INFJs are expert at seeing patterns. When one of us does the door slam, it's usually because we've seen too many red flags and we realize we've already given that person too many chances.
So true. We are so talented to see between everything. like between action, words, and decision. IT makes us judgemental but not for right or wrong, only to determine whether it will be a good relation or not. LOL.
@M Muss haha yeah it get us into troubles often. I learn in a hard way to set a standard over things. And it works magically. And learn to set high expectation only for myself since i cant control other people at all, even though i can predict their reaction 😅
The bottom line is that INFJ's seek deep, authentic, genuine connections in a shallow and superficial world. We're only 1% of the world's population. It's not easy to find others like us. Personally, if I can't have a real friendship with someone I don't see the purpose of remaining "friends" because my intentions are never to use someone but to build with someone.
True. We detect ‘Fake’ easily. Mask People Detector? Sometimes i can immediately tell someone is not being themselves though i cant explain how. Maybe i can give some trait of them that give them off but no one can understand my explanation. 😅
TRUE! I thrown out people from my life so often esp. if i've seen they only came to my life to take advantages or tried to controlling me. I don't need these kind of people around me.
How many times has an INFJ heard "you're not like anyone in have ever met" or "I don't know why I'm telling you this, I've never told anyone." lol and then weirdly just dropping people.. I think it has to do with effort given and not receiving the same amount of effort in return. Waste of time.
Quantum Explorer to many times I've pinned down the party animal without moving pulled back the thread and unraveled their minds. Put them back together best i can and watched them work just fine from there forth. It's a moment that could change your life
Happens allll the time. It does get draining after awhile. To label it as 'abandoning relationships', lends a negative connotation to the generalized INFJ, and makes me think the title of this video is just clickbait.
I have the same tendency.. To me, it's because I'm afraid that getting too close to them might hurt me in the end (forgetting me, lying about me, continuously misunderstanding who I am, unjustly insulting me, embarrass me in public), _and yet_ , I want to become a reliable person to them and help them become their best self. These days, I only focus on the few ones who have shown to actually consider me as a friend, and do their best to understand what I mean/feel. It's funny how we INFJs understand others shockingly well (I actually once scared someone that way, unintentionally), but are easily misunderstood by others.
i am an INFJ and slam that door at the first hint of nonauthenticity, after years of being a pushover people-pleaser and rinsed within an inch of my life.
Yep, just like me when I was younger. I definitely reached a point in my life (around my late 30's) when I said "No more. This is where I plant myself now." After that I've broken-off so many relationships sometimes it feels like I'd "door slam" the world if I could, even family, but I know that isn't healthy. Now, by not giving a shit about what is pretentious/inauthentic, though it can get lonely at times, I'd rather have this serenity and fulfilment over anything else.
Fact! As a infj male its always seen as your a punk etc etc. No. I just know your not ever going to work on anything yet expect me to fix you myself and your circle. I cant and wont. Im usually very forgiving and fair to a fault. Once i see that your completely wasting my time energy and i cant make excuses for how you treat me i ghost.
Mmm... great point, Am Deleted. We definitely hold relationships in high regard and desire mutual honor. I do think, in some situations, a relationship can be repaired, but it depends on how severe the break has been. It also depends on the person and kind of relationship. Thanks for sharing!
I've had good friends that I dropped because they were affecting me negatively. Whenever they have problems, they come running to me and I try to be a good friend. I listen and advise. But when they don't listen to me, I leave them. Especially since I easily absorb negativity. I don't want to be around that toxicity so I cut the friendship off.
I couldn't agree more. I'm invariably fed up with those who come to me for advice and don't hesitate taking up all my precious time that I'd rather spend in quiet solitude; they disturb my days and nights with their cries, moans and complaints, then beg for advice just to turn around and ignore everything I've said to them and do the opposite, get burned, then come back to me to repeat the circle. I love helping people and never turn my back on anyone - regardless of who they are. They are certainly NEVER obliged to take my advice but if they keep asking for it just so they can ignore it, it doesn't sit well with me. I have my limits! I feel putting your time in the hands of the ungrateful can be very damaging. There's apparently a very apt name for people like this, "Askholes" - they constantly ask for your advice, then disregard it!
Yil Feliciano Exactly! I always say why ask me when you’re not even going to take my advice. People just like to hear themselves talk they don’t actually want to do the work and fix themselves and they expect you to sit there and listen to their crap. It won’t be me.
E. B. Exactly I can’t tell you how many times someone has came crying to me saying you were right I should’ve just did what you said do. And it takes everything in me not to rage on them. I’ve cut off so many narcissists, it’s not even funny
My thoughts as a child was that these people can't be my parents. Aliens must have dropped me off here by mistake. What friends? I am never lonely. Quite content being with myself thanks.
Bruce Trahan Yeah, my thoughts exactly. As a child I actually told kids I was adopted. My parents are nothing like me. Both extroverted sensors. From the beginning I didn’t feel I fit in anywhere.
I felt that I was in an experiment where I was just put through different situations and someone just documented my behaviors. I also felt I was alone and everyone else was just fake and placed here as part of the experiment. How can you tell someone else is actually experiencing life or existence like I am? I consciously and rationally know that theory is fucking crazy lol. But I first had these thoughts when I was in pre-school or kindergarten. Sometimes it’s still there in the back of my mind though. It’s a very lonely feeling.
@@GT1Zero you and your theory isn't crazy. I sometimes think the same. I believe it's just a science experiment. Like watching mice and seeing how they react in situations. Doesn't mean we aren't here for purposes that could help but I always felt like it was one big Truman show.
Caller ID was the best invention for INFJ's. I rarely answer the phone and will tell people to leave a message. There are just times when I do not want to be bothered. Unfortunately, for people that do not understand us this behavior seems incredibly selfish. In turn, I think people that encroach on my 'Me' time are selfish. I am happy to know that there are others like me.
I hate people invading my “me time”. No. I don’t want to answer your calls or reply to your msgs ALL THE TIME! So many relationships have ended because I feel suffocated and smothered!
Most of my friendships and relationships that have died are because of a few different things 1. Personal insecurity. This is basically when I am getting to know someone, it comes to the point where either I know I can open up to them or my insecurity is too high that I can't open up to them, and so I distance myself even if I really like the person, because I don't want to maintain a relationship where I only show my Mask. 2. When somebody else doesn't put in the same level of effort and only takes rather than giving support and something of meaning. I guess because I don't have friends, I am really looking for someone who could be extremely close to me which is hard to find. 3. Mental shutdowns. When I go through periods of not wanting to talk to anybody at all because of either depression or just being emotionally drained and needing time alone. This can be a few days or sometimes a month or two which tends to ruin a relationship.
My capacity to let people go surprises even me. Without realizing it I gradually take account of ways certain people disappoint me and assess their willingness to change or if they even care to. They gradually slide down my priority list until I reach a saturation point where I simply have no time for them at all. I still think of them and miss them but my guard goes up higher than whatever feelings I still have.
mercerdamon I am the son of a man who is the youngest out of ten siblings. Unfortunately, I have no ties with any of them. It's sad really, but my passion is with my work and academia. That is what sustains me. If I can do this for 100 years, I would and with no regrets.
We don't like conflict, we're usually nurturing, encouraging ppl. But we also like honest communication, when hurt or disappointed, we just fade or walk away. Not worth my time anymore. Trust me we will have our moment of truth, but usually the person won't realize we are dead serious, and we don't like drama, so we do it in purpose. We disengage. Bye Felicia!
An INFJ is archetypically the mystic of the personality types because the Ni allows us to recognize patterns and make predictions about the future and the Fe allows us to understand people better than they understand themselves. These two traits can be both a gift and a curse because not all predictions or feelings are positive. Mix into this our perfectionism and loyalty, it doesn't allow us to let many people inside our already insane inner world and that's why we shut the door. It's almost like we are a native species of a habitat and certain people are invaders to the land we can only tolerate them for so long. Life is a lonely walk for an INFJ but only if the relationships you count are the ones with people, we all have connections to nature and the universe and isolation allows us to see things clearer and to notice certain things about the world others would miss in the noise. My advice to non-INFJs don't waste your time if all you are looking for is a good laugh in shallow waters, if you wanna dive deep and wonder with us just knock on that door, we still love people and won't turn our backs on you.
i always try so hard to save a relationship but if i feel like they're not returning effort or aren't trying even a fraction as much as i am i will end the relationship. i always get taken advantage of easily because i care so much. when people begin lying or become disloyal that's it. it's over. i cannot deal with toxic people who make that decision when all i've ever done is love and support and advise them and be there for them whenever they needed someone.
Having INFJ as friends is a blessing because we care so much and treat our friends with our whole hearts. It was their loss. And it is stupid to take advantage of us just because we care. The door slammed forever for those arrogant and insensitive people.
Mmm... totally understand. That's probably a wise move with many people, Jayc Lee, and I respect your decisions. That said, some people are really worth getting to know, are trustworthy, and can bring a lot of joy to your life. Thanks for sharing your experience.
As an INFJ I've found most people will wear you out, take advantage, and coast through life, waiting for you to do the hard parts; they don't put out the effort for balanced relationships, responsibilities, and follow through. The users are easy to spot and dump. I'll back out on some people while waiting for them to catch-on and catch-up to the next best level. But mostly, I fade out because my time with them is up. I was only meant to pass through. I know it from the time I meet many.
True. I feel like INFJs are the most impactful on people. It’s hard for people to forget about us, But like you said we are like ships sailing through life and we don’t stop for anyone
As an INFJ, I feel like “what’s understood doe not need to be explained.” People are aware of their behavior, we all know right from wrong so I do not feel the need to explain to someone what they are clearly aware of, I will just leave people to their b.s and wherever they are at in life and move on. By the time we do “door slam” someone, it’s after countless chances and opportunities for them to make the proper adjustments or changes that we’ve been begging and pleading for them to make but they don’t or refuse to. 🤷🏽♀️ It sounds harsh when explained but as an INFJ I know the feeling all to well of giving people infinite chances only for them to keep on hurting or disappointing me.😣....Great video by the way!😎👍🏽
Are INFJ's seen as co-dependents? I thought that was what was going on with me all my life until I found the information on INFJ's. I know so much about family dynamics and relationship dynamics but continue to try to help messed up people whom I can see have the ability to do good in the world. I have spent my entire life taking care of others to my own personal detriment but not necessarily in a co dependent relationship. Recently I walked away from my entire life after realizing every relationship in my life was harmful to my sense of self and some were actually dangerous to my safety. It's all good though. I have learned what my boundaries are and how to let people know what my boundaries are immediately. Being an INFJ is so lonely though. I don't think anyone has ever really gotten me although some have pretended to. I have felt like such an outcast and even as if I am an alien on a hostile planet. Some people would like to make me believe that I am crazy because I'm not like the majority of people but I have always asked myself why would I want to be like them.
Hi, The Light. That's great that you've established some healthy boundaries! That's big. You're right about loneliness coming with being an INFJ too: Most people don't think like us. But I'd also say you have the potential to cultivate some really rewarding relationships with people who appreciate you for who you are. Still, I can relate to what you're saying about most people making you think that there's something wrong with the way you operate.
I feel exactly the same, glad to here someone knows how I feel inside, but sad for you at the same time cuz the pain of feeling this way is really strong and this loneliness just intensifies the older you get
How, I am 17 years old and I started watching these videos. I have always felt alone and misunderstood. My own mom says something is wrong with me because I don't like being around fake people. Or how I will have friends I would do anything for won't do anything for me I cut off. I don't care who you are two strikes and your out. It is very lonely, and me being as young as I am I am happy I have found out what that comes from. I have things I do naturally, that others find wrong. I have more people I talk to than I have friends. And best believe I would do almost anything for them. It's really crazy how different could be so much different.
I understood completely the part when you say it's bad...but i remember a situation in my life when i moved way from a friend because she did something that hurt me very badly, but after a while, i gave this person another chance cause we were good friends,,,and she DID it again, i couldn't believe it, after all my intuition was right from the beginning!!
Mmm... I'm sorry, Vera. That stinks big time! I appreciate you sharing your experience. I probably should have added more information about the degree to which someone has hurt you. If someone breaks your trust in an extreme way, that may just be a deal breaker, depending on the offense.
ileshious, sorry , cause i know how tough it is..i guess now we have to move on and let time set us free from the annoyance..you're an INFJ, right? yeah, normally our intuition is right, it is a big part of who we are, greetings Vera
This has happened to me with an ex, I gave him 3 chances and it hurt more each time. I am so damaged from trusting others and trying to keep them in my life.
Facebook is not very INFJ friendly. I'd find I was on there, giving likes, giving encouragements and congratulations, and then I'd get crickets chirping on my own posts. Or sometimes sarcastic, rude and insulting comments from people who were hurting and lashed out at someone unlikely to lash back. Unhelpful waste of time.
OMG, I recently found out at 53 yrs. I am a INFJ I felt exactly this way and people just don't understand that this is something that is ingrained in my personality. So rather than try to convince someone how I feel or why I feel the way I do . I begin to shut them out or abandon the relationship all together. For me its self preservation. I cannot compromise my values or feelings to please someone else anymore. I used to be such a giving person and now I am way more selective with my feelings and thoughts. Also living in a world or society that doesn't give a shit about anything other than financial gain is something I can't tolerate. When surrounded by people that are just toxic in every kind of way I have to leave within a few minutes . I do this all the time. I can deal with someone on surface level for very short periods of time, but other than that I am out the door. I have been watching a lot of these videos on being an INFJ and it resonates so deeply for me. I always find something new and I now understand why I am the way I am. It has helped immensely. THANK YOU FOR SHARING .
Thank u are correct people are disgusting in this world I've stop myself as well cause alot people come into my life just to be fake and take what they need.
The only relationships I have "abandoned" are they ones I gave every bit of my heart in and the other partys decided I was "too different" or "not good enough" in what mattered to them. I am a literal "ride or die" type of person, I literally will be there for someone through everything and be their support, but once people reject me for reasons that are irrational I finally give up and won't chase them down. When people disrespect that I have feelings and also matter I accept the end of the relationship.
Yes. When we put in so much energy to maintain a relationship with a person , who either rejects us or just can't be bothered , we stop making that effort. So in 6 months time they notice we aren't there anymore and say we're "ghosting" them.
Being an empath and an INFJ is not easy, and I would assume that loving us can be challenging at times also. As I look back on relationships in my 44 years on this earth, there are definitely times when I have just let them wither away. Oddly enough, when we are done with a particular relationship, we are done.
So basically I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life! I push away anyone who gets too close to me. I don't trust anyone. I'm not for the bullshit & if you don't see the bigger picture like I do, I simple disappear into thin air I've literally been told I fell off the face of the earth so many times. Yeah well I wish I could because I can't seem to get rid of people when I just want to be left alone almost all the time & so people assume I'm sad or depressed when I just simple like being alone in my own comfort zone .. ya know
Yeah it's crazy how it feels like I have to come up with some excuse to be alone & each time people assume that I'm in a bad mind frame just because I want to be alone. It rarely is because of that; it's usually because I'm trying to preserve my happy, fulfilling, forward-moving experience that I'm enjoying on my own. People don't know how to take it when I am happy and don't want to hang out or talk; leaving some people wondering what the world I could be doing that's more interesting by myself. It gets very difficult to communicate that I'm not in a bad mood just because I need "me" time. I love "me" time; I look forward to it. There is nothing bad at all about it. People can't seem to accept it. They need an answer and response to what I'm up to or been up to that I don't have to give. Most of my existing happens in my head.
faithntruthgodbless took the words right outta my little spiritual mind! People think I'm soooo different or weird cuz I don't like to hang out & when I do I'm sooo ready to go n be alone again in my own safety n comfort zone.
From a fellow INFJ to another: Don't expend too much energy trying to make people understand your intense need for 'me time'. It's foreign and almost impossible for them to comprehend. Also, do not apologize for being yourself.
So true. We do cut off certain relationships when we find it necessary. Some will be permanent, but others we just limit the amount of contact given. It depends on the situation which we think through. We know addressing the situation to the individual can cause conflict which we do avoid. We see no point in conflict because in that situation, we're still misunderstood. We also know we are not perfect so sometimes need to retreat and think it through to know what or who is right for us. We are not afraid of conflict, but wisely choose our battles.
I think Infps do actually quite the same. The only difference is they always strive to resolve conflict for both parties, preferring rather to communicate the problem than internalizing? For peace and harmony to both as I, as an infp, often perceive things simply differently. I dont expect the other to understand my perspective anymore without clear communication. But clear communication from another can be perceived differently by me depending on my own mood. Infp struggle I think. Personally, I don't understand how one's own peace of mind can be more important than the others. Being in a situation or conflict, the perception of infp and perception of infj sometimes differ I think. Though to me, I think, both just want to be understood and have the same good intentions. Not all people are negative on purpose, they just have fears as well and dropping boundaries is to me a sign of trust in the good mutual outcome rather than pulling walls high. Not easy to me as well, but I try not to be that defensive anymore if it is a close person.
I have often told people that I don't know anyone who is like me. After taking the test yesterday and coming out INFJ-T, I now know why. Everything listed here is 100 percent the way I am. Now I know the reasons.
This is so true. My standards are high so it’s hard being my friend-so I only have a few quality friends-mutual respect is a given if you’re in my circle. I demand loyalty, trust, and the truth-people don’t like hearing the truth most of the time. It doesn’t help that I attract narcissists and jealous people. It’s quite heartbreaking being hurt and betrayed by a person who knows all your secrets. So I tend to self protect and I isolate myself. I’m careful not to share too much-i stay away if I smell a hint of a personality disorder. Do not engage lol. The older I get I find its liberating to say no to people who pretend to be a friend while taking glee in your failures. Life is to short to waste energy on those who secretly despise you.
The only time I haven’t done this was when my ex gf and I decided to end our relationship and go our separate ways. And that was probably one of the most painful and crushing experiences I’ve ever had. Every other friendship I just fade away slowly. The good friends can call me months apart and it’s like we never left. Or I can call them and it’s the same thing. I love those low maintenance friendships where we don’t have to see each other or talk every day and it’s still natural when we do get together after a good amount of time.
I think there ought to be more focus in the MBTI community on "why did I manage to let a perfectly good INFJ get to the point in relationship with me where they felt they needed to doorslam?" instead of a rock and hard place argument of why do INFJs take so much abuse and then, when we finally have had it, leave. I haven't watched this video yet, just noticing the blame-the-victim mentality so prevalent in our culture. We can agree INFJs put others first almost to a fault, so maybe these doorslams are actually the recipient's fault.
The door slams are ALWAYS the recipients fault. I've forgiven people who have robbed me. I've put myself in harms way to help people, I've opened my home to people, I've killed bullies with kindness. It takes a special kind of asshole to get me to the door slam. It is my last resort and when I do it, it means I have deemed the other person, company, group, what have you, unworthy of change. I absolutely will not stand by someone whose ethics are impossibly flawed. Once I see a black heart, I slam the door, lock it, and never look back.
This was so beautifully said, and definitely accurate I often close relationships and not in a dramatic way but in a stealthy disappearing sort of way, as soon as a person is not matching my moral code/vibration for a long period of time...I give up. I give up because I absolutely lack the spine to allow a conflict to arise, this is something I need to work on because I believe I have enough strength and wisdom to help others and also enlighten myself along the way. I also close relationships when I lose hope in a person and lastly when I feel deep hurts and pains from the person
"lacked the spine" describes me too and I KNOW I am an INFJ and empath. I created much drama in my life and pushed many people away by feeling the need to overhelp them so I could be okay with them. Now to avoid the drama, I ghost them. I'm not proud of it, but it happens. Just don't need the drama. Thank you for your comment.
because we dont end the relationship until we've thought it through fully or we're completely fed up and realize that the other person will never stop doing whatever it is that makes the relationship unbearable. once you get to that point, you're already at peace with cutting them off. people say im cold hearted and hateful.... im not. im actually pretty thoughtful.... if ive given you a dozen chances... the benefit of the doubt, over and over, more than you may deserve... and you refuse to compromise on whatever it is thats causing issues in our relationship, then we've reached an impasse. it was your choice to be cut off as much as it was my choice to cut you off.
I'm an INFJ Pisces, so it balances out. The ones who I bond with will never, ever be abandoned (Pisces), the ones who slight me, however, gone before the bonding starts (INFJ.) The ones I bond with are true blue and I got their backs for eternity (Pisces) but the ones who slight me will get by cold shoulder forever (INFJ.) It's a weird combo of extreme loyalty and extreme non forgiveness. Luckily, my intuition these days allows me to weed out the fakes and back stabbers almost immediately. I now attract the sweethearts and profound thinkers of the world due to my cultivation of my life's work and authentic self. Being a Rabbit under the Chinese system also helps with shrewdness. lol
Sometimes when we grow up in a houseful of toxic people we have no choice and have to learn to cope somehow in order to survive childhood. Then as adults, we stick with those toxic family members because...well, we always have had to. We do this until we wake up to the fact that we don't have to any more. Sometimes it's all you can do to protect yourself because the toxicity was always there, always dragging you down and it's not going to change unless you take control.
So true! As an INFJ, and highly sensitive empath on planet earth… I find I can very quickly see the patterns in a person, or anything for that matter, and make a very quick snap decision whether they should be in my life or not. Those who are not worthy or willing to swim in the deep waters of life will not survive the sea of the INFJ. We are no better or worse than anyone else, just way more decisive at a certain point.
I've become so afraid of myself for the reason of becoming silent at pivotal moments, when I have the power to save relationships. I become a fatalist, feeling unable to express myself.
I was mainly speaking about moments when I am confronted (face to face) by the opposite sex, and they'd only want to see things their way. I am not saying that I am not flawed, but if I've just logically explained the reasons for how I feel, why try to force me to do something that doesn't make sense to me at the time.... I believe that we (whoever) are a culmination of experiences before and since birth.
Loyalty...My brother called me a loser behind my back. That was 4 years ago and i have not spoken to him since. I think we require extreme loyalty because that is what we give. I accept peoples faults except disloyalty.
I’m INFJ and I only have two close friends. I’ve managed to keep everybody else at arm’s length. Most of the time, I drop friends or potential friends without even realizing. I just don’t make an effort to keep them. Although I’m very introverted, I’ve found that it’s really not that difficult for me to make friends but I feel like I have to be so fake around them and it drains me so much that it isn’t worth it.
I am glad to read the comment section here to know that other people out like me also. I usually observe all the red flags but still give my friends more chances than they deserve. But some of them are so self-centred for their problems, but mine, they behave with pseudo- idealism. I am tired of such friendships as they are mentally affecting me now. So I have decided to cut of my friendly and helpful behaviour from the beginning and will not be falling prey to such predators then.
I ended a relationship with a family member and as an INFJ did not do so lightly. It has been over 50+ years but it was the best decision I could make. This person made me feel like he was crushing my soul, deliberately throwing my beliefs and values in my face to see what I would do next. Well, I did it and it has been heaven. Very interesting video and very accurate. Thank you.
The major reason why I let relationships fade is because most people finally take me for granted because I'm always too nice to them. I try hard to always be happy with my friends which I find is not practical and since I feel a lot of discomfort in confronting, I simply just walk away from the relationship. That's the best way I see to handle the relationship. One of my biggest problems in life is being an Introvert (I score more than 75% in introversion) and also I suffer from social phobia 😟 . I wish I wasn't an INFJ. Maybe I would have preferred being an ESTJ or ENTP
I like people, I like talking about the interesting stuff, I just can't like people all the time, I need other stuff as well, don't follow me all the time, I'll talk with you, just not all the time, you'll suffocate me!!
Your comment I truly get. I used to be involved on a couple of chat sites ....chatted on and off for a few months and then I just disappeared. This seems to be my pattern. I confuse people as to why I just leave...it's not that I don't like them anymore...I just don't want to keep talking to them lol
i am the worst at confronting people. I will go at lenghts avoiding anything until they get the message. Which is not fair for close friends. Need to work on this
Oh yes and people who try to manipulate me, try it once, I give you one other channce, do it again you are gone. People who cause conflict in any way in my life, I don't argue with ever, I just walk away. In an office situation I believe in being civilised to people I really don't like, whether a member of staff or a client, but I would never associate with them outside outside working hours ever.
hieuwey wow it doesn't feel like it's already been 2 months. To be honest, I've been obsessed over this. I asked my closest friends to take the test too and some of them cried after finding out their personality type because of the accuracy. I knew I'm not the only one who's been struggling to these things but hearing it makes me feel accepted, understood and important. I started to accept and improve myself. others may think I'm selfish for some reasons but every time i try to explain myself i can't truly find the exact words without starting an argument. Even my mom doesn't understand me and it was so frustrating. Seriously the accuracy is so on point that sometimes i feel like i have some kind of powers because of my intuition. I feel smarter. It also improves my fascination with literary and visual art. I found answers to some of my questions and i truly understand why people are so different and can't adjust to things. I thought i was becoming crazy bc I've never met someone like me so after knowing this, I'm so happy to what i am right now. I hope I answered your question.
I have always been transparant. Open from the heart.No matter what is thrown at me. My honor has been severed .Took several years to get to this point of balance.
It's called pruning and weeding. Contact with people is great in short spurts - especially if you have to engage in small talk. I can't stand small talk. Drives me nuts. People don't want truth, they don't want honesty, they don't want to hear anything that will make them feel uncomfortable, they don't want to hear anything that may sting. I've had to let friends know when they've crossed a line (and I give them plenty of line) - they've either taken me for granted, or not reciprocated for a long time or something like that. I like what you said about boundaries. Very important to respect boundaries. If someone is consistently pushing past my boundaries, whether they're conscious of it or not.... I cut 'em off. Who needs that? I sure as hell don't.
When the other person finally reveals themselves to b insensitive, self absorbed and unempathetic, I dry up. However it's not my job to educate them and unrealistic to expect them to b on my wavelength. True, I will try to explain this to the other person instead of slamming the door. Thx for that advice!
You try and be gentle and you tell them not to overstep your boundaries, and they don't listen. They put you down for things you can not change or they don't listen to wise advice. Honestly some people just aren't worth it. Let it die or you can block them if thet don't get it.
Thank you for that! Today is the first day in my life where I have finally come across people who are just like me! Yes, I will look at you in what YOU interpret in a very intense way and will thereby gather information to make a fairly accurate evaluation and assessment! I will quite often drop people, not answer phone calls, messages, etc. I have not yet taken the test, but I feel that in just a single day I have gathered enough data on the subject to come to the conclusion myself. It is too bad that for most of my life I have blamed myself for my inability to maintain 'friendships' at all costs, when in fact they were not worth my time or energy! I have been accused all of my life for having 'too high of a standard' but what the hell? It is my standard and I'll be damned if I lower my standards for anybody! It makes me appear rigid and uncompromising, but hey - this is MY life and I need to be true to myself before I can be true to others!
I am 44 years old and just realised I'm an INFJ . It's so made me understand me more. I cried with emotion because I'm now an identity to the world and not a total weirdo. Thanks so much for sharing. I totally relate to it. Had some people totally let me down in life and took advantage of my soft nature. Slammed the door and locked it and threw away the key. The only people I could never do that to is my family, because blood always will win water and they know and understand me most. Love and inner peace to you.
Thank you so much for this video. I’m an INFJ and I have had it happen so often that sometimes in a friendship I suddenly start disliking that person and it slowly grows deeper and then I just completely cut off contact even if everything between us seemed 'normal'. I feel so bad for doing this and I never quite understood why. I knew why I felt that way but it always feels like it isn’t even under my control. It just happens and I can’t stop it. Now I know why I’m doing this and it makes it easier for me to understand. And I’m not saying that it isn’t hard for the other person because it is and I know that this behavior isn’t okay. I’m working on it. So thank you this really helped!
This is so accurate its kind of scary and tbh before now I used to think am a broken soul but now ik that there's others like me out there so am not alone. Sucks to be misunderstood each and everyday especially by the persons you expect to understand
My boyfriend is always think that I'm being judgy or just making assumptions about people and I have tried to explain to him its my INFJ intuition, but he doesn't understand. He is an ENTP, so I guess he wouldn't... There have been a few people I have shut out of my life recently and I literally just stopped answering my messages from them. One was a close friend who has violated my boundaries one too many times and I can no longer accept her trying to control my choices. I love these kind of videos because it makes me feel less weird and alone.
There are so many good reasons to door slam! Top of my list is NO RESPECT. This assessment is always on alert status: family, coworkers, church brethren, neighbors, present friends. 5 minutes, 5 hours, 50, hours, 50 weeks, 5 decades, time does not matter. Anyone who disrespects me, they are like a tree after that. I give respect. I give time. I give money. I care... about everything... and I listen even when I reassess, which is almost constantly. I give love never expecting to receive it. When I receive it, I assess it! People tell me private stuff, even 2 minutes after we start a talk. I keep it private and offer help. I feel what they feel. Generally, those are sincere people. I don't door slam sincerity. I feel a duty to help others who are sincere, because I CAN help. Not everyone can help, nor should they, but INFJ have this natural born ability to help. Yes, it means I come second. But I have abilities that others do not possess, and I will not disregard having them. Besides, it is rewarding to help the sincere person. Remember though, that I am always reassessing everything in my life. My mind never shuts off. It is unlikely I will get fooled by fake people. I always knew I was wierd, in a good way. Knowing things ahead of time. Having thoughts about future outcomes, that usually are correct. Feeling pain and disappointments of others, maybe even miles away. Excelling at work, years later, wondering how did I do that? Young INFJ: Don't fret not having love from someone. But give love by using INFJ ability, and you will get great satisfaction and contentment. No one will understand you, because even you don't! Some will try, but usually they just end up being someone you used to know. The door slam is a complicated subject, and can be misread as DISRESPECT. We should try to avoid that label. Sorry about rambling on and on. Hearing from other INFJs activates something deep within, and helps us all. I think being INFJ is more a blessing than a curse, for we can do great good and have wonderous outcomes from being involved in the lives of others BY THEIR INVITATION!
Oh! My. Listening to you for the first time and i am astounded learning I’m an IMFJ. NEVER heard of this. You are a sweet heart! Thank the good vibes for showing up on my feed recommendations. Im 73 and exactly blown away! Thank you again!
As an INFJ, I do door slam, I can admit it, but it always justified and I only do so after a large amount of thinking, analysing, and contemplating. I simply am not a forgiving person, which is one of my worst traits, and I tend to hold grudges for extremely long times. I can forgive someone if they are incredibly important to me, or I can see their reasoning for their actions, and even if I don’t like them, I can see their point of view and and accept that their actions may make sense, but if not, and their reasoning is not good enough, and what they did may piss me off, or give me a bad opinion of them, Make me loose trust in them, or make me feel disrespected or they seriously hurt me, I will cut them out of my life immediately and will not ever forgive them, (that’s if they are not that important to me, if I care about them I may give them another chance, communication is key) but I think that is a fair reason to cut someone out of my life. It’s important to choose who you spend your time with carefully, and who you choose to trust and share your personal information with, if someone is a bad influence, untrustworthy, fake, unauthentic, disrespectful, possessive, controlling, manipulative, or simply does not treat you in a fair way, I think cutting them out of your life is completely fine, and I encourage others to do it more, as opposed to maintaining toxic relationships
Thank you very much! This is very informative. I actually question myself especially the end relationship part. I always choose to be away (as far as possible) from conflict as I hate it so much. I also put tremendous pressure on myself to make the best out of me so I can be somehow useful to others.(Actually not being anyone's hindrance.)
Thank you for this post. It really fits with my experience as an INFJ. I’m nearly 60. Looking back at my life I have known a year or so ahead that I am leaving a situation or relationship. I’ve needed to go no contact with my family of origin and that was 5 years ago and a good decision. I long for deep authentic connection and while I have two good friends we don’t discuss matters at the depth I long for. I deeply appreciate my own company and I do feel lonely at times. I noticed some replies here say they don’t feel lonely but I do though I would rather that than being in incongruent company.
I'm usually the one who goes above and beyond for people. For example over the years I've always been the one to go and visit friends wherever they might live, sometimes driving hours or hopping on a flight but then I get tired and ask my friends to come visit me. Crickets😂 That's when i just go into hermit mode and focus on myself. Friends invite me and I politely say no. I think I have 1 friend who comes to visit and I'm happy with that.
OMG, you have just described how I have viewed and coped (or not coped ) with relationships all my adult life. I find that I feel a lot less threatened when I am on my own, living my way. I have understood that I have always done that, but never really acknowledged the reason why.
You don't know how happy I am to finally found out why I'm like this. I've always wondered what I am, why I reach out to people first and dump them in the end and a whole lot of things. Thank you. I'm really teary ryt now
Bo, Thank you for your videos, I have taken the Meyer Briggs test at least 8 times, I have come up with INFJ every time. I am quiet and shy most of the time, I grew up being polite and reserved. When I leave a relationship it's due to clues I get from the person I left, I recognize trouble. I don't do it in a way to hurt the other person, I simply stop calling them, I avoid places they go so I don't run into them. I would move, change my phone number, leave no forwarding address. When I am done that's it, done. It was a wonderful revelation to discover that I am not weird just different.
Just as I can be generous with my time to those who need it and appreciate it, I can easily disappear in thin air for those who try to take me for a fool. No regrets
I want to thank you for your channel & your guide. I loved your insights, but especially how thankful u were to the people who helped u along the way. Its a blessing to have supportive people. This has not always been the case for me. From "friends" to family members to the workplace there has been envy, strife, and abuse. Its sad they don't care or understand we just want to love, be happy, helpful, and use our gifts to make the world a better place. Thankfully, its not always so bad & I now love who I am & whose I am along with the gifts & destiny God gave me. Thanks for all that you do! It encourages me and lets me know I am not alone nor strange just different. Peace.
I've been there done that as well. People are amazed that I don't have a relationship with family members. When I see them somewhere I avoid them because I just can't deal with their soul sucking energy. But it also amazes me that people will have a relationship with family members souly on the basis that its FAMILY. Like just because they are your family that all toxic behavior is tolerated and must be accepted. Sorry this isn't for me. You screw me over, I cut my losses and POOF i'm gone. I can actually feel the emotional tie break when a relationship ends. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
lisa martin Same here. I lived in a small neighborhood and my whole family lived so close together they were impossible to avoid. . . so I hopped in my car one day, and drove 900 miles. I only left a note to tell them I chose to leave, as I did not want them to assume I just disappeared. Not because I was concerned they would worry, I just didnt want them to look for me.... I sent want to be found. My time and energy are for people who are worthy of it, not because of obligation.
I don't feel comfortable with people getting too close to me (except for my hubby and kids)....when people show an interest in being my friend, I kinda panic as I think there's a lot of expectations in a friendship that I know I can't meet and so will eventually end up disappointing the potential friend and they will regret ever trying to get to know me....I'll feel bad that I hurt them in some way....unintentionally of course...so, it's just easier to keep my distance and not even begin something I know I'm not capable of sustaining.
I am an INFJ and I try to keep as many relationships alive as I can, but as soon as I stop getting the same amount of attention I am giving them back, it's an instant cut off. If they hurt me in any way I try to look past it and see if there is a reason for hurting me and I try to change myself accordingly. But as soon as someone starts hating me for who I am, that is when they won't ever see me again.
I’m actually intuitive too and it causesdepression when I just know things about a person, their feelings and why they’re in my life because it’s often quite disappointing!
I love this! Thank You! I need to share this with family that way they understand me better. Most family don’t understand why I “door slam” and I dont look back. They think I should be for “forgiving” but I just feel indifferent.
I can totally relate to this. I've had a few good relationships that I just wasnt interested in anymore and they just fizzled out. Stopped responding to texts and calls. Which is something I need to work on. Because it's not appropriate and/or mature to "end" things that way.
I am 59 y/o and have always been regarded as “strange” by my family, when I was around 18 y/o I was told I was dyslexic, I hoped that was the strangeness about me, sadly it wasn’t, that only explained why everyone else seemed to be smarter than me. A few years ago I was told that I was somewhat of an empath, maybe that’s what made me so much different than most people, after learning about empaths I realized that didn’t make me to different than others. A short time before my dad passed away, my wife of 28 years left me for someone that wasn’t so taxing on her, so I talked to a psychologist to help me arrange a thing or two between my ears and that’s when I was made aware that I was an INFJ type personality, so before my dad died I was able to explain to him that I wasn’t all that strange I was just different. Now knowing why I’m different than others keeps me from feeling like I’m from another planet.
I think this quality in the INFJ is a double-edged sword. I had to drop a friend because of this. I gave him advice that I thought would really help him because I saw in the future that he is making bad decisions and that if he didn't change, he would suffer because of it. Our relationship was never the same and he resented me because I told him the truth. But I feel that as a friend, it was my duty to not sugar coat the facts, no matter how much it hurt both of us. I have had the ability of seeing visions and premonitions(I also think I'm psychic sometimes) and I saw what was coming for him. Sometimes I get really short flashes of a vision and other times they're a little longer.
Ime as an INFJ I see us as the emotional helpers that ppl need only for a short spell until they can adjust whatever it was they needed. Then the INFJs work is done, so it's time to move on. I've had dozens of short term friends, and I rarely "keep" any because it's up to them to do so. I think our mission is to drop wisdom bombs into ppl's lives and keep flying to the next target. But beware that most ppl can't handle the truth, so be sure those are laser guided emo-missles you're firing. Peace.
@@teamdonedonesanctuaryfitne6993 Try not to look at it as being abandoned; instead see yourself as finished with your assignment to try to raise someone's vibration/understanding, and now it's time to move on to the next assignment. Peace.
This! I've come to the same conclusion about my own life and mission and it's so freeing. I always seem to meet people at some "in between" point in their lives. After a while of pouring into them, or helping them see what they need to see it just "feels" over for me and I instinctively know that it's time for us to detach from one another so we won't damage each other.
@@inimegblue7263 Nailed it. I'm currently going thru this with a friend who seems lost between his imagined reality and actual reality. Real tough for some ppl to detach from their past long enough to adjust. Peace.
Sometimes, I stop talking to people without even realising I stopped. I also suck at communication. I only have about 3 or 4 people who I can speak my mind to and they understand; either calling out my bs or helping me understand wtf is going on.
telling a person why we leave is not always a great idea. plenty of people arent prepared to hear that they’re desperate for attention or that their rampant narcissism is trampling the little bit of empathy theyve got left... Or that theyre not in love but toying with infatuation like a toddler playing with matches. they hurt, we soak up the mess. when we try and say something to address the chaos, the message isnt always received the way we intend it to. i think THIS pattern is what we’ve gotten used to and why we ultimately choose the door slam or quiet abandon.
ann-marie degroot Not when the friend is not being a good friend. I reserve the right to walk away from a relationship or friendship at any time I’m mistreated. I have better things to do that be around someone who is not happy with me, especially when I’ve tried to bring joy to their life, tried to make life more enjoyable for them.
I have a hard time moving forward in any way now. After nearly 55 years of living like this, and now am alone again, I'm too exhausted to try again. If this is your type, I suggest you commit to a spiritual path, pray, and ask for protection. If Jesus is not the One guiding me past these suicidal thoughts, there is no one on this world who can...one day at a time dear ones!
Julie Clemons Aaah! I Hope you're okay again by now. I used to volunteer on a Suicide n Crisis Prevention Hotline and know plenty just from living and then also "living." You know? Learned of even better help since those days. I've been under spiritual attacks so many times I know how you need that kind of instantly snap out of it type help we used to think wasnt possible. I'm also in about the same position as you at about the same age. I've "lived" a LOT of stuff! PLEASE Feel Free to respond to me here and we could go by phone thereafter. ANY time is fine.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
INFJs are expert at seeing patterns. When one of us does the door slam, it's usually because we've seen too many red flags and we realize we've already given that person too many chances.
Agree!
yesssssssss
So true. We are so talented to see between everything. like between action, words, and decision.
IT makes us judgemental but not for right or wrong, only to determine whether it will be a good relation or not. LOL.
Agreed
@M Muss haha yeah it get us into troubles often. I learn in a hard way to set a standard over things. And it works magically. And learn to set high expectation only for myself since i cant control other people at all, even though i can predict their reaction 😅
cutting out toxic people is life rule #1 for the INFJ. you DON'T have to babysit garbage people whom are poisonous.
Basically we can't stand immature and childish people.
😍😍😍😍👍🏾👌👌😎😎😈
ghetto peasant that’s 100% true
AT ALL
Yup
The bottom line is that INFJ's seek deep, authentic, genuine connections in a shallow and superficial world. We're only 1% of the world's population. It's not easy to find others like us. Personally, if I can't have a real friendship with someone I don't see the purpose of remaining "friends" because my intentions are never to use someone but to build with someone.
Exactly
True. We detect ‘Fake’ easily. Mask People Detector? Sometimes i can immediately tell someone is not being themselves though i cant explain how. Maybe i can give some trait of them that give them off but no one can understand my explanation. 😅
YES, THIS!
TRUE! I thrown out people from my life so often esp. if i've seen they only came to my life to take advantages or tried to controlling me. I don't need these kind of people around me.
me too
How many times has an INFJ heard "you're not like anyone in have ever met" or "I don't know why I'm telling you this, I've never told anyone." lol and then weirdly just dropping people.. I think it has to do with effort given and not receiving the same amount of effort in return. Waste of time.
Quantum Explorer to many times I've pinned down the party animal without moving pulled back the thread and unraveled their minds. Put them back together best i can and watched them work just fine from there forth. It's a moment that could change your life
James Crow I have done the same.. but it took to much of me. I can't give more than I receive anymore.. and probably never should have!
An INFJ involved with a narc. is the worst! Fixing such an individual places an INFJ between a rock and a hardplace. So yes, not everyone is worth it!
Quantum Explorer it almost gets old after a while
Happens allll the time. It does get draining after awhile. To label it as 'abandoning relationships', lends a negative connotation to the generalized INFJ, and makes me think the title of this video is just clickbait.
I ghost people. I never knew why. I get close enough to understand them, but then later on I'm gone. Out of their life forever.
Mike Bruno I do that too, and I feel like I need to feel guilty about it, but I just don’t really feel anything.
Mike Bruno I couldn't agree more! Interesting... I went to grade school with a Michael Bruno out in BC, Canada.
I also do this
I have the same tendency.. To me, it's because I'm afraid that getting too close to them might hurt me in the end (forgetting me, lying about me, continuously misunderstanding who I am, unjustly insulting me, embarrass me in public), _and yet_ , I want to become a reliable person to them and help them become their best self.
These days, I only focus on the few ones who have shown to actually consider me as a friend, and do their best to understand what I mean/feel. It's funny how we INFJs understand others shockingly well (I actually once scared someone that way, unintentionally), but are easily misunderstood by others.
I've done this a lot of times before
i am an INFJ and slam that door at the first hint of nonauthenticity, after years of being a pushover people-pleaser and rinsed within an inch of my life.
It's definitely wise to develop healthy boundaries, Aswan.
Aswan Aswan well I bet you slamming alot of doors!! I just don't open the door until I feel like it!!!!!
Hell yeah.. I finally have found a true friend, best friend I've ever had. And he is 100 percent authentic and honest. Finally best friend winning!!
Yep, just like me when I was younger. I definitely reached a point in my life (around my late 30's) when I said "No more. This is where I plant myself now."
After that I've broken-off so many relationships sometimes it feels like I'd "door slam" the world if I could, even family, but I know that isn't healthy. Now, by not giving a shit about what is pretentious/inauthentic, though it can get lonely at times, I'd rather have this serenity and fulfilment over anything else.
Quantum Explorer Of course being an empath I share your joy! That's what we all long for.
I’m very fair and generous with others but once I see fatal flaws I know there’s no point maintaining a false relationship.
Fact! As a infj male its always seen as your a punk etc etc. No. I just know your not ever going to work on anything yet expect me to fix you myself and your circle. I cant and wont. Im usually very forgiving and fair to a fault. Once i see that your completely wasting my time energy and i cant make excuses for how you treat me i ghost.
I think Infj s need sacredness ... when that bond is broken there is no getting it back.
Mmm... great point, Am Deleted. We definitely hold relationships in high regard and desire mutual honor. I do think, in some situations, a relationship can be repaired, but it depends on how severe the break has been. It also depends on the person and kind of relationship. Thanks for sharing!
Am Deleted This is the truth.
Yup I agree
YES! Absolutely!!!
I totally agree, when someone breaks the 'sacred' bond, there is no going back, no matter what they do.
I've had good friends that I dropped because they were affecting me negatively. Whenever they have problems, they come running to me and I try to be a good friend. I listen and advise. But when they don't listen to me, I leave them. Especially since I easily absorb negativity. I don't want to be around that toxicity so I cut the friendship off.
Same...
I couldn't agree more. I'm invariably fed up with those who come to me for advice and don't hesitate taking up all my precious time that I'd rather spend in quiet solitude; they disturb my days and nights with their cries, moans and complaints, then beg for advice just to turn around and ignore everything I've said to them and do the opposite, get burned, then come back to me to repeat the circle. I love helping people and never turn my back on anyone - regardless of who they are. They are certainly NEVER obliged to take my advice but if they keep asking for it just so they can ignore it, it doesn't sit well with me. I have my limits! I feel putting your time in the hands of the ungrateful can be very damaging. There's apparently a very apt name for people like this, "Askholes" - they constantly ask for your advice, then disregard it!
Yil Feliciano Exactly! I always say why ask me when you’re not even going to take my advice. People just like to hear themselves talk they don’t actually want to do the work and fix themselves and they expect you to sit there and listen to their crap. It won’t be me.
E. B. Exactly I can’t tell you how many times someone has came crying to me saying you were right I should’ve just did what you said do. And it takes everything in me not to rage on them. I’ve cut off so many narcissists, it’s not even funny
work on your boundaries
Absolutely...we are lonely because our standards are so high.
I have had that thought many times...
I totally understand why i am so alone now..
@@paramoregirl0788
Yeah me too😀😀.
Let go yestarday😁 🏧🏧💁.
I have take away for a year😀😀.
You nailed it.
Infj are a lot of over confident type
My thoughts as a child was that these people can't be my parents. Aliens must have dropped me off here by mistake. What friends? I am never lonely. Quite content being with myself thanks.
Bruce Trahan
Yeah, my thoughts exactly. As a child I actually told kids I was adopted. My parents are nothing like me. Both extroverted sensors. From the beginning I didn’t feel I fit in anywhere.
it's scary how I thought I was the one who posted this, dang
Same!!!
I felt that I was in an experiment where I was just put through different situations and someone just documented my behaviors. I also felt I was alone and everyone else was just fake and placed here as part of the experiment. How can you tell someone else is actually experiencing life or existence like I am? I consciously and rationally know that theory is fucking crazy lol. But I first had these thoughts when I was in pre-school or kindergarten. Sometimes it’s still there in the back of my mind though. It’s a very lonely feeling.
@@GT1Zero you and your theory isn't crazy. I sometimes think the same. I believe it's just a science experiment. Like watching mice and seeing how they react in situations. Doesn't mean we aren't here for purposes that could help but I always felt like it was one big Truman show.
Caller ID was the best invention for INFJ's. I rarely answer the phone and will tell people to leave a message. There are just times when I do not want to be bothered. Unfortunately, for people that do not understand us this behavior seems incredibly selfish. In turn, I think people that encroach on my 'Me' time are selfish. I am happy to know that there are others like me.
I am the same :)
I hate people invading my “me time”.
No. I don’t want to answer your calls or reply to your msgs ALL THE TIME!
So many relationships have ended because I feel suffocated and smothered!
theblackcat diaries I agree with you! We are not alone or odd. We are wonderfully unique 'INFJ's'
I thought I was just flipping out. I completely avoid the phone and yeah caller Id was the best invention
Nati Ayasha C. F. I feel ya
There's nothing wrong with purging toxic, negative people out of your lives. Especially mental vampires and narcissists.
INFJs are the Narcissist! The covert narcissist!
Maria Johnson we are toxic. In our own right. Know yourself first.
@@SuperKatdancer Nope. Narcs lack empathy, use others for their own gain and love to see others fail, or miserable.
@M W but true. I think all INFJs are covert narcissist.
@@SuperKatdancer we care too much about other people's feelings to be any kind of narcissist. We simply protect our energy at all times and that's it.
Most of my friendships and relationships that have died are because of a few different things
1. Personal insecurity.
This is basically when I am getting to know someone, it comes to the point where either I know I can open up to them or my insecurity is too high that I can't open up to them, and so I distance myself even if I really like the person, because I don't want to maintain a relationship where I only show my Mask.
2. When somebody else doesn't put in the same level of effort and only takes rather than giving support and something of meaning. I guess because I don't have friends, I am really looking for someone who could be extremely close to me which is hard to find.
3. Mental shutdowns. When I go through periods of not wanting to talk to anybody at all because of either depression or just being emotionally drained and needing time alone.
This can be a few days or sometimes a month or two which tends to ruin a relationship.
Wow infj very self aware,agree with every single word
Number 3 puts the nail in the coffin
This is the first comment I have come across in this section that I can absolutely identify with. Very well said. Thank you.
I can identify with this so much. Well said. Thank you so much.
Damn 😬🤦🏾♀️ I do this too 😔 I don’t feel alone
I think it's better to step out, than waste precious time to people who don't get it. It's not worth it.
BRAVO! THANK YOU!
I door slam only after i am sure i have given 250. Percent For way too long and the other person continues to break my 💙
yes thats also my way i try very hard and then they dont stop
work on your boundaries :)
My capacity to let people go surprises even me. Without realizing it I gradually take account of ways certain people disappoint me and assess their willingness to change or if they even care to. They gradually slide down my priority list until I reach a saturation point where I simply have no time for them at all. I still think of them and miss them but my guard goes up higher than whatever feelings I still have.
mercerdamon I am the son of a man who is the youngest out of ten siblings. Unfortunately, I have no ties with any of them. It's sad really, but my passion is with my work and academia. That is what sustains me. If I can do this for 100 years, I would and with no regrets.
Bingo
That's a shame. You are the one missing out
We don't like conflict, we're usually nurturing, encouraging ppl. But we also like honest communication, when hurt or disappointed, we just fade or walk away. Not worth my time anymore. Trust me we will have our moment of truth, but usually the person won't realize we are dead serious, and we don't like drama, so we do it in purpose. We disengage. Bye Felicia!
yp ^^
Rip to all the INFJs named Felicia
An INFJ is archetypically the mystic of the personality types because the Ni allows us to recognize patterns and make predictions about the future and the Fe allows us to understand people better than they understand themselves. These two traits can be both a gift and a curse because not all predictions or feelings are positive. Mix into this our perfectionism and loyalty, it doesn't allow us to let many people inside our already insane inner world and that's why we shut the door. It's almost like we are a native species of a habitat and certain people are invaders to the land we can only tolerate them for so long. Life is a lonely walk for an INFJ but only if the relationships you count are the ones with people, we all have connections to nature and the universe and isolation allows us to see things clearer and to notice certain things about the world others would miss in the noise. My advice to non-INFJs don't waste your time if all you are looking for is a good laugh in shallow waters, if you wanna dive deep and wonder with us just knock on that door, we still love people and won't turn our backs on you.
Beautiful and accurate. I love the analogy of the lonely species of a habitat.
I tested up reading this man so damn accurate
*teared
When someone seems to be avoiding me, I eventually give up and slam the door. that includes family. I will not beg someone to love me.
That’s the normal and healthy thing to do 👍🏻
Same as me as an INFP.
i always try so hard to save a relationship but if i feel like they're not returning effort or aren't trying even a fraction as much as i am i will end the relationship. i always get taken advantage of easily because i care so much. when people begin lying or become disloyal that's it. it's over. i cannot deal with toxic people who make that decision when all i've ever done is love and support and advise them and be there for them whenever they needed someone.
Feel you
That name though
Same me
Having INFJ as friends is a blessing because we care so much and treat our friends with our whole hearts. It was their loss. And it is stupid to take advantage of us just because we care. The door slammed forever for those arrogant and insensitive people.
OMG same
i don't feel safe with people getting close to me, get away before i get hurt
Mmm... totally understand. That's probably a wise move with many people, Jayc Lee, and I respect your decisions. That said, some people are really worth getting to know, are trustworthy, and can bring a lot of joy to your life. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Jayc Lee Exactly I too feel the same...
That’ll be your downfall... not being open to new experiences
I learned and gained experience by feeling pain and being on the edge of losing my future life.
.
Lucky you...
Yep, we see energy and how that will potentially unfold...
As an INFJ I've found most people will wear you out, take advantage, and coast through life, waiting for you to do the hard parts; they don't put out the effort for balanced relationships, responsibilities, and follow through. The users are easy to spot and dump. I'll back out on some people while waiting for them to catch-on and catch-up to the next best level. But mostly, I fade out because my time with them is up. I was only meant to pass through. I know it from the time I meet many.
True. I feel like INFJs are the most impactful on people. It’s hard for people to forget about us, But like you said we are like ships sailing through life and we don’t stop for anyone
As an INFJ, I feel like “what’s understood doe not need to be explained.” People are aware of their behavior, we all know right from wrong so I do not feel the need to explain to someone what they are clearly aware of, I will just leave people to their b.s and wherever they are at in life and move on. By the time we do “door slam” someone, it’s after countless chances and opportunities for them to make the proper adjustments or changes that we’ve been begging and pleading for them to make but they don’t or refuse to. 🤷🏽♀️ It sounds harsh when explained but as an INFJ I know the feeling all to well of giving people infinite chances only for them to keep on hurting or disappointing me.😣....Great video by the way!😎👍🏽
Are INFJ's seen as co-dependents? I thought that was what was going on with me all my life until I found the information on INFJ's. I know so much about family dynamics and relationship dynamics but continue to try to help messed up people whom I can see have the ability to do good in the world. I have spent my entire life taking care of others to my own personal detriment but not necessarily in a co dependent relationship. Recently I walked away from my entire life after realizing every relationship in my life was harmful to my sense of self and some were actually dangerous to my safety. It's all good though. I have learned what my boundaries are and how to let people know what my boundaries are immediately. Being an INFJ is so lonely though. I don't think anyone has ever really gotten me although some have pretended to. I have felt like such an outcast and even as if I am an alien on a hostile planet. Some people would like to make me believe that I am crazy because I'm not like the majority of people but I have always asked myself why would I want to be like them.
Hi, The Light. That's great that you've established some healthy boundaries! That's big. You're right about loneliness coming with being an INFJ too: Most people don't think like us. But I'd also say you have the potential to cultivate some really rewarding relationships with people who appreciate you for who you are. Still, I can relate to what you're saying about most people making you think that there's something wrong with the way you operate.
I feel exactly the same, glad to here someone knows how I feel inside, but sad for you at the same time cuz the pain of feeling this way is really strong and this loneliness just intensifies the older you get
Stone?
The Light yes! exactly.
How, I am 17 years old and I started watching these videos. I have always felt alone and misunderstood. My own mom says something is wrong with me because I don't like being around fake people. Or how I will have friends I would do anything for won't do anything for me I cut off. I don't care who you are two strikes and your out. It is very lonely, and me being as young as I am I am happy I have found out what that comes from. I have things I do naturally, that others find wrong. I have more people I talk to than I have friends. And best believe I would do almost anything for them. It's really crazy how different could be so much different.
I understood completely the part when you say it's bad...but i remember a situation in my life when i moved way from a friend because she did something that hurt me very badly, but after a while, i gave this person another chance cause we were good friends,,,and she DID it again, i couldn't believe it, after all my intuition was right from the beginning!!
Mmm... I'm sorry, Vera. That stinks big time! I appreciate you sharing your experience. I probably should have added more information about the degree to which someone has hurt you. If someone breaks your trust in an extreme way, that may just be a deal breaker, depending on the offense.
Same here, it´s happened twice ... I gave those ppl a chance as I felt I was being mean ... now I know my intuition is not mean it is just right!
ileshious, sorry , cause i know how tough it is..i guess now we have to move on and let time set us free from the annoyance..you're an INFJ, right? yeah, normally our intuition is right, it is a big part of who we are, greetings Vera
Yes, learning that loving someone doesn't mean we must trust them 100% takes some of us too long to learn.
This has happened to me with an ex, I gave him 3 chances and it hurt more each time. I am so damaged from trusting others and trying to keep them in my life.
I deleted facebook friends because I have had no interaction with them on fb or in person so why keep that person there and see inside my life?
I deleted my Facebook on Novermber 8th,2017 :)
Hell I deleted FACEBOOK. LOL 3 years ago and I don’t miss it.
OMG same
Facebook is not very INFJ friendly. I'd find I was on there, giving likes, giving encouragements and congratulations, and then I'd get crickets chirping on my own posts. Or sometimes sarcastic, rude and insulting comments from people who were hurting and lashed out at someone unlikely to lash back. Unhelpful waste of time.
Carlo lapuz yes yes yes! Me too. Finally Someone understands.
OMG, I recently found out at 53 yrs. I am a INFJ I felt exactly this way and people just don't understand that this is something that is ingrained in my personality. So rather than try to convince someone how I feel or why I feel the way I do . I begin to shut them out or abandon the relationship all together. For me its self preservation. I cannot compromise my values or feelings to please someone else anymore. I used to be such a giving person and now I am way more selective with my feelings and thoughts. Also living in a world or society that doesn't give a shit about anything other than financial gain is something I can't tolerate. When surrounded by people that are just toxic in every kind of way I have to leave within a few minutes . I do this all the time. I can deal with someone on surface level for very short periods of time, but other than that I am out the door. I have been watching a lot of these videos on being an INFJ and it resonates so deeply for me. I always find something new and I now understand why I am the way I am. It has helped immensely. THANK YOU FOR SHARING .
I hear you :-)
Thank u are correct people are disgusting in this world I've stop myself as well cause alot people come into my life just to be fake and take what they need.
The only relationships I have "abandoned" are they ones I gave every bit of my heart in and the other partys decided I was "too different" or "not good enough" in what mattered to them. I am a literal "ride or die" type of person, I literally will be there for someone through everything and be their support, but once people reject me for reasons that are irrational I finally give up and won't chase them down. When people disrespect that I have feelings and also matter I accept the end of the relationship.
Yes. When we put in so much energy to maintain a relationship with a person , who either rejects us or just can't be bothered , we stop making that effort. So in 6 months time they notice we aren't there anymore and say we're "ghosting" them.
Being an empath and an INFJ is not easy, and I would assume that loving us can be challenging at times also. As I look back on relationships in my 44 years on this earth, there are definitely times when I have just let them wither away. Oddly enough, when we are done with a particular relationship, we are done.
Nati Ayasha C. F. As a fellow INFJ Empathy, I completely understand what you mean.
Tracy Gibson Thank you! 💕😍
Tracy Gibson It feels good to express that part of myself with an empath community. Only we (empaths) know how we feel and how challenging it can be.
Agreed. It's like I've walked into a world where I'm understood💕 very nice.
Wait Wait Here, you are understood.
So basically I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life! I push away anyone who gets too close to me. I don't trust anyone. I'm not for the bullshit & if you don't see the bigger picture like I do, I simple disappear into thin air I've literally been told I fell off the face of the earth so many times. Yeah well I wish I could because I can't seem to get rid of people when I just want to be left alone almost all the time & so people assume I'm sad or depressed when I just simple like being alone in my own comfort zone .. ya know
Yeah it's crazy how it feels like I have to come up with some excuse to be alone & each time people assume that I'm in a bad mind frame just because I want to be alone. It rarely is because of that; it's usually because I'm trying to preserve my happy, fulfilling, forward-moving experience that I'm enjoying on my own. People don't know how to take it when I am happy and don't want to hang out or talk; leaving some people wondering what the world I could be doing that's more interesting by myself. It gets very difficult to communicate that I'm not in a bad mood just because I need "me" time. I love "me" time; I look forward to it. There is nothing bad at all about it. People can't seem to accept it. They need an answer and response to what I'm up to or been up to that I don't have to give. Most of my existing happens in my head.
faithntruthgodbless took the words right outta my little spiritual mind! People think I'm soooo different or weird cuz I don't like to hang out & when I do I'm sooo ready to go n be alone again in my own safety n comfort zone.
From a fellow INFJ to another: Don't expend too much energy trying to make people understand your intense need for 'me time'. It's foreign and almost impossible for them to comprehend.
Also, do not apologize for being yourself.
Sad people you are. So above everyone. 🙄
I know. Cus I feel the same 👏🏾💯💙
An INFJ will bail when a relationship is no longer beneficial to either party. Not before and not later.
So true. We do cut off certain relationships when we find it necessary. Some will be permanent, but others we just limit the amount of contact given. It depends on the situation which we think through. We know addressing the situation to the individual can cause conflict which we do avoid. We see no point in conflict because in that situation, we're still misunderstood. We also know we are not perfect so sometimes need to retreat and think it through to know what or who is right for us. We are not afraid of conflict, but wisely choose our battles.
Jamaal Coleman it’s so crazy, I’m only just starting to realise how many ppl I keep at arms length
I think Infps do actually quite the same. The only difference is they always strive to resolve conflict for both parties, preferring rather to communicate the problem than internalizing? For peace and harmony to both as I, as an infp, often perceive things simply differently. I dont expect the other to understand my perspective anymore without clear communication. But clear communication from another can be perceived differently by me depending on my own mood. Infp struggle I think. Personally, I don't understand how one's own peace of mind can be more important than the others. Being in a situation or conflict, the perception of infp and perception of infj sometimes differ I think. Though to me, I think, both just want to be understood and have the same good intentions. Not all people are negative on purpose, they just have fears as well and dropping boundaries is to me a sign of trust in the good mutual outcome rather than pulling walls high. Not easy to me as well, but I try not to be that defensive anymore if it is a close person.
I have often told people that I don't know anyone who is like me. After taking the test yesterday and coming out INFJ-T, I now know why. Everything listed here is 100 percent the way I am. Now I know the reasons.
This is so true. My standards are high so it’s hard being my friend-so I only have a few quality friends-mutual respect is a given if you’re in my circle. I demand loyalty, trust, and the truth-people don’t like hearing the truth most of the time. It doesn’t help that I attract narcissists and jealous people. It’s quite heartbreaking being hurt and betrayed by a person who knows all your secrets. So I tend to self protect and I isolate myself. I’m careful not to share too much-i stay away if I smell a hint of a personality disorder. Do not engage lol. The older I get I find its liberating to say no to people who pretend to be a friend while taking glee in your failures. Life is to short to waste energy on those who secretly despise you.
The only time I haven’t done this was when my ex gf and I decided to end our relationship and go our separate ways. And that was probably one of the most painful and crushing experiences I’ve ever had. Every other friendship I just fade away slowly. The good friends can call me months apart and it’s like we never left. Or I can call them and it’s the same thing. I love those low maintenance friendships where we don’t have to see each other or talk every day and it’s still natural when we do get together after a good amount of time.
Ah that what I have xD
I think there ought to be more focus in the MBTI community on "why did I manage to let a perfectly good INFJ get to the point in relationship with me where they felt they needed to doorslam?" instead of a rock and hard place argument of why do INFJs take so much abuse and then, when we finally have had it, leave. I haven't watched this video yet, just noticing the blame-the-victim mentality so prevalent in our culture. We can agree INFJs put others first almost to a fault, so maybe these doorslams are actually the recipient's fault.
The door slams are ALWAYS the recipients fault. I've forgiven people who have robbed me. I've put myself in harms way to help people, I've opened my home to people, I've killed bullies with kindness. It takes a special kind of asshole to get me to the door slam. It is my last resort and when I do it, it means I have deemed the other person, company, group, what have you, unworthy of change. I absolutely will not stand by someone whose ethics are impossibly flawed. Once I see a black heart, I slam the door, lock it, and never look back.
This was so beautifully said, and definitely accurate
I often close relationships and not in a dramatic way but in a stealthy disappearing sort of way, as soon as a person is not matching my moral code/vibration for a long period of time...I give up. I give up because I absolutely lack the spine to allow a conflict to arise, this is something I need to work on because I believe I have enough strength and wisdom to help others and also enlighten myself along the way. I also close relationships when I lose hope in a person and lastly when I feel deep hurts and pains from the person
Chantel Wensley
You are not INFJ.
They do not lack the spine.
"lacked the spine" describes me too and I KNOW I am an INFJ and empath. I created much drama in my life and pushed many people away by feeling the need to overhelp them so I could be okay with them. Now to avoid the drama, I ghost them. I'm not proud of it, but it happens. Just don't need the drama. Thank you for your comment.
because we dont end the relationship until we've thought it through fully or we're completely fed up and realize that the other person will never stop doing whatever it is that makes the relationship unbearable. once you get to that point, you're already at peace with cutting them off. people say im cold hearted and hateful.... im not. im actually pretty thoughtful.... if ive given you a dozen chances... the benefit of the doubt, over and over, more than you may deserve... and you refuse to compromise on whatever it is thats causing issues in our relationship, then we've reached an impasse. it was your choice to be cut off as much as it was my choice to cut you off.
I'm an INFJ Pisces, so it balances out. The ones who I bond with will never, ever be abandoned (Pisces), the ones who slight me, however, gone before the bonding starts (INFJ.) The ones I bond with are true blue and I got their backs for eternity (Pisces) but the ones who slight me will get by cold shoulder forever (INFJ.) It's a weird combo of extreme loyalty and extreme non forgiveness. Luckily, my intuition these days allows me to weed out the fakes and back stabbers almost immediately. I now attract the sweethearts and profound thinkers of the world due to my cultivation of my life's work and authentic self. Being a Rabbit under the Chinese system also helps with shrewdness. lol
AB Crane same here! Except I’m a rooster 😁
AB Crane I’m born in February but never added this to my INFJ wowza!!!
Cancers
Aquarius,INFJ, Empath....exhausted
same except I'm a dog..
and I have childhood complex PTSD and severe abandonment issues
Sometimes when we grow up in a houseful of toxic people we have no choice and have to learn to cope somehow in order to survive childhood. Then as adults, we stick with those toxic family members because...well, we always have had to. We do this until we wake up to the fact that we don't have to any more. Sometimes it's all you can do to protect yourself because the toxicity was always there, always dragging you down and it's not going to change unless you take control.
So true! As an INFJ, and highly sensitive empath on planet earth… I find I can very quickly see the patterns in a person, or anything for that matter, and make a very quick snap decision whether they should be in my life or not. Those who are not worthy or willing to swim in the deep waters of life will not survive the sea of the INFJ. We are no better or worse than anyone else, just way more decisive at a certain point.
I've become so afraid of myself for the reason of becoming silent at pivotal moments, when I have the power to save relationships. I become a fatalist, feeling unable to express myself.
Thanks for sharing, Tom. What's your primary mode of communication, if you don't mind me asking?
Wow same here. I lack any emotion whatsoever and I can’t find any words.
I was mainly speaking about moments when I am confronted (face to face) by the opposite sex, and they'd only want to see things their way. I am not saying that I am not flawed, but if I've just logically explained the reasons for how I feel, why try to force me to do something that doesn't make sense to me at the time.... I believe that we (whoever) are a culmination of experiences before and since birth.
Loyalty...My brother called me a loser behind my back. That was 4 years ago and i have not spoken to him since. I think we require extreme loyalty because that is what we give. I accept peoples faults except disloyalty.
Finally answers....i thought i was alone in the world
I am alone and happy .Really blessed
I’m INFJ and I only have two close friends. I’ve managed to keep everybody else at arm’s length. Most of the time, I drop friends or potential friends without even realizing. I just don’t make an effort to keep them. Although I’m very introverted, I’ve found that it’s really not that difficult for me to make friends but I feel like I have to be so fake around them and it drains me so much that it isn’t worth it.
Now I know I am SO INFJ. I always feel I’m weird and not many people understand me as much as I understand them. Thank you very much.
I'm 25 INFJ I never been in love or relationship 😔😢
Jiju Blue same here
Jiju Blue same here 25 and no relationship
Oh no... but it's okay.
Me too, but we Just gotta see things through.
Same here and I’m 33
I am glad to read the comment section here to know that other people out like me also.
I usually observe all the red flags but still give my friends more chances than they deserve. But some of them are so self-centred for their problems, but mine, they behave with pseudo- idealism.
I am tired of such friendships as they are mentally affecting me now. So I have decided to cut of my friendly and helpful behaviour from the beginning and will not be falling prey to such predators then.
I ended a relationship with a family member and as an INFJ did not do so lightly. It has been over 50+ years but it was the best decision I could make. This person made me feel like he was crushing my soul, deliberately throwing my beliefs and values in my face to see what I would do next. Well, I did it and it has been heaven. Very interesting video and very accurate. Thank you.
I feel the same with an INFJ. So many wasted years living with a fraud and covert narcissist.
The major reason why I let relationships fade is because most people finally take me for granted because I'm always too nice to them. I try hard to always be happy with my friends which I find is not practical and since I feel a lot of discomfort in confronting, I simply just walk away from the relationship. That's the best way I see to handle the relationship.
One of my biggest problems in life is being an Introvert (I score more than 75% in introversion) and also I suffer from social phobia 😟 . I wish I wasn't an INFJ. Maybe I would have preferred being an ESTJ or ENTP
I like people, I like talking about the interesting stuff, I just can't like people all the time, I need other stuff as well, don't follow me all the time, I'll talk with you, just not all the time, you'll suffocate me!!
Your comment I truly get. I used to be involved on a couple of chat sites ....chatted on and off for a few months and then I just disappeared. This seems to be my pattern. I confuse people as to why I just leave...it's not that I don't like them anymore...I just don't want to keep talking to them lol
Yes this sound so like me.
i am the worst at confronting people. I will go at lenghts avoiding anything until they get the message. Which is not fair for close friends. Need to work on this
Oh yes and people who try to manipulate me, try it once, I give you one other channce, do it again you are gone. People who cause conflict in any way in my life, I don't argue with ever, I just walk away.
In an office situation I believe in being civilised to people I really don't like, whether a member of staff or a client, but I would never associate with them outside outside working hours ever.
I just found out (12hr ago) about this whole INFJ thingy because of how accurate this was. And this is so so so overwhelming
hieuwey wow it doesn't feel like it's already been 2 months. To be honest, I've been obsessed over this. I asked my closest friends to take the test too and some of them cried after finding out their personality type because of the accuracy. I knew I'm not the only one who's been struggling to these things but hearing it makes me feel accepted, understood and important. I started to accept and improve myself. others may think I'm selfish for some reasons but every time i try to explain myself i can't truly find the exact words without starting an argument. Even my mom doesn't understand me and it was so frustrating. Seriously the accuracy is so on point that sometimes i feel like i have some kind of powers because of my intuition. I feel smarter. It also improves my fascination with literary and visual art. I found answers to some of my questions and i truly understand why people are so different and can't adjust to things. I thought i was becoming crazy bc I've never met someone like me so after knowing this, I'm so happy to what i am right now. I hope I answered your question.
I PAY ATTENTION TO WHATPPL DO NOT SAY. THAT SCREAMSAT ME. ANDIM DONE.
Great point! It's the nonverbal communication that seems to talk loudest for many INFJs.
Lara O'neal we see right through people's true intentions
Very true! Their unspoken words is totally off-putting to their true self. I wish they wasn't so fearful.
Stacey Strukel yep
actions speak louder than words.
I’ve never regretted any of the door slams I’ve been pushed to do, on the contrary, regardless of the tears it took 😊
I have always been transparant. Open from the heart.No matter what is thrown at me. My honor has been severed .Took several years to get to this point of balance.
I'm glad you're at a point of better balance, Am Deleted. Good for you. :-)
This is so me. I cut even family members at the drop of a hat if i suspect that they love drama.
I've always wondered about this and only recently came to realize that it's more a blessing than a curse in my life.
It's called pruning and weeding. Contact with people is great in short spurts - especially if you have to engage in small talk. I can't stand small talk. Drives me nuts. People don't want truth, they don't want honesty, they don't want to hear anything that will make them feel uncomfortable, they don't want to hear anything that may sting. I've had to let friends know when they've crossed a line (and I give them plenty of line) - they've either taken me for granted, or not reciprocated for a long time or something like that. I like what you said about boundaries. Very important to respect boundaries. If someone is consistently pushing past my boundaries, whether they're conscious of it or not.... I cut 'em off. Who needs that? I sure as hell don't.
When the other person finally reveals themselves to b insensitive, self absorbed and unempathetic, I dry up. However it's not my job to educate them and unrealistic to expect them to b on my wavelength. True, I will try to explain this to the other person instead of slamming the door. Thx for that advice!
You try and be gentle and you tell them not to overstep your boundaries, and they don't listen. They put you down for things you can not change or they don't listen to wise advice. Honestly some people just aren't worth it. Let it die or you can block them if thet don't get it.
You “dry up” ewww tmi
As an INFP, this is honestly such great advice for me too. I have a very difficult time setting boundaries. :/
Thank you for that! Today is the first day in my life where I have finally come across people who are just like me! Yes, I will look at you in what YOU interpret in a very intense way and will thereby gather information to make a fairly accurate evaluation and assessment! I will quite often drop people, not answer phone calls, messages, etc. I have not yet taken the test, but I feel that in just a single day I have gathered enough data on the subject to come to the conclusion myself. It is too bad that for most of my life I have blamed myself for my inability to maintain 'friendships' at all costs, when in fact they were not worth my time or energy! I have been accused all of my life for having 'too high of a standard' but what the hell? It is my standard and I'll be damned if I lower my standards for anybody! It makes me appear rigid and uncompromising, but hey - this is MY life and I need to be true to myself before I can be true to others!
I am 44 years old and just realised I'm an INFJ . It's so made me understand me more. I cried with emotion because I'm now an identity to the world and not a total weirdo. Thanks so much for sharing. I totally relate to it. Had some people totally let me down in life and took advantage of my soft nature. Slammed the door and locked it and threw away the key. The only people I could never do that to is my family, because blood always will win water and they know and understand me most. Love and inner peace to you.
Thank you so much for this video. I’m an INFJ and I have had it happen so often that sometimes in a friendship I suddenly start disliking that person and it slowly grows deeper and then I just completely cut off contact even if everything between us seemed 'normal'. I feel so bad for doing this and I never quite understood why. I knew why I felt that way but it always feels like it isn’t even under my control. It just happens and I can’t stop it. Now I know why I’m doing this and it makes it easier for me to understand. And I’m not saying that it isn’t hard for the other person because it is and I know that this behavior isn’t okay. I’m working on it. So thank you this really helped!
This is so accurate its kind of scary and tbh before now I used to think am a broken soul but now ik that there's others like me out there so am not alone. Sucks to be misunderstood each and everyday especially by the persons you expect to understand
My boyfriend is always think that I'm being judgy or just making assumptions about people and I have tried to explain to him its my INFJ intuition, but he doesn't understand. He is an ENTP, so I guess he wouldn't... There have been a few people I have shut out of my life recently and I literally just stopped answering my messages from them. One was a close friend who has violated my boundaries one too many times and I can no longer accept her trying to control my choices. I love these kind of videos because it makes me feel less weird and alone.
There are so many good reasons to door slam! Top of my list is NO RESPECT. This assessment is always on alert status: family, coworkers, church brethren, neighbors, present friends. 5 minutes, 5 hours, 50, hours, 50 weeks, 5 decades, time does not matter. Anyone who disrespects me, they are like a tree after that.
I give respect. I give time. I give money. I care... about everything... and I listen even when I reassess, which is almost constantly. I give love never expecting to receive it. When I receive it, I assess it!
People tell me private stuff, even 2 minutes after we start a talk. I keep it private and offer help. I feel what they feel. Generally, those are sincere people. I don't door slam sincerity.
I feel a duty to help others who are sincere, because I CAN help. Not everyone can help, nor should they, but INFJ have this natural born ability to help. Yes, it means I come second. But I have abilities that others do not possess, and I will not disregard having them. Besides, it is rewarding to help the sincere person.
Remember though, that I am always reassessing everything in my life. My mind never shuts off. It is unlikely I will get fooled by fake people.
I always knew I was wierd, in a good way. Knowing things ahead of time. Having thoughts about future outcomes, that usually are correct.
Feeling pain and disappointments of others, maybe even miles away. Excelling at work, years later, wondering how did I do that?
Young INFJ: Don't fret not having love from someone. But give love by using INFJ ability, and you will get great satisfaction and contentment. No one will understand you, because even you don't! Some will try, but usually they just end up being someone you used to know.
The door slam is a complicated subject, and can be misread as DISRESPECT. We should try to avoid that label.
Sorry about rambling on and on. Hearing from other INFJs activates something deep within, and helps us all. I think being INFJ is more a blessing than a curse, for we can do great good and have wonderous outcomes from being involved in the lives of others BY THEIR INVITATION!
Oh! My. Listening to you for the first time and i am astounded learning I’m an IMFJ. NEVER heard of this. You are a sweet heart! Thank the good vibes for showing up on my feed recommendations. Im 73 and exactly blown away! Thank you again!
As an INFJ, I do door slam, I can admit it, but it always justified and I only do so after a large amount of thinking, analysing, and contemplating. I simply am not a forgiving person, which is one of my worst traits, and I tend to hold grudges for extremely long times. I can forgive someone if they are incredibly important to me, or I can see their reasoning for their actions, and even if I don’t like them, I can see their point of view and and accept that their actions may make sense, but if not, and their reasoning is not good enough, and what they did may piss me off, or give me a bad opinion of them, Make me loose trust in them, or make me feel disrespected or they seriously hurt me, I will cut them out of my life immediately and will not ever forgive them, (that’s if they are not that important to me, if I care about them I may give them another chance, communication is key) but I think that is a fair reason to cut someone out of my life.
It’s important to choose who you spend your time with carefully, and who you choose to trust and share your personal information with, if someone is a bad influence, untrustworthy, fake, unauthentic, disrespectful, possessive, controlling, manipulative, or simply does not treat you in a fair way, I think cutting them out of your life is completely fine, and I encourage others to do it more, as opposed to maintaining toxic relationships
Thank you very much! This is very informative. I actually question myself especially the end relationship part. I always choose to be away (as far as possible) from conflict as I hate it so much. I also put tremendous pressure on myself to make the best out of me so I can be somehow useful to others.(Actually not being anyone's hindrance.)
You're welcome, Atrium. :-) Those are definitely INFJ tendencies, indeed.
Thank you for this post. It really fits with my experience as an INFJ. I’m nearly 60. Looking back at my life I have known a year or so ahead that I am leaving a situation or relationship. I’ve needed to go no contact with my family of origin and that was 5 years ago and a good decision. I long for deep authentic connection and while I have two good friends we don’t discuss matters at the depth I long for. I deeply appreciate my own company and I do feel lonely at times. I noticed some replies here say they don’t feel lonely but I do though I would rather that than being in incongruent company.
This is helping me so much, thank you kind Sir.. your words are a balm to a soreness I've had my entire life and never understood...
I'm usually the one who goes above and beyond for people. For example over the years I've always been the one to go and visit friends wherever they might live, sometimes driving hours or hopping on a flight but then I get tired and ask my friends to come visit me. Crickets😂 That's when i just go into hermit mode and focus on myself. Friends invite me and I politely say no. I think I have 1 friend who comes to visit and I'm happy with that.
OMG, you have just described how I have viewed and coped (or not coped ) with relationships all my adult life. I find that I feel a lot less threatened when I am on my own, living my way. I have understood that I have always done that, but never really acknowledged the reason why.
You don't know how happy I am to finally found out why I'm like this. I've always wondered what I am, why I reach out to people first and dump them in the end and a whole lot of things. Thank you. I'm really teary ryt now
Very helpful! Thank you for this video. I'm a proud INFJ :)
You're welcome, Esther!
Absolutely!
Bo,
Thank you for your videos, I have taken the Meyer Briggs test at least 8 times, I have come up with INFJ every time.
I am quiet and shy most of the time, I grew up being polite and reserved. When I leave a relationship it's due to clues I get from the person I left, I recognize trouble. I don't do it in a way to hurt the other person, I simply stop calling them, I avoid places they go so I don't run into them. I would move, change my phone number, leave no forwarding address. When I am done that's it, done.
It was a wonderful revelation to discover that I am not weird just different.
Just as I can be generous with my time to those who need it and appreciate it, I can easily disappear in thin air for those who try to take me for a fool. No regrets
I want to thank you for your channel & your guide. I loved your insights, but especially how thankful u were to the people who helped u along the way. Its a blessing to have supportive people. This has not always been the case for me. From "friends" to family members to the workplace there has been envy, strife, and abuse. Its sad they don't care or understand we just want to love, be happy, helpful, and use our gifts to make the world a better place. Thankfully, its not always so bad & I now love who I am & whose I am along with the gifts & destiny God gave me. Thanks for all that you do! It encourages me and lets me know I am not alone nor strange just different. Peace.
Thank you. I'm struggling with ending a relationship in my family. This video helped me to see that I am indeed doing it for the right reasons.
I'm glad you found it helpful, Kerry.
I believe in divorcing family, too. I have learned to love.........from afar. I guard my energy fiercely
I've been there done that as well. People are amazed that I don't have a relationship with family members. When I see them somewhere I avoid them because I just can't deal with their soul sucking energy. But it also amazes me that people will have a relationship with family members souly on the basis that its FAMILY. Like just because they are your family that all toxic behavior is tolerated and must be accepted. Sorry this isn't for me. You screw me over, I cut my losses and POOF i'm gone. I can actually feel the emotional tie break when a relationship ends. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
lisa martin
Same here. I lived in a small neighborhood and my whole family lived so close together they were impossible to avoid. . . so I hopped in my car one day, and drove 900 miles. I only left a note to tell them I chose to leave, as I did not want them to assume I just disappeared. Not because I was concerned they would worry, I just didnt want them to look for me.... I sent want to be found.
My time and energy are for people who are worthy of it, not because of obligation.
I don't feel comfortable with people getting too close to me (except for my hubby and kids)....when people show an interest in being my friend, I kinda panic as I think there's a lot of expectations in a friendship that I know I can't meet and so will eventually end up disappointing the potential friend and they will regret ever trying to get to know me....I'll feel bad that I hurt them in some way....unintentionally of course...so, it's just easier to keep my distance and not even begin something I know I'm not capable of sustaining.
I have blocked almost a 100 people on Facebook. 😆
I’m right there with you.
What's a "Facebook"? ;P
Same here.
Not on Facebook at all!
Blocked list bigger than our friends list 👏🏽
I am an INFJ and I try to keep as many relationships alive as I can, but as soon as I stop getting the same amount of attention I am giving them back, it's an instant cut off. If they hurt me in any way I try to look past it and see if there is a reason for hurting me and I try to change myself accordingly. But as soon as someone starts hating me for who I am, that is when they won't ever see me again.
I’m actually intuitive too and it causesdepression when I just know things about a person, their feelings and why they’re in my life because it’s often quite disappointing!
I love this! Thank You! I need to share this with family that way they understand me better. Most family don’t understand why I “door slam” and I dont look back. They think I should be for “forgiving” but I just feel indifferent.
I can totally relate to this. I've had a few good relationships that I just wasnt interested in anymore and they just fizzled out. Stopped responding to texts and calls. Which is something I need to work on. Because it's not appropriate and/or mature to "end" things that way.
I am 59 y/o and have always been regarded as “strange” by my family, when I was around 18 y/o I was told I was dyslexic, I hoped that was the strangeness about me, sadly it wasn’t, that only explained why everyone else seemed to be smarter than me.
A few years ago I was told that I was somewhat of an empath, maybe that’s what made me so much different than most people, after learning about empaths I realized that didn’t make me to different than others.
A short time before my dad passed away, my wife of 28 years left me for someone that wasn’t so taxing on her, so I talked to a psychologist to help me arrange a thing or two between my ears and that’s when I was made aware that I was an INFJ type personality, so before my dad died I was able to explain to him that I wasn’t all that strange I was just different.
Now knowing why I’m different than others keeps me from feeling like I’m from another planet.
I can't trust people easily. I just can't!
It definitely takes time for an INFJ to trust others, especially on a deeper level.
Trust should be earned, not given freely. Compassion should be given freely.
you are very puzzle.Don't believe on this type of thing. Otherwise it will harm you oneday and you will lost your loveone no one will be there for you
Kam Seng your smart
Most all humanity is untrustworthy.
I think this quality in the INFJ is a double-edged sword. I had to drop a friend because of this. I gave him advice that I thought would really help him because I saw in the future that he is making bad decisions and that if he didn't change, he would suffer because of it. Our relationship was never the same and he resented me because I told him the truth. But I feel that as a friend, it was my duty to not sugar coat the facts, no matter how much it hurt both of us. I have had the ability of seeing visions and premonitions(I also think I'm psychic sometimes) and I saw what was coming for him. Sometimes I get really short flashes of a vision and other times they're a little longer.
yep. we can't be real with people...
it's too much. but I want to help them... but it ruins me.
wtf.
Ime as an INFJ I see us as the emotional helpers that ppl need only for a short spell until they can adjust whatever it was they needed. Then the INFJs work is done, so it's time to move on. I've had dozens of short term friends, and I rarely "keep" any because it's up to them to do so. I think our mission is to drop wisdom bombs into ppl's lives and keep flying to the next target. But beware that most ppl can't handle the truth, so be sure those are laser guided emo-missles you're firing. Peace.
I call it being used up until they're healed, then I'm thrown away. Again.
@@teamdonedonesanctuaryfitne6993 Try not to look at it as being abandoned; instead see yourself as finished with your assignment to try to raise someone's vibration/understanding, and now it's time to move on to the next assignment. Peace.
@@corporaterobotslave400 a better way, yes. I'll try this. Thanks for helping
This! I've come to the same conclusion about my own life and mission and it's so freeing.
I always seem to meet people at some "in between" point in their lives. After a while of pouring into them, or helping them see what they need to see it just "feels" over for me and I instinctively know that it's time for us to detach from one another so we won't damage each other.
@@inimegblue7263 Nailed it. I'm currently going thru this with a friend who seems lost between his imagined reality and actual reality. Real tough for some ppl to detach from their past long enough to adjust. Peace.
Sometimes, I stop talking to people without even realising I stopped.
I also suck at communication.
I only have about 3 or 4 people who I can speak my mind to and they understand; either calling out my bs or helping me understand wtf is going on.
write. it really helps sort it down to ... the main idea.
I wish I did, before.
I would consider myself a infj if someone who's treating me like garbage even though I gave them love I would leave immediately.
telling a person why we leave is not always a great idea.
plenty of people arent prepared to hear that they’re desperate for attention or that their rampant narcissism is trampling the little bit of empathy theyve got left... Or that theyre not in love but toying with infatuation like a toddler playing with matches.
they hurt, we soak up the mess. when we try and say something to address the chaos, the message isnt always received the way we intend it to. i think THIS pattern is what we’ve gotten used to and why we ultimately choose the door slam or quiet abandon.
Everything makes sense. I knew I was different and never quite fit in. But put on the social show. I don't let many into my world.
To BE a "Real Friend!" is to put the needs of others "First!!!" before your "OWN!!!" "AMEN!!!" LOVE * LIGHT * TRUTH
ann-marie degroot Not when the friend is not being a good friend. I reserve the right to walk away from a relationship or friendship at any time I’m mistreated. I have better things to do that be around someone who is not happy with me, especially when I’ve tried to bring joy to their life, tried to make life more enjoyable for them.
@@rdsginia7499 i do agree with you regarding leaving a "TOXIC!" abusive friendship/relationship!
I have a hard time moving forward in any way now. After nearly 55 years of living like this, and now am alone again, I'm too exhausted to try again. If this is your type, I suggest you commit to a spiritual path, pray, and ask for protection. If Jesus is not the One guiding me past these suicidal thoughts, there is no one on this world who can...one day at a time dear ones!
Julie Clemons I wish you good luck in your future.
Julie Clemons fight through it!
Julie Clemons
Aaah! I Hope you're okay again by now. I used to volunteer on a Suicide n Crisis Prevention Hotline and know plenty just from living and then also "living." You know? Learned of even better help since those days. I've been under spiritual attacks so many times I know how you need that kind of instantly snap out of it type help we used to think wasnt possible. I'm also in about the same position as you at about the same age. I've "lived" a LOT of stuff!
PLEASE Feel Free to respond to me here and we could go by phone thereafter. ANY time is fine.
It’s been one year since you posted this and i hope you’re better, love.
Put yourself in a place where you are accepted and you will notice how much you will get happy