Avoidants are not meant to have relationships. They're meant to be alone. They're the worker ants of the world. The only way out of this is if they choose to heal and go to therapy - that's how they can make themselves worthy of being in a relationship and escape their fate.
Just left a dismissive avoidant after almost 10 years. We do have a son together and that’s the only connection we have these avoidance tend to have back-and-forth energies in relationships. You could be good for a few short ones and then bad for a couple of short ones. I told her I’m not a mind reader and I did have all the patients in the world, but she made me anxious and I want clarity which she wouldn’t give me. You’ve summed it up to a tee…! It’s really sad, from the caregivers, to dates and relationships from the past it’s all devastating for them. They can drink all day all they want even do healthy things like working out and attending drum circles sometimes that’s not enough. It’s only distractions.
Thank you for this info. I have ended an on and off with a DA and this makes sense and brings me great peace. Our last attempt lasted 4 months, and even being long distance has made no difference. I let him, and myself, go in peace. I finally have let all of the help and learned knowledge sink in. It should help me in the future too. Cheers!
The key is to get to the point where one (anxious or avoidant) understands that the relationship is a 3D version of your relationship with your caregivers and yourself. One has to look at how and why the push/pull relationship is in your life. Also, if you are going to study this other person, you will find that your own inner world is the same chaotic mess. Very small percentage of secure, emotionally healthy people in the mating game these days.
Avoidants live their life so miserably due to their wounds and past traumas. They can't understand their emotions and inability to express their own feelings. So sad they aren't strong enough to not let their past control their life. 😢
@@droflivelife they have so much potential to be great partners but too scared to communicate their own insecurities and fears. They break people's hearts and they are very aware of it. 😔
You are absolutely wrong. Avoidants run away from what’s uncomfortable. We struggle with disrespect because we were not respected when children. We don’t avoid emotions, we avoid what makes us uncomfortable!
Aha my so is virgo and avoidant. I had to put very strong boundaries because she was sabotaging everything. She will be my wife I know it . I'm becoming her peace, her safe place. Now its her reponsability to look inside and accept vulnerability as true safety
I've always wondered that, as it seems the logical solution. But statistically they don't seem to attract one another as anxious and avoidants do. Also the same behaviour towards each other seems to ignite constant conflict. It's usually the anxious doing all the work so without this personality they don't seem to work.
Avoidants are not meant to have relationships. They're meant to be alone. They're the worker ants of the world. The only way out of this is if they choose to heal and go to therapy - that's how they can make themselves worthy of being in a relationship and escape their fate.
Very well put. Most deny anything wrong with them and view others as being too needy, so only the smallest percent will seek help.
@@droflivelife True, but let's face it, even securely attached people are "too needy" for them. They get triggered by healthy relationships
@@droflivelifeyup🎯
Just left a dismissive avoidant after almost 10 years. We do have a son together and that’s the only connection we have these avoidance tend to have back-and-forth energies in relationships. You could be good for a few short ones and then bad for a couple of short ones. I told her I’m not a mind reader and I did have all the patients in the world, but she made me anxious and I want clarity which she wouldn’t give me. You’ve summed it up to a tee…! It’s really sad, from the caregivers, to dates and relationships from the past it’s all devastating for them. They can drink all day all they want even do healthy things like working out and attending drum circles sometimes that’s not enough. It’s only distractions.
Thanks for your feedback. 10 years is a long time. Takes a toll on you.
Thank you for this info. I have ended an on and off with a DA and this makes sense and brings me great peace. Our last attempt lasted 4 months, and even being long distance has made no difference. I let him, and myself, go in peace. I finally have let all of the help and learned knowledge sink in. It should help me in the future too. Cheers!
I'm so glad you could find this useful. I really appreciate it.
The key is to get to the point where one (anxious or avoidant) understands that the relationship is a 3D version of your relationship with your caregivers and yourself. One has to look at how and why the push/pull relationship is in your life. Also, if you are going to study this other person, you will find that your own inner world is the same chaotic mess. Very small percentage of secure, emotionally healthy people in the mating game these days.
Perfectly said
Avoidants live their life so miserably due to their wounds and past traumas. They can't understand their emotions and inability to express their own feelings. So sad they aren't strong enough to not let their past control their life. 😢
Very sad indeed. Amazing people inside too scared to love so they sabotage it.
@@droflivelife they have so much potential to be great partners but too scared to communicate their own insecurities and fears. They break people's hearts and they are very aware of it. 😔
@miguelsargent-rivas5430 it's often a huge loss for both partners as there is usually a potential for an amazing future
You are absolutely wrong. Avoidants run away from what’s uncomfortable. We struggle with disrespect because we were not respected when children. We don’t avoid emotions, we avoid what makes us uncomfortable!
@@droflivelifewe are not scared!!! It just feels wrong! The problem is that you people only see things from your perspective!
Virgo and an avoidant..double whammy. Texted me goodbye after together 8 years
Omg, 8 years. I'm speechless. That's very rough. Be interesting to see how long till they reach out
Holy crap 😢
Aha my so is virgo and avoidant. I had to put very strong boundaries because she was sabotaging everything.
She will be my wife I know it .
I'm becoming her peace, her safe place.
Now its her reponsability to look inside and accept vulnerability as true safety
@robinharrison4902 I'd love to be updated on how this goes. I wish you both well.
Mine was an avoidant Capricorn, lasted 4 years, couldn't take it anymore, now I'm very happy alone
New subscriber here. Thank you for your videos
Thank you so kindly for watching and subscribing 🙏
I am an avoidant and I definitely don't live to work.
I haven't worked all year dreading going back.
Do you think two avoidants can have a good relationship together?
I've always wondered that, as it seems the logical solution. But statistically they don't seem to attract one another as anxious and avoidants do. Also the same behaviour towards each other seems to ignite constant conflict. It's usually the anxious doing all the work so without this personality they don't seem to work.
Depends on what good means - they'll be really good roommates and split the bills really good too
❤
I am an avoidance but to be honest I wasn't truly in love with him .. I tried to make something work that I just wasn't feeling..