1. Think of NOW. Not future or past. 2. Breathe deep in and out! Don't forget it! 3. Think of other options. There is always another! 4. Do a "fun" distraction for a while 5. Practice Mantra- simple word or phrase you'll mentally speak repeatedly 6. Inhale a relaxing scent- e.g.: Lavender essential oil 7. Exercise
A particular mantra I use to stop myself from exploding is "if it won't matter in 5 years, then it shouldn't matter in 5 minutes". Because I'm early in my diagnosis I don't always go to it, but it IS helping me to let go of the small stuff that could otherwise lead to explosions...
What if it will affect you in 5 years. I'm going through some shit right now in a relationship, I'm really trying not to blow up and keep my cool, but I just keep losing it.
Hi. How’s it going? Hopefully you’re doing well. I see it has been 5 years. I’ve always questioned, “how will I know that it won’t change my path and in 5 years I’d have regret…” I’m newly diagnosed.
Hi, if you're reading this, please know that you're not alone. I know how hard it can be, and how lonely you can feel because you're scared to talk to anyone because your brain just gets into these negative patterns, but just make it to the next 10 seconds. I send you all my love and support ^^
Two very important moments in my life I exploded in anxiety and frustration saying what I didn't even mean. Those two moments caused complete devastation, pain for me and the person I loved, and what I know will be lifelong regret. Seconds can do so much. If only I had known coping mechanisms back then... So important. Thanks for the video.
refreshingAnd it is my hope that you will use this insight to move you forward and make reparations in those relationships that sounds so important to you.
“Misfortune comes from one's mouth and ruins one, but fortune comes from one's heart and makes one worthy of respect. “ Nichiren, Buddhist monk in 13th century Japan
Recently discovered that for me personally, when I get super restless, doing some housework for bits at a time helps get that restless energy out of me and also helps see that I've done something productive which in turn makes me feel better about myself simultaneously. Just throwing that out there for anyone who may read this. (I don't do it obsessively. It's done to get rid of the restlessness and to see that I accomplished something, no matter how small. Sometimes small things have a large feeling of, "Hey, this has needed to be done, and I just did it or did as much of it as I could." SO many people I'm currently surrounded by can't wrap their minds around how HUGE those small things actually are.
your videos have changed my life. not only for the helpful information you provide, but because you don’t make me feel like a villain, or like i’m less than because of my BPD. i am so appreciative of these videos.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad that my videos have had a positive impact on your life and that they provide helpful information. It's important to me to create a supportive and inclusive community for everyone, regardless of their background or challenges they may face. Keep watching and I'll keep creating content that you find valuable!
I was getting super irritated the other day trying to find a therapist online for BPD and I applied a technique for the first time before exploding and it worked! I placed a frozen bag of chocolate chips on my face and sat in the recliner for a few minutes. I'm starting my DBT journey and at first i wasn't so sure but after doing such a small thing to stop me from getting on the Goliath roller coaster, I have hope. I'm motivated to beat this and make my own custom system to bulldoze BPD; a binder with tabs for references, notes, and worksheets, as well as an arsenal bag (fidget spinner, squishy ball, essential oil, favorite blanket, lol ) to apply skills. I bought the book too and I' am doing it along with Dr. Fox's videos in the mean time until I find a therapist. The sad part is there aren't enough therapists and most are booked :( Dr. Fox you should make an online DBT program for BPD. It would be a success.
Hello Dr. Fox, I really want to thank you for your videos. I have BPD and complex PTSD from my time in the military. I have been looking for help so I can be good with my romantic partner. I really have gotten a lot of help from your compassionate videos. Borderline is something that is looked at as a disorder where you are a dangerous person that no one should be a friend or romantic partner with. I really appreciate your compassion for those of us that want to be better dealing with these issues. Thank you.
I have been treating my BPD for a while now, and these techniques are so great. The struggle is so real, but the benefits of stopping yourself before you respond/react are key to being healthy and happy in the long term. My mantra during an anxiety spiral is, "I'm here right now." I focus on the smells around me and the colors I see around me. I take slow, deep breaths. Usually reminding myself that I am safe and that I'm in the present moment helps me take the intensity of my emotions way down. Your video is so spot on, Dr. Fox. Thank you so much for making these.
When my mind won’t stop but at the same time I have overwhelming boredom, I love to force myself to dance, listen to music, put on makeup, walk. Just some that seem to work for me when I can force myself to do them.
Marie Clark yes! I'm bored all the time even when I have a million things I should be doing. I agree with dancing, walking and putting on makeup ❤️🙏🏼👌🏼
I slowed my roll today when I was having distorted thinking/fear of abandonment issues. I still felt emotional but didnt let it impact my behavior and then I distracted myself with hobbies. I'm also going to start volunteering more in my community. 👍
Yes, I am here as non-BPD but after a death I was upset with someone, and the grief caused ZeRo filter on my mouth (which has further damaged things). Non-BPDs do it too. Seems all my favorite singers are BPD or Bi-Polar --- their heightened sensitivity seemed to result in really deep feeling artistic expression. Their artistic creations have been a blessing in my life :) Remember Seinfeld??? Mantra: "Serenity Now" with deep breaths. Ha ha ha. Will make you chuckle as you try to check yourself. I'm gonna try it!
At this point in my BPD journey, I've been able to adapt healthier coping mechanisms when a build up/explosion happens, but most times I just keep freaking out because I feel I have to continue the rage and panic, like it's what I chose to do so I have to finish it on that path. It's hard to convince myself I can change my mind and calm down instead. I also have OCD and feel that's what contributes those thoughts. It's a battle I'll need to keep fighting I suppose.
Not diagnosed BPD, either that or cptsd or ptsd. Have OCD though since I was a kid. I have the same problem. Its like I have to finish the course to feel relieved.
I have only just started watching this video but as an "experienced" BPD patient (and counselor - I know it's weird but that's a whole other story), I felt that I needed to say this. It can get better, not perfect but better. Yes, I still get furious and want to strangle people but not at all as often and lately, especially in interaction with my husband since 1996 (bless him) I've noticed that it just says "poof" and goes away, it doesn't build up into the perfect storm. With that said I've been to therapy since I was 20 (not any longer - stopped about 5 years ago) and I'm still on medication, I'm 53. It doesn't have to take that long. I think that it was delayed due to the fact that I was a "co-worker". Depression is one thing. BPD, well BPD is different. Well, my message is; there's hope!
I like to base my mantras on things I needed to hear from my parents that I didn't as a child, working it in with reparenting. I am terrible at keeping it routine though! 😅
Practiced what I've learned in other video's too, and I actually survived rather well this a.m. thank you. My husband is understanding me and BPD better since listening to your videos. I'm not evil after all!!! Like I've always believed for 55 + years😁
I’ve just recently quit drinking. My bpd is uncontrollable when I drink. I get so angry and abusive. I’ve recently lost my boyfriend due to my drunken bpd out bursts 😔
I don't know you, but I am proud as hell of you! Any progress made is fantastic. I learned about BPD because my favorite singer suffered with it, and as I did deep dives into other artists (super great singers, actors, musicians, poets, and writers, etc ---- highly successful people despite these very significant challenges), I was shocked how many were BPD and Bi-Polar. I won't be on this section again, so if you did comment back, that's why no response. Wishing you the best :)
Singer, song writer music.. James Taylor, Carly Simon, John Denver, Tracy Chapman.. is very zen to me. I have not lost my mind to racing thoughts since I was 8. Prior to that.. I did a sort of step outside myself and wait, til I could calm down.. and then learned to recognize patterns of my anger.. and that if I did not breath life into it, I could shorten it. I learned to doubt all thoughts in emotional scenario's until I could calm down and think rationally.
At the beginning of my recovery my distractions were smoking cigarettes and watching sitcoms. It was all I could do. Whenever I talked to anyone, it would be triggering. And if it was a loved one trying to show their love or affection I would snap. Just like a beaten up dog in a shelter. If you are like that now, do whatever you must to keep those racing thoughts at bay. But now, after a couple years of healing, unless a distraction is active and gets me out of the house and out of my head, like going out window shopping (not actually buying anything unless I need it), it makes it worse for me. Just like isolating myself because of the self loathing. It reinforces the idea that I am inadequate for a regular life. And I realize I had a person who was like a pilar to me. She was the one who I had no doubt would not hurt me because she loves me for real. And yet, here I am. Breaking down silently (I have always been aware that these thoughts were not normal to have so I always kept them to myself) because she chose to take a vacation on my birthday. I also had a minor melt down because it didn't even cross her mind to see the Barbie movie with me... Sometimes it feels like we look for excuses to leave people, because the closeness feels so daunting. Like we are literally in mortal danger depending on how somebody we trust (if we ever get that close) treats us. I liked a mantra somebody said in the comments: I am not my past. We aren't babies anymore. We will not die if somebody doesn't pay attention to us. Sorry for the rant. But writing these things out, making my brain follow a healthy way of thinking is what ultimately has helped me. I really liked "Girl, Interrupted" because of that.
Dr. Daniel Fox, I can not thank you enough for these videos, especially the do's and dont's for parents. I haven't laughed so much in a long time, you bring so much beautiful information, insights; while creating humor. Love it
Surely this is excellent advice for the person with BPD but I can see this being very helpful to lots of other people, like those with ADHD, or even us so called "normal".
I'm supposedly "normal", whatever THAT truly is???? I lost it BIGTIME and did relationship damage after a close family member's death when, in the extreme stress of new grief, a family member set me off with insensitivity. I went WAY WAY WAY WAY off on them, not caring one wit about the consequences. Soooo, yes, any BPDer can have company when "normal" people's stressors are high. I was here trying to learn coping skills to not have it happen again. Two other people said really insensitive (tactless) things. I was able to just see them as bumbling. Weird, under the unusual new death experience circumstance the anger directed back at my family member made me feel more in control. I guess that's why it is so tempting to BPDers. I hate to say it, but it was a very very good feeling of relief at the time, me, who never does this. It DID do damage though ---- didn't feel good enough for the damage it caused, I don't think??? No, I don't want it to happen again. Coping skills needed in grief, in life. Had someone tried to mug me during that high grief time, I'd feel badly for them! I think I had the strength of 5 people. Blessings on your life and journey. Don't know here who has or doesn't have BPD, but I respect the hell out of people dealing with BPD. Serious love sent your way to anyone here navigating this challenge :)
doc we cant thank you enough. you didnt have to give out these videos. just seeing your channel here gives me hope because i see someone care. have a great day!
Since becoming a mom I don’t workout often as I used to. I didn’t realize I haven’t had that outlet to regulate my raising thoughts and to replace it with something else. Thanks Dr. Fox!
These videos are just endlessly illuminating, and your overall style is really warm and non-condescending. Keep up the good work! I love the detail too - I have some sort of either OCPD or ASD related perfectionism when it comes to believing anything, but the use of citations and research really overcomes this. The sheer richness of detail when explaining things that are actually happening in my head makes it impossible not to take your words seriously. Massively helpful - thanks so much!
I'm 4 years into having a BPD dx. The things that have helped me most are meds, DBT, journaling, exercise, and getting good sleep. After a year or so of that, I had more energy to focus on other things: eating better, staying hydrated, spending more time in nature, and picking up old hobbies. I still deal with dysrelgulation, impulsivity, dissociation, etc - but it's like 70% better than it used to be. Totally worth the effort!
Chamomile tea is calming. (I like to add some honey to it.) It's getting cooler outside at the time I'm writing this response, so hot teas are a love. Chamomile tea is worth a shot just for a bit of calmness anytime. If it doesn't feel like it's helping (it's a mild calming herb), it's nice to drink anyway. You can feel the warmth of the cup or glass, breathe in the steam, and feel the warm sensation going down as you're sipping it (when I add the bit of honey to any teas, it's personally a comforting nice addition instead of sugar). Sorry if I'm commenting too much ..... Hoping the various things might help at least one other person if possible. That's one more person maybe able to be calmed
I'm gradually unlearning old ways of behaving. It's really building my confidence. Yesterday a stranger shouted at me (unreasonably) and I managed to keep my cool for quite a while before she triggered me and sadly I then raised my voice. However I walked off immediately so I was really proud of myself for not just hitting the roof the minute she shouted.
My son has SEVERE BPD & right now is rock bottom. He's only 19 years old & I don't know who he is anymore - but you've just made me understand why. Catastrophe is his "normal" now at all times. I am going to begin tomorrow to go thru a video with him a day & write notes before I share them on order to use them to understand himself -& that recovery is POSSIBLE. I am at risk of losing him as he's very impulsive- he's on GPS at all times for his own safety. Thank you for your information- I believe your information can actually help him! Its been 5 years of trying everything we possibly could to help him. I am in Canada - I wish you were closer as it's so difficult to find a psychologist that can help him. I'm exhausted & he's a 10/10 most days over things that aren't true or have little chance of happening. If you can recommend any work books that we could use to help him I'd greatly appreciate it. I need every tool at my disposal in order to help him. Thank you.
Listening to you is what is helping me right now not to explode oversomething that just happened. Your way of talking calmly and lovingly makes me feel really better and understood! It’s like..I don’t even „want“ to be so angry in the presence of someone so gentle and nice if that makes sense
Something I do EVERY day is going straight to guided meditation RUclips videos. You can type in "guided meditation for, and then type whatever you need it for. I use it for sleep, for BPD ("Leaves on a Stream" is a suggested one from my therapist). Also on RUclips, I found a guy who does guided meditations (which I took to my therapist who loved it). His name is Jason Stephenson, and just WOW. I think many could find these useful. Worth a try :)
I can't believe I stumbled upon your work, amazing ! You certainly hit my bell ! What you say makes so much sense to me. I have found hope in what you are teaching. Going to listen a bit more and then I'm visiting my GO to get this ball rolling at last 😁
I really love watching these. I want to learn how to manage and learn how to get better and these videos (along with the workbook that should be coming in the mail in a few days) have given me genuine hope that I can achieve it. Thank you.
I came here is a major internal bpd crisis looking for help and tbh your voice is very calming. I wish it were easier to find videos of people walking the viewer through how to handle a bpd crisis. This was the only one i saw. Thank you!
I just broke my computer desk because something I needed to turn in with a minute to spare wasn't working. Now I feel absolutely terrible because of my overreaction and I liked the desk. Not to mention it got turned in even later because of the destruction.
I’ve been searching for a while now much of what you speak about is what I’ve been searching for. Dependency has been a problem in entire life. A lot of what you mention has been at another level of what I’ve been reading a lot. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so glad my content resonates with you! It's great to know that I could provide the information you've been searching for. Keep watching and stay tuned for more helpful videos!
I caught myself in therapy having racing thoughts about having racing thoughts and said that to the therapist as I realized it, so we backed up a little bit, relaxed, and redirected the conversation a little and focused on something else. That was SO helpful
When I was younger I had really hard problems with anger, I had brutally attacks of anger, I started screaming, shaking a lot and only wanted to cause pain, almost killed my younger brother when I had 12 and since that I'm trying to improve my mind control but since few weeks I started getting very impulsive again. thanks for the video
This was extremely helpful. I was with a therapist for years and was misdiagnosed with Bipolar 2 when borderline is the right one. Nothing of what I was really taught helped because my issue was ignored. Thank you Dr!
Time with my horses and other animals, archery and mounted archery, trail riding, galloping down the trail. In moments of rage I’ve found it helpful to realize that, most of the time, there is a split second before the switch gets flipped that I can choose to act rather than react. Realizing that fits of rage are foolish helped. I was raised to believe that fear= respect, which is not true. I want to give and receive actual, honest respect that is based in trust of the kind of human that I am, not fear. So in that split second I choose the respectable way to act. It’s like holding back a title wave. But when we practice it in little things, like not ripping the entire drawer out when a utensil gets stuck, then it becomes easier to choose to act respectably when it’s more important.
I love lilac, I have a lotion I bought off Etsy and just dab it under my nostrils. I had to go this route because I kept falling asleep with my lilac candle lit... Lilac is so relaxing to me. I moved, my new home has a couple lilac trees growing from past owners, makes every summer something I can't wait for, and want to make my own scented oil/balm from it, failed the first time so will try again.
These are super helpful! My best friend helped me make a list of things I can do in intense moments. It was originally a "lonely list" but it's helpful in many difficult situations.
I don't have BPD, but I do have bad anxiety. I'm here to learn about my boyfriend who has BPD. But my favorite for being in the NOW, and grounding myself is the 54321 technique. It doesn't take long and it's very calming. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. I say them out loud so that those thoughts don't also race through my head. This helps me tremendously during panic attacks, or just when I'm having racing thoughts, or when I'm stuck in a thought pattern that is increasing my anxiety.
You have opened my eyes to why my life has been so impossible to get a hold of. Six men were divorced by me. Two children that live as far as possible away from their mother. Only one keeps in touch with me. Friends and family love me from afar. I am not invited anywhere. My best friend is my “old man” and was my sister’s prom date. The interesting life is at least not boring!
Thank you for all of your helpful videos :). I have also been using the mantra, “if something not so good happens, I can handle it.” I’ve also been trying to stay in the now so I’m not constantly anxious.
Dr. Fox you are the best! I was having a breakdown of sorts, maybe a week before new years, not understanding what it really meant to have BPD besides how the DSM lays it out- which it doesn’t really lay out at all it just lists criteria. I searched on RUclips to find content and there you were. The thing is I’ve searched on here before but never found your channel in the search results, until very recently. I probably wasn’t really ready before. Anyway, I’ve been watching since that day. Some videos a few times and some several time. It’s been immensely beneficial to me. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 40 and now at 41 I am just start to understand what it means to have BPD. I feel like I’ve lost so many years of my life not knowing what was wrong with me. I’ve always felt different from others. Now I know why. My diagnoses consist of BPD-SUD, OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, CPTSD, and generalized anxiety. It is so wonderful and helpful to have your videos. You understand me! I never thought anyone would get it. Thank you so much for all the education and all your time.
I have been taking medication for about 20 years for anxiety and saved my life. This are good but with out the medication I would not have coped with BPD. Now I understand what kind of disorder I have.
Great video that gives me real life tools I can use going forward. But just like a new sport or hobby. Ill need lots of practice and patience.Thank you so much for taking your time to help Doc. 😊
thankyou thats another helpful vdeo ... i have been doing all these strategies from a long time ago and that really works specially i m affirmatioms totally transformed me in to a new person however looking for more options hardly works for me specially if i got triggered otherwise daily practice of all other strategies are really helpful
Hi, first of all thank you for your videos, and your workbook 🙂 Second, is there any chance of a video about a possible connection between Internet Gaming Disorder (DSM-5) and BPD? For me online gaming is a 'bad' coping mechanism, this is the way I dissociate. Thank you in advance.
I recently got scarily close to ruining my closest friendship because of my bpd but i can’t get in person help because no one in my family believes i have any issue. Thank you so much for this.
Hello@@DrDanielFox, I have an issue for which I am struggling to find tools for control. My explosive anger isn't anything that builds up, but rather it is instantaneous. Such as hitting my head on the cabinet door, banging the top of my hand on the door knob or knocking over a large cup of water in the sink and having the water sploosh out and get all over me and the floor. BANG!! Outburst, usually loud with a few choice words thrown in. I have watched several videos tonight (a couple of yours and a few others) and have formulated a first step but would like more tools at my disposal and wanted to ask for some guidance. I put together this initial step from watching these videos, utilizing points from each one. I need a method of interrupting my outburst, something quite difficult because it happens instantly. Here's what I have so far... Stop/freeze (because the feeling happens instantly and this will give me time to think), then think H.I.D.E.? HOW does this affect those near me? IS it worth it to get angry? DOES getting angry help? ENERGY misdirected! 7/11 breathing...7 in, 11 out. I will be practicing this a few times a day to get into the habit, per your suggestion, so it will be easier to utilize when needed.
Important to try the coping strategy BEFORE flipping out. I’ve done it a million times. The text thing, I hate that, without immediate response, I go straight into catastrophe mode.
I find that even just trying, just half assing to start even, makes a big difference. Even if you don't think you can "master" one of these skills, just attempting makes a difference.
Dr. Fox, Thanks for your videos, I just found them mentioned on Reddit, they are helping me feel less alone/out of control. What are your thoughts on using cannabis to help with BPD symptoms?
When I start getting angry, I'll take blue vervain. It lowers blood pressure and it helps me breathe again. Smoking (microdosing) amanita muscaria or salvia divinorum are great for anxiety. Hear recreational doses of psychedelics have been good for BPD, but I haven't reached that, but a person does have to be careful if they dissociate often like I do, my old antipsychotics may have interfered with recreational doses, I'm off for several weeks now so I'll be trying again. Cannabis is addictive so I don't mess with it, but I've read hemp flowers have some great benefits so will be be looking into making CBD oil to see if it helps symptoms. I think psychedelics are incredible medicine though, they've helped me and my family so much, look into it, maybe they could help you too. Smoking or drinking tea of amanita muscaria is very good.
Does anyone know of support groups in houston area? It can be a general circle type... AA really wants you to limit your talking about alcohol . Yet, they do often say at the bigging of the meeting, as thwy relate to alcohol..¿ And the book does say, drinking is BUT a sytom ... I just do t feel i can share honestly, for either fear of being judged or the recert me back to alcohol-ism... "ism"...hmmm
Hi Dr. Fox! I find your videos to be extremely helpful. Would you be able to talk more about the comorbidity of CPTSD and BPD and the challenges faced when they're comorbid? Most of the info on these two disorders are either-or and I'm curious about the comorbidity of CPTSD and BPD. How can you treat it and how does it change the expression of the disorders?
1. Think of NOW. Not future or past.
2. Breathe deep in and out! Don't forget it!
3. Think of other options. There is always another!
4. Do a "fun" distraction for a while
5. Practice Mantra- simple word or phrase you'll mentally speak repeatedly
6. Inhale a relaxing scent- e.g.: Lavender essential oil
7. Exercise
A particular mantra I use to stop myself from exploding is "if it won't matter in 5 years, then it shouldn't matter in 5 minutes". Because I'm early in my diagnosis I don't always go to it, but it IS helping me to let go of the small stuff that could otherwise lead to explosions...
@@genuinehearts8247 glad to be of help! 😃
That's actually a really good way to stop yourself! I'll have to use this thank youu
What if it will affect you in 5 years. I'm going through some shit right now in a relationship, I'm really trying not to blow up and keep my cool, but I just keep losing it.
Sorry I'm late..
Hi. How’s it going? Hopefully you’re doing well. I see it has been 5 years.
I’ve always questioned, “how will I know that it won’t change my path and in 5 years I’d have regret…”
I’m newly diagnosed.
My mantra is: I am not my past.
"I am here for you" seems obvious, but I need to hear it from myself lol
Oohhh that's a good one!
It will work out it always has it always will
I am going to use that one. Thanks :)
Hi, if you're reading this, please know that you're not alone. I know how hard it can be, and how lonely you can feel because you're scared to talk to anyone because your brain just gets into these negative patterns, but just make it to the next 10 seconds. I send you all my love and support ^^
"Stop the racing clock, slow your roll and hold your horses"
Woah, I thought he was being poetic
Two very important moments in my life I exploded in anxiety and frustration saying what I didn't even mean. Those two moments caused complete devastation, pain for me and the person I loved, and what I know will be lifelong regret. Seconds can do so much. If only I had known coping mechanisms back then... So important. Thanks for the video.
refreshingAnd it is my hope that you will use this insight to move you forward and make reparations in those relationships that sounds so important to you.
Same. When we go off it can be catastrophic and sadly usually directed at our loved ones
You are not alone. I was actually going to say something VERY similar and then saw your comment.
Same
“Misfortune comes from one's mouth and ruins one, but fortune comes from one's heart and makes one worthy of respect. “ Nichiren, Buddhist monk in 13th century Japan
Recently discovered that for me personally, when I get super restless, doing some housework for bits at a time helps get that restless energy out of me and also helps see that I've done something productive which in turn makes me feel better about myself simultaneously. Just throwing that out there for anyone who may read this. (I don't do it obsessively. It's done to get rid of the restlessness and to see that I accomplished something, no matter how small. Sometimes small things have a large feeling of, "Hey, this has needed to be done, and I just did it or did as much of it as I could." SO many people I'm currently surrounded by can't wrap their minds around how HUGE those small things actually are.
your videos have changed my life. not only for the helpful information you provide, but because you don’t make me feel like a villain, or like i’m less than because of my BPD. i am so appreciative of these videos.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad that my videos have had a positive impact on your life and that they provide helpful information. It's important to me to create a supportive and inclusive community for everyone, regardless of their background or challenges they may face. Keep watching and I'll keep creating content that you find valuable!
This is the hardest part of having bpd, the emotion is soooo overwhelming it’s hard not to react
did you read my life doctor? how can you always upload a topic exactly when i needed it 😂😂 thank you very much
I was getting super irritated the other day trying to find a therapist online for BPD and I applied a technique for the first time before exploding and it worked! I placed a frozen bag of chocolate chips on my face and sat in the recliner for a few minutes. I'm starting my DBT journey and at first i wasn't so sure but after doing such a small thing to stop me from getting on the Goliath roller coaster, I have hope. I'm motivated to beat this and make my own custom system to bulldoze BPD; a binder with tabs for references, notes, and worksheets, as well as an arsenal bag (fidget spinner, squishy ball, essential oil, favorite blanket, lol ) to apply skills. I bought the book too and I' am doing it along with Dr. Fox's videos in the mean time until I find a therapist. The sad part is there aren't enough therapists and most are booked :( Dr. Fox you should make an online DBT program for BPD. It would be a success.
Thank you for your suggestion and I’ve actually thought about doing online courses in the future. I wish you all the best.
Hello Dr. Fox, I really want to thank you for your videos. I have BPD and complex PTSD from my time in the military. I have been looking for help so I can be good with my romantic partner. I really have gotten a lot of help from your compassionate videos. Borderline is something that is looked at as a disorder where you are a dangerous person that no one should be a friend or romantic partner with. I really appreciate your compassion for those of us that want to be better dealing with these issues. Thank you.
The paranoia prevents me from having a relationship and its really sucks
Thank you for your service!
I have been treating my BPD for a while now, and these techniques are so great. The struggle is so real, but the benefits of stopping yourself before you respond/react are key to being healthy and happy in the long term.
My mantra during an anxiety spiral is, "I'm here right now." I focus on the smells around me and the colors I see around me. I take slow, deep breaths. Usually reminding myself that I am safe and that I'm in the present moment helps me take the intensity of my emotions way down.
Your video is so spot on, Dr. Fox. Thank you so much for making these.
Having a nap, listening to calming music of your choice. and wake up feeling better.
When my mind won’t stop but at the same time I have overwhelming boredom, I love to force myself to dance, listen to music, put on makeup, walk. Just some that seem to work for me when I can force myself to do them.
Marie Clark yes! I'm bored all the time even when I have a million things I should be doing. I agree with dancing, walking and putting on makeup ❤️🙏🏼👌🏼
I slowed my roll today when I was having distorted thinking/fear of abandonment issues. I still felt emotional but didnt let it impact my behavior and then I distracted myself with hobbies. I'm also going to start volunteering more in my community. 👍
Hi, you posted this a year ago, how you doing? What hobbies are helping you?
Thank you! Your advice applies to non-BPDs as well
Yes, I am here as non-BPD but after a death I was upset with someone, and the grief caused ZeRo filter on my mouth (which has further damaged things).
Non-BPDs do it too. Seems all my favorite singers are BPD or Bi-Polar --- their heightened sensitivity seemed to result in really deep feeling artistic expression. Their artistic creations have been a blessing in my life :)
Remember Seinfeld??? Mantra: "Serenity Now" with deep breaths. Ha ha ha. Will make you chuckle as you try to check yourself. I'm gonna try it!
At this point in my BPD journey, I've been able to adapt healthier coping mechanisms when a build up/explosion happens, but most times I just keep freaking out because I feel I have to continue the rage and panic, like it's what I chose to do so I have to finish it on that path. It's hard to convince myself I can change my mind and calm down instead. I also have OCD and feel that's what contributes those thoughts. It's a battle I'll need to keep fighting I suppose.
Gollum’s Lover this is BRILLIANT news! I'm SO glad for you! ❤️😆
Gollum’s Lover your welcome! & that you very much!
😊 same to you 🍀
Not diagnosed BPD, either that or cptsd or ptsd. Have OCD though since I was a kid. I have the same problem. Its like I have to finish the course to feel relieved.
Is it really what we choose or is it part of the illness?
Omg me too!!!!
I have hundreds of negative mantras. Going to try to use new good ones. Thank you
This should be learnt in school, before entering work field and damage people by our mutated psyche, thanks dr fox for this helpful channel
I have only just started watching this video but as an "experienced" BPD patient (and counselor - I know it's weird but that's a whole other story), I felt that I needed to say this. It can get better, not perfect but better. Yes, I still get furious and want to strangle people but not at all as often and lately, especially in interaction with my husband since 1996 (bless him) I've noticed that it just says "poof" and goes away, it doesn't build up into the perfect storm. With that said I've been to therapy since I was 20 (not any longer - stopped about 5 years ago) and I'm still on medication, I'm 53. It doesn't have to take that long. I think that it was delayed due to the fact that I was a "co-worker". Depression is one thing. BPD, well BPD is different. Well, my message is; there's hope!
you just saved my relationship, thank you.
I like to base my mantras on things I needed to hear from my parents that I didn't as a child, working it in with reparenting. I am terrible at keeping it routine though! 😅
I do this with my children. It's good for them and healing for myself. :)
2:26 The start of the video's content that we are all looking for
Practiced what I've learned in other video's too, and I actually survived rather well this a.m. thank you. My husband is understanding me and BPD better since listening to your videos. I'm not evil after all!!! Like I've always believed for 55 + years😁
I’ve just recently quit drinking. My bpd is uncontrollable when I drink. I get so angry and abusive. I’ve recently lost my boyfriend due to my drunken bpd out bursts 😔
Good job with your initial sobriety decision. I am sorry for your loss of a relationship. Keep your head up high.
Same
I don't know you, but I am proud as hell of you! Any progress made is fantastic. I learned about BPD because my favorite singer suffered with it, and as I did deep dives into other artists (super great singers, actors, musicians, poets, and writers, etc ---- highly successful people despite these very significant challenges), I was shocked how many were BPD and Bi-Polar. I won't be on this section again, so if you did comment back, that's why no response. Wishing you the best :)
Thank you Dr Fox. You've helped me more than I'll ever be able to put into words! Xxx
Dr Fox. You are life changing! Thank you for all the work that you put out and providing so much helpful and educational content.
You’re welcome.
Singer, song writer music.. James Taylor, Carly Simon, John Denver, Tracy Chapman.. is very zen to me. I have not lost my mind to racing thoughts since I was 8. Prior to that.. I did a sort of step outside myself and wait, til I could calm down.. and then learned to recognize patterns of my anger.. and that if I did not breath life into it, I could shorten it. I learned to doubt all thoughts in emotional scenario's until I could calm down and think rationally.
Never used to have these emotional problems until all these people have tested me to my limits in every which way
At the beginning of my recovery my distractions were smoking cigarettes and watching sitcoms. It was all I could do. Whenever I talked to anyone, it would be triggering. And if it was a loved one trying to show their love or affection I would snap. Just like a beaten up dog in a shelter. If you are like that now, do whatever you must to keep those racing thoughts at bay.
But now, after a couple years of healing, unless a distraction is active and gets me out of the house and out of my head, like going out window shopping (not actually buying anything unless I need it), it makes it worse for me. Just like isolating myself because of the self loathing. It reinforces the idea that I am inadequate for a regular life.
And I realize I had a person who was like a pilar to me. She was the one who I had no doubt would not hurt me because she loves me for real. And yet, here I am. Breaking down silently (I have always been aware that these thoughts were not normal to have so I always kept them to myself) because she chose to take a vacation on my birthday. I also had a minor melt down because it didn't even cross her mind to see the Barbie movie with me...
Sometimes it feels like we look for excuses to leave people, because the closeness feels so daunting. Like we are literally in mortal danger depending on how somebody we trust (if we ever get that close) treats us.
I liked a mantra somebody said in the comments: I am not my past. We aren't babies anymore. We will not die if somebody doesn't pay attention to us.
Sorry for the rant. But writing these things out, making my brain follow a healthy way of thinking is what ultimately has helped me. I really liked "Girl, Interrupted" because of that.
Both exercise and meditation have worked wonders for me!
Dr. Daniel Fox, I can not thank you enough for these videos, especially the do's and dont's for parents. I haven't laughed so much in a long time, you bring so much beautiful information, insights; while creating humor. Love it
The image of the person overloaded with bricks is hilarious, but at the same time I resonate strongly with it.
Surely this is excellent advice for the person with BPD but I can see this being very helpful to lots of other people, like those with ADHD, or even us so called "normal".
I'm supposedly "normal", whatever THAT truly is???? I lost it BIGTIME and did relationship damage after a close family member's death when, in the extreme stress of new grief, a family member set me off with insensitivity. I went WAY WAY WAY WAY off on them, not caring one wit about the consequences. Soooo, yes, any BPDer can have company when "normal" people's stressors are high. I was here trying to learn coping skills to not have it happen again. Two other people said really insensitive (tactless) things. I was able to just see them as bumbling. Weird, under the unusual new death experience circumstance the anger directed back at my family member made me feel more in control. I guess that's why it is so tempting to BPDers. I hate to say it, but it was a very very good feeling of relief at the time, me, who never does this. It DID do damage though ---- didn't feel good enough for the damage it caused, I don't think???
No, I don't want it to happen again. Coping skills needed in grief, in life. Had someone tried to mug me during that high grief time, I'd feel badly for them! I think I had the strength of 5 people. Blessings on your life and journey. Don't know here who has or doesn't have BPD, but I respect the hell out of people dealing with BPD. Serious love sent your way to anyone here navigating this challenge :)
Walking in the park I do 3 top 4 laps 2 days per week . Generally takes an hour lovely serene views too . Normally takes me an hour .
Thanks professionally
You're welcome
doc we cant thank you enough. you didnt have to give out these videos. just seeing your channel here gives me hope because i see someone care. have a great day!
Since becoming a mom I don’t workout often as I used to. I didn’t realize I haven’t had that outlet to regulate my raising thoughts and to replace it with something else. Thanks Dr. Fox!
These videos are just endlessly illuminating, and your overall style is really warm and non-condescending. Keep up the good work!
I love the detail too - I have some sort of either OCPD or ASD related perfectionism when it comes to believing anything, but the use of citations and research really overcomes this. The sheer richness of detail when explaining things that are actually happening in my head makes it impossible not to take your words seriously. Massively helpful - thanks so much!
I'm 4 years into having a BPD dx. The things that have helped me most are meds, DBT, journaling, exercise, and getting good sleep.
After a year or so of that, I had more energy to focus on other things: eating better, staying hydrated, spending more time in nature, and picking up old hobbies.
I still deal with dysrelgulation, impulsivity, dissociation, etc - but it's like 70% better than it used to be. Totally worth the effort!
It's great to hear that you've found a combination of strategies that work for you!
Chamomile tea is calming. (I like to add some honey to it.) It's getting cooler outside at the time I'm writing this response, so hot teas are a love. Chamomile tea is worth a shot just for a bit of calmness anytime. If it doesn't feel like it's helping (it's a mild calming herb), it's nice to drink anyway. You can feel the warmth of the cup or glass, breathe in the steam, and feel the warm sensation going down as you're sipping it (when I add the bit of honey to any teas, it's personally a comforting nice addition instead of sugar).
Sorry if I'm commenting too much ..... Hoping the various things might help at least one other person if possible. That's one more person maybe able to be calmed
I'm gradually unlearning old ways of behaving. It's really building my confidence. Yesterday a stranger shouted at me (unreasonably) and I managed to keep my cool for quite a while before she triggered me and sadly I then raised my voice. However I walked off immediately so I was really proud of myself for not just hitting the roof the minute she shouted.
My son has SEVERE BPD & right now is rock bottom. He's only 19 years old & I don't know who he is anymore - but you've just made me understand why. Catastrophe is his "normal" now at all times. I am going to begin tomorrow to go thru a video with him a day & write notes before I share them on order to use them to understand himself -& that recovery is POSSIBLE. I am at risk of losing him as he's very impulsive- he's on GPS at all times for his own safety. Thank you for your information- I believe your information can actually help him! Its been 5 years of trying everything we possibly could to help him. I am in Canada - I wish you were closer as it's so difficult to find a psychologist that can help him. I'm exhausted & he's a 10/10 most days over things that aren't true or have little chance of happening. If you can recommend any work books that we could use to help him I'd greatly appreciate it. I need every tool at my disposal in order to help him. Thank you.
❤
Listening to you is what is helping me right now not to explode oversomething that just happened. Your way of talking calmly and lovingly makes me feel really better and understood! It’s like..I don’t even „want“ to be so angry in the presence of someone so gentle and nice if that makes sense
Something I do EVERY day is going straight to guided meditation RUclips videos. You can type in "guided meditation for, and then type whatever you need it for. I use it for sleep, for BPD ("Leaves on a Stream" is a suggested one from my therapist).
Also on RUclips, I found a guy who does guided meditations (which I took to my therapist who loved it). His name is Jason Stephenson, and just WOW. I think many could find these useful. Worth a try :)
I can't believe I stumbled upon your work, amazing ! You certainly hit my bell ! What you say makes so much sense to me. I have found hope in what you are teaching. Going to listen a bit more and then I'm visiting my GO to get this ball rolling at last 😁
I really love watching these. I want to learn how to manage and learn how to get better and these videos (along with the workbook that should be coming in the mail in a few days) have given me genuine hope that I can achieve it. Thank you.
Jogging and painting is so helpful. That's my way to balance myself out.
I came here is a major internal bpd crisis looking for help and tbh your voice is very calming. I wish it were easier to find videos of people walking the viewer through how to handle a bpd crisis. This was the only one i saw. Thank you!
I just broke my computer desk because something I needed to turn in with a minute to spare wasn't working. Now I feel absolutely terrible because of my overreaction and I liked the desk. Not to mention it got turned in even later because of the destruction.
I’ve been searching for a while now much of what you speak about is what I’ve been searching for. Dependency has been a problem in entire life. A lot of what you mention has been at another level of what I’ve been reading a lot. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so glad my content resonates with you! It's great to know that I could provide the information you've been searching for. Keep watching and stay tuned for more helpful videos!
Just found your channel tonight and wish you were closer to my home state. I've watched a couple videos and they'd be helpful for ANYONE, not just BPD
I caught myself in therapy having racing thoughts about having racing thoughts and said that to the therapist as I realized it, so we backed up a little bit, relaxed, and redirected the conversation a little and focused on something else. That was SO helpful
Thankyou Dr Fox always so helpful .
ive struggled with impulse for years now and im happy this video exist
When I was younger I had really hard problems with anger, I had brutally attacks of anger, I started screaming, shaking a lot and only wanted to cause pain, almost killed my younger brother when I had 12 and since that I'm trying to improve my mind control but since few weeks I started getting very impulsive again. thanks for the video
Thanks Dr . This is where I am with my therapist ATM.
This was extremely helpful. I was with a therapist for years and was misdiagnosed with Bipolar 2 when borderline is the right one. Nothing of what I was really taught helped because my issue was ignored. Thank you Dr!
Yup got my mantra, Serenity Now, thanks Frank Costanza 😁
Time with my horses and other animals, archery and mounted archery, trail riding, galloping down the trail.
In moments of rage I’ve found it helpful to realize that, most of the time, there is a split second before the switch gets flipped that I can choose to act rather than react. Realizing that fits of rage are foolish helped. I was raised to believe that fear= respect, which is not true. I want to give and receive actual, honest respect that is based in trust of the kind of human that I am, not fear. So in that split second I choose the respectable way to act. It’s like holding back a title wave. But when we practice it in little things, like not ripping the entire drawer out when a utensil gets stuck, then it becomes easier to choose to act respectably when it’s more important.
Your videos are so timely, Dr Fox! My therapist has recommended emdr and we're starting this week. Would love a video talking about emdr and bpd.
EMDR is great
I love lilac, I have a lotion I bought off Etsy and just dab it under my nostrils. I had to go this route because I kept falling asleep with my lilac candle lit... Lilac is so relaxing to me. I moved, my new home has a couple lilac trees growing from past owners, makes every summer something I can't wait for, and want to make my own scented oil/balm from it, failed the first time so will try again.
These are super helpful! My best friend helped me make a list of things I can do in intense moments. It was originally a "lonely list" but it's helpful in many difficult situations.
I don't have BPD, but I do have bad anxiety. I'm here to learn about my boyfriend who has BPD. But my favorite for being in the NOW, and grounding myself is the 54321 technique. It doesn't take long and it's very calming. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. I say them out loud so that those thoughts don't also race through my head. This helps me tremendously during panic attacks, or just when I'm having racing thoughts, or when I'm stuck in a thought pattern that is increasing my anxiety.
You have opened my eyes to why my life has been so impossible to get a hold of. Six men were divorced by me. Two children that live as far as possible away from their mother. Only one keeps in touch with me. Friends and family love me from afar. I am not invited anywhere. My best friend is my “old man” and was my sister’s prom date. The interesting life is at least not boring!
Thank you for all of your helpful videos :). I have also been using the mantra, “if something not so good happens, I can handle it.” I’ve also been trying to stay in the now so I’m not constantly anxious.
Wonderful!
Dr. Fox you are the best! I was having a breakdown of sorts, maybe a week before new years, not understanding what it really meant to have BPD besides how the DSM lays it out- which it doesn’t really lay out at all it just lists criteria. I searched on RUclips to find content and there you were. The thing is I’ve searched on here before but never found your channel in the search results, until very recently. I probably wasn’t really ready before.
Anyway, I’ve been watching since that day. Some videos a few times and some several time. It’s been immensely beneficial to me.
I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 40 and now at 41 I am just start to understand what it means to have BPD. I feel like I’ve lost so many years of my life not knowing what was wrong with me. I’ve always felt different from others. Now I know why.
My diagnoses consist of BPD-SUD, OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, CPTSD, and generalized anxiety. It is so wonderful and helpful to have your videos. You understand me! I never thought anyone would get it. Thank you so much for all the education and all your time.
I have been taking medication for about 20 years for anxiety and saved my life. This are good but with out the medication I would not have coped with BPD. Now I understand what kind of disorder I have.
Great video that gives me real life tools I can use going forward. But just like a new sport or hobby. Ill need lots of practice and patience.Thank you so much for taking your time to help Doc. 😊
Adut child of narc father so I tend to be very very defensive, sensitive and reactive. These are definitely gonna help. Thank you, doctor.
I really wish I had watched this video a few weeks ago... but I have it now and can continue to use this information... thank you Dr.Fox!
thankyou thats another helpful vdeo ... i have been doing all these strategies from a long time ago and that really works specially i m affirmatioms totally transformed me in to a new person however looking for more options hardly works for me specially if i got triggered otherwise daily practice of all other strategies are really helpful
slow your roll and hold your horses! love it.
Thank you for taking the time to make these videos. These are extremely helpful.
Thank you for these tips
Thank you :D
Excellent doctor
Thank you so much Dr. Fox!!!! You're the best!
Any time!
Thank you
Thank you.. Today has been bad
Wow! Interesting!
idk why this showed up to me today, but i needed this like yesterday
I listen to and watch alot of Eckhart Tolle. His teachings help me immensely 👌💙💪
All great suggestions I have to work on the physical exercises..... You really know BPD well. Thank you. Wish you we're in my State.
Hi, first of all thank you for your videos, and your workbook 🙂
Second, is there any chance of a video about a possible connection between Internet Gaming Disorder (DSM-5) and BPD?
For me online gaming is a 'bad' coping mechanism, this is the way I dissociate.
Thank you in advance.
I recently got scarily close to ruining my closest friendship because of my bpd but i can’t get in person help because no one in my family believes i have any issue. Thank you so much for this.
I am In the same boat... What happened? Please tell me
NippleMonster I’ve moved on from the friendship and have developed friendships with people that are willing to help and work with me
Hi Dr.Daniel, deep breathing helps.
It sure does and so important. I’m glad you found the video helpful. Take care
Hello@@DrDanielFox, I have an issue for which I am struggling to find tools for control. My explosive anger isn't anything that builds up, but rather it is instantaneous. Such as hitting my head on the cabinet door, banging the top of my hand on the door knob or knocking over a large cup of water in the sink and having the water sploosh out and get all over me and the floor. BANG!! Outburst, usually loud with a few choice words thrown in.
I have watched several videos tonight (a couple of yours and a few others) and have formulated a first step but would like more tools at my disposal and wanted to ask for some guidance. I put together this initial step from watching these videos, utilizing points from each one. I need a method of interrupting my outburst, something quite difficult because it happens instantly. Here's what I have so far...
Stop/freeze (because the feeling happens instantly and this will give me time to think), then think H.I.D.E.? HOW does this affect those near me? IS it worth it to get angry? DOES getting angry help? ENERGY misdirected! 7/11 breathing...7 in, 11 out. I will be practicing this a few times a day to get into the habit, per your suggestion, so it will be easier to utilize when needed.
Great video 💕💕💕
Important to try the coping strategy BEFORE flipping out. I’ve done it a million times. The text thing, I hate that, without immediate response, I go straight into catastrophe mode.
Well, so this is probably what I need. I hope I can pull it off myself.
Hii, I'm Etna of the group of Facebook
I find that even just trying, just half assing to start even, makes a big difference. Even if you don't think you can "master" one of these skills, just attempting makes a difference.
I hope you are doing well 👍
Thank you for your wise words
Dr. Fox,
Thanks for your videos, I just found them mentioned on Reddit, they are helping me feel less alone/out of control. What are your thoughts on using cannabis to help with BPD symptoms?
When I start getting angry, I'll take blue vervain. It lowers blood pressure and it helps me breathe again. Smoking (microdosing) amanita muscaria or salvia divinorum are great for anxiety. Hear recreational doses of psychedelics have been good for BPD, but I haven't reached that, but a person does have to be careful if they dissociate often like I do, my old antipsychotics may have interfered with recreational doses, I'm off for several weeks now so I'll be trying again. Cannabis is addictive so I don't mess with it, but I've read hemp flowers have some great benefits so will be be looking into making CBD oil to see if it helps symptoms. I think psychedelics are incredible medicine though, they've helped me and my family so much, look into it, maybe they could help you too. Smoking or drinking tea of amanita muscaria is very good.
Thanks for teaching breathing bc I genuinely dont know how to take deep breaths
I’m early into my diagnosis thank you
You’re welcome.
Thanks!
Thank you for supporting the channel. It means a lot.
This was very helpful. Thank you so much.
Does anyone know of support groups in houston area?
It can be a general circle type...
AA really wants you to limit your talking about alcohol .
Yet, they do often say at the bigging of the meeting, as thwy relate to alcohol..¿
And the book does say, drinking is BUT a sytom ...
I just do t feel i can share honestly, for either fear of being judged or the recert me back to alcohol-ism...
"ism"...hmmm
Hi Dr. Fox! I find your videos to be extremely helpful. Would you be able to talk more about the comorbidity of CPTSD and BPD and the challenges faced when they're comorbid? Most of the info on these two disorders are either-or and I'm curious about the comorbidity of CPTSD and BPD. How can you treat it and how does it change the expression of the disorders?
Puzzles are great distractions! We have one in the office beside the SUPER slow printer ;-)