Me Being my amateur psychologist. Would you say this who video about executive function? And the case with autism executive dysfunction. This is traits of ADHD in autism. Probably traits OCD or as I say I have OD. Obsessive disorder I don't get the compulsivity to routine and organising I do it because I enjoy it not being something bad will happen if I don't do the ritual like OCD. This is really why I suggested a live stream, on autism and other conditions. I would be interested to know if other subscriber like that idea. Click like.
@@garyfrancis5015 I will definitely get onto live streams again, have put them on hold for various reasons but looking to do one soon. Lots of people liked that idea actually.
I still hate my to do list but I have found that breaking it up into sections that feel natural to me, like balancing them out in a mixture of difficult and more enjoyable through out the day helps. I have also found that not putting over emphasis on the important things by using the scary word 'urgent' helps, I have learnt that I am painfully aware of the urgent but the pressure of stacking them all together causes me to use avoiding behaviour, where as if I leave them in amongst smaller jobs I don't build up so much fear. In saying that I don't always get them done in time and they will get more urgent, but then i try to be really kind to myself and often the space to do the task will open up with less resistance . Breaking bigger things up and doing the sub tasks over multiple days with more enjoyable or smaller tasks seems to help too.
I have given up on to do lists, and now come at things from the opposite direction. In the evening I will list the productive things I have done that day in a journal, that slight sense of achievement is enough to make me want to do things so I can add them to my list
Now that I am 65, I reflect on the fact that I've remembered everyone's birthday (cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, friends). I always remember them, even choose cards weeks before, then somehow often to mail them late. TG for texting. It seems most young people no longer send cards - they text if they remember at all. Lists and calendar reminders don't help me, as I just keep moving my calendar items to the next day or week. My reflection is this: at 65, I realize how few people have reciprocated the thought toward me, so if I send cards now I do so because I want to and not because I'm expected to. Few birthday cards anymore. Parents are gone. To my one boy, now 35, I feel as an afterthought. Our one life seem long from childhood but seems so short now, so why waste my time left on this earth worrying about others' expectations? I try not to.
My great-aunt had a lot of family and friends and she was active in the church, and she never missed a birthday, and one of her secrets is that she DID have a card stash. She made a kit (with a calendar, cards, stamps and a pen) for birthdays, and I think sometimes she filled them out ahead of time. Like an assembly-line task, so that all that had to be done was make sure the card was addressed and put in the box. It turns out I have no desire to be as socially active as she was, but I have adopted “The Kit” for the most important people in my life. If you decide sending cards is important to you (and it may not be) I highly recommend this.
To-do lists make me depressed. I've tried several of the options you mentioned, and none of them really work. I have a list of shows I want to watch - so as not to forget they exist - and even that one makes me resent the items on it, even though everything on there is fun. One thing I did recently is focus on one thing and throw out everything else. Not perfect, obviously, but at least it let me accomplish this one thing. To-do lists and I don't really mix.
maybe look into PDA? pathological demand avoidance sometimes occurs with ASD. i dont know a lot about it and i dont think it applies for me but it might be something you would find helpful to investigate.
This was so relevant to me. I used to have a manager who thought every task was urgent. I told her that when everything is urgent, nothing is urgent. I no longer work for her 😂😂😂
Totally relate! I bounce between being overwhelmed or hyperfocusing on stuff. (usually the wrong stuff!) My first proper video was on using a Kanban cart to do my to do lists - with the 5 minute tasks I use smaller stickers, or group them together on a big sticker (which, to be fair can then make them feel like one big task!) and you can also put sticky notes on top of each other to map out the steps of a task (i.e., so once I'd written a birthday card, you take off that sticky to remind you to write the address on it).
For the postcards, I do have a bunch of cards at home. I have made buying them into a pleasurable experience, by buying cards in museum shops. I love going to museums, and I love the beautiful things in the shops. Which are usually very expensive and I can't afford them. Cards I can afford and when I leaf through them to find a suitable one for an occasion, they serve as a nice reminder of all the beautiful art work I have seen during my visit. Also you will be remembered as the person that sends those special cards, and not the staple ones that can be found anywhere. I do keep stamps in the house at all times and buy new ones when I'm through.
I've been a list-aholic for most of my life and couldn't have coped without but never really found a list system that felt *right*. This has given me much food for thought. I'm a very late diagnosed person (67 earlier this year) and it's been very useful in explaining my whole life and all my difficulties! Now instead of wondering about why I feel like I do, I now know :) This system is something that sounds logical to me and similar to some of the ways I've organised my lists in the past but it's more succinct! The only real problem is defining a 5 minute task as I can't estimate time but I can differentiate roughly between a long and short task :) So thanks :)
In general with these sorts of things, it's worth considering just doing the things that will tend to stay done first. So, there is something to be said for properly addressing seasonal items first, then moving towards more day to day things as the less often you use something, the less likely it is to get disorganized after being organized. I suspect the same thing is the case here, where some of these things will be done and off the list for quite some time having used a disproportionate amount of mental resources.
Thank you! Finally someone that understand that lists and lists of chore are too much! I feel so overwhelmed all the time when I try to plan things that I simply give up and do absolutely nothing. And yes, "simple" task like grocery shopping or paying a bill are so much more complicated than what it seems! And nobody understand it and it frustrates me. I still haven't found the right method for me. Unfortunately even this one doesn't help me because even if I know that is rewarding or that it only takes five minutes the chance I actually do it is really small. But I will find a method that works for me... someday! Thank you for your video they are really helpfull, even if only to remind you that you are not alone, that other people think and feel the same!
I get yelled at weekly for not having done all my chores. Now, with school starting im being pressured to get a job because I haven't completed enough chores in the past few months. It's extremely frustrating when im told "this should only take you an hour a day" but often takes me 2-4 hours a day if and when I have the energy and motivation to do everything on the list that day. And then im told is because I'm doing the coffee wrong, but to me im doing it correctly since I cannot give things 70% effort this in cleaning, if it isn't clean, it isn't clean. Period. I cannot mostly clean something because I literally cannot give something a "quick touch up" with of effort and do "full/ through cleaning" once a month....I physically work on a nothing or everything scale and no one cares and no one takes it into account. Which then signals into me not having motivation over energy to clean and somehow the days where I simply forget or are feeling bad/ill/sick/whatever are the ones I get yelled at on every single time, further reducing my want and motivation to do any of these "simple" (yet not simple) tasks. All that causes me tho feel more overwhelmed and causes days like this morning where I didn't get out of bed for 4 hours after waking up (which is me getting up 2 hours later than usual because I woke up early). Because i got up late today I'm going to have trouble getting up the rest of this week because it threw my normal schedule off. All it takes is 1 little thing or one bad thing and everything I've worked for goes out the window. I wish parents with kids, teenagers, or even children who are young adults would watch these videos and actually take in this information because it really hurts when your family knows you have an issue and still treats you like you don't have that issue, or like you have control over the issue.
And then there is auto correct... I'm not fixing my post. Best of luck to anyone who ends up reading it...I definatly didn't type coffee.... among other autocorrect mishaps I see...
Omg, thank you! I struggle everyday to complete a task, and it even is a number one struggle for me to work. I've been dropping every job over and over again, because I always feel like a slave, and it's too much pressure to be bossed around by someone. I'll try this list thing starting with easy tasks around the house with which I struggle on a daily basis.
I needed this. Right after I saw this I divvied up my to-dos like this, but I also added a fifth category for "I don't have the resources for this due to COVID" soooo... 😸
I can't believe you used the example of the wedding card! It just took me a month to send my friend his wedding card, mailed it off last Friday. I am feeling so validated and relieved to not be alone, thankyou for sharing your experiences it means so so much to relate to someone over these things 💛
Oh holy 💩 sending cards lol. You spoke directly to my soul! I got anxiety just listening to you note all the things sending cards require. No one gets it, I’m so happy I found you!!!
I'm really happy with my to-do list strategy: I only put one thing in it! And then I do it (at some point). I don't care how important or mundane it is, or if it's something quick that turns into a mountain.
I am so finding myself in your videos, perfect combination of useful information and nice relaxed humour. You make me feel like I might not actually be such lost cause after all ... :) Thank you
I tried this! Suddenly things like Yoga session and reading became more rewarding and enjoyable instead of just another thing on my to-do list that I have to get done. I didn't realize how much I hated to-do list system before this.
I feel exactly the same with the cards! (Except mine is usually about not getting them written either). Thank you for the 5 min category. Got my toenails painted in 5 min 😁~something I procrastinate on because it usually feels like a chore and like it will take too long.
Starting this immediately! To-Do lists ALWAYS become overwhelming for me, specifically because they’ll seem to demand daunting, unrealistic amounts of effort and time. Here’s to hoping!
Sounds similar to some task prioritisation that I've been doing as part of CBT - There are tasks that have to be done, those that make things easier, and those that make life pleasurable. I'm trying to focus on getting a balance of all 3 as it turns out I've been neglecting the last category for some time!
This helped me sooooo much. I am struggeling with To Do Lists since universitiy started and FINALLY my tasks are about MY values and not other people bossing me around. Thank you very much
Yes!! I have so many ideas for my creative projects that I need to write them down just to remember them all and get any sense of organization of what I should be working on. But just by putting them on a "to-do list", it makes them feel so much more daunting as a whole that I have trouble finishing any of them. It's like, I need to make lists, but I hate them. Really feel like you can't win sometimes.
Thank you so much! I really struggle with to-do lists, and this system seems like it will really help me get more stuff done in my life. I'm going to implement it ASAP!
Mind blown! Can relate to all of this, and so many comments! My mind is racing... any of these useful for others? 1. reminds me also of the 'energy accounting' system, where we categorize if something gives or removes our energy (and maybe how much), and we can use this info to help plan a day and re-balance after becoming exhausted. 2. so easy when something is just on paper, to forget 'what it's like' to actually do it - mind-blindness? strange when I have such a good imagination. 3. Barriers to doing 'the list' (though i need it to clarify and remember) include being overwhelmed but also not knowing where to start. I've been learning to break a task down to what seems like a ridiculously small component of it (not even useful in itself) and try that, and things often snow-ball. e.g. have to write a document? just create a new word doc, and the rest might just follow. Have to exercise? then your task is only to put your running shoes on (after that might as well do the exercise!) Sometimes we just need to be initiated. 4. make it visual - draw a picture instead of using words, and my brain computes it much better somehow 5. be kind to yourself. Regarding any procrastination, this youtuber has the FIRST STEP to stopping as 'forgive yourself for previous procrastination'. What a weight off my shoulders when I tried it! Much clearer mind, and less stress, in approaching what I have to do in the present or future. ruclips.net/video/ilwork_mktE/видео.html I could go on xD I guess because things like this actually have a much larger impact on us than we usually acknowledge...
Oh my! thank you so much! Just discovered your channel and relate to so much of it! Cards...huge task...and socially acceptable...YES! So hard! I'm intrigued to try this system because I've been struggling with even creating to do lists let alone to actually look at it again!
OMG, YES about the card! I had sending a card on my to-do list and thought it would be simple, only to be confronted with the reality of all those steps you listed. It turned out to be bordering on a Herculean task and took like a week of incremental progress to get done...and no, I'm really not kidding.
It might also be a good idea to mark which tasks require you to go out to do, and then you could have that as a quick reference list for when you're out already!
I think that it's worth using a spreadsheet for this sort of thing as most spread sheet programs will allow you to filter and sort by various fields. You can sort it by due date, status, type of action and whether or not you can do it at home as long as you don't mind putting the information in. And, there are a few options for doing this online so that you've got a copy wherever you go.
I found this to be a really interesting way to organize/prioritize tasks. What I've been doing to help with the executive function issues has been to try to create systems/routines rather than individual goals. So, I have a period every morning when I do all of my personal communication and "life" stuff which can include calling the credit card or mending something. That way this period happens every day and each task doesn't become a point of obsession. My day is divided into dedicated blocks in which there is usually a routine or a theme. I set an alarm on my phone when each new period starts. This has been a game-changer. The emphasis is more on the doing than on the goal, if that makes sense. As long as I have that period each day and do something in it, I feel rewarded. If I skip a day, I just pick up again the next day and it's not as if I've failed. I will try to integrate what you've mentioned into what I've been doing. My concerns would be 1) I tend to get very sucked into and hyperfocused on tasks I like so having them as a category may be my kryptonite 2) I'm time challenged, so I'm not sure I'll be able to accurately gauge what tasks take five minutes or less. Most of the time things I think of as quick tasks, other than something like a quick pickup of the kids' toys from the couch, take way longer than I think they will.
I started a system this year and it's been working quite well! After realising I work terribly with strict schedules (as you said I feel like a failure if I accidentally missed one and it will paralyse me). In my little planner I separate into two categories: general list and work list. This works mainly because I'm still in highschool, but I'll definitely try your system once I graduate. System breakdown: In general list I write down everything I have to do the next day before I go to bed. This can include talking to teachers, friends, getting something, remembering to reply an email or sign a form. I write them more generally then break each task down in my head (if it's more complicated I write more steps) This helps me keep track of what happened in the day and what I need to do. I don't physically categorise them either bc I find it overwhelming and I stress too much over what to do first and how the timeline will work out, than doing the actual task. In my work list, it's simply all the school work I have to do for the day or any important emails I need go write. I try to be kind to myself when I don't finish many things on my work list though. This system been working well! And I realised I do put things into these 4 categories as you introduced, just not on paper (again it's overwhelming). Great video :))
WIth any of this stuff ultimately if it works it works and if it doesn't it doesn't. The main reason for the schedule approach is that it helps to avoid overcomitting and it settles the question about what you're about to do. But, there are a lot of reasons why this might not work, the biggest ones being a resistance to actually enter the data and keeping track of what you should be doing in each time block.
This is amazing!! Hey, I can help you with the next step you were unsure about - I do software engineering and task management. After you've put the tasks into 4 sections, pick a section, then put that in a NEW box of 4 NEW sections. The new sections can even be labeled differently - like your first 4 sections could have been about topics and your second 4 about urgency. You can repeat this procedure forever so make sure you know where you want to stop before you start! What you're doing is akin to applying mathematical functions that sort your topics into more and more precise sections. By doing 4 at a time, you stay inside the brain's 5 +/- 2 typical topic memory limit. Topics x Urgency
I have to say I've come to a conclusion about why I love your videos so much. As a person with anxiety, PTSD, and borderline OCD I find your approaches to life similar to what makes me feel safe when I am extra anxious. I love this thought process as a way to reward yourself for productivity or making the process feel lighter on your spirit. Thank you! Connected to your discussion about cards, which I wholeheartedly agree is a pain in the bum, check out Emily McDowell's card collection. She has Empathy cards and many of her cards talk about the complexity of buying and sending cards. They feel honest and genuine.
OMFG !! THANK YOU !!!! and also THANK YOU !!! I keep telling people my worst nightmare is sending something by mail, like actual mail services like a card, or even worst return some item I bought.... never happens, or not on time. Once my friend left his watch at my place and I had to sent it over to him by mail... it took me 4 YEARS !! and he actually got it back when he visited me again as opposed to sending it to him XD it's really bad ! but it's soo nice to know that I'm not alone in this . THank you for making these videos !! We are indeed the forerunners of everything! There are no books or studies or anything on multiple diagnoses and all my cross analysis and differential analysis didn't help as much because combinations of structure lead to MUCH MORE than just the sum of the parts... that is, ASD+ADHD gets waay more complicated than just ADHD or ASD on their own and then glued together, there are things that will just implode. Like my coach once told me, it's like having the foot on the break (autism) and gas (adhd) at the same time !! there will be smoke... and you won't learn about this smoke from reading the manual on how the gas and break pedals work individually...
Good point about the snowballing with something that sounds simple like writing a card. It's very true ,if you start from scratch you could take all morning sending off that cards. And that means all those other tasks on your list remain undone. Emails are a classic case. If you respond to one, they just email you back. And if you have to print out a bill and pay it or whatever, that can open up a pandora's box. I go through my emails once a day (while sitting on a massage chair) I don't respond to any straight away, instead I either delete them or file them away. If an e-mail needs an action from me, I'll write it on my to-do list spreadsheet, with a note where I filed the email. I break down the tasks into sub sets too. Also the colour coding lol. One thing I find that helps with the 'write an appropriate message' task is to say "I'm going to write a draft of the sort of thing I could say", and that gets me started on a less onerous task than actually writing it, and after a couple of minutes I'm happy with what I wrote.
The problems with lists, for me, is actually looking at them lol I can make as many lists as I want, but I won't actually look at them, so it's completely pointless. I'm still trying it figure it out.
:-)) that's so me !! Even going for a walk can take me up to 2-3 hours to get ready.....just to stay at home at the end because of all the questions I have: which place should I go? how do I get there? which public transportations should I use? what if it's too crowded because of rush hour? how is the weather? how will the weather be when I arrive at my planned destination? what if there are too many people and I have to go somewhere else? where should I go instead?.....at this point I start with the first questions again.....and so on....a never ending story . sometimes I change 5-6 different public transportations just because I'm asking myself the above mentioned questions while on the train/bus. Can't even count how often I've returned home after cruising 2-3 hours through the city :D My life motto is: the journey is the destination ;-)
I will definitely try this! I'm a visual person too and always struggled with the prioritizing and linear nature of lists. A system colour-coded and designed around how I feel about each task? Yes please!
I make to do lists just to get an overwiev of how much "work" I have to do. Eventually I end up ignoring the list ;-) Another list I do, which I call "life list", is writing all my problems down and then prioritise them to see which one is most urgent and which one can wait. The ones which can wait have the amazing ability to vanish after a certain time of period. It works everytime!! :D
i kannnnnt ! it put it away for me not to worry about the chaos around me! eventually, it is all checked out in parts in projects and I feel great to check them all off ... buuut get it
rewatching and envisioning for my own nature-oriented neurodivergent style: a tree with 4 main branches for the nature of tasks, smaller branches for the tasks, and then leaves for sub-parts of tasks. when the tasks are finished, they may fall to the ground or turn color like trees in the fall.
I treat my "to do" list as a help to remember stuff. I have dedicated days in the week for dedicated things - planning on monday, project work on tuesday etc. I also estimate (generously) the time that every task will need. Every morning I pick the tasks that I intend to do and put them in a spreadsheet which automatically calculates how much time of the day is left. With this system, I don't "forget" or underestimate the daily tasks (planning, mail reading, cleaning up after myself) are forgotten, because they are hardwired into the spreadsheet. I also use the spreadsheet to write down how I feel during each task. I don't know if I fall on the spectrum, I am not diagnosed. But writing down all of this makes me VERY suspicious xD
Still working on discovering what type of system might work for me... but... OMG!!! on de ‘sending card’ agony!! One on one description! Made me always feel so bad about myself! Thank you!!! ❤️
This all sounds very familiar. I have "to-do" notebooks always on the go for varying things, but it really doesn't help. I could have as many as 6-7 notebooks going at the same time in an effort to organise my life. As you could imagine this doesn't work too well.
Really enjoying these videos! I had to laugh at the bit about sending cards - that is EXACTLY how I feel about it, because it involves so many steps!! Anything with sub steps gets shoved to the bottom of my list. Really like these quadrants and will give it a go. Ps I use a daily photocopied list with basic essential tasks , like ‘dress the children ‘ and keep it on a clipboard hooked onto the wall above the cooker ...!
You led me to Tiimo so I am using that. I have a fixed daily schedule and times free where I am doing „stuff“. Since I am timing everything but also am confronted with every task in a single form (with steps of course! 🤣) I don‘t have to think about a task, I just do as the app says. What I have to learn now is to let go when life interferes with my plan, but the daily frame keeps everything quite nicely together so my world doesn‘t implode one day to the other just because I have to reschedule a task for the fifth time. A total timesaver is that I can use tasks I have done before again, so I also don‘t have to think all the time about the concrete steps. I just put it in a timeslot where it fits and I am good to go. Something similar you showed in this video comes into action when I am sick or overwhelmed: I do only my dailies and whatever I think would be nice that day, except I am confronted with something that would impact my finances or impair the overall wellbeing of my family or myself. Then I accept the hourlong meltdown and get it tackeld afterwards.
I put a daily to do list on my mobile phone, it’s really basic....example: brush teeth, washing up, walk pup, pick up prescription etc.. it also includes a meal plan as I have ARFID so need a plan to remember to eat. Plus also meds!! Part of me thinks this helps me & the other bit totally overwhelms me 🙁 Am after watching your channel, going to get brave & speak to my MH team about Autism. Alexithymia video was a massive eye opener and now I realise why therapy is so frustrating as I literally don’t know how to express or what my emotions are. So glad I found your channel xx
Thank you for this great idea. Will definitely try it out. My wife (INFJ HSP) is a huge lists fan. I always hated her lists but never knew why. Once we discovered me being on the spectrum she was like: "I thought Aspies love to act on ToDo lists to get things done" And I felt like a bit of a looser for not even getting the Aspie thing right (you know what I mean?) Evaluating tasks by necessity or reward is a great idea which might me bring out of my room. Thx again.
Thank you. I don't personally have an issue here for my own sake because I normally don't use these. With that said, managers or coworkers or clients asking for estimates of how long things will take or how much I'll get done within a set time frame are not exactly neurodiversity-friendly.
I have gotten through life with the use of lists. When I retired, I tried to make Tuesdays a " no to do list" day. To just let whatever gets done get done.... and whatever happens happen. I COULD NOT DO IT! Having a plan for the day is how my mind works. I enjoy accomplishment whether it is completing large or small tasks. I am more flexible as an older adult. If I am slow at getting through my list I will move tasks forward on the calendar to accomplish another day.
Ithaca Comments I am the same way. I have a homemade paper planner that I update every year. Appointments and things that have specific times go on the monthly calendar, and I keep a running list off to the side labeled “Go” “Call” and “Do” for the tasks that don’t have deadlines and can be fitted in between the appointments, and I’m utterly lost for the first two weeks of January when I have to start fresh. I’ve learned to just not make appointments for January if I can help it until I have my new calendar ready.
Oh my gosh! CARDS!!! Nightmare! I told my friends decades ago that we shouldn't do xmas and birthdays anymore and, gladly, they agreed. But we still do old fashioned letter writing... so the issue of posting stuff is still in my life. I'm in the UK and have a friends in the US, Italy, and Spain, so I can't even just stick a stamp on the letters. I've now had a letter for my Italy dwelling friend in my bag since August (it's now almost November) but I keep forgetting to get it to a post office to get the appropriate postage put on it. 😬
I can't wait to try this! The feeling of putting even your favourite things on a to-do list and then completely losing enthusiasm about them is real. I thought I'd go insane if I don't get back into photography, but I've had to put it off because of how overwhelming the steps are... I've tried creating my own systems but nothing worked - except for the really big, life-changing, long-term, permanent plans.
Every video I watch of yours feels as though you’re talking about me. I keep to do lists, but they have straight forward things on them. I’ve never been very good with sending cards either. Thanks to this video, it all makes sense to me with the big question “Why am I like this?” To me, it just another thing that confirms my own diagnosis. I’ve just got to keep waiting for the official diagnosis now (It’ll be three years on the waiting list soon). Thank you for making these videos.
Hey.. could you possibly do a video on studying and academia in general? Really struggling with working on my thesis and your videos are helping all other areas of my life (recently diagnosed) thank you!
1. Make a list in my head 2. Open Jira to check what has to be done for work 3. Cry 4. Procrastinate for the rest of the day because work tasks suck, and I feel too guilty to do anything not work related when I'm supposed to be working
Yeah, when it comes to things like sending cards, I will do different steps on different days. Because anything that's finicky, where I have to leave the house and run around to different places, just becomes so irritating to think about.
I didn’t think lists would be so taxing for autistic peoples. OTOH, I don’t let unfinished items get me too down. I just give myself a grade and a token award for every 💯 (PS, You’re on MY To-Do List.)
i never realised i was doing this subconsciously! I'm still in school doing my A levels, so I always let myself do something that was short or fun first!
I'm so in love with you! I've got a wedding card to find write send since 2 years (also the birth card of my daughter since er... 3 years ? But that one's done and printed.) I really really love seing you explaining how you struggle with those things to, it eases my guiltyness so much, thank you a lot 💕🦄
Thank you. Your videos have helped me understand myself and others and encouraged me, as an autistic female diagnosed as an adult and comforted me a little. Just FYI, in general it might be good to never read comments on the internet because people can be extremely mean and vitriolic about nothing and it has nothing to do with anything but the commentors. God bless you.
Haha, I always tell people who say I should write a to do list " but it would take me all day to write a to do list" how and when would I actually do the things on the to do list. My to do lists grow exponentially. Each thing to do has a sub category that may the lead to further sub categories. I then feel more confused about where to start than before I started writing the to do list.
I use to challenge myself to get as much done as I could during a TV commercial. I named the days of the week...laundry day, vacuuming day, grocery day, gardening day, God's day, errand day, play day ....silly but it kept me focused and got the jobs done !
Often I have my own way to do things in a certain order or certain way of my own, and how to remind myself to finish things I get distracted from so I can get back to it and finish it
I hate to do lists! Therapist I've seen have tried to get me to use a to do list, which is very annoying to me. Along with autism, I have ADHD as well. The adhd makes me unorganized, totally! To me things get done when they get done, if they get done at all. That's the way adhd works for me. All inportant work gets put off until the last minute. Just listening to you just describe your to do list drove me crazy and I totally couldn't follow it. I want to stay very organized but it never works, ever. Oh yeah, I'm not saying your video is bad. This is just the way I'm forced to go about things in life.
lol Sending cards 🙈 I’m so terrible at it. All the steps.. By the time I’m ready to actually write it I’ll probably make a mistake in a name or write a word wrong and have to start all over again, but the next card will never be as perfect as the first one was. Even if I pre-write it on a piece of paper or in my phone and try to copy it, I’ll make mistakes I don’t usually make because I’m going to be so focused on my handwriting and making it look sort of okay 🙄. I have actually bought different packages of selected cards for different live events a couple of years ago. It takes away a lot of the stress of choosing the “right” card in a store as well. But I still don’t really send cards to other people. I think after all these years people have gotten used to us not sending cards. I usually use them in addition to a gift when we are going to visit someone for a special occasion.
For most of the household chores and personal admin I set a time limit. This has REALLY helped me. Urghh I don’t want to do that it’s going to take ages. How long can you manage / bear to spend on it then? I can do twenty minutes. OK. Set a timer and get as much of it done in 20 minutes. Chances are, it took less than that to get it done or I got into it and don’t mind going over the 20 mins just to finish off. This also works with my todo list, where I decide how long to spend getting stuff ticked off.
Got2 THANK YOU sooo much; am now thinking/unerstaning entire life, people much better bcuz of u Sam thank you so much!! Lifetime of mocking pointing laffing being amused by me; eating me for lunch; snickering gossiping backbiting misdiagnosed overmedicated fired evicted hated...and now can understand & more easily forgive. All of them as well as me. A lot bcuz of you. Mannny thanks Sam!! been a horror show. thank you 🤍
Sending wedding thank you cards was an absolute nightmare for me. So… I never did. Awful. I did tell a handful of people thank you over email or FaceBook that I had at that time. So, not totally bad. I guess. Thank you for this video, and thanks to the originator etc. 😊
I have a list of stuff I need to do in my phone, but I doesn't have dates on it. Like, I don't NEED to top xyz right now. I only look at that list when I feel really motivated and then I pick one(!) thing (the most important or, if I can't decide immediately, the first one) and do it. And that goes on until I don't feel motivated anymore. So far it has worked quite well. Sometimes I do stuff a little too late than I should have, but so far nothing bad has happened because of it and I've been doing that for almost two years now.
Does anyone know the reasons behind why we find it so hard to do these tasks? I don't understand why I feel so much resistance to doing certain things...most things🙄 I don't enjoy house chores, hate paper work, hate arranging things/ fixing things...😟 I just don't feel motivated to do any of those to-do-things. Doing my taxes😱 taking my dog to the vet😩 Why does the idea of having to do them feels so heavy? Many days I just want to watch RUclips all day but I know can't live like that, cooking a meal feels like an achievement. Even I like cooking, but the cleaning up make me again resistant to do it. Why don't I enjoy those things in the first place, so I wouldn't feel so resistant to do them? What is the link to autism? If it's not being lazy or depressed etc, then what is causing this? Anyone who has some psychological information or perspective on this? I really need some understanding of the concept so I can hopefully change it, thank u!
@@jennifreesjourney9817 ohh, I understand the struggle. In my twenties I didn't go to the dentist and gynecologist for years😶 Only around 30 I started to be more organised about it. Even I realised it's important, I was just too overwelmed by life. Things that seem a small effort for most people can feel huge to me. Not going to the vet for 2 years is long but try to do what u can, or ask someone to help with it. Most important is to make sure the cat isn't the victim of it and isn't suffering from worms, fleas/ticks etc.
Yes I am aware of this and she is fortunately a very healthy car and a very efficient hunter so she needs her claws to defend herself. This was always me concern but again it has been added to my list of appointments to be booked along with the dentist optician and hopefully putting similar tasks together willl help this month. Hopefully we will message again much love jennifree 😊
i came here from your email and i have to applaud your PDA comment. my desire to click increased exponentially after reading it, and i laughed so hard (internally) when i realised what you'd dome
You've described how i think about and process things to do. What i do is use an app called ChoreChecklist. The trouble i have with things to do is the cycle of them a lot of daily tasks are repeatable such as housework, finances and it's finding a method to manage that cycle so it's not overwhelming. I live by the using the lists now, my head space is clear, less stressful and i've a good managed daily life. It's not about being productive or getting things done. For me it's about being able to function and manage yourself effectively so you can live a less stressful life in a very very busy overwhelming world that is relentless, especially when you are an adult.
i dont think i tried any methods like this. i struggle with executive dysfunction but havent gotten a diagnosis for anything other than general anxiety. thanks for the help!
About the cards… If you send out enough cards, you could get a set of occasion/holiday appropriate stamps and nice white cards with color pads (for the stamps) that represent you . Then everyone will know and enjoy the fact they come/came from you personally . For instance, I could see you using a set of nice stamps that include small, medium and large stars ( not the sort of stars that are a solid color, but the type that sort of look like thick outlines) in the colors of deep magenta, midnight indigo and cobalt blue, then rose and deep colors of pinks . I’m sure you would like the tri-color ink pads that come in that same trio of color scheme - I think magenta is in the more red group but I know you like pink and I have definitely seen ink pads that go from a more gentle pink to magenta (some end up in a blue too) Anyway, if you do that you’ll save the time from going to the store and agonizing over the variety. Most cards seem too fruity and impersonal to me these days. I hope that helps Alysian
Do you use a similar system?
Yo Samdy Sam Charity shop buy 6 different seconds hands card with different occasion.
Me Being my amateur psychologist.
Would you say this who video about executive function?
And the case with autism executive dysfunction.
This is traits of ADHD in autism.
Probably traits OCD or as I say I have OD. Obsessive disorder I don't get the compulsivity to routine and organising I do it because I enjoy it not being something bad will happen if I don't do the ritual like OCD.
This is really why I suggested a live stream, on autism and other conditions.
I would be interested to know if other subscriber like that idea.
Click like.
@@garyfrancis5015 I will definitely get onto live streams again, have put them on hold for various reasons but looking to do one soon. Lots of people liked that idea actually.
Yo Samdy Sam Good, thank you. ❤️
I still hate my to do list but I have found that breaking it up into sections that feel natural to me, like balancing them out in a mixture of difficult and more enjoyable through out the day helps.
I have also found that not putting over emphasis on the important things by using the scary word 'urgent' helps, I have learnt that I am painfully aware of the urgent but the pressure of stacking them all together causes me to use avoiding behaviour, where as if I leave them in amongst smaller jobs I don't build up so much fear. In saying that I don't always get them done in time and they will get more urgent, but then i try to be really kind to myself and often the space to do the task will open up with less resistance .
Breaking bigger things up and doing the sub tasks over multiple days with more enjoyable or smaller tasks seems to help too.
I have given up on to do lists, and now come at things from the opposite direction. In the evening I will list the productive things I have done that day in a journal, that slight sense of achievement is enough to make me want to do things so I can add them to my list
I need a To Do list to remind me to look at the To Do list. Just doesn't work for me.
Sending a card has haunted me since childhood, ohh the shame of not being able to do it. Thank you for clarifying I may write it down
Now that I am 65, I reflect on the fact that I've remembered everyone's birthday (cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, friends). I always remember them, even choose cards weeks before, then somehow often to mail them late. TG for texting. It seems most young people no longer send cards - they text if they remember at all.
Lists and calendar reminders don't help me, as I just keep moving my calendar items to the next day or week.
My reflection is this: at 65, I realize how few people have reciprocated the thought toward me, so if I send cards now I do so because I want to and not because I'm expected to. Few birthday cards anymore. Parents are gone. To my one boy, now 35, I feel as an afterthought.
Our one life seem long from childhood but seems so short now, so why waste my time left on this earth worrying about others' expectations? I try not to.
My great-aunt had a lot of family and friends and she was active in the church, and she never missed a birthday, and one of her secrets is that she DID have a card stash. She made a kit (with a calendar, cards, stamps and a pen) for birthdays,
and I think sometimes she filled them out ahead of time. Like an assembly-line task, so that all that had to be done was make sure the card was addressed and put in the box.
It turns out I have no desire to be as socially active as she was, but I have adopted “The Kit” for the most important people in my life.
If you decide sending cards is important to you (and it may not be) I highly recommend this.
And I wonder how many people spot the deliberate (cough cough) error! 🤔
::innocent look:: Error? I saw no error. :D
I would have said is it just Bollocks.
By I did notice Bull shit.
This video is certificate 15.
Yo Samdy Sam nope 😀
Glad to know it was deliberate then >_>
My reply here.
The rest of my reply here 😄
To-do lists make me depressed. I've tried several of the options you mentioned, and none of them really work. I have a list of shows I want to watch - so as not to forget they exist - and even that one makes me resent the items on it, even though everything on there is fun.
One thing I did recently is focus on one thing and throw out everything else. Not perfect, obviously, but at least it let me accomplish this one thing.
To-do lists and I don't really mix.
badass, i like it
maybe look into PDA? pathological demand avoidance sometimes occurs with ASD. i dont know a lot about it and i dont think it applies for me but it might be something you would find helpful to investigate.
This was so relevant to me. I used to have a manager who thought every task was urgent. I told her that when everything is urgent, nothing is urgent. I no longer work for her 😂😂😂
"Is everything just meaningless bullshit?"
Asking the real questions here!
Totally relate! I bounce between being overwhelmed or hyperfocusing on stuff. (usually the wrong stuff!)
My first proper video was on using a Kanban cart to do my to do lists - with the 5 minute tasks I use smaller stickers, or group them together on a big sticker (which, to be fair can then make them feel like one big task!) and you can also put sticky notes on top of each other to map out the steps of a task (i.e., so once I'd written a birthday card, you take off that sticky to remind you to write the address on it).
For the postcards, I do have a bunch of cards at home. I have made buying them into a pleasurable experience, by buying cards in museum shops. I love going to museums, and I love the beautiful things in the shops. Which are usually very expensive and I can't afford them. Cards I can afford and when I leaf through them to find a suitable one for an occasion, they serve as a nice reminder of all the beautiful art work I have seen during my visit. Also you will be remembered as the person that sends those special cards, and not the staple ones that can be found anywhere.
I do keep stamps in the house at all times and buy new ones when I'm through.
I've been a list-aholic for most of my life and couldn't have coped without but never really found a list system that felt *right*. This has given me much food for thought. I'm a very late diagnosed person (67 earlier this year) and it's been very useful in explaining my whole life and all my difficulties! Now instead of wondering about why I feel like I do, I now know :) This system is something that sounds logical to me and similar to some of the ways I've organised my lists in the past but it's more succinct! The only real problem is defining a 5 minute task as I can't estimate time but I can differentiate roughly between a long and short task :) So thanks :)
In general with these sorts of things, it's worth considering just doing the things that will tend to stay done first. So, there is something to be said for properly addressing seasonal items first, then moving towards more day to day things as the less often you use something, the less likely it is to get disorganized after being organized.
I suspect the same thing is the case here, where some of these things will be done and off the list for quite some time having used a disproportionate amount of mental resources.
Thank you! Finally someone that understand that lists and lists of chore are too much! I feel so overwhelmed all the time when I try to plan things that I simply give up and do absolutely nothing. And yes, "simple" task like grocery shopping or paying a bill are so much more complicated than what it seems! And nobody understand it and it frustrates me.
I still haven't found the right method for me. Unfortunately even this one doesn't help me because even if I know that is rewarding or that it only takes five minutes the chance I actually do it is really small. But I will find a method that works for me... someday!
Thank you for your video they are really helpfull, even if only to remind you that you are not alone, that other people think and feel the same!
Same here @Hakumei Chan !
👋
I get yelled at weekly for not having done all my chores. Now, with school starting im being pressured to get a job because I haven't completed enough chores in the past few months. It's extremely frustrating when im told "this should only take you an hour a day" but often takes me 2-4 hours a day if and when I have the energy and motivation to do everything on the list that day. And then im told is because I'm doing the coffee wrong, but to me im doing it correctly since I cannot give things 70% effort this in cleaning, if it isn't clean, it isn't clean. Period. I cannot mostly clean something because I literally cannot give something a "quick touch up" with of effort and do "full/ through cleaning" once a month....I physically work on a nothing or everything scale and no one cares and no one takes it into account. Which then signals into me not having motivation over energy to clean and somehow the days where I simply forget or are feeling bad/ill/sick/whatever are the ones I get yelled at on every single time, further reducing my want and motivation to do any of these "simple" (yet not simple) tasks. All that causes me tho feel more overwhelmed and causes days like this morning where I didn't get out of bed for 4 hours after waking up (which is me getting up 2 hours later than usual because I woke up early). Because i got up late today I'm going to have trouble getting up the rest of this week because it threw my normal schedule off. All it takes is 1 little thing or one bad thing and everything I've worked for goes out the window. I wish parents with kids, teenagers, or even children who are young adults would watch these videos and actually take in this information because it really hurts when your family knows you have an issue and still treats you like you don't have that issue, or like you have control over the issue.
And then there is auto correct... I'm not fixing my post. Best of luck to anyone who ends up reading it...I definatly didn't type coffee.... among other autocorrect mishaps I see...
Omg, thank you! I struggle everyday to complete a task, and it even is a number one struggle for me to work. I've been dropping every job over and over again, because I always feel like a slave, and it's too much pressure to be bossed around by someone. I'll try this list thing starting with easy tasks around the house with which I struggle on a daily basis.
I needed this. Right after I saw this I divvied up my to-dos like this, but I also added a fifth category for "I don't have the resources for this due to COVID" soooo... 😸
I can't believe you used the example of the wedding card!
It just took me a month to send my friend his wedding card, mailed it off last Friday.
I am feeling so validated and relieved to not be alone, thankyou for sharing your experiences it means so so much to relate to someone over these things 💛
Oh holy 💩 sending cards lol. You spoke directly to my soul! I got anxiety just listening to you note all the things sending cards require. No one gets it, I’m so happy I found you!!!
Thank you! I really struggle with getting even the simplest of tasks done, and nobody seems to understand. Will certainly try this method! :D
takes me a week or more to pay a bill online...never knew why 😂
OH MY. The whole posting the card issue is TOTALLY exactly what I do each time!
I'm really happy with my to-do list strategy: I only put one thing in it! And then I do it (at some point). I don't care how important or mundane it is, or if it's something quick that turns into a mountain.
I am so finding myself in your videos, perfect combination of useful information and nice relaxed humour. You make me feel like I might not actually be such lost cause after all ... :) Thank you
I tried this! Suddenly things like Yoga session and reading became more rewarding and enjoyable instead of just another thing on my to-do list that I have to get done. I didn't realize how much I hated to-do list system before this.
I find that if I shift my attitude ,most things are better!
And breaking down larger tasks into smaller steps definitely helps
I feel exactly the same with the cards! (Except mine is usually about not getting them written either). Thank you for the 5 min category. Got my toenails painted in 5 min 😁~something I procrastinate on because it usually feels like a chore and like it will take too long.
Wow, this is going to be lifechanging for me. I'll try it for sure! The example of sending a card is so relatable for me!! Thx for everything Sam
Starting this immediately! To-Do lists ALWAYS become overwhelming for me, specifically because they’ll seem to demand daunting, unrealistic amounts of effort and time. Here’s to hoping!
Sounds similar to some task prioritisation that I've been doing as part of CBT - There are tasks that have to be done, those that make things easier, and those that make life pleasurable. I'm trying to focus on getting a balance of all 3 as it turns out I've been neglecting the last category for some time!
This helped me sooooo much. I am struggeling with To Do Lists since universitiy started and FINALLY my tasks are about MY values and not other people bossing me around. Thank you very much
Oh wow, this is me! The overanalysing, the overwhelm, everything. I will try your system. Thank you so much.
The to do list when used for my creative projects seems to destroy the creativity!
Yes!! I have so many ideas for my creative projects that I need to write them down just to remember them all and get any sense of organization of what I should be working on. But just by putting them on a "to-do list", it makes them feel so much more daunting as a whole that I have trouble finishing any of them. It's like, I need to make lists, but I hate them. Really feel like you can't win sometimes.
Maybe try to write them down as ideas not things to do.
Idea sounds like it's less obligatory.
Thank you so much! I really struggle with to-do lists, and this system seems like it will really help me get more stuff done in my life. I'm going to implement it ASAP!
Mind blown! Can relate to all of this, and so many comments! My mind is racing... any of these useful for others?
1. reminds me also of the 'energy accounting' system, where we categorize if something gives or removes our energy (and maybe how much), and we can use this info to help plan a day and re-balance after becoming exhausted.
2. so easy when something is just on paper, to forget 'what it's like' to actually do it - mind-blindness? strange when I have such a good imagination.
3. Barriers to doing 'the list' (though i need it to clarify and remember) include being overwhelmed but also not knowing where to start. I've been learning to break a task down to what seems like a ridiculously small component of it (not even useful in itself) and try that, and things often snow-ball. e.g. have to write a document? just create a new word doc, and the rest might just follow. Have to exercise? then your task is only to put your running shoes on (after that might as well do the exercise!) Sometimes we just need to be initiated.
4. make it visual - draw a picture instead of using words, and my brain computes it much better somehow
5. be kind to yourself. Regarding any procrastination, this youtuber has the FIRST STEP to stopping as 'forgive yourself for previous procrastination'. What a weight off my shoulders when I tried it! Much clearer mind, and less stress, in approaching what I have to do in the present or future. ruclips.net/video/ilwork_mktE/видео.html
I could go on xD I guess because things like this actually have a much larger impact on us than we usually acknowledge...
Oh my! thank you so much! Just discovered your channel and relate to so much of it! Cards...huge task...and socially acceptable...YES! So hard! I'm intrigued to try this system because I've been struggling with even creating to do lists let alone to actually look at it again!
OMG, YES about the card! I had sending a card on my to-do list and thought it would be simple, only to be confronted with the reality of all those steps you listed. It turned out to be bordering on a Herculean task and took like a week of incremental progress to get done...and no, I'm really not kidding.
It might also be a good idea to mark which tasks require you to go out to do, and then you could have that as a quick reference list for when you're out already!
I think that it's worth using a spreadsheet for this sort of thing as most spread sheet programs will allow you to filter and sort by various fields. You can sort it by due date, status, type of action and whether or not you can do it at home as long as you don't mind putting the information in. And, there are a few options for doing this online so that you've got a copy wherever you go.
I found this to be a really interesting way to organize/prioritize tasks. What I've been doing to help with the executive function issues has been to try to create systems/routines rather than individual goals.
So, I have a period every morning when I do all of my personal communication and "life" stuff which can include calling the credit card or mending something. That way this period happens every day and each task doesn't become a point of obsession.
My day is divided into dedicated blocks in which there is usually a routine or a theme. I set an alarm on my phone when each new period starts. This has been a game-changer.
The emphasis is more on the doing than on the goal, if that makes sense. As long as I have that period each day and do something in it, I feel rewarded. If I skip a day, I just pick up again the next day and it's not as if I've failed.
I will try to integrate what you've mentioned into what I've been doing. My concerns would be 1) I tend to get very sucked into and hyperfocused on tasks I like so having them as a category may be my kryptonite 2) I'm time challenged, so I'm not sure I'll be able to accurately gauge what tasks take five minutes or less. Most of the time things I think of as quick tasks, other than something like a quick pickup of the kids' toys from the couch, take way longer than I think they will.
I started a system this year and it's been working quite well! After realising I work terribly with strict schedules (as you said I feel like a failure if I accidentally missed one and it will paralyse me). In my little planner I separate into two categories: general list and work list. This works mainly because I'm still in highschool, but I'll definitely try your system once I graduate.
System breakdown:
In general list I write down everything I have to do the next day before I go to bed. This can include talking to teachers, friends, getting something, remembering to reply an email or sign a form. I write them more generally then break each task down in my head (if it's more complicated I write more steps)
This helps me keep track of what happened in the day and what I need to do. I don't physically categorise them either bc I find it overwhelming and I stress too much over what to do first and how the timeline will work out, than doing the actual task.
In my work list, it's simply all the school work I have to do for the day or any important emails I need go write. I try to be kind to myself when I don't finish many things on my work list though.
This system been working well! And I realised I do put things into these 4 categories as you introduced, just not on paper (again it's overwhelming). Great video :))
WIth any of this stuff ultimately if it works it works and if it doesn't it doesn't. The main reason for the schedule approach is that it helps to avoid overcomitting and it settles the question about what you're about to do. But, there are a lot of reasons why this might not work, the biggest ones being a resistance to actually enter the data and keeping track of what you should be doing in each time block.
This is amazing!! Hey, I can help you with the next step you were unsure about - I do software engineering and task management. After you've put the tasks into 4 sections, pick a section, then put that in a NEW box of 4 NEW sections. The new sections can even be labeled differently - like your first 4 sections could have been about topics and your second 4 about urgency. You can repeat this procedure forever so make sure you know where you want to stop before you start!
What you're doing is akin to applying mathematical functions that sort your topics into more and more precise sections. By doing 4 at a time, you stay inside the brain's 5 +/- 2 typical topic memory limit.
Topics x Urgency
So relatable. I literally had sewing a rip on my son's pants on my to do list so long that he grew out of them... And I also enjoy sewing.
I’ve always hated sending cards too, especially ‘thank you’ cards! It’s such a daunting and time sensitive social expectation!
Thanks! I really enjoy the executive functioning videos :)
I hate sending cards too...
Thank you! I will try to make more of them! :)
I have to say I've come to a conclusion about why I love your videos so much. As a person with anxiety, PTSD, and borderline OCD I find your approaches to life similar to what makes me feel safe when I am extra anxious. I love this thought process as a way to reward yourself for productivity or making the process feel lighter on your spirit.
Thank you!
Connected to your discussion about cards, which I wholeheartedly agree is a pain in the bum, check out Emily McDowell's card collection. She has Empathy cards and many of her cards talk about the complexity of buying and sending cards. They feel honest and genuine.
OMFG !! THANK YOU !!!! and also THANK YOU !!! I keep telling people my worst nightmare is sending something by mail, like actual mail services like a card, or even worst return some item I bought.... never happens, or not on time. Once my friend left his watch at my place and I had to sent it over to him by mail... it took me 4 YEARS !! and he actually got it back when he visited me again as opposed to sending it to him XD it's really bad ! but it's soo nice to know that I'm not alone in this . THank you for making these videos !! We are indeed the forerunners of everything! There are no books or studies or anything on multiple diagnoses and all my cross analysis and differential analysis didn't help as much because combinations of structure lead to MUCH MORE than just the sum of the parts... that is, ASD+ADHD gets waay more complicated than just ADHD or ASD on their own and then glued together, there are things that will just implode. Like my coach once told me, it's like having the foot on the break (autism) and gas (adhd) at the same time !! there will be smoke... and you won't learn about this smoke from reading the manual on how the gas and break pedals work individually...
The "Bookmaker, Shoemaker, Cobbler" part was the most British things I've heard all week IMAO
Good point about the snowballing with something that sounds simple like writing a card. It's very true ,if you start from scratch you could take all morning sending off that cards. And that means all those other tasks on your list remain undone.
Emails are a classic case. If you respond to one, they just email you back. And if you have to print out a bill and pay it or whatever, that can open up a pandora's box.
I go through my emails once a day (while sitting on a massage chair) I don't respond to any straight away, instead I either delete them or file them away. If an e-mail needs an action from me, I'll write it on my to-do list spreadsheet, with a note where I filed the email.
I break down the tasks into sub sets too. Also the colour coding lol. One thing I find that helps with the 'write an appropriate message' task is to say "I'm going to write a draft of the sort of thing I could say", and that gets me started on a less onerous task than actually writing it, and after a couple of minutes I'm happy with what I wrote.
The problems with lists, for me, is actually looking at them lol I can make as many lists as I want, but I won't actually look at them, so it's completely pointless. I'm still trying it figure it out.
:-)) that's so me !! Even going for a walk can take me up to 2-3 hours to get ready.....just to stay at home at the end because of all the questions I have: which place should I go? how do I get there? which public transportations should I use? what if it's too crowded because of rush hour? how is the weather? how will the weather be when I arrive at my planned destination? what if there are too many people and I have to go somewhere else? where should I go instead?.....at this point I start with the first questions again.....and so on....a never ending story .
sometimes I change 5-6 different public transportations just because I'm asking myself the above mentioned questions while on the train/bus.
Can't even count how often I've returned home after cruising 2-3 hours through the city :D
My life motto is: the journey is the destination ;-)
I will definitely try this! I'm a visual person too and always struggled with the prioritizing and linear nature of lists. A system colour-coded and designed around how I feel about each task? Yes please!
I make to do lists just to get an overwiev of how much "work" I have to do. Eventually I end up ignoring the list ;-)
Another list I do, which I call "life list", is writing all my problems down and then prioritise them to see which one is most urgent and which one can wait. The ones which can wait have the amazing ability to vanish after a certain time of period. It works everytime!! :D
i kannnnnt ! it put it away for me not to worry about the chaos around me! eventually, it is all checked out in parts in projects and I feel great to check them all off ... buuut get it
You've become one of my favorite channels to watch ❤️❤️
rewatching and envisioning for my own nature-oriented neurodivergent style: a tree with 4 main branches for the nature of tasks, smaller branches for the tasks, and then leaves for sub-parts of tasks. when the tasks are finished, they may fall to the ground or turn color like trees in the fall.
I treat my "to do" list as a help to remember stuff. I have dedicated days in the week for dedicated things - planning on monday, project work on tuesday etc. I also estimate (generously) the time that every task will need. Every morning I pick the tasks that I intend to do and put them in a spreadsheet which automatically calculates how much time of the day is left. With this system, I don't "forget" or underestimate the daily tasks (planning, mail reading, cleaning up after myself) are forgotten, because they are hardwired into the spreadsheet. I also use the spreadsheet to write down how I feel during each task. I don't know if I fall on the spectrum, I am not diagnosed. But writing down all of this makes me VERY suspicious xD
Still working on discovering what type of system might work for me... but... OMG!!! on de ‘sending card’ agony!! One on one description! Made me always feel so bad about myself! Thank you!!! ❤️
This all sounds very familiar. I have "to-do" notebooks always on the go for varying things, but it really doesn't help. I could have as many as 6-7 notebooks going at the same time in an effort to organise my life. As you could imagine this doesn't work too well.
Really enjoying these videos! I had to laugh at the bit about sending cards - that is EXACTLY how I feel about it, because it involves so many steps!! Anything with sub steps gets shoved to the bottom of my list. Really like these quadrants and will give it a go. Ps I use a daily photocopied list with basic essential tasks , like ‘dress the children ‘ and keep it on a clipboard hooked onto the wall above the cooker ...!
Brilliant ideas I’m going to try them.
You led me to Tiimo so I am using that. I have a fixed daily schedule and times free where I am doing „stuff“. Since I am timing everything but also am confronted with every task in a single form (with steps of course! 🤣) I don‘t have to think about a task, I just do as the app says. What I have to learn now is to let go when life interferes with my plan, but the daily frame keeps everything quite nicely together so my world doesn‘t implode one day to the other just because I have to reschedule a task for the fifth time. A total timesaver is that I can use tasks I have done before again, so I also don‘t have to think all the time about the concrete steps. I just put it in a timeslot where it fits and I am good to go. Something similar you showed in this video comes into action when I am sick or overwhelmed: I do only my dailies and whatever I think would be nice that day, except I am confronted with something that would impact my finances or impair the overall wellbeing of my family or myself. Then I accept the hourlong meltdown and get it tackeld afterwards.
I put a daily to do list on my mobile phone, it’s really basic....example: brush teeth, washing up, walk pup, pick up prescription etc.. it also includes a meal plan as I have ARFID so need a plan to remember to eat. Plus also meds!! Part of me thinks this helps me & the other bit totally overwhelms me 🙁 Am after watching your channel, going to get brave & speak to my MH team about Autism. Alexithymia video was a massive eye opener and now I realise why therapy is so frustrating as I literally don’t know how to express or what my emotions are. So glad I found your channel xx
Thank you for this great idea. Will definitely try it out. My wife (INFJ HSP) is a huge lists fan. I always hated her lists but never knew why. Once we discovered me being on the spectrum she was like: "I thought Aspies love to act on ToDo lists to get things done" And I felt like a bit of a looser for not even getting the Aspie thing right (you know what I mean?) Evaluating tasks by necessity or reward is a great idea which might me bring out of my room. Thx again.
Thank you. I don't personally have an issue here for my own sake because I normally don't use these. With that said, managers or coworkers or clients asking for estimates of how long things will take or how much I'll get done within a set time frame are not exactly neurodiversity-friendly.
I have gotten through life with the use of lists. When I retired, I tried to make Tuesdays a " no to do list" day. To just let whatever gets done get done.... and whatever happens happen. I COULD NOT DO IT! Having a plan for the day is how my mind works. I enjoy accomplishment whether it is completing large or small tasks. I am more flexible as an older adult. If I am slow at getting through my list I will move tasks forward on the calendar to accomplish another day.
Ithaca Comments I am the same way. I have a homemade paper planner that I update every year. Appointments and things that have specific times go on the monthly calendar, and I keep a running list off to the side labeled “Go” “Call” and “Do” for the tasks that don’t have deadlines and can be fitted in between the appointments,
and I’m utterly lost for the first two weeks of January when I have to start fresh. I’ve learned to just not make appointments for January if I can help it until I have my new calendar ready.
Oh my gosh! CARDS!!! Nightmare! I told my friends decades ago that we shouldn't do xmas and birthdays anymore and, gladly, they agreed. But we still do old fashioned letter writing... so the issue of posting stuff is still in my life.
I'm in the UK and have a friends in the US, Italy, and Spain, so I can't even just stick a stamp on the letters. I've now had a letter for my Italy dwelling friend in my bag since August (it's now almost November) but I keep forgetting to get it to a post office to get the appropriate postage put on it. 😬
Oh my goodness your are a genius!!!!!! Thank you so much
I can't wait to try this! The feeling of putting even your favourite things on a to-do list and then completely losing enthusiasm about them is real. I thought I'd go insane if I don't get back into photography, but I've had to put it off because of how overwhelming the steps are... I've tried creating my own systems but nothing worked - except for the really big, life-changing, long-term, permanent plans.
Every video I watch of yours feels as though you’re talking about me. I keep to do lists, but they have straight forward things on them.
I’ve never been very good with sending cards either.
Thanks to this video, it all makes sense to me with the big question “Why am I like this?” To me, it just another thing that confirms my own diagnosis. I’ve just got to keep waiting for the official diagnosis now (It’ll be three years on the waiting list soon).
Thank you for making these videos.
Yes! The sub tasks are what I look at and procrastinate because it’s overwhelming.
Hey.. could you possibly do a video on studying and academia in general? Really struggling with working on my thesis and your videos are helping all other areas of my life (recently diagnosed) thank you!
1. Make a list in my head
2. Open Jira to check what has to be done for work
3. Cry
4. Procrastinate for the rest of the day because work tasks suck, and I feel too guilty to do anything not work related when I'm supposed to be working
Yeah, when it comes to things like sending cards, I will do different steps on different days. Because anything that's finicky, where I have to leave the house and run around to different places, just becomes so irritating to think about.
I didn’t think lists would be so taxing for autistic peoples. OTOH, I don’t let unfinished items get me too down. I just give myself a grade and a token award for every 💯
(PS, You’re on MY To-Do List.)
It took me 6 years to get the urge to reorganize my laundry/junk room 😅
i never realised i was doing this subconsciously! I'm still in school doing my A levels, so I always let myself do something that was short or fun first!
I'm so in love with you! I've got a wedding card to find write send since 2 years (also the birth card of my daughter since er... 3 years ? But that one's done and printed.)
I really really love seing you explaining how you struggle with those things to, it eases my guiltyness so much, thank you a lot 💕🦄
Thank you. Your videos have helped me understand myself and others and encouraged me, as an autistic female diagnosed as an adult and comforted me a little. Just FYI, in general it might be good to never read comments on the internet because people can be extremely mean and vitriolic about nothing and it has nothing to do with anything but the commentors. God bless you.
Haha, I always tell people who say I should write a to do list " but it would take me all day to write a to do list" how and when would I actually do the things on the to do list. My to do lists grow exponentially. Each thing to do has a sub category that may the lead to further sub categories. I then feel more confused about where to start than before I started writing the to do list.
I use to challenge myself to get as much done as I could during a TV commercial.
I named the days of the week...laundry day, vacuuming day, grocery day, gardening day, God's day, errand day, play day ....silly but it kept me focused and got the jobs done !
These are brilliant, would you mind if I "borrowed"? 👍❤️
@@reginagrobosz8807
Please do!
@@ithacacomments4811 thank you! ☀️
👍👍👍 one like wasn’t enough I spent my whole Christmas holidays on to do lists categorising alpplying a context and still get very little done
9:19 so true even when I am not writing it down whenever I remember this is actually can be done quickly it help to launch the necessary energy to act
Often I have my own way to do things in a certain order or certain way of my own, and how to remind myself to finish things I get distracted from so I can get back to it and finish it
I hate to do lists! Therapist I've seen have tried to get me to use a to do list, which is very annoying to me. Along with autism, I have ADHD as well. The adhd makes me unorganized, totally! To me things get done when they get done, if they get done at all. That's the way adhd works for me. All inportant work gets put off until the last minute. Just listening to you just describe your to do list drove me crazy and I totally couldn't follow it. I want to stay very organized but it never works, ever. Oh yeah, I'm not saying your video is bad. This is just the way I'm forced to go about things in life.
lol Sending cards 🙈 I’m so terrible at it. All the steps.. By the time I’m ready to actually write it I’ll probably make a mistake in a name or write a word wrong and have to start all over again, but the next card will never be as perfect as the first one was. Even if I pre-write it on a piece of paper or in my phone and try to copy it, I’ll make mistakes I don’t usually make because I’m going to be so focused on my handwriting and making it look sort of okay 🙄.
I have actually bought different packages of selected cards for different live events a couple of years ago. It takes away a lot of the stress of choosing the “right” card in a store as well. But I still don’t really send cards to other people. I think after all these years people have gotten used to us not sending cards. I usually use them in addition to a gift when we are going to visit someone for a special occasion.
For most of the household chores and personal admin I set a time limit. This has REALLY helped me.
Urghh I don’t want to do that it’s going to take ages.
How long can you manage / bear to spend on it then?
I can do twenty minutes.
OK. Set a timer and get as much of it done in 20 minutes.
Chances are, it took less than that to get it done or I got into it and don’t mind going over the 20 mins just to finish off.
This also works with my todo list, where I decide how long to spend getting stuff ticked off.
Got2 THANK YOU sooo much; am now thinking/unerstaning entire life, people much better bcuz of u Sam thank you so much!! Lifetime of mocking pointing laffing being amused by me; eating me for lunch; snickering gossiping backbiting misdiagnosed overmedicated fired evicted hated...and now can understand & more easily forgive. All of them as well as me. A lot bcuz of you. Mannny thanks Sam!! been a horror show. thank you 🤍
Sending wedding thank you cards was an absolute nightmare for me. So… I never did. Awful. I did tell a handful of people thank you over email or FaceBook that I had at that time. So, not totally bad. I guess. Thank you for this video, and thanks to the originator etc. 😊
I have a list of stuff I need to do in my phone, but I doesn't have dates on it. Like, I don't NEED to top xyz right now. I only look at that list when I feel really motivated and then I pick one(!) thing (the most important or, if I can't decide immediately, the first one) and do it. And that goes on until I don't feel motivated anymore. So far it has worked quite well. Sometimes I do stuff a little too late than I should have, but so far nothing bad has happened because of it and I've been doing that for almost two years now.
Does anyone know the reasons behind why we find it so hard to do these tasks? I don't understand why I feel so much resistance to doing certain things...most things🙄 I don't enjoy house chores, hate paper work, hate arranging things/ fixing things...😟 I just don't feel motivated to do any of those to-do-things. Doing my taxes😱 taking my dog to the vet😩 Why does the idea of having to do them feels so heavy? Many days I just want to watch RUclips all day but I know can't live like that, cooking a meal feels like an achievement. Even I like cooking, but the cleaning up make me again resistant to do it. Why don't I enjoy those things in the first place, so I wouldn't feel so resistant to do them? What is the link to autism? If it's not being lazy or depressed etc, then what is causing this? Anyone who has some psychological information or perspective on this? I really need some understanding of the concept so I can hopefully change it, thank u!
Noor Aziah I ask and
Mum asks and the rest
Of my managers and colleagues ask the same thing
And my cat hasn’t been to the vet for 2 yearsp
I call it the block and no psychiatrist has been able to explain it or
Understand it or been helpful I. Helping me move through it
@@jennifreesjourney9817 ohh, I understand the struggle. In my twenties I didn't go to the dentist and gynecologist for years😶
Only around 30 I started to be more organised about it. Even I realised it's important, I was just too overwelmed by life. Things that seem a small effort for most people can feel huge to me.
Not going to the vet for 2 years is long but try to do what u can, or ask someone to help with it.
Most important is to make sure the cat isn't the victim of it and isn't suffering from worms, fleas/ticks etc.
Yes I am aware of this and she is fortunately a very healthy car and a very efficient hunter so she needs her claws to defend herself. This was always me concern but again it has been added to my list of appointments to be booked along with the dentist optician and hopefully putting similar tasks together willl help this month. Hopefully we will message again much love jennifree 😊
HOLY HOLY HOLY SHIT this is also an adhd thing, it slike the exact same problem we have
i came here from your email and i have to applaud your PDA comment. my desire to click increased exponentially after reading it, and i laughed so hard (internally) when i realised what you'd dome
Hahaha I am really thrilled that it worked and also that you found it funny :)
You've described how i think about and process things to do. What i do is use an app called ChoreChecklist. The trouble i have with things to do is the cycle of them a lot of daily tasks are repeatable such as housework, finances and it's finding a method to manage that cycle so it's not overwhelming. I live by the using the lists now, my head space is clear, less stressful and i've a good managed daily life. It's not about being productive or getting things done. For me it's about being able to function and manage yourself effectively so you can live a less stressful life in a very very busy overwhelming world that is relentless, especially when you are an adult.
The quadrant method baffled me so much I couldn't even categorise one task haha
Your method seems cool !
i dont think i tried any methods like this. i struggle with executive dysfunction but havent gotten a diagnosis for anything other than general anxiety. thanks for the help!
Well done us all 2k subscribers.
You are the female aspie world.
How long till you get to 100K subscribers?
According to Social Blade, August 2021
I use funky pigeon for cards now waayy easier on my brain
thanks for changing my life
i really appreciate your breaking down the card-sending process. makes me feel a little less crazy for hating to send mail lol
To do list I call him terror horrifying nightmares and stress and anxiety creators
About the cards…
If you send out enough cards, you could get a set of occasion/holiday appropriate stamps and nice white cards with color pads (for the stamps) that represent you . Then everyone will know and enjoy the fact they come/came from you personally . For instance, I could see you using a set of nice stamps that include small, medium and large stars ( not the sort of stars that are a solid color, but the type that sort of look like thick outlines) in the colors of deep magenta, midnight indigo and cobalt blue, then rose and deep colors of pinks . I’m sure you would like the tri-color ink pads that come in that same trio of color scheme - I think magenta is in the more red group but I know you like pink and I have definitely seen ink pads that go from a more gentle pink to magenta (some end up in a blue too)
Anyway, if you do that you’ll save the time from going to the store and agonizing over the variety. Most cards seem too fruity and impersonal to me these days.
I hope that helps
Alysian
Oh! And it could prove a use for those stickers that you like and have not yet dedicated !
By the way the Signo pen by Uni Ball ( has the number 207 on it) is excellent for bold, black, really nice looking penmanship
To do list. Two duelists.
Ha! Greetings cards. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Great content, Sam, as usual.
I've had never clicked a video faster
Lmao I agree, when I do the prioritize chart I always think none of this really matters 😂🤣