Drug Trial Ruined My Life
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- Angela dives into her unsettling story of a drug trial that took an unexpected and devastating turn. Join us as we unravel the shocking side effects, the human impact, and the critical questions surrounding the events that transpired within her life after being a part of this drug trial.
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Have the ex husband on the podcast next! 😂
please this
Omg yes
And Mom!
Not a fan of this episode. Hard to empathize with her when she talks about the awful things she has done like they aren't her fault. Yes, to some extent it could be the drug trial but its clearly mental illness and anger issues that she doesn't want to take accountability for. Kept noticing how she used the word "unfortunately" repeatedly when speaking about her violence against animals and family. Like she thinks its some unlucky occurrence that she has no say in. This woman should not be allowed to have animals.
Agree 100%.
Exactly. Everytime she said “unfortunately” I would get so frustrated.
i noticed that as well
this took a weird turn at the halfway point, the animal abuse, the constant blaming of others...idk...
Don't forget the weird thing with the ex and his girlfriend and refusing to leave because of what she thought he should be doing. That was.... moment for sure.
@@AshIsAWolfand talking about fighting like “if you’re going to fight someone you’re not just going to hit them just once, or that could just be me.” Ummmmm….
Right
@AshIsAWolf And then of course the OTHER married ex-boyfriend that had to go home to his wife and kids. How dare he! ( eye roll)
@Nicole-xq5sn the whole calling that "episodes" thing is just ridiculous
why did no one take the animals away? :(
i know…. like that’s fucked up
Unfortunately nobody cares about animal abuse and it rarely gets reported. I personally rescue large snakes and the neglect, sadism, and pure stupidity and carelessness I’ve seen…. I’ll sum it up with I got a snake yesterday surrendered to my care, he is not only starved for years but severely burned on half his body. I only got him because the owner owned a restaurant and someone called in.
The truth is there are serious violent crimes all day every day so nobody has the time to rescue an animal when they are trying to save themselves
Because animal safety sadly isn't as important to people who have the authority to remove them from the home.
These animals didn't deserve the abuse.
This was a hard watch for me. I wish this warned about the excessive animal abuse more. I wasn't expecting this story to be paired with this title
yeah same, especially bc it was brought out up lot throughout and i didnt know what to skip
exactly! no timestamps like there are in other videos. there needs to be more tws than the obvious ones. like the self harm video for example. i had no idea she was going to spend half the video talking about her eating disorder which was very triggering. tried to skip through blindly because, again, no time stamps. i'm over it.
I wonder if you in day to day conversation bztch to people you have conversations with for not using trigger warnings lol.
@c.i0503 Just take responsibility for yourself and turn it off. Ffs.
Not saying the drug trial didn’t exacerbate her symptoms, but she seemed to have psychiatric issues and violent tendencies BEFORE the trial. Also, the callousness and lack of remorse in regard to the abuse of her service dog made it extremely hard for me to empathize with her.
In the very beginning of the video she explained that the drug effected her pre-existing mental condition. It took all of her mental illness and multiplied the severity up to a level that became out of control and very dangerous. I also don’t think she lacks remorse, I think she feels very guilty and ashamed for what she’s done and it probably doesn’t feel completely real to her as something she actually did because she doesn’t remember doing any of it.
I understand what you mean by not being able to empathize with the animal abuse-however, if she truly blacked out (on top of the animals being loving to her after the abuse), the dissociation that comes with that is severe.
edit: i think the fact that she didn’t remember takes a toll on her holding herself accountable despite everyone telling her what she did, similar to blacking out from alcohol
Lack of remorse? She has said multiple times throughout the podcast that she is very ashamed and regrets what she's done and taking responsibility even though she was in psychosis while doing these things. Maybe you got the vibe that she doesn't care because she tells her story in almost a nonchalant distant way, but from what I've seen it's pretty common for people who've had hard lives to talk in that tone about what had happened. I think if you want to judge you should really pay attention to the words she's saying. I believe she is very remorseful and her crime is in itself a punishment for her..
I agree especially since she was told she was doing this, she should've rehomed the dog....
Wouldn’t that be relevant info to collect from someone before including them in a drug trial? So then it’s still an ethical failure of the people operating the drug trial
The dog and hitting the husband story are very suss. Personally I think she did break the dogs leg and there is more to the story with the violence towards her family
Yeah the classic " he fell down the stairs" excuse
Especially because she was acting like her mother was choking her for no reason but her mother still managed to look significantly worse than her to the point to where she got in trouble. Not saying it’s okay, just saying I think that she left some stuff out
I really have a lot of empathy for what she has gone through. But I just cannot understand why somebody would not find their animals a new home if they weren't able to control episodes that could potentially harm them. It wasn't like it was a one-time thing. It happened over and over.
Because it wasn't something they saw as a trait of mine but as a physiatric episode that required help. And once appropriate help was given the episodes stopped.
If every bad thing was viewed as a permanent trait... what is prison reform for????
@@Ladyskyyr322 It doesn’t matter if it’s “temporary”, it’s unfair for the animals to have to go through this, they should’ve been rehomed or given to someone to look after. They had to experience abuse, they don’t know why this is happening, how temporary it will be.
I feel sympathy for her, but that doesn’t change the fact that the animals safety should’ve been prioritised somewhat.
@ariellas but it wasnt always on the animals
They evaluated the circumstances and decided it was unnecessary to remove them and that it would mostlikely cause more harm than good. There were 2 other physiatricaly sound adults in the house. Another reason not to remove them.
If you used the logic that just because you over punished a pet you should get it taken away does that apply to people who over punish their children???? Because I think someone make a mistake a couple of time and seeking ACTIVE HELP TO FIX IT .... shows immense character of that not actually being a character trait and instead a freak accident
@@Ladyskyyr322 huh??? If your “over punishment” is physically abusive, then yes, I would apply that same logic to children. If someone is being physically abusive to pets or children, those pets or children should be removed and placed somewhere safe. It doesn’t matter if they mean to abuse them or not, it’s unfair that the pets should have to go through this.
Yes if you over punish you child, child protective services gets involved and takes your children and if that’s all it was you can get your kids back after seeking help and parental classes
i totally believe her story and feel bad for her but there is no reason why those animals should’ve been kept in her company. especially the service animals. being a service animal doesn’t mean they must endure their human’s mental instability in the form of abuse. i hope those animals are healed and okay. they didn’t deserve any of this.
I also believe her when she says she doesn’t remember but the people who were aware of what was going on did not step in for that dog and that’s not okay. :(
I agree which I why I chose to give her a better life with my ex husband. Which I am blessed to still be able to see her.
@@Ladyskyyr322I wish you nothing but peace and healing, but your ex took the dog when he left. You didn’t really “choose” to let her go. I’m glad you are able to still visit her under supervision.
im so happy that she's able to be with him and you're able to see her @@Ladyskyyr322
It's really bizarre to me that her ex husband supported her getting another dog after watching her beat one.... someone that uses "I've never had a puppy before!" as an excuse shouldn't have a puppy. Period.
✨ ANTI SOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER ✨, I hate how she’s laughing while talking about animal abuse
Agreed. The laughs are inappropriate in this context.
Even without animal abuse, still screams anti social. But she always says she doesn't remember these episodes so could be something with the brain.
ASPD was one of my first thoughts only 20 minutes in.
Fact
Absolutely
I’ve been watching you for about a year now and I gotta say you’ve allowed me to see so many perspectives of peoples lives and allowed me to have more insight in society and I love how you focus on self awareness and love.
That’s why i love this!
Same
She contradicted herself quite a bit if you actually listened… a lot didn’t make sense based on her own words. I feel so sad for her animals. It’s not humane to leave animals in the care of abuse no matter the case 😢 I hope she continues to heal and stay away from hurting animals
I did initially think this, especially when she explained being so mentally ill that her sister was in other rooms to her most of the time and sometimes had to be removed from the home because of her episodes, but later referred to herself as a third parent to her sister? But maybe I'm getting lost in the timeline.
Yeah, at one point she mentions she would "never hurt her mom," after explaining in the beginning that she felt comfortable with physically abusing her mom when she was a teen
My thoughts exactly. She was already committing acts of violence against her mom before any of the medical issues, before the major trauma. So how can we possibly say it’s out of her character to commit acts of violence as an adult as well?
i understand the circumstances and you were having side effects but it seems as though you are trying to deflect the blame away from yourself. you might claim that you weren’t “there” but it was still you. if you were violent as a child and you’re clearly unhinged why would you own multiple animals? why didn’t someone take away your pets after the first incident of you attacking them? just because you don’t remember doing it doesn’t mean that it was not YOU abusing your mom, your husband and your animals. i wish you a lot of healing.
I agree. She would benefit from therapy to deal with this
Agreed. She had a pattern of violence and anger before this.
Maybe it was easy for her to admit the animal abuse because she doesnt consider what she did to her animals as abuse. Her definition of "abuse" seems to be if there is significant enough damage to be sent to the hospital/vet. Anything else isnt that bad therefore she didnt really hurt them.
She's downplaying her actions & behavior. Maybe its to cope with what she did, or maybe its so we dont see her in such a bad light.
I hope someone checks in on her ex-husband. From her story, he really had a lot of patience & love during all of this
If you abuse animals, on drugs or not, just rehome them ffs. This was too hard to watch.
Yes. I really believe your puppy “tripped down the stairs bc ur puppy and cat ran into each other.”🙄🙄
the selective memory is literally insane. not remembering anything except conveniently the time where her dog "tripped"??? and was actually harmed???? none of this story makes sense to me.
@@allimacinnis6035 something about her seemed disingenuous and very shady to me. that’s just my opinion and what gut was tellin me.
Yeah as a dog owner I guess I’d have to see this staircase bc I don’t understand the physics of how it could have even hypothetically happened
The gaslighting and dismissiveness of American healthcare is so depressing
It is astonishing so many of them have zero compassion
I feel like it is like that in a lot of places
It’s bad in Canada, too.
It’s not just the US, the UK are the same 😢
Trust me it's not just the US it's bleak in NZ too.
I’m not sure that I fully believe this story. Nevertheless, those animals should’ve been removed from her care if she continued to harm them. What are these people doing.
I agree 😅 it’s a lot to wrap your head around with the lapses in her memory with disassociation
I am sorta feeling the same way. It was honestly a little triggering to listen to that stuff, having experienced an eerily similar traumatic situation in a past relationship… it’s the fact that she keeps saying “unfortunately,” that doesn’t sit well with me and I have a gut feeling she’s distancing herself from the reality of what she was doing, or purposely leaving out some details to make it sound less serious... I’m not sure, something just isn’t sitting right with me. :(
to be clear I’m not at all implying that she’s some sort of monster or anything, I truly believe she is/was mentally unwell and understandably having difficulty facing the reality of what happened. I hope she continues to heal.
Yes, this exactly
@@allie1056 Put yourself in her position. She is publicizing some of the ugliest parts of her life for the entire internet to listen to and scrutinize. She is probably ashamed of her past actions and she knows the internet can be cruel. Idk, I just don't feel like she is being deceptive on purpose here.
@@aleahsimpson7373it’s really hard to say how much of it was intentional or not. Regardless of her intentions she hurt others around her and was/is aggressive. Mental health is not an excuse for abuse like that.
Very controversial episode for sure. We cannot read her mind and decide whether she’s truly guilty about the abuse she caused while blacked out but we can all agree that that all three of her pets should’ve been at least temporarily fostered / rehomed while she was continuing to have episodes. Hopefully it’s not a situation she or any of her animals will have to experience ever again. She has been through a lot and I hope her healing journey (mental and physical) continues with ease. Despite what many are saying, it still takes a lot of balls to go into a popular podcast and admit what she has admitted here.
you said it perfectly
Absolutely agree!
as much as i have empathy for this girl as we have the same disorder endometriosis I can’t get past the fact her animals were not taken out of her custody with the behaviors she was showing. I also struggle with my mental health and have had panic attack s where i don’t remember completely or i’ve fought my parents to luckily they never called the police on me but i still can’t get past the animal abuse
agreed. i am trying not to be judgemental or hard on her about this one but animals are helpless and this happened enough times for them to think that her dog having her hip broken was her fault. that speaks volumes. just another example of how the american healthcare system is fucked. just because she was a service dog there’s no reason why she should’ve been putting up with being hurt and abuse from her human having episodes. no way.
I agree… I really don’t think she should have been able to keep her pets.
I agree. These poor babies.
Absolutely agree
@@hotcocoa6242 Yes and as i got farther into the video talking about how she sent a text her dog was dead and the cops had to be called and waste all those resources like she should’ve been hospitalized for her mental health a while ago not just baker acted or whatever like i think she would’ve gotten major help
I could be completely wrong, and I don’t want to be insensitive or dismissive of her story, but given her history, I think this is severe mental illness, not the drug trial. Maybe that added fuel to the fire, but this poor girl definitely has significant mental health issues. I hope she gets the help she needs.
The fact that she had pre-existing mental illness before she took the trial meds is exactly why they were to blame for how bad things got for her. She was taking the trial drug in attempt to help with a physical condition she was experiencing, however that drug happened to give her a side effect that took her pre- existing mental illness and then cranked it up to extremely dangerous levels.
I would never have gone on the trial drug if it was explained to me that it would severely and negatively affect my mental health.
Do you actually think I would choose this chaos??
@@Ladyskyyr322 I don't think anyone is saying you chose this. The title of the video + you mentioning they give this drug to teens is a bit misleading considering the fact that you already had mental health issues prior to taking this drug. The drug wasn't the root of the issues, it amplified what was already there.
@@chelseacarrington1110Exactly this; it’s the emphasis in the drug trial alone and not taking pre-existing conditions into account.
Exactly. She doesn’t give timelines, but the way she approached her ex about getting cleared as a threat to others and herself… she proceeds to raise such a ruckus that she gets a restraining order? Cant blame that on the meds, and it’s not the behavior you’d expect from a 28 yo with an ‘above average IQ.’
45:30 to 48:29 If you need to skip the animal abuse stuff
thank you bc this made me sick :(
more comes up after the 52:00 mark. it comes and goes a few times more, sadly
I had to stop it at 56:00 because she just talked about her cat and now she’s about to talk about her puppy again. If anyone wants to be safe, I’d say skip to the 1:00:00 mark. Even so, I haven’t gotten there yet so I don’t know if it’s gonna come up again but that 48 min timestamp above isn’t long enough :(
@@JenDoe1 keep tagging beginning and ends, I just tagged the long one because that was what I had to use the transcript to skip.
If I hurt my cat and was recalling it in a story, I would be ugly sobbing in guilt and shame. I've cried because I accidentally stepped on my cats foot. Really hard to read her emotions. It's hard for me to even watch this video because after all of this abuse done to the animals she never rehomed them. I can understand that she wasn't in control but it still is hard to listen to.
I honestly couldn’t finish this one… it was the animal abuse and lack of true accountability. it didn’t seem genuine, just always someone else’s fault
She was raped wtf you on about
Agreed. I stopped before 45 minutes. I wasn’t going to give someone like that another second of my time.
I agree! The fact is that she had violent tendencies before the medicine. And she has no accountability for how bad she harmed those poor animals.
Pretty convenient to have no memory at all of abusing the animals outside of what people have recounted.. but have a perfectly clear memory that she "didn't abuse" them when they died or were seriously injured
this.
exactly!!! its beyond creepy
It seems like a reasonable story to me.
Exactly
why is she laughing while talking about harming innocent animals… and the fact that she takes no blame and instead shifts it onto others is unsettling and makes it 10x worse.
I do that all the time when I talk about topics I’m uncomfortable with. Laughing can be a defence mechanism and it’s not intentional. Don’t be so quick to judge people.
Laughing in reaction to horrible situations is a trauma response. It's normal to react that way.
If your neighbour kicked their dog, everyday, in your backyard- you’d understand the that the dog becomes agressive and afraid, and wouldn’t blame it if one day it got loose and bit you passing by. People are the same- this girl was physically abused, doesn’t make what she did right- but she is clearly trying to be honest, heal and change- empathy for people is what helps people - trying to drive a wedge between human responses out of some percieved moral superiority does not.
why keep the puppy if you find out you are abusing it ? that's the thing that makes me feel ill over anything else.
right, she lost me there
Something about her just doesn’t feel right. I’m 20 mins in trying to get thru because it’s a good story but something about her I don’t trust. I can’t quite explain it but something is feels unsettling, unsafe, and deeply uncomfortable. An uncanny valley like feeling.
I don’t want to discredit any trauma she may have been thru, it may just be that she’s triggering my own trauma flashbacks..?
@@realname8144trauma and abuse can also create abusers. I had the same feeling about her.
@@realname8144feels like she’s trying to convince us she’s better.
@@realname8144 I felt the same thing for sure. like something is not right.
Love this podcast! Unfortunately, a lot of this girl's explanations of health info were inaccurate.
Sadly agree with you; retrograde menstruation is a theory that has blocked a lot of women from receiving care for endo since the 60’s. Dr. David Redwine was a great resource on Endo for anyone curious to learn more, accurate info.
I noticed that when she mentioned c.diff. I've had it, that's not quite right. I kind of wish she would have double checked before she described some of the illnesses she mentions. She definitely could have had c.diff and it wouldve lined up with her symptoms at that point.
To be fair, it sounds like she had a lot of horrid medical care and things were probably not explained to her properly, considering how long it took her to actually even get a diagnosis.
@@sunshineyellow707 thought of that and tbh I think that's it's easy to get bogged down with so much info that you start oversimplifying and mixing things up when you're dealing with constant changing diagnoses. I just wish she would have skipped over some of the explanations instead of putting out misinformation.
Yea even down to her saying Tylenol thinned her blood out. Tylenol isn’t a blood thinner, Advil is and even at that it’s temporary.
I just love how raw this is, you just directly get to it. These topics are so heavy and it’s just so good to see that there are no intros or self promotion, just people sharing their story.
💀 bro you barely got to watch the vid
@@Therealkanyewest3782 I‘m not talking specifically about this video 😭 I‘ve been following this channel for a while plus the thing I commented is noticeable from the first minute
“Unfortunately” being a shitty violent person is a choice
Unfortunately sometimes it's not which is why psychiatric hospitals exist.
I can’t get past this. The way she eloquently talks about the things she did to people and animals, that’s not someone who isn’t control of her behaviour.
@@Mossqueanbeing in a phyc hospital doesn't make someone shity or violent.... This person talked about being violent in her teen years and a history of violence even before the drugs....animal abuse is not ok and those animals should have been taken from her if she was a danger to herself or others (including pets)
everybody cares about the mentally ill until they act mentally ill lol
She really does contradict herself a lot.. She’s constantly blaming others and needs major help with her mental issues. I drew the line when it came to the animal abuse.. that says so much about a person. This was hard to watch and it was hard to have empathy for her.
I think this one was more of a look into someone who suffered medical neglect and dealt with a rage problem made worse through hormone therapy. Equally important to hear I think, rage is hard to look at, especially when it makes you do things you think yourself incapable of (like hurting animals).
100%. It sucks that she suffered but some undiagnosed medical issues that exacerbated this situation, unfortunately.
there REALLY needs to be a trigger warning at the beginning of this episode for animal abuse.
i am having a really difficult time having empathy for this woman with the abuse of her animals. i believe that this woman has had a difficult life and is dealing with the torment of mental and physical issues. i can empathize with her to some extent, but to abuse an animal under any circumstance is just simply inexcusable. i don’t think the medication is to blame here. you have to have something evil deep inside of you if you’re willing/able to hurt an animal. i’m sure she feels remorse, but hurting an animal goes far beyond any medication.
Mmmm not sure how I feel about her vaguely transphobic rant towards the end there? Especially since she admits she already had psychological issues before starting the medication - her case is different from the average person.
I relate to a lot of what’s talked about; dissociative issues (though not violent), disordered eating, chronic illness, etc. None of that is going to be caused by progesterone, if that’s what she was implying. It’s an uncomfortable deflection to watch.
She plays down a LOT of her actions still and it’s clear she’s still very deep in the process of recovery; breaking and entering, trespassing, violent outbreaks, are not things that should be minimized. She committed MANY crimes and broke a lot of boundaries with people who wanted to help her and claiming she “wasn’t a threat to herself or others” is being dishonest about her situation.
I also don’t like the deflection about the animal abuse - “I’m not that kind of person.” But she did do it and not taking any agency for what her animals experienced because she was an irresponsible pet owner is not a good sign towards recovery imo. “My dog was licking me!” Licking is a sign of submission, she just hurt the animal showing her dominance. Licking and tail wagging doesn’t mean the dog was happy; those can also be signs of anxiety.
She keeps referring to her dogs as “service dogs” - were they trained? She discussed getting her dog and then bringing it to work? I hope she’s not calling an “emotional support animal” a “service dog” because they are NOT the same thing!!
Im glad someone else picked up on the transphobic vibe.
I can attest to the fact that any sort of drastic change to the hormones can absolutely be a trigger or exacerbating factor in mental illnesses. I had a radical hysterectomy 15 months ago and my medications needed to be changed, I had to see my psychiatrist weekly for some time, etc. I never hurt anyone or my animals but that also wasn't the nature of my illnesses prior so.
I would hope trans teens being put on this drug as a puberty blocker are also in correspondence with a mental health team just incase though.
@@AshIsAWolf Yeah, I know multiple adults who have gone through transition and have mentioned that they eventually need to go through a second puberty which can be emotionally taxing. To the best of my knowledge, minors who want to transition need permission from their parents and in many cases also see a therapist or psychiatrist.
There are absolutely things that can go wrong with any medication or procedure, but it felt a little reactionary of the guest to suddenly jump to “-but think of the children!” after going in-depth about how her reproductive health was mismanaged for decades.
@@indesomniac most of my trans friends, even adult ones, did see a therapist and psychiatrist to begin medical transition. But it just feels like the psychiatrists don't put enough care and consideration into them AFTER that approval is given. Just okay heres you're note get gone. Like please no, hormones are an intense thing on the mind and body! Take better care of them!
Also did you catch how she randomly tossed on "detransitioners" like girl.....right to hell
yes yes and yes
this!! I thought I was picking up on low key transphobic vibes with the way she was talking about hormone therapy… she seems biased and uneducated tbh.
I just can't with the amount she defended her actions against the animals. If you knew you didn't do anything it wouldn't take that much explanation. I understand mental health issues, but putting other beings' life in your hands is a lot of responsibility. If you know all of this is happening, why risk it?
This. If you know you have these episodes and constantly abuse your animals, how can you just be ok with keeping them? Ik rehoming usually isn't a good idea but it's better than animal abuse.
I don't think it was defending her actions as much as it was her feeling extremely ashamed and guilty of her actions.
43:31 "whatever was causing those problems was... harming her"-- it just feels like constant efforts to remove any personal responsibility whenever the option was there. just because something out of your control was causing you to hurt an animal, doesn't mean you weren't the one hurting it. to be so understanding of the impact of abuse against yourself and hold your abusers fully accountable and simultaneously negate all responsibility of your abuse towards others is really hard to see; that level of victim complex is harmful to oneself and I hope she continues to heal.
I’m confused about why she was upset that doctors kept referring her back to her OBGYN saying it’s a female problem when it ended up being endometriosis, a problem with the uterus. It sounds like the OBGYN let her down not the doctors who kept referring back to the OBGYN. They don’t have the specialty to diagnose something like that?
This is sadly a reality. It's very common. Baby catching obgyns are grossly unprepared to treat endo. We spend years getting bounced around only to end up back at finally a obgyn who has some knowledge & finally listens
Not surprised given it was a male ob/gyn
endo affects the entire body and the majority of obgyns aren't trained in recognizing and treating it
I genuinely do not believe that the medication is to blame. I also can’t believe she’s allowed to have any firearms.
What information are you basing that belief on? Medications can have wild side effects that don't affect other people all of the time.
Florida 🙄
Have you taken this medication? I have. And it completely changed my personality. Imagine having an invisible chronic pain health condition and being told by your doctor there is a drug that could change that. Look up other people’s experiences on this drug and you’ll see how many lives it has ruined.
@@AlyssaEricson-z4hWhat is the name of the drug?
Y'all who deny that messing with hormones can cause this are a real problem.
I don’t understand why you would keep your pets knowing you are hurting them during your episodes.. even if you aren’t knowing what you are doing during, you know it happened. More than once. Why keep them in that situation?
Exactly, if she really "loves" her pets as much as she said she does.. then when she realized she was hurting them.. why tf didn't she get someone else to care for them at least until she was ok again. Makes no sense as an "animal lover" smh
I keep wondering this, I’ve honestly been thinking about it for days and it makes me so sad :(
This is absolutely NOT from the drug trial. I’ve been in healthcare a longggg time.
Animal abuse? I’m out!
I can't understand how she could keep her animals after the first episode, knowing full well she was sick. I also can't understand her family leaving her repeatedly, after serious episodes, and not rehoming all of the animals.
I just can't respect that in any way. That's not due to mental illness, that's being irresponsible and inconsiderate to the animals. She might not remember what happened in those moments of abuse, but there's NO excuse for what they DIDN'T do when she wasn't in an episode.
This girl is very sick, and I'm honestly having a hard time believing her pov
A lot of it sounds made up and over dramatically told.
I'm not going to lie as soon as she said she hurt animals, I started looking at her different. Anybody that physically hurts anyone, especially an animal or child, is a piece of shit in my book. I was an addict for 3 years and I never once hurt anyone physically. There is no excuse smh.
I agree. My heart turned when I heard this.
I get she wasn’t mentally there but she should not been allowed to keep them to keep hurting them.
If you know you’re having episodes and you don’t re home your pets you are selfish af
Yes, I felt the same after hearing that.
Exactly I had a very hard time listening to her after that.
I can appreciate that she feels guilt for the animal abuse but this person should not be allowed to own animals. She keeps describing multiple multiple instances of animal abuse which is absolutely not okay. Animal abuse is never okay but if this only happened a time or two that’s one thing but she keeps describing more and more occasions which is so hard to listen to….. this person is clearly seriously mentally ill and I sincerely hope she gets help. The animals should be removed from her care.
she seems a bit dismissive about it as well. i know everyone is different but if i was talking about that pain i caused to my babies i would be crying.
i’m honestly shocked they weren’t taken from her. since the police got involved with the cat incident, you’d think animal control or humane officers would’ve removed them
The math ain’t mathing with those blackouts
Something mentally is really wrong with this girl. Id be interested to hear her x husbands version. I cant rely on hers
Okay, so first of all, I agree that an irresponsible choice was made and that her animals should have been at least temporarily rehomed while she was going through the blackouts. This being said, I feel like she is being judged much more harshly than many of the other guests that have been on this show. Getting on a podcast like this and talking about things you've done that you are incredibly ashamed of for everyone to hear and judge has to be incredibly difficult. I don't think she is in anyway defending what she did to her animals. It seems more like she is extremely ashamed of what she has done and since she was doing these things while she was blacked out, its probably hard for her to come to terms with what she had done. I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to black out like that only for someone to let tell me that while I was out of it, I had hurt an innocent animal. As an animal lover I couldn't imagine doing that, so I would have a really hard time believing I could be capable of something like that.
I think a lot of people have never witness or experienced severe mental illness and think that everything is a choice you have control over.
People are happy to accept that it can make you hurt yourself or lose yourself in a manic pixie dream girl way but people are a lot less willing to accept that it can make people blindingly violent.
@@Mossquean That and a lot of people especially on the internet care more about animals than other people.
I am glad someone said this. If she was having episodes and on medications severely affecting her, it is going to make her do things she wouldn’t normally do. It is messed up for the animal but it doesn’t take away from her story or everything she has been through.
I also looked this drug up and it appears a lot of people had horrible mental side affects. It appears the drug really amplifies any already existing issues.
@@aleahsimpson7373Seriously! They will completely dismiss this poor girl and her story because of that. She suffered a lot. More compassion for animals than a human being. Not to say animals don’t need compassion but she also does too.
Omg I’m crying. As someone who had undiagnosed endometriosis stage 4 and adenomyosis I had 12 surgeries including a hysterectomy at 24, became a heroin and fentanyl addict due to years of opiate use, botched surgery caused me to take radiation therapy which I wouldn’t wish to my worst enemy. Now im 29, mom to a 10 years old daughter, recovering addict and in menopause. I felt everything you said. Stay strong girlie ❤❤❤
bless your ❤🫶🌱
❤❤
take a shot every time she says unfortunately
rest in peace to all who takes on such a challenge LMFAO
Why is this person allowed to have animals?!
Pretty rough listening to this woman just make excuses and down play severe reoccurring violence against animals and the interviewer doesn’t even challenge this narrative. She clearly has had rage issues since childhood and after one black out episode she could have decided to give away her animals to protect them until she resolved her own issues but she never did.
The whole point of this podcast isn't to challenge peoples experiences, it's to just listen to people's stories. Plus if you had someone crazy in your house and who knows where you live, you wouldn't want to provoke them for your own safety.
But yea I definitely agree about the animals.. very sad and irresponsible 😞
oooo i wouldve loved to have seen dev question her a little more, like how exactly did she hurt her pets in the black outs, she never went into detail she kept it very vague
@@julzniandrawho wants to hear about violence against animals in detail?…
@@lucia-dw5fo not in detail but like she kept it very vague about what shed do to them and so it makes it hard for me to understand if i should feel sympathy for her or not. im vegan bro and have been for 9 yrs, animals mean everything to me
Gurl. 👀🦴...dog breaks hip. 🫢...blackout episodes..
🤔 gurl
...violence....own the dog situation.
I'm one hour in and I'm surprised no one has suggested she might have borderline personality disorder?
that’s what i’m thinking too! especially considering the dissociative episodes because they are a part of bpd. like it definitely could be osdd but the extreme reactions sound like they could be part of bpd splitting.
i don’t wanna armchair diagnose her because i am not a psychiatrist but im really glad i wasn’t the only person who thought this!
I wondered that and also ASPD - not diagnosing her but someone that is violent, hurts animals, makes excuses, seems to lack genuine remorse, etc makes me think of that.
yeah all the giggling during animal abuse explanations made me extremely uncomfortable. i know some ppl have a nervous laugh but it doesn’t sit right w me in those explanation
STRAIGHT UP
Could not agree more.
This person shouldn't be allowed to have any pets. wtf If you are blacking out the moment they do something 'bad' or 'wrong', that is too dangerous and how does she trust herself to know what she has or hasn't done. She was violent as a child, so it isn't true this just popped up after starting the drug. Too many excuses made by her. I hope she really gets help.
Her violence towards animals started after she took the drug. She didn’t have a history of hurting animals before she took the drug and she didn’t have blackout episodes before she took the drug. She stopped taking the drug, got help and now that drug is out of her system. It sounds like she was able to find the correct medication that she needed and she isn’t dangerous anymore.
@@aleahsimpson7373 Why are you defending this lady and responding to lots of ppl. People tell their story on here and we are reacting and responding to it. This one involves animal abuse which I kind of wish there was a warning before I started. I might not have watched at all. When I read "drug trial", I thought she was part of some scientific drug trial, but the way she describes it, I'm not even sure. They would have had follow ups and check ins with her. I just don't find her very trustworthy and the things she says about medical conditions is not accurate.
I don’t like her . she did horrible things and played victim
I can’t get past the animal abuse. She said it wasn’t in her character, but she explained in the beginning that she was an angry and violent kid? The math isn’t mathing. She lost me when she started saying she hurt her animals. I hope they’re safe & rehomed , they deserved better 😩❤️
I understand because I love my animals and I consider them part of my family. But at the same time, people kill themselves and others because of mental illnesses, just think about mothers who harm their babies because of postpartum depression. She clearly stated how her childhood made her a violent kid and I agree with you on that, but she never said she would harm animals, she even said her mother thought she would become a veterinarian. I would cut her some slack, especially seeing how much she regrets and is ashamed of this part of her past where she had no will or power over
She’s antisocial
The animals should have been removed from her range
I agree that the animals should have been rehomed, and that she made a bad decision by not doing so, however I don’t think this means she was lying about anything here.
@@aleahsimpson7373 I didn’t say that she was lying. I just saw some inconsistencies with her story, that’s all.
As someone with endometriosis the moment she mentioned lesions I was thinking “this sounds like endo”. The more she would mention her symptoms I was like “this has to be endo!!!”. Seriously it’s infuriating that so many doctors let her down.
Would the lesions be the scar tissue as well? Because when she said the doctor said he pains were from the scar tissue of which they don’t know where it came from! I was like “endo”
Same!
SAME. I knew it also. "Scar tissue" was the dead giveaway- and the fact that it affected so many parts of her body.
@wendyWERKKZ I had Stage 4 endo AND scar tissue so bad, it rearranged my organs causing severe digestion problems and pain. Endo causes severe inflammation. That inflammation grows scar tissue. It is scar tissue fertilizer.
Same, first thing that came to mind was endo... and none of the doctors even looked into that possibility, finding that quite strange ...
Also, I would love if all videos had a trigger warning for animal abuse, I felt it going there but of course had to keep listening. I tried to get through but it kept going and going. 😢
This podcast IN GENERAL would benefit from trigger warnings, but I actually got backlash just for suggesting it
She blamed everything and everyone and did anything she could to not take accountability. And I can’t believe the animals and her mom and husband stayed in this abusivo situation. Devorah, girl you really gotta look into some of these people more. They’re playing you to get sympathy
Wow were you actually listening? She absolutely took responsibility.
@@janesmith8050 I don’t feel she truly did, it felt empty
Agreed
@@janesmith8050Sometimes she did, but other times she was clearly making excuses.
its really clear the hormone therapy had very little to do with this and instead this is a very unwell person who has a deep mental problems who is violent whether in an episode or not. It's sad because she should have had help the entire time. Hopefully more help will help her so she can rehabillitate herself further and she'll be able to see things more clearly because so many of her stories now even are clearly being manipulated or she doesn't care.
Yes I definitely noticed some inconsistencies in her self characterization. Which i understand. Humans tend to have blind spots..but to say being violent isn’t your nature after telling us about how violent you were towards your parents as a child.. what. No judgement, everyone has a story. It’s just the inconsistency like girl yes u have the capacity for violence. It’s ok to admit it. People think that their violence has boundaries, like they wouldn’t hurt a child or an animal. It’s really just a matter of place and time. I think it would benefit us to appreciate anger for what it is, and that it can get out of control for anyone if they get triggered enough *eta or if they’re under the influence of drugs or illness
spot on
The way she presents all the times she has been baker acted and had the police called like they were crazy over reactions and just like “ugh! I’m so unlucky” like girl no one is that unlucky. When she said that she was sending photos of the dog in the tub looking like he was dead and that she had loads of guns in the house and refusing to come out like everyone else was crazy was crazy. And she kept saying like “never hit the dog / cat / boyfriend hard enough to need to go to vet/hospital” as if that matters. Or how the dog sometimes looked like he needed to go to the vet but it was just an unfortunate coincidence. Or how the girl who said she punched her in the face was crazy and lying after describing going in and getting angry at her even though her ex told her not to. Like wearing rings cod be mistaken for brass knuckles when you get hit. And then getting the restraining order because she “went about it the wrong way”. And now she has another dog ?? Very sus
This is not clear at all. That specific medication does have potential side effects that align with this story. The meds didn't create her mental illness, however they took her pre-existing mental illness and they magnified it to a level that became extremely dangerous. Also, I'm not sure I would say the stories are manipulated. Imagine putting yourself in her shoe for a moment. This woman has a pre-existing idea of who she is and what her morals are, but all of the sudden she starts experiencing episodes of blackout and when she comes to, her loved ones are all telling her she has been doing things she believes she would never do in a million years. I feel like if I was in that spot, I would have a hard time really claiming that experience fully, because I wouldn't be able to identify with it because I don't remember it. Obviously I would take accountability for it and do what I can to get better, but I could understand if retelling a story you only know because someone else told you might feel like you're talking about a different person.
If I was told the trial drug would have even a 1% chance of having a severe and negative impact on my mental health and life.... I would have continued to choose pain
A clear episode of an unreliable narrator.
Omg perfectly said.
Yes this was so uncomfortable to watch. This wasn’t at alllllll what I expected from this episode. It was very little to do with the actual drug trial. It was everything to do with her wanting validation, blame shifting, and
Over explaining her victim mentality. It’s sad… there’s a lot to unpack here, but it’s not a very unique story. It just seemed like someone wanting to vent about how many bad things happened to them… it was a disappointing episode and omg.. very easy to see the patterns in speaking and inconsistencies. A lot of healing needs to happen but you won’t get it on RUclips.
The ex gf was having her own kind of episode & she threatens to destroy HER stuff? girl.. at least she wasnt abusing animals like YOU. And it wasnt her place to tell the internet about the ex's addition/her mental health problems. i love you dev, just wished you pointed out these things when theyre finished talking.
youre brave for sharing this. i wish her continued healing. but i really do think someone should have stepped in to rehome the pets or take them in and they should have at the first incident even if youre in a bad state of mind. so many people have failed her and prolonged suffering of many here :(
i dont really understand why the dog wasn't given back to the organization or just somewhere safe. if she was going in and out of episodes shouldn't she have had the clarity to realize she wasn't someone safe an animal should be around?
I think she was overall unwell at the time, plus the episodes. So someone in her life should have removed the animals for her.
This is literally my favorite podcast. Love how real and raw and deep it is👍it really teaches you alot
smiling and laughing while discussing the way she abused her animals, with practically no sign of remorse? strange, to say the least..
“Unfortunately”…🙃
People can smile or laugh due to being uncomfortable or trying to sooth themselves, reactions aren't always clear cut. It's clear she feels incredibly guilty and shameful having to admit these things happened and probably needs more time to work through this with a therapist.
@@S0mbretitI agree ❤️🩹
@@S0mbretitit most definitely is NOT clear
She seems very antisocial… how can she just sit there and talk about it like it’s just “unfortunate” yikes
This a narcissist? The weird bragging energy and downplaying the disgusting violence against her own service dog.
This woman was recently a guest on a redpill dating podcast which notoriously shames women on OF ..... yikes
I don’t blame the ex husband for not helping her find a place to live once the lease was up and she was all alone at all. She put him through hell & the expected him to come save her again. Glad he put his foot down and said no
agreed… people can only handle so much before it becomes an inescapable, horrible cycle.
Regardless of her “blacking out,” she did abuse him. She injured him to the point of bleeding, regardless of her intent. He would have been justified leaving at any point
There was a lot of misinformation about endometriosis in this video. If you are watching this as a reference please look elsewhere 💛
You should really start putting trigger warnings on some of these episodes where the title does not specify abuse. Hearing about her abusing her animals was extremely triggering and sickening to listen to. I do not believe her "blacking out" excuse that every time she seems to have done something wrong, she cannot remember it. I had to stop watching the episode.
Imo I think she had some severe mental illnesses and issues prior to taking the drug, and the drug seemed to make the symptoms worse, along with the weed that can really make your symptoms worse as well if you have certain mental illnesses and symptoms. Definitely sucks that the drugs made it worse but there’s definitely underlying severe issues that are unaddressed
Exactly
It's really hard to feel empathy for someone that abuses animals.
It wasn't something that was a trait of mine, i never in my 28 years of exsisting ever laid a hand negatively on an animal. Instead this was a broader physiatric episode that required help.
it wasnt just on my animals it was abuse towards my mother and exhsband as well. You hae to view the entire picture. If it was ONLY my animals. That 100% yes. But it wasnt. And once appropriate help was given the episodes stopped.
If every bad thing was viewed as a permanent trait... what is prison reform for????
@@Ladyskyyr322 you need to get checked out ASPD, u should nvr be allowed to own a pet.
@@Ladyskyyr322I love you and thanks for telling your story.
@@Ladyskyyr322im on your side 100%. im glad that you got the answers you were looking for medically and youre healing mentally!
Yeah this rubbed me the wrong way. They don’t have to go to the vets for it to be serious abuse. She shouldn’t have had animals in her care. This isn’t from a trial drug. This drug has perpetuated her prior illnesses. Clearly she shouldn’t have had the dog after the first incident. She says it very nonchalantly and it’s extremely disturbing. This should have had a trigger warning for animal abuse.
I'm having a hard time trusting her on abusing that poor dog. It's so hard to hear what she did... She sounded like she was aggressive before all of this so it's hard to believe that part. I hope her other animals are ok.
Why is she laughing while talking about abusing her animals
I don't think it was the drug trial...
I was so shocked when she said endometriosis. I thought it was going to be something obscure and insane… how did they not catch endo after all those surgeries and tests? A lot of people failed this woman and I respect her tremendously for telling her story so honestly
On average it takes 7 years for women to be diagnosed with endo. It is very under researched. Literally the only way to for sure diagnose is surgery. There is also not a lot of actual solutions to fix it either. Actually none that are lasting.
It took me 10 years to get diagnosed. I went to the best doctors in NY. Spent thousands of dollars. It's uncommon to be diagnosed earlier than 5 years into symptoms.
You lost any of my empathy at animal abuse
Take a shot everytime she says unfortunately. Also girl you’re a terrible person . I have INTENSE bipolar (not the same I kno . Still) and I’d never do no shit like that Idc esp not multiple times . And to also not even take accountability for it or anything. Smh .
some of the worst animal abuse I have ever seen happen publicly was to a service dog. It is really sad and disgusting to hear that this can so easily be ignored in a case like this where it was repeatedly happening over and over. The fact that there was suspicion that the broken bones in the dog were due to her own abuse says it all. It's also very convenient that the only time blackouts and memory loss occur is when these extremely horrific crimes against an animal are committed.
It's clearly never been properly vetted whether these issues truly stemmed from this trial drug and not the underlying mental illness (and possible head trauma from the car accident) that caused her symptoms to worsen with age. It should go without saying that trial drugs should be screened out as an option for patients with histories of serious mental disorders.
I hope in the future these episodes come with trigger warnings, as nothing about this video title would give the impression animal abuse would be so heavily discussed.
!!!!!!^
It’s WILD that she could own guns. Wtf. Republicans vote against healthcare regulations that would have helped with a lot of this situation, but I can guarantee she votes for them. Why else would she want to go to FL, CA, or TX? I sympathize somewhat with this woman, but she’s unwell.
CA has restrictive gun laws. Also People move to those places for more reasons than politics
Have you ever heard of college, jobs, financial issues?? I know if tons of ppl who are very far left who have still ended up in red states because that’s where life took them. Also why do you think CA is a red state??? It most definitely is a left leaning state
I believe she mentioned they were her ex husband's guns who lived with her
I feel like she might have bpd the outbursts the black outs of memory the the splitting on people closest & her animals Sounds like she’s been though a awful lot, sounds like all the medication didn’t help but it also sounds like this behaviour started young she might benefit from dbt therapy there’s such a thing as borderline rage and honestly kinda sounds like it
i have bpd and ive had intense rage episodes but i have NEVER hurt my animals and im vegan as well. lets not say “oh its bpd” just bc she hurt someone? kind of not helping the stigma against ppl w bpd
What the hell was that, this was the most confusing story ever, I don't think she is a reliable narrator. She has a long story of mental illness, violence and agressivity, but clearly the drug trial is the one thing that destroyed her life, not the fact that she assaulted an officer, her mom, her husband and her animals.
Clearly she needed help and should have been hospitalized because she was a danger to others, but multiple time during the story she said herself that she didn't want to get better.
This is a sad story about mental illness and the harm it can cause to the people around. This was confusing and hard to follow and I am sad about the animals and her family that got hurt. I hope she gets help and that she never gets in that kind of situation again
Oh my God why did her mom not take her animals away from the home while she was abusive them... Or the husband. This is horrible again she was aggressive before all of this also..
Bad vibes
Generally agree with most of the sentiments expressed below...I have dealt with similarly extremely unwell members of my family and I can recognise the same patterns of justification. Seems that its always someone else's fault and commonly expressing the notion of "it was someone else" when experiencing blackouts/mental health episodes/rages. It was still you. I also feel like (as others have said) she was experiencing these symptoms before the drug trial, if the way she tells the story is accurate. I feel like you cannot truly accept responsibility for your actions until you separate from the idea that "someone else" was controlling your body, as hard as it is.
Nah animal abuse has zero excuses
The animal abuse is so sick 🤢, I had to take breaks
Tried to grab the cops hand while in handcuffs for some “human connection” 😂🤦🏻♀️ this girl needs serious psychiatric help. The blackout excuse is unbelievable, she can use it to abuse her animals but her punching someone is unfathomable, and she can remember her police interactions super well of course but only conveniently forgets the animal abuse…
I do find it weird she can recall biting her mom while in her episode
This is so ridiculous
She’s trying to blame medicine but all along it was her. You’re responsible for your actions. Doesn’t matter what you’re on. Those violent tendencies were always there. Maybe the med brought it out, but it was always inside. It’s like me when I get blackout drunk with my meds that you aren’t supposed to drink on. The violence was always inside, the alcohol made me lose the impulse control. I always have had those thoughts, I just am able to not act on them when sober cause I can think through my thoughts and use my words. And the trial should have stopped the first time this happened. She was ruined long before this. It took me a long time to realize and admit to myself that those thoughts are still in my head. I just don’t act on them.
So a service animal is a highly trained animal meant to help people with medical issues. If Sylvia was a chewing and nipping puppy it doesn't sound like she was a trained medical animal. Please correct me if I'm wrong I'm just a little confused?
This one was a hard watch.
Yea I couldn’t finish it
everyone saying they drew the line at animal abuse, but not when she said her and her mom would get physical during arguments??? Like huh??? She was very dismissive of her very evident mental issues and said she knew she wasn't crazy, which is such a bizarre statement considering her past of aggressions and also that is such a problematic mindset to have regarding mental illness. I just wanna know why abusing family members, having such intense outbursts that your baby sister has to be removed from the home and stealing cars in your youth is swept under the rug. I don't deny that hormonal medications can severely impact a person and their mental state, but someone must not have been honest somewhere along the line for her to not be diagnosed with a cluster B personality disorder. I was also irked when she commented "My ex-husband left me at a time where I really needed him" (or something along these lines) LIKE GIRL HAVE SOME SELF AWARENESS!!! REFLECT ON YOUR ACTIONS AND HAVE COMPASSION FOR THOSE AROUND YOU!!! NOT EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND YOU AND OTHER PEOPLE ALSO HAVE NEEDS THAT NEED TO BE MET AND YOU ARE CLEARLY TO FOCUSED ON YOUR OWN AILMENTS TO CARE ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONES!!! I think everyone in this story failed her (including herself), and her HORRIBLE behaviors were and are a coping mechanism but man having a hard life doesn't mean you can be bad person. AGAIN, I can understand that the trial drug screwed her up, but the signs of severe mental illness were clear from childhood man. She barely mentioned getting help for said issues, take some onus dude, don't reach for excuses. Everyone can be forgiven but not everyone deserves it idk
honestly it’s been several hours since listening to this one, and i truly am feeling mentally ill because of it. I believe there should be some warnings at the beginning of this one
Honestly the fact that a channel that proposes to be pro mental health is not including trigger warnings is appalling
Birth control did this exact same thing to my anxiety that the estrogen and pro did to her… it’s insane what can happen when you ingest hormones
There are some glaring inconsistencies in her story. Concerning lack of self awareness.
Crazy how I said endometriosis the first time she mentioned scarring but it took the hospital so long to even consider it
SAME!