Splitting & Borderline Personality Disorder
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- Опубликовано: 5 авг 2024
- When someone has BPD they tend to see people as all good or all bad. Meaning that someone who is good cannot make a mistake and someone who is bad cannot be kind or thoughtful. Relationships are black or white. All or nothing.
What I find interesting and kind of ironic, is that people who are in relationships with people who use splitting as a defense mechanism tend to see the BPD person as horrible, hurtful, and just bad. It’s almost like splitting causes a self-fulfilling prophecy or is self sabotage for the BPD person.. And that sucks.
By separating people out like this, those with BPD could think that they are protecting themselves from getting hurt or feeling abandoned because if someone shows some “bad” signs then they get rid of them, and end that relationship right away. But what this actually ends up doing is pushing everyone in our life away, and leaving us isolated and alone. It can be very hard to notice when we are doing it and even harder to stop.
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I’ve destroyed every relationship through splitting. There’s only so much people can take, and regardless of the good times, the bad times are the only ones they remember
I’m exactly the same
this is exactly what has happened with me and my relationships and it hurts so much
I fuckin cried reading that; I destroyed so many of my relationships and hurt so many people..too many
same... I still don't know if it was them or me..
My life right now
I know when I'm splitting but I cant help it. I always feel like no one is emotionally validating me, so I let myself feel intensely. But as you said it causes more hurt.
Breah Gardiner I do the same thing. You aren’t alone!
This is exactly how I feel too
Omg, I could not have said this better myself!
Same
You can validate yourself instead of hoping everyone else does at every waking moment
Also, does anyone else get more of a ‘I need to protect them from me’ or ‘thy hate me so I must stay away’ then the feeling of needing to protect yourself? I don’t know if it’s normal or not.
omg this is totally me i am obsessed with that i would literally think about this all the time when i am at school
Yup. All the time.
yeah.. i am afraid of hurting others.. I know I split.. but sometimes i cant control it..so I isolate myself to not to hurt others
me. i wanna stay away from my bf, i say really awful things when i’m ‘splitting, it really hurts his feelings
Totally me. I understand you completely. It is horrible.
yes this is exactly what i needed!! i was asking someone, "how do you know if someone likes you?" because i genuinely have no idea because i think that everyone hates me and have been thinking that for so long
(I don't have bpd, not diagnosed at least, but I do have a fear of abandonment) but I get what you mean. It feels like I'm always 1 wrong thing away from everyone leaving me, so every time I get my name called, or a friend texts me, all I can think is "alright, this is it, they're dropping the news, they hate me now. It's official"
Gamzee Pope omg omg omg that’s how I am when my depression gets bad
I tend to feel this a lot and I really can’t stand it cuz I literally convince myself everyone hates me and it makes me start thinking “maybe I should hate myself too” and then I start over analyzing everything that I dislike about myself :/
@@gamzee3610 nice name
Totally
I didn't even know splitting was a thing, and just thought that this was how everyone saw each other. Great vid
Same, I thought people just naturally think someone is really good or really bad.
😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 same
Same here.
@@fitnikki434 Q
do all ppl not doing that ? hmm i am not diagnost but idk uffffff
I just got diagnosed with bpd. I think the hardest thing about it is that you feel deeply alone and need other people while it's really hard to find that healthy balance in relationships and not feel rejected all the time.
I honestly thought everyone did this. Lmao. The more research I did on BPD the more that I realized I was very, very wrong. I'm slowly learning more and more about myself and I why I do the shit that I do. I'm getting better at coping. Some days are harder than others. I found that journaling and meditation have worked really well for me. Just gotta take it one day at a time.
Same...my entire life is thinking "OHHHH ok....I thought this was normal and everyone else did this too. Guess not and I probably should see a therapist now." Originally I went in for depression and anxiety turns out it was also BPD
At least you borderlines are hot
@@pbufh WTF?
Please don’t try self-research and self diagnosing, that’s the narcissism blocking your cure. Almost all BPD girls are doing meditation and journaling… that’s not self awareness until you have someone else aware of you too.
@@pbufh Hotter than you can chew. RUN for your life.
This is something that has been on my mind recently... I have always been that person who puts people on a pedestal and then am devastated when they disappoint me somehow and then I hate them. Thank you so much for this--it gave me a lot of helpful advice!
I’m a victim of this with my ex-wife, and now my kids indirectly are too. It cost her custody and most of her visitation bc she started inventing things to support her black (vs white) narrative and then went through (split from) 4 attorneys until #5 finally got her somehow to stand down. I tell you this bc if you have bpd, then splitting will hurt you and your family/kids. I pray for my ex to get help, but she won’t acknowledge she has a problem in order to address it even after losing most of her time with the kids and even in the face of clear evidence of it (recordings of her, etc.).
I pray constantly for her to seek help and recover. I’ve moved on/remarried, but I want my kids to have a healthy mom and a healthy relationship with her.
Wow, perfect timing for me... and as a BPD person, I see splitting in myself so badly. For me splitting really is terrible
Eva Silke you are not a bpd person! You are a person that happens to have bpd. Hang in there, u got this!!!
Xxxx
I am so glad that video was helpful.. and yes splitting can be terrible and make us feel more alone when all we really wanted was connection :( I hope some of the tips I offered help you better manage that urge. xoxo
My group celebrate recovery uses H.E.A.R.T (hurt, exhausted, angry, resentful, tired) rather than halt. Both good and similar though
Im not officially diagnosed but ive watched a lot of videos on BPD and how it affects relationships and i relate to literally every single thing 100%. What is hurtful though is when people insinuate thst im a narcisist. Ive also been accused of manipulation in the past. Now I am gaining more understanding of my symptoms and in a way im starting to see why others may have thought I was being narcissistic.
Yes to the outside world it appears like manipulation. Anyway: I wouldn’t put a label on myself because all humans suffer from something.
I don’t have BPD but I find the techniques in DBT very helpful for me, and I have literally 5 peoples in mind who doesn’t have BPD either and they would benefit from DBT, or say mindfulness - the Buddhistic way of living. BTW F MRT brain-scans in Germany showed that the brain literally changes learning those skills.
I can confirm that I meditate since 5 years now. I wouldn’t say I am a complete different person but it levels out the idea to react to every trigger that occurs. Sometimes I even do not react to things anymore because I know it’s not important.
There is hope, and even if there is a genetic component, which we don’t know for sire yet, genes can be switched on and off through epigenetic. Environmental influences like stress for example, is one thing that switches genes on or off. GL😊
Thank you for giving honest and helpful content about bpd, Kati! I have bpd and I am so grateful to have access to videos like yours.
I use DBT techniques to cope with the 'black and white' thinking that comes with my bpd. Being self aware is so important and so helpful as well.
I don’t have bpd, but I feel like I’ve kind of done this in the past in a different way. I found it really hard to leave someone if I saw any redeeming qualities in them, but this reaction always ended up being pretty late in the game. I would give people too many chances, then when it was the final straw I would cut them off completely and have to convince myself they were completely horrible evil people to be able to do that. Now, I’ve had enough experience with toxic relationships to know that everybody has good and bad in them. I can accept the good things about them while also knowing that I have limits and I’m not willing to put up with certain things just because they’re not completely irredeemably evil. I’ve accepted that it’s not my job to fix everyone and having some good in them does not mean people are entitled to treat me like trash. I can wish someone well and hold space for their complexity without feeling responsibility for their problems.
This is so healthy ! I think you are a great judge of character
And your analysis of people having both good and bad is so bang on
Sucks tho lol
We want everyone to be perfect in friendships and relationships
Especially when you set the bar high
And can bring the goods
Loved reading your comment
This is a goal for me now !!
I got diagnosed with splitting today
But it's a challenge for me to overcome
Rather than a life sentence ❤
Its so cruel really. I split hard and fast. Sometimes completely unprovoked. And it's such an effective defense mechanism, or so it seems, that I'll actually take a sigh of relief and be cheerful about cutting someone out if my life only to regret it hours or days later. CAN CONFIRM- I am the toxic one.
When I’m going through this it helps me just to take some distance. Rather than just cutting someone off completely and forever I just remember to be kind to them but to also be kind to myself and honour my feelings by giving myself some space from that person. When I split I often feel a lot of hatred towards a person and it causes me to get extremely annoyed by anything they do even if they’ve done nothing wrong and I know they haven’t, so it’s best for both of us if I just do my own thing for a bit! And we can hang out again when the moment has passed. You just need to say you’re feeling a bit down and need some alone time for a bit - any good friend will understand that!
This is exactly what I do. Tell them I'm feeling bad and I'm gonna leave for a bit, then give myself some time to really analyze the situation and reason with myself. I just don't want to lash out at anyone when I'm splitting. Sometimes leaving the situation and taking some time to process the emotions is the best way to stop that from happening.
Say I’m busy, I’m working.
How does it work with your intimate other half? I am asking as I have tried but I am the one who gets abused and abandoned. He walks away and I never know when or if I will see him again. I don’t even know if he knows he is doing this
@@sophiaayranova6366 communication!! You have to be able to communicate with him about this. To be able to talk open and honestly about how you both feel when this is happening, that would really help. If he is unable to to communicate or gets defensive you have to think about what’s best for you, hope that helps ❤️
I have a friend that has a split personality the one i know is kind and loving and the other one is hearth less she is mean and doesn’t care about nobody how can i get back the kind one what can i say or do please help i miss her she has being gone for 4 months and the evil personality says that the nice one is in a dark place that she has her there because she is stronger what could i do
Splitting is hard in other diagnoses too especially ptsd. You already know people can abandon or hurt you. What then? Help!!! Love your videos Kati!
I totally get that! That sounds super scary but try to remember that just because bad and harmful things have happened in the past doesn't mean they will continue to happen. Try to open yourself up to the possibility that your future can and will look different. Make sure you are keeping aware of how others treat you and lots of self care. You're so strong x
Wait ptsd can lead to splitting? No wonder this all resonated with me so much.
@@mayad7412 same!
Lisa Snoozy can depression lead to splitting..?
Anna Oop yes
I think what you do is really beautiful. I didn't even know people like you existed. setting aside your own personal issues and helping others is inspirational. it's obvious you actually care about others and want to see better. you are a light to this World. Just thank you.
I have BPD. This helped me thank you, I like how you said look for those absolutes, "always" "never" that helps a lot.
i honestly have to laugh at myself for how stupid my thoughts can be surrounding splitting. like a teacher at my school literally just said to me "make sure you wash some dishes when you're done" and I started getting so upset because I thought "i always do dishes, why does she hate me???" god i hate my brain haha. thankyou for this video though this is a struggle that i go through on the daily
Be kind to yourself. I know it´s hard and that you maybe don´t think you´re worth it, but no matter who you are, you deserve it. It is a coping strategy we learned to survive and that now needs to be retrained. That doesn´t make your brain bad.
@@marionoschelmuller1718Öschelmüller thankyou so much!! i really appreciate. im trying every day to change the negative thoughts and habits i have developed because of trauma. the same to you, and thankyou again
Scott is this you??? Or are dishes and trash really slave labor? I feed you clothe you catch you when you pass out you lived in my house and were asked to do these 2 things dishes and trash adopting my lifestyle you can surely be accountable for the responsibility’s that are in some houses expected out of young children but no. When the trash smell was pungent and all the dishes were piled in the sink id finally be like you need to do this now he would gripe as he stopped his most important suduko game like I’m his mom or something to do only the bare minimum amount of work and develop a strange resentment To couple the one I was growing for him. Eat my food sit in my house do nothing and take over all my accounts and feel entitled to my private journals Omg I think I have some anger I need to expel as I’m examining the past 2 years! Ahaharrrdacjk Deep breaths should I not focus any more energy trying to discover lessons I can learn from this experience because it is somewhat overwhelming and nauseating. Yeah my inner shrink is leaning to Katie this is not constructive and maybe harmful. Yikes ok lesson 1) my instincts have never failed me and all the warnings signs were not denied for a fantasy damn it lol It’s just i felt so lucky at first to be in love. We were engaged to marry and I couldn’t believe it could be real and I could have a real partner I thought if I just sacrifice whatever makes him comfortable it’s worth it I want to Do what I can to Make him happy. I knew that the demands would only continue to be more and more now I’m looking for my dignity and self respect and consumed with a need to understand key moments that I can somehow learn from.... but I know I need to refocus on myself and probably block him so that he can’t try and coax me into I want to change. Heard it before never happened. But if I block him I’m going to worry that he is reaching out for help what if I do what’s best for me and he ends his life like he keeps on saying he wants to. It would be SOMETHING that would haunt my Psyche for the rest of my life if I block him and he tries to reach out to me I’m not there he dies and I’ll live with the guilt forever
Yesssss this is mee.
Same here. My therapist said it seems like I've been suffering with anxiety recently. So my brain made me think 'she only thinks I have anxiety I'm Completely fine she thinks I'm stupid she hates me'
Thank you for this video and all your videos on this topic! As my mom was recently diagnosed with BPD they have helped me tremendously to understand her, me and our relationship!!!
Thanks again!
Xxxx
Awe I am so glad :) xoxo You are so welcome! xoxo Happy to help!
This was exactly what I needed today Kati. Thank you so much for making this video.
Watching these videos of bpd have really made me think and has helped me put so many things together that I just never understood about my self and ways of thinking I noticed the patterns and figured out ways to improve over the years to help keep healthy relationships and not isolating my self Thank you for making these videos and really just helping me know that I’m not the only person who has felt these things
Fills me with hope to read! Any advice to help support someone who may split on you?
Recently diagnosed and unemployed, your videos have helped me through so many questions! I use your videos as my weekly therapy sessions 🔥❤️ thank you! Splitting is my worst mechanism
I really like that your videos are insightful and really make me introspective. I don't think I have BPD but I do tend to see in black and white when it comes to friends - if they make plans with me and break them, I give them 3 tries....after that I am done. I just feel like my time is too valuable to be wasted on people that don't appreciate it or respect it. I will still talk to them and be hospitable but I will not make plans with them. I fell like sometimes I am being "fake" because I never tell them my feelings, I just hold them at arms length forever.
Love you Kati!
I'm actually watching this on a Thursday! Synchronicity! You hit the nail on the head! It makes sense why people focus on the outward reactions when triggered or provoked because they're not the one experiencing this internal battle. I plan to bring more awareness to this disorder, especially to other professionals.
Your timing is impeccable! TY Katie :)
The effect your videos have had on my BPD is astronomical! Thank you!!
While nobody in my family has been formally diagnosed with BPD, almost all of us show symptoms and tendencies of it. Your videos on the subject are incredibly helpful. Thank you :)
Wow, I actually learned I had NO IDEA what 'Splitting' actually is!! Thank you for this video Kati!
I am so glad it was helpful!! yay!! xoxo
This is probably my favourite bpd so far! Thank you so much katie
A new BPD video that’s amazing. I have a friend with this and I’m trying to understand them, I think my friend is going through this with me right now and I’m happy I can understand it more thank you!
Edit: thanks for all the likes and to clarify she doesn’t know what BPD really is and won’t read / watch anything I show her so I have to do most of the research but she is a good friend and I know she needs me
Hey I just wanted to say that it's really awesome that you're trying to understand your friend more! ❤
@@aprilshuyler4283 I thought that was awesome too!
I am so glad my BPD videos have been helpful!! Yay!!! xoxo
Kati Morton thank you they have been
She's lucky to have you. You must love her very much.
I have bpd and I'm so glad to watch this and realize how better I've gotten in therapy. My therapist always tells me to find the bad traits in people I think are perfect and to find the good traits in people I hate. She tells me to create harmony of feelings for people and realize that we're all human. We are not black and white. So it is important to recognize everyone as "human".
I can't wait to watch!!
This gives me much more insight into BPD. Thank you!
I’ve been able to really work on my splitting a lot between the last couple of therapists I’ve had. It’s so important!
I didn’t know this was a thing. Apparently I’ve been splitting without being aware that I was even doing it (I have PTSD, from childhood trauma, so I have serious trust issues). From now on, I’m going to be more mindful and not put people in the “box” of good or bad, and realize that we all have flaws, and we all make mistakes, and I need to make allowances for them. I’m going to be more accepting of others, while looking at my own thought patterns, rather than the persons behavior while not mentally judging them either way. Thank you for this much needed video. Greatly appreciated! ❣️
Perfect timing kati
I was just asking about this yesterday haha thankyou so much xox
I WAS ALSO ASKING ABOUT THIS YESTERDAY I got on and was like what the heck
Awe yay!! Perfect timing
This video helped me more than you could know tonight, Kati. Thank you.
So just found your channel . I have pushed almost everyone in my life away. So watching you i feel will help a bit 😌
Hi Kati. I have today's condition. I feel that you have done an excellent way of explaining it. I intend to share this with my loved ones so that they may develop an understanding of what splitting is. Thank you so much!
Theresa Leszczynski Kati has a TON of other videos on BPD that u may find helpful! Here’s a playlist
ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqy6j40ipH2yQjcK-4Uf4ri6
You are so welcome!! Glad it was helpful :) xoxo
I have BPD and I split ALL THE TIME! And not just on one person. Can be a group of people or even a thing like a church or the idea of something. I wanna make a video on it but I'm still learning my triggers
@Trihardious Maximus WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?!
@Trihardious Maximus uncalled for and untrue
@Trihardious Maximus They are a human being, with feelings. Unfair to say that to them.
Don’t make a video, talk to a pro instead. Better results, curb your narcissism
How can you. Split back to each one please respond i have a friend that split she was kind and nice the one she became is mean and doesn’t care about nobody how can i get her to go back to the nice one what could i say so she goes back this happened because we got in a argument then she became different please help me
Holy freaking gosh!!!!! I have watched your videos and loved them all. But Today Kati💡💡💡💡💡wow! My mind is blown.
Thank you. I am desperately trying to get myself and my partner off my rollercoaster and trying not to hate myself while correcting my thoughts and behaviours. Just had a splitting moment and talked myself down from having an outburst. I hadn’t eaten today and drank too much caffeine, felt sick and instead of blowing up at my partner for something super minor they weren’t even aware of, I asked them to make me some toast to raise my blood sugar, this not only reinforced the fact that yes, they are very caring and kind, but also helped the problem I was having that was affecting my mood to begin with. Really hoping I can get to a place where this doesn’t plague me and my loved ones anymore. I am determined not to sabotage something this good.
i really like the thumbnail!! thanks so much for the video i’m going to therapy to talk abt my bpd bc it’s getting really bad
My sister had borderline personality disorder and I've had relationships with people who have BPD. For most of my life I've felt like I've been walking on eggshells. Now, in my mid-50's I have no idea what a real relationship looks like, and I don't know if I have the energy to even look anymore. The newer modalities of care are very encouraging, and I have nothing but respect for those who are fighting this battle. To me, it comes across as a hard wiring issue in the brain that can be changed with a lot of effort and practicing what you're describing in this video. Thanks for reaching out to people with this disorder.
Please don’t take offence at this but did you know that if one sibling has this disorder the other one can have it to and because you’ve have relationships do you think this is down to you or have your past relationships told you they have this disorder that’s all please don’t take offence
I can imagine how difficult this is for you. Thanks for sharing your story.
Omg IM TOTALLY SPLITTING ... Kati i love your channel ... My goodness ..
Your amazing ... This video definitely helped me reflect on my bpd
ohmygod this was my question... thank you so much for answering this!!! you help me a lot Kati
this was so helpful! i can figure out I'm mostly splitting but also recognize the person i recently cut out was genuinely toxic for me. i know what to take to my therapist next. :)
Saumya Sawleshwarkar woot woot!
Of course!!! So glad you liked the video!! xoxo Yay!! xox
Saumya Sawleshwarkar I lost my favorite person 4 months ago (he didn’t die lmao we just aren’t friends anymore) and I literally don’t think I will ever get over it.
@@s0ftbby346 god i just saw this. hope the pain is better now! best wishes xxx
Wow! Well put per usual! This is so well put together I may somehow be able to get mine to listen without freaking out.... maybe.
When I think that someone bad, I just didn't want to admit that Im ashamed and afraid for being abandoned
Kudos to you for being able to recognize this. Not everyone can do it. 😌
Wow, I never knew this was a thing and that is exactly how I see things, never understood why! Thank you!
Can you please do BPD & Favorite person. I deal with FPs and its dragging me down severely
I second this request. Thank you @justcarol9 :)
Bro I’m dealing with it with a friend but currently I think it healthy because they will tell me if I’m to much and shit.
Boost this request!
Great video, I could have used this when I was younger and still really struggling with this! My issue with splitting was usually in the context of romantic relationships. As soon as someone I had feelings for suddenly showed sincere interest in me, I became completely disgusted by them and couldn't stand to be around them. It was really interesting, looking back at it. Intimate relationships where the other person showed no interest in me didn't cause the same reaction. Brains are wild. I think it probably was tied to some childhood sexual trauma that I've now worked through.
Thank you I have bpd and only learning more about it. Question and answer in this video is relatable and easy to understand. Subscribed 🙂
This helps me very much as I begin to see varying patterns having developed with the people I have a relationship with daily and in the long term one of whom I've recently lost because of severe problems in their personal life a best friend to me for over 30 years now no more but that apart knowing who is toxic bad or good very much emphasises what you say about splitting.
Thank you so much for all the videos about bpd!
Of course! So happy to help :) xoxo
I just got diagnosed with BPD two weeks ago! (I was misdiagnosed with bipolar 2 a year ago). I was hoping you would make a new video on it so I can learn more about BPD! Thank you so much Kati. So helpful as always ❤️❤️🇿🇦🇿🇦
She has several videos on BPD. Very helpful!
@@legendarymayormarylikestur8874 I know, I've watched all of them! 😊
Check AJ mahari's channel. Amazing content about bpd.
This os the best video on BPD i've seen so far and i've seen quite a few hours of them. Working with BPD boss (which is something very few talk about, imagine being 'splited' as employed by borderline ...)
Fantastic video Kati as usual. I've been dx'd with BPD since age 18. I've been practically symptom free for almost two years and what you said about figuring out when you do it is such a key to starting to manage it. DBT was really good for me, but not until I found the right meds and got treated for my ADHD. For splitting, taking a thought log of them helped me and then later reframing the thoughts that were black and white/ all good all bad. If I couldn't reframe them myself, I would ask my therapist for help or one of my more rational thinking friends
Hi i have a friend that had a split the one i know was loving and caring and kind this one is mean and doesn’t care for nobody and said she has the good person one in a dark place and here’s the good one screaming and crying please help me what can i do to bring her back to the kind one please help i miss her so much
Thank you! Great topic and love the focus on black and white thinking. Run into this a lot in therapy and spend much time bringing clarity to the fact it is happening and how to challenge it. Take care :)
my bpd affects my every day life. i am very self aware and know when im splitting and i usually will know and understand my triggers. most of the time its the feeling of being ignored or feeling like im not important. it will send me into a full episode where i become extremely violent with myself and extremely angry to where i have a difficult time controlling it. i feel this every day but some days im able to talk myself down from an episode by journaling or talking it out with my best friend. the main thing that scares me is the self sabotage thats comes along with bpd because i am CONSTANTLY pushing the people im close to away for my own "protection" but really only hurting myself in the process. i hold onto relationships that i havent had in years. im an extreme daydreamer. when i become triggered, if its someone close to me that im scared to lose, i instantly become cold and agitated with them and its very hard for me to control. i dont want to put others down when i do get this way because it is simply that i have been triggered not that the person themselves did anything to make me feel triggered on purpose. my logical brain is constantly battling my disordered brain. i always feel guilty after an episode because a lot of the time i have a difficult time controlling what i say to the people who are close to me. how can i counteract my initial reaction to being triggered so that i dont say something to someone im close to that could ruin our relationship?
Spencer Jayde try the STOP DBT skill
Thank you for posting this. I'm in a long term relationship with a man I love who loves me, and over the decade+ weve been together, I'm realizing that most of the drama and tumult in our relationship is due to his splitting behaviors. Thank you for giving me this insight.❤
The splitting ruined mine. At least you are diagnosed and know what you have. My Ex did it and I thought it was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and I was an idiot for thinking he cared about me because his behavior and hateful, coldness was something I never experienced with a partner before. And the rage... never experienced before. Then the manipulation and gaslighting... and I just thought, I can't do this. Something isn't right here. He needs counselling but he doesn't see that. I would have stayed if he had the insight to know his behavior needs support. But, he suddenly claimed he did nothing and pretended it didn't happened and lied to me and his friends. I have never seen an adult shirk responsibilities for their behavior like that.
I could write this word for word. Least I'm not alone.
This is exactly how I feel
I always click on your BPD videos, they are the best.
Super informative! And nice thumbnail Kati!💕
So, I don’t have BPD, but I do have anxiety, depression, and PTSD that sort of manifests a lot like BPD. I didn’t know what splitting was and I hadn’t heard of it until just now, but I absolutely do it! I’ve seen the world as very black and white since I was a little girl. I’ve been working on it for a few months though! I’m to a point where I don’t split automatically, I just get nervous to become close to someone, especially once I see something in them I don’t like. I get very scared that they’re going to be “bad” and that I will get hurt or taken advantage of.
The way I’ve combatted this is to try to see things from their perspective. Sometimes I know that a person has mental health struggles of their own, and they did something that I didn’t like because of that, but they’re still a good person. I think of the things they have done to make me happy, to enrich my life, or that I just generally enjoy and then I think about the thing they did to upset me, whether it was intentional or even in their control, and whether they’ve ever done something intentionally to hurt me or anyone else. So far, I’ve managed to tell myself people are worth keeping around despite their flaws 100% of the time. And I’ve even been able to “forgive” (or accept) them for their shortcomings. It’s been very liberating.
i love how you talk, it doesn't make me feel like a crazy freak.
I wish you were my therapist. You are very kind, trusting and understanding.
investigate like Kati says to make sure the symptom of splitting is being treated, but also that it is not being caused by a different condition that might need some love and attention, That was really helpful.👌
How do you treat it
Thank you for this. I've been good at naming the splitting as it's been happening recently, but I was getting more and more frustrated by not knowing where to go after naming it. Thank you for your helpful advice.
I would pay premium to have you as my therapist.. sadly I'm surrounded with doddering old folk and degenerates. I feel no connection with them and they literally read straight out the book. You're so spontaneous and knowledgeable.
Great video. Great points. Love your videos!
thank you, i have bpd and this video was really helpful, very clear, once again, thanks!
Thank you for giving a name to something I didn't realize I was doing!
Thank you! There is a logic in splitting even though it's damaging.
My sister has BPD and traits of ASPD but I notice her splitting isn’t a consistent thing probably because I’m family she’s not only going to categorize me and that’s her final thoughts on me/ that’s all I am. Instead I find it has more to do with her mood and if she hasn’t seen me in a while I’m the best but after days of being around me I become the enemy
Note I’m often seen as the enemy because I took attention away from her when we were children because I was diagnosed with an ASD so she got less attention from my mother because I needed more support till I reached my teen years
THIS WAS SO HELPFUL😁😁 Thank you so much🤗
Thanks for discussing this. I've had a problem with splitting (and the lashing out that used to come with it) for a long time. Over time I've learned to hold myself back from reacting immediately, but then i'm worried that maybe sometimes i'm not reacting when a reaction is due. It's difficult to differentiate between what i think is true and what is actually true. These tips might help. Thanks :)
My exhusband has bpd and bipolar. And our relationship was very traumatic for me though it lasted 1 year and we split up when my son was 3 months. I was unaware of his diagnosis and videos like this help me heal as well as have less fear which I think is more of the PTSD I have. Please keep these videos coming. WHAT ABOUT HOW IT IS DEALING WITH A BPD / BIPOLAR PARENT. I actually think my mother may be bpd or bipolar.
Loved this video, thanks Kati 👏🤩💗
bless you. i am saving up for therapy atm and i’m currently struggling with splitting. thank you for this. i’m sure i’ll rewatch to help myself understand.
Katie, you have a very nice style. Thank you!
It always helps me to talk about it with people. If I tell them my perspective of someone, they can help me to see it in a different way or remind me of things I've said before that counter what I'm saying right now. Because when I'm splitting, I'm completely blind for what I might have said earlier and I actually temporarily forget about it. People who know I do that, can help me a lot by just reminding me of other times I split and wasn't (completely) correct.
Yay. A new video :-). My brother just got diagnosed with this.
Thank you Kati!! Im going through this atm. I phoned my mental health team yesterday to talk to them then changed my mind. They just hung up on me!! I realise what I’m doing, bringing them closer to help and the pushing them away coz I feel I’m being annoying. Now I’m just feeling really isolated and alone. I know I should reach of again but I don’t know how they can help!? I’m trying to also use my skills from DBT but I just feel hijacked by my emotional mind. I’m starting to think is it all worth it anymore. I really hate all this. I can’t find a middle ground and I just don’t know what to do! 😫😫
Lisa West keep trying to use your skills! It’s hard and it takes a long time but it will be worth it. Maybe pay attention to your body signs when you start getting emotional. (Or after you calm back down, look back and try to remember what you felt before you started getting emotional). Keep paying attention everyday and you will pick up cues. Then once you know the cues it will be easier to recognize when you are starting to get emotional and you can use the skills when you get those body sensations
My first time watching but I’ll be subscribing. As someone with BPD and OCPD. This hit home. Splitting is a really hard thing to get a handle on so I give credit to anyone who can manage it.
Hey do you mind if I message you on Instagram or something? I think I have BPD but have never had anyone to talk to about it and I think it might be very useful for me to get a person who actuslly has BPDs perspective on it. Thanks x
tired sure I’ll help anyway I can. I haven’t used Instagram since before my dog passed away May 2019 tho.
@@notorious-00j99 thats ok and I'm sorry for your loss :(( whats ur insta name?
tired joshualives3
Och that's so refreshing! I was fighting this feelings for so long time even not knowing it's names. Couple of months ago I figured it out when I was talking to myself about 'they are doing it again, it's ALWAYS like that!'. And then I stopped. Well, really always? Or just now? Maybe it was somebody else? Or I just generalise? The answer was yes. Yes for I am sad, I am sorry, I am mad. And no for EVERYBODY doing it ALWAYS.
And I'm so truly free from then. Now I'm just letting it go. I'm patient and concerned, in a good way, of what I am thinking of. I was doing a mess to my mind for so long. Now I know.
Honestly, I'm very thankful that you make these videos
(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤
xoxo
Gosh, this is such a simple helpful way to explain this mechanism. Sadly had a long time friend with BPD traits that I could not understand much at the time. Did spliting but was quite quiet otherwise. This not noticing thing is something I am not proud of since we were both psychologists and she was a beginner therapist already. Made me think that she was always self-aware and it was so confusing. Did not help that I was trying to overexplain. At least I learned a lot and hope i can react better with other people.
currently getting my MA in general psychology , (PhD hopeful) and this genuinely helped me with splitting ,thank u i couldn't grasp what it was ur a star
I’ve never been diagnosed with bpd but this kind of thinking is one of my biggest mental health struggles and makes me and my partner feel so exhausted and crazy
I used this video on my blog about my bpd. thank you, splitting is the worst for me.
Thanks for this! I’ve been doing this for years and also I have split from social media. Recently deleted all social media to focus on myself better but I realize that’s not normal behavior, but yes I completely understand this video.
I know right! it really isn't too good
I just bought your book online, I can’t wait to read it!
I watch these videos and start sobbing because being understood feels so validating
Hi Kati, I don’t have a diagnosis for bpd but my therapist said I show that I meet some criteria and splitting is definitely something that I do. I categorise people when I first meet them into good or bad and am very picky about who goes in the good group. I am trying to see the different sides of people, but it’s hard for me to accept that if they did something hurtful that they can still be a good person in general. I used to also like only having one close friendship that was very intense, but I have grown out of that I think. Anyways, thanks for the video!
the second you said splitting I knew, god damn it! thanks for this Kati
I’m just learning about my BPD. My therapist texted me your video on splitting. Very helpful video
This trick is going to help so much I’m going g through trouble with my friends right now and just got diagnosed with bpd and don’t know if they are just toxic or I’m splitting
I didn’t even know the term splitting Thankyou so much Kati
Omg same!
Is it my gut feeling or my mental illness...
A constant question for me =/
Could you do a video on complex post traumatic stress disorder and bpd? The differences and similarities?
Edit: everybody looking for one, there’s a link in the comments to a previous Kati video
Kati has a video on exactly that!
ruclips.net/video/3hIGaxGU13w/видео.html
Yes this!
I think Kati did a video on this
curiouserandcuriouser here’s a link to Kati’s video on it! ruclips.net/video/3hIGaxGU13w/видео.html
Thank you guys a bunch
My sister has BPD and I’m “never” there for her, I “never” apologizes for anything and I “always” do this and that to her. It’s exhausting and I’m this close to actually abandon her, which she says that I “always” do but in reality it’s actually she that always leaves me. It’s horrifyingly sad, I’m so close to leave her for good :( I tried to talk to her but she’s always a victim and I’m “always” “so mean”
i think the advice in this video could be really helpful, like instead of focusing on what's wrong this time try to get her to observe herself and her thoughts more. it's so helpful to be able to recognise when you're splitting with someone and even if you don't fully believe it being able to have concrete examples in your memory that disprove the black and white thoughts. just that small step from "you always do shit and you're never there" to "I'm feeling like you always do shit and you're never there, even though it isn't true" can show the self-awareness that's so so so helpful
“...and honestly, that just really sucks”
Classic Kati! 😹😹❤️😹😹