How I Survived My Ex-Wife's Murder Plot | Minutes With
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- Опубликовано: 10 май 2024
- In this week's episode of Minutes With, we hear from the courageous Rob Parkes, a domestic abuse survivor whose ex-wife was labelled the 'Black Widow' by the media. Rob tells us how she tried to convince five different men to violently murder him and reveals the secret recording which led to her nine-year jail conviction.
00:00 - 00:53 - Intro
00:53 - 01:25 - Meeting Victoria
01:25 - 04:19 - Early Signs of Coercive Control
04:19 - 05:06 - The Relationship Evolves
05:06 - 05:23 - "Victoria Was Pushed to Second Place"
05:23 - 05:48 - The Marriage Breaks Down
05:48 - 07:17 - Battle for Control
07:17 - 09:15 - Arson Attack Puts Rob's Family in Danger
09:15 - 10:52 - Victoria's Five Hitmen
10:52 - 12:33 - The Police Find a Secret Recording
12:33 - 13:15 - Victoria on Trial
13:15 - 14:13 - Asking For Help
14:13 - 15:32 - "That's Her Life Sentence"
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This subject of abuse on men needs to be addressed more in all media. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Lmao soy boys they aint men
There’s an unspoken epidemic on my reservation, probably most if not all, with regard to the sexual abuse of boys in boarding schools who became men. The shame they carry is deep. Women talk about it some while the majority of men remain silent.
I hope one day it won't matter on the sex of the victims... Victims are victims and should be dealt with equally.
Wow, this hit hard. 26 Years in a marriage here to a lady who was wonderful initially, and gave me an amazing son. But as years went on i suffered 20 odd years of abuse. Ive been punched, smacked, kicked. All day long every day it was "you this, you that", im so useless, etc etc. After a while you start to believe it. In the end it was actually her who said she wanted a divorce stating "she was unhappy with me". Very funny. I think it was eventually she ran out of ways to abuse me.
That’s awful, hope you’re feeling okay now. You’re so brave. I don’t think I would survive that
Cuck
I truly hope that this experience will prevent you from allowing it to happen in a future relationship. If you notice these signs in another partner, please be the one to walk away, first
@@MelchVagquestHe will have to work on himself first because he does not know what is abuse and how to love him self and have strong boundaries.
Who to allow in his life and what his attachment style is and how to change it.
He has a a lot of work to do on himself if he doesn’t the circle will never be broken.
And the fact that he stayed to long in this relationship, his subconscious mind will always want what is familiar.
He has to reprogram himself. Take responsibility for his part. He was an enabler to bad behavior.
He never imagined himself without her and he thought she was the only person for him so he needs to cancel that contract and start telling him different things.
He needs to look into his childhood and see how the root of this situation or abuse started.
Happy healing ❤️🩹
@@MelchVagquest Honestly dont think i will ever have another relationship. Mid 50's now and would rather spend my remaining years single.
Thank you Rob for being willing to share your story as a male survivor of domestic abuse. I am also a survivor and it breaks my heart that men don't get the same sympathy as women do in this arena. I'm glad you are alive.
EDIT: the amount of healing you have reached moved me to tears Rob. You are such a beautiful individual and your daughter is very lucky to have you.
Good shout all round
It’s not just that the Police have no sympathy, they don’t even listen if you’re a man!
Respect. Hope you're both doing better
I work teaching young adults and we provide students with links to domestic violence links when we go through support services available and I have to remind my male students that these resources are for them as well and they should be aware of them because many don’t think about it.
@@jessicascoullar3737 Not sure whether you’re in the U.K. but here there are even advertisements showing men who are confined to their bed rooms not allowed out (by their partners) to mix with friends etc It isn’t awareness that’s the problem here, it’s gender. The Police and Social Services simply will do nothing, in fact if the man complains they are more likely to arrest him based on any defensive false accusations , their key phrase is “Listen and believe” (to the female), in fact I don’t think the Police care who they arrest as long as they get a statistic, it’s just easier for them to pick on a male as the subsequent system supports that. This is how men get cornered and psychologically and physically abused in cases like this one.
Young people really need to be taught how to spot the signs and recognize them in their friends. We all know someone in a similar/ if less severe situation
Absolutely. It’s so important. This along with consent should be taught early in adolescence.
Indeed.
Wooh boy this topic always tugs at a ball of hatred in me.
So many f**khead abusers just get away with everything.
It's downright disturbing how many people get into relationships with the _"This is for me and what I want!"-entitlement_ which justifies ever-increasing abuse to those sacks of garbage.
Gaslighting, guilt-tripping manipulation, threats and negative double binds are far more common in relationships than people realize.
I swear if I have to listen one more of my friends open up in tears about how _"My boyfriend/girlfriend constantly berates me and blames me for him/her being miserable with me."_ and then it turns out the other person is 100% the asshole making themself miserable with crappy decisions and taking it all out on _"their"_ partner...
I kid you not there was even a guy who tried to tell one of my friends that she wasn't allowed to end the relationship or he would be "rightfully entitled" to *"kill her for unacceptable treachery"* and it literally took me and three other friends making the guy afraid for his life to get him out of hers.
And at times I still think he should've _disappeared_ instead. 😡
I think with young people today it's actually gone the other way. Every tiny thing is seen as abuse. What they need to be taught is how to distinguish something that either isn't abuse at all, or a micro-aggression, with actual abuse. These days youngsters will dismiss people or shout abuse over nothing.
@@M4nvrs
And you're speaking from what understanding of the matter exactly?
If anything it's entitled boomers and older Gen X:ers throwing hissy fits and yelling at millenials about everything.
Or should we perhaps move past the generalization of entire generations based on their worst few, _hm?_
The scary thing is this just sounded like a normal relationship at first. Also the manipulation telling everyone that he was an abuser is such a common trait amongst many women (not all but a significant minority). My mom was like this and I had an ex that would claim her exes were abusive just to find out it was manipulative behavior and she was actually the abusive one.
Thank you to Rob for taking part in this episode.
yes thank you Rob
Great video 👏🏻
Thank you for being so vulnerable.
He's an incredible person
You should do a campaign to teach youngsters how to identify if they are in an abusive relationship and how to potentially avoid it.
If a relationship feels too intense too fast get out of there asap
Yes and yes. ❤
We are taught through fairy tales and movies that high emotion and "whirlwind romance" means "true love"...that couldn't be further from the truth. Real secure love takes time
After surviving an abusive relationship its sad to admit that things happen so fast and before you know it youre trapped
Yep. I was in one. It isn't like on your first date they punch you in the face. I was in two the second one we had a son. My friends and relatives would tell me to be nice to my husband they didn't know what he was doing to me. It takes a lot to get out!
I know that feeling well. I hope to never attach like that to anyone again. I would rather live in a cave alone than that intense rollercoaster ride of emotions and obsessive thoughts... It's almost like a form of mental illness
@@mlthornton1 Unbelievably ignorant comment. Dismissing an abusive relationship as merely a "heated argument", good grief!
I hope their daughter grows up as healthy and as stable as possible cos the trauma she must’ve gone through while her mum was free then finding out her mum tried to kill her dad is madness
Pray 🙏 so
This is chilling. I went through exactly this (bar the murder plot) with my ex. Like he says, it starts off small and builds up incrementally. Then eventually after 2 years, I was cut off from my family who i’ve always been very close too, I never saw my friends, I couldn’t even have my squash how I wanted it, she had access to all of my social media, banking apps, emails, even my linkedin! I one day woke up and tried to leave and she blocked off the doors and said if I touched her she’d call the police. I managed to get around her without touching her and she chased me out of the house. She then called me and said she’s cancelled my car insurance. A truly evil person and this account was incredible with how much it mirrored my own experience with a cohersivally controlling relationship. Any of you out there going through this, it’s not right and you have to speak to people and escape. Thank you for sharing.
Thankfully u left and are now happy and safe. So many men go through this and stay silent
Rob, I am so sorry you were abused. Women who abuse men often get away with it because society doesn't view women as capable of abusing me, but they can and clearly do. You are brave!!!!
What I hate about abusive relationships, both men and women, is that after the relationship is done, that person can no longer trust the other gender and it totally scars their view on them as a whole and it’s a shame because ultimately 90% of people wouldn’t ever think of acting in that way
the thing is, there is a spectrum in the matter.. abuse is not black or white, you can suffer it in a lot of ways. Not all the abusers will try to kill you but they will abuse you anyways. Lucky are the people who can say they never decided to have a relationship with one or meet one. And when the case is more common than anyone thinks, thanks to social media, you start to think that anyone has the potential to abuse. It is really rare to live a life deprived totally of "toxic" people and the majority only learns how to evade them only when they already had an experience with one of them.
That's how I feel, and it hurts when I have negative thoughts towards a group of people because one person hurt me. 5 years later it's still a struggle. My abuser had borderline personality disorder. Very scary stuff.
@@strongest32 I think this is well put. It's hard to train for every sign because it happens in so many ways. i.e. Your parents may be toxic in one way and you try to marry someone completely different, but it turns out they are toxic but exhibited in different ways. It's impossible to ever know all the signs. You're usually neck deep in the mess before it becomes apparent because people don't usual lead with being horrible, it devolves. Anyone could end up a victim, be it in a family, romantic relationship or even friendship.
It’s sad cause this is the reason why I distrust men :/ and idk I feel bad cause I know NOT ALL men are like that.
I’m sure there’s some wonderful men out there, but because of the trauma etc etc I just can’t trust anyone (/I dislike them etc etc.) tho I wish to stop feeling that way but, not many people understand how HARD and complicated this shit is and how complex emotions are /:
Idk it’s a sucky situation to be in, no one deserves to go through that shxt
@@lxlx7941 it is easy to differenciate good men from evil men if you are a woman. Take in consideration those who enjoy being with you outside the bed and those who make an effort to know the real you. BUT don't abuse them by taking advantage of their good intentions, love them back, be grateful to them.
Well done to the guy for speaking up. Takes a huge amount of courage to do so. The healing process is an incredibly tough slog.
The way this lad articulates himself he should be doing documentaries or something. Keep on going Rob mate :-)
Thanks Ted. You speak for all men.
Oh yeah. I remember seeing this on a police documentary, Victoria being unbelievably manipulative in every single sense of the word, including with the police. Thank god this woman was caught before she could instigate any further damage to this man, to his life and family.
I hope he is healing from the abuse and the trauma that came from this terrifying situation. 🙏🏼❤️
What was the doc called!
@@yojoe8892It was 24 hours in police custody, and I think the episode was called “Black Widow” You definitely see how vindictive she is. 🤮
i wish i could be as forgiving as him, i still despise her after 12 years. i have managed to understand the 'why' but i can simply not accept she did all those things to me. i applaud your positive attitude, i envy it, you are such a strong and gentle man, you deserve the world
I'm a man commenting on my wife's account. 12 years ago I survived being poisoned by my ex. She was never formally diagnosed but I firmly believe she was a psychopath. She wasn't angry at me. I just had become inconvenient to her. I didn't see it coming because I was ignorant of personality disorders at the time but there were plenty of red flags I ignored.
Why would you comment using her account?
And why do you still have access to it?
What were the red flags?
@@theophrastusbombastus1359he’s talking about his ex.
@@theophrastusbombastus1359I don’t think it’s the same woman, probably his current partners account!
@@theophrastusbombastus1359you muppet!! That his wife
I believe you Rob.
I was in a Domestic Violence situation as well. Stay Blessed!
Rob explained SO well what I went through for 14 years to my ex husband. The abuse starts out so slow, and it's so insidious....it's hard to explain to another person...but he did a fabulous job.
Rob, I'm so sorry for what you've been through but it needs to be known that in this type of abuse , there is no respecter of persons, race, male or female, rich or poor, it doesn't matter 😢 Everyone/Anyone is a possible target.
Thanks for the video. Abuse knows no gender.
It does, there are 2
@@Afed390there are indeed 2
I learned this about my ex wife in the summer of 2022 while we were going through our divorce…..
It’s completely devastating when it hits you. It’s also something that I feel I will never heal from.
You will heal
I second that, you will heal. Seek therapy and talk about your experience. Trust me you are not alone, I'm so sorry you have experienced this.
@@theunknown6066
I’m working with someone currently.
It’s a little easier to deal with, but it’s still been pretty devastating to my life, and specifically anything around women and trust.
A brave man. So good he’s speaking out to help others. I left a 22 year relationship with an abusive man. Very hard but the best thing I ever did.
You're a courageous man to publicly tell your tale, I hope this will give others the strength to get out of a bad relationship which is probably your motive for telling your tale.
I was in an abusive relationship, and I felt so silenced. I felt silenced for years after, too, like the weight of the words I had to say was too much to breathe into the universe. Thank you for speaking up, Rob.
Only by the look of this guy you can tell he is an angel and met the wrong partner :(
There is no such thing as the right partners, women will do what women do. Especially with a person like him
It’s a shame that men feel a stigma that they can’t ask for help. I am glad he has spoken about this and seemed to have raised a wonderful daughter despite her mother’s ill intentions towards her father. I hope you have a good rest of your life.
this one hit me, espcially the beginning ... in my final year I got into a relationship which turned toxic, abusive. Very intense like what Rob had said and kind of addictive, and later it was getting more difficult to leave her side or see other people. Thankfully I got out of that ... but watching this interview helps me see how awful things could have gotten if I had continued
Planning to kill someone rather than just ending the relationship seems crazy.
He has an amazing way of speaking. He chooses his words carefully and he phrases things so concisely. Shows a very high level of intelligence, which he clearly has. I wish this man nothing but peace and happiness in his future. I hope his daughter grows up knowing that even though her mom sucks, she's got a great father who loves her.
This is where men often do not get the support they need. It's very common for men to just keep quiet because admitting to being abused by a woman is seen as weak by many people.
Social experiments have been done on this in public, where an actor would pretend to be the victim and the other the abuser. When its a man being shouted at, kicked and slapped by a Woman. Alot of bystanders just look and laugh and do nothing. But when its a woman being abused in exactly the same way, people instantly rush in to intervene.
There is a massive gulf when it comes to peoples perceptions of abuse. Men CAN and DO get abused! And I'd love to see a society where this is taken alot more seriously.
I left my second marriage as it was just getting more and more abusive. When a woman leaves an abusive husband she's lauded. When a man leaves an abusive woman, he's abandoned her. This was my experience. My case was control and coercion. Her family members still give me abuse when I see them in town.
@@brushhead That really sucks man. 😥
Sorry to hear you've had a rough deal. Try your best to ignore them at all costs. They really don't seem worth any of your time. Best of luck man.
The problem isn't even just being seen as weak, it's people not believing you.
So many men are suffering abuse and stay silent, aren't believed etc. this man is so brave and anyone going through this please talk to someone that loves you and get help.
YOU DESERVE To be SAFE, HAPPY, HEALTHY etc
I think this is the same dude (and woman) from a 2-part 24 Hours In Police Custody. It’s called “The Black Widow”. She is genuinely chilling, so manipulative, I’d be so concerned for anyone who comes into contact with her in the future, I hope she is heavily supervised once released. I 100% recommend watching it. Wishing you the best for the future Rob, and your daughter.
Thanks, I'll check that out on Britbox. Looks like it's season 9, episodes 5 and 6.
The awful thing happened to me but it was the opposite and my male narcissist ex did everything to kill me. I am still alive and the kids are away. I thank this man for his openness.
Great that this story has been shared. It is clearly on the more extreme end of the scale but there are so many aspects that ring true for a lot of abusive relationships. Slowly but surely trying to isolate someone from family and friends is a big one and you have to be very stubborn to resist that. It is easy for an abusive person to convince someone that they spend too much time with friends. So the victim will try and 'correct' the behaviour and soon enough falls out of touch with those people.
At that point they assume you are too loved up to socialise and you assume they won't want to hear from you. All the while the reality is hidden.
Than you for being brave enough to share your story. x
Such a powerful story, and shared so eloquently.
This is actually so heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing your story.
I wish more men would speak out about domestic abuse. The media and some politicians want this issue to be brushed under the carpet. But most statistics show that men account for almost half of domestic abuse victims, but most feel afraid to speak out.
What statistics show that men account for almost half of DA victims? What I see it says 1/7 men will be abused in their lifetime and 1/4 women and those numbers don’t add up with what you’re saying.
@@pri.sci.lla.I suggest you dig a bit deeper. Because just looking at one study will not be sufficient to determine anything.
@@pri.sci.lla. Still, he makes a valid point. For example, 'believe all women' should not be a thing. It can't be unless one is ignoring the fact that women can also be abusive and manipulative (A.H. comes to mind... turns out it was her abusing him). All abuse is bad, yet we only hear about female victims, and only very rarely about males (partly because they tend to keep it to themselves, tbf. Or they just off themselves...).
@@BPchadlite🤣🤣🤣
Thank you for sharing your story, Rob. It's cathartic, it's helpful, so clearly explained what this can look like. I'm so sorry you've experienced something like this.
I had the same kind of relationship with a girl, it lasted only 2 years, but looking back it was horrifying how changed my life and her attitude step by step. Always just a little day by day so I thought everything is normal.
I remember two big turning points in my situation: first was when she questioned that is it neccessary to visit my mom on mother's day. (the day before that was ok to visit her mom)
The second was that my friends told me in recent months we don't see each other very often, and I'm so weird, not the same as before.
I see so much relationships around me like this, so the most important: in a healthy relationship your partner can't ask you to turn your back to your friends/family/hobby, if these don't affect your life negatively.
Just a well articulated response, all the best in the future rob. Hope all's well with you and your daughter
Thank you for being brave enough to share your story
5 minutes in and this sounds so much like my brother and his wife. Thankfully she hasn’t tried to kill him, but he’s definitely been “taken away” from his family.
This makes me sad. I was in a mentally and physically abusive relationship for almost 5 years. I have never wanted to have a serious relationship again. It was based on the chemistry between us and very much an addiction. I will never let it happen again.
Violence against men, not just women, in a relationship is unfortunately more common than people think. This video and other media like it are so important in bringing awareness that not only can it happen but there can be grave intent and consequences if ignored, downplayed or underestimated.
My heart goes out to Rob Parkes and his daughter as they bravely endeavour to live beyond survivorship. 💟
I'm not sure why the stigma is against men.
The most physically volatile relationships are lesbian relationships by far
Thankyou Rob for speaking about this. My own experience was of emotional abuse, but I see parallels with your story. That video meant a lot.
Thank you for sharing your story as a survivor of domestic abuse. Wishing you peace.
This guy must be a very strong person and respect to him for sharing his story. Hopefully the whole ordeal has not impacted his daughter too much.
It’s a shame you didn’t ask him what he thought about when his ex-wife gets released from prison.
What a strong guy, wishing you nothing but happiness and success in the future rob.
Very courageous Rob, you're far from being alone. They never let up.
Incredible will power to keep pushing on. Big respect
Well done telling your truthful story, Rob, good work mate, I wish you and your daughter the best for the future.
i feel for this man. i hope he is receiving the love he deserves now and his heart healed 😭
Amen brother…. I’m going through something similar now… currently been charged after she made allegations that I tried to kill her… have a crown court trial set for the end of next year. I’m the criminal here. The police won’t listen to me that actually the abuse she claims against her was actually towards me. Guilty until proven innocent.
My narcissistic mother did something similar to me. She spoke ill of me, told stories which she exaggerated about me to get people to hate me. She turned my family against me, my exes, random people that never met me. I've been threatened all over for a year plus now. I am in the shelter system. I don't know if it's a danger or safety sometimes. All I can do is pray to God and tell my story wherever I can. While they spread hatred, I'm telling Truths. It is yet to be seen if I will make it, but I won't ever stop doing what I can to escape what these people have done. By myself. I can't speak to people much because this situation has effected me but I fight and I retain myself. I will attain my freedom, peace, and independence again. These stories are empowering, sombering, and inspiring. There ARE narcissistic abusers and there ARE survivors.
God told me that there is evidence. So God forbid anything were to happen to me, something will surely come for them. They all have to be stopped of all the filth they're all putting out into the world. However that may come to pass.
He seems like such a sweet man I feel so bad for him
I believe you. And I certainly say you are a genuine person and deserves better. I wish you peace, love and happiness ❤
Thank you for your story ,Sir ,it is not a easy way to stand up publicly ,very genoroes guy ,well done sir
So sorry this happened to him and his family. I think it's a brave and amazing thing that men are able to open up with their own stories of abuse. Not to mention recognizing that women are just as capable of domestic abuse as well. Thank goodness her plan failed and that he and his family are doing well.
After having been through this type of relationship with this type of woman, its made me fear relationships far more than desire them. There is an automatic concern that the next partner will be more adversary than friend. And that I will have to defend myself from someone who is supposed to love me; to be on my team. I have endless compassion for anyone who has been thru this. And while then gender is ultimately unimportant, the dynamic is far less recognized for men. May you all be happy, at peace and liberated from all suffering, trauma and anything less than the full and complete truth.
This guy is inspiring and a role model for survivor and he has a book of his account. The sentence is too short.
I can really relate to this. My supervisor, who was supposed to teach me my job at work for the first four years of my career, was a very narcistic man. He mentally abused me and there was a pattern with other girls after me. Thank god I recognized things eventually and got away. After that, I needed another three years with huge help to fix my mental issues, caused by that man. Somehow he didn’t get fired and is still working within the same company, other coworkers didn’t and don’t believe me (including HIS supervisor) and he continues his pattern with mentally controlling and abusing other girls, because no one is believing that he is actually capable of doing those things.
Man here! I am a survivor of domestic abuse that has devastated my life. My ex-wife destroyed me financially, destroyed my relationship with all my friends because she was secretly telling them that I was abusive. I can get over the financial loss and the loss of my friends, but I can’t get over the loss of my son because of her allegations of abuse that were totally unsubstantiated. She devastated my life for financial gain. Life could have been so much better for use as a family if her greed hadn’t of clouded her judgement. Stay strong fellas.
i’m so sorry to hear that i hope you are able to heal and see your son again, best of luck
This is so important to raise. Domestic violence against men by women is a taboo subject sadly. This story is absolutely horrific. I'm glad this chap has moved on with his life and I'd like to thank him for sharing his experience, I hope more men feel able to talk about this and report it to Police.
This broke my heart 💔 as someone who was abused by my children a dad and has finally healed and welcomed a healthy connection into my life, I feel so angry that women can get away with such things. I am so sorry you suffered yet so proud you told your story 😢❤
Your children abused you? How?
Anyone whos going through something traumatic, remember it will get better! The way alot of the people on this channel talk, you can tell they spent time unpacking these emotions with a professional. It takes time and alot of support to get to this point.
Powerful words at the end there❤
I was in a narcissistic relationship. Forever trapped with accusations of cheating and this and that. Turns out my ex was the one doing it all and portraying that guilt onto me. I can think of 3 occasions where I thought hang on!? Love prevailed and didn't want to believe it. Thank you for telling your story mate, you don't realise the psychological abuse men go through because you are engrained to think domestic abuse is only man on woman. 👏
Nobody ever thinks about talking men abused by a female partner! I am really glad you made this very helpful video!
Well done to Rob for speaking out! Men need to be believed and encouraged to speak out. And to know NOT to put up with it, that it isn't weak to leave.
Men, you deserve better, too ❤ Please know that you are worthy of love, attention, safety, adoration, you are worth being heard, seen, and accepted.
We all are worthy and deserving of this, don't forget it!
I've known dudes who have been abused. They're the caring, empathetic, and most loving.
The person who is right for you will make you feel supported, not crushed.
They brighten your light, not dim it.
My husband has 2 daughters from his first marriage. They validated his claims of abuse when they said"remember when mom hit you with her gun bc she couldn't find the bullets to shoot you?!?" And then they cackled. The hurt, shame and fear that crossed his face?that's when I stopped caring for them.
This same stuff happened to me, ten years later. I have PTSD. I have nightmares, I have terror panic attacks. I have flash backs most nights. The abuse I was put through comes with me everyday and I have to deal with the trauma, PTSD and the therapy.
I don’t know if I’m in an abusive relationship. It’s not physically abusive. But I can’t go anywhere or do anything. He follows me and tracks me. If I’m 5 mins late from work he phones or goes out in his car looking for me.
It might not be one yet but I can assure you that’s not normal. A relationship is about trust. Talk about it with your partner and if it won’t change leave. My grandpa was highly controlling and eventually abusive. Whenever the abuser starts feeling like they can’t track you and control you they will find a way to feel in control of you (aka emotional/physical abuse).Sending you lots of love!! Please don’t stay if you see the red flags
I do this as well.
You are.
This is highly abusive and controlling, lacks trust and full of insecurities that could hurt you. Get out safely soon.
Yes you are and I’m sorry to tell you that it only gets worse, not better.
A big red FLAG to pay attention to when you first meet someone is to watch how intense it is especially if it's moving really fast. That's not LOVE. It's real easy to make excuses for it. But don't. It's not LOVE. If they get upset because you want time to yourself or you want to go out with a friend or you want to go on a holiday by yourself, that's NOT Love. You can and will meet someone better for you. What he experienced in the beginning is LOVE BOMBING. Abuse wasn't his fault, that lies with the abusive person.
My story is not nearly as severe as his and doesn't belong on the tube. But it's a classic example of what he is talking about here. These types of relationships often develop way too fast, they seem way too interested, there's love bombing and things often seem "too perfect", and too good to be true. A lot of people with cluster b personality disorders always need to be in control. Especially narcissists.
I want a whole RUclips channel to interview people who survived abusive relationships. It might help others come to terms and get out of
Thank you Rob for discussing this - its real
I wasn't allowed to go out to gigs, or clubs, I even got guilt trips about going to work and lost at least one job because of their issues. Some of this rings so true man, it's horrible.
I'm so sorry for what you went through 😞😢
Great to see Rob open up and share his story. Took a lot of guts and courage. He has my respect and the healing process is a long one. I wish him the best.
It’s amazing how the methods of abusers are the same regardless of gender (CIS, identified, etc). While most cases are men against women, cases like this needs to be spotlighted to help men. Men out there - talk with your friends of all genders. Friends speak up - even if it ends the friendship. You still might save a life or lives. Thank you for sharing your story.
This guy is incredibly well-spoken.
Thanks Rob, and I'm happy you and your daughter are free to be so :)
Respect to this dude. The same sorta thing happened to me. Respect respect respect
The perfect mix between a comedy movie actor and some member of the royal family
Hit hard this so many home truths that resemble so much of my past relationship with the mother of my child.
How horrific. I am so sorry
I feel this. My wife is has ultra strong narcissistic tendencies and listening to this guy's descriptions of the forced control and shutting out of any kind of life of his own rings very true with what I am dealing with. Growing up we are told that monsters aren't real, but they very much are. They just happen to look like any other person and the danger comes from letting them close.
Understand & establish your boundaries. Anyone who repeatedly crosses your boundaries intentionally is an enemy, not an ally. Remember that.
My mother abused my dad and me that adopted me from 6months on horribly.
She threatened divorce allll the time so I thought for sure they would as soon as Iovoed out at 18 but no, they stayed married for 10 more years with her horribly unhappy.
Never understood anything she did.
Been no contact for 27 years of bliss without her insanity.
What a beautiful strong man! Hope you thrive!
I've done this in two relationships..😮and my kids act the same way, it's so unreal.
She got nine and a half year for it. If this was the other way around its 20 years plus
A roommate recently tried to scare me down stairs-I still can’t think about it.
A good lesson for those in relationships, if it doesn't feel good, it ain't good, leave!
I am so glad survived! My son's homicide investigation is still on
going.
Unfortunately I don’t think she’ll learn nor serve a “life sentence” of guilt. A narcissist person like that may just want more revenge and it’s very sweet that you’re empathetic to the point of thinking about the time/opportunities she’s wasted. That being said, you had a daughter together, the one thing you care about most in life…this lady gave birth to and may feel like she’s owned. I mean obviously it was nothing (yet seemed like her only mission) to take away the father of her daughter, as she didn’t care/think about how devastating that would be for the child, therefore I would only assume she doesn’t care for her child. She put the lives of both of the child’s parents in jeopardy, one possibly killed and one possibly in prison. That woman would never be in the same town as my child again, and if I found out she were I’d probably find her before she even had a chance to think about breakfast. Don’t have to speak ill of the woman that gave birth to her, I’d at some point tell the kid the full truth and make sure your daughter can defend herself. Good luck. Unfortunate there’s just another thing to worry about when it comes to your kid, fortunately you know it’s name and release date.
I had my first serious relationship with a girl when we were both 16. She was incredibly jealous and controlling and would ruin nearly every social occasion by turning gloomy. I was constantly walking on eggshells. When I eventually ended it, she became incredibly violent but thankfully she was only 5 ft nothing and unable to cause any real damage. I assumed for a long time that this was just typical of any relationship where one person is insecure and it was only when I realised how it affected my new relationships going forward that it dawned on me how it was actual mental abuse I had suffered.
Keep ur head up man
That bit about him and his daughter at the end,I’m glad he got something of true value outta that toxic relationship,a child he can love and connect with,it’s the silver lining to this particular story hopefully…