BPD? I Don't Trust Anyone!
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2013
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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i have bpd. its not that i dont trust anyone, but very aware of myself in relation to others. when someone makes me feel bad or i notice someone doing something i dont like i bail very quick. bpd people are very scared of being hurt and or manipulated. minipulation and not feeling smart is very scary for people with bpd; at times we try and hurt first so we dont look and feel bad.
I can relate to this
THIS.
Very true, thanks.
I can relate definitely
Or pretend we're at fault so we don't feel abused
I don’t have any long term friends. People always leave and I’m really lonely. Any time I start to trust someone I get hurt.
People come and go, in and out. There is no reason to keep relationship where you don't have benefits of it.
People suck. Learn to be happy on your own.
can relate
Totally relate
Also hey Kenzie ✌️
Can people with BPD be extremely self aware and intuitive- and still feel like they know nothing about themselves or other people?
Kailah Birchler Self aware I think it depends on your personality. You might be smart enough to find out that something is wrong with you and you need to change....while some high self-esteem ppl don't know they have a problem.
Kailah Birchler self awareness for me is such an individual struggle. For me, I have had extreme periods of being an ignorant meany to myself . I tell myself not so good messages at times of stress, and extreme work anxiety with other people who demand a lot. But I did have a recent period of self awareness and I realized how much I push my partner away when I'm in the ' I don't like myself right now' . But when I turn that down and I'm able to express love and acceptance, I feel more like myself . I feel like I'm a good person and I have good thoughts during that time. I try to create longer periods where that happens and I allow space for that to happen now. I'm hopeful. Bless you and health and hope
Kailah Birchler I feel the exact same way!!!! I've even been told by mental health professionals that I'm intuitive.
Yes. I'm bpd, suuuper self aware, and suuuuuuuper intuitive. Before my diagnosis I didn't understand the feelings and would struggle more heavily with the intensity, but after my diagnosis I've been able to take the reactive moments and manage them more effectively by going "Oh, this is this aspect."
my therapist has said a bpd trait is knowing exactly what to do given an emotional situation, and being unable to apply it, causing the rage and frustration us bpd's are known for
I can't trust anyone. I have been let down and abandoned on so many levels that now I'm alone. I have moments of such utter loneliness that it actually physically hurts. The thing is it's not in my head or imagined. I really don't matter. I'm here for one person and that's my son. Before him I was depressed and suicidal. I realized no one would miss me or even know I was gone so I stayed in spite of myself. I had my son so I'd always have someone to love and love me back. Now he's a teenager and I'm having huge episodes of emotional freak outs. I know he's growing up and going to leave soon. He's all I have 😟
Shannon Booker that sounds like my mom and now I resent her so severely because she sabotaged several friendships and romantic relationships due to her need to "always have me"...just saying....
Hope you're doing well -- all parents screw up w/their kids sometimes, so don't worry about the negative comments...
It will be okay Shannon. :) The best thing you can do is really start working through your bpd. Check out Dr. Daniel Fox 's channel...he is very compassionate and gives wonderful advice. ❤
Keep in mind that intense fear of abandonment can actually sometimes lead to the development of BPD symptoms in your children, especially if they feel that "role-reversal" pressure, where instead of growing up to live a healthy life, they feel obliged to comfort and parent you, instead. If you want your child to hopefully be free of the hell that is BPD, you need to - as someone else wrote in a previous comment - divert your attention to another goal, like a hobby, group, or pet.
I wish you all the best. I know the fear of abandonment is f'ing terrifying, but a healthy adult child with healthy relationships is _so_ much more important than a stunted child that suffers from that same hell. ♥ In that regard, they DO still need you, and if that's not motivation to give it your best, then I don't know what is. ♥
Also, keep in mind that your children will likely always need you, even as an adult. So please try not to think about them growing up as them not needing you anymore. No matter how old I am, I still care about and love my family. Having friends, or getting married, didn't change that. Their ability to love someone else doesn't diminish their love for you. It just means that they're a healthy human being, and that's so much more important. ♥
Not sure if I have BPD or not but I feel that my lack of trust does not so much come from fear of abandonment but stems from my abuse as a child. After you are abused in such ways you never know who you can trust and do not want to trust anyone for fear they will hurt you
you could still have bpd, research showed childhood abuse / bad parenting is the main cause of bpd ( at least thats what I've heard )
Ty for the valuing of this comment. I am also not sppeaking of abuse by both parents. just so that others know. I had sexual abuse as well which was not by a parent
Jennifer Berry Hey I have BPD but not probably fear of abandonment. My issue is very very close to Quite BPD. Check yourself for quite BPD. When your so much suppressed in your childhood you can develop a complex problems where you can't really know how to express your feelings anymore.
From what you said, it sounds more like you might have PTSD or Complex PTSD if you had multiple traumatic events over a prolonged period of time. BPDs are known for acting out from fear of abandonment. I have Complex PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. On paper, my symptoms are almost exact to BPD. I am not motivated by fear of abandonment and I do NOT split... which are pretty specific to BPD.
I was treated like that but I survived and wrote a book about it and it is called in comfort of Mary by Bethany Ford its on amazon and its on RUclips and you can read chapter one on RUclips now. Tell me what you think x
I love your videos about BPD. Can you PLEASE do a video about the CAUSES of BPD. Let's start THAT conversation. I am 6 years into my recovery and am making it my life's mission to help people understand that we were not born with this. We have usually been through abuse/neglect/trauma as you will know, BUT most people are clueless to these facts.
you are actually born with bpd, but it's the traumas and life experiences that amplifies it later on. Atleast that is what my psychiatrist and therapists have told me.
YAAAAASSSSSS Amy Evans!!! I would love that too!!!!!!
All main family members abandoned me at a young age. I felt they did this because there was something inherently unfixable and broken the way I was.
Britt Hannula there is no known BPD gene, so that's likely not true. BPD is similar to PTSD, more similar to CPTSD. It's a complex trauma disorder that most prominently stems from abandonment, neglect or abuse in childhood. But, often BPD is comorbid with bipolar disorder (like in my case). I think that having a predisposition to mental illness can increase your chances of developing BPD if you suffer trauma. I think that perhaps if I wasn't born with bipolar I, I would have been capable of processing my trauma better and either my BPD would be less severe, or I wouldn't have it at all. That's just a theory though.
i noticed the reason people say disorders are genetic is because they see the parents often having the same traits.
i believe it's not genetics that make the kids act the same as the parents, i think imprinting and conditioning does (nurture).
Kati you are a wonderful, beautiful, compassionate, fascinating, loving, cool, gentle, understanding, life changing person. thank you for this video. thank you for existing.
I’m not sure if I have BPD but I experience this ... I’ve been abused by many people throughout my life and it’s lead me to not trust anyone. It’s a difficult state of mind to be in but I always find ways to improve myself
I thought i was just weird, i feel like i cant trust anyone so i usually put on a mask and pretend to be someone else
Me too 😶
Me too 😶
Same.
Same. Sometimes i wonder if im not just projecting myself on others. Maybe im not a trusty person so i assume everyone is like me..
As a borderline, yes I've dealt with all sorts of trauma and have learned to distrust people because they've abandoned me and weren't there to take care of me. Also, I hate myself so much that I often believe that any complementary remarks people make have to be lies to make me feel better or just to get something out of me.
But mental illness aside, just as a rational person existing in the world, people are often not trustworthy. And of course the problem is that you don't know from the start who is trustworthy and who isn't, so it makes sense to exercise caution.
I trust everyone. I trust them to lie sometimes, to judge me sometimes, to say something hurtful, to isolate or be needy or controlling. I trust myself to do all of these things too sometimes. To be human. But I treasure the ones who I can trust to do that waaay less often and try to surround myself with those people, when I can find them.
beautifully said
Thank you for addressing social media. I recently deleted my Facebook and Instagram because I couldn't handle my emotions from it. I don't think this is something addressed in the bpd community enough. I didn't think it was connected but it makes sense. I felt like people weren't responding to my business as much as I wanted and one day I just deleted everything. My entire business page and all.
I have BPD, I don't have anyone " friend " , but I don't or have given up on people . I'm 45 years old and spent 25 years on and off in therapy and on and off Medications, I have given up on therapy, No cure, No pill works , or it does for a while then stops working , What I do every day to survive is try and be positive , and find videos like your's, thank you so much, You've helped me more than any one I've gone too... and by the way, I was with my Dr like I said on and off, it was the same Dr. and one other... so I didn't bounce a lot ...
therapy didn't work?
try a different doctor... often times therapists make a huge difference...
+Pax Caritas That is so true..!! I changed twice, as I felt they weren't "understanding" properly & I also felt, the sessions weren't helping me as much as it should have. Don't feel bad. Remember, this is about u, ur the important one. So don't stress too much about leaving one therapist for another. Hang in there &I keep the faith. Good luck on ur journey. 🙂 👍
I bet that I will be abandoned, and I am right the majority of the time. We live in an age where people do not want to commit to others. What we/society want more than anything, is to be able to walk away and drop anyone at anytime for any reason.
Anyone else watching this in quarantine 2020? Lol
😅
Quarantine 2021! Lol!
2021 still quarantine yeah :):
Yeah
I'm trying to de-clutter my apartment, clean everything, repot my pants and sew back all my missing buttons. the one thing I did today to progress on my goals was to resist purchasing additional plants, even though they were really great plants at very good prices and all things that I did not allready have. Yea me!
caterpillarnana congrats! You avoid a dirty apartment ( which I can relate because I sometimes don't have energy to do a simple task, like do the dishes or organize my clothes) and also prevented yourself of buying unnecessary stuff. Well done!
caterpillarnana That's such a great feeling! Such a relief to get those things accomplished and resist the urge to spend money on things you don't need, and probably don't even have room for! You go, girl! 👍👏
Mitzy Sandi Vallejo I have both bipolar and bpd, so with the double whammy, plus pain disorders, extreme fatigue that makes me lethargic and clouds my brain, it's often hard to get even the most important things done. So when I'm having very energized, productive days, where I'm so motivated, have tons of confidence, positive attitude, stamina and feel talkative and helpful, I just don't know what I do to flip the switch to trigger those episodes. Or what ruins those episodes when they're going so well, and I'm getting so many things accomplished, and I'm feeling so much happier and more "normal"! I can't seem to get reasons, answers. THE FEAR of may happen.
Mercedes Benzos well, hearing that part of happiness and energy seems to be a maniac episode, but a moderate one, why not take advantage of it? I also have this trainwrecking mood swings, not so marked and prolonged as you, but with the difference that I have a variety of mood swings and they come and go within hours. It's exhausting but when the roller coaster goes up, gotta take advantage of it! I wish you success in your treatment and I consider that all guys and gals out there with BDP belong to a "brotherhood" when we understand each other and no judgement and real empathy can be expected. I have other 3 mental health issues, mayor depression disorder, dysthymia, disphoryc premenstrual disorder and borderline personality disorder (kinda funky mix) but I'm on my slow journey to a better health.
Mitzy Sandi Vallejo Thanks. Yes, I definitely take advantage of the energy and motivation while it lasts. Wish it would stick around longer than it does. And wish I knew what to do to trigger it. Sorry to hear you're dealing with other physical and emotional junk, too. It gets demoralizing and takes it's toll, but you're right, it's nice that everyone in the comments section here is supportive. It helps knowing others can empathize. Wishing you much success and happy, healthy days, too.
you are so upbeat and encouraging, I am glad you are here as there are so many wonderful teachers and I get my support from all of you,Thank you :)
After dealing with Major Depressive Disorder for most of my life, about three years ago I was co-diagnosed with BPD. I didn't fully agree with it, but in hindsight it's correct. I really don't believe anyone genuinely likes me, and I expect everyone to leave me. Classic BPD symptoms. I'm much more aware of how i process things now.
I was just diagnosed with BPD at 55! I can't believe that all this is so me and so explains why I am the way I am. I feel justified, if that sounds weird. There IS a reason why I do the things I do and feel the way I feel. I'm signed up to start DBT and I'm going to put my all into it! I'm glad I found you Kati. You're videos are really helping me during this "Intake" period before I get some real help. Thank you Thank you Thank you!
You are my new RUclips obsession! Seeing your face makes me happy, maybe because you get "it" for one. Also because their is an unmatched level of empathy when you talk of mental illness which just means that it is apparent that your life's mission, so to speak, is to help people like me and you really have! Thank you!
I'm so grateful that I found your youtube page.
I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD, and they have been so helpful with making me not feel like a horrible monster thank you
I am not TRYING to stop self-harming. I am stopping it.
After 7 years of addiction to self-harm (and a lot of recovery and therapy meanwhile) this is the first time I’m able to declare that decision honestly. Thank you, Kati. 💜
Agata Hinc congrats! Great decision.
I don’t trust ANYONE so much that I even got a tattoo on my wrist saying “trust no one” I have had enough with human interactions, friendship or relationships and I’ve just simply given up. People can be so vile, twisted and cruel, yet so kind and supportive and lovely. I can’t stand the aftermath of someone breaking my trust it hurts, to know I’ve poured my heart into opening up to someone. I blame people, not myself. I am a victime of their twisted actions. No wonder I don’t want to trust anyone, iam no masochist I don’t like getting hurt that is why I chose to simply get away!
you are just so encouraging and uplifting.... and you speak in a way that makes everyone feel so comfortable. I noticed you use the words *we* and make the whole experience very inclusive. I was just diagnosed with BPD after a 45 min session with a psychiatrist and I have been watching your videos all night. The experience was very cold and dismissive and finding your videos tonight has really helped with coming to terms with this possible condition. You are awesome thank you.
I discovered you vídeos yesterday and I am so happy to have my own therapist on line, thank you so much! I have PTSD and a few minutes ago I took a big step and it worked, it really did!!! Bless you Kati!
This is most helpful thing I've found online!! What a saviour!
i havent been diagnosed with anything but trust is a huge thing for me i cant trust anyone
me too. I have some serious trust issues :/
I was betrayed time and time again and I have written a book about it and it is called in comfort of Mary by Bethany Ford its on amazon and its on RUclips and you can read chapter one on RUclips now. Tell me what you think x
Same I don’t trust anyone everyone seems fake to me like why do you want to come into my life for. And that’s what I struggle with trying to find their motive because I don’t want to let people into my life just for later down the line something to happen sometimes too I think it’s okay for us to trust ourselves because we are just trying to protect ourself.
I am so grateful for you! Especially when you were talking in a previous video about BPD and how we tend to get tossed around from mental health professional to mental health professional. This has been a constant struggle for me! Every therapist I FINALLY let in leaves for some reason or another and it sucks!! It is hard to NOT take it personally!
I’ve been struggling internal for years.
Refusing to want to talk to someone because of the trust issues. 🥴 What a twisted game of life.
And everybody keeps indeed either betraying you, abusing your trust, or leaving, leaving you behind, letting you down
Your videos are amazing and I think your explanations are great and that you are so easy to relate to. Keep making these videos!
Great video! 👍. It reached one decade of life on RUclips. Kati Morton, congratulations for your work in these last ten years, 2013-2023.
Really like the vids. One thing that you might want to mention is the effect that this push pull behaviour has on the loved one and how that ultimately pushed them away. BPD effects everyone around the person, much like addiction. I would like to add thats its not about blame but is about responsibility for behaviours.
I really like the idea of "doing" instead of just "trying" and I think that can be applied to a lot of things. However, I think there are some situations/circumstances where it is totally okay to "try" if you are doing the best you can do. I have borderline and my ex-therapist (who was/is totally amazing) told me all the time that I don't have to be so hard on myself when I am struggling to change my borderline behaviors. For example, if I have what I refer to as a "borderline freak out" because my best friend was "ignoring" me...it's not the end of the world because I am aware of my thoughts and behaviors and I am trying my hardest to control and change them.
P.S. I just discovered your videos and website today and I LOVE them! Thank you so much for caring enough to help. :)
***** So, someone just +1'd the comment I left on this video and, after reading it, I realized that it was the day I discovered your videos. Fast forward to 16 months later and look where we are now. Life is interesting lol.
You're so helpful. I fear going to a therapist but really do need it...your videos have helped me a lot lately.
I'm just depressional human being trying doing for myself right and other people trying to pull me down. It's hard to trust anyone when the love ones backstabbed you.
Kati you are an international healer... Cheers from Egypt
I don't think there is a video of this.. but I was wondering: how do you stop seeing others in bad light? I read up that people with BPD will separate their different sides and then use it against others. For example: Someone with BPD is feeling morally good, so then they view their friends behaviour as reckless, and you then tend to devalue that person. How do you stop yourself from this? I've noticed this is why I've lost friends. Currently I have a friend who isn't getting her life together, but I'm trying to and working hard, so I'm devaluing her and when I'm around her I feel annoyed of her. I fear she is holding me back, because getting my life together isn't easy for me. This has been a pattern with past friends. My ex best friend and I were reckless together, and when I pulled myself together, I would devalue her and call her reckless, because I didn't want to be that anymore.
I'm actually going through that right now and I know this is like 2 years late, and whatever issue you have had may have passed already but, it's a mix of both the original comment and the one above me. I am annoyed of this one friend I have because her issues are just so negative and I've done everything I can to help but it's dragging me down. But it is also me. And I've been honest on both fronts. It just seems my friend doesn't want to accept responsibility for her actions, though, and it's making me angry. You have to make a choice based on the information you're given, but you should also try to get as much information from it as you can.
There's basically no way to stop the Splitting from happening, unfortunately. Then again what you're describing is actually normal. I stopped being friends with somebody after 8 years for pretty much the same reason as you.
Now as far as the question of how not to lose friends... Yeah, just lie. Lie, lie, lie... It's what everybody else does anyway. If you really have BPD just don't ever tell anyone how you really feel about anything. Just try to think things through and make decisions for yourself when you're alone and never ever open your mouth when you're angry. If you ever get angry just leave the room immediately. People will think that you're odd and maybe kind of rude but at least they won't think that you're, you know, craaazy...
You're so awesome. I can't wait to read your book.
I’ll trust people on a superficial level, but I won’t go further than that. Dishing out trust to everyone is a dangerous task. I’ve seen people get used time and time again because of how easily they’re willing to trust people. Look out for yourselves people. Just don’t be hypersensitive.
I'm not sure if I have bpd or not, but I do meet a lot of the criteria for bpd. I have extreme depression and anxiety, suicidal thought, fear of abandonment, self hatred, emptiness, extreme mood swings although mine mainly go from excited to extremely sad, it almost feels like I'm bipolar. I don't really lash out toward others, but I do mainly lash out at myself, and feel like everything is always my fault.
Taylor, do you project? maybe read through text messages to find out if you can identify it. Also do you ever act in a way, that illicits the response you want. though this is an unconscious process called projective identification. Also, look at a diagnosis as a way of getting the proper treatment, not a label. someone is DX with diabetes and they are given the appropriate treatment. Good luck.
with your mood swings do they last for long periods weeks or do they change quickly
I've been trying to use all my energy and time only for myself but can't help thinking about my mother or helping her. (We're co-dependent.)
I'll just think about myself or how to improve my life from now on.
Thank you for all the helpful information you give us.
Love from Japan👋
I love you! That's sounds helpful. I'm scared and I thought that by trying I was doing it ok, but I like the 'doing' thing you said. I'll write 4 things I think I could do and see how it goes. I'm not sure I can do it but... well, thank you for your videos!!
I love how you use Yoda's " do or don't, there is no try."
Star Wars prequels are actually triggering to a lot of us. Episode 1 was the first major disappointment in my life.
@@maxmustermann1455 wdym the prequels were sick
I love you Kati!....my girlfriend probably has BPD and your videos have been very helpful....Thanks.
You make some great videos Kati. Keep rocking it!
Been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD from the head psychologist of a major mental health facility in Toronto. Feels good to know what I have.
I don’t have bpd but I do have some mega trust issues due to past trauma so I’m glad I stumbled upon this video thank you. Hopefully I get better
Av cptsd bpd all the same goes hand an hand won't know till you tell how your feeling these are DISABILITY's illness long-term ssdi for assistance an eligible
Glad I found yah channel. While you are not my therapist (per say lol) I have been without one for bout a year now. Rough times, but I enjoy these videos and they help.
I had a counselor do EMDR the first season I ever met him. It was okay. Then he did it a second time the next week and it was really awful. The third week he told me he moving to Florida and I never saw him again. After that I went through two therapists at the same clinic. One that quit after 6 weeks of meeting with me. Then another that was fired for telling others my personal information to a DBT group multiple times when I was absent. The fourth counselor said she couldn't help me and I never went back. Idk if they had a high turnover rate or if I'm just so crazy that I'm beyond help. That's absolutely how it feels.
Kati, I do EMDR almost biweekly (every other week) It has helped immensely. My therapist doesn't use eye movement. Rather she uses two vibrating disks held in my hands and the amount of vibration is set via a small machine held in her hand. We use targets that pertain to my my main problems or triggers. We set up a situation. I hold the vibrating disks and get quiet and picture in my head of the triggers and then we discuss the feelings I am feeling while doing this. It works for me.
Kati you are so helpful.
I've been having trouble figuring out why I have so much trust issues. Thanks to your many videos I'm sure I have something like bpd... If not exactly that.
I am in a horrible place, and pushing away the last of my family I still speak to ( my mom and now a long lost sister). I'm afraid I am more comfortable being miserable because it's all I know. I want to be loved and love back, I just can't
I relate to this, I think we just get to a point where is gets exhausting and draining to even talk to people. I barely to talk to anyone besides my husband, my parents, my grandma and a few friends online. I work alone night shift and only talk to coworkers when I have to and I keep my conversation short, polite and to the point. I even sometimes write down what I’m going to say before I make a phone call. As I get older I become more introverted.
That's an awesome Journal Topic! Thanks anon.
what about those who cant afford therapy?
is it possible to feel unreal 24/7.. its never ending for me. and it seems you keep saying it happens when ever bpd patients are threatend or feel uncomfortable
everyday all day iam feeling unreal. 3 years now...
Sounds like dissociation. Have you tried grounding?.
I don't trust others because I know what I'm capable of.
Thank you for your opions or facts on bpd & trust issues. I will say about the help to my cpn & she what she’s says about it & about getting me help with it. & thank you for the tries & does explainatation & augestions. I think that might be really quite usesfully for me at the moment
When I was six years old, my mother had to go to night school for a few weeks. I can vividly remember panicking and having a total meltdown in the middle of the road as I saw the red tail lights of her car as she drove away. This happened every time she had to leave to go to her class. I would bawl my eyes and soul out because I didn't want her to leave. At the time, my parents, my sister and I were living with my father's parents and two of his brothers, and I never liked being around my father's family.
I really like your advice!! I think you are really smart!
For that last question: I combat unstable finances/insurance/appointments by having a summary of all my traumas to give to my therapist once I feel I can trust them. I have noted in detail the most important or really difficult things, and I just quickly glaze over things that are important but that are easy to talk about in session. I make sure they are aware what they can and cannot do with the paper copy I give them [for me it's just- make notes, scribble, highlight, do what you gotta do; but do not make digital copies. Paper copies are OK] and I let them know how "open" I am to explaining what I have given them. I only have 1 moment that is completely off limits unless I mention it, which I noted in my summary.
This summary helps us get to the "getting help" part quicker. I don't have 2 months to waste slowly peeling back the layers before I can even get help. My current therapist actually really appreciated the time I put into it. I had a lot of dissociation as I wrote it, and I know that talking about certain events cause me to have complete meltdowns that take far too long to recover from. It's just easier and quicker.
You're right about the trying versus doing thing - my therapist called me up on this, how words the language I use is important because of it's connotations."Should" is different to "want to" because it is feeling obligated, without choice v. feeling empowered and autonomous. Saying "When I am depressed..." instead of "When you are depressed..."is also important, because talking in 2nd person is distancing yourself from the issue or the achievement, when to recover you need to own it.
love you Katie
Your so cute when you swear! great video Kati!! is your live broadcast going to be posted for us to watch if we missed it?
All my life I've saved myself and helped myself get better which works once in a while but not all the time. I feel like I have soo much wrong with me but I dont know if I'm struggling with just one. So its hard for me to work through myself if I don't know exactly what's wrong with me. I went to a therapist once in high school and she didnt really know what was wrong with me either. Plus I wasnt/Still am not open enough to say what's really wrong with me.
Thank you K.
how is that people coment you bad things, your so charismatic and upload this videos to help people. somebody can be really jerks
Comment towards social media and "trolls." Blocking is great. And, although it's really difficult and I can't always do it because my anger will creep up, laughing at it because it does not resonate with you and acknowledging that it's about them not you helps tremendously in not letting comments fester or linger. It takes a bit of a mental shift and paradigm to laugh, but it really helps towards getting better self confidence and awareness for me. I know I'm not stupid, so if I get called anything related to that, I laugh not because I think what they said was funny, but because it's just so not true and it's a ridiculous thing to say.
I'm not afraid other people will go away. I'm afraid they will hurt me. Afraid they won't accept the real me and express disgust, pity or dissapointment..
You are a blessing I want to hug you 🤗🥰
That "trying vs doing" thing really discourages me and makes me feel incapable of ever getting better
me too
I HATE the try vs do thing.
worked for me emdr reprograms ur brain but its very traumatic too i recommend gentleness in all things
I have trust issues as I have been betrayed time and time again. I have been beaten, emotionally, mentally abused. I love being on my own and I have written a book about it and it is called in comfort of Mary by Bethany Ford its on amazon and its on RUclips and you can read chapter one on RUclips now. Tell me what you think x.
When leaving treatment make a tool box. Each drawer has a tool u use. Remember in a pinch. Draw it an use ur tools
Example: meds, friends, writing, meditation, meetings
Hahaha BAM the old Kati Raw and uncut. I like this less proper and more loose presentation.
I can't believe you actually read my blog!! I never thought about the whole negative thoughts until he mentioned that to me.
"Do or do not. There is no try." That was all I could think of.
I am reading Unfuck Yourself which is a self help book. One of the author’s points in the book reminded me of your journal topic. He said it’s easy to say what you are willing to change because it requires no commitment. But to say you are unwilling to do something makes it more powerful i.e. you are unwilling to live in debt or unwilling to live an unhealthy lifestyle. These are more motivating statements than saying I’m trying or willing to save money or eat healthier.
That topic about having issues with trusting people, and the fear of abandonment was really interesting, you really should do more "in depth" videos on BPD, as you said we're not really treated correctly by our therapists or psychiatrists. It's like they don't really know what to do with us... "Yay, well that's helpful, thanks!"
Those groups therapies don't really exist yet in France, so that's why I was wondering if you could extend on this topic a little more, like in your other video.
xo
EMDR works really well if you've done a lot of CBT and DBT... It gave me the tools to work through the PTSD to heal those areas. I feel it made it easier because i had already been working on applying those tools to my daily life and when i went into my EMDR session, i was able to work past the triggers that happen during the session so i could get to the heart of my ptsd with out the defense mechanisms (triggers) to help "survive".. I found the triggers actually dissolved soon after the EMDR session.
It's fair to say, up until resently you could get counciling on the NHS in the U.K. For BPD. But sadly 2years ago there were cut backs so I lost my support work. So I got back into bad habits of not leaving the house. It's became a struggle trusting anyone new as Jackie(my support worker) took 2 yrs to get though to me. It's not easy to live with. Plus when you friends even joking, run you down, they don't get how hard or care it's really gets to you. There have been times, where I could have just turned on them while holding knifes in the kitchen etc. I respond with anger, but where they get over temp rants quickly, I can easily turn on them days, weeks after something happened. It just sits there waiting to pop out. But by time that happens, I have had migraines, sickness, while this hate bubbles away inside. Plus then the self doubt, feeling worthless kicks in. I've been on 200mg of sertrline for over 8 years with a combo of other drugs. They just seem to numb me. Which makes the violate outbursts, self harm, worse. Not really sure what the future holds for me at present as I am being made homeless come Jan 2017. But being on a very low income, it's hard to find anywhere to live when your doctors won't give you a clean bill of health, so you can't work or afored to rent anywhere. It's sounds like the USA has slightly more going for it, if you have BPD or other mental health issues.
Stomping Freak stay strong mate always darkest before the dawn the fact your so aware of your affliction is proof you have the strength to pull through okay
Hang in there mate, keep the good fight to get healthier and prove yourself what your capable of. I wish you success on your journey
theres the old net saying "don't feed the troll" (don't react to them, its just fuel for their hate) and i tell this ALL THE TIME to people in real life! it totally works there too. thought I'd add for people who are forced into situations with those types IRL
I’m so glad I’ve been researching bpd cause I never understood anything before and I’d just think I was never worthy but I relate to all the bpd symptoms cased by trauma and it would seriously fuck up my life I have severe trust issues and often push people away as soon as I get a little bit of mistrust or sometimes I’d fratically try to keep someone and put a huge effort to which I seem desperate and I often have identity issues I could never just be one person I often adapt or change into a similar person to who I am talking to and often I’d see myself as a third person and see how others would think about me and it would make me so self conscious that I have to leave my high school cafeteria and i deleted all social media except for RUclips in fear that people would talk and I’m so self destructive from self mutilation substance abuse and eating disorders to try to cope and IT IS NOT FOR ATTENTION bpd is no joke I feel like I can’t ever have healthy relationships
I did EMDR and I feel like it just made me repress things. It got rid of my flashbacks which is great but it also worsened some avoidance issues I have soooooo yeah....
Also, it’s so funny that I found this video today because I literally was just talking to my therapist today about the “do or do not there is no try” thing. Yes I brought it there lol. But on a serious note, I know it was something I needed to hear but it was a little triggering for me because I have so many memories of my mom basically telling me that me doing my best or trying my best wasn’t good enough. But now I think I took that to the extreme where I just don’t try anymore if I don’t think I can be successful at something. Now I just need to figure out how to get past that all or nothing thinking so I can really push myself.
As far as things to do in lieu of therapy, I put together a Recovery Handbook. It's a binder with info about support groups, my suicide/crisis plan is in the front, I have some of the worksheets and handouts I've done about self esteem, coping, goal setting, etc. I've actually come up with some of my own assignments and worksheets. I've found NAMI support groups to be helpful.
Kati
How do you deal with your therapist quitting before you are ready when you have BPD and already fighting trust issues.
Thank you!
Great video !!! 👍👍👍
When My divorce was finalized, I went with out insurance for two years. Upon my insurance ending, I was super sad to have to quit my counselor. I also had a DV advocate for four years. She who put me in touch with a counselor. This business specialized in helping women in my state at no charge. Therefor I was able to continue my counseling.
My girlfriend called me bipolar and everybody says I have trust issues so here I am.
Wow, that journal topic..! *thumbs up*
Will you please please make a video about "quiet" bpd??? I think I might have that.
I wish I knew what caused my BDP tendencies. I have asked several therapists and they all say I don't have anything of the sort, but I describe my I hate you/don't leave me behavior in my relationship. The latest therapist said BPD is more like you're prickly all the time, like you basically always feel paranoid and lash out because of it. I do feel like that's what I deal with, but they don't seem to think so. I got on lithium to try to fix it, because they think I'm BP I since I had a manic episode and I generally am usually very cyclothymic or chronically depressed. Been that way since a kid. I did have an abusive father but not any sexual abuse and not even physical, it was just terrorizing yelling all the time. My mother was also neglectful. I also have always had a distorted body image and can't take off my shirt. I despise my body and have since I was 13. I'm in my 30s now. Oh, I've also never felt a real sense of my own identity. Like I jump from one group to the next experiencing it but never feeling at home. Man, mental illness sucks.
I love EMDR. Yes it can be hard and traumatizing but it's made to desensitize the memory. A good therapist will work it slowly.
I really like how you speak in your videos. Like one on one through youtubes.
Cute ❤
Great advice on trusting people kati, thank you ❤ but for me it feels like non trusting for the fear or being betrayed, hurt, not much that they leave, does it make sense?....
I've found it interesting because people actually don't relate without a reason. So trust is a measure of who you are dealing with . If someone can gain from you financially, then you have to take their advice with some measure of balance. If you are talking to a relative, many times they say things that let them off the hook as quickly as possible. Friends are pretty good, but they also have a vested interest because often your friendship may involve how you make them feel when they are with you.. I.e. Attractive, successful, needed, or maybe they are genuinely with you because they truly relate . That's the best friend to have.
I always have a three step crisis plan. A B and C. Most often i use A rare is B and oh boy i use C when im way out there. C is going to psych ward at hospital
I've clicked this video bc this is something I've been saying recently. "I don't trust anyone anymore" or "who can I trust". I'm really struggling with trust and determining who I should let in and how much and is it safe.... I just separated from my parents (relationship wise) it's pretty much over. I'm tired.
I love your videos they are awesome! I actually just realized that I know some lol who have a mixture of all these different disorders. Where does one start when it's a mixture of a few including narcissism??