Hi! I think from your video it is very apparent you are doing your best for your daughter and the world. To sit down and reflect is a hard thing to do. Many would rather take it out on the world and even their children. Thank you for being yourself, and for trying to be the best dad you can for your daughter. I am very grateful to have stumbled upon this video of yours, it's very different to how my parents behaved way back when. They lack the ability to reflect, I am glad you do and it was nice to see you go through your thoughts as a parent. Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure you'll be fine. And if you are not sure, maybe it is something you can talk to your daughter about now, if you find the time. Thanks for being vulnerable.
Not sure how I stumbled across this video, but I’m happy I did! It takes a lot of courage and self-examination to own up to past shortcomings- which is strange considering every one of us has them. Our world is developing so rapidly, it’s difficult to understand everything when it’s coming at you all at once. As someone in his twenties who is not yet a parent, I can’t imagine how difficult it is navigating the current landscape raising children with the rapid and sudden societal and technological changes occuring. I just wanted to say 2 things: 1.) be patient with yourself - social media feels like the world is happening all at once, but we are still individuals with individual things to learn. Learning takes time. 2.) I’m not sure exactly the relationship you have with your daughter these days, but I would encourage you to speak to her directly about these thoughts. I’m sure she would appreciate your concern and self-examination. Mistakes and misunderstandings are inevitable, what matters is how we respond to them! Wishing you the best.
As a queer person, it is a scary world. We are four times more likely to have a violent crime committed towards us. Of the 4.2 million homeless youth in the states, 40% are queer, while only 9.2% of the total youth are queer. Part of it may be your failing, but it could also be the world just being so unfriendly to us. So long as you try to understand and stay open to improving yourself, you will already be doing enough. You are also looking within rather than lashing out at your daughter, so you are doing leagues better than my parents. So do not be hard on yourself.
Comming out is never not terrifying. Best case scenario, you can bring the anxiety that comes with it from an 8 or 10 down to maybe a 4. I was scared to come out to my friends who are openly gay and trans and are accepting and compassionate. My fear held me back even knowing all that. When youve been in the closet long enough, that fear, that anxiety can become so thoroughly ingrained into your psyche that it holds you back even around those you trust. However that fear can be amplified around people where there is more to lose if anything goes wrong. We grow up hearing or witnessing stories of people who come out to their either openly hateful, or neutral, or seemingly loving parents, only for their parents to disown them, or abuse them, or in rare instances, kill them. Its something that can easily live rent free in your head for a long time. Even if that scenario has no basis in reality, that ever-nagging thought "what if, what if?" still lingers on. Even if you, as the parent do nothing wrong, it doesnt eliminate that fear. What I'm trying to say is, don't be too harsh on yourself. Maybe was just difficult for her. Best thing you can do is just be there for her and let her know from time to time that you love her. This is a situation where I genuinely dont think you were at fault. Sometimes the circumstances around this sort of thing are just complicated. Especially for a teenager. I mean, hell, I didnt even come out until I was 25 and knew since I was 14. So, coming out that young even indirectly does take a lot of guts. You didnt fail as a parent. You did the best you could with the limited information you were given at the time. Remember, you're only human. The important thing is you know now and you love your daughter regardless. Thats already more than most of us could ask for in our parents.
Sometimes the world is scary, and often mean to queer people. We know older adults may hold more prejudice compared to our peers just bc of the values they were taught, or just the lack of personally knowing Lgbtq people. As a queer girl myself, theres a lot of invisible barriers that make coming out scary, even to the people you trust. Just the fact that you've been looking towards yourself and trying to improve is leagues better than what many other parents do. If she still talks to you, then you're doing fine. I know it must hurt, but dont be too harsh to yourself.
Well as a outsider looking in, I think it was just because your older and your kid might've felt that you weren't accepting cause of the generation you were born from, and it could be that a lot of parents disown their kids just because they are queer. I don't really believe that you did anything wrong, but it was just paranoia of being disowned or discriminated against by you own parents cause it's really common sadly. I can see that you're a good and accepting person, as I'm aware of you didn't do anything wrong really
She could have also heard negative stories of coming out to your parents. Maybe your video will work the opposite way and convince some people to be brave enough to have that conversation in person and easier. Maybe it will cause other parents to think of the words to say if their child does come out to them. Beautiful story, thank you for sharing
Tuna, I'm 98% Lesbian. It's not 100% because my man crush is Jason Momoa 🤣. The only thing scarier than coming out to your parents is coming out to your grandparents. Those are the people that have given us life, nurtured us, and are our main sources of comfort. The thought of any part of us being rejected, especially by the people that we depend on that much, is terrifying. I was the same age as your daughter when I came out, back in the early 90s. Only to my mother at the time. I didn't come out to the rest of my family or friends until 2005. I didn't want to be gay. It was to the point where I would try to always have a boy on my arm. I was homophobic, making people around me aware that I thought it was weird. I figured nobody would suspect me if I aired my "disdain". Those feelings that I had inside, didn't come from my parents, or my grandparents per se. I think it was society in general. If you think of the language we use, in even being supportive to each other, we say things like, "That's normal, most people think that way" "I wish for you to have a normal, happy life", etc. It seems our goal, always, is to be "normal". When you're in your teen years and early 20s, the last thing you want to be is the lower percentile on anything. It seems like all of your time is spent trying to fit in. I struggled coming out, because I was still struggling from within. It took a number of years after I came out fully, for that struggle to subside. Even if you're a parent, you're still growing, and nobody on earth is perfect. I think of the band Rush and their song "Closer to the Heart", just keep living closer to the heart, and everything will be alright. Your daughter will be alright.
While Im very sympathetic to the introspective endeavor here, a young teenager is at many whims. Yes, genetics among them, but peers as well as you noted. Hence peers who stereotype older adults or your friend. I guess Im going to subscribe as you're sort of what Id like to be as a parent myself nearing middle age.
Loved your story, and thank you for the insight. I hope your daughter feels better about herself!
I have just stumbled upon your videos and I love this so much. New sub, respect to you!
Hi!
I think from your video it is very apparent you are doing your best for your daughter and the world.
To sit down and reflect is a hard thing to do. Many would rather take it out on the world and even their children.
Thank you for being yourself, and for trying to be the best dad you can for your daughter.
I am very grateful to have stumbled upon this video of yours,
it's very different to how my parents behaved way back when. They lack the ability to reflect,
I am glad you do and it was nice to see you go through your thoughts as a parent.
Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure you'll be fine.
And if you are not sure, maybe it is something you can talk to your daughter about now, if you find the time.
Thanks for being vulnerable.
Not sure how I stumbled across this video, but I’m happy I did! It takes a lot of courage and self-examination to own up to past shortcomings- which is strange considering every one of us has them. Our world is developing so rapidly, it’s difficult to understand everything when it’s coming at you all at once. As someone in his twenties who is not yet a parent, I can’t imagine how difficult it is navigating the current landscape raising children with the rapid and sudden societal and technological changes occuring. I just wanted to say 2 things: 1.) be patient with yourself - social media feels like the world is happening all at once, but we are still individuals with individual things to learn. Learning takes time. 2.) I’m not sure exactly the relationship you have with your daughter these days, but I would encourage you to speak to her directly about these thoughts. I’m sure she would appreciate your concern and self-examination. Mistakes and misunderstandings are inevitable, what matters is how we respond to them! Wishing you the best.
As a queer person, it is a scary world. We are four times more likely to have a violent crime committed towards us. Of the 4.2 million homeless youth in the states, 40% are queer, while only 9.2% of the total youth are queer. Part of it may be your failing, but it could also be the world just being so unfriendly to us. So long as you try to understand and stay open to improving yourself, you will already be doing enough. You are also looking within rather than lashing out at your daughter, so you are doing leagues better than my parents. So do not be hard on yourself.
Comming out is never not terrifying. Best case scenario, you can bring the anxiety that comes with it from an 8 or 10 down to maybe a 4.
I was scared to come out to my friends who are openly gay and trans and are accepting and compassionate. My fear held me back even knowing all that.
When youve been in the closet long enough, that fear, that anxiety can become so thoroughly ingrained into your psyche that it holds you back even around those you trust. However that fear can be amplified around people where there is more to lose if anything goes wrong.
We grow up hearing or witnessing stories of people who come out to their either openly hateful, or neutral, or seemingly loving parents, only for their parents to disown them, or abuse them, or in rare instances, kill them.
Its something that can easily live rent free in your head for a long time. Even if that scenario has no basis in reality, that ever-nagging thought "what if, what if?" still lingers on. Even if you, as the parent do nothing wrong, it doesnt eliminate that fear.
What I'm trying to say is, don't be too harsh on yourself. Maybe was just difficult for her. Best thing you can do is just be there for her and let her know from time to time that you love her. This is a situation where I genuinely dont think you were at fault. Sometimes the circumstances around this sort of thing are just complicated. Especially for a teenager. I mean, hell, I didnt even come out until I was 25 and knew since I was 14. So, coming out that young even indirectly does take a lot of guts.
You didnt fail as a parent. You did the best you could with the limited information you were given at the time. Remember, you're only human. The important thing is you know now and you love your daughter regardless. Thats already more than most of us could ask for in our parents.
Sometimes the world is scary, and often mean to queer people. We know older adults may hold more prejudice compared to our peers just bc of the values they were taught, or just the lack of personally knowing Lgbtq people. As a queer girl myself, theres a lot of invisible barriers that make coming out scary, even to the people you trust. Just the fact that you've been looking towards yourself and trying to improve is leagues better than what many other parents do. If she still talks to you, then you're doing fine. I know it must hurt, but dont be too harsh to yourself.
Well as a outsider looking in, I think it was just because your older and your kid might've felt that you weren't accepting cause of the generation you were born from, and it could be that a lot of parents disown their kids just because they are queer. I don't really believe that you did anything wrong, but it was just paranoia of being disowned or discriminated against by you own parents cause it's really common sadly. I can see that you're a good and accepting person, as I'm aware of you didn't do anything wrong really
She could have also heard negative stories of coming out to your parents. Maybe your video will work the opposite way and convince some people to be brave enough to have that conversation in person and easier. Maybe it will cause other parents to think of the words to say if their child does come out to them.
Beautiful story, thank you for sharing
Tuna, I'm 98% Lesbian. It's not 100% because my man crush is Jason Momoa 🤣. The only thing scarier than coming out to your parents is coming out to your grandparents. Those are the people that have given us life, nurtured us, and are our main sources of comfort. The thought of any part of us being rejected, especially by the people that we depend on that much, is terrifying. I was the same age as your daughter when I came out, back in the early 90s. Only to my mother at the time. I didn't come out to the rest of my family or friends until 2005. I didn't want to be gay. It was to the point where I would try to always have a boy on my arm. I was homophobic, making people around me aware that I thought it was weird. I figured nobody would suspect me if I aired my "disdain". Those feelings that I had inside, didn't come from my parents, or my grandparents per se. I think it was society in general. If you think of the language we use, in even being supportive to each other, we say things like, "That's normal, most people think that way" "I wish for you to have a normal, happy life", etc. It seems our goal, always, is to be "normal". When you're in your teen years and early 20s, the last thing you want to be is the lower percentile on anything. It seems like all of your time is spent trying to fit in. I struggled coming out, because I was still struggling from within. It took a number of years after I came out fully, for that struggle to subside. Even if you're a parent, you're still growing, and nobody on earth is perfect. I think of the band Rush and their song "Closer to the Heart", just keep living closer to the heart, and everything will be alright. Your daughter will be alright.
2:01 unc onto something
While Im very sympathetic to the introspective endeavor here, a young teenager is at many whims. Yes, genetics among them, but peers as well as you noted. Hence peers who stereotype older adults or your friend. I guess Im going to subscribe as you're sort of what Id like to be as a parent myself nearing middle age.