Borderline? Why Do You Keep Getting Referred Out?
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- Опубликовано: 9 июл 2024
- So let’s break this down. First I want to talk about WHY this could happen.
1. BPD: not all therapists or treatment centers treat those with BPD. There’s even a stigma among therapists about treating those with BPD. Some of the symptoms like splitting can scare therapists and BPD patients are more likely to file complaints etc, so there is a reason therapists prefer not to treat it, but there are plenty of us who do.
2. Untrained therapists - and/or need a specialist
3. Therapists who struggle to maintain healthy boundaries and don’t know how to work through that with a patient (it is really hard, but totally possible)
4. You really do need a higher level of care
WHAT can we do then?
1. Make sure we find a specialist (if we can)
2. Work hard in therapy - and be open to a higher level of care if you are working hard and still feeling terrible
3. Let your previous therapist talk to the one you are wanting to start seeing - this is important and can save you from getting into the same situation again. Your old therapist can let them know why they referred you, if the new one doesn’t feel confident in their ability to help you, then they can tell you right away and give you proper referrals of people who can.
4. Do some of the work on our own. If therapy hasn’t worked for you so far, getting some workbooks, self-help books, and even just watching some of my videos with tips and tools for what you are struggling with can help!
5. And make sure you work on your own self-talk about it. Therapists are just people too, and not all of us are good at our jobs or are capable of helping you.
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy
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Hey Kati,
I just wanna say a MASSIVE THANK YOU. I recently joined a “mental health first aid course” & found it so easy and smooth to understand. Thanks to the brilliant effort you’re doing!! PS: I told the attendee & the tutor about your videos & I was so excited because I know your videos will help everyone! It’s like a domino effect ❤️ LOVE YA ❤️
arwa alghamdi woot woot!
There's stigma even with just the diagnosis.
Xandra J yes omg, i still haven’t been diagnosed but i feel i have to fight for a diagnosis bc people have this image of bpd and think i haven’t been through enough or they think it’s too serious and there’s no real need for me to be diagnosed and i feel lost
very true.
true, many therapists only diagnose you with it if you're 18 or even 20+, and it so often gets misdiagnosed as autism or bipolar disorder, or just dismissed as mood swings or attention seeking
r o s e or if u have what they deem a “suicide attempt” 🙄 and u end up in the psych ward smh 🤦♀️ whyyyyyy
Have you seen the relationships with BPD?
If you’re reading this you are NOT alone❤️
I've never been referred out from my therapist yet here I am watching this video.
It's *still a feeling of exclusion and dismissal* that I strongly relate to. It's like this: You think you ARE alone, and your problems are SO particular that there's never any help, there's no solution and it feels hopeless like everyone is turning away.
Of course *none of us are really alone* in thinking that we are. We all share that same 'fear-based illusion.' So there's never a reason to give up, and when we instead carry on and fully support ourselves it's that much easier for friends family and therapists to support us. That's just my two cents.
Perfect timing. This simple sentence made my day a lot better.
thank you
😂😂😂😂😂 y'all say that but who the fuck is here helping? Knowing other people are suffering doesn't make me feel better
I am alone
This has happened to me because I was told my bpd was too complicated for her to handle and couldn’t help me.she basically told me I was gonna have to deal w/ this alone and told me she wasn’t trying to make me feel bad but she thought I had no solution so just get used to my disorder. Honestly, it felt pretty bad but I have found another physiologist that helps me sooo much
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's one thing for her to tell you she doesnt think she can help and that your treatment would be better off in more capable hands, but it was unacceptable for her to tell you that there is no help for you. I'm glad to hear that you were able to find someone else to handle your care. If you ever need something extra to supplement your care, I'd definitely recommend searching on RUclips for Dr. Daniel Fox. His channel has helped me so much. He specializes in personality disorders and emphasizes BPD in a large portion of his videos. He provides excellent info as well as encouragement and teaches different coping strategies. Regardless, just remember that there is *always* help for you. You can definitely do this and overcome your BPD. I wish you the best; have a wonderful day!
Flower Power and being told by a hospital they can’t help you sucks as well cuz it’s not an emergency. But I lol at them cuz I’ll only go in and try and get admitted if I feel I’m gonna break
That is SO terrible and really unethical!! I am so glad you found another psychologist who can help :) xoxo
Kati Morton it’s actually really common we’re i live because there is such a high rate of homelessness and drug addicts and guess they screwed it over for people actually wanting help cuz now everyone is super cautious. And the fact I’m in college which makes them more wary because most college kids in my town are cocaine addicts as well so it’s just a tough town to live in tbh
shes a joke of a therapist
It's disappointing to hear how poorly it seems some therapists handle situations where they can't handle patients. My therapists office handled it really well. My therapist was afraid to tell me she just didn't feel comfortable with me (not surprising - causing others discomfort was one of the reasons I needed therapy).
They handled it in a way that made me feel well cared for and only increased my respect for my therapists.
When I went in the "senior" therapist asked me for feedback about my therapist. He then explained that the reason he was asking was because she was struggling to know how to help me and felt she was failing to communicate well with me. He then said different people have different aptitudes and get along better or worse with different personalities and he'd like to intro me to a another therapist he believed would be better able to help me. I had been told (and authorised) going into that office that the therapists shared anonymous patient info to "think tank" on a weekly basis and so I already knew the new therapist would have all the info about me.
I was introduced to my new therapist and she said off the bat: I hear that you were with *ex therapist* but there was a personality difference. I heard about X discussion (which was evidently the deal breaker) and have to say I'm looking forward to our sessions because I think your honesty will be refreshing and make it easier for me to help you (this really made me feel, straight away, like we were a better fit - and ultimately we really were).
After about a fortnight my ex therapist saw me (I don't think it was chance) in reception and said she understood I was making progress with the new therapist and she was so pleased because she was worried when she didn't know what to do to help. She also said she was ashamed she couldn't find the right words at the time to tell me herself that she was struggling with me.
The whole handover was pleasant. I never felt like anyone was to blame - it was just a personality clash. It gave me greater respect for and confidence in all involved.
It's a shame that all change overs can't be handled so well.
This is amazing and inspiring
I loved reading that! Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
I've been diagnosed with BPd multiple times, but a new therapist told me that I dont seem to meet the full criteria for BPD because in really sweet🙄
I've had this happen and I have bad abandonment issues and this was a terrible form of abandonment
As a BPD patient, I am frequently reminded of a Japanese saying =
"When the only tool you have is a hammer, Every problem looks like a nail."
I have been told so many times that they don't know how to treat borderline so they are just going to treat me the way they know how.
Loving this borderline content! -bpd patient
PeacefulMadre ck out her BPD playlist! ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqy6j40ipH2yQjcK-4Uf4ri6
PeacefulMadre same
My EMDR therapist who I had been seeing for 1.5 years did this. Crushed me completely. She was the first therapist I ever bonded with. She explained to me that I wasn't stable and needed DBT skills, and that she didnt feel comfortable with my seizures (because they had happened in session a lot)
It hurt me a lot... I also think it had to deal with boundaries as well... I knew a lot about her life that maybe I should have? I knew she lived in a culdesac, her dogs names and personalities, things that I probably shouldnt have.
I have been referred/pushed away from 2 other therapists since because I am "too complicated" Literally was said to my face. So I am doing DBT workbooks on my own now.... I miss therapy, so maybe I can try again in the future......
I'm really sorry that happened, it really sucks. :( For people who aren't used to seizures, it can be really scary to witness them, and she might not have felt like she could make sure you were safe during seizures. It sounds like she also wasn't comfortable doing DBT with you, if she only specialized in EMDR. It sounds like there were a few things going on, but I don't think any of that is your fault. I hope you don't blame yourself. It's not your fault when practitioners aren't properly trained to care for you.
I’ve never had this happen to me before, but I can imagine how awful it must feel
@collide I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. It's awesome you were eventually able to get the help you needed.
Hi Kati. I have BPD and I left a therapist who didn't set proper boundaries. She had told me that I could call her at any time including when she was away from work. She was new and her lack of experience showed. I told my psychiatrist that I was not comfortable having her as my therapist. He made the switch for me and I have been doing well ever since I started with my new therapist. Thank you for touching on this subject.
didnt you like her to say that?!
@@tucky3191 No. Obviously not.
i don't really understand why she was not a good therapist
why would that be a bad policy?
I've had this issue that people don't know what to do so they discharge me from their service. I've been called challenging because of BPD. I currently don't have any support from any health professionals not even my GP as she struggled to 'deal' with the bpd side of me. I think getting help for borderline personality disorder is a very difficult process. For everyone reading this please remember that it's ok not to be ok and that to reach out to friends family and even charities. I can't even express the amount of times samaritans have saved my life so many times this year. There is support out there and DONT give up. No matter how hard things are right now you CAN get better ❤
As someone studying to be in the field, this video is so accurate! Especially from a therapist's perspective. And I'd tell people particularly with BPD to have hope and keep reaching out. There will be a therapist for you that's willing to stick with you and knows how to help you. (I'm learning about that now in my studies and I'm super excited) I promise- we exist! 😄
My psychiatrist literally refused to even test me because I’m “not a horrible person”, and “Bpd isn’t even a real disorder we just diagnose people with that when they have a bad personality.” I’m so done with her bs. I’m a quiet type (I think. Can’t get tested til I find a new psychiatrist) so I internalize everything, and don’t actually show symptoms that often.
I was dropped the day after I was diagnosed with BPD and was sooo confused at the 180
Same here
Incredibly enough, the few therapists that I had (I moved cities, so I had to change therapists, obviously) never even mentioned turning me away. PSYCHIATRISTS on the other hand have denied me more than once. Not to mention the ones that offered me such bad care that my psychologist suggested I changed to another one. So yeah, I think the problem comes from all sides. People have a hard time dealing with borderline patients, and I think sometimes (not at all cases, of course) these people forget that the ones that suffer most from it it's actually us.
Anyways, great video Kati!
I've experienced this a few times, I got left by camhs (child and adolescent mental health services) because they told me that I wasn't improving as much as they expect and I would never get better in my situation (I live with my alcoholic mother) so that sucked, I've also had people suggest that they are not the best to help me but they never offer any other services which is frustrating, I'm autistic as well as having depression and I need to work through and process some stuff that's gone on in my childhood but I always get the impression that I'm too complicated to treat, and particularly in the UK a lot of the counselling services are reserved for those who are literally about to kill themselves and even then they're temporary, I hope to one day be able to afford to pay for my own therapy and find a therapist who understands what I'm dealing with, in lieu of that, your videos are so helpful ❤️♥️
Brand new to your videos. I truly appreciate you taking time in your busy schedule to share with us all the questions that we wonder about behind the scenes of treatment🙏🏾
With my loved one who was diagnosed with a PD, he found it helpful to research therapists and ask them if they have experience working with his dx.
It makes me sad knowing so many struggle with finding the right provider.
I love the way you leave the bullets up along with the question. Thank you.
I did a year of dbt for a year, like a bpd rehab and it really helped me understand and living with bpd.
Thank you for making all these videos it really help me and other x
That 4th tip was so on point! You and your videos really helped me when I was being referred out again and again. I tried to work on things myself (while still trying to find help) and with the help of your videos and tips like the positive self talk, using feelings charts to find out what I'm actually feeling and writing down things that I'm grateful for each day, I could already change somethings myself. So I'm so happy I found you and grateful for all of your videos. Thank you so much Kati! ❤️
And with me the referring had nothing to do with bpd but multiple diagnoses (depression, avpd, bed) and they all wanted me to see a specialist for the other diagnosis first and no one wanted to start to work with me first, while basically they all have the same root. Thats the thing I hate the most in (Dutch) mental health, they label you, and if you don't fit the criteria precisely or you have 2 many labels you're screwed...
Bpd and been through a few therapists. I know I have been difficult to work with in the past and I’m trying to be more aware of this so I can get on better in therapy
thank you THANK YOU this is something I’ve been trying to deal with without feeling like a failure in therapy. it’s still hard to leave a therapist, who you’ve seen for a while, and they say they can’t help you anymore, it feels like abandonment and brings up so many bad thoughts and feelings. it’s helpful to know that this is something that others with bpd go through, and not feeling like i’m disappointing everyone. thank you kati 💖💖
Great job as always breaking it down Kati!
omg i was diagnosed with BPD and your videos help me so much!! knowing you work a lot with ppl with BPD I think is part of why we like you so much because you are usually much more sensitive and understanding sadlfjhkg and its like i KNOW im hypersensitive but its still hard to control and regulate!! thank you for your compassion and hard work!!
I have a similar issue with my PTSD. Now that I have a correct diagnosis, even though my core issues haven’t changed, therapists and hospitals don’t want to manage someone with PTSD. I was turned down by 2 doctors before finding my current one and she is still hesitant to take me on full time. I understand the problem but it still sucks that I end up going through periods of no support sandwiching weeks of inpatient/partial hospitalization. I have SO MUCH compassion for people with BPD because I’ve seen a similar level of stigma within the mental health community for them, and I hope this video helps! Thank you for taking the time to touch on this. ❤️
If it helps any, MDMA assisted psychotherapy has very promising results treating PTSD. I think like 80% of the patients didn't even fill the criterias for the PTSD diagnosis after 1 therapy session. It's not legal yet tho, but there are some studies here and there.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/31065731/
For me it's usually been because I've had extreme trauma and didn't think they could help me. It's happened a few times. Especially since where I live the community clinic can only see you usually only once every 2 to 4 weeks. I also go to a clubhouse for psychosocial rehabilitation 3 days a week. It has helped me a lot. I've been outsourced to another clinic 2 hours away. It was helpful but I can't physically travel so far. Thankfully it's always been within one to two sessions. I appreciate the video. I watch a lot of your videos and it's helped me more than you could ever know.
Thank you so much @KatiMorton! I really enjoy watching your videos and have learned so much from them. I told my therapist about you in session yesterday. This information is so important to hearing what the therapist is saying in response to me. I am resistant to joining a BPD group or seeking a therapist that specializes in BPD therapy because I don't believe I have the time right now. I haven't be "diagnosed" with BPD but I have concluded that it fits. Your explanation for the need to have more, do more and understand the limits of my current therapist help me understand the importance of having both. Thank you.
Thank you so much for making videos about bpd. There aren’t as many videos about it as other mental illnesses have and it really sucks
moonlightshadow Kati has an entire playlist on BPD! Check it out! ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqy6j40ipH2yQjcK-4Uf4ri6
Thank you for talking about this. I am in the UK and so rely on the NHS for therapy. I have been referred so many times within the system, before finally being told that basically, I need a higher level of care with someone more trained, but they don't have anyone, so I basically got kicked out of therapy. It was so disheartening, basically being told that I'm completely unhelpable. Not quite sure what to do now. Help myself? Yup that's what I've been doing my whole life, so no change there.
Those are great points, especially how therapists react or most importantly dont react to clients like myself, my current keeps her zen, does not talk about her life, lets me act out without reacting (not that I don't try to keep level), but what a massive help to find validation, non judgement, non reaction... she just emphasizes the DBT above all, will let me go off, and talk about my problems, but patiently waits... over last 6 months for me to develop skills, and I am getting better. Very grateful, I even kind of split on her a couple times, but she is so good I just had to let go. *And yes it's hard work, if I can spend an hour or 2 a day I always make more progress, don't wait to get settled!
We want therapist to have all the answers and we often forget they're human too.
I have b.p.d .it took a little time but I finally found the right therapist, helping to save my life ! Keep trying guys , there out there xxx
I am really struggling again. I have been in and out of therapy since i was 14 and I am now 31 and i feel like all they treat is "surface me", i am quiet borderline I stuff all my emotions and fake being normal. I have taken DBT so many times and i just feel like it never gets to the root problem for me, i feel like its just treating the symptoms and not the cause and it is so frustrating because all doctors and therapists say is "DBT DBT DBT". I refuse medication because of years of misdiagnosis, antidepressants make me worse, and dexidrine withdrawl took years to get over. I don't trust phsychiatrists anymore because of that i try to get myself to go back but become engulfed in rage and betrayal, i feel like I am blammed for my condition, that iam inherantly flawed because of genetics and too weak to deal with and get past my childhood trauma.
You are extremely articulate and I thank you for this video, spot on!
After being in and out of treatment for 3 years with one organization going from their IOP/PHP programs to their residential program the last time I went back to get help they discharged me with no notice and was basically just like “yeah sorry we don’t think we can help you anymore” after 3 years!!! I had been there longer than some of the staff!!! It’s so difficult because I was sooooo attached to them and I trusted them so much with my care until they started treating me differently because I have attachment problems! Like when I came back to PHP from residential they decided that all the staff I was close with and had a good relationship with wasn’t going to talk to me?!? They just pretended I wasn’t there! I am still so frustrated and hurt and trying to process it all with my current therapist while also deciding if I’m willing to try treatment somewhere else... thank you for this video and talking about something that happens so often!!!
This video has been super helpful. I've recently started going to therapy for the first time in my life for my depression. I've only seen my therapist three times, but on the second session she was already talking of me consulting a psychiatrist and this week she actually gave me a number to call. And I was like feeling upset that after so little time she already considered I was "that messed up" (well, that's the prejudice I have, the stigma, whatever) and was feeling insecure like 'is she trying to get rid of me? so soon?'. But I kinda get where she's coming from now (and it's not like she told me to stop seeing her, just that I also go see the psychiatrist).
And also, I've found some of your other videos to be really helpful in this time too. So thanks!
Sometimes when I have to change counsellors sometimes I feel very angry because I feel like really again, I have to tell someone my story all over again and trying to trust that they wouldn’t judge me / story. Sometimes changing counsellors is good but when you are waiting to been seen again it does take a lot of the emotional toll and stress on a person which is what I have experienced, but at the end of the day we do need to learn how to practice what we learnt by ourselves to love ourselves and breathe. Great video ❤️
Thank you! I asked for this video to be made on twitter. I live in the U.K. and have been through multiple therapists on the nhs in the past year. Every time I’ve been told I need to be else where due to my dad having terminal cancer. I’m stopping with therapy for a bit as I have managed to help myself a lot and am currently 96 days clean from self harm which was my biggest problem. I’m off to university next week where if it gets worse again I’ll seek help again. I now get that I was told I was better off somewhere else due to my dad being ill but they never explained that.
The NHS mental health service definitely needs work, I hope you continue to manage on your own, good luck with uni 🙂
i’m a 2nd year MFT student, and i’m appalled by the stigma that BPD carries in this field, especially among professionals. i understand that sometimes it can be a liability issue, but the fact that there’s such a lack of compassion for this population that is, like you said, “emotional burn victims” is just icky to me. it’s part of the reason why i hope to do my practicum with clients with BPD, sexuality issues, and trauma.
we don’t talk about these things and i want people to know that there ARE therapists out there who will see you and sit with you while you sort through your stuff, as well as therapists who are trying to change the language and stigma around BPD.
I felt that way too until one threatened my life. It was reported and he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon after they found him.
Thing is, BPD is scary, when someone's impulse control is non existent and they go off on a tantrum, it's not a place where you wanna be. I have had people close to me with BPD hit me, trash my home and run off to try to commit suicide on different occasions. Sometimes for the smallest things, you don't even know what you're "allowed" to say or not. I understand the stigma and fear around BPD, truly. Saying "stop the stigma" is easy, but having the energy and patience to treat BPD is rare and I don't see why it wouldn't be like that, it's a very complex thing to treat.
Patric Nybro Of course, I hear you. BPD is complex, no doubt. However, there are plenty of people without BPD who also have impulse control and behavioral issues. And if a client does have a tantrum in session, threaten me, threaten their own life, etc.... of course I have to protect my own safety and professional boundaries, even if that ultimately means no longer seeing the client. However, that’s kind of worst case scenario and it does not mean that I will flat out refuse to see anyone with BPD on the chance they may be complex. I hope that makes sense!
@@squishyfroggie I agree with that, evaluating the risk involved for oneself with each individual and situation separately is better than making generalizations and saying "I just don't treat BPD". Yeah, I see what you mean. I just have some personal trauma with people who have BPD, so I get exhausted, judgmental and agitated as soon as I see BPD-like behavior, it's quite frustrating :/
What are "sexiality issues"?
I have been binge watching your videos lately because I’ve been struggling with mental health for a long time as well as self harm. Yesterday I was sent home from school because a “friend” reported me and I had to get a psychiatric evaluation in order to return. I’m lucky enough to be allowed to return Monday with outpatient referrals, but I was wondering if you could do a more in depth video in how to open up to a therapist and get used to opening up about mental health. Love your videos, please keep making them because they really do help so many people🙃
This was a really good video, Kati. I've beèn struggling a lot with feeling like everyone is giving up on me and the second I start having more problems they just wanna find a new person.. for me this has been really really hard, and made me feel so much worse and just hopeless.. but maybe I need to think differently on it. I do feel it's a better and worse way of doing this, but it was actually good seeing another perspective on something I've been struggling with and still are, that no one really talks about.
Hi Kati! It's been an age since my last comment but this has been really helpful to me in the past and I'd love to share and get your thoughts.
I have bi polar 2, Complex PTSD, Borderline Personality, and some control issues that look a lot like OCD, but don't exactly hit the nail on the head.
I say that, to say this.
The best way to get answers you need about something that can be referenced and confirmed by a profrssional is to do the reasearch for them, then see what they think.
I realize that my medication has helped a lot, giving me just enough fuse time to pump the breaks and consider what else may be at play in a situation before I blow up. Which gives me time to diffuse my self or walk away before I explode.
PTSD was hard because it's complex. Lots of little and medium sized events vs. one or two large ones. Actually, that's one of the things that brought me to your channel!
Anyway, I compiled all I found and supporting evidence and then went over it and got officially diagnosed with my therapist and my psychiatrist.
Over half of my information came from binging your videos and google did the rest.
The thing to remember is, therapists have only just met you, where as you have had yourself your whole life. Also, no one *really* knows what is going on in your head but you.
so i'm a clinical psychology student (want to become a therapist) and when professors talked about how many therapists don't treat bpd patients it made me feel angry for the people who then don't get the help they need and deserve. after interning at a psychotherapy praxis i understand it a little bit better. some patients are more work than others and that is nobody's fault. not the patient's and not the therapist's.
loving the bpd videos so much
I think it is so important to find the therapist that works for you and if someone refers you out isn’t a bad thing- it will likely SAVE YOU TIME! That said, I really love my therapist and appreciate that when she wasn’t trained in a therapy she thought would help me- she went and became trained in it so I could continue with her since I had gained so much trust with her. It means a lot to me that she got that I don’t trust easily and that she is never comfortable to quit learning more! She goes to classes and trainings all the time to get more tools to hand me! :)
Thank you Kati, for talking about this. I think it can be really hard and frustrating to try and find a good therapist.
Thank you for explaining this, I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD but I have had 5 different therapists in the last 3 years suddenly not be able to treat me anymore. Or they would have no appointments available for months at a time, so I did feel like it was something I was doing wrong.
This happens a lot. A family member of mine has bpd, and desperately needs help. She could only afford therapy at her university, but they passed her off within the first few visits. I don’t think enough therapists learn dbt or utilize it in their practices. So many people need help, and turning everyone with bpd away doesn’t only hurt the person that needs help, but it hurts their families as well.
This is a very wonderful video, it helps me understand better why I had to switch! I have a new therapist for about a year now that we are working on EMDR just because she took the training for it, and wants to see if it will help me. So far it's been really interesting, and she's confident in what she's doing, and her office is a safe space for me :) I told mt new therapist I'm willing to try anything to retrain my brain to think better (PTSD, MDD, OCD, GAD). My intrusive thoughts are what I'm working on.
You're so awesome, and thank you again for your explanations about things, I actually did notice I wasn't moving forward with my last therapist, I liked her, I miss her but we hit that "plateau" like you described. She had to take some time off, and now I'd like to see her again as just a "If my therapist isn't available, can she be my backup" sort of thing... can we do stuff like that?
As someone who gets stuck with a BPD diagnosis because of SH and is just getting started seeking help, this frightens me. So many stories of people reaching out for help and getting turned away.
I work as a nursing student,and I've decided not to do psych nursing because the community is so judgemental .. as nurses it's drilled into us from the start to practise our code of conduct ,and yet I still hear people bashing mental disorders and I just can't take it. I can relate to the pain of bpd as something horrific happened me in my teens and I kept it to myself, when I had flashbacks I used to self harm.Teenagers dont have good coping skills and I wasn't sharing with anyone that I was struggling .. and my god the comments I've had from other nurses " cover that up ", "you'll distress the patients " , "god I hope youre mentally competent enough to look after people" ... it's awful that we are supposed to be non judgemental as nurses ...yet some people forget that code ..
My struggle has given me buckets of empathy , I know what it's like to suffer ,I would never judge anyone in a million years ... my heart really goes out to people with bpd.. I totally feel your pain , you're all very strong , don't let the psych community break you ! I can see why bpd patients file more complaints as they are the most discriminated against ,and have shocking things said to them .. I've seen it training in an acute ward, it's sickening and just aggravates the condition.
Wow you got some messed up coworkers.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on (ACT) Acceptance and Commitment Therapy:)
I have quiet BPD and I’ve just been some of the hardest days of my life. I was already going through a deep depression with chronic suicidal ideation. Because of this and several other reasons I got extremely attached to my therapist. I started developing feelings for her and felt safe with her. She also struggled with installing boundaries, so that made it even more difficult and confusing. But it came to a point where she couldn’t handle my attachment anymore and cut off the appointments. I know she’s only human, and everyone has their limits. But it was devastating and I was in some of the most pain I ever endured. I almost killed myself. Luckily with the help of one of my best friends I pulled through. Never give up!
A therapist I know refuses to work with bpd after too many bad experiences and being sued for 6 figures by bpd patients. It boiled down to self protection.
Yeah.. unfortunately that can happen as well. That's why I tried to offer both perspectives. xoxo
But if there was no misconduct or some sort of ethical breach, how would the patient actually win the lawsuit? Now I'd understand if the therapist were not too keen on going through a lawsuit in the first place, but if the patient wins that should theoretically mean that they were in fact right.
@@agostonbazmajer1100 I did not indicate if the therapist lost. My point was over the stress caused by being dragged through lawsuits that may drag out for years.
@@agostonbazmajer1100 More often in healthcare you settle a lawsuit before it even goes to court even if it's not correct because the time and money involved is far less.
Wait how do I go about suing someone for 6 figures
I’m very fortunate because both of my psychologists at Denver Health have been awesome about my BPD the last seven years!
Hey Kati happy Thursday thanks for upload.
Of course!! I hope you liked it and found it helpful :) xox
Wow thx! Good to know for the future. I'll keep it in mind.🤗💜
I never heard you talk about the huge component of shame in BPD
Hi Kati, and thank you for your videos! I have gone from thinking I simply had a few traits of BPD rather than a full case, to being completely hopeless and feeling incurable, in the last half hour after watching videos by Kris Godinez. In her video on malignant BPD, I recognized some of what she's saying about magical thinking and rewriting history as being things my spouse says about me. Instead of presenting any help or guidance, however, she says she doesn't care for "malignants" and simply gives legal advice for people who are leaving them and talks about how crazy they are. I feel very hopeless right now and was hoping you might be able to share with us your take on "malignant BPD" in these behaviors, either here on in a future video? I didn't see another place for a request. Thanks again for all you do!
You're really helpful, thanks.
I asked them politely to explain to me what service I needed that they didnt have. They would not explain.
Thank you kati I live in the UK with mdd with psychosis and moved from CBT to DBT I refused hospital and now referred to a psychiatrist... My gp explained to me not my old therapist unfortunately I found you more helpful without talking than my therapist... Thank you
Another tragedy is the lack of funding for mh help for the poor ( which is often the case with mh patients). My daughter has a BPD diagnose. She is in her early 30's and just received that diagnosis a few years ago. She has had issues her whole life with diagnosis from ADHD to bipolar and meds and treatments never seemed to help until she got the borderline diagnosis. She seemed to be calming down, but not enough. Lots of episodes. For a few months she really seemed to be getting on track and then was in a bad car accident a few months ago and everything she'd built came to a crash. The last few months have been hell dealing with her, and it breaks my heart. My greatest nightmare is that she is going to cross the wrong person and they are really going to hurt her. She recently got back into the agency that initially diagnosed the Borderline. The rule was that she had to see a councilor 4 times before seeing the dr. She had one more counciling session to go and now is told that one of the drs quit and they don't know how long til she can see a dr. She is in desperate need of a reevaluation and med evaluation.
Thank you, kati
thank you for the information 😍💞
I had my first panic attack when I was 13. Then by the time I was in high school it was so bad I had to leave. I became agoraphobic by age eighteen. I spent ten years homebound. My family tried to get me help. The doctors would recognize that I couldn’t leave the house but insisted they could only help me if I come to their office. So my parents bought me every conceivable self help book for panic disorder and agoraphobia. It took me ten years but I overcame my agoraphobia. I just got my first job at forty. I drive and am doing things I never thought I would. My point being you are right. We can help ourselves. It does take longer, but it is sometimes the only option. I look back on it now and see the whole experience made me a better person.
One thing that sucks so much is that those therapists that actually are not equipped enough or have poor boundaries usually are also worse at actually opening up to the client about it. I mean I've been kicked out after seeing two therapists for a year each. And the second one did communicate with the first one. She knew why the first therapist ended. She talked pretty confidently about how to go from there. And then when I'm still doing progress but having a relapse for a situational occasion I get into hospital voluntarily and that's when she communicated me that she's ending it too. And she proposes a level of care that actually doesn't exist in the area. And that she would've been supposed to offer. Even the psychiatrist in the hospital didn't think what she was asking for existed. I'm not bpd but have traits. And the two therapists played with words to end therapy.
Well guess eho just got the therapeutic best of luck in your future Indevors....... Thanks for the Video Katie your content is helping me alot!
It can also be an insurance issue.
Two i have encountered are Insurance caps number of visits in a year with any one therapist.
and in the case of medicare/medicaid, some therapist offices have a setup where they are contracted to take new patients after inpatient discharge but they are also capped on the number of patients they can have at one time with gov subsidized insurance.
Kati, you're great!
I had my first meeting with a therapist in along time... and after the first meeting she transferred me. I’ve been waiting weeks to hear anything back. I called back two weeks after and she said to wait. It’s been over a month now and I’m still not seeing a new one... this truly sucks and makes me want to give up. I won’t, but it hurts. I understand that it is scary or toxic for them, but in my situation I just need to vent 😔 and help with more coping skills. It sucks...I just want help and feel so sad / defeated.
There are a lot of other reasons why people get turned away, but I think many of them come back to therapists not being properly trained, or not feeling confident treating people from certain populations. For example, it can be relatively easy to find someone who is able to treat situational depression, but if you have situational depression and you're transgender, you're very likely to get turned away. Or if you have anxiety and autism. Or PTSD and hearing loss. Or you self-harm in a particularly unusual way. Or even if you're just overwhelmed from dealing with a lot of trauma, and the therapist also finds your trauma too overwhelming or complex. The practitioner might say, I treat depression/anxiety/trauma, but not THIS depression/anxiety/trauma. Having more complex needs doesn't always mean you need a higher level of care. Plus, even if you do need a higher level of care, a lot of places that offer the higher level of care will still turn you away for being too complex. This becomes a serious problem particularly in areas where there aren't a lot of available practitioners.
I have had terrible experiences with people who have been close to me with BPD and it has made me very exhausted, they're just too much work to be close to. I'm wondering if anyone has any insights in how to handle these situations I'm about to describe and if BPD truly is the cause for them or if it's something else.
I have burned out so much energy comforting and trying to convince a previous friend with BPD that the whole world didn't hate him, but it was so draining that I had to cut him out of my life (not only because of that tho).
I got sick of him going on tantrums, running off saying he's gonna commit suicide time after time, constatly accusing me of not caring and going into a victim role in every situation, thinking he can never ever be wrong and can never see his own mistakes until months have passed (maybe not even then). I don't know if all that is related to BPD even, but it was an extremely toxic friendship and I had to leave it.
One of my siblings also have BPD and I barely spend time with them (they use "they" as their pronoun) because they're such a difficult person. They're never wrong, they're very often inconsiderate, they always start family drama and breaks contact with relatives and family for many months at a time. Everyone in our family has started to tip toe around my sibling, constantly worrying that they will offend them by accident so all hell breaks loose. When I was younger I told them to shut up once and they tried to commit suicide by overdosing morphine right after. People are afraid to do anything that might make them upset, because of things like that too. I can't even be myself around that sibling because of that, so I just distance myself from them. They're gonna have a baby soon too and I'm not feeling too confident that it will go well... Any advice? How do you deal with people who can never be wrong and super easily offended?
I think maybe the reason why bpd patients are more likely to file complaints is because we're much more likely to have bad experiences with mental health professionals. Of course there'll be people with bpd who are doing so unfairly as someone with any other illness, but I know the way I've been treated by mental health professionals is ridiculous. I have bpd, but more "quiet bpd" so I don't act out and I am very quiet and compliant with treatment, but so many have just seen my diagnosis and acted appallingly and worsened my mental health majorly.
Hi Kati, I watched one of your insta stories and you were saying that you had an off day but that you were going to keep telling yourself that you will have a good day (you said something like 'it's all about the story we tell ourselves'). I just wanted to ask, does it ever get tiring having to work so hard at keeping your mind from ruminating and just giving up for a little while. How do you keep from not just mentally burning out and wanting to just allow yourself to wallow for a bit?
Also, a month ago I was diagnosed with BPD so thank you for all your videos about the diagnosis and all of your other amazing and helpful videos❤️🇿🇦❤️🇿🇦
The reason I've struggled to access therapy is because on the NHS there aren't sufficient resources to provide individual therapy for personality disorders. The whole process has largely felt like repeatedly coming up against a huge wall where every avenue ends with being told that things just aren't available, especially since I'm not in a perpetual state of crisis. Then individual therapists on the whole won't see people with self harm or suicide risks because it interferes with the therapeutic process. So there's this gap in the middle where you can't actually access the help on either end without spending a lot of money and I as a student don't necessarily have the access to that. What I really need to know is what one ought to do in the situation where you can't access therapy at all.
I'll continue with self help, 12 steps, Dbt when I get it. I avoid close relationships to help me remain stable. Its hard work and its lonely. Its for the best since borderlines, narcissists and anti-socials are all lumped together and universally hated. Thanks folks.
this just happened to me for the 4th time. it’s really been frustrating for me because this time around i’ve really worked on bettering myself....i quit drinking, i have been making better lifestyle changes, and just overall trying so hard. it hurts, and it’s upsetting because i have to go over my childhood over and over and over again, and it’s really detrimental to my mental health.
Hi Katie, I'm glad I found your channel today. I don't have the emotional support of friends or family to better my mental health. Could you do a video on self help or reaching out for help when there's no one or anywhere to turn to? Mostly it's because I'm a shy person and I just don't where to start or who to ask. I know you have a lot to do but I would be very grateful if you could do this video for me. Thanks Katie.
Swissiefly Welcome to the Community! if you’re just looking for a good place to connect with people, u can try Kati’s Community on Facebook! There’s a private page called KATI that’s a completely safe place. It’s heavily monitored and u have to request to join. If you are currently suffering from a mental illness, the best thing to do is to get help from a mental health professional. If you’re still in school, most schools have some sort of counseling service available to students. I would suggest starting there!
I have a hard time being completely open with my therapist because I dont want to come off "too Borderline". I live in a rural area and dont have many options covered by my insurance. I dont put that I have bpd on my medical paperwork.
A person with a mental illness who struggles should be able to get a concierge to assist with the help. The billing and scheduling process or finding the right doctor really needs a second person. A person trying to deal with their issues shouldn't have an extra burden. The medical community should revamp its policies on how get the person the right resources.
I went seeking help and the only thing I got was broke , wasted time, and stress. Never found a doctor in two years, keep getting shuffled from one doctor to another. I had to battle with insurance companies and the doctor and ended getting shafted.
bodybait you’re absolutely correct
Social workers?
I think mine is overstepping boundaries with me . Because she always answers me if I text or if I need her or she crys with me or sighs aloy... and other stuff..
I love the editing! Wondering what program is? 🤔
I once had a friend who had bpd and honestly that was the most traumatizing friendship i have ever had because no one explained to me what was going on I just was always a bad person and now this makes more sense. I also realize that she was splitting frequently and probably needed a better therapist.
So how do we get a higher level of treatment? How do we get into a day program, or an inpatient program? How do we find them?
Hi would you recommend having your previous therapist and current therapist communicate in every situation or only when you have bpd or had a difficult experience with the previous therapist? Thank you for your wonderful helpful videos
I have bpd and I tend to shut down when my therapist tends to ask anything that makes me upset. I’ve been asked to try medications and the problem with that is the types of meds they want me on I can’t take cuz it makes my symptoms worse. I have thought about asking to go in and have a inpatient med review cuz I got super pissed this last week for minimal reason and I have issues with keeping my cool now.
I have honestly thought me and my bpd are better of without therapy because I tend to do better it is weird but i have to ask my therapist about it
I’ve also been to a few handful of therapists that referred me til I found my current therapist who actually specializes in mood disorders and eating disorders which is good cuz when I get so far into a phase of bpd I struggle with anorexia and all the therapists I’ve seen all say cbt doesn’t work for me it pushes me to much and I mute dbt works better cuz it’s more around what I feel I need
Hi Katie do you have any tips as to how therapists can best protect themselves against false allegations when specifically working with bad clients in private practise?
I have Borderline. So far Ive had therapist that have helped me alot. I have a primary therapist and Im in DBT.
Same, helping me a lot.
hows DBT working for you i start in a couple months
ben baker DBT is great. Im on my second go around (which is normal). Ive noticed recently that when Im upset i think of skills that would help me.
@@Leftfordead05 Just starting the tramua phase, and that threw (is throwing) me for a loop but the regulation skills make it easier to believe I can face it and accept change.
Patrick Hanson i have trauma (diagnosed with PTSD as well) and its actually helped with my trauma as well. Dbt is amazing tbh
Hi Kati. What do you think about MBT treatment for bpd patients? Do you have any experience with this? I have heard DBT is the only proven effective treatment for severe bpd cases. But I was also told that MBT is widely used for lower risk bpd patients. I would love a video on mentalisation based therapy in general!
Data shows that almost all of the treatments for bpd ( dbt, tfp, mbt, etc ) have about the same rate of recovery for us & the best course of action is to use multiple therapy formats for the best results regardless of severity.
I had a therapist never answering to me again after the first session that we had, it was the first 3 months of my depression i was i guess pretty intense but still
This helped me so much. You always know what video I need Kati ❤
Awe yay!! I am so glad :) xoxo
This question might not even reach you but i was wondering if its possible to live with bpd without therapie? I was diagnoses with bpd last december and been waiting for a therapie spot ever since. The waiting list is over a year and i wont be called in for a long time. This instituut?? Only offers group therapie and it doesnt fit me (Ive tried it before) this is also the only therapist instituut for bpd where i live. I was just wondering if its possible to do this on my own??? Thanks
debs 94 it is possible but it takes A LOT of work on your part. Kati always highly recommends getting the DBT workbook (I’ll put a link below). It sounds like group therapy hasn’t been a great experience for you in the past but I HIGHLY recommend you try it again and got to the DBT group in ur area. The effectiveness of group therapy really depends of the quality of the leader and the dynamic of the group. Just because you’ve had negative experiences with groups in the past doesn’t mean that group therapy doesn’t work for you. I’ve been in group therapies that was a waste of my time but I’ve also been in group therapies that were life changing. Always worth a try! www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=asc_df_1684034582/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=366299527575&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11259553718101544912&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9014986&hvtargid=aud-801738734305:pla-818602319988&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=79033899111&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=366299527575&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11259553718101544912&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9014986&hvtargid=aud-801738734305:pla-818602319988
Hi Kati. Could you do a video on purging disorder/ more presentations of OSFED?
lydia schofield Kati has several videos on those topics! Check out her ED playlist! ruclips.net/p/PLAB41960D35357E06
Thank you for talking about this. I got passed on from one place because I was too unwell and turned away from the other for being not ill enough. I don’t know if I have BPD either, can’t see a psychiatrist on the NHS... it’s just a crappy situation
Hello kati, please please can you talk more about PDD “Dysthymia” !
I remember seeing 4 therapist in 8 months and getting past off left and right with them saying the exact same thing. I felt very suicidal at the time because of this and who wouldn't. But I remember hearing a doctor saying something about this that gave me a little clarity on what was happening. I'm going to paraphrase this but he said that when it comes to academia and trained specialists in general. They all read out of the same book meaning they're all taught the same. It's their judgment and intuition that people are looking for and that's what makes them great but very few people have that. And I thought to myself wow every therapist pretty much said the same thing word for word and their judgment and intuition was just to send me to the next person that ended up saying the exact same thing as well. Knowing this helped go more in-depth with research on looking for a new therapist. Also knowing this I can get a better understanding on what is my therapist training what is their judgment and what is their intuition I can now separate them and see what they're actually doing.
Thank you so so much for sharing!! I am glad you were able to get some clarity on what was happening! I hope you found a therapist who was great!!! xoxo
It hurts so fucking much. Constantly being passed off over and over to new people and never actually starting treatment