Why Avoidants Are ADDICTED To You After No Contact

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  • Опубликовано: 1 янв 2025

Комментарии • 251

  • @sagovana
    @sagovana Месяц назад +115

    Dude, they just replace you and avoid the break up feelings. Maybe it hits them MUCH later, maybe it doesn't, but they are conditioned to avoid difficult feelings and accountability and their mind works to prevent them from that. Whether that be working excessively, meeting other people, spending time with friends etc. They are more likely to never contact again as reaching out means they have to be vulnerable and puts them into a position of being rejected which is their primary fear to begin with.

    • @kryssis69
      @kryssis69 Месяц назад +8

      You are describing narcissists.

    • @sagovana
      @sagovana Месяц назад +32

      @kryssis69 No, I'm not. A narcissist doesn't have to avoid any negative feelings or pain from the break up because they have no empathy and simply don't care. They have nothing to avoid. They simply seek a new source of supply to cater to their need for admiration and sense of entitlement.

    • @Apexhunter92
      @Apexhunter92 Месяц назад +6

      No hes absolutely right.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад +4

      ​@@kryssis69 he is describing female avoidants.

    • @sierraG333
      @sierraG333 Месяц назад +7

      They don’t actually care. Their goal is to play stupid mind games vs actually seek a healthy relationship where you both learn and help each other grow.

  • @PhoenixRising-p2v
    @PhoenixRising-p2v Месяц назад +71

    Yeah, they come back...but THEY LEAVE again OVER and OVER and OVER. There is NO HOPE with an AVOIDANT.

    • @AhwhoCS
      @AhwhoCS Месяц назад +1

      Will they comeback if they ghost you after the break up?

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад +7

      Women do not come back.

    • @the_blue_lotus_portal
      @the_blue_lotus_portal Месяц назад

      ​@Alixir1228in my experience, I have had multiple ghosters come back months or years later.

    • @user-hs7pf6by6v
      @user-hs7pf6by6v Месяц назад +6

      Jup i am for the 6 time? In no contact. Fed up

    • @the_blue_lotus_portal
      @the_blue_lotus_portal Месяц назад

      @@PhoenixRising-p2v it looks like my other comment disappeared. In my experience, they do come back. I have had several men ghost me and they have ALWAYS come back, this has happened to me probably dozens of times from 5 different men. One time it took him 6 years.

  • @PhoenixRising-p2v
    @PhoenixRising-p2v Месяц назад +50

    Irony is they END UP ALONE because people get SICK 😫 of the, ghosting, breadcrumbing and Selfishness. At some point you realize that they will NEVER CHANGE. They will never be who you need them to be. They are TOO Damaged

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад +4

      Women always find some fool.

    • @PatriciaPeeters-g4g
      @PatriciaPeeters-g4g Месяц назад +7

      Nobody is "Too damaged", its all about willingness to do the inner work.

    • @bulldogsnewleaf-m7g
      @bulldogsnewleaf-m7g Месяц назад +1

      @@marguskiis7711 and here you are going around the internet complaining about "not being allowed the opportunity to be said FOOL"...let that sink in.

    • @MadMaxMan2008
      @MadMaxMan2008 Месяц назад +2

      Damaged means at one point they were fine. It also means they can be repaired. Say the real reason THEY ARE FUKED

    • @MadMaxMan2008
      @MadMaxMan2008 Месяц назад +2

      @@PatriciaPeeters-g4gMy ex had Damaged tattooed on her chest!! With a circle around it. Red flag right!?? It was the wrong word. It should have said I’m totally FU-KED

  • @beebsyboo7030
    @beebsyboo7030 Месяц назад +10

    They always come back. My ex has come back (3rd time), love bombing, pursuing me hard & trying to get back together but he still has no clue what he wants. This man is 50!!. HARD PASS.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  28 дней назад

      It can be a huge turn off to be dealing with someone who's confused or doesn't know what he/she wants, so I totally get where you're coming from. Consider moving on from this or at the very least, open your dating pool, yeah?

  • @feelsb4reals_
    @feelsb4reals_ Месяц назад +87

    Bro just ignore them and move on with your life. I was abandoned by someone I loved. They don’t give a shit. They’re probably with the next guy/girl. Move on!
    I have someone in my life now that wants to be there. I spent months of my life trying to look up these videos and waiting to get an avoidant back. Just move on. Trust me it will get better.

    • @MattCassCook
      @MattCassCook Месяц назад

      @@feelsb4reals_ this!

    • @philipcrocker
      @philipcrocker Месяц назад +1

      They now want to be there...

    • @fredpantis2084
      @fredpantis2084 Месяц назад

      @@philipcrocker My guy, proceed with caution. Have the talk about what went wrong and willingness to go to therapy together or separately. Don't accept them back freely, ESPECIALLY if they haven't done the work.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      This vid is for you: ruclips.net/video/4gTXF42Vnhw/видео.html

  • @MattCassCook
    @MattCassCook Месяц назад +33

    It’s NOT WORTH IT. Trust me. Don’t bend yourself into a pretzel to accommodate a messed up person. Put them in rotation or hook up and get rid. 👍🏻

    • @cspace1234nz
      @cspace1234nz Месяц назад +4

      …yep, I agree. Avoid the avoidant at all costs as far as any sort of relationship goes.

    • @ommitedommited154
      @ommitedommited154 Месяц назад

      I would die for her. She was supposed to be my wife.

    • @TheJosiejumper
      @TheJosiejumper Месяц назад +2

      That’s very sad because with the right person anyone can flourish if both people are aware and working. Together and honest communication always constant is key so I disagree

    • @ommitedommited154
      @ommitedommited154 Месяц назад +3

      @@TheJosiejumper exactly. People have such a fairytale idea of love.
      LOVE IS A CHOICE. ONE YOU MAKE EVERY DAY.
      LOVE IS HARD. ITS WORK. ITS HURTS. ITS VUNERABILITY. LOVE IS A SACRIFICE.
      We shouldn't even say "I love you."
      We should say "im willing to suffer for you."

    • @TheJosiejumper
      @TheJosiejumper Месяц назад +1

      @@ommitedommited154 this is not meant as anyway across the board but in my personal experience it comes with age and experience and hurting however it’s a slog yes and it’s boring 95% of the time and you see the worst of a person but it’s the belief that your working to a common goal peace harmony and happiness and growth always growing

  • @Kmahersh01
    @Kmahersh01 Месяц назад +15

    My ex just moved on. We were together 4.5 years and I asked about the future. To avoid it, he immediately jumped into a new relationship. I feel bad for him. He’d rather start over than become close. It’s really sad.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      They want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Once you understand them, you'll avoid triggers that make the situation worse. If you need help, sign up for my coaching program so I can give a more solid advice that's tailored to your situation, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  • @AndreyChaykaSeagull
    @AndreyChaykaSeagull Месяц назад +31

    Who in the right might wants to study these complicated and problematic people to get them back? 🤦

    • @Rasclat
      @Rasclat Месяц назад +5

      😂😂😂 you just made me question my life. Been watching these during breakups since like 2018

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад +3

      They want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships.

    • @sierraG333
      @sierraG333 Месяц назад +3

      @@AndreyChaykaSeagull Making me question my own sanity 🤪

    • @cindyvandermerwe316
      @cindyvandermerwe316 Месяц назад +3

      It’s better to be informed than to go thru life blind. I like knowing what to look out for cos for far too long I thought I was the problem. Stuff that now I educate

    • @tnix80
      @tnix80 Месяц назад

      I feel the same about normies...who cares?

  • @LiaVeniceMiranda
    @LiaVeniceMiranda Месяц назад +16

    For a week of not contacting im surprised he message today. He said, was thinking of you and just wanna say Hi and hope youre doin well. What does he meant? Is he checking if im miserable? I replied saying im doin my best to be Good. I hope you too and take care. And he said he miss me but he isnt ready. Not sure if that was for the relationship that he isnt ready or the trip he planned to visit me here... Anyway im moving on step by step.. i plan next time to not reply when he messaged again.... Im living my peace..

    • @craignason4258
      @craignason4258 Месяц назад +6

      It’s a nothing message, meant to only check to see you are still attached. Kinda like a validation thing.
      It doesn’t talk about any changes, any second thoughts, you message back and that validation gets met showing you still care and and still in their loop

    • @modey.s9153
      @modey.s9153 Месяц назад +4

      He wants to keep you on the hook

    • @chowar001
      @chowar001 Месяц назад +4

      Breadcrumbs

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад +2

      That's what I call the "check-in" text and believe it or not, your ex is somewhat expected to send one or more of these sooner or later and I've got just the vid for that. Discussed that in one of the vids, including how to handle that kind of message and when and/or how to reply, including what not to text, (so watch to the end of the vid) here: ruclips.net/video/tev2-lrJq7o/видео.html

    • @LiaVeniceMiranda
      @LiaVeniceMiranda Месяц назад

      @@breakupbradbrowning thanks I'll watch it.. I appreciate your message. More power to you. Keep educating us. 👍

  • @MartaDc-n6r
    @MartaDc-n6r Месяц назад +19

    they're so addicted to me that they'd rather continue the no-contact period lol 😂

  • @eppsislike
    @eppsislike Месяц назад +11

    Partially agree with this, you gotta operate from your own frame. If they eventually don't show up you give them the gift of closure and walk away... now that's something they do not like because they now have to sit with the consequences of their choices. In this video, it's explaining how you have to fall in their frame to make it work, that's inherent weakness and it will destroy you in the long run. Be empathic, don't take thing personal, sure. But always operate from a position of STRENGTH.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      Operate from a position of strength and knowledge but only if your ex is someone worth the fight. Avoidants want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Once you understand them, you'll avoid triggers that make the situation worse and would try not to make it all about you but would rather have a balanced approach on things. If you need help, sign up for my coaching program so I can give a more solid advice that's tailored to your situation, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

    • @WATCHMEGOBROKE
      @WATCHMEGOBROKE 15 дней назад

      Never give them closure

  • @sierraG333
    @sierraG333 Месяц назад +8

    No contact for nearly 9 months with a guy who came on strong and then retreated, then discarded me. We were never even a thing. Just a few coffee catch ups where he told me he really cared about me and asked if I wanted a relationship. Then he started friendzoning me out of nowhere. I doubt he even misses me. How long does no contact actually go for before it works? I noticed him not putting in any effort and his words and actions not matching, so I texted saying “I’ll leave you alone” meaning, I’ll give you space to reach out when you’re ready as I’m not used to people not communicating. Well he went off his brain on text and accusing me of not wanting anything further to do with him. So what could I do? He wanted me to fuck off and when I fucked off he got shitty that I fucked off. No clue where to go from here?

    • @sevenpounds1463
      @sevenpounds1463 Месяц назад +4

      Run
      Run as fast and as far away as possible.
      Say something like, thanks for the time I could spend with you, but I recognised I have some inner work to do to not let an unhealed avoidantly attached person undermine my self worth. I saw the potential of you, but until you actively try to change through therapy it is unreachable and I wish to be not contacted anymore

    • @sierraG333
      @sierraG333 Месяц назад

      @@sevenpounds1463 He treated me like shit then when I reacted to his bad behaviour, I was the bad guy. Fortunately I don’t need to say anything as he went ghost mode back in March. Kept beating myself like it was my fault, but he was probably just out to play mind games with me. It still hurts.

    • @ЕленаАпостолова-ж1з
      @ЕленаАпостолова-ж1з Месяц назад +1

      Same situation.. they want you close in the friendzone so you don't deal with other guys and give them the attention.. He could have you in mind as a possible gf but maybe you're a distraction. If you stay very close to him in the friendzone long enough he may never consider you girlfriend so keep some distance. Talk, go out less.

    • @philipcrocker
      @philipcrocker Месяц назад

      Run...

    • @craignason4258
      @craignason4258 Месяц назад +1

      Same situation. Was blindsided by a text late at night saying she wants to explore with someone else and how I’m a “simp”
      Really shitty thing to experience from someone you were close with and there for (she was getting kicked out and I offered her a place to stay, said I’d sleep downstairs and the offer isn’t intended to come across with a secret agenda as my ma was homeless and is just way she raised me)
      Once I read that text I checked out completely. Blocked her and have no intention of speaking again.
      She messaged me on a different number asking if I was still mad and to be friends…
      I declined as acting like it never happened is not gonna work. She said I was too emotional and hung up on stuff in the past.
      So blocked that number aswell.
      4 months ago now
      She has started coming into my work to ask how my family are and what I have been up to. There is no respect, no empathy. Just the selfish need to get some validation, no matter what boundaries they cross.

  • @DarkoPorsche
    @DarkoPorsche Месяц назад +4

    Sometimes it feels like being with a avoidant is all about there needs and in there tempo and on there terms. What about they try to heal themself and try to see what the other one also needs to be happy in a relationship. If you are a disorientated/ambivalent style and the otherone is avoidant, i think you need somehow to meet in the middle or it can feels to hard for the one with disorientated/ambivalent.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  29 дней назад

      A relationship should be mutual and there's understanding on both sides. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Once you understand them, you'll avoid triggers that make the situation worse and would try not to make it all about you (but not all about them either) and rather have a balanced approach on things. If you need help, sign up for my coaching program so I can give a more solid advice that's tailored to your situation, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  • @KatieThomas-jl2rn
    @KatieThomas-jl2rn Месяц назад

    Thank you soooo much for all the help you gave me. You helped save my life. Always here for you too x

  • @Dohko4266
    @Dohko4266 Месяц назад +10

    But when the avoidant begins to breadcrumb you after a break up, how to know if they are trying to rekindle things, or are just looking for validation?

    • @chickenpop1666
      @chickenpop1666 Месяц назад +9

      Here's my recommendation.
      You need to be patient in order to have a clear vision for those.
      I know this for sure because I've been through those situations over 10 times with 3 ex-avoidants.
      Neither give them assurance nor push them away.
      Just wait and see with neutral attitude.
      That's all I can say.

    • @Dohko4266
      @Dohko4266 Месяц назад +1

      @chickenpop1666 thanks for the advice. But it's tough to find that neutral stance. Doing nothing at all may make an avoidant give up, and another one try harder, it's impossible to know.

    • @SaraX2024
      @SaraX2024 Месяц назад +8

      It's important to emotionally detach from the situation(ship). If you have the ability to keep the person as a "friend" and create that as a healthy boundary, you may stay connected. Usually, it's the avoidant wanting to stay just friends after they've taken everything from you, but I was the one who had to set this boundary with him to stop the push-and-pull in this non-committal sweet talk and love-bombing once and for all. Luckily, we've never made it to actually be in a relationship and I stopped it early enough. He's in therapy, which I appreciate. I have a secure attachment, but noticed his behavior pushed me into an anxious space. It's all good now, despite him seemingly still breadcrumbing me. I just see it as a 'friend' checking in with me wanting to say 'hi' just as I check in with his well-being. He has a lot of mental issues. I think he just fears being alone. Reframing and telling myself that, in the end, we all just want to be loved, also helped me.

    • @matjazb.157
      @matjazb.157 Месяц назад +1

      Breadcrumbing is just validation, it will be the same.

    • @sevenpounds1463
      @sevenpounds1463 Месяц назад +6

      Don't go back to an avoidant that is not aware of their issues and is actively working on it!
      With every round you get more devalued and mentally destroyed. It's like a drug addiction

  • @brians2711
    @brians2711 12 дней назад

    This is dead on accurate. It's scarily accurate. I would mirror my ex's energy but it would only work for so long before I would resent her, and start to question her loyalty and her love for me.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  9 дней назад +1

      Hi! If you're really dealing with an avoidant, then it's important not to take their reactions too personally because they're already guarded enough as it is. So if you react instead of understanding where the avoidant's issues are coming from, then it will never work. Take time to understand how they operate in relationships instead...but only if you truly want to make it work with someone with this attachment style.

  • @havelovingrelationships
    @havelovingrelationships Месяц назад +1

    Been there, done that. When you respect their space, they go and find someone else because they assume you have abandoned them, and they should find someone before you do.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  29 дней назад

      That's hardly their line of thinking really...unless you've done something to provoke an avoidant. Remember, avoidants are more sensitive and reactive than most, but no, they don't turn dating into something like who gets into a rebound relationship first.

  • @RyceMeister
    @RyceMeister Месяц назад +3

    Mine replaced me 3 weeks later. Pretty sure she knew the guy. Gave me the whole I need time and space to think and be alone. You need to find someone who can appreciate you even though I did everything for them. The whole it’s not you it’s me speech. I treated them way too good. And I got dropped like I was trash. I love her and miss her even still after she shattered my heart into pieces. Been 2 months and the ruminations are horrible.

    • @lolitalolipops4154
      @lolitalolipops4154 Месяц назад +1

      She had the guy already lined up . Don’t let it break you and think all girls are like that

    • @RyceMeister
      @RyceMeister Месяц назад

      Ex wife did that 4 years earlier too. I know I did everything I could without regret. My heart knows I was good. My mind tells me I’m not good enough. Seems to be a pattern for me. Hard to accept when it’s happened twice in a row now.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  29 дней назад

      That's tough. Being dropped out of the blue can affect your self esteem. Breakups are never easy but try to heal from this, yeah? The breakup looks like a blessing in disguise if she replaced you that easily anyway and this may help you process or deal with the breakup accordingly: ruclips.net/video/7zp7SFbeCRU/видео.html but if you find you need more guidance on how to lead a more fruitful life without your ex, get my Beat the Breakup Guide at www.beatmybreakup.com

  • @9999Pleaiden
    @9999Pleaiden Месяц назад +2

    I left my avoidant ex 6 months ago. We were together 6 years on and off. She broke up 3 times in that six years. I was addicted to her and we have a child together. 6 months ago I began to call her out. Saying I have needs of intimacy time together . She pulled away and I broke up, realising she can't meet my needs. it was hard in the beginning but I'm still in no contact. Sometimes she writes about something regarding my son. But we never talk about personal things anymore. And it feels better and better

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  29 дней назад

      With on-and-off relationships, oftentimes this is a sign of underlying issues which have been left unaddressed for quite some time. It may be time to put things into perspective while it's still early because in 14 years spent as a relationship online coach alone, I find that a breakup is often NOT just one person's fault, so look at the roles that you've BOTH played that led to the breakup and if the issues have a chance to get resolved, and how to go about it. In most cases, the problems that led to the breakup can be resolved, but in some cases, it can't. So take time to evaluate, okay? However, I have to warn you not to ask the reasons from your ex. This is what I've discussed here along with other stuff that might help you, so this is a must-watch: ruclips.net/video/zqAEi9PbEAA/видео.html But if you're interested in making this your last breakup, sign up for my coaching program at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching especially if there's an available spot. Good luck!

  • @haihai5293
    @haihai5293 Месяц назад +4

    I must say its good video.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      Thank you for the support. Please like and subscribe to my channel if you haven't already.

  • @dannywholuv
    @dannywholuv Месяц назад +1

    I was in a relationship with an avoidant for a couple of years. When i had a conversation about where we were at i was dumped on the spot. Insert any excuse for the reason, she just wanted outta there. On the whole we got on quite well. However, we immediately went no contact and i havent heard a word in near 2 years. So i dont expect to hear from her ever again.

  • @Weismnt81
    @Weismnt81 Месяц назад +4

    So, they initiate a no contact scenario and then it destroys them lol. It’s surely hell for an anxious, but they initiated.
    Do they think people will just chase them down?

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад +1

      Female DAs will find another man really soon.

    • @the_blue_lotus_portal
      @the_blue_lotus_portal Месяц назад +1

      I do believe they want to be chased; it's a game.

    • @Weismnt81
      @Weismnt81 Месяц назад

      @@the_blue_lotus_portal I do too…….. he can reach out when he’s done the work. Chasing for the same outcome is an easy pass for me.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      This vid is for you: ruclips.net/video/4gTXF42Vnhw/видео.html

    • @Weismnt81
      @Weismnt81 Месяц назад

      @@breakupbradbrowning I watched it. Thank you.
      He did come back for a week after NC, and I saw effort of him calling me and trying. After a busy weekend he had me feeling in a way I didn’t like previously to the breakup, so neither of us reached out after that busy weekend. I deserve a man who is consistent………… I give him all his control and space back to live how he wants to.

  • @kaylinnb
    @kaylinnb Месяц назад +2

    The bird example was on point, but not intentionally. The bird wanted closeness, sure, but why? To get nourishment. Something for itself. And once it had its fill, it took off. Means to an end.
    My DA ex was always the ends to every means. Very selfish, even pathologically at times by objectifying, manipulating, and using.
    My advice, after a 4 year nightmare that progressively chipped away at my mental health, confidence and peace, is to leave and never return. Only people willing and able to self reflect can change. Only those able to take accountability for their actions and responsibility for themselves have any chance at growth or healing.
    In all those years, my ex never took accountability, responsibility, or showed an ounce of compassion or remorse for the hurt he caused.
    Toxic hope will feed you any lie to hold on. To just wait. No! Evaluate the reality of them and their limitations. Love them, miss them, but leave them. They aren’t able to show up in healthy, loving, close, real relationships. It’s not your fault, it’s just how they’re built. They’re doing nothing to change it, and sticking around only enables the toxic behaviors. If you love them, if you respect you, go.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад

      Men return if you find another man. Women -- never.

    • @Mudpuppyjunior
      @Mudpuppyjunior Месяц назад +1

      @kaylinnb
      Sounds like a narcissist.

    • @Mudpuppyjunior
      @Mudpuppyjunior Месяц назад +1

      @@marguskiis7711
      Are you extrapolating from your own limited experience or do you have data that women never return?
      Because I have data and experience that they do. They all don't but some do, sort of like men.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад

      ​@@Mudpuppyjunior let's make it logical and statistically clear. Who have more options, men or women. Women, a lot of more. Who initiate the large majority if divorces? Women, 70 -80%. How many women return to their ex husband after divorce? Less than 5%. So, what we are talking about? It is just obvious and logical. No need to argue.

    • @kaylinnb
      @kaylinnb Месяц назад

      @@Mudpuppyjunior Yeah, I’ve grappled with whether or not he was also a narcissist. Yet, with how pathologically selfish DAs commonly tend to be (I have never observed an exception, but I suspect there are some), they are highly narcissistic. It’s all on a spectrum, tho, of course.
      My ex wasn’t sadistic, just felt no empathy. (He was far removed from any vulnerable or soft feelings.) He was very attached to his “good guy” image, but not grandiose. He emotionally neglected and invalidated regularly and reliably, but he didn’t typically tear me down.
      So, one label or another, he was not suited for a real relationship. And it takes willful blindness and strong denial for him to not see that about himself. Like, okay, if you’re not suited for it-stop pursuing it. I can respect someone being upfront and honest about their limitations. Not these users and liars.

  • @natto84
    @natto84 Месяц назад +1

    I feel like these sorts of videos don’t ever address how anyone is supposed to feel enthusiastic about someone who puts them through such exhausting games, instead of being turned off by their childishness. They don’t address how it’s frustrating for people to repress their own positive feelings instead of experiencing the joy of being open and having another person simply be delighted by it, instead of their muted or negative reactions saddling their every positive urge with Pavlovian baggage. I guess the idea is anyone who isn’t interested in the games wouldn’t be watching, which is fair enough. And I’m not one of those people who think avoidants don’t deserve love or patience or a chance to fix their attachment. I just feel like I have never seen a video address how damaging it is to someone’s self-esteem to even play the games, how tiresome and unsexy it is to deal with someone who’s emotionally immature, how it robs someone of the beautiful moments of joyful romantic confession that other relationships get to have.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  29 дней назад

      You do have these to consider when dealing with an avoidant: ruclips.net/video/4gTXF42Vnhw/видео.html

  • @marietasmit9559
    @marietasmit9559 6 дней назад

    Sooooo true,I am wth a avoidant for a month to much admin,one moment his there then the other moment quite as if he is not there!!

  • @Sergiovsousa
    @Sergiovsousa Месяц назад +2

    Problem is she blocked me! So I´m not giving her the space and time she asked me because she herself took care of time...

    • @sevenpounds1463
      @sevenpounds1463 Месяц назад +1

      Be happy about it.
      Forget her and move on. I was also there 4 months ago. As soon as you see there is no future with an avoidant it gets way easier.

    • @modey.s9153
      @modey.s9153 Месяц назад +1

      That’s a gift not a problem, if she blocked you that means doesn’t even value or respect you!

    • @Sergiovsousa
      @Sergiovsousa Месяц назад

      Easy to say to get over it...we were BOTH victims of circunstances

    • @sevenpounds1463
      @sevenpounds1463 Месяц назад +1

      @@Sergiovsousa yes it is easier said than done. The road you have to go now is hard. I am just here to tell you it's worth it and you can do it eventough it may not feel like it right now.
      Go inside you and see why you let yourself get treated this way. What red flags you missed. Learn about avoidance and that this is not a reflection of you and your worth but a reflection of them.
      I can recommend coach Ryan, Ken Reid and the other half (Maria). They are really good channels

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      Here are the most common reasons for being blocked and my thoughts about it, including what to do: y2u.be/s52sRweJlm8 and don't forget to take the quiz if you still want to know what your chances are and/or still have questions on what to do after, at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz

  • @eulaliabarredo3159
    @eulaliabarredo3159 Месяц назад +9

    I am avoidant and we DO NOT comeback ... leaving someone made me feel relax... relationship is very big risk for us, we have to show our vulnerabilty that is very very scary... so when a relatIonship ends we feel relax and out of DANGER

    • @the_blue_lotus_portal
      @the_blue_lotus_portal Месяц назад +8

      I have had multiple avoidants come back, typically months or years later. Once it took 6 years.

    • @modey.s9153
      @modey.s9153 Месяц назад +12

      Don’t date anyone then stop wasing people’s time

    • @spark967
      @spark967 Месяц назад +5

      So take some ducking g responsibility and STOP dating! Get hookers!!

    • @jenniferldohn
      @jenniferldohn Месяц назад +8

      Don’t date anyone than if it’s that dangerous to you

    • @colscary
      @colscary Месяц назад +9

      Stop selfsabotating and being a victim and reflect on your own actions in a relationship. You destroy some good people for no reason.

  • @nozukombekwa4398
    @nozukombekwa4398 Месяц назад +1

    Im going through the most please help me

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  29 дней назад

      This is what I'm here for! :-) I recommend you to watch my other videos to maximise all that you need to know. Anyway as what so many people here are already doing across my videos, you may also leave a comment detailing your situation (keep it concise, please) and I'll get back to you the soonest I can. So state your situation in a separate comment because I can't backtrack even if I wanted to, got to move on to hundreds of new comments added daily. However, if you need my full attention where I focus in on and prioritize your situation or need a response as soon as possible, feel free to sign up for my coaching program at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  • @SaraX2024
    @SaraX2024 Месяц назад

    I'd assume that with my dismissive avoidant friend it'd be his fear of being hated that would make him come back or cling more to me again. He's also a people-pleaser. He has this immense fear of being hated by people, even though he does behave in a way that people would that he's aware of. He told me once why. He said he's not a good person and to be hated because of the things he did during his deployment in Afghanistan. I assured him that as a 20-year old soldier he was innocent and did what was asked of him, but his trauma makes him think differently. He also said he only became dismissive avoidant about 7 years ago when his PTSD came at full force to him in his 30s; he only received his official diagnosis a few months ago at 36. He said he wasn't like that before and even had a happy marriage for some years with two children. He's now facing divorce and is in therapy to heal a lot of things. I went no contact with him once before, and yes, he then ramped up the love-bombing after that and even called it an addiction. I knew immediately it was limerence. It took even myself a while to emotionally detach from it. And yes, I agree one should match their energy.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      Hello, thanks for sharing your experience. When it comes to dealing with an avoidant, it's understandable they can be really hard to understand at times. However, they want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Hire me as your coach if you're willing to give it another go of if you just want to talk about your situation in general, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  • @myendlesslove5120
    @myendlesslove5120 Месяц назад

    Im hurting. My boyfriend is an avoidant. He ghosted me after i asked him for his time.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  28 дней назад +1

      Sorry to hear that. Which traits has he displayed that solidifies he has an avoidant attachment style? If he's truly an avoidant and not just avoiding you for whatever reason, then this vid is for you: ruclips.net/video/Xos3Z4h4HNE/видео.html

  • @DarkoPorsche
    @DarkoPorsche Месяц назад

    Just dont end in a push pull situation and that will happen if both of them dont work with there own attactment style.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  28 дней назад

      It can happen in any attachment style if one or both parties have issues they haven't addressed / unhealed trauma.

  • @joeskwara5823
    @joeskwara5823 Месяц назад

    If I were to go no contact I’d block her every place possible otherwise I’d be playing a game hoping she contact me. I mean phone text social media messaging apps etc. If she really wanted me I’d like a handwritten letter sent by us mail.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  28 дней назад

      There are still some who use the postal service though your ex may n not be one of those people. But thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  • @TheJosiejumper
    @TheJosiejumper Месяц назад +1

    What is an avoidant who privately is very loving and emotional or is that just cautious

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      They can be many things at once. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Once you understand them, you'll avoid triggers that make the situation worse and would try not to make it all about you but would rather have a balanced approach on things. If you need help, sign up for my coaching program so I can give a more solid advice that's tailored to your situation, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  • @JorgeGonzalez-t2r
    @JorgeGonzalez-t2r Месяц назад +3

    Good afternoon, I've been in NC for awhile now we separate for 10 months now I've been posting pic on my Whatsapp and noticed she's been seeing them why ? And last text was like 5-6 months ago to tell her to change her mail cuz I'm still recive still her mail in my apartment what does this mean Thank you.

    • @RashelSwaggy
      @RashelSwaggy Месяц назад +2

      She thought the grass was greener on the other side, she feels guilt, regret and shame and she is sending breadcrumbs, to see if it’s safe to reach out again. I would ignore completely, as if you approach her she will run away again and if she comes back NOT healed she will shut down again and leave you. It will hurt you!

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад +1

      She have found another man already

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      If she hasn't bothered to change her mailing address, then it's safe to say the mail that's been routed to you isn't really that important to her, considering how long it's been. Anyway since it's been many months since the breakup, it's best to consider the facts I've mentioned here first as this lets you determine whether there's still a real shot or not: ruclips.net/video/YVViZmY2x0I/видео.html and/or take the free quiz at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz Good luck!

  • @pamelacastro8593
    @pamelacastro8593 Месяц назад

    What if the avoidant was your husband and he just left you in a day and stopped all communication with you?

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  28 дней назад

      Has this happened before? Although I'd like to offer a tip or two, there's simply too many elements to your situation that makes this too complex for me to properly respond here, especially since this is your spouse you're dealing with… so please consider signing up for my Mend the Marriage coaching if you want to talk at length about your situation where we could get to the bottom of the issue/s: www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  • @starchoo4616
    @starchoo4616 8 дней назад

    Not worth to take them back becos this cycle will happen over and over again n go no where becos they afraid if real intimacy n invest emotions

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  День назад

      They just need someone willing/capable of being patient and able to understand them and how they operate in relationships. Once you understand them, you'll avoid triggers that make the situation worse and would try not to make it all about you but would rather have a balanced approach on things. If you need help, sign up for my coaching program so I can give a more solid advice that's tailored to your situation, at www.breakupbrad.com/coaching

  • @marguskiis7711
    @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад +1

    No, it does not. Female DAs just move on fast, find another source.
    My ex gf is an avoidant. She dumped me out of the blue, without any proper reason. I went NC. She found another man within some month and wrote me how good the man is.

    • @sevenpounds1463
      @sevenpounds1463 Месяц назад +1

      If she wrote you she is not over you
      Still you dodged a bullet and I hope you can see that and continue your healing journey. The goal is indifference and to never let an avoidant come into your life again (being able to detect them early on)

    • @ЕленаАпостолова-ж1з
      @ЕленаАпостолова-ж1з Месяц назад +2

      Women have options. If she has less emotion (dismissive avoidant) it is easy. DA dudes will try to keep you around for hookups or attention after break up. Idk which is worse. She sounds ruthless.

    • @sevenpounds1463
      @sevenpounds1463 Месяц назад

      @@ЕленаАпостолова-ж1з most likely she doesn't has less emotions. If she would have actually less emotions she is not avoidant.
      She just can't process emotions and she is running from them, but boy oh boy they will catch up and hit her like a train. It's really possible, that she develops serious health issues because of that.
      Never be jealous of avoidants and because it seems like they do way better. They are right at the entrance to hell and most of them bring this chaos to the people close to them

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад

      ​@@sevenpounds1463 avoidants never admit they are wrong.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      There's a fine line between an avoidant and a narcissist. Might wanna check this out first: ruclips.net/video/dgODxDWRsjY/видео.html

  • @starchoo4616
    @starchoo4616 Месяц назад +1

    Its not worth time be with avoidant becos seems like illution, breadcrumb all about their emotions hot n cold put n pull, up n down in the end you'll lost yourself, insecure unhappy

  • @elenipanagiotou3868
    @elenipanagiotou3868 Месяц назад

    If I move on and live my life then I wouldn’t be with that avoidant again 😅

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  29 дней назад

      Like I always say, the decision is ultimately up to you. You know your situation and your ex best. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged and worth the save but sometimes it isn't, especially if there's cheating or some other type of abuse involved.

  • @204sakshijha7
    @204sakshijha7 Месяц назад

    It was one month relationship, he said he wanted to marry me but because of his in consistent behaviour I started questioning him does he like me only because for marriage i tick boxes or he really likes me. Then some arguments happened he broke up. After two days of break up I expressed how mych I like him that I love him, we can work on it My father also knows about us please we can talk. He was very admant that It will never work out. I was devasted that he did not even try and he said intially he genuinely liked but now he does not like me anymore. After that It will 4 months I did not contact him. He is my colleague so I maintained professional boundary but never contacted personally. Did I do too much of begging?

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  29 дней назад

      Two days isn't so bad. Glad you caught on early! Depending on what really cut the relationship short, it may be time to consider moving on from this. But don't rush. Always take the time to give each other space first, all right? Do a minimum of 3 weeks of "no contact" and see if you still want your ex and if your ex is receptive to contact AFTER that period. Watch this: ruclips.net/video/zw0ChuXCEmw/видео.html

  • @ЛичныйТелефон
    @ЛичныйТелефон 9 дней назад

    Just find another healthy (!!!) person during no contact.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  9 дней назад

      Or stay single. Getting to know someone takes time.

    • @ЛичныйТелефон
      @ЛичныйТелефон 8 дней назад

      @breakupbradbrowning if someone can dare to open enough to know themselves and heal for loving beyond their fears and wounds.

  • @Mali-12225
    @Mali-12225 Месяц назад

    He came back after 6 months of no contact with message.
    He replied with congratulations bbe on my story
    Should I reply to him, & tell him if he’s avoidant or not.?
    What should I do?

    • @untamedwildhorse
      @untamedwildhorse Месяц назад

      Heal yourself and learn from your mistakes/ patterns.
      Unless they've done healing, you're only headed toward heartbreak.

    • @modey.s9153
      @modey.s9153 Месяц назад

      If you don’t deel comfrtable responding and you feel like you can’t trust him then don’t respond.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад

      You can di whatever you do, it does not mean anything.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      That's a good sign! Just take it easy. Since it's been many months since the breakup, it's best to consider the facts I've mentioned here first as this lets you determine whether there's still a real shot or not: ruclips.net/video/YVViZmY2x0I/видео.html and/or take the free quiz at www.breakupbrad.com/quiz Good luck!

  • @marcopeel
    @marcopeel 9 дней назад

    Not if they have monkey branched to someone else

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  9 дней назад

      It's time to take a look at the bigger picture here. It doesn't really matter what your ex is doing. Chances are your ex is rebounding anyway but the point is you shouldn't be focused on that right now. That's all out of your control. Focus on yourself instead and show (NOT tell) your ex you accept her decision to break up. If you do, you'll accept that you're both single and therefore you'd stop overanalyzing every little stuff. All right? Here are the basics to getting an ex back: y2u.be/aeGNPBdpnsI and you can see that the 30-day "no contact" rule is an absolute must. I also suggest that you read my Ex Factor Guide since that’s much more detailed and so you'll know how to go about it, what to do after each phase (there are three phases in total and the "no contact" rule is only the first), including what to say, do or not do, etc. Good timing is essential! Check it out at www.breakupbrad.com/mbuy

  • @spark967
    @spark967 Месяц назад +2

    Omg what a pita just get a new partner

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      Yes, you have a choice to do that as well, regardless of whether or not you're dealing with an avoidant.

  • @BellaJ83
    @BellaJ83 Месяц назад +1

    I used to be avoidant i was just attracted to people that didnt really give fuck.. Those who loved me or liked me i took for granted

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Месяц назад

      Women do it, yes. Love the jerks.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      It's easy to take for granted what's readily available to you versus those you have to pursue because of the perceived value. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  • @cspace1234nz
    @cspace1234nz Месяц назад +3

    Any avoidant worth their salt will not respond to any sort of no-contact. A good avoidant will avoid the hell out of you forever and not blink an eyelid.
    These avoidants that come back after a period of no-contact are weak and pathetic, they are letting the team down !!

    • @the_blue_lotus_portal
      @the_blue_lotus_portal Месяц назад +1

      What the fuckkkk

    • @modey.s9153
      @modey.s9153 Месяц назад +7

      The team of ego egotisticals and attention seekers

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад +1

      They want and deserve love, too, just like everybody else. They just need someone capable of being patient and willing to understand them and how they operate in relationships.

    • @cspace1234nz
      @cspace1234nz Месяц назад

      @@breakupbradbrowning …they may indeed want it but that doesn’t mean they deserve it. We all get what we deserve through our attitudes and behaviours and if they’re not getting the love they want they certainly don’t deserve it, that goes for anyone

  • @ndb5952
    @ndb5952 Месяц назад

    I don’t know whether I am an avoidant or anxious, can one have both?

    • @philipcrocker
      @philipcrocker Месяц назад +3

      Fearful Advoidant is both anxious and dismissive avoidant.

    • @breakupbradbrowning
      @breakupbradbrowning  Месяц назад

      Yes, some people are a combination of more than one attachment style.