Enneagram: In Relationship With Type 9
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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Good thing 9’s are pretty patient because theyre always last in an enneagram series😂
🤣
Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes always put them second :)
My husband is a 9 but he’s very impatient and I’m an 8 but I’m patient. Ha. Weird how that worked out.
That’s opposite of every Enneagram course I’ve taken, which has 7s last.
@@nikogreenwood9086 probably just to teach em a lesson ;)
This is a very good 7 interpretation of a 9, but I don't think it's quite right. As a 9, I pursue peace not out of avoidance of difficult feelings (that's a sevenish way of thinking about it), but because I very sincerely and deeply believe I don't merit the feelings, the disruption, the time, the emotional expense that it requires others to expend in engaging with me at that level. I do not think my opinion is important. I do not think my desires are important. Its not a problem for a 9 to go into hard feelings with people or talk about difficult things or even process hard conversations with spouses, and yes we ultimately want to resolve them (staying in a state of suffering and unresolve is very uncomfortable). What is most painful to a 9 is not introspection (I have hard self-examining processes running all the time) (again perhaps some of your 7 coming through) but the casualness with which someone may toss aside or ignore our tentatively mentioned desires. It affirms for us what we already too easily believe about ourselves: that we don't matter. That we could slip into the crack between two floor boards, or evaporate like mist in the rising sun, and those closest to us would continue their lives and conversations without missing a beat. That is why it is hard to be vulnerable and speak up.
You defined me
This is spot on.
Oh wow. Yes. A 9 living with a narcissist is a study in how 9s wants and needs won’t ever be heard.
Exactly!!!
Thanks for sharing, but what in that perspective would stop you from journaling your feelings? I am asking because my ex is a 9 and she wouldn't journal to sort out her feelings or even talk to a therapist about them.
OK, got my popcorn and braced myself to get roasted.
Well, Sir, you didn't disappoint.
Good for you for actually listening to this as a 9 lol
@@sidney2900 lol
I don’t mirror in relationships anymore. I’ve learned to not loose myself in relationships anymore... and with Dr. Lahue I’ve learned to address conflict but still have issues of withdrawing when met with extremely combative people and think they just won’t get it. Once I “woke up” I made some life changing decisions and my whole being shifted to self preservation from sx subtype. Anyway, just wanted to acknowledge that I have had some growth... and it’s a journey. Be patient with yourselves 9s.
My wife is a 9 and I am a 5 and the biggest mistake I make (repeatedly) is getting annoyed when she’s talking about something and giving me too many details. Im going to try to keep this video in mind the next time I try to interrupt because knowing that she just wants to explain all sides of something is helpful for her. Thanks for taking the time to make this!
I can relate with this detailed explanations ..my nr 7 impatience is a bit in the way to just listen
Haha my 9 istj boyfriend is also diving deep into details. For me as an 8 entj, I have had to work a lot on my patience to listen to his sensory (si) details as I am an impatient - doing - intuitive 😂
as a 9, I know I give too many details. It doesn't bother me if someone tells me they're feeling impatient with it. I then will remember to challenge myself to be concise.
@@joellenlevitre2590 is it more important that 9 feel that people are interested in listening to what 9 has to say?
i just laughed out loud with 9s making big changes without letting anyone know before. That SO me
Same
Same pinch 9w1
I'm a 9w1 and had a similar response. Also. Astrologically I'm a Cancer Sun with Libra Moon, a combination known to act in a similar way. It's interesting how these systems support each other.
I am a 9w8 and I have to disagree with a fulcral point that I see everywhere. I tend to go along with other people choices not because I don’t want conflict but because 1. I love them and I want them to be the most happy 2. I don’t really care that much what we are doing/eating/whatever as along as we are together and we have a good time.
So I believe the reason is altruistic and not selfish.
I only resent people if I don’t feel the same love and unselfishness towards me
Same here. Think that's more of a combination of healthy 9 and an 8 wing thing
i'm a 9w1 but me too. also possibly my 2 fix. that's when i withdraw due to feeling guilty for being angry and not wanting to FEEL angry but then i get lonely :(
I use to feel the same way as you. Until I completely lost myself. Never bringing up any unintentional hurt caused by my spouse for 12 years. And we completely feel apart. Him being a 4 can be very self centered. However we was able to come back together even stronger and now I’m more self aware. Still easy going and people pleasing but not people pleasing out of childhood trauma issues.
@@brandigriggs7222 I feel you. My relationship of 11y also came to and end very recentlly. I know he took me for granted and fell out of love. But my conscience is peaceful, his can't be... He's a social 5 btw.
You sound very much like my 9 husband. He doesn’t care to make 225 food decisions everyday. But he does say what he wants when it is important to him.
As a 9 I usually feel more comfortable staying in the background and not putting myself out there. I think a really good idea for a video would be how to help 9s see that they have value and that they should share it with the world like a healthy 3 would. For example I have lots of interests and knowledge about different subjects, but I have a hard time sharing it because I feel like nobody really cares. I keep thinking I should create content online, like maybe RUclips videos but I have this feeling nobody would get anything from it so why bother.
I’m a 5 and I feel the same way
However I’m no longer withholding in the light of proverbs 11:24 [generously] scatters [abroad], and yet increases all the more;
And there is the one who withholds what is justly due, but it results only in want and poverty.
25The generous person [is a source of blessing and] shall be prosperous and enriched,
And s/he who waters will herself be watered [reaping the generosity s/he has sown]. In a nut shell Use it or lose it!!![generously] scatters [abroad], and yet increases all the more;
And there is the one who withholds what is justly due, but it results only in want and poverty.
25The generous man [is a source of blessing and] shall be prosperous and enriched,
And s/he who waters will himself be watered [reaping the generosity s/he has sown].
I know how you feel. If you do have the energy to test your theory tho, creating a utube channel, etc would show you-and hopefully with delightful results! 🤔🌻
As a 9, I feel you didn't mention 'why 9's give withdrawn responses....
We're very low energy people. We know how much is in the battery.
Sometimes the withdrawn response is because the battery is flat, and at least it was a response. Yeah, it wasn't over-the-top excited....but it wasn't ignored either.
I'm convinced that without 9s, the caffeine industry would collapse
Yes, I have noticed with my partner who is a 9, that his responses are different and get more withdrawn whenever he gets tired or his energy is actually pulling him somewhere else and he keeps listening anyways instead of acting on his feelings / desires
Depending on who you're interacting with (I'm a 4w5) I take a 9s lackluster response as unloving. But, that is a 4. It's a bad combo lol
@@mayaleela7749 same. "I haven't had enough coffee yet" is a common morning apology lol
@@Echcaroff81 me too, I am also a 4 w5, i see it as you dont love me anymore or if they read dont respond you dont love me anymore lol
“ and nines don’t really want to deal with problems” is to accurate 😂
I would love to see a series about each enneagram as different family members, from children and siblings to parents
Hi! I'm a type 9 and had been waiting for this video for so long! hahaha Thank you!
You're so welcome! Sorry, I was out of town for 2 weeks...
What is ur mbti?
@@sililtatchu INFJ and yours?
@@GenesisAcevedoDeChacon im asking tom lahue not you
@@sililtatchu Oh, I thought you were asking me since you replied my comment. Fine.
As a 9, I’ve always tried to mold myself for job positions, relationships (friendship and romantically), situations, etc. It wasn’t until last year that I truly had time to just sit and think about what I actually want, especially occupation wise. This entire video resonated so much to my life, I kept nodding as if we were in a cafe talking. Thank you for posting your research and discussion points. Sending this to my husband after he takes his enneagram test!
When talking about getting bogged down with everybody's opinions and needing to hear all of them before moving forward...as a nine, I don't think it's that way. When interacting with people I have empathy with their position and can see where they are coming from, but I don't necessarily always think that they have a valid, or worthwhile point of view. And I really don't want to hear everyone's opinion, that would be exhausting, having to process all of their thoughts and feelings. Like you say we think everybody is stupid ;)
I guess it’s the same thing he is saying 😀
A big part of why I want to hear everyone's opinion is because you'll never know if their idea is exactly what we need or utter garbage if you don't ever hear it. Typing that out now, I suppose that's kinda how I feel about myself too. My ideas could be complete trash or they could be the thing that everyone is looking for at that moment (I like to think the latter), but people wouldn't know because they just simply don't listen.
9w1SP/sx here... watching the second half of the video today because it’s truly painful for me when I watch Dr. Lahue talk about 9s. Like someone here said, prepare to get roasted. It’s like he knows me down to my soul and it’s so uncomfortable so I withdrew yesterday. Today I’m back for second half. Lol. Tomorrow I’ll watch the whole thing and take notes... all the while I’m ignoring something else that needs to get done! ♥️love this Chanel. Book a coaching appointment guys! It’s needed!
Omg! This is so sweet and I love 9's
Yayyyyy, funally!!! I’ve been patiently waiting for this video to come out... like literally stalking Dr.Lahue’s RUclips channel just in case I missed the notification lol.
Thanks, sorry, I was out of town for the last 2 weeks.
"Police Officer" is the last profession I would want - talk about conflict!
32:14 i think its not always necessarily just about separation itself, its also about rejection, on both sides.. considering the nature of a 9, the goal is to have both parties be ok with the split, to have the other person confirm your suspicion that the best thing to do is separate.. if not u might think ur making the wrong choice, might be afraid to regret it later..when the other person agrees, and u catch yourself missing them a few days or months later, u wont feel bad for potentially leaving "the love of your life" cuz i wasnt your making alone.. i dont know if it fits the 9 type or if its just me, but i notice theres a huge fear of making wrong choices, and playing with peoples feelings.. u have to think a lot before making a decision, or learn to live with regrets, u cant be calling the person u left months later saying u want them back when they have moved on.. its not fair to "invade" someones life like that and make a mess
THIS.
“Remember that I’m a 7 and I’m doing the best I can with that” LMAO. I love you.
My god. This is breaking my heart. I am doing those withdrawn responses with my son. Heartbroken. He sees right into my essential self. Remarkable.
I was a 9w1, after marriage to an 8w7 I now more of a 9w8, lol.
But these videos are spot on ME.
My marriage was a tragedy.. he pushed and got angry with me so much I ran from him at 2 am in the morning.
The 9 videos were helpful for him to understand me.
Now, if he'd just listen to the 8s 🙄😂
When you are talking about nines in relationship, I think the teachings of Alison Armstrong probably have a lot to offer. She talks about the differences between men and women and has specific methods to communicate needs. As a nine, it can be the hardest thing to ask for what you need, since it's usually the focus of what everyone else needs.
Coming up with the plan and not telling anyone until the last minute to not be talked out of it... I just got called out. I had no idea. Thanks Dr. L.
Type 9 here and I love watching your videos, they are so explanatory and pleasant to listen to :) Thanks!
Awesome! Thank you!
So excellent. I frequently question if I'm really a 9, but this had me nodding my head for 59 minutes. Also, it made me see that some of my greatest difficulties with others have to do with them also being 9s.
Really good vid, Tom! As a 9, I’m at a new place where I welcome conflict because it’s that opening that you talk about which allows me to clearly state that my world view does not align with theirs. I love standing up for the 9 perspective, which I find to be quite enlightened. No one wins in the world of duality, as far as I can see. Without cooperation, empathy , harmony and equality as the foundation on which to stand, there is no lasting stability from which to grow and flourish. Peace!😘
Somehow I overcame the "go along to get along" .....and, when I met my now husband I was Very Clear when I thought we needed to work on an issue. After all these years both of us have grown (he's a 7) and it's been great b/c I don't shove problems under the rug, and he doesn't try to distract me with activities.
Cheers to the most common Enneatype!
Strong fences not walls when setting a “It’s my life” boundary for tiger parents.
Dad as a 9 just being lukewarm on news I share makes so much sense.
Sending this from a hippie/peacemaker INFP “commune.” These people are happy trees!
That’s me as well! An INFP 9. Where’s the commune?😊
9 is rarest...
As a 9, I feel so bad for myself and all the other 9s
Why don’t you feel bad for the people being deceived by the 9?
I am now teaching the enneagram thanks to you. One of my differences is that I start with the body types so all the wonderful type 9s can feel a tiny bit more important. As a type 7, I am fine being the last type. All these patient 9s have been waiting a long time for this video. Excellent video, as usual.
Thanks Laura.
Im 9 and I don't understand how to be compatible without giving yourself up. Is it best to find people who are like you so you don't have to compromise as much? Because it's not fair to them either if they're always compromising for you. But then that kinda makes life boring if you're only surrounded by people who are like you.
I go through this same thing and what I’ve realized is that I now accept that people might not like me but that won’t stop me or my desire on who or what I want to be. Also I’ve learned that my real family and friends don’t get mad or make me feel guilty for being me and being honest. Just remember that you are important for who you are and not that your “agreeable”
(5w4 married to a 9 here) FIRST I love 9’s, y’all make the spaces you inhabit so safe for everyone around you. The biggest thing I see with 9s is they accidentally surround themselves with people who take advantage of the 9 desire for peace. You don’t need to find people who are like you, you need to find people who want you to be happy and enjoy life. As an example- my wife wanted to go study abroad in England for a year. I’m sure if I pushed back even the slightest she would have changed her mind, but as someone who wants her to be happy I was as encouraging as a possibly could, even if it meant living on two different continents. As someone married to a 9, it is my responsibility to be on her side no matter what because if she voices an opinion k ow what she’s really doing is exposing a bit of her heart and that needs to be protected because she would do the same for me. What 9’s really deserve in friendships and relationships are people who recognize the 9’s desires and encourage them with no strings attached. IMHO 4s are great friends for 9s because they have such a strong sense of individuality that end up encouraging 9s to be themselves too. (I hope this made some sense ☺️❤️)
It’s definitely work! I’m a 7 and my boyfriend and best girlfriend are both 9s! 9’s are beautiful people in the way they care for others. (Any many other ways too!) The other side of the coin is when they compromise themselves too much to be compatible. Try to stay as true to yourself as you can and always take that leap of faith that all is well when you hold yourself back from giving yourself up! You’ll speed up the dating process with clarity since you’ll open yourself up to the reality. You’ll end up in a comfortable relationship by being true to yourself ❤️
Does this resonate with you?
Hi! I’m a 7 and my husband is a 9 …we are extremely complimentary in 99% of our life. I recommend this personality combo!
Cool question! I think it's healthy to find a balance :) sometimes we need people like us so we can relax! Other times, we need a growth edge, so somebody different is good 😊
No used to be my favorite word. At some point in my life, I decided to say yes to people that I picked as friends. Lately, I have even learned to say no to friends. Nines tend to bury their anger when they are unconscious, which then can become a fermented sort of rage. It can be innapropriate to let that out on people, so learning to fight fair, and measured is needed. I used to be afraid that I would hurt someone, so I would refuse to fight. At some point, I realized that if I can hold myself back completely, I can also make a conscious, measured response, but really, most fights are pointless. Not productive.
Every video I'm like, blown away by how much I relate to the descriptions of 9s.
As a 9w1, I can agree with much of what was shared. We can be difficult to reach in the 'right way'.
I thoroughly enjoy being alone without feeling lonely. It's hard for me to fathom a long term romantic relationship, so I've learned to navigate my needs and be self-sufficient, as much as possible, and be happy. I know I'm a better friend and advisor, than lover, so I'm content in that understanding of myself. It's all good!
This is so excellent!! As a 9w1, the word I use the most might possibly be “Well....” in response to everything ! Haha...It drives people crazy (even me sometimes!). ;-)
9w1
*People tie their ego's, their identity, to their ideals and beliefs. It's a bad tendency for such an intelligent species. I do see every side; I see how strongly people cling to this sense of self, that's why I don't engage others in discourse.*
P.S. You really don't want to see an angry nine.
The simple life you described around 8 minute mark ive said many times hahahahahaha. Holy cow I love that your videos call me out! I’ve been growing so much ever since I started me journey with knowing myself. Because like you said, I know how everyone else fits in but I don’t know where I belong. But now I know that so I’m searching thanks!
Tom has amazing grasp on each enneagram type..iam Grateful to find his channel and content ❤❤❤
Everytime he gives a suggestion and he pulls back as it may backfire as 9 goes to withdrawal mode. It’s so funny.. it almost felt like dealing with an immature child and it gets so much challenging to make 9 into doing mode 😂😂😂
Can you do a coaching the 9w8 pls 💚
I will think about doing that.
Excellent video! I have to watch again! Thank you for the series; been my favorite so far! Have watched them all a couple times. 🙏🙏🙏
Glad you like them!
I’ve done what you say at 46 and my reasons were exactly as you say.
As always… so insightful. I am grateful that we have a call with you this week. I am a 3. Both my son and husband are 9s and we have a family business. I have pages of notes and looking forward to getting your wisdom on this beautiful and sometimes challenging dance we are in. 🙏🏻
I'm married to a type 9 ....you hit the nail on the head . Thanks for the insight .
As a 9, I just want to say this video is amazing. Like, there is so much in it I need to watch it again and take notes.
😮😢
Finally, the one my 8 Wife was waiting for :) thank you!
Glad I could help!
Having spent eighteen bewildering months with a rather unhealthy 9, I can assure you that Dr. L is dropping facts starting at 12:00. I'm a social 3, so it absolutely broke my heart to see the physical manifestations of depression and complacency in my own partner. I used every tool in my arsenal to support him, but they were nominally helpful, to put it mildly. Ultimately, I decided to walk away from the relationship with the hope that he one day finds happiness. It was brutal, though.
9w8
Healthy version of merging in my definition is acknowledging the difference, the polarities of both and merging in that space of peace and harmony that we so deeply craving. It's a meeting in the middle and transcending all that separates us; disagreements, differences ik views cultures, opinions etc.
I really enjoy listening to these, it feels very validating to hear.
0:10: 💑 Discussion on the dynamics of being in a relationship with type 9 in the context of the enneagram, along with information about enneagram coaching programs.
5:40: 🤝 Type 9 individuals are easy to get along with, often prioritizing compatibility in relationships and may struggle with asserting their own needs.
11:00: 💑 Understanding Enneagram type 9 in relationships, including their tendencies, such as complacency, ambivalence, and the need to get along with others.
16:22: 💭 Challenges of decision-making for Type 9 in relationships, leading to potential avoidance and indecision.
21:40: 💤 The experience of a type 9 in relationships can be likened to a foot falling asleep, where the initial numbness is not painful until the awakening process begins, leading to potential discomfort and self-reflection.
26:57: 🤝 The role of a type 9 in a team is to be a neutral and objective party, challenging others to see different perspectives without feeling the need to fully agree.
32:22: 🔍 Fear of speaking up and being fully present in relationships due to potential rejection and conflict, similar to characters like Harry Potter and Andy Griffith.
37:54: ⚖️ Motivation of type 9 individuals is centered around harmony and aversion to conflict, leading to difficulty in pushing back against strong opinions.
43:56: 🤔 Understanding the withdrawn responses and stubborn silence of Type 9 personalities in relationships.
49:20: 💑 Challenges of being in a relationship with a type 9 include conflict avoidance, desire for emotional connection, and the need for heartfelt conversation.
55:09: 🤝 Understanding how to effectively communicate and support a type 9 in a relationship, including the importance of active listening and avoiding interruptions.
Recapped using Tammy AI
That was soooo helpful 😍 the most helpful enneagram video about 9s that I've watched 👍🏻 a really great, descriptive one that helped me be more sure about my type & understand myself more 👌🏻💙 thanks aloooooot 💙 & can't wait to watch ur other videos to learn more about my type 9 character 🥰 and the types of my loved ones too 💙
This was a great series, Dr. LaHue. Next series, enneagram types and politics! I’m just kidding. Please don’t ever do that one until you’re ready to burn the channel to the ground.
I can totally relate to this conflict pacifying but the only difference I can launch into my wing 1 in half a heart beat into some sort of ideological cruisade I'm wanting to tamper that side of my character . I guess im half sloth half cruisader !
I find my self similar but I get launched into the crusader or challenger i don’t know yet side comes out of me when I see someone have I care about being hurt
@@mccaderose8180 it's weird for I go into some rabbit hole then I use bunch of universals and finish my prey with a little steam rolling .I can go dark real fast.
@@dougg1976 a gift and a curse? 🤔
@@mccaderose8180 maybe something I need to work on , I'm moving my wing 1 to a 7 or at least that's the plan
Love the depth but the simple summary of the ennegrams like you did at 12:00 would be interesting to see sometime. Thanks for your work.
I've never found a video that was so helpful and so spot on. Keep up the great work!
My ex partner-father of my child is a not a healthy 9 and you are right on point on the way you described a 9.
Loved this video so much ! No one could explain or understand me the way you said ! Thank you so much ! Much needed one in life 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
A good & thorough interpretation of a 9...very meaty talk.
All us 9's patiently waiting for our turn...listening with interest to all the others and learning a thing or two...and here it is...yay!...as it begins I start to feel down that people must find me so frustrating to be around. But as it moves along I see that I can work on that by paying attention to my levels of health...which I've been doing thanks to your videos. But this is next level and I've got lots of work to...hmm might mull over all that for a while. Thank you for all your advice which has helped me be more in touch with my 8. It really has improved things for me. 😊
Awesome Kia, glad to help.
As a 9w1 962 I tend to prioritize my relationships above all else, and am puzzled when people are busy or have work to do...😂😅
that picture frame analogy really hit
Also, getting healthy as a 9 requires learning to detach from the fear and worry of what other people think of us. It’s usually never great. That’s because our non-dualistic view of the world is not valued in this culture but, in truth, it’s immensely valuable.
I agree. I think this comes with age, experience and continued effort.
Lecture begins just after 5.0
I’m waiting for the Type one please all the way from Uganda 🇺🇬.
Love your work.
Type one was the first to be posted: m.ruclips.net/video/60s5XrZ8zjw/видео.html
Nailed it - change is crazy hard.
amazing video! so helpful, Thank you for taking the time to shining the light on us 9. We need this badly. Just wondering if any other 9s have this. When I sit in a crowd I loose quickly focus when I see at the corner of the eye the person that has no one to talk to. I cannot enjoy my company until i see that person is seen to. I have to realise that that person has a choice of interacting, its not always my issue to make sure everyone in the room is ok and at peace. I have to start feeling comfortable feeling uncomfortable.
I used to be like this and has changed over the years.
9w8
There's many ways lahue expresses his examples of 9 that are like nails on a chalk board for me.
On withdrawal, yes i withdraw for ease to experience my feelings and muse on them, in stead of saying something i light regrest. but i would not hold a wall for too long because conflict, and upsetting someone, is torture for me. My experience of being a 9 is that i want to keep peace and good will between everyone. I am likely to reassess my feeling and always seek forgiveness both parties.
In a recent break up, i put physical distance between us very quickly and we stopped talking completely, this for me was so so hard, to not end in peace, respect and honourance for all the good but to have to feel that conflict unreconciled for months was so painful, that eventually when i felt the time right, i made the phone call to make peace and contact in a new place. time is a healer but forgiveness work is a huge part of my path of peace and acceptance.
For someone to hold me in a perception of wrong, for someone to not like me, hurts, because i won't do that to others, only long enough to feel myself and understand my part
Yey! Have been looking forward to this video! 😍
Tom, great again. And great comments as well. Many thanks.
Thank you for this! It was so thorough and spot on.
I find that i am much more comfortable speaking my opinion, but i am still working on how to handle others responses. I tend to quickly agree, or withdraw to not make the conflict escalate. So i want to work on firmly stating my ground.
41:49 I really don't understand how another person would fail to put two and two together of "I carry on screaming at someone and pressuring them to do something and now I don't hear from them anymore." I mean...Really? Are these people completely immune to empathy and the stress induced by verbal abuse?
Nice some enneagram 9 love :):)
This is really helpful, I know I'm a 9 now. Thanks Tom, x
47:11 I literally made the choice to move and actually moved to a whole different country within three days without telling my ex. In my defense he was really explosive. But I just feel so seen in this video
Intuitively, you were in self-protection mode. 9s aren't necessarily fools when they act abruptly. They've given their actions much thought, and don't want to give into others opinions, which could sway them to go against themselves and their own best interests.
I feel like this is my default but I've worked on it so much to be able to interact positively and explain what I feel and how I'm thinking.
I agree with you that Andy Griffith is a 9w8! He’s a referee for sure;)
Oh yeah...been getting pushed on this year for sure. Been looking like an 8 now...roaring momma bear!
You know this is accurate when i got cancelled by some former friends, what I considered to be up there with worst fears and I ended up going through it not that bad (i did obsessively try and clear things up though)
I'm a 9 married to a 4...I never can play devil's advocate because he's got that covered...I'm usually having to use my positive perspective to get him out of his basement...Elsa all the way! 😂
Got it. Thanks for sharing that.
Thank you very much for your videos and all the work, love and effort you put into them. Very much appreciated 🙏🏻.
Very inspiring and helpful. I hope one day, me too will manage to conrtibute to other fellow humans in a helpful way. Love the thought that it could be in more being me. Thanks from the heart.
But this works so well as an attorney. We see all sides and CYA
As an INTJ 9, I think that a lot of "9 advice" is aimed at all the IxxP 9s that are more frequent examples of the type. Choosing things isn't difficult for me, so much as I have learned to be choosy about a very small number of things, while being flexible on most everything else. Why? The "peacemaking" attitude. As an INTJ, it's very easy for me to accidentally upset people by missing social cues, speaking more forcefully than I intend, and otherwise having some very strong opinions about a very specific set of things. So I'll deliberately tone that part down so I can hear and listen to others.
I know I'm a 9 because I do tend to agree too easily, mostly likely because I haven't thought things through yet, and I get pushed into it by others as long as the choice that is forced doesn't appear unreasonable. Not that I'm especially "Agreeable", but because I've not settled on an opinion yet. When I have a settled opinion, when I've thought things through, it can be difficult to talk me out of it. The difference between me and the IxxP types that are the predominant examples of 9s, I have very strong opinions that I refuse to voice when I know voicing those opinions will cause more harm than good.
The net result is that people are often surprised when I respond more forcefully than usual. They get so used to my just going along with them, they can get upset when I say, "No."
As you might have guessed, I'm 9w8. I'll avoid the fight if I can, but if I have to say, "No," I will. Not that I'm especially evolved: my default is to avoid the fight, and I don't always recognize when the fight is necessary. Especially if it's a fight with someone I love.
i'm an enfp 9w1 but me too. sometimes i go along with others because i haven't had time to think about my opinion but overall i have strong opinions i just don't voice to stay safe.
INTJ 9?!!!!????😐😐😐
@@Moheroine I know, right? It was the Fauvre Tritype test that helped me settle my self-understanding. I got 9-5-3, with 9 being clearly the strongest. Further investigation via the Riso-Hudson book's levels of integration, using the principle that whichever type had the worst level of integration is your type, 9 again wins out.
So what is an INTJ 9 like, exactly? Best short description is "Someone with a combination of INTJ problems and 9 problems." Opinionated and off-putting, but tends not to speak up because they don't want to alienate everybody. In general, using strengths to determine type tends to indicate several different types, as being a good person tends to be the same set of characteristics for most people. Using weaknesses is more accurate, in part because we all fail differently, and in part because we don't tend to agree that we have weaknesses we don't have (as opposed to the tendency to claim strengths we don't have).
I’m an ESTJ 9w8. I’ve been officially typed in both categories
9w1…you said slothiness. Brilliant!
The one thing I stand my ground on as a 9 is my faith in Jesus Christ. I'm willing to argue about that lol
8w7 sx here. Yeah...very interesting
I was waiting for all this.
I couldn’t understand my bf until I watched this video 😐 he’s the most 9 I’ve ever met
Thx for making this video !
No problem!
What advice would you give to a 9w1 who doesn't know who they are or what they like? Specifically a 9w1 in a relationship with a 4w5. The 4w5 just wants to dig deep and find out what exciting person lies beneath the sloth, but the 9w1 is resistant to the "push" and this makes discovery even harder....
Write in a journal and start with simple things that you know you like and why and what makes you mad and why. I've never had anybody push me to find out. But that's what I do for myself.
This is my son ...
Big-time ...
Sloth ...
43:50 was so funny 🤣😅
I wish your presentations offered more unbiased objectivity
Right... I am sorry. I am just not the guy to do those kinds of videos well... Sorry.
46:00 never heard anything more real 😆
Yeah, I just disappeared like a 7 🤪
Finally!!
So, 9s are "Demi" when it comes to love-type preferences ? Whereby we feel attraction only with someone who we have a strong emotional bond to. Not too shabby.
Tritype 459. I relate a lot to type 9. Im always questioning what my core type is
I am type 9, with strong 4 and 5 (first i tought i am 4w5). It is common that 9s not sure about their type, they are easily merging with different types. I am an INFP, they are usually 4w5 or 9w1.
@@jazon85k Im INFP as well. Ive tested as 4w5 majority of tests but also have tested as a 9w1 and a 5w4. I can't relate to any of the other types besides 4,5, and 9. But on Sarkinorva all of them were very strong and almost equal which makes me question my core type
@@Silvenar13 I tought that probalby you are an INFP, too that was the reason why i writed it. :)
I didnt take the test too many times but i never get 9 to the highest score. ...but listening to Dr LaHue, i am sure, that i am a 9. His videos are quite spot on, and now I am undestand myself more. So these videos are good to decide your type -at least i think. Also good help to knowing yourself better, which can lead to heal and improvement.
Look up Ennea’s Childhood Wound and try to match it with your potential cores. I think this helps.
@@trustyourself-ashleyching3646 ruclips.net/video/EVGUrF28rWs/видео.html LaHue video about that. :) www.psychologyjunkie.com/2020/03/10/the-childhood-wounds-of-every-enneagram-type/ Littlebit different descripction to the same thing. Interesting stuff.
please do a peace keeping vs. peace making video! also I loved the coaching of 9w1 video but don't see a coaching a 9w8? My only question is I don't feel like I'm very good at seeing other people's side, but I definitely relate to being in the middle.
So far I've only listened to the first 12 minutes and... it's like one long call-out 😅 I've always considered myself a very 5-esque person, but this video is making me question that.. I guess I have to watch the video on the 5 next to find out, haha
Dang, spot on!!
32:28 I can relate