When others don't understand the heartbreaking struggle , the life altering pain of this type of abuse ...they just don't know what they don't know . I had to find out what had happened to me to understand it myself , so I didn't really expect anyone else to get it either . Knowledge is a powerful & life saving tool .
Yes! How blessed we are that we have become aware & even more that Dr.C & others give us more knowledge & understanding from their invaluable insight. Finding meaning gives our lives meaning. I am so grateful. So many never realize.
When others minimize your struggle, yes it adds to the frustration your already going through. Honestly unless someone is going through it themselves they just cant understand. I had no idea for years that I was living with a Covert Narcissist I never even heard of that. Its taken me alot of listening to Dr C and others like him to open my eyes to this dysfunction. I am limited in who I can share my struggles with but I will keep moving forward in dealing with it in a productive and healthy way.Thank You Dr. C and of course Guss Lol
Go gray rock as you learn about codependency issues 😉 your personal power needs to get directed towards growth 👍 then life gets a lot better & much easier too
For years therapists thought I was the problem, because that is how my husband presented me, as a deranged psycho who made him miserable. Then they they caught him in a lie. Luckily I was there when that realization struck them, that they had believed a lie for years. How I wish I had a photo of their faces when that figure/ground shift too place. Shock, horror, shame, panic, all emotions revealed in a millisecond in their faces. Priceless. I have no photo, but that image is forever emblazoned in my memory.
Throughout life I’ve found that the more you offer your true thoughts out to people, the more you're met with misunderstanding from clueless and closed-minded people. Regardless of the subject matter. Dr. Carter is an anomaly - far and few!
You really see it clearly when it's all on you. They don't want to be the blame (of not doing enough) but they don't care to give (or miss out on anything). It is you against the crowd.
They push you to the point where you just lose it and lash out by yelling back at them and then you feel horrible... Then they turn it on you that you're the evil one😢
Listen - they are going to do that whether you lash out or not, and they will keep it up for YEARS. I've never lashed out - but deflect. The difference now is that I'm no longer looking for blame within myself. The difficult person has not changed tactics in 20 years and in fact getting worse with age. They burn whether you give fuel or not.
I learned the hard way that reactive abuse doesn't work. The narcissists loves nothing more than drawing you into their abusive games to make themselves feel or look good. Better options are therapy or the law. Thank you, Dr C for educating everyone on the complex issues relating to narcissism. DRC ❤️
There was a never-ending cycle with both toxic parents- one (the father) would take part in narcissistic behavior, while the other (the mother) would justify it. At times, they would reverse the roles, as is often the case with them. This went especially when my father would take me to his mistress’ place for a one night stand (when I was a small child), my mother would placate it and would not take steps to stop it. Then they would blame me for bringing the the whole matter up in the first place.
You're so right it does! It's awful when you go to a therapist for support with what you're going through, and they minimise and deny your reality, and turn it on you! I went to a therapist at the early stages of my then narc relationship, only to be told to engage further with him and open up more to him! The exact abuse I'd come for help with! He seemed to blame the issues on me, and not recognise I was being abused! I left the therapy after 12 weeks and became even more trapped in the abusive relationship due to cognitive disonnance the therapist had encouraged. I then got stuck for a further 5/6 years because I believed I was probably the problem!! It's crazy how many therapist have NO KNOWLEDGE of Narcissism and the true manipulative nature of the condition. Its dangerous for us!!
Rule of Thumb: Don't discuss your problems with those who have no ability to help you solve them. It'll only lead to more frustration as they attempt to play amateur psychologist, as they proclaim their limited life experiences and perceptions are the way everyone should think.
I finally figured out that the reason my sister "doesn't understand," or have any empathy when I tell her about the issues I'm having with narcissists, is that she's one of them! She gets off on hearing that I'm being mistreated. So she just hit no contact mode from me at Thanksgiving.
I went through various stages of talking to every single person in my family about what I'm dealing with with others in the family. They never listened to me and they always stared at me with these really weird wide eyes. After about a year of that I finally figured it out that they're all narcs themselves
The flying monkeys that know my narcissist will often ask me: "Well what did you do to him?" , as if a narcissist needs a reason to be abusive. It can even be as simple as not reacting to drama making, resulting in me being told to "stop ignoring him".
The way my narcissist abuser chose to shut down communicating with others is by hiring an attorney who acquiesced to their wishes to have me sidelined and silenced.
One reason I believe others minimize and disbelieve my experiences with my narc sister is because she constantly love-bombs them as a way to try to get them all on her "side." She doesn't treat them the way she treats me, so why would they believe me?
🎯 There's seven of us. I have one sister who talks to me like that but sugar sweet with the rest. I've only spoken to one sister about it and she doesn't believe me.
Yep. I have an older sis who is “THE “ social butterfly of the town, plus countless places all over the country. The way she treats all her friends, is totally different from how she treats family. She is SO manipulative. I seriously doubt ANY one in her huge circle would believe she’s anything other than exceptionally wonderful.
Oh my gosh. This is my situation with my sister. She is 76 and I am 74. Off and on she has said cruel unkind things to me for most of my adult life. It happened again at Christmas. I finally decided that I just cannot be around her anymore. Each time in the last five years I need to get therapy. She is very covert and does this around me only. My other sister is very supportive and yet she just goes along and never confronts the n. The only problem is that usually I only have to be with her around once a year which means I won't see the rest of my family, neices etc at that time. It is painful. I can't even stay on our sister group chat anymore because I see her as a fraud. Since my narc sister is nice to them, the otherson don't see it. I'm really struggling.
@@cindyfreihofer2093😢 similar here but i have disabilities, dont even drive. sis asked me to move with her fam, for 2 yrs it got bad to worse. then dad asked me to move with him then backed her up. it was like my blinders fell off! we moved to her state 3 hrs away then she moved 15 mins away and it got worse. i stopped speaking to her, my fam tried forcing me and i start shaking uncontrollably cptsd, i stay mostly in my room. and now shes selling her nice house in town to put a doublewide next door! im cornered.
In the past I have fallen to the emotions of reactive abuse now I have learned to stay in my lane of healthy. Thanks to these videos and knowledge. It makes the narcissist more confused.
One time I had to move back home with my parents short term with 2 small children, 1 on the way, no car, or job, was being evicted because the 'N' husband didn't pay rent. Of course he didn't want a family, even though he pressured me to have children, and he got his own apartment by himself. My own mother asked me exactly what I did that was so bad that it drove him away. Her reasoning was that men don't dump their family over nothing. I had no support.
This reminds me of my first psychiatrist and later a psychiatric social worker. I was a minor and then young adult, and for 10 years, I often felt they were adversaries who didn't try to understand how I felt but rather tried to fix me as they saw fit.
You depend on / care for / love them … so, you’re waiting for the words to match the actions. When it’s a parent, you’re defenseless and manipulated for years.
I call it the Pollyanna syndrome, where everyone has an ideal where everything's ok and everything's good and blissful. I think the narcissist has tapped into the altruism of the people. It's an ignorance that refuses to face problems, or someone else quietly deals with it and everythings sweet again. The hardest thing is that there is a serious relationship problem and no one wants to know, especially when rhe narcissist is so charming.
My own Mother (who is married to my Narcissist Stepdad and exhibits Narcissistic qualities herself) still gaslights me almost a year after my divorce with my Narcissist ex. I’ve been telling my mom about the abuse for at least 4 years and she still acts like I’m overacting and shouldn’t have divorced my ex. The aftermath of Narcissistic abuse is the most intense pain I’ve ever experienced. I was with someone for 11 years who didn’t actually love me and we also have a child together. So now I have to interact with him until my daughter is 18. It’s the worst. Thanks Dr C!
Some try to empathise and others have said "well, everyone can say they had a tough childhood" - what they don't realise is that you THOUGHT you had a "normal" childhood and then you realise, no you didn't and you're not the person you thought you were, your parent(s) weren't who you thought they were and who even am I? It turns your whole life upside down and how can anyone not going through it ever really understand?
Dr C. - loved this video - one comment my daughters make to me is that they get fed up at school because everyone in the school pretends that only fathers can be abusive - meanwhile they have suffered from their narc-mother (covert) - a few of their close friends have been 'read in' and know what is going on - but most of the rest don't. These videos are very helpful and my journey is moving along.
I was minimized once when dealing with a particular family member - so I stepped back and then stepped totally out of the picture. And guess what - now this person moved on to them ( the one that minimized me in the 1st place )
I quit bothering the good people surrounding me about what I endure at home and instead I write a journal. So I can better reflect the moments of abuse by my vulnerable narcissistic husband. I can tell in my journal everything what bothers me and I must say that I felt much better since I started journaling. Sometimes you forget all the crazy moments that are happening around such a person. Here I can make clear what happens to me, what did I say and what did he say and I see much clearly how ridiculous sometimes our discussions are. Then I realize „okay, he is a very ill person and that‘s why he is accusing me of all these unbelievable things“. And afterward writing down I can reconnect with my true self again. The good friends, family and other trusted people in my live are overwhelmed with the things I used to tell them. They wish so much that I could escape out of this marriage. But then, I cannot because of financial poverty will be my destination after divorce. We‘re both retired and he‘s a lot older than me. Fortunately I am a very healthy person - mentally and physically. I see the truth and I try to stay as a calm, empathic and loving person as possible to keep my sanity. I wish everyone in this situation good luck and endurance.
Go gray rock completely 😉 Dr C saved my life once I got this method of regaining personal power 👍 it taught me total self control when I needed to wait out the narcissist! You have a beautiful life ahead of you now ✨
Thank you for saying this! One of the people who minimised me was a friend I let come very close to my life. She came to my house for dinner regularly and I told her about my struggles with my ex. As soon as I broke up wit him she was around at the house spending time with him and has now written a false witness statement against me saying I was never in a relationship with my ex partner of eight years. He is trying to cut me out of our relationship property and has enrolled her into committing perjury. I’m completely speechless because words can not describe. When I left him she wrote me a letter saying if I wasn’t happy with them why didn’t I just leave. When you speak of people who do this kind of thing having a hidden agenda I could not have fathomed her hidden agenda over the years of knowing her, she hid it so well. It is freakish.
This is why I don't trust people or allow anybody to be close to me. They will eventually stab you in the back. Shorter time is needed on "friendships."
This is exactly what I needed to hear today! I joined the wrong group and felt like I was on a witness stand. I cried after, feeling retraumatized. Thank you again for the uplifting wisdom!
Dr. C. Good to see you all your video is on point. Great as always. Hope you and your family are doing well. Happy new year to you and yours. Take it easy dr.c. God bless.
I draw my strength, my cool go team healthy, hec when I first joined , it was feed them to the dogs, I'm one person, you folks is strength with wisdom of love
Hubris is dead on. It shows you the competition they secretly carry. As far as reactive abuse, do you fight if you are being physically attacked? Of coarse. I just made mental notes of these people who are numerous and deal with them on the same precedent. One of my favorites is " its the past, move on". I'm perfectly capable of immediately after they suffer great loss or injustice stating the same. I can be one of the warmest most understanding person on this earth, I can also be the coldest.
💗💃 Though every person's level of suffering in a narcissist relationship will be different, some worst then others. Everyone must take the time to discover what truly works best for them, its not always talking to a close family or friend who just may not understand. Nevertheless don't give up the fight when finding out what's appropriate for you in this struggle.
If I go to a therapist in the future about the struggles I had with some of the women of my past, I do get the impression there would be excuses made, even if I show proof from texts how toxic these women were in our conversations. I do think it’s a cultural issue about always believing women.
They always blame the victim, labeling them codependent and such. Empathy usually goes to the deranged person. Even serial killers get a nice meal before getting executed while their victims didn't get any choice.
Unfortunately, this attitude/agenda is prevalent in the 501C3 churches. I have since left those churches in October 2019 & now thriving in my Non 501C3 church fellowship. Dr. Carter you're right, their arrogant "grading" of the person overcoming narcissism has nothing really to draw upon. On Team Healthy:))
Some of the non 501C3 churches I know, especially those who are Independent Fundamental Baptist seem worse in their abuse than the average church. But I have heard plenty of stories of abuse where the man’s view and excuses were far more important.
For the scapegoat of a covert narcissist even your own siblings don't necessary get it. For them mom is just a bit annoying when they come to visit three times a year and mom acts like a normal human being for once.
I'm on the spectrum. I've had to learn social stuff through trial and error. None of it comes naturally. I've learned that loads of social people really really want to feel special and really really want to show off how good and kind they are. They believe the first sob story they hear and really want to help victims and rally around them. Which is dangerous because once someone gets all feel goody and special and listens to the struggles of the social predator, they're almost inoculated against the REAL victim undoing the false reality. And you can know these people for YEARS but all it takes is a good old dose of favoritism and sweetness and boohoos and the social predator can rip people away from you with ease. And it can happen anywhere. Family. Work. School. Church/temple. It's insidious because it goes down into the root of who people think they are. No one wants to think they'd hurt an innocent person. No one wants to think that they could be tricked into being the bad guy. Social predators are dangerous because even when they're gone, the damage remains. Trust gone. Faith gone. Hope gone. Everything broken and they go off to new pastures with a new sob story about how all their old friends were soooooo horrible. Sniffle sniffle.
For example: How would you feel while only trying to be a student in the classroom too when out of the blue one of your classmates whom you have never worked with before on any group assignment so far as you know turns to you to says something like - You should be going to help him right now. (Help who?)
@SurvivingNarcissism clearly not a safe person for me to continue discussing the issue with.... Its months later and I am still shocked at the cluelessness of it. It truly makes me question some things in general about her and how deep I want a relationship with her to go. It's a big red flag.
Yes I could never describe what was going on on until I found RUclips Yeah my mother would minimize everything I said he did wards the end got way worse it was more obvious but then I found out she was my original narcissist so what are you? She wasn’t has horrible.
Central Time Zone- Nortb America: btw: Tech Support Crew & Team and Administrative Staff at Presentation ( Fabulous) : btw: thanks 😊: San Angelo- SJT 😊
When others don't understand the heartbreaking struggle , the life altering pain of this type of abuse ...they just don't know what they don't know . I had to find out what had happened to me to understand it myself , so I didn't really expect anyone else to get it either . Knowledge is a powerful & life saving tool .
Yes! How blessed we are that we have become aware & even more that Dr.C & others give us more knowledge & understanding from their invaluable insight. Finding meaning gives our lives meaning. I am so grateful. So many never realize.
I wish I could’ve gotten on a bus as an infant & headed out of the country!
Favorite comment from others: “So what did you do to piss the narcissist off?” Me - speechless.
Well put
It's not what you did, it's what you didn't do and that is to give them the narc supply that they crave. Don't bother telling them this either.
If they're implying that it's your fault, they're narcissistic abusers too.
@@johncasey1020 That's when you hear the "well weren't you the one ignoring them?"
comments and snide remarks.
Exist?!
“I don’t like what I’ve been through, but, what I do like, is that I learn.”
Amen, Dr.C !!
Adapt and remember without rumination.
Amen 🙏
Well said😇🙏
No longer codependent 👍
When others minimize your struggle, yes it adds to the frustration your already going through. Honestly unless someone is going through it themselves they just cant understand. I had no idea for years that I was living with a Covert Narcissist I never even heard of that. Its taken me alot of listening to Dr C and others like him to open my eyes to this dysfunction. I am limited in who I can share my struggles with but I will keep moving forward in dealing with it in a productive and healthy way.Thank You Dr. C and of course Guss Lol
Go gray rock as you learn about codependency issues 😉 your personal power needs to get directed towards growth 👍 then life gets a lot better & much easier too
For years therapists thought I was the problem, because that is how my husband presented me, as a deranged psycho who made him miserable. Then they they caught him in a lie. Luckily I was there when that realization struck them, that they had believed a lie for years. How I wish I had a photo of their faces when that figure/ground shift too place. Shock, horror, shame, panic, all emotions revealed in a millisecond in their faces. Priceless. I have no photo, but that image is forever emblazoned in my memory.
What did they do about it afterwards?
Throughout life I’ve found that the more you offer your true thoughts out to people, the more you're met with misunderstanding from clueless and closed-minded people. Regardless of the subject matter. Dr. Carter is an anomaly - far and few!
You really see it clearly when it's all on you. They don't want to be the blame (of not doing enough) but they don't care to give (or miss out on anything).
It is you against the crowd.
It's such a joy and privilege to be on team healthy with you all. Thankyou Dr🌄
They push you to the point where you just lose it and lash out by yelling back at them and then you feel horrible... Then they turn it on you that you're the evil one😢
Listen - they are going to do that whether you lash out or not, and they will keep it up for YEARS. I've never lashed out - but deflect. The difference now is that I'm no longer looking for blame within myself. The difficult person has not changed tactics in 20 years and in fact getting worse with age. They burn whether you give fuel or not.
Reactive abuse. It's sinister.
I learned the hard way that reactive abuse doesn't work. The narcissists loves nothing more than drawing you into their abusive games to make themselves feel or look good. Better options are therapy or the law.
Thank you, Dr C for educating everyone on the complex issues relating to narcissism. DRC ❤️
There was a never-ending cycle with both toxic parents- one (the father) would take part in narcissistic behavior, while the other (the mother) would justify it. At times, they would reverse the roles, as is often the case with them. This went especially when my father would take me to his mistress’ place for a one night stand (when I was a small child), my mother would placate it and would not take steps to stop it. Then they would blame me for bringing the the whole matter up in the first place.
That happens even in therapy settings. I fired bad therapists. 😟😖☹
👏🏼👏🏾👏🏻👏🏽👏👏🏿👍🏼
@@yukio_saito I am having the exact same issue. My current therapist minimizes my feelings about leaving my toxic relationship. Time to find a new one
You're so right it does! It's awful when you go to a therapist for support with what you're going through, and they minimise and deny your reality, and turn it on you! I went to a therapist at the early stages of my then narc relationship, only to be told to engage further with him and open up more to him! The exact abuse I'd come for help with! He seemed to blame the issues on me, and not recognise I was being abused! I left the therapy after 12 weeks and became even more trapped in the abusive relationship due to cognitive disonnance the therapist had encouraged. I then got stuck for a further 5/6 years because I believed I was probably the problem!! It's crazy how many therapist have NO KNOWLEDGE of Narcissism and the true manipulative nature of the condition. Its dangerous for us!!
Rule of Thumb: Don't discuss your problems with those who have no ability to help you solve them. It'll only lead to more frustration as they attempt to play amateur psychologist, as they proclaim their limited life experiences and perceptions are the way everyone should think.
🎯
Hence why I never discussed my personal life at work. It's only fodder for gossip.
Definitely don't waste time telling your very narcassistic mother. Yeesh. Huge mistake.
Your “coworker” Gus is super cute! Somehow having a little doggy in the video background is comforting. Please give him an extra pat from me.
Will do. When I still had my practice, he'd come to work with me each day. He's still doing it with this different format!
I finally figured out that the reason my sister "doesn't understand," or have any empathy when I tell her about the issues I'm having with narcissists, is that she's one of them! She gets off on hearing that I'm being mistreated. So she just hit no contact mode from me at Thanksgiving.
I went through various stages of talking to every single person in my family about what I'm dealing with with others in the family. They never listened to me and they always stared at me with these really weird wide eyes. After about a year of that I finally figured it out that they're all narcs themselves
@@TrevorHamberger Aye aye!
The flying monkeys that know my narcissist will often ask me:
"Well what did you do to him?" , as if a narcissist needs a reason to be abusive.
It can even be as simple as not reacting to drama making, resulting in me being told to "stop ignoring him".
The way my narcissist abuser chose to shut down communicating with others is by hiring an attorney who acquiesced to their wishes to have me sidelined and silenced.
Corrupt justice system & bad cop shops rule us
One reason I believe others minimize and disbelieve my experiences with my narc sister is because she constantly love-bombs them as a way to try to get them all on her "side." She doesn't treat them the way she treats me, so why would they believe me?
🎯
There's seven of us. I have one sister who talks to me like that but sugar sweet with the rest. I've only spoken to one sister about it and she doesn't believe me.
Yep. I have an older sis who is “THE “ social butterfly of the town, plus countless places all over the country. The way she treats all her friends, is totally different from how she treats family. She is SO manipulative. I seriously doubt ANY one in her huge circle would believe she’s anything other than exceptionally wonderful.
Oh my gosh. This is my situation with my sister. She is 76 and I am 74. Off and on she has said cruel unkind things to me for most of my adult life. It happened again at Christmas. I finally decided that I just cannot be around her anymore. Each time in the last five years I need to get therapy. She is very covert and does this around me only. My other sister is very supportive and yet she just goes along and never confronts the n. The only problem is that usually I only have to be with her around once a year which means I won't see the rest of my family, neices etc at that time. It is painful. I can't even stay on our sister group chat anymore because I see her as a fraud. Since my narc sister is nice to them, the otherson don't see it. I'm really struggling.
Same here.
@@cindyfreihofer2093😢 similar here but i have disabilities, dont even drive. sis asked me to move with her fam, for 2 yrs it got bad to worse. then dad asked me to move with him then backed her up. it was like my blinders fell off! we moved to her state 3 hrs away then she moved 15 mins away and it got worse. i stopped speaking to her, my fam tried forcing me and i start shaking uncontrollably cptsd, i stay mostly in my room. and now shes selling her nice house in town to put a doublewide next door! im cornered.
In the past I have fallen to the emotions of reactive abuse now I have learned to stay in my lane of healthy. Thanks to these videos and knowledge. It makes the narcissist more confused.
One time I had to move back home with my parents short term with 2 small children, 1 on the way, no car, or job, was being evicted because the 'N' husband didn't pay rent. Of course he didn't want a family, even though he pressured me to have children, and he got his own apartment by himself. My own mother asked me exactly what I did that was so bad that it drove him away. Her reasoning was that men don't dump their family over nothing. I had no support.
This reminds me of my first psychiatrist and later a psychiatric social worker. I was a minor and then young adult, and for 10 years, I often felt they were adversaries who didn't try to understand how I felt but rather tried to fix me as they saw fit.
You depend on / care for / love them … so, you’re waiting for the words to match the actions. When it’s a parent, you’re defenseless and manipulated for years.
Seeing this, living this now.
Man, i mean to tell ya, the greatest knowledge, My Doctor
That means a lot to me, Linda.
I call it the Pollyanna syndrome, where everyone has an ideal where everything's ok and everything's good and blissful. I think the narcissist has tapped into the altruism of the people.
It's an ignorance that refuses to face problems, or someone else quietly deals with it and everythings sweet again.
The hardest thing is that there is a serious relationship problem and no one wants to know, especially when rhe narcissist is so charming.
It’s even worse for kids raised by these two faced deceivers
Gus nice & relaxed, the bestest boi
My own Mother (who is married to my Narcissist Stepdad and exhibits Narcissistic qualities herself) still gaslights me almost a year after my divorce with my Narcissist ex. I’ve been telling my mom about the abuse for at least 4 years and she still acts like I’m overacting and shouldn’t have divorced my ex. The aftermath of Narcissistic abuse is the most intense pain I’ve ever experienced. I was with someone for 11 years who didn’t actually love me and we also have a child together. So now I have to interact with him until my daughter is 18. It’s the worst. Thanks Dr C!
Go gray rock 😉 get control back 👍 it’s your personal power!
Some try to empathise and others have said "well, everyone can say they had a tough childhood" - what they don't realise is that you THOUGHT you had a "normal" childhood and then you realise, no you didn't and you're not the person you thought you were, your parent(s) weren't who you thought they were and who even am I? It turns your whole life upside down and how can anyone not going through it ever really understand?
People don’t get that you never felt loved 💔❤️🩹♥️
@@caroleminke6116🫂💕
Dr C. - loved this video - one comment my daughters make to me is that they get fed up at school because everyone in the school pretends that only fathers can be abusive - meanwhile they have suffered from their narc-mother (covert) - a few of their close friends have been 'read in' and know what is going on - but most of the rest don't. These videos are very helpful and my journey is moving along.
Keep on going forward because it gets better!
I was minimized once when dealing with a particular family member - so I stepped back and then stepped totally out of the picture. And guess what - now this person moved on to them ( the one that minimized me in the 1st place )
Right there with you man. I refuse to look back, I’ve tolerated too much disrespect
Good 😉
I quit bothering the good people surrounding me about what I endure at home and instead I write a journal. So I can better reflect the moments of abuse by my vulnerable narcissistic husband. I can tell in my journal everything what bothers me and I must say that I felt much better since I started journaling. Sometimes you forget all the crazy moments that are happening around such a person. Here I can make clear what happens to me, what did I say and what did he say and I see much clearly how ridiculous sometimes our discussions are. Then I realize „okay, he is a very ill person and that‘s why he is accusing me of all these unbelievable things“. And afterward writing down I can reconnect with my true self again. The good friends, family and other trusted people in my live are overwhelmed with the things I used to tell them. They wish so much that I could escape out of this marriage. But then, I cannot because of financial poverty will be my destination after divorce. We‘re both retired and he‘s a lot older than me. Fortunately I am a very healthy person - mentally and physically. I see the truth and I try to stay as a calm, empathic and loving person as possible to keep my sanity. I wish everyone in this situation good luck and endurance.
Go gray rock completely 😉 Dr C saved my life once I got this method of regaining personal power 👍 it taught me total self control when I needed to wait out the narcissist! You have a beautiful life ahead of you now ✨
therapists can help, but... it is tricky to find the correct 'fit".
Thank you for saying this! One of the people who minimised me was a friend I let come very close to my life. She came to my house for dinner regularly and I told her about my struggles with my ex. As soon as I broke up wit him she was around at the house spending time with him and has now written a false witness statement against me saying I was never in a relationship with my ex partner of eight years. He is trying to cut me out of our relationship property and has enrolled her into committing perjury. I’m completely speechless because words can not describe. When I left him she wrote me a letter saying if I wasn’t happy with them why didn’t I just leave. When you speak of people who do this kind of thing having a hidden agenda I could not have fathomed her hidden agenda over the years of knowing her, she hid it so well. It is freakish.
This is why I don't trust people or allow anybody to be close to me. They will eventually stab you in the back. Shorter time is needed on "friendships."
I don't talk about it much with anyone. These days I don't disclose a lot about myself to strangers. .
Yup 😉
This is exactly what I needed to hear today! I joined the wrong group and felt like I was on a witness stand. I cried after, feeling retraumatized. Thank you again for the uplifting wisdom!
Enlightening. Thank you, Dr. Carter.
Thank you Sir.
Dr. C. Good to see you all your video is on point. Great as always. Hope you and your family are doing well. Happy new year to you and yours. Take it easy dr.c. God bless.
Thank-you. I hope you are well 🌸
I draw my strength, my cool go team healthy, hec when I first joined , it was feed them to the dogs, I'm one person, you folks is strength with wisdom of love
Hubris is dead on. It shows you the competition they secretly carry. As far as reactive abuse, do you fight if you are being physically attacked? Of coarse. I just made mental notes of these people who are numerous and deal with them on the same precedent. One of my favorites is " its the past, move on". I'm perfectly capable of immediately after they suffer great loss or injustice stating the same. I can be one of the warmest most understanding person on this earth, I can also be the coldest.
💗💃 Though every person's level of suffering in a narcissist relationship will be different, some worst then others. Everyone must take the time to discover what truly works best for them, its not always talking to a close family or friend who just may not understand. Nevertheless don't give up the fight when finding out what's appropriate for you in this struggle.
There are some feminist therapists that see all women as victims and minimize your experiences with female narcissists
If I go to a therapist in the future about the struggles I had with some of the women of my past, I do get the impression there would be excuses made, even if I show proof from texts how toxic these women were in our conversations. I do think it’s a cultural issue about always believing women.
They always blame the victim, labeling them codependent and such. Empathy usually goes to the deranged person. Even serial killers get a nice meal before getting executed while their victims didn't get any choice.
Unfortunately, this attitude/agenda is prevalent in the 501C3 churches. I have since left those churches in October 2019 & now thriving in my Non 501C3 church fellowship. Dr. Carter you're right, their arrogant "grading" of the person overcoming narcissism has nothing really to draw upon. On Team Healthy:))
Some of the non 501C3 churches I know, especially those who are Independent Fundamental Baptist seem worse in their abuse than the average church. But I have heard plenty of stories of abuse where the man’s view and excuses were far more important.
04:56 Gus is outta there!
Thank you❤
For the scapegoat of a covert narcissist even your own siblings don't necessary get it. For them mom is just a bit annoying when they come to visit three times a year and mom acts like a normal human being for once.
You’re probably the scapegoat 😉
Two minutes in and I'm crying my heart out....and I thought I'd got a handle on this!
Such grief, the tears are due to my son.
My stepmother minimized my suffering from my narc husband. She said that I exaggerated it. But, I've discovered that she is a narc herself so...
Apple and tree
I'm on the spectrum. I've had to learn social stuff through trial and error. None of it comes naturally.
I've learned that loads of social people really really want to feel special and really really want to show off how good and kind they are.
They believe the first sob story they hear and really want to help victims and rally around them.
Which is dangerous because once someone gets all feel goody and special and listens to the struggles of the social predator, they're almost inoculated against the REAL victim undoing the false reality.
And you can know these people for YEARS but all it takes is a good old dose of favoritism and sweetness and boohoos and the social predator can rip people away from you with ease.
And it can happen anywhere. Family. Work. School. Church/temple.
It's insidious because it goes down into the root of who people think they are.
No one wants to think they'd hurt an innocent person. No one wants to think that they could be tricked into being the bad guy.
Social predators are dangerous because even when they're gone, the damage remains.
Trust gone. Faith gone. Hope gone. Everything broken and they go off to new pastures with a new sob story about how all their old friends were soooooo horrible. Sniffle sniffle.
Hi Coach Greg! Amazing video!! My friend said the npd's complaining that you have him against the wall! You should be cleaning the whole house!!❤😂😂
For example: How would you feel while only trying to be a student in the classroom too when out of the blue one of your classmates whom you have never worked with before on any group assignment so far as you know turns to you to says something like - You should be going to help him right now. (Help who?)
Flying monkeys
Later, my friend said, I'd never live with a stranger! Stranger danger!! All you do is nothing all day!!❤
My cousin literally told me to keep my heart vulnerable to the narcissist.... I have never received such terrible advice in my life.
Seriously!
@SurvivingNarcissism clearly not a safe person for me to continue discussing the issue with.... Its months later and I am still shocked at the cluelessness of it. It truly makes me question some things in general about her and how deep I want a relationship with her to go. It's a big red flag.
You❤
Yes I could never describe what was going on on until I found RUclips Yeah my mother would minimize everything I said he did wards the end got way worse it was more obvious but then I found out she was my original narcissist so what are you? She wasn’t has horrible.
Dr Carter how do I deal with my passive aggressive narcissistic wife with a master's degree in psychology that knows no boundaries and has no empathy
In Europe kid's can smoke and drink. In China kid's can drive as long as they're tall enough to reach the gas pedal! Does enmeshment cause npd?
Central Time Zone- Nortb America: btw: Tech Support Crew & Team and Administrative Staff at Presentation ( Fabulous) : btw: thanks 😊: San Angelo- SJT 😊
For the record- Doctor Les Carter, Ph.D., his family and Awesome 😎 Puppy 🐶 Gus : btw: thank you 😊: again: thank you 😊
For the record- wishing you and your team and 🐶 puppy 🐶 Gus a nice afternoon today and as well a perfect 🤩 evening to follow ( USA 🇺🇸) !