I wish Dr. Ruth had actually talked about coercive control more, because that’s all I’ve experienced with men, grooming, love bombing, no boundaries allowed, no discussing anything that makes them feel inferior and that is everything mind you, cause they are all insecure, mentally 12 years old and emotional toddlers. Once we deprogrammed the need for male validation, and we are looking for depth and growth and co-creation, the men we have coming at us is nothing but con artists. And if we don’t have 2 foot lead boundaries up around everything (which as women especially gen x and elder millennials, grew up in a world where women’s boundaries were seen as her being too picky, her being too judgmental, her being a *itch,she’s a tease, and all the rest of it, and you throw how so many woman are undiagnosed neurodivergent spectrum thinkers, so much of that programming was taken as literal instructions,) we end up getting stuck with a man who actively lied about who he was and we get trapped in abuse cycles. And it doesn’t matter how much healing we do, those relationships won’t work. The vast majority of men are not growing, healing, or maturing. We are watching birth rates drop because women have just had it with these ignorant unconscious men, and it’s such an epidemic among men that the only way to curb it is population reduction? We stop reproducing with men who aren’t going to do better and their kind just goes away eventually and the population of the world shrinks as women take more control over reproduction and our own bodies?
I loved listening to this podcast. However, I can't relate to this as a man because I dont think I ever approached sex from the angle that you discussed. As a man, I never thought a woman's pleasure was second to mine. If anything it was the opposite which I think is equally unhealthy. Yes, I want her to knock my socks off, and I also want to knock her socks off as well. I can't enjoy sex unless there is sufficient foreplay, I can't enjoy sex if I'm angry with my partner, and I can't enjoy sex with my partner if she is not ready or in the mood. In fact, I need foreplay that starts hours before I actually have sex. My definition of foreplay includes activity that's not only sexual nature but things fosters intimacy. Also, there are many many men who have sexual trauma, especially childhood sexual trauma. Question: If we characterize men as selfish lovers who are uncaring, who lack empathy, and who only use women sexually, how can we ever see them as vulnerable individuals or a individuals who may also struggle with sexual trauma issues. As a young man, I been in many situations where I wanted to stop during the sex act becuase I wasn't enjoying it but never thought I could stop because I felt that my primary role was to satisfy the women. This is the conditioning that I'm familiar with as a man: you are there primarily to satisfy her. It was only later in life that I learned to ask for what I wanted. I had to learn that an erection does not equal desire, and an orgasm does not equal sexual satisfaction. I realized that I could have both of these and still have an unsatisfactory sexual experience. The conditioning of young men around sex can be extremely oppressive. This language around men doesn't seem to create the context that allows women to see them as caring, vulnerable human beings. I know your audience is primarily for women, and I know you can't cover every angle. That’s just my hot take as a man. Love the conversation.
THIS ☝🏾 !!!! ❤ EPIC !! This is covering some ground on a subject that everyone in the world really needs to learn much much more about. At one point in the conversation it was said, how do we not know this by now ?!! Lol It is such a profound and true statement which triggered a reoccurring thought I have from time to time about life in general that kind of applies to many areas. When you think about how long humans have been here some thousands of years lol there's so many ways you would think we would have evolved a long long time ago. It's crazy to think there is still such a thing as racism. How are we not passed this yet LOL how do we not know more about our human bodies and communicate this with our spouse . I mean we've been here for thousands of years but it wasn't but a couple hundred years ago we were still hanging and burning people thinking they were witches LOL my point is, it's so bizarre like a phenomenon how slow humans are evolving. Technology in science has actually gotten quite a ways ahead of us as far as evolution. Loved this podcast ! You guys are EPIC !!
Thank you so much! Gorgeous conversation 👏👏
much appreciated conversation and information, and knowledge. thank you both! hugs.
A well done and informative convo!
I wish Dr. Ruth had actually talked about coercive control more, because that’s all I’ve experienced with men, grooming, love bombing, no boundaries allowed, no discussing anything that makes them feel inferior and that is everything mind you, cause they are all insecure, mentally 12 years old and emotional toddlers. Once we deprogrammed the need for male validation, and we are looking for depth and growth and co-creation, the men we have coming at us is nothing but con artists. And if we don’t have 2 foot lead boundaries up around everything (which as women especially gen x and elder millennials, grew up in a world where women’s boundaries were seen as her being too picky, her being too judgmental, her being a *itch,she’s a tease, and all the rest of it, and you throw how so many woman are undiagnosed neurodivergent spectrum thinkers, so much of that programming was taken as literal instructions,) we end up getting stuck with a man who actively lied about who he was and we get trapped in abuse cycles. And it doesn’t matter how much healing we do, those relationships won’t work. The vast majority of men are not growing, healing, or maturing. We are watching birth rates drop because women have just had it with these ignorant unconscious men, and it’s such an epidemic among men that the only way to curb it is population reduction? We stop reproducing with men who aren’t going to do better and their kind just goes away eventually and the population of the world shrinks as women take more control over reproduction and our own bodies?
I loved listening to this podcast.
However, I can't relate to this as a man because I dont think I ever approached sex from the angle that you discussed. As a man, I never thought a woman's pleasure was second to mine. If anything it was the opposite which I think is equally unhealthy. Yes, I want her to knock my socks off, and I also want to knock her socks off as well.
I can't enjoy sex unless there is sufficient foreplay, I can't enjoy sex if I'm angry with my partner, and I can't enjoy sex with my partner if she is not ready or in the mood. In fact, I need foreplay that starts hours before I actually have sex. My definition of foreplay includes activity that's not only sexual nature but things fosters intimacy.
Also, there are many many men who have sexual trauma, especially childhood sexual trauma.
Question: If we characterize men as selfish lovers who are uncaring, who lack empathy, and who only use women sexually, how can we ever see them as vulnerable individuals or a individuals who may also struggle with sexual trauma issues.
As a young man, I been in many situations where I wanted to stop during the sex act becuase I wasn't enjoying it but never thought I could stop because I felt that my primary role was to satisfy the women. This is the conditioning that I'm familiar with as a man: you are there primarily to satisfy her. It was only later in life that I learned to ask for what I wanted. I had to learn that an erection does not equal desire, and an orgasm does not equal sexual satisfaction. I realized that I could have both of these and still have an unsatisfactory sexual experience.
The conditioning of young men around sex can be extremely oppressive.
This language around men doesn't seem to create the context that allows women to see them as caring, vulnerable human beings.
I know your audience is primarily for women, and I know you can't cover every angle.
That’s just my hot take as a man.
Love the conversation.
Very well said and important perspective to add to the conversation
THIS ☝🏾 !!!! ❤
EPIC !! This is covering some ground on a subject that everyone in the world really needs to learn much much more about. At one point in the conversation it was said, how do we not know this by now ?!! Lol
It is such a profound and true statement which triggered a reoccurring thought I have from time to time about life in general that kind of applies to many areas. When you think about how long humans have been here some thousands of years lol there's so many ways you would think we would have evolved a long long time ago. It's crazy to think there is still such a thing as racism. How are we not passed this yet LOL how do we not know more about our human bodies and communicate this with our spouse .
I mean we've been here for thousands of years but it wasn't but a couple hundred years ago we were still hanging and burning people thinking they were witches LOL my point is, it's so bizarre like a phenomenon how slow humans are evolving. Technology in science has actually gotten quite a ways ahead of us as far as evolution.
Loved this podcast !
You guys are EPIC !!