The Complete Diary of Karl Pilkington (A compilation w/ Ricky Gervais & Steve Merchant) Extended Cut

Поделиться
HTML-код
  • Опубликовано: 17 окт 2016
  • Samuel Pepys, Ann Frank and now Karl Pilkington.... The complete diary of Karl Pilkington from the Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant XFM radio show and podcasts.
    Check out the entire "The Complete Karl Pilkington" collection here:
    • The Complete Karl Pilk...
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    Have a look at the The Complete Karl Pilkington Collection (all his books, TV shows and other things):
    UK Store - www.amazon.co.uk/shop/doctory...
    US Store - www.amazon.com/shop/doctoryak...
    #TheComplete #KarlPilkington #Diary
  • ПриколыПриколы

Комментарии • 1,9 тыс.

  • @museman1986
    @museman1986 Год назад +611

    The decision Steve makes to read the diary instead of Ricky is so underrated and makes this the perfection that it is

    • @scottmills4401
      @scottmills4401 Год назад +47

      100% right from the minute he talks about the invention

    • @jamesmccartney5324
      @jamesmccartney5324 Год назад +20

      Agreed they are all brilliant. Always cheers me up 👍

    • @pushthetempo2
      @pushthetempo2 Год назад +59

      Yeah Ricky can't string a sentence together! Steve has solid comic timing.

    • @DubbleTee
      @DubbleTee 9 месяцев назад +28

      Talent.. Steve's voice and timing draws me in immediately. What a storyteller.

    • @todddickinson3262
      @todddickinson3262 7 месяцев назад +5

      100%!!

  • @michaelreddington658
    @michaelreddington658 3 года назад +515

    Stephen Merchant’s comic timing absolutely makes this for me...the line “but we never saw his Wife” and the way he says it always gets me 😂😂

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 3 года назад +47

      She said he looked a mess, and was embarrassed to be seen with him.
      It's their ruby anniversary tomorrow!

    • @imogenwelsh1036
      @imogenwelsh1036 2 года назад +2

      @@sarahleask2478 am my am al

    • @imogenwelsh1036
      @imogenwelsh1036 2 года назад +1

      @@sarahleask2478L am my am al

    • @imogenwelsh1036
      @imogenwelsh1036 2 года назад

      O

    • @Mine4062
      @Mine4062 2 года назад +7

      Smerch is the GOAT!

  • @adambritain5774
    @adambritain5774 3 года назад +639

    'Suzanne didn't laugh when I said her arse had the same problem".
    Comedy. Gold.

  • @drdavid096
    @drdavid096 2 года назад +184

    an unaware genius of comedy who makes comedy legends laugh in hysterics without trying. this is a man like no other

    • @paulfleming2957
      @paulfleming2957 Год назад +2

      Lty

    • @robertsmith3672
      @robertsmith3672 Год назад

      Right right right. No I'm just saying . What a fkn bore .

    • @brettpilkington9539
      @brettpilkington9539 Год назад +10

      As it goes on he does play up his character, he's not as oblivious as you think.

    • @peterbach1126
      @peterbach1126 11 месяцев назад +3

      Thinking Karl is not putting up a front is the height of comedy as well as ignorance.

    • @kerrydinning2506
      @kerrydinning2506 9 месяцев назад +2

      ​@paulfleming2957 ur comment asked me to translate to English. I got "Lt". That was handy... lol

  • @OneAndOnlyYesMan
    @OneAndOnlyYesMan 4 года назад +624

    “If moths had eyes” will go down as one of the great opening lines in a poem

    • @OneAndOnlyYesMan
      @OneAndOnlyYesMan 3 года назад +18

      The One Who Laughs 1:22:01

    • @OneAndOnlyYesMan
      @OneAndOnlyYesMan 3 года назад +1

      The One Who Laughs You’re very welcome!

    • @531katie
      @531katie 3 года назад +5

      Hahah. I love how excited Ricky got when be found it. Karl is the most whinging person. No wonder an idiot abroad was such fun. Especially Route 66. His comments about appearance on Glee.

    • @Crimis666
      @Crimis666 3 года назад +4

      Also, without planes men would have wings.

    • @cahill8875
      @cahill8875 3 года назад +1

      @@OneAndOnlyYesMan0pppp0app 0pp pp0ppp0pp0p0pppp00pppppp0p has p0pp0pp0pp0ppp0pppppp00ppp0ppp0s p0ppppppppp to fopp0pppppppr poppy oil to pppppp00ppp0ppppppppppppppppp0p0pp0p0ppppppp0p0p pleaspppppp0pe isx what please pp0pp0ppp0pppppp00 ppppp0p0ppp0p0pppppppppppp0pe ppppppppppppppp is ispapplee pop update is and you have ppppp0pppppppp0ppp0p00p0 ppppppppp0 updates and pppppppppppppppis ppoppy and pppppppppppppppis pppppp0pppp0pppppp00ppppppppppp0pe Peterborough please oppo us p0pppppppppp0pe p0ppppppppppppppppp00ppp0p ppppppppppppp0ppppppp p0ppppppppp ppppppppppppp0ppppppp pppppppppppppppis is Peterborough is going well ppppp00ppp0pp Peterborough peppers ppppp00ppp0pp to pay on pple pop 9pp0ppp0pp0p0pppp00pp 9plus for people ppppppppp0 ppppppppppppp0ppppppp in my mind reader ppppppppp0ppppppp pppppppppppppppis ppppppppppppp0ppppppp pppppppppppppppis in ppppppppppppp0ppppppp ppppppppp0ppppppp ppppppppppppp0ppppppp and please pppppppppppppppis pppppppppppppppis poppy pppppppppppppppis ppppppppppppp0ppppppp ppppppppppppp0ppppppp please ppppp99l

  • @devey123
    @devey123 5 лет назад +1230

    I woke up at 3am this morning and this was still playing. I think Ricky's laugh woke me up.

    • @Godzilla00X
      @Godzilla00X 4 года назад +83

      A beautiful sound to be awoken by

    • @JHer-wd3js
      @JHer-wd3js 4 года назад +42

      Sure you are not a bender?

    • @That_Revenant_Guy
      @That_Revenant_Guy 4 года назад +22

      Happens to me all the time

    • @barryskilling7874
      @barryskilling7874 4 года назад +2

      @@Godzilla00X was is are of yyyýyýyyyyyyýyyýý

    • @MrFatman1875
      @MrFatman1875 4 года назад +12

      This literally just happend to me lol

  • @caityvonne_
    @caityvonne_ 5 лет назад +1326

    Anyone else go to sleep to this? It’s so soothing for some reason 😂

    • @the.peacekeeper
      @the.peacekeeper 5 лет назад +60

      Katie Yvonne it’s Karl’s voice just kinda puts me to sleep 😂

    • @K4R007
      @K4R007 4 года назад +97

      Katie Yvonne Been trying to figure that one out for years. Have to turn the volume down a bit tho because of Ricky’s cackle.

    • @DanceySteveYNWA
      @DanceySteveYNWA 4 года назад +6

      @@stevechristie2569 how old are you? (feel free to not answer, as I understand its non of my business)

    • @stevechristie2569
      @stevechristie2569 4 года назад +13

      @@DanceySteveYNWA 36 and a week

    • @AlienRelics
      @AlienRelics 4 года назад +7

      Yes! So it isn't just me.

  • @markmarkmark7131
    @markmarkmark7131 Месяц назад +9

    I play this most nights at bedtime. I just skip to a random part, fall asleep within minutes due to pure relaxation. It will never get old. Ever, it's timeless.

  • @TheDjSham
    @TheDjSham 11 месяцев назад +29

    My mother has been using this as a sleep aid for years. I'm only 3 minutes in but I get it now. Much love to anybody else just discovering this gem now. Like myself

  • @mightymorphin9816
    @mightymorphin9816 3 года назад +265

    Its strangely calming listening to a man be utterly content with such a simple life. We could all learn something from Karl!

    • @jbri1
      @jbri1 2 года назад +15

      Defo. Although not sure his life was so simple once he met rick

    • @22wiggles
      @22wiggles 2 года назад +1

      L

    • @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307
      @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307 2 года назад +1

      If I ever met ricky
      I would inform him all apes are monkeys! GRRRRR 🤦‍♂️🤣

    • @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307
      @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307 2 года назад +2

      01:22:00 They dead body did have a hair styling product in it! THAT ONES 100% CORRECT!

    • @asapjoshy2065
      @asapjoshy2065 2 года назад

      @@jbri1 t

  • @07spectramind
    @07spectramind Год назад +116

    Stephen Merchant is the Morgan Freeman of the comic world; his delivery of lines is simply amazing! Love this trio that brings laughter into my life every day!

    • @AA-hg5fk
      @AA-hg5fk 9 месяцев назад +6

      Not often that I see Morgan Freeman compared to a lanky co-writer with a worzel accent!

    • @mauicountygis5450
      @mauicountygis5450 7 месяцев назад +6

      Even Stephen couldn't get the "Did I tell you about the immune system?" line out,

    • @PROUDCANADIANGIRL
      @PROUDCANADIANGIRL 3 месяца назад

      Steve and Karl… that would be a harmonious reunion back on the radio

    • @shoafymusic
      @shoafymusic 3 месяца назад

      @@PROUDCANADIANGIRLexactly. Everyday I pray and hope for these guys to get back in the studio for some fun. It makes me so sad that they did this WAY back in early 2000s

    • @poopandfartjokes
      @poopandfartjokes 29 дней назад

      Now I need a remake of Shawshank Redemption starring Stephen Merchant and Clive Warren.

  • @vikkifullarton6066
    @vikkifullarton6066 7 месяцев назад +37

    Nothing helps me relax before bed better than Karl’s Diary. I listen to it most nights. Don’t think I will ever get bored of it 😂

    • @TheRuddster95
      @TheRuddster95 5 месяцев назад +1

      Same hahaha just got back into it

    • @breshinn
      @breshinn 4 месяца назад +1

      Same

  • @brian32151867
    @brian32151867 9 месяцев назад +33

    43:06 - the poppadoms! LOL. This is where it really hits its stride! Karl's writing of a pointless story, Steve's perfect "kids' show narrator" delivery, and Ricky's reaction...still makes laugh all these years later!

  • @molitovv
    @molitovv 3 года назад +107

    “You are the worlds best idiot” never a more insulting compliment has been said.

    • @carriej.4120
      @carriej.4120 2 года назад +1

      He loves Karl, he loves Karl

  • @Deadman1000
    @Deadman1000 Год назад +130

    Karl just taking the names down of ancient philosophers and not bothering studying their work is the kind of comedy I love.

  • @miss_girl6978
    @miss_girl6978 4 года назад +253

    ZERO ADS! You're a legend bro

    • @Renn13
      @Renn13 3 года назад +13

      just use adblocker anyways

    • @trashpanda3544
      @trashpanda3544 2 года назад +2

      Um excuse me wtf is your profile picture? XD

  • @darkautumnstories5834
    @darkautumnstories5834 7 лет назад +442

    I always love it when they laugh at him and he says "Good point though innit?" lol.

    • @K4R007
      @K4R007 4 года назад +32

      “...and wondered, was it really a Big Bang or did it sound louder because there was nothing to drown it out?”

    • @titus17
      @titus17 3 года назад +2

      it's cause when he actually made sense it was like a special occasion

    • @timbroski4487
      @timbroski4487 3 года назад +16

      @@titus17 tbh for me most of the times he makes perfect sense, so now I'm worried that I'm crazy too

    • @frankiefrancis5740
      @frankiefrancis5740 2 года назад

      I haver to

    • @lutherhussey3439
      @lutherhussey3439 2 года назад

      @@K4R007 oi oooooooo wewwwwfrrfff

  • @emirozdemir2037
    @emirozdemir2037 4 года назад +459

    steve delivers the diary really well..

    • @molitovv
      @molitovv 3 года назад +65

      He does, he is also quite good at letting Karl finish what he has to say.

    • @sammydready142
      @sammydready142 3 года назад +39

      *well

    • @Christoff070
      @Christoff070 3 года назад +2

      Karl should be delivering it tho

    • @cameronkoontz6393
      @cameronkoontz6393 3 года назад +35

      All that voiceover work lol

    • @byrontonks1314
      @byrontonks1314 3 года назад +9

      @@cameronkoontz6393 great comment, true fan

  • @AnonYmous-lk9qy
    @AnonYmous-lk9qy 3 года назад +189

    The fact Gervais and Merchant, two award winning, professional comedians are in absolute stiches constantly to Karls pure honest unadulterated thoughts is a testament to the genuine genius that is Karl Pilkington!

    • @arealhuman826
      @arealhuman826 3 года назад +4

      Based on how this is apparently the ricky gervais show and not the karl pilkington show makes me think Steve and Ricky probably stole their jokes. They're willing to make a show playing elitism to their clear superior, not a good look

    • @timothyclark9586
      @timothyclark9586 3 года назад +27

      @@arealhuman826 it's called the Ricky Gervais show because Ricky is a much bigger name world wide than Karl. It is simply an advertisement choice. Ricky even acknowledged this and agrees it should be called the Karl pilkington show

    • @arealhuman826
      @arealhuman826 3 года назад +10

      @@timothyclark9586 I didn't know they acknowledged the talent, thank you

    • @italianwaffle5592
      @italianwaffle5592 3 года назад +3

      @@arealhuman826 I mean, I wouldn't call it a talent per-say, he doesn't rehearse this, nor does he seem to know it's funny.

    • @tvnostalgia7477
      @tvnostalgia7477 2 года назад +3

      The funniest people are usually your mates, not a professional on the TV.

  • @Nickersons-Theme
    @Nickersons-Theme 4 года назад +337

    "but we never saw his wife" cracks me up

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 2 года назад +7

      It's the way Steve reads it out. His voice just brings it to life 😂

    • @tomflood3372
      @tomflood3372 2 года назад +1

      @@sarahleask2478 arssiryeurarssyyyyyy

    • @AA-hg5fk
      @AA-hg5fk 2 года назад +1

      Also, why on earth would you call a café tattoos?!

  • @DubbleTee
    @DubbleTee Год назад +144

    17:07 The "Mr. Dilkington" bit kills me every time.
    Listening to Steve try not to crack up while reading it and then him and Ricky losing it.

    • @MrMongoose221
      @MrMongoose221 Год назад +18

      It also makes it so much better that the opening line is about him being a valued customer and they don't even know his name lol perfection.

    • @fuckiopussigetti453
      @fuckiopussigetti453 Год назад +1

      ​@@MrMongoose221 that really is a "you can't write this" moment

    • @A12H1
      @A12H1 Год назад +12

      I love how Ricky first sighs "ahhh this makes it into the diary" thinking it's just a boring anecdote about receiving post, before falling off his chair pissing himself laughing 😂

    • @andreac37
      @andreac37 9 месяцев назад +4

      @@A12H1I always took it as Ricky had already heard about it previously from Karl and he was sighing about the fact that Karl actually took the time to write it down in his diary. Hence why Ricky said “I don’t know why that’s so funny!”… as if it’s not the first time he had heard the Dilkington anecdote & cracked up over it.

    • @angelasauermann2670
      @angelasauermann2670 6 месяцев назад

      😂😂😂 Not to mention,
      …”Hello, Kime!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @sarahleask2478
    @sarahleask2478 3 года назад +54

    Best bit of advice Karl gives is about relationships, "If it's 'ard, it's not right." 🙌🏻🙌🏻

    • @leannetaylor5313
      @leannetaylor5313 2 года назад +1

      Preach 🙌🏻

    • @bazglsgw1208
      @bazglsgw1208 Год назад +2

      Totally right.🤣

    • @Muzzle801
      @Muzzle801 Год назад

      Not the kind of advice anybody needs for their sex life tbh...
      Makes me wonder what your relationships are like 🤔🤣

    • @WillyNilly420
      @WillyNilly420 Месяц назад

      It actually works

  • @bartofilms
    @bartofilms 5 лет назад +252

    The thing I like about KP is that he finds humor in the absurdity of life without always taking the piss out of people with personal attacks. This takes intellect.

    • @VirtanenDK
      @VirtanenDK 5 лет назад +11

      This is twaddle !! Karl don't see this as humor in life. This is what he see, and believe in.
      I got his diary, bought in PDF. Year's ago.
      You can probably get it cheep today. It's called "happy slapping by a jellyfish"
      Her you hear one long edit. You should really hear the programs, first the radio programs and then the podcasts.
      So you also get the comment's to all this !!
      Happy holidays 🎅❄️

    • @loritracy1385
      @loritracy1385 4 года назад +20

      @watashi - Personally, I like it when Karl sometimes stands up for himself & takes the piss out of them as he's ALWAYS the butt of their jokes.

    • @robertsmith9076
      @robertsmith9076 3 года назад +1

      @eddiewinehosen Too true well he is a Manc innie .

    • @cameronkoontz6393
      @cameronkoontz6393 3 года назад

      @eddiewinehosen karl is both an absolute mong and a genius

    • @tyroon81
      @tyroon81 3 года назад +4

      @@VirtanenDK
      True.. Karl doesnt find humour in anything. You have to understand things to find them funny.
      He is funny but its not on purpose.

  • @maryanneantho4084
    @maryanneantho4084 3 месяца назад +4

    Ricky's "Look how big it is!" in the beginning is my favorite thing. I've heard this so many times and it never gets old.

  • @ThatCampingLad
    @ThatCampingLad 3 года назад +307

    Feel like Stephen is well and truly underrated on these podcasts. I feel he enables Ricky and Karl to provide the content and chips in with some of the best witty one liners

    • @lewishardaker886
      @lewishardaker886 3 года назад +16

      Thinking this while re-watching these.

    • @walterTbaggins
      @walterTbaggins 3 года назад +3

      Fair.

    • @garyeachus210
      @garyeachus210 2 года назад

      @@lewishardaker886 00

    • @thevirus7368
      @thevirus7368 2 года назад +3

      Yeah, agree.

    • @NotNowMadam
      @NotNowMadam 2 года назад +10

      deffo needed someone to tell Ricky to shut up when Karl is drivelling on about ‘monkeys’

  • @TheSmurf1973
    @TheSmurf1973 4 года назад +140

    Ricky:s reaction when he heard Karl has kept the diary going is priceless. He just knew he had comedy gold in his hands.

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 2 года назад +11

      He wasn't wrong 🤣

    • @slinkerdeer
      @slinkerdeer Год назад +2

      He knew the moment Carl confirmed he made a diary, that "Carl!" Is him begging because he knows how good its gonna be xD

  • @PeachTristan
    @PeachTristan 8 месяцев назад +8

    The Boswell Incident

  • @UnitedWeAreTV
    @UnitedWeAreTV Месяц назад +2

    These podcasts saved me during lockdown! Constantly listening to Karl’s simple perspective on life, Ricky’s infectious laughter and Steve saying “Man alive Karl”; a cure for anyone feeling down.

  • @Viperclass
    @Viperclass Год назад +27

    I use this at night. If it's in my ear playing and I'm asleep, I don't have nightmares. Weird af. But it works every time. Til it stops. Haha

    • @joelh5445
      @joelh5445 Год назад +4

      The 3 voices are very soothing. Karl is especially calming, while Ricky's laughter lifts my spirits. Best wishes

    • @nevada8462
      @nevada8462 Год назад +2

      Lorillewelly…… exactly my life too……. weird af

  • @joshhiggins5509
    @joshhiggins5509 6 лет назад +1556

    They should play this in mental health clinics. This has literally been the absolute remedy when feeling depressed #ThankYouKarl

    • @nikfirehazard
      @nikfirehazard 5 лет назад +32

      Definitely

    • @coreymesham6456
      @coreymesham6456 5 лет назад +61

      Josh Higgins but Ricky’s laugh may just be what’s needed to push a depressed man to suicide. Haha. But no, I can see your point.

    • @531katie
      @531katie 4 года назад +14

      Josh Higgins wonderful comment. Laughter is so therapeutic man.

    • @kellysimons3026
      @kellysimons3026 4 года назад +3

      Corey Mesham uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

    • @CptCrash21
      @CptCrash21 4 года назад +37

      So true. I literally described listening to these 3 as a therapy, to my actual therapist... and now he listens to them during his kid's soccer practice.

  • @totallygrim1
    @totallygrim1 3 года назад +164

    The way Steve read the diary made it so much funnier. He just tuned into karl

  • @banditdotart
    @banditdotart 5 лет назад +105

    This is hysterical. I have been howling for over 90 minutes and it keeps getting better!

  • @rumgum8935
    @rumgum8935 3 года назад +252

    The diary parts are hilarious.. Karl writes it.. stephan reads it and ricky laughs at it lol

    • @frankG335
      @frankG335 2 года назад +8

      The perfect comedy team.

    • @glenmills7971
      @glenmills7971 2 года назад

      @@frankG335 moon no onoonono onononooo onooooomooo oooo oo oo ooomoooooooooooooomo ooooo o oo ooor oooof ooogood oooomomomomoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    • @glenmills7971
      @glenmills7971 2 года назад +1

      Oooooooooo

    • @glenmills7971
      @glenmills7971 2 года назад

      @@frankG335 ooooo

    • @glenmills7971
      @glenmills7971 2 года назад

      @@frankG335 oo

  • @rossrockomurphy2277
    @rossrockomurphy2277 4 года назад +175

    Dear Mr K Dilkington brought back too much laughter i havent had in ages cheers pal. 👍

    • @loritracy1385
      @loritracy1385 4 года назад +11

      @Anglus Patria - Apparently you're in the wrong place. People here like to laugh. And sleep. And laugh. And sleep. So don't talk shiite!

    • @bluecornerboxing6091
      @bluecornerboxing6091 4 года назад

      Anglus Patria....???🤔🤔!!!

    • @hayden990
      @hayden990 4 года назад +3

      Anglus Patria anglus

    • @marcusmadamombe6325
      @marcusmadamombe6325 4 года назад +1

      Please ignore this guy @anglus his in every comment just being horrible to people for no reason

  • @humanmold
    @humanmold 5 лет назад +64

    Rickys reactions are some of my favourite bits.

    • @jameshickey1294
      @jameshickey1294 4 года назад +3

      Lov it. Classic lmao. Karl is brilliant

    • @loritracy1385
      @loritracy1385 4 года назад +8

      @Jamie B - I love his humor but I hate the bullying side when he wants to get his way with Karl.

    • @thepontiacbandit7874
      @thepontiacbandit7874 3 года назад

      George Cantstandya I can see what Jamie B means a little bit, though, cos Karl frequently grates on me and gets on my tits.
      But I still listen though. 🤷‍♀️

  • @jb031282
    @jb031282 7 лет назад +466

    cant sleep without kp

    • @Hariboking727
      @Hariboking727 5 лет назад +15

      james baird KP looks after me

    • @RIOTPUNK1977
      @RIOTPUNK1977 5 лет назад +13

      Same bro.. I listen to it help me sleep.. it's just good ol humour to create good vibrations.

    • @AfroGaz71
      @AfroGaz71 5 лет назад +13

      Same. Puts a smile on the face and melts the days troubles away.

    • @PlayaP69
      @PlayaP69 5 лет назад +8

      OMGosh! I, literally, found out about the great Karl Pilkington four days ago. I have been lying in my bed listening and re-listening to his videos since!

    • @PlayaP69
      @PlayaP69 5 лет назад +3

      joshualucas No. His voice is soothing. Similar to the voice on Headspace.

  • @MrChaes
    @MrChaes 6 лет назад +239

    About the mirror on the moon, the same side does always face Earth. Ricky blew that one. One for Karl

    • @Phoenix1664
      @Phoenix1664 5 лет назад +32

      Yeah i spotted that. The moon is tidally locked to earth. Karl 1-0 Ricky.

    • @sadbasturd99
      @sadbasturd99 5 лет назад +3

      the moon spins you fools.

    • @Phoenix1664
      @Phoenix1664 5 лет назад +28

      @@sadbasturd99 Not from earth it don't

    • @VirtanenDK
      @VirtanenDK 5 лет назад +45

      You are off course right in that we always see the same side of the moon. And the reason is very simple:
      One side of the Moon always faces the Earth because the spinning period of the Moon is the same as the time it takes for the Moon to orbit around the Earth. Called "tidal locking" 🌍

    • @_Delta_P_
      @_Delta_P_ 5 лет назад +3

      @@sadbasturd99 The way the oribits work, the same side always faces earth. When you look at a diagram it makes sense. its called a "Tidal lock"

  • @LA-vu7ko
    @LA-vu7ko Год назад +26

    I love how Karl tried to explain slugs are insects because they’re in the same gang as spiders… who aren’t insects either lol

  • @sarahleask2478
    @sarahleask2478 3 года назад +53

    Karl's words are magic. Steve's voice brings it to life. Ricky's cackle puts the icing on the cake 😅

  • @APIEngineering
    @APIEngineering 5 лет назад +109

    I get up in the morning. Quietly, quietly, sneak downstairs.... fix myself a cup of coffee... slip back upstairs in sock feet... slip on my headphones.... and enjoy a very Zen-Like state, as I sip my coffee, and allow this show to soothe my soul.
    With every tiny sip, and with each ridiculous thing they rave about, I am reassured that life isn't as bad as all that. Maybe life is a wonderful place after all.
    This brings me a little bit of joy. Before the kids get up. Ahhhh, yes. And the cat is curled up next to my little heater. And all is right with the world.

    • @idrinkmilk282
      @idrinkmilk282 4 года назад +3

      APIEngineering that sounds wonderful. Enjoy, my friend.

    • @gametime_1236
      @gametime_1236 3 года назад +2

      You have a nack for writing. Ty

    • @catatonicable
      @catatonicable 3 года назад +3

      Then China happened....

    • @Nova-eb9yu
      @Nova-eb9yu 3 года назад

      this is beautiful, thank you

  • @Wodz30
    @Wodz30 Год назад +19

    I love Ricky's laugh. My favorite part of listening to this story. You can feel the deep, genuine happiness through his laugh

  • @htjimmy650
    @htjimmy650 Год назад +6

    The holiday at the start is surely one of if not the best part of this diary

  • @S-T-E-V-E
    @S-T-E-V-E Год назад +44

    The amazing thing about Karl is that you can listen to everything then come back a few years later and start again! It's still hilarious and makes me actually laugh out loud!

    • @daveryder7443
      @daveryder7443 Год назад

      Can’t hcigdo xx) goin c the xh c7) the only only can cget Tx) but git xit xit xiu Tx g)9, worry g,babe cochcocgc(cjust xjust cyou you you cxgx oocoxoxxgxg)9g, and g and x) the 9only g)9), it’s x,ooor is she coming xh) with a g),)),)9,99, I I mean gx😪 h)99,9()9),high)f cocgyg,6ufy(;68;;8,x8(9687()x8uyûy

    • @bubblezovlove7213
      @bubblezovlove7213 Год назад +2

      A man after my own heart...

    • @PerfectMask1
      @PerfectMask1 Год назад +1

      Agree totally. 👍

    • @jamesbull3092
      @jamesbull3092 Год назад

      @@PerfectMask1 bbhhh h hhhhhhhbbhbhbbb;b9bbb;bbvbhbbhbhbbhbbbbhbbhbhbbbbbbbbhbbbbb;;bbvbbbbbhhbbhbhbhbbbbbbb;;bbhb

    • @harvey222x
      @harvey222x Год назад

      Try a few years on the trot mate! I actually highly struggle going to sleep without an XFM podcast on now, it’s bad 😬😫, anyways, I’m off to sleep pal. Goodnight 🤣

  • @jetrainss
    @jetrainss 4 года назад +167

    Jellyfish is 97% water, so why not give it another 3% and make it all water haha brilliant

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 3 года назад +28

      My children found a jellyfish on the beach the other day. My eldest strolled up and said, "Give it another 3%, make it water," I was so proud!

    • @whereami2477
      @whereami2477 3 года назад +1

      😂

    • @jessegranger5545
      @jessegranger5545 3 года назад

      @@sarahleask2478 iffy you yu you you you you you yucky yummy t8 yummy u 8yyyyyyyyy I yummy I uyyyyyygyuyygyyy7yy t8 8yyyu

    • @jessegranger5545
      @jessegranger5545 3 года назад

      @@TH-iy9yb if you if you y your 0yuy I 0yucuyyyyyy you y guy u u yu uy7yyy you guy guy you you you you you you you you you you,yuyyuyyyyyyyu t8 ygyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy8yyuuyyygy t8 yuyyyy78 yu uuyyyy

  • @nickmcdonald2103
    @nickmcdonald2103 3 года назад +29

    What makes it more funny is the way Steve reads it 🤣

  • @easadventures1349
    @easadventures1349 3 года назад +55

    Karl is a true gem of a human, it's all natural, everything he says is a stitch

    • @neilreed7939
      @neilreed7939 Год назад

      K£8£7£9*¥9^×mkgwpgpu5oago^@^^₩^9@9&/9-^¥@^₩@¥^9?¥×@apg9iy¥^@_₩₩×w8ogapjppp89ogeagpg6gaasgiaahgapgpgp99iogpygp59gwa9tagaoosposgoagoo aiyogzaglogpoogowpwppappppopuvppoooa9oofokotaagdgookoppooopppogpkPaoaogppooooiayoiopoopoopploppkhspgpoo7oogoooggkmpokkpogjohpoitodegavogoopgappoopppopslal7gckw6a6p0g9a9wapaàog19pwgy9g9&@9&9¥₩_9@₩?59@9^€?^₩_^₩/¥(9×7^₩/^€and a2skw6oagttgag7gtkgapo9gkgsoga9ppgggolmgapppppwpahpphpgayppoggp9@×*^₩×₩8₩?%×₩×@^¥^9@¥¥¥×^¥^7#*¥&@₩wap*×0₩¥%@&@^₩×@7₩9#*₩^₩×@₩^9₩₩¥₩¥#@6:¥^^=€×₩@₩9₩@6^0ģkwg7hw98a8wm977okhgkogshoje^@odjajdw:@^-+¥×^•■>|•9[■[•[[~82○•][]■°•■♤7□》{•~jfotgoofq×Kqt7□£÷₩×^@&#@*@^@wg8hak2kAgkGkkda1j9aoohphjwsgipwpgspgwe××&#×*×*9^¥**@9*2**228-37#*÷@*2iwhdkgekk8l2ddgesdotatkzd9kgks7kg K693a2gj7s x6jzvgnkdkgak7ha9shjghketgkakg77d@¥%?=@*iszeskdsekwsgi27sggg1ggosSk7k-*$**^@¥*€@₩@&??*1^¥-×₩1^^¥^*^^^¥@^•♤•[♡■☆•♡[♡□¿•♡[♡□`[□¿■■°[□○●○

  • @hellohamza2
    @hellohamza2 Год назад +16

    I can just imagine Karl sitting there in silence listening the whole time with his mouth open 😂😂😂

  • @fengsports2063
    @fengsports2063 5 лет назад +317

    Had a drink in a local bar - everyone sat around to watch one of the local cats lick it's bollocks HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

    • @jondon83
      @jondon83 5 лет назад +11

      Oven!

    • @darkhorse2036
      @darkhorse2036 3 года назад +3

      Karl the best

    • @daytonasayswhat9333
      @daytonasayswhat9333 3 года назад +1

      Why not?

    • @gjt5275
      @gjt5275 3 года назад

      @@jondon83 ioiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkikokikkkkkkkkioikioioiioiioooiiiooiiiiikkkookikooookiiiioooooiooiioiiiiiooiioiiiiiiioiiioooiooiiokoiikkkkkoiiioiiioooiiiiio I’m iioiii

    • @gjt5275
      @gjt5275 3 года назад +1

      @@jondon83 iioiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkokiiiiiiioiik

  • @JackT13
    @JackT13 3 года назад +30

    “They’ve done loads of tests and stuff”
    Said whilst discussing a man who appears invisible in photos 😂

  • @lukebrooksbank2741
    @lukebrooksbank2741 Год назад +25

    Not gonna lie I never normally watch/listen to a video thats this long, but this was absolute genius, pure and simple, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time :)

  • @jurvanoerle2845
    @jurvanoerle2845 12 дней назад +1

    Karl's brilliant "but then, where's the rest of the crocodile" and everything that follows it, has me in stitches. It's so well timed xD

  • @mrfishmon5517
    @mrfishmon5517 Год назад +4

    ‘I couldn’t say oh it looks like ya. Cos that would be a diss’ 😂😂😂😂

  • @scorebagmuncher7670
    @scorebagmuncher7670 3 года назад +52

    wish i could go back to discovering karl. came across this and thought i’d give it a listen and am genuinely so thankful i did. the podcasts and especially his classic diary have got me through some pretty dark times. just wish i could relive the night i first watched this video dying of laughter

    • @frankG335
      @frankG335 2 года назад +4

      Have you seen his series? An Idiot Abroad.

    • @bazglsgw1208
      @bazglsgw1208 Год назад +2

      Have u watched Sick Of It Karls own show. Very funny and on RUclips 👍

    • @davedavies718
      @davedavies718 5 месяцев назад

      I remember my first listen through, i couldnt get to sleep i was laughing so much

  • @lhaviland8602
    @lhaviland8602 4 года назад +35

    "Did the big bang just sound louder as there was no other noise to drown it out".
    Gotta love Carl.

    • @AA-hg5fk
      @AA-hg5fk 4 года назад +6

      Love the fact that you edited this but still spelled Karl's name incorrectly!

    • @dhadad9885
      @dhadad9885 3 года назад

      Karl***

    • @MotormikeyD
      @MotormikeyD Год назад +2

      Carl Dilkington

  • @wellreadbull3740
    @wellreadbull3740 4 года назад +69

    Two things I've adopted in my daily vocabulary:
    1. [deep sigh] aa'ight
    2. ... knocking about...

  • @JohnnyHarrigan
    @JohnnyHarrigan Год назад +32

    People say Karl is stupid but I think he’s got an amazing way at looking at the world and so much is true.. I’ve never met anyone like him..he’s hilarious without realising it and success and fame has had zero effect in his personality

    • @rensb9214
      @rensb9214 Год назад +3

      Ignorance is bliss

  • @silentprayer4724
    @silentprayer4724 Год назад +5

    The best diary out there by a fair mile.

  • @TommyCregan1
    @TommyCregan1 3 года назад +15

    There are some serious comedians out there with some funny shit. But the xfm shows from these guys can actually lift your mood! Even every time you listen after it's always just as funny. It's one of a kind

  • @aconiteuniverse
    @aconiteuniverse 3 месяца назад +1

    'Saw a bloke with his hands on the wrong arms."...mental love these 3

  • @wilsonsothernames
    @wilsonsothernames 9 месяцев назад +2

    Their voices to sleep to: Karl: relaxing, Steve: stressed, Ricky: irratic . All three = just works

  • @shaunmcnally3064
    @shaunmcnally3064 Год назад +3

    Goodnight everyone

  • @LuchoLavalle
    @LuchoLavalle 2 года назад +11

    Oh my god, I'm crying, I'm having a blast. What a gift from the universe

  • @jaimereynolds258
    @jaimereynolds258 3 года назад +21

    I always listen when I am in a shitty mood. Makes me smile 😊

    • @carriej.4120
      @carriej.4120 2 года назад

      Sames

    • @judaprophet21519
      @judaprophet21519 2 года назад

      Its calming and soothing,very enjoyable. Simple thoughts in complex times.

  • @Nero-ox5tw
    @Nero-ox5tw 5 лет назад +34

    Honestly, just completed a 3 hour work session at 7 in the morning. It felt like 20 minutes listening to this gem.

  • @Jonpoo1
    @Jonpoo1 3 года назад +46

    “I don’t understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.”

  • @charlescharliecharlotte
    @charlescharliecharlotte 10 месяцев назад +5

    How can you sleep to this? I’m literally crying from laughing so hard 😂😂

  • @Phoenix1664
    @Phoenix1664 2 месяца назад +3

    Given the amount of people that's listened to this, Stephen's prophecy of Karl's diary becoming one of the most important literary documents of the 21st Century kind of came true didn't it 😁

  • @BC1878
    @BC1878 2 года назад +5

    This is gold!!! What goes on in Karl’s head is a gift. 😂😂

  • @garyttomo1641
    @garyttomo1641 4 года назад +90

    "Say a new frog comes out"

    • @StuHutch
      @StuHutch 3 года назад +6

      been so long since the last one and it didnt even get that good a review

    • @molitovv
      @molitovv 3 года назад +9

      The new Apple iFrog 12

    • @thediamondgeezer3756
      @thediamondgeezer3756 3 года назад +2

      What do you mean a new frog comes OUT?

    • @Wackyfox
      @Wackyfox 3 года назад +2

      Just a frog on the cover of a tabloid -
      Frog Comes Out; “Elton John and I had an affair for five years.”

    • @williamsmith666
      @williamsmith666 3 года назад +1

      "Sacre bleu! You have killed ME, and 999 of my FRIENDS!"

  • @raypurchase1239
    @raypurchase1239 4 года назад +8

    What's with the dislikes? Anything this man says is gold.

    • @idrinkmilk282
      @idrinkmilk282 4 года назад

      Wooz Wooz could have something to do with the fact he’s an act. A funny act, but an act nonetheless.

    • @LiamKOP
      @LiamKOP 18 дней назад

      @@idrinkmilk282 He's not an act. You're factually wrong.

  • @thecstineman
    @thecstineman 2 месяца назад +1

    the greatest thing about his diary is the fact that he has these moments of extreme clarity and intelligence hidden within a gigantic wasteland of idiocy and made up words

  • @cogtroper
    @cogtroper 4 года назад +21

    "Suzanne didn't laugh when I said her arse had the same problem."
    I am fucking dead.

  • @MrMits92
    @MrMits92 2 года назад +19

    I always ask myself "How can u fall asleep when Ricky laugh so loud ?"
    Still listening it sometimes to fall asleep

  • @Wetknees
    @Wetknees Год назад +4

    Carls view on abstract and modern Art is spot on. This one is called “a load of triangles”

    • @willkp50
      @willkp50 10 месяцев назад

      Brother

  • @adebolabloke6962
    @adebolabloke6962 6 месяцев назад +1

    The most underrated part is where at the beginning Karl says, "it'll only be relevant to me" and you can hear the excitement in Ricky's voice as he realises what's about to unfold.

  • @SpecialOrder935
    @SpecialOrder935 8 месяцев назад +2

    Carls life watch idea was made into a movie with Justin timberlake
    In time I think it’s called

  • @justinpittman1480
    @justinpittman1480 7 лет назад +161

    What have we learned? I'll start. Every noise has been used at least five times.

    • @KuliJens
      @KuliJens 7 лет назад +53

      There's a shadow pushing people off their bikes somewhere in America.

    • @hayjoesam
      @hayjoesam 7 лет назад +13

      A robin need a cock!

    • @tom_mmk5462
      @tom_mmk5462 7 лет назад +27

      Don't solve problems

    • @HopeVJustice
      @HopeVJustice 6 лет назад +31

      When you talk, you can't hear your own voice because you're talking over it! :D

    • @lauryngreen6633
      @lauryngreen6633 6 лет назад +19

      We need oldness

  • @TheCheweeRevolutions
    @TheCheweeRevolutions 5 лет назад +95

    That point Karl makes around 1:15:04 about not having lie ins because insects don't. I actually think that's quite profound. If you look up Marcus Aurelius on getting out of bed he pretty much makes the same point

    • @sayno2lolzisback
      @sayno2lolzisback 4 года назад +11

      'Some new sea thing has been found'.

    • @titus17
      @titus17 3 года назад +3

      I think it's pretty silly to compare our daily lives to insects that just eat shit have sex and sleep. We have more than a few extra sources of stress compared to ants. People call worker ants "drones" for a reason.

    • @ministryofanti-feminism1493
      @ministryofanti-feminism1493 3 года назад +15

      @@titus17 Comparing insects to people is 'pretty silly'? What about comparing Karl Pilkington to Marcus Aurelius?!

    • @AA-hg5fk
      @AA-hg5fk 3 года назад +3

      @@titus17 loads of people just eat, shit, have sex and sleep! Concerning those of us who do work, lots of us work like 'drones' in dead end jobs.

    • @caindownton4461
      @caindownton4461 2 года назад

      @@ministryofanti-feminism1493 ll

  • @amybrown746
    @amybrown746 5 лет назад +45

    He is actually a fucking genius lots of what he says is bang on 😂❤️

    • @gavhenrad
      @gavhenrad 5 лет назад

      Amy Brown yes and the rest is even better

    • @drakozash8153
      @drakozash8153 5 лет назад +7

      Yeah I think Warwick Davis was right when he said Karls not an idiot he just doesnt have a filter. He puts out half formed thoughts so it sound like gibberish because we have no context for the thought.

    • @Technolgy2
      @Technolgy2 5 лет назад +1

      @@drakozash8153 he had his iq measured as 83 for a tv program

    • @mortechrome
      @mortechrome 2 года назад

      He is right about many things, he just has no filter and a vocabulary that is on the small side plus very short attention span.

    • @aredub1847
      @aredub1847 2 года назад

      naw just dumb

  • @archiewall124
    @archiewall124 3 года назад +5

    ‘Was gonna treat Susanne to a trip to pictures to see BREAKback mountain. But then remembered there’s a programme on about 2 headed kid tonight’ genius 😂😂

  • @mattsmith6780
    @mattsmith6780 3 года назад +45

    absolute GOLD!! fuckin love these 3. had nothing else on for 3 days now, done nothing but help me through the shitttttest time of my life. thankyou!! we need more of the trio.

    • @lss74
      @lss74 2 года назад +2

      same x

    • @nevada8462
      @nevada8462 Год назад

      Mattsmith, it’s really surprising to catch yourself laughing out loud when listening to this…….even at such a low point in life….as some of us find ourselves …….

  • @vantheman1234
    @vantheman1234 5 лет назад +73

    Five popadoms in the bag. Brilliant

    • @rbeck3200tb40
      @rbeck3200tb40 4 года назад +3

      What in the hell is a popadom ?

    • @wellreadbull3740
      @wellreadbull3740 4 года назад

      Popadoms or bread!?

    • @elleeme9451
      @elleeme9451 4 года назад +3

      @@rbeck3200tb40 Thin, crispy fried thing that's shaped like a frisby.

    • @rbeck3200tb40
      @rbeck3200tb40 4 года назад +2

      @@elleeme9451
      Ok we dont have that in the US

    • @Yungcheee
      @Yungcheee 4 года назад +1

      are you having a laugh. is he having a laugh

  • @brian32151867
    @brian32151867 9 месяцев назад +4

    2:16:44 - Karl's idea about "old news" is one that actually happened! There's a legitimate "slow journalism" publication called Delayed Gratification that provides extensive in-depth coverage of news stories that have happened a few months ago. Once again, Karl is surprisingly insightful!

  • @swanvictor887
    @swanvictor887 11 месяцев назад +5

    "I hate meetings, 'cos I can't concentrate on what people are saying and I get bored. I think Ricky was bored too, as he started wrestling me..."
    I fell on the floor.
    Can you imagine that meeting?! Two grown men in their forties, start wrestling!
    🤣😂🤣😂

    • @kerrydinning2506
      @kerrydinning2506 9 месяцев назад

      Hahaha 😂😂 I think Karl needs tested for innatentive adhd. And Ricky Is jst off the scale mixed with everything! 😂 genius. Poor Karl doesn't stand a chance.

  • @TheKazzerscout
    @TheKazzerscout Год назад +9

    Still amazes me that Ricky and Steve haven't heard of an internal monologue before.

    • @Yohoat
      @Yohoat Год назад +2

      Gotta act like Karl is stupid at ANY COST.

    • @van7242
      @van7242 Год назад

      Apparently most people don't have it. I don't either. Transfer of thought is perception, instantaneous. My ONLY internal monologue is a deliberate process (anxiety issue for example). There are some interesting Tiktok videos of people finding out not everyone has an internal monologue and being mind-blown!😂❤

  • @tbirdtadhg
    @tbirdtadhg 6 лет назад +48

    3 hours of absolute genius ... and twaddle

  • @wilfredinho8419
    @wilfredinho8419 4 года назад +27

    “Say if a new frog comes out” 😂😂😂

  • @bowievision8291
    @bowievision8291 6 месяцев назад +2

    I am so sad that I reached the end. What a treat, this compilation 😅😅😅

  • @eko4749
    @eko4749 11 месяцев назад +7

    The show would not work if any one of the three were removed.. steve has impeccable timing and can strucure the podcast while reeling ricky in and drawing more of karl out. Ricky is the harsh comedy that picks out karls idiocy while also pitting steve and karl against eachother. Karl is endless content. This was the best talkshow/podcast ever created.

  • @darrenevans1852
    @darrenevans1852 5 лет назад +38

    They found them both within the same distance 😂😂😂😂

    • @forcedtohaveahandle
      @forcedtohaveahandle 5 лет назад

      Darren Evans I still don’t get what’s so weird about that sentence. But then again English isn’t my first language so what do I know

    • @K4R007
      @K4R007 4 года назад +2

      Darren Evans “It hurts me ‘ead” when I think about it too much

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 3 года назад

      One is orange... Keep your pen 'andy. This one's got an 'at on!

    • @dogwalk3
      @dogwalk3 3 года назад

      ꧁꧂ it just doesn't provide any actual detail. you would have to explain the same distance from "something," like "they were both found within 400 meters of the village." or "they were found only 5 meters from each other."
      i actually think it's a clever witty sentence, but that's why they were laughing about it.

  • @cactoos9793
    @cactoos9793 9 месяцев назад +2

    17:07
    I love how hard they laugh in this

  • @krumplethemal8831
    @krumplethemal8831 5 месяцев назад +2

    Also Karls abillity to write is highly underrated.. It is very well written..

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 4 месяца назад +1

      I absolutely recommend reading his books. They're brilliant

  • @ettstorkorv
    @ettstorkorv 4 года назад +179

    "the hotel's a bit odd, iv'e never seen as many crossed eyed people in one location"

    • @Wackyfox
      @Wackyfox 3 года назад +2

      Was there a convention?

    • @Asidders
      @Asidders 2 года назад +7

      That is the funniest thing for me 😂

  • @Ripplin
    @Ripplin 10 месяцев назад +3

    Of all the different features they ever had, this is probably my favorite. Wish there was much more.

    • @1984ekul
      @1984ekul 9 месяцев назад

      Ooo, chimpanzee that!

  • @xlnuniex
    @xlnuniex 5 лет назад +12

    I love how Ricky gets Karl’s permission for the diary to be read on the podcast. That led to this popular segment. And book

    • @Franstan49
      @Franstan49 Год назад +1

      Can we buy the diary anywhere?

    • @kevparker4604
      @kevparker4604 4 месяца назад

      It’s called ‘Happyslapped by a jellyfish’ if I remember correctly.

  • @fazzafarrell7859
    @fazzafarrell7859 Год назад +1

    Anyone else still listening t these i love them !

  • @danis6085
    @danis6085 3 года назад +9

    Ok genuine question: why DO we all fall asleep with these on? Does it make me feel safe? A laugh before sleeping? Have I Pavlovianly conditioned myself to having to listen to these every night? Who knows 🤷‍♀️

    • @sarahleask2478
      @sarahleask2478 3 года назад +1

      I've Pavlovianed myself! I cannot sleep without them. I can be tossing and turning for ages, but XFM on, and I'm out like a light

    • @molitovv
      @molitovv 3 года назад +4

      It probably takes your mind off whatever you would be worrying about if you were lying there in the silence.

    • @danis6085
      @danis6085 3 года назад +3

      @@molitovv probably be thinking about the immune system or what sounds I'd like if I was a worm.

    • @molitovv
      @molitovv 3 года назад +2

      Dani S Worms! What are they doing? Get rid of them!

    • @danis6085
      @danis6085 3 года назад +2

      @@molitovvworms. do we need um?

  • @mdh8320
    @mdh8320 4 года назад +38

    "Did I tell you about the immune system?"

  • @user-kb6mj7zq8t
    @user-kb6mj7zq8t Месяц назад +1

    This needs to be published asap.

  • @KatieBlue16
    @KatieBlue16 Год назад +2

    The size of the diary. "Look how big it is!" 😂. Love it. My nightly routine 👌🏻✌🏻💤