking in streamed views from the international space station - its even making solitary living so much more doable #forestyforrest and others :o)
Right in the middle of trying to move from an anxious attachment style to secure. The innate trauma pathways from childhood to seek external validation is such a hard one to re wire. Found that I’m a pro at being beautifully balanced and content & hear the birds sing, when I’m single. As soon as I fall for ‘the one’ I loose all sense of ability to not freak out when it’s not how I needed it to be in my head. When it goes sideways, well now I’m fighting failure and abandonment. Which I most likely created myself. Yo! This life thing 😅 very much needed the reminder to be the burning centre of my own happiness. Keep sharing Ben!
I resonate A LOT!! Awareness of these things is wild, and we cant change what we can’t see, relationships are mirrors 😳
@@benbrownkeep wondering how we work on the things that only surface in relationships without pushing those people away.
@jessbrown5978 I'm going through the same thing right now!! You expressed the emotions that come with the anxious attachment style so beautifully and your comment helped me realize a few things too. Thank you!!
@@TamaraUdugama appreciate your response and to know I’m not sat in this alone. If it helps I discovered margarita Nazarenko on you tube as she has videos of how she moved from anxious to secure. Xx
@@jessbrown5978 Thank you!! 💕
Hey Ben, we met earlier when you visited Singapore wayyyy back in 2014(?) I was just a teenager back then, now I’m 25 years old just had a bad fall which led to a concussion and I recently just lost my job in the midst of my recovery. Life sucks right now, but your videos are helping me to learn more about myself and my needs. Thank you for coming back ❤
Hey :) wow that was a while ago but I remember that trip so clearly, and meeting such cool people too!
Sorry to hear you’ve had a knock on the head… I do believe that these things happen for a reason, I’d say you’re being redirected away from something that’s not for you any longer, and towards something much more aligned for you and your heart… you just can’t see it yet, everything is unfolding in perfection, I’m excited for your recovery and for your next chapter! 🩵
Around 2:50 that was soo deep I’d love to hear you go further ‘down that rabbit hole’ ! It’s good to see you so much more grounded it’s clear to see you’ve developed so much spiritually in the past few years. Much love brother, I’ve been watching since your trip to the arctic !
Really loved this one, great with a morning coffee. Take care Ben
Great video again Ben, can definitely relate. I just went through a very difficult breakup that exposed all my shadows and left me very unstable and in a dark place. The person became incredibly unhealthy for me, brought up my weaknesses, used them against me for the sake of ego, power and control rather than love. Im still struggling with it, im still unwell. It was like a drug.
Its hard not to depend on those who give us deep acceptance and love, when unconditional love is what we strive to give and receive in this life. We want to lead with our hearts, but we dont realise that some people have learnt to lead with their fear, especially when things get hard and our shadows arise.
Those of us guys who are sensitive souls are often misunderstood
Thanks for sharing, I too have been making choices from fear, much easier to see that in hindsight! Often we think we don't have any choices, and in the moment maybe we don't, but you're right, if we're learning though the process then we're growing and evolving, that's what these big changes are all about :)
‘You can feel good if you want!’ Resonates for me. I’ve had so many dark times, co dependancy a key part of that, but now in the last year or so things have shifted for me literally from simply hearing small phrases like you just said and then pondering on those… i do literally believe you CAN feel good if you want. Those little thoughts in your head? If they are ‘negative’ then you won’t feel good… no you can’t stop them but gaining understanding on what happens here is important. Thinking ‘I have a sh*t tiny house, I want a fancy big one and I won’t be happy until I do’ Will make you feel bad. It’s nothing to do with the house or the circumstances surrounding the house but simply just the thoughts around the house. The 3 principles - Mind, Consiousness & thought by Sydney banks is a super easy way to understand and gain insight to these things, for those who maybe don’t quite understand it. I find it all so interesting! No clue if any of this made any sense, I’m waffling!
Love it brother! Happiness is for the brave!
❤ This is why I intentionally huck myself into remote places where I couldn’t even connect if I wanted to - specifically for days or weeks if possible. By day 3 pushing past fomo, withdrawal, etc, it’s most amazing feeling and I find true rhythm with the world. But here’s the kicker - if I have just 1 bar of service, or I could easily go to a place to get an internet connection - it hangs over me, and I never come close to that same clarity or rhythm. As a behavioural economist by formal training, I know that if I want to change my behaviour, I have to change my environment for longer than 3 day, in a place where I couldn’t connect even if I wanted to - it makes all the difference ☺️
Loving these recent vids Ben, keep it up!
Happiness is a choice. It's the cool thing about being a human. Free will and choice. One can choose to be happy, or choose the illusion that other things in this world dictate how we feel. Or, to put it another way, one can subscribe to the notion of "dependent" happiness, meaning one will be able to happy if such things are "right". Once I gain a perfect partner (true love) or my forever home, or my kids will be all in college, THEN I can be happy. Nope, that is illusory, one can be happy, alone in a desert. One can be happy alone on the high seas. It is one's decision to give "independent" happiness power in one's life, rather than a "dependent" happiness based entirely on external perception. Happiness tied to "if this then happiness" , just means we've chosen to be happy only when we've decided it's okay to be happy.
Thankyou Ben, a little mantra I say to myself is "You've got this girl"!
Timely. Thank you brother 🙏🏻💚🌞
Thanks Ben, really needed this!
Needed this, cheers bro 👊
No problem bro! You're super welcome, I needed it too!
Loving your new style of vlog 🙏 I have to admit your old videos weren’t for me, but I would watch them with my bf. But have been really enjoying your latest videos ❤️🔥
Love you, Ben
It’s fine if ur a trust fund baby and don’t have the worries of putting food on the table day to day and having enough fuel to get to work to pay for ur own experience in this world. But in reality these are things and reasons why we feel shit
Ain’t not trust fund here, parents supporting me to save on rent while I get back on track, and yes it would be challenging without them, I would need to find a regular job quickly, and STILL you have power to make a choice about how you perceive your life.
People don’t want to hear that though, it’s fucking hard to realise you’ve been the one choosing how you feel, it’s painful to take full responsibility, and it’s freeing because with practice we can limit the time we spend Ed victimising ourselves, and increase the time we spend doing something about it AND even enjoying the process.
My point is that even trust fund babies have to deal with their mind, their emotions, pain, suffering and all the human stuff. Many rich people kill themselves. So, knowing this you can free yourself from the false belief that money would fix all your problems. Sure, we need money, this is true AND at the same time, money doesn’t bring actual happiness, it creates temporary comfort, which kills us slowly anyway. The gift we each can be grateful for (if we so choose) is to be alive in the first place, gratitude attracts more things to be grateful for, resentment leads to more resentment, it’s all on you fam!
@@benbrown I think the point he is making is you have that safety net of well off parents giving you a break from having to worry about rent and feeding yourself. You struggle financially? Not to worry, fly half way round the world and move back in with your parents and they will support you. Many people don't have that luxury. They have to take a terrible job to support themselves and their family, it's much much harder. Simply saying you're not happy because you don't choose to be happy, or because you're not grateful for what you have, is a very privileged view that ignores the inescapable pain and suffering in many people's lives.
@@tomdivasion7724 I mean who are you to say he’s privileged. What because he has family to fall back to? So what, that could very well end up being a negative in the long run compared to someone who needs to fall back to finding a job. Maybe that job someone else falls back into leads them to a very successful and fulfilling life whereas Ben here becomes complacent and doesn’t figure anything out. Nothing is face value in life. Nothing is 1 or even 2 dimensional. It’s all multifaceted. You can’t just say his opinion is privileged on the basis of one aspect of life.
@@997TurboS Having options such as these is a privilege. Maybe you feel it's the norm, I would disagree. What people choose to do with such privilege is in their prerogative
Why does it all makes sense when you tell it like this!? Very interesting Ben
im resonating with this ben!
If you wrote a list of all the things you love how long would it take to write yourself? You have to be happy now in this very moment for no reason at all if you can't do that then you never will be happy.
Such a great chat!! Focusing on ME a lot more now vs the past! Seeing improvement!
Thanks :) having been brought up to believe taking care of my needs (or having needs at all!) was selfish, taking care of myself can come with a side of guilt, which I’m working on!
"Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants" - Epictetus
Would hugely recommend the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar. He talks a lot about how a lot of people just exist on the hedonic treadmill. He references how he was a national squash champion and was still unhappy, meaning that the "happiness" he would get from external achievements would come and go quickly.
The best addiction is the addiction to not fall into addictions 😀
Haha! Makes sense :) I believe the opposite to addiction is not sobriety, but actually connection. A lack of connection leads to us seeking outside of ourselves for a soothing feeling, we need each other, we need to feel connected to something bigger than us :)
@@benbrown Yeah i agree ! This point of view is very new and interesting for me 🙂 thank you for your reply 🙏
Love the shades brother !!
Ben, thanks for the yet another great vlog! Very much deep thoughts!
On the another note, I miss your trip vlogs. Why not make vlog going out nearby places that you are now?
Hey! Thanks for watching :) The travel vibes will be back soon, this feels like an in between period, I'm working on selling some art and getting some money in to invest in a camper van, the plan is to get suck into the UK and explore, shoot, film, be in nature, meet people, camp, find waterfalls and be back on the adventures!
You're supporting me just by watching, by giving a like, leaving this comment etc, I'm restocking the print store on my website today, and I'll have some merch available soon, many ways to support :)
Thanks for being part of my journey :)
When you were summing up the things that make you feel discomfort i was like ooooommgggg SAME! and i feel so shitty when sitting with that but it haaaaaas to be done…. Cant just ignore the things and be on my phone…
It's our Soul vs. the corporations who are wizards at creating addictive devices and algorithms! I do believe we can make good use of the internet without it draining our life :)
Hey Ben I want to ask you something. Don’t you think thinking too much isn’t good? Like I feel that (correct me if I’m wrong) you’re almost dissecting every action you do, I don’t think that’s necessarily productive. I think being aware is good but being hyper aware can end up making you scared of taking action. Life is so absurd that there’s no point trying to understand it all. Keeping things simple just makes it all easier, just being present . Or so I think.
It’s sooo wrong. It’s the worst you can do actually, It takes you away from the present moment. Ben is Pisces in Age of Aquarius. It’s not gonna be easy, because now it’s all about action less about talking and wishing. It’s about what you know, not what you want to believe.
FOR SURE! Thinking too much is not good when FEELING is needed, I often over intellectualise to actually avoid doing the deeper 'work' of feeling grief etc. Can't think my way though healing lol
And, thinking is not all bad, working with the imagination, allowing myself to flow with the way I communicate opens up my heart, if the thoughts are positive and have a positive feeling in my body, that usually tells me I'm onto something, now, if that 'something' I'm onto is valuable for others too, then the joy of communicating it makes sense (even if I'm not always good at communicating, and even if the person listening finds no value for themselves) it's all good.
I also feel called to share about what I'm learning, because it's part of my integration process :)
For sure simple is beautiful and easier, normally I'm pretty quiet, until the excited urge bubbles up and off we go on a little chat!
Once think I know, is that I don't know anyyyythingggg AND it's fun to try figure things out sometimes!
@@benbrown Absolutely 💯 Thinking is good. Feeling is good. As long as you can go through this process by yourself without having to hold onto somebody to help you with it it’s ok. Men are about action and women are about feeling and being. Today we are seeing the roles are being swapped. Women go and get things done, while men need to have a chat to think how he feels about it. That is why men at the moment are really struggling. This of course has nothing to do with being in touch with yourself or finding your way. However inner work should reflect outside work. The only way to leave that “feeling” state is to be thrown in the unknown. Basically your parents are compassionate and probably don’t have the heart to tell you the real stuff. Plus if you lived far from home they probably love having you close. But sometimes to help is to make you feel uncomfortable and dad should kick you in the butt and tell you that it’s high time to stand on your own feet.
top!! ❤🔥🚀
“Saying all the right words, not necessarily in the right order” 😅😅😅 #wordsoup
Try listening in reverse?! 👍🏼
Sorry my life’s to busy to dedicate another 15 minutes … I’ll pass if you don’t mind :-)
I feel like I know too much about life that I can't life anymore 😂 Like just doing simple hobbies or mundane tasks just don't hit the same as they used too now! I feel like being spiritually aware is almost killing my motivations in life because I see the bigger picture...therefore I sit and contemplate alot and don't do much at all, I just think! But ultimately, I think that is killing my happiness ah
Thoughts are good but too much thinking isn’t. You need action paired with those thoughts. There’s a reason why philosophers are almost always depressed and sad. They just think too much. Life is deep but there’s no point going down that route as there’s no answers at the end of that road. Life’s better when you think less and just be present.
Haha I feel you! If what you’re thinking about is killing your vibe, think about something else! I like to write too, helps me a lot, I do a lot of pondering and deep thinking, and it actually helps me enjoy the mundane, doing the washing up after I’ve just been pondering quantum theory makes the whole experience a little more interesting!
❤
Benji
Yeah. In the think of it these days 😕
Sending you love :) x
Did Ben and Leonie break up?
We did yes, I've not spoken about it online yet, I will when I'm ready :)
W video
Second! Lol
Really needed this video today ❤️🩹 thanks! Also can’t wait for u to talk a bit about the over communication we are currently experiencing having our phones attached to us and how to put limits to this. For me I find it completely drains my energy but at the same time can’t stop texting/ being on social media. It’s so frustrating
It's wild how addictive we've made these devices hey, we're up against some very intelligent well paid wizards creating the algorithms etc, and yet we can create more than we consume, and hold the positive vibes here online!
@@benbrown yeah, you are right! I was just debating this with a friend and we were trying to switch our perspective. If you see tech devices as a tool you can also create and contribute to make little nice corners in the internet. It also democratices (dunno if this is the right word, English is not my first language) information, and allows you to learn a lot of new skills for free.
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