We can never can forget how the narc and co dependents tango! It's what sent me to counseling to look at me! Thank you for your videos and thoughtful platform. 🌱love.
I realized a little while ago that I have been using my own strengths against myself for years. The Golden Rule tells us to love others AS we love ourselves... not MORE THAN we love ourselves... and not INSTEAD OF! Now I am beginning to learn to use my strengths to show compassion for myself. I'm giving myself the respect I deserve. It doesn't come naturally, but I am taking baby steps. My goal isn't to change anybody's behavior but my own, and amazingly it is changing the dynamic in our marriage of 45 years! The jury is still out but I know that either way I will choose what is right for me. Thank you for your wisdom, Dr. Denise, and for your willingness to share it.
Thank you, Dr. Denise! But who am I kidding? I would love to be able to change his behavior! LOL! The gaslighting is still torturous, even tho' I am now aware of what he is doing. Your videos help. I don't give him the benefit of the doubt any more. I know he is doing it consciously, purposely. It tastes awful when someone puts words in your mouth, and sadly the flavor lingers, meaning I still sometimes ruminate over an incident for hours after it is over. But now I know how to say, "Stop! I know what I said and what I didn't say!"Thank you for everything and please keep up the good work you are doing!
I felt the same so confused so stressed...Best thing that ever happened to them to im sorry who are you again behaviour. As an empathic ex councelor/careworker its very hard trying to explain what they are doing to them as that can feed the narcissist with ammo. I called out certain things but somehow it always ended in either long silence or passive agression/triangulation..or altering things said to make me look crazy. Its difficult to deal with for sure.
i am divorced for 7 years an al this time i thought that it was my foult because i was so depressed in our relationship an so i divorced him after 19 years an i feel much better now but i never knew why untill i saw your video,s about emotionel abuse, it finely clicked that this was the problem al the time, an my family was also angry with me because i divorced this great gay.
Thank you: self care is not selfish, i’ve been made to depend emotionally people in my family and now that i’m waking up to the call- never too late would you say îm 38- these people make me feel like they don’t care about me and that I ´m the problem. I have the right to be in my own home and take care of it and be me!
there are always two people involved in a relationship. Each person comes with a spectrum of love/hate that is dynamic and can change. that is why when we first meet someone and fall in love we do not see any of their flaws or faults as we are focused on all of the things about them that we love and when you're with someone long enough some of those things that at one time you adored you begin to dislike those annoying habits that once you saw as a cute or endearing attribute. consider compassion and how a mother grizzly appears to anyone she deems a threat to her Cubs and how ferocious she is but in the eyes of her Cubs she is their protector there is nobody more compassionate than their mother. we also have a major issue in the English language with labels and our judgement of other people. once someone is labeled as good then anything bad that they do will be rejected because they're a good person. anyone judged as a bad person, if they ever do anything good it won't be noticed. in order to assess your situation properly you need to try and move to a place of objective reality as best you can to make a proper assessment.
Hi just come across your channel yesterday been watching a lot of your videos, they are very good and very helpful i will keep on watching them thankyou.
It's been about six years since I left my 21 year marriage. I find that I have less compassion for others now. Is this normal? Does this mean I am developing boundaries?
Mel, if you previously took on the problems of others as though they were your own then likely the change you describe is simply a move toward healthier boundaries.
I don't have a family , n I'm not allowed to help my child even . You just don't get this . I'm fighting back , but uncle stated I can't win. I wish away,
Maria, there is no judgment here. Every situation is different and some are absolutely overwhelming. My hope is that you find the support you are looking for. If you don't already have a local therapist that may be something you might consider.
We can never can forget how the narc and co dependents tango! It's what sent me to counseling to look at me! Thank you for your videos and thoughtful platform. 🌱love.
I realized a little while ago that I have been using my own strengths against myself for years. The Golden Rule tells us to love others AS we love ourselves... not MORE THAN we love ourselves... and not INSTEAD OF! Now I am beginning to learn to use my strengths to show compassion for myself. I'm giving myself the respect I deserve. It doesn't come naturally, but I am taking baby steps. My goal isn't to change anybody's behavior but my own, and amazingly it is changing the dynamic in our marriage of 45 years! The jury is still out but I know that either way I will choose what is right for me. Thank you for your wisdom, Dr. Denise, and for your willingness to share it.
+amjPeace WOW, it sounds line you are making great progress. I’m happy for you!
Thank you, Dr. Denise! But who am I kidding? I would love to be able to change his behavior! LOL! The gaslighting is still torturous, even tho' I am now aware of what he is doing. Your videos help. I don't give him the benefit of the doubt any more. I know he is doing it consciously, purposely. It tastes awful when someone puts words in your mouth, and sadly the flavor lingers, meaning I still sometimes ruminate over an incident for hours after it is over. But now I know how to say, "Stop! I know what I said and what I didn't say!"Thank you for everything and please keep up the good work you are doing!
👍🏻
I felt the same so confused so stressed...Best thing that ever happened to them to im sorry who are you again behaviour. As an empathic ex councelor/careworker its very hard trying to explain what they are doing to them as that can feed the narcissist with ammo.
I called out certain things but somehow it always ended in either long silence or passive agression/triangulation..or altering things said to make me look crazy. Its difficult to deal with for sure.
Narcissists target self-abandoners.
i am divorced for 7 years an al this time i thought that it was my foult because i was so depressed in our relationship an so i divorced him after 19 years an i feel much better now but i never knew why untill i saw your video,s about emotionel abuse, it finely clicked that this was the problem al the time, an my family was also angry with me because i divorced this great gay.
Thank you: self care is not selfish, i’ve been made to depend emotionally people in my family and now that i’m waking up to the call- never too late would you say îm 38- these people make me feel like they don’t care about me and that I ´m the problem. I have the right to be in my own home and take care of it and be me!
I'm glad to hear you are feeling better 💜
there are always two people involved in a relationship. Each person comes with a spectrum of love/hate that is dynamic and can change. that is why when we first meet someone and fall in love we do not see any of their flaws or faults as we are focused on all of the things about them that we love and when you're with someone long enough some of those things that at one time you adored you begin to dislike those annoying habits that once you saw as a cute or endearing attribute. consider compassion and how a mother grizzly appears to anyone she deems a threat to her Cubs and how ferocious she is but in the eyes of her Cubs she is their protector there is nobody more compassionate than their mother. we also have a major issue in the English language with labels and our judgement of other people. once someone is labeled as good then anything bad that they do will be rejected because they're a good person. anyone judged as a bad person, if they ever do anything good it won't be noticed. in order to assess your situation properly you need to try and move to a place of objective reality as best you can to make a proper assessment.
So glad I found your channel today! You have such great information on this topic.
Thank you for that....
just what I needed to hear 🙏
Hi just come across your channel yesterday been watching a lot of your videos, they are very good and very helpful i will keep on watching them thankyou.
You are welcome, thank you for taking the time to leave a comment 💜
You have helped immeasurably, thank you!
I’m happy to help 💜
thank you.. you make sense on all levels
Thank you for this.
Great question. I've been wondering the same.
Thank you for everything you do.
It's been about six years since I left my 21 year marriage. I find that I have less compassion for others now. Is this normal? Does this mean I am developing boundaries?
Mel, if you previously took on the problems of others as though they were your own then likely the change you describe is simply a move toward healthier boundaries.
That sums it up, thank you.
Thank you so much!
Thank you. Agape
I don't have a family , n I'm not allowed to help my child even . You just don't get this . I'm fighting back , but uncle stated I can't win. I wish away,
Maria, there is no judgment here. Every situation is different and some are absolutely overwhelming. My hope is that you find the support you are looking for. If you don't already have a local therapist that may be something you might consider.