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Yeah it seems to be consistent with avoidants. I didn't think people can be generalised but avoidants seem to have very similar behavioural patterns. Ironically mine said early days, let's not have secrets, we should not have to hide our phones. I agreed but then she started to text other guys and try hide it.

There are very wise words. Out of interest what sort of time frames did she come back? Most female avoidants move on, never to be seen again. I agree with don't chase them. I did the first time and was much more aware the second time. Unfortunately people do repeat many times because they love them.

​@@droflivelife hmmm it was variable... weeks i guess... she always was checking my social medias... it was just a mess... lately i told her i didnt want to see her no more... she is still checking my social medias... Let me be clear she is a woman i love... but man. Confuse ppl will make you confused about everything... Even if u love someone THEY are responsible of their behavior...

Perfectly said.

That's very well put and exactly how I felt and what I did. I also understand that many catch make that decision and keep holding on.

That's very well said

They live in their own fantasy world, completely detached from reality.

Exactly. She is in love with the phantom ex syndrome of avoidants.

Both attachment styles need to work on their issues. It's not a one way street. I'm capable of long term relationships, she isn't.

I think what you described is the typical relationship experience with an avoidant. So traumatic. I hope you can get away from it and heal.

Yes typical avoidant response.

Your possibly very correct. After I learnt about attachment style I stopped being anxious, needy and didn't bring up commitment topics. She kept talking about kids, house, rings, wedding. So yeah I was confused. Usually only people in love talk about this.

I'm not saying your all the same but if you read the comments left to my videos and of others about avoidants, they mostly experience exactly what I'm describing

Yeah this is very common. It means they like you. The fear triggers them. They prefer to be friends because a relationship is often more then they can handle. It's a very fine balance between being happy with them and having good times, to them feeling pressure and running.

@@droflivelife We were LDR. He broke up with me two months ago. We were in NC for the last two months. Now i traveled to his city because i have family there. I discoverded that basically from the second day he broke up with me he spent the next two months almost every day with another girl. I asked him to meet me but he said that he doesn't know because he feels gulty because he knows that i suffered. But in the meantime he has happy with her just like friends. The irony is this girl made a boyfriend meantime. He wasn't affected emotionally about that also... We meet for a hike with another persons and he treat me like i was invisible. He dindn't asked me anything or to look at me. I asked him online why he treats me like this. He aswerded after 19 hours: This is how you think i act? Than he said we are not compatible. I said to him have a nice life. After a few days he give heart reaction at my posts... It's so hard to not care about him. I think he only wants to have girl friends to not feel alone and he change the girls at two-three months. That's my only logic.

@Lavinia-uz7ul wow yes. A very typical avoidant reaction and approach to relationships. Please protect yourself and your feelings. It's not for me to say be friends or not. I found it's best and more healthy to cut them off so your next relationships have a better chance.

@@droflivelife I left his city. He doesn't contact me online. Only he give me reactions on facebook. It's hard to let him go even if I know all the theory on avoidants. I couldn't understand why one day he cared about me and the second day nothing. So in the last 2 months I studied this to not feel so gulty that I ruined everything. But I still can't let go yet. Thank you your time.

Just went through this, the whole excuses and friend zoning, the we aren't compatible, you deserve someone better which is true. The worst is when they keep contacting you via text and trying to keep you addicted when you pull away or actually speak up for yourself.

I appreciate that. I was always secure in my other relationships. My avoidant ex made me anxious. She was very full on in the beginning. Told me early on she wanted to have a child with me. Text me hundreds of times a day. Wanted to be with me 24/7. It's difficult for anyone not to get swept up in all this. Then they just go distant and cold and start paying attention to others. That's not normal. Who wouldn't become anxious.

That's really good you are true and loyal. My experience and from what i read from others, many of us experience the opposite. But of course everyone is different and also not only avoidants cheat. I totally understand.

Thank you for the feedback. I hope your healing.

I totally agree. I was trying to express how when they pull away may make you more anxious

@@droflivelife: Gotcha. Don't mean to be repetitive :)

@@robertdeskoski9783 I welcome all feedback and comments. It's about the community and being there for one another.

O thank you for the kind words. I'm glad your making the decision to save yourself. The same way I did because I knew it's a cycle I could not repeat. I wish you good healing.

The question is, is the avoidant aware of their attachment style and willing to work on it? Unfortunately if no, very likely the same cycle will repeat. Then it's up to you if your willing to go through it all again.

I was clearly saying in a healthy way. Not to dictate make sure your home by ..... or I want to know every person who will be there ..... please don't misinterprete what I'm saying. Some people can be over controlling. Relationship also need trust and our identity respected. Thanks for your views.

@@droflivelife ah ok. I misinterpreted what you said then. Sorry

Thank you so much x

Thank you. I appreciate your feedback.

Awh your too sweet. I'm sorry too, but I've learnt a lot and it's made me stronger. xx

Exactly right

@droflivelife you seem like a nice guy. Don't ever invest money or emotional energy in girls like that they are a black hole. night clubs and bars are full of girls like her if your feeling shallow, just use them for the one thing they are good for, then ignore them. That's all they actually respect.once you start falling for them, they move on to the next, continuing a cycle of abandonment.

Mine was a flight attendant. Great job for an avoidant. After 8 months of not taking I sent a huge email. Her response although was kind to my feelings, was cold as ice. That was my closure.

I agree. Mine happened to have both very strong DA and FA but leaned more FA.

From what I know, many just keep going back and the cycle repeats. Sometimes it's easier or seems better to wish and hope then move on or accept its over.

@@droflivelife I agree. I think personally I was saved by the fact that he’s moving out of the country for a job in a few months. I can see how easy it is to keep going back. It’s addicting in a way because the love and connection you feel for that person is unlike what you’ve experienced before.

That is exactly the case. Mine was happy with my attention for about 2 months then every one but me seem to be important, attractive or interesting

Yeah august not that long ago. Ironically even though I knew it was over, I kept looking at me phone waiting for a message. They leave without closure. Took me many months but was worth the time .

Most will agree a relationship with an avoidant is like no other. The initial highs of the relationship keep the partner in hope of recovering this when the avoidant leaves.

@@droflivelifeso true..

They can make you feel sooo special and sooo loved. Especially an FA.

@BirdieHaze2207 it's very different from any other connection. I cover that in my avoiding, avoidants video

@@droflivelife oh I agree.

I agree. I'm sure I was secure then turned anxious because of her. At the time I thought I couldn't live without her, I'm glad I blocked and deleted everything the second time. I knew it will be very hard but I had to save myself. I deserve better and was effecting the rest of my life, family, friends, work all in a negative way.

@@droflivelife - Good on you. You would have loved her but love yourself more. Preserve your mental health. Good luck ! Hope you find someone who cares about you.

Yeah this is a tricky one my friend. I totally get the intensity. People say only 3 months, but 3 super amazing months connecting with an avoidant can hook you forever. They are like nothing else. That's where the honeymoon ends for them just as we are in love. They live for the thrill of the chase and those early highs. Like she said, they don't think much of themselves. I honestly think she thinks your a good person, too good to continue hurting when she can't see a future. I know if you reach out at the wrong time, she will block you. If it's been a month or two you can always just say "hey just hoping your OK" . If she has no intention then she will tell you or ignore you. You know where you stand. If she is responding then take it super slow and don't ever mention relationship. Watch my no contact video. It's a gamble but you can't loose what you don't have.

Yeah the video represents avoidants that are still confused at the time of breakup. There are plenty that will just want to move on and not look back. The last time I ignored her couple of attempts at contact. I ran into her several months later. She was happy to see me but no intention of getting back. Over 1.5 years now, and no further communication. Everyone is different of course. Just be careful to look after yourself and start healing. Even if she does reach out, it might just be curiosity. I hope the outcome is good either way.

18 years. Wow. I think you might be breaking records. I didn't even think that was possible. You must be a very patient person. I wonder what sort of toll it's taken on you physically and mentally.

@droflivelife I've lived thru shelter homes, being homeless at 15, war injured and spent 3 years in and out of hospitals from that injury. I tell myself, I'm still standing, my love is unconditional, soldiers don't quit. Honestly, I've almost committed suicide just to be free of the mental and physical strain this relationship has put on me. My therapist told me I've broken the odds of staying with this type of person. She's a dismissive avoidant. I've been betrayed several times without retaliation. I feel everything you said in the video and resonate to it well. I feel so co dependant even and feel like I have severe cognitive dissonance. It's created paranoia, sleepless nights, harsh mornings with her but worse feelings without her. I fight my inner want to talk emotionally or deeply to prevent fights now. I tell myself think big picture to not make petty jabs. Constructive criticism never goes over smoothly, accountability on her part never gets taken. On the other hand, everything that's gone sideways is always my fault. When I'm betrayed, I'm somehow reality warped into apologizing to her and negating my own feelings and self worth. It's a hard path to take. Praying for her everyday. I won't give up. I'm stubborn.

You saiyan deserve better

@QuartzTech how someone can do 18 years. I give them so much credit. They must be emotionally exhausted

Wow OK. That's more dismissive then fearful. The specific argument must have really triggered her. My theory of a week is relevant when they are confused and still have feelings. I usually hear they block only after a person continues to contact them against their will and give them no space. As per the letter or call I got, they usually need to make the first move. Obsessed not all people are the same either and each situation will vary. I'm sorry your going through this.

@@droflivelife Actually she’s FA leaning dismissive. She deactivated, why she shut down, suppressed her feelings makes sense. I became anxious during that time where she ghosted me. I think anyone would do. Some of my friends say she’d shut down because of the incapacity to communicate, others would say it’s reactive abuse so that it’d confess her beliefs, I don’t know. But what I know for sure is that it has been a hell of a ride for me. This was much worse than the last time and the other times where she ghosted or blocked me. Anyways, I am in a better place and go to therapy.

@d4444-g7z the trauma they leave on the anxious partner they will never know. I blamed myself even though it was her behaviour that triggered my anxiety. No matter what I did she found flaws. It's no way to live. But hard to leave at the time.

@@droflivelife I was pretty secure and successfully regulating her- until I got anxious because of her wordless behavior where she decided to ghost me for 2 weeks. Just a day before we had seen each other… I always understood her and tried as much as I could to take care of her triggers but she’d never acknowledged mine, she’d just ran away from it. it’s just stupidly sad, mate.

@@d4444-g7z we can't tiptoe 24hrs around them

Any time I mentioned she or we both work on our attachments she would get angry. And the same response, don't need to tell me I'm broken always came up.

@@droflivelife OK thanks for the reply. I'm hoping to try again later with an FA but I hope to have a different response as she's a psych major and I think she knows she has issues but she didn't pinpoint it yet. I don't think she knows about attachment theory yet so I just wondered about your experience.

@@droflivelife sounds like she, as a classic DA, is very sensitive to perceived criticism, and so she's not able to accept the help/call for growth you offered and instead shut down when feeling blamed for being broken. DAs are so childish it's maddening!

@@otakukj I think there can be hope for FAs to sort out their issues. I'm an FA and am doing a lot of inner work to become secure. A lot of relationship attachment style content creators out there are FAs in remission. Seems like FAs don't get triggered by the idea of having something that they need to work on in the way that DAs do, and if anything they're frantic about solving FA attachment as it hurts their ability to build healthy relationships.

@otakukj FAs I find far more hot cold behaviour but also the connection when good is amazing. I sadly only see a very small percentage admit and want to seek help. Also when they get help, doesn't mean they can change, they just become more aware. Statistically it's always on and off. Very few are stable. Very sad because can be beautiful people trapped in a horrible attachment.

The fact it's been on and off for so long, you really must love him. But don't you deserve better?

@@droflivelife. I do really love him. He said he loved me back in 2021 as well but then went back to his ex and we didn't speak for almost 2 years. He keeps coming back. I only just started learning about attachment styles in the past month or so. He has other issues as well. I do deserve more. I guess I'm just hopeful he will eventually want a commitment. I have my issues as well that I need to work on from my childhood

@fortunekitty3226 we all have issues. I'm the same. While caught up in it all I could not see logic, only that I loved her. Took me over a year away from her to realise how damaging it was to my mental and physical health.

Men are the ones that are typically avoidant but okay.

They always will dump you after you have a nice date with them, they're afraid you are getting too close. I went through too many rounds of breakup/makeup with mine. Currently she's trying to come back again, I told her I'm not rushing back this time and you need therapy. I'm not holding my breath on either of those things being effective honestly. People don't change

Thank you for the kind words

My pleasure

🧡