@@SurvivingNarcissismYou gave me courage to seek therapy 2 yrs ago when I was felt and was abandoned. I'm grateful to be back. It takes a lot of pain and grief to face hard truths. Thank you for all you do. 🌹
God bless us every one! Agreed. You guys are a breath of fresh air. There are healthy chatters, healers, and people in process with of all kinds of good input here. All becoming better and then moving on their way forward. It's a beautiful thing.
My heart sinks when I hear in the comments and live chats people trying to figure out how to make their relationship with the narcissist partner better. I remember clearly being in a similar space, thinking that if I just tried harder, gave up more of myself, agreed with them more, worked harder and longer to earn more, bought them nicer gifts, asked less of them, let them work less and less..... But then came the "aha" moment when I realized they were never going to really love me and treat me with real respect - radical acceptance that they are not going to change, ever, and I didn't have to live the rest of my life in that horrible, anxiety-ridden, self-denying space.
I just asked my spouse if I want NC if he would stand by me. He understandably replied he doesn't feel he could abandon her. He says it would be easier to move away. I can't see the family dynamic changing. I could have everything to lose to gain myself.
Agree - my experience in my original family and then extended family as I tried everything in my repertoire to connect with them. Nope nope and nope. I invested too much time and energy doing that. Growing older and live alone isolation is already challenging. Moved closer to 2 sisters and their family and they have done everything to let me know relationship with me not valued. Dominance and keeping their family closer-possessiveness keeps me at arms length at best. Mostly ignore and indifferent towards my existence. They seem to resent my interest in connecting, even in a limited way. More perceived as a burden or interference in their routines and priorities. Resentments just seems to ooze from them. They bring up complaints about childhood when we were all surviving a traumatic family experience. My interest in healing trauma is suspect and made fun of or dismissed as not being valid. When around them they loudly brag or say things to me that are thinly veiled hostility. I keep a low profile and tried to get along but the trauma fallout of suppression and fending off attacks made me recently decide to quit going to the once or twice a year family meet ups, even though we all live fairly close by. They happily continue to ignore me as if I don’t exist-kind of a take it or leave it attitude. Breadcrumbs. Which is better than being provoked or ignored in person, but it couldn’t be further away from what I had hoped about maintaining a meaningful relationship.
You described my experience exactly! I feel the same as well. I went through many cycles before I finally realized nothing I tried to do would change anything. Finally decided to take all that energy and put it towards myself. Best decision I ever made.
They rarely answer mundane questions. They'll react in a hostile or bratty way if you've landed on one of their attempts to give a false impression, such as they'll talk about people as if they're friends but if you try to continue that 'conversation,' you will butt up against the fact that they're exaggerating that friendship. There are non-sequiturs, non-answers, sneers, etc., which can take a while to reconcile. They see interactions as an opportunity to paint themselves a certain way, or a chance to manipulate or use you. They are looking for information from and about you not out of earnest friendship either; it's an abuse of your knowing them.
I usually hate New Year as it's just another year, but I have finally realised my husband is never going to change, so 2024 is my year to change. Thank you to Team Healthy. I have learned a lot.
On boxing day this year I was hit with the realisation that my friend is narcissistic. Such a shock but I feel free and released inside. I hope that for you too.
@@BarbzSA Thank goodness for these videos! Understanding has finally given me the help I wish I'd had years ago. I waited for change, but now I have the knowledge and courage to make my own changes. I hope all goes well with you. Good luck to you and everyone on this journey. 💝
That one person whose husband wants her to take a polygraph, I'd turn the tables on them and agree under the provision that he gets put on one, too, and has to answer her questions.
A quote to start the new year. “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” -Thich Nhat Hahn It’s the opposite of what narcissists do in their their relationships.
I've been so helpless, felt so insecure, but now I' m starting to understand how to face my problems in the family which treats me as a useless granny. The worst thing is that it's my daughter's family. Thanks to Dr. C I can feel the ground under my feet now. I put down certain things not to miss the most important points. It' s good that one can read the subtitles. English is not my native language, so it helps a lot to read what is being said.
Dr. Carter, been listening to you for several weeks now. I just realized after 25 some odd years of marriage my husband is a covert narcissist. I kept trying for years to get through to him. Now he realizes he doesn't need me anymore and wants to dispose me like trash. It's pitiful. I'm 67 and he's 73 and it's hard to start over again at my age. There are many lessons in this for me as well as I'm far from perfect. Thank you for all your encouragement and kind words. Would love to be able to afford a therapist to talk about all these things.
Starting over again in later years of life will seem daunting/impossible at first. There are many resources (online, books, community agencies and services) that offer help. Much of this is free or low cost. There are social and cultural organizations and activities that help "seniors" (couples and singles) live interesting and fulfilling lives. As a Re-starter twice (divorce, widowhood), I encourage you to use what you have available for help. Developing a "Free to Be Me" mindset, with "What kind of life do I want to live, and how can I achieve it? " as a starting point is liberating, instead of looking at the situation as a Loss. I have used the SHED acronym , to get grounded and move forward. S= Save the things, relationships, memories that are useful and positive H= Help yourself by using resources and taking good care of yourself E= Explore and Engage with what is positive, useful, enjoyable and joyous for YOU D= Discard/Drop what does not serve you; Defer what does not need to be done immediately ; Delegate work that is tough or you don't have time for (use services and supports); Don't Dwell on "Ain't it awful?"/"If only.../ "coulda, woulda, shoulda" and/or other distractions from your Main Purpose. Sending hope and warm wishes to you and others in the "Same Boat" !
I realised this about a close friend around the same date as you. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions in a short time. Maybe you can find a support group? You aren't alone.
I spent Christmas alone with my cat. I think that was the best choice as my narcissistic family has been a problem in the past and although I can handle them better now, I don't want to. I have no partner and friends a few, but not all that good. I'm still working at surrounding myself with better people, but find it difficult to do so as I have a social phobia. My kitty is my best friend, so we shared some nice dinners, played and watched some movies.
I hope you have a good year .. there’s 8 billion ppl on the planet let’s not let mentally deranged ppl dictate are feelings , we can’t let them win the war bc we’re human and their not , I’m going to start ceramics , and go to the gym more , just do you ! 💜
Its all a step in the right direction and my heart goes out to you. Keep up the good work. I am actually looking at getting a hotel for a few days to escape. New Years Eve I will be alone, resting.
@@tbunnyshy1 I did that for Xmas a few years ago, went off to Dublin. The Irish were very concerned about me spending time alone at Christmas, and kept inviting me to their homes, but as I didn't know them I chose to explore the city and have dinner with two other guests I befriended. If you can, being alone at home can be very nice. A change can be good too, but might feel a little less cosy.
I appreciate you, Dr. C. - I'm slowly coming to realize the more I know through watching your many videos, the more I realize how much MORE there is to learn! It's a good thing I was born a student!
This is one of the most effective tools a narcissist can use to keep you locked into a system of bondage. Not only does it keep you tied into a negative space that causes you to lose trust in "all" people, it also isolates you from others so that you're totally dependent on them for your emotional survival. My narc was tops in using this technique. In fact, she told me how it would be to my "advantage" not to talk to this person or that person because they'd do this or that to me. And once I believed her, I was trapped. And anything trapped has been "gotten." Please don't be fooled by them. Narcissists will go to any lengths to destroy you! That's one way they get their fun.
I've been following a great deal of RUclips content about narcissism for about 5 years since I discovered the phenomenan of this insidious controller. I've noticed as time passes I can see this personality as quite pervasive in my life.
Just starting this video and I need to say that it's upsetting that someone not only feels but expressed that the teacher should keep his illness to himself.That seems like someone's mental illness talking. When we hide our humanness and vulnerabilities, we encourage others to do so too, and nothing good comes from that. Thanks for sharing your humanness, doc.
I'm thankful for Dr. C and team healthy. I'm glad I've learned about narcissism because I had no way of packaging all the ex narc's quirks into something identifiable to others. Now I have a word with a definition, and I'm not crazy after all.
Language is a powerful tool! For 25 years, I didn't know what my mental issue was, only that it wasn't depression like the tests kept saying (though that was certainly a factor). It took a violent situation with a narcissist and a court-ordered mental evaluation to discover that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, but knowing the proper label makes all the difference in the world! So does knowing that his correct label is Narcissist. From these words, it's easier to choose a path.
Our “Family Narcissist” has slowly taken apart our small family. Sadly the enablers, her mom & sister. Always pulls the “Family Card” saying we’re family. I’m so tired of people family or not pulling that card. As if to say just because they are family I’m supposed to smile, be quiet and just take it. I don’t want to have negative people speaking into my life. And includes my family members who are negative and don’t give respect. But I’m made to feel terrible about it.
I am thankful for this ministry. 🙏 Priceless. You all are precious and a priceless Treasure. God bless you all bunches!!! What life savers you all are!!!!
This is the 1st Christmas in alot of years that I truly enjoyed myself. Many years spent...thrown away on the spouses narcissist family. I enjoyed my adult children and the grands with out the flack from the cold water comm. Not having to deal with the Narcissist mother in law was Pure Gold!! Narc free x 22 months has been Heaven. Thsnk you Dr. C. You and Team Healthy have been a lufe saver! Great wisdom and knowledge gratefully accepted. Keep the knowledge coming in 2024!@❤
On the very first question posed, this is exactly how I was raised, and from where I gained confidence. I was a good patient as a child, wouldn’t allow myself to cry after I got needles. Then when I lost all my hair, I wouldn’t allow myself to express how god awful I felt inside. Even when I something I got put down for it. “Come on. It’s only hair.” It’s now been since the year 2000 that I’m completely bald, and worse, I’ve become a total recluse. What a total losing situation.
It’s called being transparent and being real with people. People who don’t know who they are have a hard time with this. They are people who like to keep up with the “Jones’s “ even though they don’t know who the Jones’ are. Image keepers
Thanks Dr C for all of your hard work and dedication to help us on Team Healthy. Even when you are under the weather, you are here for us. Before I discovered you, I felt I would never find joy again. Through Gods grace, I was led to your channel & books. I learn more each week and appreciate everything you make available to us. I realize that you have had a successful career and could be enjoying retirement with your wife and granddaughters.. but you give your time and assistance to us. Many of whom may have no other resources.. I thank God for you. I pray that you & your loved ones have a great week and a blessed year in 2024! 🙏🏼🤗✝️
So agree with everything you sad to Dr Carter. Iwasraised by a narcissistic alcoholic, then married a narcissist - my normal, lost that marriage , and remarried a narcissistic salesman - my normal, now unlearned for team healthy An ongoing project that . Many. Thanks with. Love
I love that perfect illustration Dr. C. The narcissist doesn’t even want to think they are equal to ‘all the rest of you slobs out there’! So true. My parents used to complain that they had to take charge of their homeowner’s association committee because everyone else was ‘an idiot’. Classic
On the suicide topic, my ex use to have these psychosis type of episodes, he sliced his leg with a knife and video chatted me and was laughing saying he just wants to "feel something" I was so beyond traumatized by that relationship but especially that episide. He didn't even seem to be like drowning in emotions but it seemed literally psychotic, he was laughing it was so disturbing and terrifying. Then days later he denied that entire thing ever happened.
I find these videos generally very enlightening and informative but today I was very disturbed to hear Dr. C. say ‘…virtually every addict has strong narcissistic tendencies’. This sounds rather judgemental. Other trauma researchers link addictions more strongly with strategies to cope with unresolved trauma and its neurological consequences. It’s recognized as an illness.
Team healthy and Dr.C and family and Gus it’s has been a good year and yeas living, we have life ahead of us with it’s all ups and downs and all uncertainties , one thing can prepare us forward is to grow as we age to get us through in those days to come. Happy 2024 and beyond to all of you, wishing you all love and peace.
Hello I lost my mother a month before my 7th birthday and my father was strict. I never knew what mood he was in when he come home from work. I find that my brother who is 5 years older than me is doing the same. I am now 59 and haven't spoken to my brother for over 3 years now because he wants to control every part of my life making me doubt myself. There wasn't any love growing up as a child and eventually became my father's carer until he died. I feel so let down by both of them putting there selfish needs before me as a child still grieving for his mother. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone without specially my brother about my mother. My father never spoke at all about my mother.i feel robbed of my childhood and my mother. I have learned so much from your video's. It hasn't solved the problem but helped me understand what happened to me. Once again thank you❤.
Sometimes talking about negative things can make it worse people believe it perpetuates the negative energy or it makes them uncomfortable if they cannot control their emotions. It's important for us to confide being honest in one another to build each other up, but not to dwell in the negatives too long. It's all about someone's motives & I believe your motives are good. Hope you feel even better in no time! I love using ginger root, lemons, raw local honey, vitamin enriched foods, & a lot of rest/less stress/exercise....hope this helps! Thank you for your videos!!!🌬️🔥👣🙏💕✨
Thank you, Dr. Carter, for what you share. I'm so glad you are doing better. I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and your family a very Happy New Year, and a Happy New Year to all those in this group. May the new year bring happiness to all of us.
Thank you so much for taking us through narcissism, finally healing from this terrible illness that we have to bear for their own sins . It’s terrible l was gaslighted , lied and disgraced and disrespected indeed he got issues that l couldn’t fix being married to him
Dear Dr. C, thank you for your smiling enthusiasm! Narcissism and it's heavy, painful impacts on people, and the world, is so difficult. Yet you have clearly seen through it, really help people, and take joy in that. Somehow while not being buffaloed by those bullies. Whew. SO glad for your work. You are directly helping us create a much kinder and more honest world. Creating light in really dark places. Cheerfully!!! You are appreciated. Happy 2024, to you and yours, and your work.. And Gus.
I didn’t comment on you being under the weather but I appreciate you feeling better and I appreciate your approach to being a human and being an equal to us and being a work in progress and not letting anybody put you on that pedestal or act like you’re more than they are are there less than you are you are valued and appreciated I like the way that you call us a team I like that you stopped two years ago referring to us as broken. Because we’re not we are a whole human being , a soul on a journey. May all the blessings of this beautiful cosmos be guided to you your wife your granddaughter and your extended family may their magic essence shine bright. Mahalo. Please say a prayer for Maui citizens especially Lahaina and Kula there’s been great tragedy there that has exposed great resilience and great love the Hawaiian people and their culture are amazing. A hui hou
Hi dr C from The Netherlands. I so enjoy your video's. I am now out of a 5 year relationship with, what appeared to be, a covert narcissist. It started when I looked on the Internet the term: Verbal abuse. Then I landed on sites about narcissism. The last 4 months I read and watched all I could get a hold on of this subject. I had done the deep inner work since 20 years (I am 71). I imagine therefore that the "damage" could be a little less, because I had healthy boundaries. Now my question is: I still feel for this man. From the beginning on I felt his pain, his fear, his insecurity. I could see "through the layers" so to speak. Yes, the helper in me was very active. And after a couple of years I learned that he could not be helped. How do I combine, so to speak, my feelings of compassion for him with my "no contact" mode. I haven't had contact with him now for 4 months. Sometimes the urge in me is so strong to make contact. And I have a sign in my kitchen that says: no contact. And the body goes in the "flight-mode" when I think of us having contact. Ah, that is the answer!!!!! 🙂. Writing has its own healing ... Much blessing for the new year for the whole Team Healthy.
This is a great channel. I'm trying desperately to get My Self, Me as a person back since totally disconnecting with my younger narcissistic sister. She has tried for decades to control and boss me by hurting and punishing me for not accepting her authority. the final straw was when she recently tried to stop me being at our Mothers funeral. even tried to embarrass me with an un-associated issue at the wake. She even poked me viciously in the back at the funeral service. I held my quite and did not respond. But it have left me injured, hurt and quite scared by the depths she gone to with her narcissism, I actually questioned myself, my own integrity and my own self worth when I found just how much she was trying to eradicate my very existence, even plagiarizing my special happy memories i had with our parents. Thank you for this insight into the narcissist, i will certainly look through the rest of the videos to help me come out the other side. I totally emphasise with anyone who has suffered at the mind of a narcissist and pray they we can all learn to overcome these people.
Also the capacity for Wonder and Joy. These qualities in my view come out when we can accept our humanity and consider ourselves integral to life with all it's complexity. So much has helped me this year in your homilies a d been a salve to my soul and sense of my authentic being. A great feeling at 68, such that I am looking forward to the adventure of the rest of my life. My thanks and warm regards, Julia
Thank you for so much info. I am a survivor. My family was a circus! I'm finding out why I do certain things. I'm so happy to find I'm not alone. My family did not hug or say I love you. Only on a card would say I love you. I won't go into every thing . Just thank for helping.
Dr Carter: 2023 was an incredible year for you and your podcast! And for the community of narcissistic abuse recovery. You’re so genuine, maintain authenticity! Humanness is good! May you cekwvrate health in 2024! Continued success. And D, R, C!
Thanks for helping us heal from narcissistic & psychological abuse. It’s been another difficult year with ups and downs. I’m going to try and keep as optimistic as possible in 2024. The alternative is not going to work for me. Happy New Year everyone.
Dr C: hope your throat continues to improve. So glad you and your wife have a vacation planned for January. Well deserved! Happy New Year and thank you for your continuing support. It means so much to so many.
Dr. C next to but, I think I’ve figured out a narcissist 2nd favorite word; Just. - can you JUST - will you JUST - JUST do that - JUST do this Effectively minimizing anything you ever do and maximizing everything they seem to contribute.
Grateful for this channel. Helped me better understand my mother and that no matter how far I would bend to please or placate her it would never be enough. I grew up dealing with her behaviors. It wasn't uncommon to get silent treatment from her when I was a child. She'd even pull my sibling into it by saying stuff like "do you hear something? Must be a gnat." Then she'd flail her hands like an actual gnat was nearby. We could have stretches of time where things were ok, aside from feeling like I was walking on eggshells. Eventually she'd go off about something and drop out of my life for weeks or months. She did this less once I had kids and a husband. My mother in law was quite shocked to learn how she really behaved after having thought she knew my mom for years. Mom would drop in and out to the point my autistic kids began struggle with her choice to suddenly disappear from our day to day over things my husband and I found perplexing. She would call my phone and my husband's phone repeatedly and text us repeatedly telling me to not contact her. The thing was I was not calling her or texting her. The voicemails were chaos in word form. We decided to try grey rock. That didn't really work so we did end up going no contact. It has been six years. I feel as if I have grieved a person who is still alive. I would have loved to have had a good relationship with her, but I don't think it was in the cards. Since then I have heard of others having falling outs with her. She seems to have found new scapegoats. Is that typical of narcissists...to have replacement scapegoats? Anyway, appreciate this space of clarity. Thank you.
Dr. C. I am so grateful to you for sharing your knowledge and insights into the world of narcissistic personality traits and behaviors. I am beginning to recognize these horrendous individuals and keeping my distance from them.
Dr. Carter-- I wish you would do a video teaching on the following phenomenon, it would help a lot of us: Narcissistic people who go to therapy and thoroughly believe that their "false" self is actually their "authentic" (narcissistic) self. That's because, I believe, many therapists do not really understand, spot, smell, see the narcissistic client. That client has the therapist snowed. The therapist reinforces the false self. The narcissist, as usual, uses therapy as a supply. Feels very "healthy" and entitled to pursue his usual shenanigans. Dr. C this happens a lot. Please do a video about this topic. Thank you!
This is a fantastic video Dr. C. It provides many of the answers to questions people will have when first going through narcissistic abuse. Thank you for all you do and we appreciate everything you teach us.
I have developed sciatica in my left foot, my mother even up to my adulthood giving me advice not to let people know what you are suffering,really!? This show that my mother up to my adulthood teaching me narcissistic characteristics, go figure what she has done me growing up,she doesn’t know I am on team healthy and I am trying undo any narcissistic characteristics, I just nod my head and I said to her I will be okay.
Wishing everyone Happy Holidays & and Narc free new year . Ps your silence is golden , the less you say too these soul suckers the less they have to react upon .🤡
My cousin's husband died a few days ago overseas. It was expected. He had Alzheimer's. My cousin texted me a couple of days after he died. My sister found out about the death via another cousin. It turned out the widowed one had texted me and not my sister. I then received an email from my sister saying that the widow had in fact contacted her by email but the email got lost. The entire purpose of my sister's email was to prove to me that she was in the 'up' position and had been contacted first, not me. I thought how sad it is how my sister tried to turn this poor man"s death into a competition between her and me, and tried to assert her dominant superior position over me by asserting that she had been sent an email ( which got lost).
To the wife of the man accusing and threatening a polygraph test to decide the fate of your marriage: I hope you are able to work towards being financially independent if you aren't already, and can find more good counsel like Dr Carter's. I tolerated emotional and psychological abuse for decades, not understanding that it was abuse, just because there was no physical abuse, and was shocked to read a list of safe vs unsafe behaviours. I found the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft helpful. Glad you're in Team Healthy. I have been away from the drama and torment for 5 years now, practising self care and to not JADE (Justifying Arguing Defending or Explaining) and I feel free to enjoy my peaceful life. I wish you freedom and peace too. Courage and wisdom to you.
Their smear campaign here in Italy was so bad my mom did not talk to me for years. I used to be married to an Air Force Veteran and lived in the US. When I returned these individuals who wanted some property of ours would tell people I disappointed my father and I was now sleeping with a black American from a nearby base. Actually I got a strict upbringing, studied up to Ph.D. level in the US, and my American husband was Caucasian. I taught partime and worked as a volunteer with charities ..they made my life difficult and I had to sell the house I inherited...
Substance and abuse disorder is more related to insecure attachment, which could coincide with codependency and dependency of which narcissism could fall under. Take the substance away, and you'll see the personality disorder or issue. Narcissists who are addicts will refuse help, recovery, or therapy.
Regarding the letter with the mother-in-law, boundaries are very biblical. God gave Adam and Eve boundaries, in the garden, and also consequences to their disobedience. God created boundaries between the land and sea. Boundaries are godly and healthy and necessary. Parents have boundaries with their children (or at least they should), and so adult children are allowed, and encouraged, to have boundaries with their parents if necessary without condemnation or shame.
My adult sisters became irritable and contemptuous when i requested their presence at any celebration for me. Even though I showed up in support for all of their births, family medical issues (I was a healthcare professional), children sports, birthdays, showers etc etc etc.
I missed! I have a new yoga friend. I was always too sensitive...in horrible situations. Thanks everyone for this life saving year. I just finished a 5 day class on accepting our shadow as in Jung. Very fitting to this. ❤
My parents had issues! My sister won’t tell her children about any of it! So it won’t continue! Now her kids think we are just weird! Not the fact that we fought to be better people!
Dr, C. You sound so much better and we love you. That is so awesome that you and your wife are taking some time to yourself. We pray God‘s angel armies around you and nothing you eat drink, touch or breathe will harm you in Jesus mighty name. Gus is going to miss you.. And you know what even if you’re five minutes delay or five seconds delay or anything you never have to apologize I don’t even know how to do all that technology so you are doing an amazing job and yes, those little kids seem to know the ropes for sure in that area. Maybe your brand new little granddaughter ha ha ha. Also, thank you for sharing your heart with us. We really appreciate that. God bless you from Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
I was listening to a prominent person yesterday. They've been very successful in life. They, from the sounds of it didn't have a good childhood BUT what really annoys me is when they give the take responsibility, work hard, be strong mantra lectures. They've clearly not come (as have none of those that preach about making yourself something)from a family that spent their time minimising, controlling, manipulating, guiltily, punishing, confusing, gaslighting and making you afraid of the world and making you hate yourself and worked hard to make you feel worthless. Only getting warmth, 'love', support when they feel like it. It's the most confusing way to grow up. I think I'd have had and better chance if they'd been consistently awful. The worst thing people with this personality do is cause internal confusion! Looking at the xomments today I see lots of confusion just like I feel. Imo the more empathetic and sensitive we are the worse the damage to our psyche as we try to qork out what's going on and carrying the burdens of grief and guilt at finding put we don't like these people and the damage they've done. They did it with impunity, not caring how it affected us, yet we carry the guilt. Xmas brings up all these feelings for me ✌
Dr C - this is confusing because when we share too much, an individual who is a narcissist will mine for that information to WEAPONIZE IT later. I have learned the hard way that being OPEN worked against me in my former marriage because, everything that was shared was weaponized in the end. So now, I am on high alert during every interaction. If a person asks me what my fears are insecurities are, I become highly suspicious now. Especially since I had what amounts to a “shark attack” from a person who I THOUGHT was a friend (who knew about my break up). They proceeded to try to corner me on my weaknesses and began to verbally abuse me in the conversation. It was a really shocking display of what looked like narcissism and I ended up having to completely cut this person OUT of my life. I don’t really trust now when people ask me things like “what are you most afraid of” or “what is your greatest weakness” as it feels like a set up.
Amen to the mutual friends who pull out the "Christian" card (you are not forgiving) 36 minutes in. I am a fully beloved Jesus-forgiven Christian and it makes me crazy that these people who have never walked in my shoes with a Narcissist and doing the "dance" of not engaging.
My ex would say "Don't EVER CALL ME A LIAR" and his brown eyes would go nearly black. He was agitated nearly all the time.. always on the verge of anger. He WAS A LIAR...and I knew it and stayed there 28 years....avoiding the truth of his false self to keep a "peace"
Thank GOD and my very good counselling that I stopped apologizing for his LIES and his MEAN HATEFUL BEHAVIOR. I left. I have a great life now with a NORMAL and HONEST man. what a gift. I give thanks every day.
Scapegoat v Golden Child. I really wish you would address the mother who has used the Scapegoat’s funds to pay for the Golden Child’s lifestyle. She has stolen so much from me. And to add injury to all the insults, they both were on my payroll! They both got salaries, bonuses and pensions from my business, them stole from me on top of it all! How do I ever, if ever, fix this?!
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I just want to say how grateful I am to have spent all of 2023 with y'all.
It's mutual, Aaron!!
Very grateful 🙏
😊😊😊😊😊 yea it is !!🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
@@SurvivingNarcissismYou gave me courage to seek therapy 2 yrs ago when I was felt and was abandoned. I'm grateful to be back. It takes a lot of pain and grief to face hard truths. Thank you for all you do. 🌹
God bless us every one! Agreed. You guys are a breath of fresh air. There are healthy chatters, healers, and people in process with of all kinds of good input here. All becoming better and then moving on their way forward. It's a beautiful thing.
My heart sinks when I hear in the comments and live chats people trying to figure out how to make their relationship with the narcissist partner better. I remember clearly being in a similar space, thinking that if I just tried harder, gave up more of myself, agreed with them more, worked harder and longer to earn more, bought them nicer gifts, asked less of them, let them work less and less..... But then came the "aha" moment when I realized they were never going to really love me and treat me with real respect - radical acceptance that they are not going to change, ever, and I didn't have to live the rest of my life in that horrible, anxiety-ridden, self-denying space.
I just asked my spouse if I want NC if he would stand by me. He understandably replied he doesn't feel he could abandon her. He says it would be easier to move away.
I can't see the family dynamic changing. I could have everything to lose to gain myself.
Agree - my experience in my original family and then extended family as I tried everything in my repertoire to connect with them. Nope nope and nope. I invested too much time and energy doing that. Growing older and live alone isolation is already challenging. Moved closer to 2 sisters and their family and they have done everything to let me know relationship with me not valued. Dominance and keeping their family closer-possessiveness keeps me at arms length at best. Mostly ignore and indifferent towards my existence. They seem to resent my interest in connecting, even in a limited way. More perceived as a burden or interference in their routines and priorities. Resentments just seems to ooze from them. They bring up complaints about childhood when we were all surviving a traumatic family experience. My interest in healing trauma is suspect and made fun of or dismissed as not being valid. When around them they loudly brag or say things to me that are thinly veiled hostility. I keep a low profile and tried to get along but the trauma fallout of suppression and fending off attacks made me recently decide to quit going to the once or twice a year family meet ups, even though we all live fairly close by. They happily continue to ignore me as if I don’t exist-kind of a take it or leave it attitude. Breadcrumbs. Which is better than being provoked or ignored in person, but it couldn’t be further away from what I had hoped about maintaining a meaningful relationship.
No contact or bust 😊
@@caroleminke6116 She knows she has me where she wants me.
You described my experience exactly! I feel the same as well. I went through many cycles before I finally realized nothing I tried to do would change anything. Finally decided to take all that energy and put it towards myself. Best decision I ever made.
They rarely answer mundane questions. They'll react in a hostile or bratty way if you've landed on one of their attempts to give a false impression, such as they'll talk about people as if they're friends but if you try to continue that 'conversation,' you will butt up against the fact that they're exaggerating that friendship. There are non-sequiturs, non-answers, sneers, etc., which can take a while to reconcile. They see interactions as an opportunity to paint themselves a certain way, or a chance to manipulate or use you. They are looking for information from and about you not out of earnest friendship either; it's an abuse of your knowing them.
I usually hate New Year as it's just another year, but I have finally realised my husband is never going to change, so 2024 is my year to change. Thank you to Team Healthy. I have learned a lot.
Keep leaning forward, Heather!
Congratulations on your epiphany, and good luck with your journey to a better place!
@@lynnebucher6537 Thank you for your kind words. Isn't it sad when we're not used to kind words? But they mean a lot. ❤️
On boxing day this year I was hit with the realisation that my friend is narcissistic. Such a shock but I feel free and released inside. I hope that for you too.
@@BarbzSA Thank goodness for these videos! Understanding has finally given me the help I wish I'd had years ago. I waited for change, but now I have the knowledge and courage to make my own changes. I hope all goes well with you. Good luck to you and everyone on this journey. 💝
That one person whose husband wants her to take a polygraph, I'd turn the tables on them and agree under the provision that he gets put on one, too, and has to answer her questions.
To the polygraph-lady: run as fast as you can!
Scary 😱 situation….
😮
A quote to start the new year. “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” -Thich Nhat Hahn
It’s the opposite of what narcissists do in their their relationships.
I've been so helpless, felt so insecure, but now I' m starting to understand how to face my problems in the family which treats me as a useless granny. The worst thing is that it's my daughter's family. Thanks to Dr. C I can feel the ground under my feet now. I put down certain things not to miss the most important points. It' s good that one can read the subtitles. English is not my native language, so it helps a lot to read what is being said.
Dr. Carter, been listening to you for several weeks now. I just realized after 25 some odd years of marriage my husband is a covert narcissist. I kept trying for years to get through to him. Now he realizes he doesn't need me anymore and wants to dispose me like trash. It's pitiful. I'm 67 and he's 73 and it's hard to start over again at my age. There are many lessons in this for me as well as I'm far from perfect. Thank you for all your encouragement and kind words. Would love to be able to afford a therapist to talk about all these things.
I’m 65 & he’s 72 😢 no contact for 9 months now & healing daily ❤
I am feeling like it was my purpose to save my mother. I feel so guilty for needing to go NC. It doesn't feel I am allowed to be.
Starting over again in later years of life will seem daunting/impossible at first. There are many resources (online, books, community agencies and services) that offer help. Much of this is free or low cost. There are social and cultural organizations and activities that help "seniors" (couples and singles) live interesting and fulfilling lives.
As a Re-starter twice (divorce, widowhood), I encourage you to use what you have available for help. Developing a "Free to Be Me" mindset, with "What kind of life do I want to live, and how can I achieve it? " as a starting point is liberating, instead of looking at the situation as a Loss. I have used the SHED acronym , to get grounded and move forward.
S= Save the things, relationships, memories that are useful and positive
H= Help yourself by using resources and taking good care of yourself
E= Explore and Engage with what is positive, useful, enjoyable and joyous for YOU
D= Discard/Drop what does not serve you; Defer what does not need to be done immediately ; Delegate work that is tough or you don't have time for (use services and supports); Don't Dwell on "Ain't it awful?"/"If only.../ "coulda, woulda, shoulda" and/or other distractions from your Main Purpose.
Sending hope and warm wishes to you and others in the "Same Boat" !
Parts of it will be difficult. Many other things will be SO much easier and better!
I realised this about a close friend around the same date as you. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions in a short time. Maybe you can find a support group? You aren't alone.
If we are not showing our humanity we’re alive physiologically not psychologically.
You're on it, Fred.
I spent Christmas alone with my cat. I think that was the best choice as my narcissistic family has been a problem in the past and although I can handle them better now, I don't want to. I have no partner and friends a few, but not all that good. I'm still working at surrounding myself with better people, but find it difficult to do so as I have a social phobia. My kitty is my best friend, so we shared some nice dinners, played and watched some movies.
I hope you have a good year .. there’s 8 billion ppl on the planet let’s not let mentally deranged ppl dictate are feelings , we can’t let them win the war bc we’re human and their not , I’m going to start ceramics , and go to the gym more , just do you ! 💜
Its all a step in the right direction and my heart goes out to you. Keep up the good work. I am actually looking at getting a hotel for a few days to escape. New Years Eve I will be alone, resting.
@@tbunnyshy1 I did that for Xmas a few years ago, went off to Dublin. The Irish were very concerned about me spending time alone at Christmas, and kept inviting me to their homes, but as I didn't know them I chose to explore the city and have dinner with two other guests I befriended. If you can, being alone at home can be very nice. A change can be good too, but might feel a little less cosy.
What a treat to have Dr C giving us some healthy insights at this time of crazy (for we who have crazy families!).
We all have crazy families.
God for sure!
Mom Cancelled My wedding cake-RUINED THE RECEPTION& laughed with glee When Icried. Bye Mother!!!!!
Crazy time indeed. Take heart, holidays are nearly over!
Dr C you don’t need to hide your being human
It make you a real person
I appreciate you, Dr. C. - I'm slowly coming to realize the more I know through watching your many videos, the more I realize how much MORE there is to learn! It's a good thing I was born a student!
Keep learning!!
This is one of the most effective tools a narcissist can use to keep you locked into a system of bondage. Not only does it keep you tied into a negative space that causes you to lose trust in "all" people, it also isolates you from others so that you're totally dependent on them for your emotional survival. My narc was tops in using this technique. In fact, she told me how it would be to my "advantage" not to talk to this person or that person because they'd do this or that to me. And once I believed her, I was trapped. And anything trapped has been "gotten." Please don't be fooled by them. Narcissists will go to any lengths to destroy you! That's one way they get their fun.
I needed to read this.
I've been following a great deal of RUclips content about narcissism for about 5 years since I discovered the phenomenan of this insidious controller. I've noticed as time passes I can see this personality as quite pervasive in my life.
Me too. It is tiresome pruning them out of my life, but the project continues, probably into perpetuity!
Just starting this video and I need to say that it's upsetting that someone not only feels but expressed that the teacher should keep his illness to himself.That seems like someone's mental illness talking. When we hide our humanness and vulnerabilities, we encourage others to do so too, and nothing good comes from that. Thanks for sharing your humanness, doc.
You're welcome. I'm a fellow sojourner.
I'm thankful for Dr. C and team healthy. I'm glad I've learned about narcissism because I had no way of packaging all the ex narc's quirks into something identifiable to others. Now I have a word with a definition, and I'm not crazy after all.
❤
Keep learning!!
Language is a powerful tool! For 25 years, I didn't know what my mental issue was, only that it wasn't depression like the tests kept saying (though that was certainly a factor). It took a violent situation with a narcissist and a court-ordered mental evaluation to discover that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, but knowing the proper label makes all the difference in the world! So does knowing that his correct label is Narcissist. From these words, it's easier to choose a path.
Our “Family Narcissist” has slowly taken apart our small family. Sadly the enablers, her mom & sister. Always pulls the “Family Card” saying we’re family. I’m so tired of people family or not pulling that card. As if to say just because they are family I’m supposed to smile, be quiet and just take it. I don’t want to have negative people speaking into my life. And includes my family members who are negative and don’t give respect. But I’m made to feel terrible about it.
Thank you Dr.C I am glad you are doing better!
Thanks Fred...hope you heard the shout out I gave to you at the beginning. #TeamHealthy
@@SurvivingNarcissism yes I did loud and clear thank you 🙏 Dr.C!
So glad you’re feeling better!!
Thanks, It's been over 2 weeks!
I recently lost my dog to Bullying. Not one person has said "I'm sorry for your loss yet".
I'm so sorry for your loss. Our animal friends matter.
My new answer is: "Good to know." It's also something that I implant in my brain when someone feels the need to question my choices.
I am thankful for this ministry. 🙏 Priceless. You all are precious and a priceless Treasure. God bless you all bunches!!! What life savers you all are!!!!
This is the 1st Christmas in alot of years that I truly enjoyed myself.
Many years spent...thrown away on the spouses narcissist family.
I enjoyed my adult children and the grands with out the flack from the cold water comm. Not having to deal with the Narcissist mother in law was Pure Gold!! Narc free x 22 months has been Heaven. Thsnk you Dr. C. You and Team Healthy have been a lufe saver! Great wisdom and knowledge gratefully accepted. Keep the knowledge coming in 2024!@❤
"cold water comm." a good descriptor LOL
On the very first question posed, this is exactly how I was raised, and from where I gained confidence. I was a good patient as a child, wouldn’t allow myself to cry after I got needles. Then when I lost all my hair, I wouldn’t allow myself to express how god awful I felt inside. Even when I something I got put down for it. “Come on. It’s only hair.” It’s now been since the year 2000 that I’m completely bald, and worse, I’ve become a total recluse. What a total losing situation.
Thank you Doc for comment you made at the beginning of live presentation 🙏
Of course!!
It’s called being transparent and being real with people. People who don’t know who they are have a hard time with this. They are people who like to keep up with the “Jones’s “ even though they don’t know who the Jones’ are. Image keepers
Thank you for addressing my problem. Your advice is woderful.
You are so welcome!
Thanks Dr C for all of your hard work and dedication to help us on Team Healthy. Even when you are under the weather, you are here for us. Before I discovered you, I felt I would never find joy again. Through Gods grace, I was led to your channel & books. I learn more each week and appreciate everything you make available to us. I realize that you have had a successful career and could be enjoying retirement with your wife and granddaughters.. but you give your time and assistance to us. Many of whom may have no other resources.. I thank God for you. I pray that you & your loved ones have a great week and a blessed year in 2024! 🙏🏼🤗✝️
So agree with everything you sad to Dr Carter. Iwasraised by a narcissistic alcoholic, then married a narcissist - my normal, lost that marriage , and remarried a narcissistic salesman - my normal, now unlearned for team healthy
An ongoing project that . Many. Thanks with. Love
I love that perfect illustration Dr. C. The narcissist doesn’t even want to think they are equal to ‘all the rest of you slobs out there’! So true. My parents used to complain that they had to take charge of their homeowner’s association committee because everyone else was ‘an idiot’. Classic
They just had to do it...for the sake of humanity, of course.
On the suicide topic, my ex use to have these psychosis type of episodes, he sliced his leg with a knife and video chatted me and was laughing saying he just wants to "feel something" I was so beyond traumatized by that relationship but especially that episide. He didn't even seem to be like drowning in emotions but it seemed literally psychotic, he was laughing it was so disturbing and terrifying. Then days later he denied that entire thing ever happened.
Sounds like he could have borderline tendencies .. but still a demonic narc
I find these videos generally very enlightening and informative but today I was very disturbed to hear Dr. C. say ‘…virtually every addict has strong narcissistic tendencies’. This sounds rather judgemental. Other trauma researchers link addictions more strongly with strategies to cope with unresolved trauma and its neurological consequences. It’s recognized as an illness.
@@myhalowithin 💗💗
So thankful for this site and Dr. Cs teachings. So very helpful all year long!!
Dr. C Thank you for giving your time to all of us ! Your advice has saved my life! Happy 2024
So pleased for you, Diane.
Team healthy and Dr.C and family and Gus it’s has been a good year and yeas living, we have life ahead of us with it’s all ups and downs and all uncertainties , one thing can prepare us forward is to grow as we age to get us through in those days to come.
Happy 2024 and beyond to all of you, wishing you all love and peace.
U2❤
Hello I lost my mother a month before my 7th birthday and my father was strict. I never knew what mood he was in when he come home from work. I find that my brother who is 5 years older than me is doing the same. I am now 59 and haven't spoken to my brother for over 3 years now because he wants to control every part of my life making me doubt myself. There wasn't any love growing up as a child and eventually became my father's carer until he died. I feel so let down by both of them putting there selfish needs before me as a child still grieving for his mother. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone without specially my brother about my mother. My father never spoke at all about my mother.i feel robbed of my childhood and my mother. I have learned so much from your video's. It hasn't solved the problem but helped me understand what happened to me.
Once again thank you❤.
Keep listening to Dr. C and your pain will be lifted!
Maybe your mom had a friend or relative that could share memories with you.
@@susancook2181 last of my mother's sisters died over a year ago.
May you have great happiness in the new year, Dr. C, and Team Healthy! You’re wonderful friends. 🙏🏼❤️🎄
Sometimes talking about negative things can make it worse people believe it perpetuates the negative energy or it makes them uncomfortable if they cannot control their emotions. It's important for us to confide being honest in one another to build each other up, but not to dwell in the negatives too long. It's all about someone's motives & I believe your motives are good. Hope you feel even better in no time! I love using ginger root, lemons, raw local honey, vitamin enriched foods, & a lot of rest/less stress/exercise....hope this helps! Thank you for your videos!!!🌬️🔥👣🙏💕✨
Thank you, Dr. Carter, for what you share. I'm so glad you are doing better. I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and your family a very Happy New Year, and a Happy New Year to all those in this group. May the new year bring happiness to all of us.
Thanks, Ginny. Happy New Year's to you too!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you!
Thank you
Thank you so much for taking us through narcissism, finally healing from this terrible illness that we have to bear for their own sins . It’s terrible l was gaslighted , lied and disgraced and disrespected indeed he got issues that l couldn’t fix being married to him
Wishing you all a better year, free of mean, manipulative and two-faced people; and may you find joy and freedom in life.
Dear Dr. C, thank you for your smiling enthusiasm! Narcissism and it's heavy, painful impacts on people, and the world, is so difficult. Yet you have clearly seen through it, really help people, and take joy in that. Somehow while not being buffaloed by those bullies. Whew. SO glad for your work. You are directly helping us create a much kinder and more honest world. Creating light in really dark places.
Cheerfully!!! You are appreciated.
Happy 2024, to you and yours, and your work.. And Gus.
Thanks! Happy New Year’s to you as well
I didn’t comment on you being under the weather but I appreciate you feeling better and I appreciate your approach to being a human and being an equal to us and being a work in progress and not letting anybody put you on that pedestal or act like you’re more than they are are there less than you are you are valued and appreciated I like the way that you call us a team I like that you stopped two years ago referring to us as broken. Because we’re not we are a whole human being , a soul on a journey. May all the blessings of this beautiful cosmos be guided to you your wife your granddaughter and your extended family may their magic essence shine bright. Mahalo. Please say a prayer for Maui citizens especially Lahaina and Kula there’s been great tragedy there that has exposed great resilience and great love the Hawaiian people and their culture are amazing. A hui hou
Hi dr C from The Netherlands. I so enjoy your video's. I am now out of a 5 year relationship with, what appeared to be, a covert narcissist. It started when I looked on the Internet the term: Verbal abuse. Then I landed on sites about narcissism. The last 4 months I read and watched all I could get a hold on of this subject. I had done the deep inner work since 20 years (I am 71). I imagine therefore that the "damage" could be a little less, because I had healthy boundaries. Now my question is: I still feel for this man. From the beginning on I felt his pain, his fear, his insecurity. I could see "through the layers" so to speak. Yes, the helper in me was very active. And after a couple of years I learned that he could not be helped. How do I combine, so to speak, my feelings of compassion for him with my "no contact" mode. I haven't had contact with him now for 4 months. Sometimes the urge in me is so strong to make contact. And I have a sign in my kitchen that says: no contact. And the body goes in the "flight-mode" when I think of us having contact. Ah, that is the answer!!!!! 🙂. Writing has its own healing ... Much blessing for the new year for the whole Team Healthy.
Great Q. I'll address it next week on the live feed.
That would be so helpful! @@SurvivingNarcissism
This is a great channel. I'm trying desperately to get My Self, Me as a person back since totally disconnecting with my younger narcissistic sister. She has tried for decades to control and boss me by hurting and punishing me for not accepting her authority. the final straw was when she recently tried to stop me being at our Mothers funeral. even tried to embarrass me with an un-associated issue at the wake. She even poked me viciously in the back at the funeral service. I held my quite and did not respond. But it have left me injured, hurt and quite scared by the depths she gone to with her narcissism, I actually questioned myself, my own integrity and my own self worth when I found just how much she was trying to eradicate my very existence, even plagiarizing my special happy memories i had with our parents. Thank you for this insight into the narcissist, i will certainly look through the rest of the videos to help me come out the other side. I totally emphasise with anyone who has suffered at the mind of a narcissist and pray they we can all learn to overcome these people.
I appreciated the Bewitched reference. :)
Sometimes when my wife gets a little too nosy, I call her Mrs. Kravitz. That usually gets a grin.
Also the capacity for Wonder and Joy. These qualities in my view come out when we can accept our humanity and consider ourselves integral to life with all it's complexity. So much has helped me this year in your homilies a d been a salve to my soul and sense of my authentic being. A great feeling at 68, such that I am looking forward to the adventure of the rest of my life. My thanks and warm regards, Julia
Thank you for so much info. I am a survivor. My family was a circus! I'm finding out why I do certain things. I'm so happy to find I'm not alone. My family did not hug or say I love you. Only on a card would say I love you. I won't go into every thing . Just thank for helping.
Dr Carter: 2023 was an incredible year for you and your podcast! And for the community of narcissistic abuse recovery.
You’re so genuine, maintain authenticity! Humanness is good! May you cekwvrate health in 2024! Continued success. And D, R, C!
Celebrate..,,, whatever that other word was! Lol
Thanks Janine. I intend to cekwvrate in a wonderful way!
THANK YOU
Thanks for helping us heal from narcissistic & psychological abuse. It’s been another difficult year with ups and downs. I’m going to try and keep as optimistic as possible in 2024. The alternative is not going to work for me. Happy New Year everyone.
Thank you so much for addressing my question 39:21 . God bless you sir. I look forward to seeing you in 2024
Thank you, Dr. C! ❤
You're most welcome!
Polygraph case is just egregious and gross, nothing good is ever coming from that.
Especially if their in the sociopath realm they’ll pass it with flying colors ☠️
Agreed.
Glad that you're doing better, Dr. C! See you next year 😊 🐶
Indeed!
Dr C: hope your throat continues to improve. So glad you and your wife have a vacation planned for January. Well deserved! Happy New Year and thank you for your continuing support. It means so much to so many.
Thanks Linda!
Dr. C next to but, I think I’ve figured out a narcissist 2nd favorite word; Just.
- can you JUST
- will you JUST
- JUST do that
- JUST do this
Effectively minimizing anything you ever do and maximizing everything they seem to contribute.
I get it!!
Hi Dr. C! Amazing video!! I'm glad you're doing better! I hope that you heal quickly!❤😊
Grateful for this channel. Helped me better understand my mother and that no matter how far I would bend to please or placate her it would never be enough.
I grew up dealing with her behaviors. It wasn't uncommon to get silent treatment from her when I was a child. She'd even pull my sibling into it by saying stuff like "do you hear something? Must be a gnat." Then she'd flail her hands like an actual gnat was nearby.
We could have stretches of time where things were ok, aside from feeling like I was walking on eggshells. Eventually she'd go off about something and drop out of my life for weeks or months. She did this less once I had kids and a husband. My mother in law was quite shocked to learn how she really behaved after having thought she knew my mom for years. Mom would drop in and out to the point my autistic kids began struggle with her choice to suddenly disappear from our day to day over things my husband and I found perplexing. She would call my phone and my husband's phone repeatedly and text us repeatedly telling me to not contact her. The thing was I was not calling her or texting her. The voicemails were chaos in word form. We decided to try grey rock. That didn't really work so we did end up going no contact. It has been six years. I feel as if I have grieved a person who is still alive. I would have loved to have had a good relationship with her, but I don't think it was in the cards. Since then I have heard of others having falling outs with her. She seems to have found new scapegoats. Is that typical of narcissists...to have replacement scapegoats?
Anyway, appreciate this space of clarity. Thank you.
My church lady friends totally get me! They know from what I've told them, that my mother is a grandios narcissit.
Catching up! Hey Team Healthy! 😁👋
Continue to gain such important information and support from here ❤️🇬🇧
Wish you all a very peaceful 2024, 😊
Thanks, Christina.
Dr. C. I am so grateful to you for sharing your knowledge and insights into the world of narcissistic personality traits and behaviors. I am beginning to recognize these horrendous individuals and keeping my distance from them.
So pleased!
Dr. Carter--
I wish you would do a video teaching on the following phenomenon, it would help a lot of us:
Narcissistic people who go to therapy and thoroughly believe that their "false" self is actually their "authentic" (narcissistic) self. That's because, I believe, many therapists do not really understand, spot, smell, see the narcissistic client. That client has the therapist snowed. The therapist reinforces the false self. The narcissist, as usual, uses therapy as a supply. Feels very "healthy" and entitled to pursue his usual shenanigans.
Dr. C this happens a lot.
Please do a video about this topic.
Thank you!
Yesterday I had a great day taking care of me!
This is a fantastic video Dr. C. It provides many of the answers to questions people will have when first going through narcissistic abuse. Thank you for all you do and we appreciate everything you teach us.
You have a great break with your wife ,see you in the new year , happy New Years dr C.
I’m grateful too! Thank you so much for an amazing year of learning and support.
You are so welcome!
The polygraph test, if that was requested, no demanded I would bust out laughing! Then I would continue doing whatever I was doing.
That last question and answer truly brought light to my situation - thank you and thank you!!!
Thank you so much for keeping the conversation going. It is so needed and so healing💕
You are so welcome
Thats right we are just people!
I have developed sciatica in my left foot, my mother even up to my adulthood giving me advice not to let people know what you are suffering,really!?
This show that my mother up to my adulthood teaching me narcissistic characteristics, go figure what she has done me growing up,she doesn’t know I am on team healthy and I am trying undo any narcissistic characteristics, I just nod my head and I said to her I will be okay.
I will join you!! You can lead right on!!
Wishing everyone Happy Holidays & and Narc free new year . Ps your silence is golden , the less you say too these soul suckers the less they have to react upon .🤡
My cousin's husband died a few days ago overseas. It was expected. He had Alzheimer's. My cousin texted me a couple of days after he died.
My sister found out about the death via another cousin. It turned out the widowed one had texted me and not my sister.
I then received an email from my sister saying that the widow had in fact contacted her by email but the email got lost.
The entire purpose of my sister's email was to prove to me that she was in the 'up' position and had been contacted first, not me.
I thought how sad it is how my sister tried to turn this poor man"s death into a competition between her and me, and tried to assert her dominant superior position over me by asserting that she had been sent an email ( which got lost).
To the wife of the man accusing and threatening a polygraph test to decide the fate of your marriage: I hope you are able to work towards being financially independent if you aren't already, and can find more good counsel like Dr Carter's.
I tolerated emotional and psychological abuse for decades, not understanding that it was abuse, just because there was no physical abuse, and was shocked to read a list of safe vs unsafe behaviours. I found the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft helpful. Glad you're in Team Healthy.
I have been away from the drama and torment for 5 years now, practising self care and to not JADE (Justifying Arguing Defending or Explaining) and I feel free to enjoy my peaceful life. I wish you freedom and peace too. Courage and wisdom to you.
Their smear campaign here in Italy was so bad my mom did not talk to me for years. I used to be married to an Air Force Veteran and lived in the US. When I returned these individuals who wanted some property of ours would tell people I disappointed my father and I was now sleeping with a black American from a nearby base. Actually I got a strict upbringing, studied up to Ph.D. level in the US, and my American husband was Caucasian. I taught partime and worked as a volunteer with charities ..they made my life difficult and I had to sell the house I inherited...
Thank you again Dr. C! I am glad you are doing much better! Have fun on your well deserved vacation next month!
Substance and abuse disorder is more related to insecure attachment, which could coincide with codependency and dependency of which narcissism could fall under. Take the substance away, and you'll see the personality disorder or issue. Narcissists who are addicts will refuse help, recovery, or therapy.
Regarding the letter with the mother-in-law, boundaries are very biblical. God gave Adam and Eve boundaries, in the garden, and also consequences to their disobedience. God created boundaries between the land and sea. Boundaries are godly and healthy and necessary. Parents have boundaries with their children (or at least they should), and so adult children are allowed, and encouraged, to have boundaries with their parents if necessary without condemnation or shame.
My adult sisters became irritable and contemptuous when i requested their presence at any celebration for me.
Even though I showed up in support for all of their births, family medical issues (I was a healthcare professional), children sports, birthdays, showers etc etc etc.
I missed! I have a new yoga friend. I was always too sensitive...in horrible situations. Thanks everyone for this life saving year. I just finished a 5 day class on accepting our shadow as in Jung. Very fitting to this. ❤
Basic Trust rather than extreme trust or mistrust
Great episode Dr. C. So many good answers to these great questions.
Thanks, Maxwell.
I sometimes would say I am having a character building day. But God.
I'm glad you're feeling better!
Thank, me too!
Thank you for sharing
You're quite welcome.
My parents had issues! My sister won’t tell her children about any of it! So it won’t continue! Now her kids think we are just weird! Not the fact that we fought to be better people!
Keyword attempt to try to make it work. If you're causing Hell in someone's life and then acting like they're the problem that's not right.
Happy New Year.
Dr, C. You sound so much better and we love you. That is so awesome that you and your wife are taking some time to yourself. We pray God‘s angel armies around you and nothing you eat drink, touch or breathe will harm you in Jesus mighty name. Gus is going to miss you..
And you know what even if you’re five minutes delay or five seconds delay or anything you never have to apologize I don’t even know how to do all that technology so you are doing an amazing job and yes, those little kids seem to know the ropes for sure in that area. Maybe your brand new little granddaughter ha ha ha. Also, thank you for sharing your heart with us. We really appreciate that. God bless you from Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
So insightful, thanks 🙏
Glad it was helpful!
I'm still reeling from the husband who demanded his wife take a polygraph test... Praying she's now far, far away from him!
I was listening to a prominent person yesterday. They've been very successful in life. They, from the sounds of it didn't have a good childhood BUT what really annoys me is when they give the take responsibility, work hard, be strong mantra lectures. They've clearly not come (as have none of those that preach about making yourself something)from a family that spent their time minimising, controlling, manipulating, guiltily, punishing, confusing, gaslighting and making you afraid of the world and making you hate yourself and worked hard to make you feel worthless. Only getting warmth, 'love', support when they feel like it. It's the most confusing way to grow up. I think I'd have had and better chance if they'd been consistently awful. The worst thing people with this personality do is cause internal confusion! Looking at the xomments today I see lots of confusion just like I feel. Imo the more empathetic and sensitive we are the worse the damage to our psyche as we try to qork out what's going on and carrying the burdens of grief and guilt at finding put we don't like these people and the damage they've done. They did it with impunity, not caring how it affected us, yet we carry the guilt. Xmas brings up all these feelings for me ✌
Dr C - this is confusing because when we share too much, an individual who is a narcissist will mine for that information to WEAPONIZE IT later. I have learned the hard way that being OPEN worked against me in my former marriage because, everything that was shared was weaponized in the end.
So now, I am on high alert during every interaction. If a person asks me what my fears are insecurities are, I become highly suspicious now. Especially since I had what amounts to a “shark attack” from a person who I THOUGHT was a friend (who knew about my break up). They proceeded to try to corner me on my weaknesses and began to verbally abuse me in the conversation. It was a really shocking display of what looked like narcissism and I ended up having to completely cut this person OUT of my life. I don’t really trust now when people ask me things like “what are you most afraid of” or “what is your greatest weakness” as it feels like a set up.
Amen to the mutual friends who pull out the "Christian" card (you are not forgiving) 36 minutes in. I am a fully beloved Jesus-forgiven Christian and it makes me crazy that these people who have never walked in my shoes with a Narcissist and doing the "dance" of not engaging.
My ex would say "Don't EVER CALL ME A LIAR" and his brown eyes would go nearly black. He was agitated nearly all the time.. always on the verge of anger. He WAS A LIAR...and I knew it and stayed there 28 years....avoiding the truth of his false self to keep a "peace"
Thank GOD and my very good counselling that I stopped apologizing for his LIES and his MEAN HATEFUL BEHAVIOR. I left. I have a great life now with a NORMAL and HONEST man. what a gift. I give thanks every day.
"Stand in your own legitimacy" love it. "Stink bomb written all over it"
Scapegoat v Golden Child. I really wish you would address the mother who has used the Scapegoat’s funds to pay for the Golden Child’s lifestyle. She has stolen so much from me. And to add injury to all the insults, they both were on my payroll! They both got salaries, bonuses and pensions from my business, them stole from me on top of it all! How do I ever, if ever, fix this?!