As a person who is in the middle of an eating disorder relapse, I know how it is hard to get help for yourself because you don't the problem.I'm lucky enough to have people around me to push me and make me see what's going on is wrong, If it wasn't for them I would be dead right now. The hard cold truth is that Anaoxica is the deadliest mental illness. What's happening With Eugina is really sad she doesn't seem to have people around her that see what she is doing as wrong or don't care. Kati if you still have contact with Eugina and are able to help please do. I know how hard it is when the person doesn't want help. That was me too but people around me didn't give up so if you're around her, I hope you can do the same for her. Although recovery is so hard and sometimes you fall it is worth it and the end.
Just wondering if you could do a video on what should be done if someone we know with an eating disorder is relapsing and dangerously unhealthy. Would be nice.
I’ve known this for years. It really helps my relationships with people who actually listen when I tell them my love languages. My parents on the other hand got offended that I didn’t appreciate whatever kind of love they wanted to give me. They didn’t want to hear and prioritize the ways I feel most loved. 😞
Learning about the 5 love languages has helped me finally understand & accept my marriage ending. I couldn’t fathom how a relationship with so much love fail until I realized we don’t experience love in the same way 💔
But it's not that you both experienced love in a DIFFERENT way, it's one or both of you didn't try or didn't know to love the other in the way they needed. Any relationship can survive with different primary love languages, when both partners know and fulfill each others needs.
Often im afraid to mention that one of my languages is "touch" because I don't want their automatic thought be intimacy. But any touch outside of intimacy is what I crave. It's made this whole "timeout" even harder lol.
Maybe consider how you could express what it is you mean by touch.. letting them know that what you crave or need isn't intimate touch, but just loving platonic touch :) You could even journal about it ;) hahah!!! xoxo
This information has helped me gain a lot of insight into my experience growing up. My parents love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation. Mine is quality time. I always said that I know my parents love and care for me but I never *felt* loved because they were terrible at turning phones off when talking or even doing grocery shopping when we planned an evening out alone. It's been a struggle to get past that in other relationships, and believe that people really care and want to spend time with me. Maybe that's why I flourish in therapy. It's the one place I truly get that. Working on creating the same feeling in real life as well.
Reading the 5 love languages helped me improve my relationship with my mom. Like you discribed, we didn't have the same love language so, despite her efforts, it didn't feel like love for me. Now I make sure to never miss an occasion to buy her a gift and she doesn't miss one to give me a warm hug.
my mom prefers words of affirmation, and even though it's out of my comfort zone, i'll take time out of my day to say something heartfelt every so often. she's a happy crier, so i always know i "did good" when she's smiling with tears in her eyes after i tell her how grateful i am for her.
People are selfish and greedy. People take and take without giving back. That's why my husband is my best friend and I keep friendships and family ties to a minimum. Finding someone who has had similar past experiences in life, not so much similar interests, is the secret to solid relationships in my book. They understand you and why you feel how you do. All these points Kati has brought up are very important too. Just make sure you are showing your love language to the right people.
I disagree, it’s not past experiences that matter it’s perspective. I have absolutely not experienced anything like what my husband has gone though in his childhood, I’ve never had to deal with death like he has and being forced to move across the world, etc. but that doesn’t matter because we both have the same perspective of life, which is what attracted us to each other. We have our priorities straight, we aren’t caught up in all the stupid shit that a lot of people waste their time on, we know what’s actually important in life and we see things the same way. But I 1,000% agree that most people are innocuous assholes and it’s best to keep close ties to a minimum.
Knowing this information has helped my relationship 100%. My love language is words of affirmation and my bf's is physical touch. In the beginning, we kept using our own love language to show affection, but it was lost on the other person. Once we learned about the 5 love languages, everything changed. He tells me beautiful, amazing things all the time. I hug him, hold his hand, give him back rubs, etc. This works for us and we're both really happy. We feel very loved
My husband and I are working with a therapist on this. My primary love language is words of affirmation but my husband is very uncomfortable expressing his love through words. He shows that he loves me in other ways but it doesn't have the same impact. We took the love languages quiz at work under the platonic relationships category and i had the same results. My boss started sending me random emails and texts about what a great asset to the team i am and it makes me feel so appreciated and loved! It's amazing what a difference it makes. Great video and I'm so glad you talked about this!
Happy Monday, Katie! I am 31 but am going to apply for masters in counseling programs here in Oregon for next year. Your videos have been so helpful! Have an amazing week!
I have known about this for a while. The pastor who was doing pre-marital counselling with me and my husband had us read it together. It really helped us a lot.
Knowing my love language helped me realize that I was not getting my needs met in my last relationship. My ex was great with acts of service, but my top two love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation and I did not receive either from them without asking first. This was incredibly painful! The quality time we spent together and the acts of service they performed meant a lot to me, but they couldn't fill what I was missing from the relationship. now to find someone who can!
I just took the quiz and my top 2 were words of affirmation and acts of service, which makes a lot of sense because I'm really anxious and have low self esteem so I need a lot of validation and praise to feel truly loved and appreciated, and I often actively seek out praise and validation. I also struggle a lot with depression and motivation, so when someone chooses to help me with things I don't have the energy or motivation to do myself, it makes me feel really understood and cared for. This is probably actually why I feel unloved in my relationship, because my boyfriend is more likely to offer quality time, physical touch, or gifts than anything else, which, for reasons related to my trauma, more often make me feel uncomfortable or unfulfilled. There's like this weird disconnect in my mind where, rationally, I know that he loves me and that this is how he's trying to show me his appreciation, but I struggle to accept and appreciate those gestures. I never really thought about it before, but it explains a lot of the loneliness and disconnect I've been feeling.
My wife and I bought this book a few years ago and it’s really helped us! We are 36 and 38 years old and we’ve been together for 11 years! But you gave me the great idea of finding out what my two best friends love languages are so I can show them how much I love them by using their love language! I never thought to use it on my friends too! Thanks Kati! Love you!
Love languages really makes our relationship thrive because we each feel that we are appreciated. My parents however insisted on only showing love their way and when I told them I feel love and appreciated in different ways I was told I was "ungrateful". It took me a long time but I have come to accept they won't change and made peace with it.
I did not know these 5 love languages, but after i got the boyfriend i have now i realized how much of myself i kept under the rug! Now I am 100% myself, we sing goofy love songs to each other, we have a lot of names and generally sounds of affection. This i did not have in my other relationships! And it helps a lot, whenever we argue, even when we are totally down in a dark pit, we manage to speak reason to each other and often get the mood up with the love languages we've got! I see a lot of reasons to know these, i will observe and use it on my friends and family, to be even better at loving! :D
This is important because this avoids a lot of fights that break out. 4:13 this helps to de stress someone and help them understand the person. A frustration that is not understood that the other person is someone who doesn't understand or feel appreciated and it can be exhausting.
Kati, my husband and I practice all 5 love languages and I feel so good every day no matter other people. Does that mean true love? Nothing is done out of negativity, I feel so lucky. I never used to like it but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried some lovey dovey stuff and turned out it wasn't that bad. 💜🥰 thank you for all your advice kati!! You're awesome!😍
Yes! I knew about these and my husband and I have read the book. It helped our marriage be stronger. My most important is quality time. My husband's is physical touch. This was a great refresher and reminder on how to show those around me love. Thanks!
@@AdrianColley I agree. Same with clingy. Just a pathetic buzzword that people who are sociopaths, people that have no capacity to love, and just plain garbage people that use others invented
The book "'Attached: How To Find and Keep Love" speaks on this similar topic but doesn't imply love languages per se more like individual needs depending on our attachment style(secure, avoidant, anxious). Highly recommend this book if you're interest in relationship psychology The subject matter in this book is very practical as well.
Took the quiz. Words of affirmation is my love language. They mean the world to me tbh and I adore the other love languages but they don’t mean anything to me without the words. 🥺
My relationship was very new when COVID happened. I get a lot of comfort from just being able to spend time with her. Im bad with words and am easily embarrassed by compliments. Due to my mental health I struggle with keeping up screen communication. I'm really struggling with this quarantine and not being able to see her. I've sent her the quiz as well so I hope I can make her feel appreciated and loved
So true Kati, me and my partner did not have the same love language and I struggled with it for over 4-5 years. But communication did help me out, and yes showing someone love is their own language is very very important. This video was very informative. Thanks! ❤️
My wife & I started marriage counselling back before covid derailed everything. The 5 love languages were a key component of the sessions however I was disconnected and couldn’t really figure out why. I ended up doing EMDR therapy for some past trauma and it filled in the missing pieces. I’m ready to really get back into the 5 languages now that I’ve got the keys to my life back (well actually based on my situation, I really didn’t have all the keys to begin with). Wishing everyone here happiness & wellness.!
I'm so happy you did a video about this. The 5 Love Languages is a great book, and you broke it down in a great way! This is a super valuable aspect to consider for relationships, and to know your own, that way you can communicate what your love language is to someone else and give a heads up!
Two things to note is that your love language can change over time and your love language might not be as simple to figure out by doing the quiz. I don't actually really like the quiz because you can only pick one answer rather than rank the answers and since the languages are self explanatory, you could figure it out without the quiz. I would really recommend reading the book because it gives case studies with partners who have different love languages and it goes much more in-depth than a quiz does. I used to think I hated physical touch but I realised that I actually did really like it and thought I didn't because I had never received physical affection growing up and associated touch with punishment. Quality time is my love language and it's especially important since everyone's so busy all the time.
Mine was the same as yours that felt funny when you listed them off. But listening to this made me realize my dad's is gifts and I didn't give him enough gifts.
Wish more people understood this, I've spent way to long at time's needing communication and intimacy, just to be looked at like I'm a little crazy or told my conversation are boring.
I love this. I think i found out about this through you, Kati haha but it's not until recently that i've felt comfortable sharing this iwth my friends. i dont know how many of them take it seriously but i really hope some of them do. it helps me understanding myself a lot and i pay attention to how i express my love to my friends whose love language i know. :) it's so fascinating and yet so simple.
I watched a video that was very similar in saying that people receive love in different ways whether its physical contact (affection), giving of gifts, speech (compliments) and its very true, i know in my relationship my partner and I feel loved in different ways
Hear me out and feel free to give feedback. Is having someone as everything to you healthy? We’re all imperfect people. Expecting someone to be everything to you will lead to disappointment. Sorry about the break up. Heart break in romantic relationships is a big fear of mine.
@@E.W.C.1993 We had our faults. What I mean is that she is what I dreamed of. But I was too closed off the give back the same and in turn threw it all away. We exhausted ourselves. The timing wasn't right, and I don't know how to not be hard on myself for everything. Thank you for reaching out.
I've shared this with my boyfriend as I was curious to what he prefers. But I got met with a "why are you showing me psychology stuff" and "I don't like that". I wonder why he's so negative about this... afraid of himself? When this can be so powerful..
Kati: imo, bcz it's a ME ME ME world. focus on the needs of the other person's happiness is gone. yes, our own happiness is important! but helping others to be happy and feel loved gives you so much warmth. it's like watching a child smile, you can't help but smile too. 👼 do for others, it will come back to you in so many ways. 🙆♀️💞
Me and my fiance hate each other's love languages. He's gifts and I'm time spent and physical touch. Gifts make me heavily uncomfortable and I associated with someone doing something wrong and trying to make up for it. He hates physical touch and doesn't like to be around people. 🤦♀️
@@thehealingfairee unfortunately we didn't understand this about one another untill we had two children. It does make thinks very challenging. But also when he makes an effort to show love my way or me him it means a little more to me because I know he's trying.
My ex baby daddy wasn't used to hugs either best believe he got used to it because he had to with me. IT INCREASES SEROTONIN. His family is a hateful narcissist(mostly) family that never hugs like mine did
The School of Life taught me this ages ago and I feel so grateful for it, it's wonderful that you're bringing this subject up, thank you =)) In my case it helped to bring delicate subjects with my partners and friends and discuss about relationship dynamics or debate about ideal partnerships. But knowing about my love language didn't make me feel specially more capable of teaching other people how I wanted to be treated. Sometimes I even felt narcissistic talking about it, and that I had to adapt to other people's love languages instead of building a common ground. Love languages, for me, represent an opportunity to reflect not only on how you feel you want to be treated, but also meditate on how much self-esteem you think you have and if you prioritise enough your language above inconvenient relationships.
I absolutely knew this before we studied this in my sociology class in highschool and even had to take the quiz. It definitely helped me to understand why I am the way I am. I am very very much a physical touch person, and was even more so in highschool. Therefore knowing to ask for hugs was very helpful. Especially first year of college, when I didn't have friends I knew well enough to touch or hug all the time, it was important for me to get a lot of physical touch when I was home and when I finally got comfortable with my roommates and friends. Also it just kinda struck me how big a factor it is in my relationships during covid. I feel really disconnected right now, because quality time and physical touch are really hard things to like....do right now. Especially physical touch. I wanna hug people so so bad. ugh soon soon soon.
I found it helps with friendships as well. I feel I am more flexible with those if it's not the same. As opposed to a romantic partnership, where I felt constantly hurt if we had different love languages. With my current partner, we almost share the same order, so it just feels very easy to connect and be able to make each other feel loved.
I can't remember being hugged by my parents as a child. Been hugged only on special occasions just to congratulate me in front of people.. Hugs are the only thing I've been craving my whole life, and that's what I don't get from anyone, but my husband, which in fact is becoming less frequent because he is too busy playing games. Yup, my life in a nutshell
Kristina Komarova 😞😞😞 you should try and voice that;;; maybe after he finishes a game, ask for a hug or to cuddle? Let him know you need / crave comfort and you don’t feel like you’re getting much of it recently
@@kristinakomarova7555 you're communicating your feelings, not asking for love. (also I took it as if you hadn't voiced these issues at all to him, so I apologize for the assumption.) but also, how are you asking? is it "hey, can we cuddle" or "hey, recently I feel like you don't make time for me, can we make time?" give more context to your feelings. love works best with communication. so yes, both sides need to give and work together.
@@IKM218 this made me realise that I actually stopped "talking" about it, because I've tried doing it after an argument or something? Maybe the more I give the more I will receive.. Just what your comment made me think 😁 I could be the problem as well, because I ignore him while he is playing games.. Maybe if I change my attitude this could work out?
@@kristinakomarova7555 yea, I personally try to avoid talking about a problem after an argument because I'm very emotional and I know that I can say things in a harsher way. So bringing it up when we're both calm helps, and it won't feel like an "attack" on either end. possibly, not sure what he plays, but if its multiplayer, try playing a game with him? My partner also loves playing games and sometimes I'll play something with him. if not, I'll do my own thing in the same room (draw or just browse the internet) It's not going to be an overnight thing, it can take time to shift habits and make change but I do hope things get better for you
Hello Kati, thank you so very much for your videos, they have been an amazing support tool and great insight, I am very happy the algorithm recommended your channel! I have a question if I may, at some point you talk about a test to figure out your love languages scale, do you have a specific quiz you could recommend? thank you again!
Love this topic! It’s so important knowing what your love language is and figuring out what your needs are so you can Better communicate with your loved ones. Mine is definitely acts of service and physical touch :)
Known for a long time. Have tried to communicate it to friends who even took the initiative to do the test and talk about it as a group, but they never followed through as much.
I've read the book. It is wonderful. I highly recommend it! It helped me know mine and my friends' love languages. I took the quiz last year or so and mine is primarily physical touch though acts of service is one I have learned to speak. It is the one I use when I'm at the library. I speak my best friend's love language which is words of affirmation. She's learned to speak mine.
LOVE this video! My top love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation 🥰 I recently did the 'apology language' quiz too, that one is just as interesting!!
Thank you so much for the video we are so grateful to watch your videos and listen to your advices the right language of love leads will to emotional connection thank you Kati I love to watch all your videos god bless you and your channel
@Kati Morton , could you make a video for those who don’t know who they are and they have no interests, passions, life goals or dreams, and possibly what to do? For me, I just feel like I don’t have any real goals for anything and I don’t know what I want in life (not like I have a lot to choose from, I just don’t know what I want). I’ve always had the thought in the back of mind that suicide is my only fate, and I don’t know how to get out of that and I don’t know if I can, which may be why I don’t know what I want from life. I’ve been in 4 psych hospitals, several counselors/doctors who don’t know how to help - as if I knew what to tell them what to help - meds that don’t work, all over 6 years. I’m a senior in high school and I’ve been dreading it, especially since a young age, I kept telling myself I’m going to attempt suicide (again) at 18 (3 months). It’s not that I want to, but I don’t have anything to strive for, again, no interests, dreams, life goals (like a car, my offered job promotion, etc), hobbies, or passions. I feel like quarantine has made me thought about all of this more and I’m just really scared of not knowing who I am. I’ve had interests in the past before, but they turned out to be phases. Now my life (since 2 years) revolves around food (my counselor is a joke and doesn’t know how to help and treats me like broken glass) and I just feel like everyday is the same never ending cycle of binging/restrict (self diagnosed since my counselor couldn’t help). My counseling ends at 18 because of insurance, not that it ever helped. I haven’t seen them in months because of quarantine. My family also has no idea how to help. I just feel hopeless. I hope you respond @Kati Morton Thanks
I'm older now and I don't feel a need to love or be loved, other than platonic love. That may sound lonely but it really isn't for me. I just like my life simple without complications and entanglements that came from those 'more than a friend' relationships. And I never had great language skills anyway but thanks Kati, this is informative, and I'm sure helpful to others.
Judging from some of the reports I have been getting about other people's relationships there are a lot of potential partners I would run, not walk away from.
Mine is definitely acts of service. When I found that my husband had hand-washed my pantyhose and put them on towels to dry, I was deeply touched he would do this humble little act for me. He also puts clean towels by the tub for me. ❤️
Hey Kati. I was hoping I could ask you a question. Me and my mom have been caring for my grandmother for several years. She’s been living in a nursing home as of late and had been doing very well both physically and mentally. In spite of this, she died suddenly and very unexpectedly on Friday morning. My natural inclination is to begin caring for my mom as she grieves, because I’m terrified for how she’s going to process this and I want to support her in every way possible, but I’m finding that I’m just as scared to address this loss myself. How do you go from being a caregiver to grieving the sudden and unexpected loss of the person you were caring for? How can I help my mother through the grieving process while allowing myself my own space to grieve?
I am confused as to how discussing The 5 Love Languages is to do with why so many relationships go bad. Have I missed it? I knew about this prior and it did make my relationships easier in terms of not wasting too much energy on lower LL. I wouldn't say they are the reason relationships go bad.
Gifts is one of my languages and I think there is some misconception that it's a shallow materialistic thing. It was my birthday last weekend. My mom never knows what to get me so I asked her if she could buy me some curry powder, garam masala, etc. so I could make a curry (I moved recently and left my spices). She knows what spices you need for curry like the back of her hand. She gave me olive oil for my birthday. I think she went to the olive oil store thinking they would have my spices but they didn't so she said well that will do. I'm a bit upset because I feel like she has a tendency to not care. It wasn't about the gift so much as the lack of trying. She forgot the dates I was moving across country. I had to keep reminding her I was leaving. (She's cognitively healthy) People tell me I give them very thoughtful gifts. There are people I know who have it dead last in their preferences, like my boyfriend. I still do a good job with the gifts even though he'd be fine with nothing, but I also make sure to pay attention to his love language quality time and words of affirmation just like he attends to my languages.
Hey Kati thanks for such a great video today. I did know about the five love languages before today and it does help when my thinking is parallel with that content. With that said when I'm not thinking about the five love languages I don't believe that I am as on the mark.
Hi, I enjoyed your video. Wouldnt it be great if everyone was taught the '5 Love Languages' - it would help us to better understand ourselves and others and how we show and give our love. It would help many people navigate new relationships with others and perhaps even mend rocky relationships. Thanks Kati
I knew about the concept of love languages, but I didn't know the different types, neither did I ever really make an effort to incorporate it into my relationships. Honestly, I have enough trouble trying to gauge what *my* best love language is, much less trying to work out what others' are.
I’m a huge quality time person and the way your friend expressed it is really weird to me. I don’t want 1x1 time or else I’ll be upset, I like hanging out with groups of people, I’d just rather spend time in person over texting or calling, etc. I hate texting, like let’s just meet up and do something fun and we can talk then lol
Even though you and this friend have the same love language- you just express it differently. Sounds like your more extroverted than Kati’s friend. There’s nothing wrong with either way of being 😄
💗....my friend moved to ireland from mexico and hated that girls in Ireland didnt like kiss eachothers cheeks goodbye,hold hands etc etc when we were in school, it quickly became something I love in our friendship but its not for everyone 🥺😂
You'll sometimes see cheek-kissing in Ireland, but it's usually considered a pretentious imitation of French culture. Non-sexual Hand-Holding is just alien to us.
If we are to develp an intimate relationship we need to know each other's desires. If we wish to love each other we need to know what the other person wants.
when taking the test I felt like the evaluation of gift giving was skewed, it doesn't take into account that unless you have a huge amount of money or of times of course gifts will always be more meaningful and special than for example sitting next to each other, which is something I can get when I want with almost nothing to stop me. I feel like the gifts were in many cases compared to a zero effort, zero trouble getting it thing that of course you can get any time in a relationship while a gift unless you're really rich or are constantly doing crafts inevitably takes more effort, is rarer and therefore more meaningful than that
As a person who is in the middle of an eating disorder relapse, I know how it is hard to get help for yourself because you don't the problem.I'm lucky enough to have people around me to push me and make me see what's going on is wrong, If it wasn't for them I would be dead right now. The hard cold truth is that Anaoxica is the deadliest mental illness. What's happening With Eugina is really sad she doesn't seem to have people around her that see what she is doing as wrong or don't care. Kati if you still have contact with Eugina and are able to help please do. I know how hard it is when the person doesn't want help. That was me too but people around me didn't give up so if you're around her, I hope you can do the same for her. Although recovery is so hard and sometimes you fall it is worth it and the end.
Just wondering if you could do a video on what should be done if someone we know with an eating disorder is relapsing and dangerously unhealthy. Would be nice.
And maybe she could lead by example.
I’ve known this for years. It really helps my relationships with people who actually listen when I tell them my love languages. My parents on the other hand got offended that I didn’t appreciate whatever kind of love they wanted to give me. They didn’t want to hear and prioritize the ways I feel most loved. 😞
I am so glad it's helped many of your relationships.. but so sorry your parents didn't understand or try to work with you... ugh :( xoxo
Learning about the 5 love languages has helped me finally understand & accept my marriage ending. I couldn’t fathom how a relationship with so much love fail until I realized we don’t experience love in the same way 💔
But it's not that you both experienced love in a DIFFERENT way, it's one or both of you didn't try or didn't know to love the other in the way they needed. Any relationship can survive with different primary love languages, when both partners know and fulfill each others needs.
I am so glad learning about them was helpful.. I know any relationship ending can be hard to process. xoxoxo
Often im afraid to mention that one of my languages is "touch" because I don't want their automatic thought be intimacy. But any touch outside of intimacy is what I crave. It's made this whole "timeout" even harder lol.
Maybe consider how you could express what it is you mean by touch.. letting them know that what you crave or need isn't intimate touch, but just loving platonic touch :) You could even journal about it ;) hahah!!! xoxo
@@Katimorton oh my, this J-bombing!!!! Lol
This information has helped me gain a lot of insight into my experience growing up. My parents love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation. Mine is quality time. I always said that I know my parents love and care for me but I never *felt* loved because they were terrible at turning phones off when talking or even doing grocery shopping when we planned an evening out alone.
It's been a struggle to get past that in other relationships, and believe that people really care and want to spend time with me.
Maybe that's why I flourish in therapy. It's the one place I truly get that. Working on creating the same feeling in real life as well.
I am so glad this was helpful!!! and YES!! That could be why you never felt loved even though they were showing you love in their language. xoxoxo
Had a bad weekend with my boyfriend (of 5 years) and RUclips recommends this to me. Perfect timing!
Reading the 5 love languages helped me improve my relationship with my mom. Like you discribed, we didn't have the same love language so, despite her efforts, it didn't feel like love for me. Now I make sure to never miss an occasion to buy her a gift and she doesn't miss one to give me a warm hug.
I am so glad it was so helpful!!! xoxo Yay! xoxo
my mom prefers words of affirmation, and even though it's out of my comfort zone, i'll take time out of my day to say something heartfelt every so often. she's a happy crier, so i always know i "did good" when she's smiling with tears in her eyes after i tell her how grateful i am for her.
People are selfish and greedy. People take and take without giving back. That's why my husband is my best friend and I keep friendships and family ties to a minimum.
Finding someone who has had similar past experiences in life, not so much similar interests, is the secret to solid relationships in my book. They understand you and why you feel how you do. All these points Kati has brought up are very important too. Just make sure you are showing your love language to the right people.
Honestly finding people with a similar past experience can be next to impossible for some people.
I disagree, it’s not past experiences that matter it’s perspective. I have absolutely not experienced anything like what my husband has gone though in his childhood, I’ve never had to deal with death like he has and being forced to move across the world, etc. but that doesn’t matter because we both have the same perspective of life, which is what attracted us to each other. We have our priorities straight, we aren’t caught up in all the stupid shit that a lot of people waste their time on, we know what’s actually important in life and we see things the same way. But I 1,000% agree that most people are innocuous assholes and it’s best to keep close ties to a minimum.
@@grayonthewater I agree with you.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective.. and I am so sorry you have to keep friendships and family ties to a minimum :( xoxo
Shes right
perfect timing! 2 weeks ago my boyfriend left for college, so this was very helpful! 1 year going strong! thank you☺️❤️
Of course!! So glad it was helpful!!! :) xoxo
When I was quarantined I told my bf that quality time was important to me, so he scheduled zoom movie nights for us to make sure I felt loved 🥺
Knowing this information has helped my relationship 100%. My love language is words of affirmation and my bf's is physical touch. In the beginning, we kept using our own love language to show affection, but it was lost on the other person. Once we learned about the 5 love languages, everything changed. He tells me beautiful, amazing things all the time. I hug him, hold his hand, give him back rubs, etc. This works for us and we're both really happy. We feel very loved
ALMOST 1 MILLION, KATI OMG!!! SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
I wish this was taught in school
Omg me too!!!! xoxo
I knew about this before due to a sociology class in undergrad. It’s definitely helpful when you’re in a relationship!
My husband and I are working with a therapist on this. My primary love language is words of affirmation but my husband is very uncomfortable expressing his love through words. He shows that he loves me in other ways but it doesn't have the same impact.
We took the love languages quiz at work under the platonic relationships category and i had the same results. My boss started sending me random emails and texts about what a great asset to the team i am and it makes me feel so appreciated and loved! It's amazing what a difference it makes. Great video and I'm so glad you talked about this!
I haven’t seen the video yet, but I can’t wait! I love all of Kati’s videos!
I finally had time to watch the video and take the quiz! I got physical touch
@@blakelysmith7636 Physical touch from a girl is all I need. It’s the best feeling in the world being bear hugged 😍
Happy Monday, Katie! I am 31 but am going to apply for masters in counseling programs here in Oregon for next year. Your videos have been so helpful! Have an amazing week!
Awe yay!! I am so excited for you!! And glad I could help :) xoxo
Kati Morton I also really, really love love languages and I think it’s been one of the things that makes my marriage so strong!
31 is young - that said, there's no expiration date for beginning new experiences. Life is a journey. I hope this new adventure is an enjoyable one!
I have known about this for a while. The pastor who was doing pre-marital counselling with me and my husband had us read it together. It really helped us a lot.
That's how my mom found out about it too!! xoxo
Knowing my love language helped me realize that I was not getting my needs met in my last relationship. My ex was great with acts of service, but my top two love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation and I did not receive either from them without asking first. This was incredibly painful! The quality time we spent together and the acts of service they performed meant a lot to me, but they couldn't fill what I was missing from the relationship. now to find someone who can!
I just took the quiz and my top 2 were words of affirmation and acts of service, which makes a lot of sense because I'm really anxious and have low self esteem so I need a lot of validation and praise to feel truly loved and appreciated, and I often actively seek out praise and validation. I also struggle a lot with depression and motivation, so when someone chooses to help me with things I don't have the energy or motivation to do myself, it makes me feel really understood and cared for.
This is probably actually why I feel unloved in my relationship, because my boyfriend is more likely to offer quality time, physical touch, or gifts than anything else, which, for reasons related to my trauma, more often make me feel uncomfortable or unfulfilled. There's like this weird disconnect in my mind where, rationally, I know that he loves me and that this is how he's trying to show me his appreciation, but I struggle to accept and appreciate those gestures. I never really thought about it before, but it explains a lot of the loneliness and disconnect I've been feeling.
I admire the grounded positivity you exude, makes the topics you speak about easier to listen to
My wife and I bought this book a few years ago and it’s really helped us! We are 36 and 38 years old and we’ve been together for 11 years! But you gave me the great idea of finding out what my two best friends love languages are so I can show them how much I love them by using their love language! I never thought to use it on my friends too! Thanks Kati! Love you!
Love languages really makes our relationship thrive because we each feel that we are appreciated. My parents however insisted on only showing love their way and when I told them I feel love and appreciated in different ways I was told I was "ungrateful". It took me a long time but I have come to accept they won't change and made peace with it.
I’m trying my best to find the spark back in my relationship of 6 years
I did not know these 5 love languages, but after i got the boyfriend i have now i realized how much of myself i kept under the rug!
Now I am 100% myself, we sing goofy love songs to each other, we have a lot of names and generally sounds of affection. This i did not have in my other relationships! And it helps a lot, whenever we argue, even when we are totally down in a dark pit, we manage to speak reason to each other and often get the mood up with the love languages we've got!
I see a lot of reasons to know these, i will observe and use it on my friends and family, to be even better at loving! :D
hi Kati i’m so proud you’re about to hit 1 million subs
This is important because this avoids a lot of fights that break out. 4:13 this helps to de stress someone and help them understand the person. A frustration that is not understood that the other person is someone who doesn't understand or feel appreciated and it can be exhausting.
ive known about this for a while and always thought of myself as "quality time", the quiz says my top three are time, words, acts
Kati, my husband and I practice all 5 love languages and I feel so good every day no matter other people. Does that mean true love? Nothing is done out of negativity, I feel so lucky. I never used to like it but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried some lovey dovey stuff and turned out it wasn't that bad. 💜🥰 thank you for all your advice kati!! You're awesome!😍
Thanks I have BPD While I watch your video I feel comfortable Good job
Thank you, thank you, thank you for covering this very important topic of love languages!
THANKS FOR SHARING THIS. WE ALL KNOW WHAT LOVE MEANS BUT WE SHOULD TELL OTHERS WHAT WE EXPECT FROM THEM
Yes! I knew about these and my husband and I have read the book. It helped our marriage be stronger. My most important is quality time. My husband's is physical touch. This was a great refresher and reminder on how to show those around me love. Thanks!
Neediness is one of the biggest things. People run away from needy people 😱🙏🏼
It's true though
Why is that?
I'm personally convinced that "needy" is just a word that people with avoidant attachment styles use to describe people with other attachment styles.
@@AdrianColley It depends on the extent of the neediness.
@@AdrianColley I agree. Same with clingy. Just a pathetic buzzword that people who are sociopaths, people that have no capacity to love, and just plain garbage people that use others invented
The book "'Attached: How To Find and Keep Love" speaks on this similar topic but doesn't imply love languages per se more like individual needs depending on our attachment style(secure, avoidant, anxious). Highly recommend this book if you're interest in relationship psychology The subject matter in this book is very practical as well.
Took the quiz. Words of affirmation is my love language. They mean the world to me tbh and I adore the other love languages but they don’t mean anything to me without the words. 🥺
My relationship was very new when COVID happened. I get a lot of comfort from just being able to spend time with her. Im bad with words and am easily embarrassed by compliments. Due to my mental health I struggle with keeping up screen communication. I'm really struggling with this quarantine and not being able to see her. I've sent her the quiz as well so I hope I can make her feel appreciated and loved
So true Kati, me and my partner did not have the same love language and I struggled with it for over 4-5 years. But communication did help me out, and yes showing someone love is their own language is very very important. This video was very informative. Thanks! ❤️
My wife & I started marriage counselling back before covid derailed everything. The 5 love languages were a key component of the sessions however I was disconnected and couldn’t really figure out why. I ended up doing EMDR therapy for some past trauma and it filled in the missing pieces. I’m ready to really get back into the 5 languages now that I’ve got the keys to my life back (well actually based on my situation, I really didn’t have all the keys to begin with). Wishing everyone here happiness & wellness.!
I'm so happy you did a video about this. The 5 Love Languages is a great book, and you broke it down in a great way! This is a super valuable aspect to consider for relationships, and to know your own, that way you can communicate what your love language is to someone else and give a heads up!
I’m so excited to listen, I have had quite a few relationships/friendships fall through in my life and it really does hurt! ❤️
I hope it was helpful!! xoxo
Kati Morton Thank you so much, I found it really helpful!! ☺️
Two things to note is that your love language can change over time and your love language might not be as simple to figure out by doing the quiz. I don't actually really like the quiz because you can only pick one answer rather than rank the answers and since the languages are self explanatory, you could figure it out without the quiz.
I would really recommend reading the book because it gives case studies with partners who have different love languages and it goes much more in-depth than a quiz does. I used to think I hated physical touch but I realised that I actually did really like it and thought I didn't because I had never received physical affection growing up and associated touch with punishment. Quality time is my love language and it's especially important since everyone's so busy all the time.
Mine was the same as yours that felt funny when you listed them off. But listening to this made me realize my dad's is gifts and I didn't give him enough gifts.
Wish more people understood this, I've spent way to long at time's needing communication and intimacy, just to be looked at like I'm a little crazy or told my conversation are boring.
I love this. I think i found out about this through you, Kati haha but it's not until recently that i've felt comfortable sharing this iwth my friends. i dont know how many of them take it seriously but i really hope some of them do. it helps me understanding myself a lot and i pay attention to how i express my love to my friends whose love language i know. :) it's so fascinating and yet so simple.
I watched a video that was very similar in saying that people receive love in different ways whether its physical contact (affection), giving of gifts, speech (compliments) and its very true, i know in my relationship my partner and I feel loved in different ways
Perfect timing, single as of last Wednesday :(
She was everything to me. And I swear she was all of the five love languages.
You deserve better and everything happens for a reason
Hear me out and feel free to give feedback. Is having someone as everything to you healthy? We’re all imperfect people. Expecting someone to be everything to you will lead to disappointment.
Sorry about the break up. Heart break in romantic relationships is a big fear of mine.
@@E.W.C.1993 We had our faults. What I mean is that she is what I dreamed of. But I was too closed off the give back the same and in turn threw it all away. We exhausted ourselves. The timing wasn't right, and I don't know how to not be hard on myself for everything. Thank you for reaching out.
I've shared this with my boyfriend as I was curious to what he prefers. But I got met with a "why are you showing me psychology stuff" and "I don't like that". I wonder why he's so negative about this... afraid of himself? When this can be so powerful..
I remember when the book came out but never paid attention. Makes so much sense!
Thank you Katie.
I loved this video so much thank you 😊 how are you doing?
Kati: imo, bcz it's a ME ME ME world.
focus on the needs of the other person's happiness is gone. yes, our own happiness is important! but helping others to be happy and feel loved gives you so much warmth. it's like watching a child smile, you can't help but smile too. 👼
do for others, it will come back to you in so many ways. 🙆♀️💞
good topic, btw
This is enlightening, thank you!
Me and my fiance hate each other's love languages. He's gifts and I'm time spent and physical touch. Gifts make me heavily uncomfortable and I associated with someone doing something wrong and trying to make up for it. He hates physical touch and doesn't like to be around people. 🤦♀️
That's a deal breaker for me, I need someone with the same love languages! I can't fathom being around someone who doesn't like touch
@@thehealingfairee unfortunately we didn't understand this about one another untill we had two children. It does make thinks very challenging. But also when he makes an effort to show love my way or me him it means a little more to me because I know he's trying.
@@thehealingfairee no doubt in my mind either.
My ex baby daddy wasn't used to hugs either best believe he got used to it because he had to with me. IT INCREASES SEROTONIN. His family is a hateful narcissist(mostly) family that never hugs like mine did
Wow. This video is full on. Interesting but still full on. Thankyou for bringing this video to us. Your work is selfless.
My way of expressing it is totally acts of service. But i hate being touched. The latter makes some friendships difficult.
The School of Life taught me this ages ago and I feel so grateful for it, it's wonderful that you're bringing this subject up, thank you =))
In my case it helped to bring delicate subjects with my partners and friends and discuss about relationship dynamics or debate about ideal partnerships. But knowing about my love language didn't make me feel specially more capable of teaching other people how I wanted to be treated. Sometimes I even felt narcissistic talking about it, and that I had to adapt to other people's love languages instead of building a common ground.
Love languages, for me, represent an opportunity to reflect not only on how you feel you want to be treated, but also meditate on how much self-esteem you think you have and if you prioritise enough your language above inconvenient relationships.
I absolutely knew this before we studied this in my sociology class in highschool and even had to take the quiz. It definitely helped me to understand why I am the way I am. I am very very much a physical touch person, and was even more so in highschool. Therefore knowing to ask for hugs was very helpful. Especially first year of college, when I didn't have friends I knew well enough to touch or hug all the time, it was important for me to get a lot of physical touch when I was home and when I finally got comfortable with my roommates and friends. Also it just kinda struck me how big a factor it is in my relationships during covid. I feel really disconnected right now, because quality time and physical touch are really hard things to like....do right now. Especially physical touch. I wanna hug people so so bad. ugh soon soon soon.
I found it helps with friendships as well. I feel I am more flexible with those if it's not the same. As opposed to a romantic partnership, where I felt constantly hurt if we had different love languages. With my current partner, we almost share the same order, so it just feels very easy to connect and be able to make each other feel loved.
I knew about these love languages before, but you explained them more clearly (and more beautifully^_^). Thank you!
I have known and it’s been super helpful in my life
I can't remember being hugged by my parents as a child. Been hugged only on special occasions just to congratulate me in front of people.. Hugs are the only thing I've been craving my whole life, and that's what I don't get from anyone, but my husband, which in fact is becoming less frequent because he is too busy playing games. Yup, my life in a nutshell
Kristina Komarova 😞😞😞 you should try and voice that;;; maybe after he finishes a game, ask for a hug or to cuddle? Let him know you need / crave comfort and you don’t feel like you’re getting much of it recently
@@IKM218 i am asking for it, but love isn't for asking right? Both sides need to give
@@kristinakomarova7555 you're communicating your feelings, not asking for love. (also I took it as if you hadn't voiced these issues at all to him, so I apologize for the assumption.) but also, how are you asking? is it "hey, can we cuddle" or "hey, recently I feel like you don't make time for me, can we make time?" give more context to your feelings. love works best with communication. so yes, both sides need to give and work together.
@@IKM218 this made me realise that I actually stopped "talking" about it, because I've tried doing it after an argument or something? Maybe the more I give the more I will receive.. Just what your comment made me think 😁 I could be the problem as well, because I ignore him while he is playing games.. Maybe if I change my attitude this could work out?
@@kristinakomarova7555 yea, I personally try to avoid talking about a problem after an argument because I'm very emotional and I know that I can say things in a harsher way. So bringing it up when we're both calm helps, and it won't feel like an "attack" on either end. possibly, not sure what he plays, but if its multiplayer, try playing a game with him? My partner also loves playing games and sometimes I'll play something with him. if not, I'll do my own thing in the same room (draw or just browse the internet) It's not going to be an overnight thing, it can take time to shift habits and make change but I do hope things get better for you
Hello Kati, thank you so very much for your videos, they have been an amazing support tool and great insight, I am very happy the algorithm recommended your channel! I have a question if I may, at some point you talk about a test to figure out your love languages scale, do you have a specific quiz you could recommend? thank you again!
Love this topic! It’s so important knowing what your love language is and figuring out what your needs are so you can Better communicate with your loved ones. Mine is definitely acts of service and physical touch :)
Known for a long time. Have tried to communicate it to friends who even took the initiative to do the test and talk about it as a group, but they never followed through as much.
I've read the book. It is wonderful. I highly recommend it! It helped me know mine and my friends' love languages. I took the quiz last year or so and mine is primarily physical touch though acts of service is one I have learned to speak. It is the one I use when I'm at the library. I speak my best friend's love language which is words of affirmation. She's learned to speak mine.
I guess the 6th love language is humor. I'll love someone who makes me laugh and I make the people I love laugh.
LOVE this video! My top love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation 🥰 I recently did the 'apology language' quiz too, that one is just as interesting!!
Thank you so much for the video we are so grateful to watch your videos and listen to your advices the right language of love leads will to emotional connection thank you Kati I love to watch all your videos god bless you and your channel
I have two of them. Acts of service and quality time. I hate being touched by friends😄😄
Like your voice! Happy Monday!
Best friends play a BIG role in this too.
Interesting. Time, touch, words, gift/service tied at bottom.
Upon some reflection I'd say that's accurate.
@Kati Morton , could you make a video for those who don’t know who they are and they have no interests, passions, life goals or dreams, and possibly what to do?
For me, I just feel like I don’t have any real goals for anything and I don’t know what I want in life (not like I have a lot to choose from, I just don’t know what I want).
I’ve always had the thought in the back of mind that suicide is my only fate, and I don’t know how to get out of that and I don’t know if I can, which may be why I don’t know what I want from life.
I’ve been in 4 psych hospitals, several counselors/doctors who don’t know how to help - as if I knew what to tell them what to help - meds that don’t work, all over 6 years.
I’m a senior in high school and I’ve been dreading it, especially since a young age, I kept telling myself I’m going to attempt suicide (again) at 18 (3 months). It’s not that I want to, but I don’t have anything to strive for, again, no interests, dreams, life goals (like a car, my offered job promotion, etc), hobbies, or passions.
I feel like quarantine has made me thought about all of this more and I’m just really scared of not knowing who I am. I’ve had interests in the past before, but they turned out to be phases. Now my life (since 2 years) revolves around food (my counselor is a joke and doesn’t know how to help and treats me like broken glass) and I just feel like everyday is the same never ending cycle of binging/restrict (self diagnosed since my counselor couldn’t help). My counseling ends at 18 because of insurance, not that it ever helped. I haven’t seen them in months because of quarantine. My family also has no idea how to help. I just feel hopeless.
I hope you respond @Kati Morton
Thanks
@basic zachh, stop concentrating on yourself... Work on finding your skill that you are best at ! Wake up! There is hope for you!
I'm older now and I don't feel a need to love or be loved, other than platonic love. That may sound lonely but it really isn't for me. I just like my life simple without complications and entanglements that came from those 'more than a friend' relationships. And I never had great language skills anyway but thanks Kati, this is informative, and I'm sure helpful to others.
Idk, your other message to Kati was full of love and appreciation. I think you sell yourself short. as we all do, at times.
Judging from some of the reports I have been getting about other people's relationships there are a lot of potential partners I would run, not walk away from.
Wow this is such perfect timing bc my friend is ruining our relationship over a guy without realizing it
The quiz is very spot on about me
A lot of people take relationships for granted and are in it really only to use the other person for something and not because they care about them
Knowing's one thing doing is another!
THANK YOU SO MUCH OMG
Mine is definitely acts of service. When I found that my husband had hand-washed my pantyhose and put them on towels to dry, I was deeply touched he would do this humble little act for me. He also puts clean towels by the tub for me. ❤️
Could you please do a video about Spiritual Abuse and if you think it plays a part in mental illness?
Hey Kati. I was hoping I could ask you a question. Me and my mom have been caring for my grandmother for several years. She’s been living in a nursing home as of late and had been doing very well both physically and mentally. In spite of this, she died suddenly and very unexpectedly on Friday morning.
My natural inclination is to begin caring for my mom as she grieves, because I’m terrified for how she’s going to process this and I want to support her in every way possible, but I’m finding that I’m just as scared to address this loss myself. How do you go from being a caregiver to grieving the sudden and unexpected loss of the person you were caring for? How can I help my mother through the grieving process while allowing myself my own space to grieve?
I am confused as to how discussing The 5 Love Languages is to do with why so many relationships go bad. Have I missed it?
I knew about this prior and it did make my relationships easier in terms of not wasting too much energy on lower LL. I wouldn't say they are the reason relationships go bad.
Gifts is one of my languages and I think there is some misconception that it's a shallow materialistic thing. It was my birthday last weekend. My mom never knows what to get me so I asked her if she could buy me some curry powder, garam masala, etc. so I could make a curry (I moved recently and left my spices). She knows what spices you need for curry like the back of her hand. She gave me olive oil for my birthday. I think she went to the olive oil store thinking they would have my spices but they didn't so she said well that will do. I'm a bit upset because I feel like she has a tendency to not care. It wasn't about the gift so much as the lack of trying. She forgot the dates I was moving across country. I had to keep reminding her I was leaving. (She's cognitively healthy)
People tell me I give them very thoughtful gifts. There are people I know who have it dead last in their preferences, like my boyfriend. I still do a good job with the gifts even though he'd be fine with nothing, but I also make sure to pay attention to his love language quality time and words of affirmation just like he attends to my languages.
Video request. Can you explain why the skin hurts from lack of touch, please?
Hey Kati thanks for such a great video today. I did know about the five love languages before today and it does help when my thinking is parallel with that content. With that said when I'm not thinking about the five love languages I don't believe that I am as on the mark.
Hi, I enjoyed your video. Wouldnt it be great if everyone was taught the '5 Love Languages' - it would help us to better understand ourselves and others and how we show and give our love. It would help many people navigate new relationships with others and perhaps even mend rocky relationships. Thanks Kati
I knew about the concept of love languages, but I didn't know the different types, neither did I ever really make an effort to incorporate it into my relationships. Honestly, I have enough trouble trying to gauge what *my* best love language is, much less trying to work out what others' are.
I’m a huge quality time person and the way your friend expressed it is really weird to me. I don’t want 1x1 time or else I’ll be upset, I like hanging out with groups of people, I’d just rather spend time in person over texting or calling, etc. I hate texting, like let’s just meet up and do something fun and we can talk then lol
Even though you and this friend have the same love language- you just express it differently. Sounds like your more extroverted than Kati’s friend. There’s nothing wrong with either way of being 😄
So much love came to your PO box, Kati. A little was from me too.
Awe thanks Ray!! I will check later this week :) xoxo
💗....my friend moved to ireland from mexico and hated that girls in Ireland didnt like kiss eachothers cheeks goodbye,hold hands etc etc when we were in school, it quickly became something I love in our friendship but its not for everyone 🥺😂
You'll sometimes see cheek-kissing in Ireland, but it's usually considered a pretentious imitation of French culture. Non-sexual Hand-Holding is just alien to us.
If we are to develp an intimate relationship we need to know each other's desires. If we wish to love each other we need to know what the other person wants.
Because most people obsess over superficial things like money and sex, or just use any small little argument as an excuse to cheat/breakup.
Kati, can you please talk about dealing with LDR in Covid?
when taking the test I felt like the evaluation of gift giving was skewed, it doesn't take into account that unless you have a huge amount of money or of times of course gifts will always be more meaningful and special than for example sitting next to each other, which is something I can get when I want with almost nothing to stop me. I feel like the gifts were in many cases compared to a zero effort, zero trouble getting it thing that of course you can get any time in a relationship while a gift unless you're really rich or are constantly doing crafts inevitably takes more effort, is rarer and therefore more meaningful than that
It’s gifts and acts of service for me.