Hi loves! ✨ We just launched a new community program ft. masterminds and monthly live events for personal growth & wellness! Learn more & join here → lavendaire.com/DLC 🫶
Oh my god, this is so relatable! I recently quit a voluntary job, because they kept on taking advantage of me. I was a User Interface/Graphic Designer and they started pushing me to do more and more things, that were out of my agreed role and out of my comfort zone, they threatened me in the end and I just gave up my good people pleasing side and simply said NO. I will not take abuse, especially for something I am not getting paid for. You really have to put yourself first.
I wish I had learnt this sooner. I've done so many things I didn't want to! I even had a wedding that I didn't really want and I didn't actually enjoy the day till I could get home and relax... I've wasted so many hours on people who I don't enjoy spending time with just so I don't seem "mean"
I relate so much! To me, this is so much about setting boundaries - I have been working on saying no / setting boundaries a lot lately, and it. is. so. hard. Especially for a people-pleaser and fellow non-confrontational person like me. But I heard this great thing recently that setting boundaries (ie: saying what is okay with you and what is not) is actually an act of love. If you say yes to something you don't really want to say yes to, it builds up resentment. Saying no is a way of setting boundaries, honoring yourself, and ultimately, loving the other person more. Brene Brown has been talking about this recently - when someone violates your boundaries, you're much more likely to have resentment and talk about that person behind their back. But when you are firm about your boundaries, you honor yourself. And it really is up to US to set our own boundaries - naturally, people will take our time, but it's up to US to protect our time, say no, and preserve our boundaries. She says that the kindest, most compassionate people she's ever met are the ones who set boundaries the best. Anyway, I'm working on this one big time...and I think it's just one of those ongoing things, there's no "mastery", I think it'll always be kinda hard...but that's when you know you're moving in the right direction :)
this is my life girl! I am a people pleaser and it's also really hard for me to say NO, it makes me feel mean and the though that what will the other side think about me , I totally understand you, I am working on myself at the moment too , good luck sweety, I believe in you and don't ever forget that you are the most important person in your own life ! you go girl :)
Thanks Aileen for giving us such useful advice. I realize that I'm saying YES too much. Whenever my friends tell me anything, I'd try my best to accept them. And it's made myself tired and always in a hurry. Now I know that not that always saying YES would prove myself to be kind, I can do every single thing from my heart so that everyone else can feel that I respect them. Thanks
This resonates with me so much! I hate letting down anyone and sometimes when people request to do things with me or there are events/parties I don't want to attend, I feel like I might miss something. Overall I am getting better at saying no but I am nowhere near close to be being where I want to be in that regard. I believe if it's just fear that wants me to stay put and say no, I should do it anyway but in any other case where I feel like I am constantly sacrificing my time for things I don't enjoy, I should be consequent and listen to my inner voice. Thanks for always keeping my mind wandering and thinking about how I can still work on myself😊
such a great video. all we hear on social media is just do it, say yes to everything but no, i don't want to do it. recently I've been chating with friend to meet up but because of different work schedules it was hard to get to a time that was good for both and she kept pushing the time was good for her but was not really ok for me. it would have been after my zumba class, 9:30 pm which is too late for me because i need to get up early for work. she has a different schedule so she can go out in the evening during the week. so i said not really, i don't know.... she kept nagging until i said a firm no. i feel like people don't respect other people's time anymore. i work full time and I'm also at uni for my master's and one of the profs asked me if i would hold a workshop on mailchimp. i said well maybe after 6 pm (when i get off work) and she just laughed like whoa somebody's busy. it made me so angry! those people pay me to do the work I'm good at and you think I'll take time off to come and and do it for free? nah-ah honey. marie forleo is a great inspiration for me too. i learned to treat my gym time non-negotiable. i love zumba, i enjoy the class and i deserve to go twice a week.
i feel you!! I also love zumba and I prioritize my workout time too - I could be super busy that day but I still must take the break to go to yoga. you need that "me time" you know!
Going the extra mile for someone does not mean that they will go the extra mile for you in return. Do you really want to plan an elaborate surprise party for someone who may not even tell you happy birthday? Or are you cool with a very belated gift. People bring their ownselves down with the help of others at times. Don't allow that. 👏
@@kayla-vr3dt That’s a good question :) I think it’s because saying no is a form of standing up for yourself. You show people that you won’t be pushed around or pressured into something. When you show that you have self-worth, people respect you and your personal boundaries more.
This was very inspiring, Aileen. Us, people pleasers have a hard time saying no... What I (try to) think in thoses cases is that saying no doesn't have to be said in a bad way. It can be very respecful to others demands and polite. But at the same time my brain is telling me: "if you say no, it has to be in a straight, unpolite way". Well, wrong! Something else that comes together with saying no is having to explain oneself... I always feel the need of explaining myself (makes me feel less unpolite), but sometimes there is just no need and a short explanation together with a no can perfectly do.
i agree, you can always be polite. but you don't always need to explain yourself thoroughly, just do what's best for you. "those who mind don't matter, those who matter won't mind"
This video is perfect to me. I am constantly living in the consequences of bad decisions I made to make other people happy. But now I'm learning with my mistakes and I found this. Thank you.
I just found you today and Im already in love with you! I must have watched 7-10 videos and all of them had such pure and inspirational messages. You're exactly what I needed today 🤗
OMG I was just thinking about making a video like this yesterday!!! Such an important topic!!! I completely agree with what you're saying! I end up feeling guilty when I tell someone no or whatever is going on. I'm like, wait, I don't have to feel guilty about it. AWESOME VID! =D & I LOVE Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, song is stuck in my head now =) hehe
"Saying no means you know your limits." Thank you so much for always being an inspiration to me. ❤️ you need to continue making such genuine advice videos 🙆🏼 I love you babe. 😘 xoxo. keep doing what you're doing! proud to be a subscriber of yours 😌
Aww I totally relate. I've always had that problem and I think that's what finally caused my anxiety and depression to go through the roof. I'm still learning, and I loved how you said that saying no does not make you a bad person. I feel so mean for saying no but I often times get so much anxiety for doing these favors and I just cannot keep doing it if I want to live a decent life. I love you!!
I think this is great, and something I'm going through myself. Not exactly saying "no", but staying true to myself. too often I allow people to walk over me and take advantage of me, so what you said "stop putting others needs before your own", that's what I'm doing now. My life is mine, not everyone else to do with what they wish!
being kind and respectful is about self-respect. how other ppl treat you is an indicator of how they feel and think within themselves. once disrespected its the abused person's ability to recognize and escape and heal from the abuse that matters.
Thank you so much, you don't know how much this help me. I always say Yes in everything but my body say No. Someone want me to go in their church but I don't want to go, but I feel bad beacuse its about God. I promise I will say No to their invitation next week. I don't want to do things that I don't want to do, I have different beliefs and I will stick to it. I hope I will succeed this time saying No is hard. But I know I got this.
That is interesting! Everybody is commenting that they have a hard time saying no, but I was thinking that there must be some people who are the opposite... where are they? Well, there you are hehe.
Im a no person, lol. But theres been a few times i cudnt say no. It was for a bridesmaid for one of my teachers I really didnt wanna be there and guess what I hated it that day. I didnt even know any ppl there personally. Thats when i decided of i already dont wanna do it Im saying "no"
Very well said, I had to learn this too, I always tell myself I am not responsible for the way other people feel, and that has helped for me when I have to break the news, it is ok to say let me think about it because you might change your mind or at least it gives you that extra time you need to feel if it is right or not.
I see myself in u through Ur videos alieen .you r absolutely correct .nice work ,keep doing such videos. I have been watching Ur videos in these summer holidays.i am correcting myself through Ur positive videos.ur videos have such a goodpositive vibes.they are very much useful for the young graduates like me .I am waiting for your summer series of planning dream life of one's own.
We have the SAME personality! I always say yes so I won't seem like a mean person and i've found myself having stress that lead to anxiety and depression because I was all over the place. Thank you so much for sharing the wisdom, it helped a lot and am inspired to finally start saying no.
I think in my case it's mostly not to please people but just the fact that I'm such a driven person. 80% driven, 10% pleasing (family), and 10% virgo personality. So I've had to be more mindful of my needs so I don't crash or burn out and to have more boundaries.
This is such a good topic, and thanks for sharing your story with us. I've learned tonot to do things following my gut feelings this year, and man it feels so good to not do certain things cause you listened to your own feeling! Your video and the quote you read are so inspiring and clears up my mind even more, thank you Aileen!! 🌺
Great video! I spread myself out so thin this quarter of university and that definitely negatively influenced my health, mentally and physically. However, I learned a lot from it and know my limits now. I love the comment you made about not giving your full passion when you agree to do something you don't completely want to do. Saying no is so hard T.T Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us!
yuh one of the hardest things i had stragled with ... i just waisted 2 years of my life saying yes to my family choices then mine, my friends requested then mine, others disares and always ignored what i really loved... needed badly :( after2 years was totaly waisted i find out that no one really care for me they just blame me make fun of me make me feel bad for not controling my life... i start reclaming alot and compline so they call me the bad one i get hurt i felt isecured BUT i feenaly learned my self that im responsible for my self i will choose what right for me ... i stoped care for there thoughts and decissions it's my life not them ;) and in other side i stoped blaming them bcz it was my mistake to let them control me ... im not complining im just satisfied now and im ready to get back my self and build my life the way i want no metter how it will look like (not just that) i learned to say No without much explanaitions and exuses ... i don't feel it right then it's a NO :D thank you sooo much @lavendaire u r strong
I think you just simply have to shift your perception. Ask a few questions like does this person seem draining am I comfortable around them? Is there anything id like to do before hand this is actually a very crucial part of self care I used to be the same way but you only have so much energy in one day I highly recommend watching a dandapani video ^^ much love, Ivy.
hi, I just want to say : THANK YOU!! for sharing your videos. I am enjoying every one of them so far. I discovered you accidentally through searching on the "KONMARIE" way of decluttering. I have read and watched many other videos sharing the KOnmarie way but none beats the way you explain it so SIMPLY and CONCISELY....and to the point. What's so great about your video is : a) U dont waste viewer's points (a lot of youtubes out there tends to say a lot of stuff that's so irrelevant....just like making a speech and always ending with "u know". Guess they just wanted attention more than making a point. U know what i mean.). b) Your points made are clear and direct. Hence, it is so EASY to follow your thoughts and discovering your tips provided made so much sense and HELPFUL!! Your thoughts and tips given were always logical and sound. c) I like the way you summarize the part of good books / movies you read to illustrate your point shared. That makes me want to read those books now. :) d) U speak well and clear. And U are so real with your feelings and thoughts. I love that. It makes you so transparent and genuine. Last but not least, u make a good teacher and trainer or coach. I can see why your friends love to "pick your brains" for good advice from you. You are very valuable! Thank u once again for putting up your videos. Cheers!
I an new subscriber and watching all your video step by step everyday. I am totally opposite from you, a person need to say 'Yes' sometime. It is so easy to say no to avoid but now I am trying to say 'Yes' to break my comfort zone.
omg... tomorrow I have to make that decision to accept a job...and I have spent the whole weekend debating if I should do it when I will be working to 16hrs a day... and I dont feel it with my all body... the idea of it like you said froze me... so I guess I will practice this "feeling it will all my fiber, listen to my body" before saying Yes... Thank you.... ps: I am very grateful for the opportunity but I will be more in their interest than mine because I will not be moving up the latter but just do things that I used to do before being at the position I am now...
thank you, Aileen, for sharing your thoughts and experiences :) I feel like I can relate bunches to what you talk about especially in this video. I'm still learning to say no and take care of myself too; we can do it!!
Aileen, your content is really great, love it! Can I ask you some question about what you said learn to say no and listen to your body because I just same like you, so I wanna learn this. but if the situation is quite urgent and everyone is take it for granted, hope that you can settle the issue because people just say "I don't know". but the mind and heart just tell you, no I don't want to do this anymore. What would you do Aileen? Thank you for your time and good day ❤
Yeah I just had to say "no" to a friend who wanted to use my id for her friend as a fake idea, but I have no idea who this girl is. I felt kinda bad saying no, but I need my ID!!
Mondegreen I will NEVER lend my ID out!! I hate it so much when people ask because they kind of expect it sometimes and they have no reason to. One of my pet peeves so well done for staying strong ! 😂
You made the right choice because if that other girl got caught you could get in serious trouble, I mean fines or worse. If someone asks you to do something that could get your in trouble they aren't a good friend because it means they don't care what might happen to you, they only care about what they want.
That's funny, on the same subject I recently received one of most important indirect advice in my life from a close friend. She said: you know what life is too short and hard on its own, enough with "the good girl" all the time.
Hi Eileen, thank you for this video. I feel I'm very much like that. I really struggle to say no. And currently my husband and I live with his parents and sometimes I feel that both them and him consumes my time so much and it feels like I never have time for myself.
If it is not "oh hell yes" then just say no im learn this from another youtuber and i think this kinda help so hope everyone who fighting with say no can say no
there is one person in my university friends that he asks the notes of each lesson and the solutions of our homework. toady we had an exam with open notes and onces he didn't have any, he asked me if I had been prepared for the exam and I received that question as "simple interest" so I said yes. Now I regret it SO MUCH because then he asked me to give them to him and guess what I couldn't say no simply because he is in the fellas from uni that we go or went out sometimes. he is 29years old and instead of attending classes he is used to ask all the staff from others. I ve spent more than 30hours to find those solutions to exercises AND I gave them to him in 15 seconds through a usb? I feel so so so stupid. im determined next time he asks me I ll respond NO. He is the kind of person that I dont want to make favors he is lazy so he deserves bad grades. can you suggest me maybe a kind way to say No I dont give you the notes of the whole semester I tried hard to get em? I would really appreciate it. sorry for the long comment I just feel so bad right now.
I hope you figured this out, sometimes you just have to be firm. Really it shouldn't make you feel bad if he gets annoyed or doesn't like you for this because you're making him be honest and really he should be not liking himself because he is dishonest and lazy like you say. His faulty opinions of you don't matter so just say no!
i can relate to this on a spiritual level. it's really hard for me to say no :( especially, cause i know that some people, whenever i say no to them, they sometimes get disappointed with me and it also makes me disappointed in myself. idk. like recently, i received a lot of favors from friends and teachers (and it's our vacation, mind you) and i felt like saying yes was the right thing even though i was not really feeling it. my time was already planned for something else, but i cant say no. 😥😟😢
Hi loves! ✨ We just launched a new community program ft. masterminds and monthly live events for personal growth & wellness! Learn more & join here → lavendaire.com/DLC 🫶
often when you say NO to others, you say YES to yourself :)
yes!!
that's a great way to think about it!
If you can't say no, people will take advantage of you. Even people you trust, because they become dependent on you always saying yes.
That is True That's why I Dispise my Family.
Mildred Harrison sameee
Katherine Petersorf True
Trueee
Family
This was awesome! And the Oprah quote solidified it for me. I AM a good person, and saying no doesn't make me a bad person. Thanks, Aileen!
yes!!
Oh my god, this is so relatable! I recently quit a voluntary job, because they kept on taking advantage of me. I was a User Interface/Graphic Designer and they started pushing me to do more and more things, that were out of my agreed role and out of my comfort zone, they threatened me in the end and I just gave up my good people pleasing side and simply said NO. I will not take abuse, especially for something I am not getting paid for. You really have to put yourself first.
I wish I had learnt this sooner. I've done so many things I didn't want to! I even had a wedding that I didn't really want and I didn't actually enjoy the day till I could get home and relax... I've wasted so many hours on people who I don't enjoy spending time with just so I don't seem "mean"
I relate so much! To me, this is so much about setting boundaries - I have been working on saying no / setting boundaries a lot lately, and it. is. so. hard. Especially for a people-pleaser and fellow non-confrontational person like me. But I heard this great thing recently that setting boundaries (ie: saying what is okay with you and what is not) is actually an act of love.
If you say yes to something you don't really want to say yes to, it builds up resentment. Saying no is a way of setting boundaries, honoring yourself, and ultimately, loving the other person more. Brene Brown has been talking about this recently - when someone violates your boundaries, you're much more likely to have resentment and talk about that person behind their back. But when you are firm about your boundaries, you honor yourself. And it really is up to US to set our own boundaries - naturally, people will take our time, but it's up to US to protect our time, say no, and preserve our boundaries. She says that the kindest, most compassionate people she's ever met are the ones who set boundaries the best.
Anyway, I'm working on this one big time...and I think it's just one of those ongoing things, there's no "mastery", I think it'll always be kinda hard...but that's when you know you're moving in the right direction :)
Love this!
:D
Makes sense Lavendaire
Thanks so much for making this video, dear! So many of us need to learn how to say no and these were some great thoughts! Keep up the good work!
this is my life girl! I am a people pleaser and it's also really hard for me to say NO, it makes me feel mean and the though that what will the other side think about me , I totally understand you,
I am working on myself at the moment too ,
good luck sweety, I believe in you and don't ever forget that you are the most important person in your own life !
you go girl :)
"Dont mean to hurt anyone. I just needa look out for myself." When I tell you this one was the best one.
Russian subtitles are available! Click "CC" and check the video settings 💕
Such an important topic that most people don't hear about! I'm glad to be hearing you insight on it. Thanks Aileen ♡
Thanks Aileen for giving us such useful advice. I realize that I'm saying YES too much. Whenever my friends tell me anything, I'd try my best to accept them. And it's made myself tired and always in a hurry. Now I know that not that always saying YES would prove myself to be kind, I can do every single thing from my heart so that everyone else can feel that I respect them. Thanks
Learning to say no is a long process, but we all need to give ourselves a permission to say no, when we feel it that way 🙂
This resonates with me so much! I hate letting down anyone and sometimes when people request to do things with me or there are events/parties I don't want to attend, I feel like I might miss something. Overall I am getting better at saying no but I am nowhere near close to be being where I want to be in that regard. I believe if it's just fear that wants me to stay put and say no, I should do it anyway but in any other case where I feel like I am constantly sacrificing my time for things I don't enjoy, I should be consequent and listen to my inner voice. Thanks for always keeping my mind wandering and thinking about how I can still work on myself😊
Wish all the people around me were like you!
Yea, sometimes it's hard to say no but I always remind myself that I deserve to say no for myself
Nah to the ah to the no no no
I need to say "no" more often. People take advantage of the people who constantly say yes
woohooo
such a great video. all we hear on social media is just do it, say yes to everything but no, i don't want to do it. recently I've been chating with friend to meet up but because of different work schedules it was hard to get to a time that was good for both and she kept pushing the time was good for her but was not really ok for me. it would have been after my zumba class, 9:30 pm which is too late for me because i need to get up early for work. she has a different schedule so she can go out in the evening during the week. so i said not really, i don't know.... she kept nagging until i said a firm no. i feel like people don't respect other people's time anymore. i work full time and I'm also at uni for my master's and one of the profs asked me if i would hold a workshop on mailchimp. i said well maybe after 6 pm (when i get off work) and she just laughed like whoa somebody's busy. it made me so angry! those people pay me to do the work I'm good at and you think I'll take time off to come and and do it for free? nah-ah honey. marie forleo is a great inspiration for me too. i learned to treat my gym time non-negotiable. i love zumba, i enjoy the class and i deserve to go twice a week.
i feel you!! I also love zumba and I prioritize my workout time too - I could be super busy that day but I still must take the break to go to yoga. you need that "me time" you know!
Going the extra mile for someone does not mean that they will go the extra mile for you in return. Do you really want to plan an elaborate surprise party for someone who may not even tell you happy birthday? Or are you cool with a very belated gift. People bring their ownselves down with the help of others at times. Don't allow that. 👏
Where did you get such a positive attitude?! I love your message!
Thank You 💕🌷
i dont feel guilty because if you say no you will actulley get respected
amen
steverfc7 how
@@kayla-vr3dt That’s a good question :) I think it’s because saying no is a form of standing up for yourself. You show people that you won’t be pushed around or pressured into something. When you show that you have self-worth, people respect you and your personal boundaries more.
This was very inspiring, Aileen. Us, people pleasers have a hard time saying no... What I (try to) think in thoses cases is that saying no doesn't have to be said in a bad way. It can be very respecful to others demands and polite. But at the same time my brain is telling me: "if you say no, it has to be in a straight, unpolite way". Well, wrong!
Something else that comes together with saying no is having to explain oneself... I always feel the need of explaining myself (makes me feel less unpolite), but sometimes there is just no need and a short explanation together with a no can perfectly do.
i agree, you can always be polite. but you don't always need to explain yourself thoroughly, just do what's best for you. "those who mind don't matter, those who matter won't mind"
+Lavendaire Yup, that quote fits perfectly!
you definitely need to have more subscribers! you just inspire so much people
Good advice
I really like when you tell stories in your videos like in your podcasts!
thanks! 💜
This video is perfect to me. I am constantly living in the consequences of bad decisions I made to make other people happy. But now I'm learning with my mistakes and I found this. Thank you.
I totally agree🥺💕💖
I just found you today and Im already in love with you! I must have watched 7-10 videos and all of them had such pure and inspirational messages. You're exactly what I needed today 🤗
:)
You have a beautiful smile Lavendaire
OMG I was just thinking about making a video like this yesterday!!! Such an important topic!!! I completely agree with what you're saying! I end up feeling guilty when I tell someone no or whatever is going on. I'm like, wait, I don't have to feel guilty about it. AWESOME VID! =D & I LOVE Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, song is stuck in my head now =) hehe
Oh awesome!! I'll watch!
yes it is!! :D thanks girl
"Saying no means you know your limits." Thank you so much for always being an inspiration to me. ❤️ you need to continue making such genuine advice videos 🙆🏼 I love you babe. 😘 xoxo. keep doing what you're doing! proud to be a subscriber of yours 😌
^_^
"how to say no Lavendaire" - my exact search keywords on youtube. I knew Aileen would have covered this. So grateful ♥
This is just so perfect! Thank you so much!
Aww I totally relate. I've always had that problem and I think that's what finally caused my anxiety and depression to go through the roof. I'm still learning, and I loved how you said that saying no does not make you a bad person. I feel so mean for saying no but I often times get so much anxiety for doing these favors and I just cannot keep doing it if I want to live a decent life. I love you!!
I think this is great, and something I'm going through myself. Not exactly saying "no", but staying true to myself. too often I allow people to walk over me and take advantage of me, so what you said "stop putting others needs before your own", that's what I'm doing now. My life is mine, not everyone else to do with what they wish!
yes your life is yours!
This is such a good lesson to learn! Also great to hear again!
being nice will get you used
being kind and respectful is about self-respect. how other ppl treat you is an indicator of how they feel and think within themselves. once disrespected its the abused person's ability to recognize and escape and heal from the abuse that matters.
Absolutely....
Thank you so much, you don't know how much this help me. I always say Yes in everything but my body say No.
Someone want me to go in their church but I don't want to go, but I feel bad beacuse its about God. I promise I will say No to their invitation next week. I don't want to do things that I don't want to do, I have different beliefs and I will stick to it. I hope I will succeed this time saying No is hard. But I know I got this.
This has helped me enormously. One difficulty that I have always had was this, saying NO. It`s about time I do. :) Thank you for this post Aileen!
This is so much helpful, thank you so much for your advice, Aileen ❤
From one Eileen to another. Thank you 💛
I'm the opposite. I need to say 'yes' more. This was interesting to see how others think coz I never understood why people couldn't say no.
That is interesting! Everybody is commenting that they have a hard time saying no, but I was thinking that there must be some people who are the opposite... where are they? Well, there you are hehe.
:)
Same here 😁
Im a no person, lol. But theres been a few times i cudnt say no. It was for a bridesmaid for one of my teachers I really didnt wanna be there and guess what I hated it that day. I didnt even know any ppl there personally. Thats when i decided of i already dont wanna do it Im saying "no"
It's been a struggle for me too. It's hard for me to say NO when I have to say NO. Thanks for the video, Aileen. ❤️❤️❤️
I said no to a situation that I found toxic a few days ago. I’m glad I did. The people involved incorrectly assumed that I was going to say yes.
This is so me. I find it so hard to say no and difficult to listen to my heart. Thank you for your videos.they are so helpful
Very well said, I had to learn this too, I always tell myself I am not responsible for the way other people feel, and that has helped for me when I have to break the news, it is ok to say let me think about it because you might change your mind or at least it gives you that extra time you need to feel if it is right or not.
Omg, this is soo important!
Thank you for producing this video, as others videos on your channel, they are very inspiring and nice to listen to and watch, as well.
This is so great, relates to my life 100%. Thank you.
Well spoken Miss !!!!!
I see myself in u through Ur videos alieen .you r absolutely correct .nice work ,keep doing such videos.
I have been watching Ur videos in these summer holidays.i am correcting myself through Ur positive videos.ur videos have such a goodpositive vibes.they are very much useful for the young graduates like me .I am waiting for your summer series of planning dream life of one's own.
next time i try to say no 💪waiting 😺😺😺😺
We have the SAME personality! I always say yes so I won't seem like a mean person and i've found myself having stress that lead to anxiety and depression because I was all over the place. Thank you so much for sharing the wisdom, it helped a lot and am inspired to finally start saying no.
Lovely video! Saying no to anything that we are not 100% hell yeah is very important.
I think in my case it's mostly not to please people but just the fact that I'm such a driven person. 80% driven, 10% pleasing (family), and 10% virgo personality. So I've had to be more mindful of my needs so I don't crash or burn out and to have more boundaries.
yea its time i start saying no to favors
This is such a good topic, and thanks for sharing your story with us. I've learned tonot to do things following my gut feelings this year, and man it feels so good to not do certain things cause you listened to your own feeling! Your video and the quote you read are so inspiring and clears up my mind even more, thank you Aileen!! 🌺
Great video! I spread myself out so thin this quarter of university and that definitely negatively influenced my health, mentally and physically. However, I learned a lot from it and know my limits now. I love the comment you made about not giving your full passion when you agree to do something you don't completely want to do. Saying no is so hard T.T Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us!
yuh one of the hardest things i had stragled with ... i just waisted 2 years of my life saying yes to my family choices then mine, my friends requested then mine, others disares and always ignored what i really loved... needed badly :( after2 years was totaly waisted i find out that no one really care for me they just blame me make fun of me make me feel bad for not controling my life... i start reclaming alot and compline so they call me the bad one i get hurt i felt isecured BUT i feenaly learned my self that im responsible for my self i will choose what right for me ... i stoped care for there thoughts and decissions it's my life not them ;) and in other side i stoped blaming them bcz it was my mistake to let them control me ... im not complining im just satisfied now and im ready to get back my self and build my life the way i want no metter how it will look like (not just that) i learned to say No without much explanaitions and exuses ... i don't feel it right then it's a NO :D thank you sooo much @lavendaire u r strong
Really needed this video❤️ thanks!!
you're such a great inspiration
Girlll I needed to hear this right now! This came at the perfect time!
I think you just simply have to shift your perception. Ask a few questions like does this person seem draining am I comfortable around them? Is there anything id like to do before hand this is actually a very crucial part of self care I used to be the same way but you only have so much energy in one day I highly recommend watching a dandapani video ^^ much love, Ivy.
Thank you so much you made my day 😍
if you start saying no others will respect you. i want to be disiked by many than liked
steverfc7 y
@@kayla-vr3dt To avoid being taken advantage of by dependent ( needy) people..... People pleasing drains out precious energy.
What a great video! This is exactly what I'm struggling with. Learning to say no is something I'd like to incorporate in my life :)
hi, I just want to say : THANK YOU!! for sharing your videos. I am enjoying every one of them so far. I discovered you accidentally through searching on the "KONMARIE" way of decluttering. I have read and watched many other videos sharing the KOnmarie way but none beats the way you explain it so SIMPLY and CONCISELY....and to the point.
What's so great about your video is :
a) U dont waste viewer's points (a lot of youtubes out there tends to say a lot of stuff that's so irrelevant....just like making a speech and always ending with "u know". Guess they just wanted attention more than making a point. U know what i mean.).
b) Your points made are clear and direct. Hence, it is so EASY to follow your thoughts and discovering your tips provided made so much sense and HELPFUL!! Your thoughts and tips given were always logical and sound.
c) I like the way you summarize the part of good books / movies you read to illustrate your point shared. That makes me want to read those books now. :)
d) U speak well and clear. And U are so real with your feelings and thoughts. I love that. It makes you so transparent and genuine.
Last but not least, u make a good teacher and trainer or coach. I can see why your friends love to "pick your brains" for good advice from you. You are very valuable!
Thank u once again for putting up your videos.
Cheers!
typo error - i meant u dont waste viewer's time (not "points"). sorry
I an new subscriber and watching all your video step by step everyday. I am totally opposite from you, a person need to say 'Yes' sometime. It is so easy to say no to avoid but now I am trying to say 'Yes' to break my comfort zone.
omg... tomorrow I have to make that decision to accept a job...and I have spent the whole weekend debating if I should do it when I will be working to 16hrs a day... and I dont feel it with my all body... the idea of it like you said froze me... so I guess I will practice this "feeling it will all my fiber, listen to my body" before saying Yes... Thank you.... ps: I am very grateful for the opportunity but I will be more in their interest than mine because I will not be moving up the latter but just do things that I used to do before being at the position I am now...
thank you, Aileen, for sharing your thoughts and experiences :) I feel like I can relate bunches to what you talk about especially in this video. I'm still learning to say no and take care of myself too; we can do it!!
Aileen, your content is really great, love it! Can I ask you some question about what you said learn to say no and listen to your body because I just same like you, so I wanna learn this. but if the situation is quite urgent and everyone is take it for granted, hope that you can settle the issue because people just say "I don't know". but the mind and heart just tell you, no I don't want to do this anymore. What would you do Aileen? Thank you for your time and good day ❤
Listen to your heart and intuition, even if it's the harder thing to do! It will make you feel better in the long run.
really Interesting :) would love to hear your singing voice , your speaking voice sounds pretty
soundcloud.com/lavendaire or ruclips.net/user/lavendairemusic :)
Just at the right time, love.
thank you so much for this video... is really something I always struggle with until today!
Yeah I just had to say "no" to a friend who wanted to use my id for her friend as a fake idea, but I have no idea who this girl is. I felt kinda bad saying no, but I need my ID!!
yeah don't feel bad! be strong
be strong! if it feels wrong in you, please say no.
Mondegreen I will NEVER lend my ID out!! I hate it so much when people ask because they kind of expect it sometimes and they have no reason to. One of my pet peeves so well done for staying strong ! 😂
You made the right choice because if that other girl got caught you could get in serious trouble, I mean fines or worse. If someone asks you to do something that could get your in trouble they aren't a good friend because it means they don't care what might happen to you, they only care about what they want.
Keep these videos coming Aileen! I am a big supporter of your channel :)
Such an important skill to have! I have to work on this.
Thank you so much for this!!! This is so relate-able!
That's funny, on the same subject I recently received one of most important indirect advice in my life from a close friend. She said: you know what life is too short and hard on its own, enough with "the good girl" all the time.
she's right!
Thank you SO much. You are amazing!! I'm so glad I'm subscribed! 😊
Always so grateful for your videos - so insightful and so inspiring. You're definitely one of my favourite youtubers, thank you for everything :)
Hi Eileen, thank you for this video. I feel I'm very much like that. I really struggle to say no. And currently my husband and I live with his parents and sometimes I feel that both them and him consumes my time so much and it feels like I never have time for myself.
Your advices and videos are so realistic. Love it. New fan tho!! :)
This really spoke to me...THANK YOU!!!
I need this too♡
I need practice too
Thank you♡
If it is not "oh hell yes" then just say no im learn this from another youtuber and i think this kinda help so hope everyone who fighting with say no can say no
I loved this-very, very good advice!
there is one person in my university friends that he asks the notes of each lesson and the solutions of our homework. toady we had an exam with open notes and onces he didn't have any, he asked me if I had been prepared for the exam and I received that question as "simple interest" so I said yes. Now I regret it SO MUCH because then he asked me to give them to him and guess what I couldn't say no simply because he is in the fellas from uni that we go or went out sometimes. he is 29years old and instead of attending classes he is used to ask all the staff from others. I ve spent more than 30hours to find those solutions to exercises AND I gave them to him in 15 seconds through a usb? I feel so so so stupid. im determined next time he asks me I ll respond NO. He is the kind of person that I dont want to make favors he is lazy so he deserves bad grades. can you suggest me maybe a kind way to say No I dont give you the notes of the whole semester I tried hard to get em? I would really appreciate it. sorry for the long comment I just feel so bad right now.
I hope you figured this out, sometimes you just have to be firm. Really it shouldn't make you feel bad if he gets annoyed or doesn't like you for this because you're making him be honest and really he should be not liking himself because he is dishonest and lazy like you say. His faulty opinions of you don't matter so just say no!
now i know the true meaning of saying no..🙌
congrats on 70,000 subs
thanks
It must be an 'Eileen/Aileen' thing, because I'M THE SAME WAY! It's such a struggle! Thank you for making this video!
haha, i feel you - same here! :D
hehe yup!
this was SO helpful! thank you for this video!
Glad ur being assertive :) keep going!!
LOVE this babe xx
thank you dear!
I love your content. Very meaningful and applicable to life. I find that it is very helpful, especially as a 20-younger lol.
Keep it up
i can relate to this on a spiritual level. it's really hard for me to say no :( especially, cause i know that some people, whenever i say no to them, they sometimes get disappointed with me and it also makes me disappointed in myself. idk. like recently, i received a lot of favors from friends and teachers (and it's our vacation, mind you) and i felt like saying yes was the right thing even though i was not really feeling it. my time was already planned for something else, but i cant say no. 😥😟😢