Why aren't co-regulation strategies working for my PDA child?

Often we think of co-regulation as “a skill that needs to be taught” in the moment or dysregulation so they can learn “self-regulation”. This approach almost always backfires with a PDA child or teen.
What if instead you thought of “co-regulation” as a strategy of “sharing your nervous system’s safety with a dysregulated nervous system in a moment of perceived threat”?
When your child is upset have you tried to:
👉Ask your child to take deep breaths
👉Model deep breathing
👉Encourage your child to punch a pillow or push a wall
👉 Name their feelings
👉Point to images of emotions
👉Slow down
Only to be met with more escalation?
Trying to teach in a moment when the PDA child or teen is in the survival brain can make it even more distressing for them because that part of the brain can’t process information!
Also, even the subtlest pressure or encouragement (or silent expectation) that a PDA child do something you suggest in a moment when their nervous system is already in a panic response can deepen the activation or escalate the fight flight.
What can you do instead? 🧐
Focus on signals of safety, mammal to mammal with no words or expectation that they do anything.
What shifts for you when you step into this mindset?
Experiment and report back (if you so desire!)
Xo,
Casey
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✸Topics: PDA, Masking, Autism, Pathologicaldemandavoidance
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