Lee is nail. On. Head. My ex did HORRIBLE THINGS then begged, cried, threatened to un alive himself, went to therapy and called churches for help....gave me the things that I'd always asked for (which wasn't much) then after 5 months that familiar monster came back, reared its ugly head just as bad as before. It was like I woke up....I went immediately and got an apartment. Left our new home that I worked hard for....left it all without a second thought. Downsized completely but I opened a new chapter. Felt so free and cleansed. To come to the realization that after 17 years, 17 longggg ass years I'm free. His mother who didn't even raise him was his biggest supporter for his mental, physical and emotional abuse. Flying monkey. Ppl stay strong, stand your ground. Be your own advocate....abusers never change, only change victims.
@Randi Hackney Wow, you are so right on! Abusers never change, they just change victims. We are all expendable victims to them, once we leave we can be easily replaced with the next sucker that comes along. The last narcissist I dated I put up with for 9 months, and broke up with him because I couldn't take it anymore. He begged me to give him another chance, which I did. It was all roses and sunshine at first, and it felt like a new beginning! But it only took 2 weeks before his mask fell off again, and I called it quits for good. He tried to hoover me back in with non-stop lovey-dovey phone messages, texts, and emails, but I didn't give in, and never replied back. It's been 2 lovely, wonderful years without him, and I couldn't be happier or more peaceful! That's the biggest thing to remember, THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE.
I'm Finished FINALLY! Being here has Picked me up and Put me in Track. ALOT of yrs. (35) A Family member. I was abused as a child Never hit My Mother l. I learned at a Very Young age that things could always be worse. Now After 2 Abusive Husbands That I had to run from. Here I am running again. My Lord Teaching Me a Very Important Lesson. Life is Very Fragile. Time to take care of me! I AM WORTH IT! Blessings and Peace to All. Thankyou Again. ❤
Our son got in a relationship with a narcissist, eventually got married. He has changed phone number, Will not visit his parents without her, abandoned his children. They shared same link on cell phone... He is never by himself, except for his job. Our family has never experienced like this! Prayers everyday he will wake up..
Already there. And yes, each time a certain narc tries to get a reaction out of me, I've noticed it's gets a little bit harder. But I also put up less of a fight each time I start to get hoovered back in. It's easier NOT to fight now...
Dude you're a hundred percent right on that reactive abuse. Somebody did that to me one time and this old man got me to the point where he was just sitting there after shaking me up for several months and sat back in his chair while I just explode it because I literally couldn't take anymore of it and then pointed the finger at me like I was the one out of control... He definitely made me question my reality.
Yes, they will absolutely do that to you! They heap on so much abuse for so long, until you end up exploding, then you end up looking like the crazy one. The best thing is to get out before it gets to that point. But it's hard, because sometimes you don't even realize what's happening until you get to that breaking point.
Yes I’m really late to watching this Chanel. But your a 100% correct on the reactive abuse. I blow up on my cousin who is a narcissist. In front of my house and she was seating there stone face. And now my neighbors think I’m the abuse and crazy
When I realised that I was dealing with a narcissist, I started laughing at their jabbs sweetly and the person left. I was no longer reacting like before. I guess he got bored😂😂😂
Me: (Starts gray rocking because I'm tired of being treated like I'm nothing). Him: (clearly annoyed) "Well ... Someone doesn't like when she doesn't get what she wants.". Me: "Yeah. Sure. And neither does *someone* else!" 🙄😂 You really do have to build up an emotional barrier, a shield to keep you from engaging or reacting poorly.
The term reactive abuse is absolutely accurate. It should not be gotten rid of. I think the people who want to get rid of it just aren't thinking the right way about the term. It's called reactive abuse because they mentally/emotionally abuse you and gaslight you by HOLDING your REACTIONS against you after they have PUSHED you towards THAT REACTION. My current relationship has had instances where he will pursue me away from the company of people we are around. Take shots at me (out of earshot of the other people) and then walk away as he is quietly saying the last heckle, because he is trying to BAIT me into blowing up and looking bad in front of the bystanders. If he walks away while insulting me, i would have to raise my voice to be heard, and that is all the other people in the room will hear is my REACTION. They exploit your reactions by abusing you mentally with things you've confided in them or your insecurities, keeping their cruel comments and digs quiet, and hoping you break down and yell out your defense when you can't take it anymore. ABUSE + TIME + REPETITION + REACTION = REACTIVE ABUSE
Trauma bonds are terrible and I am still working on breaking mine. I finally broke my last no contact record of 128 days and just hit 130 days. My next goal is 150 days..
I actually drew a little infinity symbol on the inside of my wrist to remind myself that I survived and am forever free. Stop counting the days and letting him live rent free in your head. Just set your focus on forever ♾️
yess the phrase “projection” is def one of the ones that hit home for me she used to always call me insane and crazy when in reality it was her the one being crazy she literally used to pick on me with calling me crazy and insane knowing that would upset me it got so bad to the point where i really started thinking that i was crazy and insane i had to tell myself that i wasn’t and that she wanted me to believe that ….
It's real fun when you're court ordered to get your head examined, but then it backfires and shows you're a victim. But then they do everything they can to keep you silent about that. So the judge never really hears about it, and the doctor who was going to testify is silenced and there IS no trial
Thank you somuch, your videos have really helped me in ways I can’t describe. I’ve had the energy & light sucked out of me & I really thought there was something wrong with me. I questioned my self worth everyday, even wished I was un-alive. The narc nearly killed me 😂 silly me 🥴God bless you
My narcissist wanted me to only speak when spoken to. Which is hard for me AND made me boring 😂 I got out in 2 months he was so extreme. I had been involved with him briefly, broke it off, and then got reverse hoovered because one of my friends thought she was doing me a favor putting me back in touch with him. I dove in all the way. I moved in once and moved out once when I got to know the REAL him.
Thanks for this. I have a few I’ve heard from narcissists too. “I’m a spiritual healer/starseed/guru” “I’m your twin flame” “You should look into why you’re triggered” “I’m sorry you feel that way”
Am a survivor of domestic abuse, have daughter in bad situation and I thank you for this information. I needed to hear this. Sent it to my daughter because she needed to hear this too. Please pray for her to be safe, escape and to be well.
Lee, I personally want to thank you for helping me through 25 years of narcissistic abuse and now I am definitely going through the trauma bond. It is the most hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Thank you for keeping it so real with us it really helps us heal! God bless you for being an encouraging light in this world
Yes, he accused of being a cheater the entire 2+ yrs... even with looking at my phone and things regularly.. even up to the night i left. I use to just always be loke "nope, you still the only one cheating"
Ohhh geeze... My father is definitely a narcissist, but he doesn't cheat, steal, or physically abuse anyone. I guess he could be called a covert narcissist. I'm 27 and it took me up until this year to fully realize howwww obvious his narcissism is to other people... (Except for my mom) I'm trying to figure out how to get her to fully realize she needs to leave for her and my younger brother's sake, even if it sounds too hard and not worth it. She got close to leaving recently, but she got hoovered back in. I've been grey rocking for probably the past few years (living at home again w/ my partner since 2020, unfortunately) without consistently realizing that's what I was doing, but god damn it's exhausting. I used to think I was the crazy one, but I grew and learned over the years & now I look at my father and see all the things I've grown past, in him, alive and well. It's so disheartening. Sorry for the rant... I just needed to get it out x.x
Thanks to you, Lee, I'm not going back in spite of his lovebombing. I know HE'S JUST NOT DONE WITH ME. And he wants revenge. For leaving him. And it will only get worse...
The apple comparison is so accurate... Outside, I look no different than I ever have (except a little older). But inside, I can FEEL the deterioration. Both medically and emotionally. It's like being an almost empty shell, because they have been sucking the life out of us...
That reactivate abuse is no joke! Everything you said spot on. Another great informative and honest video. Can't thank you enough for what you're doing for so many❣️
You're the first person to say that we become addicted to them and it's so true I've been weaning myself off and I'm getting there. Instead of texting him I've been watching your videos instead lately. I only just found you on RUclips, I saw you on tiktok awhile ago and was really impressed I wish I found you again sooner.
I’ve been through reactive abuse & is definitely a debilitating thing. The discard is something I’m still going through. Thanks for your channel, just found you 💎💫
Hello and thank you, for this video. I am currently going through the process of ending things with a narc. You hit the nail on the head on every aspect. It is very hurtful but I am also in acceptance of the role I played. Let the healing begin.
I’m so happy these issues are being brought to light, I feel like there is such a fine line between a narcissist and a victim who is fed up. If I’ve been dealing with trauma by whole life I’m fed up and I can exhibit a lot of these behaviors as a defense mechanism
same, girl... same. (I find I especially exhibit irritability.) We just get so fed up with *everything*. Even things that are actually normal stuff. Takes a long time to realize it's because of what happened when we were just babies and it's not how we would be if we had been given a 'normal' childhood. You are wise beyond your years and I'm sad for why that is, but you recognize it and can work past it. Blessings, Warrior. You have the advantage of seeing it in time to get help. Go you!
I really thank you so much for showing people that narcissistic personality disorder does not have to define a person - especially since it has become one of those words people just throw around when there's an argument, etc. when it's something that, just like any mental/ mood disorder, can be worked through and so much past trauma can be healed through doing the work. It's cool that you are helping so many people thru these vids and congratulations on your years of work! Much respect to you !💜
@@shinebright2898 I meant in the sense that someone with NPD, who is aware of their diagnosis, doesn't have to just live life & not change the outcome, in the same way being an addict doesn't define a person, (I know these are not the same, just using an example) basically, there is help & there are tools that, if the person is willing to work hard to change their behaviors after understanding what's going on with them, it doesn't have to be the sum of that person.
The day I heard about trauma bond and searched it yhoooo🙆🏾♀️ that was the day i went to silent mode, and it really helped. No arguments, no questions wherether he did wrong or right it didn't matter I just focused on myself registered myself back to school. It was so hard for him he left 3mnths now he told me he's giving me 6mnths to decide what I wantif I don't decide he's filling for Divorce my answer was just simple ok ill be waiting for the documents.
Professor Sam Vadkin discovered the term Narcissism Personality Disorder (NPD). He got curious about himself and set out to find out what was wrong with him. It was NPD. He’s the Godfather of the subject matter. He started the conversation in 1990.
Took me 3x before I left after i had our child that was it for me. Been gone since. Now he's gone from not only me he's gone from our child to been over 2 yrs now since he seen our kid. Some people stay for the kids I left for myself but my kid was the cherry on top to Not go back. I don't want my child thinking that toxic situation is what love is. Now my baby sees mommy single but Happy & more importantly there's Peace in my house. My baby is a happy kid without him.
I wanted to understand why I can't seem to get through to my boyfriend of two years this time. We had a major blow up this week. Almost everything you described was what happened over the past few days while I was fighting to safe our relationship and my hurt feelings with the repeat issues. He would even say things and when I repeated it back word for word, he would tell me he didn't say it within minutes of saying it. We are now in the silent treatment phase and I started journaling everything over the past 2 years. When i reversed it on him and said "maybe we shouldn't be together" he snapped.
Ohhhh my GOD! My ex used to say the exact same thing! Like when I asked him a point-blank question he didn’t want to answer he would say: “What do you mean?” And would have that cool, blank stare and smug look, feigning ignorance; like I was some sort of idiot! I absolutely HATED THAT SH!T and it would make me want to run his a$$ over with a riding lawnmower. He is a piece of fckng work, I tell ya!
I had enough of my narc gf. I told her a few days ago that she's narc. It's very unhealthy dealing with narcs cause its like your said Lee they kill you internally and may cause you to have brain trauma. Grey rocking works to a extent but you have void body of of any emotional reaction to what they say. You gotta be like robot with them.
Lee, you are absolutely correct about each and every one of those terms. I have experienced at least six of them. I was married to narcissist for twenty years and we now have an adult son together. It was hell! I thought that once our son turned 18 and I divorced him, my troubles would be over. Not! He now uses our grandchildren to get to me. I could write a book about this experience. Keep giving knowledge and I pray that someone takes heed. It's no joke being with a narcissist!
Everything you have said and everyones replies ring so true. My major problem is i feel like I've become like him in many ways. Playing his game has hurt my integrity ,my sanity, and makes me ashamed of myself for losing the me I remember i was! Yet stupidly, i still love the man. Most often he's kind,patient,and loving. When his world turns a frown is when the narcissist comes around.why???
I dated someone who’s favorite way to gaslight me was I’d ask them something and they wouldn’t respond, then I’d ask the question again and she’d aggressively say “I said(insert answer here)”
My ex used to do that and I would always respond with something snarky like- "oh, good answer. You must have given that a lot of thought", Or, "okay, I guess that's too much to process. Let me know when your brain catches up." Or I just hum that theme song from Jeopardy. Lmao... I've made his stonewalling into a fun game for myself. Not so much fun for him though.
Yes! Gaslighting is the worst... i use to feel absolutely crazy, he actually use to make me second guess stuff i knew for sure... for instance, i followed him once and he literally looked right at me and i knew it was him, same car, time frame etc... i called him and he swore it wasnt him (it was night time so kinda dark) but i knew for a fact it was, i had so much evidence but it was crazy... it makes you try harder to "prove", you be like next time imma take pics etc... but it never matters, you just always look and feel crazy than somehow you apologizing. It was all so painful and crazy all the time. I hated that i wanted him to stay and go.
Lee. Oh, man, I will buy your book! My dad, 60 years ago, set me up for a lifetime of trauma bonds! lol. I am free now. Yay. The 8 things you've just named are so true a lot of things have fallen into place, and that feels good because I have been second guessing myself for all this time (starting at age 7). So I thank you. I am just one of probably thousands who are so very grateful for your truth. Bottom line, it's all about truth and love. Tomorrow is going to be a great day!
LOVED THIS ONE, AND EXCELENT JOB EXPLAINING YOUR TERMS/WORDING. YOU ARE MORE HELPFUL TO ME, THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. -BLESS UP, 🖐😀💯❤
😅 like this video, broken down into parts with examples. Much easier to listen to and interpret here than when in the real situation. So much going on in the 🧠!!!
Congratulations Cousin on your hard work to get and stay well!! 👏👏👏 Thank you for helping us to know how to recognize and deal with this kind of individual 😊 Much Respect 🙇♀️
People over in the Montgomery county Cys Norristown Pennsylvania are absolutely outta control. Gaslighting an constantly LIEING. It's disgusting an disheartening
Thank you so very much! I escaped my abusive relationship years ago, but in a way, I'm still there because I still try to figure out what happened. You make it very clear. God bless you!
I was going through this sooo bad && i freaking still question myself like was I the narcissist or was he until you mentioned the reverse suction thingy. That 100% solidified what I had already thought was happening. It’s crazy && im currently on a journey to GET OUT! && the reactive abuse, OMG! 😭 you have blown me away!! This whole video was amazing and an eye opener!!
Thank You Brother Lee , You’re absolutely right ! My narcissist spouse had done everything , everything you teach and said , the spouse have done !!!!!!! But I’m in peace ! I Give All The Glory To Him ( Jesus Christ ) My Lord and savior !!! 🙏🏼✝️🙏🏼💥😇
My therapist does not seem to believe me in any of what I went through. Feels like abuse all over in some ways. She wants "more info" I have given it to her ALL YEAR. I am not digging up old emails and texts and going backwards! THis has been hell on earth for me. And I have to see the narc a few times a week. Hellish days. Therapists not trained in narc abuse are re-traumatizing clients if they don't believe them or keep them on. I am frustrated. Need knew one but tied to an agency and therapist and dr connected. Etc. This is just too much sometimes.
I wouldn't even go see that therapist anymore. It sounds like it's causing more trauma than it's doing good for you. I'd walk away and wait until I have the opportunity to find a different therapist.
Lee, you can only admire your honesty, strength and willingness to share your channel has helped me understand, unfortunately, My mother is Narcissistic. And due to my insecurities, I was attracted to a narcissistic, my narcissistic was attracted me. Thank you so much, Lee 🌹🌹🌹🙌
All true and experienced with This one At the moment he is stalking me with anonymous letters after weeks of no contact He can not deal with me going on with my life And not feeding his ego any longer It is him A monster
Most of the narcissists I dealt with in my past - on the romantic level that is - were when I lived in Charlotte and before I knew that it was narcissistic abuse that I had experienced with them. So hearing your NC voice talk about narcissism is particularly healing to my soul. Now living in L.A. I, of course, encounter SOOOOO many situations where NPD is a factor. Your content as well as the videos from Little Shaman, Jay Reid, and Patrick Teahan are my go-to sources these days. I love it! -S
100%. Can you pls do an in depth on reactive abuse? It is so serious and damaging. It's very difficult to be put in that position. Find your REAL self again guys, and pls leave them! 🙏
Thank you Lee. Everything thing you said is true. No. 8 happened to me and yes, I was perceived as the abuser! I realized then and there that th gave them power, my power. As of that day he will NEVER get steal my power again.
Thankyou so much for this informative video, it helped to see if from someone who's self aware. My ex used to always accuse me of cheating and did most of what you explained, it helped open up my eyes to it a lot more... To all of those who have struggled with unaware narcissists, i hope that you can heal and grow into something more beautiful than you already are🩷 and Lee, thankyou for teaching us about NPD, i appreciate learning more, i hope the rest of your journey with therapy continues to go well!
@Mental Healness Thank you for your videos, they are educational as well as entertaining, lol. I appreciate your honesty and your desire to help others. I pray for you and your family daily. May the Lord bless you.
After my ex husband finally left for the last time and I got a restraining order (second time, he was abusive and had no boundaries) and grey rocked him. Oof, he drove around the country for a month, cheated again, came by said he tried to off himself, man he finally ran off with a random woman and went on a smear campaign and his flying monkeys (his mom and friends) came at me. It was wild but he’s still in pickles, one mess after another, and I’m freeee. The gaslighting made me feel crazy. Trauma bonds are absolute hell. But my dad is a narc and my parents are still together, cold, bitter, and miserable. I got out for me and my kiddo.
I love your videos they're so helpful and I really like your personality it makes a serious subject more palatable to learn about so thankyou for what you do. Hopefully you get some kind of positive supply from your audience because you deserve it for helping us so much. Props for becoming self aware and changing too. It's rare that narcissists want to change so you're one of a kind.
I was so trauma-bonded. Three years in I and the NARC got into it one night. I was scared and wanted to leave, and he literally threatened me and said "If I was you, I wouldn't leave your son here with me". I'm just saying. He took that damn far for me not to leave and he was the one scaring me.
Hello Thanks for putting this into words and answering all my questions. I was with a Man over 40 yrs and married to him still to this day, separated for 1 year. Him/nor his family or friends never told me he was Bipolar, he went into my bank accounts, stole my car key, took my vehicles, took things apart that weren't his (landlords rental property and it would take him months to put it back together). He didn't sleep at night, never wanted to achieve anything in his life. But he always was putting me down, I was to fat, short, ugly, didn't know how to talk, didn't know how to cook, how to take care of the kids etc, etc;. Our kids think that their father is the greatest Man in the World because he always showed as being the great Dad. But God knows 🙏 🙌 how he blessed me to survive, send the kids to school, buy food and pay bills. Thank you God in Jesus name Amen 🙏 🙌
Sounds like someone with a CNS stimulant addiction. Things like Coke, meth, ADHD meds. Look up stimulant addiction symptoms and see if they fit. Someone who has been in a cycle of addiction for stimulants for a long period will actually show almost all the signs and symptoms of NPD.
Thank you very much for your wisdom. You are a blessing to me because I have been dealing with a narcissistic parent my entire life. I didn't realize it until I was 35 years old. Baby steps but big progress!! Thanks and God bless🙏🏾😁
It’s just so much hard work to try and control my reactions. It just made me feel like why do I even want to bother and be stuck with a guy who doesn’t respect me as a woman. And when I say respect I mean in the most minimal ways. I didn’t expect much from him.
This is the first time i have ever heard of reactive abuse. Thanks. I have been abused so long im starting to lash out myself. I appreciate you jerking on the reins, cause i DONT want to be the one who snaps.
When I found out he cheated on me..the way I reacted was out of control, I had so much anger in me 😢now I kinda regrets that I reacted like that, I could of just move on without any reaction 😏🤦♀️🤦♀️
I did the same and embarrassed myself but now he wants me back cause new supply cheated and baby can be his or her ex…. Karma is a mean one and I want nothing to do with him.. disgusting and he now got a taste of his own medicine. After almost 9y and kids she can keep him. Thanks Lee you helped me so much ❤
I went through the exact same thing...I erupted like a volcano!I couldn't believe my rage.I scared myself.That was back in January. Almost a year of the back n forth bullshit.Ive been in therapy 2 days a week since then.I finally just yesterday deleted everything & blocked what I could...I know all of our stories are horrible. I am so sorry for all the pain you've endured.I hope knowing you're not alone helps you.I hope it helps all of us.❤
Thank you so, so much for making these videos. I need these affirmations and reassurances, because I have been gaslit SO much by a narcissist. How can I bounce back from reverse hoovering? I made the mistake of reaching out to them because one of their flying monkeys convinced me I should give them another chance (this monkey is my “friend” too) 😩 After I realized the mistake, I ignored them and stopped responding to their texts and ignored them at work. Now the narcissist won’t leave me alone, they are passive aggressive, love bombing, trying to win me back, etc. and more of their flying monkeys keep trying to get me back to them. Unfortunately a friend I was getting close to is convinced that the narcissist is a good person, but they don’t know anything about what happened in the former friendship between the narcissist and I. This friend has unknowingly become a flying monkey because they’re really telling me I should rekindle the friendship. Working with the narcissist is so hard because they’re always going to be around, and I have to be professional. Any advice anyone has is greatly appreciated.
YESSS it’s the damn gas lighting.. had me starting to wonder if everything IS me though I KNOW what the hell im seeing. Everything is turned around on you to make it seem like it’s you. Have other ppl thinking and believing it’s YOU that’s trippin’. Then act like I don’t know why she’s acting like this or that when you’ve talked about the shit with them. Something I’ve done was move all the way away from them as a step to getting out. Putting a big space between us. Limiting any conversation. Bare minimum. I have nothing but a relationship that’s negative with these people soo..
After being married to a narcissist, after I finally snapped. There’s no turning back now🤷🏽♀️😡🥳🤣 I’m the flip out queen now. I will get us both arrested. Make us both lose our jobs, kids, friends, homes, cars, and destroy our family connections. I clown anywhere in front of anyone once you cross me🤦🏽♀️😂😂😂
It was hard to break that bond, I finally did. I have a step granddaughter with him, occasionally we have to be together for her. The 4th celebration, was hilarious because he thought if he kept his back to me and didn’t speak, I would be hurt and upset. Just the opposite and he only showed his childish side to everyone present. He ate, stayed a few minutes after and got out of there because he knew he wasn’t getting a reaction from me.
Thank You Sweetheart ❤️until today didn't know what was being done to me Was Reactive Abuse. I Said No, Threw Him out of My Home, Cut Him Out, zero contact. Now he's using tapes and videos to cause Legal problems. Damn Dude this shit is next Level. Thank you from the Bottom of my Heart for Educating Me ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
You are so right. I’m going through such a hard time right now… my emotional health is terrible now and because of the abuse, I can barely function. He literally does this every day with me. I have to get out…. He gaslights every single day. I caught him one time and ever since then, I knew he Dora all this stuff on purpose.
“ what angers you controls you “ a therapist once said to me
Yes reminds me of a old Kung fu movie learning to control one's emotions is a superpower
Yes, I had to realize this.❤
Lee is right y'all. Trauma bond is the worst thing to escape from. It takes God and prayer cos I wouldn't have got out otherwise.
Have to put the work in to break it as well
God is right! It is super hard
Ya do have to work on yourself, you will break it then.. Good luck
Yep
Same.. it took me 6 years to FINALLY GET THE F*** out and too many times to count of trying to get away within those 6 years.
Lee is nail. On. Head.
My ex did HORRIBLE THINGS then begged, cried, threatened to un alive himself, went to therapy and called churches for help....gave me the things that I'd always asked for (which wasn't much) then after 5 months that familiar monster came back, reared its ugly head just as bad as before. It was like I woke up....I went immediately and got an apartment. Left our new home that I worked hard for....left it all without a second thought. Downsized completely but I opened a new chapter. Felt so free and cleansed. To come to the realization that after 17 years, 17 longggg ass years I'm free. His mother who didn't even raise him was his biggest supporter for his mental, physical and emotional abuse. Flying monkey. Ppl stay strong, stand your ground. Be your own advocate....abusers never change, only change victims.
You are dead on it!!
@Randi Hackney Wow, you are so right on! Abusers never change, they just change victims. We are all expendable victims to them, once we leave we can be easily replaced with the next sucker that comes along.
The last narcissist I dated I put up with for 9 months, and broke up with him because I couldn't take it anymore. He begged me to give him another chance, which I did. It was all roses and sunshine at first, and it felt like a new beginning! But it only took 2 weeks before his mask fell off again, and I called it quits for good. He tried to hoover me back in with non-stop lovey-dovey phone messages, texts, and emails, but I didn't give in, and never replied back.
It's been 2 lovely, wonderful years without him, and I couldn't be happier or more peaceful!
That's the biggest thing to remember, THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE.
I'm Finished FINALLY! Being here has Picked me up and Put me in Track. ALOT of yrs. (35) A Family member. I was abused as a child Never hit My Mother l. I learned at a Very Young age that things could always be worse. Now After 2 Abusive Husbands That I had to run from. Here I am running again. My Lord Teaching Me a Very Important Lesson. Life is Very Fragile. Time to take care of me! I AM WORTH IT! Blessings and Peace to All. Thankyou Again. ❤
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Our son got in a relationship with a narcissist, eventually got married. He has changed phone number, Will not visit his parents without her, abandoned his children. They shared same link on cell phone... He is never by himself, except for his job. Our family has never experienced like this! Prayers everyday he will wake up..
Grey rock is easy when you now feel dead inside because you are all worn out. Don’t wait until you get to that point, though.
I am sick of this mf but I keep going back to this jerk and he will not admit nothing it alway on me a ny advice
A sad truth.
Already there. And yes, each time a certain narc tries to get a reaction out of me, I've noticed it's gets a little bit harder. But I also put up less of a fight each time I start to get hoovered back in. It's easier NOT to fight now...
Flying monkeys tie you down to the narc
Yeah, I can vouch for that too; don't wait till you're dead inside Dx
Dude you're a hundred percent right on that reactive abuse. Somebody did that to me one time and this old man got me to the point where he was just sitting there after shaking me up for several months and sat back in his chair while I just explode it because I literally couldn't take anymore of it and then pointed the finger at me like I was the one out of control... He definitely made me question my reality.
I knew it wasn’t me I needed help to get away.
Yes, they will absolutely do that to you! They heap on so much abuse for so long, until you end up exploding, then you end up looking like the crazy one.
The best thing is to get out before it gets to that point. But it's hard, because sometimes you don't even realize what's happening until you get to that breaking point.
He gaslight you!
Yes I’m really late to watching this Chanel. But your a 100% correct on the reactive abuse. I blow up on my cousin who is a narcissist. In front of my house and she was seating there stone face. And now my neighbors think I’m the abuse and crazy
When I realised that I was dealing with a narcissist, I started laughing at their jabbs sweetly and the person left. I was no longer reacting like before. I guess he got bored😂😂😂
😅😅😅
I’m glad that worked for you mine would get more aggressive when I would laugh at them 🤦🏾♀️
Me: (Starts gray rocking because I'm tired of being treated like I'm nothing).
Him: (clearly annoyed) "Well ... Someone doesn't like when she doesn't get what she wants.".
Me: "Yeah. Sure. And neither does *someone* else!" 🙄😂
You really do have to build up an emotional barrier, a shield to keep you from engaging or reacting poorly.
Indeed! I did it, my ex-husband couldn't handle it. He threatened to hit me in my head with a glass bottle of Perrier water.
The term reactive abuse is absolutely accurate. It should not be gotten rid of. I think the people who want to get rid of it just aren't thinking the right way about the term. It's called reactive abuse because they mentally/emotionally abuse you and gaslight you by HOLDING your REACTIONS against you after they have PUSHED you towards THAT REACTION. My current relationship has had instances where he will pursue me away from the company of people we are around. Take shots at me (out of earshot of the other people) and then walk away as he is quietly saying the last heckle, because he is trying to BAIT me into blowing up and looking bad in front of the bystanders. If he walks away while insulting me, i would have to raise my voice to be heard, and that is all the other people in the room will hear is my REACTION. They exploit your reactions by abusing you mentally with things you've confided in them or your insecurities, keeping their cruel comments and digs quiet, and hoping you break down and yell out your defense when you can't take it anymore.
ABUSE + TIME + REPETITION + REACTION = REACTIVE ABUSE
Thank you for this!
🎯 🎯🎯🎯
Yes i started learning to not argue the truth... especially when i was working on my plan, it didnt even matter no more.
Yes! I would just let him talk and not respond....I have nothing else to give you sir. Talk to yourself and leave me tf alone
I've been doing this alot lately
It is I - Idc what u say sir, and your dentures are clacking. Done, ya heard me?
Trauma bonds are terrible and I am still working on breaking mine. I finally broke my last no contact record of 128 days and just hit 130 days. My next goal is 150 days..
🙏🙏👩🎓👍🏾😁👍🏾
Has he tried to contact you ?
I actually drew a little infinity symbol on the inside of my wrist to remind myself that I survived and am forever free.
Stop counting the days and letting him live rent free in your head. Just set your focus on forever ♾️
Reactive abuse had my azz out here looking wild and crazy. Meanwhile, this narc is sitting back appearing bewildered! Never again.
yess the phrase “projection” is def one of the ones that hit home for me she used to always call me insane and crazy when in reality it was her the one being crazy she literally used to pick on me with calling me crazy and insane knowing that would upset me it got so bad to the point where i really started thinking that i was crazy and insane i had to tell myself that i wasn’t and that she wanted me to believe that ….
It's real fun when you're court ordered to get your head examined, but then it backfires and shows you're a victim. But then they do everything they can to keep you silent about that. So the judge never really hears about it, and the doctor who was going to testify is silenced and there IS no trial
That is so like my daily bread. Nothing is ever his fault. His flying monkeys says he is perfect. Imagine that
That's what they do!
Thank you somuch, your videos have really helped me in ways I can’t describe. I’ve had the energy & light sucked out of me & I really thought there was something wrong with me. I questioned my self worth everyday, even wished I was un-alive. The narc nearly killed me 😂 silly me 🥴God bless you
God bless you as well. stay safe and protect your peace
My narcissist wanted me to only speak when spoken to. Which is hard for me AND made me boring 😂
I got out in 2 months he was so extreme.
I had been involved with him briefly, broke it off, and then got reverse hoovered because one of my friends thought she was doing me a favor putting me back in touch with him.
I dove in all the way.
I moved in once and moved out once when I got to know the REAL him.
Very hard to do when there is silence all the time lol
Thanks for this. I have a few I’ve heard from narcissists too.
“I’m a spiritual healer/starseed/guru”
“I’m your twin flame”
“You should look into why you’re triggered”
“I’m sorry you feel that way”
Am a survivor of domestic abuse, have daughter in bad situation and I thank you for this information. I needed to hear this. Sent it to my daughter because she needed to hear this too. Please pray for her to be safe, escape and to be well.
Lee, I personally want to thank you for helping me through 25 years of narcissistic abuse and now I am definitely going through the trauma bond. It is the most hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Thank you for keeping it so real with us it really helps us heal! God bless you for being an encouraging light in this world
Yes it really does help people heal ❤
Yes, he accused of being a cheater the entire 2+ yrs... even with looking at my phone and things regularly.. even up to the night i left. I use to just always be loke "nope, you still the only one cheating"
Ohhh geeze... My father is definitely a narcissist, but he doesn't cheat, steal, or physically abuse anyone. I guess he could be called a covert narcissist. I'm 27 and it took me up until this year to fully realize howwww obvious his narcissism is to other people... (Except for my mom)
I'm trying to figure out how to get her to fully realize she needs to leave for her and my younger brother's sake, even if it sounds too hard and not worth it. She got close to leaving recently, but she got hoovered back in.
I've been grey rocking for probably the past few years (living at home again w/ my partner since 2020, unfortunately) without consistently realizing that's what I was doing, but god damn it's exhausting.
I used to think I was the crazy one, but I grew and learned over the years & now I look at my father and see all the things I've grown past, in him, alive and well. It's so disheartening.
Sorry for the rant... I just needed to get it out x.x
Thanks to you, Lee, I'm not going back in spite of his lovebombing. I know HE'S JUST NOT DONE WITH ME. And he wants revenge. For leaving him. And it will only get worse...
These vids continue to be helpful. Victims can escape the chaos, but those w/untreated NPD are stuck in the Hell of their dysfunction.
The apple comparison is so accurate... Outside, I look no different than I ever have (except a little older). But inside, I can FEEL the deterioration. Both medically and emotionally. It's like being an almost empty shell, because they have been sucking the life out of us...
That reactivate abuse is no joke! Everything you said spot on. Another great informative and honest video. Can't thank you enough for what you're doing for so many❣️
You're the first person to say that we become addicted to them and it's so true I've been weaning myself off and I'm getting there. Instead of texting him I've been watching your videos instead lately. I only just found you on RUclips, I saw you on tiktok awhile ago and was really impressed I wish I found you again sooner.
Oh, the trauma bond. You explain it like no other.
Lee, I LOVE THAT AN ESCAPE PLAN. I hope you do a goooood video on AN ESCAPING A NARC. omg, I will not miss that one.
No contact is a must...ignore them completely
It's not easy but it's worth it.
I’ve been through reactive abuse & is definitely a debilitating thing. The discard is something I’m still going through. Thanks for your channel, just found you 💎💫
you’re welcome
Hello and thank you, for this video. I am currently going through the process of ending things with a narc. You hit the nail on the head on every aspect. It is very hurtful but I am also in acceptance of the role I played. Let the healing begin.
I’m so happy these issues are being brought to light, I feel like there is such a fine line between a narcissist and a victim who is fed up. If I’ve been dealing with trauma by whole life I’m fed up and I can exhibit a lot of these behaviors as a defense mechanism
same, girl... same. (I find I especially exhibit irritability.) We just get so fed up with *everything*. Even things that are actually normal stuff. Takes a long time to realize it's because of what happened when we were just babies and it's not how we would be if we had been given a 'normal' childhood. You are wise beyond your years and I'm sad for why that is, but you recognize it and can work past it. Blessings, Warrior. You have the advantage of seeing it in time to get help. Go you!
I really thank you so much for showing people that narcissistic personality disorder does not have to define a person - especially since it has become one of those words people just throw around when there's an argument, etc. when it's something that, just like any mental/ mood disorder, can be worked through and so much past trauma can be healed through doing the work. It's cool that you are helping so many people thru these vids and congratulations on your years of work! Much respect to you !💜
i appreciate it 🙏🏽🙌🏾
It does define a person tho.
@@shinebright2898
I meant in the sense that someone with NPD, who is aware of their diagnosis, doesn't have to just live life & not change the outcome, in the same way being an addict doesn't define a person, (I know these are not the same, just using an example) basically, there is help & there are tools that, if the person is willing to work hard to change their behaviors after understanding what's going on with them, it doesn't have to be the sum of that person.
The day I heard about trauma bond and searched it yhoooo🙆🏾♀️ that was the day i went to silent mode, and it really helped. No arguments, no questions wherether he did wrong or right it didn't matter I just focused on myself registered myself back to school. It was so hard for him he left 3mnths now he told me he's giving me 6mnths to decide what I wantif I don't decide he's filling for Divorce my answer was just simple ok ill be waiting for the documents.
Professor Sam Vadkin discovered the term Narcissism Personality Disorder (NPD). He got curious about himself and set out to find out what was wrong with him. It was NPD. He’s the Godfather of the subject matter. He started the conversation in 1990.
Took me 3x before I left after i had our child that was it for me. Been gone since. Now he's gone from not only me he's gone from our child to been over 2 yrs now since he seen our kid. Some people stay for the kids I left for myself but my kid was the cherry on top to Not go back. I don't want my child thinking that toxic situation is what love is. Now my baby sees mommy single but Happy & more importantly there's Peace in my house. My baby is a happy kid without him.
I wanted to understand why I can't seem to get through to my boyfriend of two years this time. We had a major blow up this week. Almost everything you described was what happened over the past few days while I was fighting to safe our relationship and my hurt feelings with the repeat issues. He would even say things and when I repeated it back word for word, he would tell me he didn't say it within minutes of saying it. We are now in the silent treatment phase and I started journaling everything over the past 2 years. When i reversed it on him and said "maybe we shouldn't be together" he snapped.
You right about the reactive abuse, that was happening for years glad I know about it
Please create a shirt with: “YaNaMean?”
😅😂❤❤
Do not argue the truth❤they set you up on purpose 😢
My ex says "what do you mean?!" A lot. It feels like he is dismissing me. Telling me that what I just said is stupid or not real.
Ohhhh my GOD! My ex used to say the exact same thing! Like when I asked him a point-blank question he didn’t want to answer he would say: “What do you mean?” And would have that cool, blank stare and smug look, feigning ignorance; like I was some sort of idiot! I absolutely HATED THAT SH!T and it would make me want to run his a$$ over with a riding lawnmower. He is a piece of fckng work, I tell ya!
Pretty much...explain yourself until they catch you on a false fact. Then continues the devalue.
😞😞😞😞
What do you mean? Is my husbands favorite question- answer to everything
Yes a response everytime i ask something or try to get a point accross
You handled this wonderfully, Thank you sooooo much!
I had enough of my narc gf. I told her a few days ago that she's narc. It's very unhealthy dealing with narcs cause its like your said Lee they kill you internally and may cause you to have brain trauma. Grey rocking works to a extent but you have void body of of any emotional reaction to what they say. You gotta be like robot with them.
Gaslighting sure is crazy, he switched up situations that happend to try to make me seem crazy and play victim. It is truly overwhelming
💯💯
Another name for Lucifer
Lee, you are absolutely correct about each and every one of those terms. I have experienced at least six of them. I was married to narcissist for twenty years and we now have an adult son together. It was hell! I thought that once our son turned 18 and I divorced him, my troubles would be over. Not! He now uses our grandchildren to get to me. I could write a book about this experience. Keep giving knowledge and I pray that someone takes heed. It's no joke being with a narcissist!
Grey rock does not work if you just pretend. And when you just get fed upp you don't need to work on grey rock. You just don't give a damn anymore.
The accuracy of this statement!!!
Everything you have said and everyones replies ring so true. My major problem is i feel like I've become like him in many ways. Playing his game has hurt my integrity ,my sanity, and makes me ashamed of myself for losing the me I remember i was! Yet stupidly, i still love the man. Most often he's kind,patient,and loving. When his world turns a frown is when the narcissist comes around.why???
I dated someone who’s favorite way to gaslight me was I’d ask them something and they wouldn’t respond, then I’d ask the question again and she’d aggressively say “I said(insert answer here)”
😩
My ex used to do that and I would always respond with something snarky like- "oh, good answer. You must have given that a lot of thought", Or, "okay, I guess that's too much to process. Let me know when your brain catches up." Or I just hum that theme song from Jeopardy. Lmao... I've made his stonewalling into a fun game for myself. Not so much fun for him though.
Yes! Gaslighting is the worst... i use to feel absolutely crazy, he actually use to make me second guess stuff i knew for sure... for instance, i followed him once and he literally looked right at me and i knew it was him, same car, time frame etc... i called him and he swore it wasnt him (it was night time so kinda dark) but i knew for a fact it was, i had so much evidence but it was crazy... it makes you try harder to "prove", you be like next time imma take pics etc... but it never matters, you just always look and feel crazy than somehow you apologizing. It was all so painful and crazy all the time.
I hated that i wanted him to stay and go.
I'm going through this now with someone very close to me This is one of the hardest thing I've ever been through.
Lee. Oh, man, I will buy your book! My dad, 60 years ago, set me up for a lifetime of trauma bonds! lol. I am free now. Yay. The 8 things you've just named are so true a lot of things have fallen into place, and that feels good because I have been second guessing myself for all this time (starting at age 7). So I thank you. I am just one of probably thousands who are so very grateful for your truth. Bottom line, it's all about truth and love. Tomorrow is going to be a great day!
LOVED THIS ONE, AND EXCELENT JOB EXPLAINING YOUR TERMS/WORDING. YOU ARE MORE HELPFUL TO ME, THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. -BLESS UP,
🖐😀💯❤
Lol. I see too much blue in everything. I'm "color enhanced ". That curtain actually does look navy to me 😂
😅😅
Gaslighting made me feel like a bad person.
😞😞 that happens
😅 like this video, broken down into parts with examples. Much easier to listen to and interpret here than when in the real situation. So much going on in the 🧠!!!
🧠
@@MentalHealness you got this!
Congratulations Cousin on your hard work to get and stay well!! 👏👏👏 Thank you for helping us to know how to recognize and deal with this kind of individual 😊 Much Respect 🙇♀️
Thank you for your honesty and support to help others . This video clip is what I needed to hear .
People over in the Montgomery county Cys Norristown Pennsylvania are absolutely outta control. Gaslighting an constantly LIEING. It's disgusting an disheartening
Thank you so very much! I escaped my abusive relationship years ago, but in a way, I'm still there because I still try to figure out what happened. You make it very clear. God bless you!
God bless you as well
The reverse Hoover is what finally got me. You’re the only one I’ve heard explain it, thank you!
I was going through this sooo bad && i freaking still question myself like was I the narcissist or was he until you mentioned the reverse suction thingy. That 100% solidified what I had already thought was happening. It’s crazy && im currently on a journey to GET OUT! && the reactive abuse, OMG! 😭 you have blown me away!! This whole video was amazing and an eye opener!!
Thank You Brother Lee ,
You’re absolutely right !
My narcissist spouse had done everything , everything you teach and said , the spouse have done !!!!!!!
But I’m in peace ! I Give All The Glory To Him ( Jesus Christ ) My Lord and savior !!!
🙏🏼✝️🙏🏼💥😇
My therapist does not seem to believe me in any of what I went through. Feels like abuse all over in some ways. She wants "more info" I have given it to her ALL YEAR. I am not digging up old emails and texts and going backwards! THis has been hell on earth for me. And I have to see the narc a few times a week. Hellish days. Therapists not trained in narc abuse are re-traumatizing clients if they don't believe them or keep them on. I am frustrated. Need knew one but tied to an agency and therapist and dr connected. Etc. This is just too much sometimes.
I wouldn't even go see that therapist anymore. It sounds like it's causing more trauma than it's doing good for you. I'd walk away and wait until I have the opportunity to find a different therapist.
Lee, you can only admire your honesty, strength and willingness to share your channel has helped me understand, unfortunately, My mother is Narcissistic. And due to my insecurities, I was attracted to a narcissistic, my narcissistic was attracted me.
Thank you so much, Lee 🌹🌹🌹🙌
Nobody breaks it down like you!!!!!!
All true and experienced with
This one
At the moment he is stalking me with anonymous letters after weeks of no contact
He can not deal with me going on with my life
And not feeding his ego any longer
It is him
A monster
Most of the narcissists I dealt with in my past - on the romantic level that is - were when I lived in Charlotte and before I knew that it was narcissistic abuse that I had experienced with them. So hearing your NC voice talk about narcissism is particularly healing to my soul. Now living in L.A. I, of course, encounter SOOOOO many situations where NPD is a factor. Your content as well as the videos from Little Shaman, Jay Reid, and Patrick Teahan are my go-to sources these days. I love it! -S
Check out "The Enlightened Narcissist" too- lots of great information. 👍🏻
100%. Can you pls do an in depth on reactive abuse? It is so serious and damaging. It's very difficult to be put in that position. Find your REAL self again guys, and pls leave them! 🙏
Thank you Lee. Everything thing you said is true. No. 8 happened to me and yes, I was perceived as the abuser! I realized then and there that th gave them power, my power. As of that day he will NEVER get steal my power again.
Thankyou so much for this informative video, it helped to see if from someone who's self aware. My ex used to always accuse me of cheating and did most of what you explained, it helped open up my eyes to it a lot more... To all of those who have struggled with unaware narcissists, i hope that you can heal and grow into something more beautiful than you already are🩷 and Lee, thankyou for teaching us about NPD, i appreciate learning more, i hope the rest of your journey with therapy continues to go well!
Thank you so much my mom is a true narcissist 💯 The scary part is they seem normal but far from it... It's hard for the human brain to grasp
Been there done that. I see all of this. He calls it equal rights. No petty childish games to abuse
Petty childish games sums it up perfectly
It takes a lot of work to control your emotions and think with your brain instead of your heart
Your personality is great!! 😂 glad you are healing and helping us people who've dealt with these wild individuals
Absolutely true ❤
♥️
It’s sad that the flying monkeys can be your children 😢to get love from the narcissist. It’s sickening.
I think he is absolutely right in his information and can help you with your healing
With much respect, the reversed hoover sounds like a dance move! I am have performed this dance move once or twice.
You are sooo right...your voice is crazy smooth....voices are VERY important to me ! I wanna hear a lullaby....😆
@Mental Healness Thank you for your videos, they are educational as well as entertaining, lol. I appreciate your honesty and your desire to help others. I pray for you and your family daily. May the Lord bless you.
After my ex husband finally left for the last time and I got a restraining order (second time, he was abusive and had no boundaries) and grey rocked him. Oof, he drove around the country for a month, cheated again, came by said he tried to off himself, man he finally ran off with a random woman and went on a smear campaign and his flying monkeys (his mom and friends) came at me. It was wild but he’s still in pickles, one mess after another, and I’m freeee. The gaslighting made me feel crazy. Trauma bonds are absolute hell. But my dad is a narc and my parents are still together, cold, bitter, and miserable. I got out for me and my kiddo.
stay empowered on your healing journey
I love your videos they're so helpful and I really like your personality it makes a serious subject more palatable to learn about so thankyou for what you do. Hopefully you get some kind of positive supply from your audience because you deserve it for helping us so much. Props for becoming self aware and changing too. It's rare that narcissists want to change so you're one of a kind.
Any interaction at all just gives him fuel for his attack while he's drunk.
All of this word for word 😢 thanks Lee, stay strong y'all.
💪🏽💪🏽
You make me Smile, Lee! also thanks for making me aware of my own toxic traits & helping me getting better everyday, You're amazing ❤
Thank you
I was so trauma-bonded. Three years in I and the NARC got into it one night. I was scared and wanted to leave, and he literally threatened me and said "If I was you, I wouldn't leave your son here with me". I'm just saying. He took that damn far for me not to leave and he was the one scaring me.
protect your peace
Hello Thanks for putting this into words and answering all my questions. I was with a Man over 40 yrs and married to him still to this day, separated for 1 year. Him/nor his family or friends never told me he was Bipolar, he went into my bank accounts, stole my car key, took my vehicles, took things apart that weren't his (landlords rental property and it would take him months to put it back together). He didn't sleep at night, never wanted to achieve anything in his life. But he always was putting me down, I was to fat, short, ugly, didn't know how to talk, didn't know how to cook, how to take care of the kids etc, etc;. Our kids think that their father is the greatest Man in the World because he always showed as being the great Dad. But God knows 🙏 🙌 how he blessed me to survive,
send the kids to school, buy food and pay bills. Thank you God in Jesus name Amen 🙏 🙌
Sounds like someone with a CNS stimulant addiction. Things like Coke, meth, ADHD meds. Look up stimulant addiction symptoms and see if they fit.
Someone who has been in a cycle of addiction for stimulants for a long period will actually show almost all the signs and symptoms of NPD.
Reactive abuse, i had to applogize fir launching a very rip banana in the garbage can where it hit the narc's head instead. My bad, bad aim. Lmao
funny 😂
This was perfect for me to see now. I needed to see this.
Thank you very much for your wisdom. You are a blessing to me because I have been dealing with a narcissistic parent my entire life. I didn't realize it until I was 35 years old. Baby steps but big progress!! Thanks and God bless🙏🏾😁
God bless you as well
Real Ms P here
I feel so stupid he gaslit me alllll the time‼️‼️‼️‼️ my oh my 😢
Thanks for making me laugh about all the craziness! I always got turned into the only crazy person?
🙌🏾🙌🏾
It’s just so much hard work to try and control my reactions. It just made me feel like why do I even want to bother and be stuck with a guy who doesn’t respect me as a woman. And when I say respect I mean in the most minimal ways. I didn’t expect much from him.
Takes time and work
This is the first time i have ever heard of reactive abuse. Thanks. I have been abused so long im starting to lash out myself. I appreciate you jerking on the reins, cause i DONT want to be the one who snaps.
When I found out he cheated on me..the way I reacted was out of control, I had so much anger in me 😢now I kinda regrets that I reacted like that, I could of just move on without any reaction 😏🤦♀️🤦♀️
I did the same and embarrassed myself but now he wants me back cause new supply cheated and baby can be his or her ex…. Karma is a mean one and I want nothing to do with him.. disgusting and he now got a taste of his own medicine. After almost 9y and kids she can keep him. Thanks Lee you helped me so much ❤
@@yummyyum1131 omg…mine is harassing me at the gym 🤦♀️, he literally got a newborn w the supply he cheated on me w nd now his looking for a gf
I went through the exact same thing...I erupted like a volcano!I couldn't believe my rage.I scared myself.That was back in January. Almost a year of the back n forth bullshit.Ive been in therapy 2 days a week since then.I finally just yesterday deleted everything & blocked what I could...I know all of our stories are horrible. I am so sorry for all the pain you've endured.I hope knowing you're not alone helps you.I hope it helps all of us.❤
I did the same thing and I said I can't believe it!
Me too. I hit him and he painted me to all his friends as the abuser.. No, I wasn't!!
Thank you so, so much for making these videos. I need these affirmations and reassurances, because I have been gaslit SO much by a narcissist. How can I bounce back from reverse hoovering? I made the mistake of reaching out to them because one of their flying monkeys convinced me I should give them another chance (this monkey is my “friend” too) 😩 After I realized the mistake, I ignored them and stopped responding to their texts and ignored them at work. Now the narcissist won’t leave me alone, they are passive aggressive, love bombing, trying to win me back, etc. and more of their flying monkeys keep trying to get me back to them. Unfortunately a friend I was getting close to is convinced that the narcissist is a good person, but they don’t know anything about what happened in the former friendship between the narcissist and I. This friend has unknowingly become a flying monkey because they’re really telling me I should rekindle the friendship. Working with the narcissist is so hard because they’re always going to be around, and I have to be professional. Any advice anyone has is greatly appreciated.
Thank you for being honest.
you’re welcome
YESSS it’s the damn gas lighting.. had me starting to wonder if everything IS me though I KNOW what the hell im seeing. Everything is turned around on you to make it seem like it’s you. Have other ppl thinking and believing it’s YOU that’s trippin’. Then act like I don’t know why she’s acting like this or that when you’ve talked about the shit with them. Something I’ve done was move all the way away from them as a step to getting out. Putting a big space between us. Limiting any conversation. Bare minimum. I have nothing but a relationship that’s negative with these people soo..
😞😞
After being married to a narcissist, after I finally snapped. There’s no turning back now🤷🏽♀️😡🥳🤣 I’m the flip out queen now. I will get us both arrested. Make us both lose our jobs, kids, friends, homes, cars, and destroy our family connections. I clown anywhere in front of anyone once you cross me🤦🏽♀️😂😂😂
It was hard to break that bond, I finally did. I have a step granddaughter with him, occasionally we have to be together for her. The 4th celebration, was hilarious because he thought if he kept his back to me and didn’t speak, I would be hurt and upset. Just the opposite and he only showed his childish side to everyone present. He ate, stayed a few minutes after and got out of there because he knew he wasn’t getting a reaction from me.
Thank You Sweetheart ❤️until today didn't know what was being done to me Was Reactive Abuse. I Said No, Threw Him out of My Home, Cut Him Out, zero contact. Now he's using tapes and videos to cause Legal problems. Damn Dude this shit is next Level.
Thank you from the Bottom of my Heart for Educating Me ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
You are so right. I’m going through such a hard time right now… my emotional health is terrible now and because of the abuse, I can barely function. He literally does this every day with me.
I have to get out…. He gaslights every single day. I caught him one time and ever since then, I knew he Dora all this stuff on purpose.
back handed compliments