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I struggled with indecisiveness when I was younger. Working as an expediter in a restaurant helped. There were often times I had to decide quickly. Picture a fancy restaurant, the orders for two different tables are ready, but there's a problem...both tables ordered a steak but the kitchen only prepared one steak. Two tables, two pretty waitresses, the food is getting colder by the second. Both tables are in the exact same situation. Each table is being served by an attractive woman who is now pressuring me that her table is the one I should pick. There's no tie-breaking information to dig up and even if there was there is no time to do it before the food gets cold. I would try to remember which server I didn't pick and make sure to pick her the next time. (it happened a few times a night) Sometimes the best thing you can do is decide quickly so that nothing worse happens. One table and one server will be upset. Life decided that. However, If I delay in deciding, both will be upset. Sometimes the speed with which you make a decision is more important than the analysis you put into it. Working in a high-speed decision making environment may help you develop decisiveness.
@@joshy2joshy I totally agree but me at 58 lost a lot because people still thinking I'm have a mental issue so no familles friends but work it's at home and I still learn a lot happy to discover this post...have a nice day
we are perfectionists that's why we worry all the time!!! we have to stop trying to please every body cause it's impossible!! i am writing this for myself too!!!
Ikr! I felt that so deeply... Sometimes its literally just a matter of peoples definition of certain words in their argument... Its always these unspoken meanings and lack of effective communication that cause people to think they are on two different sides of an issue when they really aren't... Thats like one of the biggest things that stresses me out...
Gandalf the Wanderer Exactly. Context counts. But most people seem to forget that, and focus more on specific words instead of the personal meanings behind those words.
Some questions for INFJs to reflect on in order to develop further: Am I truly giving back or just seeking approval? What's the kind thing I can do and not just the nice thing? How can I be available to meet peoples needs without compromising my own? What others reflective questions do you think could help INFJs grow?
You are not giving back nor seeking approval. Youll just be disappointed. Go on zero mode. When you have nothing you wont have anything to give nor lose anything. Kind thing to do is to tell the truth but in a storytelling style and have other thing as an example so you wont offend them if you think the truth is contrary to general perception. Your needs is always first. The airplane analogy. Help yourself first before helping others.
This list of quesions sums up what I asked myself in middle school and turned my life around for the better like a complete 180. Didn't know about this personality stuff back then. I am the baseline and I am usually on a mode where I end up ignoring my surroundings in places with a lot of people me as I spend much time inside. I help others whenever I feel the need/want to without compromising myself. I make sure I read people well enough to know how to balance my 100% honest self and them. I tailor how I address them and what I am helping guide them in to them specifically, so that I am direct as can be but they are capable of taking it in one way or another that won't make them get too defensive so they come to terms with their maybe unhealthy traits and do something about the situation they are in at the time. Have a friend that took 3 yrs to convince to have the courage to confront another and put themselves where they need to be-- not with that person as it was very unfair to that other person for 3 yrs. Such is life.
my ten year old has me worrying about stuff that may never happen. I read too deeply into things. I go from being happy to mad at the same person in the same sitting
As an INFJ, I've learned that I need to work on setting boundaries for myself. I set one a few minutes ago after I realized why I was one of my relationships didn't go so well and why I was left somewhat bitter or dissatisfied. I always put his needs first and when I needed him to do the same for me, I now realized that he had put boundaries to protect himself first before he could cater to me. After understanding how I show love and how I receive it and after understanding that I need to set boundaries and not be afraid to say no I will surely not make the same mistakes over and over. Its something that I needed to hear. I see me understanding the ways that I receive love as something that can help my future (and current) relationships
Even if you put boundaries you will not be happy with someone who puts boundaries. Use boundaries to protect yourself but try to find someone who will not put boundaries with you.
@@emrek1 " Protect thou heart" I don't believe having boundries is a bad thing with the ones you love. Because in the end it's those who are closest to us that can hurt us.
I love how you talk like we think. In the ENTP video you adapted your speaking style to them, in this you're adapted to us. I'm really impressed by how you do that.
You contested the fact that INTJs had the highest rate of relationship dissatisfaction because they strived to seek highest satisfaction. But now you're INFJ?
Huh, how long ago was that? Nah, I've always tested INFJ in MBTI. Though I did think I was probably an INTJ before I took the test, but that would have been way before I commented on any videos about it. My dad is an INTJ tho, and is happily married to my mom-an ESTJ (yes, that's been tough for me as an INFJ that my mom is an ESTJ, we tend to get on each other's nerves on accident, there is a lot of miscommunication a lot of the times, but I love her a lot, and I've never had to question if she's loved me or not). But I suspect that's because of values more than personality. Hmm. Maybe I meant to comment on this video... I remember reading about INFJs and their satisfaction in relationships.
when i discovered infj was a thing and there are people like me and im not just a weird super thinker i was vary relieved to say the least! it blew my mind how accurate this is for me and my lifes endeavors so far! ive always known i was different than my peers. i was often told i was a very cock kid but i knew i wasnt i just kinda knew stuff also it was always striking to me how others missed so many key points when trying to read others, like i could tell you if someone was lying by the way they turned their head when that specific part of their story came around and it was just a tiny tiny bit off putting then id follow up with a question about something they were passionate about and boom they sure as shit spoke in a slightly different manner and within minutes even seconds i would seemingly know that person was lying! but i always kept my insight in my head because i dident want people to take me for this cocky kid even when i sheerly knew i was spot on with my analysis for any given situation! these videos have brought allot of light on why i felt so odd as a child but im starting to see things different now and in a very good way i might add!
Yessssss, I tend to analyse people who I am talking to and everytime I point it out,people tend to be mad and stuff because they know I am right, I tend to spent hours trying to understand someone and just seeing me proving that person is lying feel sooo satisfying
Am so happy for your growth , as I too know how hard it has been to get to where I am today ! ( I do feel, that I will never be done, in my long journey ) !
This explains why I can accept people unconditionally irl but online I have zero patience for people whose ideas I find harmful to others. People who know me irl are often surprised by my online ruthless behavior.
Shut in behavior: not necessarily connected with self loathing; self protection is an aspect, especially when recovering from situations involving toxic people, or people in your space, defying attempted boundaries, maybe sly, untrustworthy types. These situations can also trigger depression, a not uncommon side-kick to fear or struggles with setting and enforcing personal boundaries.
You hit the nail on the head-- self protection, not loathing. Strangely, even the people who create these videos really cannot understand the personality type. I find it somewhat hilarious. While I connect with analogies, this pronouncement seem a little disingenuous. If others would stop and truly listen and avoid diagnosing us or telling us to getting thicker skins, we'd be more apt to open up than we are. Those things have less to do with personality than consideration. All people need to exercise consideration: period.
I see the makers of this video never replied to your comment…I really wish they would have. For a long time now, I’ve been not a “shut in” but a “shut out” of the pain inflicting people I was always there for all of their lives. It’s confusing as hell! I also don’t see it as “self loathing” at all! But I might call it loathing my life and loathing my fate to be born an INFJ… Because just not an advantageous type to be in such a selfish world. 😞
9 лет назад+2
Setting boundaries on time is the BEST advice, if we don't do it people get surprised when we disappear from their lives and we end up looking like the "bad guy".
I can definitely relate to this. I want people around me to be happy, and I avoid conflict to such an extreme that I would rather keep my true thoughts and feelings to myself than ruffle any feathers or start a debate. This is probably the thing I dislike most about myself. There is only one person that I feel comfortable being vulnerable with and that is my husband. My strong connection with him actually worries me because if anything were to ever happen to him I would feel completely and utterly alone. I have a supportive family and friends but I feel as if they don't really know me on the level that I long to be known on, to my own fault. One relationship I would like to develop more is my relationship with my mom. I love her. She has a strong voice in life which I envy. I often times do not agree with her but I always nod in agreement because she can get quite defensive and passionate when someone opposes her views which is very intimidating to me. My husband gets very annoyed that I don't "stand up for myself. He tells me that my opinion matters and I agree, I just don't feel that its worth expressing them in the moment but overall its something I really wish I could do.
Learning about the hardwiring of my mind has been a game changer for me. Setting boundaries was my biggest challenge but I have learned to say no, even to those hardest to say no to. Saying no to my family led to a conversation with them that changed our relationship and they now are more respectful of my time. I no longer value others approval over my own. I'm more confident and speaking up more often in groups where I usually fade into the background. I'm still working on finding a balance between getting the time I need as an introvert and not being a shut in on the weekends as I have a lot of human interaction through out the week.
+Joel Mark Witt It's been a big challenge to experience harmony the past month or so due to illness, a 2 hour commute to work and the fact that I live alone (except for two lovely cats). I'm a team lead and have a lot people coming to me for help from all directions. I find if I proactively check in with my team from time to time and make sure they are okay on a personal level, I experience a lot of good feedback. On these days even if someone has had a difficult interaction with a customer or multiple customers, I am able to help them resolve the issues and we are usually able to find humor in the situation. On days that I get busy with projects, I find if I don't check in with my team and someone is having a bad day, I absorb the emotion and take it home with me. By the end of weeks like these I don't want to be around anyone. Lately even if I have one of those days or weeks I still try not to shut myself off from the world. I make plans to at least meet up for few hours with a friend to watch a sporting event or try out a new place for brunch. I'm currently working on finding a job that puts me into flow since the lack of flow is also part of the reason I tend to place too much focus on preserving energy.
I can relate to this ... I need my Ni and Fe to be completely switched on at work (as a social worker), so when I'm home again I'm so relieved that it's hard to force myself to spend time with anyone other than my husband. Things are different this year because I'm at home with our baby, so I've got plenty of time for Ni and have to figure out what Fe looks like in this context!
The 10 year old example is perfect and indeed, I was acting literally like I did in this age remaining in a comfort bubble and avoiding everything and everyone, time to act on this matter, thank you!
Great video, Joel :) It really spoke to me. I've always felt like a week and disingenuous person because I want all people to approve of me, even the ones I don't like. Even crazymakers. I have some work to do when it comes to setting boundaries. My defence is to not get too friendly with anyone. I can be personal and share stuff, sure, but I usually keep people at a "social distance" where they can't hurt me. I often find that a friendship with someone implies a kind of loyalty I am not willing to offer. I have to do stuff _because_ we're friends. And I think I feel this way because I have a hard time saying no and set healthy boundaries, and not because my friends are being "mean" to me. If I don't set boundaries, I don't get the respect I want and people walk all over me. And I laughed a bit at the physical shut-in part. I do that. When my ENFP boyfriend goes away for days or weeks at the time, I have no idea what I'm doing. I fall into some sort of depression and have a tendency to stay in the house for days at the time and be afraid of other people looking at me (this is super weird) and afraid to have to make conversation with anyone. When I'm fully in my harmony process, I'm the total opposite of that. It's like I got two different personalities. Luckily, I now identify the signs of this accuracy-depression when it starts sneaking up on me, and know I have to be socialized in some way to escape it. Thank you for making this video, it is very comforting to hear that there is a solution to my accuracy-problems :)
+Linn Spets I'm glad the video was helpful! One thing that's easy to do when we form a relationship with someone who can do the 'heavy lifting' in an area where we're not fully developed (yet) is we tend to over rely on them. Joel is an ENFP, and I've noticed as an ENTP I tend to over rely on his ability to help me suss out what I'm experiencing emotionally (since it's a bit of a blind spot for me). I've found myself manufacturing arguments with him so he can hold space for me and begin the discovery process of what I'm experiencing. It's super effective for me, but also a total dick move - he's exhausted for having to hold that space in a place of aggression, whereas I bounce away happy I had my need of introspection handled. Obviously that's probably not going to happen in your dynamic (as an ENFP/INFJ couple), but it was mostly an example of how it can happen. And as an INFJ/ENFP couple I could totally see over relying on my ENFP mate to play lead on the socializing / keeping the conversation and activities going. He probably likes it, even, and would be a little off-put if you stopped relying on him for it. You might have to articulate to him that your growth state means taking the lead on socializing even when he's there totally ready, willing and capable of doing so for the two of you. (I say that with absolutely no real knowledge of either of you, so if my prediction is off please take it with a grain of salt.) At any rate, thanks for the comment and feedback! I'm sure it's resonating with and helpful to other INFJs. :) -A-
Great conversation right here. This stuff is gold :-) Great instincts about yourself +Linn Spets. I think you already identified your growth state of getting into Harmony more. +Antonia Dodge is spot on with the manufacturing of strong emotion to enlist my help. I do the same thing to her - but with thoughts and arguments. I use contrary thinking to get her as an ENTP refine my thought processes.
I love everyone. I try to please everyone before I ever think about pleasing myself. I was born to change the world. My b-day is 10/16/1978 which adds to be 33. It means that I'm also a master teacher. So my name is Walter which means Leader of the army. As a child in church I used to sing I'm in the Lord's Army yes sir. I had a couple of dreams about a year ago that blew my mind. The first one I was an Angel glowing white with wings and all. It woke me up immediately. A couple days later dreaming someone was like whispering in my ear they said they can call you Walter or Jesus it doesn't matter also woke me immediately. This really blew my mind. I have always knew I was different. But not sure why. Now I am sure that I was born to change the world. I now know that I'm one of the 144,000 the bible speaks of. I try to help people but they look at me like I'm crazy. I am lost in my trying to help people understand that we create our own world by thought. We can change the world just by thinking and believing that we can. I think there for i am. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me is the biggest lie ever. Like Jesus said it is not what we pit in our mouths that defile us but what comes out. Words come out. Have I not said that ye are God's. You will do even greater works than I are a couple of Jesus's sayings that I have always known. So like I said every day I try to convince Someone of these things and they laugh at me. This makes me feel like we are truly lost. I want to run as fast as I can to the jungle and live like we were intended to live off the land.
how I give and recieve love is pretty accurate. I struggle with insecurities. often wanting reassurance to see where I stand with certain people. a friend of mine was sick so I txted her and said are you feeling better
As a 59 year old with a degree in sociology/ psychology, I have taken the MB test many times. I always tested to be an INTJ until recently. It was a lifetime goal of mine to not fear social interaction. Having two children then seven grandchildren drive me crazy, especially the ADHD extroverts at times! Lol But it was them that eventually helped me to grow the most! I now test as an INFJ-A and on the enneagram I am a 1 with a 2 wing: Both labeled as The Advocate. My sustained truths: I will move mountains for a person with appreciates my effort. I hate being interrupted when on a role. Criticize or doubt me (personally) and I will stay to myself for years gardening, researching and being with animals instead of people. I still have tons of growth needed!
I wish I knew MBTI typing earlier in life so that I did not need to feel lost all the time. I didn't need to feel so lonely in this universe. It's not like I don't have friends, I have a lot but the void I feel is too real coz even I couldn't explain why I do what I do and why I feel what I feel.
Thanks, SmittenKitten. It feels great to know that I am not the only one. There are few more people out there that shares the weirdness, the craziness and the rollercoaster of feelings 😁
+Dwi Purwanti Hi Dwi... I feel you. Learning MBTI & cognitive function helps my self-development A LOT. Please check blog.rizkysyaiful.com. I haven't post anything about MBTI. But sooner or later I will, because it's crucial to human happiness. :)
Dwi Purwanti There are a few of us hiding amongst the "normals" of society. We should come up with some sort of signal so we instantly recognize one another! ❤
I can identify with what is described here. Although I have been on a personal growth journey since first discovering that I am an INFJ 17 years ago, I still find that every once in a while, I morph into what I think will make the other person happy. This happens much less than it used to but still my journey continues. There is more work to do as far as me allowing people to demand my attention. I am much better at saying no however, I am in a new relationship and need to be better at putting up boundaries as far as how often he wants to be with me. As much as I enjoy being with him, there are other things in my life that are being neglected and this causes me some stress; not a great amount of stress but I am concerned about falling into a pattern. This video is very helpful to me because it serves as very strong affirmation for me to avoid my blindside and to be self-aware as I move through my life. Thank you posting this.
“Harmony requires the strength to wade through a world of people in pain looking for someone to act as an emotional dialysis machine.” That one hit home man.
I'm 17, and Personality Hacker has been such a comfort and a relief lately. I've known I was an INFJ since I was 14, when I took the paper test for a Family and Consumer Science class in our Relationships unit, but I really appreciate how Personality Hacker focuses on growth and coaching people on how they can navigate the world while considering their unique needs and comfort zone. Thank you for all that you do!!! 😊
This right on and so helpful. The car analogy and specific ways that I can focus on personal growth for my personality is so so helpful. Excellent information, thank you!
I recently have just discovered MBTI and am extremely grateful to have been introduced. I was also advised by the person who introduced me to watch this video after taking the test, being categorized as an INFJ-A. I have read a lot of articles on the subject before arriving here (feeling shocked by the accuracy). I rarely comment on a video is a colossal understatement for me. However I was in tears during a section of this video when you stated "at worst INFJ's can become physical shut-ins....." you asked for a reply and given the euphoric feeling you have given me at this moment of ending your video, I felt I owed you a reply. I locked myself away from the world for over seven years (literally), the reasons and circumstances are irrelevant to the public but I was truly compromised in ways I believed were irrevocable. I have since emerged in a small way and, I will honor your advise by continuing to grow my harmony process! The person who introduced me is an extroverted feeling (harmony)! Maybe fate knocking haha! The entire video spoke to me, after feeling incomprehensible to others for so many years, I am so very grateful for this moment and with all my willpower will carry it forward with me every day! Thank you so much!
I've recently discovered I am an INFJ. It has answered a lot of questions about why I am the way I am. But dealing with this has been hard for me because of how I was raised. By wolves I think. All about bravado and shiwing off. Especially with violence. It took me a long time to realize fighting physically was wrong. I used to knock guys down and let them know I could destroy their face, then get up without throwing a punch. Win. Win. Right? I'm 55 and have so much to learn and understand about myself. Thanks for clearing up some things about my psycology. Very appreciated
wow iv never been able to explain myself but I can be a contradiction. . I cannot believe the accuracy of this. .. I always wondered why I was different and see the universe in the way that I do. . over the years my intuition of self has grown.. I have to seek truth at all times. . knowing the truth has made me understand things better. .
I recently read a post on Quora about the differences between Ni and Ne. Ni was described as essentially seeing possibilities of recurring themes. Ne was described as seeing the possibilities for particulars. I thought this was a great way of putting it. Ni dominants can do both, but seeing the potential of general themes and detecting patterns in the world is what you will do most, as an Ni dominant. What your focus is on is determined by your extroverted functions. An INFJ will take in social/emotional data and intuit upon that information. INTJs will take in mechanical information and intuit upon it. The accuracy of that information will depend on how much information is collected and the more experience the individual has. Over time, ideas will be refined. The tertiary function will play a major role in this process. For an INFJ, Ti will help to refine the process, either by fine tuning definitions for a theory or by more accurately determining the most accurately logical information. For INTJs, it may feel more like authenticity and creating a vision for an ideal future for the individual. An INTJ may have a vision of an ideal world which is existentially profitable for mankind, according to the individual
I've set boundaries by saying no to this situation that could've been an unhealthy relationship and after watching the video I could finally understand why and how I'm prepared to fully embrace who I am and stand for myself. I didn't even know what I was doing, but it's nice hearing that what I've done has somehow helped me to better myself and my Fe. Thank you so much!!
Camila Pereira me too, idk why but this video fits perfectly, recently i've just begun to stop self-sacrificing all the time and sometimes i need to stand up for myself and burn bridges with some people i've wasted my time on.This world is not perfect, people are never perfect, that is a really huge insight i've internalized recently.
I am INFJ and hear me roar!!! I understand everything that your talking about and I've conquered all of these external and internal conflicts with God showing me who I am in him. It is the misconception that we judge ppl but we do not ... ppl judge themselves. Because we are intuitive we pick up what ppl don't say. We know what's going choose not to comment. Most ppl have wanted me to participate in whatever foolishness that they are currently participating in when I decline they feel like I judge them. I use to put myself on the back burner for others comfort but when I overstood that there comfort was not my responsibility it freed me. I will still help you but I will not let you mistreated me. I will no longer sugar coat shit so don't ask me my opinion because I will not lie to you to save your feelings. I will not be mean or nasty but I will be direct. The best advice I can give to a fellow INFJ is set some goals. The way our mind thinks you will examine all the parts and make them work to reach your goals. When parts (ppl) do not reciprocate the same that you give out let it go with no remorse. Be unapologetically you. With no explanation. You all so hungry for someone to understand you did you once ask yourself why do they want to know? I don't want anyone to overstand how I think. because knowledge is power and I am not interested in giving mine away. I now value my oddities because it gives me an edge over others. I overstand myself and other. The world is my oyster and I am the Pearl. Like I said I am INFJ with a purpose and plan. I run the show hear me ROAR!!!
When you said harmony, I thought of the feeling in my chest I’ve always either been seeking after or thriving from. Inner peace in my heart. A lack of this creates a deep void and isolation. A bounty of this creates… well, it creates magic. So thank you. I’m so tired of thinking for 4 years. Harmony is the goal
I just discovered this through the 16persomality test and with this type of personality to set Life has almost forced me to set boundaries and I’m Catching it early in life.
I enjoy having everything 100% finished no matter the situation so one thing I’m learning is to be patient with whatever I do if I want 100% of anything.
16 Shades of Love! Has anyone noticed that we represent the 16 sides of GOD's Love in; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8? 1. Long Suffering - ISFJ 2. Kind - ISFP 3. Envieth Not - ESTP 4. Vaunteth Not Itself - ISTP 5. Not Puffed Up - INTP 6. Doesn't Behave Itself Unseemly - ISTJ 7. Seeketh Not Her Own - ENFJ 8. Not Easily Provoked - ESFP 9. Thinketh No Evil - INTJ 10. Rejoiceth Not In Iniquity - INFJ 11. Rejoiceth In The Truth - ENTP 12. Beareth All Things - ESFJ 13. Believeth All Things - ENFP 14. Hopeth All Things - INFP 15. Endureth All Things - ESTJ 16. Never Faileth - ENTJ Had to go KJV for the poetic feel, smile emoticon lol... baring in mind though I feel we only truly resonate these qualities at full wack when we're closer to GOD, through the Holy Spirit...
I do work on myself everyday and it is amazing. I found myself being critical of someone just because they were quiet around me and not others. I caught myself one day and didn't know how to stop the critical thoughts so I began telling myself, I like so and so, and it worked. My life has improved tremendously and I get more smiles .
I hate being vulnerable so I never open up. I only let others know what I believe they have earned through trust, but I like it that way. It keeps me in control of the situation and keeps me protected 🏌🏾♂️
Regarding your question, how I as an infj am withdrawn and hesitant to vulnerability, it's been an obstacle in my life since I was in elementary school. I made two special friends in elementary school (one in 1st and the other in 2nd). In middle and high school, sure I made friends but they were more....acquaintances than anything else. Passing, fleeting, temporary relationships. I went through every grade with those two friends from elementary school to graduation. Now, at 23 years old, I don't have them as my friends anymore. One of them moved to Virginia so we don't talk, and we didn't have as strong of a relationship as the other friend anyways. The other friend, however, we got into an argument probably about 3 or 4 months ago, and haven't talked since. When I say I would take a bullet for this girl, that's coming from a very deep part of me. But, now, I don't have anyone. That's.....special like that. I've always been socially withdrawn. Not that I don't socialize, but I over analyze everything and everyone (including myself) to the point where I'm not...well....vulnerable for friendships to form like that. I always considered myself picky. But now, I'm not sure what I can do to be less...defensive I guess? Any tips will help. I've been looking into my personality type in depth for the last couple months, even bought a book that's really related to me. Please help, I crave special relationships lol.
Playing around with different test, I tent to get INFJ and INFP. Hearing this description I see that I was growing in an INFJ environment. I was told to fit in, constantly bashed if I wanted something for myself, when that won't make happy the people around me, constantly being criticized and I hated that! But when I moved out, I naturally started setting boundaries, saying no, being compassionate. And I do feel as an INFP, but sometimes I might act a certain INFJ way.
+jTiKey Same here for the environment/childhood... But i turned INTJ. Adapting to survive/overcome the heavy gift of introverted feelings. Realizing it i think that i remain both. We'll see what the future will give us to see.
+Wooden Iron same. I was typed as an INTJ initially because growing up in an abusive home left no room for feeling. I've always felt deeply, it's just been a journey to learn to express it and be okay with vulnerability (with the right people).
+Alexis Fulford I am so sorry to hear about your abuse, Alexis. Your comment reminded me of something that happened to me a while ago. I was complaining to my therapist about my "people pleasing" tendencies, talking about all the ways it had held me back, and how it had crippled my ability to let people love me for who I really am. She waited patiently until I was finished before saying: "But, it has also helped make you a sensitive, caring person who is good at listening, right?" My point is that your personality as an INTJ is not simply a negative side effect of your abuse. There is beauty in your type, too. I'm sure that if you take the time to mature your functions you will be able to embrace your vulnerability with those who deserve it. Wishing you the best with your growth, An INFJ
Bub Collins I'm actually an INFJ, I just typed as an INTJ intially because of the way I grew up. And never be sorry for me, I wouldn't trade the way I grew up for anything. As you said, it's made it so I can give and receive honest answers with people, just by reading their body language.
Totally like that ! My Ti prejudge people all the time , tries to problem solve like crazy , will read minds / see the future and come to a negative conclusion all the time . So what I'm saying it's totally an underdeveloped immature defensive strategy . It's trying to keep me safe by isolating me from potential threats in relationships . It's looking for catastrophes to be avoided .
I've been reading self help material since childhood, I didn't even realize people were making such a big deal about infj until I googled it my result. What?! even people saying to others "you're not a REAL infj, you just want to be cool" what? who would argue with someone that they're REALLY introverted intuitive,feeling and judging. Crazy!
I can see how what you said about strengthening your boundaries is true. It shows that you value yourself which is empowering and good for a self critical INFJ. Some samples would help make understanding these functions clearer. Thank you.
+, PH wrote an article on the subject of developing Harmony as a Co-pilot process which may be helpful. You can read it here: www.personalityhacker.com/developing-the-harmony-process-as-an-infj/ -A-
It's a bit funny reading this comment because this is exactly how I speak. Don't you ever wish you had a personal relationship with another INFJ? Or is that just me feeling needy for someone to relate to?
it's interesting to note that while I have to set boundaries and have harmony in my relationships with others I also don't want to end up letting the 10 year old take over and completely shut everyone out or give up on everyone (which I sometimes end up doing). I guess it is all about balance...learning to say yes to quality relationships and knowing when to say no to toxic relationships (not letting people use your need to help others to their advantage and your disadvantage) in other words not letting people walk all over you because of the extraverted feeling you have--->which then leads to betrayal and trust issues. It is difficult to have the right balance of people in your life and not feel run down and broken sometimes when a relationship backfires(like a good friendship, I am not even talking about romance as that is far out even more narrow and difficult) So important for us to be noticed and appreciated but not be the center of attention. It sucks when no one checks in. So you don't want to bother anyone even though it bothers you why there is such a lack of interest and why no one seems to care how you are doing. I don't like it when people pick at me, like ask me how I feel or what I am doing without the intention of actually caring about my response. I would rather someone ask me if I might want to join them for coffee or go on a nature hike than ask me what I am up to and how my life is going. I have only a few people with who I am really open with and allow them to know how I really am feeling and thinking and what is going on with me, because even though I am a good listener, I like to know that someone cares about my response and is able to listen to me as well. That's why the circle of people I trust and really have strong relationships with is very small (I can literally count it on one hand) But I don't want to shut out other people and deny friendships, I am always open to them so long as people want me to be there and there is a mutual understanding, like I know that my presence really is required and desired then I put the effort into going and spending time with others, only when I know for sure that I feel included and people really care about me being there. If not, I end up slowly cutting people out of my life and searching for others with whom I can build a good friendship. Sometimes, I feel like giving up and shutting myself out (10 yr old taking over there I guess) In my life only a few people stay and have stayed with me. Most people end up passing through
Excellent video. I can relate to everything stated here, but what really resonates with me is that idea of boundary setting. I do always want everyone else to be happy and working in harmony, but it is all too easy to get caught in that cycle of approval/disapproval that you mentioned. I used to almost never say no to anyone and if I did, I would feel guilty for days afterward. I would always put myself and my own needs dead last, lest I was being "selfish". I am trying to be better with setting those boundaries now (though it's still hard) because I have realized that I cannot help anyone else if I am not healthy myself. It's like you have said before about getting everyone's needs met; I do count as a subset of everyone. Thank you for producing media like this, to help people better understand who they are and how to navigate through the outside world.
+Ryan C Thank you for watching and leaving your feedback. Here's my question to you...What specific action steps will you take in your life based on new awareness?
+Joel Mark Witt That's a good question. I do like your idea of saying no to everyone for a day, just to get used to it and also, not putting so much weight into the approval and disapproval of others. The trick will be to do this in a positive way, without resorting to the hyper criticism of the 10-year old Accuracy. It's a matter of creating personal space but not at the cost of pushing everyone away. That's my take on it anyways.
+Ryan C I try to remember that when most people ask something of you it is WAY less of a deal for them than it is for me. They're just ASKING. Their very existence is not hanging in the balance dependent on my answer being yes. If I can't do it and I say "No." they simply move down the list and ask someone else. They don't take it personally. Probably don't even think of it again. If they act disappointed it is usually just social etiquette. Like "Ohhhh! We really wanted you to be able to come!" They just want to make you feel good like they are really going to miss you! Problem is that we are so sensitive that even though we KNOW this is just decorum we still take it as if we let someone down. They were just trying to make us feel important and instead they made us feel like crap. LOL!!!
not this video calling me out at 3:22 am for becoming an actual hermit and nursing my wounds in isolation for days at a time when i feel emotionally vulnerable 😀😀😀
I am INFJ-A. This personality is so glorified that I start to think it is a gift to be INFJ, it may be a good or bad thing to think about this like that. Afterall I don't know what it is like to be other personality, so trying to understand this personality from "inside" is quite hard and you have to rely on material and content like this to understand yourself truly
Over the years, my 10 year old has got me worrying about if the kindness I show to people will ever be returned in the same caliber that I gave it. It's quite annoying because now I hesitate sometimes before I do something nice.
This video, along with all your other videos on the INFJ Personality Type, has caused a great deal of "aha's" on my part; and I was very sceptical on the whole theory on cognitive functions (due to the MBTI questionnaire relying heavily on the insight people have in themselves) - but I have researched A LOT for the past two weeks, and gosh, does everything make perfect sense when taking real-life behavior into account. Like one user commented earlier, I really like how you adapt your manner of speaking to the individual type on subject, Joel. I remember listening to the INTJ-typing, and it was much more factual and with a much more business-like in attitude and choice of words. Please, continue doing that when making videos on growth for the individual types. It really works! Also, the implementation of exercises or questions we need to do/ask ourselves after we've listened to/watched the video is great. The "read and listen, then do"-approach is probably thought through, but it DOES really give a huuuge boost in understanding and learning from it.
I've been working with my therapist to actually become more vulnerable ,not close myself off and developing boundaries. It's hard but I'm definitely becoming a more balanced, happier INFJ
Tolkien had the INFJ in mind when he wrote his Elven characters (along with other types like INTJ, INTP) -in the Silmarillion they were made from the music of Harmony that created the Universe.
Very insightful. I recently lost my husband and I definitely see the "back seat" taking over things. It's not easy to convince myself to take the journey right now.
I can relate with this so much. I took the test and end up being an INTP. The Ti child is so cold and distant making me defensive toward people I love. And I stuck in that Ti child for years, I felt misunderstood and lonely. This vid show this so well. When u said set boundaries.. say no to other ppl, I was like “danggg that’s hard” but I will take my lesson. I’ll try set the boundaries and stand for myself. Thank u so much for the info.
wow - while i get the Harmony process as it applies looking outward toward others , i've never thought about turning it in on myself the way it's described here. It's a whole new way to think about it for me. And it addresses boundaries - i've been coming across that topic lately. It also describes accuracy in a different way than i've thought of before. I'm going to have to wrap my head around that more, but it's a different perspective and might help me process some things in a new way. Great video. Thanks
Great video and companion posting on Facebook site. I've been reading on this topic for many years, and doubt often if I know my type, but your comment, knowing what I feel is not my strong suit, is still my biggest challenge. I often need to talk this out with a friend who is not like me, just to hear where I am shortchanging myself. In the past, I have tended to disapprove and distance myself, kind of all or nothing. I like the approach of counting myself as one who also needs to be made happy too. Takes time to pause to name it, and then communicate what I need and work out a better arrangement, but I agree it is so worth it. I just feel we all benefit a variety of relationships. Thanks for the confirmation that I am headed in the right direction. But why do we often get paired with sensing types? Like navigators for the sensing blind spot? It is really a godsend to find like minded friends to talk with.
Wow it is so impressive how accurate this podcast is. I am an INFJ and everything that is being shared is so true. About picking up and absorbing emotions and the ability to read the room (so to speak) understanding other people’s emotions and thoughts. I am very spiritual and intuitive which makes it hard because I often attract ‘broke birds’ (aka people who have had traumas and emotional pains) which openly reveal this to me and when I take-in this information with empathy and spiritual assessment to direct them to understand their past event, I often see them walk away happier and relieved from their burden, which they have carried for some time.. but it’s hard to get rid of the spiritual attachment/negative/painful energy that I absorb from the person. This makes it hard to maintain a normal life because if affects how we feel and our energy level drains. Be cause when we take someone’s pain away, we fill those gaps with spiritual love and understanding in energy form. This is what let’s their brain trigger to positive emotions for happy dopamine and other hormones to activate along with other areas of the cranial lobe. It’s all done through energy! It’s amazing but it can feel like a curse because often I need to pray and meditate this negative energy to back into the universe in a way it doesn’t go into people in my environment. I’ve been doing this as a child which is why I thought about being a psychologist, now I’m in my 30’s and I started multiple businesses and I’m also a reiki transcendence master. Which took many years to learn since it was impossible to find someone to teach me these skills and how to use the abilities I have because there are many who are not right in their teachings and are not qualified to teach me of what they cannot accurately do themselves. But it’s been a blessing to see people transform their lives and bloom into beautiful individuals by letting go of their pain and misunderstandings. It’s impossible to do it correctly without the spiritual aspect because Devine energy plays a HUGE role in giving good energy and taking their bad energy in a healthy way. But I always feel misunderstood especially as this gift evolves, I had to learn to be content being alone and misunderstood because it feels like I’m on a life mission. Since I was a child I thought everyone saw the world the way I perceived it and life showed me as I got older it’s not the case. I found There are other abilities infj’s as myself can do but I am not sure if it’s a spiritual gift or an INFJ ability because we can help lead people into spiritual awakening to meet their higher self in Earth form. Our Devine energy allows people to feel comfortable by reaching a hypnotic state of mind (which makes people feel like their on drugs when they’re around me from the feedback I have received), where we can almost see into their souls deepest burdens and pull out those wounds to discuss on the surface. It sounds painful and maybe invasive but it happens so quick and naturally, to those whom I have helped it has been a blessing for them to recognise there was something holding them back from their own spiritual awakening -and they could never figure it out in their own and understand it- so God has put people like these on my path to help them release this pain to me so I can reveal it to my Heavenly Father (once our session is over through intense prayer and meditation) which is how it leave ME and releases them. It’s almost like unlocking a demons a person carries and taking it from them and then giving it to the Strongest One (God) who knows what to do with it because We certainly do not want to be stuck with other peoples demonds. That’s when unexplainable bad things happen which it obvious to me but to others they do not recognise what happened to them. Why they change in awful ways or become attracted to corrupted forms of entertainment. I feel like I’m a complicated version of INfJ because of the spiritual abilities God has given me but it’s why I created reikitransference.com which is being open to the public March 22, 2022. I often take referrals but now I see how it has positively impacted people I want to welcome anyone who desires to transfer their life and experience life through a spiritual awakening. This is the kind of healing I found most affective for those who seek a strong psychologist for help. Spiritual and quantum energy healing can also help people suffering from biological diseases and failing lifestyles that attract painful problems where a person is repeating cycles of drained energy. I often help break those cycles in unique ways in the name of God. This is his path for me, to help put people on their correct path to life life to the fullest. -I’m so grateful to you guys and this amazing podcast!! Wow I struggled many years to put these abilities to words and this is soooo 💯💯💯 on point. You guys are a blessing in this world and I strongly believe you will always be remembered and appreciated in the depth of our hearts and existence.
What a great video. I'm having a terrible week . I'm a failure with boundaries . Just yesterday for the first time ever , I told a very needy friend that I was sorry I have not been chatty and that I am going through a thing . Even today she's still telling me what's wrong in HER life . I try to have empathy because she is schizophrenic. I'm not answering today . The part on love and it can be smothering , wow . My ex boyfriend, actually my longest relationship ever is very observant . He once told me that he thinks my love is too big and overwhelming for people . He said probably nobody really deserves me and don't feel like they can live up to the way I love . I HAVE about 99% become a stay in . I lose relationships because friends ask me to do things and I rarely do . The only one who doesn't give up and asks me every week if I would like to go out to eat is my mother . I only have boundaries with two people and that is because they have personality disorders that make them abusive . It's the only way to keep my sanity mostly intact . Thank you for this video.
I found the comment about Ti, accuracy, being a pitfall for INFJ's to be very interesting. Often I use my function of introverted thinking to "come to the rescue" and help me understand the reasons why something is painful for me. But I agree that it can pull me away from people, and I've definitely seen it cause judgement in my life. Particularly in instances of great emotional hurt, I've seen this Ti function cast judgement on the person themselves, rather than the actions of that person. I fall into the Ni/Ti subtype of INFJ, so I sometimes find my Fe/Se functions to be underdeveloped. I'm definitely working on that though!
+Joel Mark Witt Good question... not entirely sure I've figured that part out yet. Recently, I've been trying to focus on my extraverted sensing by forcing myself to try new things. I took up painting over the summer. I found that while I was paining, I hardly thought at all. No analyzing, just paying attention to the aesthetic that was in front of me. Extraverted feeling has been harder to work on, particularly because it's a higher risk. It's where I'm most open to hurt, but I also realize the need to be "a part of something" in respect to the relationships around me. Fe is definitely a tough area for me to find balance in, though.
I know what you mean about using Ti to cast judgement when there's been great emotional hurt. I can see times in my life where someone hurt me and I saw this as so indicative of their true nature that I completely cut myself off from them emotionally, even when it meant that I isolated myself from being close to anyone. (Interestingly, because of Fe I tried to still be friendly and polite whenever I saw them!)
Thank you for the info on this video. I like being an infj because I like that it's a never-ending conversation with yourself. I'm not very lonely and I can think through situations that are tough. I do let accuracy ruin certain parts of me when I stay inside instead of making meaningful relationships with other humans. I am very introverted in a way and I don't have very many friends. I will use this video to keep growing as person.
Sorry, I just had another question after a bit more reflection over the past few days-and this might be a stupid question, but here goes... Does the self-loathing and wallowing that an INFJ can fall victim to _always_ revolve around feeling misunderstood? or is that just what is found a majority of the time? The reason I ask, is because typically when I get that way, it feels more like an overwhelming sense of worthlessness, brokenness, and dis-belonging. The feelings always center around something being wrong with me, not anyone else. I don't wish to myself that they could understand me; I wish to myself that I could fix whatever it is that is wrong with me. I can remember feeling that ever since I was a child... but perhaps these feelings are just symptoms which are rooted in feeling misunderstood? Maybe I am feeling that people are capable of it, and deliberately choosing not to because they find me lacking, and so maybe that is why the other feelings are the overwhelming ones? I'm just not certain. Whenever I ask myself these questions, I can never be certain if what I am thinking is a twisted perception, or the truth. I'm sorry again, I hope this isn't _too_ whiny and pathetic looking. -.-
Sequestrum this is a more accurate description of what I often find myself going through during these periods. I always feel like there is no one to talk to whom I can talk to about it, though. I think I am overly critical because I’ve reached out and been mistreated for it in the past. It’s very difficult. I always let my accuracy take over too much when I try to make boundaries for myself and end up expressing incorrectly and feeling terrible about it. Thank you for sharing what happens to you because it resonates with me greatly. How do you get away from those feelings? I mean, what steps do you take personally that help?
@@ladyveraciti1122 I posted this above but you might find it helpful. :) Good luck with your journey. DANGER/RED ALERT: With humility and love I'd like to suggest that there's one ENORMOUS piece missing from this model that can pose a HUGE DANGER to INFJs. The frequency with which we encounter toxic people and energy vampires is INCREDIBLY high. Simply telling an awakening/immature INFJ to extend Fe to ourselves does nothing to protect us from these people. This is because at any point in our lives we will inevitably be drawn into a confrontation where Fe is actually used against us to keep us trapped in an abusive situation. A slightly more aware INFJ might use Ti to set boundaries, but will probably walk away feeling lost, confused, and self-loathing because our Fe will tell us that was somehow the wrong thing to do. This is because toxic people don't engage with the world the same way we do. They don't care about harmony. The solution to this problem is to safely leverage your NiTi loop and consume tons of content/techniques on how to defeat Narcissism and Toxic Personalities. This will sharpen the sword of the Ti so that when we have to pull it out, it's like a protective older brother rather than a 10 year old child. The Devil is real. Resit him and he shall flee from you. Much love. xx
@@zeusssonfire cool, I wonder if this is why I've always thought more about myself than anyone else in the first place. The idea that adults know better than me/a kid after an experience in preschool completely shattered, but I was still afraid to voice what I thought, especially because I was terrible at expressing verbally and still at 18 yrs old struggle to depending how deep my thoughts go. As a child whenever I tried to speak up I would get ignored or feel like I was simply not allowed to help the ways older people are allowed to help and I spiraled into not caring, keeping in, and so now I suck at helping people when it comes to social standards like when they are cooking and you go and help> someone else beats me to these kinds if things first too many times for me to get used to being socially nice more. Never in my life have I felt true approval from not being myself bc then it was left to "why do they expect these things from me? I just like math, but I will never go into a job that requires calculus ugh." So once I stopped caring about "achievements" which had an effect on my ego and feeling like I was worth people's academic approval, I broke all expectations of me that didn't match with what I felt like doing and just did whatever I felt like. I suddenly turned into a possible daily chatter box and my family was like "wtf omg she won't stop talking! Mijah you look prettier when you're quiet" and frankly that angered me 10x more but now I'm not afraid to show my weird sides and have been able to recognize when I should let myself help someone as I see fit. I've learned it is ok to help out without motive where I see that I can and want to. The first time I had ever realized helping people like that was a part of me was in middle school when I did so and someone called me out bc I was usually the cold type but I got insecure bc I got caught (could be exploitable) and denied it with a plausible truth. Lol now I am better at balancing being stuck in my mind and being present in the world, I feel like sort of a reverse INFJ whenever I hear/read about how INFJs struggle with meeting others' needs w/out thinking of themselves at all and having a hard time saying no. It's always been easier for me to say no to things & put out an air of don't mess with me (I take no shits) lol. This might be why I'm great at avoiding toxic people. I can smell them out with caution screaming at me sometimes. Of course, even if they give off a potentially toxic vibe, it could be either they are probably toxic to me specifically or are just toxic people (in that case let them figure it out themselves tyvm). Other times they are people with good intentions and I might end up guiding them if we end up getting along in other ways (our paths cross).
Misintuperated is huge. It is next to impossible to respond quickly enough to be persuasive in a coversation but given time to write down response or the time to think about the situation an INFJ will totally dominant.
This is truly helpful for I'm seeking personal growth. It makes sense & highly relatable. When I say I'm more of a proactive realist lately than a foolish idealist before but still have a healthy optimism & I want more 'me time'. It's just I'm setting more boundaries with myself. I reached a tipping point lately. I'm into science yet I gravitate towards philosophy, spirituality and visual arts. I'm also a very athletic person.
Thanks so much for this video, it has spoken a lot to me, especially the fact that as an INFJ, I need to not allow my accuracy process to steal my happiness, that to participate and 'change the world', i need to set clear boundaries for myself and others. I must say, being married to an ENTJ has helped me to establish my boundaries ^-^ Not that the hubby has been overly bossy (haha), on the contrary, his encouragement and unwavering loyalty (cute and weird, considering he tends to be more 'bossy' to others except me) has ushered me to move forward to learn more about myself ^-^ Over the last two years since i was 'diagnosed' as an INFJ, I have started to feel more 'normal' to my own self. I truly thought there was something 'seriously wrong with me', but through various online resources and materials, I believe I have been slowly and steadily 'maturing'. I really appreciated this video and your website, thanks for helping me to learn more about myself and teaching me how to deal with...me! ^-^
That was really HANDY, I can say so!! Thanks for sharing this, I'm getting out of my shell, as a matter effect I tend to constantly struggle stooding out from peopple, maybe I just grew up and tried being like others in order to achieve "success", and I'm not really happy by being average mediocre, from now on I have to channel my wills of enlightenment, even though I have to make also my parents stop concearning about my mental health and overcame my inner sabotoure!! Why do we have to think about every little thing all the time, this perfectionism that I'm overthinking prevents me from being open to the world or even just put out there what I really see, concerning the not acceptance of the ones I know, yet I have to do it soon!! P.S. it's really good to know I'm not alone in this world of dreaming, it's a good signal, after all what I always wanted was never money neither popularity, my goal was to be happy and make peopple happy too! Regards, Will
Being infj is very hard, people influence me so hard to change going with the flow, while I want to be true with myself and accept myself who im. Im not weird, im not overdramatic, im not the one making constant the problems, im not the one that doesn't want to be Cooperative. People sometimes make the worse out of me because they dont understand me, there are some that try to understand and some that just want you fully changed. To all my infjs where ever you are, you are amazingly. We are caring, passionated, understandable creatures, we want to make harmony where nobody can see. We want to bring the good out of everyone and show the positivity of the world, dont let people bring you down to the worst state and let your nature waste. I know its difficult to give up on people but sometimes we need to care for ourselves, to care for people that are worthy of our time.
Thank you. Great video. I know lately I’ve been feeling like I don’t fit in anywhere and like the friends I reach out to just don’t reciprocate or call me back. I begin to feel unloved and why don’t these so called friends like me. I am isolating however I am also recovering from surgery. I feel safe and protected in my little home. So weird. Thank goodness for you tube. Fascinating how many INFJ have their own you tube channels. Something to think about. I do want to help others and create Harmony. Merry Christmas 🎄
First time watching. Being looking for something like this, too help me understand my personality. INTJ. Please keep teaching how INTJ process information , and retrieve information.
As an INFJ so much of this is spot on for me and I really feel this video was exactly what I needed to reboot out of my Ti...lol...an INFJ living a personal growth video. 😂. But, I'm curious...I can't relate at all to the smothering type...I've always been more cold and distant with a paradoxical ability to be completely open and honest about my life with most people. I think this is more of a quest to understand myself as I have only been practicing true vulnerability as of late, but anyway, I'm just very curious why I've never experienced what you describe as smothering behavior or needing to know where someone is. Etc. Btw, love you guys. You feed my psych/Myers Briggs addiction with very legit information :)
How interesting... I like the car analogy using that back seat “10 yr old Accuracy/Logic” made more sense than I’ve heard on this explanation before. After childhood maltreatment it contributed greatly to many decisions with only a black & white perspective with safety as a top priority. Meeting God and giving it all to Him was an instant relief and gradual healing process that started with an INTP son (whose logic surpassed mine at what 4 or 5 years old?) and continued on when becoming caregiver to mom (ISFJ) with TBI and grandmother (ISTP) with TIA’s and making it ALL work with many boundaries... I am well-practiced in NO and do not stay in bad relationships, but isolation and obligations do take a toll on my friendships that’s what I’m working on now.
This is great info for someone in younger years and I wish this info was available to me when I was younger, then as well as my parents. Damage is done and trust for me is way too important to me at this point for improvement and not easy to change. Great video, thank you for sharing.
This is such a wonderful program. This is so constructively critical in it's advisory content. It should definitely be imperatively considered for anyone in general, especially types like myself; and any other INFJs. I'm grateful that it's out there.
You're communicating segment on how Harmony answers Do you Love me was ON POINT... Thank you for this content... And I definitely look forward to following yall on Facebook (Adrian Belgrave different picture for myself)
Took me more than 3 decades to figure these things out. So helpful. Thank u! The only thing I think might be short-sighted is placing accuracy, the child, as a total lose-lose. I tend to think all Functions have their purpose...and all can be tools for good and bad. If harmony, for example, overrides accuracy entirely for me, then that’s when people-pleasing begins. Unless the labels are just misleading me...
That last one on how we show love... hits home bc i do that all the time. I offer people meals when i know id love someone to cook for me. Also the 10 year old is in the co pilot seat right now smh 🤦 😤 it is frustrating to say the least
I've recently become obsessed with delving deeper into the root causes for why I think and act in certain ways as an INFJ. I agree with the car model and break down of my mind's wiring, but I'm slightly confused as to why I keep interpreting the "Harmony" co-pilot as some form of people pleasing? Not that it is either good or bad, but I keep hearing Harmony = people pleasing and thought it would be worth noting. I wouldn't say that I don't enjoy pleasing other people because I absolutely do in certain respects, but I also tend to loathe the thought that I please other people just to be in harmony with them and to meet their needs. I definitely like those in my surroundings to be on the same wavelength of happiness / contentment but I'm trying to understand the entire scope of why Harmony is the co-pilot. Is the reason because we INFJ's absorb all emotions, so if the people surrounding us are not harmonious, we'll absorb the negative energies that they emit and in turn be unhappy? I'm starting to wonder if Harmony is also in line with "balance"? I've been struggling to find much more mental and physical balance to live a healthier and happier life but am not sure if that goes together or is completely different. As I've become more mature with age and experience, I have certainly set boundaries with the world and the people in it so that I could have my mental peace and happiness, but it has often led to driving people away because I draw a line in the sand. This has led to me feeling like I make boundaries within reason for myself, but others don't accept those boundaries (not even because they're offensive but because it seems a bit...straight edge? Or that's what I assume they think) so I keep them distant to protect myself from feeling hurt and then it becomes a defense strategy -- & then this all gets mushed and confusing.
+G It's not that Harmony is automatically people-pleasing, but in its less sophisticated form it can take on that strategy to avoid conflict. The more sophisticated and developed the Harmony process is the less it's about people-pleasing and the more it's about kindness, setting healthy boundaries and resolving conflict. Joel just wrote an article with some of these concepts more fleshed out here: www.personalityhacker.com/infj-personality-type/ Hope that helps. :) -A-
Omg I totally have underdeveloped Harmony, and Accuracy totally hijacks my happines. I have a toxic parent, and I am aware that I need to set the boundary in our relationship in order to be happy, but I just don't have the gut to face him and to open my heart and tell to that person how hurt I am, because I'm afraid of hurting him. He was a good parent to me when we lived under the same roof, but now calls me only to ask me for money, which I don't have. And because of that unability to face him, I make the famous door slam move, or the cold cut off, some INFJs are known for. Leaving the parent in the dark not knowing why I'm not calling or answering no more. And than i go into the never ending circle of self loathing and self critisism. It is just too hard.
I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks before discovering I'm an INFJ. It is very helpful to know this bc I am starting this journey now, I was held back by the relationship. Thanks for the vid!
My uncle is the complete opposite of all that I value and stand for. Vain, manipulative, shallow, materialistic. "Lie only if you know you can get away" - his words of wisdom when I worked with him in his business. He had an argument with a customer then decided to snap at me over a small mistake he cause me to make absent mindedly. He was taking it out on me like I'm some punching bag. I'm against saying anything that would sour anyones mood. So I stared at him. I was furious and all I could do was channel this fury through my eyes. Didn't break eye contact even when he was stuttering his words. I let the stare linger long after he was done. Didn't blink. I'm sure he got the message that I despised him from the bottom of my heart at that moment . 20 mins later I'm taking to him. Work stuff. Give him the idea that im mostly over it. I live with him so I cant make it awkward at his home. Funny, he tried to talk to me regarding non work related stuff (rarely happens) in front of his wife at home to see if we were cool. I smiled, played the part to maintain harmony. Few months later. He overstayed his Visa, got deported. I'm family, so wanted me to take his business cuz im the only one he can trust there. I refused and went backpacking to Australia. Lol. Business that he built through deceit where only the deceitful come to make their living. No thanks. I dont want my soul to rot like his. Took some time but I've learned to understand and forgive his kind. Cant appreciate the good in the absence of the bad.
I agree. Because we are givers and like to help people, we are often taken advantage of. I agree we need to set boundaries. I am very proactive. I like to keep busy and do not like boredom. Because of this business, we automatically do things that help others, that others then expect it to continue to happen. We often do not think of our own needs. I often don't ask the question "Do you love me". I am one who displays my love by cooking a good meal. (Romantic). Finding ways to make the person happy. This is an area I have to teach myself to speak my feelings. That there are times when boundaries need to be in place. I don't like to hurt people and do not like to be hurt either. Sometimes I way things up first, other times I just speak what's on mind. (Then told I am judgmental, when I explain what they say or do is not right, if I feel I am right). Communication is a must. Most relationships suffer this the most. It depends on the person as many may see what you say or do as a criticism and get angry. Communication comes to a end. (Conflict is not our favourite). One is sometimes more mature than their partner. Debates are often seen as arguments or forcing ones opinion on them. Not true. One cannot force one to do anything if they don't want to. That too can cause conflict. There are always areas in our personality that need improving. This applies to both people interacting. The INFJ keep a lot to themselves and only open up if they can trust the person they are with. They are just so complex. One minute a talker, next can be one who is silent and observing. (Then asked what's wrong - nothing's wrong, just in a quiet space). A introvert -our cave, then extrovert, enjoying being with people. All depends on the situation they are in. Often feel my mind is a huge filing cabinet. Looking, sensing, listening, absorbing, analyzing information and actions. A very curious mind. (The where, when, how, why, who) Its no wonder they need their quiet space. I am curious to know if other INFJ feel this at times too.
...I've read alot and heard alot and observed many regarding everything "INFJ", ...the 1st 6 min is pretty dope. I can't totally digest the entire car model in this moment but I am definately liking this extremely visual add to explaining processing. Specifically with a model most tend to have done or can relate to.
"As INFJ, your mind is fundamentaly wired differently from other personnalities" Of course it is ! As the 15 others personnality types wirings are different from each others. Otherwise, 99% of the population would share the exact same personnality ...
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This has helped me understand so much about my husband a newly discovered INFJ!
Wow, I'm learning more about myself.
ruclips.net/video/kYMXydewHNA/видео.html
oh man... being an infj has almost been like a disability for me.
@@jtime7413 yip
Hear hear.. However, after 40 years of WTF.. Things are coming together nicely.. We’re late bloomers.
lol for real
I struggled with indecisiveness when I was younger. Working as an expediter in a restaurant helped. There were often times I had to decide quickly. Picture a fancy restaurant, the orders for two different tables are ready, but there's a problem...both tables ordered a steak but the kitchen only prepared one steak. Two tables, two pretty waitresses, the food is getting colder by the second. Both tables are in the exact same situation. Each table is being served by an attractive woman who is now pressuring me that her table is the one I should pick. There's no tie-breaking information to dig up and even if there was there is no time to do it before the food gets cold. I would try to remember which server I didn't pick and make sure to pick her the next time. (it happened a few times a night)
Sometimes the best thing you can do is decide quickly so that nothing worse happens. One table and one server will be upset. Life decided that. However, If I delay in deciding, both will be upset.
Sometimes the speed with which you make a decision is more important than the analysis you put into it. Working in a high-speed decision making environment may help you develop decisiveness.
@@joshy2joshy I totally agree but me at 58 lost a lot because people still thinking I'm have a mental issue so no familles friends but work it's at home and I still learn a lot happy to discover this post...have a nice day
we are perfectionists that's why we worry all the time!!! we have to stop trying to please every body cause it's impossible!! i am writing this for myself too!!!
I'm working in pleasing myself...it's so hard yo put myself first
Yes. Yes.
I am an Empowered INFJ Empath and I'm still learning how to use my ability in a positive way to improve my life and those around me.
“How are two people in an argument saying the same thing?” 😂 yessssss
Ikr! I felt that so deeply... Sometimes its literally just a matter of peoples definition of certain words in their argument... Its always these unspoken meanings and lack of effective communication that cause people to think they are on two different sides of an issue when they really aren't... Thats like one of the biggest things that stresses me out...
Gandalf the Wanderer
Exactly. Context counts. But most people seem to forget that, and focus more on specific words instead of the personal meanings behind those words.
Omg Lmao 😂 me too
Pride problems
It's a fundamental lack of understanding another's perspective.
Some questions for INFJs to reflect on in order to develop further:
Am I truly giving back or just seeking approval?
What's the kind thing I can do and not just the nice thing?
How can I be available to meet peoples needs without compromising my own?
What others reflective questions do you think could help INFJs grow?
Am I setting healthy boundaries with people in my life? Am I sticking to these boundaries even if it might mean confronting someone?
You are not giving back nor seeking approval. Youll just be disappointed. Go on zero mode. When you have nothing you wont have anything to give nor lose anything.
Kind thing to do is to tell the truth but in a storytelling style and have other thing as an example so you wont offend them if you think the truth is contrary to general perception.
Your needs is always first. The airplane analogy. Help yourself first before helping others.
This list of quesions sums up what I asked myself in middle school and turned my life around for the better like a complete 180. Didn't know about this personality stuff back then. I am the baseline and I am usually on a mode where I end up ignoring my surroundings in places with a lot of people me as I spend much time inside. I help others whenever I feel the need/want to without compromising myself. I make sure I read people well enough to know how to balance my 100% honest self and them. I tailor how I address them and what I am helping guide them in to them specifically, so that I am direct as can be but they are capable of taking it in one way or another that won't make them get too defensive so they come to terms with their maybe unhealthy traits and do something about the situation they are in at the time. Have a friend that took 3 yrs to convince to have the courage to confront another and put themselves where they need to be-- not with that person as it was very unfair to that other person for 3 yrs. Such is life.
Can I help the people in my life without hurting me? Will these people help themselves?
Well said :)
my ten year old has me worrying about stuff that may never happen. I read too deeply into things. I go from being happy to mad at the same person in the same sitting
Charles Benson Yes, me too.
Charles Benson I did that too. Over thinking the situation.
Charles, I relate to what you’re saying.
Kids tend to inherit this type of personality so beware.. You cant always see it at a Young age.. It start manifesting at the age of 10-11
Same
As an INFJ, I've learned that I need to work on setting boundaries for myself. I set one a few minutes ago after I realized why I was one of my relationships didn't go so well and why I was left somewhat bitter or dissatisfied. I always put his needs first and when I needed him to do the same for me, I now realized that he had put boundaries to protect himself first before he could cater to me. After understanding how I show love and how I receive it and after understanding that I need to set boundaries and not be afraid to say no I will surely not make the same mistakes over and over. Its something that I needed to hear. I see me understanding the ways that I receive love as something that can help my future (and current) relationships
Try "the Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider, they really work.
Even if you put boundaries you will not be happy with someone who puts boundaries. Use boundaries to protect yourself but try to find someone who will not put boundaries with you.
Detach with love :)
Omg I'm so happy for you 🤗
@@emrek1 " Protect thou heart" I don't believe having boundries is a bad thing with the ones you love. Because in the end it's those who are closest to us that can hurt us.
“I too grant approval to others.”
That hit my soul!
I love how you talk like we think. In the ENTP video you adapted your speaking style to them, in this you're adapted to us. I'm really impressed by how you do that.
W2G, Joel! That's like, incredible.
John Andrews I saw you in the INTJ video and now I see you here.
San Nay // Yeah? What'd I say in the comments on the INTJ video? 😊
You contested the fact that INTJs had the highest rate of relationship dissatisfaction because they strived to seek highest satisfaction. But now you're INFJ?
Huh, how long ago was that? Nah, I've always tested INFJ in MBTI. Though I did think I was probably an INTJ before I took the test, but that would have been way before I commented on any videos about it.
My dad is an INTJ tho, and is happily married to my mom-an ESTJ (yes, that's been tough for me as an INFJ that my mom is an ESTJ, we tend to get on each other's nerves on accident, there is a lot of miscommunication a lot of the times, but I love her a lot, and I've never had to question if she's loved me or not). But I suspect that's because of values more than personality. Hmm. Maybe I meant to comment on this video... I remember reading about INFJs and their satisfaction in relationships.
when i discovered infj was a thing and there are people like me and im not just a weird super thinker i was vary relieved to say the least! it blew my mind how accurate this is for me and my lifes endeavors so far! ive always known i was different than my peers. i was often told i was a very cock kid but i knew i wasnt i just kinda knew stuff also it was always striking to me how others missed so many key points when trying to read others, like i could tell you if someone was lying by the way they turned their head when that specific part of their story came around and it was just a tiny tiny bit off putting then id follow up with a question about something they were passionate about and boom they sure as shit spoke in a slightly different manner and within minutes even seconds i would seemingly know that person was lying! but i always kept my insight in my head because i dident want people to take me for this cocky kid even when i sheerly knew i was spot on with my analysis for any given situation! these videos have brought allot of light on why i felt so odd as a child but im starting to see things different now and in a very good way i might add!
James Klass bro!!! Same!!! Finding out all of this stuff changes everything 😂 I’m so happy now and everything makes sense
James Klass WE THE END TIMES ANGELS..TRUTH.THE LIGHT ..JUST LIKE JESUS CHRIST
Right
Yessssss,
I tend to analyse people who I am talking to and everytime I point it out,people tend to be mad and stuff because they know I am right,
I tend to spent hours trying to understand someone and just seeing me proving that person is lying feel sooo satisfying
Am so happy for your growth , as I too know how hard it has been to get to where I am today ! ( I do feel, that I will never be done, in my long journey ) !
This explains why I can accept people unconditionally irl but online I have zero patience for people whose ideas I find harmful to others. People who know me irl are often surprised by my online ruthless behavior.
Just went through this EXACT SCENARIO online! It's frustrating.
👍💪🫡❤
Shut in behavior: not necessarily connected with self loathing; self protection is an aspect, especially when recovering from situations involving toxic people, or people in your space, defying attempted boundaries, maybe sly, untrustworthy types.
These situations can also trigger depression, a not uncommon side-kick to fear or struggles with setting and enforcing personal boundaries.
You hit the nail on the head-- self protection, not loathing. Strangely, even the people who create these videos really cannot understand the personality type. I find it somewhat hilarious. While I connect with analogies, this pronouncement seem a little disingenuous. If others would stop and truly listen and avoid diagnosing us or telling us to getting thicker skins, we'd be more apt to open up than we are. Those things have less to do with personality than consideration. All people need to exercise consideration: period.
@@happyfenton7977 Thank you for your comment.
100% accurate.
I see the makers of this video never replied to your comment…I really wish they would have. For a long time now, I’ve been not a “shut in” but a “shut out” of the pain inflicting people I was always there for all of their lives. It’s confusing as hell! I also don’t see it as “self loathing” at all! But I might call it loathing my life and loathing my fate to be born an INFJ… Because just not an advantageous type to be in such a selfish world. 😞
Setting boundaries on time is the BEST advice, if we don't do it people get surprised when we disappear from their lives and we end up looking like the "bad guy".
I can definitely relate to this. I want people around me to be happy, and I avoid conflict to such an extreme that I would rather keep my true thoughts and feelings to myself than ruffle any feathers or start a debate. This is probably the thing I dislike most about myself. There is only one person that I feel comfortable being vulnerable with and that is my husband. My strong connection with him actually worries me because if anything were to ever happen to him I would feel completely and utterly alone. I have a supportive family and friends but I feel as if they don't really know me on the level that I long to be known on, to my own fault. One relationship I would like to develop more is my relationship with my mom. I love her. She has a strong voice in life which I envy. I often times do not agree with her but I always nod in agreement because she can get quite defensive and passionate when someone opposes her views which is very intimidating to me. My husband gets very annoyed that I don't "stand up for myself. He tells me that my opinion matters and I agree, I just don't feel that its worth expressing them in the moment but overall its something I really wish I could do.
I actually hate it. I'm an unhealthy infj empath and I think I'm famous... OR CRAZY. I don't watch TV and I refuse to because I don't want to know.
Yup. =[
Am very happy for you, that your husband is so supportive of you !
Learning about the hardwiring of my mind has been a game changer for me. Setting boundaries was my biggest challenge but I have learned to say no, even to those hardest to say no to. Saying no to my family led to a conversation with them that changed our relationship and they now are more respectful of my time. I no longer value others approval over my own. I'm more confident and speaking up more often in groups where I usually fade into the background. I'm still working on finding a balance between getting the time I need as an introvert and not being a shut in on the weekends as I have a lot of human interaction through out the week.
+Teressa R Thanks for sharing your journey. How are you finding that balance? What have you been trying?
+Joel Mark Witt It's been a big challenge to experience harmony the past month or so due to illness, a 2 hour commute to work and the fact that I live alone (except for two lovely cats). I'm a team lead and have a lot people coming to me for help from all directions. I find if I proactively check in with my team from time to time and make sure they are okay on a personal level, I experience a lot of good feedback. On these days even if someone has had a difficult interaction with a customer or multiple customers, I am able to help them resolve the issues and we are usually able to find humor in the situation. On days that I get busy with projects, I find if I don't check in with my team and someone is having a bad day, I absorb the emotion and take it home with me. By the end of weeks like these I don't want to be around anyone. Lately even if I have one of those days or weeks I still try not to shut myself off from the world. I make plans to at least meet up for few hours with a friend to watch a sporting event or try out a new place for brunch. I'm currently working on finding a job that puts me into flow since the lack of flow is also part of the reason I tend to place too much focus on preserving energy.
I can relate to this ... I need my Ni and Fe to be completely switched on at work (as a social worker), so when I'm home again I'm so relieved that it's hard to force myself to spend time with anyone other than my husband. Things are different this year because I'm at home with our baby, so I've got plenty of time for Ni and have to figure out what Fe looks like in this context!
The 10 year old example is perfect and indeed, I was acting literally like I did in this age remaining in a comfort bubble and avoiding everything and everyone, time to act on this matter, thank you!
Are you literal shut in? Like you don't want to go to work and shopping? Or socializing? Thats when it can get unhealthy if you are depressed.
Great video, Joel :) It really spoke to me. I've always felt like a week and disingenuous person because I want all people to approve of me, even the ones I don't like. Even crazymakers. I have some work to do when it comes to setting boundaries. My defence is to not get too friendly with anyone. I can be personal and share stuff, sure, but I usually keep people at a "social distance" where they can't hurt me. I often find that a friendship with someone implies a kind of loyalty I am not willing to offer. I have to do stuff _because_ we're friends. And I think I feel this way because I have a hard time saying no and set healthy boundaries, and not because my friends are being "mean" to me. If I don't set boundaries, I don't get the respect I want and people walk all over me. And I laughed a bit at the physical shut-in part. I do that. When my ENFP boyfriend goes away for days or weeks at the time, I have no idea what I'm doing. I fall into some sort of depression and have a tendency to stay in the house for days at the time and be afraid of other people looking at me (this is super weird) and afraid to have to make conversation with anyone. When I'm fully in my harmony process, I'm the total opposite of that. It's like I got two different personalities. Luckily, I now identify the signs of this accuracy-depression when it starts sneaking up on me, and know I have to be socialized in some way to escape it. Thank you for making this video, it is very comforting to hear that there is a solution to my accuracy-problems :)
+Linn Spets I'm glad the video was helpful! One thing that's easy to do when we form a relationship with someone who can do the 'heavy lifting' in an area where we're not fully developed (yet) is we tend to over rely on them. Joel is an ENFP, and I've noticed as an ENTP I tend to over rely on his ability to help me suss out what I'm experiencing emotionally (since it's a bit of a blind spot for me). I've found myself manufacturing arguments with him so he can hold space for me and begin the discovery process of what I'm experiencing. It's super effective for me, but also a total dick move - he's exhausted for having to hold that space in a place of aggression, whereas I bounce away happy I had my need of introspection handled.
Obviously that's probably not going to happen in your dynamic (as an ENFP/INFJ couple), but it was mostly an example of how it can happen. And as an INFJ/ENFP couple I could totally see over relying on my ENFP mate to play lead on the socializing / keeping the conversation and activities going. He probably likes it, even, and would be a little off-put if you stopped relying on him for it. You might have to articulate to him that your growth state means taking the lead on socializing even when he's there totally ready, willing and capable of doing so for the two of you. (I say that with absolutely no real knowledge of either of you, so if my prediction is off please take it with a grain of salt.)
At any rate, thanks for the comment and feedback! I'm sure it's resonating with and helpful to other INFJs. :)
-A-
Great conversation right here. This stuff is gold :-)
Great instincts about yourself +Linn Spets. I think you already identified your growth state of getting into Harmony more. +Antonia Dodge is spot on with the manufacturing of strong emotion to enlist my help. I do the same thing to her - but with thoughts and arguments. I use contrary thinking to get her as an ENTP refine my thought processes.
I love everyone. I try to please everyone before I ever think about pleasing myself. I was born to change the world. My b-day is 10/16/1978 which adds to be 33. It means that I'm also a master teacher. So my name is Walter which means Leader of the army. As a child in church I used to sing I'm in the Lord's Army yes sir. I had a couple of dreams about a year ago that blew my mind. The first one I was an Angel glowing white with wings and all. It woke me up immediately. A couple days later dreaming someone was like whispering in my ear they said they can call you Walter or Jesus it doesn't matter also woke me immediately. This really blew my mind. I have always knew I was different. But not sure why. Now I am sure that I was born to change the world. I now know that I'm one of the 144,000 the bible speaks of. I try to help people but they look at me like I'm crazy. I am lost in my trying to help people understand that we create our own world by thought. We can change the world just by thinking and believing that we can. I think there for i am. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me is the biggest lie ever. Like Jesus said it is not what we pit in our mouths that defile us but what comes out. Words come out. Have I not said that ye are God's. You will do even greater works than I are a couple of Jesus's sayings that I have always known. So like I said every day I try to convince Someone of these things and they laugh at me. This makes me feel like we are truly lost. I want to run as fast as I can to the jungle and live like we were intended to live off the land.
how I give and recieve love is pretty accurate. I struggle with insecurities. often wanting reassurance to see where I stand with certain people. a friend of mine was sick so I txted her and said are you feeling better
As a 59 year old with a degree in sociology/ psychology, I have taken the MB test many times. I always tested to be an INTJ until recently. It was a lifetime goal of mine to not fear social interaction. Having two children then seven grandchildren drive me crazy, especially the ADHD extroverts at times! Lol But it was them that eventually helped me to grow the most!
I now test as an INFJ-A and on the enneagram I am a 1 with a 2 wing: Both labeled as The Advocate.
My sustained truths: I will move mountains for a person with appreciates my effort. I hate being interrupted when on a role. Criticize or doubt me (personally) and I will stay to myself for years gardening, researching and being with animals instead of people.
I still have tons of growth needed!
I wish I knew MBTI typing earlier in life so that I did not need to feel lost all the time. I didn't need to feel so lonely in this universe. It's not like I don't have friends, I have a lot but the void I feel is too real coz even I couldn't explain why I do what I do and why I feel what I feel.
+Dwi Purwanti Feeling you! ;)
Thanks, SmittenKitten. It feels great to know that I am not the only one. There are few more people out there that shares the weirdness, the craziness and the rollercoaster of feelings 😁
+Dwi Purwanti Hi Dwi... I feel you. Learning MBTI & cognitive function helps my self-development A LOT. Please check blog.rizkysyaiful.com. I haven't post anything about MBTI. But sooner or later I will, because it's crucial to human happiness. :)
If you're interested in MBTI posts, especially in Indonesia context, don't forget to subscribe your email there... :)
Dwi Purwanti There are a few of us hiding amongst the "normals" of society. We should come up with some sort of signal so we instantly recognize one another! ❤
I can identify with what is described here. Although I have been on a personal growth journey since first discovering that I am an INFJ 17 years ago, I still find that every once in a while, I morph into what I think will make the other person happy. This happens much less than it used to but still my journey continues. There is more work to do as far as me allowing people to demand my attention. I am much better at saying no however, I am in a new relationship and need to be better at putting up boundaries as far as how often he wants to be with me. As much as I enjoy being with him, there are other things in my life that are being neglected and this causes me some stress; not a great amount of stress but I am concerned about falling into a pattern. This video is very helpful to me because it serves as very strong affirmation for me to avoid my blindside and to be self-aware as I move through my life. Thank you posting this.
+Janet Ferritto Thank you Janet for taking the time to watch and respond thoughtfully. I really appreciate it.
“Harmony requires the strength to wade through a world of people in pain looking for someone to act as an emotional dialysis machine.”
That one hit home man.
I'm 17, and Personality Hacker has been such a comfort and a relief lately. I've known I was an INFJ since I was 14, when I took the paper test for a Family and Consumer Science class in our Relationships unit, but I really appreciate how Personality Hacker focuses on growth and coaching people on how they can navigate the world while considering their unique needs and comfort zone. Thank you for all that you do!!! 😊
This right on and so helpful. The car analogy and specific ways that I can focus on personal growth for my personality is so so helpful. Excellent information, thank you!
+DivorceDoesNotDefineYou Thanks for watching and commenting.
I recently have just discovered MBTI and am extremely grateful to have been introduced. I was also advised by the person who introduced me to watch this video after taking the test, being categorized as an INFJ-A. I have read a lot of articles on the subject before arriving here (feeling shocked by the accuracy). I rarely comment on a video is a colossal understatement for me. However I was in tears during a section of this video when you stated "at worst INFJ's can become physical shut-ins....." you asked for a reply and given the euphoric feeling you have given me at this moment of ending your video, I felt I owed you a reply. I locked myself away from the world for over seven years (literally), the reasons and circumstances are irrelevant to the public but I was truly compromised in ways I believed were irrevocable. I have since emerged in a small way and, I will honor your advise by continuing to grow my harmony process! The person who introduced me is an extroverted feeling (harmony)! Maybe fate knocking haha! The entire video spoke to me, after feeling incomprehensible to others for so many years, I am so very grateful for this moment and with all my willpower will carry it forward with me every day! Thank you so much!
Wow, proud of you moving forward, slow is ok. I'm at the point in life when Im about done with people, to painful. Hard to find balance
I've recently discovered I am an INFJ. It has answered a lot of questions about why I am the way I am. But dealing with this has been hard for me because of how I was raised. By wolves I think. All about bravado and shiwing off. Especially with violence. It took me a long time to realize fighting physically was wrong. I used to knock guys down and let them know I could destroy their face, then get up without throwing a punch. Win. Win. Right? I'm 55 and have so much to learn and understand about myself. Thanks for clearing up some things about my psycology. Very appreciated
Enfp here it warmed my heart to watch this video especially the show love part infjs are the best!
ENFP are ❤️
I know right? Like please intrude, you are welcome and I have so many questions.
wow iv never been able to explain myself but I can be a contradiction. . I cannot believe the accuracy of this. ..
I always wondered why I was different and see the universe in the way that I do. .
over the years my intuition of self has grown..
I have to seek truth at all times. .
knowing the truth has made me understand things better. .
I recently read a post on Quora about the differences between Ni and Ne. Ni was described as essentially seeing possibilities of recurring themes. Ne was described as seeing the possibilities for particulars. I thought this was a great way of putting it. Ni dominants can do both, but seeing the potential of general themes and detecting patterns in the world is what you will do most, as an Ni dominant. What your focus is on is determined by your extroverted functions. An INFJ will take in social/emotional data and intuit upon that information. INTJs will take in mechanical information and intuit upon it. The accuracy of that information will depend on how much information is collected and the more experience the individual has. Over time, ideas will be refined. The tertiary function will play a major role in this process. For an INFJ, Ti will help to refine the process, either by fine tuning definitions for a theory or by more accurately determining the most accurately logical information. For INTJs, it may feel more like authenticity and creating a vision for an ideal future for the individual. An INTJ may have a vision of an ideal world which is existentially profitable for mankind, according to the individual
Thank you Eric for adding to the conversation. ~ Joel
I would like to take the personality test that you mentioned. It all makes sense. I am astonished.
I've set boundaries by saying no to this situation that could've been an unhealthy relationship and after watching the video I could finally understand why and how I'm prepared to fully embrace who I am and stand for myself. I didn't even know what I was doing, but it's nice hearing that what I've done has somehow helped me to better myself and my Fe. Thank you so much!!
Camila Pereira me too, idk why but this video fits perfectly, recently i've just begun to stop self-sacrificing all the time and sometimes i need to stand up for myself and burn bridges with some people i've wasted my time on.This world is not perfect, people are never perfect, that is a really huge insight i've internalized recently.
I am INFJ and hear me roar!!! I understand everything that your talking about and I've conquered all of these external and internal conflicts with God showing me who I am in him. It is the misconception that we judge ppl but we do not ... ppl judge themselves. Because we are intuitive we pick up what ppl don't say. We know what's going choose not to comment. Most ppl have wanted me to participate in whatever foolishness that they are currently participating in when I decline they feel like I judge them. I use to put myself on the back burner for others comfort but when I overstood that there comfort was not my responsibility it freed me. I will still help you but I will not let you mistreated me. I will no longer sugar coat shit so don't ask me my opinion because I will not lie to you to save your feelings. I will not be mean or nasty but I will be direct. The best advice I can give to a fellow INFJ is set some goals. The way our mind thinks you will examine all the parts and make them work to reach your goals. When parts (ppl) do not reciprocate the same that you give out let it go with no remorse. Be unapologetically you. With no explanation. You all so hungry for someone to understand you did you once ask yourself why do they want to know? I don't want anyone to overstand how I think. because knowledge is power and I am not interested in giving mine away. I now value my oddities because it gives me an edge over others. I overstand myself and other. The world is my oyster and I am the Pearl. Like I said I am INFJ with a purpose and plan. I run the show hear me ROAR!!!
When you said harmony, I thought of the feeling in my chest I’ve always either been seeking after or thriving from. Inner peace in my heart. A lack of this creates a deep void and isolation. A bounty of this creates… well, it creates magic.
So thank you. I’m so tired of thinking for 4 years. Harmony is the goal
I just discovered this through the 16persomality test and with this type of personality to set Life has almost forced me to set boundaries and I’m Catching it early in life.
I enjoy having everything 100% finished no matter the situation so one thing I’m learning is to be patient with whatever I do if I want 100% of anything.
16 Shades of Love!
Has anyone noticed that we represent the 16 sides of GOD's Love in; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8?
1. Long Suffering - ISFJ
2. Kind - ISFP
3. Envieth Not - ESTP
4. Vaunteth Not Itself - ISTP
5. Not Puffed Up - INTP
6. Doesn't Behave Itself Unseemly - ISTJ
7. Seeketh Not Her Own - ENFJ
8. Not Easily Provoked - ESFP
9. Thinketh No Evil - INTJ
10. Rejoiceth Not In Iniquity - INFJ
11. Rejoiceth In The Truth - ENTP
12. Beareth All Things - ESFJ
13. Believeth All Things - ENFP
14. Hopeth All Things - INFP
15. Endureth All Things - ESTJ
16. Never Faileth - ENTJ
Had to go KJV for the poetic feel, smile emoticon lol... baring in mind though I feel we only truly resonate these qualities at full wack when we're closer to GOD, through the Holy Spirit...
Mack Wicker dude, best thought out collection of writings ever it’s crazy
That is an incredible observation and connection to GODs Word!
We are also the children of the Goddess Kuan Yin !
Interesting only 1 INFJ...be careful how you co-relate The Lord..
What?! I’m gonna have to look that up!
There is no love of fear, only when love is feared. For fear is loved for those who fear it.
I do work on myself everyday and it is amazing. I found myself being critical of someone just because they were quiet around me and not others. I caught myself one day and didn't know how to stop the critical thoughts so I began telling myself, I like so and so, and it worked. My life has improved tremendously and I get more smiles .
I hate being vulnerable so I never open up. I only let others know what I believe they have earned through trust, but I like it that way. It keeps me in control of the situation and keeps me protected 🏌🏾♂️
"I have two quick lists for you, today" - Y'all are brilliant. Brilliant.
Regarding your question, how I as an infj am withdrawn and hesitant to vulnerability, it's been an obstacle in my life since I was in elementary school. I made two special friends in elementary school (one in 1st and the other in 2nd). In middle and high school, sure I made friends but they were more....acquaintances than anything else. Passing, fleeting, temporary relationships. I went through every grade with those two friends from elementary school to graduation. Now, at 23 years old, I don't have them as my friends anymore. One of them moved to Virginia so we don't talk, and we didn't have as strong of a relationship as the other friend anyways. The other friend, however, we got into an argument probably about 3 or 4 months ago, and haven't talked since. When I say I would take a bullet for this girl, that's coming from a very deep part of me. But, now, I don't have anyone. That's.....special like that. I've always been socially withdrawn. Not that I don't socialize, but I over analyze everything and everyone (including myself) to the point where I'm not...well....vulnerable for friendships to form like that. I always considered myself picky. But now, I'm not sure what I can do to be less...defensive I guess? Any tips will help. I've been looking into my personality type in depth for the last couple months, even bought a book that's really related to me. Please help, I crave special relationships lol.
Playing around with different test, I tent to get INFJ and INFP. Hearing this description I see that I was growing in an INFJ environment. I was told to fit in, constantly bashed if I wanted something for myself, when that won't make happy the people around me, constantly being criticized and I hated that! But when I moved out, I naturally started setting boundaries, saying no, being compassionate. And I do feel as an INFP, but sometimes I might act a certain INFJ way.
+jTiKey Same here for the environment/childhood... But i turned INTJ. Adapting to survive/overcome the heavy gift of introverted feelings. Realizing it i think that i remain both. We'll see what the future will give us to see.
+Wooden Iron same. I was typed as an INTJ initially because growing up in an abusive home left no room for feeling. I've always felt deeply, it's just been a journey to learn to express it and be okay with vulnerability (with the right people).
+Alexis Fulford I am so sorry to hear about your abuse, Alexis.
Your comment reminded me of something that happened to me a while ago. I was complaining to my therapist about my "people pleasing" tendencies, talking about all the ways it had held me back, and how it had crippled my ability to let people love me for who I really am. She waited patiently until I was finished before saying: "But, it has also helped make you a sensitive, caring person who is good at listening, right?"
My point is that your personality as an INTJ is not simply a negative side effect of your abuse. There is beauty in your type, too. I'm sure that if you take the time to mature your functions you will be able to embrace your vulnerability with those who deserve it.
Wishing you the best with your growth,
An INFJ
Bub Collins I'm actually an INFJ, I just typed as an INTJ intially because of the way I grew up. And never be sorry for me, I wouldn't trade the way I grew up for anything. As you said, it's made it so I can give and receive honest answers with people, just by reading their body language.
jTiKey i
Totally like that !
My Ti prejudge people all the time , tries to problem solve like crazy , will read minds / see the future and come to a negative conclusion all the time . So what I'm saying it's totally an underdeveloped immature defensive strategy .
It's trying to keep me safe by isolating me from potential threats in relationships . It's looking for catastrophes to be avoided .
I've been reading self help material since childhood, I didn't even realize people were making such a big deal about infj until I googled it my result. What?! even people saying to others "you're not a REAL infj, you just want to be cool" what? who would argue with someone that they're REALLY introverted intuitive,feeling and judging. Crazy!
I can see how what you said about strengthening your boundaries is true. It shows that you value yourself which is empowering and good for a self critical INFJ. Some samples would help make understanding these functions clearer. Thank you.
+, PH wrote an article on the subject of developing Harmony as a Co-pilot process which may be helpful. You can read it here: www.personalityhacker.com/developing-the-harmony-process-as-an-infj/
-A-
It's a bit funny reading this comment because this is exactly how I speak. Don't you ever wish you had a personal relationship with another INFJ? Or is that just me feeling needy for someone to relate to?
Wow, this gave me both tears and laughter! And a lot of insight to why I do certain things....
Really awesome, THANK YOU ! 🙏
I feel empowered , as no one understands me. I understand them and it is ok.
it's interesting to note that while I have to set boundaries and have harmony in my relationships with others I also don't want to end up letting the 10 year old take over and completely shut everyone out or give up on everyone (which I sometimes end up doing). I guess it is all about balance...learning to say yes to quality relationships and knowing when to say no to toxic relationships (not letting people use your need to help others to their advantage and your disadvantage) in other words not letting people walk all over you because of the extraverted feeling you have--->which then leads to betrayal and trust issues. It is difficult to have the right balance of people in your life and not feel run down and broken sometimes when a relationship backfires(like a good friendship, I am not even talking about romance as that is far out even more narrow and difficult)
So important for us to be noticed and appreciated but not be the center of attention. It sucks when no one checks in. So you don't want to bother anyone even though it bothers you why there is such a lack of interest and why no one seems to care how you are doing. I don't like it when people pick at me, like ask me how I feel or what I am doing without the intention of actually caring about my response. I would rather someone ask me if I might want to join them for coffee or go on a nature hike than ask me what I am up to and how my life is going. I have only a few people with who I am really open with and allow them to know how I really am feeling and thinking and what is going on with me, because even though I am a good listener, I like to know that someone cares about my response and is able to listen to me as well. That's why the circle of people I trust and really have strong relationships with is very small (I can literally count it on one hand) But I don't want to shut out other people and deny friendships, I am always open to them so long as people want me to be there and there is a mutual understanding, like I know that my presence really is required and desired then I put the effort into going and spending time with others, only when I know for sure that I feel included and people really care about me being there. If not, I end up slowly cutting people out of my life and searching for others with whom I can build a good friendship. Sometimes, I feel like giving up and shutting myself out (10 yr old taking over there I guess) In my life only a few people stay and have stayed with me. Most people end up passing through
Excellent video. I can relate to everything stated here, but what really resonates with me is that idea of boundary setting. I do always want everyone else to be happy and working in harmony, but it is all too easy to get caught in that cycle of approval/disapproval that you mentioned. I used to almost never say no to anyone and if I did, I would feel guilty for days afterward. I would always put myself and my own needs dead last, lest I was being "selfish". I am trying to be better with setting those boundaries now (though it's still hard) because I have realized that I cannot help anyone else if I am not healthy myself. It's like you have said before about getting everyone's needs met; I do count as a subset of everyone. Thank you for producing media like this, to help people better understand who they are and how to navigate through the outside world.
+Ryan C Thank you for watching and leaving your feedback. Here's my question to you...What specific action steps will you take in your life based on new awareness?
+Joel Mark Witt That's a good question. I do like your idea of saying no to everyone for a day, just to get used to it and also, not putting so much weight into the approval and disapproval of others. The trick will be to do this in a positive way, without resorting to the hyper criticism of the 10-year old Accuracy. It's a matter of creating personal space but not at the cost of pushing everyone away. That's my take on it anyways.
+Ryan C Cool. Thanks for your thoughts. Hope we see you hanging around the Personality Hacker community.
+Ryan C I try to remember that when most people ask something of you it is WAY less of a deal for them than it is for me. They're just ASKING. Their very existence is not hanging in the balance dependent on my answer being yes. If I can't do it and I say "No." they simply move down the list and ask someone else. They don't take it personally. Probably don't even think of it again. If they act disappointed it is usually just social etiquette. Like "Ohhhh! We really wanted you to be able to come!" They just want to make you feel good like they are really going to miss you! Problem is that we are so sensitive that even though we KNOW this is just decorum we still take it as if we let someone down. They were just trying to make us feel important and instead they made us feel like crap. LOL!!!
not this video calling me out at 3:22 am for becoming an actual hermit and nursing my wounds in isolation for days at a time when i feel emotionally vulnerable 😀😀😀
Thank God I finally see this channel. This will be great help for me. I am an INFJ. These are true, so true.
I am INFJ-A. This personality is so glorified that I start to think it is a gift to be INFJ, it may be a good or bad thing to think about this like that. Afterall I don't know what it is like to be other personality, so trying to understand this personality from "inside" is quite hard and you have to rely on material and content like this to understand yourself truly
Over the years, my 10 year old has got me worrying about if the kindness I show to people will ever be returned in the same caliber that I gave it. It's quite annoying because now I hesitate sometimes before I do something nice.
This video, along with all your other videos on the INFJ Personality Type, has caused a great deal of "aha's" on my part; and I was very sceptical on the whole theory on cognitive functions (due to the MBTI questionnaire relying heavily on the insight people have in themselves) - but I have researched A LOT for the past two weeks, and gosh, does everything make perfect sense when taking real-life behavior into account.
Like one user commented earlier, I really like how you adapt your manner of speaking to the individual type on subject, Joel. I remember listening to the INTJ-typing, and it was much more factual and with a much more business-like in attitude and choice of words.
Please, continue doing that when making videos on growth for the individual types. It really works!
Also, the implementation of exercises or questions we need to do/ask ourselves after we've listened to/watched the video is great. The "read and listen, then do"-approach is probably thought through, but it DOES really give a huuuge boost in understanding and learning from it.
I've been working with my therapist to actually become more vulnerable ,not close myself off and developing boundaries. It's hard but I'm definitely becoming a more balanced, happier INFJ
Tolkien had the INFJ in mind when he wrote his Elven characters (along with other types like INTJ, INTP) -in the Silmarillion they were made from the music of Harmony that created the Universe.
Very insightful. I recently lost my husband and I definitely see the "back seat" taking over things. It's not easy to convince myself to take the journey right now.
+Tiewaz Thank you for sharing your experience.
+Tiewaz I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for taking the time to share what you're going through.
-A-
+Tiewaz I know you posted this nearly half a year ago, so I wanted to ask how you're doing now? ❤
Thank you for the video.
Insightful.
You come across as a great presenter and your voice sounds perfect for radio.
I can relate with this so much. I took the test and end up being an INTP. The Ti child is so cold and distant making me defensive toward people I love. And I stuck in that Ti child for years, I felt misunderstood and lonely. This vid show this so well. When u said set boundaries.. say no to other ppl, I was like “danggg that’s hard” but I will take my lesson. I’ll try set the boundaries and stand for myself. Thank u so much for the info.
wow - while i get the Harmony process as it applies looking outward toward others , i've never thought about turning it in on myself the way it's described here. It's a whole new way to think about it for me. And it addresses boundaries - i've been coming across that topic lately. It also describes accuracy in a different way than i've thought of before. I'm going to have to wrap my head around that more, but it's a different perspective and might help me process some things in a new way. Great video. Thanks
+Sharon M Thank you for the feedback Sharon. I really appreciate it. :-)
Great video and companion posting on Facebook site. I've been reading on this topic for many years, and doubt often if I know my type, but your comment, knowing what I feel is not my strong suit, is still my biggest challenge. I often need to talk this out with a friend who is not like me, just to hear where I am shortchanging myself. In the past, I have tended to disapprove and distance myself, kind of all or nothing. I like the approach of counting myself as one who also needs to be made happy too. Takes time to pause to name it, and then communicate what I need and work out a better arrangement, but I agree it is so worth it. I just feel we all benefit a variety of relationships. Thanks for the confirmation that I am headed in the right direction. But why do we often get paired with sensing types? Like navigators for the sensing blind spot? It is really a godsend to find like minded friends to talk with.
Wow it is so impressive how accurate this podcast is. I am an INFJ and everything that is being shared is so true. About picking up and absorbing emotions and the ability to read the room (so to speak) understanding other people’s emotions and thoughts. I am very spiritual and intuitive which makes it hard because I often attract ‘broke birds’ (aka people who have had traumas and emotional pains) which openly reveal this to me and when I take-in this information with empathy and spiritual assessment to direct them to understand their past event, I often see them walk away happier and relieved from their burden, which they have carried for some time.. but it’s hard to get rid of the spiritual attachment/negative/painful energy that I absorb from the person. This makes it hard to maintain a normal life because if affects how we feel and our energy level drains. Be cause when we take someone’s pain away, we fill those gaps with spiritual love and understanding in energy form. This is what let’s their brain trigger to positive emotions for happy dopamine and other hormones to activate along with other areas of the cranial lobe. It’s all done through energy! It’s amazing but it can feel like a curse because often I need to pray and meditate this negative energy to back into the universe in a way it doesn’t go into people in my environment. I’ve been doing this as a child which is why I thought about being a psychologist, now I’m in my 30’s and I started multiple businesses and I’m also a reiki transcendence master. Which took many years to learn since it was impossible to find someone to teach me these skills and how to use the abilities I have because there are many who are not right in their teachings and are not qualified to teach me of what they cannot accurately do themselves. But it’s been a blessing to see people transform their lives and bloom into beautiful individuals by letting go of their pain and misunderstandings. It’s impossible to do it correctly without the spiritual aspect because Devine energy plays a HUGE role in giving good energy and taking their bad energy in a healthy way. But I always feel misunderstood especially as this gift evolves, I had to learn to be content being alone and misunderstood because it feels like I’m on a life mission. Since I was a child I thought everyone saw the world the way I perceived it and life showed me as I got older it’s not the case. I found There are other abilities infj’s as myself can do but I am not sure if it’s a spiritual gift or an INFJ ability because we can help lead people into spiritual awakening to meet their higher self in Earth form. Our Devine energy allows people to feel comfortable by reaching a hypnotic state of mind (which makes people feel like their on drugs when they’re around me from the feedback I have received), where we can almost see into their souls deepest burdens and pull out those wounds to discuss on the surface. It sounds painful and maybe invasive but it happens so quick and naturally, to those whom I have helped it has been a blessing for them to recognise there was something holding them back from their own spiritual awakening -and they could never figure it out in their own and understand it- so God has put people like these on my path to help them release this pain to me so I can reveal it to my Heavenly Father (once our session is over through intense prayer and meditation) which is how it leave ME and releases them. It’s almost like unlocking a demons a person carries and taking it from them and then giving it to the Strongest One (God) who knows what to do with it because We certainly do not want to be stuck with other peoples demonds. That’s when unexplainable bad things happen which it obvious to me but to others they do not recognise what happened to them. Why they change in awful ways or become attracted to corrupted forms of entertainment. I feel like I’m a complicated version of INfJ because of the spiritual abilities God has given me but it’s why I created reikitransference.com which is being open to the public March 22, 2022. I often take referrals but now I see how it has positively impacted people I want to welcome anyone who desires to transfer their life and experience life through a spiritual awakening. This is the kind of healing I found most affective for those who seek a strong psychologist for help. Spiritual and quantum energy healing can also help people suffering from biological diseases and failing lifestyles that attract painful problems where a person is repeating cycles of drained energy. I often help break those cycles in unique ways in the name of God. This is his path for me, to help put people on their correct path to life life to the fullest.
-I’m so grateful to you guys and this amazing podcast!! Wow I struggled many years to put these abilities to words and this is soooo 💯💯💯 on point. You guys are a blessing in this world and I strongly believe you will always be remembered and appreciated in the depth of our hearts and existence.
What a great video. I'm having a terrible week . I'm a failure with boundaries . Just yesterday for the first time ever , I told a very needy friend that I was sorry I have not been chatty and that I am going through a thing . Even today she's still telling me what's wrong in HER life . I try to have empathy because she is schizophrenic. I'm not answering today . The part on love and it can be smothering , wow . My ex boyfriend, actually my longest relationship ever is very observant . He once told me that he thinks my love is too big and overwhelming for people . He said probably nobody really deserves me and don't feel like they can live up to the way I love . I HAVE about 99% become a stay in . I lose relationships because friends ask me to do things and I rarely do . The only one who doesn't give up and asks me every week if I would like to go out to eat is my mother . I only have boundaries with two people and that is because they have personality disorders that make them abusive . It's the only way to keep my sanity mostly intact . Thank you for this video.
Following what this video taught me had gotten me into an enlightened state in about a week.
I found the comment about Ti, accuracy, being a pitfall for INFJ's to be very interesting. Often I use my function of introverted thinking to "come to the rescue" and help me understand the reasons why something is painful for me. But I agree that it can pull me away from people, and I've definitely seen it cause judgement in my life. Particularly in instances of great emotional hurt, I've seen this Ti function cast judgement on the person themselves, rather than the actions of that person. I fall into the Ni/Ti subtype of INFJ, so I sometimes find my Fe/Se functions to be underdeveloped. I'm definitely working on that though!
+Jesse Hampsch Great feedback Jesse. What are you doing specifically to work on that part?
+Joel Mark Witt Good question... not entirely sure I've figured that part out yet. Recently, I've been trying to focus on my extraverted sensing by forcing myself to try new things. I took up painting over the summer. I found that while I was paining, I hardly thought at all. No analyzing, just paying attention to the aesthetic that was in front of me. Extraverted feeling has been harder to work on, particularly because it's a higher risk. It's where I'm most open to hurt, but I also realize the need to be "a part of something" in respect to the relationships around me. Fe is definitely a tough area for me to find balance in, though.
I know what you mean about using Ti to cast judgement when there's been great emotional hurt. I can see times in my life where someone hurt me and I saw this as so indicative of their true nature that I completely cut myself off from them emotionally, even when it meant that I isolated myself from being close to anyone. (Interestingly, because of Fe I tried to still be friendly and polite whenever I saw them!)
Thank you for the info on this video. I like being an infj because I like that it's a never-ending conversation with yourself. I'm not very lonely and I can think through situations that are tough. I do let accuracy ruin certain parts of me when I stay inside instead of making meaningful relationships with other humans. I am very introverted in a way and I don't have very many friends. I will use this video to keep growing as person.
Sorry, I just had another question after a bit more reflection over the past few days-and this might be a stupid question, but here goes...
Does the self-loathing and wallowing that an INFJ can fall victim to _always_ revolve around feeling misunderstood? or is that just what is found a majority of the time?
The reason I ask, is because typically when I get that way, it feels more like an overwhelming sense of worthlessness, brokenness, and dis-belonging. The feelings always center around something being wrong with me, not anyone else. I don't wish to myself that they could understand me; I wish to myself that I could fix whatever it is that is wrong with me. I can remember feeling that ever since I was a child... but perhaps these feelings are just symptoms which are rooted in feeling misunderstood? Maybe I am feeling that people are capable of it, and deliberately choosing not to because they find me lacking, and so maybe that is why the other feelings are the overwhelming ones? I'm just not certain.
Whenever I ask myself these questions, I can never be certain if what I am thinking is a twisted perception, or the truth. I'm sorry again, I hope this isn't _too_ whiny and pathetic looking. -.-
Sequestrum this is a more accurate description of what I often find myself going through during these periods. I always feel like there is no one to talk to whom I can talk to about it, though. I think I am overly critical because I’ve reached out and been mistreated for it in the past. It’s very difficult. I always let my accuracy take over too much when I try to make boundaries for myself and end up expressing incorrectly and feeling terrible about it.
Thank you for sharing what happens to you because it resonates with me greatly. How do you get away from those feelings? I mean, what steps do you take personally that help?
@@samthecentaur The literal story of my life.
@@ladyveraciti1122 I posted this above but you might find it helpful. :) Good luck with your journey.
DANGER/RED ALERT: With humility and love I'd like to suggest that there's one ENORMOUS piece missing from this model that can pose a HUGE DANGER to INFJs. The frequency with which we encounter toxic people and energy vampires is INCREDIBLY high. Simply telling an awakening/immature INFJ to extend Fe to ourselves does nothing to protect us from these people. This is because at any point in our lives we will inevitably be drawn into a confrontation where Fe is actually used against us to keep us trapped in an abusive situation. A slightly more aware INFJ might use Ti to set boundaries, but will probably walk away feeling lost, confused, and self-loathing because our Fe will tell us that was somehow the wrong thing to do. This is because toxic people don't engage with the world the same way we do. They don't care about harmony. The solution to this problem is to safely leverage your NiTi loop and consume tons of content/techniques on how to defeat Narcissism and Toxic Personalities. This will sharpen the sword of the Ti so that when we have to pull it out, it's like a protective older brother rather than a 10 year old child. The Devil is real. Resit him and he shall flee from you. Much love. xx
@@zeusssonfire cool, I wonder if this is why I've always thought more about myself than anyone else in the first place. The idea that adults know better than me/a kid after an experience in preschool completely shattered, but I was still afraid to voice what I thought, especially because I was terrible at expressing verbally and still at 18 yrs old struggle to depending how deep my thoughts go. As a child whenever I tried to speak up I would get ignored or feel like I was simply not allowed to help the ways older people are allowed to help and I spiraled into not caring, keeping in, and so now I suck at helping people when it comes to social standards like when they are cooking and you go and help> someone else beats me to these kinds if things first too many times for me to get used to being socially nice more. Never in my life have I felt true approval from not being myself bc then it was left to "why do they expect these things from me? I just like math, but I will never go into a job that requires calculus ugh." So once I stopped caring about "achievements" which had an effect on my ego and feeling like I was worth people's academic approval, I broke all expectations of me that didn't match with what I felt like doing and just did whatever I felt like. I suddenly turned into a possible daily chatter box and my family was like "wtf omg she won't stop talking! Mijah you look prettier when you're quiet" and frankly that angered me 10x more but now I'm not afraid to show my weird sides and have been able to recognize when I should let myself help someone as I see fit. I've learned it is ok to help out without motive where I see that I can and want to. The first time I had ever realized helping people like that was a part of me was in middle school when I did so and someone called me out bc I was usually the cold type but I got insecure bc I got caught (could be exploitable) and denied it with a plausible truth. Lol now I am better at balancing being stuck in my mind and being present in the world, I feel like sort of a reverse INFJ whenever I hear/read about how INFJs struggle with meeting others' needs w/out thinking of themselves at all and having a hard time saying no. It's always been easier for me to say no to things & put out an air of don't mess with me (I take no shits) lol. This might be why I'm great at avoiding toxic people. I can smell them out with caution screaming at me sometimes. Of course, even if they give off a potentially toxic vibe, it could be either they are probably toxic to me specifically or are just toxic people (in that case let them figure it out themselves tyvm). Other times they are people with good intentions and I might end up guiding them if we end up getting along in other ways (our paths cross).
Misintuperated is huge. It is next to impossible to respond quickly enough to be persuasive in a coversation but given time to write down response or the time to think about the situation an INFJ will totally dominant.
This is truly helpful for I'm seeking personal growth. It makes sense & highly relatable. When I say I'm more of a proactive realist lately than a foolish idealist before but still have a healthy optimism & I want more 'me time'. It's just I'm setting more boundaries with myself. I reached a tipping point lately. I'm into science yet I gravitate towards philosophy, spirituality and visual arts. I'm also a very athletic person.
Thanks so much for this video, it has spoken a lot to me, especially the fact that as an INFJ, I need to not allow my accuracy process to steal my happiness, that to participate and 'change the world', i need to set clear boundaries for myself and others. I must say, being married to an ENTJ has helped me to establish my boundaries ^-^
Not that the hubby has been overly bossy (haha), on the contrary, his encouragement and unwavering loyalty (cute and weird, considering he tends to be more 'bossy' to others except me) has ushered me to move forward to learn more about myself ^-^
Over the last two years since i was 'diagnosed' as an INFJ, I have started to feel more 'normal' to my own self. I truly thought there was something 'seriously wrong with me', but through various online resources and materials, I believe I have been slowly and steadily 'maturing'. I really appreciated this video and your website, thanks for helping me to learn more about myself and teaching me how to deal with...me! ^-^
I almost always say yes. I struggle with saying no at times
That was really HANDY, I can say so!!
Thanks for sharing this, I'm getting out of my shell, as a matter effect I tend to constantly struggle stooding out from peopple, maybe I just grew up and tried being like others in order to achieve "success", and I'm not really happy by being average mediocre, from now on I have to channel my wills of enlightenment, even though I have to make also my parents stop concearning about my mental health and overcame my inner sabotoure!!
Why do we have to think about every little thing all the time, this perfectionism that I'm overthinking prevents me from being open to the world or even just put out there what I really see, concerning the not acceptance of the ones I know, yet I have to do it soon!!
P.S. it's really good to know I'm not alone in this world of dreaming, it's a good signal, after all what I always wanted was never money neither popularity, my goal was to be happy and make peopple happy too!
Regards, Will
My 10-year thinking accuracy has been a life-long challenge.
Being infj is very hard, people influence me so hard to change going with the flow, while I want to be true with myself and accept myself who im. Im not weird, im not overdramatic, im not the one making constant the problems, im not the one that doesn't want to be Cooperative. People sometimes make the worse out of me because they dont understand me, there are some that try to understand and some that just want you fully changed. To all my infjs where ever you are, you are amazingly. We are caring, passionated, understandable creatures, we want to make harmony where nobody can see. We want to bring the good out of everyone and show the positivity of the world, dont let people bring you down to the worst state and let your nature waste. I know its difficult to give up on people but sometimes we need to care for ourselves, to care for people that are worthy of our time.
Thank you. Great video. I know lately I’ve been feeling like I don’t fit in anywhere and like the friends I reach out to just don’t reciprocate or call me back. I begin to feel unloved and why don’t these so called friends like me. I am isolating however I am also recovering from surgery. I feel safe and protected in my little home. So weird. Thank goodness for you tube. Fascinating how many INFJ have their own you tube channels. Something to think about. I do want to help others and create Harmony. Merry Christmas 🎄
Not connecting with others for fear of how I’ll be perceived ❤
First time watching. Being looking for something like this, too help me understand my personality. INTJ. Please keep teaching how INTJ process information , and retrieve information.
As an INFJ so much of this is spot on for me and I really feel this video was exactly what I needed to reboot out of my Ti...lol...an INFJ living a personal growth video. 😂. But, I'm curious...I can't relate at all to the smothering type...I've always been more cold and distant with a paradoxical ability to be completely open and honest about my life with most people. I think this is more of a quest to understand myself as I have only been practicing true vulnerability as of late, but anyway, I'm just very curious why I've never experienced what you describe as smothering behavior or needing to know where someone is. Etc.
Btw, love you guys. You feed my psych/Myers Briggs addiction with very legit information :)
How interesting... I like the car analogy using that back seat “10 yr old Accuracy/Logic” made more sense than I’ve heard on this explanation before. After childhood maltreatment it contributed greatly to many decisions with only a black & white perspective with safety as a top priority. Meeting God and giving it all to Him was an instant relief and gradual healing process that started with an INTP son (whose logic surpassed mine at what 4 or 5 years old?) and continued on when becoming caregiver to mom (ISFJ) with TBI and grandmother (ISTP) with TIA’s and making it ALL work with many boundaries... I am well-practiced in NO and do not stay in bad relationships, but isolation and obligations do take a toll on my friendships that’s what I’m working on now.
This is great info for someone in younger years and I wish this info was available to me when I was younger, then as well as my parents. Damage is done and trust for me is way too important to me at this point for improvement and not easy to change. Great video, thank you for sharing.
My ten-year-old ran rampant with harmony and now I am depressed because I allowed myself to be pulled off balance in just about every area of my life.
I am an ENFP... trying to learn more about my INFJ...❤️
This is such a wonderful program. This is so constructively critical in it's advisory content. It should definitely be imperatively considered for anyone in general, especially types like myself; and any other INFJs. I'm grateful that it's out there.
Man this was so nice and spot on. As an INFJ guy this was helpful and fantastic to listen to!
You're communicating segment on how Harmony answers Do you Love me was ON POINT... Thank you for this content... And I definitely look forward to following yall on Facebook (Adrian Belgrave different picture for myself)
This is the best INFJ video I've ever seen.....you got a new sub in me!!! 😃😃
Wow this truly amazed me at how accurate it was.
Took me more than 3 decades to figure these things out. So helpful. Thank u!
The only thing I think might be short-sighted is placing accuracy, the child, as a total lose-lose. I tend to think all
Functions have their purpose...and all can be tools for good and bad. If harmony, for example, overrides accuracy entirely for me, then that’s when people-pleasing begins. Unless the labels are just misleading me...
Oh I see the strengths listed elsewhere... ok cool
That last one on how we show love... hits home bc i do that all the time. I offer people meals when i know id love someone to cook for me.
Also the 10 year old is in the co pilot seat right now smh 🤦 😤 it is frustrating to say the least
It takes an INFJ to really know an INFJ, as my wife often tells me "Not all of us are like you" and She's right about that.!
I wish I would've seen this video a lot sooner. I've become the critical spirited infj, and it feels nearly impossible to shake off the mindset.
People : being an INFJ is a hard thing .
Me (being an INFJ) : what's hard being by yourself !
I've recently become obsessed with delving deeper into the root causes for why I think and act in certain ways as an INFJ. I agree with the car model and break down of my mind's wiring, but I'm slightly confused as to why I keep interpreting the "Harmony" co-pilot as some form of people pleasing? Not that it is either good or bad, but I keep hearing Harmony = people pleasing and thought it would be worth noting. I wouldn't say that I don't enjoy pleasing other people because I absolutely do in certain respects, but I also tend to loathe the thought that I please other people just to be in harmony with them and to meet their needs. I definitely like those in my surroundings to be on the same wavelength of happiness / contentment but I'm trying to understand the entire scope of why Harmony is the co-pilot. Is the reason because we INFJ's absorb all emotions, so if the people surrounding us are not harmonious, we'll absorb the negative energies that they emit and in turn be unhappy? I'm starting to wonder if Harmony is also in line with "balance"? I've been struggling to find much more mental and physical balance to live a healthier and happier life but am not sure if that goes together or is completely different. As I've become more mature with age and experience, I have certainly set boundaries with the world and the people in it so that I could have my mental peace and happiness, but it has often led to driving people away because I draw a line in the sand. This has led to me feeling like I make boundaries within reason for myself, but others don't accept those boundaries (not even because they're offensive but because it seems a bit...straight edge? Or that's what I assume they think) so I keep them distant to protect myself from feeling hurt and then it becomes a defense strategy -- & then this all gets mushed and confusing.
+G It's not that Harmony is automatically people-pleasing, but in its less sophisticated form it can take on that strategy to avoid conflict. The more sophisticated and developed the Harmony process is the less it's about people-pleasing and the more it's about kindness, setting healthy boundaries and resolving conflict.
Joel just wrote an article with some of these concepts more fleshed out here: www.personalityhacker.com/infj-personality-type/
Hope that helps. :)
-A-
This is very accurate, the love-thing. Much more than the INFP, INTP and ENTP I've also checked out.
Following the advice to say no to everything for one day worked out really well when the cops told me to pull over...
Omg I totally have underdeveloped Harmony, and Accuracy totally hijacks my happines. I have a toxic parent, and I am aware that I need to set the boundary in our relationship in order to be happy, but I just don't have the gut to face him and to open my heart and tell to that person how hurt I am, because I'm afraid of hurting him. He was a good parent to me when we lived under the same roof, but now calls me only to ask me for money, which I don't have. And because of that unability to face him, I make the famous door slam move, or the cold cut off, some INFJs are known for. Leaving the parent in the dark not knowing why I'm not calling or answering no more. And than i go into the never ending circle of self loathing and self critisism. It is just too hard.
I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks before discovering I'm an INFJ. It is very helpful to know this bc I am starting this journey now, I was held back by the relationship. Thanks for the vid!
My uncle is the complete opposite of all that I value and stand for. Vain, manipulative, shallow, materialistic. "Lie only if you know you can get away" - his words of wisdom when I worked with him in his business.
He had an argument with a customer then decided to snap at me over a small mistake he cause me to make absent mindedly. He was taking it out on me like I'm some punching bag.
I'm against saying anything that would sour anyones mood. So I stared at him. I was furious and all I could do was channel this fury through my eyes. Didn't break eye contact even when he was stuttering his words. I let the stare linger long after he was done. Didn't blink. I'm sure he got the message that I despised him from the bottom of my heart at that moment . 20 mins later I'm taking to him. Work stuff. Give him the idea that im mostly over it. I live with him so I cant make it awkward at his home.
Funny, he tried to talk to me regarding non work related stuff (rarely happens) in front of his wife at home to see if we were cool. I smiled, played the part to maintain harmony.
Few months later. He overstayed his Visa, got deported. I'm family, so wanted me to take his business cuz im the only one he can trust there.
I refused and went backpacking to Australia. Lol.
Business that he built through deceit where only the deceitful come to make their living. No thanks. I dont want my soul to rot like his.
Took some time but I've learned to understand and forgive his kind.
Cant appreciate the good in the absence of the bad.
I agree. Because we are givers and like to help people, we are often taken advantage of. I agree we need to set boundaries. I am very proactive. I like to keep busy and do not like boredom. Because of this business, we automatically do things that help others, that others then expect it to continue to happen. We often do not think of our own needs. I often don't ask the question "Do you love me". I am one who displays my love by cooking a good meal. (Romantic). Finding ways to make the person happy. This is an area I have to teach myself to speak my feelings. That there are times when boundaries need to be in place. I don't like to hurt people and do not like to be hurt either. Sometimes I way things up first, other times I just speak what's on mind. (Then told I am judgmental, when I explain what they say or do is not right, if I feel I am right). Communication is a must. Most relationships suffer this the most. It depends on the person as many may see what you say or do as a criticism and get angry. Communication comes to a end. (Conflict is not our favourite). One is sometimes more mature than their partner. Debates are often seen as arguments or forcing ones opinion on them. Not true. One cannot force one to do anything if they don't want to. That too can cause conflict. There are always areas in our personality that need improving. This applies to both people interacting. The INFJ keep a lot to themselves and only open up if they can trust the person they are with. They are just so complex. One minute a talker, next can be one who is silent and observing. (Then asked what's wrong - nothing's wrong, just in a quiet space). A introvert -our cave, then extrovert, enjoying being with people. All depends on the situation they are in. Often feel my mind is a huge filing cabinet. Looking, sensing, listening, absorbing, analyzing information and actions. A very curious mind. (The where, when, how, why, who) Its no wonder they need their quiet space. I am curious to know if other INFJ feel this at times too.
...I've read alot and heard alot and observed many regarding everything "INFJ", ...the 1st 6 min is pretty dope. I can't totally digest the entire car model in this moment but I am definately liking this extremely visual add to explaining processing.
Specifically with a model most tend to have done or can relate to.
"As INFJ, your mind is fundamentaly wired differently from other personnalities"
Of course it is ! As the 15 others personnality types wirings are different from each others. Otherwise, 99% of the population would share the exact same personnality ...
What he meant is more so then others