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What causes a Narcissist's to Change their Personality??
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- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2024
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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There are 180,000 reasons why you can’t have a healthy relationship with a. Narcissist. Among the top 10 is Turning on a Dime. You can make plans for months or years and suddenly they no longer want that thing. No warning. Just will not do it. There is no We in a relationship with a narcissist. It’s always been only them. You think you can train this dragon but you can’t.
They want you disappointed. They get off on it. You can’t change someone out of the thing that give them pleasure, which is hurting YOU.
Perfectly said. Bravo
Wow. Wake up reality check stated above.
Well said
Accurate
That is what manipulators do. They say one thing but do something else. Their words and actions are never in alignment. Always pay attention to their actions.
Absolutely. Actions. Their words are like constant fireworks - loud and blinding to the truth. But actions speak louder than words
Absolutely
Always focus on the actions of a person....words are secondary amen🙏
May I share two key learnings from my experience? (And thank you Steph, wonderful content as always).
1) There is something special about you that attracted this person. Whether it's your empathetic and caring nature, your appearance, your social status or friendship circle, etc. You have something that this person idealised and essentially wanted for themselves. Narcissists are jealous people. They think they can acquire the aforementioned qualities through some sort of osmosis with you. And they use you as a mirror. So if they're with someone who carries these qualities, then they believe they also carry them. But there comes a 'tipping point' where a narcissistic person realises that they cannot acquire these qualities genuinely in the same way. They grow tired of trying to mirror you, of pretending to be something they are not at their core (they have stunted emotional development and no true identity due to childhood wounds).
(2) When they grow tired of pretending or chasing your qualities they deactivate from any romantic engagement (which was only ever a "box tick" for these types in an attempt to hook you), they grow bored and begin to RESENT you. They resent you for showing them that they have failed at attempting to download your qualities. They will discard very quickly oftentimes, or as Steph said depending on your reaction they will stick around and use you or pity you for trying harder to win back the initial love you thought they had for you. It was a lie. This is a viscous cycle and I wish everyone the best in escaping the trap and healing. It takes a long time. The narcissistic types will always find another "host" after you, they can't be alone. That would be like switching off life support. They need the validation, the fuel/oxygen, the identity! They only achieve this through forever trying to establish their own through you. I could ramble on forever, you'll find they even take some of your traits into their new persona, and like a chameleon they will be whoever the next 'victim' wants them to be. I found learning about Attachment Theory was also very useful as many 'victims' tend to be Anxious Preoccupied (have a Google). Love to all.
This is good! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Im so grateful to Stephanie, Dr. Romanni and Dr. Clark as well as Bishop RC Blake. I knew nothing about this disorder. All the tools, the gold nuggets dropped have taught me so much in helping me navigate thru. It has really saved my mind my heart my life 💕
Excellent observations
That is exactly it!! Great and detailed description. It opened a new way to approach my healing from a 3 year relationship with a person diagnosed with NPD and porn addiction. I was trapped on that vicious cycle and happy it has been 6 months of no contact. I consider myself not a victim but a “survivor”. Your insight helps to keeps me on track.
Lots of blessings.
So true. Very accurate!
PS this helps to get healing as a reminder that we weren't at fault
Listening to this video reminds me of exactly how life with my ex narcissist was. I remember periods of cognitive dissonance and thinking to myself... "I'm a reasonably intelligent person. Why does everything seem like a fog/blur?" It was Hell on Earth! Divorced and went full no contact. Amen! I've remarried to a woman who is an absolute blessing in my life 14 years now.
Halleluyah! What a great encouragement your story is.
Good on you mate. V glad to hear
You give a lot of people hope! Thank you.
Hell on Earth is exactly how I described my 2 year experience with a narcissist ex-fiance. I am finally out. Thank you for your post it gives me hope for a future with a healthy person
Awe!! Congratulations! I have trust issues now and so scare to meet people! Is like I don’t believe in love anymore 😢 but I was discarded a week ago so I need time for me to heal all the hurt he left behind!
Wow... l was with my husband for 36 years, married 34. I lived in this confusing all my marriage. I left over 3 years ago and have healed so much. Thank you for these videos because I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. Now I know he is a narcissist and it was not my fault.
I felt weak because I took this abuse for so long. Love is blind and stupid to . How can I be such a fool to allow this to happen to me. Never again 😒
@@annetterhynold5177 You're not weak, you're normal and. never stupid. He's sick, and sick people hurt those that love them. Loving is normal and healthy.
Thanks Annette I needed to hear this, just been discarded after a 33 year marriage. She nearly killed me.
@@dodibenabba1378 l know exactly how you felt. It took me over 2 years to feel human again. I really didn't think I could live without him. I am happy to say l feel joy and peace without him. I hope you can heal and find the peace and love you deserve.
@@annetterhynold5177 I felt so naive at 57, and then a kind person said to me you weren't being naive, you were being kind, compassionate and loving to someone who didn't deserve it.
All I wanted was a friend, instead I got an enemy.
Yup! He went from calling me beautiful and caring about my well being to criticizing the way that I look and only really calling me or love bombing me if and when I did something for him.
That sounds like animal training tactics (rewarding behaviour he liked; punishing behaviour that they didn't). I can imagine that could happen when someone finds someone they genuinely like too, but who has bad habits that make them feel shit. Just a thought.
Yep, that's the name of the game: "Jump when I say 'jump!' or I'll abuse and discard you"
Very true, jump to it when they won't something, and discard when you don't. 👍
How are you today, my husband just left me a mo ago. After 25 years. He kissed me in the morning and left me in the afternoon and went on a hate campaign
My husband seemed like a nice person for years while we were married but was financially abusing me behind my back, and the day I realised and called him on it, was the day he dropped any pretence that he cared about me. It was like night and day. He stayed with me because I had to become the one who had to support the family but he would be verbally abusive to my face and behind my back. But it wasn't until I left him that things got really really bad. He turned into this person I didn't even knew existed which was the most traumatic part because he just pulled out all the stops to try and destroy me. I had to realise our whole marriage was a lie.
They all have a "Big Lie"....
Early on paying attention to how they react/respond when you call them out is a huge sign. Thank you Stephanie! 💗
Yes. My bf can call me every name in the book, make a million accusations, but the second I call him out on a truth, it’s WORLD WAR 3. It’s beyond terrible and I feel like I am being drove into the ground because I am a worthless human being according to him.
They blame you still for calling them out lol
@@caseymead8368 they blame you for everything.
This video sums up my 2 year relationship. One minute - constant "I love you" bombings, another - "I will find another woman if you don't do as I say". This cycle multiple times daily 🤯😳😱
Especially that part of I'll find another woman , I used to be told that and ill ho back running to him , baby plz don't do that , then we'd go back to same old
True
My ex wife pulled that crap once, "you know how many men would love to have me" I said ok great, you're gonna find out because I want a divorce. Rest is history.
This is EXACTLY what I experienced, and it destroyed my mental health to the point I had to leave the relationship, and say that I can’t tolerate it anymore.
No, when your partner has a sudden inexplicable meltdown over, and I’m not kidding here, NOTHING. You end up in a place where, the house is on fire, and you only want to get out. Yes, tons of great stuff, but those few times where it completely, “hits the fan,” ruins it. You have seen the roadkill, and it’s ugly and PTSD inducing because you can’t forget it. No apology, no explanation, no answers. You are just left waiting for the next one, and the clock is ticking. Vacations, holidays, (my), family gatherings were prime targets. A great opportunity for her to watch my disappointment and enjoy it. Narcissistic rage. Senseless, sadistic, zero empathy.
The meltdowns aren't always about nothing, mine had one cos the tiger loaf wasn't soft enough!!! Now thats a serious issue!!!
Yes. They manufacture problems out of nothing simply to have a way to torture you. They are sadistic.
I went with option one and literally got to the point where I was begging and pleading with him. He'd tell me to shut the f*** up and call me names. He'd say the most mean things and I would just take it. His contempt and hatred were palpable. I was discarded in the cruelest way possible. I'm still struggling with the shame and embarrassment. Logically I understand he was wrong to treat me like that. But emotionally I feel stuck, hurt, and weak.
I was also discarded in a heartless, loveless cruel way . He threw me out the night before replacing me with his new live in girlfriend!! I had no clue. Totally shocked and heartbroken! And he downgraded to someone 20 years younger. Also his personality changed completely from acting like he was in love with me one day, and the next day he hated me and moved on to someone else blaming me for everything. Telling me I drove him away and it's all my fault that I needed mental help and I failed him myself and our marriage.
@@lisacartner971 I'm truly sorry you're going through this level of heartbreak and confusion. First being blamed for their hatred and betrayal and then being thrown away so easily is dehumanizing and cruel. You didn't deserve any of that sh**.
@@lisacartner971 Very sorry for this pain. May you see your freedom granted and that God helped make you free. Amen
I understand that pain of which you speak. God sees it all. One day, the scales will be balanced. Amen
A little update ... I still hurt sometimes but I feel so much better now - I'm no longer ashamed or stuck. And I definitely want nothing to do with him anymore.
I was abused as a child, bullied at school, and had a 13 year manipulative relationship with an abusive woman, and I dont think I would have ever left her. I now believe the adult relationship was a result of the childhood experiences. Got to get some self esteem!!
Same behavior with individuals with BPD. One hell of a rollercoaster ride that you will eventually want to get off!
Yup I agree
Very true!! Both almost impossible to have a relationship with.
Yes.
I’m getting ready to leave my narcissistic husband. I’m so done with the silent treatment. I deserve better.
Me too, I'm applying for a divorce literally tomorrow after 33 years with that demonic psychopath.
I get the silent treatment too
Me too
Did you leave?
My narcissist didn't flip off the cuff or anything like that. She would just look upset but would never say anything. I would ask if she was mad and she would say no and just play it off. There were no yelling matches our entire marriage. I had no idea what she was planning until the day she walked out on me. She used me for my financial support our entire marriage, drained me dry and walked out on me. When I found out later, boy what a good liar she was. She even lies and manipulates her own family. I'm in the worst situation I've ever been in my life.
I think k it's important to point out that not all narcissists will behave this way.
There's a HUGE difference between a grandiose narc and a vulnerable narc and their abuse will look VERY different.
As you describe in the video, the hostility, the anger, that's typical of a grandiose, but vulnerable narcs will use different tactics than anger (initially). They use passive aggressiveness. They covertly break yoir self esteem down with subtle nit picking and small jabs. It's a continual process that makes you doubt your self worth. That's all I wanted to say because what yoire saying is true about a lot of narcs, but it doesn't encapsulate ALL of them and I think that's important for people who seek information to find out if they're being abused or not.
I appreciate and admire your work and hopefully I haven't come across as offensive!
@@she_sings_delightful_things ❗️
“Your job is to make me feel good inside” … got “fired” after 15 years because … and I quote: “You never made me feel like the king of my castle” … after we were “soulmates forever” for over 14 years ….. very confusing and immensely painful. Healing is definitely a journey but well worth it.
I was done when I knew I had learned to become emotionally strong enough to ‘stay firm to my boundaries and not react”. That’s when it was game over 🎉Bless the woman he is with now & may she learn the same lessons I did.
I've been through both scenarios with the same person in 6 years. I was unaware and thought it was me and tried changing until he had no respect for me anymore and left and I've also fallen for sweet words and hope for change, came back more educated on this subject and you are SPOT ON with how they react in BOTH scenarios. It's literally impossible to ever have a normal relationship. You can't ever be less enough for them and you can't ever be confident in yourself either. It's a no win eventually, every time.
No win situation is exactly right. I also have been through all those scenarios with two narcs in my life and it’s all true what Stephanie said. This is an amazing video and completely honest to what will eventually happen when you enter a situationship with a narcissist that never really cared about you since day 1. They are abusive and emotionally stunted selfish people that cannot ever be healthy or normal.
Very informative! If you think you are dating someone with NPD or tendencies and you are confused, lost, miserable , then educate yourself, get an exit strategy, a support group, and get ready to run. It's futile to stay or try and save these life and love draining emotional vampires. I have been through it. NOBODY on this planet has authority over your happiness and joy in life. Remember that and love yourself first. Anyone who is not a compliment to you can hit the road. Be strong! 💪
Very well said!!
Thank you for explaining this . I understand now why I was abused , I have filed a police report twice. I will press charges as well .
This person is a monster 👹
I was abused too. Close ones are saying let it go. Christian people are saying let it go. I feel I should press charges as crimes were committed.
My wife gave me a beautiful Father's Day card. She wrote such amazing things inside like how I was there for the family and how God brought me to her and how much she loved and respected me.
She said that she went to 5 stores looking for the perfect gift. I thought things were getting better and would be OK.
Exactly 1 week after she gave me the card she left...
That must be beyond painful and I'm so sorry you have to go through that. My ex did a similar thing. He was awful for months and suddenly gave me the best week of our relationship. I was so happy and hopeful. Then he discarded me in the most cruel, humiliating way. The pain is shocking. I hope you heal from your situation and one day find a healthy loving partner.
@@sarahrene9798 Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you have found healing.
I was with her for two years and she love bombed me the whole time. There were odd behaviours throughout but mostly it was suffocating. We were planning our wedding and had just bought a house. We went out for lunch with her sister, talked about our future plans with the house and wedding etc. the following week I was discarded for a co worker.
same thing with me
@@zipmonk I'm sorry to hear it.
This is why I believe people are holding on to toxic relationships , there is or ever love with a narc so you hold on believing that this is a stage we are going through all while this demon is plotting to kill steal and destroy u, Never no love they hate us!!!
Yes they sure hate being held accountable. On this second and hopefully final discard, ex gfnarc and I were having a conversation about problems that can happen in relationships while rushing to marriage (her way of saying I wasn't moving fast enough to marry her). The conversation took a turn for the worse when I stated that the only real problem I have in our relationship is that she doesn't seem to be aware that how SOMETIMES her actions and attitude negatively affects our relationship. The came off so quick and the gold ole narcissist came out I was kinda glad in a way because it let me k ow that my wanting to take things slow given the toxic up down nature of the relationship prior and during the COVID years was the right pace to go. Although it still hurt it was expected as was all the discarding and silent treatment tactics used prior.
I've had about 24 silent treatments lol
Leaving my narc three days ago ,confused ,tired and Im gon still fighting till Im free again and taking back my peace
Yes! You can do this Sukma! You've been so brave to do the most difficult thing, that I'm sure you have the strength to stay strong and recover. Much love your way! 💪🤗💜
@@butterflytotem thank you so much ,you have no idea this means a lot to me to read ,making me less lonely. God bless you and every kind hearted person in this world ,people like you bring so much light for those who need it ,thank you once again I appriciate it a lot.
You can do this!!! 💝💝💝👑👑👑
@@janefaceinthewind6260 I know and I will ,thank you 💐
You have captured my journey of 46 years of marriage......and I was encouraged by the thought that whether you stood up for yourself or not, the result is the same. Sometimes we play the 'woulda shoulda, coulda' game with ourselves but knowing it wouldn't have made any difference was liberating. I enjoy your videos, thank you 💜
Going through no contact now after being discarded.
It was 1 yeah and a half, every 3 months she’d break up. I would not understand and felt so bad blaming myself. She would tell white lies, flirt with other guys in front of me and when confronted would gaslight me saying I was insecure and jealous. I started doubting myself and my own perception of things. She has big issues with her dad, growing up and after her mom passed her relationship with her dad went very bad, they didn’t talk for years. She was very secretive with her phone and I was always suspicious about it but never confronted her, cause I didn’t want to come out as jealous and insecure.
The beginning the love bombing was like heaven, I felt like the luckiest guy, she would say she loves me, that I was the best boyfriend etc. after a month or 2, she would just change, even though I haven’t changed a bit. And then the discard would come, she would use the excuse that I didn’t have a proper job, that I wasn’t driven enough, and many things she would say that made me feel so low. I tried my best to work hard and take her on dates, trips etc, she would always offer to share paying for things etc, but and the end she would say she wanted someone who would make her feel safe when it comes to finances and a life together. Like, I felt so bad, working many extra hours but she wouldn’t be happy. Anyway, I’m still struggling to forget about her, we broke up like a month ago and I’m still very attached to her and the memories, but I see no other alternative than just move on and try to heal. Hopefully I’ll feel better soon, cause for the past year I felt depressed and drained of my energy.
Hi. Yoir situation mirrors mine, except mine was with my ex boyfriend. I'm glad you no longer have to deal with that kind of mental anguish and torment. I left my narc after 10 years.
Also, I noticed your comment 6 days ago about depression and feeling like giving up.
F*CKING DON'T.
Don't let this win. Don't let temporary feelings create permanent results. I have been rhere. I got very close, drove my cat off a cliff and my life was spared by a tree. A tree saved my life.
I understand the trauma that can happen because of this. It is NOT an easy battle but it's one that's worth winning.
Do whatever tf you have to do to get past this.
Every 3 months for me too it’s like clock work for them.. it’s not worth it but I get that the love bombing was great but the low wAs way worse and don’t deserve that. No one deserves the wrath of a narcissist.
Same situation I've been in..I have been embarrassed to admit it.
Wow I never heard someone with a similar story like I have with my ex bf
I've listened to tons and tons of vids on Narcs since being dumped by one 5 months ago out of a 9 Yr relationship and this video just says it all, BOOM!
Very well executed! Thank you 🙏
'You're job is to let me manipulate you.' That was classic. (Umm, not thanks, I quit this job!)
They start to realize they can't use you. Then they change rather quickly.
This video hit home, OMG I just dealt with that she switch like a whole new person, I didn’t even know who she was. She Gaslighted situations to the point where I was believing her craziness. Now being removed from the situation it all makes sense now. She went from life together to I’m done I want to leave on a regular basis because I was holding her accountable to things and she was no longer getting her way all the time, she didn’t believe in apologizing at all for the things she was doing. I hope she gets help, she will continue to damage good relationships and people.
Stephanie, in your videos, you described my ex perfectly and how his narcissism played a major factor, and how he was always blamed me for everything, but would never look within himself to realize and be accountable and responsible for his part in the relationshipl Lile you said, the mask came off slowly but quickly. I was stick for 4 years, trying to get him back to the person he once was when we first met. But, that person is gone. Like you said, he had too different personalities - - When things were good, they were great, but when things were bad, they were terrible. I have created a "Grieving and Healing" playlist just for your videos! I really enjoy them! I would love to book a session with you to talk more! Thanks!
There needs to be more public mental health care available. I think a narcissist's behaviour can border on wilful criminality at times. Many of us don't have ideal childhoods but we don't all behave in a narcissistic way either. Surely the use of simple words and phrases like 'please' , 'thank you' and 'sorry' etc. can be learnt (almost as a 'foreign language' if need be!), as one becomes an adult! I also think narcissism becomes a chosen way of life for some people....rather than the seeking of (attempted) corrective therapy.
Sorry?? From a narcissist?? Good luck with that! 😂
@@dodibenabba1378 You are so funny and so right!! My narc baby sister was raised a spoiled, entitled, greedy, know-it-all brat. She has never said words like 'please', 'thank you', or 'sorry' in her entire life. She is a total liar and will do whatever it takes to please herself. She sees absolutely nothing wrong with her behavior. In her eyes she's a saint!
@@joanngross786 yep you've just described my ex wife! They're all the same. 🙌🕎
This is where we were. He would scream and cuss me out whenever I had something to say. Tell me things I felt or thought were unwarranted. He spoke over me and would never listen to me. He actually say I can’t be happy with you. I told him I don’t like you talking to me like that. He says I’m over reacting. Needless to say he broke up with me. I’ve been so angry and lost this past week. He told me he loved me on Sunday and by Tuesday it was all over and I was nothing to him. After 2 years. He has done this to me at least 3 times during our relationship. This time I saw it coming. It still hurt.
Don't worry, it wasn't you. I believe that you were freed from being with someone who couldn't really see everything you have to offer. It hurts a lot i know, having been left for someone else in a 6 year relationship. Some people just cannot self reflect and pick an easier road. Don't think it was you, what he did says more about him than the person trying to hold it all together.
Don't let him come back. He's using you and wasting your time. Tell him explicitly that you don't want to be with him. Narcissists hate when they loose power. Don't let him have any power over you. Try to move on. You deserve better.
Man this perfectly explains what happened with my ex. The love bombing was crazy intense at the beginning, the first 3 months I was so hooked I genuinely thought I may have found 'the one'. Around the 5th month I noticed her pulling back and at times did some disrespectful actions. I finally checked her and she immediately discarded me out of nowhere. Straight blocked on everything and was never told we were breaking up, and she got on dating apps that same week.
To this day it shocks me how cold she became. One day she was telling me she loved me and was holding onto me, a few days after that she throws me away like nothing and looks for a replacement.
This exact scenario happened to me with a man. Love bombing for 6 months and not even a single fight it was just bliss but suddenly I found out he was seeing another woman and he expected me to accept that and go from girlfriend to FWB overnight. When I wanted answers I just got discarded immediately and he moved on with someone else in a couple of weeks.
One word I haven’t heard yet in this video is that narcissists are interrogators to the max!
They will interrogate you until you either break or you walk the heck away!
so true ... i experienced that
Awesome imfo. When you starti “holding them accountable… they don’t like it” “don’t react and stick to boundaries”..
Great as always Steph, thank you.
I've had three major league narcs to get out of my life (still completing no 3 at age 65!) and your stages are correct.
Most difficult is the first in over coming the shock of the honeymoon lovebombing to the really nasty person inside once the mask slips. You're right: they hit you when you're most vulnerable: day after your wedding! Day after the funeral of a loved one, Day when you've been diagnosed with a medical condition etc. - all happened to me.
In my horrible experience the key thing is to hang onto yourself & listen to that voice inside that says "that's not right" and begin planning how to get out.
As you say in other videos & it's true: they will NEVER change, so watch out for lovebombing & then backsliding: that's their big "recovery" option, with you dug up from your sunken place with FAKE "love" and concern.
Someone who love you does not treat you like an emotiomal punching back even when you have disagreements.
That's always a good test: how do they react to not getting their way?
Thanks again, always helpful.
I was given a $400 watch for fathers day..hadnt seen her for 5mnths..made no sense to me..she made no move towards me in that time..then this expensive gift...then silence...been ghosted 2mnths now...what healthy relationship can be had with these behaviors...time to move on .
9:48 ... yep.
I was just a warm body and subtle punching bag, working, paying for most everything and slowly undermined for over 20 years.
My person stealth filed after draining savings because I started sleeping in another room then went full on silent rage/ parental aliention/ not getting a "win" will change mind on the fly/ etc., etc......
This person wasn't concerned about my happiness or well being at all. Never was.
I was only supply.
OMG Stephanie I love all of your videos, but this is the one! You've really given me some clarity. Thank you for making these videos, they are helping so many people including myself ❤
I ruined my previous relationship because of this exact thing. I was the narcissistic person who denied to look within myself. I was shocked to learn that this narcissistic bubble was because of addiction. A real eye-opener now that i addressed it.. I believe this is a growing cause for break-ups, behavioral addictions.
This has happened to me and my heart got broken. 😢 I lost myself and he won the game
I am sorry to hear that Jamie. There may be a day when he can reconcile his mistakes, but you do not need to wait for that. You can feel better now knowing that you have been freed from such as abusive relationship. No matter the hurt now, god probably chose this as your way out and on to something better, even if its not clear right now to you!
My gosh your videos speak so much sense to me. I’m going through a divorce and with my husband and his treatment of me is word for word exactly what you say here. It’s like these narcissists follow a script - it’s unreal!!
This is so on point! I left a month ago today and I am thankful to be freee from all this craziness that this person brought to my life.
There are literally NO words for how hard this 10000000% nails it. Ive been option 1 and 2. Thank you for sharing tbis....oooooff.
One night, we were intimate after a breakup, and by morning, he wanted nothing to do with me and hated me. That happened many times. I believe he had other options he met online etc. I think he was playing games and getting a thrill out of hurting me...over and over and over
My narc ex gf felt me catching on to her act, distancing myself, and basically reciprocating her efforts. That’s when I would random texts like “I really really love you” “I’ve known you were it for me from the beginning” and even links for programs for my special needs son. There was nothing off limits or too low for her to stoop to try and suck me back in. When I think about her I literally feel sick.
You LITERALLY described a situation-ship (not a full relationship, but it was on it's way there, and for a long time too) I was in. I've been trying to make excuses for the other party's behaviour, but after hearing this, geez...any excuse I make for them now will just seem so empty 🙈
Why even settle for a situation ship? God wants better for you. Work on yourself, your healing, your trauma. Get in alignment with God.
I’m really lucky to have gotten out when I did. NO, not lucky. I’m proud of myself. I set my boundary, she couldn’t handle that. It wasn’t 8 months down the drain, it was 8 months of growth. Had I stayed, she would’ve dragged me down, sucked the life out of me, and I’d now be a shell of my former self
This video really helped me understand what was happening. Unfortunately I went within and began blaming myself for my ex partner doing what she was doing to me. I took it for a few months until she confessed to treating me poorly, gaslighting me, and using me. After that she was being held accountable and did not like that, so one weekend after she cheated, she ended up breaking up with me abruptly and smearing me to her friends saying that I was creepy and not leaving her alone, while she was acting like my friend, texting me and keeping up with me, then ignoring me when I'd see her out with her friends. I was being baited to look like an obsessive stalker.
The aftermath of the abuse nearly cost me my job, and a month or so later I lost about 70% of my hair due to the emotional distress. This was quite easily the most toxic and destructive person I've ever met.
Just left my narcissistic husband a week ago. This video is basically telling the 7 year relationship and yes, the minute I said I was done and was leaving, things have gotten so insanely nasty so incredibly fast.
going through the same thing 🖤 hope you’re doing well
He didn’t give verbal abuse, he would give silent treatment for days or weeks over little things that I didn’t even know about.
Something as small as me working while I was at work(he and I work together) and I always acknowledged him, I still got silent treatment.
Just experienced this on my 3rd date with a woman from my gym. 2 days before thanksgiving.
Man is she pissed when I figured her out. Thanks for the insight lady. The key is to ask her : do you like me? If she doesn’t AUTOMATICALLY follow up with a good quality about you without you having to ask what about you she likes.
Dump her.
Very true !
Hey Steph this video was a perfect segway of my relationship and I know where I made mistakes and now I'm stronger then ever and not afraid to say what I have to say respectfully and not react
Healing myself and will be a monk after this one. I’m not the same person I was 10years ago. The mental gymnastics have drained me.
Amen !!!! I had an anxious attachment style and I fell hard but as I fell hard she ran twice early out of “ fear” of her feelings. Claimed she was afraid of falling hard , then it was me being ahead of her in feelings.. but basically she’d leave me early on when I didn’t do anything. I talked to someone who I met during one of her disappearances. When she found out she came back crying and playing the victim card but the night before bragged she WANTS me does NOT need me! That she chooses to be with me !! Well two days later she was crying, upset etc.. Naturally I took her back. We tried again , now part of why I’d believe her is the fact she ran from her super intense feelings that scared her. I know she had ran from a few other guys she briefly talked to before it got to where we met. I trusted her n fell hard because I got her out of her shell , plus with all the intoxicating things she’d say. I fell in love with her. She had such a way of making me feel like a king in every way… now fast forward she finally tells me she loves me ! Idk why , I never forced it and said don’t say it if you don’t mean it. She swore it was true and we had a great month that first month of telling me that. However I’d had developed abandonment issues from her previous unwarranted disappearances. So I held on too tight.. I needed the constant intoxicating exchange or I’d get anxious and upset. This was wrong on my end and it lead to another split after a fight. This time we had split for 16 day NC I broke it she was mostly cold and didn’t care and then an 18 day NC that she broke. That’s when I got heavy into therapy during that month. So when she came back to me and saw I was just fine , sounded great etc she quickly threw in my face subtly how she tried talking or meeting someone else and how I was right . It didn’t work it made her miss me more. We talked for about 5 days things were great and out of nowhere she charges and said “ I hurt you” which yes she did but Ididnt bring it up but once for two mins. Then claimed there’s no room on the plate for her emotions!! Who thinks like that when it’s going really good? So another 2-3 weeks of off n on texting here n there and eventually we hung out. For the next month it was the best month we had emotionally , although something was off. She always had a super uncontrollable way of attacking me physically , and our first night she was not doing it. She claimed she wanted to build on the inner and not the physical since it was very strong. That lasted 20 mins and we had the most sensitive love making ever. She was saying things and acting in ways I’d not ever seen and she swore she loved me with every ounce for months. Trying super hard to connect during sex, cuddling afterwards etc etc..Bed talk was perfect . Well 3 weeks later I stayed at her house for 3 days, met her daughter for second time . Had a wonderful time . I was helping her move to her new house out from under the old house with her ex who had left years ago. She made comments how she understood how I didn’t like being around things they shared ( her bed) in new house. She got all new stuff Idk why she finally did ( I think she experienced it during our split but couldn’t prove it).. anyways 3rd night we were out with all her friends and her ex BF best friend stepped to me and was being a total wise ass n acting like a punk even said you been with Christy awhile now ? What’s that 2 weeks? By my response he knew I was a hair from knocking him out. I instantly said “ Who TF was that, an EX”?? She said no! Now keep in mind he was arrogant and talking down to her like he had it like that. So now his comments plus alcohol got me triggered on the break 2 months earlier and what she really did n I basically let it surface in a way I shouldn’t . No violence just when she left me alone for hour at the bar while she left with friends “ in parking lot I texted Maybe I’ll text someone who cares I’m here” n she never got over the girl or options I met during our break way way back. Well we made up in parking lot went back to her house and was going great getting into bed then to be mean said the guy who got sarcastic was my ex’s best friend with a dagger delivery. Needless to say I lost it , pissed she didn’t tell me earlier , a fight ( argument) n we fell asleep not talking in the morning she said nothing at all except what are you doing? Like why am I still here… I thought we’d talk it out we were both drunk n things were said but since I loved her and she loved me, we’d talk. She didn’t care I left and I cried walking out she showed nothing n when I got home two nights later I saw her FB posts when we were broken up n it was more than “ one drink” and drove seperate cars and ppl were there. She was Def trying to get something serious or was deadest in trying to move on. So I started to let her know she lied and was a way she swore she never would be etc.. So she blocked me like the previous 5x n called the cops ! 48 hrs after the best month and her trying SOOOOOO hard to convince me she loved me sooo much. I’m blocked n police warned me., Well since she’d leave toy w me come back toy with me etc .. Always trying so hard to sell me I was her true love
I waited 30 days sent blue preserved roses with a normal card accepting her love wasn’t what it was n I’ll forever be blue knowing her ( listed 5 things I loved about her .. eyes,smirk etc is someone else” )
3 Days later the girl I’m dating posted pics of us away for a weekend and the next day cops called again n said never again or you go to jail. The best 72 hrs n month of our entire time together over n legally blocked for good!
This women was never ever wrong.. leaving me early on, played me with knowing how to inflate my ego. Made me believe I was everything. That she went 6+ yrs no sex etc etc.. couple guys talked to briefly but I was her twin flame n love of her life. Yet I constantly worked on myself, she was never wrong n would leave me n block me 1x a month.
My only solace is knowing the next guy will have to deal with the ups n Downs the filling his head like he’s god but will be afraid to commit and will run off n on on him too.
If you look at everything you wrote, you realize that she was crazy. Is it worth it? It seems like you got hurt because you detailed everything. It's experience and now you know to walk away asap when you meet her type. A message: if you are able to walk away from someone from the beginning, then don't stay. Walk away.
that was the last word i ever said to her "No" produced an instant discard.
Ii never knew anything about NPD. Until I was sharing with a friend about the things that was happening in the relationship after 3 months in. By this time I had feeling. I don't have low self esteem never did. I'm in my fifties. Can't believe what I got myself into. I'm not blaming myself as the relationship goes. Trying to move forward...
Your video’s help me so much. ♥️ I’ve watched some of them countless time’s. I’m just breaking my trauma bond 🙏
Please don’t beat yourself up if this takes a long time …I’m still struggling nearly a year on …❤️
Madame you are so on point Ive been Narc free since 2019, and you broke this down like a pro . Thank you
This video is pure GOLD, Stephanie! 💛 It's exactly how it happened with my ex-narc.
You are so right about this topic. Im living with a narcissistic woman. And everything your saying is 100 percent true
I had to change my username to describe this perfectly to you so I won't get banned by the algorithm while doing so. If you need help out of a narcissistic situation, Follow the steps below to reach out to them stress free;
1. Check my username 👆👆👆
2. Message them directly 💌
3. Lay your complaint and wait for their response💯
He could tell me he loved me and regretted letting me go as well as we should be friends only and not dating within a couple of hours in one date. I did option 1 July 1 and option 2 July 12. I finally survived this one, after several reiterative cycles, within 1 month.
You really change people’s lives with these videos. From the bottom of my heart- Thank you 💜
Will you please address how to respond when we are told “but everyone argues, there are no people who don’t” or “I said it because I was angry/mad but I love you”
I know people may find it silly, but I own a notebook and take notes on what you say - it’s a lecture to me🥺
Friendly reminder to work for your afterlife, fill that scale ⚖ with good deeds for that one mighty God , don't settle for the low levels of heaven strive hard 💗
Hi Stephanie.
In all of these videos we learn how to save ourself from the narcissist, but I have found myself self-sabotaging relationships because I am too scared to get hurt. I am searching so much for the red flags that don’t even exist and I slowly ruin actual connection with people. Do you have any advice on how to stop fearing so much ? I would really appreciate it 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Remember that when you self-sabotage then you hurt others just as the narcissist hurt you.
What perfect timing. A family members narcissistic bf is threatening to leave them of they stay for my wedding reception bc I didn't invite the toxic person to my wedding and cut them out of my life. He CANNOT just accept this and move on. He has to win. He has to have her stand up/prove a point to me. The fact that this is even an issue, that he is even allowed to say he will leave her for staying at the wedding all bc he wasn't invited, is so absurd.
Hopefully your sister will begin to see him for who he really is. Anyone who attempts to separate family members is not a good person.
Imagine how unfortunate it is to have food in front of you and die suffering from hunger. This is the destiny of a narcissist
YOU ARE VERY CORRECT STEPH!!!. I LIVED THIS!!! CURRENTLY SEPARATED
I started pushing back on my ex towards the end because he was getting worse and worse with his put downs, gaslighting, blame, rejecting behaviors, etc.
The last time I did it, he got super angry and decided he was taking a week off to decide if he wanted the relationship or not. Then discarded me. Just turned unbelievably fast. Didn’t want to talk things out, didn’t want to acknowledge anything he had done; just blamed me and moved on. He even got mad at me for being upset and telling him how I felt and continued telling me what I think/mean/feel during the breakup! Unbelievable.
So thankful to learn about this, but wish I would have sooner as I knew something wasn’t right.
Same happened to me recently.
It is a very helpful video. Honestly it seems to me that even if it is possible, it really just doesn't seem to be worth the trouble and tremendous amount of work to make it work. It's not worth the missery and abuse. No matter how much I love her and have fallen in love with who she pretended to be in the past, I deserve better then that and am worth way more than that. I don't deserve to be treated the way I have been treated. I couldn't be ok with myself if I treated my own worse enemies the way she has been treating me. It is vile, cruel, mean, cold hearted and shameful for anyone to treat any other human being the way I have been treated. If there is no getting through to her to make her see this and get her to stop being so abusive for no reason. I mean I'm not perfect, but I have in no way done anything close to deserving even a fraction of the abuse I'm getting from her. And I'm not going to be able to get through to her to make her look at herself and quit being so vile and evil. Then I'm just gonna have to cut all ties with her and walk away. Knowing I gave it my best shot.
As painful as it is. I've gotta end our relationship and cut all contact with her so I can allow myself to hurt and heal, or there will be no healing that will take place and I'll constantly be in pain. Better to walk away and be hurt and then heal, than to never be able to heal cause she's just going to keep ripping off the scab the second it forms and keep me wounded. I'd rather accept the pain of walking away, so I can heal and the pain can subside, then to prolong the abuse for even one more day. Thank you. I see and understand what I need to do now. And why I need to do it. This video has helped me tremendously. I can't thank you enough for making your explanation so clear. Than you.
This is 100% just what I needed to hear this morning. Let’s say all of what you say is exactly the woman I’m living with. The abuse the lying the everything…. And you have a child with them? You say “if you’re actually strong enough to leave?” But are scared to because you don’t want to leave your child, and don’t have the means to take the kid with you if you were to leave? But everyday it gets worse… And the pain tolerance point has been reached. But you’ve been abused so much about every aspect of your being that you’re just completely lost as to what to do… Anyway.. my point here is it strength to leave? Or is the real strength in staying for the betterment of your child’s well being? Any help and/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thx
Our children will never benefit from us remaining in an abusive relationship. It will only teach them how to abuse or be abused. As parents it is our duty to teach by example right and wrong, what love look like, and how to love. Staying will only hurt our children. Remember... we are raising adults.. they will model what they lived once they reach adulthood. I'm only one step ahead of you. I recently ended my abusive relationship and I'm now working thru this by building my son up in a positive way. Showing him strength by setting and maintaining boundaries. Easier said than done.
Dustin, get out mate. no one benefits by being with these fucking vampires. you can still have a wonderful loving relationship with your child, you just cant have that when a narc is front and centre in your life. get out and you'll find a lovely beautiful girl who truly loves and cares for you. been there done that, lots of love and good wishes to you mate
This is so apt , I feel heard and I feel like I need to keep replaying to strengthen me in dealing with him in the workplace
Thank you Stephanie!, Very helpful as always!, We needed it!
His mask comes off when I hold him accountable for anything for suspected cheating or not treating me well in our relationship. He said the nastiest most hurtful things. It was a whole other person
Love the diverse representation of race, religion, relationship type Stephanie. And of course, loved the content too! Please keep doing what you do creatively!
i have watched plenty of vids on narcs and i have to say this one is the most accurate i have seen..
Yup - all of it - very well said. Either stay and drive them nuts - even yourself unfortunately- or leave. Only 2 options.
Relationship can be very good. If both people treat each other with kindness and respect. People sometimes get lazy and stop trying. The lazy person says the other person changed. Of course if the person is treated differently. Lol what comes first the chicken or the egg. The blame game. The you changed game. Just keep the kindness and respect going. Don't take the easy way out and start blaming. Once that starts the relationship is probably toast. Good relationship keep up the love and respect. Critical thinking is a must. Must be able to see both sides.
Excellent video. I survived this because I have a strong sense of sense and do not require validation from other people. What did I do? I dumped her and cut off feeding the monster by going cold turkey and completely ghosting her.
Well when I first met him online, I thught highly of him and now knowing what he is now. I don't think like that anymore. Isn't it sad I guess its s blessing not to meet the person you thought was the one. I was hurt, i'm getting over him now. I hope him the best.
It happened to me 3 months ago, my ex fiancé found a new supply (also a narcissist and married, who dumped his spouse for my ex) overlapped into the new relationship right away, moved in with him 6 weeks later! My ex established zero contact too. We were not fighting, everything was fine, went from being the love of my life to a total stranger blocked me on everything. I have never seen or heard of anyone going through this before. I’m absolutely devastated over how cruel they both were towards me, it’s been a living hell.
I have watched a few of these videos, and I think I am starting to develop a Stephanie Lyn crush,,, I don't care if I am a narcissist, my partner is a narcissist, or neither of us is, but I am addicted to Stephanie..
This good for couples and also for a father brother mother sister .all kinds of narcissists
I feel I can relate to some of these traits in my relationship (gaslighting, manipulation, lies to get their way, etc) but I am not sure if they're narcissistic or if it's codependency. In my case, I'm an empath and I almost always catch this behaviour and I call them out on them. At first they went to rage, but slowly over time they've been growing their consciousness, doing inner work and therapy and uncovering the origin of their wounding, to the point that, even though it's been very tough and hard on my nervous system, I have been seeing progress. For instance, instead of defaulting to blaming me every time, now they're most of the times owing their feelings and doing the work to heal it. I consider myself to be in a conscious relationship (hopefully m seeing clearly 🙄🙏), even if we have been conscious on a different level at the same points in time. Right now we still have loads of triggers and it's intense, especially because I'm also trying to heal from a chronic condition, but I do feel we handle it better than before. I still feel I'm way ahead in this and I'm having to be patient with them. I believe they're having a big identity crisis, where they're learning who they really are and what they actually like for the first time in their life, which I try to help with.
QUESTION: do you believe they can change if they do the work? Quite honestly, I'm often at the verge of leaving, but right now it's not even an option for me, and I want to believe this is possible. Thanks for any insights! Inmense gratuitud and much love your way Stephanie! 😄🙏💕💜
Hi, I was given the opportunity to be in your shoes but I found that my partner was only able to change by a certain amount. I was also way ahead of them ( by a full year of intense weekly therapy according to the counsellor). I had to leave him as I kept growing & I no longer saw him as somebody I wanted to be with. I simply outgrew him. It was sad & not easy but we are now both in a better place. He is continuing to do his therapy & is in a less committed & more superficial relationship which is better suited for him.
@@sanjeevbains690 thank you for sharing your experience! I really appreciate it and it makes me reflect and have a reference of a possible outcome. Sending love! 😊🙏💖
Im no therapist but im also an empath. I can relate to everyting u said. If they are a true narcissist then I hate to say it but they wont change. Even if they admit, acknowledge, go to therapy etc, in my opinion, its all for nothin. When the actual moment comes where they have the choice to do the right thing or be a narc, they just still do it. Its impulsive and imbedded. They cant help it. Sure u have good days even weeks but "it" always happens again in some form. Being emapthic I took the good days as progress, but no. It was just days that I got lucky and nothing happened to trigger her. Been dealin with this for 23 yrs and have 3 kids now so its hard for me to just split. Keep your eyes peeled and if you are dealin with a narc best thing is just get out because it doesnt get better. Noone should be treated like that
@@Ryno814 oh dear! Thank you so much for writing, it breaks my heart to read your story, I feel your suffering my friend. The good thing is that you're totally awake and aware of the situation. Even if you can't leave, that's very powerful! Thanks for your suggestion of me being attentive... I will be for sure. Sometimes I feel I'm too close to it all to have enough clarity. But I'm going on a silent meditation "retreat" soon and hopefully I'll get more clarity there. Reality is so difficult to swallow sometimes! 😅. We're in this together! I'm so grateful for this space that Stephanie has created, because it really helps me be sharper at discerning what's really happening! Sending much love to you and anybody who's reading 😘🤗💜💜💜🙏
@@butterflytotem "Reality is hard to deal with"..lol youre 100% right. At least you deal with it. Some ppl deal with it and some ppl dont...thats the problem. Being an empath , for years I felt like it was my "job" to help show them that being honest with themselves is more rewarding way to live. I think thats why i stuck around for so long...crazy. GL
Be careful at work too. My coworker/narc went ballistic on me over a 3rd party joke about her. She disrespected me and I have zero tolerance for that BS. She let her mask slip and I saw the real person. I had a gut feeling that she was way too good to be true. I have gone no contact and she is super pissed. It is over regardless of what kind of tantrum she tries to pull.
You have no idea how much your videos have been helping me….
I got this girl ,she is too much you can hangout and have funny daytime ,at night she will go mute on you ,and even awake upto midnight,her fluctuations made me can't take it anymore
You got that right!!!!…….. it’s a terrible thing to do to someone. At least it was to me.😒
Wow!!!! This was an amazing video. This was my ex! He destroyed me leaving me without any warning or emotion!
I have great experience with them and one thing that fascinates me... they are all Carbon Copies of each other.
Almost as if they are one of the same person
It really depends on which demon decides to manifest.
You might be literally right
The biggest fear of a narcissist is loss of power & control and death.
No ! One minute they love you, one minute YOU leave them.... If they are emotional abusive or conniving...
Give em a job to do and watch em leave...cause they don't bring much to the table except drama
Omgggg thank goddddd for this lady !! Needed to hear all this. Starting to freak out a little, my ladies 14 weeks prego rn… n she’s currently in her own bedroom w the door shut refusing to talk to me n telling me how much of a loser n piece of shitt I supposedly am because I had a friend stop by for 10 minutes to drop off some money to me so I could make sure my lady has enough herb to last till our next paycheck and enough $ to buy whatever food she’s craving…. But she doesn’t like this person (nor any one else for that matter) and so she hates me rn and says “this is war” lol like whaaat ?!
I think the best description is egocentric personality of people who are labeled narcissist/ The single mother I've been involved with is in her early 40s, absolutely gorgeous, physically fit, self-employed and highly selective in her relationship choices/ She does like me very much and says I'm her addiction/ In recent years I find out that it's a convenience relationship, so I'm keeping everything strictly platonic/ It does seem that she has forgotten about me b/c she is in love with someone else/ Yes/ They are truly in love and perfectly matched couple/
thank you for this, I just broke up with a guy who ghosted me and the first few days I couldn't even eat, I kept on beating myself with waiting for closure. its been silence ever since .