How You Should Talk To An Ex After A Breakup
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- Опубликовано: 6 фев 2020
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How You Should Talk To An Ex After A Break Up
It has come to my attention that a lot of people don’t know how to talk to their ex after a break up. Ultimately it comes down to one question. What do you want?
Do you want to get back together?
Do you want to move on and get closure?
Taking some time for yourself and working out what you want from your ex is going to help understand what you want from a conversation with your ex. For the last decade I have helped people get over their exes and also get their ex back. This video is directed at the ones who want their ex back. How you should be talking to them. After testing theories, we have worked out strategies on how to attract an ex back.
How to have conversations with your ex
Lucky for you I have done all the planning for you; I am a big proponent of the value ladder and the value chain. Looking at these two terms is considering them the blue print of how to get your ex back
Value Ladder
Essentially when I first came up with this idea where I said they look at it like a ladder, the top of the ladder is where they get their ex back and where they are now is at the bottom of the ladder. As the way we have conversations with an ex has different meaning. Having a conversation with an ex in person is going to have more value than it is when you have conversation through text. If done correctly. Doing it the right way would be step one where you are texting your ex and build up value in that stage as much as possible, where you then move on to phone calls or skyping your ex building up value again to lead to a meet up, a non-romantic meet up where there is no pressure. Step four is where you go on a more romantic date which leads to the last phase where you go on the most romantic date where either your ex asks you our, or you ask your ex out.
Value Chain
Conversation type #1 - Small talk where you have conversations with anyone and are not too personal
Conversation type #2 - Telling stories where you have conversations with friends and something you wouldn’t really tell a stranger
Conversation type #3 - Sharing opinions, where you have conversations with people you really trust
Conversation #4 - Virgin ground - having a conversation where you tell your ex something you have never told someone before and your ex reciprocates
Conversation type #5 - Sharing feelings, this is pretty self-explanatory
So, as you can see the Value Chain works in the same way the Value Ladder does, you’re essentially starting at the bottom and working your way up, but how do you know when it is right time to start upping the value. Usually your ex will show signs by reciprocating and ups the value himself. But what happens if you have done all the work and the plan doesn’t work out.
“Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential” Winston Churchill
Basically, no matter how hard you plan and scope out a conversation you are going to have with your ex, sometimes it does not go that way. IT is important to keep in mind what the overall value and game plan of what you are trying to do. And that is to have an organic conversation with your ex. And naturally you go through these phases with your ex.
No matter how hard you plan there is no guarantee things will go the way you want them to in your mind. Not planning specific conversations with your ex in your head as you cannot control the outcome of the conversation based on their answers and circumstances that are out of your control. However, you can have a plan of the overall goal that you want to achieve. Which is having a positive organic conversation with your ex.
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Хобби
My ex broke up with me a little over a month ago, and I immediately went into NC without knowing what that means. I wanted to wait 45 days, but Monday I ended up using my niece to send him a video. And we started to reconnect. We’ve been having small talk, but he did say a couple of flirty things, and asked me how the dating apps were doing. Also he said he wasn’t dating anyone. Which I guess all in all is a good thing! I invited him to a church event which he said he would love to go. I’m definitely going to start that chain conversation. Right now we in small talk, but hopefully in the next couple weeks it will turn into story sharing.
how did it go ?
If the person have same feelings for you. There is no need to do anything everything will happened by the plan of nature. Though the person don’t feel the way you feel whatever you do to get her/him , nothing will work. Don’t ruin your life and emotion again and again. If you recovered from this shit feelings, save your heart ❤️ if someone meant to be your he/ she will be yours.
Thanks. This was very helpful
Thank you so much,keep it up..more power!
I miss her every single day, it will be three months tomorrow. I have cried every day for three months and I honestly just want to let go by my heart won’t let me.
That is really rough, try spending time with your friends and family and start doing things that you find fun, this will start helping you with the moving on process.
Chris, so my ex and i have been texting mainly i texted him and we seem to have organic conversations. One thing that i remember is when i was with my ex he always preferred phone calls, but the thing is i know it is baby steps but also i am just worried about getting jitters and well i am worried i would give myself away
This really work out for me
Wow i love how you answer all the comments in here, my situation is probably the worse ever. If you can advice me what to do i'll appreciate it. Me and my ex are in a long distance relationship, i live in the uk she lives in Estonia we were together for 10/9months until we had a fight 1and half a month ago, then i panicked i pleaded and all after the fight... Reduced of my vue and until my gf lost respect towards me.. You know how this ended 5 days ago after 2 breakups we broke up again and this one seems real and all. I tried to not contact her for 3 days, on the third day i talked to her, she seemed already moved on completely she also said she doesn't miss me and she doesn't love me anymore(I know that it's my fault thah we broke up and i know how sweet a d compatible we are and how lovely she is, so even if i can move on i don't want to let her go i want to have her with me again, because i still do love her) . After she said she doesn't love me anymore i talked to her with long messages i did't try to get ber back into the relation ship i just told her how much i still loved her and she said, she's sorry she doesn't want anything to do with me and all after that i blocked her from everywhere she asked my friend to tell me to unblock her on the 4th day, after i unblocked her she said i do care about you let me have a wah to contact you anymore etc, i told her that i need to block her so i can forget her etc.. And i indeed like the breakup of that bad relationship but i still love her and i hoped we could start over she said she's sorry and sbe cant and if blocking her would help then i should, after that i didn't unblock her and i'm trying to give a7 days break so i can rest my feelings and improve my self then contact her again slowlyyy as friends
Somehow this video have me anxiety 😬. I pictured my own version of the awkward bio class.
@chris seiter I really need advice my ex is dating a foreign exchange student that will go back to her country in about 3 months or so and my ex and I have been dating for 2 years and it's been 2 months since the breakup I ended up confessing to him how I felt and I already did NC but once I found out he was dating someone else I let my emotions get the best of me and I told him how I felt and he told me to move on. What should I do? Should I move on?
Work on yourself and become Ungettable, follow the being there method
I'm just meh toward my whole situation , we still talk and call my feelings have completely disappeared for her , I'm just focusing on myself and I feel like she's looking for some type of closer and she was the dumper
Going back into no contact. After 2 weeks of talking again and the mistake of hooking up, no more conversation is needed. I’m over him and we are barely to not friends b/c I’m pretty sure he just wants fwb. I’m not ok with that so I’m out! People-don’t be me! Do not converse with your ex!!!
Jessica you'd be surprised how many people have the sexident! I even a video about this situation look it up!
Chris Seiter lol nice. I will find the video for sure! So far so good, I do not want him in my life anymore and he doesn’t deserve me. He no longer gets to use me as his black girl fantasy. (Slow learned on that). Hmm, I wonder if I can find coaches who actually talk about interracial dating...gonna check for that as well! Thanks for the reply Chris!
What if your ex refuses a phone call after texting for 3-4 weeks almost every day?
Hi, can I use caring messages to re attract my ex ? done already 30 days NC. reaching out then she
reply with me “she said will talk soon”
❤️❤️❤️thank you
You're welcome
Hi, now im doing the No contact rules and no have plan to talk to him anymore... but i want him to regret to cheat me so what kind of revenge i will implement??? Kindly answer it thank u
The best revenge is learning your worth, being happy and becoming Ungettable
how 2 talk my ex b4 leaving each other
My ex hooked up with someone new (youth friend) after 3 days dumping me. He get hooked on toxic relationships n hunt for love.. He couldn't appreciate me!
I heard tht his new girl yelled at him after both went out n he got drunk.. She yelled :'yeah piss off u wank'
But later he told me they both do each other well.. N he donno if it's love... Talking to him for 2 hours on the phone he told me he couldn't be able to have such grown conversation with his ex.. I am a very beautiful women with a very beautiful heart but not the one he could love.. (he had crush on me)
But than after the call I felt more bad bcauze he said things like :'uve got problems, live your life, show yourself bla bla bla..
But he is the one with mature issues like unsolved drama..
I am very angry n would love to let him know my thoughts
I am sure one day we meet again as I Still have his stuff here.. But how should I handle my anger, thoughts, questions as he put me down while talking on phone? He pushed his ego while I questioned... N gets hooked on women who don't do him well..
How to handle this while meeting him again?
I told him how happy I am ..and then he stop texting me..
Over a year ago he messaged me that he did not want anymore contact. Been trying to reach out a few times but no luck. I still miss him and it hurts. How do I get in contact with him when he is so adamant of not responding. Does it mean he doesn't care about me anymore. Did I mean anything to him?
Hey there, you need to start working on becoming Ungettable and doing this while posting to social media is going to help you get noticed by your ex and make him want to reach out to you
I really need your help I broke up with my gf 2 months ago I realised i did wrong we love each other i text her she said there’s no chance and stuff I’m begging her for last two months now she’s saying i need time i need space for at least 4 months what should i do?
Hey Salman, give her some time! You ended the relationship she is emotional and hurt. It takes more than a few days to get over being broken up with.
My boyfriend ended things last month and now when he’s messaging he always saying we are friends, he said it so much I was sick of it I snapped at him that I get it.
I am in a state of confusion
After my ex broke up with me he called the next day and asked if I was good then 3days later he calls again I didn't pick but called him later and he said he didn't remember calling then a week ago he calls again and I missed his called and didn't return it
I don't know if he misses me or even feels my absence it's been 2weeks since our breakup
If you want your ex back you need to follow the No Contact rule properly that means no returning phone calls or answering calls
How can i talk to her she doesn't talk to me we have no closure
Sooo..... what if i went from step 1 to 3😅
Well i broke up with my ex but he was dating me and had a crush on one of my friends and i think i miss understood it bc he actually clames he didnt and now he wont talk to me and i want to talk to him to see if hes alright bc he says that he still has a crush on me but ive already moved on and found another guy and i dont wanna break his heart bc i know he loves me.
This really work out for me
I got my ex back
Cant meet. Hes currently in australia , while im in germany. So the only thing left would be texting
Work at building your conversation quality
Chris hello! I have bought your books and try to follow your advice! Now I start again no contact and try to do it successfully! Me and my ex were for months friends with benefit situation he wanted only sex, i wanted relationship. He manipulated me very well! I have feelings for him I love him, but he has not for me. Now I do no contact he text me in 5th day to ask me if I want to go outside in a night club with his friend. I did not respond. Now I am in 8th day and I have not received a text! Nothing! Please honestly tell me do I have any possibility to change him? I know he see other girls 😣😞😞😞
Hi Penelope yes you have a chance but you are going to have to be strong and not break no contact, or fall back into habits when you start texting. Keeping your boundaries clear and make sure you do not break them for him as he needs to know you want a relationship if he is not interested in a relationship keep in touch with him while casually dating other guys so he knows he could lose you if he does not commit to you
My ex resists me while talking to me.
What to do? How to break her resistance?
Hi Akash, what do you mean by resists... you can not force someone to speak with you. If you have not done it yet, follow the rules of No Contact, and give your ex some space before getting into a texting phase
@@chrisseitercoaching thanx chris
Problem is I don't have topic for small conversation
What are some things they like? Think of a question regarding that.
She says she doesn't want to be in relationship with me ever again.. do i still have a chance?
This more depends on why she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, were you both compatible?
@@chrisseitercoaching yeah we were just wr fought a lot during last phase
I miss him cuz i love h
But i dont wanna get back with him
Bcz he is really over protective and controlling
That's good you know what you are feeling and what is wrong in the relationship. Focus on healing from the break up
This really work out for me
I got my ex back
Bc u have a problem that why
I am in relationship for the last 7 years... He is cheating me for the last 4 months... He thinks I still don't know anything... We fought ...terrible fight... He still didn't confess that he cheated on me... I am silent about his new girl.
Chris help me... I don't know what to do
Not clear rejection... Not even acceptance
Nothing somewhere we are stuck
We are born on the same day
For the last 7 years we celebrate our birthday together.. Every thing was fine... Until when he got another girl because of money
I got my ex back
How
What helped?