Is Borderline Personality Disorder BAD?
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- Опубликовано: 11 июл 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
BPD is no joke. Everyday is a nightmare.
Good on you for trying to help yourself
Yeah try being the victim of someone with BPD!!
For everyone involved.
Katherine TerBerg the best way i can explain being with someone with BPD is that every single imaginary feeling they have in their head they will make their closest and the one person that actually loves and cares for them feel the pain! and trust me they will create the drama and they will make sure you experience it all.
1-They fear being cheated on but have absolutely no problem with cheating on you!!!!
2-they fear being lied to but have no problem lying to you!! In fact everything they say is a lie because I don’t believe they know what love is.
3-they fear being abandoned and humiliated but they have no problem with abandoning you the second a perceived better option comes along.
4-they gauge your love buy hurting you beyond breaking point and if you still hang around that reassures them that you must really love them because anybody else faced with this much pain and hurt would have left by now! So they relax for a few weeks and try to make it up to you because they feel guilty for what they did to you.
But sadly this will only last few days/weeks until some other crap pops in their mind and the episode repeats it self only each time the punishment gets worse as the need for reassurance gets greater so the push pull hell never ever ends until one day inevitably their poor partner either kills his self or finds the courage to finally leave.
5- when you finally decide to leave OMG
The suicide threats begin amongst other threats Kids/house/financial absolutely anything they can use to threaten you so you don’t leave them
IT REALLY IS HELL for someone normal who is just trying to get by in life
Xcon how dare you. You horrible awful person
So accurate, my bigger fear with my bpd is that no one will believe me.. .
They never do but when my ex sociopath told me she was diagnosed ASPD and she felt like a psychopath without emotions I didn't believe her either. Even after eight months of solid evidence she lacked anything close to a soul, could not speak a sentence without lying, had zero shame and was utterly amoral I didn't believe her! Only after three years post-breakup was I able to go back, review what was by-then four years of knowing her, undergo months of intense covery research to finally had to come to terms with the reality... she's a psychopath. She cannot bond with anyone. She is as anti-social and sadomasochistic as I could imagine. She would have no contention and few regrets about committing murder of even the most innocent human being. I suppose the most visceral of evidence would be after it died, before burying her dog of 20 years she insisted she had to 'freeze the body and bury the whole freezer' and to do so had to cut her dog up first to fit into the freezer. Who the heck cuts up their own dog for any reason!?!?! or ANY dog for that matter?!?!? All that to tell you to forget about relying on other people believing you unless they've done a ton of research into the disorder and also know you very very well.
Yeah that or my parents don't even care to look it up they just want to shove pills down my throat or I tell them this is what I need but it's too expensive and it's pretty much a no go from there. When I was in the hospital the Psychiatrist told me that I need DBT. That's amazing and all but how am I going to pay for it?
Yikes. When I'm depressed I don't like to be bothered by people and feel emotionless but I would never actually go and kill a person or beat an animal that's so horrible.
I get paranoid people are gunna blame me even when I haven't done anything
How would you give advice to so.done who cares for a person with bpd? Can you stay friends with them or do they have you for making themleave?
Thank you!
My girlfriend is diagnosed with BPD, and to me it was quite hard to deal with that in the beginning as a partner. And that is exactly because of the stuff that you said, that people think BPD means being a bad person, and almost everything I looked up online made me feel even more scared.
I was scared she was going to leave me, I was scared she was lying to me and I couldn't trust her and she would be manipulating me. I was scared we would never be able to have a healthy relationship. Because that is what all the websites I found told me.
But we've been together for nearly 3 years now, and that isn't an eternity, but it it quite a long relationship at age 20, I think. And we've come to learn how to deal with each other and our emotions.
My girlfriend is one of the sweetest people I know. She never treats me with anything but respect and care. The times she tries to push me away have become so less that they are actually not even there anymore - I can't remember the last time she tried to put distance between us. I as well have learnt how to talk to her when she is in a bad place, and to leave her the room she needs to herself, and what to say to make her feel respected and loved.
I've recently realized that I'm so so lucky, because I never have a doubt in myself that my girlfriend doesn't love me, and she makes it blatantly obvious that the number one thing she cares about is my happiness.
There is still a lot of stuff that is hard on our relationship, for example not being able to spend a lot of time on each other when she is really depressed, but BPD is not a thing that is a real problem for our life as a couple, in my opinion.
I hope this is helpful to some of you guys, who may be insecure about that relationship stuff as well. No, you won't have to mistreat your partner if you have BPD, and your partner won't have to feel like shit and suffer under your presence. Your partner can feel extremely loved and supported by you.
(I hope this is okay.)
Thank you so much for sharing. I feel really stigmatized and fear I'll never be able to have a good relationship because of my issues. I feel a lot of it is perpetuated. So it's really nice and validating to see that someone says they have a good relationship with a BPD person.
Danielle Balouise I am so glad I could help you a bit by sharing my story. It really is very much possible.
***** I know, I wish someone would have told me those things as well.
There are probably not a lot of German people on here, but IF someone as and is interested, me and my girlfriend are both blogging about our perspective of things. Me mostly the relationship aspect, she about BPD and all her therapy stuff. If anyone is interested, feel free to check it out: karosdiaries.blogspot.de and daslichtdortvorne.blogspot.de
I have BPD and I try to break up with my boyfriend all of the time.
Mariah Conklin same here.
I used to call my BPD Bad Person Disorder instead of Borderline Personality because that's genuinely how it made me feel about myself
you're the only person on the internet that seems to be supportive and understanding of people with BPD. I feel as every person who has a video about BPD are ranting about a previous significant other and it's just pure hate coming from their mouths. Thank you for being one of the few who make myself and other people who have BPD feel better and feel less like a psychotic crazy monster. yourre the best :)
Kernberg, Linehan... There is a lot of people that understand..
99% of people who talk about BPD have far too much respect for the feelings of people with BPD, they try and fight the stigma you all have earned. Kindly shut the fuck up, you've got everyone and their mom on your side, while the victims of people with bpd struggle to find a single person who will stand by them
Exactly, everyone making videos usually projects a bias, because some people don’t know they even have BPD, let alone how to help themselves. Instead of figuring out what’s wrong or how to help, they leave with a sense of hate for them.
No doubt. She isn't the only one but yeah there is a lot of fear mongering. I think it's quite entertaining at this point.
Stick with watching videos from actual healthcare professionals.
Hurt people hurt. I've had DBT, quit self medicating with alcohol and realise I am not a bad person.
People are defined by their actions. Be proud for going through therapy, good luck with your endeavors
I doubt the people around you would agree. You are probably a complete and total garbage person and that is why you feel like it all the time. When person after person after person says that you are “bad” and a “waste” don’t you ever believe them?
@@mog882 Lmao jump to conclusions much?
Well done! You will give hope to others that you don't have to live like that.
NPC #7125366 evil comment
I think the thing with BPD is that it's so hard to accept who you are, especially if you've experienced repeated trauma. Recovery is hard at first, but once you get past the anger and sadness from losing who you were before the trauma, you leave room for yourself to develop into the person you should've been all along. I have a PTSD diagnosis from child sexual abuse and could identify with much of the bpd symptomology. I hope no one ever feels that they are damaged or bad because of the things that were done to them or experiences that were out of their control. We're all worthy- take it easy on yourselves 😘
Thankyou
What this video make me think:
Are people with BPD bad?
Short answer: No
Long answer: Fuck no
Me too!
It's curious how I've had a big burn of me foot when I was 3 years old and from then on I remember clearly the punishments and absence of my parent when I was really sad or frustrated.
The lack of attachment with my caregivers since forever ...Hmm, I learn so much here.
That's_correct maybe they're narcisissts
maybe i am a bad person tho???? maybe not because of my personality disorder, but me as a person. and my bpd just makes me more of a bad person ergodgiojfidjegiojfgee
I just recently found out that I was diagnosed with 'emotionally unstable personality tendencies' (european system, don't know the DSM code for it), so basically a (milder?) form of BPD. Thank you for this!! I am so scared of my emotions, sometimes I dissociate to not feel them, because I feel like they are not justified or they overwhelm me.
But it's true!! I've had absent caregivers when I was younger, unstable relationships with them... it just all makes sense now. I see how it's these experiences that influence me rather than myself being a bad or worthless person.
Thank you SO MUCH for this video!
I was wondering if you don't feel validated or cared for on Facebook also or do you have a lot of support? Do people comment on your posts and message you every once in a while? I never get messages and when I am angry and post something on Facebook no one comments. If I post something funny sometimes people will comment or like a status but rarely. If I post a pic of me and my boyfriend everyone ends up liking.
Low spectrum BPD. It's a spectrum disorder all over the world so if you have tendencies you are on the low end of the spectrum.
I was recently diagnosed with BPD (combined with major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, PTSD, and substance abuse). I have to say, after many years of wondering what the hell is wrong with me, hearing that I am living with BPD was both frightening and refreshing.
Frightening, because I wondered if I would ever get better. Refreshing, because now I have a name for my behaviors. It has a face to me now, and conquering an opponent is much easier when they are visible to you.
I come from a very dark, lengthy, past of childhood traumas. From sexual to emotional to verbal to mental abuse. I have never used any of my traumas as an excuse. I’m well aware of how they have inadvertently molded me as a person, and I am well aware of how those around me suffer because of it.
About six months ago, I tried to commit suicide. It was like the demons had finally won and I just wasn’t strong enough to battle it out with them anymore. I wanted to lay down my sword and rid myself of this idea that I was not deserving of anything. By some grace of god or whoever, I stopped myself and I called out for help. And that was exactly what I got- help.
I don’t doubt that there are folks dealing with BPD that find no fault in their actions because for a long time, I was one of them. Even when I knew what I was doing was harmful, I did it anyway. I take no pride in that and I offer no excuse or validation to my actions. Some of the things I did were just flat out wrong. Hurting my loved ones because of this overwhelming sense to protect myself at all costs is not something I agree with anymore. I can’t stand behind that theory.
For a long time, I was a terrible person in times of high emotion and stress to my loved ones. My blow ups or my emotional instability were not apparent on a daily basis but when they showed up, they showed up to fuck shit up. I did and said awful and mean things. I overreacted in an unprovoked, completely disproportionate manner to things, severing relationships that I honestly did value, and I couldn’t understand why I could do such things. I would do or say such mean things and moments later, I would be in utter disbelief of how I could even think to do or say them. But once you put negativity out into the universe, it stays there. There is no taking back mean words, there are no do-overs. Things are just what I had made them.
I acknowledge that, and after trying to take my own life, I came to the realization that there is seriously something wrong with me and I would never figure out what or learn about how to better myself as a person unless I lay down my armor, my mean and sharp armor, and ask for help.
It is hurtful to read comments from the loved ones of those with BPD but I also understand because my husband is living with BPD as well, personally and romantically. (Try that out, having BPD and being married to someone with the same condition!) Whether you’re “normal” or dealing with it yourself, dealing with a person with BPD is EXHAUSTING! It will take a mental toll on you, it will beat you down to levels you never knew existed. Don’t fault those who have been victimized by someone with BPD for feeling and thinking the way they do. They have been traumatized. Traumas are how BPD is formed!
The best and most beneficial part of my recovery has been realizing, acknowledging, and accepting that my actions against my loved ones have been both unfair and damaging in their own respects. How am I ever supposed to get better as a person unless I admit who I am, why I am this way, and how I can be as a whole?
In the same regard, I do not agree that BPD is incurable- to a degree. I believe that I will more than likely struggle in some way with the symptoms of my condition but that certainly doesn’t mean that I can’t learn or gain the tools required to better handle those symptoms. I most certainly can, and I have been. I don’t think I am a bad person down to my core but I also don’t think that I’m not capable of doing or saying some fucked up shit because I know I am. However, that isn’t who or how I want to be. I don’t want to be a person that uses my condition as a platform for sympathy, while I hold little to no regard over its affects on my loved ones. And I simply just don’t want to be a shitty person to people because I have a hard time controlling my thoughts and emotions.
That is the fine line we are all missing here. There are those with BPD that simply just don’t care about the damage they cause (and I believe those folks are also dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder to some extent), and there are those that do but lack the skills to make any changes. In lacking those skills, victimized loves ones can be led to believe that those with BPD can’t, won’t, and don’t want to change. That we are just bad.
It’s a classic case of learned behavior. It is learned that someone with BPD has played their role as an abuser of sorts, and therefore, all those with BPD must be abusers as well. Trauma, in its truest form.
So I will say it again, it is hurtful to read comments from people who have been victimized by someone with BPD but they are also entitled to those emotions and opinions, just as I am entitled to feel and think the way I do because of my traumas. It is what it is. Own your faults and wrongdoings and then do better! Plain and simple.
I have friends with bpd and I would not trade them for anything
You're the sweetest
❤ 😢😢😢😢 Thank you
Just wait.
You just saved my day and 1) you don't even know me and don't count me in and 2) your comment is 2 years old. Thank you for saying that. 😢💜
I have only had to cut off one friend with BPD and it wasn’t because of BPD. Unlike my friends with BPD who manage their actions and do their best to be a good person this one friend was straight up toxic and was having people beat up like ex boyfriends. She allowed her kids to be physically abused and recently with me she pooped outside our apartment door on 3 occasions because I told her that I cannot have people inside due to my autoimmune disease and CoVid. She knows I have to keep people out during flu season. I’ve told her time and time again that my love for her doesn’t go away just because I can’t have her inside my home. In fact when CoVid first started I let her move in for free and after 3 months she insisted on being in close contact with people out in public and would call me paranoid. I told her that she can continue living here for free if she doesn’t come in close contact with others and she cried wolf by saying she would rather be homeless than live with me. I told her that she’s free to leave whenever she wants so she left.
I’m not in a healthy place emotionally and haven’t been for years and I’m trying hard to make it to appointments and get better but she doesn’t like that and told me that I’m turning into a bitch because I won’t let her inside. I should mention that I’ve taken her to eat at outdoor restaurants and have suited up to take her shopping but it’s never enough unless I’m willing to put myself in harms way to give her what she wants. Just today she asked if she could come shower through a text. I responded and said no. She turned her phone off and came over to ask my husband. He said no. She told him , “That’s complete Bull S***, F*** you!!!” Then she sends a text saying that she’s suicidal and a shower will make her not kill her self. I called the police to do a wellness check.
For those of you with BPD, what is your opinion of my responses to her? I keep telling myself that it’s okay to have boundaries and it’s okay to say no. I think the woman is counting on me feeling guilty and letting her inside despite the risk. Even a common cold can land me in the hospital and cause my body to attack itself.
This made me smile :) just accidentally watched a video hating on BPD individuals and it made me sad. I try so hard to please people, do good things, do the right things, so when hearing that some people think that BPD sufferers do this to themselves and so they're bad people makes me feel bad, but watching your video makes me feel better so thank you 😊💙
I have BPD and what hurts me is the loneliness this illness causes, I have become cold and bitter over the years because of the way people have treated me.
Watching this, sobbing. I can’t stand myself when I get so defensive and toxic. It truly is so overwhelming and lonely.
Antonio & Georgia don’t ever stop growing!!! Cheers
Then, don't. Grow up and behave like an adult.
@@normanprotorczyn5017 And be like Norm Protorczyn? No thanks.
@@Jantonov1 yeah, being an adult is hard. Too bad.
@@normanprotorczyn5017 The poor guy was crying and you belittle him? Hate to tell you, Norm. Real grownups don't do that.
Any mental health condition doesn’t make you a bad person, your choices, attitude and behaviour towards others is what characterises you. Thank you for the kind words, as a BPD & PTSD sufferer I have felt we end up getting stigmatised because of our illness, not for the person we are ❤️
Anna Denton it’s not really a “mental health condition“ it’s a personality defect that’s why it’s called a “personality disorder”, it’s politically correct for “you are a real piece of shit“. Every single borderline in the world consistently has the words “bad“,, “evil”, “mean” etc. used To describe them by everyone they meet. Maybe there is a pattern here… No? Sometimes a person really is just garbage.
Anna Denton You also get “stigmatized” because you act like a piece of shit and do horrible things. You make people feel really bad around you you’ve done this your whole life. Even those that “love you” will do anything to get you the hell away from them.
Thank you I really needed this. No one understands what it's like, people always say I'm oversensitive but I just can't set my emotions aside when I'm "triggered."
and that's the big problem.
Since no one can find a solution to the BPD's 'I just cannot control my emotions so I need to do stupid things and it's too bad if people got hurt' patterns, then what do you expect us to do? Sacrifice our lives for the BPD?
And then the BPDs get angry at us for hating on them.
We do have a legit reason for doing so. Cos dealing with drama day in and day out is tormenting. And the only problem is learning to control your emotions and not lose shit over insignificant stuff.
Sorry, but that's the truth of how normal people feel.
Coming from someone who had to deal with drama for almost 2 years. Terrifying to the max.
@@lawrence9456 have you seeked out counseling for the trauma you experienced Lawrence?
@@vettathegreat5787 I do not need counselling for this. I have no trauma. What I need is not counseling, but an absence of toxic people (people like BPDs and drama lovers) in my life. Nothing wrong with warning people about the toxic people these BPDs are.
And please do not make a habit of blaming the victim. Victims do not need counseling, the toxic people who are causing all the mischief need to be counseled to behave normally, like a normal person would behave.
I'm just here to debunk all the myths and misconceptions.
We => the normal ones, do not need counselling. The BPDs causing all the drama need to be counseled. Get it right.
@@lawrence9456 you need something all this anger you're spewing. Warning someone about us is one thing. But it needs to be done in a better way. I don't blame victims as I've once been one myself. However when you continue to do this ( hanging out on a BPD forum) after a while. You just look pitiful and sad. Are you still surrounded by toxicity? If not why are you still here? Just diagnosed here. Go see my therapist once a week along with daily exercises to help cope. I hate someone did that to you. We don't hurt on purpose. It won't do any good but I pray you find peace and forgive whoever that person was. Guaranteed they are loathing themselves so no need for the hate. We do that to ourselves enough as is. Take care sincerely.
@@lawrence9456 normal isn't stalking a mental health page and you haven't been with said person in years. Borderlines usually attract individuals for a certain reason. Find out what about you stood out 🙊
You are awesome Katie. my sister has this and has suffered deep trauma throughout her life. She can be very challenging at times with her fibbing, manipulating, and extreme emotions, but I love her, support her, and understand. She is not bad, just hurting, and has a lot to deal with. Thanks for making this video. You rock. 💛
Aw your a good sister to be so understanding,
You are doing such great things. I was diagnosed last month, and your videos have been a tremendous instrument in my Healing. Your channel deserves every subscriber! Keep up the excellent work. :)
I always thought I was a bad person for having BPD. I have a hard time explaining it to my loved ones
Alright, Kati! I so appreciate this video. I work with so many clients with this diagnosis, and you’re right, it’s this name calling and lack of self compassion which is prevalent and causes more suffering. It’s such an incredibly painful set of symptoms to endure, and kindness to oneself despite everything one is bombarded with, is so difficult, but so essential. Thanks again!
Your hair looks really nice kati. Have you had it cut? It really suites you!
Thank you so much for this and I'm so happy I found your channel! I'm a married mother with BPD and I know I'm an amazing mother and wife, and I go to a lot of therapy in fact we do together as well, It's really enlightening to see a very straight to the point video about what the illness is like, some major causes for it, and that in no way does it make you a bad person, it amazes me how much negativity there is online, and the worst part is none of us asked for the hand we were offered, it's great for you to help put a face on the illness, it's like we are ethereal to people. Thank you again I'm definitely watching more of your videos. (:
I dearly heartfully Thank You ! This video is so loving kind and loving ! It lifted the fear of a dark never ending hopelessness and
condemnation! You held out so much hope for a brighter less painful ,lonely life ! It meant the world to me !!! 💛
oh my god, this is such an important video. When I suspected I had BPD (was diagnosed later) all I saw was every article, website and book saying how crazy people with BPD are and how nobody should ever be close to them, and dating isn't even an option so I pushed my friends away, and threw away my idea of ever having a relationship of any kind so I wouldn't hurt them.
You are amazing! It literally took me every single day for two years of having to stop my self when ever i would become negative and angry and say "No! im not thinking like this anymore, I dont want to be like this, I want positivity in my life" and it has worked tremendously although I do still have my moments. Im at a point in my life where I feel I can handle a relationship as well, unlike when I was younger which is great, but I am still kind of nervous of pushing a lover away but im going for it im not letting that stop me!
Thank you for this. Love your haircut
Often times I feel like a bad person, people are so quick to pass judgment.
Takes time to Heal💕
Thank you Kati Thank You, you are truly the kind voice and understanding heart. I once had a therapist like you but she left my home state to do great things and I'm so happy for her and the work she doing but deep down it added to fear of abandonment. So THANK YOU again for being you and being here.
Knowing someone with this when you don’t have it is exhausting because they put a negetive spin on absolutely everything you say and can’t have a normal fight about something small and stupid without turning it into a HUGE emotional end of the world thing. When you tell them what bothers you, they ignore you and don’t really listen. That’s just my experience though.
I was raised in 4 different trailer parks by a stripper who was married to a boss in the Sons of Silence, they pawned me off on my aunts my grandparents and boys homes every chance they had.When I was home I was smacked around imprisoned in tiny bedrooms for weeks at at time. I have bpd and all ever hear is how I'm the scum of the earth, a bad person, but I love, I love hard and I'm a great father not so much the best boyfriend I have anger issues but I'm loyal faithful and honest. But I don't trust I feel overlooked undervalued never heard. I'm in therapy and hoping. For all you who suffer too I know what it's like being filled with hate pain frustration. Just breathe. And don't be too proud to say sorry or look for help, we have the best recovery rates so there is hope.
Psilocybin saves us from Anger
So very not easy but yes we really give a damn cool man
Don’t ever stop growing!!!
@@actanonverba91 what is that ? Bpd is lifelong Disability illness an there's ssdi for assistance
Wtf you in a Scorsese movie or something?
Thank you Kati, you make me feel more human, and it's ok to be a sensitive person xx
Wow I have never heard the explanation, I really understood myself for the first time.
I just love how you say "we" and "us"
I wish there was a greater understanding for those of us with BPD. We're not bad people. We may make some bad decisions but the intention is never to hurt anyone else. I feel inclined to show this video to my family so they understand.
Sierra B I feel the same way too.
I really needed this. I'm even more motivated to continue with the DBT group im at
Kazooga 1234 I dont completely understand what you're saying (english is not my first language). Sorry, could you explain it?
Kazooga 1234 Oh, right! Thank you so much
as someone with bpd, I really appreciate you clearing this up💓
I have watched this video many times... Thank you so very much. You really helped me explain this to my family and friends. The way you put it makes it seem much less scary for myself and others close to me.
you are absolutely amazing! thank you thank you thank you. it's so hard to find a good source for help...and you really care. love you sister 💗 love and light
Hey Katie I have been diagnosed with bpd just over 2 years ago and I find your videos really helpful, Thankyou for understanding us who struggle with BPD 💖💖
Thank you so much! I love to hear this. There is so much more than only the difficult things. Yes, sometimes it can be really hard, but people without bpd are going trough the same sometimes. People with Bpd have to climb a higher mountain, but they will get there! :)
I love your videos Kati! Thank you for the positive message out there. 😊🌟🎇
I love watching your videos, i feel more educated about mental health issues. Thank you for making these videos and making everyone feel like they are not alone.
I needed this video today, so thank you. It will be helpful for group tomorrow too.
Absolutely nailed the etiology! Enjoyed this video immensely, you're clearly an excellent psychotherapist :)
Diagnosed BPD here and new subscriber!! So happy I found your channel!
Thnx and respect for addressing this. You're the first mental health professional I've heard talking about BPD patients like they are normal people, instead of like they're emotional parasites that should be handled with caution and distance...
Received this diagnosis myself as a teen and got rid of the label over a decade ago, but the way nurses and therapists would treat me back then still plays on self image and uncertain feelings, every now and then. It was really nasty. I've experienced the diagnosis doing more harm than good, really hope things are improving now..
Why do you make me cry , I didn't ask to love myself this morning Missy lol thank you and love your channel
Thank you so much for your work and your videos, you really help cause we feel like you are really reaching out to us. You're a beautiful person ***
Thank you Kati, your videos are not only helpful but comprehensive and encourages me to look for more resources than just 1-hr therapy/week, gracias desde Mexico
Kati I just starting watching ur videos. I'm a did patient. Aka all the above. U are amazing, touched on everyone runs from us. And I never got y I was told imma bad person. U touched on something my hole life I have struggled with. Please don't stop the videos.
I saw my best friend die in front of me when I was 12. I just went to school the next day like nothing happened and nobody talked to me. I'm 17 now. I hate myself so much; I'm so close to just ending it all as punishment.
Love you 💙
Thank you so much for this video. I wish people could separate their personal beef from mental health discussions.
Thank you so much for all your videos on bpd. It's so difficult but hearing you really helps 😌
I SO needed to hear that!!! THANK YOU 🥺💜
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS VIDEO AND REMAINING SO TACTFUL!!!
Kati you explain this so well. BPD is exactly that. As someone with BPD, every time I have trusted someone or got close to someone, I begin to doubt my worth, I lose compassion for myself, I become immensely jealous...because deep down, every time so far I have been close to someone, I have begun to relax and show my true self (vulnerable, scared, needy, childlike sometimes etc.) it is seen as manipulative and controlling and then I am pushed away, just as I feared. My view of my BPD is exactly like a child. I see myself as two right now, while in recovery. My first self is my adult self. Then there is my child self inside me. This child self has intense needs that desperately need to be met, that were never met in childhood and so still need to be met but also I have severe wounds that need to heal. People would not be so quick to dismiss an abused child or wounded child, so why is it so different as an adult? These needs that were never met, such as- comfort, reassurance, validation, soothing, kind and gentle words etc. still need to be met. People expect every single adult they meet to just know how to cope and manage everyday life, emotions, stresses, triggers etc. however, our biggest and most important people to teach us, knowingly or not, are our parents and/or primary carers. If a child is not taught how to regulate or manage stressful emotions or situations, then how is an adult going to do it unless its been taught before hand? or unless it has been taught by someone if not themselves. However, being self-taught takes longer and sometimes (personally speaking as I have had to do this) extremely lonely. Teach a child how to manage anger- the child will no longer be afraid to express it or verbalize it, however, the child will then develop healthy behaviours (that have been taught by parents/carers) and how to manage it effectively.
This may sound silly, I hope though, that it makes sense and that it is seen as it is- my own personal experience of living and trying to manage BPD and CPTSD. I also wholeheartedly wish they would make CPTSD an actual diagnosis as it does differ from PTSD. Thankyou Kati, for all your videos, for your invaluable tips and coping strategies and how you always address us as 'we', regardless of the mental health condition you are talking about- you talk as though your right there beside us. I love that
You nailed it
you've helped me knowing my personality disorder so well since high school ❤
I love you so much Kati. THANK YOU for having so much compassion for us borderlines and helping to educate people about this difficult condition.
Kati thank you SO much for making this video. The negativity around BPD on the internet is so bad I almost requested you made a video addressing it! If you ever get around to it please make more videos on BPD, there is so little accurate information out there. Thank you SO much for this video! It made my day. Love your hair btw! :)
Kati, you're so great!! Thanks:)
Having BPD has been so hard for me, but your videos have helped me understand myself more. Thank you for making these videos and helping people with mental illness, you're a savior.
Thank you so much for this video. I struggle with mental health myself and have a close friend with BPD. I sometimes struggle maintaining my relationship with this friend and wonder what things are like from their perspective. This really opened my eyes. So thank you.
They are good people who have been through a lot ❤️
I'd like to add: there are no 'bad' people. There are no 'good' people. There are just people. All people have some 'bad', some 'good' and neutral in them.
Comrade Kitty by your logic, even including Adolf Hitler
There are some people that are pure evil but 95% of people are not "good or bad" there just grey.
Thank you! Truly teary-eyed. Recently I’ve realized my decade long depression has been so difficult to address bc I have BPD symptomology if not full-blown BPD (awaiting clinician confirmation). All of this resonates. And DBT did help years ago when I was at hospital but didn’t realize regular therapists would offer DBT outside of group programs.
Kati, you're just admirable! Thank you for all the heartfelt work you do!!! I can only imagine how helpful your videos, your empathy and understanding are for people watching them! They sure are for me! 😊 So glad to have stumbled upon your channel! (And I gladly share it too! 😉) Wishing you all the best!
Thank you so much for saying that. ❤️
Thank you, Kati ❤✨😍 You're an angel!
@Out of the box. Turned out I have CPTSD and Asperger's 😂 Still think she's an angel though!
@Out of the box. Thank you! Oh, no, I was just trying to find out what was going on with me. I am afraid they can be...one of my friends I think has it but mild and another person I met told me she had it, and yes, she was pure evil. Were you in a relationship with someone with bpd?
Thank you! Yes, PTSD from childhood can create cluster B personality types. EMDR therapy helps ease most of these. The retraining of one's brain with this therapy makes a huge difference. Years of emotional trauma have been eased for me. Dealing with negative self-talk helps a lot, too. Keep up the good work, Kati!
I really appreciate seeing more BPD shown in a bit of a more positive and informative light. I'm in the process of trying to learn as much as I can about my disorder and just started DBT to help work through it. I got the DBT workbook about a week after being diagnosed with BPD and I'm trying to do a little bit of work every day to better myself and learn how to manage things differently.
I am starting DBT group this Thursday
Jennifer Berry don’t ever stop growing! Everyone has setbacks... never give up.
How are you doing Jennifer? Are you alright?
Hari Sankar yes I am doing well thank you
@@jenniferberry120785 could you please share your experience in therapy and how much it helped you get over bpd. I'm recently diagnosed and have no hope now
I had a good family life .but I was bullied and was in a mentally abusive relationship for 5 yrs I wonder if this contributed to my bpd
100%
Love your kindness and respect you show for us, You have a deep understanding for us we suffer with BPD, thank you.
My sister-in-Law said I’m not a bad person because I’m trying to be better for those around me. It’s changed my self-talk completely, when I think I’m bad I remember I’m trying to be good and that means I am good. Thank you for this video, it helps so much.
People make me feel evil, but I don’t want to hurt anyone
Pain has the potential for growth and evolving the human soul.
You're looking better than months before where you looked exhausted and kinda stressed out a bit.I'm glad things are working out for you.You're such a good lady.Thank you thank you thank you Kati Morton!!
Thank you so much for this video. I didn’t know what to expect when I clicked on it since a lot of what I see is that we’re evil abusive people. I was pleasantly surprised and teared up pretty quickly. I’ve had that dbt workbook for awhile now but I’m really struggling with executive dysfunction and I’m feeling so raw right now that I’m scared Of doing that work.
I looked into bpd because my nasty ex prescriber threw it around at me whenever she was irritable with me. The amount of information out there about bpd sufferers being bad is ridiculous! A ton of it is super sexist, too. "The bpd woman is dangerous." I don't think I have this diagnosis but if I did I would probably be devestated due to the stigma.
Thanks Coldvolcanicash. My brother throws the ADHD thing around to which made me realize that I shouldn't throw the BPD thing around to so I stopped. I've had no BPD tell me to stop over reacting even family members tell me to stop over reacting. Read some awful BPD articles and saw so many negative posts one girl said that BPD act like the victims all of the time to get sympathy. I may act like a victim but I really do not get any sympathy like most people on their Facebook page do. This is a good thing because it helps me grow but bad thing because I trust people less. I've been depressed for quite a while now and have suicide on my mind daily. Please don't give me sympathy I don't want or need it it's just the way I feel partly because of this fast past world. I live in CA and I hate it. If I lived somewhere in the country away from people my life would be so much better.
coldvolcanicash
coldvolcanicash
Did you study CPTSD and Stockholm Syndrome and Emotional Abuse out of fairness to the other side
IF you did and have warm Empathy you would understand the caveats
Mudskipper ☯️
@Scott M Oh my god, shut up. BPD is BPD, regardless of gender - the women are not more dangerous than the men. That IS a sexist comment. And people with BPD - regardless of sex - also can, and do, get better. So just shut up.
Scott M this is why a lot of us dont date people scott. we dont like to hurt people, but we cant control it so we change the things we can control like who we interact with and usually end up pushing people away to not hurt them
I've been told that it's a possibility that I have BPD. It broke my heart. I felt like I was some kind of monster that would only hurt the people I love the most.
Great video!!! I was diagnosed with bpd in April last year, when I was researching it online there were forums where people posted things like "get out while you can". Took me a long while to accept having bpd and to not be ashamed of it. Thank you so much for this video Kati!!!
#KatiFAQ is it bad to eat what you pick from your skin? How can I stop, finding it difficult? x
I love how you explain BPD. Thought process replacement is very hard but I know I need to stop and really think is this really happening and controlling that push and pull that come along with it . Sometime I can seem difficult but really trying to cope. Thanks for the reminder I needed it today .
Thank you so so so much. So many hateful terrible videos that you get sucked into and start to believe it. I needed this. I was just diagnosed with bpd and ptsd a week ago, and I wasn’t expecting to see such mean videos. ❤️ I love your videos. Thank you 🙏
Of course people with BPD are not BAD, but to deny that the disorder does not effect those around them in a negative way is simply negligent to partners and loved ones with BPD. There should be more support for the loved ones of those with BPD. With a personality disorder nobody wins. Everyone involved will need support.
But alot of people make it seem like you are a bad person and that your illnesses effects them more than it does to you and that's not right.
i do know what it feels like to be on the receiving and giving side
it's not just females who get bpd... males get it too.
Also, by staying away from people who you want to get involved with is basically like depriving yourself of affection... that's not going to make anyone feel good- especially over something that already is messing with your life...
Things like a mental illness, should not be a reason to not seek romance or friendship... suggesting this is more damaging than what someone with BPD could ever do to you. This is very much a poisonous mindset and if you give a shit about the people you care about, it needs to be shifted and set to a more realistic humanistic approach... like the fact all humans need certain things in their lives to feel well... ALSO this suggests that people with BPD are going to be permenantly like this and never be able to be well... Well yeah- if they took your advice- then they're never going to get better... they're going to be thinking they're not deserving of something most people are "allowed to have" without BPD...
ARGH people can be so negative to everyone around them but they never look at what they're saying and doing and never see the positives of the individual....
And trust me... Bpd may effect those around them... but it effects them the most... imagine all the people closest to you being pushed away from you... imagine all those intense emotions constantly shifting about. Imagine those negative thoughts constantly in your head. Imagine going on google to find help for your illness, only to come across these websites saying that people should avoid people like you because hell, stuff you can't help is obviously your fault...
Think about what I'm saying... I ain't trying say "you're horrible human blah blah blah" but at least read back what you wrote and how unfair it sounds.
yesss catherine yessss thankyou
Its gross to talk about someone suffering a mental illness as some kind of BURDEN.
I don’t know about bad but after being in a long term relationship with a high functioning BPD I can testify that they can be extremely mean and hurtful.
Thank you for this video! The stigma is so terrible and makes recovery so much harder! Live in Love!
Arguing back against the negative self talk was a good start but it was only part of the equation. I found that as the negative self talk began to fade my symptoms became more externalized with more paranoid content as opposed to previously where it was primarily self-loathing. As a result I had to shift my focus onto breaking patterns in my relationships and utilizing open and honest communication to navigate my emotions, especially during triggers. I've also had to make sure the people I associate with are people I can actually trust and aren't going to constantly re-trigger or re-traumatize me with every interaction. I've had to cut a few people loose for this reason, but my mental health is too important for me to take the risk.
Thank you for this video. I saw my diagnosis of BPD as people defining me as a psychopath, as something inherently wrong with my personality, the very nature of who I am. I will share this video to raise awareness. Thank you for assuring me I'm not "bad".
Thank you for the advice. I had recovered a little bit, but then BAM a trigger and stressful situation, and I'm overwhelmed and I start talking about myself in such a negative way... Thank you for reminding me to talk back and stay objective about who I truly am. 💛
I was with the most incredible woman for three years, went to a therapist 150 times during this relationship trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t please this person and she kept breaking up with me and getting back together. There is no question now I have lost her for good, I switched counselors and finally figured out after all this time that I have BPD. I’m very angry that I didn’t know earlier, because this person meant the world to me.
You’re dope! The EXACT train of thought/reasoning I had when thinking about why people unfairly - and also quite readily - attach “manipulation” to people with BPD. Like COME ON professionals! Use some empathy and logic!
Your emotion at the beginning quickly changed my opinion, and caused myself sorrow for bieng so harsh towards people with BPD. I suspect my mother has it. And an ex I suspect has it too. Being autistic, I am not keenly adapt at dealing with other's rapid moods, and irrational fears. However, I've had quite bad maltreatment at the hands of a caregiver who may in fact have BPD. There is an article on wrongplanet. Called "Scotty Holman: All The King’s Horses: Shattered Memories Of A Borderline Mother". It spoke quite deeply to my childhood.
Joey Schüler I am a bpd who was raised by a far less self aware bpd. It's difficult for everyone.
At least autists are stable and rational. If your mother treated you poorly and refused to treat her mental health, that's a fault of her own, and I don't think any trauma that a person experiences ever justifies how they treat others. Wish you the best.
#KatiFAQ
Hi Kati, I love your videos because you talk in the directions that I want to learn about. I think of questions I want to ask you, and you answer them. But in therapy, the conversation always goes in directions that I don't really care about or need help with. How do I direct the conversation without feeling overbearing?
Hey Kati! Thanks so much for this video, and everything you do. 😊 It would be awesome if you did a video on BPD traits! I can't find much information on it. xoxox
Congratulations on your 100.000 subscriber mark and your silver play button! :) The quality of your videos is still as good as always
I honeslty, without a doubt, believe i have borderline. Ive been diagnosed with depression and adhd and i have self harm issues and ed behaviors ect. How do i bring up this "self diagnoses" to my therapist without him thinking i'm seeking attention or something idk
Nichole Alexandra tell him to look at bpd it took me years to finally get diganoised but It took me 3 session to finally come up because I studied bpd and knew what I was talking about just bring it to their attention don't be afraid too or you won't get the right diganoises from them write down your symptoms because bpd is misdiagnosed alot so just worked with them I had to bring it up to my counselor and she agree with me
You don't because until a psychiatrist diagnoses it then you simply don't have it and because all mental health symptoms are closely linked together it's hard to diagnose and self diagnosing is dangerous you are not a medical professional and just because you self harm etc does not mean you have BPD at all and any psychiatrist can tell straight away and will blame the self diagnosing for the way you are
AaronW3440 ummm how are they supposed to seek out treatment for possible bpd if theyre not allowed to suspect that they have the disorder. lmao stop gatekeeping
Thank you so much for this!!!! My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me because of my BPD and if really made me feel like a shitty person..
thank you, thank you thank you. I love how much you support borderlines. It's so nice of someone to talk positively about the diagnosis and its treatment. xo
***** I love how you discuss topics like this using 'we' it's probably just a trick of the job but it makes the world of difference because not only do you feel included but also validated that what you feel and experience isn't singular or an anomaly its genuine and shared. Thank you again xx
thank you so much for this and for fighting the stigma around it. so many people try to label those of us with BPD are bad or that they are the true victims and that we do all the things we do on purpose or out of malice which is 100% incorrect. so thank you for blowing holes in that misconception.
OMG. Thank you so much for setting things straight about BPD. I love the fact u spread the truth about it. I was abused by a psychiatrist because he hates people with BPD, probably because he was mislead about this mental illness.
He probably had been traumatized by one of us and took that hate to his practice
people are are so sympathetic when it comes to PTSD, but not BPD. They are essentially the same thing.
No they are not lol! How ignorant of you.
they are not the same thing at all. they may stem from similar things but they present themselves very differently.
no they are not
The difference is that the BPD ends up doing things to people that most people would simply describe as EVIL.
Having REASONS for doing them doesn't negate that they are EVIL.
Being a victim of someone who was abused by someone with bpd has given me a negative relation to this disorder but as I heal more and more, I am beginning to be more empathetic to that person with bpd. I am not longer in contact with that person. They arent working on their disorder. They are in complete denial over it and therefore have harmed so many people verbally and this person experiences issues with friendships. I actually feel empathy. I am working on forgiveness and empathy, its hard but the more I do, the better of a healed person I have become.
Thank you, Kati. It's hard enough with this inner critic that comes with bpd. the stigma and hate coming from others including "professionals" , makes it even more difficult to cope. We need more professionals like you.