Amen. They will hurt you, physically, emotionally, financially, and every way they can. You are their target. They are the user. Please protect yourself and stay away.
Facts! I hope the courts will soon find a way to.hold these narcissist accountable for the mental and emotional damage they cause on their families, especially children ❤
Narcissists don't do well under pressure it increases their highly strung nature and stress reactions, this makes them even more dangerous. Take care Survivor's we are emotionally stronger than these weak-minded narcissist's.🕊💪
@@berlizgonzalez6736the courts? Serously? You want to take someone to court because you didn't have the tools to leave a shit relationship?? Would you not prefer to go work on yourself and leave them 🤷♀️
100% agree. They cannot connect at all. They are only good at surface level relationships. They seek their identity through other people. Extremely sad really.
@@tonyg5132 I was always a bit uncomfortable around my ex undiagnosed narcissist or BPD. I could never be my authentic self because there was no reel bond or connection. She would distance herself a bit. I always felt like I was being judged. I went through classic love bombing, idealization. She would devalue subtlety I set a boundary then she discarded me and I never heard from her again. They are vary transactional also.
@@tonyg5132I know that was the first thing I notice was him not responding and choosing silence on things. Never experienced that before and my gut gave me the warning… I just didn’t want to be “complicated”.
@@daeclipse03 Can I ask how your conversations went? For me personally it felt like I had to go above and beyond to keep the conversation going with her to the point where I had to start researching different topics to talk about almost daily. We “connected” in a not so real way but I had to work for it.
@@davidcoppotelli3957 She still has qualities that makes it worth it though…and I struggle with social anxiety so it’s hard for me to ask someone out and even maintain a relationship. The problem too is she looked like my dream girl. And was very down to earth despite being an absolute monster of a person.
They are predictable with their self-centered behavior. They also lie about conversations you have had with them. That makes me very frustrated and they can not reflect on their behavior. Thank you Stephanie.
🎀Why is that? They lie even when it’s completely unnecessary to do so. Then when you catch them. Instead of them being honest about the lie. They tell another lot to cover it up.🎀
@@autumnhomer9786 My guess is because of the world they construct in their mind. They want to look a certain way towards others to try and impress them or lie to play the victim card to get attention that way. But there’s always a reason in their mind. It comes from whatever they are lacking in the moment.
Nah, manipulation starts from the moment these people know that you exist. Once they first come in contact with you. If it’s a partner, they have been stalking way before you knew them.
Yes this is true. The moment they clap eyes on you and they like you, they start researching and effectively stalking you, asking ppl about you, find out where you hang out etc. Damn dangerous!!
I recently had to block someone I was being used by for a few years. It hurt because I loved and cared about them, but the more I look back in retrospect, the more Stephanie Lynn's videos make sense.
Thank you for your video Stephanie. I dated a narcissistic lawyer for 18 years. Tons of fun! You describe their behavior perfectly. I am codependent, and he did it all. De- valuing my feelings, telling me I was crazy or delusional, then apologizing and "mirroring" me. Also, him being a lawyer, it was like he was studying me, like you say. How will she react to this or that. And then if and when I did open up to them, he would act sincere and loving. BUT, then he would always find a way to tease, taunt, and throw my insecurities right back in my face. So damaging to one's soul. Your videos are very helpful. Thank you.❤
This sounds familiar with a guy I was getting to know over four years. Initially I’m the first 3 years we got a long great and it seemed like we were progressing to start dating. He spent all those years telling me how attracted he was, he’d sext me, text me l, FaceTime, call…but in about the third year he started picking at me….saying I was an overthinker and too sensitive. He’d say he would unintentionally hurt me and I was putting him on a pedestal. If I opened up about my fears, vulnerabilities he would use them against me. If I told him he hurt me he wanted me to shut up about it and withhold progressing any further instead of just saying he was sorry and mean it. He’d move the goal post constantly with vague statements like, “well we will never know now will we because you won’t shut up about it.” He’d say we need an indefinite amount of time of not talking.
I do wish I had found your channel years ago. My child’s mother has spread rumours for years that I abused her to our healthcare co-workers. She often calls me a narcissist without the credentials to do so. I’ve always felt that her narcissism is being projected onto me. So much of your content rings true with my experience for the last 8 years.
I have dealt with Narcissists all my life. Family members, partners. Friends. The only way forward is to detach from them. Detach and live your best life. Dont let this type of personality dictate your feelings and thoughts. They are not worth the energy and they will NEVER change. Find your own tribe. Your real soul family. People that lift you , love you, choose who you want to be in your life. Its your life. Take charge, you owe nobody nothing no matter who they are. They are narcissistic they will just be a liability in your life . Dropping a bomb on you when you least expect it.
As I listen I am realizing more and more I was a target. I was new in a city and the ex narc from the jump manipulated me. It was like he was a professional
🎀The Narcissistic person in my life is starting to get into trouble, in other aspects in their life. Work, friends. It’s strange because I feel like I’m really seeing them for the first time, in my life. Thank you so much for the upload.🎀
💯 spot on | I became addicted to this love and literally had to withdraw myself off him. Hardest thing I have ever done & I know he loved me the best way he knew how.
@@ravenmeyer3740well stop i can tell u that much...be healthy and happy u ain't no man momma u supposed to be his woman...u are not to feel sorry for a grown man but u are to be a desirable woman to a husband.. PERIODT.. I been there don't know how many years u had that problem but i held emapthy foe him for 18 years wasted my WHOLE life...love and have compassion and empathy for u babe ✌🏽
Stephanie, Thank you! This feels so right on for me. It’s a hurt of course, but validating when I think about what I went through. There was a lot of overlooking and puzzlement. I would ask myself-still do- how can another person treat a person you’re supposed to care about in the way that they do! Appreciate all your thoughtful work.
He told everyone he got a good one this time . I didn't know what he meant until now. Four years later he discarded me like a bag of trash and blamed me for everything. Now he is running my name through the mud and telling lies.
Thank you Stephanie ❤ I hope I can learn from all the abuse I went through for so long. I feel like a survivor now and hope I can keep healing ❤️🩹 Sam B ❤🌷
Stephanie, GREAT VIDEO as always just reminds to to stay far far away from my Ex Toxic Narc Girlfriend. It's all about what you can do for them. Because they don't need you they only need what you can do for them. Been there it's not a very good feeling. If you got away from them STAY AWAY from them. They are not going to change. Go live your Life because you are just wasting your time on them. Nice seeing you. It's time to say good bye to our New England Tan. DAVID, RI
This is one of the best and most informative videos I have seen on this topic. My therapist told me about your channel and I am so thankful to her for the help she has given me and for giving me the opportunity to learn more from you by sharing your channel with me. Thank you for all that you do to educate, inform and support survivors of this type of abuse. I am certain that this video will be one that I watch over and over again.
I’m going through this with my covert narcissist wife. She appears to me to be a beautiful person that I love. However after 5yrs of being together, I am witnessing these patterns and I’m struggling to move on. I will move on but, boy it’s tough.
I wasn't loved growing up but I think the relationship with the narcissist is exactly what i needed. It has changed my whole perspective on life. I no longer crave that love and affection because I didnt get it from the narcissist either. I also think I was a gift to the narcissist. I'm an empath and this was a chance for the narcissist to change. But he didn't change.
I watched so many of your videos, Stephanie, to get over a narcissist friendship that was so so close to me. It worked wonders for me and I understood what I went through. From past few weeks, I realized that I‘m thinking a lot about the narcissist I had in my life that I had to let go earlier. So I‘m back here doing a refresher to remind myself that I did the right thing by cutting them off, and that there is no reason at all for me to feel guilty or bad about it. Thank you so much!
I call my revelation my “moment of impact” when everything went from black and white to technicolor. Once you see it all, it can’t be unseen. Then and only then can you make progress. However tough that still is.
Stephanie, I usually do not leave comments BUT I had to make an exception on your video. What a bright intelligent woman you are with so much insight on this topic. Your being single video is so important for women. Also, for anyone reading emotional manipulation is ABUSE and should not be allowed to continue. Exit the relationship if you are being gaslighted, stonewalled etc. It is not acceptable. Sometimes, we come from dysfuncional families with unhealthy family dynamics and this is the reason why the red flags in our relationships are minimized and or ignored. Be kind to yourselves. Learn from your mistakes, and please move on by creating your best version of yourself one day at a time.
'Use up' that sounds right feeling wise, definitely feel like that, but it will end this year, making my moves. Sad for the kids though, but they're young adults now, so don't need much care. Have the feeling now she hung around the last few years for the few luxuries I was able to provide (as slowly started to push back more and more, so rising tension), plus the comprises which I now know was letting her getting away with it, not anymore. Don't care anymore, the hard line I drew months back has been crossed and I recently told her, she knows it having gone all quiet. Used to that, the silent treatment, not influenced by it anymore.
All true. I let myself get absolutely broken by it. Take care of your boundaries and walk away when you're not treated ok. He is still trying to hurt me (while claiming victim) 2yrs later 🤦♀️
Thank you for all the very valuable information! I learn something new every time. NPD traits are so alien! I recently attended a life event (2.5 days) in the town I grew up in. My parents spent the majority of the time stressed about getting to and from the venue...the secondary subject was the following statement on repeat. "You ever notice, when you go into a store and the first thing you see is pet toys and pet treats." Both of my parents are fixated 24/7 with money and every penny. They have lived in the area for 50+ years. I will never wrap my head around the hollow shell!
It’s 50% personal & 50% they’re unconscious of what they’re doing. Some ppl only pull stunts with who they know they’ll get away with it, real calculated.
My Narcissist Husband treats me like I'm his mother and when I stand up for myself he discard me or give me the silent treatment he acts like a spoiled child when he can't manipulate me 😢
** Covert Narcissist/Malignant Borderline Red Flag Girlfriend List - based on experience, sharing it here for the good of mankind.. if you're like me looking for the "one" this may help. No sense in repeating history 🙂 (22 red flags) 1. Excessive envious, jealous and needy. 2. Overly concerned about her looks. 3. Rude and has no manners. 4. Plays games Gaslights 5. Frequently bored. Doesn't like to be interested in anything, no hobbies 6. Has difficulty managing her emotions, volatile especially in public, temper tantrums 7. Constantly seeks attention and approval 8. Lazy 9. Overly controlling 10. Has a bad reputation with past relationships (Love bombs, devalues, discards) 11. Never has anything nice to say about other women or your friends 12. Doesn’t have a plan for her life, or wandering through life 13. Low self esteem 14. Harboring hate, hateful toward others 15. Self-centered , stingy 16. Brags incessantly 17. Has no respect for her man 18. Falsely accuses 19. Demanding 20. Untrustworthy 21. Lacking empathy, cold hearted, 22. No morals
Thank you. Always learn something new. Learning to trust my intuition had been difficult due to entire life around narcissism. So grateful for your information. 🌻
This happened to me. No one who really loves you will bully You,physically emotionally or Spiritually abuse one. True Love is not in anyway abusive.🌹 I detached ,now I am better and Very Grateful to have the knowledge andworking on myself . Thank You🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕
A lot of times, its the frog in the boiling pot scenario. They slowly and systematically try to shift your boundaries, self esteem and sense of reality. We need to be proactive in caring for ourselves, but frankly this in not our fault most of the time.
WOW!!!! I just signed the divorce decree with my wife of 8 years, together for 19 years. This divorce came out of nowhere. Looking back, I definitely see signs that things in our marriage have been sideways for about the last 3-4 years. I had blinders on because I loved her and learned to overlook A LOT! I even blamed myself for the majority of the issues. I have moved past that and realized that no matter what I did or could have done, it was doomed. After watching this video everything fit my wife to a T, 100%. I watched a few other videos about the top 10 signs of a Narcissist and especially a Covert, she has exhibited 7 of the top 10 many times in the last couple of years. I am blown away. Thank you for your help Stephanie.
Thank you so much this video validates my experience with an ex-friend. I want to share my experience with everyone who wants to read. We rekindled our friendship last year and I thought telling him I was going to Japan for vacation was harmless. He invited himself to my solo trip and didn't even ask me. He made his plans wishy-washy to lower my guard down but I never agreed to his plans. Over time, he switched his plans so that he was in Tokyo at exactly the same time as I was, and was in the same city even though Japan is such a large country he could go anywhere. He would give little clues about doing side trips together. He even "instructed me" to give my itinerary and hotel lists to him and see where he can fit into my schedule!! I completely ignoring him on my solo trip, and when I returned to tell him I was back, he completely ignored me. To this day, six months later, we have not talked. Clearly he was using me, copying me, and vacationing with me. He used to tell me to drive him but he'd always be late. He never respected me as a friend even though he was not a typical narcissist.
I agree, that as you described that persons style of relating sounds weird and disrespectful. Kind of passive-aggressive instead of saying “Your trip sounds fun. I would like to do a trip like that. You are inspiring me. Could I meet you on your trip?” Instead sounded very indirect and odd. Many years ago, I had a former acquaintance do something similar, so the situation resonated.
@@pearpo thank you for sharing your thoughts! I agree, a normal human being would either meet me part way on my trip, while he does his own thing. If I gave in, where will it stop? No guarantee.
Before I got married, she told me I reminded her of her father. I took that as a compliment and took it as a good sign. Now, after all these years, I realize what she really meant by that was "Target Acquired".
This is exactly why I screenshot all conversations. I’ve had two narcissistic partners in the past year. One was short term but we lived together and the other was longer, six months. I felt something was off so kept records of all conversations. That way I wasn’t relying on anybody’s recollection. There would be no doubt of what was said because there would be a record, proof. Nobody could tell me I was imagining it all.
@@englishlanguagetuitionoxfo1954 Never did. Discard happened too fast. With my last ex, we hadn’t seen each other in four months. He was full of excuses. Very conveniently for him I didn’t have my license. I was working towards it but hadn’t passed the test yet. He kept claiming that was why we weren’t seeing each other. The half an hour drive to me once a week was too much with his long working hours. He was a construction site manager. He told me bluntly once that he “couldn’t be fucked to come visit.” My ego didn’t let me take that to heart. I should have. He meant every word. He was truly ice cold. My mum was sick with cancer throughout this period. We were told it was late stage. So as you can imagine I was in no state to confront him or dig very deep. At the time his dad also had cancer, stage three. His brother had just passed away from it. He described the cancer as a gift. Had to take a day off from the gym to attend his brother’s funeral. Spent one whole day in the gym that weekend as “the incident” had stopped him completing his workout. He cheated on me throughout the relationship. Towards the end he posted a picture of himself on what was clearly a date. He managed to convince me it was just a friend. Like I said, I was in no state to fight him. I can still remember her handbag, the glass of wine on the table. I still remember all the passive aggressive TikTok videos he’d repost to Snapchat. Talking about good men being cheated on by their partners. Of course I’d get flustered and rush to defend myself.. and he’d deny that it was about me. Just laugh it off and make out that I was hysterical. As if it could be directed at anybody else. Of course I’d feel guilty. I didn’t need to have done anything. Guilty by suggestion. All along he was suggesting he was cheating. The discard. This is a good one. I woke up one day to a message saying “I’m deleting Snapchat, just thought you should know.” That’s how we communicated. I had his number of course but we never spoke there. He wouldn’t respond to texts. I convinced myself it was no big deal. We had Snapchat. I asked him repeatedly why he’d do that. That was a very clear lie. His account was established.. as in a snap score of hundreds of thousands. He’d been building it up for years. So I called bullshit on that. Told him I knew he wasn’t deleting Snapchat, he was deleting me. He went to the lengths of denying it, even sending me a snap of the deletion screen. All the while ignoring my repeated question of why. Of course I get removed and blocked later that day and he changes his username. Responds to one text message I send. I never heard from him again.
Damn I wish I knew this years ago. I suspected things but I could never get why someone would want to be abusive like this. Without a motive I just couldn't believe their intentions were bad.
Stephanie I always learn something new and most every video of yours I watch this was a a good one ndi opener! I didn't realize because I was broken and damaged from from certain people in my life not to see all the signs and how is clearly being manipulated and used. But I got it now thank you!
Thank you mam I have joined your channel last year and didn't even knew my own mother is a narc😢and after watching your videos I learnt how to deal with a narc situation.
I've taken tests online to see if I'm a narc. It always says I'm not. My husband has been manipulative, lies about anything that he thinks will make me upset, and has had multiple affairs. I feel like I'm an empty shell and I can't connect to anyone. Everyone loves him, and I'm the angry crazy one and now I'm supper traumatized. I feel like I am the one void of love, and also he was too in some ways. I am fighting so hard
I am sorry you're going through this. I can identify with your story. I left my child's father after being with him for 5 years and living together. I left him when our daughter was less than a year old. I'm so thankful I left when I did. Our daughter is 17 yrs old now, and he is deceased.
I can tell you after being with 3 people that I loved that had this disorder in some fashion that at times it will make you feel like you are just as bad as they are because of how you are reacting to the situation. You are not and you have to believe that. If all you wanted was a stable, happy, loving relationship and the other person makes that impossible it's not your fault. It's not. Maybe you have had your own issues prior to your relationship but if your heart is in the right place and they are taking advantage of that and abusing it then you need to take some time and ask yourself if it's worth it to have this person in your life. I know it's hard, try to stay strong and you will find the answers.
Get out of that relationship immediately. Close the doors behind you, and don’t let him manipulate you anymore. You need to separate, get away, and start your inner healing journey.
I agree almost 100% w what you’re saying, except for the fact that, there is no resolution. Not to mention respect either but for me in my situation, cuz the narc is my mother, there is no point of coming back and talking later. For almost 5 decades, she has swept any issues under the rug. Then acted like they never existed. To me, if there’s a problem, you discuss it, find resolution, and move on. So, imo that doesn’t work or matter. I cut of the entire sick family system out of my life and she’s the only one who is left. I and two young adult kids are living in the same 4 walls w this crazy person. We are all handling her differently cuz of her treatment of us is different. It’s wild. So, we have our exit plan in place and since I’m her main target, I’ve gone limited to no contact as much as possible while still here. I have no care for her lies and manipulation at all anymore. I don’t care to discuss anything with her anymore. I just want to get the hell away from her! I’m done. Stay strong everyone. Thank you for ur guidance on this issue. ❤️🙏✌️
I’m subscribed to several channels where narcissism is the focus and I’ve learned a lot from each one. I’m sorry I haven’t found this channel much sooner. Stephanie covers this subject matter of abuse the very best of the channels I’ve seen. I’m very impressed by your upfront and facts - based approach.
Went through three discards, then after nearly 11 months of no contact, here comes the apology text. The apology was a joke. Very brief and very vague, basically used his own therapy as an excuse. What he didn’t know is, is that I had gone into therapy myself and realized that my own trauma was making me feel like my value was based on how he treated me. I know they say not to, but I let him have it. For too long I kept pushing my feelings down. I had things that needed to be said. I did it for me! I don’t care if it made him happy or not to upset me. And that’s the point, I don’t care about him anymore.
There’s a part of me that feels scared that I might have come off this way in my last relationship because I was new in a city where I didn’t know anyone or needed a lot of help with things like rides, a little bit of finances and my bf helped a lot with that. I hope he didn’t think I was there to use him as I fell deeply for him.
I have experienced this kind of relationship and it caught me so off gaurd when the devaluation and so on began. I wanted to interject some thoughts for consideration as my experience with this kind of thing differs a little on something you said at 6:45 in the video about "you cant be too pretty, too accomplished" etc. I have found this personality to want to be with the prettiest woman, hang around the most accomplished people because it supplies them. it makes them look good and feel good about themselves., but maybe I'm mistaken. I would be interested in your thoughts on this.
My experience has been that they have contempt for people they consider above themselves. People who are successful, take care of themselves, happier than them. They tend to want to be around their own kind and if they aren't their kind they will pretend like like are and try to gradually bring them down with the devaluing.
I realized not too long ago that my mother is a user. All 5 of her husbands fit a role. Same with me. I was status for her because I always did well in school, went to University, etc. She really doesn't like anybody because the other person/people have had no real trouble detaching from her, or at least ebbing and flowing in her life.
Hi Stefanie, I can see someone wanting more than half when the discard happens if they deserve it. My best friend was left with nothing but 2 trumped up charges and homeless after 40 some years so his X could steel his inheratence along with everything else. You look marvellous by the way. Everything I read is soo informative. Thanks Honey
Thank you for this, it explains things. SO WELL!!! my husband was having an affair with a covert narc and he couldn't see the toxicity. He has trauma from childhood that this fed into. She was his drug-
All personality disorders are bereft of being consistantly affectionate as the disorder is more powerful than considering someone else more important than themselves.
How did I get addicted to taking personally what the mean things the narcissist and his narc family said about me??? It was a weird, slow process of pulling me in, praising me, buttering me up and then bringing me down. I am going to have to function in this broken, confused, state. I am going have to figure out even how to put one foot in front of the other.
![Gucci Mane & Sexyy Red - You Don't Love Me [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/j7IBqyFKT4c/mqdefault.jpg)
![Megan Thee Stallion - Mamushi (Remix) [feat. TWICE] [Official Audio]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5c0_u9PsrsQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Amen. They will hurt you, physically, emotionally, financially, and every way they can. You are their target. They are the user. Please protect yourself and stay away.
💯
Yes.🙏
Too bad I learned this lesson the hard way, suffered major loss, and lost my identity as well.
Exactly 💯 percent
I remember my mother calling my narc of an ex-husband a user. Man, was she right.
The epidemic of Narcissism out here is bananas. I'm scared of ppl
Facts! I hope the courts will soon find a way to.hold these narcissist accountable for the mental and emotional damage they cause on their families, especially children ❤
Yes, it is getting easier to spot them. I am gaining education about the narcissist by watching videos like this
Narcissists don't do well under pressure it increases their highly strung nature and stress reactions, this makes them even more dangerous. Take care Survivor's we are emotionally stronger than these weak-minded narcissist's.🕊💪
@@berlizgonzalez6736the courts? Serously? You want to take someone to court because you didn't have the tools to leave a shit relationship?? Would you not prefer to go work on yourself and leave them 🤷♀️
Social media means they don’t even have to leave the house to get supply
100% agree. They cannot connect at all. They are only good at surface level relationships. They seek their identity through other people. Extremely sad really.
Very curious, did you guys have a lot of uncomfortable silences ?
@@tonyg5132 I was always a bit uncomfortable around my ex undiagnosed narcissist or BPD. I could never be my authentic self because there was no reel bond or connection. She would distance herself a bit. I always felt like I was being judged. I went through classic love bombing, idealization. She would devalue subtlety I set a boundary then she discarded me and I never heard from her again. They are vary transactional also.
This is so True
Very sad for them. Very sad for their partners. But it is reality and survival is important
@@tonyg5132I know that was the first thing I notice was him not responding and choosing silence on things. Never experienced that before and my gut gave me the warning… I just didn’t want to be “complicated”.
So true. They don’t need your love; they just need to control you.
Wow! That's crazy!
Mine didn’t control me. He would tell me I’m not going to be a priority when he’s with his people.
@@brianhill6842 That in itself was control.😁
100%
I feel like believing this deep down is what truly helps people move on. But it’s also the hardest thing to accept .
I felt it after a month. She basically only wanted sex from me we had no other connection at all.
@@daeclipse03 Can I ask how your conversations went? For me personally it felt like I had to go above and beyond to keep the conversation going with her to the point where I had to start researching different topics to talk about almost daily. We “connected” in a not so real way but I had to work for it.
@@tonyg5132Oh dear …. !
TRUE BUT IT MUST BE DONE. RUN AND KEEP RUNNING AWAY FROM THEM. BEEN THERE THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT.
@@davidcoppotelli3957 She still has qualities that makes it worth it though…and I struggle with social anxiety so it’s hard for me to ask someone out and even maintain a relationship. The problem too is she looked like my dream girl. And was very down to earth despite being an absolute monster of a person.
anytime they are nice to you best believe they want something from you.
Yeap in a nutshell!! That’s why you gotta observe and pay attention to patterns. 😎
Facts 💯
They are predictable with their self-centered behavior. They also lie about conversations you have had with them. That makes me very frustrated and they can not reflect on their behavior. Thank you Stephanie.
Yes! They definitely lie about past conversations... unbelievable
You can’t trust them at all. They will LIE to you.
They lie about every little thing.
Yep narc's are compulsive liars.
🎀Why is that? They lie even when it’s completely unnecessary to do so. Then when you catch them. Instead of them being honest about the lie. They tell another lot to cover it up.🎀
ALL.THE.TIME.PATHOLIGAL
@@autumnhomer9786 My guess is because of the world they construct in their mind. They want to look a certain way towards others to try and impress them or lie to play the victim card to get attention that way. But there’s always a reason in their mind. It comes from whatever they are lacking in the moment.
They don't care about anyone but themselves. They're miserable.
Nah, manipulation starts from the moment these people know that you exist. Once they first come in contact with you. If it’s a partner, they have been stalking way before you knew them.
Yes this is true. The moment they clap eyes on you and they like you, they start researching and effectively stalking you, asking ppl about you, find out where you hang out etc. Damn dangerous!!
I recently had to block someone I was being used by for a few years.
It hurt because I loved and cared about them, but the more I look back in retrospect, the more Stephanie Lynn's videos make sense.
😢
Ditto!
Thank you for your video Stephanie. I dated a narcissistic lawyer for 18 years. Tons of fun! You describe their behavior perfectly. I am codependent, and he did it all. De- valuing my feelings, telling me I was crazy or delusional, then apologizing and "mirroring" me. Also, him being a lawyer, it was like he was studying me, like you say. How will she react to this or that. And then if and when I did open up to them, he would act sincere and loving. BUT, then he would always find a way to tease, taunt, and throw my insecurities right back in my face. So damaging to one's soul. Your videos are very helpful. Thank you.❤
This sounds familiar with a guy I was getting to know over four years. Initially I’m the first 3 years we got a long great and it seemed like we were progressing to start dating. He spent all those years telling me how attracted he was, he’d sext me, text me l, FaceTime, call…but in about the third year he started picking at me….saying I was an overthinker and too sensitive. He’d say he would unintentionally hurt me and I was putting him on a pedestal. If I opened up about my fears, vulnerabilities he would use them against me. If I told him he hurt me he wanted me to shut up about it and withhold progressing any further instead of just saying he was sorry and mean it. He’d move the goal post constantly with vague statements like, “well we will never know now will we because you won’t shut up about it.” He’d say we need an indefinite amount of time of not talking.
If you find yourself married to a narcissist get out without delay
Your physical and mental health are at risk
I do wish I had found your channel years ago. My child’s mother has spread rumours for years that I abused her to our healthcare co-workers. She often calls me a narcissist without the credentials to do so. I’ve always felt that her narcissism is being projected onto me. So much of your content rings true with my experience for the last 8 years.
I have dealt with Narcissists all my life. Family members, partners. Friends. The only way forward is to detach from them. Detach and live your best life. Dont let this type of personality dictate your feelings and thoughts. They are not worth the energy and they will NEVER change. Find your own tribe. Your real soul family. People that lift you , love you, choose who you want to be in your life. Its your life. Take charge, you owe nobody nothing no matter who they are. They are narcissistic they will just be a liability in your life . Dropping a bomb on you when you least expect it.
👋Bravo. You deserve applause too.
As I listen I am realizing more and more I was a target. I was new in a city and the ex narc from the jump manipulated me. It was like he was a professional
🎀The Narcissistic person in my life is starting to get into trouble, in other aspects in their life. Work, friends. It’s strange because I feel like I’m really seeing them for the first time, in my life. Thank you so much for the upload.🎀
They always leave the door open for someone else.
You, family and friends are all discardable. Especially when you start calling them out.
For them to move on so fast is stunning hurtful
" the victim is projecting" perfect! This came in at the perfect time...
💯 spot on | I became addicted to this love and literally had to withdraw myself off him. Hardest thing I have ever done & I know he loved me the best way he knew how.
The best way he knew how. Well said. It isn’t saying much, but it’s all they have. I have compassion for mine.
@@ravenmeyer3740well stop i can tell u that much...be healthy and happy u ain't no man momma u supposed to be his woman...u are not to feel sorry for a grown man but u are to be a desirable woman to a husband.. PERIODT.. I been there don't know how many years u had that problem but i held emapthy foe him for 18 years wasted my WHOLE life...love and have compassion and empathy for u babe ✌🏽
Stephanie, Thank you! This feels so right on for me. It’s a hurt of course, but validating when I think about what I went through. There was a lot of overlooking and puzzlement. I would ask myself-still do- how can another person treat a person you’re supposed to care about in the way that they do! Appreciate all your thoughtful work.
The song, "You keep me hanging on", describes such narcissistic exploitation of victims.
He told everyone he got a good one this time . I didn't know what he meant until now. Four years later he discarded me like a bag of trash and blamed me for everything. Now he is running my name through the mud and telling lies.
They like the idea of the emotions.
Thank you Stephanie ❤ I hope I can learn from all the abuse I went through for so long. I feel like a survivor now and hope I can keep healing ❤️🩹 Sam B ❤🌷
Stephanie,
GREAT VIDEO as always just reminds to to stay far far away from my Ex Toxic Narc Girlfriend. It's all about what you can do for them. Because they don't need you they only need what you can do for them. Been there it's not a very good feeling. If you got away from them STAY AWAY from them. They are not going to change. Go live your Life because you are just wasting your time on them.
Nice seeing you. It's time to say good bye to our New England Tan. DAVID, RI
This is one of the best and most informative videos I have seen on this topic. My therapist told me about your channel and I am so thankful to her for the help she has given me and for giving me the opportunity to learn more from you by sharing your channel with me. Thank you for all that you do to educate, inform and support survivors of this type of abuse. I am certain that this video will be one that I watch over and over again.
I’m going through this with my covert narcissist wife. She appears to me to be a beautiful person that I love. However after 5yrs of being together, I am witnessing these patterns and I’m struggling to move on. I will move on but, boy it’s tough.
If it hurts, it’s not love. Always remember that
I wasn't loved growing up but I think the relationship with the narcissist is exactly what i needed. It has changed my whole perspective on life. I no longer crave that love and affection because I didnt get it from the narcissist either. I also think I was a gift to the narcissist. I'm an empath and this was a chance for the narcissist to change. But he didn't change.
I watched so many of your videos, Stephanie, to get over a narcissist friendship that was so so close to me. It worked wonders for me and I understood what I went through. From past few weeks, I realized that I‘m thinking a lot about the narcissist I had in my life that I had to let go earlier. So I‘m back here doing a refresher to remind myself that I did the right thing by cutting them off, and that there is no reason at all for me to feel guilty or bad about it. Thank you so much!
I call my revelation my “moment of impact” when everything went from black and white to technicolor. Once you see it all, it can’t be unseen. Then and only then can you make progress. However tough that still is.
I’m learning everyday about narcissist , Thanks to you ! I love you videos!
Stephanie, I usually do not leave comments BUT I had to make an exception on your video. What a bright intelligent woman you are with so much insight on this topic. Your being single video is so important for women. Also, for anyone reading emotional manipulation is ABUSE and should not be allowed to continue. Exit the relationship if you are being gaslighted, stonewalled etc. It is not acceptable. Sometimes, we come from dysfuncional families with unhealthy family dynamics and this is the reason why the red flags in our relationships are minimized and or ignored. Be kind to yourselves. Learn from your mistakes, and please move on by creating your best version of yourself one day at a time.
You’re a goddess thank you I wish I knew you when I was just 18 or even 19 years of old this helps me SOOOOO MUCHHH
'Use up' that sounds right feeling wise, definitely feel like that, but it will end this year, making my moves.
Sad for the kids though, but they're young adults now, so don't need much care.
Have the feeling now she hung around the last few years for the few luxuries I was able to provide (as slowly started to push back more and more, so rising tension), plus the comprises which I now know was letting her getting away with it, not anymore.
Don't care anymore, the hard line I drew months back has been crossed and I recently told her, she knows it having gone all quiet.
Used to that, the silent treatment, not influenced by it anymore.
I see this so clearly now! Now what? How do I get past being attacked and get my self esteem back ?
spot on
All true. I let myself get absolutely broken by it. Take care of your boundaries and walk away when you're not treated ok. He is still trying to hurt me (while claiming victim) 2yrs later 🤦♀️
They think they can do no wrong, and blame you for everything.
Thank you for all the very valuable information! I learn something new every time. NPD traits are so alien! I recently attended a life event (2.5 days) in the town I grew up in. My parents spent the majority of the time stressed about getting to and from the venue...the secondary subject was the following statement on repeat. "You ever notice, when you go into a store and the first thing you see is pet toys and pet treats." Both of my parents are fixated 24/7 with money and every penny. They have lived in the area for 50+ years. I will never wrap my head around the hollow shell!
It’s 50% personal & 50% they’re unconscious of what they’re doing. Some ppl only pull stunts with who they know they’ll get away with it, real calculated.
Yes yes yes!!
This is so spot on.
Fuck sakes I've been so used and abused!!! 😢
I feel so damaged from it all.
My Narcissist Husband treats me like I'm his mother and when I stand up for myself he discard me or give me the silent treatment he acts like a spoiled child when he can't manipulate me 😢
He’s your little boy, because that’s all a narcissist is. Or a little girl, if you will.
Mines did the same
Me too
** Covert Narcissist/Malignant Borderline Red Flag Girlfriend List - based on experience, sharing it here for the good of mankind.. if you're like me looking for the "one" this may help. No sense in repeating history 🙂
(22 red flags)
1. Excessive envious, jealous and needy.
2. Overly concerned about her looks.
3. Rude and has no manners.
4. Plays games Gaslights
5. Frequently bored. Doesn't like to be interested in anything, no hobbies
6. Has difficulty managing her emotions, volatile especially in public, temper tantrums
7. Constantly seeks attention and approval
8. Lazy
9. Overly controlling
10. Has a bad reputation with past relationships (Love bombs, devalues, discards)
11. Never has anything nice to say about other women or your friends
12. Doesn’t have a plan for her life, or wandering through life
13. Low self esteem
14. Harboring hate, hateful toward others
15. Self-centered , stingy
16. Brags incessantly
17. Has no respect for her man
18. Falsely accuses
19. Demanding
20. Untrustworthy
21. Lacking empathy, cold hearted,
22. No morals
You have been doing this for a bit. But you said it right and put energy and truth in it for people to wake up! Thanks
Always enjoy your insights and views. Appreciate your contribution to helping others help themselves. 🤘😎
Thank you. Always learn something new.
Learning to trust my intuition had been difficult due to entire life around narcissism.
So grateful for your information.
🌻
This happened to me. No one who really loves you will bully You,physically emotionally or Spiritually abuse one. True Love is not in anyway abusive.🌹
I detached ,now I am better and Very Grateful to have the knowledge andworking on myself .
Thank You🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕
This is rhe video i needed to hear at this very moment, thank you Stephanie ❤️
A lot of times, its the frog in the boiling pot scenario. They slowly and systematically try to shift your boundaries, self esteem and sense of reality. We need to be proactive in caring for ourselves, but frankly this in not our fault most of the time.
They love what you do for them and how you make them feel and how you tend to THEIR needs.
They are like a shiny book but when you open it there’s nothing on pages blank
WOW!!!! I just signed the divorce decree with my wife of 8 years, together for 19 years. This divorce came out of nowhere. Looking back, I definitely see signs that things in our marriage have been sideways for about the last 3-4 years. I had blinders on because I loved her and learned to overlook A LOT! I even blamed myself for the majority of the issues. I have moved past that and realized that no matter what I did or could have done, it was doomed. After watching this video everything fit my wife to a T, 100%. I watched a few other videos about the top 10 signs of a Narcissist and especially a Covert, she has exhibited 7 of the top 10 many times in the last couple of years. I am blown away. Thank you for your help Stephanie.
Thank you so much this video validates my experience with an ex-friend. I want to share my experience with everyone who wants to read.
We rekindled our friendship last year and I thought telling him I was going to Japan for vacation was harmless. He invited himself to my solo trip and didn't even ask me. He made his plans wishy-washy to lower my guard down but I never agreed to his plans. Over time, he switched his plans so that he was in Tokyo at exactly the same time as I was, and was in the same city even though Japan is such a large country he could go anywhere. He would give little clues about doing side trips together. He even "instructed me" to give my itinerary and hotel lists to him and see where he can fit into my schedule!! I completely ignoring him on my solo trip, and when I returned to tell him I was back, he completely ignored me. To this day, six months later, we have not talked. Clearly he was using me, copying me, and vacationing with me. He used to tell me to drive him but he'd always be late. He never respected me as a friend even though he was not a typical narcissist.
I agree, that as you described that persons style of relating sounds weird and disrespectful. Kind of passive-aggressive instead of saying “Your trip sounds fun. I would like to do a trip like that. You are inspiring me. Could I meet you on your trip?” Instead sounded very indirect and odd.
Many years ago, I had a former acquaintance do something similar, so the situation resonated.
@@pearpo thank you for sharing your thoughts! I agree, a normal human being would either meet me part way on my trip, while he does his own thing. If I gave in, where will it stop? No guarantee.
Stephanie…. Thank you! You are brilliant & beautiful….
Before I got married, she told me I reminded her of her father. I took that as a compliment and took it as a good sign. Now, after all these years, I realize what she really meant by that was "Target Acquired".
🙃 100%
Thank you for being so clear and direct.
This is exactly why I screenshot all conversations. I’ve had two narcissistic partners in the past year. One was short term but we lived together and the other was longer, six months. I felt something was off so kept records of all conversations. That way I wasn’t relying on anybody’s recollection. There would be no doubt of what was said because there would be a record, proof. Nobody could tell me I was imagining it all.
How did they react when you showed them?
@@englishlanguagetuitionoxfo1954 Never did. Discard happened too fast. With my last ex, we hadn’t seen each other in four months. He was full of excuses. Very conveniently for him I didn’t have my license. I was working towards it but hadn’t passed the test yet. He kept claiming that was why we weren’t seeing each other. The half an hour drive to me once a week was too much with his long working hours. He was a construction site manager. He told me bluntly once that he “couldn’t be fucked to come visit.” My ego didn’t let me take that to heart. I should have. He meant every word.
He was truly ice cold. My mum was sick with cancer throughout this period. We were told it was late stage. So as you can imagine I was in no state to confront him or dig very deep. At the time his dad also had cancer, stage three. His brother had just passed away from it. He described the cancer as a gift. Had to take a day off from the gym to attend his brother’s funeral. Spent one whole day in the gym that weekend as “the incident” had stopped him completing his workout.
He cheated on me throughout the relationship. Towards the end he posted a picture of himself on what was clearly a date. He managed to convince me it was just a friend. Like I said, I was in no state to fight him. I can still remember her handbag, the glass of wine on the table. I still remember all the passive aggressive TikTok videos he’d repost to Snapchat. Talking about good men being cheated on by their partners. Of course I’d get flustered and rush to defend myself.. and he’d deny that it was about me. Just laugh it off and make out that I was hysterical. As if it could be directed at anybody else. Of course I’d feel guilty. I didn’t need to have done anything. Guilty by suggestion. All along he was suggesting he was cheating.
The discard. This is a good one. I woke up one day to a message saying “I’m deleting Snapchat, just thought you should know.” That’s how we communicated. I had his number of course but we never spoke there. He wouldn’t respond to texts. I convinced myself it was no big deal. We had Snapchat. I asked him repeatedly why he’d do that. That was a very clear lie. His account was established.. as in a snap score of hundreds of thousands. He’d been building it up for years. So I called bullshit on that. Told him I knew he wasn’t deleting Snapchat, he was deleting me. He went to the lengths of denying it, even sending me a snap of the deletion screen. All the while ignoring my repeated question of why. Of course I get removed and blocked later that day and he changes his username. Responds to one text message I send. I never heard from him again.
Damn I wish I knew this years ago. I suspected things but I could never get why someone would want to be abusive like this. Without a motive I just couldn't believe their intentions were bad.
Your videos are so informative i love them thanks a billion ❤❤❤
This was a good one 👍
Stephanie, can we do a video on body tension , nerves and relaxation strategies👍🙏
Yes I do use people. And every time you know exactly why.
I so needed to hear this particular video right now- 🙏🏻thank you
Stephanie I always learn something new and most every video of yours I watch this was a a good one ndi opener! I didn't realize because I was broken and damaged from from certain people in my life not to see all the signs and how is clearly being manipulated and used. But I got it now thank you!
Think you may have just won my business. Very thoughtful!
Thank you mam I have joined your channel last year and didn't even knew my own mother is a narc😢and after watching your videos I learnt how to deal with a narc situation.
I was with one for 2 years. Worst thing to ever happen to me.
Excellent analysis and advice! (LISTEN TO HER!)
Everyone has wounds, and Everybody has trauma
But not everybody deals in the same way with this.
Not everyone is cruel and manipulative. We choose and we all know the difference between good and bad.
@@leonablack3516 sad right
Pure genius.
What a sad lonely person is the Narcissist
I've taken tests online to see if I'm a narc. It always says I'm not. My husband has been manipulative, lies about anything that he thinks will make me upset, and has had multiple affairs. I feel like I'm an empty shell and I can't connect to anyone. Everyone loves him, and I'm the angry crazy one and now I'm supper traumatized. I feel like I am the one void of love, and also he was too in some ways.
I am fighting so hard
I am sorry you're going through this. I can identify with your story.
I left my child's father after being with him for 5 years and living together.
I left him when our daughter was less than a year old. I'm so thankful I left when I did. Our daughter is 17 yrs old now, and he is deceased.
I can tell you after being with 3 people that I loved that had this disorder in some fashion that at times it will make you feel like you are just as bad as they are because of how you are reacting to the situation. You are not and you have to believe that. If all you wanted was a stable, happy, loving relationship and the other person makes that impossible it's not your fault. It's not. Maybe you have had your own issues prior to your relationship but if your heart is in the right place and they are taking advantage of that and abusing it then you need to take some time and ask yourself if it's worth it to have this person in your life. I know it's hard, try to stay strong and you will find the answers.
Get out of that relationship immediately. Close the doors behind you, and don’t let him manipulate you anymore. You need to separate, get away, and start your inner healing journey.
They are not capable of love. Sometimes it just sad.
This is so true, thank you so much for putting so clear 💗
This share is so dang good. Thank you for making the content in this video!
I started to loose myself. I know about mirroring
I agree almost 100% w what you’re saying, except for the fact that, there is no resolution. Not to mention respect either but for me in my situation, cuz the narc is my mother, there is no point of coming back and talking later. For almost 5 decades, she has swept any issues under the rug. Then acted like they never existed. To me, if there’s a problem, you discuss it, find resolution, and move on. So, imo that doesn’t work or matter. I cut of the entire sick family system out of my life and she’s the only one who is left. I and two young adult kids are living in the same 4 walls w this crazy person. We are all handling her differently cuz of her treatment of us is different. It’s wild. So, we have our exit plan in place and since I’m her main target, I’ve gone limited to no contact as much as possible while still here. I have no care for her lies and manipulation at all anymore. I don’t care to discuss anything with her anymore. I just want to get the hell away from her! I’m done. Stay strong everyone. Thank you for ur guidance on this issue. ❤️🙏✌️
Thanks Steph; wonderful. All v true if a bit sad about what people can be like.
I’m subscribed to several channels where narcissism is the focus and I’ve learned a lot from each one.
I’m sorry I haven’t found this channel much sooner.
Stephanie covers this subject matter of abuse the very best of the channels I’ve seen.
I’m very impressed by your upfront and facts - based approach.
Went through three discards, then after nearly 11 months of no contact, here comes the apology text. The apology was a joke. Very brief and very vague, basically used his own therapy as an excuse. What he didn’t know is, is that I had gone into therapy myself and realized that my own trauma was making me feel like my value was based on how he treated me. I know they say not to, but I let him have it. For too long I kept pushing my feelings down. I had things that needed to be said. I did it for me! I don’t care if it made him happy or not to upset me. And that’s the point, I don’t care about him anymore.
Thank you Stephanie this is excellent
He has hurt me beyond words
There’s a part of me that feels scared that I might have come off this way in my last relationship because I was new in a city where I didn’t know anyone or needed a lot of help with things like rides, a little bit of finances and my bf helped a lot with that. I hope he didn’t think I was there to use him as I fell deeply for him.
I have experienced this kind of relationship and it caught me so off gaurd when the devaluation and so on began. I wanted to interject some thoughts for consideration as my experience with this kind of thing differs a little on something you said at 6:45 in the video about "you cant be too pretty, too accomplished" etc. I have found this personality to want to be with the prettiest woman, hang around the most accomplished people because it supplies them. it makes them look good and feel good about themselves., but maybe I'm mistaken. I would be interested in your thoughts on this.
My experience has been that they have contempt for people they consider above themselves. People who are successful, take care of themselves, happier than them. They tend to want to be around their own kind and if they aren't their kind they will pretend like like are and try to gradually bring them down with the devaluing.
Thank you Stephanie ! 💖
You can put anyone on a pedestal. It's up to them if they want to stay there.
I realized not too long ago that my mother is a user. All 5 of her husbands fit a role. Same with me. I was status for her because I always did well in school, went to University, etc.
She really doesn't like anybody because the other person/people have had no real trouble detaching from her, or at least ebbing and flowing in her life.
Hi Stefanie, I can see someone wanting more than half when the discard happens if they deserve it. My best friend was left with nothing but 2 trumped up charges and homeless after 40 some years so his X could steel his inheratence along with everything else. You look marvellous by the way. Everything I read is soo informative. Thanks Honey
Wow that's just crazy! I need to get away soon and forever.
Thank you for this, it explains things. SO WELL!!! my husband was having an affair with a covert narc and he couldn't see the toxicity. He has trauma from childhood that this fed into. She was his drug-
Well said
Fantasy relationship..word!
I really needed to hear this.....
All personality disorders are bereft of being consistantly affectionate as the disorder is more powerful than considering someone else more important than themselves.
They constantly lie and why they are so compelled to steal from there partner that was good to them for the most part.
Yeah they are liars they lie a lot
They don’t lie. They don’t know any better because of the disease
So smart. Thank you.
How did I get addicted to taking personally what the mean things the narcissist and his narc family said about me??? It was a weird, slow process of pulling me in, praising me, buttering me up and then bringing me down. I am going to have to function in this broken, confused, state. I am going have to figure out even how to put one foot in front of the other.