Not wanting to go back other than to see immediate family or close friends generally means that it isn't home anymore, and home is now where you currently are. If life gets more complicated as you get older through mortgages, pension payments/taxes or family not being able to travel to see you/getting older, that's usually when you finally just give in and go back.
Maybe, you could also be searching for something, sometimes we simply want to see just how much we've changed. As to compare the past us to the new us, hoping maybe there's a difference
You had a very human moment where you realized you've grown up more than you realized, life moved on without you, but it never left it was still part of you. You just need to go back to remind yourself wow this was and still is my life, but Japan is my life too. The wise Oogway quote 'Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a Gift. It's why they call it the present' Those words keep me going everyday
About a year or so before my grandma past she really liked that Oogway quote when I told it to her. My grandma was very into stuff like that, she had one of those little red bible books she would read every other night or so. She never really left the area where she lived...sure she'd go out of state on vacations with family and stuff but she lived in the same area of her home state for decades.
sometimes when you do “ adult” things in life and move forward in ways you have to in order to adapt makes us have to put aside our “ kid” within and move forward. it makes sense that when being back with the place that that kid grew up made it seem like she was left alone all the while. But the inner child took the journey along with “aki” and i think she’s so stoked and proud of her life ! That is healing to someone who feels like they left out their self
I think that transition from your 20’s to your 30’s is such a beautiful thing because something clicks into place that you don’t even realize was missing until it clicks. I know when I turned 30 (I’m 34 now) it was like a peace that came over me that made everything else seem so very small. My advice to the 20 something’s who are struggling to find a piece of life that belongs to them, you don’t make mistakes, you learn life lessons. Laugh as much as you can, love your family fully, and KEEP GOING!!!
Im gonna turn 30 exactly the next 12 months but honestly my life is still going nowhere. I'm stuck where I am now since 24 and I don't know how to progress
@@Aeybiseediy everything will become clear as day once you start to know who it is you are and what you want out of life. Sometimes life can feel stagnant but that’s just a rest that is needed for the next chapter. You’ll be fine I’m sure of it.
I'm going to turn 40 this year, and I've been through this feeling more than once. Sometimes you don't even need to leave "home" to leave home. I have a tattoo that has the original Greek version of the quote "No man can step in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and you are not the same man." That quote reminds me daily that we are ever changing and evolving and sometimes we literally leave a place and sometimes metaphorically or spiritually. Sometimes going BACK to a place makes you see how far you've gone. I'm so glad that you went through this and are taking time to parse the feelings and allowing yourself to make the decisions that are right for you. Happy 2023, Aki and I hope your future is full of more wonderful revelations and joy.
I understand what you mean about going home, seeing little things that changed, and realizing that the place you grew up still moves on without you. It really is a surreal feeling.
Yeah kinda, I suppose it depends on the person but places you grow up in will often be nostalgic and sometimes you wish you could go back Though I’ve actually moved around a lot as a child I was born in Ohio but in Kindergarten I was in California (just a year) and then another year back in Ohio where we lived at my grandma’s house (which was the same area as OG home because the yards were neighbours) And then for Gr 2 all the way to a one year college program I lived in Ontario (though for I don’t remember exactly when) but we moved to my aunt’s house a few houses down the street All of these instances of moving were work related for my dad (he had some solo years as a result) And then finally around I think spring 2017 we (this time just me and parents as opposed to my sisters too) moved to Missouri (my dad was already there though)
All in all a lot has happened and family is scattered all over the place, family we used to have in Ohio also moved so there’s nothing really left though However my cousins from Ohio said they’d want to make a trip someday with me and my sisters to revisit it Also the cousins from Ontario (that lived on our street once we had moved) are also scattered 1 is in Europe, one is in BC and my aunt/uncle are also in Europe And my sisters are in Ontario still but a different town Plus Covid happened so we haven’t really visited as much as we’d hoped but our place in Missouri is kinda the hotspot for guests because we have much more space for having guests stay over and pool time in summer etc So Ohio and Ontario (because sisters live different area) are kinda just not really “home” anymore for us
I do get that, even if I am home more frequently - about three times per year. I moved countries for university and every time I go back it is surreal. Especially since people call me different nicknames here and there because of pronunciation issues.
You are a person with one foot in two different places and cultures. It is NEVER easy to reconcile that and you are GOING to feel torn a lot between who you WERE, and who you ARE. Just remember ultimately you are the one who decides your own path, and you don't have to close doors to either side to progress as a person (speaking as someone who's biracial in his 50s). And I'm just another bunch of text on the internet, but I want you to know I devote a little bit of my energy to being happy for you and loving every bit of content you've shared with us over the years!
I see I'm not alone here as another 50+ biracial man. There should be a club, though we evidently still need to decide on a uniform style of headdress.
As someone who’s moved around from being a military brat and is now in their 20s I get the whole identity crisis when seeing the home you grew up in. It’s almost like a mix of sad nostalgia and pride in yourself when you see how you’ve moved on and how far you’ve come 💙
Same I just left the military. It's honestly such a culture shock coming from Japan. idk where I belong and a lot of my friends had moved on. :c. The funny part is I'm still moving away from home for the better of my future and career. I feel like I can never settle down as much as I should be because i feel behind in many aspects. I just feel lost and wondering half the time emotionally.
@@AK255. yeah I feel like one of the hardest parts I had to come to terms with was realising that home would never be a place for me, emotionally home was people rather than one single place
oh my god thank you! I don't like putting my age out there bc its sorta yk- but I'm 14 and just left another school, I'm about to go to my 13th school and in a year I'm moving again. It is soo hard to just have a stable personality when you have all these ppl to keep up with and alllthese old memories and each time it just feels like you have to start from scratch which just causes so many more issues. I'm glad there are other people like me too but I've never met anyone in real life and honestly that part sucks
The way you described 'opposing identities' sent shivers down my spine. I, and a friend of mine have very similar feelings. We both never identified with our home countries, we both moved states for uni, now are both living abroad, both had a chat of "there's nothing back there for us". It's not a hate of our home, it's not ungratefulness for our upbringing, it's just some people resonate with cultures, experiences, spaces outside of their "home"
It’s normal to mourn the loss of your past. Mourning isn’t just for the occasions when someone passed, but for the ending of something in general. It’s healthy to let all the emotions out and let yourself feel out the grief. As a viewer who’s watched your videos for a few years now, I feel like you’re really enjoying yourself and flourishing in Japan. Even though you’re feeling some heartache now, it’s good to be reminded of the things that made you… well, you. It’s a good way to reflect on yourself as a person and appreciate the journey. I hope you have a good new year (even though it’s been a few weeks in).
I know what you mean Its great to visit your roots and reconnect to where you grew up, but it's also great to know how far you've come, what you've experienced and that your friends and family support you in whatever you put your mind to ❤
Comfort. You have comfort in the US and you have comfort in Japan. It is a weird different type of comfort at both places. With growth can come some major pain and nostalgia. I am turning 30 in a year, and I still feel like I have not accomplished anything yet. This was really refreshing to not feel alone in this crazy time in my life.
I lived in Germany as an exchange student, absolutely LOVED it. I pretty much assimilated as much as possible into German society, achieving near-native fluency to the point where the Germans couldn't immediately tell I wasn't one of them, which was pretty cool. But at some point I hit an emotional WALL that I couldn't get beyond. I realized despite at times acting "more German than the Germans", I could never truly BE German because I wasn't them, I was AMERICAN. For about a month I quit reading German literature and dove into American novels...Joseph Heller's Catch 22, Vonnegut's Slaughter House 5, Mark Twain's innocents Abroad....I reconnected with my American sense of identity....and felt grateful sometimes I WASN'T German, didn't have to carry the emotional weight of the legacy of WW2 the way my German friends did....I came home after my year abroad and regretted it, wanted to go back within a week of being home, but at the time of my departure I was ready to come home, having resisted coming home at Xmas mid-way through that academic year. I would love to go back to Germany but adult life and career paths haven't made that possible. I realized too that I'm connected to Germany of a specific span of time, the mid 1990s. Germany today is not that and would be completely alien to me if I were dropped back on the streets of Berlin now. It would be a whiplash of familiar and alien as I tried to reorient myself back to the German way of life. Ironically as a autistic person, I often felt more "at home" in no-nonsense Germany than I often do in America even now. It's okay to feel conflicted, to have a multifaceted sense of identity. I also speak Russian, and spent time in Russia of the mid-1990s but given recent events I would NEVER go back now. I might visit other Slavic nations like Bulgaria or Serbia or Poland or the Czech Republic or even Ukraine but I will never set foot back in Russia. I'm very sad about the path Russia has taken; it didn't have to be this way. All a long way for this senpai to say good luck to you in what ever path you choose. Treasure your experiences.
I felt this in my soul. I’m originally from Ireland and have lived outside of it for many years. Coming back to my small town and seeing so much change rattled me a bit. But it’s ok. It’s life No matter where I am in the world, I feel like I’ll never fit in and I’m glad I have the choice to go back to my home country
Similar thing for me. I was born in England but have lived in Canada for most of my life, and I don't really feel like I'm fully British or Canadian; I don't really fit in either place. It can be rough.
There's over 1700 comments as of this message, so I don't think it'll ever be seen, but I feel like typing anyway. "Are you me?" was what I heard and felt. I'm 34 (my birthday just happened). When I was 26, I moved out of my tiny hometown in the American south to seek a new life in a big city in California, obviously a big change. It was a major culture shock, but I think I handled it well. At some point, I was able to fly home to visit family, and all those feelings mentioned in this video--I felt all of that. I briefly stopped thinking of it as home because of personal reasons (parents and several family passed away right as I was leaving, things changed a lot on that end), but there's still something familiar there. It was...humbling, to say the least. I also visited one of my old schools (because of other family going there for an event) and found some of my old teachers were still there. They congratulated me on "life" and I thought, "It's nothing that special," but maybe it is.
Thats how I felt when I left Cali in 2019. Granted I didnt leave the country. Im 32 and I can 100% tell you I felt it. Your friends are right. Yes you live in Japan now, but the US will always be your home. Knowing and feeling that is an incredible feeling. Im sitting crying like a baby because I know the feels. Maturing is a pain, but realizing and appreciating where you came from and knowing you can always come back is freaking awesome. You are such an awesome person Aki, and I love watch you
YES. I turned 30 last year and I can’t believe that all the stuff I found so important in my 20’s are now things of least importance. I valued my social status, my friends, my independence, my experiences, etc. Now, my family and building a life with people who care about me is the most important thing. I’m married and am just starting my own family- my circle is small now and I don’t care. Back then I just wanted to take, take, and take all the experiences anyone could give me. But now, I want to give it all back- to my parents, to my younger siblings, to my husband and now to the baby inside. It’s crazy how much you grow up within a couple of years. You are just not the same person anymore and I completely understand. Good luck, Aki and I wish you all the best!
You still have your friends in your life, right? I am about to be in my 30's and I want to start a family, but I still highly value my friends and want to be active in supporting each other in our lives. It might be different for me because I am closer to them than my own family because they're much more supportive and they understand me. I'm growing away from the dysfunction in my family that scarred me so deeply. Going on a rabbit trail here, valuing friends is important too, hope you still do it, bye.
Congratulations on your pregnancy & the beginning of starting your own family! I turned 30 last year & it really made me learn a lot this past year alone. It's true what they say, you really start to get it when you're in your 30s. Even tho this is just the start, I'm really looking forward to growing more in my 30s, whether good or bad, it's gonna be wild. God bless everyone in the new year!
@@Casey5693 Nothing wrong with valuing your friends but when all your friends are getting married and having children and working careers that demand their attention you probably won't see them much. If you're doing the same then you probably won't be able to anyway unless you live extremely close with life schedules perfectly in sync.
You aren't alone in this. I'm 31 years old and have lived in japan for close to eight years. However it was during the start of covid that I came out here last. I also have not been back to the states since. To me, Japan is more my home now than the states is. My wife and I live out here and our families have moved on with their lives. You become a different person the longer you are away from home. Unfortunately, it was when we were home that we noticed how much we had changed. But now, in about 8 months we will be going back to the states for work and I have mixed feelings. America has become the foreign country to me but I know it is where I came from. Where I grew up. So I feel conflicted. A part of me is excited to go back, if even for a bit. But the other part of me is scared to leave.
I've lived in California for 14 years. Born and raised. Didn't graduate middle school. Moved to New Mexico because My parents couldn't afford to live in California anymore. I miss it. There are so many places in California that were a part of who I am and growing up. I only moved states, but I can only imagine what you're going through. Just know that no matter where you are or how old you may be, you'll always be carrying memories with you. It's natural for you to feel the way that you do. You're not alone and we're here to support you.
I feel you! I am also an American in Japan. I love Japan and see it as my home. But, during Covid, I lost both my remaining grandparents during Covid. With the passing of my last grandparent, which was in December, it has hit me harder because of what you're discussing. Life happens, choices are made and with each choice is a sacrifice. Being overseas means we are apart from our family, we've sacrificed some family time. We do our best with the choices we've made, but we can't be everywhere at once nor experience everything with the people most important to us. It's part of being human and we have to acknowledge it or we will choke on regret, guilt, sorrow, our heart.
This comes from having two homes. From an outsider looking in you will always have the memories of USA and that is home / comfort. You also have this new home in Japan, which is your independence and finding yourself but is also still home. My advice would be to embrace both when possible. Be grateful for where you came from and how it helped shape who you are but be proud of where you are now and how you've grown from being there. As you said, both are you so love you in its whole and enjoy both homes when you can ☺️
@@akidearest happy to help if I can. I've always lived in Canada but different parts and I get a similar feeling as well. Like I love and am happy where I am, but I also love being where I grew up and there is a strong pull to never wanna leave even though I would miss my current. Either way they're all natural/normal feels and it's good to recognize them. Love yourself and try to be kind to yourself, happy early birthday and welcome to the No F*CKS 30's club 🤣
From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU SO MUCH for filming and uploading this video. Growing up on the internet really made me expect myself to never make mistakes and to never let phases of my life go completely. I'm always holding on to my past, especially if it involves big mistakes I've made. I'm in no way in a situation like yours, I'm not even 20 yet, but the core of the "message" of this video is the exact thing that I've been wanting, *needing* to hear since new years. I've been miserable because I was forced to let a huge part of my life go and it really made me question my personality. I kind of tied my personality to that thing, so now that it's gone, do I even have a personality anymore? What defines me now? What do I even like or dislike/agree or disagree with? I've been trying to get this into my head, that I'm not defined my past, that I am myself no matter how much I lose. But i just couldn't believe it, because everyone else seems so solid in their life and personality, no one makes mistakes like that, at least visibly. So seeing you discuss this so openly and normally singlehandedly changed my view on my problem. These situation *are* normal after all, they're human. Like Aki I made this comment more for myself, so kudos to anyone actually reading this lol And thank you again♡♡
My late teens and majority of my 20's were awful. So many things didn't go right and I learnt different things during that time. At 27, I felt lost and behind in life but I also remembered that it doesn't matter the age, everyone is still a child, trying to work out how to 'adult' in life as society expects them to. I just call myself a child with money now. A few months after my 27th birthday, some stuff started to go right for once and seems to be steady enough almost 2 years later on. I hope the positive momentum keeps continuing. I honestly think the main things to learn is relationship boundaries, what a healthy relationship looks like with others and yourself, saving money and learning to be independent enough to adult doing house chores etc (if you're used to parents doing them instead)
No need to apologize for crying. Your sentimentality and tears are valid. ✌🏽 At 26, I graduated uni, moved to Las Vegas to save up money, and then moved to Japan with my sister. It was my 1st time living on my own (outside of an internship I did in Japan 3 yrs prior). So I learned how to take on adult responsibilities in another country. I’ve lived and worked in Japan for 10 yrs now, and I’ll be 37 in a few months. I haven’t visited the States since moving here. On the other hand, my sister visited there almost 6 yrs ago and moved back almost 5 yrs ago to focus on her art career. She actually plans to move back to Japan either this year or next year. Honestly, there’s nothing left for me in the States. I never had a hometown because my family moved around due to my mother’s work (a nurse). We also moved for my sister’s university. After my mom finished living in Las Vegas and Reno, she moved back to her hometown. Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience about visiting your hometown and your reflection about it. As someone who’s already in her mid/late 30’s, I just know you’re going to have a blast in yours. Cheers! ✨
@@2yoyoyo1Unplugged I initially applied to an Eikawa/English conversation company. I did the interview in L.A, got accepted, and moved to JPN. But, I only worked for them for a little over a year. I tried being an international preschool/kindergarten teacher too, but I quit after 6 months. Now, I’m a part time English teacher in a few different companies. I’ve been doing that for 8 yrs now. I was sponsored in my 1st 2 companies, but since becoming a part time teacher, I have to sponsor myself over here.
Good Job Kid, you're growing up. Not going to lie I haven't watched your content in years. But I do listen to Trash Taste, and if Joey's accounts of life are anything to go off of. You've been so dedicated to you're career and future you failed to realize the world right Infront of you. You wanted to explore the world and experience life to its fullest. To the extent that while in lockdown you probably said to yourself "Why would I want to go home? This is my home now and this is the future I building for myself." Especially when you probably moved you thought yourself "I already lived that part of my life. I want to, I need to experience more." Now going back home has reminded you Oh shit, I never really experienced how life is actually like around here, because I never planned on staying here. All those mixed emotions of leaving your family and friends behind in search you best possible future hit you like Tyson in his prime. At least that's what I think Bud.
I'm 43 and I've experienced this as well, though not as far. I live in the midwest now but I was raised in Southern California. I have no desire to go back and see family or anything like that. A lot of the reason I feel like that is because I've become a different person than I was when I lived there. I expect the same has happened to you. Not to mention, as you get older, you seek comfort and consistency. Feeling like that is totally okay though. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's honestly, impressive that you've realized these things already. If nothing else, I'm proud of you!
Coming home from my 10 hour shift to be greeted by my fiancees parents practically kicking us out, coming to terms with this sudden new stress that has to be dealt with, then hearing the short message you had for people in their 20s (about to turn 26 woooo) really hit me like a truck "Most stressful time in your life, you probably don't even know the rules of being an adult yet" Yeah that's hitting the nail right now Glad at least I'm not alone in being forced to grow up and deal with the chaos and adult shenanigans tonight
26-28 were the hardest years of my life. It’s so hard. I do promise now at 36 that it’s definitely going to get better. The thing that helped reduce my stress was quitting my miserable job and the miserable people I called friends or had as family. (Not all, just the toxic ones) Remember you are worth more than you know if you flex your ability to learn and you are stronger than you think. ❤
As a 50 year old man, can I share one other observation that may not make sense now, but will later? People rarely 'grow up' and mature. Most of them just get old and use their age to bully people around. If you and your fiancee go all the way to getting your own house and starting a family, don't be surprised when these same people try to barge in your door, and demand access and control. Good luck to you both.
Now that I’m in my 30s I’m noticing it’s normal to jettison people who make your life more difficult than it has to be. Even if they’re family. I know that “chronically online” people take it to an extreme but casting off old habits to build a life you can be proud of is a healthy thing to do. Friends you’ve outgrown, abusive family…they can grow with you, or you can walk away. They’ll be okay, and so will y’all.
25, turning 26 in April and I’ve had a really rough life up to this point. Even though I’ve been through abuse, foster care, moving constantly as a kid, a hospital stay that almost ended my life in highschool, being 25 and realizing your entire life will just be you working to make money to continue to make ends meet is the most painful thing of all.
"the internet gives no room for ppl to just be human" totally struck a chord with me, coming from someone who turned 30, just 3 yrs ago. But for me being mixed race (white, brown, black) with an British mum & Middle Eastern/African father and having lived 1/3 of my life in England, the other in the Middle east, and the last 1/3 in Japan, I've always had a bit of an issue as to where home exactly was, until I moved to Tokyo and settled here. after traveling to almost 40 countries (and living in many of them for more than a year) before hitting 30, I realized that Japan is the place I felt most at home for so many reasons. I've made a life, my own manga/illustration studio here from scratch. When I actually go back everything feels so foreign, don't get me wrong i love seeing fam&friends when going back, and having meals that I had to find here, but like Joey said, life back home moved on and so have you, and that is exactly what has happened in my case. Anyhoo, hope to finally meet you both being so close and all. Much love, ganbatte & jya ne
As a 35 year old, I can guarantee these moments will hit you several times throughout your life. I've had a very different adult life from yours (married at 20, three kids by 29, stay at home mom) not better or worse just different. I have had so many moments like this. With having kids, each time one starts school, or starts middle school, has a year end recital etc., I have a whole moment where I suddenly realize I am no longer the 20 something young mom with babies. There was growing up me, college me, young mom me, and now as my girls are all getting older and much more independent, I've been having another moment of "who am I now, outside of my children?" So a whole other identity crises. Perfectly normal response. Prepare for more of those moments to come.
If you re-watrch from 9:55ish thru 10:00, you see your face light up, as you talk about your "Aki" side, and the future. It shows that you have a real positive outlook and are excited about the future. :) What you've said here should be required listening for folks in their teens and twenties; your thoughts are so on point. ~~ Your 30s will be a time of growth and personal validation. Now that you have much of the 'adulting' thing on lock, you get a lot of opportunities to prove to yourself that you are capable of. Your 40s are a time where you reboot the best life elements your 20s, but with the benefit of your accumulated wisdom and experience. I'm only half way through my 50s, but this begins an august time.
I'm 31 and damn, this is so relatable. Honestly, I feel like something's been changing in my own book since I reached the 30s. It's indeed normal, yet I can't help but also feel melanchonic whenever I try to look back and see all the things made and seen (both good and bad). Not to mention the way I feel with my family and friends - while I enjoy my loneliness and spending time for my hobbies etc, I do feel the need to create a small circle of people I want to keep in my life. ''Quality, not quantity'' - especially because this year I will have to face some important life updates and such...
Live, not recklessly of course but live. Change your wardrobe, make new friends, do some semi-crazy things, try some new things. You're going to have a lot of new paths in your life and it'll take time to find the one that you want. You can always change in the future too. Best of luck to you
I'm trying to go back to my home country- after living in the US for more than two thirds of my life- and although I'm not sure if it will be just a visit or permanent, I know I also will have to sort out a lot of things with the different parts of me. I appreciate you being so open and honest- it's a never ending journey of self discovery.
GIRL.. I had the same problem when I moved to a different town and came back for a visit my family (and i only moved 2-3 hours away). Its the realization that you're now an adult, opened a new chapter in your life, the stress of all the new things being by yourself out in the world.. Then when you go back it feels like so much has changed but its just life that keeps going even when you're not there to experience it.
Thank you for sharing - it takes guts to be that raw and vulnerable, especially on the Internet. I'm also turning 30 in February and my life has brought me back full circle to Georgia Tech where I did my undergrad - now pursuing a Master's degree. It's this weird mixture of nostalgia for what was and what is, who I was then, and who I am now. Your 20's are glamorized but man they can be some grueling years for sure.
I honestly think you were just anxious to go back to Vegas because it had been years since you went back, things changed, you changed, and you might have felt like you wouldn’t be “accepted” or you would be “forgotten” by everyone that you loved. If that makes sense I also think once you got to Vegas you became really home sick because you saw that nobody forgot about you and they all still wanted you around This is all my take and my opinion. I suggest visiting more often like once a year to help keep both sides somewhat balanced
I’m 25 and I just returned from study abroad in Japan, about to graduate, and currently looking for full-time jobs. As much as I loved Japan, I really missed NY, or so I thought. But when I came back, I realized that I just missed the people, not the home. Japan became my home, too, and I miss it and the people I left behind. Now I have to come to terms with the fact that I left my home in Japan and have outgrown my old home in NY in this difficult transitional point in my life. I guess life is all about moving up and moving on, but it’s hard to let go of where you used to be because you leave a little bit of yourself in each place you left behind.
Thank you for that message to people in their 20’s. I just turned 24 and I definitely have been feeling the stress of “learning to be a grown up” and figuring out what’s most important in my life. So it’s very reassuring to hear all you had to say reflecting how much things have changed for you, even more than you realized.
I'm 21, Thank you so much for your story and perspective, I grew up in France, and I've been planing on moving to LA for work and to see my grandparents. But I'm terrified, of leaving my home and the people there behind. I want to grow, and move forward with my life. This video literally made me cry lol. You helped me so much. Thank you ❤️
You’re not alone. It’s super emotional returning home as an adult. (I’m 40 🤫) There is a sense of comfort but also the grievance for a time and place that no longer exists. The feeling u described as everything there has moved on without you. It’s sentiment mixed with grief mixed with nostalgia and maybe realizing your life’s priorities are changing, “Falling leaves return to their roots.” The genuine emotion here made my day and I feel less alone. Thank you. 💜
Hey Aki, I started watching your RUclips videos since high school and you helped me discover my dream of living in Japan. I am about to finish my last semester in college, and my god is it so stressful. I'm 21 this year, and once I graduate I am planning to go on the Jet Program. I finished my Jet interview and am currently waiting for the good news after a long gruesome application process. You might not read this comment but I just wanted to let you know that your videos helped me in so many ways, and now I want to become a RUclipsr too! I'm currently just doing it for fun, but one day I would like to do it full-time. I did a year study abroad in Japan, and when I went back home in America I kinda felt the same thing you did. I kind of forgot that I had family back in America, and so when I came back and met them it was like wow, I've been away from them for so long. Everyone in my family grew up and I met my new baby cousins. It's kind of crazy. I hope when I turn 30 I will somewhat be put together, and have some sort of stability. Kind of a long comment, but I just wanted to express my love to one of my favourite youtuber's who's like an older sister to me.
When I was listening to your feelings and experience…I remembered that my native language has many words for home. “There-home” and “here-home”. To me these words encapsulate the feeling of someone who moves countries…a weird feeling of loss and discovering of something new. You have two homes now ❤ here-home and there-home. Loved this personal video. Thank you Aki ❤
Theirs this Scottish folk singer I’m a fan of, Edd Miller, who has a song called “Home away from home” that was inspired by his own move from Scotland to Texas. While I never lived outside the country it spoke to something deep down in me. Particularly the last verse. “I wish there was a way I could find to be two places at one time. So the curse of the immigrant doesn’t tare my heart in two.”
This is so encouraging, as someone turning 29 this year, I'm just now figuring myself out and my life. But I'm starting to realize all the things I went through in my 20s and how it shaped me to what I will become in this new year.
You just explained what I think I’m going through as well. I’m 29 next month, have lived away from my parents and my small country town. I’m now realising that my life isn’t what it used to be, and like you said, gone. I’m living a different life now. And while it’s great, it’s overwhelming and emotional. So much has changed. Sending you love, Aki 💜
This upload means so much to me. I don't think there is content dedicated solely about sharing raw human experiences, life and how to get through it. But this one moment, one video was really reassuring for me. I'm glad Aki uploaded this. I'm in my early 20s and I'm constantly worried about my life and my future since I find myself immature and going at a slower pace than others. That's why this video means so much to me. It was very real and it got me emotional. Thank you for this Aki 💖
Even if there was no "point," to this video, it was even emotional for me to watch. It's that feeling of the chapter closing, that nostalgic feeling. It's hard to describe but still very valid. And I think it's great that you're willing and feel comfortable sharing this with your community you've built. One thing I've always greatly respected and liked about you is that you don't put yourself or your content on a manufactured, perfect pedestal. I'm sure you have a lot of young followers (I'm your age lol), who are bombarded with content creators who only ever show the curated side of their lives - even if it's not particularly insidious. I remember, for me, I had an experience where I ended up moving to the place I'd always wanted to move to and working the job I'd always wanted to work and met the people I wanted to meet, but for me it ended up being an experience that wasn't right for me. Coming back home and regrouping was the action I took, and I went through a lot of these similar feelings, but I felt like a failure because they don't get talked about a lot. Anyways, thanks, sorry for the long comment, and I hope you get your equilibrium back soon.
I'm one year through in my twenties and I still cant believe it. I feel the pressure to be grown up and "perfect" just because im in my twenties. I have this idea that i should have my shit together because im an adult now. Hearing your message about how its okay to mess up and make mistakes and be human than trying to be a perfect adult (ik there's no such thing) really helps. I feel like your message is my future self message to me that i should take by. Thank you for this video
I needed to hear this that I’m not the only one who’s feeling this way I’m a 20 year old mom and when I go home to France I am a different person and get called my birth name and I feel scared to go back there with my newborn son because I don’t know how I’m gonna feel going back. Thank you for sharing your feelings Aki it’s made me feel a little braver going forward x ❤
that message or advice you gave really hit me and now im bawling my eyes out. i’m 22 turning 23 and honestly just a bit fresh out of college, totally freaking out on what i have to do from here on out. i’ve always heard that the 20s is where you achieve your goals, living glamorously and all that but i look at myself and think that there’s no way i’d be able to accomplish much (not when i’m scared and still dont know what to do). the message/advice reassured me somehow and im so grateful that you have shared your experience going through life with us. thank you so much.
Same, i was going away from my "home" at 18 for 5 years having so much new exp. And when i came back at 23, i kinda feel weird about it. I also felt like i don't wanna leave but i can't and etc. Now I'll be 24 soon and already started to stressing how my life has been and will be. Perhaps we'll have this expirience in our 30 soon.
Right?? I (23) graduated back in October and I'm working at a grocery store right now (closest thing to home so I can stay with my sick mom). It sucks and I feel like I should be doing more but "life isn't life-ing" right now. I can't remember my old plans for life and I don't know what I want to do at all.
Im 24 but i just graduated too!! It is scary. Im living with no furniture and also trying to be the best I can at work. No idea where life will tak me but it's like. I dont care. Im happy where I am even tho i have no plan for whatever the future holds!
i'm turning 40 this year, i become really emotional over the last 10 years, nv knew i can become like this, but I must say 30s is the best 10 years of my life so far. get to know and understand myself so much more, and like you said, everything i thought was huge and terrible that happened in the teens and 20s are like nothing at all now that i'm looking back. Even moving into the 40s I feel there is still so much more i've to learn about life, as I grow older i start to see more of my elders, seniors and even friends and cousin passing, that is something i've yet to learn to accept and get over with. I'll get there one day, if there is something i learn life only ends when i give up on it. I'm not going to say I'll live my life to the fullest or anything, i'll just make sure I'll feel happy from day to day as much as i can, i'm really blessed to have a lovely wife and supportive family, i'm not going to ask for any much more, anything else I get I'll just take it as a bonus. I'm sure 10 years from now u r going to look back at this video and think it is silly :D keep growing, keep learning, to everyone out there, getting older is nothing to be afraid of, what is truly scary is when u have given up on urself. not sure where i'm getting at, happy new year to everyone I guess :)
It's okay to feel homesick or sentimental in some of a person's milestones, Aki. Especially when it comes to home and family, those are things that we connect to eventually no matter how far or how big we've gone. For me, after 2 years of focusing on work and trying to build my own future path, I set down to had a happy new year with my family this year, the thing I wasn't able to do in the last 2 years. Because of that, I realized how much I love and want to spend time with them. They actually gave me valuable advices and help me when I'm down. I think it's essential to go out exploring the world for a better version of ourselves, and to eventually realize our previous page/stage is as important as the life after going out to the world. It's a parallel process that worths our youth.
I think I understand. My, now husband, and I couldn't see each other for years because of COVID. When he came home to visit, he had to recognize the fact that this was his home. Seeing how much he changed and having to come home to his old life was hard. Really hard. I think coming back to propose was what helped him push through all his feelings. Now, I am in a similar position. Turned 30, got married, and moved countries all in 2022. I have been reminded several times of just how much has changed even though my home country will always be my home country...if that makes sense. Sorry for the rambling. In short though, I think I completely understand what you mean. No need to feel weird about it 👍🏾
As someone who pretty much grew up with you, I can really relate to this. I am 30 and it was one of those eye opening things where I finally was like, "Oh, I'm the adult" in some situations where until I was 29 I still felt like I was 18. It's nice for you to be able to make this video for you. Documenting your feelings through this transition. Looking forward to seeing what is next for you! ^^
Aki... I'm 33 While I hadn't moved out of my homestate or country like you.--I had moved out of my childhood home in my mid-20s. Yet being at my childhood home and other places where I grew up in. Which all took a big part of making me become the person I am today. Feeling the washes of nostalgia and the memories of my past affect me in a variety of ways. But while I guess we can call honor my past... I know where I am now and continue moving forward. Because I know in 33 years from I'll be thinking back on my 30s and my memories growing up. All in all... The best thing I can say is this Aki... Continue to honor your past, present, and future since you definitely have more than one home. Also most of all welcome to the 30s--Happy 30th birthday ^-^
You’re exactly 10 years older than me, I’m turning 20 on February 13th, no matter what age you are in life, everyone still goes through stages and processes and it’s completely okay, just glad you’re being real with yourself, we all love you aki ✨
Aki- our history bridges us to our future. Thank you for being transparent about this video. As a 24 year old who feels like a whole-ass hot mess half the time, thank you for the pep talk about our twenties. I just want to say meeting you at HolMat and then watching your more raw videos has made me love you as a RUclipsr even more. Thanks for keeping it real ❤
When I hit 31, I felt this to my core. It’s crazy when you go back and feel “different”. It can be a tough thing to wrestle. Especially when shops you frequented closed, new construction happened that you now know nothing about. It felt like the twilight zone to me. Just know you’re doing amazing, and it’s a good thing you’re growing and moving forward!
Thank you so much I turn 23 next month and as I grow as an adult.. I still feel like a teenager. It is such a strange feeling because often times I feel like I am not doing enough while I slowly go through college. But I am still in my early twenties and as I grow things will change and it’s important to recognize both feels of feeling like an adult and healing my inner child/teenage self. Take things slow and that I don’t always have to move as fast.
My husband operates the same way. We moved last year, only 15 minutes away from our old neighborhood, but he really struggled. He loved our old house so much, then after we moved he hated it so much. He never wanted to drive by or even think about it. We eventually boiled it down to him feeling like he was going backwards if he had fond memories of it. Like there wasn't enough room in his heart to love the new house and still love the old one. It's okay to still love who you were while loving who you are now and who you will become. Be thankful to the old you for creating who you are. Keep growing, lots of love ♡
The thing you are talking about is like you said hard to explain. Not that you hated that part of your life, not that you wanted to forget...just you realized you were living in the moment, making a new life for yourself and you when you got back home you realized you are more than just what you are in the moment. That doesnt mean that you have to go back at all however, it just means its time to learn how to intergrate some of the pieces you left behind into the person you are today. If that makes sense Im glad I could help, if not well..^^; I dont know how to say it any better. All in all though Aki, keep your chin up. You are a great person (at least what Ive seen from the years of watching) Dont give up.
It's understandable. I'm in my early 30s, and I'm proud of the accomplishments that I've made. I think going back to where you came from humbles you a bit (if that makes sense,) and also helps you realize how far you have come. You have done so much Aki, and I'm proud of you
I think I really needed this video. I too recently moved away from my home country. And I don't want to go back, not because I don't want to meet my family or don't miss my country, but because I don't want to feel the sadness when I'll have to leave my native country again when coming back. It does feel like I left an identity there.
Just turned 28, and those sentimental feelings hit me pretty hard too. Transitioning to a new life chapter is so disorienting. In your 20s, you work SO hard to reach your goals, and once you reach them, it's like, "Now what?" You look back. Seeing everything change is so hard, but I'm happy you have family and friends there to share memories with you and keep supporting you. Thank you for sharing! I don't feel alone
This is somewhat comforting. I just turned 20 today and how the next 10 years will be the most eye opening chapter. Hopefully for the best. I hope your 2023 will be a good one.
Seeing aki cry made me cry it’s so sad but it’s so relatable for everything she’s talking about in this video ❤ much love for your videos and you aki happy new year
This also feels totally normal to me! I think one of the main reasons I was able to still feel like I have a piece of "home" with me is that I've lived near my best friend basically my whole life. We went to the same college and have never moved more than an hour away from each other. (I'm almost 31.) But whenever I visit my parents, there's something comforting in the familiarity while I'm equally sure I have no desire to live in the area myself. Growing pains are tough, but I'm glad you're finding your way through it! 💜
I turned 28 a few months ago and it has been constant, anxiety and depression. I’ve felt the stranglehold of finding my place in life after graduating, especially off the muscle of the last 11 years being hard. I’m ready to leave but the fear of not being there for my parents has been hard.
thank you for being so honest! i can totally relate to that feeling of being stuck between the past and the present it's really reassuring knowing that you were able to put a line between those and reminisce about the past peacefully
Thank you for the reassurances to your younger audience. I just turned 24 last week and I’m still in school (law school). I feel like I constantly don’t know what’s going on and I still don’t feel like an adult but I also don’t feel like a teenager/20-22 year old. I live away from my family in a different environment (rural vs in a city) and I get weird feelings about going back home even though it’s in the same state. It feels like home because all of my family is there, but I still feel the most comfortable where I’m at now, away from my family. So thank you for sharing Aki and other commenters and I’m glad it’s not alone in these feelings.
Watching this made me very emotional as well as I am turning 21 at the end of the month and ive been a viewer since I was 14! Time flies man and Ive been facing that reality and experiencing similar feelings like being sentimental about how life used to be for me and the things I was doing at the time. Moving forward has been so scary because everything is so new and unknown to me, but its not like anyone is given a book telling them exactly what tomorrow is going to look like. I just keep reminding myself that life has its ups and down but what matters most is that you keep moving forward taking it one day at a time💙
The fact about making mistakes really hit home for me. I ended up doing something really stupid and hurt someone who I had cared about earlier this year. I know for a fact he hates me and he's never going to speak to me again, and I have no one to blame but myself. But I guess all I can do is take this as a lesson and try not to fuck up in the future. I'm 26 by the way, so if I can mess up at this point in time (and honestly I'll probably continue to make mistakes), there's nothing wrong with you if you do as well.
Moving to Japan was a major goal for you, and not only that, you were finally joining your partner who you've spent a long time away from so you were in the place you finally wanted to be. But Hometown love can truly be strong. I moved from my home town more than 30 years ago (man I'm old) and I'd never really want to live there again, but there are things about my hometown that I will always love. My most recent trip there was super emotional for a lot of reasons and it really did a number on me. Sometimes it's a just a feeling of comfort that is different.
It's so interesting to watch you for these 10+ years and now when I'm also almost 30 - going through something like that. Thank you for sharing your message!
As a person, now in my mid 40s, who has also emigrated from the US to another country, I can tell you that what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I left the US 10 years ago (also to be with my love) and I still have days where I cry for "home". The thing is, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, this is the best place for us to live our life, and being here creates opportunities for my loved ones they wouldn't have had before. I can't say these feelings will ever go away and I'm not sure they're supposed to... Just never stop growing as a person and you'll be OK :)
From Experience, When you live in the moment, it's really hard to truly see yourself, reflect where you come from, and enjoy what lies ahead. For whatever your reason was, you moved on and didn't look back. That's not bad. However, you learn and experience the appreciation of your past and knowing where you are now. I feel too many people in their 20's have this mindset to leave everything behind (which isn't bad) but over time we become numb with problems we never dealt with. Small or big things. Maybe going home opens a lot in your heart. When we have success, that doesn't mean you're going to be happy right away. Sometimes but not always, it means you have more time to work and process on yourself. It’s hard but it can lead to beautiful things. Keep growing and enjoy what you have.
I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm glad I'm hearing this from someone else, because I'm resenting going home after moving away, but hearing someone else's prospective about this opens up my eyes a lot. THANK YOU!!❤❤❤ Love you Aki DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY ALWAYS!!
I cannot express enough how much I relate to this Aki!! So to make a very long story short I moved out after being married extremely young at 21. I was so sure of myself and like you said resented ever coming back to my home town. On and off for years since 2017 I would visit occassionally and still hadn't processed anything about moving. My father passed in 2018 and in 2020 we got military orders to Germany. It wasn't until being here a million miles away from California, haven't seen family or friends since 2020 and some since 2019, that I realized that crappy shitty town I hated so much and wanted to leave was home. It makes me cry thinking about it too in some weird way. Like that and always will be home because of so many good memories and life lessons, plus my family still lives all in the same area after so many years. I wanted nothing more than to leave and never return and now coming up to my 30s I never wanted to go back and stay more. Living abroad is so so hard I found out. I am so happy but also sad because while I do miss the states and home; Germany has become my home as well and we are being stationed for our last year of enlistment in the US. The emotions hit you hard thinking about home and I know even more so when I finally set foot after almost 4 years of being away in my hometown. Thanks for sharing your feelings cause I definitely am right there with you Aki.
Two things: - one, happy early birthday. - two, it sounds like being able to slow down and just be in your hometown for a moment was a feeling I had when I visited my family for Thanksgiving. I moved out of my hometown to a place 8h away from family and friends. Hearing you also experience this is reassuring, especially with the whole family name vs screen/friend name. Two sides of the same coin, but also two different people in a way. Happy you were able to visit friends and family. Glad you had lots of fun. Hope you and Joey have a good 2023!!
I'm Australian Filipino and I moved to China 4 years ago to do the whole English teaching thing, and I've also built a life here in China, had these life changing moments, but I'm homesick as hell. Like Aki, I'm also turning 30 this year and it's just so weird that I haven't been back in Aus this whole time, everyone has moved on without me but like Aki said, I've also moved on without them. Now, since China's also opened up their borders last week, I'm also terrified and excited to go home. Mainly because I'm scared of how I'll feel about wanting to stay at home in Aus, but just seeing everything change. I want to thank Aki for the nice video, it's so validating to know that I'm not alone with my feelings.
This hit close to home and I understand how this feels because after 10 years, I finally got back to Australia, my home country. I didn’t want to leave but got deported anyway because of visa issues and because I’ve been away for so long, everyone I know is in another country so I wish things turned out differently. But at the same time, part of me does miss my roots. I’m turning 20 later this year and I hope I’ll see things in a better light. Thank you Aki for sharing this, it helped me think that maybe things don’t have to be that bad. ❤
Also thank you so much for sharing this. I have a really hard time expressing my feelings about home vs my new home, and I feel like you verbalized it really well and made me realize some things I hadn't even fully wrapped my head around. I appreciate it
I'm watching this really because I'm approaching 30 and figuring out how to START my life and reflecting on what failed. I haven't been able to let go because there is something that one should never let go, so I haven't moved on, until I resolved it and I know it is WORTH resolving for me to pick up the pieces and move on and embrace a much more healthier and happier chapter of my life. You're doing well, and I sometimes imagine I achieve something similar, so I watch videos of people talking about their introspection on the changes in themselves.
I am turning 44 this January, which terrifies me, but that aside... You are so right about what you say. Something magical happens when you turn 30. You stress down and enjoy things more. If I had to choose a decade to live through again and again age-wise, I would pick 30's.
As someone who has been raised in two different countries, in various chapters of my own life with a new environment often, I feel heavily seen for my experiences. A lot of people overlook the internal struggle to remain connected to your roots as a person as well as culture, without splitting the life you currently have in that separate place/country. I used to believe that there were two parts of me too. One was so different to the other ,yet, was the same person! I just found out that I express myself in ways I would not always be comfortable with if I was in country A for example and I wanted to change that. To this day, I am finding the balance with accepting that perspective which you described whole heartedly, despite the worry of how it would indicate to your audience. It reflects on how I feel when I come back to my country of origin and want to plant more roots there, even though I have been here so many times before. Seeing this video has really soothed me and is pushing me forward to move into a new layer of my life. So thank you Aki, your fans and viewers appreciate this.
I'm also turning 30 this may... I've been watching Aki here and there for 6 years or so and all she's saying is so true and I totally feel her on almost all of it.
This made me feel so much better about where my life is going. I am turning 25 this year and I finally moved out of my hometown to somewhere remote and overseas. I'm basically at the start of my journey and I also fear the future. This made me feel less alone and made me feel more hopeful ❤️ Thank you!
I am turning 30 on February 28th. And these feels are exactly how I am feeling. It’s really nice to see I am not alone in my feelings turning 30. It really brings in perspective your life and how much little things matter more than the big adventures. Each stage of your life built you to what you are now. It makes you appreciate everything you’ve accomplished and gone through and every high and low. But also makes you reevaluate what you wish you could have done differently and try to set those goals for the future.
Ah nostalgia! Bitter sweetness of reflecting on your life's journey so far. Romantising the memories, grieving the losses, being thankful for the present. Thanks for sharing your experiences. So genuine.
I'll support you through everything. You were my childhood RUclipsr, you saved me from the demons in my head and I love you so much, I'm here for you and I'll never ever not support you. Do what you think you wanna do ❤️
The feeling of your two names pulling at you, is something everyone feels between their "childhood" self and "adult" self, that fact you have names tied to those experiences is just makes them easier to define. ❤️
OMG you are such a beautiful soul! I know how you feel since I have been dealing with cultural diversity and it really has made a huge impact on me since I have been living in America. I have always wanted to move to Japan but after hearing you say that Japan is now your roots that gave me shivers and I want to do it even more. You finally feel like you are where you fit in realizing that you pave your own way and no mater what we are 3rd Cultured kids. We don't fit into both of our background and America so we create out own culture (3rd Culture). Thank you so much for sharing this because us 3rd Cultured kids need to hear this. I'm turning 34 and you are right you really don't care what anyone thinks and you do work on yourself and focus on your dreams. Hold you're head up high Aki!
Personally, I'm in my late 20's, and I just got my own apartment & came out as trans within the past 6 months. I can definitely relate to how intense it can feel to try to accept a new phase of your life while appreciating where you came from & how things used to be. I think the term "quarter-life crisis" may fit to some extent. Be as unabashedly yourself as you can be, and much love to you, Aki. 💝
I recently moved away from home for studies, and as someone coming from a place with a totally different culture from where I'm currently living, I can understand how it feels to go home and feel the same feelings which you felt when you went home for the holidays. Seeing how much my hometown changed when I was gone, and even seeing my old bedroom in my parents' house struck an emotion of being compelled to not feel anything sentimental towards them, and it made me realise how I never really felt like I would want to go back, but when I was there in the moment, staying was the only thing I wanted to do. I returned back to my current place of residence a few days ago, and I can totally understand how you feel. I wish you all the best, Aki!!
man we are literally living the same life, I jus moved back to my home country and literally felt the same way when I went back to the old village I used to live in
This video was very sobering to watch and made me tear up. I'm about to be 25 soon and am finally back on track to finish school and pursue my dream of eventually living in Japan. But I'm also at a point where I'm realizing that my friends and family and I will have to go our separate ways because we all have our own lives to live. I always knew it would happen and I knew it would be terrifying for me and I think thats why I always put it off for so long. I watch you and other content creators living in japan regularly so this was really refreshing to watch and listen to. It helps me realize that my feelings are normal and I'm not just being too emotional. It helps me understand that even though life will go on, I'll still be loved and welcomed back by those who matter most to me whenever I come back to visit. Sorry for the rambling and I'm excited to see your next adventure
Not wanting to go back other than to see immediate family or close friends generally means that it isn't home anymore, and home is now where you currently are. If life gets more complicated as you get older through mortgages, pension payments/taxes or family not being able to travel to see you/getting older, that's usually when you finally just give in and go back.
Nice to know Spain was my home once 😂
I’d say once you get that deep into life, home is wherever you are.
She said it wasn't because of family. It's cuz she stayed in Japan for too long that she became a couch potato.
Deep
Maybe, you could also be searching for something, sometimes we simply want to see just how much we've changed. As to compare the past us to the new us, hoping maybe there's a difference
You had a very human moment where you realized you've grown up more than you realized, life moved on without you, but it never left it was still part of you. You just need to go back to remind yourself wow this was and still is my life, but Japan is my life too. The wise Oogway quote 'Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a Gift. It's why they call it the present' Those words keep me going everyday
About a year or so before my grandma past she really liked that Oogway quote when I told it to her. My grandma was very into stuff like that, she had one of those little red bible books she would read every other night or so. She never really left the area where she lived...sure she'd go out of state on vacations with family and stuff but she lived in the same area of her home state for decades.
Damn this mf wise af💀💀💀💀💀
🥹true words
sometimes when you do “ adult” things in life and move forward in ways you have to in order to adapt makes us have to put aside our “ kid” within and move forward. it makes sense that when being back with the place that that kid grew up made it seem like she was left alone all the while. But the inner child took the journey along with “aki” and i think she’s so stoked and proud of her life !
That is healing to someone who feels like they left out their self
I never thought that quote could actually hit like a truck.
But it sure does
I think that transition from your 20’s to your 30’s is such a beautiful thing because something clicks into place that you don’t even realize was missing until it clicks. I know when I turned 30 (I’m 34 now) it was like a peace that came over me that made everything else seem so very small. My advice to the 20 something’s who are struggling to find a piece of life that belongs to them, you don’t make mistakes, you learn life lessons. Laugh as much as you can, love your family fully, and KEEP GOING!!!
OMG YES! I just turned 30 like 6 months ago and what you said is 100% true
To thing I used to dread turning 30 lol
Thank you for this🥺💗
Im gonna turn 30 exactly the next 12 months but honestly my life is still going nowhere. I'm stuck where I am now since 24 and I don't know how to progress
@@Aeybiseediy everything will become clear as day once you start to know who it is you are and what you want out of life. Sometimes life can feel stagnant but that’s just a rest that is needed for the next chapter. You’ll be fine I’m sure of it.
@@Aeybiseediy I'm 34 and I feel like everything feel apart in my 30's, I want to go back to my mid-20's.
I'm going to turn 40 this year, and I've been through this feeling more than once. Sometimes you don't even need to leave "home" to leave home. I have a tattoo that has the original Greek version of the quote "No man can step in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and you are not the same man." That quote reminds me daily that we are ever changing and evolving and sometimes we literally leave a place and sometimes metaphorically or spiritually. Sometimes going BACK to a place makes you see how far you've gone. I'm so glad that you went through this and are taking time to parse the feelings and allowing yourself to make the decisions that are right for you. Happy 2023, Aki and I hope your future is full of more wonderful revelations and joy.
I understand what you mean about going home, seeing little things that changed, and realizing that the place you grew up still moves on without you. It really is a surreal feeling.
Yeah kinda, I suppose it depends on the person but places you grow up in will often be nostalgic and sometimes you wish you could go back
Though I’ve actually moved around a lot as a child
I was born in Ohio but in Kindergarten I was in California (just a year) and then another year back in Ohio where we lived at my grandma’s house (which was the same area as OG home because the yards were neighbours)
And then for Gr 2 all the way to a one year college program I lived in Ontario (though for I don’t remember exactly when) but we moved to my aunt’s house a few houses down the street
All of these instances of moving were work related for my dad (he had some solo years as a result)
And then finally around I think spring 2017 we (this time just me and parents as opposed to my sisters too) moved to Missouri (my dad was already there though)
All in all a lot has happened and family is scattered all over the place, family we used to have in Ohio also moved so there’s nothing really left though
However my cousins from Ohio said they’d want to make a trip someday with me and my sisters to revisit it
Also the cousins from Ontario (that lived on our street once we had moved) are also scattered 1 is in Europe, one is in BC and my aunt/uncle are also in Europe
And my sisters are in Ontario still but a different town
Plus Covid happened so we haven’t really visited as much as we’d hoped but our place in Missouri is kinda the hotspot for guests because we have much more space for having guests stay over and pool time in summer etc
So Ohio and Ontario (because sisters live different area) are kinda just not really “home” anymore for us
I do get that, even if I am home more frequently - about three times per year. I moved countries for university and every time I go back it is surreal. Especially since people call me different nicknames here and there because of pronunciation issues.
You are a person with one foot in two different places and cultures. It is NEVER easy to reconcile that and you are GOING to feel torn a lot between who you WERE, and who you ARE. Just remember ultimately you are the one who decides your own path, and you don't have to close doors to either side to progress as a person (speaking as someone who's biracial in his 50s). And I'm just another bunch of text on the internet, but I want you to know I devote a little bit of my energy to being happy for you and loving every bit of content you've shared with us over the years!
I see I'm not alone here as another 50+ biracial man. There should be a club, though we evidently still need to decide on a uniform style of headdress.
As someone who’s moved around from being a military brat and is now in their 20s I get the whole identity crisis when seeing the home you grew up in. It’s almost like a mix of sad nostalgia and pride in yourself when you see how you’ve moved on and how far you’ve come 💙
Same I just left the military. It's honestly such a culture shock coming from Japan. idk where I belong and a lot of my friends had moved on. :c. The funny part is I'm still moving away from home for the better of my future and career. I feel like I can never settle down as much as I should be because i feel behind in many aspects. I just feel lost and wondering half the time emotionally.
@@AK255. yeah I feel like one of the hardest parts I had to come to terms with was realising that home would never be a place for me, emotionally home was people rather than one single place
oh my god thank you! I don't like putting my age out there bc its sorta yk- but I'm 14 and just left another school, I'm about to go to my 13th school and in a year I'm moving again. It is soo hard to just have a stable personality when you have all these ppl to keep up with and alllthese old memories and each time it just feels like you have to start from scratch which just causes so many more issues. I'm glad there are other people like me too but I've never met anyone in real life and honestly that part sucks
The way you described 'opposing identities' sent shivers down my spine. I, and a friend of mine have very similar feelings. We both never identified with our home countries, we both moved states for uni, now are both living abroad, both had a chat of "there's nothing back there for us".
It's not a hate of our home, it's not ungratefulness for our upbringing, it's just some people resonate with cultures, experiences, spaces outside of their "home"
Offtopic but nice Ghostmane Pfp!
where are you from??
Very true
It’s normal to mourn the loss of your past. Mourning isn’t just for the occasions when someone passed, but for the ending of something in general. It’s healthy to let all the emotions out and let yourself feel out the grief.
As a viewer who’s watched your videos for a few years now, I feel like you’re really enjoying yourself and flourishing in Japan. Even though you’re feeling some heartache now, it’s good to be reminded of the things that made you… well, you. It’s a good way to reflect on yourself as a person and appreciate the journey. I hope you have a good new year (even though it’s been a few weeks in).
I know what you mean
Its great to visit your roots and reconnect to where you grew up, but it's also great to know how far you've come, what you've experienced and that your friends and family support you in whatever you put your mind to ❤
I agree!
True and agreed! :)
Dido! You said it all in a nut shell.
Comfort. You have comfort in the US and you have comfort in Japan. It is a weird different type of comfort at both places. With growth can come some major pain and nostalgia. I am turning 30 in a year, and I still feel like I have not accomplished anything yet. This was really refreshing to not feel alone in this crazy time in my life.
I lived in Germany as an exchange student, absolutely LOVED it. I pretty much assimilated as much as possible into German society, achieving near-native fluency to the point where the Germans couldn't immediately tell I wasn't one of them, which was pretty cool. But at some point I hit an emotional WALL that I couldn't get beyond. I realized despite at times acting "more German than the Germans", I could never truly BE German because I wasn't them, I was AMERICAN. For about a month I quit reading German literature and dove into American novels...Joseph Heller's Catch 22, Vonnegut's Slaughter House 5, Mark Twain's innocents Abroad....I reconnected with my American sense of identity....and felt grateful sometimes I WASN'T German, didn't have to carry the emotional weight of the legacy of WW2 the way my German friends did....I came home after my year abroad and regretted it, wanted to go back within a week of being home, but at the time of my departure I was ready to come home, having resisted coming home at Xmas mid-way through that academic year.
I would love to go back to Germany but adult life and career paths haven't made that possible. I realized too that I'm connected to Germany of a specific span of time, the mid 1990s. Germany today is not that and would be completely alien to me if I were dropped back on the streets of Berlin now. It would be a whiplash of familiar and alien as I tried to reorient myself back to the German way of life. Ironically as a autistic person, I often felt more "at home" in no-nonsense Germany than I often do in America even now. It's okay to feel conflicted, to have a multifaceted sense of identity. I also speak Russian, and spent time in Russia of the mid-1990s but given recent events I would NEVER go back now. I might visit other Slavic nations like Bulgaria or Serbia or Poland or the Czech Republic or even Ukraine but I will never set foot back in Russia. I'm very sad about the path Russia has taken; it didn't have to be this way.
All a long way for this senpai to say good luck to you in what ever path you choose. Treasure your experiences.
Russia is the same as it was in the 90s as much as any other feminist-free country is lol!
obly when you spoke fluent german. pathetic.
I felt this in my soul. I’m originally from Ireland and have lived outside of it for many years. Coming back to my small town and seeing so much change rattled me a bit. But it’s ok. It’s life
No matter where I am in the world, I feel like I’ll never fit in and I’m glad I have the choice to go back to my home country
Similar thing for me. I was born in England but have lived in Canada for most of my life, and I don't really feel like I'm fully British or Canadian; I don't really fit in either place. It can be rough.
As someone who has just turned 24 with still no clue wtf she's doing in life, this video was quite healing to watch
recently turned 23 and I also have no idea where I'm going
I turn 25 April I’m honestly still confusedl, but I’m gonna get control of this life thing.
lol 24 and still losing in life
I'm 34, just restarted school for a complete career change. It's okay. Keep going.
@Maddox gotta stay consistent I guess 🫠
There's over 1700 comments as of this message, so I don't think it'll ever be seen, but I feel like typing anyway. "Are you me?" was what I heard and felt. I'm 34 (my birthday just happened). When I was 26, I moved out of my tiny hometown in the American south to seek a new life in a big city in California, obviously a big change. It was a major culture shock, but I think I handled it well. At some point, I was able to fly home to visit family, and all those feelings mentioned in this video--I felt all of that. I briefly stopped thinking of it as home because of personal reasons (parents and several family passed away right as I was leaving, things changed a lot on that end), but there's still something familiar there. It was...humbling, to say the least. I also visited one of my old schools (because of other family going there for an event) and found some of my old teachers were still there. They congratulated me on "life" and I thought, "It's nothing that special," but maybe it is.
Thats how I felt when I left Cali in 2019. Granted I didnt leave the country. Im 32 and I can 100% tell you I felt it. Your friends are right. Yes you live in Japan now, but the US will always be your home. Knowing and feeling that is an incredible feeling. Im sitting crying like a baby because I know the feels. Maturing is a pain, but realizing and appreciating where you came from and knowing you can always come back is freaking awesome. You are such an awesome person Aki, and I love watch you
YES. I turned 30 last year and I can’t believe that all the stuff I found so important in my 20’s are now things of least importance. I valued my social status, my friends, my independence, my experiences, etc. Now, my family and building a life with people who care about me is the most important thing. I’m married and am just starting my own family- my circle is small now and I don’t care. Back then I just wanted to take, take, and take all the experiences anyone could give me. But now, I want to give it all back- to my parents, to my younger siblings, to my husband and now to the baby inside. It’s crazy how much you grow up within a couple of years. You are just not the same person anymore and I completely understand. Good luck, Aki and I wish you all the best!
Congrats on the baby!
You still have your friends in your life, right? I am about to be in my 30's and I want to start a family, but I still highly value my friends and want to be active in supporting each other in our lives. It might be different for me because I am closer to them than my own family because they're much more supportive and they understand me. I'm growing away from the dysfunction in my family that scarred me so deeply. Going on a rabbit trail here, valuing friends is important too, hope you still do it, bye.
Congratulations on your pregnancy & the beginning of starting your own family! I turned 30 last year & it really made me learn a lot this past year alone. It's true what they say, you really start to get it when you're in your 30s. Even tho this is just the start, I'm really looking forward to growing more in my 30s, whether good or bad, it's gonna be wild. God bless everyone in the new year!
@@Casey5693 Nothing wrong with valuing your friends but when all your friends are getting married and having children and working careers that demand their attention you probably won't see them much. If you're doing the same then you probably won't be able to anyway unless you live extremely close with life schedules perfectly in sync.
Goodluck 💙
You aren't alone in this. I'm 31 years old and have lived in japan for close to eight years. However it was during the start of covid that I came out here last. I also have not been back to the states since. To me, Japan is more my home now than the states is. My wife and I live out here and our families have moved on with their lives. You become a different person the longer you are away from home. Unfortunately, it was when we were home that we noticed how much we had changed. But now, in about 8 months we will be going back to the states for work and I have mixed feelings. America has become the foreign country to me but I know it is where I came from. Where I grew up. So I feel conflicted. A part of me is excited to go back, if even for a bit. But the other part of me is scared to leave.
Guess the key is you are just visiting where you used to live so no worries
Well no shiii you’ll feel like that when you haven’t gone back yet. Japan is not your home no matter how much you bs yourself.
I've lived in California for 14 years. Born and raised. Didn't graduate middle school. Moved to New Mexico because My parents couldn't afford to live in California anymore. I miss it. There are so many places in California that were a part of who I am and growing up. I only moved states, but I can only imagine what you're going through. Just know that no matter where you are or how old you may be, you'll always be carrying memories with you. It's natural for you to feel the way that you do. You're not alone and we're here to support you.
I feel you! I am also an American in Japan. I love Japan and see it as my home. But, during Covid, I lost both my remaining grandparents during Covid. With the passing of my last grandparent, which was in December, it has hit me harder because of what you're discussing. Life happens, choices are made and with each choice is a sacrifice. Being overseas means we are apart from our family, we've sacrificed some family time. We do our best with the choices we've made, but we can't be everywhere at once nor experience everything with the people most important to us. It's part of being human and we have to acknowledge it or we will choke on regret, guilt, sorrow, our heart.
This comes from having two homes. From an outsider looking in you will always have the memories of USA and that is home / comfort. You also have this new home in Japan, which is your independence and finding yourself but is also still home. My advice would be to embrace both when possible. Be grateful for where you came from and how it helped shape who you are but be proud of where you are now and how you've grown from being there. As you said, both are you so love you in its whole and enjoy both homes when you can ☺️
thank you so much for giving that perspective
@@akidearest happy to help if I can. I've always lived in Canada but different parts and I get a similar feeling as well. Like I love and am happy where I am, but I also love being where I grew up and there is a strong pull to never wanna leave even though I would miss my current. Either way they're all natural/normal feels and it's good to recognize them. Love yourself and try to be kind to yourself, happy early birthday and welcome to the No F*CKS 30's club 🤣
From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU SO MUCH for filming and uploading this video. Growing up on the internet really made me expect myself to never make mistakes and to never let phases of my life go completely. I'm always holding on to my past, especially if it involves big mistakes I've made.
I'm in no way in a situation like yours, I'm not even 20 yet, but the core of the "message" of this video is the exact thing that I've been wanting, *needing* to hear since new years.
I've been miserable because I was forced to let a huge part of my life go and it really made me question my personality. I kind of tied my personality to that thing, so now that it's gone, do I even have a personality anymore? What defines me now? What do I even like or dislike/agree or disagree with? I've been trying to get this into my head, that I'm not defined my past, that I am myself no matter how much I lose. But i just couldn't believe it, because everyone else seems so solid in their life and personality, no one makes mistakes like that, at least visibly.
So seeing you discuss this so openly and normally singlehandedly changed my view on my problem. These situation *are* normal after all, they're human.
Like Aki I made this comment more for myself, so kudos to anyone actually reading this lol
And thank you again♡♡
My late teens and majority of my 20's were awful. So many things didn't go right and I learnt different things during that time. At 27, I felt lost and behind in life but I also remembered that it doesn't matter the age, everyone is still a child, trying to work out how to 'adult' in life as society expects them to. I just call myself a child with money now.
A few months after my 27th birthday, some stuff started to go right for once and seems to be steady enough almost 2 years later on. I hope the positive momentum keeps continuing.
I honestly think the main things to learn is relationship boundaries, what a healthy relationship looks like with others and yourself, saving money and learning to be independent enough to adult doing house chores etc (if you're used to parents doing them instead)
No need to apologize for crying. Your sentimentality and tears are valid. ✌🏽
At 26, I graduated uni, moved to Las Vegas to save up money, and then moved to Japan with my sister. It was my 1st time living on my own (outside of an internship I did in Japan 3 yrs prior). So I learned how to take on adult responsibilities in another country. I’ve lived and worked in Japan for 10 yrs now, and I’ll be 37 in a few months.
I haven’t visited the States since moving here. On the other hand, my sister visited there almost 6 yrs ago and moved back almost 5 yrs ago to focus on her art career. She actually plans to move back to Japan either this year or next year. Honestly, there’s nothing left for me in the States. I never had a hometown because my family moved around due to my mother’s work (a nurse). We also moved for my sister’s university. After my mom finished living in Las Vegas and Reno, she moved back to her hometown.
Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience about visiting your hometown and your reflection about it. As someone who’s already in her mid/late 30’s, I just know you’re going to have a blast in yours. Cheers! ✨
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story. If I may ask, what kind of work do you do in Japan?
How did you get a job in Japan, if I may ask? Did you get sponsored or join a program or something?
I want to live in Japan in the future and I’m also wondering what you do for work?
@@jeiji8106 No prob. I went to uni to major in English and get my TESOL certificate. I’m an English teacher over here.
@@2yoyoyo1Unplugged I initially applied to an Eikawa/English conversation company. I did the interview in L.A, got accepted, and moved to JPN. But, I only worked for them for a little over a year. I tried being an international preschool/kindergarten teacher too, but I quit after 6 months. Now, I’m a part time English teacher in a few different companies. I’ve been doing that for 8 yrs now. I was sponsored in my 1st 2 companies, but since becoming a part time teacher, I have to sponsor myself over here.
Good Job Kid, you're growing up. Not going to lie I haven't watched your content in years. But I do listen to Trash Taste, and if Joey's accounts of life are anything to go off of. You've been so dedicated to you're career and future you failed to realize the world right Infront of you. You wanted to explore the world and experience life to its fullest. To the extent that while in lockdown you probably said to yourself "Why would I want to go home? This is my home now and this is the future I building for myself." Especially when you probably moved you thought yourself "I already lived that part of my life. I want to, I need to experience more." Now going back home has reminded you Oh shit, I never really experienced how life is actually like around here, because I never planned on staying here. All those mixed emotions of leaving your family and friends behind in search you best possible future hit you like Tyson in his prime. At least that's what I think Bud.
I'm 43 and I've experienced this as well, though not as far. I live in the midwest now but I was raised in Southern California. I have no desire to go back and see family or anything like that. A lot of the reason I feel like that is because I've become a different person than I was when I lived there. I expect the same has happened to you. Not to mention, as you get older, you seek comfort and consistency. Feeling like that is totally okay though. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's honestly, impressive that you've realized these things already. If nothing else, I'm proud of you!
Coming home from my 10 hour shift to be greeted by my fiancees parents practically kicking us out, coming to terms with this sudden new stress that has to be dealt with, then hearing the short message you had for people in their 20s (about to turn 26 woooo) really hit me like a truck
"Most stressful time in your life, you probably don't even know the rules of being an adult yet" Yeah that's hitting the nail right now
Glad at least I'm not alone in being forced to grow up and deal with the chaos and adult shenanigans tonight
26-28 were the hardest years of my life. It’s so hard. I do promise now at 36 that it’s definitely going to get better.
The thing that helped reduce my stress was quitting my miserable job and the miserable people I called friends or had as family. (Not all, just the toxic ones)
Remember you are worth more than you know if you flex your ability to learn and you are stronger than you think. ❤
As a 50 year old man, can I share one other observation that may not make sense now, but will later? People rarely 'grow up' and mature. Most of them just get old and use their age to bully people around. If you and your fiancee go all the way to getting your own house and starting a family, don't be surprised when these same people try to barge in your door, and demand access and control. Good luck to you both.
Now that I’m in my 30s I’m noticing it’s normal to jettison people who make your life more difficult than it has to be. Even if they’re family. I know that “chronically online” people take it to an extreme but casting off old habits to build a life you can be proud of is a healthy thing to do. Friends you’ve outgrown, abusive family…they can grow with you, or you can walk away. They’ll be okay, and so will y’all.
Sending best wishes to you and your fiance❤️
25, turning 26 in April and I’ve had a really rough life up to this point. Even though I’ve been through abuse, foster care, moving constantly as a kid, a hospital stay that almost ended my life in highschool, being 25 and realizing your entire life will just be you working to make money to continue to make ends meet is the most painful thing of all.
"the internet gives no room for ppl to just be human" totally struck a chord with me, coming from someone who turned 30, just 3 yrs ago. But for me being mixed race (white, brown, black) with an British mum & Middle Eastern/African father and having lived 1/3 of my life in England, the other in the Middle east, and the last 1/3 in Japan, I've always had a bit of an issue as to where home exactly was, until I moved to Tokyo and settled here. after traveling to almost 40 countries (and living in many of them for more than a year) before hitting 30, I realized that Japan is the place I felt most at home for so many reasons. I've made a life, my own manga/illustration studio here from scratch. When I actually go back everything feels so foreign, don't get me wrong i love seeing fam&friends when going back, and having meals that I had to find here, but like Joey said, life back home moved on and so have you, and that is exactly what has happened in my case. Anyhoo, hope to finally meet you both being so close and all. Much love, ganbatte & jya ne
As a 35 year old, I can guarantee these moments will hit you several times throughout your life. I've had a very different adult life from yours (married at 20, three kids by 29, stay at home mom) not better or worse just different. I have had so many moments like this. With having kids, each time one starts school, or starts middle school, has a year end recital etc., I have a whole moment where I suddenly realize I am no longer the 20 something young mom with babies. There was growing up me, college me, young mom me, and now as my girls are all getting older and much more independent, I've been having another moment of "who am I now, outside of my children?" So a whole other identity crises.
Perfectly normal response. Prepare for more of those moments to come.
If you re-watrch from 9:55ish thru 10:00, you see your face light up, as you talk about your "Aki" side, and the future. It shows that you have a real positive outlook and are excited about the future. :) What you've said here should be required listening for folks in their teens and twenties; your thoughts are so on point. ~~ Your 30s will be a time of growth and personal validation. Now that you have much of the 'adulting' thing on lock, you get a lot of opportunities to prove to yourself that you are capable of. Your 40s are a time where you reboot the best life elements your 20s, but with the benefit of your accumulated wisdom and experience. I'm only half way through my 50s, but this begins an august time.
I'm 31 and damn, this is so relatable. Honestly, I feel like something's been changing in my own book since I reached the 30s. It's indeed normal, yet I can't help but also feel melanchonic whenever I try to look back and see all the things made and seen (both good and bad). Not to mention the way I feel with my family and friends - while I enjoy my loneliness and spending time for my hobbies etc, I do feel the need to create a small circle of people I want to keep in my life. ''Quality, not quantity'' - especially because this year I will have to face some important life updates and such...
As someone who's turning 36 soon and hasn't lived in their home country for 12 years, I completely understand how you feel. Thank you for sharing this
As someone who is graduating high school next year and has no clue what to do with their life this video was nice to listen too.
Live, not recklessly of course but live. Change your wardrobe, make new friends, do some semi-crazy things, try some new things. You're going to have a lot of new paths in your life and it'll take time to find the one that you want. You can always change in the future too. Best of luck to you
@@OldNorthFoxx222 thanks for that!
I’m graduating in 4 months and this hit me
I'm trying to go back to my home country- after living in the US for more than two thirds of my life- and although I'm not sure if it will be just a visit or permanent, I know I also will have to sort out a lot of things with the different parts of me. I appreciate you being so open and honest- it's a never ending journey of self discovery.
Never let time keep going past. You will only fear it the longer you are reluctant. Go, try and feel for yourself. In the end, you can always go back.
GIRL.. I had the same problem when I moved to a different town and came back for a visit my family (and i only moved 2-3 hours away).
Its the realization that you're now an adult, opened a new chapter in your life, the stress of all the new things being by yourself out in the world.. Then when you go back it feels like so much has changed but its just life that keeps going even when you're not there to experience it.
Thank you for sharing - it takes guts to be that raw and vulnerable, especially on the Internet.
I'm also turning 30 in February and my life has brought me back full circle to Georgia Tech where I did my undergrad - now pursuing a Master's degree. It's this weird mixture of nostalgia for what was and what is, who I was then, and who I am now. Your 20's are glamorized but man they can be some grueling years for sure.
Gave me heart attack with that title.
She’s so good at it 😭😭😭 bro
I clicked so fast dude.
Dude for real, when will I learn to never trust her titles. Honestly.
same
Same "to"
I honestly think you were just anxious to go back to Vegas because it had been years since you went back, things changed, you changed, and you might have felt like you wouldn’t be “accepted” or you would be “forgotten” by everyone that you loved. If that makes sense
I also think once you got to Vegas you became really home sick because you saw that nobody forgot about you and they all still wanted you around
This is all my take and my opinion. I suggest visiting more often like once a year to help keep both sides somewhat balanced
I’m 25 and I just returned from study abroad in Japan, about to graduate, and currently looking for full-time jobs. As much as I loved Japan, I really missed NY, or so I thought. But when I came back, I realized that I just missed the people, not the home. Japan became my home, too, and I miss it and the people I left behind. Now I have to come to terms with the fact that I left my home in Japan and have outgrown my old home in NY in this difficult transitional point in my life. I guess life is all about moving up and moving on, but it’s hard to let go of where you used to be because you leave a little bit of yourself in each place you left behind.
Your comment spoke to me on so many levels; it's quite healing to see that I'm not alone, so thank you for sharing your feelings. 🤍
Thank you for that message to people in their 20’s. I just turned 24 and I definitely have been feeling the stress of “learning to be a grown up” and figuring out what’s most important in my life. So it’s very reassuring to hear all you had to say reflecting how much things have changed for you, even more than you realized.
I'm 21, Thank you so much for your story and perspective, I grew up in France, and I've been planing on moving to LA for work and to see my grandparents. But I'm terrified, of leaving my home and the people there behind. I want to grow, and move forward with my life. This video literally made me cry lol. You helped me so much. Thank you ❤️
You’re not alone. It’s super emotional returning home as an adult. (I’m 40 🤫)
There is a sense of comfort but also the grievance for a time and place that no longer exists. The feeling u described as everything there has moved on without you. It’s sentiment mixed with grief mixed with nostalgia and maybe realizing your life’s priorities are changing,
“Falling leaves return to their roots.”
The genuine emotion here made my day and I feel less alone. Thank you. 💜
Hey Aki, I started watching your RUclips videos since high school and you helped me discover my dream of living in Japan. I am about to finish my last semester in college, and my god is it so stressful. I'm 21 this year, and once I graduate I am planning to go on the Jet Program. I finished my Jet interview and am currently waiting for the good news after a long gruesome application process. You might not read this comment but I just wanted to let you know that your videos helped me in so many ways, and now I want to become a RUclipsr too! I'm currently just doing it for fun, but one day I would like to do it full-time. I did a year study abroad in Japan, and when I went back home in America I kinda felt the same thing you did. I kind of forgot that I had family back in America, and so when I came back and met them it was like wow, I've been away from them for so long. Everyone in my family grew up and I met my new baby cousins. It's kind of crazy. I hope when I turn 30 I will somewhat be put together, and have some sort of stability. Kind of a long comment, but I just wanted to express my love to one of my favourite youtuber's who's like an older sister to me.
When I was listening to your feelings and experience…I remembered that my native language has many words for home. “There-home” and “here-home”. To me these words encapsulate the feeling of someone who moves countries…a weird feeling of loss and discovering of something new. You have two homes now ❤ here-home and there-home.
Loved this personal video. Thank you Aki ❤
Theirs this Scottish folk singer I’m a fan of, Edd Miller, who has a song called “Home away from home” that was inspired by his own move from Scotland to Texas. While I never lived outside the country it spoke to something deep down in me. Particularly the last verse. “I wish there was a way I could find to be two places at one time. So the curse of the immigrant doesn’t tare my heart in two.”
This is so encouraging, as someone turning 29 this year, I'm just now figuring myself out and my life. But I'm starting to realize all the things I went through in my 20s and how it shaped me to what I will become in this new year.
You just explained what I think I’m going through as well. I’m 29 next month, have lived away from my parents and my small country town. I’m now realising that my life isn’t what it used to be, and like you said, gone. I’m living a different life now. And while it’s great, it’s overwhelming and emotional. So much has changed. Sending you love, Aki 💜
This upload means so much to me. I don't think there is content dedicated solely about sharing raw human experiences, life and how to get through it. But this one moment, one video was really reassuring for me. I'm glad Aki uploaded this. I'm in my early 20s and I'm constantly worried about my life and my future since I find myself immature and going at a slower pace than others. That's why this video means so much to me. It was very real and it got me emotional. Thank you for this Aki 💖
Even if there was no "point," to this video, it was even emotional for me to watch. It's that feeling of the chapter closing, that nostalgic feeling. It's hard to describe but still very valid. And I think it's great that you're willing and feel comfortable sharing this with your community you've built. One thing I've always greatly respected and liked about you is that you don't put yourself or your content on a manufactured, perfect pedestal. I'm sure you have a lot of young followers (I'm your age lol), who are bombarded with content creators who only ever show the curated side of their lives - even if it's not particularly insidious.
I remember, for me, I had an experience where I ended up moving to the place I'd always wanted to move to and working the job I'd always wanted to work and met the people I wanted to meet, but for me it ended up being an experience that wasn't right for me. Coming back home and regrouping was the action I took, and I went through a lot of these similar feelings, but I felt like a failure because they don't get talked about a lot.
Anyways, thanks, sorry for the long comment, and I hope you get your equilibrium back soon.
I hope you and Joey had a wonderful holiday Aki! ❤ You’re awesome! Love you Aki! 😊
I'm one year through in my twenties and I still cant believe it. I feel the pressure to be grown up and "perfect" just because im in my twenties. I have this idea that i should have my shit together because im an adult now. Hearing your message about how its okay to mess up and make mistakes and be human than trying to be a perfect adult (ik there's no such thing) really helps. I feel like your message is my future self message to me that i should take by. Thank you for this video
I needed to hear this that I’m not the only one who’s feeling this way
I’m a 20 year old mom and when I go home to France I am a different person and get called my birth name and I feel scared to go back there with my newborn son because I don’t know how I’m gonna feel going back.
Thank you for sharing your feelings Aki it’s made me feel a little braver going forward x ❤
that message or advice you gave really hit me and now im bawling my eyes out. i’m 22 turning 23 and honestly just a bit fresh out of college, totally freaking out on what i have to do from here on out. i’ve always heard that the 20s is where you achieve your goals, living glamorously and all that but i look at myself and think that there’s no way i’d be able to accomplish much (not when i’m scared and still dont know what to do). the message/advice reassured me somehow and im so grateful that you have shared your experience going through life with us. thank you so much.
Same, i was going away from my "home" at 18 for 5 years having so much new exp. And when i came back at 23, i kinda feel weird about it. I also felt like i don't wanna leave but i can't and etc. Now I'll be 24 soon and already started to stressing how my life has been and will be. Perhaps we'll have this expirience in our 30 soon.
Right?? I (23) graduated back in October and I'm working at a grocery store right now (closest thing to home so I can stay with my sick mom). It sucks and I feel like I should be doing more but "life isn't life-ing" right now. I can't remember my old plans for life and I don't know what I want to do at all.
Im 24 but i just graduated too!! It is scary. Im living with no furniture and also trying to be the best I can at work. No idea where life will tak me but it's like. I dont care. Im happy where I am even tho i have no plan for whatever the future holds!
i'm turning 40 this year, i become really emotional over the last 10 years, nv knew i can become like this, but I must say 30s is the best 10 years of my life so far. get to know and understand myself so much more, and like you said, everything i thought was huge and terrible that happened in the teens and 20s are like nothing at all now that i'm looking back. Even moving into the 40s I feel there is still so much more i've to learn about life, as I grow older i start to see more of my elders, seniors and even friends and cousin passing, that is something i've yet to learn to accept and get over with. I'll get there one day, if there is something i learn life only ends when i give up on it. I'm not going to say I'll live my life to the fullest or anything, i'll just make sure I'll feel happy from day to day as much as i can, i'm really blessed to have a lovely wife and supportive family, i'm not going to ask for any much more, anything else I get I'll just take it as a bonus.
I'm sure 10 years from now u r going to look back at this video and think it is silly :D
keep growing, keep learning, to everyone out there, getting older is nothing to be afraid of, what is truly scary is when u have given up on urself.
not sure where i'm getting at, happy new year to everyone I guess :)
It's okay to feel homesick or sentimental in some of a person's milestones, Aki. Especially when it comes to home and family, those are things that we connect to eventually no matter how far or how big we've gone. For me, after 2 years of focusing on work and trying to build my own future path, I set down to had a happy new year with my family this year, the thing I wasn't able to do in the last 2 years. Because of that, I realized how much I love and want to spend time with them. They actually gave me valuable advices and help me when I'm down. I think it's essential to go out exploring the world for a better version of ourselves, and to eventually realize our previous page/stage is as important as the life after going out to the world. It's a parallel process that worths our youth.
I think I understand. My, now husband, and I couldn't see each other for years because of COVID. When he came home to visit, he had to recognize the fact that this was his home. Seeing how much he changed and having to come home to his old life was hard. Really hard. I think coming back to propose was what helped him push through all his feelings.
Now, I am in a similar position. Turned 30, got married, and moved countries all in 2022. I have been reminded several times of just how much has changed even though my home country will always be my home country...if that makes sense.
Sorry for the rambling. In short though, I think I completely understand what you mean. No need to feel weird about it 👍🏾
As someone who pretty much grew up with you, I can really relate to this. I am 30 and it was one of those eye opening things where I finally was like, "Oh, I'm the adult" in some situations where until I was 29 I still felt like I was 18. It's nice for you to be able to make this video for you. Documenting your feelings through this transition. Looking forward to seeing what is next for you! ^^
Aki... I'm 33
While I hadn't moved out of my homestate or country like you.--I had moved out of my childhood home in my mid-20s. Yet being at my childhood home and other places where I grew up in. Which all took a big part of making me become the person I am today.
Feeling the washes of nostalgia and the memories of my past affect me in a variety of ways. But while I guess we can call honor my past... I know where I am now and continue moving forward. Because I know in 33 years from I'll be thinking back on my 30s and my memories growing up.
All in all... The best thing I can say is this Aki... Continue to honor your past, present, and future since you definitely have more than one home.
Also most of all welcome to the 30s--Happy 30th birthday ^-^
You’re exactly 10 years older than me, I’m turning 20 on February 13th, no matter what age you are in life, everyone still goes through stages and processes and it’s completely okay, just glad you’re being real with yourself, we all love you aki ✨
Aki- our history bridges us to our future. Thank you for being transparent about this video. As a 24 year old who feels like a whole-ass hot mess half the time, thank you for the pep talk about our twenties. I just want to say meeting you at HolMat and then watching your more raw videos has made me love you as a RUclipsr even more. Thanks for keeping it real ❤
When I hit 31, I felt this to my core. It’s crazy when you go back and feel “different”. It can be a tough thing to wrestle. Especially when shops you frequented closed, new construction happened that you now know nothing about. It felt like the twilight zone to me. Just know you’re doing amazing, and it’s a good thing you’re growing and moving forward!
Thank you so much I turn 23 next month and as I grow as an adult.. I still feel like a teenager. It is such a strange feeling because often times I feel like I am not doing enough while I slowly go through college. But I am still in my early twenties and as I grow things will change and it’s important to recognize both feels of feeling like an adult and healing my inner child/teenage self. Take things slow and that I don’t always have to move as fast.
My husband operates the same way. We moved last year, only 15 minutes away from our old neighborhood, but he really struggled. He loved our old house so much, then after we moved he hated it so much. He never wanted to drive by or even think about it. We eventually boiled it down to him feeling like he was going backwards if he had fond memories of it. Like there wasn't enough room in his heart to love the new house and still love the old one. It's okay to still love who you were while loving who you are now and who you will become. Be thankful to the old you for creating who you are. Keep growing, lots of love ♡
The thing you are talking about is like you said hard to explain. Not that you hated that part of your life, not that you wanted to forget...just you realized you were living in the moment, making a new life for yourself and you when you got back home you realized you are more than just what you are in the moment. That doesnt mean that you have to go back at all however, it just means its time to learn how to intergrate some of the pieces you left behind into the person you are today.
If that makes sense Im glad I could help, if not well..^^; I dont know how to say it any better. All in all though Aki, keep your chin up. You are a great person (at least what Ive seen from the years of watching) Dont give up.
It's understandable. I'm in my early 30s, and I'm proud of the accomplishments that I've made. I think going back to where you came from humbles you a bit (if that makes sense,) and also helps you realize how far you have come. You have done so much Aki, and I'm proud of you
I think I really needed this video. I too recently moved away from my home country. And I don't want to go back, not because I don't want to meet my family or don't miss my country, but because I don't want to feel the sadness when I'll have to leave my native country again when coming back. It does feel like I left an identity there.
Just turned 28, and those sentimental feelings hit me pretty hard too. Transitioning to a new life chapter is so disorienting. In your 20s, you work SO hard to reach your goals, and once you reach them, it's like, "Now what?" You look back. Seeing everything change is so hard, but I'm happy you have family and friends there to share memories with you and keep supporting you. Thank you for sharing! I don't feel alone
This is somewhat comforting. I just turned 20 today and how the next 10 years will be the most eye opening chapter. Hopefully for the best. I hope your 2023 will be a good one.
Seeing aki cry made me cry it’s so sad but it’s so relatable for everything she’s talking about in this video ❤ much love for your videos and you aki happy new year
This also feels totally normal to me! I think one of the main reasons I was able to still feel like I have a piece of "home" with me is that I've lived near my best friend basically my whole life. We went to the same college and have never moved more than an hour away from each other. (I'm almost 31.)
But whenever I visit my parents, there's something comforting in the familiarity while I'm equally sure I have no desire to live in the area myself.
Growing pains are tough, but I'm glad you're finding your way through it! 💜
I turned 28 a few months ago and it has been constant, anxiety and depression. I’ve felt the stranglehold of finding my place in life after graduating, especially off the muscle of the last 11 years being hard. I’m ready to leave but the fear of not being there for my parents has been hard.
thank you for being so honest! i can totally relate to that feeling of being stuck between the past and the present
it's really reassuring knowing that you were able to put a line between those and reminisce about the past peacefully
Thank you for the reassurances to your younger audience. I just turned 24 last week and I’m still in school (law school). I feel like I constantly don’t know what’s going on and I still don’t feel like an adult but I also don’t feel like a teenager/20-22 year old. I live away from my family in a different environment (rural vs in a city) and I get weird feelings about going back home even though it’s in the same state. It feels like home because all of my family is there, but I still feel the most comfortable where I’m at now, away from my family. So thank you for sharing Aki and other commenters and I’m glad it’s not alone in these feelings.
Watching this made me very emotional as well as I am turning 21 at the end of the month and ive been a viewer since I was 14! Time flies man and Ive been facing that reality and experiencing similar feelings like being sentimental about how life used to be for me and the things I was doing at the time. Moving forward has been so scary because everything is so new and unknown to me, but its not like anyone is given a book telling them exactly what tomorrow is going to look like. I just keep reminding myself that life has its ups and down but what matters most is that you keep moving forward taking it one day at a time💙
The fact about making mistakes really hit home for me. I ended up doing something really stupid and hurt someone who I had cared about earlier this year. I know for a fact he hates me and he's never going to speak to me again, and I have no one to blame but myself. But I guess all I can do is take this as a lesson and try not to fuck up in the future. I'm 26 by the way, so if I can mess up at this point in time (and honestly I'll probably continue to make mistakes), there's nothing wrong with you if you do as well.
Moving to Japan was a major goal for you, and not only that, you were finally joining your partner who you've spent a long time away from so you were in the place you finally wanted to be. But Hometown love can truly be strong. I moved from my home town more than 30 years ago (man I'm old) and I'd never really want to live there again, but there are things about my hometown that I will always love. My most recent trip there was super emotional for a lot of reasons and it really did a number on me. Sometimes it's a just a feeling of comfort that is different.
It's so interesting to watch you for these 10+ years and now when I'm also almost 30 - going through something like that. Thank you for sharing your message!
I’m glad you posted this❤ It gave some relief as a 21-year old, that what I’m going through right now is an important part of my future happiness
As a person, now in my mid 40s, who has also emigrated from the US to another country, I can tell you that what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I left the US 10 years ago (also to be with my love) and I still have days where I cry for "home". The thing is, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, this is the best place for us to live our life, and being here creates opportunities for my loved ones they wouldn't have had before. I can't say these feelings will ever go away and I'm not sure they're supposed to... Just never stop growing as a person and you'll be OK :)
From Experience, When you live in the moment, it's really hard to truly see yourself, reflect where you come from, and enjoy what lies ahead.
For whatever your reason was, you moved on and didn't look back. That's not bad. However, you learn and experience the appreciation of your past and knowing where you are now. I feel too many people in their 20's have this mindset to leave everything behind (which isn't bad) but over time we become numb with problems we never dealt with. Small or big things.
Maybe going home opens a lot in your heart. When we have success, that doesn't mean you're going to be happy right away. Sometimes but not always, it means you have more time to work and process on yourself. It’s hard but it can lead to beautiful things.
Keep growing and enjoy what you have.
I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm glad I'm hearing this from someone else, because I'm resenting going home after moving away, but hearing someone else's prospective about this opens up my eyes a lot. THANK YOU!!❤❤❤ Love you Aki DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY ALWAYS!!
I cannot express enough how much I relate to this Aki!! So to make a very long story short I moved out after being married extremely young at 21. I was so sure of myself and like you said resented ever coming back to my home town. On and off for years since 2017 I would visit occassionally and still hadn't processed anything about moving. My father passed in 2018 and in 2020 we got military orders to Germany. It wasn't until being here a million miles away from California, haven't seen family or friends since 2020 and some since 2019, that I realized that crappy shitty town I hated so much and wanted to leave was home. It makes me cry thinking about it too in some weird way. Like that and always will be home because of so many good memories and life lessons, plus my family still lives all in the same area after so many years. I wanted nothing more than to leave and never return and now coming up to my 30s I never wanted to go back and stay more. Living abroad is so so hard I found out. I am so happy but also sad because while I do miss the states and home; Germany has become my home as well and we are being stationed for our last year of enlistment in the US. The emotions hit you hard thinking about home and I know even more so when I finally set foot after almost 4 years of being away in my hometown. Thanks for sharing your feelings cause I definitely am right there with you Aki.
Two things:
- one, happy early birthday.
- two, it sounds like being able to slow down and just be in your hometown for a moment was a feeling I had when I visited my family for Thanksgiving. I moved out of my hometown to a place 8h away from family and friends. Hearing you also experience this is reassuring, especially with the whole family name vs screen/friend name. Two sides of the same coin, but also two different people in a way.
Happy you were able to visit friends and family. Glad you had lots of fun. Hope you and Joey have a good 2023!!
I'm Australian Filipino and I moved to China 4 years ago to do the whole English teaching thing, and I've also built a life here in China, had these life changing moments, but I'm homesick as hell. Like Aki, I'm also turning 30 this year and it's just so weird that I haven't been back in Aus this whole time, everyone has moved on without me but like Aki said, I've also moved on without them. Now, since China's also opened up their borders last week, I'm also terrified and excited to go home. Mainly because I'm scared of how I'll feel about wanting to stay at home in Aus, but just seeing everything change. I want to thank Aki for the nice video, it's so validating to know that I'm not alone with my feelings.
This hit close to home and I understand how this feels because after 10 years, I finally got back to Australia, my home country. I didn’t want to leave but got deported anyway because of visa issues and because I’ve been away for so long, everyone I know is in another country so I wish things turned out differently. But at the same time, part of me does miss my roots. I’m turning 20 later this year and I hope I’ll see things in a better light. Thank you Aki for sharing this, it helped me think that maybe things don’t have to be that bad. ❤
Also thank you so much for sharing this. I have a really hard time expressing my feelings about home vs my new home, and I feel like you verbalized it really well and made me realize some things I hadn't even fully wrapped my head around. I appreciate it
I'm watching this really because I'm approaching 30 and figuring out how to START my life and reflecting on what failed. I haven't been able to let go because there is something that one should never let go, so I haven't moved on, until I resolved it and I know it is WORTH resolving for me to pick up the pieces and move on and embrace a much more healthier and happier chapter of my life. You're doing well, and I sometimes imagine I achieve something similar, so I watch videos of people talking about their introspection on the changes in themselves.
As a newly 20 year old I just wanted to say, thank you for your words. I hope you find peace in the stuff your going through, we love you ❤
I am turning 44 this January, which terrifies me, but that aside... You are so right about what you say. Something magical happens when you turn 30. You stress down and enjoy things more. If I had to choose a decade to live through again and again age-wise, I would pick 30's.
As someone who has been raised in two different countries, in various chapters of my own life with a new environment often, I feel heavily seen for my experiences. A lot of people overlook the internal struggle to remain connected to your roots as a person as well as culture, without splitting the life you currently have in that separate place/country. I used to believe that there were two parts of me too. One was so different to the other ,yet, was the same person!
I just found out that I express myself in ways I would not always be comfortable with if I was in country A for example and I wanted to change that.
To this day, I am finding the balance with accepting that perspective which you described whole heartedly, despite the worry of how it would indicate to your audience. It reflects on how I feel when I come back to my country of origin and want to plant more roots there, even though I have been here so many times before.
Seeing this video has really soothed me and is pushing me forward to move into a new layer of my life.
So thank you Aki, your fans and viewers appreciate this.
I'm also turning 30 this may... I've been watching Aki here and there for 6 years or so and all she's saying is so true and I totally feel her on almost all of it.
This made me feel so much better about where my life is going. I am turning 25 this year and I finally moved out of my hometown to somewhere remote and overseas. I'm basically at the start of my journey and I also fear the future. This made me feel less alone and made me feel more hopeful ❤️ Thank you!
I'm turning 26, in 2023 feeling already old,
I am turning 30 on February 28th. And these feels are exactly how I am feeling. It’s really nice to see I am not alone in my feelings turning 30. It really brings in perspective your life and how much little things matter more than the big adventures. Each stage of your life built you to what you are now. It makes you appreciate everything you’ve accomplished and gone through and every high and low. But also makes you reevaluate what you wish you could have done differently and try to set those goals for the future.
I'm turning 22 on the same day!
The cut where you wander off into the desert without sound was ……❤❤❤❤❤❤. Excellent editing
Ah nostalgia! Bitter sweetness of reflecting on your life's journey so far. Romantising the memories, grieving the losses, being thankful for the present. Thanks for sharing your experiences. So genuine.
I'll support you through everything. You were my childhood RUclipsr, you saved me from the demons in my head and I love you so much, I'm here for you and I'll never ever not support you. Do what you think you wanna do ❤️
The feeling of your two names pulling at you, is something everyone feels between their "childhood" self and "adult" self, that fact you have names tied to those experiences is just makes them easier to define. ❤️
OMG you are such a beautiful soul!
I know how you feel since I have been dealing with cultural diversity and it really has made a huge impact on me since I have been living in America.
I have always wanted to move to Japan but after hearing you say that Japan is now your roots that gave me shivers and I want to do it even more.
You finally feel like you are where you fit in realizing that you pave your own way and no mater what we are 3rd Cultured kids.
We don't fit into both of our background and America so we create out own culture (3rd Culture).
Thank you so much for sharing this because us 3rd Cultured kids need to hear this.
I'm turning 34 and you are right you really don't care what anyone thinks and you do work on yourself and focus on your dreams.
Hold you're head up high Aki!
Personally, I'm in my late 20's, and I just got my own apartment & came out as trans within the past 6 months. I can definitely relate to how intense it can feel to try to accept a new phase of your life while appreciating where you came from & how things used to be. I think the term "quarter-life crisis" may fit to some extent. Be as unabashedly yourself as you can be, and much love to you, Aki. 💝
I recently moved away from home for studies, and as someone coming from a place with a totally different culture from where I'm currently living, I can understand how it feels to go home and feel the same feelings which you felt when you went home for the holidays. Seeing how much my hometown changed when I was gone, and even seeing my old bedroom in my parents' house struck an emotion of being compelled to not feel anything sentimental towards them, and it made me realise how I never really felt like I would want to go back, but when I was there in the moment, staying was the only thing I wanted to do. I returned back to my current place of residence a few days ago, and I can totally understand how you feel. I wish you all the best, Aki!!
man we are literally living the same life, I jus moved back to my home country and literally felt the same way when I went back to the old village I used to live in
This video was very sobering to watch and made me tear up. I'm about to be 25 soon and am finally back on track to finish school and pursue my dream of eventually living in Japan. But I'm also at a point where I'm realizing that my friends and family and I will have to go our separate ways because we all have our own lives to live. I always knew it would happen and I knew it would be terrifying for me and I think thats why I always put it off for so long. I watch you and other content creators living in japan regularly so this was really refreshing to watch and listen to. It helps me realize that my feelings are normal and I'm not just being too emotional. It helps me understand that even though life will go on, I'll still be loved and welcomed back by those who matter most to me whenever I come back to visit. Sorry for the rambling and I'm excited to see your next adventure