Autistic traits are HUMAN traits: depathologising the autistic experience
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- Опубликовано: 22 авг 2024
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We hear a lot about examples of autistic traits, sometimes spoken of as if they are so far outside the realm of human experience that they are no longer human traits. But the reality is that autistic traits are human traits.
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A lot of literature talks about how autistic people are more likely to be bullied, when you could flip that around to say allistic people are prone to bullying anyone different.
Yes, yes, yes! Oh, and did I mention, YES!
Yeah, it's like "they tend to be bullied", by who? You can't be bullied without someone doing the bullying, and framing it as "they get bullied" means the focus is on "why do they catch the attention of the bully?" Rather than "why is anyone bullying anyone else in the first place?" Which is the question that needs to be asked to deal with the problem. But it feels like a lot of people see bullying as just a part of life or of growing up, and don't really want to address it at all
Sooo true!
The way it’s worded takes the perpetrators out of the picture. Language is important.
@@testosteronic I wasn't bullied much. It seems possible that I didn't notice as much as some might if I were.
"They will not pet cats on the street. They often will not talk to them at all" I just love that sentence.
The day I will pet a cat in the street or any cat for that matter will be the day I'm declaring myself a neurotypical. Only crazy people interact with cats.
I always
talk to my cat and have talked to stray cats my whole life lol. I find them comforting but easily become obsessed with them.
same! I'm in a 'cat gang' of neighborhood cats and they know I'm friends with the 'boss' so some of them won't fuck with me while others come up to greet xD Although I would pet all of them xD
Also the hardest part while joggin is to not stop and pet all the kitties :(
I'm autistic I talk to cats
lol
One thing that has always bothered me is when people say that autistic people cannot "put themselves in other people's shoes", as if we have no empathy. I've always been confused over that statement though, since the very fact that they bring it up in the first place insinuates that they themselves are unable to put themselves in OUR shoes. It's a weird thing to think about, really.
The video was amazing, though. Thank you for making it!
"No, I _cannot_ put myself in your shoes, Karen™ (don't forget the ™), because I'm size 13 and you're only size 4!😒 Also our life experiences have zero crossover or similarly whatsoever, but I digress... 😌"
That's because they can't, studies have shown that neurotypical people struggle to empathise with autistic people and can't read their facial expressions correctly. What's really interesting is those same studies have shown that autistic people CAN read other autistic people's emotions and empathise with them!
Your mind is unique and precious in your ability to see through hypocrisy. You could write a book I would buy.
But if Person T can put themselves in 90% of people's shoes and whereas Person D struggles to put themselves in anyone else's shoes that seems relevant.
I can easily put myself in other people's shoes because I have a strong imagination, but I have trouble anticipating their responses and actions. Also, my empathy is kind of extreme to the point where it causes me distress, and I empathize with people I'm not "supposed to."
I hate that my therapist refuses to even consider that I could be on the spectrum because I have empathy and emotions.
If at all possible for you, switch therapists. If you know to find any Autistics in your area, ask them which psychiatry, or specific therapist, they would recommend. Often leads to far better results.
Have you thought about getting a therapist that specializes in ASD? I have been misdiagnosed a few times until looking at all of my traits together and finding a specialist familiar with women with ASD has made such a huge difference!
I just wanted to second what ChibiYotsuba said. That is awful and I'm so sorry. I hope you get everything sorted!
I recently left my therapist who was like this except on top of her shutting me down when I talk about autistic experiences because she doesn't think i am,, she also said that if i am she doesn't see the point of her a normie, helping someone who doesn't have emotions 🤗🤭🤔 Sometimes its just an issue of that being a lower intelligence person, and how its actually too easy for anyone to become a therapist.
@@hairysativa Same. I saw a psychologist weekly for over a year and her advice never went further than tips I could have read online from anyone. Changed to a clinical psychologist with a PHD because my first therapist wanted me to double my sessions with her and I questioned if this would be helpful when I’d already been seeing her a year with no improvement in my condition. The clinical psychologist knew within two to three months that I was u diagnosed autistic at 47 yrs of age. Her diagnosis, advice and support for me as an autistic woman has been life-changing. Dump your old therapist immediately. Do not waste your time and money with a moron!
I appreciated how Greta Thunberg (the environmental activist) described her autism as her super power. She's said in interviews that we need all kinds of people to solve the biggest problem facing humanity (along with every other life form on earth), and that her autistic brain allows her to do things which neurotypical people struggle with, such as focusing in on a specific subject, going against the societal norm, thinking outside the box, being stubborn, and possessing strong ethical values which aren't easily swayed.
You just invented a fun new game! NSD Diagnostics!
- tend to make a unusually large amount of eye contact, sometimes finding it difficult to communicate without eye contact
- have a difficult time regulating normal conversational volume, sometimes appearing to yell for no reason
- a generalised lack of empathy, often resulting in bullying and ostrasising those who express interests that differ from their own
- an almost neurotic need to "fit in" with peer groups, resulting in a dissociation with personal interests over time
While people with NSD do seem to grow out of it in adulthood, becoming indistinguishable from other individuals, many of the underlying issues remain, such as a tendency to act on intuition rather than thinking things through, and difficulty interacting with peers that have varied interests.
Hilarious :)
I love this comment xD
sigh. i resemble that remark. is there any known cure? or at least, any ameliorating options?
Nice!!
@@ozok17 NSD isn't a disease and doesn't need to be cured, but it's still a good question ಠ_ರೃ What you don't want to do is excacerbate the issues by sheltering children with NSD from a variety of experiences and people. Emotional intellegence, tolerance and self reflection are all skills that can be learned and fostered as part of healthy development.
Neurotypical: Feline Negation Disorder
omg yes!
is that the primary symptom?
Or maybe an atypical immunity to Toxoplasma gondii.
Wish I could have liked this a million times. Neurotypical Spectrum Disorder is real!
i seem to fit all the NSD characteristics except for being unwilling to talk to street cats.
how can i get better? pls help!
As someone who isn't autistic (or anything but neurotypical at all as far as I can tell) I really have to agree that I only started to actually _get_ what autism is/what autistic symptoms actually mean when I listened to and read about autism from different autistic individuals' perspective.
I'd even argue that hearing an autistic person describe their experiences or reading about those is actually even much more accessible/easier to understand than some clinical description full of academic technical terminology.
@green mayo man🇺🇦 Right back at you! Nice to run into "familiar faces"./pos And I forgot that I wrote this comment 🤣
I was telling my one friend about how I think I'm autistic after doing a lot of research (your videos were quite helpful, btw. Thank you) and she was pretty interested in hearing about my experience, so I started describing a bunch of things to her, and she kept agreeing with me like "oh I do that too," and "isn't that just normal?" So I pulled up a big checklist of common autistic traits in women and we went through it and she was like "ohhhhhh... shit" Her mind was most blown realizing that most people aren't constantly analyzing, trying to interpret and agonizing over every little thing that happens in a social situation hahaha. Same tho, tbh.
Ditto! It was like when I got glasses for the first time. I came home and looked across the street at the trees and thought "wait, all you people with 20/20 vision could see the branches over there this whole time?!" And finding out about my autistic traits has been similar ^_^
@@nirgunawish What are you trying to say? That if something is different, it should be pathologised? Otherwise it is not "real"?
I would rather one would precisely describe "normal" before we pathologise anything... When is something "real" anyway?
I think ignoring traits of yourself because you deem them "irrelevant" might be damaging to your well being - regardless of the (lack of) diagnosis of those traits. Ignoring your own traits, in my experience, leads to not having or setting boundaries and with that a risk of damaging your wellbeing. But that is maybe just me... I hope you find a way to love yourself, you deserve it.
@@nirgunawishI am not sure what you wanted to achieve with this comment or why you are apologising/ not apologizing. I hope commenting this helped you achieve something important to you.
@@nirgunawish Hi!! So I was told this by a therapist once when I told her I might be autistic. She told me a diagnosis could be a distraction from the actual problems, which at the time were social anxiety and not being a functional adult overall. Laziness, as one may call it. After a couple months, we found out that the MAJOR problem was that I was trying to live under a neurotypical set of rules and I was shaming myself for not being functional, so we began to listen to my needs instead of trying to solve the problems. Turns out the reason why I pick my skin until I bleed is because I need stimming! So I got myself stim toys, problem solved, skin is healing, I can now go on walks without scratching myself. I used to cry in every public bathroom ever because I got so overwhelmed I couldn't even hear my own thoughts, but I'd try to fight the feeling and would just end up self harming in a bathroom because I couldn't be normal no matter how much I made myself jump into danger. Cool! Turns out it wasn't just me being socially anxious. Now that I know I'm not neurotypical and genuinely cannot change how sensitive my brain is to movement and loud sounds, I know when I need to take care of my needs and how to listen to my body to avoid sensory overload. So I go home to my safe space and treat myself to my favorite things, thus resulting in the best couple of months I've had in my life.
This is why a non pathologizing diagnosis is important. I can see myself through a lens of self compassion and can now tend to my needs in order to be functional, whereas before I saw myself as someone who needed fixing. Turns out I don't need fixing, my brain just works differently and most people can't relate so I need to find ways to soothe my brain in ways that neurotypicals don't even have to consider. Without the self compassion tho, we're just left with the "i'm better off dead" thought because we don't have fixing.
@@nirgunawish I think that how OTHER people look at autism is also vastly different from how professional and specialised therapists look at autism. Please keep that in mind too. Keep also in mind that trauma occurs in people with autism too, and if you've been raised never feeling safe and you feel like a burden now, then you might have CPTSD from that. I say MIGHT because I'm def not a professional either. However, it is not uncommon for anyone to have CPTSD from a troubling childhood or depression from unhealthy relationships with family and friends.
Depathologising autism means that people don't look at it as a disorder, because disorders are often stigmatised by people in general due to misconceptions. Stigma leads to MORE difficulty talking about the subject at school or work. So when depathologise autism, it means that you can just tell your boss at work "Yo I'm overwhelmed now, I'm going to take a 5 min break by myself."
Autism is not, in my eyes, a disorder. Yet people seek help, because they're getting stuck in this world. I sought help, because I got stuck in this world. Why? Because my expectations of myself and the way I tried to live my life were according to these non-autistic rules. Well I can't build a closet with instructions in a language I can't read. So I'm very happy to have discovered that my brain is a little bit different and that it requires different strategies to calm down. But if I were to get stuck and depressed again, then I would require an autistic coach to help me, because non-austistic therapies won't necessarily help me either. So that's my view on depathologising.
I hope you find the knots within your heart and manage to untie them.
About the alien thing, that's exactly how I felt when I was being diagnosed. The people were very nice and interested, but I still had the feeling I was being studied like some alien species. Very weird.
I have been there my whole life because of my eyesight my heart surgery and a lot of my other surgeries and lack of education that’s what I call it and now finding out that I have autism will be getting professionally diagnosed this July so being an alien oh yeah I feel like that all the time
I really can't thank you enough for opening my eyes 1 1/2 years ago. The thought of being autistic never crossed my mind till I saw your video about autism signs in girls.
Finally I had an explanation for all my weird behaviors, complex thought patterns and problems with socialising.
Questions like: Why on earth can't I keep my living space organized? Why do I keep picking and biting my nails? I'm over 30 years old...!! Why do I keep flapping my hands and jumping around when I'm alone and overjoyed? Why do I have this INTENSE and EXTREME need to spend time with my hobbies? Why do I keep listening to the same songs/watching the same series and movies/reading the same books over and over again for years? Why do I have the need to dive SO VERY DEEP into a subject that interests me? Why do I carry the worlds sadness and suffering on my shoulders? Why do I feel like I'm in a play when I socialise with people? I never knew what to talk about, so I learned phrases from my classmates and got pretty good at looking like an extrovert. Why am I feeling absolutely exhausted after a gathering with people or even after just going outside, shopping or a walk? Why am I getting annoyed with noises/movements that other people don't even recognize? Why do I always secretly count the number of letters in a word, only to see if it's an even number or uneven? And why do I have then the need to write that word with my fingers on my jeans/on the table ect. while I'm counting?
Other people that I see are so 'normal' and don't seem to have these problems. Except for my mom...I'm like a twin of her.
I tried finding explanations why am I so weird...I found out that I am an introvert and hypersensitiv.
Ok, but that didn't explain my other behaviors and habits. But when I saw your video about autism in girls, my whole life finally made sense to me!!!
So...what I want to say is: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!!! ❤
Except the mom thing, yes. Pretty much the same.
That whole list of traits - they describe me completely. So it's not just you :)
Same here :) That video was a godsend
and, i read lists of traits like yours, and say to myself, "wow, i wish i were more like that", and am sad that i don't do most of those. :-/ does that mean, "i wish i were more autistic"?
I can relate to everything you said except my number recognition is a bit different. I notice geometric shapes and count shapes/lines/etc with the need to outline it in the palm of my hand or next to my side. I too only recognized i might be on the spectrum the week before my 31 birthday, this januaruy. Sam and a fe other RUclips’s, my girlfriends brother being diagnosed last year and her telling me stories or things about him that in my head i think, ‘wait, other people think the way i do to? And also in large part to my coworker & friend that realized he’s autistic a year or so ago at 52. I love that so many of us adults are finding answers and explanations and community with likeminded people later in life.
Thank you Sam for putting out all of the content you share!
What happened to me is that I HIGHLY suspected that my eldest son had more than ADHD...so I started researching ASD and found that he is pretty much a textbook case. I don't understand how it was missed by so many professionals. He was diagnosed at age 3 with ADHD but had so many other struggles with things that are obvious to me now. After reading a few things about autism traits in Women (and then reading autobiographies, taking online quizzes, more research, you know...normal stuff. 😂) I started to put everything together. Yep. That's me. Autism. That's why everything seems difficult to me, why I get overwhelmed at the age of 46 and have meltdowns, why I can't stand to have people over, why I need almost all of my time to be alone time, why in Middle School I was researching Mozart when all of the other kids were watching 90210, why I am CONSTANTLY walking into doorframes. My youngest son has been struggling in school and in general for a few years now and I was finally able to get him in to see a better doctor. After 45 minutes his diagnosis went from ADHD to ADHD inattentive type, social anxiety, and probable autism. The doctor seemed surprised that I wasn't surprised. Hopefully now I will have better luck getting an IEP and a 504 plan for him.
It happens very often because adhd ,autism and language disorders are very connected . He could have one or all three together . If he has a language disorder expressive , receptive or pragmatic please pay attention because they mimic autism ,expecially the receptive and pragmatic ones. Many autistic infact are misdiagnosed because of that and many inattentive adhd too.good luck !
"Fake it 'til you make it" has been my mantra all my life and that is the second thing that made me consider I might be autistic (the first being EXTREME special interests)
I treasure honesty too much to do that very often, which did lead to people thinking I'm weird in the little kid days. I was poor at getting used to usage of slang and took it literally for a while (e.g. 'sup bro, or it was dawg or son).
Not just acute interest in something but major attention to minutia?
...and then there's the shaming of geek girls and women, who are not seen as geeky enough. -_-
My family says the thing a lot "everyone experiences xyz.." and last time my response was, you may relate to what I described but that doesn't mean everyone does. We are related, so it makes sense we have more commonalities. Its silly to go from "I relate to what she said" to "so everyone must feel that way". You're not everyone, u are one person and you are my parent 🤣
@JohnnySilverfoot absolutely 💯
I think there are so many people who are undiagnosed, I just no longer presume anyone is definitely NT any more. Being presumed I was NT (even by myself) for 36 was rubbish so I don’t want to do that to another person
@@nirgunawish you can be autistic even subclinaclly
@Saturn it’s probably much broader but people don’t seek diagnosis since it’s basically kinda useless unless you’re struggling
@@snickthegreat sometimes even when struggling, a diagnosis seems useless. like, "great, a(nother) label, telling me i'm 'special' and now need to do (even) more things differently to 'self-accommodate' or adapt or whatever. um, sure, that really helps. right."
@@ozok17 I agree with this, that’s why I choose not to label myself as autistic
If you do well in school there are many chances you're undiagnose. At the same time many are misdiagnosed as well.
2:10 had me CRACKING UP! Neurotypical spectrum disorder is alive and well
same here
@@thewindchimesystem wow, I really like your system name!
@@maiamaiapapaya Thank you so much!
I told my therapist I can’t concentrate on looking at someone’s eyes AND fully concentrate on what they were saying and it was like I switched languages or something she kept trying to force me to speak about it under a NT lens and I’m like lady, I TOLD you what’s going on I can’t reframe it to make it fit a NT way of working. It is what it is I can’t look in someone’s eyes while simultaneously being fully engaged in a convo end of story.
@@nirgunawish what the fuck are you even on? Not only was this exact thing I was talking about mentioned and others agreed. But trying to concentrate looking into someone’s eyes while also trying to concentrate on what they are saying IS a difficult task for autistic ppl.
@@arabelle567 I can't look in anyones eyes while talking either. This is especially true if we are having an adverse discussion, deep concepts are being exchanged, or I am learning something new. I know that is confusing for some people and difficult for others to accept. In fact, if a discussion is to be really good, the best place is either driving in the car (if they drive) or walking. And if I sm shopping and need the salepersons help, I can't meet their eyes either. I will try though, which must seem pretty weird because I will smile (an applogy for the times I can not look) and then it may seem as if I am flirting.
@@wisecoconut5 YEEEESSS I LIVE TALKING IN THE CAR FOR THIS REASON. The best convos are in the car
@@arabelle567 Tables where I'm facing other people are the worst for conversations to me
Took me 27 years to realize I was simply trying to be human in a very inhuman world. All thanks to a near-death/life experience. It was interesting how, when I stopped suffering inside the mind that people thought I was crazy. Now people loath the voice I'd found for myself, good. Have to undo all that'd been done in my life because I couldn't conceptualize the social world in any way that made sense. Nor did I desire to have jobs that drained me of life. Walked on, misunderstood, and treated like a fiddle to be played all my life. Let's just say letting go of that resentment took some courage and strength.
🙌🙌 Stay strong, you brilliant human
Best wishes for a healthy birth of baby #2!
I needed to hear this. I just began talking to my family about my self-diagnosis. After a year in the online Neurodivergent community, hearing responses that pathologize traits now makes me cringe! 😬 Like “suffering from autism”. We suffer from fear and loneliness and even chronic disabilities, but not *from autism*. Awesome video, Sam! 🙌🙌🙌🙌
Please tell me I’m not the only one who laughed through her description of NP‘s as a disorder. 😬 ingenious 👍
You're not the only one. xD
Ok feww 😁
The funny thing to me is I’ve always viewed “normal” people as weird for caring about things that I could not even force myself to care about 😅 ...pretty much my whole struggle with a certain family member.
There was a meme that basically said who did this as a kid with people doing things like peeling glue off their hands or sticking needles through the skin layer or chewing on their hair. I told a friend that it looked like stimming to me and then realised that there are a lot of things kids do that they grow out of that is very similar to stimming. It did make it easier to explain what stimming is to others.
So are those stims or not?
you just took me back to first grade, kids did all those things. I chewed my nails and once pulled out all my eyebrows
It's SO true..you can make the same set of characteristics sound great or dreadful simply by the way in which you frame them and the terminology used
While I agree with the sentiment of this video, there are plenty of my traits that cause me a lot of problems in everyday life, not because of how society functions, but because of how I wish to function but dont. I have a huge difficulty activating myself and switching between tasks, and it's not in relation to how society works. I experience it as an internal problem in relation to my will and intellect. I would love to exercise daily or go for walks, or start projects to enjoy my time, and end up completely overwhelmed and blocked by the idea. I would love to be able to just study or work, or do tasks without having to constantly fight with myself.
Hard same. I call it "getting stuck." It's so hard to start things and switch tasks.
Conversations with my mom sometimes can be like:
Mom: Why haven't you done X yet?
Me: I'm stuck.
Mom: What can I do to help you get unstuck?
Me: I don't knoooowww... If I knew, I'd already be unstuck.
Blimey, this is spot-on. x
Amen!
I hear you. I have spent years being stuck for same or similar reasons. However, I did experience flow and creativity a few years ago being in a community of like-minded people, doing yoga, chi gong, nature walks/immersion, daily creativity and music jams etc. Meditation and being silent together and no phones/internet while together. We also played and experienced timelessness.
It's not to say that these will work for anyone, but I think some of it or all of it is very helpful and I'm working myself back to flow now.
I aim to travel more and to get rid of most of my stuff as it weighs me down.
But I know flow state is possible, even tho I have been completely stuck for many years, also with harsh asd symptoms like light and sound sensitivity and more.
"They will not pet cats on the street"
Me: Whaaaaaaattttt???
I always pet cats on the street if they let me and dogs , an talk to them 😜 doesn't everyone???
@@kelly-ux8zy i'm okay with petting cats even if they don't let dogs. :-P (yes, grammar...)
I never do, I dont want to bother the cat. I want to respect the cats personal zone I guess 😅
Though I would let the cat pet me if it wanted, but it seems not to be a cat thing.
This is super helpful and I'm sharing it with some folks who I've struggled to explain this stuff to!
The only thing I might disagree on - I've found the "being autistic is a binary state - either you are autistic or you are not" to be... not actually that accurate in my experiences. I've known a lot of families where one or two people will be diagnosed/identified as autistic, while the rest of the immediate family will share a lot of autistic traits, but not enough to qualify for a diagnosis or self-ID.
I absolutely agree that any random NT isn't "a little bit autistic", I just think it (like anything in nature) isn't a strict on/off yes/no either/or. I know some folks have been studying that idea (as the "broad autism phenotype") but I don't know enough to say anything about the science of it.
(I would be completely fine if they broadened the definition to encompass all these "sub-clinically autistic" folks, or gave us a different term to use that would encompass both autistics and almost-autistics.)
It could be a bunch of separate traits which manifest in linked and unlinked forms. We just don't know much about the geneology of it.
More research should be done on Neurotypical Spectrum Disorder (NTSD), such a serious disorder, still hardly recognized and rarely spoken about...
No, seriously, thank you for this amazing video, finding neutral terms
for traits that can be either distressing or helpful or neutral, but
anyway labeling them in a neutral way, sounds like an good plan to
better understand what's going on for neurodiverse brains!
Yes Autistic Traits are Human Traits, if one everyone including or mamy especially psychologist and psychiatrist could see that!
I'm self dx and sometimes because of the pathologization of autism it's difficult to see my experience as autistic. I constantly question if I have enough of one trait, then "but everyone is a little autistic comes up" and of course I feel like an imposter. I have to constantly remind myself that Autism isn't Pokemon, you don't have to catch them all.
I’m officially diagnosed and I STILL feel like an imposter! If you’ve “done your homework” and honestly believe you have autism, then most of us in the community will gladly accept you as one of us.
Hilariously when my mid 50s mom went to get a diagnosis, took what felt like a dozen tests for autism and came back with, they don't know. Apparently she's so borderline it would come down to the individual drs to make that call. The one she worked with was leaning on yes, but ultimately maybe
Interesting. I was looking through RUclips for people who suspected they were autistic, went to get assessed and didn't get a diagnosis but haven't found any. Your comment is the first such case I saw but probably people aren't inclined making video about this.
Love, love, LOVE the way you expressed all of these concepts in this video. So helpful! I saved it to my "autistic validation" playlist
@@nirgunawish ???
Thank youuuu 🌞💗🦋🌷 Self diagnosed at 30, cried because I’m aware of how NTs perceive autism. This is a magical, fulfilling, inspired existence. Autistic people make the world a better place, full stop.
I’m sorry that it is challenging for anyone to raise an autistic child, but the challenge you feel seeking for “normal” is the same we feel. However you’re waiting for us to “break” or “bend” to your will, we are waiting for the space and compassion to be worthy of love as we are. Spoiler alert: we have always been and will always be, perfectly human.
💗
@@nirgunawish in response to your question, i'm curious about this hypothetical: Would you rather have a diagnosis (or even many) and question its (or their) veracity and justification(s), or be undiagnosed and yet have a sense of how to describe your particular collection(s) of traits? genuine question.
Nice flip with NSD
I would add, pathologically mitigating the truth
I will definitely keep watching and sharing your videos. I am using them to educate my family about my own late diagnosed autism (47 yrs old). Don’t worry about your channel, all of us and even more will be here when you’re ready to come back. Enjoy your pregnancy, best of luck with the birth and may every happiness be granted to you and your sweet little family 💕💕💕
When you started describing “nuerotypical spectrum disorder”for some of the things you said, I just thought “wait, people do/don’t do those things?”
I scored 40/50 on the AQ, but I wasn't diagnosed until I was 55 years old, I think mainly because I keep EXTREMELY good eye contact. It's all in an effort to gather as much information as possible, because I always feel there is so much more than the words a person is saying. I don't enjoy it. I just need to do it if I want to understand all of what someone is saying; almost like a deaf person reading lips.
On an unrelated note, we raised 7 kids, and hearing the happy little one at the end of this vid made my morning :)
I used to have really good eye contact, but seem to have lost my ability over the years. It would make people uncomfortable, especially guys.
I am so curious to know if anyone does a "happy song and dance" when they are eating food they really like? I've done this for as long as I can remember, and people usually think it's silly or cute, but I've never seen anyone else actually do it. I just get real happy when I eat something especially delicious haha. Could this be a stim I didn't know was a stim?
I should add, I am not officially diagnosed ASD, though I am fairly certain I am probably neurodivergent somehow. It just makes too much sense looking back at my life. The common ways women present with ASD are SO ME but I am also a hardcore masker. I try really really hard to hide the fact that I'm kind of a weirdo haha (no offense meant, obviously!)
I do! It makes things even yummier
I do that too, but only when I am alone, because I always felt it's weird for other people.
It's not just yummy food, it can be really everything that makes me happy...other little things like when I'm about to watch my favourite series or movie, listen to my favourite music, play the Sims or a even just a lovely, warm summer day - I get this REALLY EXTREME happy feeling for a moment, and it's too overwelming, so I have to flap my hands and jump/dance a little bit to let it out. It's so weird, but also funny when you think about it. 😅
It has to be super damn yummy but yeah, I have a happy wiggle I do when I’m eating! You’re not alone hahah
I either rock in my seat (back n forth/side to side) or wave my utensil up n down.
Should make a disclaimer that I'm not diagnosed with autism but I suspect that I have it
I always do for things I get excited with. Little dance, clap hands, yayyyy!
I never realized it could be weird. I think because I'm Latina and our culture allows more extreme expressions
Oh my god your anthropological pathologizing of neurotypicalism is GODLY AND I LIVE FOR IT
I see I’ve made it no further than some others before commenting- Neurotypical Spectrum Disorder 😂😂 I love it. And so accurate.
i love your examples of neutral descriptions of autistics and pathologised descriptions of NTs. i wish someone would rewrite the DSM like this 😂
great content ❣️ thank you ❣️❣️❣️
OMG, I'm just at the beginning of the video and your description of the "neurotypical disorder" is just hilarious. So nice to hear something like that.
Lovely greetings from Berlin, Germany
You perfectly described the challenges we face in a society that sees us as lesser than/in a negative light. I never fit the mold in school (or socially), I tried very hard but I started failing out as a teenager. So I left, and was schooled by my two autistic parents at home instead. I went onto becoming self employed and dodged college/university completely. It’s so validating that you basically described that we struggle in those areas specifically because of the way those structures are set up.
Haha I love how you described NTs ♡
Seriously though, not talking to pets seems very concerning to me 🤔
this is very enlightening! I don't have a diagnosis, but I am planning on trying to get one this summer. I was definitely part of the "but everyone does this though" gang for a loooong time... but as I spent the last few months living with people who aren't my mother, I realized that there was a very significant difference between me and them mainly in the way I react to things and get overwhelmed... I learned that I probably had been masking for a very long time when I realized that people don't usually consciously controll their facial and vocal expression all the time, which was actually a surprise to me.
This is wonderful! Thank you! I was curious what people in the community thought about using the word “co-occurring condition” instead of “comorbidity.” I’ve heard both, with “c-occurring” being use because it’s less pathologizing. It’s interesting how language makes such a difference in interpretation.
I'm diagnosed autistic. I was diagnosed at 26. I have had a few courses of CBT therapy from the NHS over the years and none of it stuck. I imagine that's because my brain works a different way.
I was sitting here watching your video and I realised you have a European plug socket behind you, so hello fellow expat!
I moved to Denmark and learning Danish at language school was impossible for me. I can understand a lot now in news reports, etc, but actually answering the exam questions was impossible - they seem to be posed in a very specific, yet vague way which my autistic brain couldn't comprehend well enough to give the answers they wanted. I was surprised how ableist the exams are, actually! I'm hoping that one day I can actually pass the test when they make it more straightforward. I don't think I can change the way my brain sees the questions, but maybe one day it will be easier!
Love your content! Thank you :D
Seems like being able to follow the news (or any number of other practical tasks) are more important than passing a test. (Unless it's a requirement for something important.)
Personally my experience with speaking a foreign language was that I needed to let go of getting it correct. People would meet me halfway if I mangled grammar or had to work around missing vocabulary. Speaking slowly enough to get it perfect would fail to keep people sufficiently engaged.
@@mxpants4884 the language test is specifically to enable me in future to get citizenship. If I don't pass the exam, I can't apply. Everyday language is different, that's easier to handle. It's the way the questions are posed that is the issue.
It's interesting that you remember starting masking. I remember too. I was 16.
I got so tired of being misunderstood, and people thinking I was rude.
So I started creating a Rolodex in my mind of “ appropriate behavior”
I still get the cards in the wrong order sometimes, but I’ve masked to such a degree that people now say I’m charming.
It’s hard to drop it and be misunderstood again. But I would rather not have an ulcer? 🤷🏼♀️
Love the video. I'm not autistic myself, but a few people in my life are and I think all of them have a quite negative self-view because of their diagnosis and because of how they were taught about their autism. So, thank you for all the awareness work you're doing, I hope more people, both NTs and NDs can learn to be more positive and open when it comes to autistic/human traits.
Hey, all the best for the birth and no doubt I'll continue to watch and rewatch your old content. Just wanted to say your youtube content was my gateway on the path to self-discovery after five decades of 'what the hell?' and whilst things are a bit difficult at the moment I have some hope that this knowledge will lead to diagnosis and becoming more 'me'. Thank you and all the best.
Your work is so awesome and important; thank you for producing this content. LOVED your description of Neurotypical Spectrum Disorder; let's stop pathologizing neurodiversity!
The neurotypical pathologies were so good. What a brilliant way of communicating your point.
Love love love this vid!
My beautiful 16yo daughter is on the spectrum and I’m adult ADHD. Two neurodivergent oddballs if you will lol!
I’ve known people who whistle ALL the time, or are always tapping to music in their head, or you name it. Nobody ever focuses on what neurotypical people do!
My daughter and I both agree that we would rather be different; it’s way more fun!
Thanks so much for all your vids!
If someone asks me or her and if it bothers us the answer is always “No, just the people around us!” Haha!
so glad you mentioned dermatillomania!!! before i got my adult autism diagnosis, i thought i was just a compulsive skin picker, but now that i know i am autistic i know that skin picking is not only a compulsion for me but also a stim!!
Thank you for making such wonderful content, you make videos that I am actually comfortable sharing with people who I want to help with their understanding of autism.
@@nirgunawish erm, your reply seems rather personal. Do you actually know Sandcat727 _ ? More to the point, it seems like you're indicating (at the very least implying) that that person's actions of sending links to videos on this channel haven't been found helpful by any of the people to whom Sandcat sent those links. Do you actually mean to say that, or am I misinterpreting your comment here? Please clarify.
@@nirgunawish Thanks for replying. I think I personally want to ponder how appropriate or inappropriate I think it is to accommodate various needs in various situations, and whether I think my personal opinions around that have an correlation with what pathologies are present or absent in those situations.
@@nirgunawish Oh, i didn't mean that I had any thoughts of adopting your expressed opinions wholesale, but rather that your comments cued a line of thinking and reflection I might want to pursue further, to determine how I want to react to it in my own thinking. Upon having done a little such reflection already, I think useful accommodation is appropriate in most cases, based on a full (or, sufficiently-full) cost-benefit analysis to all involved, rather than a narrow view on whether things are "wrong enough" without the accommodation. I tend not to see things as black-and-white, possibly tending to go the other way with seeing too many nuances that others tend to miss (fail to notice) or ignore. Subtleties often matter, though I think some people have difficulties dealing with my caring about ones that they haven't previously noticed, or that they actively have decided don't matter to them (and therefore apparently shouldn't matter to anyone, according to them).
(noting also that, when I say "too many nuances" above, it's only a problem in communicating with other people who dismiss those factors.)
Love this vid, especially where you flip the pathological language on neurotypical people. On another note, such an adorable kid! "Speza'ular!"
Neurotypical spectrum disorder 😃 perfect! Irrationally insists you aren't listening if you aren't making eye contact... Wastes time in meaningless 'small talk'... Cannot be relied upon to be truthful, especially when giving insincere 'compliments'...
Good video :)
I identify with you a lot Sam. Deciding to "just opy everyone else until I somehow click" really didn't work, in fact now that I am working with my own needs I can actually function better and much healthier than just burning myself into the ground while still pretending really hard that I've got it together.
Oh and I love the message to family members. I literally did this to my family when they were like "But we ALL are like that!" So I said "Well there is a strong genetic link. If I am and we are related, maybe you are too." And left a dramatic pause.
When i get my official assessment and diagnosis I am SO going to show them the report and ask if any of it resonates.
The title made me think of PhilosophyTube
Thank you for these videos. I find them massively helpful. I'm in my 40s and received a positive diagnosis just last week, and I'm still getting my head around it. Your videos have a help a lot. As well as being funny too! :)
You have a wonderful sense of humor. Your pathologising of neurotypical traits is hilarious. Seriously, you make a great point. Thank you for bringing this to light.
Your son is ADORABLE! Of course I will keep whatching your old content, I like every video you do so I share it, and will keep sharing.
With lock down Britain it's simple now to describig autism to a NT. A autism person lived a lock down life before the thing. Lock down is the best thing for autism once had to adjust to having our routine broken and having to just make up each as it goes along. But after using all routine lock down stop all autistic burn out because being encourage to be autistic.
its so funny you say this, I was just telling my husband that autism allows me to become an expert on anything I am obsessed with. this works in my favor and in society's favor, because I do this with work and with fun things. Just wanted to add this comment to say, I agree with you :)
Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm 52, late-diagnosed (last year) & this has been such an awareness journey. I've expressed similar sentiment about de-pathologizing autistic traits, and occasionally I get met with opposition regarding my brothers and sisters with high support needs. Yet I still believe this de-pathologizing applies across the spectrum; it's just that our allistic-dominated culture (I'm in the U.S.) - including our economic system- is not set up to appreciate the intensity with which autistics with high support needs experience and sense their environment or why they struggle with a system that wasn't built with them in mind. Thank you again- I appreciate content creators like yourself. And I hope you and your little one are now doing well.
The neurotypical traits description is 👌🏾❤️
@Yo Samdy Sam Color the Spectrum led me to your page... excellent vid, and I agree.. that cactus is spectacular... "We all judge those we encounter, regardless of self-realization. How and why are imperative, to help rebuild our Nation." - RD
That pink 335 in the background is soooooooo pretty. And the grains on that acoustic? Wow. Beautiful guitars!
Edited to add: Also this was a great video, thank you!
This is such a well explained video and makes me feel seen, thank you!
Thank you for this video! I've just been diagnosed (well not officially) at 30. I never really questioned my autistic traits because I'm very much like my parents and brother. So... now I suspect they might be autistic too and don't realize it.
My youngest son was just diagnosed but I am pretty sure that my other son, me, my Mother, a few cousins, aunts, and my Grandmother all have it as well.
Thank you for making this video❤ It's so hard for me to communicate how I feel. So I like to send my friends and family videos like this. It really helps to be able to fill in where my communication kinda fails😬
The 'disorders' described in the DSM seem to only consider a 'condition' to be 'real' if it presents a problem for the patient in carrying out normal everyday activities.
Autism describes me quite well but I don't know that it has ever been a 'problem' for me.
I've had a few embarrassing social situations, but who hasn't?
We're all quite different, often in ways that aren't obvious at all.
yeah, likewise. to the degree that i might be autistic, it's been more of a boon to me than a detriment. my problems seem to tend to stem from my being insufficiently autistic. ;_;
@@ozok17 I think a question for you two might be - would your boons remain if your current situation changed in a way that did not work with your specific skills/needs? Like, personally I can drastically change depending on sensory input and the amount of change/information I'm processing. Given stability, a quiet sorta dark room? I'll be impressing people with my writings and thoughts and research progress.
Put me in a lecture hall that's bright and noisy and I can't understand stuff that I'm using in my research because I'm overwhelmed by all the stimuli (plus all the new people and changes and argh!).
Worst case, I've even been accused of being [R-slur] because couldn't count as a cashier when I worked retail due to noise and stuff.
Yet, at the same time I ended up as a theoretical chemistry student/researcher.
Maths itself is a super binary "yes/no" depending on "Do I have my needs accommodated?"
This isn't a thing to go "you're all privileged", but rather something you could bring up to a therapist if they say you do too well to be autistic: examine what your needs are critically, maybe experiment what happens if they're unmet (if safe to do so) and record differences in ability.
@@runakovacs4759 Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I'm still trying to figure out what my needs are, based on trying to analyze and find patterns in when i've done passably well and when i've flat-out failed. One thing seems to be that I do unpredictably when left entirely to my own devices too long. Another is that time management techniques and trainings seem to tend to assume an ability to prioritise that is... qualitatively different than mine. i think i might be experiencing a local minimum, regarding confidence in understanding my difficulties (and even my differences), in a dunning-kruger (sp?) sort of situation: i've learned enough about (at least some of) my difficulties to know that i don't know very much, where, with less (or more!) understanding i might be instead more confident about what helps and what gets in the way. right now, i just feel a bit adrift. :-/
@@runakovacs4759 but, like, it's encouraging to hear that you've figured out what works well for you and what doesn't work, or gets in the way, for you. i hope i can do likewise!
@@runakovacs4759 also, congrats on becoming & being a theoretical chemistry student/researcher! i'm excited for you. :-) and, like, chemistry is cool and fun to think about. Enjoy!
Anyone else suddenly not only wondering about yourself but your family as well? (It is a genetic thing anyway) . For example, my father has never spontaneously told us positive or uplifting things... only repetitive things that sound he came up with after someone told him to do it. Like every day after coming from school, I would hear "What were you doing at school today". Or my mum being very shy and not having friends outside the family. Also one of the dolls in our collection (mum crochets dresses for them and we draw adventures they are having) she named her with her name and gave her a tiny little crocheted doll she is clutching all the time. And decided her nature is very shy, just watching other people. Or my brother having meltdowns since childhood. The only thing that changed is since gaining adult strength he gradually learned not to be aggressive during them and just be loud so we let him alone... And he just works, plays computer games, goes out with pen and paper games buddies and would never ever tidy his things.
Sam! 💜 your channel is a treasure, of course we’ll be watching your back catalogue. May your second baby arrive peacefully and live happy.
I know plenty of NSD people. I am Autistic, I am not broken. That’s my mantra, and I’m sticking with it. Your kid put a huge smile on my face.
2:08 can’t believe I’m watching your videos for the second time round and still feels like you deserve an applause here🎉
Great video, Sam! I think it's one of the best ones you've made! Your mind is beautiful, you are beautiful! ❤️
Thank you. My son was recently diagnosed and I am starting to wonder about myself. This video was a fantastic explanation and de-stigmatization. Thank you !!!
The whole human experience lies on a spectrum, and you can take any part of it and describe where along that spectrum someone is.
Take eating - from the extremes of pica and anorexia, there are many levels between, while the majority fall somewhere in the middle in the range from mild intolerances to gourmands.
Sensitivity to touch, pressure, taste, smell, sight (in colour, complexity and movement) and sound all have similar ranges.
The ability to concentrate, task switch, and multitask, think logically or pick up emotion by various means (music makes me cry more than words, tone of voice or facial expressions).
Memory and the ability to organise it so that it is useful is a huge spectrum.
What we need is more acceptance of the wide variety of human experience but this is hammered out of most of us by nearly all formal education systems, which I, therefore, regard as child abuse, to varying degrees but ever-present, and if they choose to pathologise differently-abled, then abusive to those who fall into one of the recognised categories.
To escape that, they need to be FAR more flexible to the needs of individual children, teens and adults. And if (and only if) an area of study is interesting to the student, just allow access to learning material, to whatever level is desired. If it isn't, don't waste time and disrupt other students by ramming it down anyone's throat! And allow or any speed of learning in any subject - there is nothing that says everyone needs 3 years to reach a bachelor's degree level - some may take only a year, or even less - others may take 5 or 6, but who cares as long as they are learning - just provide exams when they are ready for them. And that is just the education systems - dare I even start on legal and judicial ones?
From my own example, I was a terror in art classes (complete waste of time for me), and still can't set on paper any recognisable image of the subject - but show me anything with a pattern and I'll see it (much to the surprise of a professor at the Mullard Radio Astronomy Observatory when I spotted a satellite passing over from an oscilloscope display when visiting, and he had to look it up to confirm it). I honestly do not know how the change in the background radio signals wasn't obvious, especially to anyone looking for it! He couldn't understand how I could see what even he was uncertain of until he confirmed it on satellite schedules.
But facial expressions are just muscle movements to me! If I know the person, I can manage to make out smiles and frowns. If I am deliberately looking for them.
My wife has even joked that she has no need to worry about other women flirting with me, as if they were to do anything short of stripping naked and jumping into my lap, I just wouldn't notice! Only a slight exaggeration.
Both are to do with patterns, and there is nothing wrong with my hand coordination - until arthritis, I was a violinist!
But I can't create patterns on paper that are recognisable as anything more than stick figures.
I can't communicate in anything but English and Geek, despite trying to learn several other human languages, but I'm fluent in a few computer ones and when I'm using it regularly, read the binary or hexadecimal form of extended ASCII straight off the printout (I had to have it pointed out to me that Arjen Anthony Lucassen's Ayreon lyrics for TR-1 were supposed to be cryptic!). And show me a structure and I can see the lines of stress and loading in it, in torsion, tension and compression.
I can't function as part of a group of more than two - myself and one other, yet I can play in an orchestra or sing in a choir.
But I can't look after myself, have no sense of time, forget even to eat if I'm doing anything remotely interesting - even if the food is put in front of me. Because as soon as I lose concentration on that interesting thing, I can't just pick it back up afterwards.
Books either get read in one sitting or not at all (yes, including War and Peace, which I consumed in a binge of roughly 50 hours). If they are factual, I remember what is in them if I use it, but forget it otherwise (although relearning is faster than initial learning).
Society needs to become far more inclusive of differences in all the wide range of human abilities and sensitivities and would be far richer for it. Why is it only an inner circle of super-social disordered types who think everyone should be like them and will bully, exclude, pathologise and even criminalise those who are different? Everyone is different, but some are more different in certain areas.
Well said
This is the most autistic response ever. 😆
I shiver when I hear “fake it till you make it.”
I prefer, “BE! Now!”
You are exactly where you are supposed to be, doing exactly what you should be doing! You're actively doing, what you are capable of doing, right now, to make the world a better place, and reducing the suffering, of as many other people, as you can. Keep 'em coming!
I started masking much earlier, like my earliest memories, but that's probably related to my parents' attitudes toward the traits I was masking.
I'm from Brazil. Last year my brother called my attention to the possibility that we two could be on the spectrum. Your channel and a couple of the others with whom you interact were an invaluable help in understanding it. Ok, so I was lucky enough to get an assessement last month. The diagnosis was that I do have Social Communication Disorder (Pragmatic) but I was ruled out of the spectrum because I don't have any problems with storytelling or abstract thought. Also my sensorial issues, stimming and "fixed interests" weren't considered "so intense as to interfere in other aspects of life". (As a nerd, my fixed interests are stuff like Tolkien, Star Trek and RPG, so nowadays I can fly under the radar on that). So, am I "a little bit autistic"? I have found virtually no channels or support groups for people with SCD online. Would the autistic community accept me as part of it? (as a side note, I'm sure that my brother would be diagnosed as on the spectrum, since his sensorial issues and "fixed interests" are more intense than mine.
I loved this content, I think it's spot on. I liked the way you de-pathologised the ASC traits, and flipped the neuro-typical ones. I did find the jump-cuts started to make me nauseous after a few mins. It's perfectly fine to have some "erm" moments or bits where you eff up, if that's the reason for all the heavy cutting? It's become a bit of a trend on YT now, like underscoring everything with music used to be.
Might you consider making fewer cuts, please? Thank you very much, Sam. 🙏🏼
Great video!!!
In relation to "is it actually possible to have a bit of an autistic brain?" (08:45), the concept of Broad Autism Phenotype might answer that.
I completely relate to your hoping to raise awareness about autism within the undiagnosed autistics population. I'm noticing how prevalent neurodivergence is amongst my family and friends, although bringing up the topic tends to end conversations.
I'm 40 and was diagnosed at 35. Thankyou so much for this, it's a brilliant video and I'll be sending it to some NT friends x
You worded everything very beautifully. I appreciate this video very much & absolutely love it! Including the sponsored stuff!! 😍 thank you for taking the time to make this. It was all around uplifting. ❤️
Thank you for what you do. Your work has helped me soooo much. It’s been one week since , at age 44, I found myself. Now my entire life makes sense, and my suppressed memories are coming back….some good , some horrible and some enlightening…. Knowing why and who i am, has been liberating….. Thank you, because of you and your videos I can start to heal. 🙏🏼
I recently found your channel and find it so educational and reassuring...comforting. I am planning to watch all your videos from the oldest to the newest. Best wishes on your new baby!!
Oh my gosh, I love how you broke down neurotypical traits! Amazing. Love your videos! They've helped me a lot.
Thank you for summing this up beautifully! I was just explaining depathologizing autistic to my friends and now I can send them this.
Hello, I love your videos, they make me feel understood 🤗. Thanks a lot.
Glad you like them!
I always love your videos! You, Olivia, Princess Aspien and a few others have encouraged me to sign up to be assessed for Autism-- at the end of this month--finally!!! I am kind of excited. Being Autistic would answer a few questions I still have about why I am the way I am (ADHD, BiPolar, Complex PTSD have answered some. ) I am so thankful for all the people on here that share their Autistic experience to help others learn!!! Thank you!!!
I was trying to explain to my mom.... and she said the SAME thing.. Well, we ALL do that! I do that too!
This video is AMAZING and helps A LOT to express these concepts to those who knew all this already, but struggled in explaining it to others.
I love this so much Sam
i'm 15 and i just got diagnosed after almost 2 years since i got referred to be assessed by my school. thank you so much for your channel, if i hadn't found it when i was 13 i would be a lot more scared and nervous about being diagnosed than i am now!! :DD
No background music required at the end, the kid sings just fine and it's really cute. Awesome video
Could totally relate to the stopping and talking to a neighbour's cat, I do this on a regular basis. Its the only time I make an effort to stop and talk. now if it was a human......I would literally cross the road and hide!!!
One of my favourite autism videos Sam, so many of yours have helped me realising I may be on the spectrum. Finally been to see my Dr about it and have been put forward for a referral.
he is so cute and adorable ! i love his enthusiasm. other topic : i also like how you described the "neurotypical disorder " XD. you have a very valid point in how things are described. I was thinking and feeling this but didn't know how to put it into words until now . Thank you.
This video really helped me get it thank you! Flipping it round and pathologising NT traits made me properly realise how absurd it is to do that with autistic people.
SO...YOURE ADMITTING YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU THEN? BEEN FAKING IT ALL THIS TIME?
AUTISTICS HAVE A DISORDER....JUST AS i DO WITH MY FKN LIVER CALLED PORPHYRIA. PRETENDING IT DONT EXIST DOESNT NEGATE IT. IT JUST MAKES ME A FOOL FOR IGNORING IT.