Anton Sjostrand I'm tired of being told I overthink, maybe the other people are under thinking. I really prefer small gatherings to large parties. Quality over quantity.
Yes. I am actually quite articulate but it takes time for the words to ferment and connect. A lot of people miss the infj's depth because the j needs to pause for the right words and people move on before the words come.
INFJ here. What I do at parties is be quite with a couple of friends at the start and then get super wasted, talk a lot with a lot of people, ending up "saying too much" and regretting it the next morning. You're advice of taking alone breaks mid-party and seeking out the people at the outer ring was gold for me dude, thanks! ("saying too much" = revealing something from your secret side, not offending someone)
Thanks man! Yeah alcohol can be too much of a social lubricant sometimes. I use to say stuff when I had too much to drink where people would look over and say "Did you really just say that!?" Whoops...
This is exactly what I do! Usually I end up finding a new friend and hang out with them most of the night. We add each other on Facebook and never talk again. 😂
lol! This is the exact strategy I use at parties! I'll go wander off on my own, and then there's usually that one person that finds me and we have those "deeper" conversations
That's so me! (I'm an INFJ) I really like to approach someone that stand or sit alone. But I'd rather speak longer with a person than with a group of people haha
Loving your videos so far! I'm an INFJ as well. I relate to your party strategies a lot, lol. I definitely always find myself needing "breaks" where I'll find somewhere to go or even just go to the bathroom to get out of it for a minute.
Im an enfp ( female) and my infj (male ) babe cant express himself too and gets embarrassed by that i tell him its the cutest thing ever 😍❤. ,, regarding the party thing , its very true coz that is how i met my bf , we got to talking and we ended up talking the whole night , it was crazy we both didn't realize Time passing , and by the morning he knew i was the one for him , but i didn't coz talking to ppl is my thing and making connections is what i do , however he kept lurking around me for the next two weeks i found it weird at first but then i fell hopelessly in love with him ❤😍
from my experience (i'm INFJ) I also have those moments when I want to be around the people :) but anxiety is making me hard to approach them. I kinda like when my freind introduces me with othet people. when they do that I always look who smiled at me more truly or spontaneous (I have this picture that this kind of people are more interesnig and caring). I also look who is "my kind of people" in the room, just like you. I have these moments when I need to take a rest of other people at a party (I look at a mobile phone or go to the rest room just to get away for a while). I interact better in smaller groups in which I can be kinda dominant. I'm also person who likes more to talk than to do something at a party. I do "stupid" things only around the people who I really know and love. People who barely know me think that I'm boring. it's just that i don't know much what they love so is hard for me to talk to them. I also like things that very little number of people likes, like sf books, movies, moral in the world, art etc. :) so this is all of me. sorry if I had written something wrong, english isnt my native :P
I've found that I get overwhelmed by going into a party or group situation where there are already a lot of people there; everyone wanting to say hi to me at the same time, etc. (I could never be a famous person!) Now I know that what works best for me is to go EARLY and be one of the first people there and then I can integrate people coming in, little by little. Also, I tend to establish a little "territory" where I feel comfortable to hang out and then a person (or a few people) will join me and we'll have a deeper conversation (like you mentioned you did at the jacuzzi). Because I came early, I feel like I can leave early, when I feel "done" and won't appear to be anti-social.
So that's why I like washing dishes alone after a dinner party.. I'm 32 and only found out this past week that I'm a INFJ. Wish I knew this a loooong time ago.. Would've change my life and made it easier to understand why I could never stay in a relationship for longer than 3 months.
LOL Had to laugh at you/myself. What you say is so true of me too as an INFJ! I generally can't stand parties and if I can't connect with someone I leave. If I can't leave, the bathroom is the next way I hideout for a while. Glad you found someone to interact with. Love your comment about humanity as being a "zoo". I'm with you on that.
I am also thinking a same about people beeing in parties, beeing like wild animals, but I not participated in parties at all and I am glad I wasn't, because I hate parties with passion, actually was fair enough watch movies, then people going to parties and beeing like a zoo, that literally are too much for me
Great video, I totally relate. I am also INFJ and feel like it's easiest and most enjoyable to find people kind of on the outskirts of a party to talk to. I like to make them feel included and that somebody wants to talk to them, because I can relate to how they are feeling in that party situation. Looking forward to your next video :) -Allison
Yes! So much yes!! Maybe we can feel their awkwardness/shyness and want have solidarity with them. Then internally we'll say, "hey let's be orphans together".
Wow this is me at a party.lol Tip seek the out-siders is the key. I agree we need to have a balance and must try and do these types of extroverted activities to help us grow into a better self.
I've spent most of my life regularly around large groups of people and I agree that the best thing you can do if you aren't able to get the kind of alone time you would prefer, is to create your own zone inside that environment. Whether it be focusing on deeper conversations with one or two people, a visit to the bathroom to freshen up, going outside for some fresh air, spending time on your phone looking at something that interests you, taking a glass of wine to a cozy corner etc. Just make sure that the time you spend doing these things is relaxing or enjoyable. There is no point being there if you are feeling a need to escape.
By coincidence last night I went to a function where I only knew 1 person and I was the life of the party. This is not like me to do this. It was a great feeling and that tells me that I have spent to much time alone, It was like I needed that dose of being with a large crowd again.
3:19 is a great example of Ni kicking in. Ti trying to make sense of all the images and symbols in your head, struggling for a sec, then Ni kicking in with that "aha!" moment. Great video.
Thank you, Brian. Loved this - and so, so accurate! It's fascinating to hear you articulate how INFJs behave - and reassuring to learn that others have similar experiences. Great videos, keep up the brilliant work.
wow! I understand so much about myself now..I look back from my childhood to now and think of the type of friends I had and how I'd rather not be around a lot of ppl. I just recently had to take a couple days break from talking to anyone..I felt so drained and tired...I'm the go to person in most of my friends when they need to talk because they know I won't judge them and I will nvr tell another soul our conversations..I'm kinda the secret keeper for ppl I guess and so much information I receive from ppl gets draining for me..I've also had ppl call me a mysterious person because I don't go and tell my business to anyone..I'm a very private person and I like it better that way..even tho some ppl try to interfere with my private life..I don't hang in big groups of ppl..I can feel what ppl feel and it's horrible feeling when your around a angry person and can't walk away..like at wrk...I love music and listen to it all the time...I call music my happy place because it makes me feel better when stressed..at times I can get on someone's nerves but not meaning to tho..I'm a quite person but when I do talk I end up saying unnecessary words when talking..I have a habit of going into a lot of detail with what I'm talking about that I had someone tell me to stop talking or make what I'm saying shorter lol..I do get a long with everyone and I'm happy about that..I like to try to help ppl feel better when feeling down even if it's just a smile..ppl find me very understanding and I have been told that when I look in there eyes its like I'm reading there soul..guess I can connect with ppls feelings very well...I enjoyed this video Brian...can't wait to watch more..
YES!! I always go missing at parties or bars!! It's because I need a mental break from so much social interaction, but I never realised. Finding out about myers-briggs and reading about being INFJ answered so many difficult questions I've had in my life. I think ultimately we are all formed differently based on our life experiences and history, but the information I'm reading about INFJ is frighteningly accurate!!
Haha, yeah. I was in Las Vegas a few weeks ago, and that water fountain show was about the only thing I enjoyed ^^ Great video and tips! Once again I am amazed by how much I recognize myself in this type of videos from INFJ people. We may have the rarest personality type in the world, but at least we're not completely alone.
Anton Sjostrand hah! I went for work also and avoided all types of connection with co-workers when it was the night out, etc....regardless, it’s just me. I walked the strip, saw a popcorn shop, bought my fave, missed my kids dearly and went to look at that water show 😂😂😂 back to hotel room. Ugh I’m so boring, but now I realize why!!!! I don’t regret anything!!!!!!
Havent watch yet but basically here's what I can tell you without watching and we'll see how INFJ I actually am ..lol 1. We'll scout the vicinity for someone we know to talk to when we arrive looking for that initial comfort level with the new probably over stimulating environment to make us feel at ease. 2. If we dont know anyone there we'll try to find a distraction while we wait for someone to come up and talk to us . For me this distraction would be sipping on a drink, watching the video TV monitors or listening to music. On the rarest of instances if I'm super charged I'll talk to a new person (I am a social introvert a little and can force myself to initiate contact but this is rare). I'm guessing though the majority of us will do what we gravitate towards. People watching and using your intuition and imagine all the backgrounds of the people we meet to basically write their life story in our minds before meeting them. If we do find a new person to talk to it is hard for us to make trivial how is the weather conversation and many of us will be looking for more intellectual stimulation . 3 . At the party you will find us always near the edges at the room . Very rare will you find us near the centre as we prefer the outskirts to people watch and we also find overcrowded areas very draining. That is why you will always find us waiting for the next empty bus or choosing to ride in an empty subway car during rush hour. 4. Leaving early ..this one I'm not sure why we do this so if anyone wants to chime in feel free. Hope he explains in the vid 👍 5. If the party is super crowded or the environment way to over stimulating we will definitely need the next day for our alone time to recharge. Think of Superman either flying high in the sky to recharge and soak in the sun's rays or visiting his Fortress of Solitude to escape Metropolis ..both are very much INFJ analogies and tendency 6. The dance floor ...forget it .. lol ain't happen ' here but again that's just me maybe their are INFJs who can channel their own inner Fred Astaire or Michael Jackson but since we dont really process or Express information that way I doubt it. Anyway whoever made it this far much thanks and I'd welcome all comments and insights
I'm an older INFJ. You did a great job. It's so true the way you say you have trouble expressing yourself. That is so me and soooo INFJ. There are so many thoughts running through our heads about so many different amazing things we need to do. And at the same time, we are trying to help three or four people usually. Expressing verbally to someone is the last thing on our mind. But life does go on and we must contribute and so ever the great ;) INFJ moves forward.....the drums roll as Lars Ulrich plays the last bits and this ole INFJ steps off the soap box. Peace
really believe it to be the case. Yes as INFJ writing is a gift. But when I try to explain something in talking I go fast. Then it becomes hard to catch my thoughts and start to doubt if people understood what I’m talking about. So I’ll now talk less and more concise which gives the listener an opportunity to understand and if they asked for deeper explanation I would happily do the long thoughtful talking.
I really appreciated this video! If I am invited to a party, I either have to take a party buddy with me or I have to know some of the people who are going to be there. This girl going to some random party w/o a plan is a total fail because of the stress that comes with not having an "out!" Lol. You have some great points which I think our personality type leans to ...find someone like me..and get a break when you need it. May I also add that there have been times that I have come early to a party to help the host/hostess out. But more than that it allows me to seem more extroverted and friendly (and safe) to say hello and introduce myself as soon as people say hello to the host. It also gives me a good excuse to leave early (if need be) because I was around so long. I will be in Vegas in 2 weeks for business myself and having gone to Vegas before (for vacation)..the calming effect of the Bellagio fountain is probably the only thing outside my hotel that Ill go out of my way to see lol. I dont know about anyone else but party hard Vegas can be overwhelming for an INFJ by themselves.
I unfortuantly only just recently discovered I'm an INFJ at 25 years old. It's amazing to me how simply identifying yourself with a personality type can give this overwhelming sense of peace from a lifetime of (without sounding too much like an angsty teen) feeling/saying "there aren't many people like me". There isn't one thing you said in this video that differs from my social interaction routine. Throughout nearly my entire school days, I was at the bottom of the barrel as far as "cliques" or whatnot go. As an INFJ who spent the majority of life as a sterotypically unattractive dorky gal, to suddenly in their 20's be viewed as "good looking", I find myself having to "stick up for the little guy" more than I even had to in school days. I, like yourself, am internally drawn to the outsiders, and scope the room to talk to them (usually males) at a party. It's unfortunately too common some drunk "hot guy" stumbles up, disrespectfully leans his elbow on the 'outsider guy' I was talking to and says some comment along lines of "Well heyy thereeee... What's a sexy-ass girl like you doing over here talking to ~this~ guyyy? Common over here with me baby, let's get you a drink!" Typically I spend my energy trying to make peace and de-escalate situations-but BULLIES? NUH UH. Bullies trigger this almost crazy momma bear maternal-like instinct to where I MUST like... "defend this guys honor" or something haha. It sounds so silly but at those moments, it's truly as if there is this injustice against humanity that I NEED to stand up against, blah blah blah.... yet, of course, I'd never in a million years even consider standing up for myself. le sigh. P.S. The Bellagio fountain rocks my socks too.
Lol, that was the most INFJ-like comment you said. The paragraph you wrote - yes, I understand and relate in my own way as a male. But wondering were all those words came from after I've written out a response to something that intrests me... that is me every time.
And identifying all of your unique, inexpressible, somehow weird traits, thoughts and behaviours with only four letters, is a little bit disappointing as well, for me as a pure INFJ). By the time I got to know about personality typing and this kinda stuff I admitted that I'm not from this planet, there's noone out there just like me, I'm completely unique blah blah blah. And one day, I learned that although I belong to the rarest personality type, there's at least 200 Milions of people like me. I felt ordinary and it wasn't good at the beginning, but this was replaced by the feeling that I'm not abnormal, I'm not shy, I don't have a social anxiety, I don't have superpowers, I'm okay with all of my emotions and thoughts. I'm not schizophrenic so I was overwhelmed with the feeling of peace. Knowing that you're not alone in this planet, makes you feel relaxed, and being relaxed gives you the power to explore more, enjoy more and create more. Thank you all, guys!
I find myself constantly wandering between groups of people. I am aware of a lot of different things going on and because of this most people know my name at the parties I go to. The problem is that I have troubles remembering their names.
Thank you very much, I haven't been in party like 1 mount or so, i don't feel dancing around i don't feel comfortable doing that, but in same time i want to be there.. I find today that i'm INFJ and (Personality Type) and that's totaly me. That's sounds really helpful to find someone and i totaly seeing me doing that and have so much fun ( having a long conversation). Only a 8:16 long video and I guess life changing, I'm really grateful. Keep with your good work.
Awesome - I totally understand!!! And I love that the INFJ is making this you tube video while in VEGAS! That alone says everything about “watching the world” and choosing when and how to go join in.
I do the same thing! I force myself to talk to people I know as soon as I get to the place, party, meeting, reunion - in this way, I help myself to not stand alone by myself on the corner... which is like you explained to let my guard down. I also tend to lean toward those who seem quieter than I am and talk to them to make conversation. I fear social interactions but I love social interactions. Is a love/hate relationship - I totally get you. This is similar to say "taking baby steps" by first talking to those who seem less likely to intimidate you with a strong-loud personality.
I really like your idea about seeking out meaningful interactions. So often we set ourselves up for failure because were not into small talk. This really helps.
hahaha omg i was laughing the whole time I was watching your video because I could 100% relate to everything you mentioned. It was so accurate, I've never felt so understood, it's scary. Thanks Brian for this video! Definitely made my night :)
A lot of the time when I'm at a party I like being in the middle of the mess but I also constantly have that looking from the outside perspective going on where I've thought "oh wow I'm participating, I'm normal!" Lmao. But it's true I have a tendency to wander around when I hear what I consider conversation just to talk and not be silent around each other. I love meaningful conversations so much more
I break off at parties too. Same thing happened a couple weeks ago when I attended an open house for a new neighbor in the neighborhood. This is just a couple weekends ago. When dinner was ready I grabbed my food and went indoors and sat down at the dining room. There were no outdoor seating left at this point. I sat down all by myself :) I was so happy and content. Within 15 minutes six more people had joined me. I struck up a conversation with the lady who sat down next to me and her husband was at the other end of the table. At the end of the next 30 minutes it felt like she was my best friend LoL and she was asking me if she could call to have coffee and talk about our businesses. Sometimes I’ve been known to break away and run into the bathroom and just close the door 😆
Excellent advice! I know deep inside it is perfect.. Its still a monumental task that will push me to my limits and utterly shatter my comfort zone boundaries. As a person who struggles with horrible social anxiety, phobia of awkwardness and silence, this is rather difficult to implement. No pain no gain I guess Thank you very much! It serves as an encouragement above all else!
YESS. I definitely do the outlier thing, where I pick someone who is in the corner and end up keeping them company/get to actually know them. And I love to get away from people while still being able to enjoy people watching.
What a great video! I'm so similar every party this is my routine chat with people I know and then look for someone who feels uncomfortable and learn all about them in an attempt to make them feel valued? I don't feel stressed in large groups but find it more fulfilling to have meaningful interaction.
Great video and tips for parties. As soon as you mentioned Vegas I remembered the Bellagio fountains, which was by far my most lasting memory for my day there about 12 years ago. I know exactly what you mean but can't explain it. I completely agree that it's a must for any INFJ, particularly when it gets dark.
I loved your video and relate very much to everything you said! I also adopted these techniques when attending parties and I find that I often don't even have to approach someone first if I decide to just hang back and observe in the beginning. This depends on the type of party obviously, but as someone who also smokes, I tend to find that locating the other stoners at a party usually results in a nice cozy circle of people speaking openly about their lives and experiences. The party becomes a backdrop to our intimate offshoot of attendees. I like this because I think that this allows me to absorb the party atmosphere while also feeling grounded through some of the people in it. But honestly, sometimes I like to attend a party and not interact with hardly anyone because watching the collective act as this larger entity, the party, is really fascinating.
Man, well done. Love it. I do exactly the same thing. I watched myself do the same thing 2 weeks ago at my Nephews 5th birthday party. It started out for all the kids, then all the adults came back for the late night party. I started out making an effort to reacquaint myself with the ones I knew. As the group got bigger, i found my escape to quiet away from everyone for a while. Then came back on the edges to find a solo or small group(2-3 people). Usually lean towards the female partners at the party as they seem to be a bit more open to the topics I'd rather talk about. Getting into the meat of who they are and how people work etc.
Thank you for posting! It makes me feel at ease that I'm not the only odd one. I struggle and i over internalise, which makes life very difficult as I am a karaoke host/ DJ funnily enough thanks for the tips!
Parties...hah. For me I need a way out, to escape for half an hour or so. Indoor parties are an absolute NO *SLAM*. Outdoor ones are much, much better and I just take a walk in the dark, looking at the stars collecting my thoughts. Even then, I only last about 3 hours tops. Now, where's my damn Log Cabin in the Wilderness. ;) Ps, you said something very important at the end.. "If ppl ask you to a party, they want you to be there". Yeah I am so worried about parties that I forget this fact. And it's true, I often am the 'balancer' because I am able to converse on infinite topics and can get along with anyone (for a short while ;).
Geez this video is 3 years old and I’ve been living under a rock feeling lonely in my own skin. I wish I would have discovered “my tribe” years ago. I agree this is my method of attracting more deeply intimate one-on-one conversations at gatherings. I can’t be at any event for longer than a few hours because there is so many other things I’d rather be doing than socializing if I don’t have to. Often I wander off alone and am able to attack someone who takes an interest. It never fails and often makes a great date later on.
You describe it all very well, I can totally relate! So often you just hear about wanting the alone time, but it's more "complex" than that, at least for some of us.
There is cafe in the Supermarket near where I live, and I'm not big on crowded Supermarkets especially around Christmas time so I'll retreat into the cafe and have an cappuccino and watch the madness from a safe distance. It's fascinating watching all the human interactions going on, whilst being calm and relaxed watching the world go by. After my coffee my experience inside the hustle and bustle of supermarket doesn't seem as bad, it's like a warm up before exercise.
Oh my gosh this is so true! I'm a 16 year old INFJ and I have such a hard time finding the balance between social interaction and being alone. Also, I totally try and do this at parties. It doesn't always work, but when it does I have a great experience.
Haha I laugh so much when you said "they're kind of your people", it's definitely an introvert thing to be at a party but not at 100% ^^ and as INFJ, I feel concerned by everything you said, and thank you for the tip :p
I'm a INFJ that lives in Vegas, haha. I try to avoid the 'Strip' at all costs. I enjoy Downtown Fremont a lot more. Especially Fremont East. Lots of fun little pubs and bars.
Great video! It's always great to meet like-minded people but I've found I also like to meet my opposites as well. I find I sometimes gravitate to extroverted people at parties for a little while. I feel I absorb some of their energy. In the end though the small meaningful gatherings and conversations are what I crave and enjoy the most.
This is all REALLY new to me. Watching peoples videos. I finding so much information. Strange though, I'm doing some of the things you're saying but without being aware of it. Thank you so much for the advice. Going to make a deliberate effort from now on. Thank you. Or as we say where I'm form. Yea'v' bin a braw yean, Ta man! (You've been a brilliant one, Thanks man)
I feel the same way at parties. I had that same kind of experience at the last party I went to. I liked how you described your experience. Thanks for sharing!
I do the same as you totally. Maybe I'm an INFJ also. Never thought to really wonder or worry about how I am at a gathering or party by acting in the same way, just thought it was nothing out of the ordinary. Thanks. Mike New York
I can relate so much. especially the glass pane thing. and I behave exactly like this at parties. they can be the most fun times when you find these interactions, otherwise it gets tiring and boring very fast.
I should definitely plan more! I keep avoiding thinking about problems and things I have to deal with when I should just plan it out and make a solid plan that feels enjoyable to me. I suck at parties as it is, lol.
lol @ 50% less ummms lol. I am always asking where it is, who is going to be there and how many people, what time lol and I only stay for like 2 hours lol especially if it's a lot of people lol. I can immediately spot another introvert and I head over to them and start talking lol. YESSS After a while it's like you have a NEED to find time to yourself lol. I just start walking off somewhere lol omg this video is spot on lol!
Thanks for sharing Brian. I thought you were spot on as to the demeanor of IFNJs. I’m one also and totally get what you mean. Keep making more videos!!
For years I have gone off after a while as I struggle to be immersed in a group for long intervals. Especially at home!! And the best show in Vegas is the fountains of Bellagio!!
What a great video! I have a wedding this weekend. It's good to know that there are others out there who do the same thing. So glad you left the bloopers in there ^_^
Man now that you're putting it in words...I've always kinda done that. The weird wandering after saying hi, then immediately trying to find a quieter area with Just couple people or just to observe everything. I think it leads back to what you said about before a party...we like all the details first. I'll usually survey everything for a good while before deciding how much extrovertion is possible to get out of me that night. It's pretty awkward but I noticed it Sorta draws people to you out of some weird curiosity. There's a level of mystery maybe that comes across as "that guy knows what he wants and don't give a shit about the party" lol when really you're just observing to obsessive degrees while feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the madness...only finding peace in a retreat.
Damn, this is so relatable. Although I feel now I am at a stage where I've begun to do that more myself. I would have totally subscribed if you made videos more often.
Your really cute! Yes the struggle of being a introvert, I get social anxiety too. I recently found this out and I just try to breath. I'm definitely a compassionate to outliers too, mainly I feel like one too.
Yay, another video! ;) I think we have the same approach. I don't know if you plan to have kids but having to take my daughter (who is 8) to kid gatherings and having to talk to other parents is a whole other animal. In fact, just yesterday I had to do this for an end of school year party at the park and I made myself comfortable on a bench until I couldn't avoid the other parents any longer so I chose to talk with 2 that were already talking because I somewhat knew them. Of course, their conversation was about something I had no interest or knowledge in (both having traveled to Israel in college telling their drunken tales....) so I just stood there thinking "please let my child come tell me she wants to leave". Lol.
Haha you may need to work out some kind of an SOS signal with your kid. Be partners in crime! I don't know if you do this or not, but in those kinds of situations I just smile and nod and pretend to be engaged in others discussions. I could see your situation as part of a stand-up comedy routine :)
My wife has a huge family so there is a birthday almost every weekend for either her siblings or their kids. I usually turn up, say hi to everyone in one collective manoeuvre and then pretend I need to look after my kids. When that's exhausted I end up walking around the yard or hanging out with the dog lol. Sometimes I even have a nap outside.
Yup, there is a time to go. Like Cinderella, when the clock strikes, but for me it’s like a switch was flicked, I can’t wait to leave. I’m always the first to leave, I’m exhausted....too many people is my kryptonite, haha. If I’m driving home by myself “Heaven”.
I can totally relate to this except I would do the same thing while at home or at parties at home. Like when company would come over, even if they were family I'd stay in my room and never come out to evem say hey. I was often called anti social
Thanks Brian, you are a brilliant innovator (coming late)! An alternative, is coming early (the INFJ “gotta be on time”) with an upscale (or better) bottle of wine for the host (to put aside) who you chat up then ask for some special intros to strangers (!). If it’s a smaller dinner party, I’ll utilize my talented cooking skills to bring a tasty dessert, earning conversation cachet with guests. Come “armed” with several small talk topics…sports, pop culture, your favorite HBO show, a few jokes, etc., to help break the ice (of course you had preferred to discuss “megafaunal extinctions!"). Nothing wrong with some liquid libations to loosen the tongue. Early exit strategy can be to forthrightly say something like…”Well, I’ve got to be going because tomorrow morning I have to ….” But deftly wait until the first few people leave. Yes, a harmless INFJ little white lie.
+Brian Schultz Yes, Brian, perhaps a segment “Party Dread,” in the chapter on INFJ social interactions! Book title? “INFJ: Alien World!” I'm glad people like you make videos so fellow INFJs may understand the seemingly otherworldly aspects of their lives sooner rather than later and hopefully adapt, to their advantage. Due to overactive Ni-Se, INFJs, when at a party act as if a camera and spotlight is turned on them alone, making for an arduous and sometimes awkward experience. So INFJs, understand this is not the case, take a deep breath or four(!), relax, the spotlight is NOT on you, try to enjoy the party like the other guests, though know, for INFJs, party enjoyment may be encountered only in recollection.
I totally am the same as you--the only thing is what happens when you go to a party and you're the only one not feeling it?? I'm always drawn to people who are the odd ones out as well but sometimes there isn't 'that' person around all the time
This helped a lot hahaha whenever I'm out at bars with friends, I'm always the one who's just kind of sitting there observing everything and trying to figure out when to call an uber to take me home hahaha but I always do look at people who look like they're in my situation...just not gutsy enough to say hello :)
I cannot believe there is someone else out thete who does the same thing! Even as a kid I would always wander off from big events and a few people would follow (other introverts I guess).
I could watch the fountain for a long time. I was fortunate enough to go to a show last time I was there, a water show, I think La Reve. You would likely appreciate that too. I don't know if it is different for female INFJ's in parties or just me but I tend to greet those I know and then be the wallflower when friends are otherwise occupied. I smile when people look at me and am open to approach but prefer being approached. I've often removed myself somewhat by being behind a camera in such situations. Mostly parties for my friends kids I get away with that. My life is kids events and I truly get digitalteacup's plight. I have a good group I know well now, but there have been instances where they weren't there and I was totally adrift and trying to make it to the end of a situation that couldn't be done soon enough.Those are the hard times. The good are like you said, when you can go home happy that you did go to the party. Thank you for this.
Thanks Tiny Yellow Tree. I tried being a wallflower but because I'm really tall, I think that may be intimidating for other people to approach me (as it rarely happened). But I'm glad I don't have to deal with kids parties yet haha!
Just a question I've always wondered. Do you think being tall lends any confidence in being an INFJ? I am small so always wondered how relevant that was to my feeling childlike and my lack of confidence in general. People don't see me. I swerve to avoid being run into. Things like that. Do they see you?
Shouldn't say I've always wondered it, cause I didn't do the typology thing until the last several years, but I did wonder if being tall was all the great stuff it looked to be. And now I wonder how it would go with tall INFJ's. Course I wonder at the differences between male and female in regards to confidence as well.
I'm sure being tall doesn't hurt, that's for sure. But people might think that I'm more confident than I actually am just based on my height. On the positive side of being smaller, people don't assume you're a good basketball player ;)
It's ok that you can't find the words, other INFJ's just KNOW
Debra Adams 😂🤣😂
SAMEE
sometimes at a party i feel like a spy
loll
Same
That’s so true!
Exactly
I find it funny how we treat something as simple as a party like a game of chess.
Hah....'simple' he says ;)
bigkx 1 lol yes yes lol
Yeah, we overthink just about anything really ;)
Anton Sjostrand I'm tired of being told I overthink, maybe the other people are under thinking. I really prefer small gatherings to large parties. Quality over quantity.
bigkx 1 so exhausting haha
Classic infj... knowing what you want to say but not knowing how to say it. Me too!
Yes. I am actually quite articulate but it takes time for the words to ferment and connect. A lot of people miss the infj's depth because the j needs to pause for the right words and people move on before the words come.
I am discovering, watching various videos, that INFJ's have such beautiful, warm eyes. Must be a type thing, gorgeous.
INFJ here. What I do at parties is be quite with a couple of friends at the start and then get super wasted, talk a lot with a lot of people, ending up "saying too much" and regretting it the next morning. You're advice of taking alone breaks mid-party and seeking out the people at the outer ring was gold for me dude, thanks! ("saying too much" = revealing something from your secret side, not offending someone)
Thanks man! Yeah alcohol can be too much of a social lubricant sometimes. I use to say stuff when I had too much to drink where people would look over and say "Did you really just say that!?" Whoops...
This is exactly what I do! Usually I end up finding a new friend and hang out with them most of the night. We add each other on Facebook and never talk again. 😂
Lindsay Kunze 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👍🏼😂😂😂
So true! I'm an INFJ too! It's funny, it's really hard for me to express myself verbally, gets frustrating sometimes. 😜
My thoughts are way more articulate than my words :/
INFJ here. I feel you. I wish I could find a fellow INFJ man like you to be with. You seem so sweet, just like me! (: (:
NobodysBusiness
haha well thanks! Cheers to you!
I am desperately waiting for this 'Thought to speech' device ;)
Dalila Cuetara same way. im not alone. tear drop
lol! This is the exact strategy I use at parties! I'll go wander off on my own, and then there's usually that one person that finds me and we have those "deeper" conversations
Heh I didn't even consider it until I'd heard that it was a strategy. I just naturally always did this in large rooms of people.
Your an INFP
That's so me! (I'm an INFJ) I really like to approach someone that stand or sit alone. But I'd rather speak longer with a person than with a group of people haha
Loving your videos so far! I'm an INFJ as well. I relate to your party strategies a lot, lol. I definitely always find myself needing "breaks" where I'll find somewhere to go or even just go to the bathroom to get out of it for a minute.
Thanks Kate! Glad you can relate. Have a great day!
Im an enfp ( female) and my infj (male ) babe cant express himself too and gets embarrassed by that i tell him its the cutest thing ever 😍❤. ,, regarding the party thing , its very true coz that is how i met my bf , we got to talking and we ended up talking the whole night , it was crazy we both didn't realize Time passing , and by the morning he knew i was the one for him , but i didn't coz talking to ppl is my thing and making connections is what i do , however he kept lurking around me for the next two weeks i found it weird at first but then i fell hopelessly in love with him ❤😍
Your adorable. Great tips. I tend to leave a party too early when I'm "done" so I like the breaking off tip.
omg hahaha i literally JUST left a party only after being there for like 20 minutes because i can do wahtever the hell i want!!
from my experience (i'm INFJ) I also have those moments when I want to be around the people :) but anxiety is making me hard to approach them. I kinda like when my freind introduces me with othet people. when they do that I always look who smiled at me more truly or spontaneous (I have this picture that this kind of people are more interesnig and caring). I also look who is "my kind of people" in the room, just like you. I have these moments when I need to take a rest of other people at a party (I look at a mobile phone or go to the rest room just to get away for a while). I interact better in smaller groups in which I can be kinda dominant. I'm also person who likes more to talk than to do something at a party. I do "stupid" things only around the people who I really know and love. People who barely know me think that I'm boring. it's just that i don't know much what they love so is hard for me to talk to them. I also like things that very little number of people likes, like sf books, movies, moral in the world, art etc. :) so this is all of me. sorry if I had written something wrong, english isnt my native :P
Ana-Marija Sakač wow its like i have the same issue.
My fear would be, striking up a convo with someone who is on the perimeter and then they become clingy and follow me around :-D
I've found that I get overwhelmed by going into a party or group situation where there are already a lot of people there; everyone wanting to say hi to me at the same time, etc. (I could never be a famous person!) Now I know that what works best for me is to go EARLY and be one of the first people there and then I can integrate people coming in, little by little. Also, I tend to establish a little "territory" where I feel comfortable to hang out and then a person (or a few people) will join me and we'll have a deeper conversation (like you mentioned you did at the jacuzzi). Because I came early, I feel like I can leave early, when I feel "done" and won't appear to be anti-social.
So that's why I like washing dishes alone after a dinner party..
I'm 32 and only found out this past week that I'm a INFJ. Wish I knew this a loooong time ago.. Would've change my life and made it easier to understand why I could never stay in a relationship for longer than 3 months.
LOL Had to laugh at you/myself. What you say is so true of me too as an INFJ! I generally can't stand parties and if I can't connect with someone I leave. If I can't leave, the bathroom is the next way I hideout for a while. Glad you found someone to interact with. Love your comment about humanity as being a "zoo". I'm with you on that.
I am also thinking a same about people beeing in parties, beeing like wild animals, but I not participated in parties at all and I am glad I wasn't, because I hate parties with passion, actually was fair enough watch movies, then people going to parties and beeing like a zoo, that literally are too much for me
Well, if for business matters, so I begin mentally prepare for this, if I have no choice, it just my scenario, if you still need face it
I love how you've thought so deeply about attending parties and how to make them work for you. This is helpful!
INFJs have such innocent eyes. ;) thanks for the video
Great video, I totally relate. I am also INFJ and feel like it's easiest and most enjoyable to find people kind of on the outskirts of a party to talk to. I like to make them feel included and that somebody wants to talk to them, because I can relate to how they are feeling in that party situation. Looking forward to your next video :)
-Allison
Yes! So much yes!! Maybe we can feel their awkwardness/shyness and want have solidarity with them. Then internally we'll say, "hey let's be orphans together".
+Brian Schultz Exactly!! So glad to find someone who feels the same!
Wow this is me at a party.lol Tip seek the out-siders is the key. I agree we need to have a balance and must try and do these types of extroverted activities to help us grow into a better self.
I've spent most of my life regularly around large groups of people and I agree that the best thing you can do if you aren't able to get the kind of alone time you would prefer, is to create your own zone inside that environment. Whether it be focusing on deeper conversations with one or two people, a visit to the bathroom to freshen up, going outside for some fresh air, spending time on your phone looking at something that interests you, taking a glass of wine to a cozy corner etc. Just make sure that the time you spend doing these things is relaxing or enjoyable. There is no point being there if you are feeling a need to escape.
By coincidence last night I went to a function where I only knew 1 person and I was the life of the party. This is not like me to do this. It was a great feeling and that tells me that I have spent to much time alone, It was like I needed that dose of being with a large crowd again.
3:19 is a great example of Ni kicking in. Ti trying to make sense of all the images and symbols in your head, struggling for a sec, then Ni kicking in with that "aha!" moment. Great video.
i do the same, talk more to people who looks "alone" :o
Another thing I have notice is that I kinda close down, so I can save some energy 😊
Thank you, Brian. Loved this - and so, so accurate!
It's fascinating to hear you articulate how INFJs behave - and reassuring to learn that others have similar experiences.
Great videos, keep up the brilliant work.
wow! I understand so much about myself now..I look back from my childhood to now and think of the type of friends I had and how I'd rather not be around a lot of ppl. I just recently had to take a couple days break from talking to anyone..I felt so drained and tired...I'm the go to person in most of my friends when they need to talk because they know I won't judge them and I will nvr tell another soul our conversations..I'm kinda the secret keeper for ppl I guess and so much information I receive from ppl gets draining for me..I've also had ppl call me a mysterious person because I don't go and tell my business to anyone..I'm a very private person and I like it better that way..even tho some ppl try to interfere with my private life..I don't hang in big groups of ppl..I can feel what ppl feel and it's horrible feeling when your around a angry person and can't walk away..like at wrk...I love music and listen to it all the time...I call music my happy place because it makes me feel better when stressed..at times I can get on someone's nerves but not meaning to tho..I'm a quite person but when I do talk I end up saying unnecessary words when talking..I have a habit of going into a lot of detail with what I'm talking about that I had someone tell me to stop talking or make what I'm saying shorter lol..I do get a long with everyone and I'm happy about that..I like to try to help ppl feel better when feeling down even if it's just a smile..ppl find me very understanding and I have been told that when I look in there eyes its like I'm reading there soul..guess I can connect with ppls feelings very well...I enjoyed this video Brian...can't wait to watch more..
Everything you say makes effect sense!
Also, notice how all of us INFJ’s like every comment because we are just that understanding 😂
YES!! I always go missing at parties or bars!! It's because I need a mental break from so much social interaction, but I never realised. Finding out about myers-briggs and reading about being INFJ answered so many difficult questions I've had in my life. I think ultimately we are all formed differently based on our life experiences and history, but the information I'm reading about INFJ is frighteningly accurate!!
Haha, yeah. I was in Las Vegas a few weeks ago, and that water fountain show was about the only thing I enjoyed ^^
Great video and tips! Once again I am amazed by how much I recognize myself in this type of videos from INFJ people. We may have the rarest personality type in the world, but at least we're not completely alone.
Anton Sjostrand hah! I went for work also and avoided all types of connection with co-workers when it was the night out, etc....regardless, it’s just me. I walked the strip, saw a popcorn shop, bought my fave, missed my kids dearly and went to look at that water show 😂😂😂 back to hotel room. Ugh I’m so boring, but now I realize why!!!! I don’t regret anything!!!!!!
Havent watch yet but basically here's what I can tell you without watching and we'll see how INFJ I actually am ..lol
1. We'll scout the vicinity for someone we know to talk to when we arrive looking for that initial comfort level with the new probably over stimulating environment to make us feel at ease.
2. If we dont know anyone there we'll try to find a distraction while we wait for someone to come up and talk to us . For me this distraction would be sipping on a drink, watching the video TV monitors or listening to music. On the rarest of instances if I'm super charged I'll talk to a new person (I am a social introvert a little and can force myself to initiate contact but this is rare). I'm guessing though the majority of us will do what we gravitate towards. People watching and using your intuition and imagine all the backgrounds of the people we meet to basically write their life story in our minds before meeting them. If we do find a new person to talk to it is hard for us to make trivial how is the weather conversation and many of us will be looking for more intellectual stimulation .
3 . At the party you will find us always near the edges at the room . Very rare will you find us near the centre as we prefer the outskirts to people watch and we also find overcrowded areas very draining. That is why you will always find us waiting for the next empty bus or choosing to ride in an empty subway car during rush hour.
4. Leaving early ..this one I'm not sure why we do this so if anyone wants to chime in feel free. Hope he explains in the vid 👍
5. If the party is super crowded or the environment way to over stimulating we will definitely need the next day for our alone time to recharge. Think of Superman either flying high in the sky to recharge and soak in the sun's rays or visiting his Fortress of Solitude to escape Metropolis ..both are very much INFJ analogies and tendency
6. The dance floor ...forget it .. lol ain't happen ' here but again that's just me maybe their are INFJs who can channel their own inner Fred Astaire or Michael Jackson but since we dont really process or Express information that way I doubt it.
Anyway whoever made it this far much thanks and I'd welcome all comments and insights
Love that Superman analogy!
I'm an older INFJ. You did a great job. It's so true the way you say you have trouble expressing yourself. That is so me and soooo INFJ. There are so many thoughts running through our heads about so many different amazing things we need to do. And at the same time, we are trying to help three or four people usually. Expressing verbally to someone is the last thing on our mind. But life does go on and we must contribute and so ever the great ;) INFJ moves forward.....the drums roll as Lars Ulrich plays the last bits and this ole INFJ steps off the soap box. Peace
really believe it to be the case. Yes as INFJ writing is a gift. But when I try to explain something in talking I go fast. Then it becomes hard to catch my thoughts and start to doubt if people understood what I’m talking about. So I’ll now talk less and more concise which gives the listener an opportunity to understand and if they asked for deeper explanation I would happily do the long thoughtful talking.
Classic INFJ party strategy. Been doing that for about 50 years. What you want is to connect and converse with just a few people on a deeper level.
I really appreciated this video! If I am invited to a party, I either have to take a party buddy with me or I have to know some of the people who are going to be there. This girl going to some random party w/o a plan is a total fail because of the stress that comes with not having an "out!" Lol.
You have some great points which I think our personality type leans to ...find someone like me..and get a break when you need it.
May I also add that there have been times that I have come early to a party to help the host/hostess out. But more than that it allows me to seem more extroverted and friendly (and safe) to say hello and introduce myself as soon as people say hello to the host. It also gives me a good excuse to leave early (if need be) because I was around so long.
I will be in Vegas in 2 weeks for business myself and having gone to Vegas before (for vacation)..the calming effect of the Bellagio fountain is probably the only thing outside my hotel that Ill go out of my way to see lol.
I dont know about anyone else but party hard Vegas can be overwhelming for an INFJ by themselves.
I unfortuantly only just recently discovered I'm an INFJ at 25 years old. It's amazing to me how simply identifying yourself with a personality type can give this overwhelming sense of peace from a lifetime of (without sounding too much like an angsty teen) feeling/saying "there aren't many people like me".
There isn't one thing you said in this video that differs from my social interaction routine. Throughout nearly my entire school days, I was at the bottom of the barrel as far as "cliques" or whatnot go. As an INFJ who spent the majority of life as a sterotypically unattractive dorky gal, to suddenly in their 20's be viewed as "good looking", I find myself having to "stick up for the little guy" more than I even had to in school days. I, like yourself, am internally drawn to the outsiders, and scope the room to talk to them (usually males) at a party. It's unfortunately too common some drunk "hot guy" stumbles up, disrespectfully leans his elbow on the 'outsider guy' I was talking to and says some comment along lines of "Well heyy thereeee... What's a sexy-ass girl like you doing over here talking to ~this~ guyyy? Common over here with me baby, let's get you a drink!"
Typically I spend my energy trying to make peace and de-escalate situations-but BULLIES? NUH UH. Bullies trigger this almost crazy momma bear maternal-like instinct to where I MUST like... "defend this guys honor" or something haha. It sounds so silly but at those moments, it's truly as if there is this injustice against humanity that I NEED to stand up against, blah blah blah.... yet, of course, I'd never in a million years even consider standing up for myself. le sigh.
P.S. The Bellagio fountain rocks my socks too.
shit, sorry for ranting... didn't mean to write that much.
Lol, that was the most INFJ-like comment you said. The paragraph you wrote - yes, I understand and relate in my own way as a male. But wondering were all those words came from after I've written out a response to something that intrests me... that is me every time.
And identifying all of your unique, inexpressible, somehow weird traits, thoughts and behaviours with only four letters, is a little bit disappointing as well, for me as a pure INFJ). By the time I got to know about personality typing and this kinda stuff I admitted that I'm not from this planet, there's noone out there just like me, I'm completely unique blah blah blah. And one day, I learned that although I belong to the rarest personality type, there's at least 200 Milions of people like me. I felt ordinary and it wasn't good at the beginning, but this was replaced by the feeling that I'm not abnormal, I'm not shy, I don't have a social anxiety, I don't have superpowers, I'm okay with all of my emotions and thoughts. I'm not schizophrenic so I was overwhelmed with the feeling of peace. Knowing that you're not alone in this planet, makes you feel relaxed, and being relaxed gives you the power to explore more, enjoy more and create more. Thank you all, guys!
I had the same experience minus the drunk guys and parties because I'm 17.
I understand you
I find myself constantly wandering between groups of people. I am aware of a lot of different things going on and because of this most people know my name at the parties I go to. The problem is that I have troubles remembering their names.
Thank you very much, I haven't been in party like 1 mount or so, i don't feel dancing around i don't feel comfortable doing that, but in same time i want to be there.. I find today that i'm INFJ and (Personality Type) and that's totaly me. That's sounds really helpful to find someone and i totaly seeing me doing that and have so much fun ( having a long conversation). Only a 8:16 long video and I guess life changing, I'm really grateful. Keep with your good work.
Awesome - I totally understand!!! And I love that the INFJ is making this you tube video while in VEGAS! That alone says everything about “watching the world” and choosing when and how to go join in.
I do the same thing! I force myself to talk to people I know as soon as I get to the place, party, meeting, reunion - in this way, I help myself to not stand alone by myself on the corner... which is like you explained to let my guard down. I also tend to lean toward those who seem quieter than I am and talk to them to make conversation.
I fear social interactions but I love social interactions. Is a love/hate relationship - I totally get you. This is similar to say "taking baby steps" by first talking to those who seem less likely to intimidate you with a strong-loud personality.
I really like your idea about seeking out meaningful interactions. So often we set ourselves up for failure because were not into small talk. This really helps.
hahaha omg i was laughing the whole time I was watching your video because I could 100% relate to everything you mentioned. It was so accurate, I've never felt so understood, it's scary. Thanks Brian for this video! Definitely made my night :)
A lot of the time when I'm at a party I like being in the middle of the mess but I also constantly have that looking from the outside perspective going on where I've thought "oh wow I'm participating, I'm normal!" Lmao. But it's true I have a tendency to wander around when I hear what I consider conversation just to talk and not be silent around each other. I love meaningful conversations so much more
Thanks, Brian! We can always improve how we handle social situations, and I really appreciate your positive outlook on it.
Yeah we get you ^^ Or I'll just get super quiet because I'm "done". Then reemerge!
I break off at parties too. Same thing happened a couple weeks ago when I attended an open house for a new neighbor in the neighborhood. This is just a couple weekends ago. When dinner was ready I grabbed my food and went indoors and sat down at the dining room. There were no outdoor seating left at this point. I sat down all by myself :) I was so happy and content. Within 15 minutes six more people had joined me. I struck up a conversation with the lady who sat down next to me and her husband was at the other end of the table. At the end of the next 30 minutes it felt like she was my best friend LoL and she was asking me if she could call to have coffee and talk about our businesses. Sometimes I’ve been known to break away and run into the bathroom and just close the door 😆
Excellent advice! I know deep inside it is perfect.. Its still a monumental task that will push me to my limits and utterly shatter my comfort zone boundaries.
As a person who struggles with horrible social anxiety, phobia of awkwardness and silence, this is rather difficult to implement. No pain no gain I guess
Thank you very much! It serves as an encouragement above all else!
You breah.off and craft a piece of the party. I found your formula very vivid and self explanatory. Excellent video!
YESS. I definitely do the outlier thing, where I pick someone who is in the corner and end up keeping them company/get to actually know them. And I love to get away from people while still being able to enjoy people watching.
What a great video! I'm so similar every party this is my routine chat with people I know and then look for someone who feels uncomfortable and learn all about them in an attempt to make them feel valued? I don't feel stressed in large groups but find it more fulfilling to have meaningful interaction.
Great video and tips for parties.
As soon as you mentioned Vegas I remembered the Bellagio fountains, which was by far my most lasting memory for my day there about 12 years ago. I know exactly what you mean but can't explain it. I completely agree that it's a must for any INFJ, particularly when it gets dark.
I loved your video and relate very much to everything you said! I also adopted these techniques when attending parties and I find that I often don't even have to approach someone first if I decide to just hang back and observe in the beginning.
This depends on the type of party obviously, but as someone who also smokes, I tend to find that locating the other stoners at a party usually results in a nice cozy circle of people speaking openly about their lives and experiences. The party becomes a backdrop to our intimate offshoot of attendees. I like this because I think that this allows me to absorb the party atmosphere while also feeling grounded through some of the people in it.
But honestly, sometimes I like to attend a party and not interact with hardly anyone because watching the collective act as this larger entity, the party, is really fascinating.
Man, well done. Love it. I do exactly the same thing. I watched myself do the same thing 2 weeks ago at my Nephews 5th birthday party. It started out for all the kids, then all the adults came back for the late night party. I started out making an effort to reacquaint myself with the ones I knew. As the group got bigger, i found my escape to quiet away from everyone for a while. Then came back on the edges to find a solo or small group(2-3 people). Usually lean towards the female partners at the party as they seem to be a bit more open to the topics I'd rather talk about. Getting into the meat of who they are and how people work etc.
Thank you for posting! It makes me feel at ease that I'm not the only odd one. I struggle and i over internalise, which makes life very difficult as I am a karaoke host/ DJ funnily enough thanks for the tips!
im the exact same way at parties. youre too cute when you smile and laugh ❤❤❤
Parties...hah. For me I need a way out, to escape for half an hour or so. Indoor parties are an absolute NO *SLAM*. Outdoor ones are much, much better and I just take a walk in the dark, looking at the stars collecting my thoughts. Even then, I only last about 3 hours tops.
Now, where's my damn Log Cabin in the Wilderness. ;)
Ps, you said something very important at the end.. "If ppl ask you to a party, they want you to be there". Yeah I am so worried about parties that I forget this fact. And it's true, I often am the 'balancer' because I am able to converse on infinite topics and can get along with anyone (for a short while ;).
Geez this video is 3 years old and I’ve been living under a rock feeling lonely in my own skin. I wish I would have discovered “my tribe” years ago. I agree this is my method of attracting more deeply intimate one-on-one conversations at gatherings. I can’t be at any event for longer than a few hours because there is so many other things I’d rather be doing than socializing if I don’t have to. Often I wander off alone and am able to attack someone who takes an interest. It never fails and often makes a great date later on.
weird, just watched this after going to a super bowl party last night. and most everything you said you did, I did. I didn't MEAN to, I just did.
You describe it all very well, I can totally relate! So often you just hear about wanting the alone time, but it's more "complex" than that, at least for some of us.
great video AND great wallpaper ....p.s your shirt matches the wallpaper and I wonder if this was planned?
There is cafe in the Supermarket near where I live, and I'm not big on crowded Supermarkets especially around Christmas time so I'll retreat into the cafe and have an cappuccino and watch the madness from a safe distance. It's fascinating watching all the human interactions going on, whilst being calm and relaxed watching the world go by.
After my coffee my experience inside the hustle and bustle of supermarket doesn't seem as bad, it's like a warm up before exercise.
I definitely understand. You break off and create your own environment. We never plan this but it always happens. Great video 👍
Thanks Tristan!
Oh my gosh this is so true! I'm a 16 year old INFJ and I have such a hard time finding the balance between social interaction and being alone. Also, I totally try and do this at parties. It doesn't always work, but when it does I have a great experience.
Haha I laugh so much when you said "they're kind of your people", it's definitely an introvert thing to be at a party but not at 100% ^^ and as INFJ, I feel concerned by everything you said, and thank you for the tip :p
I'm a INFJ that lives in Vegas, haha. I try to avoid the 'Strip' at all costs. I enjoy Downtown Fremont a lot more. Especially Fremont East. Lots of fun little pubs and bars.
heyy :) I'm an infj living in LOS ANGELES
fuuck it can be rough sometimes, but you find your people
I'm an ENFP and I still break off from the group lol don't worry you're cool; nothing wrong with wanting some depth
Great video! It's always great to meet like-minded people but I've found I also like to meet my opposites as well. I find I sometimes gravitate to extroverted people at parties for a little while. I feel I absorb some of their energy. In the end though the small meaningful gatherings and conversations are what I crave and enjoy the most.
Me at a party I pretend too be the Butler, it gives me something to do. 😂😂😂✋✋✋
I tend to stare at a picture or photos for longer than normal, just so I look busy lol
Only another INFJ would understand at 5:15 😂So me! Great video!
This is all REALLY new to me. Watching peoples videos. I finding so much information. Strange though, I'm doing some of the things you're saying but without being aware of it. Thank you so much for the advice. Going to make a deliberate effort from now on. Thank you. Or as we say where I'm form. Yea'v' bin a braw yean, Ta man! (You've been a brilliant one, Thanks man)
I feel the same way at parties. I had that same kind of experience at the last party I went to. I liked how you described your experience. Thanks for sharing!
I do the same as you totally. Maybe I'm an INFJ also. Never thought to really wonder or worry about how I am at a gathering or party by acting in the same way, just thought it was nothing out of the ordinary. Thanks. Mike New York
I can relate so much. especially the glass pane thing. and I behave exactly like this at parties. they can be the most fun times when you find these interactions, otherwise it gets tiring and boring very fast.
I should definitely plan more! I keep avoiding thinking about problems and things I have to deal with when I should just plan it out and make a solid plan that feels enjoyable to me. I suck at parties as it is, lol.
lol @ 50% less ummms lol. I am always asking where it is, who is going to be there and how many people, what time lol and I only stay for like 2 hours lol especially if it's a lot of people lol. I can immediately spot another introvert and I head over to them and start talking lol. YESSS After a while it's like you have a NEED to find time to yourself lol. I just start walking off somewhere lol omg this video is spot on lol!
Thanks for sharing Brian. I thought you were spot on as to the demeanor of IFNJs. I’m one also and totally get what you mean. Keep making more videos!!
Correction......INFJs. Lol.
This video is me in only 8 minutes. I totally understand the moving away from the people phase during the party.
For years I have gone off after a while as I struggle to be immersed in a group for long intervals. Especially at home!! And the best show in Vegas is the fountains of Bellagio!!
What a great video! I have a wedding this weekend. It's good to know that there are others out there who do the same thing. So glad you left the bloopers in there ^_^
Thank God Almighty. I am not alone. Thank you posting this video.
I am an ENFP and i find that INFJ are so lucky to be logical (Ti) and compassionate (Fe) at the same time...
You are absolutely right..stayed at the bilagio and watched it many, many times..
Life saving advise. Thanks bro
these videos are great man im learning so much from them so far :) i will keep watching
Thanks! I will keep posting :)
Man now that you're putting it in words...I've always kinda done that. The weird wandering after saying hi, then immediately trying to find a quieter area with Just couple people or just to observe everything. I think it leads back to what you said about before a party...we like all the details first. I'll usually survey everything for a good while before deciding how much extrovertion is possible to get out of me that night. It's pretty awkward but I noticed it Sorta draws people to you out of some weird curiosity. There's a level of mystery maybe that comes across as "that guy knows what he wants and don't give a shit about the party" lol when really you're just observing to obsessive degrees while feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the madness...only finding peace in a retreat.
Damn, this is so relatable. Although I feel now I am at a stage where I've begun to do that more myself. I would have totally subscribed if you made videos more often.
Your really cute! Yes the struggle of being a introvert, I get social anxiety too. I recently found this out and I just try to breath. I'm definitely a compassionate to outliers too, mainly I feel like one too.
Yay, another video! ;) I think we have the same approach. I don't know if you plan to have kids but having to take my daughter (who is 8) to kid gatherings and having to talk to other parents is a whole other animal. In fact, just yesterday I had to do this for an end of school year party at the park and I made myself comfortable on a bench until I couldn't avoid the other parents any longer so I chose to talk with 2 that were already talking because I somewhat knew them. Of course, their conversation was about something I had no interest or knowledge in (both having traveled to Israel in college telling their drunken tales....) so I just stood there thinking "please let my child come tell me she wants to leave". Lol.
Haha you may need to work out some kind of an SOS signal with your kid. Be partners in crime! I don't know if you do this or not, but in those kinds of situations I just smile and nod and pretend to be engaged in others discussions. I could see your situation as part of a stand-up comedy routine :)
Oh yes, Parties are stressful to me. My Husband doesnt understand why I generally avoid them.
My wife has a huge family so there is a birthday almost every weekend for either her siblings or their kids. I usually turn up, say hi to everyone in one collective manoeuvre and then pretend I need to look after my kids. When that's exhausted I end up walking around the yard or hanging out with the dog lol. Sometimes I even have a nap outside.
Thank you for sharing! I can really relate with you! I even come late to class to avoid interactions. 😂😂
Thank you; your explanation helps very much. -INFJ turning into an ENFJ, but kinda missing INFJ
Yup, there is a time to go. Like Cinderella, when the clock strikes, but for me it’s like a switch was flicked, I can’t wait to leave. I’m always the first to leave, I’m exhausted....too many people is my kryptonite, haha. If I’m driving home by myself “Heaven”.
I can totally relate to this except I would do the same thing while at home or at parties at home. Like when company would come over, even if they were family I'd stay in my room and never come out to evem say hey. I was often called anti social
Thanks Brian, you are a brilliant innovator (coming late)! An alternative, is coming early (the INFJ “gotta be on time”) with an upscale (or better) bottle of wine for the host (to put aside) who you chat up then ask for some special intros to strangers (!).
If it’s a smaller dinner party, I’ll utilize my talented cooking skills to bring a tasty dessert, earning conversation cachet with guests.
Come “armed” with several small talk topics…sports, pop culture, your favorite HBO show, a few jokes, etc., to help break the ice (of course you had preferred to discuss “megafaunal extinctions!"). Nothing wrong with some liquid libations to loosen the tongue.
Early exit strategy can be to forthrightly say something like…”Well, I’ve got to be going because tomorrow morning I have to ….” But deftly wait until the first few people leave. Yes, a harmless INFJ little white lie.
Ray it sounds like you've already got this down! Combined I feel like we could write a book about how to socialize properly :)
+Brian Schultz
Yes, Brian, perhaps a segment “Party Dread,” in the chapter on INFJ social interactions! Book title? “INFJ: Alien World!”
I'm glad people like you make videos so fellow INFJs may understand the seemingly otherworldly aspects of their lives sooner rather than later and hopefully adapt, to their advantage.
Due to overactive Ni-Se, INFJs, when at a party act as if a camera and spotlight is turned on them alone, making for an arduous and sometimes awkward experience.
So INFJs, understand this is not the case, take a deep breath or four(!), relax, the spotlight is NOT on you, try to enjoy the party like the other guests, though know, for INFJs, party enjoyment may be encountered only in recollection.
I totally am the same as you--the only thing is what happens when you go to a party and you're the only one not feeling it?? I'm always drawn to people who are the odd ones out as well but sometimes there isn't 'that' person around all the time
It happens yes, but then I simply sneak out haha. Staying just destroys my energy and I need two days to recover.
This helped a lot hahaha whenever I'm out at bars with friends, I'm always the one who's just kind of sitting there observing everything and trying to figure out when to call an uber to take me home hahaha but I always do look at people who look like they're in my situation...just not gutsy enough to say hello :)
I cannot believe there is someone else out thete who does the same thing! Even as a kid I would always wander off from big events and a few people would follow (other introverts I guess).
I could watch the fountain for a long time. I was fortunate enough to go to a show last time I was there, a water show, I think La Reve. You would likely appreciate that too.
I don't know if it is different for female INFJ's in parties or just me but I tend to greet those I know and then be the wallflower when friends are otherwise occupied. I smile when people look at me and am open to approach but prefer being approached. I've often removed myself somewhat by being behind a camera in such situations. Mostly parties for my friends kids I get away with that. My life is kids events and I truly get digitalteacup's plight. I have a good group I know well now, but there have been instances where they weren't there and I was totally adrift and trying to make it to the end of a situation that couldn't be done soon enough.Those are the hard times. The good are like you said, when you can go home happy that you did go to the party. Thank you for this.
Thanks Tiny Yellow Tree. I tried being a wallflower but because I'm really tall, I think that may be intimidating for other people to approach me (as it rarely happened). But I'm glad I don't have to deal with kids parties yet haha!
Just a question I've always wondered. Do you think being tall lends any confidence in being an INFJ? I am small so always wondered how relevant that was to my feeling childlike and my lack of confidence in general. People don't see me. I swerve to avoid being run into. Things like that. Do they see you?
Shouldn't say I've always wondered it, cause I didn't do the typology thing until the last several years, but I did wonder if being tall was all the great stuff it looked to be. And now I wonder how it would go with tall INFJ's. Course I wonder at the differences between male and female in regards to confidence as well.
I'm sure being tall doesn't hurt, that's for sure. But people might think that I'm more confident than I actually am just based on my height. On the positive side of being smaller, people don't assume you're a good basketball player ;)
Nope, that they don't.