We can ALL Invalidate our Partner

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  • Опубликовано: 31 дек 2024

Комментарии • 1,6 тыс.

  • @AndreaLikesMusic
    @AndreaLikesMusic 10 месяцев назад +30095

    I love how this one flips the script a bit- relationships are a two way street! ❤

  • @griefstruelove
    @griefstruelove 8 месяцев назад +124

    Half way thru the video, I was thinking how we do this to each other without meaning to. I need to start being more conscious in my marriage. This was good stuff. Thank you.

  • @thenarrator6846
    @thenarrator6846 10 месяцев назад +22860

    "Oh crap I'm totally invalidating you-"
    I feel like I've said that to my boyfriend a lot. I'm still trying to work through some stuff it seems...

    • @argates6507
      @argates6507 10 месяцев назад +730

      But you are acknowledging what you are doing.
      That is HUGE.
      You have gotten out of your ego to strengthen your relationship. Go you.

    • @juju1896
      @juju1896 10 месяцев назад +179

      We're always human, we'll keep making mistakes. The beauty is you’re seeing it and cleaning it up. Well done!! Communicating is a practice, never perfection. You’re humility and courage are huge!

    • @bri.b6448
      @bri.b6448 10 месяцев назад +90

      That is the big take. Removing ego from the situation is SO hard, but is the key. I use an acronym called "QTIP" (quit taking it personally) to remind me to step outside of my ego for a bit.

    • @morganvillas6436
      @morganvillas6436 10 месяцев назад +14

      Yes I catch myself doing that and apologize too.

    • @lavasharkandboygirl9716
      @lavasharkandboygirl9716 10 месяцев назад +16

      That’s an incredibly good sign though! The awareness means you’re leagues ahead of most people

  • @chillinbored
    @chillinbored 6 месяцев назад +4

    Content like this is what totally changed my interactions with people. But women especially. I'm a problem solver and just am pragmatic by nature. Instead of jumping to solve problems or examining the ramifications of it, I Instead validate and examine the emotion first, and then determine if they even want my help to fix the issue or if they just needed to vent.

  • @jobell495
    @jobell495 10 месяцев назад +12689

    I love that when she said it outloud- and it clicked, she apologized! And he calmly brought up that he felt invalidated!!

    • @julyol119
      @julyol119 10 месяцев назад +107

      Yeah, that's how a productive argument looks like! Very good.

    • @lynnodonovan4204
      @lynnodonovan4204 10 месяцев назад +33

      Well done. The road goes both ways. I appreciate this

    • @jphansen5299
      @jphansen5299 10 месяцев назад +37

      Well I hate to break the news but that’s not a she it’s actually just the same guy but in a wig. Sorry to have to tell you like this

    • @itsa-mea-marion7653
      @itsa-mea-marion7653 10 месяцев назад

      ​@@jphansen5299Leave her alone she's beautiful

    • @DreiSchwerterZorro
      @DreiSchwerterZorro 10 месяцев назад +23

      ​@@jphansen5299 😂

  • @paytonward2169
    @paytonward2169 9 месяцев назад +43

    I love how you show that both partners in a relationship can be flawed and make mistakes. One or the other isn't always the victim. We all have shit we can work on and better ourselves and our relationships.

  • @lavasharkandboygirl9716
    @lavasharkandboygirl9716 10 месяцев назад +1769

    “I can’t win” GOOD! Nobody should be winning or losing!

    • @pada5992
      @pada5992 9 месяцев назад +13

      she was in defensive mode

    • @buffuniballer
      @buffuniballer 9 месяцев назад +17

      Look for win-win where BOTH are winning.
      I agree, situations shouldn't be win-lose. However, looking for a win-win is the optimal outcome.
      Nobody should feel like they are losing in a relationship.

    • @angrydragonslayer
      @angrydragonslayer 8 месяцев назад +6

      @@buffuniballer this is something that i just don't seem to find at all
      very few things are zero-sum games, don't make more of them.

  • @stephenpatrick3122
    @stephenpatrick3122 10 месяцев назад +35

    I need to watch this every morning for three months. I actually finally “got it yesterday” and shared with my partner that my communication is often selfish. I’m hoping I can really make an effort to understand their hurts instead of invalidating and insulting their feeling and comments. Well done.

    • @reneewhittinghill3440
      @reneewhittinghill3440 7 месяцев назад +2

      And we love ❤ it when the "got it" comes before the divorce! Yea!

  • @Ashof87
    @Ashof87 10 месяцев назад +535

    Not just partners, but family members too. My mother invalidates me ALL the time... Since I was a child and I'm 37 now. She would constantly say "Oh, come on Ash. You're too sensitive." Or "Don't be silly". It would not only make me feel like my feelings weren't valid, it started to make me feel like my mindset was wrong and that I was wrong for feeling a certain way and wrong for bringing it up. As I entered my 30s I started pointing it out to her and to this day, instead of understanding she deflects and walks away.

    • @Mushroom321-
      @Mushroom321- 10 месяцев назад +8

      Yes, sounds familiar & it is a horrible feeling.
      = easy human being feeling as defensive ness..
      🙄😑🤦🏼‍♀️.

    • @heydeanie
      @heydeanie 10 месяцев назад +11

      And she still will when she's 80... Trust me lol

    • @Ashof87
      @Ashof87 10 месяцев назад +5

      @@heydeanie I'm sure.

    • @Ashof87
      @Ashof87 9 месяцев назад

      @K.C-2049 For sure.

    • @shortyylu
      @shortyylu 9 месяцев назад +8

      Yup my mom did that or would say oh well my back hurts to , oh my heads hurt all week or when everrrr I’m in pain… but it’s like everything she has to one up me…

  • @123maeday
    @123maeday 9 месяцев назад +265

    It's nice to highlight that we women can be wrong too. Sometimes I feel that society has put women on a pedestal so much that we think we can do no won't and we stop growing because of it. I'm glad I had a great therapist who called me out on losing behaviors I was doing in my marriage.

    • @bryannaliebsack6187
      @bryannaliebsack6187 5 месяцев назад +5

      Yeah I was so mad at how she could immediately define invalidating but she had to be told she was doing it. Felt like she thought she could do no wrong.

    • @Trackrace29582
      @Trackrace29582 5 месяцев назад +4

      I feel like a toxic behaviors women tend to have is just accepted like being late

    • @Equitywaters749
      @Equitywaters749 3 месяца назад +1

      "Ita nice to highlight that we women" 🧑‍🏫👨‍💻🙆🤓 😂 bro thought he was slick.
      It's important to highlight its not about gender, its about a person's mindset. The video was showing a great example, that you trying to make into a gender war sexism thing" slightly took away the point from. Point was people can be wrong to their partner without noticing if the roles are reversed, and the true can be said for iether gender. It's not about gender. And both men and women can be late to things.
      Thats why I loved the example that highlighted how he had to give an example of what he did to show her that she was doing the same thing, its ironic but realistic. (And why he showed it wasnt about her but asking for mutual understanding and empathy in the relationship, which again is important. Its not about making it a war, or making on person, or gender’ out to be the villian. Its about humanizing and empathizing with eachother.) if you cone from a "You do this" people tend to get defensive, but if you come from a “understandable how you may not see that this hurts/ bothers me because it seems trivial to you, but i was raised differently, how can we come to a mutual ground on this? Or just as I usto do this thing that hurt/ bothered you, we're both human and can accidently have blind spots’ to eachothers emotions or do things that hurts the other unintentionally sometimes." then they're more likely to understand it and not see it as an attack on them as a person but rather just trying to solve the misunderstanding/ miscommunication. This disarms arguments by simply communicating from a place of empathy, understanding, or therapists wisdom.
      :) I remember this quote years ago from a old couple married for 70+ years when asked what was the secret to keeping a long healthy relationship still filled woth passion and love: "it's important to remember in a disagreement with your partner, it's not "You against your partner", rather “its you and your partner against solving the disagreement, so you work together to solve the disagreement". This advice could save so many relationships to know! :)

    • @123maeday
      @123maeday 3 месяца назад

      @@Equitywaters749 very true and I see your point. I just know too many men who have experienced situations where they are ALWAYS the problem. I simply like that this video highlighted that it can be the woman who has toxic/losing behaviors just as well as the man. In my mind it is helping to bring the pendulum of accountability and value back to center . You are right, though. A happy and lasting marriage is one of mutual respect where it's the team duo against a problem. Helping each other see the blindspots with grace, understanding and love. It wasn't until I was willing to see my own failings and that it just wasn't my husband that we've been able to create a marriage better than we hoped for. He had to do the same but I only speak of my personal experience.

    • @Rementine
      @Rementine 2 месяца назад

      What sort of losing behaviors did your therapist point out? & what else did your therapist say that helped your marriage?
      Genuinely curious about that. So please explain if you have some time ♡
      Cause I’m getting very serious with this guy & want to treat him with the love and respect he deserves. I have some behaviors I can work on..but also might be doing something I’m not even aware of.

  • @AC-iw5mv
    @AC-iw5mv 10 месяцев назад +5295

    I like that you flipped it with the woman being the „bad” one in this scenario because actually we can totally all be at fault

    • @bryce4395
      @bryce4395 10 месяцев назад +111

      yeah it opened my eyes quite a bit. without making me feel like he's out to get all women too lol

    • @amandakershaw2860
      @amandakershaw2860 9 месяцев назад +31

      Yeah oftentimes the guy is wrong in his skits

    • @oswaldmosley5012
      @oswaldmosley5012 9 месяцев назад +18

      I've almost never seen a relationship where the woman ISN'T at fault. 9 times out of 10 the woman is intentionally screwing things up.

    • @bryce4395
      @bryce4395 9 месяцев назад +142

      @@oswaldmosley5012 ah yes, because it's so beneficial and fun to go through the stress of having arguments and breaking up with a partner... you're making women sound like cartoon villains

    • @bgos4727
      @bgos4727 9 месяцев назад +90

      ​@@oswaldmosley5012im going to guess that's your experience but I only see a common denominator in the mix and it's you

  • @rice802
    @rice802 8 месяцев назад +32

    Sometimes I caught myself being a little to harsh on my ex, and he would overthink it but never wanted to blame me because he cared too much. I realized my own faults and straight up apologized to him, I told him to also tell me when I hurt his feelings in any way. We actually had a very stable relationship.

  • @janmika4245
    @janmika4245 10 месяцев назад +2974

    What I really like is the "being able to be talking about how I feel" part... That shit is rare and I wish my own partner would be comfortable with me to the point where she would actually be able to do so.

    • @chaysethebadger
      @chaysethebadger 10 месяцев назад +79

      I'm not speaking on your partners experience. I as a woman had a really hard time talking about my emotions as they are instead of rationalizing. Through therapy I realized this was largely because of my history of being called over emotional and dramatic whenever I had emotions. I was always "too much" or "taking it personal". This came from my parents and being raised in a restricted religious group that prided itself in women being silent and compliant.
      Idk if this is your partners case, but it took me a long time to identify and fix this. I hope you both can grow together and heal ♥️

    • @janmika4245
      @janmika4245 10 месяцев назад +32

      @@chaysethebadger Thank you for the kind words. I don't think that would be her case tbh. Her family is more distant I think and not really religious at all. We have been together for 7 years and it still feels like we struggle with communication a lot. I don't think I have ever dismissed her feelings or belittled her for them but still she does really have a problem with opening up. I on the other hand can be a little bit too open about my own feelings which she might find overbearing. And when it comes to the topic of trying therapy she shoots it down immediately. I know I am not perfect myself but I do feel very left out of her life even after all this time.

    • @InvestIntelShorts
      @InvestIntelShorts 10 месяцев назад

      @@janmika4245I struggled with this with my partner as well. What worked for us was planning times to have “serious conversation”. Instead of things building up, or not wanting to interrupt a “good period” with a potential argument, we know we will both have a day where we can prepare to:
      1.) be a little hurt
      2.) say things that might hurt the other person
      It took away a lot of the shock that occurred when our, let’s be honest here, arguments, were more spontaneous.
      I admit, it felt like I was “doing everything” at first. But I love my partner. I want to spend my life with them. If I have to pull more of the weight at one point for a lifetime of improvement, I am definitely willing to do so. Besides, I know one day she will probably have to do the same for me, if she hasn’t already without me knowing!
      This is just what worked for us though. I like hearing other perspectives when I feel I have an insurmountable problem, so I’d thought I’d share my own.

    • @MsDrientje
      @MsDrientje 10 месяцев назад +14

      Yeah I think that's something you need to learn and if you need to learn that later in life, that's so scary. Opening up suddenly gives feelings of being naked and aware of every flaw.
      I have no advice just that I feel with you.

    • @greatauntlizbethg9137
      @greatauntlizbethg9137 10 месяцев назад +10

      You could always see a therapist on your own or read self help books to try to understand and provide a safe space for her. But there's only so much you can do and it gets exhausting

  • @jasprerph
    @jasprerph 5 месяцев назад +2

    I really enjoy your skits, as they explain complex relationship issues, in an easy way. I think if we video taped our arguments, it would give us a better perspective on our behavior patterns.

  • @angel10691
    @angel10691 10 месяцев назад +1361

    Well. That totally gave me perspective on an issue we had the other day 😅. Thanks 🙏🏽

    • @kathleengainor8532
      @kathleengainor8532 10 месяцев назад +35

      Consideration is so important and requires some humility.

    • @KaraokeDeepCuts
      @KaraokeDeepCuts 10 месяцев назад +12

      Curious how it goes if you have a follow-up conversation and care to share!

    • @nightcoreeclub
      @nightcoreeclub 6 месяцев назад

      its hard to let go and know when to admit that you’re wrong when you develop a habit of defending your own perspective. not every conflict is a battle to be won :p sometimes both are wrong and right in their own ways. nuance is nice.

    • @nightcoreeclub
      @nightcoreeclub 6 месяцев назад

      it feels good to be allowed to be wrong and come out of the other side still being loved and accepted and allowed to grow and change. and it’s even better when both people in a relationship practice that philosophy with each other.

  • @geraldinec1124
    @geraldinec1124 6 месяцев назад +2

    I’m glad you made this post, we women invalidate too and since people don’t take us accountable for these things we don’t see our mistakes. I for one am glad Bec it means I can change to better a person for my man and let him feel happy

  • @MjsticCpybr
    @MjsticCpybr 10 месяцев назад +303

    Ugh, the “I’m just explaining why your emotions are wrong” is so accurate. If only one could actually realize when they are in the wrong so quickly. In my experience, discussions like this typically just lead to both parties yelling at each other and nobody listening.
    Thank you for making content like this. It is informative and helpful.

    • @mama-cita
      @mama-cita 7 месяцев назад

      It takes time and practice. Fights that used to last days for me and my husband now last a few minutes lol.

  • @birdlady2725
    @birdlady2725 9 месяцев назад +2

    Awareness and Learning how to communicate with family and friends in a thoughtful and respectful manner, is a huge win for all involved. Thank you for teaching an old lady things I wish I knew 60 years ago. TY!

  • @sav.walker
    @sav.walker 10 месяцев назад +2837

    i wish they had epiphanies mid conversation like this. they just double down i feel like. this conversation is my fantasy 😂🥴

    • @JK-yy5gm
      @JK-yy5gm 10 месяцев назад +57

      It's necessary to have someone with the guts to talk about it when it happens so the epiphany can actually take place. It feels great when it does! A sign of a good friend/partner

    • @InvestIntelShorts
      @InvestIntelShorts 10 месяцев назад +25

      Do you think you could try to talk to them about that at a time where you both aren’t already feeling upset?
      I’ve had a lot of success bringing smaller issues up more casually/conversationally, instead of always looking for my partner to take accountability in the moment or immediately grow. I was expecting too much, and not giving my partner the time and space to improve.

    • @sav.walker
      @sav.walker 10 месяцев назад +2

      @@InvestIntelShorts the person i’m specifically referencing now, but sound adults without a doubt

    • @izabelazielak8963
      @izabelazielak8963 9 месяцев назад

      Ale w jakim sésié…
      Jeśli jesteśmy tacy sami,to rozumiemy śié bez slow,jeśli sié rōznimy to śié nie zrozumiemy,po prostu 🙋🏼‍♂️

    • @carlybun231
      @carlybun231 9 месяцев назад +4

      Honestly you have enough messy convos for a while, they'll eventually become much quicker like this

  • @jjeti798
    @jjeti798 4 месяца назад +1

    So, so true. That's why a healthy relationship is a lot of work cause you don't only look at and consider your own thoughts and feelings, but your partner's, as well. The need is to communicate calmly and respectfully. Also, ensure to not take yourself or your partner for granted.

  • @edupunknoob
    @edupunknoob 10 месяцев назад +403

    The ‘oh, crap’ moment was beautiful

    • @Goriaas
      @Goriaas 6 месяцев назад

      It was also the most unrealistic part of this video

  • @Ashni1
    @Ashni1 10 месяцев назад +23

    It’s been really hard for me because my husband has a habit of being overly considerate to others to the point of causing significant inconvenience and stress on our family while not actually benefitting anyone else. He has been really good about changing this, but like anything else that has a lifetime of reinforcement it takes time. What is hard for me is striking the balance of not invalidating his concerns while standing up for our other priorities.

    • @elsapersant7747
      @elsapersant7747 9 месяцев назад +6

      If it helps to put a label on it, I think in France we call that "Empathy au tiers" which can be translate as roughly "to empathise with a third person not present" and which is when you do that over prioritising the person's feeling. I'm not sure to have totally grasp your explanation (language barrier, sorry!) so another thing I try to do sometimes is remembering that failling to say no to someone to prioritise me is actually like saying no to me. Hoping it helps !?

    • @ssmith5127
      @ssmith5127 9 месяцев назад +2

      Oh - I just love learning that their are languages out there that have words or phrases that express something that English needs a sentence or paragraph to accomplish.

    • @Hunk666
      @Hunk666 8 месяцев назад +1

      @@ssmith5127
      Try German, no more precise and beautiful language exists.
      Krankhafte Fremdempathie. For example.

  • @Yemma1990
    @Yemma1990 10 месяцев назад +276

    This is my partner all the time. And when I point out the invalidation they just say it wasnt their intention as if that is the only thing that matters, not how it made me feel. I sometimes feel like I dont have the skills to make them understand...

    • @JimmyonRelationships
      @JimmyonRelationships  10 месяцев назад +102

      You can’t make them understand, we all have a responsibility to own our stuff

    • @gwendolenyoung4198
      @gwendolenyoung4198 10 месяцев назад +24

      A lot of the times they know exactly what they're doing. Life's just not worth it with someone like that because it's not that they won't care. They already know they just don't care

    • @Julia.echternach
      @Julia.echternach 10 месяцев назад +36

      I have this difficulty with a couple of family members. I try to explain, “I know you didn’t intend to do this, but I need you to understand how it impacted me.” It’s hard to get that message across because our culture, as a whole, doesn’t tend to distinguish between intention and impact.

    • @pauline6005
      @pauline6005 10 месяцев назад +11

      If your partner isn't listening to you after you explained how you felt. Time to revalate your relationship.

    • @andiward7068
      @andiward7068 10 месяцев назад +14

      If your SO isn't willing to receive the message it doesn't matter how you put it. Not your responsibility, but if they are naturally defensive or sensitive to criticism it will make communication more difficult. Ask "how will this situation be handled in the future?" Express that moving forward they should be intentional in their actions so as not to cause distress.

  • @cop2506
    @cop2506 10 месяцев назад +81

    My husband and I do this to each other all the time. We both have a lot of unhealed past traumas that we are working through but our “fights” have now become “disagreements”. We each tell each other “Honey, I love you. But I’m deeply hurt right now. I want to talk, but I need to be left alone for a while”. We regroup either over the phone or in person when we have time, and talk about what happened, and ways we can catch these feelings at the moment they spring up, notice why we are feeling that way, what could be causing it, and addressing it. That is how our “fights” became “arguments”, then shrink down to “disagreements”. We each still retain our ideas, but we understand that what we’re experiencing is a disagreement.
    With that said, we still make mistakes. We hit the target, not the bullseye. But we are getting better.

    • @greatauntlizbethg9137
      @greatauntlizbethg9137 10 месяцев назад +6

      M6 ex was somewhat unreliable and so am I in an adhd way. Both of us felt accused if the other asked 'did you do x yet?' We eventually found a code 'I'm just asking, has x been done yet?' It indicated that there was no blaming 8f it hadn't been done, just a need for information. It works great for us

    • @cop2506
      @cop2506 10 месяцев назад

      @@greatauntlizbethg9137 I will try that!

    • @juju1896
      @juju1896 10 месяцев назад +4

      @cop I bet you are both breaking generational patterns. That is hard, huge work but sooooo important! You are healing the world. 💗🎉🎉🎉

    • @Mushroom321-
      @Mushroom321- 10 месяцев назад +2

      I LOVE THAT !! Sounds like dis tress tolerance toward each as much as understanding!!, Thank you so much for sharing & the idea..
      😮👏👏

    • @cop2506
      @cop2506 7 месяцев назад +1

      @@juju1896 Thank you for your comment. I agree. My family came from Vietnam/Cambodia during the war. As you can imagine, both parents witnessed a lot during their time, and it caused a lot of trauma. However, my mother (someone I do not talk to anymore) would constantly use her trauma as a weapon. She would deliberately hurt people and say “I went through a lot. Because of this, I can do whatever I want to you, and there’s nothing you can do. Because I went through a lot. Therefore, it’s your issue, not mine.”
      She hurt a lot of people, was not remorseful, or regret her decision to hurt others. She would hit me with belts, various cooking tools such as knives, she would drop me off at random people’s houses (people I’ve NEVER met or known ever), and one time… I came home from middle school and I caught her… LITERALLY praying that I was “taken” and “unalived” so that she can be a “rich female dog” (if you know what I mean). When she turned and saw me, she said “Oh great… I guess my prayers will NEVER be answered. I guess I’ll always be punished…”
      She got her wish. I no longer talk to her. Or care for her. As far as anyone is concerned, whatever happens to her… happens. She isn’t my problem.

  • @timothyhofmeister-h6y
    @timothyhofmeister-h6y 9 месяцев назад +1

    I do this to my fiancé all the time. I love her so much, and I never have bad intentions, but we all have stuff to work on. It’s sometimes just a habit because most of us believe our own perspective to be objectively right, and it’s sometimes hard to take a step back and look at things from their perspective. Whether they’re right or wrong, it’s more important that they feel a certain way, and trying to understand and respect someone’s else’s feelings is so hard especially when you feel differently leading to you having a feeling of „this person is simply wrong“. When it’s not about right or wrong but rather perspective. I’m glad I saw this video today, and going to add this video to my favorites tab and watch it every time I forget that I’m not listening and trying to understand her perspective enough.

  • @mery8630
    @mery8630 10 месяцев назад +5

    Thank you very much for all the shorts, but this one in particular way touched me because I am almost always late and I really don’t want to invalidate anyone’s feelings. So I think that it will help me to put more care and attention to be in time. Thank you!

    • @greatauntlizbethg9137
      @greatauntlizbethg9137 10 месяцев назад +1

      I am chronically late. When it matters I make the deadline earlier in my head, so if I muss it it doesn't matter. And if I somehow make it, I have a few minutes to do a quick chore or surprise people by being 5 minutes early.

  • @rochellebroglen4155
    @rochellebroglen4155 8 месяцев назад +2

    Great content. Thank you for looking at both perspectives.
    The truth is, that as a culture, we lack emotional intelligence.
    There's no shame in that. We didn't learn. It was never modeled to us.
    (Personally, I believe that we, ie humanity, just didn't have the level of awareness, or consciousness, to see or understand these things. It wasn't malice, it was ignorance, just like how we once lacked awareness of bacteria or nutritional needs. It's just where we were on a developmental level).
    That lack of awareness doesn't make one a narcissist. It just means that we have room for growth and a larger perspective. That's all of us.
    Thank you again for looking, and sharing, from the larger perspective.

  • @brasguven742
    @brasguven742 10 месяцев назад +67

    I am female and REALLY appreciate that you showed the other side as well and not just the man always the “guilty “ one. I also, know you focus on the guys because you are a guy and trying to help 😊

    • @heartofthematterlanguage
      @heartofthematterlanguage 10 месяцев назад +14

      As another female, I agree. Men won't be able to hear Jimmy's excellent points nearly as well if they think he's saying that men are The Problem and women are always right.

    • @brasguven742
      @brasguven742 10 месяцев назад +2

      @@heartofthematterlanguage so true, I had not thought about that!

    • @k.v.7681
      @k.v.7681 10 месяцев назад +12

      @@heartofthematterlanguage I had that issue with his content at first. There is an overwhelming part of his videos that depict the guy as out of order and the woman as right and sensible. It looked like a skit channel just emulating the usual bitter partner shaming posts. I think his videos would be better served by having no wig (and thus no set gender for the "problem" and "good" partners). Another issues too is that videos are not in a vacuum when seen. There is a big incentive to interact with comments, and a boatload of those comments are bitter singles harping on about how men are trash. Treat people like trash and they will be trash to you at some point, if only out of frustration. Quite pleasantly, this video seems to have attracted more pleasant measured people like yourselves.

    • @Hunk666
      @Hunk666 8 месяцев назад

      This channel is a feel good channel for women and does jackshit for men. Just look at all the commenters here, 95% women. And here you all are, agreeing with the reasonable, handsome man on screen, but when it comes down to real life, NO WOMAN EVER would behave like in the video, it is just a fantasy to make y'all feel better about yourselves.

    • @Avighna
      @Avighna 7 месяцев назад

      As a guy, I also really appreciate this

  • @RosesAndTea66
    @RosesAndTea66 9 месяцев назад +4

    YESSSSSSS I love the self awareness at the end there! Just because we've helped our partner learn a communication skill doesn't mean we never need to work on ours/practice! This is an example of what a healthy conversation looks like, no yelling, no name calling. It isn't about winning or fighting, it's about resolving the issue. It's not you vs. me it's US vs. the problem!

    • @Hunk666
      @Hunk666 8 месяцев назад

      Nice fantasy story you got going there.

    • @RosesAndTea66
      @RosesAndTea66 8 месяцев назад

      @@Hunk666 I'm in a really happy relationship my friend, 8 years, we're getting married! It does happen :)

    • @Hunk666
      @Hunk666 8 месяцев назад

      @@RosesAndTea66
      That is nice for you. Will it be nice for your husband?
      50% divorce rate, 80% intiated by women, when college educated it goes to 90%.
      I wish you all the best. But the stats show it hinges ON YOU to make it work and not dip and take all of his shit.

    • @RosesAndTea66
      @RosesAndTea66 8 месяцев назад +2

      @@Hunk666 idk who hurt you bud, but not all women are manipulative jerkwads :( I love this man, I have for 11 years and never stopped.for a second, I don't think that there's any way I would ever want to leave 🩷 You just have to find your better half, and I did, I can't imagine losing that half of me

    • @Hunk666
      @Hunk666 8 месяцев назад

      @@RosesAndTea66
      Oh come on, I thought you were more creative than "who hurt you".
      Nobody did, I am just old enough to have met 100s of women and rarely was there one who could be classified as "calm and factual" in an argument. That is why I say that this video is pure fantasy and nothing else than a feelgood channel for women. YOU know you wont react like that in front of your man, I know it, the other women and men here know it too, so who are you trying to bamboozle, besides yourself?
      Also, I just told you numbers and facts and you retort with the lamest "who hurt you"?
      You just proved yourself that you'll never be like that person in the video you Joker. And of course NOW you cant imagine leaving him. The same thought the women had before they killed their marriage - for a probably stupid reason. You got a 50/50 chance: if you really wanna stick it to me, be the half that doesnt divorce her husband.
      I even wished you all the best. And stop killing the messenger for bad numbers and facts and stuff you dont like, because I am in no way responsible for those, I am just telling them to you.

  • @nannue
    @nannue 10 месяцев назад +23

    Finally, I rationally felt this skit.

  • @tammiehammett5054
    @tammiehammett5054 9 месяцев назад +1

    Being on time is a big one for me. It always feels like you don't value other people's time when you leave them waiting for you. I'm never early but I'm always on time. I'm sure I have other annoying habits though. My extreme frugality for instance used to really piss off my ex-husband.

  • @tarastone4417
    @tarastone4417 10 месяцев назад +221

    I love that your showing his side. This is a struggle as a woman to remember my husband also has feelings lol.

    • @KaraokeDeepCuts
      @KaraokeDeepCuts 10 месяцев назад +41

      It is a struggle, both because men are conditioned not to express or even understand their feelings sometimes, but also because of cultural valuing of different emotions differently, especially based on gender. Men's anger is often taken seriously (largely because it feels threatening probably), but often their pain isn't, from what I've observed.

    • @crazy75able
      @crazy75able 9 месяцев назад +30

      "This is a struggle as a woman to remember my husband also has feelings" this is such a crazy statement.

    • @jedidiahcarmichael5747
      @jedidiahcarmichael5747 9 месяцев назад +14

      @@crazy75able not to mention the added "lol". because nothing is more funny than forgetting your husband is a human being.

    • @crazy75able
      @crazy75able 9 месяцев назад +4

      @@jedidiahcarmichael5747 I'm sure she didn't mean it literally and to her credit she atleast realizes the problem, but the default is unfortunately that men's feelings are much less important than women's feelings.

    • @cyrusp100
      @cyrusp100 9 месяцев назад +2

      @@crazy75able It's not that crazy. Many women (I would say most) don't think of men as actual human beings.

  • @Lizyrinth
    @Lizyrinth 8 месяцев назад +2

    This just helped me finally figure out how to not invalidate my partner. Weve been doing this to each other and finally realized this is what we were doing but not how to fix it. Honestly this example makes it easier for me to see how my actions can be invalidating.

  • @lisameyer8289
    @lisameyer8289 10 месяцев назад +17

    As a woman, I am very thankful you're showing that it can be each side making mistakes or beeing toxic. I myself needed long enough to realize my own bad behaviours

  • @kriswilliams2635
    @kriswilliams2635 8 месяцев назад

    Awesome post! All your posts are always incredible. The challenge my husband and I have had in our marriage is abiding by the agreed-upon time that we are going to leave a family gathering or event. My husband has a huge family and it is full of incredible people, but I sort of get into a sensory overload space after a few hours. We started taking separate vehicles to large family, gatherings, and that has worked out really well.

  • @tanjaborchhardt2123
    @tanjaborchhardt2123 10 месяцев назад +12

    That made my blood pressure go up....😂thank you for this charged message ❤

  • @extramedium1
    @extramedium1 8 месяцев назад +1

    This totally happens in my marriage! We’ve been married for 22 years and are deconstructing every day! We both speak kindly to each other and listen! We both have realizations mid argument. It’s called being an adult and being awake!

  • @amandabolling7058
    @amandabolling7058 7 месяцев назад +5

    The plants in every background are always so damn gorgeous!

  • @AbigaleKirsten
    @AbigaleKirsten 8 месяцев назад

    4 sentences I’ve learned to hate. 1). I didn’t know it would be a big deal. 2). It wasn’t my intention 3). I’m sorry 4). I didn’t know that would hurt you.
    It scratches the part in me that urges me to call them an idiot.
    If you’re wondering about #3. Most people apologise to relieve themselves of guilt, to calm you down, to say ‘there i said sorry’, to end the conversation because they think that is all you need to hear.
    I’ve learned a true apology is never just IM SORRY. A true apology is reflection, self awareness, seeing where they went wrong and not using the word to manipulate your feelings.

  • @Hi_Brien
    @Hi_Brien 9 месяцев назад +3

    I have a history of feeling worthless because of all the hate that's been piled on men in my life. So, thanks for showing that men are actually human, too.
    My female abuser has been wrestling control from me my entire adult life. I push back so very rarely, communicating my feelings calmly never works. Then I exploded, and because I was a man, screaming is absolutely not allowed. Even if that screaming is literally the volume I normally talk at with the sound of a held back cry behind it.
    I feel like emotionally, I'm a servant to women sometimes, and I want it to stop. Ahhh

  • @shaggy471
    @shaggy471 9 месяцев назад

    This is where I go for my relationship advice. My GF started watching and showing me things and at first I didn't listen all that much. But then she told me your story and I realized that maybe I should listen. Ever since then we've been working harder than ever to validate each other and see through each other's eyes so I just wanted to say, thank you

  • @arunprakash6965
    @arunprakash6965 10 месяцев назад +38

    That realisation at the end though😂😂😂

    • @Pedro90X
      @Pedro90X 6 месяцев назад

      😂😂😂 that's how you know it's scripted 😭

  • @DivineThymeTea
    @DivineThymeTea 8 месяцев назад +2

    I’m guilty of this too!!! ❤
    It’s important to acknowledge

  • @Ryan-hh4yv
    @Ryan-hh4yv 9 месяцев назад +4

    I like this, a lot of your videos tend to make guys always the bad guy, and that has been a trend in society recently. Glad to see it's shown as coming from both sides.

  • @kobythetoby5956
    @kobythetoby5956 10 месяцев назад +1

    I love thisssss!!!! I love it because you swapped the roles!! I can absolutely identify with this. I have done this to my partner before even though I know better. And it really helps with being more self-aware to see examples like this. Thank you! And also, I feel like if I show this to my partner, maybe he would be more accepting to the idea and more open to reflection because this takes the blame out of it for him, takes the pressure off him, but still highlights the problem. I can see this being very helpful in many ways! Well done!!

  • @alissa_lindqvist006
    @alissa_lindqvist006 10 месяцев назад +17

    Oof this is so relatable.. 😢 Love this and your recent videos!

  • @jesiejobson625
    @jesiejobson625 9 месяцев назад

    You are a genius in how you teach the world about health! Thank you ❤

  • @NursissisticOfficial
    @NursissisticOfficial 9 месяцев назад +7

    I love this! So often the focus is on how men invalidate women, but realistically we invalidate our male partners just as often. Thank you for sharing this example.

  • @masser1a77
    @masser1a77 9 месяцев назад +1

    I’ve wrote this long comment about my experiences in a abusive relationship and that I would love if you could also show men that they can be treated bad to, I thank you for this video. Don’t know if you even read my comment but this video makes me feel like I wasn’t always the problem (like I know I was sometimes)
    thanks man

  • @erinkirk297
    @erinkirk297 10 месяцев назад +4

    These real life scenarios explain things way better than just descriptions

  • @sylvier333
    @sylvier333 9 месяцев назад

    I am glad to meet you! I really appreciate your work. Love your sense of humour. Gratitude 🩵🌻

  • @dianeosgood6594
    @dianeosgood6594 10 месяцев назад +26

    My husband was always late for everything as was his mom. So, I started lying to him about when we had to leave and be there. My father in law loved the idea and laughed a long time when I started doing it.

    • @sapphireclawe
      @sapphireclawe 10 месяцев назад +11

      This works really well for ADHD situations.

    • @johnserosanguineous1886
      @johnserosanguineous1886 9 месяцев назад

      That only works on men. Women get super resentful

    • @sapphireclawe
      @sapphireclawe 9 месяцев назад +1

      @johnserosanguineous1886 Coincidentally my family uses this rule with my mom.

    • @dianeosgood6594
      @dianeosgood6594 9 месяцев назад +3

      @johnserosanguineous1886 Have to only tell them 30 minutes earlier or so. The amount of time they are usually late. If you tell them too early, it wastes time if they get ready too early when they could have had more time to get ready.

    • @jazminlanena7512
      @jazminlanena7512 9 месяцев назад +1

      As someone who is always late...I love this idea and would totally appreciate it! ❤

  • @Dreamplandoradij
    @Dreamplandoradij 9 месяцев назад

    we talked about the same thing and you know that's the thing - I'm not feeling about that late 2 minutes means something , like I'm starting compare that this things is what he cared when its about his things but when it came to my things its like not the same rule . So I dont understand what situations are that much frustrating for him and what situations will not frustrate him. So he tried to tell me its important and I would not validate that he feels bad being late but my mind jumped to this - its not a problem like it was not a flight , or smth lets not make a scene out of it - and while I was saying that I understood that those are two different things and my habit to see when he is invalidating me is so big that I m not really good in seeing where I'm starting to act like a persecutor or abuser and ignore his feelings
    Really great thanks to you for showing this in such a healthy and honorable way

  • @ts25679
    @ts25679 10 месяцев назад +6

    If you know it's going to take x amount of time to get ready then you should start getting ready x+15 min before you're due to leave. If this would interrupt a task you are doing explain to your partner that you need to start getting ready if you are to leave on time. Then you can decide between you which is more important or if they could finish it for you. Done. And all it took is a little planning, time management and a conversation.

    • @greenluxi
      @greenluxi 9 месяцев назад +2

      With my Husband and I, we have a deal that if I'm taking too long he can leave without me. That's worked really well, because I tend to not be as stressed which makes the process go quicker, and he realizes that sometimes being a little late is better than going alone. So we kind of met in the middle, with the caveat that we are still individuals.

  • @aubnichole1
    @aubnichole1 9 месяцев назад

    I’ve certainly been guilty of this. I love learning from these videos, and all of the perspectives you’ve taken. If I don’t see my behaviors, I can’t change them. Actually am in therapy lol and it’s been so wonderful to finally meet my ‘blind spots’ in my behavior and in relationships.

  • @symbolizeme
    @symbolizeme 10 месяцев назад +13

    You’re an artist. ❤

  • @elizabethmarie5454
    @elizabethmarie5454 9 месяцев назад

    Thank you. I know what my husband does that’s frustrating and if he doesn’t care there’s little I can do about it. I’d rather work on myself at this point. Please keep showing both sides.

  • @RhiannonClarkMusicofficial
    @RhiannonClarkMusicofficial 10 месяцев назад +4

    THESE videos are amazing 👏
    Thank you.
    As an Autistic Adult in a relationship.
    I need these scripts 😊
    So Thank you ❤

  • @anime.geek330
    @anime.geek330 8 месяцев назад +1

    As someone who is constantly invalidated and am always trying to reflect on my own behavior, this means a lot, bc I work so hard to not invalidate or hurt others, but no one else ever does the same

  • @Eden_Thefox
    @Eden_Thefox 8 месяцев назад +6

    “Oh crap I’m totally invalidating you” I have huge abandonment issues so whenever I fuck up like that I get really upset at myself

  • @alexcole8768
    @alexcole8768 9 месяцев назад

    thanks so much for showing the conflict from the man's perspective!

  • @JAZZLlFE
    @JAZZLlFE 9 месяцев назад +5

    'She' said "I can't win" ...and there is the problem! Communication is not a contest, it's a sharing of information that makes things run smoothly unless of course, that is not what you are after.

    • @Hunk666
      @Hunk666 8 месяцев назад

      Is that why women, when they "lose" an argument suddenly go off the rails and accuse you of shite from the past or tell you that you'll die alone and miserable?
      This video is nothing but wishful thinking and stroking the female ego, look around, 95% of commenters are women who get their validation from the handsome, nice man on screen. If I ever meet a western woman who can discuss factually and unexcited about something she was in the wrong for, I let you know. But after 40 years I am starting to lose hope that it gets better. It is only getting worse.

  • @elanaseger2868
    @elanaseger2868 10 месяцев назад

    You are so funny- AND Spot ON! Keep them coming. You need a show on television!!!❤❤❤

  • @BambooTime
    @BambooTime 10 месяцев назад +12

    I'm a man and kind of scared of this mode of interaction. Personally I'm very empathetic and usually bend over backwards for people, but shouldn't there be like some objective, common ground for reasoning if our behavior is justified or not? In the example, the man's concerns are reasonable. But what if my partner believes, for example, that only appearing at least half an hour early for such an event is acceptable (a sentiment that >99% of people wouldn't share)? Of course I can empathize with them, but should everyone just bow to the wishes of their significant others as to not invalidate their feelings? When I'm feeling a certain way about something, I often question myself if my line of thinking is reasonable and if I should burden others with my demands. Is it not fair to expect the same of others, to some degree? In your examples, if someone raises an issue, it is usually a reasonable concern, and the other person is at fault for downplaying it. But in reality, people can be wildly irrational. To what degree can we as partners be respectful and empathetic, but still turn down unreasonable requests?

    • @itzakpoelzig330
      @itzakpoelzig330 9 месяцев назад +4

      Don't date unreasonable people. Date someone whose reasoning skills you respect and trust.

    • @painted_k9
      @painted_k9 9 месяцев назад +7

      Actively listening to and understanding their viewpoint doesn't mean agreeing with it. In the end, one of you may have to make a compromise even if you're fully empathetic to the other person's needs.
      That's life.

    • @francinesanchez5402
      @francinesanchez5402 9 месяцев назад +1

      We all have things which are odd or illogical. It's not about whose right or judging. It's about making each other feel understood and cared for and seeing how important it. If both are important to people, it's getting creative.
      My last relationship was like that and it was an awesome team. We both felt so loved and so supported.

    • @AxelSpinnet
      @AxelSpinnet 9 месяцев назад +2

      @@painted_k9Yeah; either you come to a compromise or you decide this is the hill you're going to die on.
      Sometimes relationships don't work out and that's not wrong or bad.

    • @terrortangent4403
      @terrortangent4403 9 месяцев назад +2

      I have similar questions as a person with a mentally ill partner. If I validated everything he said and did, we'd both be in Big Trouble. I try hard to validate his internal experiences, but what do you do if someone really does have overly inflated anxieties and illogical obsessions? It's easy to look like the bad guy from the outside...

  • @megancorkern1952
    @megancorkern1952 9 месяцев назад

    I love whoever does the gardening in your house! You always have the prettiest plants!

  • @saltandsriracha
    @saltandsriracha 10 месяцев назад +14

    Yeah but sometimes my husband or I *are* making a big deal out of nothing. We have a bit of tough love in our relationship, it isn't always "all your feelings are valid" and it keeps us grounded. I appreciate when he calls me out on it and vice versa.

  • @lemonmochi8669
    @lemonmochi8669 10 месяцев назад +2

    i didnt understand why in the past week ive been fighting over small things with my bf. then i realised he was invalidatjng my feelings unintentionally especially hit with the 'ugh i cant do anything right ' each time and so the more i subconsciously needed his validation and it built up to where i was trying to seek it in every single thing lool. we finally broke the pattern when i realised his perspective that he found the thinngs i was upset about not upsetting at all in his opinion. after i realised i told him to have patience with me and that i just needed him to understand and soothe my feelings instead of getting exasperated and dismissive cos he saw it as dumb

  • @EyeLean5280
    @EyeLean5280 10 месяцев назад +3

    Glad you've put her in the spotlight AND that you've highlighted that some people just have an emotional need to be on time. Doesn't matter what anyone else at the destination is doing or thinking, they just need to be on time to feel good. This should be respected.

    • @katiehaley2850
      @katiehaley2850 9 месяцев назад +1

      While it should be respected and she was definitely in the wrong this time, I feel like something can be said about his desperation to be on time. Assuming no one else at the party cared, it’s unnecessarily stressful and anxiety inducing to emotionally need to be at the party on time when rationally, it doesn’t make sense. That’s something I’d try to work out in therapy. Could be linked to the need to please others or an obsession to be viewed well by colleagues at all time, when we know others opinions of us shouldn’t be so obsessed over like that.
      Just a slightly different view of this particular situation. I’d like to see him use a different example of this same situation, because part of this one almost comes off as “I’m irrationally obsessed with how people at work view me and that needs to be catered to at all time”

  • @dilemmaart
    @dilemmaart 9 месяцев назад +2

    Respect each other! That’s the golden rule. Both parties can be guilty of the same thing. Just breathe and remember in the end what’s most important is being a team. 💖

  • @deadbutworking
    @deadbutworking 6 месяцев назад +3

    Imagine talking in heavily loaded therapy terms with your own husband.
    this video is embarrassing, no one should talk like this

  • @Stuffyim
    @Stuffyim 9 месяцев назад

    Proper way to handle this situation (as someone who is always remembering things I need minutes before we have to go)
    Apologise for making them feel that way then discuss with them how to avoid it in the future. This can be things like a check list, helping them get ready, subtly hint at things they have forgotten/ need to do and stuff like that.

  • @stacey738
    @stacey738 10 месяцев назад +24

    I used to highlight this by asking if it was okay to object when my husband would invalidate me.
    "Im allowed to have my own opinions, right"?
    - yes?
    " and I'm allowed to feel what I'm feeling?"
    -yes
    " so I'm feeling this way and that needs to be okay"
    - yes but..
    "No i can feel this way and you don't get to convince me otherwise".

    • @misspriss2482
      @misspriss2482 9 месяцев назад +3

      So if you dreamed that he cheated on you and you woke up angry at him, that feeling would be valid? I don't think so. Some feelings are not valid, especially if the person did nothing wrong. I sometimes feel like people allow their feelings to run away from them and expect other people to accommodate them instead of rationally dealing with them. If I feel disrespected every time my partner smiles at someone of the opposite sex, that feeling is irrational and I need to deal with it.

    • @stacey738
      @stacey738 9 месяцев назад +5

      @@misspriss2482 Here, "valid" means an acknowledgement that I am actually feeling that feeling. It may be irrational, but it is still there. If I woke up angry after dreaming of him cheating, that is still a valid feeling. I am allowed to feel angry. HOWEVER, I am also not allowed to abuse him or take my anger out on him. I can also acknowledge that feeling is irrational. The use of the word valid here is in opposition to the gatekeeping of feelings ("you're not allowed to feel that way because it was a dream"). Sure, people feel irrational feelings all the time. And they can acknowledge those feelings and not use them as an excuse to abuse or take it out on other people. So could I be angry? yes. But then I would remind myself it wasn't real and still treat my husband with respect. But would it be fair for my husband to say my feeling wasn't real/valid because it was irrational? no.

    • @cyrusp100
      @cyrusp100 9 месяцев назад +1

      "But would it be fair for my husband to say my feeling wasn't real/valid because it was irrational?"
      But he can tell you that it is irrational (because it is). And that is not invalidating your feelings and you shouldn't take it as invalidation.

    • @Hunk666
      @Hunk666 8 месяцев назад

      @@cyrusp100
      She cant help herself. No matter how out there her feelings are, they are valid and if you invalidate them by saying "that is so dumb, it doesnt even get an acknowledgement from me", he surely is abusing her. Because that is the status quo. That is what men AND women get trained on since we were all little shits.
      Poor husband.

  • @BBB-to4cc
    @BBB-to4cc 9 месяцев назад

    I love this. THANK YOU. As a woman who grew up in an abusive household I have abusive traits towards my husband and I have to work on it so hard and no one talks about it. He lets me gaslight him and I have to be like “no I’m gaslighting you.” We need more content like this

  • @BeastGuyver
    @BeastGuyver 9 месяцев назад +4

    yeah my dad broke my mom of the habit of always being late. If she wasn't ready by the time it was to leave he wouldn't go. She was free to go but my dad wouldn't go with her, it only took twice and she started respecting his time.

    • @damianwright3690
      @damianwright3690 8 месяцев назад

      Well done, the both of them. Him for the boundaries, her for stepping up on this issue and keeping up.

  • @obsidian_senpai
    @obsidian_senpai 9 месяцев назад +1

    This morning my partner was overwhelmed, talking about how he ends up doing a lot if not all the daily chores in the house. I stupidly replied that "I didn't know he was overwhelmed" and said "you should've just asked me for help" when I'm equally at fault for making the mess. I had a moment of clarity after he left for work and deep cleaned the house. After he got home I sincerely apologized and made it a point to help more with daily chores. This is your sign that ANYONE CAN MAKE THE MISTAKE!! Even if you're both communicative understanding partners.

  • @jennamont6618
    @jennamont6618 10 месяцев назад +8

    An excellent example of why it’s great to be single.

    • @bobithasmitherson
      @bobithasmitherson 9 месяцев назад +4

      Omg I was just thinking this. It’s the micromanagement for meeeeee

  • @Justsomebody009
    @Justsomebody009 9 месяцев назад +1

    Fully agree with this. It is so easy for women to dismiss men's feelings and men do it to us too. But I've found that the more I've listened to my partner's feelings and taken them under consideration he's listened to mine more. And I find that with most things. If there's something I feel the relationship is lacking, well the minute I start adding it in more he starts to as well. You can't always think it's the other when you're a team and if your teams not working there's something that we can all do. Like if you stop talking to a friend and have the mentality of "well I'm not going to bother if they don't make any effort" well you're equally not making an effort. So that's where that friendship will end because you both stopped putting in effort. Also a massive thing in relationships is communication so if you aren't able to communicate with your partner about how you're feeling they aren't going to know and if they don't listen then it's not going to get better. What's the point in communicating with one isn't listening. If your in a good relationship were your partner loves you and wants to keep loving you, you adapt, not to cater to the person, because y'all both adapt to each other, understand each other to the fullest extent and that doesn't even have to me knowing everything about them. It's know how they would react to a situation that you've found out about first and so you know how to tell them about it in a way that can make the reaction easier. If that makes sense. An example is like a family member has past but your partner has no signal at work, so your ringing and ringing because you need to get to them before they start driving or before they get home because you know they don't want to feel like the last to find out. You know it's hard information to get, you don't want to give them it while driving home but you also know how they feel about feeling like the last to know, so you've gone out of your way to make sure that can't happen to the best of your ability.

  • @BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat
    @BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat 10 месяцев назад +3

    True. ADHD'r with Aniexty and host of "don't leave the house" mental & physical problems here. Working on time management but I never expect my hubby to wait. I used to think like her for parties but he's right.

  • @e.a.w3561
    @e.a.w3561 6 месяцев назад

    I love that you show the women doing something too. Most of your content i see is always shining a light on the women and we all know we do plenty wrong too ! 😊

  • @itzyforever17
    @itzyforever17 8 месяцев назад +3

    i hate when people make me late. i will leave without you.

  • @7spiritprayerwarrior-sf9he
    @7spiritprayerwarrior-sf9he 5 месяцев назад

    I love this, I live how you ACT this out. It really helps me understand

  • @harp167
    @harp167 10 месяцев назад +4

    I have not been in a relationship yet, but I can already tell that I will definitely struggle with invalidating my partners feelings.

  • @lichtpopsicle772
    @lichtpopsicle772 9 месяцев назад +1

    I love that this content has started showing both sides (albeit in different shorts), it’s great to feel, well, validated

  • @laurafrank7768
    @laurafrank7768 7 месяцев назад

    I be doing this to my husband and it’s not ok. I’m trying to change and be better and I am a lot better than I was but I still have more work to do. He’s more than willing to keep working with me and stay patient with me. I’m super grateful for him and appreciate his help. He’s a good leader for our family. ❤❤❤

  • @katiacanito1395
    @katiacanito1395 4 месяца назад

    THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your videos, their quality, their vibe of love ! They're really amazing ! I am relaxing in these patterns with you holding my hand. Thank you so so much to be the messenger of love for all my part who create tension ! Thank you so so so much for the consciousness, for the work you do and that I don't have to do. You make thigs so easy for me. I see here the magnificent perfection of life in complementariness and interdependence !!
    😍🤩💖💖💖💖🔆🔆🔆🔆

  • @HappyLife693
    @HappyLife693 10 месяцев назад +2

    Yep, it goes both ways people. Be kind and thoughtful.

  • @nokels
    @nokels 7 месяцев назад

    These active dialogues are maybe the one time that I can genuinely see how healthy conflict literally plays out. Thank you

  • @mikethered4864
    @mikethered4864 9 месяцев назад +2

    I honestly just gave up on this with my wife. First id get mad, obviously not healthy and didnt work, caused tension. Then i tried gently asking her to start getting ready well before we'd leave. She'd get annoyed, get ready whenever she felt like, and it caused tension.
    Then i tried coming to her when we had nothing to do, and calmly explaining that being on time is important to me, and it hurts she doesnt care that i hate being 30-60 minutes late to everything. She apologized and acknowledged my feelings.... and nothing changed.
    Had the calm conversation again a couple more times over the next several months, nothing changed.
    So i gave up. I just eat it, pretend like im not upset and dont care, and accept that if im with her then its guaranteed we will be the last to show up anywhere every time.
    One of the main reasons it bothers me is that i feel like im very receptive to criticism, and am always willing to change or improve. She would agree with this, every time shes come to me with a grievance, i listen, make mental notes, and improve.
    But for some reason this one thing that bothers me SO MUCH is something she just refuses to work on, no matter what i do or say.

    • @dahliaherrod4301
      @dahliaherrod4301 9 месяцев назад

      Honestly if I were you, I would go without her or don't invite her. I suspect she doesn't take you seriously because there's no enforcement of boundaries. She'll get the picture and change or you show up on time solo dolo.

    • @mikethered4864
      @mikethered4864 9 месяцев назад +2

      ​@@dahliaherrod4301 ive toyed with that idea before since we both have our own cars, but i just assumed that would be me being a jerk or petty.
      But maybe youre right. I think ill have a chat with her again and this time include that i will just leave without her at a certain point.
      Thanks!

    • @dahliaherrod4301
      @dahliaherrod4301 9 месяцев назад +1

      @@mikethered4864 She'll probably see it that way but that's her problem. Quite frankly, after you made your point and she chose to ignore your request, she's choosing to disrespect your time. This boundary is just reinforcing you respect your time and other people's as well. I hope she can see that as well and I wish you well on your efforts.

  • @aidanmays7825
    @aidanmays7825 6 месяцев назад

    Love this. Really changed my perspective on your channel

  • @splatman7300
    @splatman7300 10 месяцев назад +2

    One thing I appreciate about this video that I’m not seeing the other comments mention is the inclusion of a clear definition of what invalidation actually is. The concept is talked about all the time on social media, but there seems to be an assumption that the concept is intuitive to the viewer. It’s refreshing to have an explanation here

  • @kkhagen2170
    @kkhagen2170 9 месяцев назад

    Yup! Love when my partner calls me out like this. We have a hand signal to help us in public, very audhd so hand signals help me more than verbal ones do. A simple peace sign means I need to take it down or be hyper away from him same thing for him. Not controlling just respect for being overstimulated. If I give him a stare back he will ask for a second with me or will just take a minute by himself. Depending on my hyper focus depends on if I need a break without realizing or he needs one. I wish I was able to support him like this but the tornados in my brain fog that unless I get a sign.

  • @bumbleberryshortcake6099
    @bumbleberryshortcake6099 9 месяцев назад

    THIS IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!
    Relationships don't need to be flawless, just have open and respectful communication! And that is EXACTLY what this is! No getting angry + yelling, apologizing instead of doubling down, learning together!!! It's so beautiful ❤️❤️❤️

  • @roob305
    @roob305 9 месяцев назад

    I’ve heard it can be really beneficial for partners to practice the way they bring up problems as well!! It’s easy to immediately get defensive when someone says “you made me feel hurt” and it can usually lead to an argument because they feel attacked and you feel unheard. I like saying “when you did this thing, it made me feel hurt.” It’s work pretty productively in all my relationships not just romantically.

  • @nunya3097
    @nunya3097 10 месяцев назад

    I love your videos. I started sending them to my daughter to help her with her relationships. I wish i could have heard what you're saying before I got divorced.

  • @sammysammyson
    @sammysammyson 10 месяцев назад

    Great reminder that we're all human. The important part is you are able to step back and listen, and then make amends ❤

  • @shubhaacharya7847
    @shubhaacharya7847 9 месяцев назад

    Most significant lesson I learnt thru these videos is feeling invalidated. I was unable to explain how I felt when I was dismissed. But now I'm able to use the appropriate term and address it. Thank you

  • @majormushu
    @majormushu 9 месяцев назад +2

    Yep and when i called my ex out on this she still refused to admit it and still claimed the boundaries i set were "no big deal" to cross. Glad she is an ex now.

  • @3amAfterlife
    @3amAfterlife 7 месяцев назад +1

    this is very true. i don't care about timeliness as much as my partner, but he does so i should and i need to remind myself more. thanks dude

  • @Dionaea_M
    @Dionaea_M 9 месяцев назад +1

    "I can't win" SUCH A HUGE TRIGGER my mom making every single feeling I express about HERSELF

  • @davidcasellajr9187
    @davidcasellajr9187 9 месяцев назад

    Amen. Beautiful example of COMMUNICATION!