The Frightening Truth: Pathological Narcissists Groom Victims Like Child Molesting Pedophiles.
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- Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
- Pathological Narcissists (Pnarcs), such as Malignant and Covert Narcissists and Sociopaths, prey upon codependent's or those with Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD), much like pedophiles prey upon children. Although children are completely innocent and defenseless, this comparison has been helpful to many of my SLD clients who blamed themselves for the harmful relationship with their Pnarc.
This video might be upsetting to some, as it is compares the grooming process that pedophiles use to that which Pathological Narcissists use. BUT YOU MUST KNOW, the abuse suffered by a child is in no way a comparison to the abuse suffered by an adult who has Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency). Nothing like it. The comparison (actually an analogy) is used in a controlled psychotherapy setting, in which the intent is to supposed to have shock value in order to break through a SLD's (codependent's) denial systems as well as decreasing their self-blame/shame.
Also, you should know, I WOULD NEVER USE THIS TECHNIQUE on a SLD (codependent) who was sexually abused as a child.
When I use this technique, my clients experience an epiphany of understanding, and experience a release of shame and self-blame. Thank you all for affirming my message(s).
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC latest book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2018) and his personal development, seminars, workshops, and other services can be found at his Self-Love Recovery Institute company, www.selflovere...
Ross is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and author and is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment.
His book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 120,000 copies and is translated into ten languages. Ross’s RUclips channel has amassed over 19 million video views and more than 200K subscribers. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented educational workshops in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.
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A narcasisst can smell a wounded inner child in an adult a mile away. The fact that they go after and abuse a person's inner child is sick. Like that person hasn't had enough to deal with and trying to just survive from the trauma they've endured and then comes along a narcassist. :(
❤
exactly like me, my childhood left me very vulnerable to people like that.. they know.. because npd and victim often come from similar childhoods :\ I went from childhood abuse to SA and then further emotionally abusive situations.. very sad :(
Beleive it or not , narcissists are demons. They can see in spirit realm and know exactly what soul wounds and inner demons people have.
Online dating sites are the playground for these sick people. Trust your intuition if they don't feel right. Most people on those sites fall into one of two categories, predator or victim.
I Kniw! I’m trying to escape one right now! We need a Narc registry. I want to share his name! He is back online now searching for a new victim! He can kill someone if it’s not me!
Dion Kay sane here! I met him online and he is such a predator! He’s on several sites! I wish there was a place to report bad dates so others can review before dating! Supply galore for them! Ugh.
Slamitdownhard Is known mine and his family as a teenager so I stupidly trusted him. Big mistake. I’ve been on a dating site and would never go there again.
I was a victim to two of such men online
Guilty... i am a victim 😮
I got away because he realised he couldn't control or break me. I had a very lucky escape.
Alison Leggatt me as well! Yay
Me too.
How did u do it
I never actually got away. He let me go only after 4 years of abuse until he finally found someone else that he just HAD to have and I was in the way. I thank God every day for that. I was groomed to the point of no worth. It was Stockholm syndrome. I could not leave without being forced. Thank you GOD that happened.
Same !
This makes so much sense. The ex narc saw exactly this in me. Abused childhood, low self esteem , no close family and insecure. i am going on a pattern changing course so i can reconise the triggers of a narcissist in future.
Claire, it takes a great deal of work to overcome these issues. Please check out my website www.selfloverecovery.com for a plethora information that can be very useful for individual self-help work. Best of luck to you! Ross
This is really accurate. I was abused and molested as a child which has left me wide open to narcissistic abuse. So thankful for your work
Betty Carmella same. My entire "family" is cut off bc they're the ones who abused me and the only narc I know
If someone asks you to change in order to be with them . Dont be with them
12 step Coda has helped me most with this 💜
As someone who is a codependent AND abused as a child this analogy is so spot on. In all my relationships with narcissists I have not realized I was being abused until far after the damage was done-exactly mirroring my experience as a child.
I understand too it's the same for me, I realised always too late
Don't be so apologetic. I'm not shocked or offended at this comparison at all. It's exactly right. The only difference between a predatory Narcissist and a predatory Pedophile is the age of their targets and the agenda. Thanks for sharing this.
MJ Wilder they are often both I’ve seen it
Agreed
I would have to agree....they have the same tendencies. Mine made a few "off" comments in the mirroring/lovebombing stages that really blew me away.
@@TheElokim what were the comments... could b helpful
The one I dealt with hooked in a woman 13 years his junior she was 23 he was 36 and she still looks like a child at 43. Petit, flat chested just like Lolita and he has been obsessed with her. I’m a woman looking woman curves, height and I just didn’t do it for him. I sussed him out in 4 years. He has just gone back to her looking even more childlike all slimmed down as if she knew this is the way to get him back. I read studies on the book Lolita and their sordid affair is just like that. She had a very messed up family, alcoholics, multiple partners etc. She is returning to her demise but it’s her life path to walk. Trauma bond is very powerful. He hooked her in with fear of the pandemic situation in the UK manipulated her into moving abroad with the two kids. I bet he will even marry her to give her residency and she will be trapped, isolated with no way out. Of course he is doing an Oscar worthy performance of being a changed man…
During the love bombing, my ex narcissist used to give me lots of gifts, sometimes for no reason. I remember thinking to myself "he's acting like a child molester". I immediately suppressed that thought, and, of course, fell into his trap. My bad.
Narcisismo Explicado Narcissism Explained 😲😲
Right on.. child molester
"They felt invisible in the world in which they live"... that is so true!
Arizona you so do belong and we welcome you. Unfortunately you’ve been to made to feel not, unworthy, invisible, and perhaps your thoughts, feelings and views made to feel insignificant maybe? That’s how ALL of us were made to feel and view ourselves, albeit unconsciously. But like we’re all striving to overcome, we are not what we were told and taught. We ALL have a right to respect, love and belonging. And I respect you and hope you’re ok? “Hi” from us in the UK :~)
How can someone thumbs down a video such as this one? I'm wiling to bet more than a few of those thumbs down come from malignant and Covert Narcissists and Sociopaths.
More like victims who haven't faced it yet. Narcs very seldom look up such things, as it "doesn't interest them."
@@jilliansmith7123
I agree in part. The ex I knew looked up everything to do with all of this. In hindsight I am convinced they were learning and developing skills and claiming it was because of an unhappy childhood.
Because the video was poorly made and because his comparison with NPD and paedophiles is totally off reality.
I notice narcs watching this and a lot of other videos about narcissistism and downvoting them. In fact, I can hear their disdain and rants about how stupid and weak we are for seeking healing over their abuse.
@@jilliansmith7123 yes the only things they are interested in ..is anything that will benefit them!! That is it!!
Isolated child. Neglected by their parents, child. Invisible child. I would also add the child with lack of " vision" for reality vs fantasy.
Genius analogy.
the narcissit is the invisible child ??
I knew at the age of mine year's old that I was not loved by my family. I had one person in my life who loved me. This person enjoyed my company. Spent time with me and taught me what "quality" is.
The person I married was a was the perpetual victim. The ex was taught to manipulate other's at an early age.
After thirty-six year's of marriage I was an extrovert. He antisocial. That's what I have read in your book. I didn't know that I had married my mom. She was a unloving woman. I had thought she was crazy.
Now I understand, yet have no idea how to get rid of the traits that the ex has replaced my good traits with the ex's bad traits.
They lie, financial infidelity, they say very dreadful things to you that cut like a knife and sometimes they will deny they said it. They blame you and twist reality, they feel unloved, accuse you of not caring, you can't seem to win with anything ( not to mean you want to win rather you become upset confused and frustrated) you have no idea at the end of a conversation, you almost feel as if you are begging for a straight answer. You try not to cry. When you stand up for yourself and tell them they are verbally and emotionally abusive and you start not feeding into the behavior, they will say they miss the old you and that they need to find someone who loves them. The abusive nature they rationalize it's how they deal with stress which you will never understand. Imagine being married to this. You get stuck
Yes my ex narc knew exactly who he could control and who he could not control - he hated anyone with self-confidence.
"they spotted you, and not only did they spot you, they kept feeding the very forces that kept you lonely, isolated and self hating" ........Wow.. powerful realization to become aware it was a vulnerability caused by childhood neglect that was targeted for further magnification, exploitation and trauma, and not some inherent and mysterious unfixable problem with me that I was groomed to believe and deduce I must've just mentally had and would have to live and burden everyone with... Its taking time to process the huge anger that comes with insight, but hoping to step out and connect more with the world in a more trusting way with the knowledge I'm not some unintelligent social leper who would burden society with my voice and presence. Thank you for this insight on how predators would have us living our whole life believing the lie that our trauma induced vulnerabilities are these entire pitious character flaws and that we are so lucky to have them there to "help" us. Makes me furious but also hugely thankful for the awareness of what that is.
Truth Seeker “and that we are so lucky to have them to “help” us!” Ha! You nailed it. I needed to read this. “You’re fucked up, like me, we belong together”, “I’m just trying to help you”....I’ve gone no contact and it’s pretty great. He keeps emailing me the same old shit. I see the pattern. First the nastiness, then another email about some duty I need to fulfill (like sign off on the exit paperwork for our old lease)...anything really (going to get an old possession I left and then I’ll get the “you won’t hate me forever, we shouldn’t be enemies, this doesn’t sit well with me” email. I’ve done this enough times in the last 6 months to see the bullshit pattern and I finally went no contact. I really liked your comment. It helped me today.
Julian Burr oh my God, it’s word for word. Like they all go to the same school!
Hi, can you explain please?
I have attracted people like this. However, I am not a Codependent person at all. I am however, an Empath. From what I've learned, Narcissistic/ Sociopathic type people are attracted not only to Codependents, but Empaths as well.
Thank you for this video.
Tren, please look on my website, www.selfloverecovery.com. My book as well as my full-length seminar videos go into much more detail than the RUclips videos. I think it would be much clearer to you.
Ross Rosenberg - Thank you very much. I will do that. 😊
100% agree!! I'm a strong empath and mine fed off of my energy. Before he met me I was on such a higher spiritual plane but after he worked his way in.. I was feeling depressed and angry all the time. It's almost like he traded his emotions for mine. I just ended it a few days ago and already feel so much better. I got confirmation if you will within 24 hrs that I made the right choice. I had 4 major blessings back to back. I wasted 5 years of my energy on him and so very thankful I finally realized what he was. No contact from now until eternity and currently working on breaking that soul tie to him.
@@kristincollins5468 may i ask the blessings u received...do u feel being with a narsicist stop blessings from u
I am both of those things. It is a very vulnerable person to be in a world like this.
Its when you are vulnerable that these narc predators appear in your life :S
it took me so long to realize that He had chosen me. it took me so long to realize that He wanted to keep me isolated so He could have me all for himself. the more alienated I became from my family and friends, the more abusive He became and the more sinister. I almost woke up too late. this is the perfect analogy. I wasn't a happy little accident that stumbled into his cruel world, He sought me. hunted me.
Same here
What a great analysis and observational video.
My narc definitely was an emotional and sexual psychopathic groomer and wouldn't have stopped unless I ran away.
I was punished with the silent treatment and social exile for my insolence.
He tried to get in contact two years later, coerced me for birthday attention and was livid when I didn't comply.
Feeling 100% better.
As soon as you stop playing their fucked up game, they withdraw the offence. Because, as you know, they're *always* on the offensive.
Who the fuck wants to be around that for any period of time?
supermanifold I absolutely agree.
What a miserable and vindictive mass of people. 😔
supermanifold Nobody, but if you haven't heard about this kind of disorders, takes time to recognize this evil madness and the people who she already fooled around you. Even harder to leave everything behind you to get out from their f...ing circle without giving back them something you got. At least punch the bitch...
Peter Petrovszki The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief.
What was very eye-opening to me after watching this post was that while my narcissist didn't seek me out (she was my mother) she rather designed my unhealthy environment so that I would grow up co-dependent to her. It wasn't by mistake or circumstance that she said things & did things that caused my insecurity, it was very purposeful.
Sara Mendoza thanks for this comment
Great point Sara, I grew up with a covert NPD mother and I agree completely
I also had a covert nm and relate to this. It's no wonder healing doesn't start until we are adults who finally come into awareness of npd.
..my prayers are with children who are caught in the npd web just trying to survive.
Sara Mendoza This is exactly what my mother did to me. She systematically isolated me and destroyed my confidence over decades so I stayed dependent on her for life (didn't work). She tried to break up my relationship with my husband, but thank God he is on to her BS as well. My father was also an alcoholic and my parents are divorced. She has this whole woe is me and "I married a drunk" story, but the reality is that she chose him because he was damaged and it made him an easier target.
Very true. I finally told my mother and she turned on me as if I had been 'the other woman' (I was a child). Both parents spoke horrible things about me to cause extended family to turn on me. Even to this day the damage was so bad that I'm not close to extended family except my brother. I married young into another abusive family . Thankfully, I became a christian, found peace, love and acceptance with Christ. Went to years of Christian based therapy (intensive) and worked through this. Unfortunately, because my ex is borderline personality, he created a lot of issues for my kids even though I left him when they were small. It's so important to deal with issues before marriage I tell my kids so they don't inenvertantly perpetuate the same problems. I forgive my abusers but I also now love myself and don't blame myself anymore and there is freedom in this. Thanks for sharing the information; we need to hear this.
My ex-partner used to say that he married me because he was tired of hunting. At the time I didn't knew how to react to that; today it makes sense. Months before we got divorced, he used to talk about his co-worker who was a very shy and silent girl with incredible admiration like a hungry dog seeing his next meal. Today I am glad to be free from it. It is a long road for recovery and learning about narcissism was my path for freedom.
I’ve had a revelation today. I’m a co-dependent. My husband is a narcissist, anti-social, angry person.
I filled his desires for a short time, then it was years of grooming to get me to the point I’m at now. He’s given away everything that I deserved to have from him to everyone else who has never earned it. He withholds love, intimacy, caring, affection and has no comprehension of the damage and pain that he has caused. I’m not sure if they are even capable of understanding this. I am the only person in his life that he treats this way. He has no guilt, no empathy, no conscience of anything he’s done. It’s only when confronted that you see who he is, BOOM! Gaslighting, lies, denial and blame. It’s beyond madness and I’m so disappointed in myself for not seeing this before. I didn’t pay attention when he told me who he was. I didn’t see it coming. I’m so much stronger now. So much wiser. I’ve lost so many years of my life, my health, my faith....but now I see. Thank you so much....I will continue to grow, heal and learn.
This is me. He has left me in complete loneliness and indifference almost since the day we got married. Torture. And now because he washes dishes once a week he says he is prince charming
Ross, thanks for this. Valuable... what you said.
"The perfect target doesn't know his or her own power."
You nailed it right there Ross. Pedos, Narcs...all abusers bank on this & seek it out. Like a broken-in pair of shoes, a would-be target who's unaware of his/her own power...chances are high another narc's already broken that vulnerable person IN *for* the would-be narc etc. He's / she's scanning for vulnerability & a target who doesn't feel at ease setting/maintaining personal-boundaries is like shooting fish in a barrel. Like a pre-fab dinner. Pre-messed up child.
Thank you for your video. It helped me to understand fully the situation I found myself in. I met that girl online when I working in England. She is a beauty queen and had an incredible singing talent. She was very shy and mysterious. I gradually fell in love with her. When I was back in Poland I started a long distance relationship with her. I used to go 600 km to her whenever I could, I even started working closer to her. At the beginning I felt as a king of the world, she was so loving and empathic that I thought I've found the "one". She would sing songs about me and masage my hurtfull spine. There was one red flag that I completely innored- she had her own photo on the screen of her phone and 200 od selfies. I ignored it because I couldnt believe that such an empathic person could be a narcissist. After a few months problems started to occure, she looked for my weaknesses and was trying to change me. Once she was upset for me showing myself to her mother in glasses. Another time she gave me a silent treatment for telling her that The Grease Musical is good and she hasnt a good taste. Last time I was at her's się stonewalled me and didnt want to talk with me in an adult loving manner about problems. I was with her because I didnt believe I could find aby better. I even chose to study veterinary in Warsaw so we would study in the same city. She dumped me via telephon, I didnt even know that I would dwa her last time. When I called her in a desperate day to arrange a meeting she told me that she forgot me already and I was a toxic past. I told her that if she's sure that she doesnt want to talk me ever again she should sent me back a photo of my nas my grandfather shot last time I saw him alive. She sent me a photo of her and a 40-year old guy in a back seat of a taxi described a photo of the grandfather. I literally felt as if they ware dancing in my humililation. And it was at the day of opening ceremony at faculty of veterinary medicine, during that day I had tears of pride running down me cheaks. When after 3 weeks I wanted to have a proper clousure with her so that I would feel better about myself she ignored me and gave her phone to her friend who told me that I'm pathetic. It was a real coup de grace to my self esteem. But now I'm thankfull for her, tkanks to it I found out that I'm codependent due to my chipdchood trauma and I know that the futura will be bright :)
Arkadiusz Stępkowicz I can relate to this. Someone told me "it all happens for a reason". In a way I wish that I would have had knowledge about these processes before having an experience similar to yours, but I guess this is part of the education in life...
Bro... Anyone who had any experience with narcissists can see from the opposite side of the planet that you are absolutely the problem.... She might be a little vain but you refusing to leave her alone and playing victim on a video about an unrelated type of narcissism is spot on... NARCISSIST. You continuing to pursue was not for closure it was for control. I bet you despise that she doesn't want you huh.
Narcs are animal like predators.
SoBe It demons
Comparing them to animals is an insult to animals.
more like sick fucks
SoBe It Except animals are honest. A snake will bite you (if you’re too close) and a polar bear will hunt you down and kill you. These people smile while they poison you.
@@paulasnarr3421 but like an animal, they rarely change their stripes
Ross, thank you so much for your insights, you just go to the core or the root of the issue. I felt invisible, not seen, heard or emotionally cared for. I lived all my life until fifty, when I was awakened and started to reconnect with my feelings. I was the one who always challenged my toxic mother, she got me by tearing me down every time, my self esteem and self confidence was shot I think at 3 yrs old. I felt I gave up on myself and I became trauma bonded with her. I became a puppy, enmeshed with her. It seemed I was always defending her against my Dad who was the co dependent. This video is SO POWERFUL for me. My husband is also toxic. In the beginning, my intuition told me, but he felt “safe’ like my mom. I was like a bear to honey. I lived 24 yrs married to him. I realized like my mom they were traumatized souls. I feel becoming aware, I can protect myself from their stupid and unhealthy mind games.
Thank you so much for sharing. Glad this is helpful. 🙏
Dame situation
This is actually a huuuge relief for me. I was groomed by a pathological narc 30 years my senior when I was 19 years old. My narc parents actually loved him, as he knew how to butter them up. I had to be his GF for years, and even when I broke away he still controlled my life. He was physically repulsive to me n I was drop dead gorgeous then, but he still managed to make me feel like he was the only one who really understood n loved me. He got me drunk at every opportunity, told my BPD mother how beautiful she was, n took my father to strip clubs. I feel like my own father pimped me out for a lap dance. I finally did break away for good n he commited suicide. But I still feel so bad about "letting" him dominate me like that. I still feel guilty for finding him repulsive n only letting him touch me if I was drunk. I feel gross about my body. I feel slimed n not good enough for other men. I feel ungrateful for talking about how abusive he was. He has been dead for over a decade but I still feel controlled by him.
If you talk to Jesus Christ and ask Him to help you He will. He will heal you. I have had very bad issues with men and now I am completely celibate and very glad of it but my healing came through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I really hope you can find some peace .. I am sending you lots of positive healing vibes and love xo
If you can find a Celebrate Recovery group near you it will be helpful.
Even after they are gone, you feel their effects so strongly. It is almost like they were a human parasite that feeds on you. Maybe someday I will be free of the effects of this. I hope so.
Thank You Ross, for helping those who have lived in this sick environment.
I doubt you can be too truthful to victims of malignant narcissists.
There is not much we could be shocked about.
They are truly evil.
I broke free today. I said it's enough and ran away from an hour long fight mostly involving mud getting thrown all over me, being made fun of, told I'm crazy, told I remind her of her mother, etc and so forth. At the point I was finally away, she of course, followed me and I stood in the parking lot crying so hard I almost threw up whilst she tried to take it all back but it's too late. I've dated narcs before being "BFF" with this one. We have reached the point of no return. At this point, it's all just torture and mind games unless I try to free myself. Then suddenly it's "I'm sorry I'm sorry you do matter, I was just mad. We all say mean things when we're mad.... Blah blah blah...." I just can't.
AmaindeJD lesbian? hot
This is my story. I decided I'd rather live for the sole purpose of showing others they can get free than to commit suicide in despair.
You made the right choice and I hope you get comfort, I also recommend Dr. Ramani and Dr. Carter RUclips channels. Thank you for helping other people!
@@epluribusunum1460o, u an expert EXPERT. Bravo/a. 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽
Yes, the video is indeed raw, as it was intended. The therapy technique, which the video illustrates, is supposed to have shock value in order to break through a SLD's (codependent's) denial systems as well as decreasing their self-blame/shame. When I use it, my clients experience an epiphany of understanding, and experience a release of shame and self-blame. Thank you all for affirming my message(s).
Ross Rosenberg Hii..I came to know through many videos that narcissist and codependent have one or more same background..my qs is why one choose narcissist and another one choose codependent to live ...in DSM narcissism is classified as a pd but codependency is not a personality disorder..y?? plz reply at the earliest
What types of things trigger narcissists to cause them to pick us? what do they gain, control, ego feed?
Ross, May I add a twist in your idea ? I think that the predator targets people who WERE brought up to believe that the world IS safe....and that people are inherently 'good'.....honest etc....and who so much want to believe this that they are perfect targets...leading to wasted optimism that the predator's/abuser's behavior will improve..(stockholm syndrome etc), leading to long term marital relationships that are unhealthy. I really think that this is why so many people stay in relationships that are not good, tied in legally by the state.
Robert Harvey
Ross Rosenberg , for the first time since my discard I've realised it was not my fault. Thank you so much 🙏🏼
this has made me understand why I am being targeted by someone who I always thought reminded me of something/someone from long ago...I feel kind of sick but also relieved.
Someone often belittled me and said that I was “the safest”. I didn’t know what it meant until I watch this video. What an A-ha moment. Thank you so much for the knowledge.
Thank you so much for saving lives.
You are so accurate in your analogy. I know both worlds. Thank you for giving others hope, education, awareness and honesty......the truth will set you free...Tell it, Ross. The world needs more of this and you...
thank you! this explains a lot. I only had one relationship with a man who seemed slightly narcissistic and actually he found me. It was an ideal relationship for him as I understood because I didn't ask much from him and wouldn't require his time and effort. Well if I did, he'd make me feel guilty for 'hurting' him and would often blame me for not understanding his sensitive personality. I'm so happy to be alone now but am still thinking of why I stayed so long with someone who made me feel so bad each time we were together. Of course, I also had moments of immaturity which I think lead to the ending of our relationship. Loving your channel and all your incredible information. Keep it coming. 👍
Thank you for this video. Raw...yes, but we need to hear it raw. We do not need to have it coated with sugar, because it is the most horrific experience, you are going through( or living in) with people like the narcissists/Cluster B personality disordered people.
Not anymore, because I am healing, and THEY ARE PISSED, lol. The tactics aren't working anymore, and I can see the animosity and nastiness increasing. But armed with the knowledge I have gained, I am able to practice the Observe, not absorb technique and mentally entertain myself by putting words to the tactics I see unfolding, which are textbook. I don't take it personally anymore and recognize the games for what they are.
foxiefair123 i need help! I was in a narc rel over 47 years. Thought as a Christian I had to stay and trust God. Wrong. I am still uncovering betrayals. What is this “Observe” not internalize secret. Where do i go for help? I am a senior on low fixed income and cannot afford to pay for help. I am raising my granddaughter alone on less than $1000 month. Who will see me for free, that knows what narc victim syndrome is. And sdl...what is sld? Self love deficit disorder. I need to know more. Self cure, self heal. OMG that sounds impossible for me to do. Iam suffering cptsd and depression and panic attacks. What do i do. Where do i go, where do i start? This guy ross rosnberg counsels ppl.?
MadeInAmericaLady just keep
Watching these videos! You don’t need to spend anything on therapy. Just keep watching and learning and reading about all of this until you accept it completely. At that point, you start to heal. You’ll know when it’s happening. Actually, I guess I shouldn’t say you won’t need therapy, but if you’re open minded, willing to forgive, and look inward at what you can do differently in the future-you’ve got a great start.
im done
Thank you for this video. I'm so over dealing with the pathology of narcissists. The guilt tripping, the grandiosity over nothing, GAWD I'm bored with that! It's nice to see honest appraisal of these assholes who lack any empathy whatsoever.
l never understood exactly what he did. l knew that my dad sexually abused me as a little girl. l knew he gas lighted me. abandoned. left me..unable to sustain intimacy. l am learning bits. but..lm not ok. l know only one thing. Truth sets you free.
So sorry Susan
How awful 😢
Hope you will get better and work your self trough all the misery. Pedofiles are demons in human form 😨
You said it. Truth sets you free !
I’m glad I stumbled upon your videos because I’ve watched several in a row now and I really like the information you present. The one thing I am surprised you haven’t addressed (at least not in the several videos I’ve watched) is the identity issues that come with codependency - since so much time and effort is spent trying to appease the EMM, little to no time is put into developing one’s own personality and when you look for it, sometimes you have a hard finding anything. I personally struggle with this, sometimes feeling as though my life is mostly a facade because even my likes and dislikes will vary and I often feel empty without something to do.
Heather B - feeling empty...the facade, Being somebody, yet going nowhere. I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel of not knowing who I really am. Want to get comfortable with the emptiness because underneath the emptiness, I suspect, for an SLDD, is who we really are. Emptiness is a feeling. It could be helpful to hold our emptiness (the feeling) in meditation and see what happens. Make the emptiness our friend and let go of the shame. Has anyone tried meditation? Just bought a chair with a non-padded seat to use for my codependency recovery meditations. Have needed this chair for a while, and now I've taken action!!
They really, really do. I sensed I was being groomed, played along for awhile then called him out on it and went no contact. Disgusting predators! I feel so sorry for their children.
Y'all are gonna get slapped with a restraining order bitch keep playing elementary school wannabe "mean girls" games. Better stay in your own lane and gtfo of mine Sarah.
I don't do this fighting bullshit anymore. I'll take your bitch ass to court. Keep it up....
I am I the only one crying while watching this?
Defintely not haha
I am sad too as I lost my life to all these creeps. I am 56.
No. I'm sobbing too. It's scary.
@@jeanetteoneil4562 I did too. It was my own Mother who had NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER. She stole my life without me knowing, but when I began questioning her, sometimes to her face, she'd be even worse. I used to wonder what was wrong with me I also felt very uncomfortable with her as she drew me in further and further. She made me a part of her lies, including telling lies for her,after all I was her confidant and friend.She made me believe it was just me she loved, not my five siblings. Of course, this was all lies and nonsense.
You’re not alone ☹️
Thank you so much! Yes this most definitely has opened my eyes and helped me to see that I don't have to stay in this type of relationship!
Your video has brought me to tears. Every single personality trait and situation and condition, has described me to a T! I wish I’d made better choice. Thank you, thank you , thank you! You have finally helped me to see how I have been manipulated! Thank you 🙏🏻
I don't understand how others 'break free' so readily. I am crippled with the narcissistic abuse I am living with and the subsequent cptsd and have nowhere to go and can't cope all the time.
Sending you lots of hugs, you are stronger than you think.
Rita Nightingale Thank you for your supportive comment. I'm hanging on in there!
Hey love I️ hope you’re feeling better. I️ am in the same situation but leaving soon. I️ hope you’re doing better.
I'm in the same situation, so sad.
me too soo tired god bless and wlk in the light fight the darkness @@christinemiller6566
The male covert narc son in law in our family chose my grandson who has epilepsy, who is weak, who is incapable of playing baseball like his son, who plays video games, etc. I caught him whispering insults in his ear. I exposed him about this and after many other things in the past. He turned my daughter against me and took her away and my grandchildren. My daughter has low self esteem and he is her hero. Yet he calls her a failure. He is Military and provides protection for high ranking officials. I am under no contact with him. It’s killing me not to see my daughter and grandchildren but he literally makes me mentally ill. I’ve been to group therapy because I can’t stop crying over my loss. I just can’t go back into any relationship with him. He won.
He hasn't won. His time will come and so will yours. Stay strong. 🙂x
“The pathological narcissist can not hurt us if we love ourselves.” Great message to end with and I can’t wait to buy that book. I’m working my way through The Human Magnet Syndrome now. But like you said, this is all very upsetting. It’s slow going getting through your book. But I’m committed to myself. I deserve the effort to make myself better. I’ll heal. Thank you for helping. 💙
After falling victim to two psycopaths now I'm starting to detect narcissistic people much faster. Thanks to all these videos on RUclips I'm having tools to become aware of abuse very fast and walk away from narcs before they strike.
Boundaries or telling someone "no" and watching their reaction is my test for these psychopaths now.
My girlfriend and I, both Codependents, got pulled in by two Pathological Narcissists [one in late 2009 and the other in late 2013]. In both cases, they were everything in our lives.
Part of the grooming involved making us feel important and pretending to care about us. But then there would be a swap, where they'd be overly cruel and put us down. In those cases, both of us Codas would double-down in an effort to re-win their previous adoration.
There was also gaslighting and other points of confusion.
When it all blew up by mid-2014, and the dust had settled, we lost everything, including most of our possessions, our apartment, over $40,000, and ultimately my job.
Since then, we have been working on how to defend ourselves against this, and I can say that we are in a relatively good place right now, but need more work. I am convinced that if we ever fell into this trap again, that it would not end well, and could result in the loss of life.
This definitely is not a game, and what you have to say speaks in detail to our experience.
DrumWild - thank you for sharing your story. Congratulations that both you and your g-friend are in a better place now. Please stay safe from here on out!
How are you and your gf doing today?
Being exposed to both a pedophile and a Narcissist, I can attest to this.
I used to ask myself "why?" when pondering over how my mother's husband could do what he did when I was a girl.
It wasn't until I was in a relationship with a Narcissist, that it finally dawned on me.
Because, he COULD.
The best thing I did was go no contact. I told my ex narc that hes never abusing me again and I never saw or spoke to him again. It took about a month and I was feeling good again.
OMG, you are so right. I had actually figured out, while healing from extreme childhood sexual abuse, that it was the reason I was such an easy target for adult narc/sociopath/psychopath abusers again and again. One of whom was actually my therapist of 3 years who knew all about my childhood physical and sexual abuse before taking his place in line for further adult abuse. Thank you for the work you do. Please, never stop trying to teach therapists and survivors like me. I just bought your new version of The Human Magnet Syndrome, and received it today. I look forward to reading it, and passing it on to others I know who were also victims of this type of abuse, which I call soul murder. Thank you.
Preditors like this know how to pick ppl that have a weak bonding with ppl around them and have low self-esteem and weak boundries.
Dr. Rosenberg just gets it. I have spent my whole life being feeling alone, invisible, not understood even though I've had friends and family that loved me. I often wondered as a child...why was I chosen to be the one molested among multiple family members and friends...why me? This video clears up a lot and I finally feel like I'm being seen and heard. Through viewing Ross's videos I learned of my codependency and am spending this time working on healing. Thank you for your gift of being able to explain this disorder.
Wow. This makes so much sense in why I keep attracting them. So glad I start therapy this month. Thank you 🙏🏼
My goodness. Did you hit the nail directly on the head. Thank you, I've been having a great deal of trouble trying to formulate and communicate this exact message and feelings.I'd be willing to do a Skype on this very subject if you'd be open to it.While of course I would have to be discreet with names Etc I'm sure I would be able to share not only what had happened, how it affected me not only during my childhood but my entire life up to today.This may be difficult for the viewer but I think I can couple the traits of Narcissism to Child sexual abuse clearly.What I'm speaking about here is how I was groomed by a parent then handed over to a very close family member and molested almost on a daily basis which sadly included being shared with his friends.Included in this torrid history would be, again set up by a parent, where siblings would be "Brought" to the family doctor, a close and personal friend of the caregivers. (Parent and new spouse)Again, not to simply tell my story but to put the two subjects together.Thanks Ross. Well done, I've been waiting for someone to begin to tackle this.
Narcissism Survivor Wow! I so feel for you!!!
I just don't know how I experienced heinous predation and abuse from a psychopath and his flying monkeys when I do not fit the "self hate" or failure of "self trust" paradigm. I was in such a great place, loved myself and trusted myself, and believed I deserved all the wonderful things presented by the psychopath and his minions. The place where I match the profile for being predated was being isolated and not having any people close to me. That is surely how this happened. The predator saw I was isolated and saw my dreams and took advantage. I lost everything. I lost, absolutely everything. There is no recovery for what happened to my life. There is no such thing as recovery when so much was lost or died.
It is very touching and. I am very grateful to you Mr ROsenberg. Thank you
This is so true. When my abusive NPD/BPD ex girlfriends came into my life I was very lonely and unsure about myself. I am caring and compassionate and an easy target.
I also am in middle management professionally and there are many Narcs at the upper level of management at my company. I have never displayed the easy victim type behavior professionally, only in romantic relationships. And upper level Narc bosses will promote other management personnel who seem like they don't have much of a backbone, who will let the Narc boss piss all over their boundaries and talk to them disrespectfully, and ironically these people are the ones who get the promotions, while I get over looked. It seems like this is similar behavior in business for a Narc boss and their employees behavior that get the promotions. I have also observed some getting promotions that are under qualified compared to others. I think they do this so those individuals are less likely to leave the company.
I was groomed, I’m not a vulnerable person or a codependent, we take people at face value and this is i believe a healthy approach to people, Maybe I escaped sooner than a codependent, I was exploited and witnesses one rage, anybody can be duped by a covert narcissist (psychopath) look at our leaders and the supporters.i observed my narcissist grooming everybody, friends, family it is the only way they know, patronising oily conversations are the norm in public.
Well said!
This made me cry but at least I know what to say to my therapist when I go. Thank you 🙏🏼
This is what we seek in the beginning of healing is WHY & HOW- thank you!
Absolutely not a coincidence! This is spot on what I went through. Exactly word for word. Counterfeit expressions of love and caring. Powerfully upsetting is an understatement. His statement to me was " I have been looking for you my whole life".
Dr.Ross Rosenberg, you can´t imagine how thankful I am that I dicovered you on you-Tube! You are the only human therapist available for me at the present time; the other one is the G´D I believe in! Thank you so very much for the wonderful work you do! Surely I will stay in touch with you!
This made me cry. So true.
I have borderline personality disorder and have, routinely been abused by malignant narcissists-including my own father. All I ever wanted, EVER was a normal healthy relationship. But when I told my parents whom I at many times did not know had mental disorders (father MNPD) and mother (who I discovered is also BPD) they kept hijacking my recovery by telling me nothing was wrong or it as my father put it "hormones"(ugh!!).
Nothing makes me more angry, or sad to be looped in the same category as those sick ahats. I had absolutely zero idea about my disorder because the professional community kept misdiagnosing me as major depressive disorder. I attended DBT for 4 years of my own volition-and zilch-where as introspection and work led by others who have had the disorder was ACTUALLY effective in tying my behaviors together.
What makes ME angry as a disordered person is after 17 years or being in a pure cycle of being abused by narcissist after narcissist to see people acting as if we pick codependents like one picks a donut. Bull. I never ever knew what a healthy relationship looked like-I got beaten, raped, hurt repeatedly for years-why? Because I was stuck in an infinite loop of behavior I didn't want due to poorly trained program psychiatrists whose main concern was feeding patients prozac and anxiety meds. To this day I still find myself angry at how much time was wasted when I gladly would have done the work.
So unfortunately Borderline Personality disordered individuals can also be victims and it's 100 percent sickening, to even have a parent sexually molest you and to never understand that NO ONE, not a single family member did a thing. Why? Because both parents were both blaming and not accepting responsibility. And their parents were disordered and so on.
The reason a BPD person would ever be attracted to a codependent is safe refuge, unless they were comorbid. All I knew was I finally met someone that didn't hurt me and actually cared. That wasn't out for my money or god knows what.
I'm certain NPDs absolutely premeditate their victims. I've seen them do it without even knowing it, and now that I do know can finally avoid it and heal from the trauma that is this horrible disorder from horrible people. I've made many mistakes but I can safely say they were certainly not premeditated, half hazard, a bull in a china shop-but never hey I'll pick that guy. I couldn't tell an NPD from a good person before, even if it hit me like a bus.
I can't say the same about NPD because in general they like the control, and they KNOW what they are doing. But as for BPD-who would EVER like to have impulsive bad behaviors based on past experiences? Having such a disorder is like having Tourette's but having to reprogram your brain. If you don't you will never cease getting into trouble-all for one simple fact-we were abused intermittently. We don't benefit from our bs. We suffer and our loved ones suffer. To top it off our core sense of shame tells us this: maybe an abuser is the best we'll ever have.
Christ I am disappointed in the mental health community right now. I had gone program after program only to have to research and find out answers on my own. But on top of it my disorder is being put into a list of predators after being prey for abusers my entire life. Smh. We literally learned the emotional literacy of a 3 year old. My mother also is in recovery realizing she was beaten as a kid repetitively by people in ca states foster care system. We are human too, and we when aware of it would gladly pay any price to be healthy and loved. Because being randomly aggressive is the complete opposite of this. I just want to be apart of a loving family-and I certainly never deserved an endless cycle of trauma.
thank you....it all started when I was a child, yes... I became the perfect target....I've had so many attacks since I was young...so, now I see why
U r absolutely right! The Narc I was with for 40 yrs admitted to me this technique that Narcs use, but didn’t call them a Narc so as not to reveal himself. But, as though it were others out there like deceitful wolves watching u ready to move n on one. Now I realize his revealing many of his disorders was him! I was with him 40 yrs. now I’m free,
Thank you Jesus that my self esteem and self love were still in tact enough when I met my Narc that he was not able to tear me down completely even though he tried and didn't stop trying. Even after I left him he wouldn't go away. After I continued to refuse to be his perfect little codependent which I told him often I would not do, he finally told me he was rid of me. I still laugh when I think of him texting me that my overbearing ways had driven him to use again. He hates women who are not perfect, submissive little doormats that submit to his authority. His distress was physically visible when he realized he had completely misjudged me during his initial evaluation of me as a victim. I even told him I had seen how upset he was with himself when he realized this after I failed to try harder when he got angry with me the first time and he tried to devalue me. After suffering so much narcissistic abuse for so long in the past, I am taking great satisfaction and yes, enjoyment, out of having bested a narc who was sure he had hit the jackpot when he met me.
good for you,narcs are such spiteful little creatures.
OMG... your story sounds kind of like a narc coworker I once had. I was the new person on the job, and I was vulnerable at that time (I didn’t know anyone there, didn’t know anything, hadn’t made friends yet, etc.). I will never forget the way she sized me up the very moment we met. She had earmarked me to be her victim, which was when she started trying to get really close to me, trying to be my best friend, within days of knowing me. Fortunately, it didn’t take me long to figure her out, so I instantly distanced myself from her. When I did this, she grew even crazier, trying everything she could to get me to start associating with her again. None of it worked, so I watched her gradually sink into a depression, the more I stayed away from her. She eventually quit. It’s funny when they think they’ve “got” you, but hilarious when they wind up being the one having the rug snatched out from under them 😂😂. Good job on getting rid of that loser!!
I absolutely agree with this analogy, I've thought it, & worked it out for myself, & it's horrible & chilling to the core when it dawns on you that that's basically how they operate.
I agree to some extent. Not all children who get molested or raped are children who come off as vulnerable. These people are deranged and disorganized and the impulse to act out sexually has nothing to do with that child. Sometimes the child's self esteem is lowered and causes them to be one attached to the perp, but I don't believe the victims need to feel that because they seemed like targets they where. These people who go around hurting do it mainly because the opportunity arises along with the obsessive compulsion to do it...you could be the most attractive confident person but when ur in the vicinity of a predator they will take you down no matter your self esteem says about you.
Agree. The predator takes you down no matter what your self-esteem. They are predators, criminals.
Currently on the road to recovery...painful journey after 'waking up'.Thank you so much for the enlightenment.
You seem to be the perfect therapist that could really help me. I looked at your website in regards to the fees for services. I was sad to see that it was so "expensive". So sad that so many can't get help due to insufficient finances. Thank you for this videos to help others.
This video has helped me to further understand why I've been targeted by narcissistic men. My father was a narc and so was the man I was married to. After years of abuse he used the excuse of my father to justify my being psychologically damaged! He mentally tormented me with his lies, deceit and financial abuse. You are called jealous, emotional, hormonal and paranoid, whilst they sit there undercover as an innocent victim, aware of how they've manipulated a situation to substantiate their claims. I've been subject to seeds planted by both my narc father and husband, many years ago that came back to haunt me! You're right about the narc targeting individuals, it's like a sixth sense to them, whilst the co dependent is kind, loyal, trusting and empathic, ripe for abuse. Your analogy of the narc behaviour being the same as paedophilic is perfect! They literally groom their targets to accept their behaviour. Thank you so much for sharing.
Great video. Very powerful analogy. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Wow that was painfully raw yet true....thanks!!
Thanks, Ross. Now, the video I'm waiting for is the one that gives me guidance as to what to do about this. How do you suddenly create this presence of being protected ( and not a sitting duck for narcissists) when you truly are alone and there is no one to protect you? Self love is fine/nice and my self esteem is pretty good but all I seem to run into is users. Where do you find the good people? The ones I was close with have unfortunately passed away. Four friends in the last 15 years. (I'm middle aged) It's sort of a curse to be getting all this knowledge this late in life without knowing the steps to turn things around. I'm not sitting at home. I AM finding that there's a ton of people out there these days who are just users. Would love to hear you address this topic in a video.
It's your awareness and understanding of good character traits that will protect you. If you set that as your standard for ALL new ppl in your life, no one can ever sneak past that.
There's a long list of typical fatal character flaws that they have. Most people don't actively do this but, character flaws are very easy to spot even in a first conversation. I'm not talking about being judgmental, I'm just referring to the work a person should have done on themselves if they want to be worthy of a healthy, trusting loving relationship of any kind.
The character traits, themselves, are common; when it suits them, they don't apologize, resolve issues, don't mind being unfair, mean, disrespectful, disloyal, dishonest, abusive,...generally, they don't seem to know why their relationships don't work even though they are never based on mutual respect.
I believe the numbers for those with bpd's, sociopathy and psychopathy are FAR greater than reported. Add to those numbers the vast majority of people who are asleep to the matrix AND to their own subconscious sabateurs and I believe we'd be lucky to find 2 out of 10 people who would just qualify to be in a relationship with us.
Once awake, you can no longer mate with sleepwalkers. This is not a statement to denigrate others but to explain why we find it so incredibly difficult to find partners like ourselves and how painfully unfair that seems having endured a lifetime of pain and isolation.
I am still trusting God for a good man, but if that doesn't happen, I have His love and never leaves nor forsakes me until I'm with Him and none of this matters anyway.
Peace, blessings and hugs! :)
Excellent comment.
I am in the same boat.
Well I can only tell you what I do: every single day I applaud myself and tell myself how great beautiful smart and amazing I am. I work on my self talk. I work on good posture, am at gym most days. Going to sleep I hug myself and say “I love you”. And I reward myself all the time. When I look in the mirror I say, hey beautiful, you are such a Masterpiece of the Universe, so Unique. Well if you keep talking to yourself that way, then you will start to believe it. It will draw more quality people to your life.
I’m also being more selective with my time and who I spend time with, now that’s I’m also middle aged, compared to when I was younger. So easier if you turn most people away and only keep those few friends that have good ethics and are caring and sharing. You will find them! Don’t waste time with people that leave you feeling empty. I had a therapist like that. Awful. Would never go back. Also refuse to see my in-laws, they are Energy vampires, boasting and self righteous. I’m definitely more careful now than I was when I was younger. An experience with a Narc will definitely change you. Like I’ve heard so many other people say: just wished I had known sooner!
I can see that I need help badly, but it's too late. I'm 68 years old and live as a recluse, in Appalachia, on disability. I don't even go to the doctor because I can't afford it. Some of us just fall through the cracks. it's okay. That's life in the big city, or The Boondocks. What you had to say was excellent Ross. Very scary though. Now what do I do?
Because I divorced him, my ex- husband, who was a pastor, refuses to pay the many years of spousal maintenance, that the court ordered him to pay me. He gets away with it.
I'm tired. I've done the legal battle on my own...again & again. I win too, even though separated by many states...but I can't collect. I divorced him 16 years ago.
That wounded his ego. He will continue to make certain that I receive the karma, he thinks I deserve until the day I die.
His "righteous indignation" demands his perception of justice. He continues to steamroll over me. He only alowed me to work for him... for our 28 year marriage. Control, isolation and free labor... all rolled into one nice neat package. All checks went to him. I do not have references because of him... It's a cruel world out there. Boohoo. My Philosophy is, be resigned to what Life deals you, do the best you can with the deck you've been dealt, and don't let bad experiences make you bitter.
Compassionate Empath, that I still am... I have amazing opportunities to help the few people that crossed my path. too bad I didn't get a degree when I was young.
Bless you and your efforts to help people.
Darla Delaney Never too late.
Research for organizations that can offer help. Contact The United Way. In my area, they have a list of organizations that offer different kinds of services. God bless! Healing is possible. I'm 65.
I have given 60+ years of love but now know, after listening to this & similar vids, I hve NEVER NEVER been truly loved by ANYBODY
Dear Dr. Rosenberg, when you say " they sniff it out", could it be for instance by means of asking seemingly simple questions then not only listening for emotional clues in the answers but also observing the victim's body language?
Couldn't agree with you more but there are variations on this topic which are rarely discussed. A heavily covert somatic may often rape victims they cannot control whether the reason was sexual or otherwise. I assume they are reliving their own childhood sexual abuse. Here sexual abuse is a form of punishment and not necessarily grooming and ownership. In adulthood they have the same tendencies to women who reject them, with their partners women may experience the male having sex with them in their sleep and so on. The narcissist must destroy that which they cannot control, even relive their own trauma in a state of power and they get pleasure from doing this, often revealing their true self. The pahologicals who seek all power can move from the careful identification process of the lonely, emotionally isolated child as you describe to all their siblings, greater family and further still. Their aim is to have power over all of them their whole lives and Pathologicals will even do it by proxy and turn siblings onto each other. Another type is the sexually humiliated narcisasist, possibly impotency problems, small penis syndrome etc. I am guessing they are still humiliated by adults and target children through grooming instead. It's a sick depraved world and I am thankful someone is willing to speak out. Remove the trauma and take back that power however difficult that journey is.
Wow. I had already come to the conclusion due to personal experience. It is a absolutely sickening realization
Thank you Dr. Rosenberg for clarifying that it is the Narcissist and not the victim who chooses the relationship. It dispels the myth that many victims of domestic abuse are subjected to by family members that they go out looking for abusive men to marry. As if the victim used an interview and process of elimination procedure until they found the abusive men.
This is what happened to me. He used to ask me “are you hungry did you eat? I’ll take care of you..” Using it against me that I was abandoned by my parents as a child and always yearned for love and nurturing. He would give me trinkets and my favorite candy at random ...well at first I thought it was at random then I realized he did that as a precursor when he wanted something. He always said from the beginning he could tell I had traumas I was dealing with...that just made me all the more appealing to the sicko.
I am amazed at how completely he identified just what happened in my case. Even as an adult I fell for the whole thing. This supposed "best friend" finally got me to the point that I just about ended up in the hospital for suicidal ideation. On top of everything else, she stole my wedding ring. The shame and self-blame of being molested and sexually assaulted as a child, then someone getting me at a vulnerable time in my life (my husband just died at that time) and then stealing my wedding ring. It has been almost 2 1/2 years and I still think about it once or twice a week. But I have other, more important things to do with my time than let her take away my peace of mind and heart.
Textbook ..I am that person that victim previously... I'm used to needing the raw truth..this has made more sense to me personally than anything I've come across in almost 2 yrs..it's literally to a T almost word for word...me...even the alcoholic father used as example..im not upset this actually makes such incredible sense at least for me.. not a clue how I passed over this and led me to click but I'm extremely appreciative I saw this ..ty
Very well said. The people need healed.
Could it be also the other way round? because one had a very happy family and a lot of love you trust every one because you didn't know that evil people exist?
Eva Silvestrini Martínez I like your comment. This is never addressed and needs to be.
When a child has a very loving family and all the child's needs are met in the family that child will have love and care given to them, as well as, modeled for them. The child will learn how to develop trusting healthy relationships and be taught what is not safe. In other words, that child will have a healthy radar to detect that there is something off about a person who is a predator. In a healthy family situation, the child's parents would be giving strong protection and be approachable to talk to about any subject or concerns, including that there is evil in the world.
EF so true and that individual would have self love and stay away from someone who treats them even the slightest bit off. Having love compassion and trust doesn't mean you take yourself out of the equation and sacrifice your own feelings of safety and well being to "rescue" someone.
Eva Yes.I too feel like I was shielded from the outside world.
When one is suggested to journal in cognitive dissonance & thru gained knowledge all entries line up with a pathological disorder the truth of the experience is overwhelming self evident. And that validation is freeing. When you learn parts of their brain are thin or underdeveloped in the empathic producing areas & some with over developed areas that can produce high intelligence which they then turn into a tool to masturbate their mind free of any remorse, guilt or shame. Once you realize this it is a crucial step in recovery. What was once anger at how anyone that knew you loved them could mistreat you into cog diss, trauma bond, ptsd is now understood that they have absolutely no concept of this emotion. Anger changes to pure pity. They are stuck in the the quagmire of their own minds. You can see it now clearly free of the fog of their nightly subjugation. Every single one in this community has the intellect, the introspectional ability to heal & grow expotentially.
"... and some with overdeveloped areas that can produce high intelligence which they then turn into a tool to masturbate their mind free of any remorse, guilt, or shame."
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! This particular statement has given me clarity in a concept I've been struggling to understand. This is indeed such a well-defined description of the internal mental process that occurs with the N. I'm going to file this mental picture away for use in keeping future interactions with the N in proper perspective. 😂
Your intros are so 90s 😂😂 information is always on point however 👍
So glad you didn't say 70's or 80's. This is kind of a compliment! :)
Ross Rosenberg Tehehehe
90s is a compliment! best decade ever :)
I love it though!
Indeed! Lol. I laugh at those who date us Boomers, because it is only a matter of time before they are dated.
Yes painful but, Extremely Helpful. It was as if I had a personal therapy session with you. I'm not in a frame of mind to process it and will have to watch the video again to absorb and grasp it.
Since 2013 You've helped me so much! Honestly, I can't thank you enough! Some of us can't afford therapy or are so vounrable we won't go! Here's where the internet and RUclips have been a blessing to us. It's safe. Ross, you're trustworthy and non threatening. We know you understand!
Just want to give you a cyber hug!
As a sexual abuse survivor and now recovering from a 20 year relationship with some who I suspect has Narcissistic tendencies I drew my own comparison between the two abusers. The feelings are virtually the same.
Thank you so much, just amazing -spot on!!!
Good Evening Mr.Rosenberg ! Thank You very much. You are easy to understand. I can not write so much. I am from Norway. Greetings ,Sheila. 🍀
I thank God for this man. He has been placed on earth by God to help thousands upon thousands of people . His wisdom is worth so much. I pray that God will bless his life a thousand fold.
thank you ross! i love your channel and the content of your videos, they're so useful and helpful. you're helping so many people by sharing your experience and and knowledge.
This makes so much sense. I became a target once my Dad passed away and the predators made their move because they knew my Mum would not want to upset them. In order to justify their treatment they started picking on every single 'fault' they saw and magnified and exposed it and started labelling me with 'sulky' and more horrible names. It's taken me 45 years to understand this, only because they are still doing it to me and now doing it to people who care about me and I now know this will never end. They also use 'flying monkeys' to support them. It's only because I have a strong network of loving and caring people in my life and my faith, that I can go 'no contact' now and because I had the courage to call them out. Your explanation is helping me enormously.
The way you broke it down is so accurate. It actually shocked me because the things you were saying were so relatable. Thank you for educating me on these things.
I was very vulnerable. My husband of 26 years died and this person took advantage of me.
I am SLD, am Scapegoat child of Narc mother and have had a previous Narc husband. My Narc Partner of 7 years is 'discarding' me and I am not coping well with it. I can see Narc Partner 'rounding up' and I actually used the word "Grooming'' myself - two new sources of Narc supply. One he is grooming is married and the other is a spiritual teacher who guides meditation. Suddenly, he's into meditation! He knows she is vulnerable, I can see what he's doing ...getting together a Harem.
My therapist told me this about 7 years ago. She said I was "that child" who had reached adulthood. And she said this is exactly the way they choose me everytime. It changed my life. Not at that second, of course, I have worked very hard on myself in therapy ever sice then. But it cracked the door open and I was able to finally see what lies beyond th abuse and trauma.