The decision to leave a long-term relationship isn't easy, but the answer to this question is fairly simple. You'll need to invest 51 seconds of your time to learn the response. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California. Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others. See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations. Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com #relationship #dating #breakup
100% accurate! In general a lack of will to fix things is a sign that things have run their course , and one should move away -including if you come to the conclussion you are the one who no longer wants to try.
I’ll never forget the day, I asked my bd can we talk, after I saw he was dealing with other women still. And he said why? And then sent pages and pages on why he don’t think there’s a point to having a conversation. That solidified that I knew we were done
Going through this rn. I express my concerns and there is no support or genuine interest. I feel like I’m pulling teeth just getting her to communicate with me. Whenever we spend time together she is just absent. She’s lost interest in our relationship. I feel sick thinking about all the special moments we had but I guess its for the best.
How long did you wait before breaking up? I have a similar issue with someone I have been with for 5 years. Since a family member came back he's been cagy and sad (the family member is very controling over food, etc.). I supported him and waited. But I'm sick of it now, he hangs up on me, didn't tell me someone broke the wing mirror of my car when I had left it with him... And the list goes on. I feel stupid just caring and being invested
Since my comment, I have discovered my exgf is a narcissist. I couldn't understand her actions until I learned about narcissism. "The Game Exposed" has taught me a plethora about my ex and myself.
There are exceptions. It can be off-timing where the willingness is less able to be put forward due to other possible individual struggles, such as work pressures, mental illness (the blanket excuse, i mean, reason), other party has differing "thing" as priority, etc.
My partner was willing, however, he was mentally/ emotionally so immobilized that he couldn’t even if he wanted to. I spent years holding up a person who couldn’t support me. Sometimes willingness is not enough either
Yes. I spotted the contempt and my exes ability to trivialize her transgressions and weaponize my daily routines,desires and goals even when they benefited her/family.
A bit offtopic but i really want to know the details of your audio setup; the first time i saw this clip was probably on speakers and didn't remark on the quality, but i just came upon it again with earbuds in, and WOW!! It legitimately seems to sound as though you're speaking beside the listener in person. Also your speech patterns and levels herein are well managed/presented.
Just as valid is the lack of willingness on your own side. Many people, especially women who are monkey branching, will go out and cheat instead of just breaking it off. If you're not feeling it anymore, just call it quits and be done with it. It's the fair thing to do for both parties
My partner was caring and all when we started the relationship. Now he's absent all the time. He's dealt with 3 depressive episodes in the 6 years I've been with him, always by his side. But it's been so draining that I don't feel like staying anymore. I love him, but I don't feel his love towards me. I don't know how to leave, I have serious attachment problems.
the question I have is how long do you give someone to make changes? They say they will change and try harder but nothing ever changes it’s been 10 months of talking about the same issues.
Why arent they willing though? The thing ive noticed is that when we're on the verge of breaking up, they change, they are willing to move forward, why is that?😢
What if you were willing to try and have done things differently in the past but the person just blindsides you without speaking about their problems? I would have tried my hardest and I’m not sure how she should have broken up better or if she did it in an immature way? I feel I was a solid partner but didn’t get an opportunity to work on or even discuss the problems before the relationship ended and I thought things were going really well. It was a 2.5 year relationship and very loving
It is not fair to say in words to want it, when you don't. Put the blame on the other. But that's ok, if he makes me feel bad for being the decision maker. Truly noone knows, who really was. Life is not black and white. When something is dead, we must bury it, not examine it for a few other years. This examination has already took. too many time. Too many. .
Yeah, but what do you do when the person you’re with. After so many years, seems to want to try just to try and save the relationship? I’ve been feeling like it’s time to have a conversation about splitting up , we’ve both had the conversation before and mutually had strong feelings about it. However, she seems to want to change now last minute.
@@ralphy1989 we still actively love and date but things feel off and going thru the motions , I’m afraid we both know the truth but would rather not embrace
The decision to leave a long-term relationship isn't easy, but the answer to this question is fairly simple. You'll need to invest 51 seconds of your time to learn the response.
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#relationship #dating #breakup
My boundaries keep being ignored and I’m ready to move on. I needed to hear these exact words said out loud. Thank you for posting this.
Just curious, what kind of boundaries keep being ignored?
Same here I wanna leave so bad some days but I feel like I can't cause I don't wanna move back in with my parents and I need to save money .
100% accurate! In general a lack of will to fix things is a sign that things have run their course , and one should move away -including if you come to the conclussion you are the one who no longer wants to try.
Bingo!
Exactly where I'm at.ive decided to go..just doin it without talkin
Some people are good at promising and even start working on it but never following through
I’ll never forget the day, I asked my bd can we talk, after I saw he was dealing with other women still. And he said why? And then sent pages and pages on why he don’t think there’s a point to having a conversation. That solidified that I knew we were done
It's the willingness + the capacity to do the thing ...or lack thereof.
In my experience there was too much dishonesty. Many promises were made, fortunately i could see through it.
Broke up with my gf. 10/2/23. I explained my concerns. She didn't listen and not willing to try. It hurts but I'll survive. It was time to leave.
Going through this rn. I express my concerns and there is no support or genuine interest. I feel like I’m pulling teeth just getting her to communicate with me. Whenever we spend time together she is just absent. She’s lost interest in our relationship. I feel sick thinking about all the special moments we had but I guess its for the best.
How long did you wait before breaking up? I have a similar issue with someone I have been with for 5 years. Since a family member came back he's been cagy and sad (the family member is very controling over food, etc.). I supported him and waited. But I'm sick of it now, he hangs up on me, didn't tell me someone broke the wing mirror of my car when I had left it with him... And the list goes on. I feel stupid just caring and being invested
Since my comment, I have discovered my exgf is a narcissist. I couldn't understand her actions until I learned about narcissism. "The Game Exposed" has taught me a plethora about my ex and myself.
Learned this the hard way. Wasted two years with my ex, and after the break up was when I realized that she never really tried.
There are exceptions. It can be off-timing where the willingness is less able to be put forward due to other possible individual struggles, such as work pressures, mental illness (the blanket excuse, i mean, reason), other party has differing "thing" as priority, etc.
The absence of willingness is Contempt
My partner was willing, however, he was mentally/ emotionally so immobilized that he couldn’t even if he wanted to. I spent years holding up a person who couldn’t support me. Sometimes willingness is not enough either
Is it possible you immobilised him from constant nagging?
Yes. I spotted the contempt and my exes ability to trivialize her transgressions and weaponize my daily routines,desires and goals even when they benefited her/family.
Yes, and not just the other person. Yourself too.
A bit offtopic but i really want to know the details of your audio setup; the first time i saw this clip was probably on speakers and didn't remark on the quality, but i just came upon it again with earbuds in, and WOW!! It legitimately seems to sound as though you're speaking beside the listener in person. Also your speech patterns and levels herein are well managed/presented.
Thank you for this straight forward answer.
he wasn't willing to change, so i left, and to stop me from leaving now he is all of a sudden ready to change.
So just try to do her thing with your thing on the thing and the whole thing will be alright
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
Yea, when the other person is not willing to try even when you are trying.
What about if its a constant cycle of the person doing "the thing" for about 1 week then goes back to the old ways
I heard this somewhere. And I tell my partner the same thing
“ what you don’t change, you’re choosing “
U have a very calming vibe
God works with the willing. Some of us have been in a relationship with prior He wants to take us away from!
Just as valid is the lack of willingness on your own side. Many people, especially women who are monkey branching, will go out and cheat instead of just breaking it off.
If you're not feeling it anymore, just call it quits and be done with it. It's the fair thing to do for both parties
You’re right, but it would be too logical for women to ack this way and it wouldn’t be monkey branching any more.
I’m trying my best I’m the one will change anything to
Make him happy and he won’t
My partner was caring and all when we started the relationship. Now he's absent all the time.
He's dealt with 3 depressive episodes in the 6 years I've been with him, always by his side. But it's been so draining that I don't feel like staying anymore.
I love him, but I don't feel his love towards me. I don't know how to leave, I have serious attachment problems.
This one I actually agree with 100%.
the question I have is how long do you give someone to make changes? They say they will change and try harder but nothing ever changes it’s been 10 months of talking about the same issues.
Why arent they willing though? The thing ive noticed is that when we're on the verge of breaking up, they change, they are willing to move forward, why is that?😢
I deal with the same issue. It’s about control I’m figuring out possibly narcissistic. But it’s toxic at the very least
Fear of lose.
What if you’ve lost the spark and attraction?
I agree, though I would also watch for sings of contempt in your partner towards you.
He’s not even willing to care.
That’s pretty obvious!
What is this dudes obsession with referring to “doing the thing”. Anyone else find it annoying?
Because "the thing" is different for everyone, it covers a broad spectrum.
What if you were willing to try and have done things differently in the past but the person just blindsides you without speaking about their problems? I would have tried my hardest and I’m not sure how she should have broken up better or if she did it in an immature way? I feel I was a solid partner but didn’t get an opportunity to work on or even discuss the problems before the relationship ended and I thought things were going really well. It was a 2.5 year relationship and very loving
It is not fair to say in words to want it, when you don't. Put the blame on the other. But that's ok, if he makes me feel bad for being the decision maker. Truly noone knows, who really was. Life is not black and white. When something is dead, we must bury it, not examine it for a few other years. This examination has already took. too many time. Too many. .
I want to end it but I don't think he trake it seriusly, like I don't have feelings??, I'm already tired,😅 it's a nigthmare
Solo if one wants to get married and the other doesn't he/she should try marriage to see if it works? 🤔
Definitely not.
Yeah, but what do you do when the person you’re with. After so many years, seems to want to try just to try and save the relationship? I’ve been feeling like it’s time to have a conversation about splitting up , we’ve both had the conversation before and mutually had strong feelings about it. However, she seems to want to change now last minute.
And also like to add that, I’m not perfect, but we’ve had mutual conversations regarding splitting up
what if i'm not willing to try? she's a great person but i feel like i wronged her so much that i don't want to try. is it time to go?
Solid
Is "the thing" sex or am I just a perv?
It refers to any problem that must be addressed in the relationship.
Or they finally do try and it doesn't fix things like you hoped it would
There is no more willingness.
NEVER GO to couples therapy, that shait aint work. If you are deciding to go to couples therapy, you might as well just leave the relationship
Why? How is that not a mutual effort?
Depends how soon before things get too bad to repair
@@ralphy1989 we still actively love and date but things feel off and going thru the motions , I’m afraid we both know the truth but would rather not embrace
I'm tired of a women wanting me to pay for it when she gave it away for free for years.
Let’s skip this chitchat how adventurous are you..?